Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: The Chronicles of Black and White- Book 1

Hybrid View

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    113

    Default The Chronicles of Black and White- Book 1

    The Chronicles of Black and White- Book 1: Unova Journeys

    Ok I failed in my last fanfic, I guess I just lost interest or didn't know how to handle it. But this fanfic is different. Its a journey fanfic, yes, but through the Unova region. It'll be based off of my Pokemon White playthrough with some added plot devices, characters and much more. There shall be loads of plot battles, weird evolution circumstances and much more. I'll also rate this.... PG -15 for some funny, slightly adulterated jokes I might crack as I type on and I plan for some serious battle with Team Plasma... it may get ugly.
    The Characters:
        Spoiler:



    PROLOGUE- A LUCKY GIFT

    Ah, Nuvema Town. A peaceful , quiet town usually filled with old men and women either knitting clothes or chopping trees. There was a pokemon lab to the north of Nuvema Town, where the Professor would conduct her research. She looked younger than she was, and had a calm tone to her. She had many assistants checking the pokemon- one of them was checking after a few Pidove- they were small bird pokemon. They kind of looked like pigeons, they were gray all over, with a lighter shade towards its stomach. They had yellows eyes and black pupils. These little critters were troubling the poor assistant, flying in all directions. He was trying to catch these birds.



    Professor Juniper was just about to head out of the lab when one of the assistants came up and asked her, "Professor Juniper, where are you going ma'am? We need your help, Carl seems to be having trouble handling those Pidove."

    "Is that so, Keith? Well, ask him to bring out Boldore and make it use Stone Edge. That should calm them down and round 'em up." she said, winking. "Besides, I have to deliver this parcel to Black. Its important." she said, a bit more serious now.

    "But ma'am, are you sure we need to give those kids those... rare pokemon?" he asked, a bit bewildered.

    "I'm pretty sure Keith. Those kids are feisty. They have lots of enthusiasm. I'm sure they'll put this gift to good use." she replied.

    *-*-*-*-*


    Black and friends had been at the park playing soccer for a while. It was a girls versus boys match, and White was surprisingly good. Unfortunately for her, Bianca was a liability in the field and was not very good at passing. They were still even with the boys, however, because Cheren and Black were not as skilled as White. They were clever, however, and right now they had the upper hand, with the score 4-3.

    White was a fourteen year old girl with long, brown hair which she usually tied as a nice, bushy ponytail. She wore tight blue shorts usually, it was really a wonder how she felt them comfortable. She also usually wore a plain white or yellow shirt and a pink vest over it if it was white, or a black vest if the shirt was a yellow one. The most startling feature, though, were those crystal blue eyes. They were very attractive, and her usually cheery attitude looked so good on her face. She was the charming, yet loud type.

    Bianca, on the other hand, was a different woman. First off, she was blonde, and she always tried to dress elegantly, unlike White’s modern style of dressing. She always liked dressing in lovely skirts. She usually wore an orange vest on top of a cute white shirt with the picture of an Emolga, and a beige skirt. Although clumsy, she always tried to be soft and slow, she always tried to be careful. If anything was common between the two girls, it was their love for cosmetics, especially lipstick and lip gloss. They both loved to wear it, but only on special occasions and festivities. You could say White was the tougher one and Bianca was the more graceful of the two.


    The boys, as one could guess, were tough and always after action. Cheren and Black were the two who always longed for adventure and action. Sure, the girls liked adventure, but they were not as thrilled as the boys.
    Cheren was a black haired boy who wore glasses. He wore a grey shirt and a blue overshirt and black pants. Cheren was a perfectionist. He always wanted to be the best at everything he did, but he mostly wanted to be the Pokemon Champion of Unova. He spent lots of his time reading books about pokemon and their history, about the goals of pokemon trainers and about the strongest trainer history has ever seen. Though he didn’t go to a pokemon trainer school, he knew a lot of information which a school would have, and probably more than that.

    Black was the opposite. He had dark brown hair, and wore a blue T-shirt with a poke ball symbol on it. He too wore black pants, but he wore a small red bangle on his right arm as well. He also had the tattoo of a pokemon he loved on his back- Deino. He was the casual type of trainer, rather laid back and slightly lazy, but he got serious when he needed to. He too loved pokemon and longed for an adventure. He was extremely bored being stuck in Nuvema town, and he really wanted to get a pokemon for himself from the professor, but he was not sure if he had the status to get one. He never really went to a pokemon trainer school, so it was only natural for him not to get a pokemon and try to compete in the pokemon league. Perhaps he could, but he never tried to hard to think about it, because that thought just seemed impossible to him.

    Coming back to the soccer game, White managed to score two goals and win the game as they decided to stop playing. They were really tired and it was about six in the evening anyway, so they decided to head to Black's house to watch their favourite show- Proffesor Oak's Pokemon Talk. It was getting a little dark and they didn’t want to play any further.


    They returned to Black's house, very eager to switch on the T.V and watch the show.They hoped they were not late.But to their surprise, they saw a small parcel near the T.V stand. Curious as to who sent it and how it got there, they discussed between themselves as to what to do.

    "Cheren, I think we should throw it out of the window."White suggested.


    "White are you crazy? It might be a trap..." he held the middle of his glasses in a super cool style "But a reward might be awaiting us." he said in a superior tone.


    "Maybe its some cake. Who's birthday is it today anyways?" Bianca asked, acting clueless. Truth was, she had remembered who's birthday it was that particular day, and had already wished that particular person that day.

    "I don't think its... wait a minute. BLACK, ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY!" White screamed, shocked. She felt awful. She forgot Black's birthday!

    "Oh what? Oh yeah, its my birthday. Wow, I forgot." Black replied, slightly amused by White's exaggeration.

    "You must be a fool to forget your own birthday." Cheren said, a slight tone of disrespect in that.

