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Thread: Pokemon: Emerald Adventure

  1. #1
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    Default Pokemon: Emerald Adventure

    A BIG THANKS to my good friend Harryheart for the theme and inspiration of not giving up
    Everyone else the help is appreciated doing my best to make it good

    Main Characters (in order of apperance)

    Vallera-(Pokemon Trainer based on May from the Pokemon Emerald Game)

    OTHER MINOR CHARACTERS
    Mom-(every game has one lol)
    Reika-Vallera's older sister not much is know, cept she owns a cat Pokemon, Meowth
    Professor Birch-The guy who gives out the starter Pokemon for trainers int he Hoenn Reigon

    Intro 1-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30Ifz...LoYNwk&index=3 Chapter 1-20

    The Hoenn Region, a beautiful breath takin region in the world of Pokemon showing with many Pokemon flying through the blues sky and swimming in the vast blue seas, wondering the land, sharing the land with a wide variety of people. We work and play, train and battle together, a tenth birthday is a very happy time after that day they begin they may begin there journy as a Pokemon trainer and select there partner from Profesoor Birch. Meet Vallera a young lady who recently celebrated her 10th brithday, her 1st Pokemon awaits her.

    CHAPTER 1-THE BOND BEGINS

    Soft rays of sunlight were pouring steadily through the window when Vallera's eyes flickered open. She laid there for a moment, enjoying the luxury of her warm bed. But then it hit her that today was the long-waited-for day that she would get her first Pokemon and become a trainer.

    Vallera threw off the covers, sprang out of bed, and rushed over got into her clothing plus the rest of a typical morning routine

    There was a knock at her bedroom door, "Vallera, are you up?" called a female voice

    "Totally up, Reika," replied Vallera as she finishes putting up her hair

    Reika was Vallera's older sister, "Figured you'd be up early for once"

    Reika walked into the room with a small cat looking Pokemon, she who was cream colored cat Pokemon about 2ft tall with 2 a curled brown tail and feet, black ears and cute little gold charm in the middle of it's forhead.

    Vallera sighs, "Today is the day you start respecting me, I'm 10 years old" she then kneels down and looks at the kitty Pokemon, "morning Meowth!"

    "Meow..," replied Meowth as it walks over and jumps onto Vallera's bed and curls up (lazy kitty)

    The two usually get along, but they have there good and bad days, typical sibling rivalry, the girls walk downstairs to breakfast.

    "Morning mom," replied Vallera as she sits down at the table

    "Hello dear, are you all packed and ready to go?" asked Mom handing Rayna a glass of OJ

    "Yup, got it all done yesterday," replied Vallera

    Reika sits down beside her, "remember to have the letter for Profesor Birch with ya."

    "No worries, it's right here," replied Vallera as she pulled out an envelope with a leter and pictures of the three starting Pokemon.

    "Have ya decided which one your gonna start with?" asked Reika

    Vallera bit her lip, "Not yet! Personally all of em would be great, just one is hard!"

    "Well you may want to decide soon, about time for you to go," replied Reika

    Mom smiled, "Well which ever one you go with, I'm sure you'll do just fine"

    Vallera closes her eyes and visualizes her self with each Pokemon..."Tor..," gets bonked on the head, "HEY!"

    "Quit daydream, your gonna be late if ya don't get going," replied Reika

    Vallera steps outside onto the porch, with her sister and mom behind her, the day was perfect for starting a journey

    "Birch's lab is just on the other end of town," replied Mom

    Vallera giggled happily as she stepped off the porch grabbing her bike, she's looks back at her mom and sister, "So long for now, i'll contact you both soon"

    "Don't get lost," replied Reika

    "You hush, Reika," replied Vallera, "I'll be fine.."

    At the Pokemon laboratory, Professor Birch and his assistant were preparin the Pokemon for the arrival of a new trainer.

    "They're all lookin great," replied Birch

    "They sure are," replied his assistant bringing in a tray with three bowls of Pokemon food, "eat up guys!"

    Treecko, the first Pokemon was very gecko-like with lime green scales and bulbous orange eyes. Its thick tail was a darker green than the rest of its body, and it curled slightly at the end. It had a pink belly and stood on its hind legs.

    Torchic, the second Pokemon was very cute and chick-like with fiery orange feathers. Its beady eyes were filled with curiosity, and it had three distinctive feathers on the top of its head. Its chickenish feet were a warm yellow.

    and finally Mudkip, the third Pokemon, unlike the first two, stood on four legs. It was watery blue in color with a large fin on top of its head. It had a wide grin, and on its cheeks were spiky orange things. Its fin-like tail was a very light blue.

    A few minutes later, the Torchic had already finished it's food, "Tor," it cried as it was still hungry, Torchic then looked over to see Treecko still eating, it smirk, and began to reach for Treecko's bowl.

