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Thread: A Mew Me

  1. #1
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    Default A Mew Me

    Chapters
    Chapter 1: Tragedy
    Chapter 2: Different
    Chapter 3: Taking Flight
    Chapter 4: Reunion


    `poke speech,`

    "normal human speech"

    thoughts

    ~telepathy~



    Chapter 01- Tragedy



    A single mother was preparing food in the kitchen, humming a tune as she gently chopped the carrots on the cutting board. Some footsteps could be heard coming from the staircase and then smiled because she knew it was just her son trying to sneak his way out of the house again. "You're off to see your mystery friend today too, Geo?"

    Geo then paused for a moment as he was about to take another step. He lifted his head slowly and looked towards the kitchen with a nervous smile. "Yeah, I…am,"

    "Ha ha, I see. Could you wait while I prepare your lunch for you before you head out?" she added the chopped carrots to the meal she was preparing.

    "Alright Mom," Geo said while walking a few steps down. His head felt light and he ruffled his head and noticed that he wasn't wearing his hat. "Oh, I almost forgot."

    He went back to his room to get it. There was a single bed tucked in with a poke ball patterned blanket. Some generic poke plushies were on his brown bedside drawer and there was a white curtained window opposite to his bed and a round blue carpet on the floor. The glare of his wristwatch caught his eye by the mirror and he picked it and strapped in onto his right wrist. He proceeded to wear his straw hat right after, pulling it down his head to make it fit.

    "I had better get going, don't want to end up staying out too long like last time," he looked at his reflection and removed a small piece of cotton that was almost entering his honey brown eyes. Much to his annoyance, he'd ruffled up his hair too much on the stairs and he had to take off his hat to adjust his black-green hair by combing it.

    "Geo! The food's ready, You can come and take it now!" his mother him from downstairs, turning off the stove and serving some for him to take out in a lunch box. With the amount of food she made for him, he'll probably not get hungry in quite a while.

    "I'll be there in a jiff!" he dropped the comb and left the room in a rush. A few seconds later, he ran back in and picked up the hat he nearly forgot a second time and shrugged his shoulders. "Why am I so forgetful these days?"

    He went downstairs and took the packed lunch on the brown coffee table with sweaty palms. "I'm heading out now. I'll be back before dinner,"

    "You better be," she folded her hands underneath her chest. Who could blame her for worrying about him?

    "Don't worry Mom, I will," he chuckled and waved before closing the door behind him.

    ************

    Outside, one could see the rest of the town and buildings that was surrounded by the lush green forests of the countryside. He took a deep breath of air and exhaled, his heart beating in anticipation. The place he lived in was a small town known was New Bark town. Most of the houses in the town had wind mills to take advantage of the windy climate.

    He came down from the porch and ran to a nearby river that had a single small wooden boat tied to a pole on the docks. As carefully as he could, he moved around his fingers to loosen the knots and untied the boat. Setting one foot at a time, he climbed onto it then he rowed into the slow moving river, each row making him to make a grunting noise.

    He looked back to see if he was being followed and put his palm over his forehead and squinted his eyes to have a clearer view and reduce the stress the sunlight was having on his vision. After making sure that there weren't any followers, he then relaxed his mind and sighed peacefully as he continued rowing.

    After some time, he took a turn and set shore near some of the tress of a thick forest nearby. He got off the boat and pulled it next to a tree with rigid roots that were surfacing out of the muddy ground. After tying it up, he climbed up the short steep ground leading to the forests. After walking far enough away from the river, he was left in the brisk silence of the forest. The pine trees towered their way above. The forest ground was dry, grassy and littered with dead leaves. Each step he took made a rustling sound on top of the already present silence. "Seriously, I can never get used to how creepy this place is," he stopped for a second due to the unnatural silence. Why does the forest make him feel so uneasy every time he comes?

    "Boo!" someone screamed from behind.

    "Whah!" In his surprised state, he fell down and started flailing his arms around frantically. he turned to see who scared him and rolled his eyes and shook his head. It was a pink cat-like pokemon with big blue eyes and a really long tail. "For crying out loud Mew, do you have to do that like every time?" He sighed in relief that it wasn't something more sinister, just someone slightly mischievous.

    The Pokémon, now known as Mew, then burst out laughing, holding her stomach while floating above him. She always found a way to spook him whenever he came to visit her in the forest. It was always funny to watch his reactions. And it worked every time.

    "Honestly, one of these days, you're gonna give me a heart attack," Geo sat down on his knees. She descended down until she was facing him at eye level. Her eyes flickered with disdain at the thought. she gave out her hands to help him up. He accepted her help and she effortlessly pulled him to his feet. Geo felt a bit aback by her strength at times.

    "So, what do you want to do today?" Geo dusted off his pants. "Wanna play tag, a race, tree climbing or just walking around?"

    ~I don't know. What do you want to do, Geo?~ she asked him with her telepathy, he wouldn't understand her otherwise.

    "You're asking me now?" his mouth curved into a smile.

    ~Well you always ask me what I want to do and that's not fair. This time, I want to do what you want to do,~ she flew around him in circles.

    He chuckled and scratched his cheek. "Alright then, if you say so. Hmm, let's see… which game should we play." He stared at her for a few seconds. "I know! I'm going to call out the name of different Pokémon and you're going to turn into them as fast as you can before I call the next one… if that's okay with you of course."

    ~That sounds like fun. You're on!~ Mew smirked and stopped in midair.

    "Okay, turn into an espeon!"

    As he watched she descended towards the ground. Her body momentarily glowed in a light blue light and her body shape changed. In mere moments, she had turned into a purple long eared fox like pokemon with a tail that split in two towards the edge. She'd become an espeon just like he asked her too.

    "Rapidash!" he called next. And then Mew turned into a beautiful flaming horse. They kept playing this game for some time and eventually, Mew couldn't transform anymore. She'd exhausted herself after going through too many consecutive transformations. She was now feeling wobbly.

    ~I can't do this anymore. It's too exhausting.~ She finally lost balance and was about to fall. Geo instinctively caught her before she fell to the ground.

    "Are you gonna be okay? I'm sorry for making you strain yourself." His eyebrows drew close as he looked at her in concern.

    ~I'll be fine, don't worry. I was just a bit tired, but I'm fine now.~ Mew freed herself from his hold and was back afloat.

    "That's very good to hear." He wiped his forehead and walked to a tree bark. He rubbed his hand against the surface before sitting down and leaning against it. He unstrapped his bag from his back and brought out the lunch his mom made him, including some snacks for Mew. "You hungry Mew? I've brought some snacks, it's your favorite!"

    Mew's face gleamed and she darted right to the front of his face. It nearly scared him at the time. ~Yay! Did you bring that really good one?~

    "Of course I did. Here you go, Lum berry crunchies." he held out the green sachet of biscuits. Mew immediately snatched them and popped it open. Next thing he knew, she'd already stuffed her cheeks up to the brim with them.

    "Hey don't eat them so fast like that or you might end up choking," his eyes widened as he tried to take it back from her.

    She saw it coming and quickly pulled away. ~But they taste so good and I can't help myself!~ she swallowed the ones in her mouth all at once. Seeing her do that made his worries of her possibly choking to fade.

    "You sure are something, aren't you?" he relaxed himself and stared up at the tree tops in silence.

    ~What's wrong?~ she moved and sat beside him.

    "I was just thinking… My mom told me that I can get a starter Pokémon from a professor in town," he sighed and there was uncertainty in his expression.

    ~You're going to get a pokemon?~ Mew asked, still feasting on her snacks. "But then, wouldn't you-~

    "Yeah, I'm going become a trainer and travel all over the region, collect gym badges and maybe get a chance to challenge the Pokémon champion. It's going to be one hell of an adventure to look forward to."

    ~You're going to leave? Does that mean that you're not going to come back here again?~ Mew's mood plummeted.

    "What? No, that's not it. I was actually thinking… will you be my starter pokemon instead?" Geo's gaze turned to meet hers.

    ~Huh? You want me to come with you?~

    "Are you kidding?! Of course I do! You're like the best friend I've ever had!" he saw that she wasn't enthused about the idea. "Wouldn't you want to come with me?"

    ~I do! But… I may end up attracting the wrong kind of attention if seen with you. Do you know why I don't trust most humans?~ Mew said, feeling uncertain.

    "Yeah, I understand. It was worth a shot anyway."

    From the way he spoke, she could tell that he wasn't very happy about that. ~I'm sorry Geo. I really want to go with you, but I don't know if I'll be able to.~

    He patted her on the head. "It's okay Mew. Even I would've felt the same way if I were in your position. But in any case, will you at least promise me that we'll always be friends forever?"

    She then hugged him on the chest. ~That's a promise!~

    ************

    "It's getting late. I better head home," the sky was beginning to grow streaks of crimson, a sign of sunset.

    ~What already? Can't you stay here just a bit longer?~ Mew asked while pulling on his sleeve, looking despondent.

    "You know I cant. Don't worry, I'll come back tomorrow and then we can have fun again. I don't want my mom to get worried."

    "Hey kid! Isn't it way past your bedtime?" They heard a deep voice yell from deep in the jungle and then some wind blades appeared flying in their direction. Geo gasped and pulled Mew out of the way of the attack. He however, got a cut on his shoulder in the process.

    Mew shrieked out in fear for both of their lives, really taken aback by the sudden attack. Even with all of her power, Mew was the type to get frozen in place when facing a direct threat.

    "Who's there?!" Geo got up from the ground and was holding firmly onto his shoulder. He winced as the bloodstain expanded on his shirt.

    "I heard a rumor in town that there were some rare Pokémon that could be found here in this jungle. But, who would've thought that I'd run into the holy grail of all prized Pokémon, Mew," a scary looking man said, walking out from behind one of the trees. He was dark skinned and has a scar on the back of one of his wrists and wore a red bandana over his head. He was wearing a dystopian raider getup. And his murkrow was sitting on his shoulder, wearing a similarly devious smirk like its trainer. They began to approach Geo and Mew.

    "Who are you?!" Geo pushed Mew behind him and glared at the man.

    "I'm just a good ol' rare pokemon collector." The man responded and then put out one of his hands. "Hand over that Pokémon kid, or else things are gonna get ugly. And I must tell you, I'm not great with kids."

    ~Geo! Are you alright?~ Mew noticed the wound on his shoulder and her heart began racing.

    "Don't worry about me! You need to get out of here! I'll hold them off!" Geo quickly picked up a sturdy looking stick from the ground using his bloodied and uninjured hand.

    ~But! What about you?!~ Mew was shaking.

    "Just go! I'll meet up with you later," Geo retorted.

    "Murk, wing attack," his murkrow then flew towards them with glowing wings. Geo waited for the murkrow to come close before swinging the stick at him. He almost hit the murkrow in the face, forcing the murkrow to stop its attack and fall back. It then let out an awful sounding cry.

    "Hurry Mew!" Geo said again. Mew, still unsure of what to do, then finally flew away in the distance, concealing her presence along the way.

    "Dammit!" The man cursed furiously. "It got away! all thanks to you." the man was looking very furious, his nose flaring up and the veins on his forehead growing visible.

    "Sucks for you then, *******!" Geo mocked cockily. He would regret doing that minutes later.

    "I'm gonna have to make you pay, Kid. You are so going to get hurt!" the man said with a scary expression.

    "The only thing I'm paying is a farewell, dummy!" Geo had a simple plan; distract them and escape. So, simple and straightforward, what could go wrong? He then pointed at a random direction and gasped while wearing a very shocked expression. The man, being none the wiser, fell for the trick and turned around to see what Geo had pointed at only to find nothing in the distance but trees.

    He turned back to face Geo angrily and saw him running away. "Murk, use Air Slash!" He said, issuing a command to his loyal Pokémon which then sent multiple blades of air towards Geo.

    Geo kept on running and barely dodging the attacks. He breathed heavily as he was chased by the man and his bird pokemon. Geo ran and ran and ran, passing tree after tree. The pain he felt on his shoulder only grew even more intense and he used his hand to cover it again after sliding down a slope and hiding behind a rock. After spending so much time in the forest, Geo practically knew it like the back of his palm and losing the man wasn't all that too difficult. Alright then, I'll just stay here and wait for that guy to leave. Seems simple enough… he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

    "There you are! You filthy rascal!" Geo's eyes snapped open once he heard the man spot him. It occurred to him that his blood had left a trail. After nearly cursing at his own fate, Geo got up and was back on the run. "Get back here! Murkrow, air slash that bastard now!"

