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Thread: A Day in the Life of a Gym Leader[PG]

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    Default A Day in the Life of a Gym Leader[PG]

    I decided, as a challenge, that I'm going to start a little project entitled, as you can probably tell, “A Day in the Life of a Gym Leader.” Contrary to what the name implies, it will actually be a collection of 32, possibly 40, oneshots about each of the gym leaders, beginning with Brock. Be warned, there will be a fair amount of headcanon involved, but hopefully nothing too extreme. Also, this is Game-verse.


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    Indigo League



    Brock
    Misty
    Lt. Surge
    Erika
    Sabrina
    Janine
    Blaine






    BROCK



    Brock slammed his glass onto the counter of Pewter City's own Musty Attic tavern. If he was even slightly in his right mind, he probably would have questioned for the tenth (or was it the twentieth?) time why bars tended to have such idiotic---if somewhat fitting, he noted with a sniff---names. As it was, though, he had about five shots of one-hundred proof whiskey in him, almost enough to bring down the hardest of men.

    With watery eyes, he glanced up at the flat-screen television that was poised above the bar. It looked surprisingly expensive for a bar so... let's just say it was something of an eyesore. He strained to decipher the words and phrases spraying forth from the narrator's mouth. It sounded like some sort of documentary. He pulled his face into a grimace with the force he put towards trying to understand the words. They came to him, slowly...

    “Despite the exploration team's best efforts, however, the rare, oddly colored Pokemon eluded detection. The rumored red Gyarados failed to appear, even fleetingly, to the crestfallen team...”

    Nothing of interest to a Rock-type specialist. He slumped from his position, leaning against the flat surface of the bar with his hand on his cheek, to rest his head on his arm, face down. He let out a slight sob as the emotions inside of him twisted and turned. It all came back to one, specific, pink-haired girl: Nurse Joy.

    He tried so hard, every day, to impress her. Whenever a challenger lost in his gym, he would personally see that they brought their Pokemon to the Pokemon Center, and would even help treat them himself. He would hang around the Center in his free time, chatting and flirting with her, and usually she seemed to return the feelings. But whenever he brought up the topic of a possible date between them, she would always shoot him down.

    With another sob, he called the bartender over for another drink.

    “What's gotten into you, Brock?” the barkeeper asked.

    “Urgh...” he grumbled drunkenly. “S' Nurse Joy again.”

    “Ah, I see.” The bartender leaned over by him and set down the glass he had been drying. “Y'know, Brock,” he murmured, “I know you like Nurse Joy and all, but don't you think it's about time you try for a different girl? Something's bound to come your way. It just isn't a good idea to spend all this time getting down over her, y'see?”

    Brock glanced up at the barkeeper, a half-joyful, half-disappointed smile on his face. “Know what I like 'bout you, Mickey?” You're always... always down... d-down 'n real. You're a real pal, brother.”

    Mickey smiled and went back to his duties. “What you say,” he called over his shoulder.

    A new girl... He could try that, Brock decided. Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be any really obvious (or good, for that matter) choices. There was Misty... but no, she already had a boyfriend, and she was rather monogamous. He could try Sabrina, but he rather enjoyed his masculinity, thank-you-very-much. That left Erika and Janine, but Erika was too uptight for his tastes and Arceus forbid Koga let him get within ten miles of the master ninja's daughter. What to do, then...?

    Just as he was about to give up, a girl about his age approached him and hopped up onto the barstool right next to him.

    “Brock? Is that you?” she asked excitedly.

    “”D'pends. Who's askin'?” was his gruff reply.

    She blinked rapidly when their gazes met and glanced at her feet briefly. “I'm Robin. Robin Banks? I used to help you dig up rocks on route 3.” She chuckled. “It's been a couple years since then, though, so I'm not surprised you don't remember.”

    “Robin... Robin...” his lips spread in a warm smile as he began to recall (although it was difficult with his blood alcohol level. Then again, he did begin to sober up at the memories). “Ah, yes, I remember now. You were the one who helped me find the fossil that became my Omastar!”

    “Yes, that was me.” She chuckled nervously. “It's been forever since I saw you, and I was in town, so I thought I'd look you up, just for old time's sake.”

    That didn't make sense. How did she know he was in the bar?

    “Well, alright... but why would you think I was here, of all places?”

    “Oh, ah, well...” she coughed briefly. “About that. I remembered you talking about how much you loved this one brand of whiskey, and then when I got here and went to the Pokemon Center, I heard Nurse Joy fuming about how you would never leave her alone, or something like that, so I just assumed you would be...”

    Brock smacked his forehead. That was the last thing he wanted to hear right now. Pretty soon, the entire city would know that he had gotten rejected big-time. With his luck, they'd start laughing at him about it and no one would be able to take him seriously anymore.

    “Pfft,” he snorted, “Nurse Joy? Who needs her? I'm free as a mountain rock without her!” he declared, lifting his head to the ceiling and beating his chest with his fist.

    She smiled weakly at his, in her eyes, undeserved pride. Still, he was a good guy, even if he was a little in over his head.

    He turned back to face her. “So. If you're here for old times sake, what do you say we go to my place? We can catch up, I can show you my fossil collection, maybe we could watch a movie, or something?” he asked with a sly smile.

    “Sure,” she smiled, “I'd like that.”

    Brock gave Mickey a little wave, indicating for the barkeeper to put the cost on his tab, and led the girl to the door. Inside, he was celebrating. It looked like his streak of bad luck was about to come to an end.
    Last edited by disclaimer065; 4th November 2011 at 3:22 AM.

  2. #2
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    It's genius!

    For some reason, I can't wait for Wattson!

    I like how you made Brock an unsophisticated alcoholic and not the smart Brock we usually see.

    I found only one error, here:
    Quote Originally Posted by disclaimer065 View Post
    “Know what I like 'bout you, Mickey?” You're always... always down... d-down 'n real. You're a real pal, brother.”
    There shouldn't be any end quotation after Mickey, but that's nothing a post edit can't fix!

    So it seems like Nurse Joy does get annoyed by Brock....

    I eagerly await more of these!

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    I love it! I'm guessing Misty is going to be spending her time thinking about Red or Ash or whatever.
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    This is a really cute idea. I liked the combination of the anime characteristics (the skirt chasing) and the games (a bit more rough edged).

    Were you implying that Sabrina's a lesbian or just that she was domineering?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Remoraidonawarship View Post
    This is a really cute idea. I liked the combination of the anime characteristics (the skirt chasing) and the games (a bit more rough edged).

    Were you implying that Sabrina's a lesbian or just that she was domineering?
    Oh, just dominating.

    Thanks everyone! Misty should be done by Wednesday or Thursday, assuming I can work out the kinks in my plan for her...

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    Helloo....

    Intesting idea you have mate. Going through all the gym leaders is going to take you a lot of time, I hope you dedicate this project the enough time to make it a whole success.

    On Brock's one-shot... Reaaally, really interesting. It was a nice change of pace to see him drowning his sorrows in alcohol, and not chasing a girl relentlessly like he usually does on the anime. I'm sure that bartender sees him around a lot, and I'm surprised by the amount of alcohol he consumed, but as far as I know (or as I've seen) a girl rarely approaches a drunk man in a bar... But, I'll buy it if the girl has some interest.

    On the downside, I found no description of Mickey or Robin. I know it is a one-shot, but still, characters should be described at least in some extent to stimulate the reader's imagination.

    Grammatically this is well written (as far as I can tell, for I'm no grammar genius), and I really liked your writing style, it made me feel part of the story.

    I will follow this project closely...

    Thanks for your time, I look forward to the next update!!
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    Welp, here's Misty, several days late.



    MISTY



    It was the greatest dream Misty had ever had.

    The waves crashed over her as she sped through the sea. She flew through the water like a Fire Blast through a Shedinja. She was elated; she rarely got to spend much time in the water when she wasn’t training her Pokémon.

    It was heaven. The water had just the right amount of chill—not too cold, but enough to be refreshing. She opened her eyes briefly to spot scores of Pokémon drifting through the current beneath her. From Tentacool to Goldeen and even to Seel, a vast array of creatures smiled up at her, encouraging her to go faster. And so she did.

    The Water-type trainer made quick strokes through the water, speeding through it faster than she ever had before. Ten, twenty, thirty yards she went, popping up briefly every minute or so for air. It was exhilarating to catch that first breath of salty air, air that cut the nose and cleared the senses, before plunging back down into the icy-blue depths of the ocean.

    Then she was caught in a swift current that dragged her along, off course. She fought to escape it, and with a decisive kick, shot off back on track. She shot up for air once more, and heard the steady cheering of spectators. Oh how they loved to watch her swim, some even traveling from as far away as Johto to see her. She was the Mermaid of Cerulean, after all. Liked by all and loved by some, she was a water trainer like no other.

    She was almost done. She could feel it. All good things must come to an end, but she wasn’t sad. In fact, she was excited. Months of practice and training were a small price to pay for the ability to stun spectators and leave opponents in the dust. Or bubbles, as it were.

    A roar like that of the sea rose in her ears, radiating deep within her and pounding on her eardrums as if the sea was an all-drum orchestra. It was time. She gathered energy deep within her, pushed it to her legs, snapped them together, and…

    She was in the air. She flew clear out of the water, twisting and turning stylishly as the ocean breeze whipped all of the last vestiges of sea water from her pearly skin. She landed perfectly, snapping her legs apart in a split against the concrete floor. She had about five seconds of silence before cheers erupted all around her.

    She was high in the air now, being carted around by a mob of fans as the referee blew his whistle to signal an end to the race. In moments, she was dumped on a stand, where she stood proudly in the icy breeze and blazing sun as a golden medallion was placed around her neck. It was heavy, but she held her head high as thousands of fans, old and young alike, screamed her name.

    Suddenly, the crowd faded from her vision as a figure stood from an exquisite chair and began marching slowly toward her. The figure was bathed in an odd shadow, odd due to the fact that it was midday and they were in the middle of the Seafoam Islands. The shadow slowly slid from the figure’s body as the sun began to dramatically shine on her glistening flesh and extravagantly styled auburn hair. It was Lorelei, the Ice trainer and once member of the Kanto/Johto Elite Four.

    Misty almost fainted at the sight of her idol. She sank to her knees and began to worship the master trainer. As her gaze lifted once more, she saw Lorelei’s lips begin to part, as if to speak. But no sound came, instead a shrill screech sounded.

    The vision rapidly faded into white as Misty was ripped violently from her dream. She sat up in bed, a few drops of sweat clinging to her face and almost nude body. The sheets slid down her body as she swung forward, wicking some of the sweat away from her chest and abdomen. She slapped her forehead groggily as she realized she had been ‘swimming’ in her sleep. The annoyed Cerulean Gym Leader glanced at her shrieking alarm clock to spot the time. It was 7:30 in the morning.

    “****.”

    She tossed the faulty machine across the room and slammed her head back onto her pillow, mashing a blanket onto her face. The day had barely begun and already she was ready to slap someone. It was going to be a bad one, for sure.
    Last edited by disclaimer065; 21st April 2011 at 12:45 AM.