    "Well, it happens Cheren." Black replied normally. Truth was, he did not really want to say it was his birthday today. He felt he would look like an attention seeker, doing that, and he felt it would ruin his image.

    "Well, whatever is inside, it must be a birthday gift for me. I guess I'll just open it anyways." saying so, Black made haste and removed the wrapper and the box's lid. He found a note.

    It said- Dear Black, this is a special gift for you. I have kept four pokeballs in this parcel, each with a very rare pokemon, even though they are natives of Unova. They are very rare in Unova. I want each one of you- White, Cheren, Bianca and You, to take a pokeball each and pack up your things. Meet me in my lab as soon as possible, preferably by tonight at eight. I've got something very important to tell you four.


    - Sincerely, Professor Juniper.


    "Holy crap! Guys, Juniper has sent us pokemon! We finally get our starters!" he screamed in excitement.

    The other three just stood there, still. There was no reaction. Black sighed. Why were they so surprised? They should really try and just take a random pokeball now.

    He went up to Bianca. “You first, Bianca.” he asked her, waving his hand over her face.

    She just stared at the box. Four poke balls…. She touched one. It felt so warm…. She just took it.

    “Cheren, you next.” he said, this time just waiting for him to take a poke ball.


    Cheren first stepped back a bit and out of nervousness, tried to hold his glasses properly, but almost dropped them on the floor. He saw a small tinge of green on another poke ball… this looked weird. Still, he regained his composure quickly, and took that poke ball.

    “Uh White, need something to cool you down? Uh…..White? Aargh, get over it already!” he aid, lightly slapping her.

    “Ouch! Uh, thanks Black, I needed that.” she said, still sweating from the shock, panting. She looked at the two poke balls left…. She just got hold of one. This one felt warm…. What was she feeling? She felt she could smell the farm. But how? It was quite far away, not near their house.

    Black finally took the last poke ball. He was so excited… he just wanted to get his pokemon out of its poke ball.

    “Hey guys, I think we need to test our pokemon. Nothing better than a double battle, right? Bianca and me, and you and Cheren, Ok White?” he asked White.

    “I’m up for it, Blacko. Come on Cheren, let’s get into battle!” she said, pretty psyched up for the battle. "You bet, White. I'm not about to lose my first battle." he said, once again sounding overconfident.


    As they went downstairs, Black noticed how determined the other three looked. Those eyes were sharp and determined. Something which made Black even more eager to battle them. He was hoping for a good battle and a great time. As the four went outside, they could see the other people just going by their own business. Nuvema Town was pretty much a quiet town, and most people were woodcutters and farmers. Any pokemon trainers here were really pokemon breeders. A battle would probably not disturb them too much.

    All four clenched their poke balls tight. What pokemon awaited them? How would they be able to battle?

    There was only one way out.

    “POKEMON, GO!”
    Last edited by BWfan; 28th March 2011 at 1:50 PM.
    The Chronicles of Black and White- Book 1: Unova Journeys - My fanfic that I've recently started. There's more to it than just the story plot of the games, so hopefully you'll like it. Currently doing Chapter 4.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    113

    Default


    CHAPTER 1- THE FIRST BATTLE!



    The four new trainers sent out their pokemon, eager to see what they received and how their pokemon faired in battle.


    Cheren’s pokemon…. Was a kind of snake, one could say. It walked on its very small legs, one could really not imagine how it managed to do that. Its hands were pretty small too. It was green all over its backside, and had a cream colour all over its front side. Its tail ended in a leaf shape figure. This pokemon had an air of pride to it…. And it looked quite calculative too. It observed its surroundings carefully… analyzing the other pokemon. It wondered if it was going to be battling all the other three pokemon who were sent out. It muttered as it watched the other pokemon and humans,” Sni….vy…”

    White’s pokemon was a pig. It had a small ball-like thing at the end of its short tail, which was glowing brightly, like a bulb. Its face was covered in black, and so was its back, but its legs and stomach were orange. The pig seemed to be really energetic, as it kicked against the ground like a bull, breathing small embers out. It looked tough and battle-ready. It screamed out,” TEPIG!” It was eager for a battle.

    To Bianca’s right, was a weird monkey pokemon. It was red in colour, except its small chest and tummy were patches of cream. Its head had a weird…. Ice cream-shaped figure. It scratched its head lazily, checking its surroundings. It seemed quite calm and…. Lazy. It smiled dreamily. “Pansear…” it said lazily, yet it sounded pretty happy.

    Black’s pokemon was some sort of an otter. It had a brown, bear-like nose and its face was all white. The rest of the body was all in a teal colour, however, and its limbs were of a tinge of navy blue. It also had some kind of sea shell hanging on its stomach. It was the cutest sight to see… at least that’s what Black thought. But this pokemon seemed sad… in fact it really put on a sad face and did not really say much.

    “Darn it,” he thought to himself, “ I don’t even know this pokemon’s name. How am I supposed to give it orders? Hey wait…. I’ve seen this thing before. A long time a go…. Its called an Oshawott! I saw it in one of those pokemon musicals!”

    He found yet another note, which was hidden underneath those poke balls in the parcel. It read - I’m sure you kids would know the basic attacks. Tackle and Scratch. Oh, and there’s tail whip and leer as well. I think that should be enough if you get into any silly battles.

    Black was a little surprised. It was like she anticipated this. Who was she, really? What kind of a professor was she? Black had no clue, but he really needed to focus on the battle. He saw Oshawott’s structure….it’d probably be capable of tackle.

    “Hey you guys, Professor Juniper sent us this note. It seems these pokemon know…. Tackle and Tail Whip. Oh, and she said they’d know scratch too… I wonder which of them has sharp claws. ” he said, chuckling.

    “Alright, Bianca, Black, be ready. Come on Cheren, get your Snivy to face against his Oshawott. Its much faster and has a type advantage too.” she said, turning to Cheren. Then she turned back to face the pokemon. “ Tepig, use tackle on Pansear!” she ordered.

