Everything becomes more serious and dark from here-on out. Enjoy!
Chapter Seven: The Fall of Mew
“As faith for the future faded fast
He grows strong with their displeasure
It sets him free”
-- “Deceiver of Fools”, Within Temptation, “Mother Earth”
When did he begin to love her, the first heartbeat of unadulterated emotion? It was so long ago, he can no longer remember the date or month. Not even the time of day, though he suspected it was the nighttime, he got that feeling of déjà vu when she was under the moonlight—she glowed with familiar beauty. All he remembered of it was she was there, just there with him.
She was always with him. They had contemplated a few times to travel together, but something would always come up to cancel it. The biggest issue was her being the Tree of Beginning's guardian. She was not allowed to stay away from it for very long, a few days at most. It would start to call her back after so many hours until she grew ill from withdrawal and had to leave. While she welcomed him, the Tree did not. He had a feeling it never liked him. Mew had tried to convince (even trick) the Tree he was a harmless visitor, yet he was rejected every time, sometimes through physical force. When it was apparent he was not allowed inside, they had no choice but to accept that little fact the Tree was off-limits. She verbally apologized about it, but Mewtwo let it go, even requesting that she would forget it and move on. So she did without a complaint.
Though when he had once asked her why she was so bound to the Tree, she was quick to correct, “I'm not bound to it, it's not like I'm a prisoner. We just have a special connection is all.”
He knew she lied. Mew was never excited about answering any questions about the Tree, it always seemed to upset her in some way, but it was in her nature to answer no matter how sensitive the question. It was how he learned only Pokémon were allowed within miles of it. Humans only knew about it from legends as very few had actually seen it, or even stepped foot on it. According to Mew, a drop of human blood or aura within its personal space (how she once defined it) would make it defensive, and its white blood cells would rampage until the intruder was disposed of. Mewtwo doubted it tossed them out, but he felt it was best to not know.
One night, he felt an urge to bring up a question. He heard of it in many cities he visited, but there were so many versions of it, he was not sure what the right one was. Even the signs of it were different. Some were more subtle than others, and then there were those that did not deserve to be mentioned of whatsoever. It was a curious topic he was sure she would know about. He inquired of her, “Mew, what is love, exactly?”
His suspicions were correct. Her smiles were usually very big and toothy, giving her the impression of innocence. The smile she gave when he asked was soft and dreamy, it matured her appearance greatly; a side of her he had never seen before. “Love has many meanings,” she replied rather happily, a hint of a sigh in her voice (which threw Mewtwo off even more). “Over time, though, people abused it so much, it lost its value and became just another word to throw around. But every now and then, I'd hear it used correctly.” Her eyes closed, the smile unfaltering. He could have sworn she became pinker. “But in general, it means to show affection, or that you care for them very much. You would do anything for that person. The three common categories love falls in is with family, friends, and couple relationships, unless I'm forgetting something.” Her lips pursed at the thought, and she frowned briefly.
“Friendship is love?”
“A type of it, yes, but most people don't think about it that way. Possibly because it makes things awkward or something.” She shrugged, giggling. “I don't see a problem with it. I always tell my friends I love them, some more than others.” Mew then looked over at him, and he flustered a little at the sly gaze. “Even my guy friends.”
He felt what might have been a blush, one that she duly noted, “Pink looks good on you, Mewtwo.” Quickly, he created space between them, turning his back on her. She only laughed. “I'm just teasing you, get back here!”
It only made her more giddy. “Aw, come on, you know I don't bite! Much.” (His eye twitched at the memory.) “I was only making a compliment, it really was about time some color came to your face.”
“I have color.”
“But not that much.” He felt her scoot closer when he refused to budge. When her tail accidentally brushed with his, it involuntarily flicked away. She didn't seem to notice. “I don't see gray as technically a color.”
She blinked up at him with those wide eyes he promised he would never fall victim to (unless she got them teary-eyed and sparkling, it always worked somehow). “Is it really? You're always in the dark, how was I supposed to know?”
“You were not supposed to. I myself do not see it as a 'technical' color.” He raised a brow when he glanced over at her, fighting a smirk.
Mew got the joke, but decided to make a big deal out of it. “Hallelujah, the wall made a funny!”
She just shrugged. “Did you want me to call you a gargoyle, or a vampire or something?”
Sometimes, he wondered what really went through her head, if her way of speaking ever made sense to her. It always did bother him for some odd reason, so most of the time he chose to ignore it. When he remained silent, she turned her attention back to the city.
For a time, the two sat there on the roof of the skyscraper, enjoying the view. Mewtwo would lose interest easily and look elsewhere, usually at the stars if they were visible, though there were some clouds moving in, making it worthless. The lights were too garish here compared to the last city he had visited. That was the thing he disliked about large cities—they were too bright or fancy for his tastes, if not the occasional sound of violence. Mew managed to talk him into sightseeing this particular one. She claimed something interesting happened over the city at midnight, but time came and went, and nothing happened. He would have left had she not clung onto him and pleaded with him to wait a little while longer.
He hated it when she got her way.
His thoughts wandered again, and he went back to the “love” topic. Her answers made sense, but one still felt like it was never answered. “So... if love means to truly care for someone, then what is the meaning of 'true love'?”
Mewtwo swore she sat straighter than she normally did and froze up. Her tail lay limp behind her, and her eyes looked like they glazed over. She began to wring her hands in a nervous way. “Well,” she started off slowly, “it usually ties in with fairy tales when it comes to a princess being freed from a spell of sorts because a prince kissed her, though I think it's the original way to say 'soul mate'. Personally, I don't see it that way. It's more like a... uh... gosh, I don't know.” She chewed on her lip thoughtfully. “I had the answer when I was young, I just never reflected on it a lot. From what I can remember, it's what you feel in your heart. It probably differs from person to person, but... A lot of these stories always tell you to listen to your heart, that it's always right. And some people have said it as well. So I suppose when you find someone you truly care about, that you'd do anything for, and you truthfully feel you want a future with that person, and you know the two of you will be happy... I guess that's true love.”
A flush of embarrassment came on her cheeks when she gazed up at him. “Sorry I didn't have the answer. I'm not really a big romantic.”
He just shook his head assuringly. “If it makes sense, you had the answer.”
A weak chuckle escaped her, and she rubbed the back of her head. “That's true. Thanks.”
He could not help smiling a little.
Suddenly, the city blacked out beneath them, and a buzz of clamor reached their ears, as well as a few honking and screeching of tires. Mew relaxed when there were no crashes. “Ahh, something must have happened at the power plant,” she sighed heavily. “I swear, this wasn't what I kept you here for.”
“Actually, to be honest, I prefer it this way.”
“You're on a roll, Mewtwo, cracking jokes and whatnot! You and me, we'd go places.”
“I have a better chance of becoming popular with the other Legendaries.”
“Whatever, you know I'm always ri—oh my gosh, look at that moon!”
Mewtwo rolled his eyes at her short attention span before looking over to the silver orb above them. It was a favorite pastime of his, one of his many reasons why he chose to wander the shadows. He found sanctity in its gentle light, a familiarity with it. He understood its decision to rise after the sun, the important purpose it held with the world. There was a pleasant beauty to it that could not be captured any other way but with sight. It was a shame very few people chose to look at it, and then only a small handful favored it. That was one of the things he had wanted Mew to understand about in the early days of their acquaintanceship. She had accepted it well, and as time went on, found herself falling in love with it. There were nights they did not speak at all and just gazed up at the moon. Those were really the only times he tolerated having her around. Any other time he wished her gone, or just refused to speak to her.
But somehow, Mew had understood all of that, and they became friends. He would just never admit it.
The thought made him remember her comment minutes earlier, and he turned red again. Why did she have to say that?
He tilted his stare down at her, and he paused in wonderment. There was something different about her that he could not put his finger on. Was it the way she looked up at it with a far-away gaze to her eyes, envisioning herself in a fantasy she would always blabber on about? What about her posture? She looked reverent, more mature being in the presence of such majesty. Or was it the way the lunar rays hit her at an angle where it was like she was the one letting off the light from her halo of moonlight?
It was like she was Lady Luna herself.
Mewtwo was finding himself lost in her eyes, the newfound beauty he never knew existed within her. She was far from the naïve being he knew her as. It was like she grew up, a woman if he dared call her that. If only just once, he wanted to reach out and touch her, to know if her fur felt like the warmth of moonlight. But if so, what if she was ethereal as such and only slipped out of his fingers? That thought kept him back, now growing afraid to do so.
Regardless, he was not afraid to look at her. In a way, it felt like it was more appropriate than to lay a finger on her.
She then looked over at him, her irises matching the color of the night sky with the moon as her highlights. He lost the ability to breathe, and when she spoke, he drowned in her words. They were not in a language he understood, yet it spoke to his heart. He watched as she drew closer, raising a delicate hand to his face...
Lady Luna surprisingly punched like the dickens.
“Sorry, Mewtwo, but you were in a trance, I didn't think anything else could get your attention!” he heard the apology. “You need your ears checked or something?”
The clone groaned, rubbing his face and blinking down at her. The figure was gone, it was only Mew raising a questionable brow at him, backing up a ways. He felt disappointment grow with the space between them. “I think you broke my nose,” was his response when it throbbed.
“Trust me, I punched hard enough to give you a bruise.” Her brows furrowed. “What happened to you? You wouldn't stop staring, and then you started to...” She paused, taking in a slow breath. “Was there something you needed to say?”
Mewtwo only shook his head as he leaned back, barely noticing the lights had returned to the city. “I think I just need more sleep,” he bluntly remarked. “I have not been able to for a while, actually. I should go to Cresselia about that.”
Mew looked a little uncomfortable, searching him carefully. He was pretty sure she knew he was not telling the truth. Even then, she did not show it, and only let out the small sigh she had been holding, turning away. “You probably should,” she softly gave her agreement. “Since you mentioned it, I might as well turn in for the night. I'll get cranky if I don't.” She lifted herself from the roof, avoiding his eyes. “Sorry I kept you. I guess it only happens on weekends or something.” With a small wave, she flew off. It was a gesture not like hers, but Mewtwo dismissed it as her being tired.
Secretly though, as he watched her leave, he wished she stayed long enough for him to explain what had happened. But something in his heart told him she was not yet ready, that he needed to give her time.
For how long, he did not know. He was just willing to wait for her.
He took his time to wake up, slowly pushing himself off the ground. Mewtwo winced when a slight headache thumped, and massaged his temples as he reminisced. There was something strange about the way he recalled that memory, it had been a long time since he last had. For the past week, more than ever, he had been dreaming about Mew either through memories or fantasies. Honestly, he was a bit grateful it wasn't a continuation of the other dreams he refused to reflect on, though he knew it was something like a prequel or prologue to what it would eventually become. He had heard somewhere dreams were a representation of desires, fears, memories, or even warnings. Maybe his recollection of the past was trying to tell him something?
But what about the other dreams? Ever since Mew rejected him, he had been getting rather vivid dreams about that day and beyond. He relied on them too long that he had started to forget the touch and scent of her until a week ago. It puzzled him that despite all that space she had put between them, she had made no attempt to push him away. If he wasn't mistaken, she had waited for him, her shivering could have been that of anxiety. Nevertheless, it was possible she was still in denial about it all, so she had moved at the last second. Or maybe he did, he couldn't remember.
Even so, he knew he could have tried again had their heartbeats not stopped him.
That very moment when they had touched, his bodily instincts were readying themselves, sensing, smelling her own desirous want enticing him. The passionate, erotic exhilarations were present: to feel all her touches, to savor each gasp of breath, moan and cry of pleasure, and to memorize every inch of skin as they cleaved together. Every virginal taste of her body would have belonged to him, to be his forbidden fruit. She would have forever been his under the moonlight.
His heart knew that when their flesh made contact, the intimate closeness still proved too much for the both of them. He never wished to ever force himself on her, he didn't know why he would want to. It was just when he breathed her in, and had her under his touch, his mind had gone wild with thoughts of what he wanted to do, which had only aroused him more. So hesitantly, against his body's wishes, he had regained composure and walked away. She gave him her breath and a salty kiss, he thought it would be lasting enough.
Unfortunately, the lust was stronger than he imagined. He couldn't remember if he had ever slept that night trying and failing to keep her out of his thoughts, and if he did, what did he dream about? Whatever it had been, it had since taken a stronger willpower to refuse looking at her for over twenty-four hours as a precaution, having attempted to let everything cool down before he could steal a glance. But try as he could, he had not been able to stop thinking of her, and he had to see her. Even if he couldn't talk to her, as the two hadn't spoken again nor sat by each other since, he just had to at least watch her do something. It had recently gotten to the point that if he didn't watch himself and kept his distance, he knew he would be latching onto her in front of everyone, or jumping her when she was alone.
Running his hands down his face, Mewtwo stood up to take a walk, weaving past the others furthest from where Mew was. Still thinking back to that night, he wondered if she did eat the berry he had handed to her as she had not eaten all that day—another reason he threw away his chance (as minor as it was). The possessive lust that ran through his veins didn't catch that, nor would it have bothered to.
From what he was able to see past the dirty thoughts, Mew wasn't looking too good. No one was, in general, but in comparison to her, everyone was doing well. He knew she was skipping meals, yet he had a feeling she was also losing sleep. There was that possibility as well she was putting a strain on herself, and risking her health to forget that night. He couldn't blame her for wanting to. Lust was an emotion he believed she would never feel in her life when all she knew was love.
Thinking about it further, Mewtwo mulled over if he was responsible for putting those thoughts into her head. After all, a being whose heart never felt a pure emotion could only have the corrupted version. There was always an opposition to all things, and there was no such thing as a fence-sitter when it came to emotions. If he didn't know love and compassion, then he must know lust and hate. Two powerful notions that if fed more could overthrow their opposites. After hanging around human societies long enough, it was all he had been exposed to. When Mew had began spending time with him, her innocent being was like a magnet to his dark heart. Slowly, he sapped from her until there was space enough to transfer his qualities over. Being new to them, she tried to fight them off, but only grew weaker from resistance. It wouldn't be long now before she would submit her will to them.
It disturbed him. He hoped—prayed that wasn't the case. Such dark emotions couldn't have affected her, she was so pure. Always she said, “Love is stronger than hate,” and he believed that. How could it be that his hate was stronger than her? And wasn't he positively sure he expelled it from himself after finding peace?
Something painfully twanged inside, but Mewtwo wasn't sure if it was his heart or stomach. However, a sharp, quick pain stung through his head, convincing him he should stop thinking about such horrid things. “Get over it,” he muttered to himself. “What is past is past, there is no room for brooding over it.”
Ho-oh had stirred awake some minutes ago and was heading for the forest to do his morning schedule. “Hey, Mewtwo,” he mumbled groggily as he walked by. “Sleep well?”
The clone made himself shrug, ignoring the headache to drop his hand. “Somewhat.”
“Good, good...” And he disappeared into the trees.
Suddenly, something sparked to life in his mind, remembering he had been wanting to ask him a question for a while now. Wide awake, he hurried after the phoenix, reaching out a hand to tap his wing. “Ho-oh, before the day goes on any further, I have a thing or two to ask.”
Raising his brows questionably, the Sky Guardian craned his neck to look behind. “What is it you need?”
Mewtwo couldn't lie to himself they weren't rather embarrassing, maybe personal questions. It took him a few minutes to figure out how to word the first one. “How... long do you estimate before we start the first, ahem, procreation process?”
Judging the peeved-off look in his eye, it was possible he was asked that dumb question a lot. “I keep telling you lot that it will depend on how well the planet recovers,” he growled softly. “I roughly estimate ten years or more. Don't ask me again.”
“I apologize that you have been hearing it lately, I honestly do not pay enough attention to anything anyone ever says to you.”
Ho-oh grunted. “'Pology accepted, what's your other question?”
Biting the inner flesh of his lip, the psycat rubbed at his arm. “It... it is about Mew.”
“What about her?” the phoenix nonchalantly said. They stopped by the lake, and he bent down for a drink and to wash his face.
How to word it... there were many questions Mewtwo wanted to know about Mew he would ask himself, but with the both of them avoiding each other, it seemed unlikely she would answer anything. Mainly, he just wanted to learn a little bit more about the species he was based off from. A few questions were buzzing around at one time, so he went with the thought that had been bothering him the longest. “Well... this is more about her—our species, but... are they, I mean the Mew species, naturally so innocent?”
Shaking the water from his facial feathers and wiping it from his eyes, Ho-oh immediately replied (now that he was awake a little more), “Everyone is naturally innocent, that's what being a child is all about. But there are some who are so sheltered from the general world, they remain in that state of mind longer than others. The Mew species just so happened to have been one of them. At least they used to be, at one point. It was when the people who revered them so loyally started learning more about the world and became part of it that they were influenced by it.”
Mewtwo blinked. “People worshiped them?” Why had Mew not mentioned it before?
“Every Legendary at some point or another was worshiped, that was really the only reason we were even called Legendaries.”
“I figured it was our strength and special attack.”
Ho-oh nodded as he took a swig of water. “That too, but humans are fickle when it comes to that. Anyway, the Mew species were carefree enough they took after a lot of customs of their admirers into their lives, interestingly enough. It's a weird topic, I don't understand it much myself, but that's just what they did. So when their beloved human neighbors were assimilated into the world, so did they. And many of them learned more about human nature than they were supposed to know. It had scarred them, and thus every generation was exposed to more and more as the years went by.”
The clone frowned, not liking where it was going. “Did they... take in the world's customs eventually?”
“Some, but not all. As naturally naïve as they were, they all were very intelligent, and could tell the difference between good and evil. Sometimes.” A slow, grave sigh puffed out of his beak. “Then the boundaries between the two got grayed. Before long, they had to do something really terrible before they knew they had been going in the wrong direction. By that time, though, the people who respected them took on the idea of sacrifice, and thought for a time blood of a native human or Pokémon would please a Mew. Those ruins in the Amazon used to be beautiful places until the main room became the sacrificial chamber.”
He paused for another drink. “There's an altar there where'd they lay the person or Pokémon on and kill them, sometimes in front of a live Mew. When it was apparent it wasn't appealing to them, they went ahead and tried other Mew in hopes the bloodshed of their own kind was better.”
Sick flutters grew in Mewtwo's stomach. He knew humans were cruel to kill Pokémon, but to sacrifice them as such, even those that were worshiped, had to be too treacherous to be true. “What did the Mew species do?”
“They scattered themselves across the world, of course.” Ho-oh shrugged. “It was a mistake they'd soon regret, as they steadily inched closer and closer to extinction. Mew—the one we all know—was one of the last known to survive childhood, or to even be conceived. She was born a little over a millennium ago, which was when it was believed her species finally went extinct. I suppose to help preserve her kind, she was granted immortality so she wouldn't die so easily. A Mew normally lives to be about a hundred or so years, by the way,” he added to the side. “Her mother was probably only ten years into her sexual maturity when she died, fairly young for the species. It devastated her to be left alone like that, but by that time, she had learned enough to survive on her own. The year or two when she reached the maturity age, can't remember, Arceus gave her the opportunity and she took it.”
“It does not explain her natural innocence.”
He let out a solemn sigh, shaking his head. “Mew lost that when she was originally mortal, her childhood wasn't a very good one in the first place. She just saw immortality as a way to 'get away' from cares of the world and decided to be happy... okay childish, in a way, but she eventually became happy once she went around helping people. But every now and then, she chose to be serious. You already know about that.”
Mewtwo nodded, ignoring the faint shiver running down his spine.
“Everyone has secrets, Mewtwo, secrets they try to hide by being someone or something they're not. With the goal in mind to make the world a better place, Mew figured all she had to do was be happy and be a beacon of hope to those she aided. It worked for a while, but everyone's past haunts them from time to time, and it eventually caught up to her.”
“How do you know all this, Ho-oh?”
In a gesture that bodily said “My God, Mewtwo, you're killing me with these questions”, he simply stated, “She came to talk to me about it no more than a few centuries ago, I suppose. She needed someone to spill her guts out to without going insane, so she chose me. Needless to say, it took off a lot of weight on her shoulders.”
Ho-oh just nodded, then placed his wings on either side of his hipbone. “Tell me, Mewtwo, why are you so concerned about her? Ever since you agreed to take care of her some months back, it's like you've developed a closeness with her.”
Mewtwo couldn't help snorting, brusquely crossing his arms. “If I did, I screwed it up trying to make amends with her, and now she wants nothing to do with me.”
“You want to tell me what happened?”
“Why should I?”
“Because I told you about Mew's background. Might as well cough it up right now.” He then leaned forward, smiling teasingly. “Denial is always the first sign you're hiding something.”
He dropped his arms with a scoff. “Then tell me what it is I am hiding,” he challenged, “because maybe I do not know what it is.”
“Oh, I think you do, Mewtwo. I've seen the way you look at her.”
“Great, now you are starting to sound like Scyther,” Mewtwo grunted, rolling his shoulders back. “What is it with some of you getting on my case about how I look at someone?”
“From Mount Quena where Mew and I stayed at for two months. He said the same damn thing you just said. Worded differently, mind you, but it was the same concept.”
The smile of the bird's looked creepier the broader it became. “And? What did he suspect?”
Mewtwo gawked at him like he had gone demented, in which case he might have some time ago. “This is pointless,” he huffed, turning around to leave. “Why did I even bother?”
Ho-oh stepped in the way, staring him down. “Mewtwo, I don't care if you Teleport away every time I come up to you, I will keep asking you the same damn thing he said until you answer me. What happened?”
For the first time in a long while, he felt uneasy in another's presence. It was one thing to be forced to express a form of emotion, or to at least say everything. He looked back in the phoenix's eyes like a child would look at his mother after being caught doing a wrong. His throat sealed up when he tried to speak, making him wish he could just tell him telepathically and get it over with. Ho-oh was always true to his word, he was going to keep pestering him about it if he walked away.
Breathing deeply and standing straight, he quietly, but boldly responded, “I committed a forbidden act.”
It caused the brows on the Sky Guardian to rise, but no other signs of movement were seen. “What forbidden act?”
The empty feeling inside pounded against him, desperately telling him to keep his mouth shut, that he didn't need to know. But his heart pressured him on since he said it. There was no turning back now. “I told Scyther... that I am a hybrid of sorts, half-Mew, half-human.” Ho-oh briefly nodded. “I said man manipulates other living beings to fulfill their own desires. And as I am not a native-born of this world, I feel there are certain... qualities given to God's creations that are kept from me, because I am of man.” The words were finding themselves easier to come out, it was keeping himself calm that was difficult. He was consciously aware he was trembling in place.
Ho-oh lowered his head a little. “Continue. What did you do to cause this separation?”
Closing his eyes, Mewtwo pursed his lips before whispering, “I kissed her.”
“Speak up, Mewtwo.”
He looked up at him, emotion steadily growing in his voice. “I kissed her, Ho-oh. I may have started it, and she finished it, but the fact of the matter is we kissed. As short-lived as it was, we felt something there. I looked at her, and she looked back at me, and in that moment, something happened between us. It was like I could gaze into her heart, her soul, and see who she was. And she was broken, there was nothing left of her that I could recognize. But i-it just... it was begging. What was left of the innocence that was there, it was dying... dying with her. She was... she would have died had I not... I-It needed me. She needed me. I... I could see it in her eyes... that sadness I just cannot forget. It was so beautiful... I do not want to forget...” His body shook so hard, he dropped to his knees, tears blurring his vision. “Everything... e-even after what she had nearly become, she was still beautiful. I still continued to watch with the space between us, and then... I realized she had changed...”
What was wrong with him? What happened to degrade him like this? The pride that kept his emotions at bay, to feel when he wanted to feel, was it destroying him? Maybe he just went insane at long last, or was so drunken off his many words, he didn't know when to end. But it felt good. His only regret was not revealing this to Mew, to see her reaction to it all. It would have been delicious.
He shot his gaze back at Ho-oh, now so delirious with his emotions, he didn't care nor acknowledge he was spilling his heart out, shouting every word that pierced him greatly. “She is no longer that childish being, Ho-oh! Do believe me when I say that she went through many changes, that she has become a woman! Human concept, I know, but her mindset now is the maturity of a woman's! I see it in her, I have seen it in her, a-and it is the most heavenly thing I have ever seen God give to a creation! And you know me, why are you giving me that look like I went mad?! I am being serious here! You know I have questioned God for so many years, asked Him what purpose I have, why it is He allowed me to live, an abomination that is to forever be a constant reminder of man's sin. So what have I done to deserve looking into her soul like that when it was not my right? That right belongs to the mate who will take her as his own, and I violated it! She is not my mate, she has never belonged to me, and never will! Yet why do I suffer a lovesick heart where every thought of her sends a coarse amount of emotion through my veins? Why can I not be happy for her?”
Mewtwo took in slow, shuddering breaths, massaging his temples, and not feeling relief from it. “Even now... I tremble because of her, especially... after what I nearly did to her. Oh, Ho-oh... had I not been selfless that night, we would have—no, I would have committed a terrible transgression, it would have been all my doing. Had we gone through with it, it would be possible she would be with child, though I should know better than to think that, for I have no such ability. But she would have been mine, I could feel it. And she felt it, too.”
His head then ducked, fists clenching as he attempted to choke back his sobs. “...I love her... so I left her a virgin. That much I can give her. I will love her... but she will not love me... because of what I am...”