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Thread: One of Many

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  1. #1
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    Default One of Many

    "All right class, now tell me again-what is the formula for circumference?"

    "Diameter times Pi"

    "Very good! Now, would you please..." Mr. Ghing trailed off as he stared at the back of his classroom.Everybody looked back at Tracey Morgan, who was carefully drawing something on the back of his notebook.
    "Would you like to show us your drawing, Mr. Morgan?"

    Tracey snapped his head to attention and started stuttering.
    ''Uh...i mean...umm..."

    Mr. Ghing yanked the notebook from his student's hands. He looked down at it and looked at Tracey with fury.
    "I'm going to have to call home, Tracey Morgan!!"

    Chapter One
    Mr. Ghing was pacing in front of Tracey and his father.
    "Tracey, this is the fifth time this month!" his teacher said.
    He pointed at the picture Tracey had drawn, an almost complete snapshot of a Lugia.
    "I know you enjoy studying Pokemon, Tracey, but this nonsense has to stop! We agreed-"
    "More like you decided and Mom gave in-"
    "Your Mom and I agreed that you could not go on a Pokemon journey until you got an education!"
    "Dad, everyone else I know is starting their journey tomorrow-'
    "Not William"
    "But he's a nerd, Dad. He couldn't care less about an Aipom, he'd rather be getting A's!"
    "Tracey, we're going off topic here, and I don't want to hear another word about Pokemon. Now, until you get your act under control, you are grounded."
    "But dad-"
    "NO BUTS!!! NOW, YOU GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!"
    "Dad, we're in the school"
    "WELL THEN COME HOME AND GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!"

    And that was that. Tracey watched the next day as all of his friends went to Prof. Oak's lab and picked starting Pokemon, while he was stuck in his room.

    There was a quiet knock on his door, followed by his mom's voice.
    "Tracey, can we talk?"
    "Go away!!"
    His mom let herself in.She looked at Tracey, who had a tear going down his face as he watched the last kid take the final starter.
    "Why do you guys hate Pokemon?"
    "You know very well I have nothing against it"
    "But dad hates them"
    "Your father has just had some unlucky happenings with Pokemon"
    "He doesn't have to stop me from liking it"
    "You're right, he doesn't have to. He feels you're letting Pokemon take over the whole meaning of life."
    "I don't care. My whole life has been leading up to today, and look what i get to do instead!"
    "I understand how you feel-"
    "NO YOU DON'T! YOU TWO WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND! JUST GO AWAY!"
    His mom bowed her head and let herself out.
    Tracey was just starting up a tantrum when a rock hit his window.
    He looked down to see his friend, Logan Clements. She beckoned to him. He opened the window.
    "Come on out, Tracey!"
    "I can't! I'm grounded!'
    "Oh. Well, I guess I can go tell Prof. Oak to just put the Bulbasaur he saved for you away!"
    "You got him to save a Bulbasaur just for me!"
    She nodded. Tracey looked around his room and made up his mind.
    "Come back around tonight. I'll pack my stuff I'll need!"
    Logan nodded, and walked away. Tracey watched her beautiful blonde hair in the wind, but broke out of his trance, and prepared to break away from his old life forever.

    That night, Tracey hitched his bag over his shoulder. He had packed everything he needed, including some Poke Balls he had nicked from his Mom. He tied head band around his head, and walked toward his room door. He said goodbye to his two year old brother, Sammy, and his one year old sister, Courtney, and then set off. Logan was waiting for him at the front door. She grinned at him and he blushed. They started walking walking when all of the sudden, he heard his mom calling him. He groaned and turned around. She ran up to him and said:"Don't leave without this!" She brandished a Pokedex at him. Tracey was lost for words. "Mom... I'll miss everyone. Say goodbye to Dad for me..." He then hugged her, and his mother started crying. "Your finally my big boy!" She then waved to him and walked back to the house. He motioned to Logan, who grinned, and they headed towards Prof. Oak's lab.

    To be continued...

    Well, that was my first ever fan fic. Whaddya think?


    EDIT: If you want to see a better copy of this chapter, go to page three!
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

    Many, many thanks to Mew, who created this exceptional banner!

    Harry Potter and How I Met Your Mother are currently my life.

  2. #2
    Motig Guest

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    It had good length for a first chapter of the first fic. The introduction thing before it was good, i havn't seen that before.

    you need alot more description though, alot.For your next chapter you need to make it longer and you need to space it out more. like:

    "Come on out, Tracey!"
    "I can't! I'm grounded!'
    "Oh. Well, I guess I can go tell Prof. Oak to just put the Bulbasaur he saved for you away!"
    "You got him to save a Bulbasaur just for me!"
    Should of been this:

    "Come on out, Tracey!"

    "I can't! I'm grounded!'

    "Oh. Well, I guess I can go tell Prof. Oak to just put the Bulbasaur he saved for you away!"

    "You got him to save a Bulbasaur just for me!"


    There were afew punctuation mistakes but i certainly don't care about that. Keep it up.

    Keep writing and i'll keep reading

  3. #3
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    This is a nice fic you've got here, Bulba the Great, especially for a first-timer. The tension between Tracey and his Dad is good, as it adds something to the story. Anyway, keep going, I think you could make a great story out of this!


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  4. #4
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    Thanx for the reviews, they're real encouraging... can't write anymore tonight, but i'll write some more tomorrow... it's my last day of school!!!!
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

    Many, many thanks to Mew, who created this exceptional banner!

    Harry Potter and How I Met Your Mother are currently my life.

  5. #5
    roodude15 Guest

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    For your first fic it isnt bad. It could use more description like Shiny Jolteon said but otherwise it was good. If you need some help then look at Rules for Auspring Authors or look at some other stories to help. Otherwise it was pretty good. You have talent there keep it up.

