Chapter 1: The stone of mystery
Capitalize Stone and Mystery. This is a title.
It was red, apartfrom 3 blue o's on both sides of it's body.
Space out apart and from. 3 should be three. When writing, I believe it's all numbers below ten that must be written out, though I could be wrong (I know it's at LEAST ten, though).
It had a big, angry face, and 3 humps
“Hitmonchan!” It cried, shattering the wall like they had before. The Aron weren’t going to stand for this – their leader ordered an attack on the weird intruders. The people exited through they’re newly created exit, ordering the camel to do something.
- 1: When the dialogue is followed by a title not a name, the first letter is lowercase. (Example: "Hi," the boy said. "My name's Ian.")
- 2: When the dialogue is followed by a title that is a name, the first letter is uppercase. (Example: "Hi," Ian said. "How are you?")
- 3: When the dialogue is followed by a complete sentence, end the sentence inside the dialogue with a period, then capitalize the first letter after the dialogue. (Example: "Hi, I'm Ian." The boy lifted up a hand and waved shyly.)
- 4: Which brings us to our next point. Dialogue, if the sentence after does not stand on its own, ends in a COMMA, not a period. (Example: First two.)
“Camerupt!” It roared, and the Aron were bombed by a large eruption of lava, knocking them all to the side of the mountain core.
“Destroy the cave.” Snapped the woman to the third person, a small and tubby man who you might mistake for a gnome if you were slightly drunk.
Lowercase I after Camerupt's cry.
Make the period before Snapped a comma, lowercase S in Snapped.
Stupid team magma he thought to himself,
Team Magma is a title. Capitalize T and M. Put a comma after Magma. I'd also suggest deleting the "to himself", as he can't possibly be thinking to someone else at the moment, as no other characters are made present.
tried to feel for a pulse on the metal creatures
The metal creature's. Creatures is the plural form of creature.
The heartless pigs He growled in his mind, as he edged backwards a bit to think of what to do next. Suddenly, he felt a peculiar pain in his lungs.
Lowercase H, comma after pigs.
Revic found himself back as his younger self, hiding in a corner of a giant, colourful room as a middle aged man strode slowly towards him. The room was surprisingly bare, apart from a small bed with a pokeball pattern on it.
“Were you stroking that Sneasel?” Snarled the man, towering over the whimpering boy. Revic was too terrified to answer, afraid at what his father would do to him.
Hit enter after it, and before the dialogue begins.
Lowercase the S.
“Answer me, boy!” Shouted the man, who was wearing a very dark suit. He already knew the answer.
Revic was hit out of the way by a blinding fast punch to the side of his skull.
“Pokemon are tools, to be used for money, and for your own power!” Bellowed the Man.
Hit enter after skull and before the dialogue begins.
Lowercase the B.
“You don’t understand…” Spoke the child quietly.
Lowercase the S.
“Whoa there, Mr Temper!” The slightly annoying voice chimed back. “I just wanted to check your progress on getting to the centre of the mountain to stop team Magma.”
Lowercase T. Uppercase the T on Team.
“Well, I’m stuck in a clapsed cave, Clane.” He growled back. He wasn’t in particularly having a good day, and his current situation didn’t help.
Replace period after Clane with a comma, lowercase the H in he.
“Why didn’t you use Sneasel to dig?” Said Clane, making it sound like Revic had been stupid not to do it in the first point.
Lowercase the S.
“Hang on.” Paused Clane, getting another transmission. “The Base has detected a large object moving towards you. It’s likely to be an Onix.”
Revic knew what he had to do know. Sighing as he angrily reached for his pokeball, he let out his favourite catchphrase.
Holy moly. After Clane's dialogue, hit enter. After catchphrase, hit enter. Oh, and make the P in paused lowercase.
Meanwhile, in the middle of the mountain, another wall was destroyed, and the 3 team magma member’s climbed out.
“We appear to of reached the centre of the mountain, Boss.” Grunted the muscular man.
Three, Team Magma, "boss," and grunted. Enter after out, before "We".
“Excellent.” Squealed the woman, their boss. “And the stone is in the middle of the chamber, look!” In the middle of the giant chamber was a rock pillar with a hole in the middle, and in the centre of the hole was a shining yellow stone.
“We need the stone to paint it Red and to trick those people guarding the stone that we need for Groudon, right?” The Dwarf squeaked.
“Why don’t we just knock them out of the way and steal the real one?” Asked the Muscular man, who was obviously lacking in the brain department.
