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Thread: Option Other

  1. #1
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    Default Option Other



    Rating: PG-13 for language
    Genre: Friendship, slice-of-life
    Length: One-shot
    Verse: B/W (Gen. 5)
    Word Count: 3,086
    Characters: Hilbert/Touya, Hilda/Touko
    Summary: (post final N-fight) Hilbert questions Hilda's state as champion – or not champion. Hilda grins and dances around the question.

    Author's Note: More of a character practice than a character study and overall a practice one-shot to get my mind back into writing. Turns out that I do love Hilda; I wanted her to be dreamy and soft, but she kept screaming to be more bamf. Think Hilbert is growing on me, too, even with his ridiculous name (might be because I never call him Hilbert in the story, but whatever). Original art was made by 1-kilometer from dA. Please enjoy and critique if possible. =)

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    Name:
    Date of Birth:
    Gender:
    Battle Style Preference:
    Badges (optional):
    Suggested Pokemon Team (choose 3):
    Trainer Rank:
    Preferred Partner (optional):
    Hilbert would watch Hilda struggle with the second-to-last to last question, teeth digging into the cap of her ballpoint pen, before her hand jolted down and scribbled “other.” He never questioned why.

    - - -

    Life is a state of monotony, something that did not thrill Hilbert but did not annoy him enough to change the way his world worked. Every Wednesday for example, he would wake up, fix a bowl of cereal, and prepare himself to wake up the screaming banshee that possessed the four year-old body of his little brother. He, after a fifteen minute wrestling match consisting of clothes being thrown on and a toothbrush dragged haphazardly across baby teeth, would half-walk, half-carry the brat the half mile to the local preschool. He would then trek another half-mile to Striaton City's gardens and would sit himself between a pidove statue that appeared to be an object of worship for actual pidove (or perhaps the opposite considering all the lovely, fresh poop that constantly adorned it) and a pillar of the stone bridge, and he would watch the sky's reflection in the pond's clear surface. His daily thoughts, accompanied by the loud chatter of tourists amazed by the gardens, the loud chatter of local Striaton residents annoyed by the loud, amazed tourists, and the coos of pooping pidove, were of grand ideas that were always planned out but never executed. The whip of wind, the chime of bell, and a blur of pink would snap him out of his thoughts, and he would smile, grip the brim of his baseball cap between his thumb and pointer finger, and watch a girl circle the park on her bike. After a few laps, she would stop, chain her bike around the streetlight, and sit next to him.

    “Hey, Hil,” she would say in her dreamy, soft voice, wiping her hand against the back of her neck.

    “Yo.”

    “It's a beautiful day.” She combed her fingers through her ponytail while looking up, letting the sun dance on her face. “I'm glad to see you. It's been a while.”

    This was every Wednesday, and it had only been a week since they last saw each other, but she always seemed calmly surprised he was sitting here watching her insanely pedal around the gardens when both of them knew that after this conversation ended, they would both get up, walk into the city, and wait for the GSS Striaton Subway Line that would take them into the heart of Nimbasa at ten o'clock on the dot.

    The station smelled of sewer water and something disgustingly indescribable, though his nostrils had already gotten used to the scent. She would stare at her shoes, blue eyes crinkled at the edges, and he would lace his hands on top of his hat and gaze into the blackness. Minutes later, there would be a loud roar, like a beast, and a sudden flash of light, and the mechanical serpent would emerged from the dark, screeching to a stop, doors opening. Hilda always sat down while Hil grabbed a handhold and stood up, hovering over her. The line disallowed battles as it was used for tourism (Hil played a silent game trying to figure out where a person came from) but a subway worker would pass around clipboards with sign-up sheets attached to them for battle subways later. He would fill his up and turn it in as soon as it was handed to him, but Hilda always took her time. He read her sheet upside down. She had everything filled already, with him as her preferred partner, but the sixth question, the question that asked what she was as a trainer, remained blank until the final call for sign-up sheets was sounded. It was only then when she would hastily scribble “other.” She would pass the clipboard to him and he would halfheartedly pass it to the subway worker and never question it.

    Life is a state of repetition, of safety, because people enjoy safety, the feeling of being in a comfortable situation whenever possible. To be thrown out of the loop is uncomfortable. He would question it in his head but never out loud; it would change things, throw off their streamlined day into a state of ... he didn't know but knew he didn't like.

    Yet today he asked:

    “What are you?”

    “Hilda,” she said idly, pulling her right leg up and pressing the bottom of her shoe against her bare thigh. She turned her head slightly to stare out the window that would occasionally pass through another station and where they would catch the blurred blues and greens of people.

    “You know what I mean.”

    “I do?”

    “You do.”

    She smiled to herself with half-lidded eyes. “A girl.”

    “Hilda.”

    “A lovely girl.”

    “Hilda.”

    “A lovely girl annoyed with your question.”

    “Why?”

    “Does it matter?” She adjusted her body, both feet firm on the ground, and stared up at him. Their eyes interlocked, his serious and hers seemingly amused, and he leaned forward, both hands gripping the handhold above his head. “The answer is acceptable. It allows me to battle.” She stared him straight in the face, a smirk dancing on her face. “We have been battling together for more than two months, no?”

    He frowned and clarified. “What is 'other'?”

    She sighed and didn't respond, so he continued. “You're not even just, you know, pokemon trainer? Ace trainer? Lass? Why do you have to call yourself 'other'?”

    She brushed this comment aside with a movement of her hand. “Labels,” she said. “Why do we need labels? Pointless, little things, labels.”

    He didn't reply and stared at his reflection in the window. Hilda was a girl who never illustrated her anger, her frustration, which was why he admired her as a partner in battling and was probably why she was able to rise so far up in the ranks – whatever she was in those ranks – but it has its faults, like her constant need to avoid confrontation whenever possible.

    “I'm just sayin',” he finally replied. He swung forward on the handhold before releasing it and sitting next to her on the plastic bench. He kicked his left leg up and pressed the bottom of his shoe against the steel pole. Hilda dragged her own feet across the gum-littered ground. “It doesn't bug you not knowing what you are?”

    She closed her eyes and let her head press back into the grimy subway window, ponytail lifting further up. “All I know is that I'm a trainer.” She laced her hands together and settled them in her lap. “A damn good one I might add. Why do you need me to prove it?”

    “It's not that I need you to prove it for me. I just want you to prove it for yourself. I don't want you to regret not knowing.”

    “But I'm fine”–he saw her grit her teeth at the word–“not knowing.”

    He frowned, right eyebrow raised up. She curled her legs up and rested her chin on her chapped knees. “I love that it bugs you, though,” she added. “You were always too meticulous for your own good. You just gotta know how things are going to work out and what person is in what place.”

    The subway was slowing down to a stop, but Hilbert already knew that they were at a city close to Nimbasa before the captain announced it. The time would be twenty-five minutes past ten, and in five more minutes, they would be arriving in Nimbasa at the Gear Station. Hilda would depart first, hopping out the door, her right hand digging into her shorts' pocket for her trainer I.D. while he would be rolling his xtransceiver in his hand, and they would wait another fifteen minutes for the multi battle subway line to roll back into the station.

    Again, the subway screeched to a stop, throwing everyone inside off balance. Hilda swerved into his shoulder but didn't bother to sit back up. His leg still remained glued to the pole. People in business clothing departed and were replaced by kids their age, most of them wearing clothing that had the Unova symbol plastered on it. He counted to thirty in his head. In thirty seconds, the doors would close. In another ten, the captain would speak over the intercom announcing their next destination. At the five second mark of this speech, the subway would kick back up to a roar, and they would be streaming down the dark and narrow tunnels.

    Begin the small talk.

    “Bianca decided to apprentice under Professor Juniper.” She stretched her legs out across the seats and pressed her back into his arm. He tried to ignore her hair tickling the side of his neck.

    “That's good. I'm glad she decided what to do.”

    “Mhm.”

    “And Cheren?”

    “In a cave still. It's very Red of him.”

    “All mad geniuses pick similar locations to waste away.”

    She grinned. “All we need is some cocky boy with a backwards cap to fight him.”

    “It's not me. I'm not one of those jackasses that does that.”

    “Yeah, you're one of those forward-facing ones.”

    “Don't turn back, baby.”