    ~roodude~

  6. #6
    Indigo Guest

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    Ah...

    this reminds me of my first chapter...*starts reminiscing(sp?) about The Mountain.*

    Anyway, very good. Maybe a bit more spacing and description, and you'll be perfectly good to go. You don't really need it, but you should still go to Advice for Aspiring Authors, where great fics begin. Hee hee, I made up my own slogan.

    Anyway, me like! Keep it up!

    Your friend,

    ~Indigo

  7. #7
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    Looks like we might have a fic writer in the making. I agree with everybody else on spacing and description, but hey, excellent work for a first fic.
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  8. #8
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    sorry guys, there's a lot on my agenda, here's my fic:

    Chapter Two
    Tracey opened his eyes and sat up. He looked around the tent he had been sleeping in. He remembered the night's events and felt a pang of guilt for leaving his family. The guilt was run out of his mind as he looked down at his new companion, Bulbasaur, who he had nicknamed Bulby. He was overjoyed to finally have a Pokemon, and Bulby was the best Pokemon a trainer could wish for. Tracey looked over Bulby to see Logan sleeping peacefully, long blonde hair covering a pretty face. He smiled and reached out to wake her up, but thought better of it. He climbed out of the tent and started preparing breakfast.

    Tracey was just putting eggs over the fire when Bulby walked out of the tent, searching for its trainer. Seeing Tracey, Bulby ran over to him and licked his elbow before jumping into Tracey's lap. Tracey laughed as Bulby nuzzled him and took out some Poke chow, home made, and handed it to him. He brushed his long brown hair out of his eyes and looked around the beautiful environment of Route One, long grass swaying gently in the wind.

    He was brought out of his trance by the noise of Logan walking out of the tent in her pajamas. She was rubbing her eyes and yawning. Tracey grinned and said,
    "Slept in, huh?"
    Logan smiled and nodded. She felt a strange feeling, watching Tracey laugh and brush his hair out of his face. She shook the feeling off and walked back into the tent to get dressed.

    Logan walked out, fully clothed and ready to face the day. She smiled to see Bulby sleeping in Tracey's lap. She walked over and sat next him. She looked out across the plain, seemingly endless.
    "Big, isn't it?"Tracey asked.

    "It is. I wonder if it goes on forever..."

    There was silence. The wind blew through the trees. Tracey spoke eventually.
    "Do you think I made the right decision?"
    Logan thought about what he was saying.

    "You pursued your dream. There's nothing to feel guilty about."
    Tracey was silent. He seemed different to Logan. The journey was already taking its toll on Tracey. They watched as Bulby played with Logan's Squirtle.
    There was a sudden rustle. A trainer walked out from the shadows. He had spikey yellow hair and gave off a foreboding feeling.

    "You there! Are you Pokemon trainers?"
    Tracey looked up.
    "Yes..."he replied, testily.

    "Do either one of you want to challenge my Charmander?"
    Tracey looked at Logan, who shrugged.

    "I will," Tracey said.

    "You're not gonna win!" he cried.

    "Come on, Bulby! We can beat this trash talker!" Tracey said, more confident then he felt.

    "A Bulbasaur? Don't you know anything about type matching?" the trainer asked, leering at him.

    "I know my Bulby's going to kick you and your Charmander out of this century if you don't stop talking and fight!"

    "All right. Whatever you say. Go, Charmander!"
    A bright orange Charmander popped out of its Poke ball. It had an almost evil glint in its eye. Tracey swallowed back his insults and got ready for a tough battle.

    "Bulby, Tackle attack!"

    "Charmander, counter with your Scratch attack!"
    Bulby leaped at Charmander, who cocked its arm back...

    to be continued......

    so, how do you like it?
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

    Many, many thanks to Mew, who created this exceptional banner!

    Harry Potter and How I Met Your Mother are currently my life.

  9. #9
    Indigo Guest

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    It's still short, that's your main problem. Fix that and you'll be good to go.

    Oooh...do I sense a hint of shipping?

    Hmm...you really shouldn't do that this early on in the fic. In my fic, a twelve-year-old girl 's friends are a 14-year-old with dirty blonde spiky hair, and a 16-year-old boy with scruffy brown hair and blue eyes. Both sound attractive. But I'm twenty-six chapters in and nothing's happened yet, on either side.

    That's exactly the way it should be.

    So you might want to re-think that.

    Other than that, it's good. You write like me, so it's fun to read. I write what I like to see, and this is what I like to see, for the most part.

    Keep it up!

    ~Indigo

  10. #10
    Treecko 93 Guest

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    Everyone is right; this is going to be a good fic. I especially like how it was so much like real life in the first chapter; that's something you normally don't see. It is still too short. May I suggest typing it on Word first( well, too bad, i already suggested it!)? It also still needs physical description, and Indigo's right about the relationship thing. I don't really like early relationships, especially when it's not the time to happen. However, if you gave some background history, it would make more sence for them to like each other. Keep it up!

  11. #11
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    sorry about the phys. description thingy... i try to add it in, but it's hard
    as for the shipping plot, i know it's early, but what i forgot to mention in the first chapter was that Tracey is 14, and Logan is too. The reason they started so late is because Tracey's dad grouped up with some other parents who wanted more time for their kid's education. Prof. Oak eventually changed it to age 14. Anyways...

    Chapter Three

    Bulby slammed into Charmander, who took a swipe at him. They both recoiled, but stood their ground.

    "Bulby, Leech Seed!"Tracey yelled.