    "Tree?" Treecko cried looking over to Torchic, "Treecko..tree!"

    Treecko proceed to block his bowl to keep Torchic from getting to his food, that made Torchic angry, determined to get the bowl he pecked Treeko's tail.

    "TREE...!" he cried loudly

    "CHICK..!" "TREE!" cried the two as the began aruging

    Brich and the asisstant turn to see the two preparin to fight, "Treecko! Torchic! That's enough," replied Birch

    The two Pokemon refused to listen and bgan to throw attacks at each other, and chase each other around until Torchic jumped up into the window, laughing at Treecko who was on the ground starin up at him and glared!

    "Torchic...tor," replied Torchic as jumped out the window and ran with Treecko following after it.

    "No come back here, you two!" cried the assistant

    "The trainer will be here soon," replied Birch, 'we have to find them fast!"

    Vallera has just started to arrive at the lab when she happened to look off to the right seeing two Pokemon go runnin off into the woods, "what's going on?"

    Then she noticed a bird Pokemon with brown and yellowish coloring, it stood a little over 3 1/2 feet tall, with yellow and red tail feathers and red maine come out of a Poke'ball, from Birch, "Pidgeotto bring them back here."

    "Pidg..," replied Pidgeotto as it flew off into the forest to search for the two run aways, as Vallera approached the professor.

    "Excuse me, Professor Birch?" asked Vallera, as he turned his attention to the girl.

    "Oh, Vallera right?" he asked her.

    "Yes, sir, is everything ok?" Kenya replied.

    "I'm afraid not, two of the starter Pokemon, Torchic and Treecko have run off," he answered back.

    "Oh no," gasped Vallera

    "Don't worry I have my Pidgeotto out searching for them," he replied, "they can't have gotten to far, we can go back inside and wait for em to return"

    "I'm gonna go help find them, this is important day for me," replied Vallera, "besides I dont' wanna see either them get hurt."

    Professor Birch smiled, "Your gonna be a great trainer and partner for either of them, here take this Poke'gear and call me soon as you find them."

    "Sure thing," Vallera parked her bike and ran towards the woods, the woods near Birch's lab was a decent size with many trees with a vast flowing river in the middle, which lead to water fall about 3 to 4 miles down, the water was semi rough hitting the rocks; slip and fall you would be swept away.

    Torchic was stilling running through the woods, toying with Treecko who still trying hit it with Bullet Seed, which was a grass type physical move where seeds are shot out of the Pokemon's mouth, a bit ahead; the little fire chick came to the river, not wanting to touch the water it looked around for a way over without getting wet.

    "Tor? Chic!" pondered Torchic looking around, look over to the left it noticed some rocks it could use to get across, Treecko had caught up with it noticing the river

    "Treecko!," Treecko cried seeing the water, Torchic had already started to head over to the stones to make it's way over, "Ko?"

    "Tor!" replied Torchic as it easily jumped out to the first stone, not caring about the danger if it feel in, Treecko following but stayin on shore trying to call Torhic back.

    "Treecko! Tree!" cried Treecko waving it's arms at to Torchic to come back

    Luckily the little chick had made it over, almost lost it's balance on the final rock but made it over, and stuck his tounge at Torhic, and ran off; Treecko was determined to follow after Torchic, and not let it get away with what it did "Tree!"

    Treecko had started to jump across the stones, figuring he was a quick little Pokemon he could get over fast, about half way over Treecko didn't quite get onto stone and slipped off into the dangerous river, and being swept down the river "TREE...!"

    --WHO'S THAT POKEMON??? (j/king)--

    Vallera had gotten into the woods, she was able to hear the sound of the river and looked around seeing nothing she began to call out, "Treecko! Torchic! Come on out!"

    No reponse she walked on, "They've got to be around here somewhere!" Not watchin where she was going she slipped on a bit of hill, and goes sliding down stoping just before a river, "Oww, that was un-expected trip!"

    "Tree..treecko," called a voice from near by

    "Huh?" Vallera stood up and looked around trying to find the source of the cry, lookin out to the water she spotted the green gecko Pokemon, desperatly hanging onto a rock, "TREECKO!"

    "Tree!" Treecko looked over to the shore to see the young human and gave a smile of relief seeing help was coming.

    "Hang on, Treecko, I'll save you," called Vallera as she desperately looked around, "think Vallera think!"

    Vallera then reached into her bag and pulled out a rope the was suppose to be used to for her close line and tied one end around a tree a brance that was close, "I hope that holds," she said as she tied the other end around her waist, "ok now!"

    She then got her self into the water, the river flowing harsh hitting her fast and hard making it abit difficult to reach Treecko, "I'm coming, Treecko!"