    A whistle would blow, jolting awake sleepy passengers, a warning by a subway worker who was now walking down the aisle to pick up final sign-up sheets. Hilda would quickly scribble in “other” in the second-to-last slot and would pass Hil her clipboard, and Hil would stretch out and hand it to the worker before returning to his position as Hilda's backboard. Hilda would now swing her bag around so it rested in her lap and wasn't pressed uncomfortably against her side. At this moment on the subway, she would dig into her bag and check her xtransceiver for texts, usually ones from Bianca that made Hilda crack a smile, but midway between her unzipping, he asked:

    “Seriously, why don't you want to know?”

    She curled her hand up into her fist and rested it on top of her bag. “You're still hung up on this? Why do you care?”

    “It bugs me.”

    “I would hate to disappoint you, but it ain't about you, sweetheart.”

    “It doesn't bug you?”

    “What?”

    “About not knowing if you're champion?”

    She laughed. No response, just a light laugh that annoyingly echoed in his head.

    “I fail to find what's so mockingly funny,” he said, flustered.

    “It just ... is, Hil. But you tell me,” she said. “What do you think?”

    “You beat N,” he replied. “N was champion by defeating Alder. By rule, you should be champion.”

    “I didn't register it,” she argued. “There were no witnesses to our battle. For all you know, I could be lying to you – to everyone – about my battle with N. That wasn't under official circumstances anyway.”

    He raised an eyebrow again. “So you seem to be on the side that says you're not champion.”

    “Did I say that?” Her amused tone was back. “I didn't say that. Like you said, I did defeat the current champion, and by rule, the winner becomes the latest champion even if he or she doesn't participate in official duties.”

    “No pics, no proof.”

    She reached behind her and rapped her knuckles lightly against the top of Hil's head playfully. “Dork.”

    “I just don't get you is all. It'd bug me if I was you. You don't want to 'officialize' it? Or 'de-officialize' it?”

    “Those aren't words.”

    “Don't avoid my question.”

    She sat back up, placing her bag next to her thigh, and turned her head, the bottom of her ponytail sweeping against her shoulders. She stared into him intensely, enough to make him gulp. Another smirk danced on her face; Hilbert vaguely wondered if she fed off his fear of her. “I'm gonna tell you something.” She beckoned him to sit closer with a motion of her finger, so he scooted. She repeated the motion, so again he scooted. She leaned forward, her lips a few centimeters away from his ear. Her breath was hot.

    “You're a loser,” she whispered.

    He quickly pulled away, a disgusted look on his face as she giggled to herself, fingers pressed against her mouth.

    “I'm serious, Hilda.”

    “I'm Hilda, Serious. It's nice to meet you.”

    “Dear god. That joke is so old I might vomit.”

    Hilda reached over and patted his thigh twice. “Okay, let's have this sappy discussion your heart is beating rapidly for.”

    “My sweaty thighs quivering ...”

    “Your breath a heavy whisper ...”

    “My eyes screaming with ... something.”

    “I totally won that round.”

    “I apologize for not reading as much erotica as you.”

    She wrinkled her nose in good humor. “All right, Hil. If there's anything that N and his situation taught me is that we're all in a ... in a predetermined destiny that we're not aware of. Something like that.”

    He didn't respond, waiting for her to continue, but she didn't, so he asked, “And?”

    She cupped her chin with her open palm and rested her pointer finger on her nose, her mouth between the gaps of her other fingers. “I'm not sure, Hil. It's just scary. When I think of N, I think of his face.”

    “Romantic.”

    “It was so distinct,” she said wistfully. “He looked shattered. After that battle. After that conversation with his dad. After his dad revealed what his true plans were, what he was doing all of this for.”

    He sat there quietly, wiggling his laced fingers before resting them on top of his head, elbows pointed forward. Hilda pulled her hand away from her face and licked her lips, sullen. “What he believed was his fate ... all of that changed with a single phrase,” she said.

    “You are the father?”

    Hilda snorted and smiled at Hilbert. “You're ... I don't even know.”

    “Glorious in twenty different ways.”

    “I'm glorious in twenty-one.”

    Hil pulled up the cap of his hat, letting his sweaty forehead get some air. “What does this have to do with you not wanting to know if you're champion or not?”

    She looked down at her lap. “I guess what I'm saying,” she began, “is that me not knowing my position is what is forcing my destiny to remain unknown. It ... it makes my life structured and safe, and that's what I really want right now after all that has happened. I want to feel safe.”

    “I feel that's too boring for you.”

    She grimaced. “You know me too well.”

    “Maybe.”

    “But look at it like this. My life right now is on a repetitive schedule, and I know you like things on schedule. Maybe I'm just trying to please you. Have you thought about it like that?”

    “I also like making out. Please me that way.”

    “Keep trying,” she said with a grin.

    “Damn.” Like clockwork, he pulled out his xtransceiver from his pocket to check the time (he already knew it would be two more minutes until they hit Nimbasa's Gear Station) and would set the device down next to his leg until they would depart.

    “I'm comfortable not knowing. I'm sorry you aren't.”

    “It's not about me, Hilda. You always want to be known as 'other'?”

    “If things remained unchanged, sure. I don't like things being determined for me. I don't want everything I have now to be messed up.”

    “And you don't like settling either. What harm would it do if you battled the Elite 4 again and challenged Alder and figured out if you are champion-material or not?”

    “Everything will change.”

    It was his time to smirk. He sat back in his seat and slouched so his butt was on edge and threw his arm around her shoulders. “And I'll tell you this,” he began as she stared at his hand. “One silly-ass battle isn't going to change all the shit in your world.”

    She glared at him, brushing his hand off her shoulder. “I swear I'm going to kill you. Why don't you take your own advice? You're the most routine guy I have met. Tell me, how long until the subway comes to a stop?”

    “Ten seconds, and thank you for riding with us. Please be careful while exiting through the sliding doors, and have a nice day.”

    She paused for a few seconds, and soon enough, the subway came to an abrupt stop where she slid back into him and the captain's voice announced, “Thank you for riding with us. Please be careful while exiting through the sliding doors, and have a nice day.” Hilda stood up and grabbed her bag, sliding the strap over her arm, and Hil followed after her through the doors. She hopped out and landed on the concrete platform as Hil rotated his xtransceiver in his hand.

    “Then maybe it's time to stir things up. Change it. Only a little.”

    “Only a little,” she agreed. “One step at a time.”

    - - -

    Two Wednesdays from now, Hilbert would turn on the news as usual, stand in the kitchen in his boxers, and pull out a ceramic bowl from the mahogany kitchen cabinet. He would let the bowl hit the wooden table with a loud clatter before walking to the pantry and pulling out a box of cereal. As he would walk to the fridge, he would sleepily scratch underneath his armpit, yawn, and pull open the door, lazy eyes scanning the shelves for the carton of milk. Bare feet would cross the cold tile. He would plop himself in his seat and pour the cereal into the bowl with a pleasant rattle as he halfheartedly watched the current news of Unova for thirty minutes. The top story was about Hilda, which made him widen his eyes just slightly, and they were talking about her losing to Alder.

    When did she lose to Alder?

    He caught the end of her interview clip, spoon midway between the bowl and his mouth. She was looking directly into the camera, and he could have sworn she was talking directly toward him instead of the generic audience.

    “I don't mind losing”–she didn't mind a lot of things, he noted–“and I have no regrets about my battle with Alder. But I will be back. Trust me. Until then, I suppose I have 'other' things to do.” She winked.

    He groaned. “You're so freakin' corny, Hilda.” He reached for his xtransceiver, already saw that he got a text, and opened it.

    Don't worry, you freak. I won't ruin your schedule. I'll be in the gardens at the exact same time to do the exact same Wednesday all over again.

    He sighed to himself and stared at the spoon he still had gripped in his hand, drops of milk dripping back down into the bowl. He put the spoon back in his bowl and pushed the cereal away.

    It's time to stir things up. Change it. Only a little.

    Today Hilbert would have waffles.

    Originally Posted: 2 July 2011
    Revised: 11 July 2011
    Last edited by Breezy; 29th July 2011 at 8:15 AM.

  2. #2
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    As always, your versatility continues to amaze me.

    Lull was, for obvious reasons, sort of dark in places. But this is very lighthearted and, frankly, adorable, while still managing to address what can be a very heavy topic on occasion.

    I agree with you on the name Hilbert. I hate the name with a passion, but for this portrayal, he was written so well that I didn't care. He and Hilda play off each other well. I'm not saying that their characters seem derivative, but they do remind me a lot of your portrayal of Lucas and Dawn from Lull - except with less angst and less romantic tension. Maybe that's why I caught on to the dynamic so quickly. Either way, I liked what I was reading.

    I found the quip about the 'mad geniuses' pretty hilarious, and the phrase 'pooping pidove' is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. There were two spelling errors that I caught, though:

    Two Wednesdays from now, Hilbert would turn on the news as usual, stand in the kitchen in his boxers, and pull out a ceramic bowl from the mahogany kitchen cabinet. . .The top story was about Hilda, which made him widened his eyes just slightly, and they were talking about her losing to Alder.
    I think you're looking for "widen" there. There was a similar error somewhere else, but now I can't find it. It happens to the best of us. I know that I can safely say that if this counts as 'practice' for you, I can't wait to see what you'll do in the future.

    - EM1

    Dalton Gregg was a mostly-ordinary university student from the region once called Johto.
    Then a fateful encounter set him on a quest to change history.




  3. #3
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    (Hil played a silent game trying to figure out where a person came from)
    Huh. Interesting game – I wonder how he tells?

    I see what you’re getting at here. I always love little philamasophical stories like this.

    “What are you?”

    “Hilda,” she said idly, pulling her right leg up and pressing the bottom of her shoe against her bare thigh. She turned her head slightly to stare out the window that would occasionally pass through another station and where they would catch the blurred blues and greens of people.

    “You know what I mean.”

    “I do?”

    “You do.”

    She smiled to herself with half-lidded eyes. “A girl.”

    “Hilda.”

    “A lovely girl.”
    Such a smart aleck. Love it.

    “And Cheren?”

    “In a cave still.”

    He rolled his eyes. “How Red of him.”
    I don’t know why I laughed at this, but I did.

    and by rule, the winner because the latest champion even if he or she doesn't participate in official duties.”
    The winner because the latest champion? Think ya mean becomes.

    “I'm gonna tell you something.” She beckoned him to sit closer with a motion of her finger, so he scooted. She repeated the motion, so again he scooted. She leaned forward, her lips a mere centimeters away from his ear. Her breath was hot.

    “You're a loser,” she whispered.
    …Excuse me for a moment.

    BUAHAHAHAHAHA

    *ahem*

    “I also like making out. Please me that way.”

    “Keep trying,” she said with a grin.
    Totally ballsy of Hilbert. Love it.

    Today Hilbert would have waffles.
    This has to be the single most amazing closing line I have ever read.

    Overall, cute one-shot. Great, believable characters, makes you think a little, and funny while not trying to be overbearingly so. As with Click, love these slice-of-life stories. Also, hints at ChessShipping. Yay, ChessShipping!

    Also, agreeing with EonMaster One. Can't wait for more stuff by you, Breezy - it never disappoints.
    Last edited by D. Scott; 2nd July 2011 at 7:20 PM.


    Though probably obvious with the picture, I was formerly known as IanDonyer. Actually got a username closer to my real name, now.

  4. #4
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    As Ian Donyer pointed out, this got rather philamasophical in places.

    SO MUCH SO, that some of the things Hilda (I'll admit, I've warmed to her name) said, reminded me of a Douglas Adams quote

    *le cough*

    There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
    and

    Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
    The second one, not so much, the first one definitely so.

    This fic is like grapefruit however, in the fact that it was refreshing.
    Skogsrĺ

    Gardenia never liked the Old Chateau, but what if the Old Chateau liked her?

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    Well . . . for starters, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like this. It was cute, made me think, and certainly entertaining. However - something about it really didn't sit right with me, and it took a couple of minutes to work out what that was.

    It's Hilda. While, admittedly, she says very little in the games, I really didn't pick her as the type to be so abstractly philosophical. Hell, she's bordering on nihilism at some points. I don't know many (if any) kids/teenagers that would wax philosophical like that. It seemed like she sounded much older than she is, and I'm not entirely sure I like that.

    Regardless, a cute story on the surface level, and one that makes you think a little bit on a deeper level. It's just a little hollow for me with Hilda talking like that. Like she's suddenly been possessed by the ghost of Friedrich Nietzsche.

    Champion Game
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  6. #6
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    Neat.

    You have a special talent for making me smile with your final lines, most notably in this and Click.

    I still despise the names Hilda and Hilbert, but I manage it by mentally replacing them with "White" and "Black" respectively. To me it makes more sense for the player characters to have names that are colors, since Black and White are more or less reboots of Generation 1, though not necessarily in a bad way. But I digress.

    What I really liked about this one is the tone. It was very dreamy, and by that I mean it was rather consistent; it never wavered, it kept plodding along until the conclusion. Some might see that as a bad thing, but it worked. Reading it was almost like breathing; simple, smooth, not forced and yet somehow almost necessary, like it had to be read in one sitting or it would have lost its charm.

    The only flaw I saw has already been pointed out, so I'll let you attend to that.

  7. #7

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    He would then trek another half-mile to Striaton City's gardens and would sit himself between a pidove statute
    I believe you meant “statue.”

    I’m a little confused as to why she would write “other” when it’s fill-in-the-blank (unless there’s an implied list of choices or something) although I do like the idea. My only guess would be that maybe the subway line isn’t so interested and she really just needed to put anything down to have a complete sheet.

    Your description of the city was excellent. It conveyed the energy very well (of course it may also help that I just got back from vacation, where I was one of the loud tourists you describe, so it’s easy for me to imagine) while adding your own personal flavor (the two mentions of Pidove poop made me grin).

    I have to say that, initially, the relationship between the two trainers seemed strange. However, as I read on, I couldn’t help but admire the perfect harmony they’ve created. What first appeared to be coldness is actually just an understanding that they each do what they do and just looking at their conversations and how they react to each other uncovers so many little things that help flesh the characters out. Their little back-and-forths were really amusing.

    “And Cheren?”

    “In a cave still.”

    He rolled his eyes. “How Red of him.”

    She smiled. “A little. He says he's there to find himself. To get stronger. Actually, I don't know.”

    “All mad geniuses pick similar locations to waste away.”

    “How profound.”

    “Is it not true?”

    “Didn't say it was.”
    This conversation felt a little off to me, specifically the way Hil carries his half. Hilda remains her somewhat ditsy self while Hil seems to transform from an admittedly studious and worrisome person to someone who seems a little pretentious, just based on the way he speaks and acts. :/ I dunno, it just felt weird. It disappeared after this though.

    Besides that, the dialogue was really, really great and natural. It was something I think anyone could imagine experiencing with their own friends, whether they’re on the Hilda or Hil side of things. I mentioned earlier that their relationship opened up as the story went on and the dialogue was the key factor. Little things like the super "You're a loser" part are just so amazingly simply but incredibly telling of just how these people are together.

    The schedule=freedom idea had me going around in circles for a second, but once it finally clicked I liked it. ;) Had me confused.

    That ending. Wow, so good in such a cheesy way. XD Hilda may be my favorite character of all time, just from that “other” line. I disagree with Dragon user x about Hilda, though. I haven’t played the games, but I assume that the N plot was some pretty heavy stuff and I think that can change a person. I don’t know if this story was influenced by specific lines from BW, but to me it seemed that the destiny thing was a big part of what N was all about and Hilda would have taken notice.

    Anyway, sorry I didn’t have much to criticize. :( All in all, it was a great one-shot. Honestly, it seemed like something you could make an even longer story out of, just based on character alone, but you might not be interested in that. But yeah, cute and simple, which is always nice. :)

  8. #8
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    Who the fuck decided that the characters default names should be Hilda and Hilbert, is this a joke?

    Anyways, this story was totally cute!

    “You know what I mean.”

    “I do?”

    “You do.”

    She smiled to herself with half-lidded eyes. “A girl.”

    “Hilda.”

    “A lovely girl.”

    “Hilda.”

    “A lovely girl annoyed with your question.”

    “Why?”
    Hilda reminds me of someone that I know, her name is (HAHAHA) Bianca...and I mean have a friend Bianca LOL who's just like that! I love her personality though. I also love how Hilbert is stricken with teenage hormones, that part made me giggle!

    I love how everything you write has something deep to it, like Hilbert and his routine lifestyle...and Lucas and his fucked up, psychotic mindset in "Lull"

    This was cute, and you totally beat me to writing something about Black/White. (I haven't written anything yet, I was just planning to haha!)
    Insert Cool FanFic Banner Here.
    Maybe I should start writing one of those...

    Honestly, the hell if I know...