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    This is rather good, imo - thoroughly enjoyed these two entries you have here so far. Love the style of writing and you certainly bring life to the gym leader's characters there, and it was a refreshing take on Brock as well - can't say I've seen that side of him before in any fan's take on him. Dialogue reads nicely and feels 'real' as well, coupled with the actions of how they are said as well... in short, I'm rather looking forward to the other ones coming up, certainly. =)

    I do agree with RoflLuxRay that some more description of the bartender and more so Robin would be something to consider - it came to mind upon reading that it was a bit lacking before I read that comment as well so maybe consider adding in a bit.

    A new girl... He could try that, Brock decided.
    Another suggestion would be to put thoughts like that in italics or 'thought' or the such so it's easier to recognise that it is something thought straight away instead of possibly thinking it as narration instead.
    Suddenly, the crowd cleared in her vision as a figure stood from an exquisite chair and began marching slowly toward her.
    'in her vision' sounded a bit awkward to me (unless by vision you mean dream in which case I'd say that's a bit odd to put if you want to keep the whole 'it's just a dream' thing away from being revealed until the end) - maybe a bit of rewording there (...the crowd cleared before her as a figure...' for instance?) would be something to consider.
    Mist almost fainted at the sight of her idol.
    missing the 'y' there in Misty.

    Keep it up - I think I'll be keeping an eye on this. =)

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    Awesome! Keep up the good work. I want to see Green, that should be cool.
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    Well you surely didn't let me down on Misty. Good job.

    I don't know, but i sensed some redundancy across the fic, but don't worry too much, it might be my imagination.

    And talking about imagination, eeeeverything in the fic is great. Except for description. By this I mean about the character and the place, the Situation couldn't be better.

    Quote Originally Posted by disclaimer065
    The waves crashed over her as she sped through the sea. She flew through the water like a Fire Blast through a Shedinja.
    Ok, she's in the sea and the other sentence really gives me a good idea of how she is in the sea.

    Quote Originally Posted by disclaimer065
    She shot up for air once more, and heard the steady cheering of spectators.
    Ok... wasn't she in the sea? From where did the spectators came out of and how come I never found out about the race? Where are the other contestants? Perhaps those questions remain unanswered because, after all, she's dreaming. But still, you really kept the place dark for the reader. Again, the situation is described accurately, you really get to understand Misty's position throghout the story, but the place requires more work.

    Certainly not what I expected to see of Misty, I hope you can keep surprising me like that on future One-shots.

    Thanks for your time, I look forward to the next update
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    Thanks, guys.
    I do agree with RoflLuxRay that some more description of the bartender and more so Robin would be something to consider - it came to mind upon reading that it was a bit lacking before I read that comment as well so maybe consider adding in a bit.
    I agree as well, and it's a valid point, but I'm trying to keep these at a minimum while still being a good length and, of course, focusing on the Gym Leader. So, unfortunately, it just doesn't warrant me spending too much time on side characters.

    Another suggestion would be to put thoughts like that in italics or 'thought' or the such so it's easier to recognise that it is something thought straight away instead of possibly thinking it as narration instead.
    You're right. I usually do, too, but I can be a little inconsistent on that.

    'in her vision' sounded a bit awkward to me (unless by vision you mean dream in which case I'd say that's a bit odd to put if you want to keep the whole 'it's just a dream' thing away from being revealed until the end) - maybe a bit of rewording there (...the crowd cleared before her as a figure...' for instance?) would be something to consider.
    In hindsight, I agree. It's supposed to be that they literally faded away, so that certainly could use some rewording.

    missing the 'y' there in Misty.
    fix'd

    Keep it up - I think I'll be keeping an eye on this. =)
    Thanks, and I appreciate you taking the time to review.




    Ok... wasn't she in the sea? From where did the spectators came out of and how come I never found out about the race? Where are the other contestants? Perhaps those questions remain unanswered because, after all, she's dreaming. But still, you really kept the place dark for the reader. Again, the situation is described accurately, you really get to understand Misty's position throghout the story, but the place requires more work.
    I meant for it to come on slowly, because I didn't want people to know she was in a race from the start.

    Thanks for your time.



    Hopefully Lt. Surge won't take quite as long. I do have a solid idea that I'm gonna go for, so hopefully I'll be able to do it more easily.

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    I'll keep track of this
    If you plan to have one(if not it's fine) could you add me to a pm list?
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    I agree as well, and it's a valid point, but I'm trying to keep these at a minimum while still being a good length and, of course, focusing on the Gym Leader. So, unfortunately, it just doesn't warrant me spending too much time on side characters.
    Well up to you of course. XD I do feel that a bit of description wouldn't take much attention away from the gym leader in question as well, and nor would it affect the length (as I'm of the belief there isn't always an exact length to aim for, but rather the story should be as long as it has to be to tell its story, and added description could be as little as another sentence or two as well). My two cents anyways. ;p

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    Some more description would be nice, because we don't really know how Mickey and Robin look like.

    Generally, I really like this; it's nice to get into the personal lives of the gym leaders. Needless to say, I can't wait until Falkner, Winona, and Skyla's one-shots come out... Duh. Keep up the good work!
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    Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. I've just had a bunch to deal with in the past few weeks, death in the family, accidents with friends, so I hope that's excusable.

    I feel like the actual storytelling in this one suffered. Hopefully the length will make up for that though, because this one is considerably longer than the two before it.

    Enjoy.



    SURGE



    Click. Point. Pull.

    Crack. Bang. Boom.

    Three shots. Three bull's eyes.

