Results 1 to 25 of 25

Thread: Beat the System

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default Beat the System

    So this is my first pokemon fic that I posted up here a couple months ago - reading over it I thought it would be best if I edited it before coming back to it, so here it is, new and improved.

    Beat the System is about a young trainer named Kent who lives in a slightly more realistic world of pokemon. It's rated PG-13 for violence, swearing, and slightly sexual...stuff.

    So, without further ado, the first chapter!

    Another New Beginning     Spoiler:- Clicky:


    PM List
    Chimpchar
    Missingno. Master
    GhastlyMan
    Last edited by Gallyrat; 8th August 2011 at 4:29 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    233

    Default

    Okay this is actually pretty interesting... I wonder if Jason will come back later though...

    And I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Kent has to retrieve Linoone later on so people don't... well... kill him...

    EDIT: Never mind he's traveling with some people lol... Which could be equally interesting when they get tired of "the younger kid"

    The only criticism I have is your lack of much description. But then again you had to get a lot accomplished in this first chapter, so maybe it's too early to blow the whistle on that one...

    Don't give up!

    EDIT2: Oh yeah, and it's completely NOT OKAY to make fun of Magikarps, like in that registration scene you have! (see my name) jk

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    3,038

    Default

    Lol, I remember this fic. I did like the premise, so hopefully I'll be able to stay on top of it this time. x_X

    From the get-go, I can tell this version is a lot cleaner than your original. I did catch some things when I did skim through it, but they didn't deter nor glare out at me. So yay.

    I like your beginning. I like how it starts out normal, almost cliche in ways, with some happy-go-lucky older kid excited to start his journey who is stable (almost too stable, whatever that means), and everything is so bright and cheery only to have it shot down (literally) in a matter of seconds. It's a very nice setup; it really does lull your reader into a false sense of security.

    I also like how you handle Kent. Yes, he is a down-on-your-luck kid with his dad going to jail and him spending most of his life in a foster home, but you don't make it entirely depressing. Sure, he's deflated in some senses since his dad is going back to jail, but he's not wallowing in self pity either. Plus he's a pretty street-smart, crafty sort of kid who knows how to get by, albeit barely, as seen in the following scenes.

    If this is unclaimed, then all I have to do is swipe it and enter my information. It’ll register me for the Pokemon League! I can get a Pokemon!

    Calm. Calm. He had to think. Had to be careful.

    Alright...I’m young, but the Pokemon League gives rare exceptions if they feel a trainer is especially gifted...I just have to say I tested somewhere big like...Goldenrod! Yes!
    I feel so deja-vu right now, but I always liked your narrative, too. I like how you blend Kent's thoughts with the narrative without it being so blunt. I especially like that "calm. Calm" line

    Kent finished stuffing an extra pair of clothes down into his seemingly unending backpack and glanced down at the Pokemon between his legs. “Oh hey Scout,” He said, picking up the Linoone. I’m going on a trip.
    Is the line in bold supposed to be dialogue? Because it can work as thought narrative, but it sounds like it would be something he would say out loud to Linoone.

    Kent smiled sadly. “C’mon, Scout. You know the rules. I can’t pre-owned bring Pokemon in, it’s unfair.
    Bit of a mix up in the bold. "I can't bring pre-owned pokemon in."

    Kent felt a little guilt. He quickly squashed it.
    It works as "guilt" but I feel "guilty" sounds better. Might be just me.

    I like this PLC setting. It reminds me of the DMV, lol.

    Kent quickly thumbed the curser to no and hit the enter button.
    Cursor. "Curser" is a person who curses, probably.

    “Pokedexes really have evolved since I was a child,” the attendant said, leading him into a back room. “Can you imagine? They used to only tell you what pokemon you were currently facing!”

    Kent grinned. “That’s like a phone that only calls people.”

    “I know!” The attendant said, laughing. “Isn’t it ridiculous?”
    This dialogue is amusing. =P I also like the new features you added to the dex, along with how you handled the digital money aspect of the games.

