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Thread: Forsaken

  1. #151
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    Any chance that you listen to Within Temptation? When I was reading, a lot of parts and chapter titles remind me of their music, especially their fourth album, The Heart Of Everything. I really thought the story was brilliant because I liked it's intense atmosphere. I thought everything was well described and thought it was interesting how the legendary pokemon interacted with each other.


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  2. #152
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    Quote Originally Posted by iCakeify View Post
    I wish I had time to read this again :<

    EDIT: Read the 2 latest chapter. Chapter 18 is my fave so far. Romance and erotic stuff. Who dosen't like that?
    Ah ha ha, glad you're still liking it ^^. Chapter 18 is a favorite, ain't it ;P. If I was to choose a favorite, it would be difficult, since it'd be up there with a few other chapters.

    Quote Originally Posted by C.Gholy View Post
    Any chance that you listen to Within Temptation? When I was reading, a lot of parts and chapter titles remind me of their music, especially their fourth album, The Heart Of Everything. I really thought the story was brilliant because I liked it's intense atmosphere. I thought everything was well described and thought it was interesting how the legendary pokemon interacted with each other.
    Heck yes I do! I love Within Temptation. The first album I got of theirs was actually The Heart of Everything, really intense album. Has some of the best music in my opinion. Funny enough, though, I don't think I ever listened to a piece of theirs while writing any of the chapters, but yes, a few of their songs have actually been part of the inspiration, "Forsaken" especially (which is where I got the name from).

    Anyway, enough gushing over music. Thank you, I'm happy it's gone well! This really is different from my usual style of writing, and some parts were a bit of an experiment, I worried over it a lot over the past couple of years. I keep expecting it to slip or something xD.

    Motivation time! Hopefully I can finish one of the parts of chapter twenty and bring the percentage up to, like, fifteen XD. (Yeah, I'm so bad with math...)
    Winner of Best Pokémon/Pokémon Fic of 2013 in the Shipping Oscars
    Current Chapter: Chapter Ten - 3/17/14 / Current: Last Chance - 11/3/11 - Chapter 20 progress: 75%
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  3. #153
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    omgomgomg epic.

    Just... woah. I've never really looked at fic before... and just wow. This is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. This is one of the only best fics I've seen. Kudos.

  4. #154
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    Well,

    Instead of me giving a chapter by chapter review, I feel like my review would be best suited to highlight the parts I liked, disliked, etc. Your Fic is so vast that it would be hard for me to do a review part by part. Mainly becuase there are so many parts that I liked that it would take me several hours to put in everything I wanted to talk about. Since I started the first chapter, I pulled up a word document and jotted down points that I wanted to touch on. If this seems somewhat jumbled and skips around a bit, please forgive me. And FYI, this is the first shipping fic I've ever read. To be completely honest, I only had a vague idea of what shippings were before I started your fic. Anyway,


    First stop, the characters. Holy ****. By far the most well written, deep, and emotionally driven ensemble of characters I've ever met. They are all so distinct, so different, that I had to read back several chapters to visit them again just so I could make sure I had a full understanding of them. From Latias's whining (and yes, I wanted to punch her in the face several times), to Deoxys inappropriate banter (Yes, he's my favorite), to Entei's awkward moments (The bowel movements were hilarious), to the Regi brothers interractions (Regirock having to have the PERFECT rocks was so good I read it three times). These characters are some of the best I've ever read in a Pokemon Fanfiction, actually, they are some of the best I've ever read anywhere, period. And the thing I really can't get over the most is that you had to make all of them so different. Over thirty of them were so unique that I wonder what it would be like if you were only working with two or three. These characters have blown my mind in more ways than I can count and you've done an amazing job developing them.

    The council was another nice touch. Reminded me of a few stories I've read when they got together. Some in the circle bickering, others paying attention, and some even not paying attention at all. At first, it somewhat annoyed me that some of them were not taking the situation seriously. And once again when the world ended and the fights and joking were still going on. Then I realized that it didn't annoy me, I liked it. Some of these supposedly all powerful immortal beings behaved liked children, even cracking sex jokes. But it fit what they were so perfectly. If you look at it logically, it makes perfect sense. Here they are having been alive for so many centuries that they're reverted back to adolescent egotisim (Not all of course, Ho-Oh is a welcome example). What would you do if you were the size of a two story home, lived forever, and had god-like power? I'd screw around as much as possible. Why not? There would be no one who could oppose me. I see it sometimes in vampire novels. These immortal beings have everything, with the years ahead stretching further than they can see. So they become rock gods, *****s, drug addicts, entrapanuers, petty, vulgar, etc. Just because someone is old, wise, and powerful, doesnt mean that they're mental state is like that of a humbled monk. I think the petty rivalries between characters (Especially Groudon/Kyogre, Rayquaza/Deoxys) were perfect. The off handed mumbles about the other being stupid, or a dumb *** really worked well, and added to the happy parts of the story.

    Next, the world being destroyed. When I was reading this, I really couldn't believe it. That was a bold move on your part, and not one that I see in very many books, Pokemon especially. 33 left alive, and nothing to do. It made sense for them to bury the bodies as well, I can't tell you how many postapocolyptic stories I've read where there are literally mountains of bodies everywhere, and the characters just seem to forget about it. I thought that Entei summed it up best in chapter 5 when he simply said, "This sucks"...It was perfect, and really made me laugh. I mean, what else is there to say? They failed to stop it (Not that they ever really could to begin with), everything is gone, and as much as it might annoy some of them, they're stuck together, and it blows. Destroying everything worked really well; I had my doubts but you pulled it off spectacuarly. Great work!

    While I'm on the subject of the destruction, the most powerful moment in the entire story to me was when Mewtwo watched Viridian being demolished. When he was going on about all the disgusting secrets it had, and how it deserved to be destroyed really moved me in a big way. I've felt the same about other things in my own life that I would have no sympathy for if they were taken away. That was the moment your story really started speaking to me. I felt what he was thinking, and I could visualize all of it. Really touching scene, Great job!

    Mew's forced pregnancy was another part that really shocked me in a good way. I haven't read alot of Fanfiction, but I'm sure this is the most twistedly real thing I've ever read in one. I could picture all of it. The intentions of the scientists, Mew's confusion, her rage, etc. The whole situation was obviously well thought out and prepared. I got almost blurry eyed when she lost the baby, and almost cheered at her righteous anger when she attacked the assembled scientists. I'm a man, so I can't ever really understand what its like to have that person growing in your womb for so long, getting so attatched, then having it taken away against your will. Especially when the person that was making the decision did it because of what they thought was right. Mew's reaction was justified, and logical, and one thing that bothered me is that she felt bad about it. I wouldnt, and I would have gone alot farther with the destruction than she had.

    Legion scares the crap out of me. From Manaphy's lashing, to the forceful kissing, to his general psychotic and raving behavoir, everything was beautifully/frighteningly well done. When I see such a commanding character in books or movies, I always try and pay attention to the underlings. If they are truely afraid, then I know that I have a reason to be as well. And all the other demons with all their power, were completely terrified of him, which added to the realism, and made me want to flip on my nightlight lol. One thing I formed a theory about though, was Legion's seduction of Mewtwo. I believe you explained that he wanted Mewtwo to impregnate Mew so they would have babies for he and his demons to possess and rule with. My first thought when I read that he wanted Mewtwo to have sex with Mew though, was that if Mewtwo copulated with Mew while he was possessing her, the baby that would be born would have Legion already inside of it. In a way, taking his immortal soul into a new being so he would not have to possess anything anymore and he would just be a physical person. The only flaw to that though is that I think you wrote that he wanted to be just this entity so that he would stay immortal, and if he was born as a new being, he might become mortal. I'm sure that goes completely off of the path of what you were trying to say, but it was just a theory I had that was later corrected when you explained that he just wanted to possess the children. I guess what I'm saying is that your story has the VERY unique ability to get me stop reading and formulate my own ideas of where it is going to go. And believe me, I amused myself for several hours at work yesterday trying to wrap my head around Legion, different theories, plot, etc.

    I really didn't hit all the points I wanted to, just because I dont have the required time it would take to jot down everything I liked so I hope this will suffice. You've done something really great here KP. This is an epic story, and I'm glad I took the time to read it. Before you started telling us that the Climax is coming, I started to think that it was. I dont want it to end, but it feels right that its coming. Great job again, and I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.

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  5. #155
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    Well, after two days of constant reading, it's finally due for my review (huh, that rhymes [whoa, Rayquaza flashback...]). Keep in mind this is from a person who doesn't care all too much for shipping or bad language, so take some things with a pinch of salt.

    Well, the most attractive piece in this fic is the well-planned, deep and consistent natures of the Legendary Pokemon. I love the way in which they all interact, even though some appear completely forgotten about until the more recent chapters (*Regigigas sags his head*). I've got to say Deoxys is my favourite, not for the sexism or bad language but for the beautiful sarcasm I can relate with (my favourite being 'I feel young again! (or something like that) after Arceus youngified them). For this reason I love the council, and, like Sidewinder said, you've pulled off the old rivalries really well, and added some aspects we were not aware of that were really creative (like Suicune being more mature than Entei - I wouldn't have seen that coming in a million years).

    The religious references are superb and give lots of effect to the finality and drama of some scenes (mainly the one with Arceus). Everything checks out, and it sort of broadens my religious perspective.

    I have never been a fan of shipping, nor am I now particuarly, but the detail, emotion and action in this fic were enough to keep me hooked. I admit I don't care much for the Mewshipping (although you have portrayed it great, it is not my cup of tea), I find the best parts are when all the Legendaries are interacting together, even if they are not portrayed as one may expect (is Latias just filled with salt-water?).

    I love the Darkrai-Cresselia thing going on, it seems so nice and natural and only vaguely hinted at the beggining.

    There are only a few, petite holes I've managed to pick, though correct me if I accidentally skimmed over the answer or missed something obvious, as I can sometimes skip the occasional paragraph when they are all similar in length.

    First of, and this is just from memory, remember, there was a bit that said Latias went vigilante in her hometown to protect it from murderers, thieves, etc, but almost got killed, etc, by said murderers, until Latias was called. But surely something which can help build a magical boundary around an entire town, or a creature that can move at supersonic speeds can get out of any mortal danger (at that time, of course)? Sure, the Legendaries were weakened, but that much?!

    As well as this, the POVs get moved around constantly and you sometimes forget to mention who the subject is, or we get a tad confused (which is understandable, with all the Legendaries). For example, when a few Lenendaries are talking it's a bit hard to remember who is talking with who (as, for example, it can go, in talking: Groudon and Kyogre to Groudon and Rayquaza to Rayquaza and Deoxys to Deoxys and Cresselia to Cresselia and Shamin... etc). Sorry I can't pinpoint any exact bits, as this thing is truly mahoosive.

    In my opinion, I think that Mewtwo talks a bit much, to Mew, to Legion and even to Ho-oh. I mean, yeah, he does talk about important stuff, but paragraph after paragraph of him talking seems to stretch it slightly, especially when it is a proper discussion between two people. In normal conversations, no-one ever says so much at one time. Maybe you could put a great deal of it in his thoughts? That way, relevant information to the topic is carried over but the reader gets more info. Just a thought.

    Legion is great... hey, not in that way! I mean he is well described and does in fact seem like a being of pure evil. The only problem I have with his is that he over-describes his plans (where, logically, Legion could have got Mew pregnant with Mewtwo without revealing he is possessing her, which would make a lot more sense in my books). For example, he rambles on constantly about world domination, etc, and while the plans are perfect, they just bolster Mewtwo's resolution not to get Mew pregnant. P.S, I love the way you switched from calling Legion-Mew from she to he after it became clear to Mewtwo that Mew was all gone, very subtle yet clever.

    I love the whole apocalypse thing, and I think you described the earth's death beautifully (along with the pitiful, beautifully crafted attempts at saving people by the Legendaries) and extremely well. Too well, I might think, when in a few chapters later we learn an entire Pokemon centre survived, as well as lots of plants, a home (in the last chapter I think), etc. We learn that the Legendaries are the only Pokemon alive, too. However, when dead Pokemon are raised from the dead, we expect them all to be evil and possessed by demons, as the demons revived them after all, and the pokemon attacked the Legendaries. Why then, a chapter or two later, do we get a nice omanyte giving Mewtwo a vial and offering him moral support? Is there something I missed, or were fossil Pokemon exempt from all the death (considering they survived for so long, anyway)?

    I love all the game and Anime references, and as far as I know, they all check out great.

    Overall, this ust be one of the best pieces of fanfiction I've ever read (except from the [detailed] mewshipping which I find slightly disturbing), and I can't wait until we reach the breathtaking conclusion! Sorry if i pointed out problems that weren't problems, and I'll happily edit this when shown straight.

    P.S OMG YOU KILLED HEATRAN!!! THE ONE WHO ATE THE ROPE!!! HOW DARE YOU?!? BLASGDFIO'L#~VKDX!?!?!?!
    Last edited by Scaldaver; 4th April 2012 at 9:06 PM.
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  6. #156
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    So, I'd always been curious about your fic, and the review game gave me a convenient reason to check it out!