    ************

    Meanwhile, Mew was still flying away but the further she flew, the more she grew mad at herself. Her heart was beating fast and she felt goosebumps all around her. What was even worse was the guilt of having left Geo behind that she was feeling. I can't do this! I must go back and help him she determined to herself.

    Eventually, she made a U-turn, determined to help Geo fend the man off because she very well knew that Geo would be in danger if she didn't go back. She flew back into the forest. ~Geo! Where are you?~ she asked at the top of her telepathic power.

    "Mew?" Geo stopped in his tracks upon hearing her voice in his head. That moment of distraction made him not to see what was coming next. One of Murkrow's air slash attacks had cut a tree with a fragile bark, and it was now falling down right towards and unexpecting Geo. Geo finally snapped back into reality when he heard the sound of branches breaking and shrieked upon seeing the tree about to crush him. He tried to run out of the way, but he tripped and fell.

    "Woah, didn't see that coming," the man said, after watching the tree crush his target underneath. "Yeah… I'm just gonna go now." Not wanting anything more to do with what had just transpired, the man went on his way and out of the scene.

    Mew heard the sound of the tree falling from a distance. She suspected that Geo was there and she followed the sound of where it came from. Deep down, she hoped that Geo was okay. After arriving at the place where the tree fell, she immediately started looking around it. Her heart sank into her stomach once she noticed a hand sticking out from the side of the tree.

    ~Geo!~ tears started forming in her eyes as she pulled the tree up with her psychic power. She dropped it aside and found Geo lying there, motionless.

    "Oh Mew… You just had to call me at a very wrong time…" he smiled and then started coughing blood.

    ~You're going to be okay! I promise!~

    "Don't worry. I'm just glad you're safe." He petted her on the head a last time before his consciousness completely drained from his body.

    ~Geo!~ she began to shake him, trying to wake him up in her desperation. The forest had grown cold as the veil of night began to take over the sky, and so has Geo. He was already gone.

    ~Geo! No! Please, wake up!~ Mew buried her face in his chest and cried. She'd hoped to hear the sound of a heartbeat. ~This truly was my fault. If I had stayed to fight that mean human, I probably could've prevented this from happening. But I was too scared of being captured. If only there was a way for me to bring you back,~ she scolded herself and clenched her paws in regret.

    "Wait, maybe if I take Geo to him, maybe he can bring him back!" an idea crossed her mind, one that was only a long shot. She tried her best to calm her mind so that she could teleport because it could only work when she had a stable mindset. She took in slow and steady breaths.

    I'll definitely bring you back no matter what, Geo She thought to herself, full of will and determination.

    ************

    She teleported them to the top of a very tall structure on a high mountain, one that was reaching into the clouds. Mew went there in order to seek help from a certain mystical pokemon she knew very well and had a long history with.

    'Ho-oh! I need your help! It's really important!' Mew called out. Then there was a brief silence. Moments later, a golden glow shone through the thick clouds. The clouds were then pushed back by a powerful gust, revealing a huge orange bird flying in all its elegance and glory.

    'My, my, I don't recall asking for any visitors today.' Ho-oh landed with a huge thud and reclined his wings.

    'Please… Help me!' she pleaded while holding on to Geo. 'Do me a favor if you can!'

    'Well anything for you, my dear old friend.' He unfolded his wings and they glowed in a rainbow pattern. 'Does it have to do with that human corpse you're holding?' he fixed his gaze on the body she was clinging on to.

    'He's not a corpse.' Mew fired back almost angrily. 'His name is Geo! and he's a friend of mine.'

    'A human, your friend?! it's not like you to befriend a human. this boy must have been special in some way to you. So, what do you want me to do?'

    'I want you to bring him back to me. I made a mistake, and it lead to his death. Please, help me!' Mew asked very politely.

    'You want me to bring him back from the dead? I don't know about this Mew… Sure, I've brought some Pokémon back to life in the past. But, even though the ashes from my flames are sometimes used for healing by humans, never have I brought a human back from to life.' Ho-oh was very skeptical about the procedure.

    'Please, just do this for me. All I ask is to be able to be with him again…' Mew put her paw on her chest and bit her lower lip, tears continued to drip down her face.

    'Fine, I'll try to bring him back. I can't bring him back through the typical means since his body has been damaged beyond repair' Ho-oh explained. 'There is another way though. However, it comes with a price.'

    'What do you mean?' Mew looked puzzled.

    'I could theoretically bring him back but only if I make him take the appearance of the Pokémon he saw last before he died.' He paused and gave her a stern look. 'If you go with this, you'll be the one responsible for whatever becomes of him in the future. The lives of humans and pokemon are vastly different and he may not necessarily be able to adjust. Are you sure you still want to do this? Perhaps you should just leave him as he is. It is disrespectful to resurrect others against their own wills.'

    'I don't care about any of those bonkers! I just want my friend back!'

    'Okay okay, as you wish. But don't expect it to work. Oh, you should back away a little from the human a bit," he said with a sigh. He then lifted his wings and flapped them once, creating a strong gust of air. His body glowed again as he launched himself up once more, casting a shadow against the moon. He then formed rainbow flames around himself and sent them bolting towards Geo, completely engulfing in it.

    In the aftermath of it, Geo's body had completely disappeared and in his place, was a poke ball sized bubble glowing in a tranquil orange hue. Mew picked up the glowing orb and her eyebrows grew close. 'It didn't work?!'

    "No, it'll take time for his new body to form. What you're seeing now is the culmination of his past experiences and memories. In a manner of speaking, you could say that he's being reborn; he'll undergo what I'd like to call a birth by sleep," Ho-oh explained further, which made her relieved.

    "Really? Thank goodness, that's very wonderful!" Mew sighed in relief upon hearing that. 'So, how long will it take for him to come back?"

    "It's going to take anywhere between now and ten years. That's as far as I can tell a you. And with that, I take my leave," Ho-oh said before taking off into the skies and flying off once more.

    Mew then teleported back to her home in Faraway Island, and went to her little clearing and kept the ball life essence there. "No matter how long it takes, I'll always be waiting for you to come back, Geo."
    Last edited by DreamSayer; 4th June 2017 at 5:38 AM. Reason: Minor edits

  2. #2
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    I hope you enjoy this story of mine which has been around on ff.net for quite sometime now. though i go by a different username there, the story title is still the same on both sites.

  3. #3
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    I saw that you wanted reviews for your work, and as someone who barely got reviews on my fics until very recently, I decided to give it a shot. So.... here goes!


    His head felt light and he ruffled his head and noticed that he wasn't wearing his hat.
    I feel that this sentence needs a comma or two to help it flow better. It's a little clunky.

    Outside, one could see the rest of the town and buildings that was surrounded by the lush green forests of the countryside. He took a deep breath of air and exhaled, his heart beating in anticipation. The place he lived in was a small town known was New Bark town. Most of the houses in the town had wind mills to take advantage of the windy climate.
    First, the use of 'one' in this sentence is pretty awkward. I'd personally prefer 'you', 'someone' or 'anyone'. The next bolded section could be intergrated more naturally in the paragraph, perhaps towards the front?

    The Pokémon, now known as Mew,
    I think 'now' can be removed from this sentence.

    He turned back to face Geo angrily and saw him running away. "Murk, use Air Slash!" He said, issuing a command to his loyal Pokémon which then sent multiple blades of air towards Geo.
    Guess he's really not good with kids, haha. Still, what a frigtening situation for a kid to be in! I think some journey fics really do downplay the dangers of having a superpowered attack animal at their command.

    I can't do this! I must go back and help him she determined to herself.
    I'd suggest both putting quotes around this sentence, and using a comma between 'him' and 'she'. As it is right now, it kind of blends into the paragraph, and was hard to catch at first.


    ~Geo!~ she began to shake him, trying to wake him up in her desperation. The forest had grown cold as the veil of night began to take over the sky, and so has Geo. He was already gone.
    Oh my god!

    'I could theoretically bring him back but only if I make him take the appearance of the Pokémon he saw last before he died.' He paused and gave her a stern look. 'If you go with this, you'll be the one responsible for whatever becomes of him in the future. The lives of humans and pokemon are vastly different and he may not necessarily be able to adjust. Are you sure you still want to do this? Perhaps you should just leave him as he is. It is disrespectful to resurrect others against their own wills.'

    'I don't care about any of those bonkers! I just want my friend back!'
    I like the difference between Ho'oh and Mew, showing Mew's innocence compared to Ho'oh more rational view of things. Seems like an interesting dynamic!

    I think you have a very engaging and interesting story forming here, and I am very interested in seeing how it folds out. Even though I mentioned a lot of grammatical errors, a lot of us struggle with that. I can personally vouch that my old first chapter was utter dogshit, and a lot of people probably agreed with me. The best advice I can give is to never quit, and keep at it!

    I'll pop back in when you have some more chapters, until the, good luck!

  4. #4
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    I actually wrote this chapter a long time ago before I even had a beta reader, so there's bound to be a bunch of errors I didn't notice myself. I'll see to it that they're fixed.

  5. #5
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    So the thing that stands out about this story is the way that it takes some of the things you've seen in like a million other stories and just plain... does them better? By actually acknowledging the consequences of things? For instance, we've got a kid who's friends with a Legendary--pretty typical, right? Wrong--he asks said Legendary to go on a journey and the Legendary politely declines for a very logical reason and he respects her decision and doesn't push the topic. That's already miles ahead of a million other cookie-cutter stories.

    And then we've got a kid standing up to a Pokemon hunter to save a Legendary, and in most stories he'd unrealistically save the day through a combination of bravery and cleverness, but here he gets straight-up killed. o_o Ouch.

    Basically, where a lot of other stories would just throw in a Legendary for cute/cool factor or to make the main character special, here you've taken the concept and done a lot of interesting things with it already in just the first chapter. And there's a lot of places it can go, too! How hard will it be for him to adjust to the transformation? What kind of struggles will he face? Oh sure it'll probably be great fun for a while, but what happens if he becomes a target for Pokemon hunters?

    Anyway, this story looks like it has a lot of potential--keep it up!

    ~Chibi~



    "Everyone wishes they could catch a Legendary, deep down, whether they’ll admit it or not.
    If you knew you could use one to change the world, something you’d been dreaming about for years, are you telling me you wouldn’t take that chance?"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    May 24 Update: CHAPTER 23: “Betrayal” POSTED!!!
    Chapter 24 progress: 10/13 pages


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    While there are a few grammatical errors and typos here, the premise of this story is great. It starts off by setting itself up as a fairly standard journey fic, but you don't really start to notice the differences until Mew's refusal to travel with Geo. Then you think, hang on, something's up, and then while you're still uncertain everything goes to hell, just like that. The kid doesn't get the legendary, and in fact dies, in what is actually a fairly banal kind of way that occasions no kind of response from the hunter, who simply abandons him. You set up a bunch of expectations and shatter them spectacularly. Even when the possibility of resurrection is raised, gesturing at another trope, Ho-oh breaks the mould in suggesting that this is probably not a particularly ethical wish for Mew to be making. It's really great stuff.

    That said, I'll just briefly summarise some of the typos and stuff I noticed, so you know where they are. When Geo is talking to his mother, you sometimes end complete sentences in direct speech that aren't followed by an attribution like 'he said' with a comma, as in: '"Yeah, I…am,"' and '"I'm heading out now. I'll be back before dinner,"'; those ought to end with a period. You're missing a verb in the line '"Geo! The food's ready, You can come and take it now!" his mother him from downstairs', and you have 'he'll' instead of 'he would' in 'With the amount of food she made for him, he'll probably not get hungry in quite a while' (since you're writing in the past tense rather than the present, you'd use the conditional here rather than the future). There's also a couple of points here and there where you omit capital letters at the beginnings of sentences, particularly when Mew and Ho-oh are speaking to each other, as in this exchange:

    'His name is Geo! and he's a friend of mine.'