    A small brown Pokemon stood a few feet in front of Kent, its back turned to him. It was standing on its hind legs, but its build suggested it could drop down to four if it was necessary. There were small blue fins on its...arms, Kent supposed, and a yellow thing that reminded Kent of a floaty circled its neck.
    You know, I don't mind that you somewhat information dumped here considering you did use Kent's voice to explain what a buizel looks like. And it does make sense that he would take the time to look and try to figure out what the heck his pokemon is and what those weird yellow things are.

    “Don’t be an idiot Robby,” a girl said. “They’re in all the regions now. You can thank the Pokemon Immigration Bill.”
    I really am digging your new editions to your world. You don't make a huge deal out of the new changes like some stories do; instead you make them really natural, like they have been implemented for years (which they probably have been). It's kind of weird that little to no explanation is more believable than the explanations that ramble on for paragraphs, explaining why something is changed from the canon (aka lampshading). Either way, I really love all these new things, like the PLC, and this Immigration Bill (even though I don't think it's a big deal other than more pokemon appearing in other places). Even the older age thing where trainers are usually eighteen or so before getting their first pokemon (which usually freaks out readers btw) was nicely handled because you didn't make such a big deal out of it.

    Aaaaand rambling now. I'll stop. tl;dr: I love how you handle the new concepts in your story that differ from the anime/games.

    “Hey Buizel,” Kent said, raising his hand in an awkward hello. The otter pokemon dropped down to four legs and approached him cautiously. “Uh, well, I’m your trainer now...” Kent said, “So I guess I need to name you...”

    “Call it Hydro!”

    “No, Aqua!”

    “You know what? These people are unoriginal. I’m just gonna walk over here,” Kent said, scooping the Buizel up and walking around the other side of the PLC. Thankfully, nobody followed him.
    Bahaha, love this.

    Buizel however, was not paying attention and was instead sniffing the air thoughtfully. He trotted around Kent and began nosing at the top of his pack.

    [...]

    “Hey! That’s my snickers! Kent shouted, grabbing the candy bar from the small pokemon. Buizel narrowed it’s eyes and made a lunge, managing to get it’s paws around the snickers. “C’mon, let go! Mine! MIIIIINE!” Kent shouted, finally yanking the snickers away with a particularly forceful tug. Buizel pouted and turned it’s nose up, turning away in a very angry manner.
    I remember this! T'was a cute scene and still is.

    Oh, and "it's" should be "its." It's = it is.

    A half an hour and at least 6 shared snickers bars later, Kent had two companions. They had dashed into the PLC completely out of breath and babbling about a trainer with an absolutely enormous magicarp that absolutely would not leave them alone before registering, and seemed to be more than happy to let Kent tag along.
    Magikarp.

    “I’m Cecilia, call me Cece, and this is Seth. This is our second year participating in the League.”

    “So you’re Kent right? I’m Seth,” the boy said in a friendly, easy tone.
    This is a little weird. Cece introduces Seth, but Seth introduces himself again?

    Anyway, I enjoyed this like last time. Definitely a lot cleaner like I said. A bit too early for me to judge Seth and Cece since we literally just finished their introductions, but they seem like good kids. I wonder how their relationship with Kent is going to change. Likewise, I'm wondering when Kent's lies and past will catch up to him. I will be back to read on (hopefully).

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Karpi View Post
    Okay this is actually pretty interesting... I wonder if Jason will come back later though...

    And I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Kent has to retrieve Linoone later on so people don't... well... kill him...

    EDIT: Never mind he's traveling with some people lol... Which could be equally interesting when they get tired of "the younger kid"

    The only criticism I have is your lack of much description. But then again you had to get a lot accomplished in this first chapter, so maybe it's too early to blow the whistle on that one...

    Don't give up!

    EDIT2: Oh yeah, and it's completely NOT OKAY to make fun of Magikarps, like in that registration scene you have! (see my name) jk
    Yeah I don't think Jason is going to be making another appearance in this story...unless Kent and the gang take a trip upstairs. And believe me, I would never insult magikarp.