    "Ember it down!!!" the mystery trainer yelled.
    The Leech Seed shot out of Bulby's back and zeroed in on Charmander. Charmander sent out a flurry of fire, which burnt the Leech Seed to a crisp. Bulby looked desperately at its trainer for support.
    "Uh... try to lower its attack. Growl!"

    "Bulba..." it said in a low voice, which sent Charmander reeling.

    "Use an Ember attack, again!" the trainer yelled. The attack went shooting at Bulby, who cringed.

    "Bulby, try and jump out of the way!" Tracey cried out. Bulby tried in vain, but its bulb weighed it down, and it was singed by Ember in the foot.

    "Finish this battle off with a Metal Claw, Charmander!" the mysterious boy yelled.
    Charmander's arm started glowing, and it raced at Bulby, who was still trying to stand up.

    "Bulby! Use your Vine Whip to jump!" Tracey cried out in inspiration. Bulby managed to pull its vines out and soared above the battlefield.
    "Now Tackle it, quick!" Tracey shouted, hair whipping across his face. Bulby dropped down onto Charmander, rendering it unconcious.

    "Charmander is outta there!" yelled Logan, high fiving Tracey. Bulby leaped into Tracey's arm and buried its face into his chest. Tracey looked up to see the trainer softly petting Charmander, and then gently fed it a Revive. Tracey's face clouded over. He started walking toward the trainer.

    "Will Charmander be all right?" Tracey inquired.

    "Never you mind," the trainer said in a harsh tone. He recalled Charmander and sloped away without a backward glance. Tracey stared after him, but was brought back to reality as Logan touched his arm.

    "We've got a problem on our hands," she said softly. She indicated to Bulby's burnt foot. Tracey's face hardened and he murmured, "Let's get it to a Pokemon Center. Now." He wrapped bandages around Bulby's foot and rubbed some ointment on it. He looked up at Logan, and indicated for her to get her things. Tracey packed up the tent and picked Bulby up, not wanting to hurt it. Then he and Logan set out for Viridian City.Tracey kept careful watch on Bulby.

    LATER THAT DAY...
    Tracey paced in front of the checkup room, waiting for Nurse Joy to finish her work on Bulby. Logan was sitting on a chair. Tracey finally sat down next to her. She gave him an encouraging smile and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be all right. Bulby just got a burnt foot, that's easily healed."
    Tracey tried to smile, but failed. Logan noticed yet again how weary he looked again, and wondered why this journey was changing him so early.
    Just then, Nurse Joy walked out with Bulby in her arms. He was looking happy and leaped into Tracey's arms at first sight. Tracey broke into a grin and and hugged him.
    "Bulbasaur will be fine, it was a minor burn," Nurse Joy said. Tracey pet Bulby.
    Bulby nuzzled his head to Tracey, and Tracey put Bulby on the floor.
    "C'mon, let's head out of here!" he said. Logan nodded and Bulby hopped along with her.

    Tracey finally stopped walking as he approached a bare patch of land. He signaled to Bulby, and Bulby used his Vine Whip to widen to strip of earth. He then sat down and took out a map of Kanto. Logan sat next to him and peered over his shoulder at the map.
    "We need to head through the Viridian Forest to get to Pewter City. That's where the first gym is," Logan said, tracing her finger along the map.
    "Do you know anything about the gym?" Tracey asked, looking up from the map and pushing the hair out of his eyes.
    "Says in this guidebook that the gym leader's name is Jiroo, and he uses Rock type Pokemon. So Grass and Water types are what's needed."
    Tracey looked down at Bulby.
    "I guess we're set then. You've got Squirtle and I'll use Bulby." Tracey looked confident.
    "That would work, only Jiroo uses three Pokemon. I don't know if one is enough." Tracey looked suddenly worried.

    "What'll we do? I don't have any other Pokemon." Tracey pointed out.

    "I've got a Magikarp some beady-eyed salesman sold me. Only 500 yenis!"
    Tracey looked at her, lost for words.
    "You were scammed! Magikarp is the weakest Pokemon in existence!"

    "Well, Feebas gives it a run for its money..."

    "At least it's a Water type,"Tracey said, calming down.
    "Now, where am I going to get a Pokemon or two for the gym battle?"

    "Try capturing one!" Logan said.

    "Like what?" Tracey asked. A Pidgey flapped down and started pecking at the grass. Tracey and Logan both looked at it. "That'll work."Tracey said.
    "So how do I capture Pokemon?"

    "Well, first you weaken it. You can..." Logan trailed off as the Pidgey flew off.
    "Well, there goes your chance."
    Tracey put his face in his hands in exasperation. Bulby hopped by, playing with a wild Elektrike which had happened to walk all the way from Hoenn, somehow, seeing as Hoenn wasn't connected to Kanto. But, however it got there, it was a wild Pokemon, practically screaming to be captured.

    Tracey walked quietly over and watched Bulby corner Elektrike.
    "Perfect, Bulby!" He shouted, hopping out of the bushes.
    "Now use Tackle!"
    Bulby, looking confused, went ahead and Tackled the Elektrike. Bulby got paralzed because of Elektrike's Static abilty.
    "Oh no! Elektrike's Static ability paralyzed Bulby!" Logan shouted.

    "I kind of noticed!" Tracey said. Crossing his fingers, he went ahead and threw a Poke Ball at Elektrike, hoping against hope it would work. It wiggled once. And again, and again, and again. It hopped around a few times before finally stopping. Elektrike was caught!
    "I'll name you Rikelec!"

    "What?"Logan asked.

    "It's a family name, long story." Tracey said. He then looked down at Bulby, frozen on the field.
    "I guess we'd better get Bulby some care." Logan said.

    "Already covered!" Tracey said, pulling out a Chesto berry and putting it into Bulby's mouth. Bulby unfroze and smiled. Tracey let Rikelec out and Bulby played with him as Tracey smiled. He was ready.