    So first off, Legendaries! God, I love Legendaries. I think everyone knows I'm a Legendary junkie. Legendaries unsure of what to do in a world thrown out of balance? Another personal favorite of mine. Also I think it's cool that you're using Legendaries to explore religious themes, as that's an intriguing path that people don't explore often enough, imo.
    The ribbon tail refused to undulate about the legs, it instead lay trailing on the ground. Her crest upon her forehead had long ago lost its shine and was now a dull, melancholy green. Her delicate fur was suddenly noticed to be smudged with dust clinging to her in clumps. Black and blue surrounded her dull eyes, indicating her lack of sleep. She was pitiful, unworthy to stand before someone whom she was once equally revered to.
    I can't quite decide whether or not I like this description. Maybe it's the opening the description with "the" that feels off. I know you were trying to avoid having all the sentences start the same way, and thatt's not bad in general, but feels weird starting the chain of description by using a detached word like "the." Maybe if it felt more like Ho-oh was taking in these details while looking at her--otherwise it feels like the narration just stopped for the description, even if it is vivid. (I do quite like the last two sentences, though.)
    The world had become more sinful to the point the Legendaries didn't dare show their faces. They could feel the evil expanding, and feared it was going to reach them as well. This fear was what caused them to start wilting from their high positions. As pollution became thicker and more prominent, Celebi was struggling to keep plant-life prosperous, resorting to using his life-source to do so.
    As much as I like the lore that is being communicated here, it feels awfully info-dump-y. Even though its interesting stuff that's necessary to the plot, I can't help but feel like I'd father see all of this rather than be told it. Maybe if the effects taking their toll on the Legends were described more concisely, and during the meeting scene when they're actually present, I think it'd feel more appropriate. Also, that way we'd be going into the meeting without already knowing how everyone has been affected.
    However, even though they all were being afflicted by the ever-increasing evil, Mew was hit the hardest. As the world grew more wicked, she became ill, unable to properly do her duties as Guardian of the Tree of Beginnings, and keep her home, the Amazon, from being destroyed. Her powers started to weaken, and her optimistic nature slowly diminished. There were days she became unwilling to eat, and already tiny as she is, Mew lost weight. A few times she had mentioned she was developing suicidal thoughts from the stress she was receiving, but thankfully never acted upon it when her friends came to check up on her daily.
    This paragraph suffers from it the most. I think it'd be more jarring if this came up at the meeting, when everyone sees her limp body held up by Mewtwo. You could use scattered bits of dialogue from onlookers combined with narration from Ho-oh or Shaymin.
    “Gather the Legendaries you can find, while I search for my share. We will be meeting at Mirage Island to discuss the issue.”
    Huh. Legendaries meeting at Mirage Island makes so much sense...why didn't I ever think of that? xD I feel silly making up some new island in southern Johto with, come to think of it, several perfectly good candidates in canon.
    Both of them looked upon Ho-oh rather somberly (though Uxie had his head down as though deep in thought or silent prayer), bags visible under their golden oculars.
    Um. "Oculars"? Well, at least it's not "orbs" but in general, synonyms for eyes tend to feel jarring, although it might be me (I've found that irises is a good substitute, particularly in Mewtwo instances.)

    In general, as I go through this, I'm liking all the canon references. There are constant small nods to canon everywhere, from Legendary backstory, to things like Mount Quena, which I was pleased to see.
    Not one budge he rocked her with stirred her from unconsciousness.
    At first I could not figure out what this sentence meant, at all. But now as I'm writing this, I finally get how it's supposed to be read. Maybe it's just me, but the structure of this just felt totally awkward and hard to read.

    I quite liked Mewtwo's development with the Alpha Scyther. Their conversations were just generally interesting and fun to read.

    And now I'm loving Lugia's personality. Mewtwo's bit with scolding Mew was really striking as well. I actually had an "oh crap" moment when Mewtwo went all dark at the end of Chapter 3, presumably in a similar way to Cresselia.

    Overall, this is a pretty interesting concept, and kudos for the fact that I just read your fic and it's a shipping fic! I never read them. xP

    ~Chibi~


    Ever wondered what would happen if humans had the power to overthrow the Legendaries? To either use them for their own ends, or eliminate them altogether? One thing is for certain...the balance between human and Legendary is unstable.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    8/30/12: CHAPTER 7: “Into the Fire” POSTED!!!
    Chapter 8 progress: 9/12 pages


  7. #157
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    So I`ve been reading up through the end of chapter 9 and while I originally intended to read until the end to review everything at once for the review game there is stuff about the that chapter that forced me to stop since I`m not sure I`m going to be able to keep going.

    Now I`m not very confident in my ability to review but I`m going to try my best so please bare with me.

    I really like how mortal you make the legendary Pokemon feel so far even before you actually did turn them mortal. The amount of personality you`ve infused into the some of them in incredible making them feel almost human.

    On the downside out of the thirty plus Legends only about maybe a dozen or so feel like they are real characters and not just wall paper, this makes the group feel smaller then it should be, thought understandable given the difficulties of juggling such a large cast size.

    There are several times the story contradicts itself. At points they say stuff like when they where immortal they couldn`t get sick and yet their`s the big joke about how Entai set a lake on fire once when he was sick.

    On a similar vein Ho-oh at one point goes on about how when they where immortal they really only needed to eat for the hell of it and yet Mew almost died from the lack of nutrition.

    Or how Mewtwo says the tree of life wouldn`t let him inside and yet later he says he visted Mew their while she was in her cationic state.

    Now it doesn`t happen too often, just enough to be slightly disquieting to see in what is otherwise a very coherent well put together piece.

    All the little references to stuff from the anime have been quite fun to stumble across, giving the story a deep sense of history, though it works against you slightly at times for the movies you said you hadn`t seen like when a character acts way out of line for how they did in the show, especially Giratina who was actually quite a nice guy in his movie but in your story is a gruff renegade, but then again why be a slave to cannon?

    Not a big deal, just slightly annoying when it`s not clear which movies count towards the story and which don`t.

    Sometimes very rarely you`ll have a character talking and then something will happen that makes it hard to tell who they are saying something to.

    For example Mewtwo talking to Ho-oh and then at the end of the sentence he`ll suddenly say something else that I couldn`t tell who it was directed it but this just might be me.

    Over all it was very good thought I kind of wish Arceus himself what thrown in with the rest and I`m a bit concerned about how well almost abusive Mew and Mewtwo`s relationship can be at times towards each other.

    Mewtwo chocking her, her biting the heck of his arms... well that`s not exactly what I`d call romantic, but it`s too early at this point to say if their relationship can turn into a more positive one.

    Thought I`d have to say for someone who`s had centuries to deal with his issues I`m surprised Mewtwo hadn`t mellowed out more. I`d really like to know how he was granted his immorality and joined the counsel since it doesn`t seem to be something that can just be cloned up since according to the story Mew and some of the others wasn`t immortal from birth.

    And this is where I come to the most difficult part of why I froze up in my tracks rather then keep reading to Chapter 10.

    I`m more or less an atheist. And well, I really started to feel uncomfortable by how heavily it suddenly went into bible stuff with Legion.

    I mean you had a little bit before that with Arceus saying he answered to a higher power, but that was tiny in comparison and now I just feel like the story has become dangerously close to a thin veil to preach bible stuff and I simply can`t stand that sort of thing...

    I want to read stories for fun, not to feel like they are trying to subtly convert me to a religion. I doubt that`s really your intention and it`s probably just me but it was enough to put me off and now I`m not really sure I want to read more. Sorry

  8. #158
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    (For those wondering why I haven't replied to the others, it's because I PM'd them about it. Well, except the previous post, I'll get to her here soon.)

    I forgot you changed your name, so I almost didn't recognize you XD. All righty, let's see what I can answer for you. First off, thank you for being honest, I appreciate it very much. I don't want it to feel like people are keeping back their thoughts so I'd get my feelings hurt. I'm not going to be upset, as I'm happy for the differences in thought.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stage On View Post
    On the downside out of the thirty plus Legends only about maybe a dozen or so feel like they are real characters and not just wall paper, this makes the group feel smaller then it should be, thought understandable given the difficulties of juggling such a large cast size.
    I did try, and it's a bit noticeable in later chapters. I hope to incorporate the characters more in the final edit, so I'll keep this in mind.

    There are several times the story contradicts itself. At points they say stuff like when they where immortal they couldn`t get sick and yet their`s the big joke about how Entai set a lake on fire once when he was sick.

    On a similar vein Ho-oh at one point goes on about how when they where immortal they really only needed to eat for the hell of it and yet Mew almost died from the lack of nutrition.

    Or how Mewtwo says the tree of life wouldn`t let him inside and yet later he says he visted Mew their while she was in her cationic state.

    Now it doesn`t happen too often, just enough to be slightly disquieting to see in what is otherwise a very coherent well put together piece.
    This is what happens when I write a story for two years and my mind matures over that period xD. It doesn't help I forget stuff as much as I try very hard to keep continuity. Forgive me if my responses sound like excuses though most of them kinda are, I'm trying to go into my memory in an amount of time.

    With Entei setting a lake on fire for being sick, Raikou did mention they don't know what caused his cough, but I see what you mean by that. It didn't help the time it happened is very vague xD.

    Mew's malnutrition goes deeper than that. That's answered in a later chapter.

    Most of the time, if he didn't walk in, then he most likely teleported to an area of the Tree he had visited once, and the cells hunted him down. I kept in mind the eighth movie where Ash and company were able to explore the Tree until the cells caught up to them, so that's how I see it.

    All the little references to stuff from the anime have been quite fun to stumble across, giving the story a deep sense of history, though it works against you slightly at times for the movies you said you hadn`t seen like when a character acts way out of line for how they did in the show, especially Giratina who was actually quite a nice guy in his movie but in your story is a gruff renegade, but then again why be a slave to cannon?

    Not a big deal, just slightly annoying when it`s not clear which movies count towards the story and which don`t.
    I mostly go for the PokéDex entries for those Pokémon whose movies I hadn't seen, but I have done some research on Bulbapedia about them before the site started glitching out on me for some reaseon. But in a way, it helped free up those characters for me to do what I wanted to do with them. Of the characters whose movies I hadn't seen, Giratina is one of my favorites to write--well, overall, he's one of the favorites. He's interesting to get into his head, even though he and I think SO differently.

    Sometimes very rarely you`ll have a character talking and then something will happen that makes it hard to tell who they are saying something to.

    For example Mewtwo talking to Ho-oh and then at the end of the sentence he`ll suddenly say something else that I couldn`t tell who it was directed it but this just might be me.
    It's been brought up before, so I know what you mean. Third-person omnipresent is weird like that for me XD. I've tried to convey who's who when speaking, since I have some personal issues with mentioning every line or two a character's name, lol.

    Over all it was very good thought I kind of wish Arceus himself what thrown in with the rest and I`m a bit concerned about how well almost abusive Mew and Mewtwo`s relationship can be at times towards each other.

    Mewtwo chocking her, her biting the heck of his arms... well that`s not exactly what I`d call romantic, but it`s too early at this point to say if their relationship can turn into a more positive one.
    I'm trying to interpret what you mean about Arceus. You wish he would've joined the Legendaries themselves? It would've been weird from the get-go, I suppose, and since he's pretty much on a god-like power more-so than the others, I gave him a smaller role, though what he did pretty much set up the story, in a way.

    The relationship gets better, I swear ^^;. That gets answered as well. You've read up to chapter nine, so you should've found some clues there about it.

    Thought I`d have to say for someone who`s had centuries to deal with his issues I`m surprised Mewtwo hadn`t mellowed out more. I`d really like to know how he was granted his immorality and joined the counsel since it doesn`t seem to be something that can just be cloned up since according to the story Mew and some of the others wasn`t immortal from birth.
    That was pointed out before as well (on FFN, though), and I did (or will, can't recall what chapter it's mentioned in) point this out later on. Mewtwo never gained immortality, though he may have thought the Mew genes gave him a longer lifespan (might've mentioned that), and he copied it for his clones—but of course, they were just as mortal, so if I didn't allude to it, a mistake on my part, he grew to realize this over time.

    He joined the counsel mainly because Mew invited him, even if most of the members weren't for it. They did warm up to him, but he never felt like he belonged. It helped he had powers akin to a Legendary. *shrugs*

    And this is where I come to the most difficult part of why I froze up in my tracks rather then keep reading to Chapter 10.

    I`m more or less an atheist. And well, I really started to feel uncomfortable by how heavily it suddenly went into bible stuff with Legion.

    I mean you had a little bit before that with Arceus saying he answered to a higher power, but that was tiny in comparison and now I just feel like the story has become dangerously close to a thin veil to preach bible stuff and I simply can`t stand that sort of thing...

    I want to read stories for fun, not to feel like they are trying to subtly convert me to a religion. I doubt that`s really your intention and it`s probably just me but it was enough to put me off and now I`m not really sure I want to read more. Sorry
    This is where I wish to thank you for your honestly, and for handling it in a mature way (not that the few others who mentioned this didn't). It's why I made sure to let everyone know about what to expect, and gave permission to voice concerns. I also stated (at least on Serebii, didn't put it on the FFN version of the story, whoops) that I have no intention of preaching, I'm just writing a story. I knew from the very beginnings of envisioning the story that I was going to walk a fine line. However, I didn't expect it to get more fine as time went on. It just turned out that way, either from my own religious upbringing or what. I'm not sure myself.

