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Thread: Run PG-13

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    Default Run PG-13

    This is the first creepypasta i wrote. i think its pretty good. if you don't understand tell me.
        Spoiler:- Run:
    Last edited by Todoserugi; 7th April 2011 at 4:27 AM.
    Es so Einfach wie Eins, Zwei, Drei.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    In a bin.
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    Default

    I can see multiple typos and it seems quite cliche, you know, the whole 'dream becomes reality' thing. From sentence 5 onwards, it becomes short snappy sentences starting in he, his, the, etc. I got quite bored with it. And you keep switching from past tence to present tence. The dream is present tence but the diagnostics is past tence? What?

    I suggest you proof-read more, maybe get someone to look over it for you. Jot down notes and plan it out beforehand. The monster is quite uncreative too. Dog-like creature? I've seen about six of those in Crappypastas. Plus 'Ben' is quite an overused name for Creepypasta victims, I suggest you search up unusual names or use a name like 'Ike' or 'Mikey'.
    Apart from that, it's not bad.


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    At home.
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    364

    Default

    As you can tell, i'm not much of an author, but I've gotten better. When I wrote this, I didn't really care all that much about it, so I haven't edited it or changed it at all. The idea came to me when I was sitting in class, so I just wrote it down. Then, I copied it directly to here.
    Es so Einfach wie Eins, Zwei, Drei.

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