    'A human, your friend?! it's not like you to befriend a human. this boy must have been special in some way to you. So, what do you want me to do?'
    But really, these are minor things that can be sorted out without much difficulty. In terms of idea, well. I know I have a particular soft spot for stories that take an established formula and comment on or respond to it in the way you have with this one, but, personal preference aside, it really is an impressive first chapter – more so because I genuinely don't know what might happen next. The situation that you end up with at the conclusion of the chapter is full of possibilities, and the way that you've handled this first chapter suggests that any number of those possibilities would work and be treated in really interesting ways. I'll look forward to seeing what you come up with next.
    GO HOME
    Some people just won't see reason.

    ARBITRARY EXECUTION
    If the cover-up is real, it isn't a conspiracy theory. It's a conspiracy fact.

    TIME AND TIDE | A LEASH OF FOXES
    IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER

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    Chapter 2: Different




    ************

    It was a quiet, peaceful evening on Faraway Island. The ocean was calm and the wind was gentle. A small yellow flash of light appeared on the shore for a split second. Mew had teleported back to the Island from her adventures around the world. They sometimes took a day and occasionally more than that, but never was she gone for more than a week. She smiled happily because she was glad to be back home after her tiresome trip. She also went ahead and brought a small bag of treats she'd stumbled upon on her journey.

    Mew took a moment to look back at the setting sun. It was a beautiful orange color, and the disk appeared to sink down into the ocean and beneath the earth. The oceans sparkled with sunlight in a beautiful radiance and the clouds had turned into dotted grey smudges with sunlight outlining them. It was an immersive sunset, one Mew never tired of seeing.

    She then floated up the rocky sloped plains near the island shores which led to the forest above; it was her home. Mew reached a low cliffside and floated up above it and went straight into the inner parts of the island. On her way, she passed large yet fruitless evergreen plants and trees. Mew paused to stare at her reflection within a few large puddles of clear water. After a few seconds, she went back on her way.

    Mew took a turn and squeezed her way through a barrier of unusual and densely packed trees. They were so packed together that someone could only pass through them from the high branches. But, her small size made it much easier for her to get across without much trouble. Although she got the bag of treats stuck between some branches, and Mew had to waste time to get it out.

    Soon, Mew arrived at a grassy clearing, and she smiled upon arrival. The clearing did not have any roofing overhead and sunlight still pierced through it. Mew hid it from sight by creating a mirage around it. It was a rather easy feat for her, considering her psychic abilities.

    She hid Geo's essence in the clearing. It was kept inside his old straw hat in the middle of a patch of grass. The straw hat had grown mossy and tattered with time and the ball of essence was sitting awkwardly at the center. Over the years, it had grown from an orange to a faint blue hue. Mew wondered whether that was a sign that he was close to reviving or whether he was dying instead.

    `Geo, I'm home! I hope I didn't make you miss me too much!` she spoke aloud as though he could hear her in his dormant state. She held up the bag she was holding and smiled. `Look what I brought; Lum Berry crunchies! Your favorite, I mean my favorite… or just our favorite, right?` She chuckled and lowered it down `Don't ask me how I got them though.` Silence. Her smile faded as she hovered a few meters from where he was.

    Mew then floated and landed next to where he was and picked him up, examining him to see if there was any noticeable change in his condition. She frowned a bit. `Still nothing.` Mew's voice was filled with grief and disappointment. She then smiled again.

    `Anyway, would you like to hear about all the adventures I had this week?` she asked, but still didn't get a response. Every time Mew returned, she'd always tell Geo all about her adventures. She'd sometimes have conversations with him in that state and little did she care about the fact that he could neither hear nor respond to whatever she said. It didn't matter.

    She put him back down and then sat next to him on a patch of green. She put the Lum Berry crunchies nearby and wrapped her tail around the hat. `As I was saying, I had plenty of fun! You see, I met some pokémon a few days ago in a forest somewhere far, far away." Mew spread her arms out as she said that. She told Geo a story about how she settled a dispute between two pokémon during her adventures. `So, did you like today's story?` she asked with a smile. `Yeah, I know. It was a great story! No need to flatter me.`

    ************

    It was already nighttime. Mew laid on her back and gazed up at the numerous stars in the sky. It was a new moon. She turned on her right side and held Geo close, as if never letting go and curled herself around him. She fell into deep in thoughts as she began to speak to him quietly. It's been nearly ten years since Geo passed away. Mew was growing more worried as the days slid by. What would happen when Ho-oh's ten-year deadline ended and Geo still wasn't revived? Would he be gone for good? Mew shook the thought out of her head and decided to think about other things.

    `Ho-oh said that you'd take the appearance of the last pokémon you saw before you died. Does that mean that you're going to turn into a Mew like me? If so, then that'd be the best thing ever. We'd only have more in common than before.` She yawned. `But even if you do turn into a different pokémon entirely, I'd be fine with it as well. No matter what form you take, you'll always be the same to me. No matter what. You'd always be my friend,` she whispered to him as she slowly grew sleepy. Mew looked up at the sky once more and saw a shooting star, but she didn't make a wish upon seeing it; she didn't even know that people did that.

    Her ears perked up and she stared at the orb. She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. Mew could've sworn she heard a silent whisper coming from it. Just to be sure, she brought it close to her ears and listened very carefully to it. There was nothing but silence. Perhaps it was just her imagination. She shrugged it off and put him back down.

    ************

    Mew woke up in the morning feeling quite refreshed. She stretched her limbs out and accidentally pushed Geo's essence. She squealed as she quickly caught it before it rolled away too far. `Phew, I need to be more careful.` Mew sighed in relief. She stretched her limbs again and yawned, from a safe distance this time. After that, she rubbed off the dirt stuck in her fur and shook her entire body.

    Mew picked Geo up and put him back into the hat. `There you go, now stay in there until I get back later, okay?` She began to hover in the air. Mew would leave as usual and she was anticipating all the adventures she'd be sure to have. Where would she visit this time around? Among her options were vast deserts to explore, cities to roam (while invisible, of course), exotic places to visit, other legendary pokémon like her to hang with, and so much more. The possibilities were endless.

    `Wait a minute.` She removed Geo from the hat and placed some grass in it to act as a cushion. Then, she put him back. `There, now you'll be much more comfortable,` she said with a smile and pecked him a little. Then she slowly floated away until she vanished out of sight. `Now stay there, Geo. Don't go anywhere until I get back, okay?`

    ******C******

    A few hours passed, then something happened.

    Geo's essence glowed bright blue. It looked like the kind of light that pokémon emitted when they began to evolve. It deformed in a haphazard manner before calming down and taking on a smaller form; a form that very much resembled Mew. The new body now started cracking as the shell of light over it dissipated into the sky, leaving behind Geo, now in the form of a black-green furred mew.

    A few moments passed and then Geo half-opened his eyes. He felt unusually weak and frail. It was if a great weight was put over his body. His mind was racing. It was as if his entire memories were playing back to back in his mind. Geo remained in that idle state for a few minutes. Then, he opened his eyes completely, and it took a few seconds for him to be able to see due to the harsh afternoon light.

    He looked left and right and realized that he was in a very unfamiliar place, a forest that couldn't have been the same as the one he used to explore back at home. The trees were different, the air smelled different, and even the sounds felt different.

    "Mom?" he called out to his mother, uttering his first words in human tongue, an ability he somehow retained.

    "What is… How…" He couldn't speak correctly. The silence was helped him to clear his head in his newly born state. Geo looked up at the trees and his expression dulled. "Where am I?" His normal senses had grown much more acute in his pokémon form, creating a lot of confusion in his mind. He rubbed the side of the hat with his paw and then he noticed something even odder. "How did I get here?"

    "Wait, whose hand is this?" he didn't recognize it as his paw until he lifted it up. It finally occurred to him that it was a part of his body and that freaked him out. "What? What? Whaaaaaaaaaat?!" was all he could say, rendered incapable of coherent thought. He sat up and inspected the rest of his body.

    He reached for his head and felt around his face. He felt pointy ears, a snout and when he looked behind him, he discovered a long tail attached to his body. Geo screamed in panic. He wrapped his hands around himself and whimpered. His mind grew restless and he wasn't even bothering to know the kind of pokémon he'd turned into.

    This is a dream… it has to be, right? I should just close my eyes and I'll wake up when I open them again. Geo did so a few seconds after. Nothing changed. He did so again over and over until he eventually gave up. Why aren't I waking up?!

    Geo began to hyperventilate as he frantically looked around himself as though it'll solve all his problems. Alas, an idea struck him. Maybe if I hit myself hard enough, I'll wake up! His expression became bold expression as he lifted a paw.

    He gulped as he pushed his paw towards his face with all the strength he could muster. But he unknowingly used Mega Punch on himself. It sent flying across the clearing and Geo hit a tree some meters away from his original position.

    "Okay, maybe this really isn't a dream. I really have turned into a pokémon!" Geo groaned painfully as he struggled to carry himself back up. "How did I this happen to me?" he was beginning to cry a little because of the pain.

    Geo sat up rubbing his pained face. "The last thing I remember…" Geo paused as a series of events started playing in his head again, prompting him to scream again. "I remember a tree falling on me… and Mew was there." His eyes widened. "That's it! Mew has to know something about this! Come to think of it…" he examined his body more closely. "I look just like Mew now.

    "Did Mew turn me into a pokémon? Nah, why would she ever do that?" Geo looked around, knowing that he was pretty much alone. And his face still hurt from the punch he gave himself earlier. "Ow, my face hurts so much." He let out a groan as he stood on his hind legs.

    Geo noticed something on the ground. It was near his old hat, which he didn't recognize. "That sachet… Lum Berry crunchies?!" He tried to get to it, and he just made it to where it was after repeatedly tripping and falling on the ground. He hadn't yet adjusted to his new form.

    "It's not opened yet. But what is it even doing here?" he picked it up and gave it a closer look to see if it was still in good shape to eat. "The expiry date... that's strange… and the production date is…? Why does it say that this thing was made… in the future? Either that or…" Geo dropped the sachet on the ground with a fear stricken expression.

    "No, this can't be. I've been away from home for years?! I need to get out of here. Oh no… Mom must be so wor-…" He began to panic again. "I really need to get out of here. I need to get back home as soon as possible. No, this is terrible!" He glanced at his changed body "I can think of what to do about THIS later."

    Geo looked around to see if there was a way out. But there was so little space in between the trees, that it was impossible for him to leave that clearing from anywhere except above the tree branches. He slowly crawled towards one of the trees and tried to think of a way to scale it. The problem was… Geo had never really been a great climber. Now that he could hardly move around in his new body, he couldn't fathom climbing a tree in his current state.

    "I don't think I can climb out." He tried to hold onto the trees but the trunk was too steep. "There must be another way. There has to… be." Geo fixated his sight on a branch that seemed low. He might be able to reach it by jumping. "Okay, this doesn't seem too hard… maybe…"

    Geo began to jump towards the branch. He never even got close to reaching it no matter how many times he tried. After making several failed attempts, he decided to take a quick break. "Arrrgh! This is hopeless!" Geo held his head and his eyebrows creased. "Alright, I'm going to try this again one last time!" He then made a final jump. This time however, he went straight up and hit a strong branch, then fell back down.

    "Give me a break already…" he groaned in pain as some of the leaves fell to the ground. "I can't take this anymore." Soon, he began to cry from the staggering pain he felt in his head.

    Some thirty minutes later, he finally stopped sobbing. He sniffed and rubbed his face with his paw. Fear and confusion occupied his thoughts, and some of the pain from his punch earlier. Geo crawled back to the middle of the clearing, where the sachet was. "I'm so hungry right now… I guess I could try eating this for now…" He put the edge of the sachet and tore it open with his somewhat sharp teeth. The cookies inside were round and flat. He observed that they were shaped like Lum berries with smiles on them. Regardless, He carried one up and reluctantly put it into his mouth.

    It tastes so much better than I remember. Maybe they changed the recipe? He ate them one after another until there was nothing left. I wonder how long I'll be stuck in here. Will I ever be able to get out? Will I be able to see Mom again? A hopeless look crept across his face.

    "I wish I was at home right now. I can't stand this. How can I live like this? I can say goodbye to my dreams of becoming a trainer now… being a pokémon might not be so bad… right?" He laid his head down on the grass since there was nothing better for him to do. "I wonder where Mew is right now…"

    "Who am I kidding? Mew has probably forgotten all about me by now. She was never my pokémon after all, and I only knew her for a few weeks." Geo briefly remembered the time she denied his offer to have her as his pokémon and his eyes lowered. "I've probably become a forgotten memory to everyone by now."

    Geo then began to remember the time he first met Mew. He wondered how long ago it'd been since then. It didn't matter really. How they first met was somewhat funny and he couldn't help but smile as he remembered it. It all started during that afternoon, didn't it? I can remember it almost like it was just yesterday.

    "I have to find some kind of way to leave this place without jumping." He got up, but then some of the grass entered his nose which prompted him to sneeze. "These grasses are so annoying… Wait, the grass! That's it! Why didn't I think of doing this before?" He smirked as he started plucking them out one by one by the roots. "This is just like that show I used to watch when those guys had to make ropes out of grass! I can still remember the steps they demonstrated… I think… I'll just have to try anyway."

    ******C******

    Meanwhile, Mew had just returned from her adventure as usual. She didn't bring anything along with her this time. She once again stopped to admire beautiful sunset before making her way up the slopes and into the forest, to where Geo was at.

    `Geo, I'm home!` she said excitedly as she made her entry into the clearing. Only for her to find that Geo's life essence had gone missing from the hat, some of the grasses had been uprooted, the Lum Berry crunchies were eaten and there was a dark furred mew attempting to climb up a tree by making a rope out of knotted grass. It only took her a moment to realize who that mew was and that made her to freeze in place. A plethora of emotions filled her at once and tears began to run down her face.

    "Come on! Why isn't this thing working! Would it kill it to just hold on to a branch already!" Geo grunted as each time he threw the end of the rope towards a branch, it ended up missing and falling back down.

    `Geo, is that you?` she asked, hovering closer, a very glad look on her face.

    "That voice? Mew?!" Geo turned around and saw her there staring at him. "Oh wow! It IS you! You're probably wondering how I got here… right?"

    He was expecting her to say something but in the blink of an eye, she flew at him and gave him what was probably the huggiest hug he'd ever received in his life. `Geo! You came back! I missed you so much!` she said, unable to hold back her tears as she squeezed him even tighter.

    "Can't breathe! Can't breathe!" Geo said, wheezing.
    Last edited by DreamSayer; 3rd June 2017 at 9:59 AM.

  8. #8
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    So… first of all… holy crap ten years. Man, Ho-oh wasn’t kidding when he said this was a drastic course of action. Then again, resurrecting a human soul as a Legendary is a lot more complicated than just reviving a dead Pokémon. Especially since Pokémon have a much stronger life force than humans. But I also like this detail because it highlights that bringing back the dead is not something that can just be done all willy-nilly. It’s serious. Mew keeping watch over him after all that time was adorable, btw. The way she tells him about all of her adventures, even though he can’t hear her.

    I liked Geo’s reactions to waking up as a Mew. :P From panic and denial to his realization of how much time had passed, to his immediate focus on how to get out, and then feeling hopeless and forgotten. That was a lot of emotions for him to be hit with one after the other. And then of course the reunion with Mew, which was a lot more meaningful for her since she’s the one who’d been missing him for ten years.

    Also… “huggiest hug” xD

    ~Chibi~



    "Everyone wishes they could catch a Legendary, deep down, whether they’ll admit it or not.
    If you knew you could use one to change the world, something you’d been dreaming about for years, are you telling me you wouldn’t take that chance?"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    May 24 Update: CHAPTER 23: “Betrayal” POSTED!!!
    Chapter 24 progress: 10/13 pages


  9. #9
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    I think the pacing of this chapter is great; you spend a lot of time on Mew at the start, and it pays off. Reading it, you get a good sense of how she spends her time and the rhythm of her days, and as you go along a sense of her closeness with Geo emerges very naturally in a really sweet way. It could tip over into being saccharine, but it doesn't, and instead ends up being super cute.

    I also very much like how you show Geo's attempts to get to grips with his new body, too – the clumsiness in trying to use limbs much shorter than he is used to, and the dangerously easy to use and misuse superpowers that come with being a pokémon, to say nothing of that very recognisable way that his initial panic escalates, blows itself out, and then kinda spirals downwards into hopelessness and feelings of abandonment that themselves escalate in another direction. It feels very real, and you describe that particular can of emotional worms pretty well, I think.

    One thing strikes me as a little odd, though, which is how abruptly the chapter ends. I think I can kind of see what sort of ending you were going for, concluding on that image and the joke, but I'm not quite sure it works; maybe there just needs to be another line or two after that last one to make it seem less cut-off and more like a chapter ending. Other than that, I think there were just a couple of instances of words used slightly oddly that stood out to me: "Alas, an idea struck him" is really weird, to the extent where I almost wonder if it's a typo for "At last, an idea struck him", and where you've written "Geo fixated his sight on a branch that seemed low", I'd replace fixated with fixed; fixate is usually used in the context of an obsession, and though it does have a secondary meaning to do with directed attention that's much more of a technical term than one you'd use in fiction. Probably it'd be best just to switch it with fix.

    Other than that, I guess my big questions still stand: what's happening next? It's still very open, and I can't help but be intrigued by that. I'll keep an eye out for your next chapter!
    GO HOME
    Some people just won't see reason.

    ARBITRARY EXECUTION
    If the cover-up is real, it isn't a conspiracy theory. It's a conspiracy fact.

    TIME AND TIDE | A LEASH OF FOXES
    IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER

  10. #10
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    I found this story really interesting and engaging, I will say that the start of it had a nice pacing. I do feel like the conditions of his revival form seem a little strange with him becoming the last pokemon he gazed upon. More explanation on that part would have help me out personally. Overall I can't wait to see what else you bring to the table. You are a skilled writer.

  11. #11
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    CHAPTER 3: Taking Flight




    'You finally came back after all this time!' Mew was teary eyed and was still hugging him very tight. She was completely overcome with emotion. Her patience had finally paid off.

    "Yeah, I missed you too and all, but could you let go a bit? You're kinda crushing me here." Geo flailed his arms around as he struggled for air.

    'Oh! I'm so sorry! I got carried away back there." Mew quickly let him ago. Her face grew flustered, but she still smiled. "I was just so happy to see you again after all this time'

    "I sure am glad to see you too, Mew."

    Mew placed her paw on his cheek and grinned widely. 'Look at you, you look amazing!'

    "How come you're not surprised that I'm a pokemon?"

    'You look hurt. How did you get all bruised up like that? Were you attacked by something?' Mew asked upon noticing the bruises on his head.

    "I wasn't really attacked per say. I kind of did this to myself. It was very stupid how it happened." Geo said, recalling his failed attempts from earlier.

    Mew put her paws on his cheeks to heal him. Her paws glowed and started emanating purple pulse-like waves. The pulses then healed his bruises in a short amount of time. 'Oh, Geo. You finally came back to life and you're already putting yourself in danger again.'

    "Came back to life? What do you mean by that?" Geo asked, confused by her statement.

    'Oh, it's a long story.' she solemnly lifted her paws from his face. 'You've been gone for a really long time. Too, too long.'

    "I already know that. But tell me, what happened to me. And how did I turn into a pokemon?"

    'What's the last thing you can remember before today?'

    "I remember trying to run away from that guy, and then a huge tree fell…on me," Geo said, his eyes widening as he said that last part. "But that doesn't explain anything! Are you trying to tell me that-"

    'Yes. You did die… you died in my arms. But you're alive again because I brought you back.'

    Geo grew speechless. An expression of unbelief washed over his face. He was still trying to make sense of all of it.

    'I don't really know how to explain it all to you. It'd be easier if I just showed you what happened.'

    "Show me?"

    'Just hold still for a moment.' Mew said, leaning her head towards him.

    Geo was starting to feel awkward as he began to pull away from her. "What are you doing?"

    'Relax. I'm just trying to show you what happened while you were gone.' Mew's face was a mere inches from his. Her eyes began to glow bright purple in color and with that, Geo felt her memories flowing straight into his mind. It nearly overwhelmed him.

    "Woah! What…. those were your memories?!" Geo held his head and almost fell over from his dizziness afterwards.

    'Are you okay?' Mew held him firmly in her arms before he fell.

    "Yeah, I'll be fine," he said. "I can't believe it… You went through all that, just for me."

    'Well, It was my fault that you died. If I hadn't been so stupid back then, then you would've still-'

    "It wasn't your fault Mew." Geo interrupted. "You shouldn't be blaming yourself for this. If anything, I'm the one to blame. I was the one who got distracted and ended up under a tree."

    'Are you going to be okay? Now that you're a pokemon?'

    Geo looked down, he looked like he was deep in thought. "I don't… know. But I'm sure I won't have any problems. At least not with you around." He fell backwards to the soft ground. He was already feeling sleepy. It was already nightfall.

    'Yeah. I promise that you'll never have any problems as long as I'm by your side,' she said with a nod. Mew found a spot next him and laid down there. 'I'll always be here for you Geo.'

    "You know something, it's a bit weird that I'm able to understand you now without you using your telepathy and being in my head all the time."

    'Oh, yeah… now that you mention it, It is true! I didn't use my telepathy at all! I hardly even noticed.' she chuckled a bit. 'But you're right. It is a bit weird.'

    "I wonder how my mom's doing. The last time I saw her, I told her I'd be back home before sunset. Too bad I couldn't make it back." Geo slowly closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. "I just hope that she's alright."

    'I can take you to see her anytime if you want...' Mew didn't get a response. She lifted her head and saw that Geo was already asleep. Mew smiled and moved closer to him. 'I'll just ask you again tomorrow then.'

    ************

    Hours went by and morning came. Mew woke up from her sleep when droplets of water fell on her face. She opened her eyes and saw grey clouds above them in the sky. It had begun to drizzle.

    Mew looked around the clearing she could not find Geo. She looked around again carefully and found him stuck to a tree and floating in his sleep. His tail got caught in between the branches; it was the only reason why he didn't float into space.

    'Geo!' she called out as she approached the tree. 'What are you doing up there?!'

    "What?" he mumbled as he began to wake up. He looked downwards and saw Mew way beneath him on the ground. "What the?!" he suddenly felt himself falling back down.

    Mew swiftly stopped his fall with her psychokinesis. She then gently lowered him to the ground. 'That was a close one! What were you doing up there?!'

    "I don't know." He blinked a few times. "What was I doing up there?" Geo asked himself while scratching his head. "I must've been sleep levitating." Geo face palmed. "Great, that's a thing that happens now."

    'You floated in your sleep?!'

    "I guess? Maybe it has something to do with the dream I had about flying an air balloon with two weird people and a talking cat." he muttered to himself.

    'You should be more careful. What if you'd gone way up into the clouds and then gotten yourself struck by lightning!' Mew waved her hands around to show emphasis.

    "Well… that didn't happen!" Geo shrugged with an easygoing expression on his face.

    'It hasn't happened… yet. I really need to show you how to control your abilities as quickly as possible before you end up hurting yourself again.'

    Geo's stomach growled as she said that.

    She blinked twice and stared at him awkwardly. 'For now, let's get something to eat first. And what better way to start your day than with some freshly picked berries.' Mew swung her arm and smiled.

    Geo looked at the trees around them to see if there were any berries there. "There are berry trees on this island?"

    'Nope. But I know where we could find some.'

    "Really? Where?"

    'Somewhere far away from here. I can teleport us there in an instant!'

    "Huh? Aren't there berries or anything to eat on this island?"

    'What? No? None of these trees grow berries. Some used to, but I took them all down to make the island barren. I did that because I preferred to be alone here without anyone to disturb my peaceful solitude.'

    "Wait, shouldn't there be other mews that you can hang around with?"

    'I don't think so. I was born on this island a long time ago. When I hatched from my egg, there was no one there for me. After all this time, I'm the only one left of my kind. At least, as far as I can tell.' She fondled grass as she spoke.

    "Oh, that must've been rough for you."

    'It was. For more times than I can remember, I've questioned my own existence. I would ask often myself why I was born, what purpose did I serve, and other questions like that. But now, I have you, Geo. And I don't feel alone anymore. I finally have a purpose, and you're my purpose now.'

    Geo just stared at her. His mouth agape and his eyes full of wonder and newfound admiration for Mew.

    Her face then grew red. 'Quit staring at me like that! You're making me feel nervous!'