    So I can see where you're coming from. However, the intention of the story is not to convert anyone. Originally, I wanted to write a romance that was pure. The reason for this was because I wasn't pleased with how romances were written these days, both published works and fan fiction. It was extremely difficult to find a story that didn't just throw around romance to bring two characters together, and then some. Not that most of those stories weren't well-written, I just wasn't happy with how the love was being handled. So, instead of waiting for one, I went ahead to write my own.

    And then I drew a picture of an important scene in the story, and it was then I realized there was going to be a spiritual atmosphere to the story. Of course, spirituality can come in any way, shape, and form no matter what religion or concept. I just wrote what I knew, and that spirituality reflected my own without my realization. I knew people were going to recognize it for the positive or the negative, but I went with it anyway. It's a risk I took knowing what I was getting myself into, and even right now, I'm glad I did. I'm having a fun time writing out this story despite the difficulties, and I wanted my audience to see that, even if we have polarized thoughts.

    Stage On, don't feel bad about it. If you don't wish to continue reading, then go ahead and stop, I won't get mad or try to be persuasive in the least. I'll commend you for going as far as you have, though, since you reached the half-way mark a bit, and that's good enough for me. Thank you for reading and stating your opinion, I appreciate it. As for everything you pointed out, I'll do my best to fix them for the final edit.
    Winner of Best Pokémon/Pokémon Fic of 2013 in the Shipping Oscars
    Current Chapter: Chapter Ten - 3/17/14 / Current: Last Chance - 11/3/11 - Chapter 20 progress: 75%
    I survived Pupa.

  9. #159
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    Okay, time for the reviews I promised (Note to moderators: I will likely have to post more than once (three times). These reviews are long, detailed, and done for each chapter; not all of them will fit in one post. I'll try to go out of my way not to double post):

    First chapter review

    Wow. What an opening. If the shocked exclamation of Suicune doesn't draw a reader into the plot, I don't think anything could. I have no idea why Orre would bomb Sinnoh, though; they don't look like the type of region with the natural resources to support a war. Aside from that, what reason would they have to bomb Sinnoh in the first place? Surely they would know that all of the other regions would pledge their support to Sinnoh against a completely unprovoked attack? Or is there something more to this that I'm not seeing?

    The wickedness of the world reminds me a lot about Noah and the Ark, primarily the beginning bit of killing everyone off to start an era of peace. The wickedness affecting the legends as well was also a nice twist; Cresselia's actions really shocked me, and it was also shocking to see the deplorable state that they're in because of their domains being destroyed (aside from Mewtwo, who really has no obligations toward...anything, unless you count Mew, and his personality makes it feel like he views it as little more than a chore.)

    I loved their portrayal. It makes them feel like the gods of Greece, Rome, and Egypt, along with other cultures: powerful enough to answer to no one but Arceus and fate, but always locked in petty squabbles with each other; protective toward others, but only when it would help their own cause; interested in human affairs, but not wanting to get involved themselves.

    I caught a minor grammatical error in this chapter (during Ho-oh's speech):

    Siblings shall share the same resting place. Friends shall be neighbors. Rivals shall be the friends.
    The bolded word is unnecessary. The entire quote sounds better with the word cut out entirely, to be truthful.

    I laughed uncontrollably at the story about Entei being sick. That was totally hilarious. I felt more than a mere pang of sadness at Mew's condition, though. I could tell that she had seen enough, that she wanted to block what she had seen out for good, even if it meant resorting to such extreme measures.

    Overall, it was an absolutely solid opening piece. I don't think that you could've opened it any better than you did.

    Second chapter review

    Mewtwo is showing - yet again - how different he is from the other legends. He is reminded by the bug Pokemon (even though they didn't intend to do that) that he has no real role to play aside from protecting Mew. They refer to her as a goddess; he is merely the protector of their goddess. That's not helped by the way he thinks. He rationalizes in a cold, logical way, almost like a machine. Instincts and emotions don't govern his mind like the other legends; when he does have them, he is aloof and wouldn't dare show them, as he considers them to be weaknesses. No wonder why he feels so alienated by everyone.

    The chapter was painful to read, not because of anything wrong with it (I couldn't find anything wrong with it), but because the content was so...well, it was realistic. It was well done. It didn't pull any punches. And it pained me to read it. It wove its way into my heart, into my mind, bringing all sorts of emotions with it. I have to say that you do that very well. You really have a way of making these characters so much more than mere characters. In this story, they are real living beings, and I applaud you for being able to portray them as such.

    Third chapter review

    You know, I'm really starting to fall in love with that Scyther in a totally platonic way. I love his outlook on life, I love his philosophical mind, and I can totally understand why Mewtwo would have a semblance of trust and kinship toward him. I mean, the guy was probably the Confucius of Pokemon in a past life. Seriously.

    Lugia's wings + air quotes = winning on an epic scale. And yes, that does deserve a mention of its own.

    Wow...Lugia could've shown a little bit more tact with his words (although that might be a part of his character; he strikes me as a bit more free-wheeling than most of the legends), but there's no reason that Mewtwo should've exploded at Lugia like that. Good job by Mew to get them away from the innocent Pokemon before things really got out of hand.

    Fourth chapter review

    Hmm...obviously something happened between Mew and Mewtwo before the first chapter. I have a few ideas, but they're no more than uneducated guesses, so...yeah, I'll just wait and see how it turns out.

    Armageddon, apocalypse, omega...a lot of symbolism of the end coming to the earth. Well, I guess that it's now time for me to go do all of those things I wanted to do but couldn't. Oh, wait, I've only been to, like, five places on my bucket list. Stupid Ragnarok...

    What Deoxys said to Rayquaza was really mean, but even I had to suppress a snicker at his line and the aftermath. And I laughed at Lugia's response. I swear, even though this stuff shouldn't be funny, I can't help but think that it's the most hilarious moment in the entire fic. I am a bit confused at Cresselia's line, though:

    “It's creeps like you who give women a bad reputation!”
    Wouldn't Deoxys be giving men a bad rep? I'm not quite certain how he gives women a bad reputation when the guy is clearly not a lady.

    ...Poor Rayquaza. The guy loses an eye and part of his tail while trying to save everyone's lives, and all of the legends - save for Latias - think that he's goofing off. He may be proud and all, but you can tell that he really cares.

    The scenes of destruction were horrifying. To think that legends like Deoxys and Giratina were traumatized so badly by what they witnessed...it had to have been really, really bad. Lugia devolving back into his Shadow form to save his loyal servants, the destruction of every region we ever knew about (except those jerks in Unova, sitting on their bums and snickering to themselves while reading this story. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Genesect!), Ho-oh realizing how badly he and all of the other legends have sinned, Entei fighting his inner demons about not saving a hateful boy, and Uxie regretting giving humanity intelligence...this is incredibly deep. You handled this amazingly. Kudos to you.

    There's a minor typo during Giratina's bit:

    For one thing, wasn't he supposed to be the rouge, the menace to society and the world itself?
    You mean "rogue". Rouge is the French word for "red".

    Fifth chapter review

    You know, the Regis have barely been talked about in your story. Regigigas hasn't been mentioned, and the other three have been mentioned sparingly. Could you clarify this for me? I'm a bit confused.

    Scyther died?! :'( Man, I'm so bummed out. Those bug-types didn't deserve their fate. It makes me wish that Rapture had swept them - along with all of the other good people - away. You know, much like what Ho-oh is thinking about. I can see why he'd be so furious.

    Why do I get the feeling that all of those small keepsakes are going to mean a lot in later chapters? I don't know, it could be me.

    Giratina won me over with his "been to hell" comment. He's a bad guy, but the kind that you want to cheer for. Oh, and his comments to Arceus were the epitome of coolness.

    Speaking of Arceus, his accent is awesome. Enough said. And with his words, the story shifts from Noah's Ark to the Garden of Eden. I just wonder who will play the role of the serpent...

    Sixth chapter review

    All sorts of hilarity ensues. I take back what I said about the hilarious scene in the fourth chapter. Latias' reaction when she realized what Arceus meant about "procreation" is completely hysterical. Oh, fate, I laughed so hard...I can't breathe...oh, and the part where Ho-oh mentioned that there were only eight females...and the bodily functions and bra...seriously, I'm laughing my head off.

    That said, there are two errors I caught:

    (Suicune's mind was still in shock to comprehend what he said.)
    I think that the quote could be reworded a bit. Maybe add the words "too much" between the bolded words?

    Everyone else began to murmur amongst themselves. “We have to share?!” came from no other then Groudon in whose disappointment wasn't all that surprising.
    A minor typo. You want "than".

    Cresselia and Darkrai were a couple?! And their son...was called Adam? Oh - my - fate. You hinted that they were a couple, and I never quite got it. Nice plot twist.

    Hmm...the scene between Mew and Mewtwo was very poignant, very touching. Giving a Lum berry, her favorite berry, to her was particularly sweet. I have to say, I'm not a huge romance fan, but you most certainly know how to portray a romance, which, given the category it's in, is a core value of your fic.

    Overall review

    All in all, I think you've done an outstanding job on your fic so far. Your characters felt very real (although I still feel that you could've portrayed the Regis a bit better), your plot seamlessly transforms itself (going from carefree and relaxed to tense and pulse-pounding and vice versa) without slowing down the pace or dragging its feet, and the romantic scenes are extremely well done.

    The plot is quite impressive so far. Naturally, there are religious undertones to it, specifically Adam and Eve, Noah, and Rapture. You've mentioned demonic bits quite a few times as well, and Arceus said he was an angel, so I'll assume that there will be demons in this story as well. I'm also wondering if any Abel and Cain references will pop up.

    Character-wise, my favorite is still Scyther (and it's going to take a lot to change that), but I'm starting to warm up to all of the legends as well. I couldn't dislike any of them if I wanted to (even though some of them have very real flaws to their character). I'm sure that someone has mentioned this, but I will say that you have a gift for portraying your characters as if they were real. I've seen a lot of impressive characters in a lot of impressive fics, but it's an extremely rare sight to see what you've done. You took a large number of prominent characters and crafted different personalities for all of them without sacrificing their believability. That must've taken a tremendous amount of time and effort.

    The mix between third person narrator and limited third person is a bit unconventional, and there were a couple of times where I was unsure who was speaking or whose POV you were currently in. However, your grammar is very sound (aside from the minor typos), and the problems I've mentioned pale in comparison to the body of work as a whole. This is a very brilliant story that you're crafted, one that I'm not quite sure most people would dare to write. I truly am impressed by this.

    Sincerely,

    Mem.
    Last edited by SilentMemento; 13th June 2012 at 2:33 PM. Reason: Must. Fix. Errors.
    COMING SOON

    Warmonger - A fantasy fic where peasants fight the wars of kings and lords, where monsters lurk in the night, and where depravity is not only expected, but encouraged...

  10. #160
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    Must. Save. Mem. From. Infractions.

    Gonna respond the best I can in the little time I have (and without passing out).

    And I have to say, you made me smile and laugh. I have to say, next to stories, reviews is another way to interpret someone's style, and I can totally see it here. Brownie points!

    Anyhoo, moving on.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilentMemento View Post
    Wow. What an opening. If the shocked exclamation of Suicune doesn't draw a reader into the plot, I don't think anything could. I have no idea why Orre would bomb Sinnoh, though; they don't look like the type of region with the natural resources to support a war. Aside from that, what reason would they have to bomb Sinnoh in the first place? Surely they would know that all of the other regions would pledge their support to Sinnoh against a completely unprovoked attack? Or is there something more to this that I'm not seeing?
    I don't remember anymore, honest xD. I was a senior in high school when I came up with the idea, and I always saw Orre as a rather... dark place. I haven't played the games, admittedly, but I did my best to do the research on Orre. I may not have done it very well, but since Orre isn't mentioned a whole lot except for these first few chapters, you can say my memory of why I chose Orre the way I did is gone. Same with Sinnoh at the time. So I can see the concern there, so my apologies for not doing proper research.

    I loved their portrayal. It makes them feel like the gods of Greece, Rome, and Egypt, along with other cultures: powerful enough to answer to no one but Arceus and fate, but always locked in petty squabbles with each other; protective toward others, but only when it would help their own cause; interested in human affairs, but not wanting to get involved themselves.
    Oh wow, I hadn't noticed that XD. Probably because I'm not a historian like my mom is, and I don't read up on cultures a lot.

    Sweetness.

    The bolded word is unnecessary. The entire quote sounds better with the word cut out entirely, to be truthful.
    The heck? How did I miss that when I edited the chapter o_O?

    Mewtwo is showing - yet again - how different he is from the other legends. He is reminded by the bug Pokemon (even though they didn't intend to do that) that he has no real role to play aside from protecting Mew. They refer to her as a goddess; he is merely the protector of their goddess. That's not helped by the way he thinks. He rationalizes in a cold, logical way, almost like a machine. Instincts and emotions don't govern his mind like the other legends; when he does have them, he is aloof and wouldn't dare show them, as he considers them to be weaknesses. No wonder why he feels so alienated by everyone.
    This is one of the many reasons why I love reviews, so much fridge brilliance. Thank you so much for pointing that out, these things just fly over my head at times. I tried to keep him in character as much as possible, but that interpretation changes my view on him a little bit--actually no, it doesn't change my view, it broadens it now that I can see how he sees himself better than I did before.