  9. #9
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    Oh, goodness, definitely wasn't expecting this many reviews. Thanks, everyone. =) Sorry for the semi-late response as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by EonMaster One View Post
    As always, your versatility continues to amaze me.

    Lull was, for obvious reasons, sort of dark in places. But this is very lighthearted and, frankly, adorable, while still managing to address what can be a very heavy topic on occasion.
    Thanks. It was nice writing this piece (I'm trying to get into HLBMA writing tone mood still) that wasn't entire heavy but still had some substance ... I think. XP

    I agree with you on the name Hilbert. I hate the name with a passion, but for this portrayal, he was written so well that I didn't care. He and Hilda play off each other well. I'm not saying that their characters seem derivative, but they do remind me a lot of your portrayal of Lucas and Dawn from Lull - except with less angst and less romantic tension. Maybe that's why I caught on to the dynamic so quickly. Either way, I liked what I was reading.
    The name is oddly growing on me the more I think about it. =P

    As for Hilda/Hilbert's dynamic feeling like Lucas/Dawn's in Lull ... yeah, I can totally see what you see in terms of actual dialogue, though Lucas and Dawn are more manipulative with their language (or their language usually always has a double meaning) while Hilda and Hilbert more play off each other. They're essentially more witty. To add on that, to compare my portrayal of Brendan and May, Hilda and Hilbert take each other's insults/comebacks in dry humor while Brendan and May usually take offense at the other person's remarks. Basically all my characters are built on the same dynamic in some sense, but it's the reaction/interpretation that makes each set a little bit different. I liked writing Hilda and Hilbert because there was no silly romantic tension; they really are just good friends that like to trade witty retort with each other. I'm definitely going to write with them again with more insight into the events they went through.

    I found the quip about the 'mad geniuses' pretty hilarious, and the phrase 'pooping pidove' is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. There were two spelling errors that I caught, though:

    I think you're looking for "widen" there. There was a similar error somewhere else, but now I can't find it. It happens to the best of us. I know that I can safely say that if this counts as 'practice' for you, I can't wait to see what you'll do in the future.

    - EM1
    Fun side note: Was gonna write a one-shot comparing Cheren to Red but decided just to make it a Hilbert joke. =P Prolly drop the idea off in the plot bunny thread.

    Anyway, thanks for catching those errors (will fix them after this response is written), and thank you for reading!



    Quote Originally Posted by IanDonyer View Post
    Huh. Interesting game – I wonder how he tells?
    There was a section on that but I deleted it ... or didn't write it entirely. Felt a little unnecessary.

    I see what you’re getting at here. I always love little philamasophical stories like this.
    That's good. =P

    Such a smart aleck. Love it.
    She spoke to me as a smart-aleck. I wanted her to be dreamy and soft but ... well it went kind of opposite of that. Lol.

    I don’t know why I laughed at this, but I did.
    Well, it's true, sorta. =P

    The winner because the latest champion? Think ya mean becomes.
    Ty for the catch. Will edit soon!

    …Excuse me for a moment.

    BUAHAHAHAHAHA

    *ahem*
    Glad you like that part. xP

    Totally ballsy of Hilbert. Love it.
    I do gotta say it was refreshing to write a guy character who is ballsy with that sort of stuff. Most of the guy characters I write in that deal with romantic entanglements are a hot mess.

    This has to be the single most amazing closing line I have ever read.
    Waffles always make for a good closer, in writing and in life.

    Overall, cute one-shot. Great, believable characters, makes you think a little, and funny while not trying to be overbearingly so. As with Click, love these slice-of-life stories. Also, hints at ChessShipping. Yay, ChessShipping!

    Also, agreeing with EonMaster One. Can't wait for more stuff by you, Breezy - it never disappoints.
    Chessshipping is adorableeee. Glad you enjoyed it, Ian, and thanks fr reviewing. =)



    Quote Originally Posted by Diddy View Post
    As Ian Donyer pointed out, this got rather philamasophical in places.

    SO MUCH SO, that some of the things Hilda (I'll admit, I've warmed to her name) said, reminded me of a Douglas Adams quote

    *le cough*


    and

    The second one, not so much, the first one definitely so.

    This fic is like grapefruit however, in the fact that it was refreshing.
    Lol, love that grapefruit line. Interesting note on Hilda's line, though; I actually didn't think it was that philosophical (I at least didn't want it to be so blunt), so while I'm glad the message got through, I think I might have to play around with that section and make it sound a little more wiseass-ish to fit her character.

    Thanks for taking my threats seriously reviewing, Dids!



    Quote Originally Posted by Dragon user X View Post
    Well . . . for starters, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like this. It was cute, made me think, and certainly entertaining. However - something about it really didn't sit right with me, and it took a couple of minutes to work out what that was.

    It's Hilda. While, admittedly, she says very little in the games, I really didn't pick her as the type to be so abstractly philosophical. Hell, she's bordering on nihilism at some points. I don't know many (if any) kids/teenagers that would wax philosophical like that. It seemed like she sounded much older than she is, and I'm not entirely sure I like that.

    Regardless, a cute story on the surface level, and one that makes you think a little bit on a deeper level. It's just a little hollow for me with Hilda talking like that. Like she's suddenly been possessed by the ghost of Friedrich Nietzsche.
    Yeah, I think that section could use some fine tuning; the more I read it over, the more I feel like that philosophy was randomly shoehorned in so the overall story wasn't just people talking ... Okay, well, it still it with that bit. XP I think part of the problem comes from the transition of me having used characters that were "wiser beyond their years" that it, unfortunately, channeled a bit into Hilda (which also may be why I didn't see it as bizarre until you pointed it out). Still, that's no excuse, and I'll be definitely be going back over that section to see if I can make a little more ... simpler. I might make it a dialogue so the two can play off each other and come to their own conclusions.

    Thanks for the comments; they are greatly appreciated. =)



    Quote Originally Posted by disclaimer065 View Post
    Neat.

    You have a special talent for making me smile with your final lines, most notably in this and Click.
    That's good. I always felt I was crap at good ending lines, so I'm glad this story and Click had good, cute ones. =P

    I still despise the names Hilda and Hilbert, but I manage it by mentally replacing them with "White" and "Black" respectively. To me it makes more sense for the player characters to have names that are colors, since Black and White are more or less reboots of Generation 1, though not necessarily in a bad way. But I digress.
    I was contemplating using White and Black (or even their Japanese names), but the names grew on me by then. It's odd, yeah, but quirky.

    What I really liked about this one is the tone. It was very dreamy, and by that I mean it was rather consistent; it never wavered, it kept plodding along until the conclusion. Some might see that as a bad thing, but it worked. Reading it was almost like breathing; simple, smooth, not forced and yet somehow almost necessary, like it had to be read in one sitting or it would have lost its charm.

    The only flaw I saw has already been pointed out, so I'll let you attend to that.
    Glad the tone was consistent but at the same time not flat (that's what I'm picking up in your comment lol). I kind of liked writing in a somewhat future-tense sort of narrative. Also glad that the read was simple but easy; it's what I strive for in all my works. Especially the "read in one sitting" thing. XP Bahaha.

    Thank you for reviewing! =)


    Quote Originally Posted by [Imaginative]:[Clockwork] View Post
    I believe you meant “statue.”
    Yep. Thanks for the catch!

    I’m a little confused as to why she would write “other” when it’s fill-in-the-blank (unless there’s an implied list of choices or something) although I do like the idea. My only guess would be that maybe the subway line isn’t so interested and she really just needed to put anything down to have a complete sheet.
    I'd say Hilda writes "other" because she is such a wiseass and she doesn't like labels as said in the story. XP If you want to go on a deeper level, Hilda in this story is a character that likes a "constrained freedom" (oxymoron much) or perhaps a "safe freedom" where she's her own little oddball but not enough to stand out.

    Your description of the city was excellent. It conveyed the energy very well (of course it may also help that I just got back from vacation, where I was one of the loud tourists you describe, so it’s easy for me to imagine) while adding your own personal flavor (the two mentions of Pidove poop made me grin).
    Lol, thanks. Hope you had a good vacation as well. ;P

    I have to say that, initially, the relationship between the two trainers seemed strange. However, as I read on, I couldn’t help but admire the perfect harmony they’ve created. What first appeared to be coldness is actually just an understanding that they each do what they do and just looking at their conversations and how they react to each other uncovers so many little things that help flesh the characters out. Their little back-and-forths were really amusing.
    Yes, they're both rather dry and witty. What I like writing about them is, as you said, that they understand and play off each other's dry humor. While other people may take offense at some of the things they said, I think they take it in and reply back with snarky zeal. =P

    This conversation felt a little off to me, specifically the way Hil carries his half. Hilda remains her somewhat ditsy self while Hil seems to transform from an admittedly studious and worrisome person to someone who seems a little pretentious, just based on the way he speaks and acts. :/ I dunno, it just felt weird. It disappeared after this though.
    I do get what you mean here; if anything, it's Hilda that's a little more OOC IMO (I'm surprised I didn't take the opportunity to get a little more playful jabs in at her other friends -- I actually think she'd be the one to say that Red line). I think I will tweak this section a bit more; thanks for pointing it out.

    Besides that, the dialogue was really, really great and natural. It was something I think anyone could imagine experiencing with their own friends, whether they’re on the Hilda or Hil side of things. I mentioned earlier that their relationship opened up as the story went on and the dialogue was the key factor. Little things like the super "You're a loser" part are just so amazingly simply but incredibly telling of just how these people are together.
    Thanks! I'm also glad that the "you're a loser" part worked; it really was spur of the moment. The Hilda in my head kept urging me to do it.

    The schedule=freedom idea had me going around in circles for a second, but once it finally clicked I liked it. Had me confused.
    Not gonna lie: it took me a while to think of a way to phrase it, and as it turns out, I could probably do better to make it simpler. =P

    That ending. Wow, so good in such a cheesy way. XD Hilda may be my favorite character of all time, just from that “other” line. I disagree with Dragon user x about Hilda, though. I haven’t played the games, but I assume that the N plot was some pretty heavy stuff and I think that can change a person. I don’t know if this story was influenced by specific lines from BW, but to me it seemed that the destiny thing was a big part of what N was all about and Hilda would have taken notice.
    Bahaha, I know. That line is so corny you have to laugh at it. XP I also like that it's layered in a way that it's corny but sarcastic at the same time, as you know she's taking another jab at Hil by saying it.

    (Gonna try to explain Hilda without ruining B/W for you. =P) As for the interpretation on Hilda, yeah, I really am influenced by post-main game events and how the main plot tends to make a significant change in the player character's life (readers of Lull can attest to this with Lucas), which is why I did feel like Hilda could say something like that. For this story, the ending conversation with N and Hilda was what helped me craft her personality for this piece. I do think I could simplify it, though, and make that section a dialogue than a short monologue.

    Anyway, sorry I didn’t have much to criticize. All in all, it was a great one-shot. Honestly, it seemed like something you could make an even longer story out of, just based on character alone, but you might not be interested in that. But yeah, cute and simple, which is always nice.
    Glad you liked it, and you commented plenty. It gave me a lot to rethink about this piece. =) I definitely am going to use Hilda and Hilbert again in another story, but I really need to craft their personalities a bit better to be more influenced by the events. Thank you for reading and reviewing. <3



    Quote Originally Posted by Legend of Lucario View Post
    Who the fuck decided that the characters default names should be Hilda and Hilbert, is this a joke?

    Anyways, this story was totally cute!
    Ha. =P They'll grow on you, hopefully. XP

    Hilda reminds me of someone that I know, her name is (HAHAHA) Bianca...and I mean have a friend Bianca LOL who's just like that! I love her personality though. I also love how Hilbert is stricken with teenage hormones, that part made me giggle!
    Thanks for the comment. I'm always happy to hear that the characters are on par with people reader's know in real life. I think it means the characters are realistic, no? =P

    I love how everything you write has something deep to it, like Hilbert and his routine lifestyle...and Lucas and his fucked up, psychotic mindset in "Lull"

    This was cute, and you totally beat me to writing something about Black/White. (I haven't written anything yet, I was just planning to haha!)
    But hopefully simple enough as a substance read? =) Lol.

    I'm glad you thought it was cute, and thanks for reading. Hope to read your B/W white piece soon!

  10. #10
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    Ugh, dammit, I had this long reply going and I accidentally deleted everything.

    Anyway, I'm going to start quoting what I liked, and if there's any mistakes here that I can catch, that's gravy:

    Every Wednesday for example, he would wake up, fix a bowl of cereal, and prepare himself to wake up the screaming banshee that possessed the four year-old body of his little brother. He, after a fifteen minute wrestling match consisting of clothes being thrown on and a toothbrush dragged haphazardly across baby teeth, would half-walk, half-carry the brat the half mile to the local preschool.
    This may seem like a minor line to you, but I found myself giggling to death at that part. His brother is exactly what my sister was at age four, and ironically enough, I happened to be the same age as Hilbert at the time (he's fourteen in the games, isn't he?)

    (or perhaps the opposite considering all the lovely, fresh poop that daily adorned it)
    I find it very funny how people never mention little things like that. While I did snicker at that line, I really think that the bolded part could be changed a bit. It doesn't sound right at the moment, so maybe you could replace the word "daily" with "constantly"?

    “Hey, Hil,” she would say in her dreamy, soft voice, wiping her hand against the back of her neck.

    “Yo.”
    I don't know if you've ever watched Red vs. Blue, but that casual "Yo" just gave me a mental image (complete with easy-going voice) of Pvt. Tucker.

    “What are you?”

    “Hilda,” she said idly, pulling her right leg up and pressing the bottom of her shoe against her bare thigh. She turned her head slightly to stare out the window that would occasionally pass through another station and where they would catch the blurred blues and greens of people.

    “You know what I mean.”

    “I do?”

    “You do.”

    She smiled to herself with half-lidded eyes. “A girl.”

    “Hilda.”

    “A lovely girl.”

    “Hilda.”

    “A lovely girl annoyed with your question.”

    “Why?”
    I absolutely adored the snarky replies. You know, I can completely understand Hilda's perspective here; I'd be replying snarkily as well, if someone kept annoying me.

    “All I know is that I'm a trainer.” She laced her hands together and settled them in her lap. “A damn good one I might add. Why do you need me to prove it?”
    Well, she's got a lot of confidence. I'm impressed already.

    “And Cheren?”

    “In a cave still.”

    He rolled his eyes. “How Red of him.”

    She smiled. “A little. He says he's there to find himself. To get stronger. Actually, I don't know.”

    “All mad geniuses pick similar locations to waste away.”
    I laughed my head off at the "mad geniuses" part. That's so Cheren, and I never even realized it until now.

    "I didn't register it,” she argued. “There were no witnesses to our battle. For all you know, I could be lying to you – to everyone – about my battle with N. That wasn't under official circumstances anyway.”

    He raised an eyebrow again. “So you seem to be on the side that says you're not champion.”

    “Did I say that?” Her amused tone was back. “I didn't say that. Like you said, I did defeat the current champion, and by rule, the winner becomes the latest champion even if he or she doesn't participate in official duties.”

    “No pics, no proof.”
    That's pretty funny stuff right there. And the "no pics, no proof" part is exactly what Pvt. Tucker would do (except in different...circumstances).

    She sat back up, placing her bag next to her thigh, and turned her head, the bottom of her ponytail sweeping against her shoulders. She stared into him intensely, enough to make him gulp. Another smirk danced on her face; Hilbert vaguely wondered if she fed off his fear of her. “I'm gonna tell you something.” She beckoned him to sit closer with a motion of her finger, so he scooted. She repeated the motion, so again he scooted. She leaned forward, her lips a mere centimeters away from his ear. Her breath was hot.

    “You're a loser,” she whispered.
    Oh, that's rich. I love this humor. Still, you need to take the bolded word out or take the "s" out of "centimeters".

    “I also like making out. Please me that way.”
    That made me laugh my head off. That's so Tucker-ish; that's exactly what he would say. Hilbert is giving off references like...wait a moment; what the hell is Tucker doing in this fic?

    Today Hilbert would have waffles.
    That's absolutely hilarious. What a way to end the fic.

    So, yeah, I loved the interactions. Overall, except for the tiny errors I caught, this fic was just as awesome as "Click" was.
    COMING SOON

    Warmonger - A fantasy fic where peasants fight the wars of kings and lords, where monsters lurk in the night, and where depravity is not only expected, but encouraged...

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilentMemento View Post
    Ugh, dammit, I had this long reply going and I accidentally deleted everything.