    Geo then chuckled. "Sorry, you just looked really cool just now."

    'Anyway, we should probably get going. I'm beginning to get hungry myself.'

    "Alright. I'm ready when you are."

    Mew then held his hand and swirled her finger in the air. 'Okay then! In three, two, one, here we go!' and they disappeared in a flash of light.

    ************

    When Geo opened his eyes, he found himself in what appeared to be a garden housing different berry trees. The place had very soft, loamy soil. There were some berries that Geo was able to recognize immediately and there were a few that he didn't even know about.

    To top it off, it was in the middle of the day in the place where she took them. So, it must've have been in a region far from Faraway Island.

    "Where…are we?" Geo looked all around the place. When he inhaled, his nose could pick up the sweet scents of different berries. If he wasn't already hungry before, he sure was then.

    'Dunno. I stumbled upon this place not too long ago. I sometimes drop by to grab some berries.' She plucked out a random kee berry from its stalk and gave it to him. 'Here, try this one, it's really good.'

    "Uh, thanks," Geo collected it from her and stared at it in his paws. He took a bite out of the berry and she could tell from the way his eyes gleamed that he liked it.

    'It's good, right?'

    "Yeah, it's really great!" Geo said as he finished the rest.

    'I knew you'd like it.'

    "I wonder who owns this place though. If this place belongs to someone, wouldn't that mean that we're stealing food that isn't ours?" Geo felt a bit anxious. He noticed the way the berry trees were arranged. It was too artificial to be a naturally occurring berry plantation.

    'Oh please. All the food in nature is free for the taking. No one is going to show up. And If anyone [B]does[B/] show up, I'll just fly us out of here. So, you have nothing to worry about.' Mew's then plucked out a couple more berries and stuffed them into her mouth. 'Speakghg obf flydfing, wghy domfn't tleagh yoguh hau it's done?'

    "Uh, I can't understand you if you speak like that…" Geo gave a her a blank stare.

    Mew then swallowed the berries all at once and tried again. 'I said, speaking of flying, why don't I teach you how it's done?'

    "Here? Now?" Geo asked.

    'Yeah silly. The sooner you get the hang of it, the better. Besides, your body was not built for ground traveling. As long as you're like me, you'd very much prefer to fly around.' Mew smiled and gave him a reassuring look.

    "I don't know… what if I never get it?"

    'Don't worry, it'll be easy and fun! you just need to watch me do it, and learn.'

    "You just want to play teacher, don't you?" Geo said with a hint of doubt in his tone.

    'What? I'm doing it because I care for your well being and progress obviously." she answered with a coy expression. 'Now then, do as I do, my humble student. Just think of me as your trainer. '

    I knew it Geo sighed. He rose his head and said, "Alright. Show me the way, oh Great Master Teacher Mew."

    'Oh don't call me that, it's too embarrassing. Mew is just fine.' She closed her face playfully. 'But seriously though, you should do as I do.'

    "Alright." Geo laughed. "How do we start?"

    'Okay. First thing you need to know is that you can only fly if you want to fly. You just go up like this.' Mew then hovered up with ease. 'And ta-da!'

    Geo nodded, pretending to understand what she'd just explained. He tried to imitate her movements and lift off. But he couldn't. "It's not working Mew," Geo grumbled. He kept jumping up and down to no avail.

    'Hmm, maybe it's because you still think of this like a human would.' Mew suggested. 'You have to think like a pokemon. Be a pokemon, mentally.'

    "I should stop thinking like a human? Can I really do that?" Geo looked at his paws. He wasn't quite liking the idea.

    'Trust me Geo, I know you can do it. I believe in you.' Mew held his hand in order to comfort him. 'You were able go up in your sleep. What stops you from doing it when you're awake?"

    "Okay, I'll try again. Here goes nothing." he took a deep breath and tried to focus with his eyes closed. I should think like a pokemon. Okay, I can do that, I should just think of myself going off the ground. I was able to this morning… well more or less anyway. But I can do it now.

    Mew's eyes widened as Geo began to go off the ground little by little. 'That's it! Keep it up Geo! ' Mew smiled widely and nearly leapt.

    "I'm really doing it!" Geo opened his eyes and smiled cheerfully. He was steadily trying to remain afloat, But then he ended up going back to the ground again. "Ugh, I blew it."

    'No, you did great! If you keep this up, you'll be flying through the skies in no time!' Mew said, patting him on the shoulder.

    "That'll be really cool." Geo nodded.

    'I have an idea!'

    "Oh yeah? What is it?" Geo asked, curious to know.

    Mew flew up to the top of the tree closest to them. ~Remember that game we used to play where to tried to see who could climb a tree the fastest?~

    Geo folded his hands and his brows drew close. "Oh, you mean the one you always won? How can I ever forget?"

    Hearing that prompted her to chuckle. ~Well we're going to play it again, only this time, you have to get up here before I finish eating this berry.~ she showed him the figy berry.

    "That's it? Alright then. Seems easy enough." Geo smirked and put his hands on his sides.

    'Oh and you can only win if you get here by flying. Understand?'

    "O…kay, I think I may be able to do that…" Geo didn't so confident anymore.

    'Just put it in your mind that you really want to reach me where I am, and you'll be here in no time.' Mew began to go higher up into the tree until all Geo could see was a vague shadow of her from the ground.

    "Wanting to really reach you huh," he muttered. "All right, I'll try." Geo fixated his vision the tree and exhaled.

    ************

    And so, Geo kept on trying to get up the tree to where Mew was. He would sometimes fly up to the first branch but would fail to latch on to it and fall back down to the leaf littered floor. Each time he fell, he would get back up, even more determined and fierce, and give it another shot.

    Meanwhile, Mew was busy eating one berry after another as she waited for him to get to the top. She was also enjoying the view of the bright blue sky and calm clouds, and that almost made her forget all about Geo.

    'Ugh, I'm so full. I don't think I can eat another.' she accidentally dropped the berry she was holding. She watched it fall all the way down the tree. 'How long are you going to take, Geo?'

    "Hold on, I've almost made it!" he said, holding onto the branch she was sitting on. He somehow made it to the top while she was distracted.

    "I've finally done it." Geo panted as he climbed up the branch. He looked pretty messy and worn out from all his falls.

    'Oh no! what happened to you?!' Mew exclaimed, helping him up.

    "Oh, it's nothing. I just fell down a few couple of times. But I'm fine now," Geo said.

    'I'm so sorry! I should've paid more attention to you.' Mew immediately began to heal his bruises for him. 'Wait, did you get here by climbing all the way up or did you fly up here like I asked you to?' she asked with a raised brow.

    Geo then smirked. He got up and started hovering on his own. "Look at me, I'm flying!" he started doing flips in the air.

    'Oh my! You really outdid yourself!' Mew clapped and laughed.

    He then lost balance and fell downwards. Mew, quickly caught him and gently lifted him down to the ground.

    "Thanks for that. I'm really tired right now." He looked carefree and easygoing as he smiled.

    She gave him a berry. 'Don't worry, you should take a break for now.'

    "Who's there?!" a voice yelled.

    ~Someone's here, quickly Geo, turn invisible and follow me!~ she told him through telepathy as she concealed her presence, about to dart off.

    "Wait! I don't know how to turn invisible!" Geo whispered, stopping her before she could leave him helplessly behind.

    ~But this is an emergency!~ Mew complained.

    "That doesn't mean I can magically know how to do something I have no idea how to do."

    ~Fine! for now, let's hide over there.~ Mew pointed to a spot in between two close trees. She held his hand and pulled him there, where they took cover and waited.

    "Hmmm, I know I heard something from here," the gardener said, momentarily walking past them. They could see his feet from where they hid and were really hoping that he doesn't notice them.

    "So, what's the plan?" Geo whispered.

    ~I'll create a diversion and then get us out of here when he's not looking.~

    "But how are you going to do that?"

    ~watch.~ Her eyes then started glowing faintly.

    The gardener then heard some rustling sounds coming from the opposite side of the garden. "Aha! I know where you're hiding now!" he started walking towards the noise with a smirk on his face.

    ~Now's our chance. Let's go~ Mew said holding him and darting off. She then teleported them away as she flew away from the garden.

    "Hmm, guess there's nothing here either. Maybe I was just imagining things." The gardener said to himself after reaching the place the noise was coming from. He got back up and went back to searching.

    ************

    'Phew, that was a close one.' Mew laughed while holding her stomach. 'By the way, what's with all the berries you're holding?'

    "What? I barely got to eat any earlier. So, I helped myself to these" Geo stuffed one into his mouth as he sat.

    Mew simply watched him and chuckled. 'Oh, silly you. Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you something yesterday.' Mew landed in front of him.

    "You did? What did you want to ask me?"

    'Do you still want to go and visit your mother?'

    Geo looked dazed when she asked him that. He was suddenly reminded on how much he missed his mother.
    Last edited by DreamSayer; 3rd June 2017 at 10:02 AM.

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    Ok so first of all this chapter was super cute. I can tell that the friendship between Mew and Geo is going to be the centerpiece of this fic, and you do it really well. And it doesn’t feel forced at all because we get to see how much fun they have together and how easy it is for them to make anything into a game, even the process of Geo learning about his powers. Any fic can say “o ya here’s a kid who’s friends with a legendary” but I love how yours takes its time to really explore that.

    I think you kind of overused the word “go” (as in, go up, go down, ect) during the scene where he’s learning to fly, when there’s a bunch of other words that could strengthen the text like “lift” “float” “drop” or “fall”.

    I think I remember you mentioning things will start to go bad pretty soon, so as cute as it is watching their interactions, I am interested to see where things are going to go for them. (Sorry Geo, sorry Mew! I just like bad stuff happening. :P)

    ~Chibi~



    "Everyone wishes they could catch a Legendary, deep down, whether they’ll admit it or not.
    If you knew you could use one to change the world, something you’d been dreaming about for years, are you telling me you wouldn’t take that chance?"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    May 24 Update: CHAPTER 23: “Betrayal” POSTED!!!
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    The interactions between Geo and Mew in this chapter are, I have to say, utterly adorable. If you're going to put a relationship between two characters at the centre of a story, you have to draw it well, and you certainly do that; there's a specific kind of connection between Mew and Geo's respective childishnesses that I find really interesting. Like, Geo is a kid, clearly, but not in the same bubbly way that Mew is; Mew's the kind of person who has power and through its use has been able to remain in some sense a child her whole life, making everything a game. Hers is very definitely a life of leisure. Geo, on the other hand, is used to limitations, and struggles even to exercise his power now he has it. They're clearly very close and their interactions are, as I said, adorable, but that gap between them means there's a lot of potential for interesting things to happen, and I have to say I'm intrigued to find out what exactly you might do with that in future chapters – especially given your hints that something bad is going to happen soon.

    Overall, yeah, still solid, still very interesting. Keep up the excellent work!
    Last edited by Cutlerine; 27th May 2017 at 10:53 AM.
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    I...love this.

    For one thing, it definitely wasn't what I was expecting it to be. Geo's death was the first sign of that, as well as him getting transformed into a Mew, and having Ho-Oh do that. For another, Geo and Mew have an adorable interpersonal dynamic. I love it already. And both of them are really likable characters. It's awesome that Mew was so dedicated to her friend that she stayed by his side, every single day, for ten years...And it'll be interesting to see how Geo's mom will react to her once-deceased son returning as a Mew...That is, if she even believes that he is really her son at all.

    Yep, this is definitely one I'll be following.

    In terms of advice for improvement, I can only offer a few things: There are occasional lapses in tense consistency, in which you randomly switch into present tense without context. However, those are becoming less and less frequent, so good job on that.

    The only other suggestion is really just a personal thing, so please feel free to take it or leave it. One trap that those of us who write speculative fiction can fall into is that of bending magic systems (for lack of a better word) to convenience the plot. I've done this myself quite a bit, and it isn't always the best technique. There isn't really a logical explanation as to why Ho-Oh can only bring Geo back as a Pokemon specifically, or why the spell can take anywhere between one and ten years to fully execute. That being said, the resurrection scene was still really cool. And the power of Pokemon doesn't really have a canon explanation anyway, so it's not really a big deal. Just an observation.

