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Thread: Bulbagarden! (PG-13; Comedy/Satire/Drama)

  1. #1
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    Default Bulbagarden! (PG-13; Comedy/Satire/Drama)

    NOTE: Bulbagarden! is a piece of semi-satirical work. Though the "villains" of the story are Expies of members of the Pokemon fandom, it should be understood that the author holds no grudge against them. It's just a fanfic.

    This is a fic based on the users of Bulbagarden. It portrays Bulbagarden as a quaint little town, which as everyone knows is a good backdrop for any story. Enjoy.

    Character reference


    Bulbagarden!

    By Jabberwocky

    Chapter One: The Town of Bulbagarden


    Jabber

    My name is Jabber Wocki. I live in a town in the south of Kanto called Bulbagarden. It’s called that because of the innumerable wild Bulbasaur that live here. The Bulbasaur were considered sacred to the founders of Bulbagarden, and they remain a significant part of our culture to this day.

    I’m not what you’d call an unusual kid. I go on dates with girls, do well in school, I have a part-time job at the Bulbagarden Zoo, and my family is of the average, nuclear variety. I have blonde hair, green eyes, and Caucasian skin. I live in a suburban neighborhood with my best friend, Dan See Emm, and I own a few Pokémon (I don’t battle with them, of course; non-wild Pokémon battling was banned years ago), and so does he. Perfectly normal.

    Of course, that would all change when a new girl arrived in our neighborhood. At least, it would eventually. But I’ll get to that later. Right now, I think it’s time for introductions.

    Bulbagarden’s residents are pretty varied. There’s my friend Jamie Hollister, former Pokémon battler William, Wipsy the janitor, Johan the botanist, Jay Morrison, the only female usher at the local theater, the high school’s queen bee (and total *****) Annabelle, my uncle Saturn Yoshi, my adopted cousin Keldora, and last-year high school student Jack Reynolds.
    There’s also some other, less notable residents, like the one they call ‘Pokémon Prince.’ He’s not actually a very good writer, but he insists that he’s the top of his writing class.

    The ruler of Bulbagarden is the kindly Archaic the Mayor. He makes all the rules and laws of Bulbagarden, along with his team of helpers, called Admins. He also has the authority to, if someone has broken too many rules too many times, banish (or ‘ban,’ for short) someone from Bulbagarden. These ‘bans’ are never permanent, and people almost always return from them a more law-abiding person.

    Anyway, to the story. It all began when me and Dan met up at Bulbagarden High School, right as the first day of school was about to begin.

    “’Sup, Jabber?” Dan said to me, punching my shoulder playfully.

    “Nothing,” I replied. “How are thing with you?”

    “Not very good,” he said. “My parents found out about my Skype, and they kind of had a hissy fit.”

    “Grounded?” I asked.

    “Grounded,” he confirmed.

    Just then, a car drove up to the school. It was a green Camaro, and the girl who emerged from it was one I hadn’t seen before – and was breathtakingly gorgeous.

    She had long, light brown hair that grew to the middle of her back and turquoise eyes. She had slightly pale skin, and wore a white shirt and jeans. She looked fragile, like a glass figurine.

    “Dude,” Dan whispered to me. “Dibs.”

    “No way, you already have Kitty,” I whispered back.

    “Doesn’t matter.”

    “Does too!”

    “Does not.”

    “Whatever,” I said, and I walked over to her. “Hello,” I said to her, holding out my hand. “My name is Jabber Wocki. I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.”

    “I’m new,” she said, shaking my hand. “My name is Alison Sanford.”

    “Well, nice to meet you, Alison,” I said. “I look forward to getting to know you.”

    She smiled. “Same here, Jabber Wocki.”

    ΩΩΩ

    First period of the first day of sophomore year was geography. For the umpteenth time in our lives we learned the nations of the world: the Kanto-Johto Democratic Alliance (with territories in the Orange and Sevii Islands, and Erummo’s Islands), the United Kingdom of Hoenn and Frontier Island, the Sinnoh Kingdom (territories: Iron, Fullmon, and Newmoon Islands, plus the Battle Zone), Fioreslaalmia, Orre, and Corna. Me and Dan pretended to snore at each other, got caught, and got in trouble.

    Third period (this being a ‘B’ day) was Pokémon Studies, my favorite class. My Uncle Saturn came in and gave a lecture about legendary Pokémon. Legendaries had been his passion ever since his encounter with Lugia when he was young. He collected and studied legendaries for the Bulbagarden Zoo, and had personally caught its Heatrand and Shaymin. I told Alison this after class, and she seemed impressed.

    Lunch break followed this. Dan, Jamie, Jack and I sat together at a table like we always did. Dan invited Alison over, but she declined.

    The day continued on as it normally would. Not much of it was particularly exciting, and Dan managed to restrain himself, which made me glad. He only got sent to the principal’s office once.

    After school, me and Dan began walking home like always. Suddenly, Alison called out: “Hey, Jabber, wait up!”

    I looked at Dan. “Don’t wait up on me, pal,” I said to him, patting him on the back.

    “Jerk,” I heard him mutter as I walked over to Alison.

    “What is it?” I asked Alison.

    “I was wondering,” she began, “since I’m new here and all, do you think you could take me out to see the city’s sights later? We could get dinner afterwards.”

    “You mean… like a date?”

    “Like a kind-of date.”

    I grinned. “Sounds good to me. I’ve got my driver’s license, so I can pick me up. When do you want to go?”

    “Maybe we could leave at five tonight?”

    “Sounds good. See you at five!”

    “See you then.”

    I began racing to catch up with Dan, eager to tell him the news.

    ΩΩΩ

    Meanwhile, somewhere in a hidden part of Viridian Forest, a mysterious man was plotting something.

    “Soon, I shall have enough of an army to storm Bulbagarden and take it for myself!” the man said out loud. “Yes… indeed. Archaic will rue the day he banned Joe Serebii! Hahahahahahahahaha!”

    To be continued…

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    Default

    The problem with posting a work based on a different forum on another forum--or even posting a story about the forum you're on--is that you will already lose a good amount of readership if the reader is not "in" with the jokes, doesn't know the characters all that well, or doesn't understand potential plot points ... which I'm sure you already heard a hundred times or so. If you know the characters, or if you are a character yourself, you aren't going to really care about the plot, or proper characterization, or description, or other important aspects of fiction because HOLY CRAP I KNOW WHO THAT IS HOW EXCITING LOLOL!!!! Because really, person with an awesome user name, starting a story with an information dump of your character, followed by an information dump of others characters, followed by an information dump of how the city works isn't really the best way to go in attracting readers that may not be a part of the story or understand BMGf and its histories/members. Especially on a different forum. Especially Serebii. Actually ...

    Anyway.

    A potential problem with using characters based on forum members is that you may take advantage of the fact that people may already know who they are; therefore, your description of them, whether in physical attributes or personality, may be skimp since the members know who they are.

    So let's ignore all that for a bit and focus on the basics. First person is tricky, and while it does have its advantage, like an informal but personal narrative, and easier access to the narrator's/main character's head, you are limited when it comes to description -- at least, you have to word it differently (compared to third person) so it doesn't seem bizarre. When it comes to description, the best advice I can give you if it's something you would think in your own head.

    I’m not what you’d call an unusual kid. I go on dates with girls, do well in school, I have a part-time job at the Bulbagarden Zoo, and my family is of the average, nuclear variety. I have blonde hair, green eyes, and Caucasian skin. I live in a suburban neighborhood with my best friend, Dan See Emm, and I own a few Pokémon (I don’t battle with them, of course; non-wild Pokémon battling was banned years ago), and so does he. Perfectly normal.
    Except it's not perfectly normal. No one thinks like this. Like, ever. No one lists his/her physical appearance and explains his/her life to him/herself in his/her head for no reason whatsoever. Instead, it looks really, really obvious that you're trying to cater to your audience rather than creatively inserting relevant information when it actually works with the story and keeps the story moving. If you start a story with a mass info dump, or even have an info dump in your story period, I am certain that part is going to be skimmed over, if not skipped over entirely, to get, quoting you, "to the story."

    And the story so far was two boys seeing a hawtie hawt girl, then a rather boring explanation of classes (if you know it's boring, then why force the reader through it?) then your character asking hawtie hawt girl out? I am positive this was amusing on BMGf -- but for those who don't frequent there, it's not all that interesting. Your characters aren't entirely fleshed out yet, so we don't exactly sympathize, or laugh, or whatever. The only character that most members here would get is Joe, obviously.

    I mean, I get it. I get how this formula works. I have read a few based on members of SPPf, and being a part of at least one of them, I know how very, very, VERY easy it is to rely on your members knowing what's going on in order to skimp on important parts of a story because it's "just a joke" or "not a serious story." And it is goddamn amazing/awesome to read a story like this if you know the characters. So much so that you won't even care if it's weak in certain areas.

    What's my point? Don't rely on gimmicks, like members knowing members or e-drama, to create an interesting tale -- it should be the cherry on top, not the entire cake. You still should flesh out characters, you should still learn how to properly write in first person, and so on. If you're writing a story just to cater to a certain group, then more power to you, but if you're posting a story based on your home forum on an entirely different forum, you should at least try to make it something that an outside may enjoy. From what I've experienced with these type of stories, either they're extremely dry because the setting is dry (whoo hoo, school) or extremely confusing because everyone is a cracked-out version of themselves and/or there are a million inside jokes flying about.

    Overall ... yeah, really. I get how these stories work, and it was an interesting experience to read one of these stories from an outsider's perspective (and how rather ... mundane it is to be an outsider to one of these stories). I'm sure this was super fun to write (they usually are) and super fun for members of BMGf to read. Just ... *shrug*

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