    Anyway, I'm going to start quoting what I liked, and if there's any mistakes here that I can catch, that's gravy:
    Rawr, hate when that happens. =(

    This may seem like a minor line to you, but I found myself giggling to death at that part. His brother is exactly what my sister was at age four, and ironically enough, I happened to be the same age as Hilbert at the time (he's fourteen in the games, isn't he?)
    I'm not sure if they gave the characters a specific age, other than them being supposedly "older" than the other game protagonists. I'd say fourteen isn't out of the realm of possibility, though. I am glad to hear that Hil and his brother's relationship is pretty accurate. XP

    I find it very funny how people never mention little things like that. While I did snicker at that line, I really think that the bolded part could be changed a bit. It doesn't sound right at the moment, so maybe you could replace the word "daily" with "constantly"?
    Agreed. Didn't know how to word it when I first wrote it, so I find your edit a lot better.

    I don't know if you've ever watched Red vs. Blue, but that casual "Yo" just gave me a mental image (complete with easy-going voice) of Pvt. Tucker.
    I only watched a few of the earlier episodes. =P

    I absolutely adored the snarky replies. You know, I can completely understand Hilda's perspective here; I'd be replying snarkily as well, if someone kept annoying me.
    She's definitely a fun character to write.

    Well, she's got a lot of confidence. I'm impressed already.
    I also enjoyed getting to write a character that is so bluntly confident and aware of it, too.

    I laughed my head off at the "mad geniuses" part. That's so Cheren, and I never even realized it until now.
    Definitely deserves its own story. =P

    That's pretty funny stuff right there. And the "no pics, no proof" part is exactly what Pvt. Tucker would do (except in different...circumstances).
    From what I remember of his character, you're right. XP

    Oh, that's rich. I love this humor. Still, you need to take the bolded word out or take the "s" out of "centimeters".
    Thanks for the catch. Glad this part was well-received by mostly everyone, too. It really was spur of the moment.

    That made me laugh my head off. That's so Tucker-ish; that's exactly what he would say. Hilbert is giving off references like...wait a moment; what the hell is Tucker doing in this fic?
    Haha, I really didn't meant to make him sound like Tucker but am glad that Hilbert came off as a funny character despite him being so precise about certain things.

    That's absolutely hilarious. What a way to end the fic.

    So, yeah, I loved the interactions. Overall, except for the tiny errors I caught, this fic was just as awesome as "Click" was.
    Glad you liked the end line too. =) Thanks for taking the time to read and review as always! =D

  12. #12
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    I really liked this.

    ...Ugh, I'm so out of practice even my praising sounds lame. D:

    Anyway, I thought I had just read the best line EVER after reading this part:

    “And Cheren?”

    “In a cave still.”

    He rolled his eyes. “How Red of him.”
    ...And then it got better.

    “All mad geniuses pick similar locations to waste away.”

    I like how you had Hilda lose to Albert. That was cool. And how she said she'd be back. Sounded like what I'm sure many people must of experienced when playing. And how you explained what happened with Cheren and Bianca. It was very IC. All in all, this was awesome. Thanks for the great read.





    ....ANDOHDEARGODTHEWAFFLES!!!
    "Open your mouth too wide, and your ears close."

    Do you wish you could do things like in the anime?
    Do you wish you could dodge behind a rock to avoid an attack?
    Do you wish that you could use the arena to stop your opponents cold?
    If you answered yes to any of those questions, the Pokemon Anime Style Battling League could be for you!

  13. #13
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    I know that this is a late-ish review, but the party hasn't finished yet, right?


    Firstly, kudos for using Chessshipping. Lots of people seem to dabble with FerrisWheelshipping/Isshushipping in Gen V. It's not bad, but I needed my fix to get away from N. There's only so much you can take until you shout "ENOUGH!"

    The writing was solid. Sure, the descriptions weren't anything out of dreams, but they got the point across. Grammar and spelling are solid; thank God that you know how to use a comma. SPP has too many comma splices that I honestly cannot make a positive review without degenerating into bitching. It's one of my reasons for not reviewing as often, along with my chronic procrastination. =O

    What made Option Other shine was the character interaction between Hilda and "Hil" Hilbert. They have a teasing friendship which has some chemistry between them, but isn't exploding at the seams with UST. We don't see characters who have screaming matches before degenerating into a snog fest. =P

    Yes, that kind of "heat" can be fun to read, but this story is refreshing precisely because of its shrewd avoidance of it.

    Perhaps it's because you've depicted both characters as mature people with two, rational brains. Your Hilbert/Hilda do seem more mature than your Brendan/May and Lucas/Dawn. Good job on showing that the B/W protagonists are probably older and wiser than the previous Gen heroes.

    I particularly liked these two gems.


    Quote Originally Posted by Breezy View Post
    Hilda stood up and grabbed her bag, sliding the strap over her arm, and Hil followed after her through the doors. She hopped out and landed on the concrete platform as Hil rotated his xtransceiver in his hand.

    “Then maybe it's time to stir things up. Change it. Only a little.”

    “Only a little,” she agreed. “One step at a time.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Breezy View Post
    It's time to stir things up. Change it. Only a little.

    Today Hilbert would have waffles.
    Golden characterisation. Hilda is flighty without being a Magic Pixie Girl, and Hilbert is more laid-back, without being an over-the-top slacker. Nice interplay between the two.

    One more thing:


    Quote Originally Posted by Breezy
    Quote Originally Posted by SilentMemento
    This may seem like a minor line to you, but I found myself giggling to death at that part. His brother is exactly what my sister was at age four, and ironically enough, I happened to be the same age as Hilbert at the time (he's fourteen in the games, isn't he?)
    I'm not sure if they gave the characters a specific age, other than them being supposedly "older" than the other game protagonists. I'd say fourteen isn't out of the realm of possibility, though. I am glad to hear that Hil and his brother's relationship is pretty accurate. XP
    SilentMomento, GameFreak did state explicitly that Hil/Cheren/Bianca are notably older than the previous Gen characters. Their older ages are apparent even from their appearances: their legs are much longer in proportion, and Bianca/Hilda have - er - "large tracks of large". If Red/Blue/Brendan/May are supposedly "ten", Hil/Hilda would be around "fourteen".

    Hell, Bianca even implies in the anime that she's older than Ash because "she had to start her journey later". And keep in mind that Ash is supposedly "ten". (although he should be twenty by now. xD)

    The common consensus among fans, which isn't contradicted by Game Freak, is that the B/W characters are at least in their mid-teens. Fan speculation often puts the age as fifteen, since B/W was released on the 15th anniversary. However, 16 isn't uncommon as an age either.

    The Special/Adventures manga puts their starting ages at fifteen, I believe.

    Under the Same Sky - PG-15||Completed

    Memorandum to UtSS: "A Deathless Prelude".
    FF.net Profile//Quote-of-the-month: “History is much like an endless waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.”

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    I might drop in fashionably late for a review of this.

    This story was interesting from the beginning, investigation the interesting conundrum about the battle between the protagonist and N and if it counts as truly becoming the champion. (I have no idea how Hilda could've lost to Alder He sucks.)

    The characters were full of life as they always are with you, Hilbert stood out for me as an interesting character and Hilda provided some great moments that cracked me up. This is just me being picky (and I'm guilty of this myself, I know). The title still seems a little awkward to me, even though I understand what it means and all it just doesn't flow when I read it. (Try saying Absconditus Infensus five times fast!) But this doesn't detract from the amount of views that this is getting because your name is plastered beneath it which attracts more hits than an abusive father.

    I love the little sketch/banner thing up the top. It reminded me what these characters actually looked like. (Haven't touched black and white for so long.) Haha, Hilbert changing the way he did things was a nice touch and the ending was perfect. I'm glad it wasn't something like "Today Hilbert was going to sit on the toilet backwards." Besides, waffles have all sorts of positive feelings coming from them.

    The scene where Hilbert is getting up in the morning was really good and even though there wasn't anything glaring special or awesome about the scene I couldn't help but read over it a few times because it was worded so nicely and it flowed well.

    Yeah, so that's all I'll say because the other reviewers have already said everything. :3

    Just kidding, I'm out of things to say myself.
    Lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kindrindra View Post
    I really liked this.

    ...Ugh, I'm so out of practice even my praising sounds lame. D:
    I'll still accept it. Thanks!

    Anyway, I thought I had just read the best line EVER after reading this part:

    ...And then it got better.
    I do like that people seem to love that part, even though it is, technically, "small talk." I am going to mix it up a little due to past critique, though those two lines are definitely going to stay there.

    I like how you had Hilda lose to Albert. That was cool. And how she said she'd be back. Sounded like what I'm sure many people must of experienced when playing. And how you explained what happened with Cheren and Bianca. It was very IC. All in all, this was awesome. Thanks for the great read.

    ....ANDOHDEARGODTHEWAFFLES!!!
    I made her lose because it was easier to do with a loser speech than a winner one. I am glad you enjoyed reading, and thanks for reviewing!

    Quote Originally Posted by Draco Malfoy View Post
    I know that this is a late-ish review, but the party hasn't finished yet, right?
    Course not. ;P I've been slow on review responses too.

    Firstly, kudos for using Chessshipping. Lots of people seem to dabble with FerrisWheelshipping/Isshushipping in Gen V. It's not bad, but I needed my fix to get away from N. There's only so much you can take until you shout "ENOUGH!"
    That's hilarious. I didn't know isshushipping was N and Black/Hilbert. (I'm also glad chesshipping is chesshipping and not isshushipping in terms of name.) Yeah, there's a lot of N shipping from what I've seen. N is an interesting character, but people need to break out of that mould. I'm not sure if you could consider this chesshipping. I wasn't going for any sort of romantic angle (at most a strong friendship chemistry).

    The writing was solid. Sure, the descriptions weren't anything out of dreams, but they got the point across. Grammar and spelling are solid; thank God that you know how to use a comma. SPP has too many comma splices that I honestly cannot make a positive review without degenerating into *****ing. It's one of my reasons for not reviewing as often, along with my chronic procrastination. =O
    Fancy description wouldn't have fit this piece, I think. I could get away with it in Lull because, lol it's mostly dream imagery and the "actual" setting was surreal in its own right. But this story is more laidback and chill, and I wanted the description to flow.

    I kinda get why people get comma splices, they believe that it helps connect two ideas together when there's stronger punctuation they can use that makes their point AND is grammatically correct but I suppose that's a digression. (Did you brain explode yet?)

    What made Option Other shine was the character interaction between Hilda and "Hil" Hilbert. They have a teasing friendship which has some chemistry between them, but isn't exploding at the seams with UST. We don't see characters who have screaming matches before degenerating into a snog fest. =P

    Yes, that kind of "heat" can be fun to read, but this story is refreshing precisely because of its shrewd avoidance of it.

    Perhaps it's because you've depicted both characters as mature people with two, rational brains. Your Hilbert/Hilda do seem more mature than your Brendan/May and Lucas/Dawn. Good job on showing that the B/W protagonists are probably older and wiser than the previous Gen heroes.
    I think I talked about this earlier with someone else, but unlike my version of Brendan/May and Lucas/Dawn, Hilbert and Hilda take the teasing in good humor rather than being annoyed by it (like Lucas), uncaring/oblivious toward it (like Dawn) or angry at it (like Brendan or May); if I ever do write a chapter piece with them, which is likely, I'd probably still have them have the same relationship. I can't say it's entirely an age thing as Lucas and Dawn were around Hilbert and Hilda's age (Lull was three or four years post-beginning, so Lucas and Dawn would be 14/15 as I made them start their journey at 11, and I imagine Hilda/Hilbert to be 15 as well). I vaguely considered Hilda's experiences through her journey to craft her personality (not as much as I could have of course) and realized that considering everything, her journey was ten times more stable than Lucas's/Dawn's in regards to how much help she got. Of course, there were still disturbing elements, which I'm sure you're touching on in your own story, but I feel like she would come out unscathed and, well, normal.

    Brendan and May are kind of in their own category as their personalities are parody-influenced and are often at the extreme ends of things. Though yeah. in normal situation, Hilda and Hilbert do appear to be more mature than Brendan and May, and probably rightfully so as Hilda/Hilbert in this story have had successful careers as trainers; Brendan and May are just starting theirs.

    /end ramble. I really could talk about the similarities and differences between the player characters all day. =P

    I particularly liked these two gems.

    Golden characterisation. Hilda is flighty without being a Magic Pixie Girl, and Hilbert is more laid-back, without being an over-the-top slacker. Nice interplay between the two.
    Thank you. Glad you got hold of Hilda's somewhat spur-of-the-moment personality and the "calmer" side of Hilbert's personality. Thanks for reading. =)


    Quote Originally Posted by moonlightning View Post
    I might drop in fashionably late for a review of this.
    I don't mind. =P

    This story was interesting from the beginning, investigation the interesting conundrum about the battle between the protagonist and N and if it counts as truly becoming the champion. (I have no idea how Hilda could've lost to Alder He sucks.)
    I always found it interesting that after the N battle, the PC lists your win as "first run" rather than "first champion win" or whatever. So it was inspired by that.

    And dunnnoooo. If you go straight back to the E4 after the N battle, you might have trouble. I know I was kind of thrown off by how high leveled the pokemon were after that battle.

    The characters were full of life as they always are with you, Hilbert stood out for me as an interesting character and Hilda provided some great moments that cracked me up. This is just me being picky (and I'm guilty of this myself, I know). The title still seems a little awkward to me, even though I understand what it means and all it just doesn't flow when I read it. (Try saying Absconditus Infensus five times fast!) But this doesn't detract from the amount of views that this is getting because your name is plastered beneath it which attracts more hits than an abusive father.
    Funny enough, I was going to name this story "Other" to go along with my other oneshot "Click" because it's just vague enough to make you wonder wtf that's about, but I realized I have been abusing one-word titles too much. So "Option Other" came around. Yeah, it's not particularly flow-like, but maybe the jarring effect is a good thing in catching attention. Oh, and bribes.

    I love the little sketch/banner thing up the top. It reminded me what these characters actually looked like. (Haven't touched black and white for so long.) Haha, Hilbert changing the way he did things was a nice touch and the ending was perfect. I'm glad it wasn't something like "Today Hilbert was going to sit on the toilet backwards." Besides, waffles have all sorts of positive feelings coming from them.
    Yeah, waffles are of magical quality. Considering Hilbert's personality in this story, I would say that's a big leap for him.

    The scene where Hilbert is getting up in the morning was really good and even though there wasn't anything glaring special or awesome about the scene I couldn't help but read over it a few times because it was worded so nicely and it flowed well.
    Definitely a fun paragraph to write and why I pretty much finished this sucker in a hour. I'm actually not sure why that particular narrative came into my head, but it really worked for the overall theme, no? But yeah, definitely a fun narrative to write in.

    Yeah, so that's all I'll say because the other reviewers have already said everything. :3

    Just kidding, I'm out of things to say myself.
    =P Remind me to respond to that PM of yours sooner or later. Thanks for reviewing!

  16. #16
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    Hilbert ate waffles?

    OMGLOLZINMYANALCAVITYWTFBBQ

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sgeckledorf Spoongeblorb
    Hilbert ate waffles?

    OMGLOLZINMYANALCAVITYWTFBBQ
    Ya rly.

    Anyway, I have edited some of the sections brought up, including that weird philosophy tangent Hilda went on that kind of made no sense for her character. Each spoiler is a different section with the first quote the original and the second quote the revision:

        Spoiler:- How Red of him:



        Spoiler:- Seriously, why don't you wanna know?:


        Spoiler:- Okay, let's have that sappy discussion your heart is beating for.:


    There's also some other lines I added in, but these are the major changes. Hopefully they're better than their previous version. Any critiques/comments on these changes would also be greatly appreciated. Thanks. =)

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    Hey, guess what? You get two reviews in one day! You should be happeh!
    Anyway, I liked this. A big step in a different direction from Lull. And those are probably the worst names anybody could think of for those characters. *stupid nintendo/Pokemon peoples* Since I imagine a Hilda to be some fat Norwegian girl. And Hilbert to be... well, not this.
    Anyway, I enjoyed these characters. They're very entertaining and the dialogue is just great, like everyone has already said. The relationship here is pretty cool too, like it's nowhere near what Lucas and Dawn was in Lull, but it could also be a non-romantic type of thing too, like a just friends that are really close type of thing. And you pull that off very well. I do like the Make out line from Hil, gold.
    I do enjoy the philosophic-ness that we get from how Hilda answers her sheet. Like you don't want to define yourself because you don't want to follow that particular path, so you make it a general thing and do pretty much anything.
    Glad I could get to this and I'll be looking out for a fic with these two in it.
    jirachiman out
    Yes people, I have returned.
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  19. #19

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    Oh hi

    Stumbled upon this and saw who the author was =o

    Life is a state of repetition, of safety, because people enjoy safety, the feeling of being in a comfortable situation whenever possible. To be thrown out of the loop is uncomfortable.
    =x True among many especially me haha ;; especially hate it if there is a change without a prior warning to me

    “I love that it bugs you, though,” she added.
    The constant teasing is funny, making the him run in circles for an answer

    You were always too meticulous for your own good
    Not sure if I should feel envy or pity that someone can be like that. It makes for good reflection though, something I think she does when around him

    She looked down at her lap. “I guess what I'm saying,” she began, “is that me not knowing my position is what is forcing my destiny to remain unknown. It ... it makes my life structured and safe, and that's what I really want right now after all that has happened. I want to feel safe.”
    In one way, she doesn't want to live up to the responsibility (fear) of this status she may have. In another way, she enjoys as she is now able to come and go without being labeled by everyone. Who knows what it really is... maybe a bit of both

    I suppose I have 'other' things to do
    Ha, I see what she did there

    It's time to stir things up. Change it. Only a little.

    Today Hilbert would have waffles.
    Well, one step at a time is something!

    I have to say, the two things I enjoyed the most out of this was the detail you used to picture the movements they did such as how she placed her hand on her face. Colored everything very well. Makes me need to reevaulate myself and try to do better in that regard with Nameless Supplanter.

    The other was the general theme of what I stated earlier about having this "status" and how it can change her life (when she is the non-routine kind, opposite of Hilbert). She giving the sense it would be too much but tried to play it off as nothing. Hilbert, the routine one, was wanting her to find out. There is a sense of irony in it. And in the end, Hilda went through and took that risk (making that change), only for her life to remain the same while Hilbert too decided to change a little (even if it was just waffles haha).

    Great job as always especially making me feel lesser in my writings XD Keep at it!

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    This one-shot is adorable. You are a fantastic writer. I especially love how you kept everything in canon and still managed to give Hilbert and Hilda distinct personalities. Truly, awesome work.

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    I apologize for taking so long to respond. I've been feeling really lazy in my e-life these past few months. Anyway!

    Quote Originally Posted by jirachiman876 View Post
    Hey, guess what? You get two reviews in one day! You should be happeh!
    I am for all three of them, thanks. =) I'm always happy to read about how you feel about a chapter/one-shot, so thanks for putting in the effort.

    Anyway, I liked this. A big step in a different direction from Lull. And those are probably the worst names anybody could think of for those characters. *stupid nintendo/Pokemon peoples* Since I imagine a Hilda to be some fat Norwegian girl. And Hilbert to be... well, not this.
    Anyway, I enjoyed these characters. They're very entertaining and the dialogue is just great, like everyone has already said. The relationship here is pretty cool too, like it's nowhere near what Lucas and Dawn was in Lull, but it could also be a non-romantic type of thing too, like a just friends that are really close type of thing. And you pull that off very well. I do like the Make out line from Hil, gold.
    Oh, they aren't that bad, are they? =P It is a bit jarring from the other player names, admittedly.

    Still, I'm glad you like how I characterized them; the dialogue was a lot of fun to think up of. I liked that their interaction is more friendly than flirty or bitter even though the characters are pretty opposite of each other.

    I do enjoy the philosophic-ness that we get from how Hilda answers her sheet. Like you don't want to define yourself because you don't want to follow that particular path, so you make it a general thing and do pretty much anything.
    Glad I could get to this and I'll be looking out for a fic with these two in it.
    jirachiman out
    It's a little hard to wrap your head around, definitely, but I think once you get it, it makes sense. lolwut. Glad you enjoyed this story. =) Thanks for reviewing again!


    Quote Originally Posted by Caduceus Brigade View Post
    Oh hi

    Stumbled upon this and saw who the author was =o
    Gah, I'm really behind on Nameless Supplanter. Hopefully I'll get to it soon. =X

    =x True among many especially me haha ;; especially hate it if there is a change without a prior warning to me
    Ah, I'm sure even the best of people are put off by certain changes. =P

    The constant teasing is funny, making the him run in circles for an answer
    And I love that Hilda loves every minute of it. =P Though Hilbert seems to take it in good humor.

    Not sure if I should feel envy or pity that someone can be like that. It makes for good reflection though, something I think she does when around him
    Side topic rambling ahead! Had this been an actual chapter story where I could really apply my character background to these characters, I planned for Hilda to be loose, back to the wind, freespirited, and goes with the flow sort of character while Hilbert, like here, would be more into structure and organization. I imagined this because I often placed Hilda in the player character slot instead of Hilbert (which is secretly nice as I usually do that for the boy characters), and her life is pretty much a series of structure and soundness. She is never really alone during the Team Plasma plot and her friends are constantly questioning who they are and what they want to do and be. I felt like Hilda would have observed this sort of mindset often being bombarded by it by her friends, would notice how it's taking a toll on them, and decide to go in the opposite direction, someone who lives more in the present than the future or past. But like you said, I have no doubts that she does think about it at times, but she doesn't illustrate it for the reasons above.

    /end ramble

    That's how Hilda came to be. =P Hilbert ... I dunno. He just felt like a laidback but organized character.

    In one way, she doesn't want to live up to the responsibility (fear) of this status she may have. In another way, she enjoys as she is now able to come and go without being labeled by everyone. Who knows what it really is... maybe a bit of both
    In one way, she likes the freedom of being "other" or the unknown, but like Hilbert said, Hilda's also a character that likes challenge. Then there's the off-chance that one day she woke up and said, "Hmm, let's go challenge the champion today" because she's spontaneous like that. =P

    Ha, I see what she did there
    =P

    Well, one step at a time is something!
    "Step" is an arbitrary measure anyway. ;P

    I have to say, the two things I enjoyed the most out of this was the detail you used to picture the movements they did such as how she placed her hand on her face. Colored everything very well. Makes me need to reevaulate myself and try to do better in that regard with Nameless Supplanter.
    Thank you! I try to observe people when their in the middle of conversation, and depending on the topic, people may change their body position, move their hands around their head/face, or generally fidget. In that particular moment, I had Hilda cup her face/bring her arms to her chest because of the spoken content (why she didn't want to challenge the league again), which secretly I'm sure makes her uneasy even if she doesn't want to verbally admit it. Quite often, people may bring their arms toward their chest or try to cover their mouth when they're feeling protective/defensive of themselves. So she's sending out two messages via verbal and nonverbal, two messages that contradict.

    But besides the long, complicated reason for the character descriptor positions, it does give more life to the scene/dialogue. =P

    The other was the general theme of what I stated earlier about having this "status" and how it can change her life (when she is the non-routine kind, opposite of Hilbert). She giving the sense it would be too much but tried to play it off as nothing. Hilbert, the routine one, was wanting her to find out. There is a sense of irony in it. And in the end, Hilda went through and took that risk (making that change), only for her life to remain the same while Hilbert too decided to change a little (even if it was just waffles haha).

    Great job as always especially making me feel lesser in my writings XD Keep at it!
    Oh, definitely; I think Hilbert pestering Hilda to figure out something that may change her life is contrasting of his personality but in an amusing sort of way. And Hilda not caring but at the same time caring is also ... fun to think about. =P

    Thanks for the review, and psh. Your writing is fantastic. =)


    Quote Originally Posted by Grei View Post
    This one-shot is adorable. You are a fantastic writer. I especially love how you kept everything in canon and still managed to give Hilbert and Hilda distinct personalities. Truly, awesome work.
    Thanks, Grei! I really love expanding canon, especially specific scenes in canon, and giving it more life.

  22. #22
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    Unhappy OMG, I'm late, I'm late, I'M LATE!! :(

    Tired of explaining poor reviewing behaviour over the past couple of weeks. Anything I say would only sound like an excuse. Let's get down to business!

    I found Hilda (Really warmed up to the name) quite the engaging character with her near-infinite ways to counter-quip anything Hil said (hey, it's a lot cooler than - shudders- Hilbert.) (Gags) Their interactions were fairly deep and thought-provoking in-between the flirting (which I felt you did really well. It brought out the age differences between them and most other game protagonists nicely.)

    Likening Cheren to Red was also a master stroke, as it tied Unova more tightly to the rest of the Pokemon world very nicely, but still kept it unique enough to stand out.

    Since it has already been more or less picked apart grammatically, I believe my work here is done. Another great work accomplished, Breezy! Now I need to figure out how you do it so easily... ^_^

    L@er!
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