    But yeah, this story is awesome! Keep up the good work. ^^

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    The only other suggestion is really just a personal thing, so please feel free to take it or leave it. One trap that those of us who write speculative fiction can fall into is that of bending magic systems (for lack of a better word) to convenience the plot. I've done this myself quite a bit, and it isn't always the best technique. There isn't really a logical explanation as to why Ho-Oh can only bring Geo back as a Pokemon specifically, or why the spell can take anywhere between one and ten years to fully execute. That being said, the resurrection scene was still really cool. And the power of Pokemon doesn't really have a canon explanation anyway, so it's not really a big deal. Just an observation
    .

    In the original draft, i explained that Geo's body was too damaged from the accident; and Ho-oh could not heal an already dead body, which was why he had to take the alternative route. I must have forgotten to add that to the final draft of the story. That's a minor slip up of mine.

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    Admittedly, it's taken me a bit longer than the others to get into the fic, and I'm kinda seeing Geo's relationship with Mew in a different light. Neither of these things are bad; it's just that for one, there are some super-easy points of the fic to fix up, while for the other, it could add an interesting twist depending on how you handle it.

    Let me start with the crit first.

    The main reason why I felt it was a bit difficult to get into the fic is how the premise was set up. Don't get me wrong, of course! I love the idea behind it. In particular, I love how you set this up to be just another journey fic, then just another fic in which a legendary tags along with a protagonist, and then this plot full of death-rebirth shenanigans. That is literally two different twists to get to the heart of the story, which is a great sign. And then you have the smaller twists others have brought up, such as the one where Geo asks if Mew wants to come with him on his journey, and she straight-up says no. So it's clear that you know how to play with plot and create not only larger surprises but also smaller ones that keep the story interesting and clipping along at a nice pace.

    But! Then you have moments where things just seem ... convenient. For example, the poacher. He comes in, messes up Geo's life, and goes right back out. But why? Geo was killed by a fallen tree. Sure, that tree fell because of their battle, but trees fall in the woods all the time. That and, well, wild pokémon aren't exactly the safest things to be around, and if Geo was deep enough in the woods, who's to say anyone would find his body in the first place? There's pretty much no reason why the poacher would feel the need to run because nothing would connect him with the fallen tree anyway—especially since his target, which he seemed pretty dead-set on capturing, is right there and pretty vulnerable. And sure, I get that the poacher is a vital part of the plot, but because of that abruptness in appearance and disappearance, it kinda feels like that's all he is: a plot device, rather than an actual character whose actions also have consequences. (I don't know. The thought that he can be despawned from the fic so easily kinda dampens the idea that his actions have lasting effects, imo. They seem less natural, in other words, and more simply points on the way to a bigger thing.)

    The other moment where I was getting this feeling was when Mew shared her thoughts with Geo. In general, Geo's acceptance of his new form seemed rather quick and smooth. He just found out that he had been gone for ten years, which means he has no idea whether or not everything he knew is still around. Sure, the ending of this latest chapter brings all that back up again, but ... it's odd that he had no questions for Mew before now. He barely thinks about his mother, he's barely scared about the loss of his identity and the last parts of his humanity, and the thought that all the hopes and dreams he had before he died (or the thought that he died at all) don't affect him. This is a staple of transformation fic, I think, and it's one that never really sat well with me because ... just imagine if all the things you knew were in danger of being taken away from you permanently. Loss of identity is a really big deal, so ... I don't know. I always felt it was odd that a lot of TF fanfic don't address that. (Not TF fiction, mind you, as there are sci-fi and fantasy stories that absolutely dive into that level of loss as their main theme.) Granted, maybe his questions were answered by the literal stream of consciousness he got from Mew, but even then, he just seems weirdly chill about it.

    But! On a positive note, let me talk about Geo and Mew's relationship because ... there's an interesting point here. See, I am getting so many red flags about Mew right now. I mean, let's check her out for a sec:

    1. She was born completely alone, but she doesn't actually, for certain know whether or not she's the last of her kind and has never felt the need to find out.
    2. In fact, she has actively worked to make sure no one bothers her on the island. And she does this by stripping the trees of their only means of reproduction. (Never mind stripping the island of its biggest food source, thereby denying anything that could have already been living there of food! I mean, sure, Mew told us the island was desolate, but ... was it really? If we go with this interpretation, then we shouldn't really trust her word.)
    3. She straight-up tells Geo that she felt like she didn't have a purpose ... until he came along.
    4. She seems weirdly possessive of Geo—or at least very eager to teach him how to be a mew.

    See, idk about the rest of you, but if I had a friend or significant other who I knew was destroying an environment, actively kept others away, and made sure I was reliant on her and that I knew how reliant she was to me, I would consider that my cue to exit stage right and change my phone number just in case. 'Cause that ain't healthy, actually. D: Granted, maybe I'm just reading waaaaay too much into it (because lol that's just how I roll), but I'm kinda reading Mew as being potentially possessive and manipulative, rather than simply a good friend.

    And that's the fascinating thing about this fic so far. If it was intentional for you to raise that many red flags, then it sheds a whole different light on the plot itself, as it'd mean we're just at the headwaters for a rather nice thriller. It would certainly be the kind of fic a reader wouldn't have been able to see from the get-go, which means that'd be yet another lovely curveball you're throwing. Not to mention it'd mean that Mew is hiding a whole lot from Geo, which in turn means there are layers to her character we don't yet know about. Or, in short, this would mean that Mew is a complex character and that we're already seeing the promise of exploring her motivations and thought processes through the plot.

    On the other hand, if you didn't intend on her being that ... uncomfortable, then that's not necessarily a bad thing either. It's true that she is rather adorable and that her relationship with Geo has the potential to be full of fluff and warm and fuzzies. And that's okay! It would mean that you're setting up Mew to be the rock on which Geo can rely as he navigates mew-hood and, well, the loss of the things he used to know. It means that she is as every bit the sweet, kind, and compassionate friend as she seems to be at the briefest of first glances, which means that it will be interesting to see what she does when the plot inevitably tosses conflicts and antagonists Geo's way.

    It's just that it's hard to say right now which way the plot is going to go, but the long and short of it is that either path could be fascinating.

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    1. She was born completely alone, but she doesn't actually, for certain know whether or not she's the last of her kind and has never felt the need to find out.
    Though I didn't state this in the story yet (I was going to in a future chapter) Mew has been alive for over 200 years already. I also made it apparent in chapter 2 that she's been going around the world long before she even met Geo and she's never met another Mew. That's why she concluded that she was the only one left.

    [2. In fact, she has actively worked to make sure no one bothers her on the island. And she does this by stripping the trees of their only means of reproduction.]

    Well, after being alone for more than a century, you'd want to just hide somewhere and live the rest of your eternity alone. Is is that a wrong way to think? I should explore this more in the future.

    [3. She straight-up tells Geo that she felt like she didn't have a purpose ... until he came along.
    4. She seems weirdly possessive of Geo—or at least very eager to teach him how to be a mew.]

    This was both deliberate. I lowkey implied that she became obsessed with Geo because she's been feeling guilty about him dying on her watch those years back. Until then, she only viewed him him as a temporary friend, like everyone she's met before, which is why she turned him down on becoming his Pokemon.

    I characterized Mew as this innocent naive Pokemon that witnessed someone whom experienced a loss for the first time. When she finally got a second chance with Geo, she became willing to do everything in her power to make sure that he lives comfortably as a pokemon. It is why she wanted to make him reunite with his mother. She genuinely cares for him, and is somewhat obsessed with him, though she hasn't realized that herself.

  18. #18
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    Here's how my live reaction to the first chapter went:

    "Hm. Kind of saccharine so far.
    Let's see how long it takes for Mew to change her mind and be his starter pokemon.
    Okay, here's a villain.
    Ouch. Wonder if that tree puts him in the hospital for a while.
    ...
    Oh.
    ......
    Wow."

    Like others have said, that was a pretty wild twist. It's a great hook for the rest of the story, and I really like the misdirection before it happens when Geo asks Mew to be his pokemon on his regular old trainer-journey.

    So Jax has said plenty about the dynamics of Mew and Geo's relationship, and I wanted to chime in on the subject. I admit that some warning flags came up in my head when I read the line "I finally have a purpose, and you're my purpose now." It does come across as weirdly obsessive. In hindsight, I think it didn't seem innocent because the twist in the first chapter had me on the lookout for additional subversions of expectations. It can definitely also read as innocent, naive, and cute. It wouldn't hurt to read over the Mew-focused parts of Chapter 2 and evaluate if everything you want the readers to infer about Mew's feelings toward Geo over the 10 years is grounded in the text.

    I was going to make some comments on writing mechanics, but most of what I have to say pertains to the first chapter, which you say is old. One thing I'll suggest as you continue to revise it and also going forward is to be mindful of commas. For example there's a description "purple long eared fox like pokemon" which needs punctuation and should probably be "purple, long-eared, fox-like pokemon." This page is helpful for understanding the many complicated rules about commas: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/02/

    Oh, here are two quick, little things to fix: you forgot to put the chapter title at the beginning of Chapter 3, and you have a misplaced html slash here: "[B]does[B/]"

    My favorite part post-twist was probably when Geo almost floats away by accident. It's funny but at the same time it makes you worry about what else could go wrong as he starts to learn about his numerous powers. I'm looking forward to seeing what other complications arise with the learning curve!

    This is a good start with a very creative twist, and I'll definitely be coming back to see where things go from here.
    Last edited by icomeanon6; 2nd June 2017 at 1:08 PM.

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    So I know I replied on Discord about the realism of Mew's relationship to Geo (in that I didn't think Mew was unrealistic—just that her behavior wasn't necessarily healthy), and I will say that the list was meant to comment on how her actions can be interpreted as shady or unhealthy, rather than unrealistic. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, either; rather, it can be a great thing if addressed in just the right way, depending on how you do it. I've detailed both possibilities for addressing those things earlier, but let me know if you need clarification on that.

    That having been said, though, if it helps, I'd like to reply to your reply in order to clarify things further:

    Quote Originally Posted by DreamSayer View Post
    Though I didn't state this in the story yet (I was going to in a future chapter) Mew has been alive for over 200 years already. I also made it apparent in chapter 2 that she's been going around the world long before she even met Geo and she's never met another Mew. That's why she concluded that she was the only one left.
    One thing to note is that 200 years may seem long, but it's actually short in terms of searching for a new species. We discover new ones all the time because some parts of the world are just too remote for us. Granted, we're talking about a psychic cat right now, but Mew is small and extremely elusive, which means that it could still be that there are Mew out there she doesn't know about.

    Of course, I'm also not saying you should have her assume that there are other Mew. On the contrary—the whole point I was making is that we don't know and that this is a reflection on Mew. Think of Mew as an unreliable narrator until proven otherwise. She says she's searched high and low for more of her kind, but do we know for certain that she did? (Yes, there's chapter two, but even that was centered on her thoughts.) Likewise, even if we assume that she did, the fact that she gave up and focused on driving others away instead says a lot about how her socially. Think about what you would think if a human did that. As in, if a human decided they haven't found anyone they could relate to and instead holed themselves up until they thought they found the perfect candidate to latch onto. That's kinda shady if you think too deeply about it.

    Well, after being alone for more than a century, you'd want to just hide somewhere and live the rest of your eternity alone. Is is that a wrong way to think? I should explore this more in the future.
    Depends on your personality. If you had a good reason for doing so, then maybe. (A lot of fiction that deals with immortals goes into this point, actually—by bringing up the idea that there's no point in making attachments if everyone you know eventually dies. But there are certainly other reasons why someone would isolate themselves: protecting other people from themselves, being antisocial from the get-go, that sort of thing.)

    This was both deliberate.
    Yeah, I know. But it's still rather shady to become obsessed with a person to the point where they become your life's purpose, even if you do feel guilty about something you've done to them. Obsession with a person is never healthy. At best, you bend over backwards and forgo your own personality to make them happy, but at worst, you create a mental image of who they are and forget that they may or may not be like that—which in turn means you develop controlling behavior. (Note: Devotion or loyalty to a person is different from this. If you're devoted or loyal to a person, you're not placing them on a pedestal and changing your worldview to fit your idea of them. So if you're devoted, you're still interested in a person's well-being and health, but they aren't the focal point of your entire life, so you're not dwelling on how amazing they are until you forget what they're actually like. Obsession, meanwhile, is when you basically worship a person to the point where they become the focus of your life.)

    I characterized Mew as this innocent naive Pokemon that witnessed someone whom experienced a loss for the first time. When she finally got a second chance with Geo, she became willing to do everything in her power to make sure that he lives comfortably as a pokemon. It is why she wanted to make him reunite with his mother. She genuinely cares for him, and is somewhat obsessed with him, though she hasn't realized that herself.
    And, hey, it's totally cool to write Mew this way! But the main point is that it's a good idea to address the obsession part of it because that could be a source of conflict either way. Like I said earlier, if you want to maintain a lighthearted feel throughout your story, obsession can be creepy to the person on the receiving end of it, or it can make the person experiencing obsession make decisions they think their focus would make, only to realize later that, no, they're actually being intrusive or toxic. Having Mew realize this can be a major point of character building for her because it'd give her the opportunity to address and fix that behavior, and having Geo notice it before she does can be a point of character building for him because he has to deal with the fact that Mew may or may not be thinking clearly enough to make the best decisions when it comes to him. Alternatively, if you want a more thriller-like atmosphere, people who are obsessed with others are, as mentioned earlier, kinda creepy to the recipient of that obsession, especially if that obsession escalates. This is why obsession often is a trope in thrillers—because it's very easy for that behavior to turn unhealthy and toxic.

    So long story short, yep, it's totally fine to have Mew be obsessed; it's more about whether or not that obsession is addressed, as that could add depth to your story as well as determine the atmosphere for the overall fic.

    In a way, it could also tie into what I was saying earlier about how some things just seem convenient. Right now, there's no real conflict in the story, and there doesn't seem to be much of a hint as to which direction the fic will take because of that lack of conflict. (Conflicts tend to determine the main point of a story, so ... yeah.) Likewise, certain other things that could have been addressed (the poacher, Geo's transformation, that kind of thing) kinda sorta were but then weren't (the poacher just disappears from the plot a little too abruptly, Geo is perfectly fine with the possibility of losing everything he knew until he's reminded about his mother a full chapter later). So while it's fine to bring up obsession, it's also important to keep in mind that this is an important issue to address. Not quite as important as Geo's loss of humanity, mind you, but it's still a thing.
    Last edited by JX Valentine; 2nd June 2017 at 12:37 PM.

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    Chapter 4: Reunion



    Mew gave Geo an innocent smile after landing in front of him. 'Do you still want to go and visit your mother?' Mew asked out of nowhere.

    Geo's brows rose and he jerked away. He struggled to find a proper response. "Yeah! Of course, I do!" Geo nodded, then said, "I really miss her."

    'Why don't we go see her now?' Mew pushed forward with a grin on her face.

    "Wait, now?!" Geo shrank back and tilted his head. Although he wanted to go, he was lacking the confidence to go through with it.

    'Yeah!' Mew tugged at his arm as she floated in midair. A wide smile was on her face. 'I can take you there!'

    "I don't know…" Geo sighed and slipped his hand away.

    'What's the problem? You don't want to see your mom anymore?" Mew grimaced.

    "No! that's not it at all!" His eyes then trailed off. "It's just that… what if she freaks out when she sees me like this? Or even worse; what if she hates me?" Geo felt the pit of his stomach fall just trying to imagine his mother shunning him.

    Mew descended in front of him, looking concerned. She placed her paw on her lip, somehow able to sympathize with him. She thought of what to say first and then spoke.

    'It's okay Geo. I'm sure it doesn't matter whether you're a pokemon, a human or whatever. Your mother will definitely be happy to see you again. I just know it. You don't need to be afraid.' She hoped that would encourage him.

    "Yeah. You're right." Geo nodded in agreement. He appeared calmer.

    'That's the spirit!' Mew said, lightly tapping him on the chest. She seemed even more excited about this than he was. Her eyes glowed as she prepared to take them there right away.

    "Hold on!" Geo said.

    'What now?' asked Mew as her eyes began to dim. She let out an exasperated sigh and wore a despondent expression.

    "If we go there like this, other people might see me. I mean, it won't be a problem for you since you already know how to make yourself invisible. I only know how to fly," Geo explained with slumped shoulders.

    'It's no biggie, I can just do this!' Mew grinned and waved her hand then something began to form. A pink bubble materialized and enveloped them both.

    Geo's eyes gleamed as he felt around the bubble with his palms. He pushed his hand against the surface and it stretched out a bit like a rubber ball. The bubble was just big enough to fit both of them in. "Whoa! Since when could you do this?!"

    'It's a trick I picked up some years ago.' She giggled and looked down as her expression began to fade. 'I wish I'd learnt it sooner though. Things would've been different back then.'

    "But how will this prevent others from seeing us? Wouldn't a big pink bubble just make us stand out more?" Geo asked.

    'Actually, the bubble is sort of like an extension of my body.'

    Geo scratched his cheek and blinked. "What does that mean?"

    'I can make it invisible to people from the outside. We can see them from here but they can't see us!'

    "Wow, that's so amazing, Mew!"

    Mew flushed at his compliment. "Oh, you exaggerate!"

    She then prepared to teleport them off to Johto once more so they could finally get on with it. Her eyes glowed blue and in a few seconds, they were gone.

    As they left however, a suspicious looking craft arrived at the island and a shady figure stepped out from it.

    ************

    'We're here!' Mew exclaimed. She'd brought them to a lush green forest.

    A person could hear running water from the nearby river and cries of wildlife dominating the forest area. The trees stood strong and firm, towering above them. Some had mushrooms of all kinds, growing on their roots suspended upon their bark.

    Geo immediately recognized the forest and he grew nostalgic. "I remember this place…" his lips parted slightly as he took it all in.

    'Yeah, this is where we used to play a long time ago,' Mew said, relaxed by the scenery. "It sure brings back some nice memories, doesn't it?"

    Geo's brows drew close and he clenched his fists. "It feels like I was here just yesterday. And yet, this place looks so different than I remember." They moved forward slowly.

    Mew looked around and gave him a quizzical look. 'So, which way do we go again?'

    She hadn't returned to the forest in such a long time that she'd quite forgotten where the town was. She began to wonder whether she deliberately avoided the forest the whole time. Or if it was a subconscious act.

    "You don't know?"

    'It's been a while, Geo,' she answered, a little embarrassed.

    "This whole time, you never came back here? Not even once?"

    'No.'

    "I... I see." Geo nodded. "I think I might be able to remember the way back if we could just reach the nearby river." He pushed his face against the bubble and pointed in a direction. "I think the river's that way."

    Mew nodded and began to navigate the bubble towards the place he pointed.

    As they moved through the forest, they saw quite a number of pokemon moving about the grass littered grounds. There were sentrets gathering nuts from a tree, pidgeys chirping on the treetops, pachirisus running about in circles and climbing trees, and so on. Geo was surprised to see some pokemon he'd never seen before in the forest. He wondered how they got there. Had they always been there and he just never noticed?

    "Hey, did you know that if you keep going ahead to the other side of this river, you'll end up in a completely different region?" he said, looking at the high mountain in the distance.

    'Really?'

    "Yeah, just on the other side of that mountain." Geo pointed at Mount Silver. "That's where Kanto is! It's so close to Johto that they share the same Pokémon league!"

    'Kanto? That sounds familiar.' Mew groaned and then snapped her fingers 'Oh right! I've been there before." Mew recalled some events that happened a long time ago.

    "You have? When?"

    'It's a long story... Anyway, where should we go next?'

    Geo turned his face towards the other side of the river. His smile showcased his anticipation. "This way. New Bark Town is just on the other side."

    'Alright! Let's not waste any more time then!' She darted forward.

    Geo felt himself getting pushed to the back of the bubble due to the speed of her movement. "Aren't we going a little too fast?"

    Mew chuckled and didn't really mind him. Instead, she sped up even more. Her upbeat mood was infectious.

    'We're here!' Mew gradually slowed down as they reached the town — she didn't want to end up making Geo smack his face by making an abrupt stop — and as they drew closer, she drifted up higher into the sky until they could see all the rooftops of the small town.

    "Yay…we're here." Geo shrank back in the bubble.

    'Look at all the green rooftops!' Mew said excitedly, giving him a nudge on the shoulder. She saw that Geo was shaking and tilted her head in confusion. 'What's the matter? You don't look very excited.'

    "I'm… just a bit nervous."

    'Aww. It's okay to be nervous sometimes.' Mew laughed. 'Now where was your house again?'

    Geo narrowed his eyes as he observed the houses carefully. "I can't see it from up here, we should go down a bit." As Mew brought them down to about below roof level, Geo began to look about for any signs of his former domicile. "I'm not sure if I can tell which one it is right away, but I'm sure I'll know our house from the porch alone!"

    Mew then nodded and they set off looking around in their hidden state. They flew past a number of buildings, some of which included a pokemon center, a pokemart, Professor Elm's lab, a bike rental store and even a gym.

    Geo was very surprised to see a gym in their once obscure town. He could only wonder how much more has changed since he'd last been there. Would there be other surprises waiting for him?

    Geo's eyes glinted when they came across a very familiar looking house.

    "Hey, look! That's the one! That's our house over there!" He was able to recognize it due to the floral pattern on the porch.

    Mew nodded and turned the bubble's trajectory towards the house. She glanced at him and her lips curved into a smile.

    'So, are you ready?' she asked when they reached the front door.

    "Yeah… I think…" Geo nodded nervously. He could feel his heart beating faster when he saw the front door before them.

    Mew then dispelled the bubble and said, 'Go ahead, knock.' She looked at him with a smile so bright, it only added to his uneasiness with the situation.

    "Okay…here goes nothing. Yeah… I can do this…" He lifted his hand slowly to knock on the door. His hand kept shaking and he paused halfway.

    Mew put her paw on his shoulder and chuckled. 'Calm down, Geo, it's just a door.'

    "Right," he said with a nervous chuckle. "It's just a door…" Geo muttered to himself as he made a second attempt to knock. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to collect himself. Geo decided to focus on one thought; about how much he really missed his mother.

    I can do this now. There's nothing to be afraid of here.

    A doorbell sound then came from behind the door. Geo gasped and saw Mew playing around with the doorbell. "You pushed the doorbell?!"

    'That's what it was? I just wanted to know what this button did.' Mew kept giggling as she pushed the button over and over for the fun of it.

    "Cut it out, Mew!"

    'Why does it bother you so much? I just like the funny sound it makes.' Mew stuck her tongue out and laughed.

    "Who is it?! For the last time, I'm not accepting any new challenges today! Can't I enjoy my day off in peace?!" said a woman's voice as the door opened inwards. At first glance, Geo thought it was his mother. But it wasn't. The woman did look like his mother, but she was too young to be her, despite the resemblance.

    Her honey brown eyes met Geo's and she stared blankly at him. "What in the? O…kay…?" Her eye brows drew close and rested her hand atop her voluminous hair. She just stood there and stared at the two pokemon that paid her a visit.

    I think I'm seeing things. I knew there was something off about that drink I took last night. She sighed and started closing the door in a slow and awkward fashion.

    "Chloe, wait!" Geo quickly stopped the door from closing and entered the house after piecing together the identity of the familiar woman. "It's me!"

    Chloe's eyes widened and she stepped backward. "You can talk! What kind of pokemon are you?!"

    She pulled out a device from the pocket of her jeans as she pulled back even further. Chloe could've sworn that she'd heard that voice before, but she couldn't quite put her finger on where.

    "Stay back!" Chloe shouted.

    "It's me, Geo!" Geo frowned when her expression showed that she wasn't convinced at all. He then thought of doing something else which he hoped would work. "Don't you remember me, Oldilocks?"

    Chloe immediately recalled her hair disaster when she was younger. She'd accidentally used a hair bleaching compound she found in the attic after mistaking it for hair shampoo. Embarrassing memories of that incident returned to her, including the time Geo gave her that nickname because her white hair made her look like an old lady with locked hair.

    "Geo?" Chloe's eyes widened and she gasped. Her legs felt weak as she held onto a counter by the television to retain her balance. Her day off seemed to be taking a very weird turn.

    Geo floated to her with a relieved smile when she uttered his name. "You finally remember me?!"

    Her lips parted slightly as she stared at him. "How are you…? What happened to you?!" Geo tried to speak but she gestured him to wait until she could sit on the couch. "Hold on a minute."

    She got up and closed the door then looked back at him and flailed her arms around and let out a confused sigh. "Where have you been all these years?!"

    "It's a long story." Geo sat on the other couch facing her and Mew stayed next to him. While Geo seemed calmer, she was the one who was beginning to act nervous.

    Chloe fixed her eyes on Mew and pointed. "Who's this supposed to be?"

    ~I'm Mew,~ she said shyly.

    Chloe wore a puzzled expression as her hand lowered. Did I just hear a voice in my head just now?

    Geo pointed at her. "This is Mew. She's my friend."

    "I… see. Nice to meet you then… Mew."

    ~Nice to meet you too.~

    Chloe realized that it was Mew whom was talking in her head. She placed her hand on her yellow shirt and exhaled loudly. "So, Geo. Care to explain to me what's going on exactly? Why did you disappear all those years ago? And why in the world are you a pokemon now?!"

    "Well… You see… Things happened and I… uh…" Geo scratched his head and tried to think of a way to explain.

    ~I can explain,~ Mew said, allowing both of them to hear her this time.

    "Wait, did you do this to my brother?" Chloe's expression changed and grew hostile.

    "It's not like that, Chloe!" Geo shook his head and flailed his hands when Chloe looked like she was about to get up.

    ~I can tell you what happened. Why Geo disappeared. I can tell you everything.~

    Mew narrated to Chloe the events of that day, making sure she didn't leave any details out. She didn't have it in her to lie. Chloe deserved to know the truth as Geo's sister.

    Chloe lowered her head and stayed silent. Geo tilted his head and noticed a tear roll down her face. He then refrained from doing anything.

    "So, that's what happened. Thank you for telling me. And thanks for saving my brother… even though you changed him completely by doing that. I'm gonna have to get used to that now… I guess." Chloe rose her face and wiped her face with her wrist.

    Geo the looked about and groaned. "Where's Mom? I actually came here looking for her."

    Chloe's eyes widened when he asked that. She put her hands together over her laps and bit her lip. "I'm sorry Geo, but Mom's gone."

    Geo gasped then clenched his fists. "What do you mean Mom's gone? Where did she go?!"

    "Mom died four years ago. She was coming back from a trip to Goldenrod City when she had an accident. When they brought her to the hospital, she fell into a coma because she was hurt really bad. I visited her in the hospital every day. Three months later, she passed away. And just like that, I was alone in the world." Chloe put her hand on her face after she was done speaking. "And just when I thought that losing in the league finals was the worst thing to have ever happened to me, Mom had to go."

    "No… Mom's… gone…" Tears began to streak down Geo's face as he said that.

    'Geo…' Mew uttered a sad groan. She was beginning to regret bringing him there. If she knew he wouldn't have found his mother, she wouldn't have brought him back.

    Chloe got up and carefully carried Geo to her arms. She gave him a hug and rubbed her hand on his head. "It's alright, Geo. You shouldn't feel too bad about it. She may be gone, but she can live on in our hearts, right?"

    She then kept him back on the couch and sat next to him. "You know… it was Mom who told me that I should always stay in this house if she's ever gone for some reason. She believed that you'd come back home one day. And guess what? She was right!" She smiled and put her palm on top of his head. "Mom never forgot about you. She always talked about her brave little boy whenever she got the chance. In fact, Mom always cleaned your room for you in case you returned!"

    "She did?" Geo sniffled and looked up at her.

    "Yeah, she did. So, stop crying now."

    "Wow. You've changed a lot. It's almost like not long ago when you used to be loud and annoying all the time." Geo wiped his tears and laughed.

    Chloe rolled her eyes and laughed along with him. "It's called growing up, Geo. I'm like twenty-one now. I'm technically older than you now when you think about it. I'm no longer the younger sibling since you didn't change one bit." She grinned.

    "What are so saying. I have changed. I'm a pokemon now! That has to count!"

    "Nah! That doesn't count at all!"

    "Oh, shut up you!" Geo began to punch her leg with his tiny hands. They began to laugh at one another, just like old times.

    Mew watched them quietly from the sidelines. Her heart skittered as Geo and Chloe continued to talk about past memories. She bit her lip as she felt left out.

    So, this is what a family looks like. I wish I had one.

    "What are you going to do now, Geo?" Chloe asked once she was done laughing.

    "Huh?"

    "I mean… what now then? Will to stay here and live with me? I mean, even though I'm a gym leader now, I can take care of you as well."

    "You're a gym leader now?!"

    "Yeah. I use dark type pokemon. I like them because they're like the opposite of me. That's not weird, right?" Chloe put her finger on her lower lip. "So, what's it going to be? Are you going to stay with your sister? With me?"

    Geo groaned as he began to think. He could imagine the benefits of staying with Chloe, and it'd be great for him to live with her. But, he couldn't do it.

    Geo's mind simply couldn't settle with it. The more he looked at Chloe, the more he felt uncomfortable, and the more he could feel his chest hurting. It also didn't help that she was practically a living replica of his mother— she looked just like his mother, acted more like her, and even her dressing somewhat resembled what his mother used to wear.

    There was simply no way he could stand living under the same roof as Chloe anymore until he could come to terms with the fact that his mother was dead, which he wasn't sure he'll fully be able to do. In any case, he needed to hide his pain and continue playing it cool. With that, he chose the next best choice; staying with Mew.

    Geo then smiled at Mew, to which she tilted her head."I think I'm going to stay with Mew."

    Chloe nodded then smiled. "Oh… it's okay if you do that. You two seem really close, don't you? I'm sure you'll be fine."

    'Are you sure about this, Geo?' Mew asked.

    "Of course, it is! It's the least I could do since you're the reason why I was able to meet Chloe again. I don't want you to be all alone on the island."

    Mew smiled and her eyes glistened with tears of joy. She wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. Instead, she just kept nodding.

    Chloe got up and sat on her toes in order to face Mew at eye level. "Since Geo's going with you, I want you to promise me one thing. Please, keep him safe for me. I know he can get reckless sometimes, but just bear with him. He's all I have left."

    ~Yeah. I will!~

    Chloe smiled when she heard that. She stood back up and folded her hands. "Okay then. You two better get going now before I change my mind."

    "Goodbye then, Chloe. I promise I'll come visit you some time!" Geo said as Mew prepared to teleport them back. She held his hand as they exchanged smiles and waved at Chloe. And in a few seconds, they were gone.

    Chloe stood there looking at the wall clock for a minute and sighed. "I should go lie down."
    Last edited by DreamSayer; 9th June 2017 at 9:01 PM. Reason: Minor Retcons

  21. #21
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    This is a cute idea. I don't think I've seen a story where a character is resurrected in Mew-form before, and the fact that his primary pokémon companion is Mew is also neat; usually in legendary-resurrection 'fics the legendary faffs off somewhere after doing the resurrecting, or maybe gives the protagonist some kind of quest. There isn't much interaction between the legendary and the resurectee, in any case. It's also neat to have a pokémon of the same species there to coach Geo on how to use his new abilities; usually in TF stories the transformee is on their own or only has members of other species to turn to for help.

    It's obvious that the relationship between Mew and Geo is what's most important to you about the story; it definitely forms the heart of the 'fic. You have a lot of nice scenes between the two of them, like the one where they're playing hide and seek (before **** hits the fan, obviously). I expect plenty of adorable moments in the future.

    The thing is, though, at the moment I can't really tell where this story is headed outside cute moments with Geo and Mew. Things happen in it, definitely, but there's no sign of an overarching story, a framework that's going to tie the series of events going on into an overall plot.

    As it is, the chapters are mostly self-contained, and any of the issues resolved in them are addressed rapidly, without having a real effect on the characters. Geo spends a while learning how to fly, and then he more or less learns how to fly, and that's over. Geo goes to find out what happened to his mother, discovers she's dead, is sad for a few seconds, and then is ready to go out cavorting with Mew again. Even the poacher who kicked off Geo's transformation, in a way, vanishes from the story as quickly as he appears and really only exists to make that tree fall on Geo. There isn't a real through-line here, a thread of causality that connects the events. A plot involves a series of events that build on one another: this happens because this other thing happened, which in turn happened because of something else. If there's no "because," the story is just a series of scenes without a plot. The bit with Geo's sister didn't happen because Geo learned how to fly, and only very indirectly because of his run-in with the poacher, so a series of scenes is what I'm seeing right now.

    The question is, what does Geo want? He used to want to be a trainer--does he now? Does he want to find out a way to become human again? Something else? It's the characters' desires that give you that "because": she left her house because she wanted to buy milk, she got caught up in the monster attack because she left her house, and so on. So what's going to motivate Geo, what's going to make him go out and do things? That's where your plot comes from.

    Now, there's the mention of a mysterious plane landing on Mew's island in the most recent chapter, which is definitely a positive sign that something big is going to be happening soon. The trick is going to be linking it to Geo's character somehow--how does it help or hinder him in getting that thing, whatever that thing is that he wants? Just having some random baddie come in and, idk, burn down the forest on Mew's island or kidnap her or whatever is just another "something happens" that doesn't really have anything to do with what came before and which might be forgotten about again in favor of something new happening. But you could also use it as a way to kick off the real plotline for the 'fic by giving Geo a goal to strive for. For example, if Mew gets kidnapped, maybe his new quest becomes rescuing her, and he has to complete several minor tasks in order to do that. Or maybe encountering this villain makes him decide he wants to use his new powers to protect pokémon from people who want to hurt them, so he needs to do things in order to thwart evil-doers. Obviously you have something planned for what the mystery figure means, and it's probably completely different than either of those things; I'm just giving some examples of how you could use this event to provide some structure and an overarching plot for your story.

    Another thing that might help you put together a nice, coherent plotline would really be letting characters react and be affected by the things that happen, even if they're negative. One reason events seem to be fleeting in this story is that the characters often get over things surprisingly quickly. Like, Geo's distressed about turning into a Mew and losing a decade of his life for a few minutes after waking up, but after that he seems to get over it--Mew even has to remind him that he should go and see his mother. Even when his mother turns out to be dead, Geo gets over his grief almost immediately, and then his sister doesn't mind him gallivanting off with Mew again, despite the fact that she hasn't seen him in a decade and he's just shown up as a pokémon. I would kind of think she'd be distraught at the thought of losing him again, or at least would want to catch up with him a bit, or at least have the opportunity to see him regularly. That would be inconvenient for you, the author, since I sense you pretty much want to see Geo hanging out with Mew, not his sister, but that kind of complication makes things more interesting in the long run. It means Geo has to make a choice between pleasing Mew and pleasing his sister, and the choices a character makes are what really reveal who they are as a person. It would also make him a more realistic character, one with genuine emotional responses to what happens to him, and gives you the opportunity to get an actual character arc going, as the emotions Geo's mother's death, for example, kick up might not be able to be resolved in a few paragraphs, or even a few chapters.

    Also, while you say the first chapter at least is old and therefore has errors in it, the problem remains even in your most recent chapter. There's a mistake in the very first sentence of Chapter Four, in fact, which definitely doesn't start things off on the right foot. So, proofreading is clearly something you still need to work on. Aside from issues with grammar and punctuation, you have a lot of simple typos in the form of dropped or repeated words, capitaliztion goofs and tense changes. All those mistakes make it difficult to read your work and understand what's going on, and spending a bit of extra time to fix them can really help people appreciate the underlying story. If you're already reading your chapters through and not spotting these sorts of problems, I would suggest reading them aloud to yourself; missing words, for example, are a lot easier to notice when you're trying to speak a sentence than when you're skimming it with your eyes.

    All in all, I'd say you have a good premise and some characters you obviously care about and whose relationship you want to explore. The only question is where you intend to go with those things. The strong point of the story so far is Mew and Geo's relationship, so how are you going to evolve it over the course of the story? How is Geo going to be changed by his time as a Mew? How will the dynamic between him and Mew change now that they're both powerful pokémon? Those are the sorts of questions that will help you find a real strong central thread to organize the story around. You're off to a good start; good luck with your writing!

    In which an undead trainer, a bloodthirsty super-clone, and an irascible ex-Rocket grunt set out to rescue an imprisoned Mew--if they don't end up murdering each other first.

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