    No, really, he was.

    so, whaddya think?(and don't ask where Elektrike came from, i had nothing to do with it.)
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

    Many, many thanks to Mew, who created this exceptional banner!

    Harry Potter and How I Met Your Mother are currently my life.

  12. #12
    Treecko 93 Guest

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    Oh good, that was way too short for one chapter (yes, i noticed you said you would finish tomorrow). May I suggest instead of saying 'LATER THAT DAY' that you could describe what they did the rest of the day or write stars or something (once again, it's too late! i suggested it. Mua ha ha ha ha! Mua ha ha ha ha! Sorry.).

  13. #13
    Motig Guest

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    Yes, it was short but as long as you edit it to what Treecko 93 said or edit it to add the next part, it was a good chapter tho, it worked well. You need abit more description and don't bother about stats.

    Good luck with the next part of the chapter

    Your mate

    Shiny

  14. #14
    roodude15 Guest

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    its getting there. Just focus on your length and it will be fine. Very good though. Keep it up.

    ~roo~

  15. #15
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    Chapter Four:Gym Battle! Part One

    Tracey walked out of the Viridian Forest after a long three day's hike. Bulby, Rikelec, and Logan followed along behind him. As nothing eventful had happened in the forest, not even a capture for Tracey, Tracey was wondering how the woods were thought to be even remotely exciting. More like time wasting. At least Logan had captured a Weedle. Not that it was a big deal, but she seemed in a better position to win than Tracey. After finding out the gym was mysteriously unoccupied in Viridian City, he was anxious to get to Jiroo's gym. He had undergone intense training, and felt he was ready to take his first real test. He was brought out of his thinking as a man's voice spoke out.

    "You're stepping on my merchandise," the man said. He had a shaggy beard and darkened eyes. The man pointed at Tracey and Logan's feet. Tracey couldn't see what the man was talking about.

    "All we're stepping on is rocks."

    "That's what I'm selling. Now get off and take a look at the official Pewter City souvenirs!"
    Tracey and Logan backed away slowly.
    "I think I'll pass," Logan said.

    "Bulba!" Bulby nodded in agreement. Rikelec let out a harsh bark. They all ran to the Pokemon Center in Pewter City. After healing their Pokemon, Logan pointed to a sign up on the Pokemon Center's wall. It was advertising the Indigo League.

    "That's our goal!" She exclaimed. Tracey nodded, smiling.

    "But you can't get to that 'til you beat at least 8 gyms," a familiar voice said. Tracey turned around to see the mysterious stranger from the battle three days ago.

    "You again?"Tracey asked, a hint of anger in his voice.

    "Yeah, I'm just celebrating my first badge win!" The trainer said nastily.

    "How'd you win against Jiroo with Charmander?"

    "I didn't just have Charmander, smarty, I had other Pokemon to help."
    The trainer pulled five Poke Balls off his belt.

    "All those hold Pokemon?" Tracey asked.

    "Yeah, but their not hard to get if you're a REAL trainer" The boy said with a sneer.

    "Why you-" Tracey leapt at the Trainer, being held back by Logan.

    "He's not worth it, Tracey," She said, sitting him down.

    "Only a real beginner will jump a Pokemon Master like me," the trainer boasted.
    He walked towards the Pokemon desk. Tracey and Logan beckoned to Bulby and Rikelec and headed for the door.

    "Just remember me when everyone is marveling over the new Pokemon Master Vincent!" he called. Vincent flashed a glare at Tracey, then turned to Nurse Joy, who seemed to have missed the entire fight and greeted Vincent pleasantly. Tracey contained his anger and moved outside with Logan. Still fuming, Tracey walked toward the Pewter Gym, with Bulby, Rikelec, and Logan in tow. Tracey threw the gym doors open and was met by a rush of cold air and darkness. He wondered if the gym was deserted when a boy's voice spoke out in a sandy voice.

    "Are you here to challenge the Pewter gym?" the voice asked.

    "Yes..."Tracey said tensely. The room suddenly lit up. He found himself facing a bare floor. He looked up at a platform on the far end of the gym ground to lay eyes on a boy at about eleven in age. He had messy brown hair and a determined look in his eye.
    "Where's the gym leader?" Tracey called out.

    "I am the gym leader!" the boy exclaimed.

    "You're Jiroo?"
    "Yep. And you're trainer 405 to challenge me, and only five of those challengers have defeated me." The Gym leader had a look of confidence in his eye.

    "I was expecting someone..." Tracey tried to find a word that wouldn't hurt Jiroo's feelings.

    "Older," Logan finished for him.
    Jiroo laughed.

    "Everyone says that. It's all right. The rightful Gym leader is my big brother, Brock, but he left on a journey a year ago to the Hoenn region, and he hasn't returned yet. So now my father and I run the gym. Now, are we gonna get to that battle or what?"
    Tracey nodded and took out a Poke Ball.
    "Wait. We need the proper battlefield." Jiroo snapped his fingers and the floor started shaking. A rock field started to slide in on Tracey from both sides. He jumped out of the way just in time. Logan was shown out of the room("You're not allowed to see the gym leader's strategies if you plan to challenge him too") and Bulby ran to Tracey's side.
    "This will be a three on three Pokemon Gym Battle!" the referee yelled.
    "The gym leader cannot substitute Pokemon, while the challenger can. Let the match between Jiroo of the Pewter Gym and Tracey of Pallet town begin!"

    "Go, Crobat!" Jiroo yelled. Tracey yelled in surprise.
    "But this is a Rock Gym!" He protested.
    "That doesn't limit me to Rock Types, does it?" Jiroo asked, grinning.