    “Ok, White. Snivy, let’s show them how strategy can win battles.” he said, holding his glasses in that super cool fashion once again, “ Use tackle on Oshawott!” he ordered his Snivy.

    “Bianca, I think your Pansear is fast enough to dodge it? Maybe you should tell it to-” he was going to complete his sentence before he saw the monkey dodge the attack easily and use scratch on White’s Tepig, sending it flying towards her.


    But his luck was bad. Oshawott got hit real bad by a powerful tackle by Cheren’s Snivy. That made Black feel uneasy.

    “Oshawott, use Tackle now!” he ordered his Oshawott, and the pokemon responded obediently, still not showing any sign of talking however.

    “Snivy, use Tackle and ram it back!” Cheren ordered his Snivy, and it seemed that Oshawott and Snivy were getting ready for a powerful collision. Cheren gritted his teeth, hoping the collision would not be a big mess.

    As they came into a distance of 50 cm between each other, Black did something unexpected. “Oshawott, use tail whip to trip Snivy, then use tackle to crush it on the ground!” He smirked as he caught Cheren off guard.

    Cheren had no time to respond, and things happened to go wrong for him. Though Oshawott’s tail was small, the force was enough to trip Snivy, who was running on small hind limbs anyways. It plummeted to the ground and had no time to dodge the next tackle. Snivy screamed in agony as the force of Oshawott’s tackle was hard. Luckily it was not Tepig’s tackle, other wise it would have been instant KO and probably worse.

    “I forfeit from this battle. I think Snivy just got a seriously bad tackle there.” Cheren said, as he went over to his Snivy, who looked like it was badly bruised. “Well, you sure look like a tough pokemon. I think we’d be great partners, what do you think?” Cheren said to the grass snake pokemon.

    It smiled and got up on its hind legs, although it was struggling to stand for a bit. “Snivy.” it responded, nodding.


    Meanwhile in the battle between Tepig and Pansear grew fiercer. Pansear looked like it had the upper hand, as it was dodging every attack Tepig tried to use. Tepig seemed to have earned bad scratches already… it was bleeding, but not a lot. It felt its back was seriously burning because of those scratches. However, White and Tepig were not gonna give up. Not just yet.

    “Tepig, use a super powered tackle, now!” she ordered, biting her lip. She prayed it would hit its mark this time.

    “Oshawott, use tackle to block it!” came an unexpected shout from Black.

    “Black! No! Tepig, evade it and charge straight at Pansear!” she ordered, tensed now that Oshawott was interfering.

    But it was too late. Oshawott and Tepig collided, but luckily, Oshawott was weakened from its battle with Snivy and Tepig had been charging with massive force. This was too much for Oshawott as it fell a few metres away, now as badly bruised as Cheren’s Snivy.

    “Pansear, make use of this opportunity and finish off Tepig with scratch!” Bianca ordered, and White could do nothing as her Tepig was scratched, hard. Tepig started staggering backwards.

    “I forfeit the match! No more wounds for Tepig!” White exclaimed, as she ran across to her Tepig to see how bad its wounds were.

    The little pig was still strong, wagging its tail happily. This one had lots of endurance, she could tell it. “Tepig!” its said cheerfully, still longing for more battle.

    “Aww, sorry Tepig, but you’re injured. We’ll need to clean you, look at you, you’re covered in blood!” she said, giggling.

    White was exaggerating, again. Tepig was bleeding, but not that much, and its skin was tougher than other pokemon, and besides, Pansear’s nails were not that sharp anyways.

    “Guys, that was a good battle. Bianca you’re just awesome, you’ve got a nice, speedy pokemon to look after. It’s a good battler.” Black complimented Bianca.

    “Well, thanks. Still… Pansear looks very odd… he seems kind of lazy and laid back. Where is he?” she asked as she heard snores. She turned behind to see her Pansear sleeping.

    “Yup, Pansear’s pretty lazy.” she said, sighing.

    “Well Bianca, you have sure got your work cut out for you.” he said, chuckling.

    All the others laughed too, except for Pansear, who was sleeping, and Black’s Oshawott, who was just staring from afar, quietly.


    Oshawott thought to itself { These people seem to be cheerful. And that boy… they call him Black. So he’s my master? Well…. He seems nice. But I probably should be quiet, I don’t really want to do anything unwanted right now… or stupid.}

    Oshawott looked at the other pokemon. Tepig was getting all excited again, Snivy just sat on Cheren’s shoulder, Pansear was sleeping, as usual.

    {That Tepig! He’s making a fool of himself by jumping around, being playful! How does he manage to be a powerful battler and be so playful too? But… those humans tend to like him.. Oh! How I envy you, Tepig! .} Oshawott thought to himself, slightly sad now.

    “Ok guys, I think we must get inside. We’ll have dinner, I believe White and I can do the cooking, while Bianca and Cheren feed the pokemon. Oh, and will someone please get Pansear to wake up? Carrying him all over the place will make it tough, and he’s NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW!” he said, the last sentence rather sarcastic and loud. So loud, that it actually woke Pansear up.

    Pansear was annoyed by Black’s whining. So annoyed, that he scratched at Blacks T-shirt. Luckily, it was stopped before it could actually tear the T-shirt, but Black was shocked. Astounded. Since when did sleeping pokemon get so ferocious?

    As the group was entering inside, Black saw Oshawott just standing there, staring at a rock. “Hey buddy, what are you doing there? Aren’t you hungry? Well, come on inside!” he asked, kindly. Oshawott just stared at its trainer, thinking about his kindness. It just listened to him and came inside.

    Black soon met up with White in the kitchen after getting Oshawott to go in. “What do we make for dinner, eh Snowflake?” he said, in a challenging, playful manner.


    "Sorry Mr.Darksong, no more cakes for you.” she said, winking and giggling.

    “ Well, I think some noodle soup would be good. I guess we’ll need to fill our stomachs well before we head for Professor Juniper’s lab. Her letter said she wanted us to meet her at eight. And its….. Just half past six. I think we should finish cooking fast and start out as soon as possible.” Black suggested.

    “Well ok Black, let’s start noodle cooking!” she said, cheerfully.

    *-*-*-*-*-*

    Meanwhile…..


    Cheren and Bianca were busy trying to get their pokemon to eat. Pansear was sleeping again, on the couch. Oshawott was just quietly eating his pokemon food, much to their luck, however, Snivy was trying to run away from a hyperactive Tepig. It seemed Tepig was very, very playful.

    {You know what Snivy? You’re fun to play tag with! We should probably do this every time we meet!} Tepig told the grass snake pokemon.

    {You call this fun?? That’s because you’re not on the receiving end! You little pig brain! I swear, I’ll get my revenge on you someday, when you’ll be dangling by a vine on a branch while I stand there, laughing at your misery!} Snivy replied, enraged.

    {Yeah, but till that happens, you’re my prey! I’m gonna catch you and breath fire on you!} Tepig said happily. He was being quite sadistic now.

    As the chase continued, Tepig and Snivy accidentally fell on Pansear and its food. Enraged by this, Pansear started scratching both the pokemon fiercely, and it took the combined efforts of Oshawott, Bianca and Cheren to keep the three pokemon calm.

    Finally, Black and White finished cooking and dinner was served. Bianca acted like a klutz, she usually was clumsy. She spilt a bit of her noodle soup on to Pansear, who got slightly irritated that she was disturbing his sleep, but did not waste his time trying to scratch her. Instead, he just moved on to the other corner of the room, where he heard the other three pokemon talking.

    {So Tepig, what do you think of our new trainers? What do you think we’ll face in the future?} Oshawott asked, slightly curious at Tepig’s enthusiastic behaviour.

    {Heh, I don’t care, Oshawott, as long as I’m with the guy they call Cheren, my master. He seems to be clever and full of knowledge, just the type I like.}Snivy replied.

    {Well Oshawott, I’ll be happy as long as I get to see many battles and take part in them. I wanna just ram into all my enemies. I’m gonna be the STRONGEST POKEMON EVER!} Tepig ended up screaming. It was so bad, the four trainers stared at it for a moment. They thought something had gone wrong.

    {Uh… Tepig? Keep it low next time}Oshawott told the enthusiastic fire pig.

    {Well, I’ll be happy as long as I get to have lots of long naps.}Pansear said, stretching his arms.

    {I can see that, Pansear.} Oshawott said irritably. The other two were also irritated with Pansear’s laziness.


    *-*-*-*-*-*

    Finally, the trainers finished eating, and soon left with their pokemon to Juniper’s lab. An important mission awaited them.
    Last edited by BWfan; 28th March 2011 at 2:09 PM.
    The Chronicles of Black and White- Book 1: Unova Journeys - My fanfic that I've recently started. There's more to it than just the story plot of the games, so hopefully you'll like it. Currently doing Chapter 4.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    113

    Default

    CHAPTER 2- PROFESSOR JUNIPER

    Back at Juniper’s Lab, Keith and Carl, with Professor Juniper’s help, had finished capturing and feeding the Pidove. Professor Juniper’s Lab was huge- it had a small marshland where few pokemon lived- mostly the frog species, like the Tympole family. A few poison-type pokemon lived in this marshy area too.

    The Lab also had a large piece of land which had a forest type of environment. The deer pokemon like Sawsbuck, with a few other pokemon, mostly bug types and grass types, lived here. The place smelt wonderful and looked peaceful.

    The Lab also had a weird tower. The special thing about this tower was that hardly any light ever emitted from the tower. Usually the ghost types were stored here of research and care. One could occasionally see a small fire light up in the night through a small window- it was usually a Lampent having fun.

    Finally, the pond where all sorts of pokemon lived. It was definetly more clean and lively than the marshy land. Inside the Lab building, usually pokemon who were used to humans were kept for research- Like Pidove and Joltik. These pokemon were pretty happy living in this small space, but occasionally they’d be let out for some fresh air- that was always important.

    Relaxed that they had finished a long day’s work, Juniper and Co. sat on their chairs lazily, giving out a deep sigh. Keith asked the Professor, “So, Professor, when do you think those kids will show up? I have my own doubts on their reliability, Professor…”

    “Keith, you’re being too pessimistic here. Those kids are fine children, they aspire to be trainers. We may have not met personally, but I have kept an eye on them for a while now. They are trustworthy. In fact, if I were you, I’d be worried about something else…” she said, winking and giggling.

    Keith’s face turned red as he saw the Professor wink at him. What was she playing at? “Wha-What do you mean, Professor? Is there any emergency?” he asked, slightly panicked.

    “Oh, relax Keith. I just thought we should head over to Nimbasa city you know, its been quite sometime since I went to Nimbasa City anyways, and I thought we needed to check a bit on Resort Desert…. It’d always help to have a companion now.” she said, sighing.

    “Oh…I’m sorry Professor for acting all strange.” Keith said, trying to set his collar button right.

    “Its all right Keith, its all right.” Juniper said, once again sighing. Why was she always stuck with the uptight aides?

    Just then, the door slammed open and four people came in, pepped up. First up, a boy with navy blue hair and glasses. Then, a yellow haired girl who looked pretty huge with that long skirt, then a brown haired girl who wore shorts which looked so tight one would really wonder why she wore them. Finally, the last of them was another brown haired guy with some kind of determined look in his eyes. He wore a light blue T-shirt and some sort of Pokeball cap. Apparently, it was the four trainers she had given her poke balls to.

    “Why, hello there, kids! Come in and take a seat, I’ve got lots to tell you!” Juniper greeted them enthusiastically.

    “Professor, I’m sorry to sound rude or anything, but I think we’d all prefer getting done with this quickly. We’re all eager to embark on our biggest journey ever.” he said coolly.