    The lack of description is something I've noticed and am working on, thanks for bringing that up. And thanks for the review, please stay tuned!

    Quote Originally Posted by Breezy View Post
    Lol, I remember this fic. I did like the premise, so hopefully I'll be able to stay on top of it this time. x_X

    From the get-go, I can tell this version is a lot cleaner than your original. I did catch some things when I did skim through it, but they didn't deter nor glare out at me. So yay.

    I like your beginning. I like how it starts out normal, almost cliche in ways, with some happy-go-lucky older kid excited to start his journey who is stable (almost too stable, whatever that means), and everything is so bright and cheery only to have it shot down (literally) in a matter of seconds. It's a very nice setup; it really does lull your reader into a false sense of security.

    I also like how you handle Kent. Yes, he is a down-on-your-luck kid with his dad going to jail and him spending most of his life in a foster home, but you don't make it entirely depressing. Sure, he's deflated in some senses since his dad is going back to jail, but he's not wallowing in self pity either. Plus he's a pretty street-smart, crafty sort of kid who knows how to get by, albeit barely, as seen in the following scenes.

    I feel so deja-vu right now, but I always liked your narrative, too. I like how you blend Kent's thoughts with the narrative without it being so blunt. I especially like that "calm. Calm" line

    Is the line in bold supposed to be dialogue? Because it can work as thought narrative, but it sounds like it would be something he would say out loud to Linoone.

    Bit of a mix up in the bold. "I can't bring pre-owned pokemon in."

    It works as "guilt" but I feel "guilty" sounds better. Might be just me.

    I like this PLC setting. It reminds me of the DMV, lol.

    Cursor. "Curser" is a person who curses, probably.

    This dialogue is amusing. =P I also like the new features you added to the dex, along with how you handled the digital money aspect of the games.

    You know, I don't mind that you somewhat information dumped here considering you did use Kent's voice to explain what a buizel looks like. And it does make sense that he would take the time to look and try to figure out what the heck his pokemon is and what those weird yellow things are.

    I really am digging your new editions to your world. You don't make a huge deal out of the new changes like some stories do; instead you make them really natural, like they have been implemented for years (which they probably have been). It's kind of weird that little to no explanation is more believable than the explanations that ramble on for paragraphs, explaining why something is changed from the canon (aka lampshading). Either way, I really love all these new things, like the PLC, and this Immigration Bill (even though I don't think it's a big deal other than more pokemon appearing in other places). Even the older age thing where trainers are usually eighteen or so before getting their first pokemon (which usually freaks out readers btw) was nicely handled because you didn't make such a big deal out of it.

    Aaaaand rambling now. I'll stop. tl;dr: I love how you handle the new concepts in your story that differ from the anime/games.

    Bahaha, love this.

    I remember this! T'was a cute scene and still is.

    Oh, and "it's" should be "its." It's = it is.

    Magikarp.

    This is a little weird. Cece introduces Seth, but Seth introduces himself again?

    Anyway, I enjoyed this like last time. Definitely a lot cleaner like I said. A bit too early for me to judge Seth and Cece since we literally just finished their introductions, but they seem like good kids. I wonder how their relationship with Kent is going to change. Likewise, I'm wondering when Kent's lies and past will catch up to him. I will be back to read on (hopefully).
    Wow, that was a long review. Awesome. Thanks for all the corrections. I've gone back and edited them out - hopefully the next chapter won't have quite so many. I'm glad you like the changes, and the way I've introduced them in the story. It's great to know someone likes it so much. So thanks for the review and hope you keep reading!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    And chapter two is now complete. Enjoy!

    Thunder

        Spoiler:- Clickers:

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    3,038

    Default

    “Alright,” Cece said, grinning. She adjusted her cap, kicking a loose pebble as she did so. Kent watched as it tumbled down a hill and into an open field, where a lone rattata inspected it before scurrying off to do whatever it was rattatas did. “How do you win in an official league match?”
    Given I only read the first chapter of your original version of this story, I really had no idea how you described. That being said, I do like how you handle description; you use the world around your characters and have them interact with it instead of just, for the most part, random and bluntly stating it.