    "Well, in that case, Go, Rikelec!" Tracey yelled, ordering Rikelec forward. Crobat glared down at Rikelec, who growled.

    "C'mon, Crobat! Use your Air Cutter attack!" Jiroo yelled.

    "Rikelec, meet that with a Spark Attack!" Tracey ordered. The two attacks collided in midair. The result was an explosion that shook the battlefield. When the smoke died down, both Pokemon remained standing.

    "Now, Crobat, Use your Poison Fang Attack!" Jiroo shouted. Crobat clicked in response and swooped in for the kill.

    "Rikelec, Quick Attack!" Tracey retaliated. The two Pokemon met in midair, and Crobat bit down on Rikelec with fangs dripping in Poison. Rikelec cried out in pain as its skin started going purple around the bite mark. Rikelec's body sparked, and Crobat flew back, not wanting to get hit. But it was a bit too late. Rikelec's Static ability had paralyzed the Right half of Crobat's body, and it only had two wings left to keep it up, and it started to struggle to stay up.

    "Great, Rikelec. Now, finish Crobat off with another Spark attack!" Tracey hollered.
    Crobat watched Rikelec's fur coarse with electricity helplessly, still trying to stay in the air.

    "Get out of there, Crobat!" Jiroo cried, desperately, with no real hope. Crobat just couldn't move. Rikelec howled in triumph and released Spark attack. Crobat was hit dead on, and it hit the ground, sizzling.

    "Crobat it unable to battle! Round One goes to Tracey!" the referee yelled. Crobat's face dimmed on the scoreboard.

    Jiroo appeared to be thinking. He made up his mind and held up Poke Ball number two.
    "Try this on for size!" Jiroo cried, throwing the ball onto the battlefield. Out burst a Gravellar, massaging its rocky muscles. Tracey's pupils dialated and he gulped.

    "Will the challenger switch Pokemon?" the referee asked.

    "No,"Tracey replied weakly.

    "Then let the second round begin!" the referee declared.

    "Graveller, use Rock Throw!"Jiroo yelled, looking confident.

    "Rikelec, counter it with Spark!" Tracey yelled. Spark shot toward the rocks, making them explode. It sped on towards Graveller, then fizzled out as it hit the Rock/Ground Pokemon.

    "Tracey, you should know, as a trainer, that electric types don't affect Ground Types!" Jiroo yelled.Tracey cursed at himself for his stupid action, and tried to think up a new strategy...

    to be continued...

    how was THAT? i sorta liked it, meself.
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

    Many, many thanks to Mew, who created this exceptional banner!

    Harry Potter and How I Met Your Mother are currently my life.

  16. #16
    roodude15 Guest

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    I got your pm.interesting chapter. It has a better description and length this time. I especially like the part where you added a cliffhanger(sp). It's getting better, keep it up.

    ~roo~

  17. #17
    Motig Guest

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    Pretty good. Length - getting better, way better.

    Description - Could use more, describe the eyes, the colour of the pokemon, how fierce it is, rough height.

    Anyway, its getting alot better. This is a good fic, all it needs is more description.

    Your mate

    Shiny

  18. #18
    QueenBreloom Guest

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    Wow..this is a GREAT fic!=D
    Just listen to what the other more..'advanced' writers say, and you're all set! Keep on writing!

  19. #19
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    Thanks guys, I'll have the second half finished up tomorrow, so, see you then
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

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    Harry Potter and How I Met Your Mother are currently my life.

  20. #20
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    I'm sorry for double posting, and not putting the fic up... my little sister deleted my entire fic, so i have to go rewrite it now... I should have it up tomorrow... sorry
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

    Many, many thanks to Mew, who created this exceptional banner!

    Harry Potter and How I Met Your Mother are currently my life.

  21. #21
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    Well... here it is, finally!
    Its really long...


    Chapter Five: Gym Battle! Part Two

    “Gravellar, use your Rollout Attack!” Jiroo yelled, his voice full of fresh determination and confidence.

    “Gravlar!” Gravellar yelled in a rough voice. It curled into a ball and made a beeline for Rikelec. Tracey, on the other end of the rocky battlefield, had just lost every ounce of confidence he had. Tracey tried to think of Rikelec’s attacks, but his mind had numbed. Why did he have to freeze up now? He had just reviewed Rikelec’s attacks on the Pokedex. He flinched as he watched Rikelec hit back by Gravellar’s Rollout.

    “Elike!” Rikelec cried out in pain.

    “Tracey, are you all right? You look strange.” Jiroo commented. Tracey countered this comment by holding out a Poke Ball.

    “Return, Rikelec!” Tracey commanded. Rikelec looked around at his trainer, holding out his Poke Ball. Rikelec shook its head, not wanting to give up for his coveted trainer, not for the world. Rikelec had grown to love Tracey in such a short time. Rikelec was hit again by Rollout, and he smashed into the gym floor.

    “Rikelec, you’ve done your best. You can’t beat Gravellar’s power with your attacks. Thanks for everything, but you need to return right now before you hurt yourself any more.” Tracey’s command was interrupted by Rikelec, as he protested.

    “Rikelec, this is no time to play hero! Return.” Tracey pleaded, holding out the Poke Ball. Gravellar hit Rikelec with Rollout again. Rikelec couldn’t last much longer. His beautiful green and yellow fur was scorched and dirty, and his big blue eyes, normally so happy, were closed in pain. Tracey was nearly in tears to see his Pokemon hurt so badly.
    Rikelec finally gave in and jumped into the Poke Ball. Tracey broke out in a smile, glad his Pokemon was safe.

    “Electrike has been retreated. The trainer may call Electrike back at any time during the match. Let the battle continue!” The referee called, waving his flags. Rikelec’s figure dimmed on the scoreboard. Tracey looked across the field.

    “Tracey, it’s not too late to back out!” Jiroo shouted. It was a suggestion, not a command. Tracey drove the idea out of his mind at once. He looked straight into Jiroo’s closed brown eyes.

    “I’m not backing out! Go, Bulby!” Tracey yelled, throwing another Poke Ball. Bulby appeared from the red light. He looked dazed for a moment, but Bulby’s eyes brightened at the sight of his trainer. He smiled and jumped into the arena, ready to fight for his trainer.

    “The challenger has chosen a Bulbasaur as his second Pokemon. This second portion of the match will begin!” The referee waved his flags again. Bulby and Gravellar met in the center of the battlefield. Gravellar sneered at Bulby, who was a foot smaller than him. Bulby looked unworried.

    “All right, Gravellar, give it your Mega Punch!” Jiroo yelled, pointing towards Bulby. Gravellar lunged at Bulby. Bulby stepped easily out of the way.

    “Bulby, use Vine Whip!” Tracey ordered. Bulby pulled vines out of his bulb and wrapped them around Gravellar. Bulby attempted, and failed, to pick Gravellar up.

    “Grab the vines and swing Bulbasaur around, Gravellar!” Jiroo commanded. Gravellar grabbed onto Bulby’s vines and swung him around.

    “Gravlar!” It yelled, releasing its grip.

    “Buuuulbaaaa!” Bulby screamed, smashing into the wall. Tracey cringed.

    “Release Leech Seed, Bulby!” Tracey ordered in a final attempt. Bulby nodded at his trainer and a seed shot out of the tip of its bulb. It landed on Gravellar and vines sprouted onto Gravellar, draining it of energy. When Leech Seed ended, Gravellar staggered, looking weak.

    “No! Gravellar!” Jiroo cried in disbelief.

    “Yes! Now Bulby, use Vine Whip again!” Tracey screamed. Bulby’s vines wrapped around Gravellar, and since Bulby had gained energy from Leech Seed, it was able to fling Gravellar against the wall. Gravellar smashed to the ground, moaning to itself. Its eyes closed.

    “Gravellar is unable to battle! Bulbasaur has defeated Gravellar!” The referee called in shock. Tracey cried out and ran to Bulby, hugging him.

    “We won! We won! We won!” Tracey yelled.

    “Not today, Tracey. If you’ve forgotten, I still have one Pokemon left.” There was no hint of friendliness in Jiroo’s voice as he said these words. His eyes were shadowed with rage.
    “You beat Gravellar. You’ll pay for that! Go, Onix!” Jiroo screamed. He chucked a Poke Ball towards Tracey. Onix appeared in a flash of orange light and roared out in a gravelly low growl. Tracey looked at it in fear as it towered over Bulby and himself.

    “Go get him, Bulby.” Tracey said in a hollow, dead sort of voice.

    “Bulba…” Bulby walked slowly toward Onix, certain that he was walking to his doom.

    “The gym leader has chosen an Onix as his third and final Pokemon. Let the third part of the match begin!” the referee yelled.

    “Now Onix, use Iron Tail on Bulbasaur!” Jiroo ordered.

    “Geroooo!” Onix screeched. Its tail glowed silver and sailed toward Bulby.

    “Bulby, grab the tail with Vine Whip!” Tracey ordered. He wasn’t going down without a fight. Bulby let his Vine Whip out, thinking of his trainer and putting all of his strength in. Bulby was just able to push the tail away from himself.

    “Onix! Use Screech! Lower Bulbasaur’s defenses!” Jiroo shouted. Onix nodded and let out a high-pitched scream. Bulby writhed in pain at the sound.

    “Now! Use Body Slam!” Jiroo said, smiling evilly.

    “Gerooo!” Onix let out its battle cry and slammed into Bulby. He never even got a chance.

    “Bulbasaur is unable to battle. Onix is the winner of the round!!” The referee said.

    “Bulby. You did unbelievably well out there. You deserve this rest,” Tracey said kindly, smiling at Bulby.

    “Bulba…” Bulby smiled weakly at his trainer, and then stepped into the beam of light coming from the Poke Ball. Tracey’s face hardened as he looked at Jiroo.

    “You hurt my Bulby. You won’t get away with that. Go, Rikelec!” Tracey screamed.
    Jiroo just laughed.

    “Electrike won’t do any damage to Onix! Just give up!” Jiroo said, looking almost possessed. Tracey shook his head.

    “Rikelec could beat you any day. Now, use Howl! Boost your attack, Rikelec!

    “Elike!” Rikelec howled. Jiroo stared, and then turned to Onix.

    “Use Rock Throw, Onix!” Jiroo commanded. Onix broke rocks from the field and hurled them at Rikelec.

    “Rikelec! Wait for them to reach you, and then dodge them with Quick Attack!” Tracey shouted. Rikelec, though weak from the last battle, had been strengthened by Howl, and he nodded. The rocks came speeding toward Rikelec, and at the last second, Rikelec disappeared and dodged the rocks. Rikelec proceeded to smash into Onix.

    “Gerooo!” Onix roared, falling to the floor. It got up again, enraged at Rikelec.
    “That’s right, Onix. Use Iron Tail on Electrike!” Jiroo ordered. Tracey thought quickly.

    “Let Onix hit you, Rikelec!” he yelled. Rikelec, confused, stood his ground. Jiroo was puzzled. Onix hit Rikelec with Iron Tail, and then flinched. Rikelec had released its Static Ability. Onix was paralyzed.

    “What? But Onix is a Ground Type! It shouldn’t be affected!” Jiroo protested.

    “No, that’s where you’re wrong. Static is an Ability, not an attack. Ground types are resistant to electric attacks, not Abilities. A super-effective electric attack would also work.” Tracey explained.

    Jiroo just got even madder. He chuckled evilly and then pointed towards Rikelec.

    “Onix, use Facade! It’ll be 2x effective!” Jiroo ordered. Onix was unable to move.

    “Onix is fully paralyzed. It is unable to move!” the referee said.

    “Shut Up!” Jiroo shouted at the ref.

    “Sorry,” the referee said, backing down.
    Tracey saw his chance.

    “Rikelec! Use Charge attack!” Tracey commanded. Rikelec started sparking with electricity. Jiroo’s closed eyes widened in fear.

    “Now! Jiroo, I hope you like barbecue. Use Spark attack!” Tracey ordered. Rikelec, his electrical glands charged, released a powered up Spark attack. It fizzled out on Onix’s rocky skin.

    “No! What did I do wrong?” Tracey demanded.

    “Your Spark attack just couldn’t affect a Ground type!” Jiroo said happily, looking evilly overjoyed. Onix started to move slightly.

    “Now Onix is starting to loosen up. You’ll be sorry!” Jiroo cackled.

    “Rikelec! Use Spark again! Aim for Onix’s mouth!” Tracey cried desperately.
    Rikelec tried another Spark attack. This one hit its mark.

    “Gerrooo!” Onix cried, sizzling. It landed on the ground, twitching.

    “Onix is unable to battle. Tracey is the winner of this match!” the referee declared, hoping Jiroo wouldn’t yell at him again. Jiroo, on the contrary, seemed back to his kind self, released from the struggle of battle.

    Tracey was hugging Rikelec and practically crying with joy. He stopped to watch Jiroo tenderly pet Onix’s hard skin and then put him back in the Poke Ball. Jiroo walked up to Tracey.

    “You beat my big brother’s Pokemon. I stand corrected. You are a wonderful trainer. I have never seen such bonds between a trainer and his Pokemon before. You truly deserve the Boulder Badge.” He held out a small token. Tracey took it into his hand in wonder. The badge was surprisingly heavy.

    “Thank you, Jiroo.” Tracey said.
    “My first badge!” he exclaimed.

    “Elike!” Rikelec barked in happiness.

    “Take this also. It is the TM Rock Tomb. Use it wisely. And put that TM in the TM case. You’ll need it. Goodbye, I hope to meet you again, Tracey.” And with that, Jiroo walked into the shadows. Tracey looked down at the small disc. He stuck it in a slot of the TM case. He grinned at Rikelec, and they both walked out of the gym.
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

    Many, many thanks to Mew, who created this exceptional banner!

    Harry Potter and How I Met Your Mother are currently my life.

  22. #22
    Motig Guest

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    That was a good chapter. You should be proud of yourself. Could use more description. Good length, you can make it longer, but you don't have to.

    Good luck with the next chapter

    Your mate

    Shiny

  23. #23
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    Here it is. After about a year ^^;;

    Chapter Six

    Tracey walked out of the Pewter City Gym and stopped to pet Rikelec.
    “Thanks, buddy!” he said, smiling. Rikelec returned the smile, and then ran off to chase a Venonat. Tracey’s smile vanished as he looked down at Bulby’s Poke Ball.

    “Tracey!” a girl’s voice exclaimed. Tracey looked up to see Logan running towards him, her blonde hair playing across her face. Tracey shook his head and nodded towards Bulby’s Poke Ball.

    “Bulby was hurt in the battle. He’ll need to be revived…” Tracey trailed off as a trainer ran towards him. Logan looked around at the sound of the trainer’s footsteps. He had long, black hair, and brown rimmed glasses that amplified the size of his eyes to an enormous extent.

    “Sorry to bother you, miss, but I believe that is your Electrike attacking my Venonat over there,” the guy said, looking down at his feet and playing with his overly large glasses. He looked up at Logan, blushing. Logan stuttered, and Tracey stepped forward.

    “Actually, that’s my Pokemon,” he said, beckoning to the nerd to follow him. He started walking, but when nobody followed, looked back. The strange teenager was down on his knee, with Logan’s hand in his.

    “Will you go out with me?” he asked, practically drooling all over his white shirt. Logan looked horrified, and then regained her manners.

    “Ummm…. I’m already… going steady…with-uh, someone else.” She said.
    Tracey picked up the hint.

    “Yeah. Isn’t that right, Logan?” He proceeded to hesitantly put his arm around her, trying to make it look natural.

    “Oh, you. Then let’s battle, one on one. If I win, I get to be her boyfriend!” the teen said, sneering at Tracey. Logan looked uncomfortable at being a sort of prize, but Tracey couldn’t lose to this nerd.

    “You’re on!” Tracey yelled. The two pulled their Pokemon away from each other, and Logan nudged Tracey.

    “PLEASE don’t lose to that creep!” she said. Tracey felt the pressure and commanded Rikelec.

    “Let’s get started. Rikelec, Bite attack!” Rikelec barked and turned to face Venonat.

    “Venonat, Supersonic!” the opposer yelled. Venonat sent out a brilliant flash of rings at Rikelec. Rikelec chased at the rainbow circles, but then they hit. Rikelec started staggering around, confused.

    “No! Rikelec, attempt a Quick Attack!” Tracey cried desperately. Rikelec looked dazedly at its trainer. Very vaguely, he made a feeble jump at Venonat. Venonat easily dodged, and Rikelec hit the ground hard. Rikelec seemed to have shaken the confusion off, though.
    “Good! Rikelec, use Spark attack! Quick!” Tracey yelled. Rikelec started sparking with electricity. It glared at Venonat.

    “Venonat! Don’t take it lying down! Use Sleep Powder!” the dorky trainer yelled.

    “Veno!” Venonat shook its entire body and spores shook free from it. Rikelec charged in for Spark attack, only to be hit in the face by toxic spores. Rikelec fought to stay awake, struggling to fight for its trainer.

    “Elike…” It whimpered, and then fell asleep. Tracey tried to stay calm.

    “Rikelec, eat this…” he said softly, forcing a Chesto berry down Rikelec’s into Rikelec’s mouth. It shuddered, and then opened a bleary eye. Rikelec smiled at his trainer, and hopped up, ready to battle.

    “Rikelec, just so you don’t fall asleep, try that move we’ve been working on…. Uproar!” Tracey ordered. Rikelec nodded, and then opened its jaws wide and started howling at an earsplitting volume. Tracey plugged his ears with his fingers, waiting to see what would happen. He couldn’t tell what was happening to Venonat. Its bloodred eyes remained expressionless. Tracey unstuffed his ears as Rikelec finished up. He peered cautiously at Venonat, as did its trainer.

    “Venn…nat!” It said in a tired voice.

    “Yes! Rikelec, finish it with Spark!” Tracey yelled triumphantly. Nothing could stop Rikelec now as its fur grew coarse with electricity. It let out a battle cry and slammed into Venonat’s limp figure.

    “Venonat! Return…” the nerdy boy said. He glared at Tracey. Then his face softened.

    “You’re an awesome fighter. This girl is lucky to have a guy like you for a boyfriend. I hope we meet again.” With that he held out his hand. Tracey shook it reluctantly. He still didn’t like the attitude of the trainer. The nerd walked off, waving.

    Logan walked up to Tracey.

    “Thanks!” she said, smiling. Tracey nodded. He realized Rikelec was whimpering. It looked weak and sick from that last battle. He returned Rikelec.
    “I’ve got to get Bulby and Rikelec to the Pokemon Center. I’ll try to catch your battle with Jiroo afterwards. Good Luck!” Tracey smiled at Logan and headed off towards the Pokemon Center, secretly savoring those few moments when he pretended to be Logan’s boyfriend. By the time he reached the Center, he felt Rikelec might have fainted.

    “Please tend to my Pokemon, Nurse Joy!” Tracey panted, out of breath.

    “Right away. Did you just come from a Gym Battle with Jiroo, Tracey?” Nurse Joy seemed worried.

    “Yes. Why do you ask?” Tracey questioned.

    “It’s nothing. I just thought that you might have fought Flint, his father. Flint’s a brilliant Pokemon Trainer, but he doesn’t seem to give his heart to fighting anymore. He’ll battle here and there, but Jiroo’s the Gym Leader of the Gym now. Anyway, why don’t you give me those Pokemon, and I’ll revive them.” Nurse Joy held out her hand, and Tracey handed over the Poke Balls. Tracey paced back and forth, worried that Nurse Joy might not be able to help Bulby and Rikelec.

    “Tracey, I won!” Logan’s voice echoed through the Pokemon Center. She happily showcased her new Boulder Badge. Tracey tried to look happy, but his concern for his Pokemon just couldn’t be overlooked. Logan didn’t pick it up, though.

    “I can’t believe it! I didn’t battle Jiroo, though. His father, Flint, seemed to want to try his hand at the battle. Look! My Weedle is a Kakuna now!” Logan was bursting with happiness as she released an orangish-yellow Pokemon that was about two feet tall.
    Tracey forced a smile.

    “That’s wonderful, Logan. I won too. But Bulby got hurt. And now, Rikelec is also hurt. I just hope Nurse Joy can…” Tracey’s voice trailed off as he heard a bell ring somewhere in the Center. The sliding doors on then side of the Waiting Room opened, and Bulby ran out, leaping into Tracey’s arms. Tracey sighed in relief, and hugged Bulby.

    “Feeling better, Bulby?”

    “Bulba!” Bulby replied happily, overjoyed to see his trainer again. Just then, Rikelec bounded out, too. Rikelec knocked Tracey over and started licking his face. Tracey laughed and played with his Pokemon. Logan watched him, laughing as well.

    Later that day, Tracey and Logan decided not to stay the night, but to head on to Mount Moon. They waved good-bye to Nurse Joy, and set off, Bulby leaping circles around Tracey, and Rikelec running ahead excitedly, impatient.

    “Logan?” Tracey asked cautiously.

    “Yes, Tracey?” Logan asked back.
    “You know today, when I pretended to be your boyfriend?” Tracey proceeded, looking into Logan’s beautifully blue eyes.

    “Yes?”

    “Ummm, you did a very good…acting job” Tracey said, silently yelling at himself for not telling her. Logan just smiled.

    “Thanks, Tracey. That’s sweet!”

    Tracey just blushed.


    To be continued….

    Not the longest I coud have done, but this wasn't a chapter I was looking forward to... Chapter Seven will come... eventually...
    I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.



    ^This is my new fanfic. It's a work in progress, so please read and comment at your discretion. I hope you like it. I think you will.

    Many, many thanks to Mew, who created this exceptional banner!

    Harry Potter and How I Met Your Mother are currently my life.

  24. #24
    Motig Guest

    Default

    Pretty good. Its nice to see a new chapter. You could use some more description. I found the legth fine, just right, but do more, just because i'm satisfied, others might not.

    I hope the next is up soon, before Saturday would be fine.

    Good luck

    Your mate

    Shiny

  25. #25
    roodude15 Guest

    Default

    ok. I finally got a chance to read your newest chapters and i am amazed. You really are taking our opinions and advice and putting it into your story. It is very interesting and is detailed. Very good.

    ~roo~

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