    “You seem too impatient and arrogant, Cheren, and probably the excitement is doing that, but Cheren, be patient. I’ve got a lot to tell you.” she replied.

    “Anyways, I’m sure you know me, I am Professor-” the Professor was cut off by Cheren again.

    “We know who you are, you are Professor Juniper. Let’s just get on with the business already?” Cheren said irritably. Apparently he wanted to get done with this quickly.

    “My, my, Cheren, I’ve never seen anyone this excited about getting their first pokemon and starting their journey. Well, you do know my name, but I prefer introducing myself properly and getting on with it, just to get into the flow of things, you know?” the Professor replied kindly.

    And she continued, “As you know, I am Professor Juniper, a Pokemon Professor. I mostly try to study the origin of all kinds of pokemon, and sometimes dabble into their behaviour as well. I think you kids already know that there’s a whole new world out there, and you must remember to always try to enjoy whatever you do.”

    “So, um, Professor, are we going to get our-” Cheren began when he heard the other three shout- “CHEREN, SHUT UP!”

    “Thank you, Black, White, Bianca,” she paused, and continued, “So as I was saying, you three are going to do an important job for me.” The Professor picked up four small tools. The looked like a mini-computer and had some sort of pencil like thing attached to their right.

    “These are-” she was about to say as she was cut off by Cheren, again. “Pokedexters. They are tools which give information about certain pokemon. They also store extra information that you can collect about them. They also have a few other useful applications which trainers commonly use. You’re going to make us collect more information for your research, right?” Cheren said, sounding very knowledgeable.

    “Young man, I must beg of you, DO NOT INTERRUPT THE PROFESSOR AGAIN!” Keith shouted angrily.

    “Keith, cool down man. You’re blowing up! Give it a rest, the kid’s just excited. Really, I wish you were like me, we’d be the best lazy pair ever. We’d be awesome nap buddies!” Carl said lazily.

    “Um, Keith, Carl, would you mind going out? We’ve got enough interruptions.” Juniper requested politely. She really had the urge to roll her eyes now, the amount of interruptions and non-sensical talk was so much, she just felt lke pulling her hair out!

    “As you wish, Professor. Come with me, Mr.Snooze. Its time I gave you a lecture about how bad laziness is…” Keith said as he dragged Carl away from the room.

    “Cheren, I apologize for Keith’s behaviour. You’re also pretty clever for a beginner trainer.” she told him.

    “Yeah, he happens to be a good for nothing show off, always trying to show off his wits.” White murmured irritably.

    Cheren held his glasses like he usually did once again and said, “I’m truly sorry White, but that’s just my character. Also, a man cannot survive in the world without knowledge, I’m just showing this world my survival skills.” He was being smug, arrogant and very, very impolite.

    White clenched her fists. She wanted to argue, but Black and Bianca held her back. Arguing and fighting were no good, especially with Cheren. He just had too much of pride and ego.

    “So, Professor Juniper, what exactly do trainers collecting information do? Do they get to battle gyms and collect badges too? Is there some sort of list kept specially for pokedex fillers?” Black asked. It was a question he had the moment he heard Cheren’s lovely, yet annoying, speech on pokedex. He also wanted to get the conversation back on track.

    “An interesting question indeed, Black. But no, there is no separate list for trainers who collect information for the pokedex. In fact, usually these sort of trainers try to participate in the pokemon league by collecting the eight gym badges. Of course, you kids would know about that. There are just very few trainers who believe that they aren’t very strong enough to participate in the Pokemon League and decide to be researchers, like those two aides you saw a while back. Some decide to become breeders, others try to become big stars with pokemon in various fields like sports, music, dancing etc. There’s just no limit to the way a trainer can use his pokemon. Usually, a trainer card is given to new trainers, and this has all the vital details needed should he try to compete in the Pokemon League. Well, I think it is time I gave you your pokedex.” saying this, the Professor gave the four trainers their pokedex.

    “Its getting pretty dark now, so you should probably get everything packing to night. Oh, and I’ve given each on of you five poke balls, its in the bag in which the pokedex is in. Travelling north to Accumula Town would be a good idea, it’s not a long journey from Nuvema. You’ll probably meet some pokemon on the way, I advice that you capture some if you find something good and unique, useful for my research, and also more numbers make a journey safe.” she said.

    “This is it. Finally, I can prove to the world my existence, I will become Pokemon Champion!” Cheren said to himself, but it was pretty loud, so the other three could hear.

    “Wow, a new journey, new surprises. I really hope this journey gives me some idea on what I’d want to become in life.” Bianca muttered to herself.

    “Heh, I’m going to try and be a celebrity with Tepig. Too bad it loves battles a lot, heh, then again, I could just use this to shatter Cheren’s pride.” White thought to herself.

    “Ok guys, this is it, we’ve finally got the chance to go on a journey. Its time we strive for success alongside our pokemon!” Black declared as his friends cheered too. They were almost ready… it was only a night, yet the excitement was too much. He did not want to wait for tomorrow.

    Just then, Carl came back shouting. “You, blondy over there!”

    “Uh, yes sir?” Bianca asked, cluelessly.

    “Take care of Pansear for me? Will ya? He was the best nap buddy I ever had. Make sure he gets enough sleep everyday.” Carl said, as he burst into tears.

    “Uh.. Sure sir, I will take good care of Pansear.” Bianca replied, still clueless as to why the man was crying. Professor Juniper sighed. “Well, you better get going, I think I’ll have to counsel Carl now.” she said.

    “Thanks a lot Professor. We’ll do our best.” Black said, giving a thumbs.

    “Of course, you should do your best, otherwise I’d be really angry with you.” she said chuckling, as she saw the four kids go out of her lab.

    “Well Carl,” she said, sighing, “I guess losing Pansear was a good thing. I hope you actually start getting your lazy bum to do something in this lab now. You’re pretty clumsy, as I saw with the way you handled the Pidove. I think you should work on it” she said as she went into her room to change and go to sleep.

    The next moment, Carl was asleep once again.
    Last edited by BWfan; 28th March 2011 at 2:18 PM.
    The Chronicles of Black and White- Book 1: Unova Journeys - My fanfic that I've recently started. There's more to it than just the story plot of the games, so hopefully you'll like it. Currently doing Chapter 4.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Derby, UK
    Posts
    117

    Default

    Hello, I'm sorry that no-one has commented with a review on here before, and I shall only be reviewing your prologue in this post. So, without further ado, a detailed review.

    So, on the whole I didn't see any grammer problems, which is great as that won't put off anyone. As far as I could see there were no spelling mistakes there either.

    Anyway, the first bit was quite well described, and it had a good feel about it. It was a great introduction. The second bit however, seemed a bit rushed, especially how you just said Black and his friends had been out playing soccer without any introduction to them. It would have been much better to introduce them through that event.

    Anyway, you do have a major problem - characterisation. Some of your characters are extremely unrealistic, or they do unrealistic stuff. For example, Juniper smiling at the fact of hurting many Pidove. Cheron thinks a box might be a trap, and White completely overeacts with the pokeballs. This makes it seem a bit bad, and also unrealistic. Please try to work on it.

    Anyway, it was an alright start, I shall continue Reading, please work on that charaterisation.
    A group of 10 special trainers have been essembled by Professor Birch in a unexplored land. Their mission - to find some special stones to stop Team Magma and Team Aqua from getting them so that the professors can start their indistrialisation of the place. Follow their adventures in "Regional Conflict - The Five Sacred Stones. Please read, and review :)Here is the link. http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=482753 Last chapter - Chapter 10: The Tides of Terror

    Please read my other fic, a Unova journey fic - Unova apprentices. - http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=498160

    VM me if you want me to review your fic.

    White is nearly done, and nearly all my generation 4 pokemon are on there.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    113

    Default

    CHAPTER 3- A FIREY BEGINNING


    Black woke up the next morning with lots of positive energy. He was going to embark on a journey with lots of excitement, he was very sure. Lots of unexpected twists an turns… he liked that, compared to this boring town. He looked at his poke ball. He was so excited that he held it and slept all night. He was feeling like a small kid, but it didn’t matter, he finally had the chance to chase his dreams, so why would he care?

    He checked his backpack- Toothbrush, two sets of clothes, about 1000 poke dollars, his pokedex, a few tools for safety like a safety rope, a picture of his family and the best of all, his poke balls. He reckoned it would be enough, at least for a while. He’d need to find some way to earn more money- usually trainers would bet on a certain sum of money before they battled, so he thought that would probably be his source of income. He really needed some money to keep up with this trip.

    He went downstairs to eat some cereal, and decided to feed his Oshawott some pokemon food too. Letting it out of its pokemon, he showed Oshawott around, telling it about his routine and what was usually the pass time in Nuvema Town. He told it about the boring life in Nuvema and he was eager to explore Unova along with it. Oshawott was amazed by its trainer’s story, it started day-dreaming a bit about becoming a powerful battler with cool scal-chops. But then after a shout from Black to eat its food, it woke up from its day-dream and started hogging its pokemon food.

    Black then went around trying to call Bianca, Cheren and White. White was trying to pack up stuff- she was really conscious about her looks and also wanted to have a nice comfortable journey. She tried packing lots of snacks and clothes into her bag, which made it really heavy, and she struggled to walk with it. Annoyed and amused by this attempt, he helped her sort out the stuff she needed and what she did not need.

    Cheren was trying to make a list of pokemon he would capture and moves he would teach his pokemon. He was trying to form a good team with type advantages against the future gyms. Black sighed as he tried to wait for him but it took too much time so he went along with White to see if Bianca was ready.

    At Bianca’s place they found her dad scolding her. “You know nothing about the world, and you think you’re ready to explore it? I won’t allow it!” he barked at his daughter.

    “Dad, please believe in me! I know I can do this!” Bianca pleaded her father.

    “No you can’t!! You listen to me now or else you’ll be grounded!” he barked even louder than before.

    “Mr.Tinker, you don’t need to worry. Bianca’s traveling with us, we’ll see to it that she’ll be safe.” Black intervened calmly.

    “Young man…. Both of you, Black and White. I guess I can trust you two. Well Bianca, off you go.” Mr.Tinker aid reluctantly.

    “Aww thanks dad!” Bianca replied with delight as she hurried off to Cheren’s house.


    When the group returned to Cheren’s house, they saw Cheren just standing outside, waiting for the other three.


    “Took you long enough, slackers.” Cheren said sarcastically.

    “Yeah right, Mr.Hypocrite.” Black muttered irritably.

    “So, where are we headed guys?” Bianca asked cluelessly.

    “Well, naďve Bianca,” Cheren began, once again sarcastic, “We’re headed for Accumula Town. I’ve heard there are a few villages along the way and the route is quite hilly. It won’t take too long, probably a couple of days at max.”

    “A COUPLE OF DAYS!??” White exclaimed, shocked.

    “Of course it’s a couple of days White. You didn’t think this would be an easy flight, where you’re at your destination by half an hour, did you?” Cheren said tauntingly, chuckling.

    “But…But we don’t have enough food to last for two days!” White said. She was being frantic now.

    “White, you’re seriously dumb, I tell you. Did you think journeying was just about going from one town to another? We’ll stop by at the villages!” Cheren said.

    “White, calm down now. It’ll be ok, you’ll have lots of fun. Getting panicked won’t help you a bit, now will it?” Black told her kindly.

    White sighed deeply. “You’re right Black. I just hope it is not too tedious as it sounds.” she said, now a bit calm.

    “Well, let’s get moving, we want to stop at a village by sunset, so no more dilly dallying.” Cheren said.