    A smirk flitted across his face. He still had it. Lieutenant Surge placed his pistol on the counter in front of him and removed the large, heavily padded ear muffs from his head. He set these next to the pistol on the counter.

    Fifteen long years it had been since he had fired a shot in service to a cause. Nowadays he did simply out of fondness for his past and his homeland.

    Sighing, the forty-three-year-old war veteran packed up his equipment, making sure the pistol was devoid of any remaining shots, and made his way to the front room of the firing range. After offering a small wave to the man at the counter, he placed a pair of sheer black shades over his eyes as he pushed open the plate-glass door and stepped out into the mid-morning chill.

    The spring-time sun washed over his face as he walked (All the better to have the shades, he thought). It was a short distance to his truck, made all the shorter by the wide strides associated with height that he took. A light breeze ruffled his medium-length hair as he walked; he was due for a cut soon.

    Upon reaching the vehicle, he wasted no time piling his briefcase into the passenger's seat. He slammed the door shut out of habit and made his way around to the driver's side. As he reached for the black plastic handle, a voice approached from behind, coupled with the heavy slaps of leather boots.

    “Alexander Damien Surge, born in Nimbasa City, Unova. Age forty-three, former First Lieutenant in the United States army, now retired. Lives in Vermilion City, Kanto. That sound about right?” The voice was gruff, overtly Russian, and even vaguely familiar...

    His mind kicked into overdrive. Over one-hundred distinct methods of incapacitating an opponent ran through his head as his hand slowly dropped from the door handle and to the knife he kept sheathed and hidden in his pocket.

    “Yeah... and who might you be?” he said as he slowly turned around to face the stranger, his grip secured around the knife.

    Surge saw a man who looked to be about his age, at least from what he could see; the man had a ball cap pulled down over his face (Why does everyone have a ball cap these days?). A smile spread across the stranger's face as he slowly lifted the cap from his face, revealing warm features dusted with a graying goatee and mustache.

    “What? You do not recognize your old friend?”

    Surge's grip loosened around the knife as the man walked up and lightly embraced him. He gave a quick squeeze in return.

    “Sergeant Kravich? What are you doing here in Japan?”

    “It's 'Captain' Kravich, now. I just thought I would check up on you, since nobody has heard from you in quite some time.”

    “Oh... Well, congratulations on the promotion, and thanks for the thought, but I assure you I'm just fine.” Surge turned back to his vehicle and made to enter when he felt his former army mate's hand on his shoulder.

    “What? You are not happy to see your old friend?”

    Surge let his grip on the door handle slacken and fall to his side. “No, no, it's not that, it's just... Hell, I don't know.” He turned back around to face the former Russian citizen and lifted his arm to gaze at his watch. “It's about time for lunch... Here, why don't we go someplace and catch up?”

    “That would be good.”

    The two of them climbed into the truck (Surge moved his gun case to a small space between the seats to make room) and pulled out of the parking lot, and were soon heading downtown.

    “So, you're the guest. What're you thinking?” Surge inquired after a few minutes of driving around aimlessly.

    “Ah... Something simple, this Japanese food doesn't sit well with my stomach. A burger joint, perhaps?”

    Surge glanced quizzically over at the foreigner from behind his sunglasses. “You do realize how unlikely it is that we'll find a burger joint around here, right?”

    “There's bound to be one around here someplace. We'll just have to keep our eyes open.”

    Sure enough, within a few minutes they chanced upon a simple, American-style fast food restaurant. Just minutes later, they had acquired their food and were sitting in a booth, chowing down.

    “So,” said Surge between bites, “how's Cecilia?”

    “Oh yes, Cecilia. She's uh... She's doing well. She is working in a law firm these days. She once said it was her life's ambition, you know? So, yes, I'm very happy for her.” The Russian looked away from Surge as he said this. He seemed preoccupied, like there was something he was dying to say, but couldn't find the moment to do so.

    “Hmm. Well, that's good for her.” Surge took a large sip from his soda. “You know, I'm surprised you two haven't settled down someplace yet. It's been quite a while, hasn't it?”

    Kravich glanced back at Surge momentarily, before taking another bite form his burger. “Yes, well... I don't know. I suppose it's mostly my fault. I don't do so well with commitments. As much as I would like to get married, buy a house somewhere, and raise a family, I can't find the will to take that first step, you know?”

    “Can't say I do. It must have taken quite a bit of commitment to make it to where you are in the army, didn't it?”

    “This is different. You'll find yourself a woman someday, Surge, and you'll see just how differently your brain works when it concerns them. As you well know, I have faced strong men and monsters without flinching. Yet face me with a woman, and I am like a child.”

    Surge took a moment to think on Kravich's words, nodding as they poured into his ears. Kravich was a strong man, a proud man. It must have taken an incredible amount of courage to tell him that. Deciding to change the subject, he took a glance around the room, taking in the far-off, but still familiar, sights, sounds, and scents. Most people in the restaurant were white or black, though there was an occasional Asian cautiously testing his food.

    “This place really takes me back. It'd be nice to see America again.”

    Kravich found his moment. “Funny you should mention that, actually.”

    “Why's that?”

    “I've been thinking... You know as well as I do of the unrest in other parts of the world. It is smelling like there will be war soon. And that made me think... I would like to fight by your side again, Surge.”

    This hit Surge like a cattle prod. He had never considered going back to the army. “Geez, I-I don't know. I have so much of a life here, I don't think I could ever just give it up so easily.”

    Kravich's face fell, but he retained his confident demeanor. “I understand,” he said, removing a pen and paper from his pocket. He quickly scribbled down a number and handed it to Surge. “It would be rude of me to expect an immediate answer. Here's my cell number. Why don't you think on it for a while, then tell me what you think?”

    “Uh, yeah, sure. I mean... Yeah.”

    They quickly finished their meal and went outside to the truck. Kravich told Surge that he could just take a cab, but Surge insisted on ferrying him back to his hotel. When they arrived, a brief goodbye was made, and Surge headed back to his house above the gym.

    For the rest of the day, Surge went about his routine normally, only occasionally giving the matter any thought.

    When twilight drew near, Surge found himself in the shower. Any other part of the day, he would be working out, dealing with gym business, or dealing with some other trivial matter that required all of his attention. It wasn't until the day was almost over that he ever had time to think. And now, he had a decision to make...

    He could hardly deny one of his closest friends such a simple (relatively, at least) request, even if they had not spoken in years. The very fact that Kravich had come in person spoke wonders for the devotion the Russian held to his former CO. He still had family back in the States, as well, that he would love to visit, if only briefly.

    But he couldn't well just up and leave everything he had here behind. The League would be without a Gym Leader for quite a while, potentially placing a plethora of challenges on hold. And the other Leaders would be without a friend...

    He finished rather quickly and toweled himself off. It was too big of a decision to make in one night.

    After he finished drying and dressing, he sat in a reclining chair in his living room, reading a magazine just to let his mind wander from the monolithic choice that faced him.

    As he read, he heard a squeaky, if deep and rough, call sound throughout the house. In moments, he felt a great weight on his legs: Raichu had done its best to curl up in his lap. He lightly stroked the rodent's fur, reliving the times they had spent together in the army. Raichu had been such a tough and energetic companion then, but now... the rat found it difficult to last an entire battle. The Electric-type was getting old.

    Surge would never be able to go back to the army without Raichu, that he was sure of. He lifted the rat from his lap and stood, placing the Pokemon back on the chair. He silently made his way to the phone and dialed the number from the paper he had received earlier. In moments, the recipient picked up.

    “Hello? Who is this?”

    “It's me, Surge.” he said lightly.

    “Ah, excellent. I didn't expect for you to get back to me so soon! What have you decided?”

    “I can't do it, Kravich. I'm sorry.”

    There was silence on the other end for several moments. A sigh came through the line. “Well, I suppose that's that, then. It would have been wonderful to have you serve under me, but I suppose I cannot force your hand. ...What made you decide to stay?”

    “It was Raichu. He's getting on in years. It just wouldn't be the same without him.”

    “I understand. Well, you have my number now. Be sure to keep in touch, won't you?”

    “Yeah... plus... it would be much better for my sanity to stay here. I think going back to the States after all this time would just be too much of a culture shock.”
    Last edited by disclaimer065; 25th April 2011 at 9:49 PM.

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    niceeeeeeeeeeeee. I agree it has less story telling, i didn't see any errors. But a bit to realistic for my taste...Overall, keep up the goo-great work!






    Quote Originally Posted by disclaimer065 View Post

    “Yeah... plus... it would be much better for my sanity to stay here. I think going back to the States after all this time would just be too much of a culture shock.”
    shock lol
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    Good chapter. I liked how you took the side of Lt. Surge being a hero instead of a bad guy like in the manga. Can't wait for the next one.
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    Surge is great, another point of view from what we're used to see from him.

    The story is great, I loved surge. But on the downside I felt you rushed through the story. You could have stopped and described Kravich a little more, other than just "Russian" and with a cap. Description still needs more work. If you improve it, MAN this will get EPIC.

    Awww... Raichu is getting old... and one more thing... Though this depends more on the writer, i would have to disagree with Kanto being placed in Japan. YES I am aware there is a region in Japan named KANTO and YES it is based upon that place, but I think that for pokemon purposes it's better to separate it from that island. Just my opinion, it doesn't have to do anything with the story, just my opinion.

    Thanks for your time, I look forward to the next update
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    Agreed that a bit more description on secondary characters would potentially improve this again (although I do feel that Kanto being treated as Japan here makes sense personally). Besides that again it was an enjoyable one-shot - I liked this take on Surge and the fact he stayed behind because of his Raichu was a neat direction and way to conclude it.
    The spring-time sun washed over his face as he walked (All the better to have the shades, he thought).
    Not sure if the thought needs to start with a capital in the middle of the sentence - maybe it'd be better to separate the two parts of the sentence into separate ones?
    “Sergeant Kravich? What are doing here in Japan?”
    Missing a 'you' there.
    The League would be without Gym Leader for quite a while, potentially placing a plethora of challenges on hold.
    And missing an 'a' there.

    Already looking forward to the next one. =) Don't try to rush it or anything though especially if life stuff gets int he way, the wait for this one was not too long imo and irl things should take precedence. At any rate, keep it up!

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    Ah, that was interesting. I'll be commenting on the chapters one by one, so here goes nothing.


    Brock:

    Very simple, but at the same time enjoyable. I like how you characterize Brock around his type specialty - but not simply based off it, but in a way contradicting it. He has a "rock-hard" exterior, but deep down he's just a hopeless romantic.

    It might be a personal nitpick, but I tend to italicize the written-out thoughts of my characters. It's kind-of confusing to see his thoughts blended in with the story's narrations and dialogues since they're another thing altogether. [Although I see you correct this in your Lt. Surge chapter. Eh, I still feel like putting it here anyway XD].


    A few things though:

    That left Erika and Janine, but Erika was too uptight for his tastes and Arceus forbid Koga let him get within ten miles of the master ninja's daughter. What to do, then...?
    Maybe change this to "his"? Having Koga and "the master ninja" in one sentence seems a bit redundant, and I don't really think Koga would tell people to "leave the master ninja's daughter alone" - he would tell them to "leave his daughter alone".

    Also, isn't Arceus the Pokemon God? While I do find it interesting if it's the God of the entire Pokemon world [humans included], that's kind-of contradicted by the fact that Arceus can be captured [at least in the games]. But this isn't really the place to debate about this. :P


    “It's been forever since I saw you, and I was in town, so I thought I'd look you up, just for old time's sake.”
    Bolded phrase sounds odd. I say use the conventional "look for you", but it might be a result of Brock's weird accent...


    It all came back to one, specific, pink-haired girl: Nurse Joy.
    I don't think the commas are needed.


    I also agree with what your other reviewers have said, though, with the lack of description for the other characters, but I'm also taking it further to the fact that you didn't describe Brock as well. Even though everyone pretty much knows what he looks like, it would be nice if some physical description of him [and, well, the other characters] were present.



    Misty:

    I admit that I like Brock's chapter more than Misty's, since her chapter was simply that of a dream and not of a day . But it was another interesting chapter, and you do add several interesting tidbits on Misty, such as her idolizing Lorelei and her actually "swimming" in her sleep.

    I would've liked this chapter to be expanded on, though, since with you only focusing on her dream [and her immediate reaction after it], you didn't really bring out a lot of her personality. What made Brock's chapter enjoyable was your take on how he acted outside the gym, so I missed that in her chapter.


    One other thing:

    In moments, she was dumped on a stand, where she stood proudly in the icy breeze and blazing sun as a golden medallion was placed around her neck.
    Is this really the right word? For a second there I thought she was picked up and thrown at the stand. XD



    Surge:

    You've shown improvement with this chapter, which is really commendable. Surge's characterization looks pretty solid, and I liked how you gave more of a background to him than the previous two leaders. I also liked the small bit in the end with the Raichu - only one out of the three so far that actually sees human-Pokemon interaction. I also like how you hinted that all the gym leaders have close ties with each other. Hopefully in one of your few chapters you bring that up. XD


    A few corrections:

    It was a short distance to his truck, made all the shorter by the wide strides associated with height, and thus long legs, he took.
    This sounds kinda awkward, especially the latter part. I like how you indirectly reference the Vermilion truck, though. [I'm not even sure if you meant to. But eh. XD]


    “It's 'Captain' Kravich, now. I just thought I would check up on you, since nobody has heard from you in quite some time.”
    ...but he's a gym leader. Why would people not hear anything about him? x_x


    He turned back around to face the former Russian and lifted his arm to gaze at his watch.
    I don't get why "former" is included.



    Interesting series indeed. About time people shed light on such interesting characters. I personally can't wait for my faves [Elesa, Winona and Tate and Liza], and if you're going to do Blue since based on Brock's story you're doing it at the time of Johto.

    Anyway, really nice stories, and keep up the good work! =)


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    The story is great, I loved surge. But on the downside I felt you rushed through the story. You could have stopped and described Kravich a little more, other than just "Russian" and with a cap. Description still needs more work. If you improve it, MAN this will get EPIC.
    Well, I'm trying. At least I showed a bit more of his personality.

    Though this depends more on the writer, i would have to disagree with Kanto being placed in Japan. YES I am aware there is a region in Japan named KANTO and YES it is based upon that place, but I think that for pokemon purposes it's better to separate it from that island. Just my opinion, it doesn't have to do anything with the story, just my opinion.
    My view is that, as real world places are referenced frequently in the various canons, the Pokemon world is an alternate universe version of the real world. Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh are parts of Japan, Unova is a part of the US, other, as-of-yet-unnamed regions are parts of other countries.

    Thank you.



    Not sure if the thought needs to start with a capital in the middle of the sentence - maybe it'd be better to separate the two parts of the sentence into separate ones?
    Yeah... I dunno how to handle that, and I don't know if there's any concrete rules for it, so I just went with what looked best to me.

    Thanks for the corrections.



    Maybe change this to "his"? Having Koga and "the master ninja" in one sentence seems a bit redundant, and I don't really think Koga would tell people to "leave the master ninja's daughter alone" - he would tell them to "leave his daughter alone".
    The thing with that is that I've already applied "his" to Brock in the same sentence; I'd be confusing pronouns.

    Also, isn't Arceus the Pokemon God? While I do find it interesting if it's the God of the entire Pokemon world [humans included], that's kind-of contradicted by the fact that Arceus can be captured [at least in the games]. But this isn't really the place to debate about this. :P
    Yeah, I suppose so. I dunno, I just prefer to make things as relevant to the Pokemon world as possible (like when I said "like a Fire Blast through a Shedinja" in Misty's when I could easily have just done the one about a hot knife and butter. Also, you technically can't catch him in the games, since it requires an item that hasn't been released. Otherwise you can only get him through an event, and I don't consider events to be canon.

    Bolded phrase sounds odd. I say use the conventional "look for you", but it might be a result of Brock's weird accent...
    It's a phrase type-thing.

    I admit that I like Brock's chapter more than Misty's, since her chapter was simply that of a dream and not of a day .
    Yeah, the title's a bit of a misnomer in that regard. The point isn't to go through and describe an entire day in their life, but rather to explore something special about that character. I'm pretty Surge's is the only one that's even going to encompass an entire day, but I think it's a bit too early to speak of.

    This sounds kinda awkward, especially the latter part. I like how you indirectly reference the Vermilion truck, though. [I'm not even sure if you meant to. But eh. XD]
    Eh, a truck, the truck, it's all the same. Well, not really... In all honesty, I hadn't even thought about that, but I guess that works even better.

    ...but he's a gym leader. Why would people not hear anything about him? x_x
    Kanto's quite a ways away from the US.

    I don't get why "former" is included.
    Because he's no longer a Russian citizen, he's only Russian in ethnicity. I suppose I should add soemthing about it being his citizenship...

    I personally can't wait for my faves [Elesa, Winona and Tate and Liza]
    Oh geez. Whenever someone mentions that they can't wait for a specific one, I always worry that I'll screw it up.

    ...and if you're going to do Blue since based on Brock's story you're doing it at the time of Johto.
    Yup, it's all in current canon. Although, I am thinking of a way I might be able to include Giovanni in Blue's. But if not, then yes, Blue instead of Giovanni, Janine instead of Koga, etc.

    Thank you for the, er, extensive review.

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    Wow; Surge's story was such an improvement from Brock's and Misty's. It was longer, had more plot to it, and included some nice human-Pokemon interaction at the end. However, character description, as other people said, is still pretty sparse. Aside from that, I don't have much to say.

    Also, I was a bit confused with the inclusion of America, Japan, and Russia in the story. I can understand that America is Unova and Japan is Kanto, but where's Russia in the Pokemon world? And what real-life regions correspond to Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh?

    Do you have a PM list for this fic? I'd love to be on it.
    I derp.

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    ERIKA







    “Erika! The mail's here!” The Celadon Gym Leader lifted her eyes from the book she was reading and glanced over at the French doors that led to her den and library as a cheerful girl in a black dress bounded in, her brown curls leaping around her face joyfully. The girl raced over to Erika, proudly displaying several letters and a package in her arms. Erika forced a smile as the young girl dumped the contents of that day's mail into Erika's lap.

    Erika set her book and cup of tea on the side-table and began sorting through the letters. It was pretty standard stuff; water, heat, and electricity bills, a reminder about the party being held at Lance's mansion for his birthday, a couple of requests for donations to charity. The package, however, was much more unique. The Grass princess furrowed her brow as she read the return address, or more specifically, the names on it: Brier and Holly (the last name had been smudged, somehow)---her parents.

    She briefly glanced over the rest of the package. The shipping label in particular caught her eye: it had been shipped by some company she had never even heard of (Orion Packaging: “OP – We Deliver”). That was just like her parents, though, to use some small-time company like that. Knowing them, they probably went to high school with the owner or something.

    Deciding to open it later, Erika set the mail on the side-table and yawned, placing a hand over her lips to stifle it. When her eyes slip open again, she noticed the young woman still standing dutifully by her chair, bright pink lips stretched in a perpetual smile.

    “Michelle?”

    “Yes, Erika?”

    “Is there... something you want?”

    Oh, there's something I want, alright... “N-no, not really.”

    Erika stood carefully and indicated a chair on the other side of the small room from her own. “Please, sit.” Michelle quickly took a seat as Erika gracefully glided over to a counter where a pot of tea sat on a burner. Her kimono flapped briefly around her ankles as she walked. “Tea?” she asked.

    “Oh, yes, please!” Michelle exclaimed. A few moments later, Erika handed the young trainer a steaming cup of tea and returned to her seat with a fresh cup of her own.

    “Michelle,” Erika said as she sat, “Why do you insist on retrieving the mail everyday?”

    Michelle took a sip of tea before answering. “I just, uh, think you could use some time for yourself, you know? After all, you do the most with the gym. The rest of us just sit around all day.”

    “I see.” Erika took a long sip of her tea. She highly doubted what the girl said was true. Challengers rarely came to her gym anymore, so that left her with plenty of free time. It was more likely that the rest of the Gym trainers were hazing the girl to initiate her as a full member of the Gym.

    In the absence of conversation, the newest member of the Celadon Gym gazed around the room, staring at the plants. She seemed uncomfortable with them, as she grimaced lightly after staring at them for a few seconds. Every so often, her gaze would return to Erika, though her eyes would immediately dart away again. After a while, she began drumming the fingers of her free hand on the chair's arm.

    “Why are you here, Michelle?”

    Michelle's gaze snapped to Erika. She looked bewildered. “I, uh, I like plants?” She didn't even seem sure herself.

    “Really. Tell me, how much do you know about plants?”

    Michelle was nervous. Erika wasn't speaking maliciously, in fact, she thought it impossible for that soft, kind voice to ever speak ill of anything. No, it was just that no one usually bothered to ask her about herself, even if it was something as simple as that.

    “Lots. There's the roots, and the stem, and the leaves. Flowers have pollen... lots.”

    “Lying doesn't suit you well, Michelle,” Erika said politely, sipping her tea.

    Michelle's face fell and she began twiddling her thumbs. “Yeah, I know...”

    “Why are you really here?”

    “I guess... I guess I like the peace here. Everyone gets along, no one judges you...”

    Erika cocked her head. “Nobody judges you? What reason would they have to do so?”

    “I don't want to talk about it.”

    “Hmm.” Another sip of tea. “Where are you from, Michelle?”

    “Viridian City.”

    “Why come to Celadon, if you wanted peace? Celadon is much bigger than Viridian.”

    “Yeah, I know, and there's the forest, too. The problem is that I can't be there all day. I'd have to come home eventually.”

    “So your family judged you.”

    “Y-yeah.” Michelle looked away. She stared hard at a painting of a fruit basket, unwilling to look back at Erika.

    “I understand how you feel.”

    “Do you?”

    “Well...” the Grass trainer mused, “I suppose not in the same context. But I understand how it feels to want to be away from your family.”

    “Oh.”

    They sat in silence for a few minutes. Michelle continued to gaze at the painting while Erika watched her carefully. Eventually, Michelle turned back to face her idol, who smiled at her pleasantly. Michelle bit her lip.

    “Why are you here?”

    “Why am I here?”

    “Yes.”

    “I suppose... why don't I show you?” Erika picked up the package from the side-table and held it out in front of her. “This is from my parents. Open it.” Michelle stood quickly, grabbed the package, and sat back down. She made short work of the tape and in no time had cleared away the balled-up newspapers that encased the object inside. “What is it?” Erika inquired.

    “It's... a Pokemon doll.”

    “What kind of Pokemon doll?”

    “...A Clefairy.”

    Erika sighed and set her tea down. She yawned briefly, then leaned to the right and rested her head on her hand. “I expected something like that. Mother enjoys her irony.”

    “I... don't get it.”

    "Clefairy is a Normal-type."

    "...So?"

    “My parents are a tad eccentric. Their idea of a fun time is going to the top of the Goldenrod department store at midnight and howling like Mightyena. They dragged me along several times as well.”

    Michelle's imagination taunted her with Erika howling, though in quite another way. She squirmed in her seat. “You didn't like it?”

    “No. I didn't. Although, the problem was more that they insisted on including me in their, ah, hi-jinks. I have no qualms with them having fun in their own little way. But that just wasn't who I was. Yet everything had to be just how wanted it, no matter how silly it was. They always made me dress in clothes that didn't match well, they put my hair into such silly styles, they read me the oddest stories.”

    Michelle nodded, cheered up that she wasn't the only one who had problems with her family. Her appearance reflected this change: she began smiling again, her eyes lit up. “So, the reason you're so quiet and... well, proper is just you rebelling against your parents?”

    “Rebelling? Goodness, no! I love them very much, and I really don't want to upset them. I'm just embracing who I am inside.” She took a final sip of her tea, draining the rest. “You should do that too,” she added.

    Michelle nodded, smiling, and finished off her tea. She glanced at the clock and decided it was time she left. Erika and she both stood. Erika took their teacups and placed them by the pot. Afterward, Erika guided her to the door.

    “Thank you so much for the tea and talk, Erika,” Michelle thanked her, lingering outside of the door.

    “It was no trouble, I assure you. I enjoyed myself. You can come back whenever you want.”

    “Erika... I think I-”

    “Michelle, you are a good friend, and I appreciate you opening up to me. But I am not the one you need to be yourself to. You cannot teach a sage something he already knows.” Erika placed her hand on Michelle's shoulder reassuringly.

    Michelle's face fell and her lips sagged into a silent 'o'. Finally, she spoke: “You... already know.”

    “I guessed.”

    “Oh, okay.” Michelle turned to leave, hanging her head. She hadn't gone more than two steps when she felt a pair of arms around her. Erika was hugging her.

    “Michelle, how old are you?”

    “S-sixteen. Almost seventeen.”

    “I'm twenty-four.”

    “Ooooohhhhh...” Michelle exclaimed as she realized what Erika was saying. Erika turned her around, grabbed one of her hands, and placed something in it.

    “You have plenty of time left before you need to settle on anything. You're still a teenager. Go and have fun. Make some bad decisions. Not TOO bad... But you understand what I'm saying. Live.”

    Michelle nodded, clasped her fist shut, and ran downstairs, through the gym, and outside into the city. She ran and ran and ran, until she came to a stoplight. She paused, catching her breath, and opened her hand. Her heart soared. It was a Rainbow Badge.
    Last edited by disclaimer065; 6th May 2011 at 3:08 AM.

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    so im confused. was the girl a lesbian? also it sounded like you made erika a lesbian. it sounded like she was saying for her to come back when she was older so they could date. thats what it sounded like but i wanted to make sure.
    Last edited by UltimatePokemonExpert; 1st May 2011 at 7:31 AM.
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    Erika's character was rather how I expected she'd be portrayed by you here (maybe bar that extra bit though =p). I liked the additions of her yawns here and there as a beside - thought it a nice touch, along with her giving Michelle the badge at the end. I also feel the other character was well described here compared to the others thus far.
    Oh, there's something I want, alright... “N-no, not really.”
    This felt a bit old, the thought suddenly coming from Michelle - it seemed to change perspective too suddenly for my liking, so maybe a bit more earlier on to 'ease in' to the fact this one-shot is more from both of their POVs is something I suggest.
    After all, you do the most with the gym, the rest of the trainers and I just sit around all day.”
    Although I can see it being said this way (after all dialogue doesn't need to be grammatically correct) I felt it was a bit oddly spoken around the '...the gym, the rest of...'part (like she's in a rush to speak when it doesn't seem otherwise obvious that she is given she is sitting and drinking tea).
    Michelle's gaze snapped to Erika. She looked bewildered. “I, uh, I like plants?” She didn't even seem sure herself.
    This amused me. XD 'Yeah, plants! They're...green?'
    Michelle was nervous. Erika wasn't speaking maliciously, in fact, she thought it impossible for that soft, kind voice to ever speak ill of anything.
    Not sure if a comma after 'maliciously' really fits there - semi-colon or hyphen or new sentence would be more ideal imo.
    “You have plenty of time left before you need to settle on anything. You're still a teenager. Go and have fun. Make some bad decisions. Not TOO bad... But you understand what I'm saying. Live.”
    I rather liked this part at the end - it was well said. =)

    It was certainly an interesting take on her though, especially with what was said and how she guessed at Michelle's interest, heh. Keep it up!

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