    I really like the slightly idle chatter between your characters; the conversation on battle tactics was nice to read, and I like how smoothly it transitioned to the story about Roxanne. You can definitely tell that Kent is a lot younger than Cece and Seth, not just by his questions but by the way he acts (running ahead and generally having a lot more energy than the older, experienced Seth and Cece. It's nice that you didn't try to “age up” Kent's personality just to match theirs; likewise, it's also nice that Seth and Cece do appear as experienced trainers who can dole out advice to Kent.

    “Hello?” Kent asked. “I thought there was no running water. How come you’re in the bathroom?”

    “Kent...” Seth said from where he was frozen on the stairs. “Kent, get outside. Right now.”

    “But-”

    “Get outside!” Seth snapped, his eyes wild. “Right now!”
    Eeesh. D: Creepy (even before reading the man's next bit of dialogue).

    Kent felt something warm trickle down his leg. “Ar-Aren’t you supposed t-to use p-p-pokemon or something?”
    I'm either dense tonight or that was pretty subtle. I do like this quote, though; you do have to wonder why people don't use guns or other means of violence in the pokemon world (for the most part).

    “Now that,” Seth said, still staring, "is an entrance.”

    “I took classes,” Noah said, brushing his hair out his eyes and looking back at Seth. “Sorry we took so long. It wasn’t just so I could look awesome.”
    For some reason I replaced Noah's quote with another quote: “I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.” Either way, yeah, exciting entrance for sure.

    So I really like where you're taking this fic. It is a lot darker/shadier and answers questions about certain aspects of real life not being present in the pokemon world. It does make a whole lot of sense that shady people would wait in rest homes and try to rob (and do more) passing trainers. I think Kent summed it up nicely:

    Finding killers and rapists on abandon homes in the middle of a thunderstorm. I thought it would be...I dunno. More fun.
    You handled that scene very nicely; the tyranitar breaking through the wall was a little over-the-top (though even Noah admitted to that =P) but for the most part, it was rather realistic instead of melodramatic. You definitely got the creepy vibe from the man. I also liked how naďve Kent was during the first part of that scene and how quick Seth and Cece were to realize that something was very, very wrong with this place.

    I also love your character interactions and how they speak for the most part, picking up on certain words in a conversation and starting a new conversation with that in mind (again, the Roxanne story comes to mind). I also like how Cece tried to awkwardly change the subject from what had happened to something lighter. I assume Seth and Cece are friends with Noah and Faith?

    Either way, I enjoyed this chapter lots, if that's not strange to say.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    389

    Default

    Glad to see that you're rewriting it! You've done a great job so far.
    He wore a hooded brown sweatshirt with a ring on the front that reminded Kent of an Usuring.
    Just for future reference...it's spelled "Ursaring."
    I never thought it would be like this, Kent admitted to himself. Finding killers and rapists on abandon homes in the middle of a thunderstorm. I thought it would be...I dunno. More fun.
    Good line. However, correct the emboldened phrase to "in abandoned."

    This was cool! It should be interesting to see if Kent's dishonest entry into the League will come back to haunt him!
    I'm back for good!

    Greetings from the asylum of my insanity.
    Chapter 3 and cooler banner coming eventually. :P I am still working on it despite a very long lack of updates!

    Dex: 128 created! ~ DA and LJ links coming later.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    Thanks so much for all the reviews!


    So it's been like two months, but between some family stuff and school (not to mention a string of power outages) I've been unable to update. I've made up for it a little by combining two chapters into one, hopefully that makes it a little better.

    So, Chapter 3: Rivals

        Spoiler:- Clickerooni:
    Last edited by Gallyrat; 15th May 2011 at 11:57 PM.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    Chapter 4: Arrival

        Spoiler:- Clicksters:

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Mother's Basement, USA
    Posts
    572

    Default

    This is gonna get good. I can feel it in my balls, man.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    389

    Default

    Kent was surprised to see her up and dressed, now wearing a slightly...racy (Kent couldn’t think of a better word) sundress with her ralts sitting on her shoulder
    Just missed a period at the end there.
    At full gallop, it can achieve speeds of 150 miles per hour, and it’s mane begins to spark violently.
    No apostrophe necessary.
    She removed a pokeball from her belt, spinning it between her hands before throwing it high into the air. There was a flash of light, and a Murkrow was suddenly flapping it’s wings overhead, flying in tight circles above it’s trainer.
    A few more it's/its discrepancies. When implying possession, an apostrophe is unnecessary.
    Snickers flew forward, and hit Jazz while his back was turned. The Murkrow dropped like a rock towards the ground, and probably would’ve died had Diana not managed to return him to hiss pokeball before he hit the dirt.
    *His

    Great job! So Kent is about to start his first Gym battle! Should be fun to watch.
    I'm back for good!

    Greetings from the asylum of my insanity.
    Chapter 3 and cooler banner coming eventually. :P I am still working on it despite a very long lack of updates!

    Dex: 128 created! ~ DA and LJ links coming later.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Downtown Saturn
    Posts
    100

    Default

    This is awesome!

    It all feels so natural and the plot is refreshingly fun and believable. Kent seems a bit like your standard vivacious trainer, but the way you write him makes him feel new so it works.

    Can't wait for the next chapter!

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Cali 8]
    Posts
    473

    Default

    I REALLY enjoy ths story and all, but there are lots of errors inside of it that seem to hit me with every passing chapter.

    I'd love to tell you what they are through PM though, that way when you change them my post won't sit here looking dumb.

    However, all in all you fic is a definate 8/10, being that the set up to your characters is fine and how you use the lack of words to tell your story is a really good change of pace from most of the other fics I've reviewed.

    One thing that's haunting me, though:

    You had Cece ask Kent =>
    “Alright, good. Suppose Victor has one of his pokemon go underground during your fight. What do you do?”
    Whose Victor? I may have missed who he was, but I just don't see his name anywhere else in the fic. Unless you meant, "Suppose THE Victor [...]". Other than that I'm just not sure what you meant...

    Credit to
    SWORN METALHEAD
    for the sig!

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    Thank you guys so much for the reviews/comments. I'm sorry that I haven't updated for a while, but with summer comes camps and workouts and jobs that all cut into my free time. The new chapter should be up sometime around the 15th

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Black City
    Posts
    7,151

    Default

    I remember seeing this fic! I was interested in it, but it hadn't been posted in for a long time, and I was afraid it had been abandoned. Can't wait for the next chapter!

    I HAVE CLAIMED WEEZING. YOU ARE NOT WORTHY.
    The Hoenn of Hoenness- Chapter 3 up now!
    404 Error 2: File Not Found- Chapter 12 up now!
    Author profile

    Banner done by me. I do not do requests. The Shinies are not up for trade.

    Fizzy Bubbles info

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    199

    Default

    Well, this is certainly an interesting start. While I disagree that a few miles is "draining," I can see why Kent would think that at his age. Anyways, nice to see a fic without a ten-year-old protagonist (at least you didn't have a kid passing the tests at twelve either). The sitter part was a rather dark insight into how the League system would actually work. I think going into movepool and levels is generally a bad idea, but if you can pull it off, all power too you. Just make sure you can realistically explain it.

    Also, I like the way you set up Kent so that I can understand where he's coming from and still cringe every time he does something. Speaking of which, your dialogue is very good at conveying the characters personalities, and generally pretty good. Just like the rest of it. Make sure you don't go overly technical with how the battling system works, and this should be pretty good.

    PS: I have a strange suspicion that Jason will be returning.
    The Flash Drive of Champions: Backgrounds

    There are many reasons to journey in the Pokemon World. It turns out that banishment, Bond Villains, unbeatable rivals and being forced to attend one dance too many are among them.

    File 2.5 is up. Gela literally puts on a show for the world to see while elsewhen her world is shattered beyond repair.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    Thank you guys so much for sticking with this! I know it's been a long time since the last update, but here's the next one. Enjoy!

    Chapter 4: Gym

        Spoiler:- Clicktown:


    Short chapter this time around, I know. The next one will be longer.
    Last edited by Gallyrat; 12th August 2011 at 3:40 AM.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Unova
    Posts
    82

    Default

    if you plan to have one, add me to your pm list please!
    [IMG]http://i43.*******.com/2vkg5s5.jpg[/IMG]


    don't click this link...

        Spoiler:- Credit:

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    A PM list! Yes! I will make one! (And I'll put you on it, don't worry)

    So anyone else - if you want to be on the PM list just ask.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Black City
    Posts
    7,151

    Default

    A PM list? Sign me up!

    I HAVE CLAIMED WEEZING. YOU ARE NOT WORTHY.
    The Hoenn of Hoenness- Chapter 3 up now!
    404 Error 2: File Not Found- Chapter 12 up now!
    Author profile

    Banner done by me. I do not do requests. The Shinies are not up for trade.

    Fizzy Bubbles info

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    Of course! Glad to see you're enjoying the story!

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    389

    Default

    Victor nodded. Kent tried not to throw up all over his shoes. He only partially succeeded, and made a face as he swallowed the throw up that had found it’s way to his mouth. Oh Lord....
    Its
    Kent grinned at Snickers, who was performing a little breakdance in the middle of the arena, much to the delight of the spectators.
    That is awesome
    A yellow pokemon with a tough hide burst from the pokeball with a cry, landing on top of the maze of rock, letting out a short chitter of a cry and slashing it’s claws at the air in front of it. Snickers seemed unimpressed, crossing his front legs across his chest and waiting for Kent.

    Kent smirked. “This won’t be any harder. Snickers, Water Gun!” The tiny pokemon blasted water from it’s mouth, but Sandshrew easily dodged, burrowing underground. Kent cursed. “Snickers, to the top of the wall!”
    Omit the apostrophes in the emboldened words, because you're implying possession.

    That was a good battle. Add me to the pm list please!
    I'm back for good!

    Greetings from the asylum of my insanity.
    Chapter 3 and cooler banner coming eventually. :P I am still working on it despite a very long lack of updates!

    Dex: 128 created! ~ DA and LJ links coming later.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by GastlyMan View Post
    Its

    That is awesome

    Omit the apostrophes in the emboldened words, because you're implying possession.

    That was a good battle. Add me to the pm list please!
    Blasted it's/its. There shall be no such mistakes in the next chapter! I swear it!
    Glad you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll be glad to add you to the PM list. The next chapter is almost done - it keeps branching off in tangents I don't want it to go into yet, and it's frustrating.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26

    Default

    New chaptaaaaaaaar!

    Reconcilliation

        Spoiler:- Clicknami:


    My first wholly new chapter since this thread started. I took steps to make Kent seem more childlike in this chapter - less swear words and big words, because that seemed to make him seem too old.

    Also, TMs in this world are a bit different. I hate including info in author's notes, but this will make it a lot easier - pokemon in this world don't learn moves like "dig" through TMs, they learn them if it makes sense for them to know naturally. So TMs are pretty rare and are all high level moves, and HMs are non-existant.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Black City
    Posts
    7,151

    Default

    Good chapter. The PM system was working fine, I just never got around to commenting. I've never been all that good with reviewing.

    I HAVE CLAIMED WEEZING. YOU ARE NOT WORTHY.
    The Hoenn of Hoenness- Chapter 3 up now!
    404 Error 2: File Not Found- Chapter 12 up now!
    Author profile

    Banner done by me. I do not do requests. The Shinies are not up for trade.

    Fizzy Bubbles info

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •