Oh man. Rap is so not my thing. I'll do my best to rate your song based on proper judgement and not bias though.
The lyrics are pretty good for a rap song. They actually have meaning and he's clearly nararrating a story. 8/10
The beat gets a little repetitive and boring. I know they're different songs and everything, but look at not afraid by Eminem. That song has a pretty large range in melody which keeps the listener in tuned with the song. 5/10
Then there's vocals. He didn't really display his talent as a rapper because not even that many of the words rhymed, and he was rapping at a pretty slow speed compared to most rap songs. You definitley don't get to hear what he's capable of. 5/10