    *-*-*-*-*-*-*


    The gang were moving through Nuvema hills, a very hilly region that went through two villages- Yangdo and Mikayo, and then finally end near Accumula Town. These hills, although not filled with as much of pokemon as forests, still had a decent number of pokemon. Unfortunately for the four trainers, they had not seen a lot of pokemon and whenever they found one, they were too late to catch it as it was usually a fast strong Lilipup, or a Hypnosis using Patrat, which usually escaped after making their pokemon sleep, mostly Tepig and Pansear.

    At two in the afternoon, they decided to rest for lunch. Not much was packed, but at least White got a lot of sandwiches. Releasing their pokemon out of their poke balls for some fresh air, the trainers began eating the sandwiches, but carefully ate so that some would be left for dinner, if they never reached Yangdo village by then.

    As their masters ate, the pokemon too talked amongst themselves. Tepig seemed to be hungry, while Snivy and Oshawott talked to each other. Pansear was sleeping, as usual.


    {Its been a tough day, hasn’t it, Oshawott?} Snivy asked.

    {Yeah a bit Snivy, but I think we’re doing ok. Those pokemon are tough though, they’re too fast to catch! You were impressive though, Snivy, you’re a very fast pokemon} Oshawott said, complementing Snivy.

    {Th-Thanks, Oshawott.} Snivy turned, slightly embarrassed.

    { I’m telling you, I’ve got lots of strength. No one can beat me in strength, NO ONE!} Tepig pouted.

    { Sure thing, piggy.} Snivy taunted Tepig.

    { Oh YEAH??? Well, you better be ready, I’m going to take you down in one hit!} Tepig said, firing up.

    { Sure thing, piggy. I bet you couldn’t even hit me.} Snivy said, winking.

    { OH YEAH?? WELL, WATCH THIS!!} Tepig screamed as it dug its legs into the ground.

    Slowly, its tail glowed red and the trainers turned to see what was going on. They watched in amazement as the pig charged some sort of attack… they could not make out yet. A little bit of smoke started coming out of it as it charged at Snivy, going in for the hit.

    Snivy just stood there, waiting to dodge the tackle at the last second, but something unexpected happened. Tepig stopped in mid-air and breathed out small balls of fire right on Snivy. Snivy tried to endure it, but it was too much, and it screamed in agony as it fell back and started writhing in pain.

    “Snivy! Hang on, I’ve got a Burn Heal!” Cheren called out the grass snake as he began searching for a burn heal.

    White stood there in shocked. She could not believe that her pokemon was so strong. That was an ember attack! A new fire move for it! She wondered if Tepig actually knew that attack before or if it learnt it just now.

    She asked the other two, “Do you thing our starters know other attacks other than Leer, Tail whip, Scratch and Tackle?”

    “White, I think we should use our pacesetters to find out.” Black said, taking out his pokedex.

    He used the pokedex on the three pokemon at once. “Oshawott, the sea otter pokemon. It knows Tackle and Tail Whip. The next one is Tepig, the fire pig pokemon. It knows Tackle, Tail Whip and Ember. The next one is Snivy, the grass snake pokemon. It knows Tackle and Leer.” it said.

    “Well White, I guess Tepig probably learnt ember recently, our other starters don’t know any other extra attacks.” Black concluded.

    “Uh, sorry to disturb you two, but I think you forgot that Snivy’s still burnt?” Bianca alerted White and Black.

    “YIKES! WE FORGOT!” both exclaimed simultaneously.

    “Don’t worry, I’ve got the burn heal!” Cheren exclaimed as ran holding the burn heal to tend to Snivy’s burns.

    He checked Snivy’s body… the only area burnt was near its right arm. Apparently, the whole right arm and the armpits. Cheren winced a bit at looking at the burn. That must have not felt good.

    As he sprayed the burn heal, Snivy winced in pain and groaned a little. The area was paining, but it really hoped it would be alright in no time.

    “Well White, though the result was a bit bad, I congratulate your Tepig for learning Ember. Although really, it seems like a really hyperactive pokemon you must control now.” Cheren said, smirking.

    “WHY YOU-!” she was about to scream at Cheren. However, Black and Bianca covered her mouth and dragged her away to try and cool her down.

    {Tepig, what the hell was that? How did you get such power? And… why did you do that exactly?} Oshawott asked. He was amazed that his friend had learnt a new attack…but using it on another friend? He just felt that….wrong.

    {I don’t know Oshawott, I just felt so angry, I wanted to be as strong as Snivy. That one’s too fast, and was doing much better than me. I just wanted to match Snivy’s power. That desire just fueled me and I breathed out fire!} he replied, excited.

    {Tepig, you’re such a child.}Oshawott said frustrated. {You do realize that being reckless has dire consequences?} he asked the pig.

    { What are consequences?} Tepig asked, puzzled.

    Oshawott smacked his face with his hand. He was dealing with a macho pokemon here. He should have known that such pokemon never use their heads, ever.

    He then heard Black calling out to both of them. { Well Tepig, let’s go, I bet we’re going on the move again.} Oshawott told the pig.

    { Sure. This time, I swear I’m going to get more wins than any of you.} Tepig said, following Oshawott.

    ----------


    Finally, the group came near Yangdo village. It was quite dark now in the evening, and the street lights looked so beautiful to watch from the hill. The view from the hill really was great.


    “It looks like we’re here, guys.” Black told to everyone else.

    “Oh yes! All I want to do is have a shower and then hit the bed!” White said, excited.

    “Hey White, I’m with you there. I really want to have a shower, I’m so exhausted and I could use a nice shower to cool me off. Oh, and I’m pretty hungry too, so we may need to buy something on the way.” Bianca said.

    “How….never mind, I’m quite tired myself. We need to find a pokemon centre, don’t you girls no anything? Pokemon centres are the places where trainers can rest and get their pokemon healed as well! And to think you actually watched those television shows!” Cheren questioned irritably.