    The chapter was painful to read, not because of anything wrong with it (I couldn't find anything wrong with it), but because the content was so...well, it was realistic. It was well done. It didn't pull any punches. And it pained me to read it. It wove its way into my heart, into my mind, bringing all sorts of emotions with it. I have to say that you do that very well. You really have a way of making these characters so much more than mere characters. In this story, they are real living beings, and I applaud you for being able to portray them as such.
    Oh wow... all I did was keep them in character. I had no idea... I knew from other reviewers that they're really good characters, but I didn't know they were like that.

    Holy cow... *mind blown*

    *pulls self back together*

    You know, I'm really starting fall in love with that Scyther in a totally platonic way. I love his outlook on life, I love his philosophical mind, and I can totally understand why Mewtwo would have a semblance of trust and kinship toward him. I mean, the guy was probably the Confucius of Pokemon in a past life. Seriously.
    Confucius... sounds familiar xD...

    Yeah, I enjoyed writing out Scyther, I really do feel bad for having to kill him off as early as I did.

    Lugia's wings + air quotes = winning on an epic scale. And yes, that does deserve a mention of its own.
    XD

    Hmm...obviously something happened between Mew and Mewtwo before the first chapter. I have a few ideas, but they're no more than uneducated guesses, so...yeah, I'll just wait and see how it turns out.
    Uhhhhh... *eye shifts*

    What Deoxys said to Rayquaza was really mean, but even I had to suppress a snicker at his line and the aftermath. And I laughed at Lugia's response. I swear, even though this stuff shouldn't be funny, I can't help but think that it's the most hilarious moment in the entire fic.
    That was the whole point, so yay it worked!

    Wouldn't Deoxys be giving men a bad rep? I'm not quite certain how he gives women a bad reputation when the guy is clearly not a lady.
    Hmm... I think you do have a point there. I do kinda see Cresselia as a feminist (and since I'm not one myself, I don't know how they work XD), so I think I know why she mentioned "women having a bad reputation" instead of men, but that makes a lot of sense. *jots down to memory for final edit*

    Lugia devolving back into his Shadow form to save his loyal servants
    AH HA HA! Someone caught that finally! *dances in seat*

    Though now that I look back to it, it really doesn't make sense, but I thought it'd be a nice nod to Gales of Darkness XD (even though I... uh... never played it...)

    the destruction of every region we ever knew about (except those jerks in Unova, sitting on their bums and snickering to themselves while reading this story. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Genesect!)
    Remember that I was a senior in high school (well actually, I had graduated by this time), so Black and White wasn't official just yet. Someone mentioned before if I was going to bring in the Unova legends, but since I boycotted the fifth generation and tend to pretend they don't exist (though I think I'm warming up to them now), and I'm way too late into the story, they're never going to be mentioned or even show up ever. So... yeah, "unknown" regions got blown up without us knowing XD.

    ou mean "rogue". Rouge is the French word for "red".
    I thought I caught that! FFFFFF-

    - *slaps* Stop making excuses and get over it. *leaves*

    o_o

    You know, the Regis have barely been talked about in your story. Regigigas hasn't been mentioned, and the other three have been mentioned sparingly. Could you clarify this for me? I'm a bit confused.
    ^_^; I didn't know what to do with them. I (know) knew little about them in the first place, so I didn't really give them a lot of screentime. Even nowadays, I still don't know what to do with them. It's the same with Heatran.

    Scyther died?! :'( Man, I'm so bummed out. Those bug-types didn't deserve their fate. It makes me wish that Rapture had swept them - along with all of the other good people - away. You know, much like what Ho-oh is thinking about. I can see why he'd be so furious.
    I never once thought of the Rapture while writing this story, mostly because I don't believe that exactly. I have a different view on it than most other Christians, and it never came to mind at all. So the Rapture never happened. There were still good people on the earth, Scyther is proof of it, but the wicked was very widespread, that the good ended up caught in the disaster.

    Why do I get the feeling that all of those small keepsakes are going to mean a lot in later chapters? I don't know, it could be me.
    Some of them do. Yeah, I kinda forgot some of them xD.

    Giratina won me over with his "been to hell" comment. He's a bad guy, but the kind that you want to cheer for. Oh, and his comments to Arceus were the epitome of coolness.
    That's why I, like a lot of people I can see, like him as a character. We're polar opposites, and yet I have some of the most fun with him.

    Speaking of Arceus, his accent is awesome. Enough said. And with his words, the story shifts from Noah's Ark to the Garden of Eden. I just wonder who will play the role of the serpent...
    X3

    Nice analogy there. As for role of serpent... I didn't think of that while writing the story, but I think you might have found a connection. You're really good at that.

    All sorts of hilarity ensues. I take back what I said about the hilarious scene in the fourth chapter. Latias' reaction when she realized what Arceus meant about "procreation" is completely hysterical. Oh, fate, I laughed so hard...I can't breathe...oh, and the part where Ho-oh mentioned that there were only eight females...and the bodily functions and bra...seriously, I'm laughing my head off.
    Yaaaaay, I made a funny chapter XD! I hoped to make people laugh, and I guess I did somewhat. Must've been a "Your Mileage May Vary on the Funny" chapter, lol.

    I think that the quote could be reworded a bit. Maybe add the words "too much" between the bolded words?
    Noted.

    Cresselia and Darkrai were a couple?! And their son...was called Adam? Oh - my - fate. You hinted that they were a couple, and I never quite got it. Nice plot twist.
    X3 Fwee hee hee..

    I'm also wondering if any Abel and Cain references will pop up.
    Now that you mention it... there actually is. I don't know if they're in the current chapters, or in a later chapter. But there are references, yes.

    Character-wise, my favorite is still Scyther (and it's going to take a lot to change that), but I'm starting to warm up to all of the legends as well. I couldn't dislike any of them if I wanted to (even though some of them have very real flaws to their character). I'm sure that someone has mentioned this, but I will say that you have a gift for portraying your characters as if they were real. I've seen a lot of impressive characters in a lot of impressive fics, but it's an extremely rare sight to see what you've done. You took a large number of prominent characters and crafted different personalities for all of them without sacrificing their believability. That must've taken a tremendous amount of time and effort.
    This is the first time anyone mentioned that. I was told numerous times how well I keep them in character and portray them, but no one mentioned the realism behind it. I'm surprised, myself, and I'm writing the darn thing XD.

    The mix between third person narrator and limited third person is a bit unconventional, and there were a couple of times where I was unsure who was speaking or whose POV you were currently in. However, your grammar is very sound (aside from the minor typos), and the problems I've mentioned pale in comparison to the body of work as a whole. This is a very brilliant story that you're crafted, one that I'm not quite sure most people would dare to write. I truly am impressed by this.
    That I'm aware of. Sorry about that XD.

    Thank you so much, Mem. I'm looking forward to more of these wonderful reviews, and I'll pay you back as soon as possible.
    Winner of Best Pokémon/Pokémon Fic of 2013 in the Shipping Oscars
    Current Chapter: Chapter Ten - 3/17/14 / Current: Last Chance - 11/3/11 - Chapter 20 progress: 75%
    I survived Pupa.

  11. #161
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    Okay, here we go with the second review, chapters seven through twelve:

    Seventh chapter review:

    Oh, wow. Mewtwo really has fallen. Exposing Mew to his emotions, to his lust (lust being the key word, as it is considered a sin)...that's what happened. I will say that it's a very good thing he had enough control of himself to stop at kissing her. I will also say that Ho-oh has some really sound advice. No wonder why the guy is so respected.

    I will say that true love is a lot more than merely doing anything for the person you love. While Mew has the basic concept down, I have my own opinion that people who truly love each other are honest and open with one another. They are not afraid to say what they feel and why. They are not afraid that what their other half says may be different. And they are honest and open enough to truly respect their opinion and come to a middle ground for the sake of their other. It is something that I failed miserably at - and there's absolutely nothing in my life that I regret more. I just hope and pray that the same thing doesn't happen to these two.

    There is a small typo with the word "channellers" being spelled as "chandlers". A chandler is a maker of candle wax and the like.

    I have to admit that there are some very beautiful and poignant scenes between the two main characters. Really, you have a major talent for making these scenes as emotional as they need to be without going overboard like most romance fics tend to do.

    Latios, you've gone way too far. Mewtwo should've kicked the snot out of you and then some. Funny. You'd think that Deoxys would be the first to go to such extremes, but I guess that he's a tame pervert. ...But then again, now that I look back, I think that one of the same demons that got Mew attempted to possess Latios, so I guess I can forgive him to an extent.

    Oh, no. Mew's possessed...and I really doubt that this demon is going to be relatively harmless like Legion was in the Gospel of Mark. And there is no messiah figure to save the legends. Now it truly is the end of the world as we know it.

    The end is nigh! Repent! Repent!

    -deathglares-

    I wonder if the sacrificial offering of Mew's blood was needed to fully bring the demon into the real world. It wouldn't surprise me; her blood, her DNA, her chromosones are so much more valuable and powerful than everyone else's that it's not even funny. That's no slight to the other legends; it's more of a testament to Mew's power.

    Eighth chapter review:

    Giratina...is the best renegade ever. Of all time. I love how he just boldly stated to Mewtwo that he was interrogating him. Forget Darkrai's reaction; I'd be rolling around on the floor laughing with tears in my eyes if he did that around me. He's a real wildcard in all of this. On the one hand, he's probably going to be much easier to possess than the others; he's easily the worst legend on the evil-ness scale, and nothing's going to change that. The demons could easily exploit that. On the other, he could also be the most useful one against these demons. He knows that they're coming, and he knows what they're up against - and that may be the only advantage they have.

    Holy (censored censored-ing censored censor censor). Holy (insert random string of explicit language coming from a reader who is scared out of his mind). I freaking hate Ouija boards, and this chapter has not helped at all. Mewtwo cutting off Deoxys' hands scared me a lot. The conversations with Darkrai and Mew freaked me out even more. Ho-oh being temporarily stricken blind, deaf, and mute just for asking a question was easily the most frightening thing in this chapter. You've done your job almost too well. These demons are scaring the hell out of me: both figuratively and (just about) literally.

    And they want Mew and Mewtwo. Do they want to create an anti-Christ figure from the two of them? Is there something else that we don't know? I'm wondering what sort of value Mewtwo holds for them. Technically, he is the last son of Man left on the earth: he was created from human genes and the genes of Mew. I also wonder how much truth the demons' words have. I can't see them being as upfront as Arceus was. What lies were they telling? Were they telling any truths? If so, how much?

    Ninth chapter review:

    First off, the title drew me in. I wonder who will play the role of Judas Iscarot...

    Minor typo:

    Now that he was thinking of it, he tried to shake his arms free from their out-stretched position. He could only twitched his fingers, everything else was stiffened in place.
    You meant to say "twitch"; twitched is past tense, while you were focusing more on the present tense during that part.

    Another typo:

    She just laughed, a little harsh for someone of her size. “You need to explain why, there are quiet a few other 'mistakes' I could be making.”
    "Quite" is the word you were looking for.

    Huh...this is a completely different Legion than the one I'm used to. To my knowledge (which is admittedly limited), Legion was one of the only demons that willingly allowed Christ to exorcise them from their host in exchange for not being sent back to Hell. But then again, Legion is still a demon...and I must admit that the character named Legion from Mass Effect 2 is my favorite (a sentient AI in a synthetic body), so that might have something to do with it...I don't know. -_-

    And he was also talking about the event before Noah built his Ark, where the world was so truly evil that God rained fire down from the heavens to smite all who lived there (aside from Noah, his wife, his sons, and their wives) and the world wept (the Flood). The thirty pieces of silver was also a brilliant touch. This is extremely interesting. I love the way you're portraying Legion: irredeemably evil, but not seeming to be at a first glance. Still, that's how demons work, do they not?

    Tenth chapter review:

    Well, I was a bit confused by the setting, but I think you explained it well. So, Legion was trying to tempt their spirits to procreate? Intriguing. I hate to admit it, but this guy is very clever. He's still a horrible jerk, though.

    It's good to see Mew back, if only for a small while. Thank fate that Mewtwo stopped himself in time...again. This time, it would've been a whole lot worse if he hadn't.

    You know, unless Mewtwo finds true peace within himself - and I mean real peace, as in actually finding his purpose - I don't think he and Mew could ever be together. I believe that he cares about her, but those primal feelings he has are still right there, lurking beneath the surface. He's still very quick to anger, very quick to judge, which isn't really condusive to a loving and happy relationship. Just my thoughts.

    Eleventh chapter review:

    Oh...my...fate... I'll probably be damned to a even lower level of hell for saying this, but every single one of those scientists deserved to die the way they did. Every - single - one. What they did to Mew was just sickening. I don't blame her for reacting the way she did, and if God and Arceus have a problem with that, then they've got a problem with me as well. It's a freaking disgrace that Mew's soul is now in the same place that their souls were (I assume that they've been damned already).

    Legion's showing that they're even more clever than I realized. They're deliberately driving Mew and Mewtwo closer together, which is a really bad thing at this point. They've shown a fair bit of Mew's past, a past that she probably didn't even tell any other legend (I mean, how could she tell them that she was captured, tortured for months on end, forcibly impregnated, lost the child, and killed the people responsible? She simply couldn't.) But now they've established that they both have a common bond, which works more in Legion's favor than it does with Mew and Mewtwo.

    Also, her forced impregnation when added to her virginity reminds me of none other than the Virgin Mary. (If you're curious about the scream you heard in the background, that's just me getting stricken by three consecutive lightning bolts.) Then who, I wonder, will become the messiah of the new world?

    Twelveth chapter review:

    Huh. Things must be really bad if the legends are getting together to pray. Even Giratina. Yep, things must be extremely bad.

    But the beginning of that section was absolutely hilarious. Hormones, pregnancy, etc...oh, man, that's too funny.

    Wow. Legion has some serious anger issues toward Jehovah. I can recommend a good rehab center-

    -gasp- He said, "Jehovah!"

    -deathglares even more-

    Anyway, I feel sorry for Mewtwo. Now he's at his breaking point. And Legion finally tricked him by revealing their trump card; Mew can't leave Hell until she finds peace within herself. And now that the end of-

    THE END IS NIGH! REPENT! REPENT!

    -deathglares until the random part of my mind is too scared to show its face-

    Anyway, like I was saying before, now that the end of the world has finally arrived, I'm going to be extremely interested to see how it all turns out. How will the legends finally die? I can't really see them winning, that's for sure.

    Overall review:

    I am really starting to love this story. No serious grammatical errors, characterization is mostly the same as always (with more of a shift toward Mewtwo, Mew, and Legion in the later chapters), and the plot has me hanging on every word. I have to say that you've done a really fine job. May I please be on the PM list?

    Sincerely,

    Mem.
    Last edited by SilentMemento; 8th June 2012 at 3:35 PM. Reason: missed a glaring error
    COMING SOON

    Warmonger - A fantasy fic where peasants fight the wars of kings and lords, where monsters lurk in the night, and where depravity is not only expected, but encouraged...

  12. #162
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    Yesssss, more knowledge from Mem. I'm excited to see what more you have to interpret and make my mind explode again.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilentMemento View Post
    Oh, wow. Mewtwo really has fallen. Exposing Mew to his emotions, to his lust (lust being the key word, as it is considered a sin)...that's what happened. I will say that it's a very good thing he had enough control of himself to stop at kissing her. I will also say that Ho-oh has some really sound advice. No wonder why the guy is so respected.
    I caught this before, but it tends to slip my mind for some odd reason (which makes me sad). This makes me want to change the chapter title, but I suppose the subtlety works either way I put it.

    I will say that true love is a lot more than merely doing anything for the person you love. While Mew has the basic concept down, I have my own opinion that people who truly love each other are honest and open with one another. They are not afraid to say what they feel and why. They are not afraid that what their other half says may be different. And they are honest and open enough to truly respect their opinion and come to a middle ground for the sake of their other. It is something that I failed miserably at - and there's absolutely nothing in my life that I regret more. I just hope and pray that the same thing doesn't happen to these two.
    I like that, oh yes. I needed that. *jots down notes*

    *pats your head in sympathy*

    There is a small typo with the word "channellers" being spelled as "chandlers". A chandler is a maker of candle wax and the like.
    Hur durr, I should've caught that XD. I swear I looked up the word, but guess I did it from memory.

    Latios, you've gone way too far. Mewtwo should've kicked the snot out of you and then some. Funny. You'd think that Deoxys would be the first to go to such extremes, but I guess that he's a tame pervert. ...But then again, now that I look back, I think that one of the same demons that got Mew attempted to possess Latios, so I guess I can forgive him to an extent.
    I was thinking of Deoxys, but I wanted a character no one would've expected (and whom Mewtwo could beat up easily, heh xD), so I chose Latios. He would've never done such a thing willingly.

    The end is nigh! Repent! Repent!

    -deathglares-
    XD

    I wonder if the sacrificial offering of Mew's blood was needed to fully bring the demon into the real world. It wouldn't surprise me; her blood, her DNA, her chromosones are so much more valuable and powerful than everyone else's that it's not even funny. That's no slight to the other legends; it's more of a testament to Mew's power.
    I had a reasoning for it at the time, but I lost it. But whatever I had come up with, yours sounds the most reasonable and symbolic. And I like it.

    Giratina...is the best renegade ever. Of all time. I love how he just boldly stated to Mewtwo that he was interrogating him. Forget Darkrai's reaction; I'd be rolling around on the floor laughing with tears in my eyes if he did that around me. He's a real wildcard in all of this. On the one hand, he's probably going to be much easier to possess than the others; he's easily the worst legend on the evil-ness scale, and nothing's going to change that. The demons could easily exploit that. On the other, he could also be the most useful one against these demons. He knows that they're coming, and he knows what they're up against - and that may be the only advantage they have.
    He is indeed the best, and I do love him for it.

    You are on the right track, though I may have wasted that potential on accident... I didn't really plan his role out too well, but he has one that is hopefully satiable.

    Holy (censored censored-ing censored censor censor). Holy (insert random string of explicit language coming from a reader who is scared out of his mind). I freaking hate Ouija boards, and this chapter has not helped at all. Mewtwo cutting off Deoxys' hands scared me a lot. The conversations with Darkrai and Mew freaked me out even more. Ho-oh being temporarily stricken blind, deaf, and mute just for asking a question was easily the most frightening thing in this chapter. You've done your job almost too well. These demons are scaring the hell out of me: both figuratively and (just about) literally.
    Yes, I did my job!

    I must have a very scary imagination xD. I hope to never run into one in my life, the stories my friend told me was enough.

    I'm wondering what sort of value Mewtwo holds for them. Technically, he is the last son of Man left on the earth: he was created from human genes and the genes of Mew. I also wonder how much truth the demons' words have. I can't see them being as upfront as Arceus was. What lies were they telling? Were they telling any truths? If so, how much?
    You have a good point there. *mind implodes*

    The demons tell half-truths, and even then they twist it to their liking. I go by the account in Matthew where Satan attempts to tempt Jesus, where he does explicitly quote scripture.

    First off, the title drew me in. I wonder who will play the role of Judas Iscarot...
    I had an original intention to the title and the symbolism behind it, but it didn't work out for me very well, and I have lost it in the depths of my memories as well. Still, bits of it are in the chapter, so as long as it got the point across, I'm happy with it.

    Huh...this is a completely different Legion than the one I'm used to. To my knowledge (which is admittedly limited), Legion was one of the only demons that willingly allowed Christ to exorcise them from their host in exchange for not being sent back to Hell. But then again, Legion is still a demon...and I must admit that the character named Legion from Mass Effect 2 is my favorite (a sentient AI in a synthetic body), so that might have something to do with it...I don't know. -_-
    I believe Legion from Mark is the only demon who would leave the man's body as long as they could go into a herd of swine (whom then promptly drowned themselves). Christ has chased away demons before, we just have only one account of a legion of demons talking to him (albeit through the lips of another man).

    I have never played Mass Effect, if that helps X3. Legion indeed got his name from the devils whom called themselves "Legion", but that's as far as the similarities go, since as far as I know, those demons haven't really done a whole lot of harm like he has.

    And he was also talking about the event before Noah built his Ark, where the world was so truly evil that God rained fire down from the heavens to smite all who lived there (aside from Noah, his wife, his sons, and their wives) and the world wept (the Flood). The thirty pieces of silver was also a brilliant touch. This is extremely interesting. I love the way you're portraying Legion: irredeemably evil, but not seeming to be at a first glance. Still, that's how demons work, do they not?
    That and more.

    Demons do indeed work that way. They try to get our pity.

    Well, I was a bit confused by the setting, but I think you explained it well. So, Legion was trying to tempt their spirits to procreate? Intriguing. I hate to admit it, but this guy is very clever. He's still a horrible jerk, though.
    Lol, he is indeed xD. Rather vain of himself.

    You know, unless Mewtwo finds true peace within himself - and I mean real peace, as in actually finding his purpose - I don't think he and Mew could ever be together. I believe that he cares about her, but those primal feelings he has are still right there, lurking beneath the surface. He's still very quick to anger, very quick to judge, which isn't really condusive to a loving and happy relationship. Just my thoughts.
    Thought noted. *jots it down* Thanks for pointing that out.

    Oh...my...fate... I'll probably be damned to a even lower level of hell for saying this, but every single one of those scientists deserved to die the way they did. Every - single - one. What they did to Mew was just sickening. I don't blame her for reacting the way she did, and if God and Arceus have a problem with that, then they've got a problem with me as well. It's a freaking disgrace that Mew's soul is now in the same place that their souls were (I assume that they've been damned already).
    The only scientist I pity a little bit is Bridget, but even then, she stayed in place. So she is just as bad as the others, though not as awful as "Sir" is, no-o-o-o. If anything, most of the scientists weren't evil, they were just misguided, but your mileage may vary on that. Even then, I agree wholeheartedly with you.

    Legion's showing that they're even more clever than I realized. They're deliberately driving Mew and Mewtwo closer together, which is a really bad thing at this point. They've shown a fair bit of Mew's past, a past that she probably didn't even tell any other legend (I mean, how could she tell them that she was captured, tortured for months on end, forcibly impregnated, lost the child, and killed the people responsible? She simply couldn't.) But now they've established that they both have a common bond, which works more in Legion's favor than it does with Mew and Mewtwo.
    Dude, why are you so good at catching things like that XD? I thought I knew all this.

    Also, her forced impregnation when added to her virginity reminds me of none other than the Virgin Mary. (If you're curious about the scream you heard in the background, that's just me getting stricken by three consecutive lightning bolts.) Then who, I wonder, will become the messiah of the new world?
    *mind explodes tenfold*

    HOLY MOSES I NEVER DREW THOSE CONNECTIONS BEFORE. *mind explodes again*

    The story has more religious themes than I thought. DAMN. I suppose this makes hers and Mewtwo's relationship much more symbolic on a deeper level.

    Huh. Things must be really bad if the legends are getting together to pray. Even Giratina. Yep, things must be extremely bad.

    But the beginning of that section was absolutely hilarious. Hormones, pregnancy, etc...oh, man, that's too funny.
    Yup.

    Well, what else did you expect XD?

    Wow. Legion has some serious anger issues toward Jehovah. I can recommend a good rehab center-

    -gasp- He said, "Jehovah!"

    -deathglares even more-
    Not just Jehovah, he's more angry at God Himself, his Father. I'd say he has as much hatred as Satan does, which makes me wonder sometimes why he isn't the main mastermind xD.

    I am really starting to love this story. No serious grammatical errors, characterization is mostly the same as always (with more of a shift toward Mewtwo, Mew, and Legion in the later chapters), and the plot has me hanging on every word. I have to say that you've done a really fine job. May I please be on the PM list?
    Thank you so much again, Mem, you've been a huge help to me.

    And yes indeedy you may. I was thinking of adding you to the list anyway, I just needed your consult.
    Last edited by Kutie Pie; 6th June 2012 at 9:49 PM.
    Winner of Best Pokémon/Pokémon Fic of 2013 in the Shipping Oscars
    Current Chapter: Chapter Ten - 3/17/14 / Current: Last Chance - 11/3/11 - Chapter 20 progress: 75%
    I survived Pupa.

  13. #163
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    Aaaaaaaaaaand I've caught up and read up to nineteen...Here comes the review.

    I have to give it to you, Kutie Pie, your writing clearly shows skill. I love the flamboyant personalities of all the Legendaries, as it goes to show they're not as godly as we thought.

    The feelings Mewtwo has and struggles with for Mew was very interesting to watch unfold. As he decides between love or lust to identify his feelings, chaos explodes. I mean, a demon lord appears, and possesses his love. That was a very well-done twist.

    And the lime. Oh, the lime. I should have seen it coming :P.

    This fic would be do depressing if it weren't for Deoxys, Entei, and a few other notable Butt Monkies and wisecrackers. I loved it all.

    My only critism in creating another paragraph and failing to say who "he" or "she" is. I had to reread several times to figure out what was going on. It's really the only flaw I could find.

    The Higurashi-ness of this whole thing drove me wild, though. I love Higurashi to pieces, so the imagery...I don't like saying this...was so stirring and thrilling!

    Even though I'm an Aethiest, I totally respect the religious context of this story. It actually made it more enjoyable, in a way.

    Amber? Didn't see that coming.

    Seeing that Chapter 20 is in progress, why not ask the readers for ideas? I'm sure done have at least a tidbit of advice and ideas to give.

    Moonlight out!
    Last edited by Moonlight Amaryllis; 15th August 2012 at 11:35 PM.

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  14. #164
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    Wild Reviewer appeared!

    XD

    I have to give it to you, Kutie Pie, your writing clearly shows skill. I love the flamboyant personalities of all the Legendaries, as it goes to show they're not as godly as we thought.
    Thank you. Someone else pointed that out as well, and that surprised me then as it still surprises me now. I mean, I knew I wasn't praising them as godly and all, I was just giving them personalities, whether they "acted" their age or not. So to find this out is really awesome. *huggles interpretations of readers* I wuv you all |D...

    The feelings Mewtwo has and struggles with for Mew was very interesting to watch unfold. As he decides between love or list to identify his feelings, chaos explodes. I mean, a demon lord appears, and possesses his love. That was a very well-done twist.
    *lust ;P

    Thank you, I'm happy it's gone well. I honestly never expected it as such from the beginning. Guess you can say I'm... kinda writing at the seat of my pants at times, lol.

    And the lime. Oh, the lime. I should have seen it coming :P.
    >83 *rubs hands evilly*

    This fic would be do depressing if it weren't for Deoxys, Entei, and a few other notable Butt Monkies and wisecrackers. I loved it all.
    *thinks*

    ...

    D8 Holy...

    My only critism in creating another paragraph and failing to say who "he" or "she" is. I had to reread several times to figure out what was going on. It's really the only flaw I could find.
    My apologies once again. That's the biggest issue a lot of people have brought up, and it still eludes me every time. It could be because I have a personal pet peeve of repeating a character's name over and over again without spreading it out a couple of paragraphs. I'll try and fix that in the final edit.

    The Higurashi-ness of this whole thing drove me wild, though. I love Higurashi to pieces, so the imagery...I don't like saying this...was so stirring and thrilling!
    Did I mention I'm still fairly new to Higurashi? It was around the time of chapter thirteen being written out (which was last April) when I first started watching it. I just didn't really see the incorporation of it until chapter fifteen (though I could see it in chapter fourteen). So who knows if it would've been the same if I hadn't gotten curious about Higurashi, though the blood may not have been as prominent. Maybe.

    Even though I'm an Aethiest, I totally respect the religious context of this story. It actually made it more enjoyable, in a way.
    Duly noted ^^. Thank you for being honest.

    Amber? Didn't see that coming.
    Not many people did. `Twas all part of the plan.

    Seeing that Chapter 20 is in progress, why not ask the readers for ideas? I'm sure done have at least a tidbit of advice and ideas to give.
    You know, I was thinking about that, and I actually do have a couple of parts that need more planning out (everything else is fine, I just have to find the motivation to write it all out). I don't mind taking advise from readers--it's one of the many reasons I love hearing from the audience--and I will take ideas if I can find a way to fit it in. I'll just have to remember to give credit for the help.

    So yeah. If anyone has any ideas or advice, do shoot me a PM, and I'll happily take it.

    Thanks so much, Moonlight. It makes me wish I could freeze time for a bit, I unfortunately have to get ready for bed here, as I have classes tomorrow. Shame life gets in the way... *stretches out hands* You feel so far away...

    *slaps self*
    Winner of Best Pokémon/Pokémon Fic of 2013 in the Shipping Oscars
    Current Chapter: Chapter Ten - 3/17/14 / Current: Last Chance - 11/3/11 - Chapter 20 progress: 75%
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  15. #165
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    Hm, seems like my sister got here before me...Sorry for not reviewing earlier; I was pretty busy with writing my fanfiction and drawing that demon Mew. Curse those legs (I can't draw limbs at all)...

    This is such an interesting fanfiction! I really love all the characters in this story, for they each have their own quirks. They have their anime persona, species, and your own flair makes this a fun fanfiction to read. They're pretty unforgettable as I read along the story. I've always liked Shipping fics and this is very professionally written. I've got to say, Mew is probably my favourite character. She's tough, strong-willed, kind, caring, and a generally a sweet person. But she also has that psychopathic side that she's only let out once. But who am I to say that? She could've had one before and you never had it mentioned (Trollface).And Entei gets to play the annoying little brother roll. Perfect, you did a wonderful job of that (HE PEED ON SUICUNE XDXD), and Deoxys being a sick perv is also very amusing. I remember there was this one part when he called Creselia...I thInk Dutchess? It was something like that, and it was also funny when Legion called her goddess.

    Legion, he was THE perfect antagonist for such a tale. Possessing Mew's body so she can become pregnant, giving him a body do he can make a new world full of demons. It was epic! And during that one part, when the language barrier was broken, when Legion was like "**** me. Hard.", I sat there for a while, then...I STARTED LAUGHING! It just sounded so messed up, so PERVY, heck I had to laugh! I'm seriously thinking that he needs a wife cuz he seems desperate for someone to have sex with. Eithe that or I'm mental and Legion and I need psychologists. Duuuuuuurr...

    MewShipping. I had never given Mew x Mewtwo a thought until I read this fanfiction. Those two's bond really developed from the beginning of the story; from Mew screaming at him "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?!" to her asking for sex from him. I see a big difference. Myriam sounds like Miriam, the sister of Moses. Is that where you got her name since she is "the Eve of all Pokčmon". Who's the Adam? Mewtwo? I always asked that when that appeared in the story. Mewtwo also changed a little as well. He used to feel little for Mew but his love for her strengthened after a while. When he brought her back to life I was all like "YEEEEEESSSSSSS!" and when They got attacked by blobs "NOOOOOOOOO!" I'm so messed up XD

    The whip. The crystallized whip that beat the heck outta poor Manaphy and Mewtwo, that thing is beast. I can picture what it looked like in my head, spikes sticking up from all sides, long and thick, and later, covers with blood. Very nice choice of weapon, Kutie. It fits such a mental demon like Legion. Why he choose the youngest Pokemon to get whipped and then go against his word "five whips for the small ones"...I hope Mew MURDERS him! Haha, but you decide that, not me.

    That one scene were you brought each character to its own home from the anime. The Tree I imagined perfectly in my head, as well as Alto Mare, the Islands, and the space where Raquaza and Deoxys were blasting meteors. But that whole scene was freaking scary. The world ending like that...but it turned evil because that's how messed up our society is. Who knows? Maybe in another two centuries or so this is what will become of our world. There was a balance between good and evil inside every person, it just matters with one outweighs the other for making choices. In this world, evil overcame every poor innocent soul. It's a sad truth, really. A rather sad truth.

    I really like the Heaven place where we got to meet all the dead characters. I forgot how important Amber was To Mewtwo. Not like I was noticing; more focused on BulbaTwo. Meh. I'd be really cool if we got to see Darkrai and Cresselia's son Adam there. Hm, that would be something good in Chapter Twenty, now that I think about it. Hm.

    Overall, this is an extremely awesomely written fanfiction, with a romantic flair. Can I have the link to this on fanfiction net so I can bookmark it? I usually do that on stuff on there. I cannot WAIT until the next chapter. Hope you can find tune to add on to it!

    Bye! Da Ninja is out!
    Last edited by Ninja Bulbasaur; 24th September 2012 at 1:07 AM.

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    Jesus loved us and he even died for our sake. Always remember that God loves you no matter who you are.†
    Proud fan of Umineko no Naku Koro ni and Higurashi no Naku Koro ni

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  16. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninja Bulbasaur View Post
    Hm, seems like my sister got here before me.,.dang! Hahaha, jk! Sorry for not reviewing earlier; I was pretty busy with writing my fanfiction and drawing that demon Mew. Curse those legs (I can't draw limbs at all)!
    ^_^ It's okay. I'll have to remember to get to reading your story like I've been meaning to, especially now that I don't have any excuse XD. And it doesn't matter, I'm still interested in seeing the drawing when it's finished X3.

    I've got to say, Mew is probably my favourite character. She's tough, strong-willed, kind, caring, and a generally a sweet person. But she also has that psychopathic side that she's only let out once. But who am I to say that? She could've had one before and you never had it mentioned (Trollface).
    Well, everyone has that limit where if they get pushed past it, they do go psychotic. So it wasn't her fault she snapped that time.

    And Entei gets to play the annoying little brother roll. Perfect, you did a wonderful job of that (HE PEED ON SUICUNE XDXD), and Deoxys being a sick perv is also very amusing. I remember there was this one part when he called Creselia...I thInk Dutchess? It was something like that, and it was also funny when Legion called her goddess.
    XD It's not Entei's fault, either. He tries to be a good brother. Deoxys is strangely loveable, ain't he XD? I don't exactly remember "duchess", though I remember "toots" xD.

    Legion, he was THE perfect protagonist for such a tale. Possessing Mew's body so she can become pregnant, giving him a body do he can make a new world full of demons. It was epic! And during that one part, when the language barrier was broken, when Legion was like "**** me. Hard.", I sat there for a while, then...I STARTED LAUGHING! It just sounded so messed up, so PERVY, heck I had to laugh! I'm seriously thinking that he needs a wife cuz he seems desperate for someone to have sex with. Eithe that or I'm mental and Legion and I need psychologists. Duuuuuuurr...
    * antagonist

    Yes, you need help for laughing at that part. I guess it depends on how one reads it that makes it frightening, or unintentionally hilarious. I can't help but crack a smirk at "salute me", though... so I think I know where you're coming from.

    And no, Legion does not need a wife. He's just insane.

    MewShipping. I had never given Mew x Mewtwo a thought until I read this fanfiction. Those two's bond really developed from the beginning of the story; from Mew screaming at him "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?!" to her asking for sex from him. I see a big difference.
    But that's not really the point of the bonding, as it does take away from the love that they do have for each other. She asks mainly out of desperation in case something was to go wrong in the future. It's kinda like a "don't want to die a virgin" thing. It's kinda almost like their roles switched all of a sudden, now that I think about it.

    But there is a difference in their relationship, yes, you just got it a little mixed up there. You might've missed something, or misinterpreted a scene or two along the line, which is okay, we all have a different view on what goes on in a story, whether it was the author's intentions or not. Though this is one reason why I do ask for readers to take their time, because there is a lot going on, and some moments do need careful reading.

    Myriad sounds like Miriam, the sister of Moses. Is that where you got her name since she is "the Eve of all Pokčmon". Who's the Adam? Mewtwo? I always asked that when that appeared in the story.
    I think you misspelled "Myriam" there. But yes, "Myriam" is the same as "Miriam", it's just spelled differently. And yes again, I did get the name from the sister of Moses, though I did a double checking on the name so it would honestly have a deeper meaning. But no, I didn't give her the name because she's the "Eve of all Pokémon", though as a few other people pointed out, it fits in that category as well.

    I see Adam as Mewtwo, yes, though this applies for all the other Legendaries. Mewtwo and Mew are the main focus, though, so they are the Adam and Eve we follow through the story.

    Mewtwo also changed a little as well. He used to feel little for Mew but his love for her strengthened after a while. When he brought her back to life I was all like "YEEEEEESSSSSSS!" and when They got attacked by blobs "NOOOOOOOOO!" I'm so messed up XD
    He felt for her from the beginning, he was just hiding his feelings because that is who he is. He keeps his emotions under wraps.

    XD I guess I'll take that reaction, then. I get a similar feeling, so it's not messed up.

    The whip. The crystallized whip that beat the heck outta poor Manaphy and Mewtwo, that thing is beast. I can picture what it looked like in my head, spikes sticking up from all sides, long and thick, and later, covers with blood. Very nice choice of weapon, Kutie. It fits such a mental demon like Legion. Why he choose the youngest Pokemon to get whipped and then go against his word "five whips for the small ones"...I hope Mew MURDERS him! Haha, but you decide that, not me.
    I wanted the whip for some reason xD. *coughPassionoftheChristcough* I had to look up whips to decide which one would work, and I went with the cat o' nine tails due to its use as a severe corporal punishment, and made it more menacing-looking. I even had to look up how many whippings it would take for it to kill a full-grown man (Mewtwo is a foot above the average height), and it's over forty lashes. I guessed for smaller folks.

    I don't exactly remember why I chose Manaphy for the first flogging, but Legion went against his word because he was in a rage. Not that he wasn't planning on not killing them either.

    But that whole scene was freaking scary. The world ending like that...but it turned evil because that's how messed up our society is. Who knows? Maybe in another two centuries or so this is what will become of our world. There was a balance between good and evil inside every person, it just matters with one outweighs the other for making choices. In this world, evil overcame every poor innocent soul. It's a sad truth, really. A rather sad truth.
    Ha ha, I thought someone would make connections (unless you read my little facts...). Not that you're the only one who has, a few other brought it up as well.

    I really like the Heaven place where we got to meet all the dead characters. I forgot how important Amber was To Mewtwo. Not like I was noticing; more focused on BulbaTwo. Meh. I'd be really cool if we got to see Darkrai and Cresselia's son Adam there. Hm, that would be something good in Chapter Twenty, now that I think about it. Hm.
    I put quite a bit of attention to the Spirit World xD. What can I say, the other side intrigues me.

    Well, maybe it was better for you to not have remember her importance. It must've made the chapter(s) a lot more special. I was secretly hoping a good majority of people didn't remember Amber so the reveal was special, but either way, it worked out. A lot of people who remembered her were happy she was in the story.

    As for Adam... mmm... we shall have to wait and see.

    Overall, this is an extremely awesomely written fanfiction, with a romantic flair. Can I have the link to this on fanfiction net so I can bookmark it? I always Di that on stuff on there. I cannot WAIT until the next chapter. Hope you can find tune to add on to it!
    Thank you very much, Ninja Bulbasaur ^^. I'll get to your story as soon as possible. And I'm not giving the link here since the link to my FFN account is in the signature (FF.net), so you can find it there if you haven't already.

    Reminding everyone out there who cares to look at these replies that as it was brought up, I am willing to take any advice/ideas you may have. If you do, I'll make sure to credit you in chapter twenty when it's finished. Pinky promise.
    Winner of Best Pokémon/Pokémon Fic of 2013 in the Shipping Oscars
    Current Chapter: Chapter Ten - 3/17/14 / Current: Last Chance - 11/3/11 - Chapter 20 progress: 75%
    I survived Pupa.

  17. #167
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    Here we go, chapters thirteen through nineteen. This is the third review for this story:

    Thirteenth chapter review:

    Legion is seriously beginning to scare me. There was literally no point in bleeding Mew's body dry other than to torture Mewtwo - and he didn't even have to do that; the mere threat of doing so would've achieved the same thing. It's literally overkill at this point. Even the "honeymoon" part was frightening. If anyone else had said that, I'd be laughing, but I can't even bring myself to laugh when I've seen just how horrible this demon can be (and I don't even think he's reached his lowest point yet). This is an extremely frightening villain you're creating.

    Speaking of Mewtwo, I have to admire his bravery and the fact that he cares about what happens to Mew. Not just her body, but her soul as well. I...probably would not do the same thing. 8(

    You know, I worry about the rest of the legends when it comes to the "life-mates" bond. It really does sound like they cannot be split apart for any reason, which would effectively mean that every legend who cannot procreate with anyone other than Mew or Mewtwo is, ah, screwed (dammit, I hate that I used that sort of pun. Deoxys would be proud of me - and I don't like that at all.) It wouldn't be a problem for Darkrai and Cresselia, since they happen to be life-mates themselves, but for the others...well, cue the wrath of God and Arceus.

    ...Zombies! Run! ...Oh, wait, wouldn't I be a zombie in this story? And wouldn't the writer be a zombie as well?

    Suicune fainted? Funny, I thought it would be Articuno, Latias, or Entei that would faint first. ...And now Latias faints. I couldn't help but laugh at both of those parts.

    “Yeah, and we will drag you to Hell!” a younger-looking man, one of the few wearing tattered clothing, shouted out from near the back as he pumped a fist into the air.

    “Doesn't he mean 'or we'll drag you to Hell'?” Palkia muttered. Dialga bumped his shoulder in warning.

    After giving the person a backward glance, the man, whom they were presuming was the leader, shrugged in slight agreement. “Kid speaks the truth, even though he is a little delusional.”
    Wait a minute, who was Jediah talking about? Was it Palkia or the younger man? I'm a bit confused.

    Oh, Giratina, you are so freaking awesome, even though it totally wasn't the right time to do what you did. Your epic speech was amazing. Just a few tiny grammatical typos:

    Just because they can posses bodies and rise them from the dead doesn't automatically make them a demon.
    You wanted "possess" and "raise".

    And now most of the legends have been captured. However, the others who weren't there at the time may yet have a role to play...

    Fourteenth chapter review:

    Legion had told her himself this was her eternal torment. She didn't believe him at first, a mistake she now solely regrets. It didn't help she, in his words, “crossed the line” by appearing to Mewtwo.
    Hmm...The first two bolded words are worded wrong. Firstly, they were in the present tense, not the past tense like most of the chapter. Secondly, the word "solely" sounds wrong when used this way. I think that you meant "sorely". Which means that "sorely regretted" would be the words that you wanted to use. Also, you should probably add the word "that" between the words "help" and "she", since they sound wrong otherwise.

    Ohmygosh, I remember Amber! She's an angel now?! Aww, that's so cute...um, er, I mean... -blush-

    Hmm...life-mates being compared with marriage. Sorry, but I don't buy that. Life-mates are...well, for life. Marriages - and relationships as a whole - don't tend to last.

    Amber says that Adam fell, which is more than true, given all the sins that Man has committed...but she doesn't mention that the serpent and Eve fell long before he did. I wonder if that has any symbolic meaning.

    Huh. So even the sinners get a second lease on life. It's not how I pictured it, but...oh well.

    Oh, wow. Wow. I feel so sorry for the other legends. I know Mew must be feeling horrible right now, and I do feel awful for her as well. I know that they're happy to see her, but they're absolutely scared right now, and seeing Mew like that can't have helped.

    And the two life-mates finally being reunited...that brought tears to my eyes. That scene was so well-done, so poignant, so...fate, I can't even describe how I feel about that scene. And the last line of the chapter...wow. Your story has really brought back my faith in the romance genre. To date, I have only seen three other fics - a trilogy written by the same fanfiction writer - touch my heart like this. Kudos to you.

    Fifteenth chapter review:

    I'm actually hoping that their kid (Mew and Mewtwo, not Legion and Mewtwo) is a girl, just to totally screw with Legion's mind. Seriously, the guy needs to be damned...again.

    ...Did Legion just attempt to...no, I'm not even going to say it. The thought disturbs me way too much.

    Of course, Giratina is the only one to recognize Legion for what he really is. Just makes me love the guy even more.

    Wow. Legion is seriously deranged, threatening Jediah like that.

    Oh - my - fate...not the cat o' nine...I watched that movie...

    ...I have no words to describe how much I hate Legion. No words. Manaphy may not be my favorite legend, but there's no way that he deserved what happened to him. And Mewtwo didn't deserve that either. Legion is a total monster.

    Sixteenth chapter review:

    Hmm...so the Tree can basically be controlled by Mew, Mewtwo or Legion. Is that what Amber's saying?

    I have a pretty good idea whose DNA the scientists used to create Mewtwo, although I must admit that this is from the manga:     Spoiler:- The mystery person is...:


    Deoxys and Giratina are so politically-incorrect...but they are funny.

    Wow. I never thought that their bickering would actually save their lives. And now the escape can begin!

    ...Except Giratina's right, and Cresselia knows it. Mewtwo and Mew have to escape together. There's no way he can leave her behind.

    Oh, no. Now Cresselia and Deoxys are agreeing with each other. This can't possibly be good.

    Giratina's comments to Jediah = the most epic kind of winning that exists.

    And all of the other legends who were out did manage to save them. That's nice. Pity that Jediah and his followers cannot - freaking - die... Fate, he's almost as insane as Legion is.

    Seventeenth chapter review:

    Wow...Amber's death was truly, truly saddening. Having to watch her father deteriorate like that and not being able to help him...I feel so sorry for her.

    Pikatwo and Meowtwo are hilarious. Just like the original Pikachu and Meowth, except these two sound like best buddies. And Scyther was there with the larvae Pokemon, as well. And Mew's mother...I must say, that is a very heartwarming scene.

    And Mew's name is...Myriam, which is an alteration of the original Miriam's name, who was the sister of Moses. Hmm...all sorts of other possibilities come into play here...

    Wow...Mewtwo just crushed Legion's hopes, his hopes, and Mew's hopes with two simple paragraphs. Oh, that has to burn. C-section and poison? Wow...looks like there won't be any replenishing of the world - demons or Pokemon.

    Mew taking back what is rightfully hers...and Legion has to freaking ruin it by killing her. You suck, Legion!

    Assuming direct control of this reviewer.

    -deathglares with the wrath of a thousand suns-

    Eighteenth chapter review:

    Hmm...I don't see any way she can live. She's lost way too much blood already; hell, I'm feeling physically ill by thinking about how many wounds she has.

    Wait a minute; I thought that all of the Pokemon had died or were zombiefied by demons. How did this Omanyte live? Why is it helping Mewtwo by giving him a cure for Mew? I'm totally confused now...

    Oh, wow. All of those legends have been captured...that can't be good. That just can't be good... Fate, I hate Jediah almost as much as Legion.

    Hmm...it's kind of hard, watching Mew being forced to grow up and mature. But then again, isn't that a part of life?

    Oh, Deoxys, you are so hilarious. Dressing in drag...where are you going to find clothes large enough for some of the larger legends? XD

    And the females getting control of the house...Giratina's right; what's so bad about the cold? Wimps...

    The romantic scenes...are slightly different than what I've seen, but that's probably because it's moving into another stage: acceptance. Maybe it's like the parrallel of the five stages of grief or something...but mind you, they're still really well-done.

    Nineteenth chapter review:

    Aww...poor Cresselia. You can tell how much her heart was broken by Adam's death. She doesn't want the same thing to happen to Mew or Mewtwo. And now they're finally intimate. And Legion isn't possessing either one of them. Hmm...possible messiah figure here?

    Oh, no, Regice! Regigigas! They have to be possessed, along with the others who were captured. ...I just feel so sorry for Regirock and Registeel. They may be golems, but even they have hearts that can be - and probably are - broken. I'm scared about what will happen when they face the other possessed legends.

    ...And now Heatran is likely dead. Now my heart is broken. And I'm really starting to wonder which legends will actually get out of this suicide mission alive.

    Overall review:

    You say we're getting into the climax? Yeah, I believe you. Your story has gotten to the point where I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. I cannot say that for most fics. I'm truly impressed with the way you're taking this story, and I'm truly impressed by your interpretation of the Pokemon world.

    Sincerely,

    Mem.
    COMING SOON

    Warmonger - A fantasy fic where peasants fight the wars of kings and lords, where monsters lurk in the night, and where depravity is not only expected, but encouraged...

  18. #168
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    Still waking up from a nap, but I'll try to give some answers here.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilentMemento View Post
    Thirteenth chapter review:
    *braces self*

    *relaxes*

    Ah, I knew this was not a great chapter. This, and chapter sixteen aren't my favorites, never liked how they turned out. Anyhoo...

    Legion is seriously beginning to scare me. There was literally no point in bleeding Mew's body dry other than to torture Mewtwo - and he didn't even have to do that; the mere threat of doing so would've achieved the same thing. It's literally overkill at this point. Even the "honeymoon" part was frightening. If anyone else had said that, I'd be laughing, but I can't even bring myself to laugh when I've seen just how horrible this demon can be (and I don't even think he's reached his lowest point yet). This is an extremely frightening villain you're creating.
    Legion is a narcissistic, and he does what he says. Empty threats are just that, empty threats. Showing he can and will do what he means is his way of striking fear into hearts.

    I'm still a bit shocked at what I've done with this character. I may need some help after this XD.

    Speaking of Mewtwo, I have to admire his bravery and the fact that he cares about what happens to Mew. Not just her body, but her soul as well. I...probably would not do the same thing. 8(
    I glad that's there, I've worried over such a characteristic for a while now ^_^;.

    You know, I worry about the rest of the legends when it comes to the "life-mates" bond. It really does sound like they cannot be split apart for any reason, which would effectively mean that every legend who cannot procreate with anyone other than Mew or Mewtwo is, ah, screwed (dammit, I hate that I used that sort of pun. Deoxys would be proud of me - and I don't like that at all.) It wouldn't be a problem for Darkrai and Cresselia, since they happen to be life-mates themselves, but for the others...well, cue the wrath of God and Arceus.
    (Deoxys would be so proud. Of himself.)

    Well, there's still six females accounted for XD. But not to worry.

    ...Zombies! Run! ...Oh, wait, wouldn't I be a zombie in this story? And wouldn't the writer be a zombie as well?
    DUN DUN DUN

    But we don't live in the Pokémon world, so we're fine XD.

    Suicune fainted? Funny, I thought it would be Articuno, Latias, or Entei that would faint first. ...And now Latias faints. I couldn't help but laugh at both of those parts.
    I was going to use Articuno or Latias (wait, when did Latias faint xD?), but then Entei wouldn't have had such funny dialogue.

    Wait a minute, who was Jediah talking about? Was it Palkia or the younger man? I'm a bit confused.
    He's talking about the man. I thought "kid" would tip it off.

    Oh, Giratina, you are so freaking awesome, even though it totally wasn't the right time to do what you did. Your epic speech was amazing.
    Yay, it worked XD.

    Hmm...The first two bolded words are worded wrong. Firstly, they were in the present tense, not the past tense like most of the chapter. Secondly, the word "solely" sounds wrong when used this way. I think that you meant "sorely". Which means that "sorely regretted" would be the words that you wanted to use. Also, you should probably add the word "that" between the words "help" and "she", since they sound wrong otherwise.
    I knew it sounded a little off there, I just didn't know how exactly. Got'cha.

    Ohmygosh, I remember Amber! She's an angel now?! Aww, that's so cute...um, er, I mean... -blush-
    XDD

    Hmm...life-mates being compared with marriage. Sorry, but I don't buy that. Life-mates are...well, for life. Marriages - and relationships as a whole - don't tend to last.
    Mew agrees with you as well, though she's taken into consideration Amber's innocence of not (supposedly) knowing the difference between the two. However, I'm gonna have to disagree with you on the bolded part. I, as well as other people--of my faith and other faiths or as individuals--do believe that marriages last, especially beyond the grave. It just takes a lot of hard work, faith, and trust for it to last (in mortal life, anyway). Just because today's society is showing it can't last doesn't mean it can't happen (does that... sound right?). My grandparents (as well as most other people's grandparents) come to mind when it comes to ever-lasting marriages. Same thing applies to all kinds of relationships.

    Amber says that Adam fell, which is more than true, given all the sins that Man has committed...but she doesn't mention that the serpent and Eve fell long before he did. I wonder if that has any symbolic meaning.
    She didn't finish the quote, which if I remember to, I'll have the quote closed in the future . But you're not far off.

    Oh, wow. Wow. I feel so sorry for the other legends. I know Mew must be feeling horrible right now, and I do feel awful for her as well. I know that they're happy to see her, but they're absolutely scared right now, and seeing Mew like that can't have helped.
    I was a bit concerned about that scene, but you've given me closure that it worked.

    And the two life-mates finally being reunited...that brought tears to my eyes. That scene was so well-done, so poignant, so...fate, I can't even describe how I feel about that scene. And the last line of the chapter...wow. Your story has really brought back my faith in the romance genre. To date, I have only seen three other fics - a trilogy written by the same fanfiction writer - touch my heart like this. Kudos to you.
    Need. Name. Of. Trilogy.

    That was what I was aiming for, and I'm so happy it still hits. It's my favorite chapter for a reason.

    I'm actually hoping that their kid (Mew and Mewtwo, not Legion and Mewtwo) is a girl, just to totally screw with Legion's mind. Seriously, the guy needs to be damned...again.
    Lol, well, you can't predict which little sperm fertilizes the egg until you find out the gender of the baby, so it's all left up to nature.

    ...Did Legion just attempt to...no, I'm not even going to say it. The thought disturbs me way too much.
    Yes. Yes he did.

    Of course, Giratina is the only one to recognize Legion for what he really is. Just makes me love the guy even more.
    I love the guy, too ^_^. *sees Deoxys and Entei mope* I have too many favorites...

    Wow. Legion is seriously deranged, threatening Jediah like that.
    He's a demon lord, after all.

    Oh - my - fate...not the cat o' nine...I watched that movie...
    Ah ha ha, you got the reference as well. Yeah, as painful as it was to watch that movie, the moment I saw it, I was all, "I'm using that scene, no exceptions."

    ...I have no words to describe how much I hate Legion. No words. Manaphy may not be my favorite legend, but there's no way that he deserved what happened to him. And Mewtwo didn't deserve that either. Legion is a total monster.


    I mean, agreed.

    Hmm...so the Tree can basically be controlled by Mew, Mewtwo or Legion. Is that what Amber's saying?
    Yup.

    I have a pretty good idea whose DNA the scientists used to create Mewtwo, although I must admit that this is from the manga:     Spoiler:- The mystery person is...:
    Nope. I don't go with the manga, even if I went a little bit with the games. This is the anime universe in general, so it's actually Dr. Fuji himself, Amber's father, I was alluding to.

    Deoxys and Giratina are so politically-incorrect...but they are funny.
    I hate political correctness xD. So I guess that explains why I love writing them so much.

    Wow. I never thought that their bickering would actually save their lives. And now the escape can begin!
    Ehh, I kinda pulled that out of my rear end, honestly xD.

    Oh, no. Now Cresselia and Deoxys are agreeing with each other. This can't possibly be good.
    Le gasp, it's the end of the world!

    *pause*

    Oh yeah.

    Giratina's comments to Jediah = the most epic kind of winning that exists.
    Giratina >>> Charlie Sheen

    And all of the other legends who were out did manage to save them. That's nice. Pity that Jediah and his followers cannot - freaking - die... Fate, he's almost as insane as Legion is.
    I almost pulled that out of my rear end as well, I didn't know how to do the big damn hero moment XD. But I had to get one of them to bust through a wall and quote a line from Robots XD.

    Wow...Amber's death was truly, truly saddening. Having to watch her father deteriorate like that and not being able to help him...I feel so sorry for her.
    It's worse in the CD Drama (which I tried to point out here). He literally grows mad from it.

    Pikatwo and Meowtwo are hilarious. Just like the original Pikachu and Meowth, except these two sound like best buddies. And Scyther was there with the larvae Pokemon, as well. And Mew's mother...I must say, that is a very heartwarming scene.
    I liked writing them out, even if it's for a short moment (hinting at their large families makes me giggle XD). And I'm pretty sure they were best buds, if they both hung around together with Mewtwo. You pretty much rarely saw them apart.

    And Mew's name is...Myriam, which is an alteration of the original Miriam's name, who was the sister of Moses. Hmm...all sorts of other possibilities come into play here...
    ^_^ Well, what you said earlier about Mew being like the Virgin Mary is pretty much more accurate than what the name gives us. It just happened to turn out that way.

    Wow...Mewtwo just crushed Legion's hopes, his hopes, and Mew's hopes with two simple paragraphs. Oh, that has to burn. C-section and poison? Wow...looks like there won't be any replenishing of the world - demons or Pokemon.
    He said it as a bluff, even though he's pretty sure it's an awful truth. So...

    I still don't remember how he connected Legion not knowing her ovulation period to the whole C-section, but then again...

    Mew taking back what is rightfully hers...and Legion has to freaking ruin it by killing her. You suck, Legion!

    Assuming direct control of this reviewer.

    -deathglares with the wrath of a thousand suns-
    He's evil, he doesn't care xD. Just as long as Mewtwo and Mew suffer, he's a-okay with it.

    Hmm...I don't see any way she can live. She's lost way too much blood already; hell, I'm feeling physically ill by thinking about how many wounds she has.
    You get used to the thought.

    Yeah, she shouldn't, Cresselia said so herself, but it's a combination of the Clarity Lake and a miracle.

    And I did some research, and though I'm not sure how completely accurate it is (I had to come to conclusions on my own), the reason why heart attacks happen is because there's no blood flow. So with the little blood Mew had left in her body, she suffered a heart attack.

    Yeah...

    Wait a minute; I thought that all of the Pokemon had died or were zombiefied by demons. How did this Omanyte live? Why is it helping Mewtwo by giving him a cure for Mew? I'm totally confused now...
    Haaauuuu, this is the one a lot of people brought up x_X. I seriously still don't really know why I have Pokémon alive, but I figured it's because the Tree has the ability to have Pokémon live as long as they're inside the Tree's boundaries. And also so the Tree has something to feed off of.

    And that Omanyte's not possessed because my excuse is it's a really young Omanyte. I have that belief that really young children are spared from being touched by evil.

    Hmm...it's kind of hard, watching Mew being forced to grow up and mature. But then again, isn't that a part of life?
    Precisely.

    Oh, Deoxys, you are so hilarious. Dressing in drag...where are you going to find clothes large enough for some of the larger legends? XD
    Bras are adjustable 8D. *SHOT*

    And the females getting control of the house...Giratina's right; what's so bad about the cold? Wimps...
    XD You know women.

    The romantic scenes...are slightly different than what I've seen, but that's probably because it's moving into another stage: acceptance. Maybe it's like the parrallel of the five stages of grief or something...but mind you, they're still really well-done.
    Ahh, I see. That's kinda interestingly funny, I never exactly realized that. Probably because I'm not that familiar with the stages of grief.

    You spelled "parallel" wrong.

    Aww...poor Cresselia. You can tell how much her heart was broken by Adam's death. She doesn't want the same thing to happen to Mew or Mewtwo. And now they're finally intimate. And Legion isn't possessing either one of them. Hmm...possible messiah figure here?
    I hope to touch more on Cresselia's heartbreak since I alluded to it so much. Might as well bring it to light.

    I don't see any possible messiah figure anywhere :?. Hmm...

    Oh, no, Regice! Regigigas! They have to be possessed, along with the others who were captured. ...I just feel so sorry for Regirock and Registeel. They may be golems, but even they have hearts that can be - and probably are - broken. I'm scared about what will happen when they face the other possessed legends.
    I still wonder to myself why it is I gave them a heart when they're supposed to be golems. But I'm glad that emotion was there, even if it wasn't a scene I focused on a lot.

    ...And now Heatran is likely dead. Now my heart is broken. And I'm really starting to wonder which legends will actually get out of this suicide mission alive.
    We shall see, Mem. We shall see. *thunder clap*

    Thanks so much, Mem. I promise I won't let you down, same goes for everyone.
    Winner of Best Pokémon/Pokémon Fic of 2013 in the Shipping Oscars
    Current Chapter: Chapter Ten - 3/17/14 / Current: Last Chance - 11/3/11 - Chapter 20 progress: 75%
    I survived Pupa.

  19. #169
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    Wow.....amazing.......why is it that every fan fic I read, of any type not just Pokemon, if there's a demon he's called legion......maybe he just wants recognition.....anywho just read the entire thing in about three days without sleep......or anything else for that matter.....before I leave I'd like to say kudos on setting the legendaries mannerisms towards their types and their 'job' descriptions

    SSP signing off

  20. #170
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    Wait, WAIT! EVERYBODY STOP!

    I just realised its pronounced 'We-ja', not 'oo-ee-ja'.

    I'm a genius, me.

    EDIT: Dammit it's We-jee!

    Repeat two lines up...
    Last edited by Scaldaver; 7th July 2012 at 7:32 PM.
    Every story has an ending. Nothing lasts forever. Not any more.
    Read My Epic Fanfic -

        Spoiler:- Thanks to DeadlyBraviary!:

  21. #171
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    Just finished reading for about the twelfth time and i might be wrong, in fact I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but I can't help the feeling that when legion let Mew go he left some hooks in her. It might just be the desperation and happiness of surviving her time with legion but something seems off about her now.....but like I said I hope I'm wrong

    SSP used teleport. WOOSH!

    Oh dear....just looked at dates of past posts....this looks dead....tho it could just be life taking your attention....could I be on the pm list
    If the story's still active?

    Cheers

    SSP used teleport. WOOSH!!

  22. #172
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    Oh dear....just looked at dates of past posts....this looks dead....tho it could just be life taking your attention....could I be on the pm list
    If the story's still active?
    Shuddup! It is still active *puts hands over ears and shouts 'lalalalalalalala'*
    Every story has an ending. Nothing lasts forever. Not any more.
    Read My Epic Fanfic -

        Spoiler:- Thanks to DeadlyBraviary!:

  23. #173
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    Oh snapz, I forgot to reply to this person!

    Quote Originally Posted by SilverSoulPrimal View Post
    Just finished reading for about the twelfth time and i might be wrong, in fact I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but I can't help the feeling that when legion let Mew go he left some hooks in her. It might just be the desperation and happiness of surviving her time with legion but something seems off about her now.....but like I said I hope I'm wrong
    I see you didn't die from reading the story in three days after all XD. Anyway, interesting thought. It could be she's still recovering from the aftereffects of a possessed body, her body's still a bit weak even after her miraculous recovery, but still... interesting. She's a changed person indeed, but for the better or worse... we shall see when we get there.

    Oh dear....just looked at dates of past posts....this looks dead....tho it could just be life taking your attention....could I be on the pm list
    If the story's still active?
    I promise you the story isn't dead, I'm just having huge issues right now. College and fanfiction don't mix very well. I'm calculating the chapter's half-way done, but I've just been having writing issues. I'm really, really sorry, so do be patient a bit longer, if you can. This goes for everyone else reading this, by the way. I'm just a bit thankful that the Shipping Fics (and FFN for that matter) is lenient on story updates unlike the other Fan Fiction section here. I was afraid of this year-long gap, but I just don't have as much free time as I would've liked. And even when I get the free time, I just can't seem to write. It's an awful feeling...

    But anyway, I will put you on the PM list, if I haven't already. I'm very sorry, SSP. *bows*

    Quote Originally Posted by Scaldaver View Post
    Shuddup! It is still active *puts hands over ears and shouts 'lalalalalalalala'*
    Please don't do that again, Scaldaver. ^_^; Just a fair warning, m'kay? I know you're worried the story will die, but it's still alive... albeit a little weak. I don't know when I'll have an update, but it hopefully shouldn't take another year longer. Mark my words on this, all right? If I break this promise, you are free to stone me.

    Again, many, many apologies, everybody. I don't blame you if you've lost faith in me/the story. So the next time you'll hear from me on this thread... *shrugs* Even I don't know.
    Winner of Best Pokémon/Pokémon Fic of 2013 in the Shipping Oscars
    Current Chapter: Chapter Ten - 3/17/14 / Current: Last Chance - 11/3/11 - Chapter 20 progress: 75%
    I survived Pupa.

  24. #174
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    Finally read all 19 chapters. Though, I am not one to write reviews. This may seem like one anyway...(I think..)

    First I would like to point out that the characters are very well made and very attuned to how they are portrayed via game/manga/anime. Especially Giritina's. Though reasons as to why, I will leave unspoken. Though I do find Deoxys quite funny almost hilarious with his remarks.

    Someone above mentioned Cain and Abel, although I am not into human religion and usually skim through the parts where such is being mentioned. (I do apologize for this.) I have played a game that has had the Cain and Abel concept. From my knowledge based on said game. I have an odd feeling that Cain is Legion and Abel is Mewtwo. But this is just a guess of course. And on the subject of Legion I must say he terrifies me on a very odd note. I cannot place a paw on to what though. But he is by far the best smart villain I have seen. Nothing like Giovanni, or team plasma's leader.

    Also, based on how the last chapter/latest chapter is. I'm guessing the two reggis are either possessed, dead, or just easily persuaded/manipulated since they are attacking their friends. I surely hope Ho-oh and Manaphy are not like this.

    Well I tried making a review and this is the end to it. Sorry if it is an utter failure on my part. An sorry if anything was rude or anything of the sort. I do look forward to reading the next chapter and if you can, can you add me to the list? (I also apologize if I spelled any pokemon name incorrectly. I tend to nickname my pokemon since I tend not to be able to remember their spelling.)

  25. #175
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    The space before spaces
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    10

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    It's good to know this story isn't dead, it is definately my favourite. Don't worry Kutie Pie life has a tendency to take all attention, I'll be waiting for when this story returns

    SSP used teleport. WHOOSH!!

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