“Because then we’ll get the police onto us.” The Woman snapped.
“But why this stone?” The bigger man tried asking.
“Because this is the only stone in the whole world that gives out the exactly the same readings on a particle checking device as the Red and Blue orbs” The Woman angrily replied. “And now we need to grab it before team Aqua arrives!”
“Too late!” Came an old voice from the other side of the room, and the three team magma members looked up to see who it was.
Unfortunately for them, they had been so busy talking that three team Aqua members had entered in, with a Swampert too.
“Give us the stone!” Growled a very tall man, who looked a bit like Waluigi without a moustache. “Or Swampert will blow you sky high out of the mountain!
“You think you have the advantage?” The ugly team Magma woman snarled back. Then, she clicked her fingers and their Hitmonchan, who had been trailing behind them, walked in. “You use Swampert on us, and Hitmonchan will destroy you!”
“Stalemate!” Cried a young team Aqua woman.
“You always spoil our plans.” Someone said.
I'm sorry, Jesus Christ. An error every line here. x_x;
Lowercase S in Squealed. Make the period after Excellent a comma.
Lowercase T in "The Dwarf".
Lowercase A in "Asked the Muscular man," lowercase M in "Muscular".
After "us", make period a comma. Lowercase T in "The Woman", Lowercase W in the same sentence.
Lowercase T in "The bigger man".
Comma after "Red and Blue orbs", lowercase T and W in "The Woman".
Lowercase C in "Came an old voice".
After "Swampert too", hit enter.
Lowercase G in "growled a very tall man". Also, who is Waluigi? Don't expect people to know. Describe him better.
Lowercase the T in "The ugly team Magma woman", uppercase the T in "Team Magma".
Lowercase C in "cried a young team Aqua woman", uppercase the T in "Team Aqua".
Replace the period after "You always spoil our plans" with a comma. Lowercase the S in "Someone said".
He paused his thoughts, studying the girl. I can’t mark her down on clothes he thought,
Italicize the "I can't mark her down on clothes", put a comma after it.
And hidden behind another pillar, watching her was Revic. That must be Beri, that Unova professor’s daughter he thought. She doesn’t look like she should have been able to do this well. He paused his thoughts, studying the girl. I can’t mark her down on clothes he thought, as they had both been called away from an important meeting to stop the evil teams. Beri was wearing a T-shirt and rather small skirt – hardly the gear for climbing through a mountain. She’s certainly pretty Finished Revic’s thoughts, as he crept over to greet her.
Comma after "pretty", lowercase F in "finished". Also, hit enter after mountain.
Revic grabbed the girl’s mouth, stopping her from screaming out in surprise.
“It’s me, Revic, your team mate.” Whispered Revic, letting the girl free.
Replace the period in Revic's dialogue with a period, lowercase the W. Also, hit enter after surprise.
“You could have been friendlier!” The girl frustrated replied. “They’re just over there.”
Lowercase the T. Also, "frustrated replied" makes no sense. Fix it however you please.
“I noticed.” Cut off Revic, smiling at the fact that although Beri had been doing well so far, it was more due to luck than skill. Well, that was his consolation. “I think we should intervene soon. Call out your Pokemon and follow my lead.”
Replace the period after noticed, lowercase the C in Cut.
Capitalize the T in Team Magma.
The shocked leaders turned to see Revic standing proudly by the pillar, with Sneasel confident at his side.
“Well, well, well!” Snarled the Magma boss. “Somebody got lost on the way to a work party.”
Lowercase the S in snarled. Hit enter after side.
“And that’s coming from a man who has been acting like an angry Piplup with a lost pride.” Revic tossed one of his favourite insults at the dangerous man, not scared at all. Beri certainly was, as she watched from behind their stone pillar.
Replace the period after pride with a comma.
“Why don’t you just leave us be and go back to your youth club” Shouted the team Aqua boss, who was annoyed that the ice block had ruined her expensive nail colouring.
Lowercase the S in Shouted, uppercase the t in team Aqua boss.
“Quick, to the exit!” Yelled the teenager, making a dash for one of the holes in the cave that the teams had made. He was followed by Beri (Who was carrying her untrained Oshawott) and Sneasel.
Lowercase the Y in Yelled, lowercase the W in Who.
“Sneasel, Ice beam!” He bellowed. The Team members had only the time to gasp in shock before they were all frozen solid. Revic smiled, punching the air in joy.
Lowercase the H in He.
“That’s just cold blooded murder, leaving them like that.” Beri angrily sulked
Replace the period after that with a comma.