    “Cheren, relax dude. First off, we don’t even know if there’s a pokemon centre in this village. Second, even if there is, now is not the time to start an argument. We’re all quite tired and need some rest, does it matter whether we are in the pokemon centre or not?” Black replied, trying to calm Cheren down.

    “ But an inn doesn’t provide a nice place for our pokemon to rest, don’t you understand? Snivy’s already injured, I’ve just temporarily healed her, what if that burn-” but he was just cut off by Black.

    “ If you’re worried about Snivy, don’t worry a lot Cheren. You should be pretty confident in your skills Cheren, you’re the most experienced out of all of us. Now I’m confident that you’ve taken care of Snivy’s burn just fine, so you shouldn’t be worrying so much. Just loosen up a bit, ok Cheren? Being so uptight will not help you.” Black said calmly.

    Cheren just stared blankly at Black. He was right. He need to be more strong for his pokemon. Yet… he just could not understand how coolly the other three were waiting, not caring whether they would stay at an inn or not. They were careless… there would come a day, he swore, where he’d be the champion of Unova and all his friends and family would look up to him as a skilled Pokemon Trainer. The day when he’d be recognized by everyone. He just prayed for that day.

    He shook his head. He was not supposed to be dreaming right now, the group was tired. He then reluctantly said, “ I guess you’re right. Well, let’s get moving, we don’t want to delay any further, let’s just find a nice place to stay in.” he said, running forward.

    “Cheren, wait! Bianca, White, come fast, we need to catch up with Cheren!” Black called out to the other two as he began running after Cheren.
    Last edited by BWfan; 28th March 2011 at 11:37 AM.
    The Chronicles of Black and White- Book 1: Unova Journeys - My fanfic that I've recently started. There's more to it than just the story plot of the games, so hopefully you'll like it. Currently doing Chapter 4.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    113

    Default

    After reading your review, NinjaScepSneasel, I realized that my description for the characters in the prologue was almost absent( except for Cheren's glasses, XD)

    So I've revamped the Prologue. Basically includes a few paragraphs describing our four trainers. I'll probably revamp the other chapters soon, if the need arises.
    The Chronicles of Black and White- Book 1: Unova Journeys - My fanfic that I've recently started. There's more to it than just the story plot of the games, so hopefully you'll like it. Currently doing Chapter 4.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    3,144

    Default

    Hmm, this isn't going to be a proper review since I haven't read all of this yet, but there are a few things I want to point out on first glance. Your formatting with the spaces is a bit erratic.

    I suggest that you stick to one space between paragraphs.

    "Sorta

    like

    this."

    The other thing to keep in mind is the colouring of the pokemon's speech. I appreciate the creativity, but it can be a problem for people with different forum skins. I had one experience in the past where somebody was using a dark green font and I couldn't read it at all since I have the Grass Type forum skin. I ended up having to highlight the text just to read it and it can really take a reader out of the atmosphere.

    That's all I've got for now. I'll do a better review later.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 20 is up.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    113

    Default

    Chapter 1 and 2 revamped. Some typos fixed, and spacing in all chapters is fixed. Also, few more sentences.
    The Chronicles of Black and White- Book 1: Unova Journeys - My fanfic that I've recently started. There's more to it than just the story plot of the games, so hopefully you'll like it. Currently doing Chapter 4.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Derby, UK
    Posts
    117

    Default

    Righty, finally got round to reading some more , I feel picky today for some reason, so here I go!
    So, Chapter 1. That's all for now.
    Grammer issues -
    Cheren’s pokemon…. Was a kind of snake, one could say.
    No capital on was. I've noticed there are a lot of incidents where you use illipsis and then do a capital, which is grammatically incorrect. NO capital after illipsis! Here's another example -
    A long time a go…. Its called an Oshawott! I saw it in one of those pokemon musicals!”
    "Its" should be "it's".

    Oshawott got hit real bad by a powerful tackle by Cheren’s Snivy. That made Black feel uneasy.
    it should be "really". And also, I dislike the last sentence. She could've put something like "Black flinched, uneasy at the attack." it just makes it more interesting.
    Tepig was bleeding, but not that much, and its skin was tougher than other pokemon, and besides, Pansear’s nails were not that sharp anyways.
    I feel that this sentence goes on too long, it seems a bit scrappy. I've noticed it with a few other sentences as well. Try and space things out, and read through to make sure you like it and find it like a book.

    Firstly, you go straight into describing the pokemon, which isn't a good idea. Giving out straight discriptions can be extremely boring, and it is an easy habit to get inot (I did it, Dawn Hero admits doing it, others too). You could've merged their description creatively into their reactions and interactions, which would've been more interesting. And a Pansear. Random, but I'll see where you go with it.

    I liked the characterisation a bit better, but some of the characters diologue seemed a bit scrappy, and a bit... it's hard to describe. Like... erm... power rangery! No offence, but it's kind of "Come on guys" and "Woah, you did that!" and stuff. And there's some bits of unneeded diologue. Like Bianca trying to find Pansear was a bit messy.

    By the way, I love Oshawott's character. I prefer the pokemon to the humans by a large margin, they have so much more personality. I loved how you did Oshawott's thoughts, a great idea!

    I didn't like the end though, with the cooking. It felt a bit unneeded, and scrappy.

    Anyway, I may have given a lot of critisism, but I did enjoy it. It is very likable. Just make sure to check through and make sure that it isn't scrappy, and it will shine!
    A group of 10 special trainers have been essembled by Professor Birch in a unexplored land. Their mission - to find some special stones to stop Team Magma and Team Aqua from getting them so that the professors can start their indistrialisation of the place. Follow their adventures in "Regional Conflict - The Five Sacred Stones. Please read, and review :)Here is the link. http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=482753 Last chapter - Chapter 10: The Tides of Terror

    Please read my other fic, a Unova journey fic - Unova apprentices. - http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=498160

    VM me if you want me to review your fic.

    White is nearly done, and nearly all my generation 4 pokemon are on there.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •