Written by request.






Pain. Head-throbbing, blood-pounding, lip-biting pain. A knot of brain tissue near the back of her head pulsed, clenched and convulsed as the Eevee rolled over in her make-shift bed of dried grass and leaves.

“Urgh…” she moaned, “what happened last night?” She lay there for a few moments, her eyes closed, trying to get a grip on the situation. The sun broke through the clouds and shone upon her. It did wonders to make her feel better, despite how it filtered through the trees. She could feel energy returning to her as she basked in the rays.

A few minutes later, she felt completely rejuvenated, although small flecks of fiery pain still pounded in the back of her head. She shook herself, ruffling her fur, and walked away from her bed. She was still somewhat sleepy, and barely noticed a strange singing smell that surrounded her as she pushed tall strands of grass out of the way. She waved it off as a side effect of the reduced mental capacities she had due to her hangover.

After a few minutes, she arrived at a small clearing that housed a fresh spring. She approached the water, intending to take a drink. Countless Bug-types and Grass-types scattered as she came closer, and even some Flying-types.

Do I really look that bad? she thought as she brushed a paw over her head and as far down her back as she could go. She was slightly bushier than usual, but nothing out of place. Usually most other Pokémon thought she was really cute, and she was always fending suitors off of her. She brushed it off, reasoning that everyone has bad days.

She approached the spring tentatively, still unable to repress a few unwanted memories of a time that she fell in and nearly drowned. Summoning her courage, she stepped forward and lowered her head to the water, her eyes clamped shut.

Spikes of pain pierced the flesh of her mouth, like nails from a nail-gun. She thrust herself backward forcefully and toppled over into the grass. She lay virtually still, not making any major movements other than the occasional shudder.

“What the hell was that?!” she raged after the pain subsided.

“Hey, Vee!” came a voice from above, “You sure are looking HOT today!”

She glanced up and saw the local jokester, Zeeb the Zubat, hanging from a branch and staring directly at her. Or, staring at her as much as was possible without eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she shouted back. Zeeb burst into laughter and flew off with a swift flap of his wings, cackling as he drifted away on the wind.

She shook her head and returned to the water, this time looking into it, rather than closing her eyes. Instead of the sweet, cute, innocent face of a well-bred Eevee, she saw the flaring, Mean-Looking, yet somehow beautiful in its own right face of a useless Flareon. She back away slowly, her head waving back and forth in denial.

“What. The. HELL. Happened. Last. Night?!” she screamed to the heavens. The only result of her actions was the sudden flaps of dozens of wings as she scared away every bird around. In a rage, she shouted again, this time shooting flames into the air. The sudden wave of heat startled her, and she began sobbing heavily as she fell down against the ground. “No…” she whispered to the world as she picked herself up and bounded back to her little piece of the forest.

“This is impossible!” she cried as she galloped through the tall grass, across roots, and over logs, singing them all the way. Tears streaming from her eyes, she leaped over the tiny border of tall grass and landed right on her bed, which for some reason seemed to be immune to her new extreme body-heat. She buried her blazing head in her arms and sobbed uncontrollably, unable to accept her fate.

She continued like this for several minutes before being snapped out of it by a rustle right beside her and a slight yawn.

“Heeeey, baby!” came a very obnoxious voice that gave the impression of unwarranted self-importance. “By golly, what a night that was! Yep yep!”

Oh, Arceus, no…

Vee the Flareon raised her head slowly, unwilling to accept what she had just heard. When her head was fully raised, she was greeted by the full-on tard-face of a Bidoof, its mouth cocked in a sly smile. Vee jumped backwards, hissing as smoke blew out of her nostrils.

“I say! What nipped your trousers?” Vee’s head was reeling. This was way too impossible.

“Oh… Arceus… Please tell me we didn’t do it!”

“Verily!” came his smug reply, as he pointed to the egg next to the bed.

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!?!?” she exclaimed. The Bidoof chuckled, a snobbish, class-spewing laugh.

“What? You mean you don’t recall the party? Well, that certainly is a problem.”

“CHILL WITH THE UPPER-CLASS WANKERY! JUST TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!”

“I don’t remember much myself. I do recall checking you out all night, but I must say, after you evolved, you had no moves. I imagine that was due to the awkwardness of being struck into a new form, however.”

Vee’s eyes rolled into the back of her head as she fainted.