    Birch and his assistant carrying the runaway Torhic in his arms appeared at the top of hill, worrying about Treecko and Vallera being gone a bit long, "Look sir over there, Treecko " replied the assistant point to the river, "and there's Vallera!"

    "AH," Professor Birch gasped, "Oh no, Vallera!" he then looked back at his assistant, "take Torchic back to the lab, I'll get Vallera!"

    Birch went down the hill, back in the river Vallera was making an attempt reachin Treecko, "almost there!" she cried then she ran into a problem the rope was a few inches to short, "I can't get any closer rope to short, I can't reach ya! Try to reach me with your tail, Treecko!"

    Treeco pulled dark green tail and stretched as much as he could to try and reach Vallera's hang, still a few inches short," Tree!" replied Treecko starting to get tired

    "Darn it," Vallera said then thought of a risky idea, she then unties her self from the rope and holds it as tight as she can, and reaches Treecko with a little more room to work with, not realizing the branch was starting break.

    "Treecko!" smiled Treecko as Vallera reached once again and grabbed the little gecko's tail and yanked him into her arns.

    "I've got ya, now get on my shoulder Treecko, and hold on tight, gonna pulls us to shore" she replied as she looked up to the branch, "Ah, the branch it's gonna snap! We've got to get out of the water quick or we'll be washed down river."

    "VALLERA! TREECKO!" called Professor Birch from the shore

    Vallera and Treecko both looked to see the Professor and his assistant, "Huh?"

    Birch went running toward the rope, "Hurry Vallera, the branch is about to break."

    Vallera moved as quick as she could to reach the shore where the professor was, being hit by the water, and slipping on the rocks undernearth her feet finally with in inches of reachin the shore the branch snapped, she and Treecko started to get wash down the river, tryin to swim againist the current wasn't work at all.

    The Professor dived for the branch the had snapped, managin to get ahold of it before it to was in the water, "HOLD ON"

    With help from the professor she and Treecko finally managed to get to out of the water, tired and warn out Vallera slowly sat with Treecko in her lap, "Treecko, are you ok?" she asked the little grass Pokemon who was completely warn out.

    "Tree!" Treecko nodded and then passed out in her arms

    "Let's get back to my lab so you both can rest awhile and get dried off then we can get you ready to go," replied the Professor as he helped Vallera up to her feet.
    A few hours later in the early evening hours Vallera was feeling better after her little adventure, Treecko to was fully recovered.

    Vallera stepped inside the lab with Professor Birch, where a circular, metal table was holding three PokeBalls. Vallera figured that these must be holding the Pokemon she could choose from.

    "Right this way," Professor Birch said as he led Vallera to the table. "Have you decided which Pokemon you want?"

    "Well, no," Vallera said.

    "No?" Professor Birch echoed as he picked up all three Balls. "Well, choose quickly,"

    With that he pushed the PokeBalls' buttons, and a bright red beam of light shot from each Ball. The light materialized into three Pokemon.

    "So," Professor Birch said, "would you like Treecko, Torchic, or Mudkip?"

    Vallera looked over the three Pokemon carefully, as all 3 looked eager to be chosen expecially Treecko, "Well since you and I have already had our first adventure together, and alot of great things ahead!" Vallera stated.

    "A great choice," Professor Birch replied approvingly, returning Mudkip and Torchic, to their PokeBalls.

    Vallera bent down by Treecko . "Glad you feeling a whole lot better, Treecko."

    "Treecko!" Treecko squeaked happily jumping into Vallera's arms.

    "You two are perfect pair, Treecko really likes you already," Professor Birch said.

    "Yeah," Vallera replied eagerly.

    "Treecko!" the grass Pokemon chirped, moving up to her shoulders.

    "Great!" Vallera laughed, "oh by the way Professor I'm gonna go back home tonight after a long day, I informed my mom of what happend this afternoon; plus she and Reika can meet Treecko and we'll head out in the morning."

    "Smart thinking, you can get into some fresh dry clothes anyway here's your PokeDex, Vallera," Professor Birch said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a crimson device. "It will record all the Pokemon you've seen and caught. Also, it will have your identity, so don't lose it."

    "I won't," Vallera replied as she took the PokeDex from Professor Birch, "tomorrow we'll head up Route 101 into Oldale Town!"

    "Here are some PokeBalls, too," Professor Birch said, taking out five PokeBalls and handing them to Vallera. "You'll need these to catch Pokemon. But be sure to weaken the Pokemon before you catch it, or it will probably break free of the Ball."

    "Okay," Vallera answered. "Thanks a lot, Professor for all your help!"

    "You're welcome, Vallera," Professor Birch said cheerfully. "Good luck on your journey!"

    "Bye!" Vallera said as she walked out the door, "I'll be in touch!"

    When the two got outside, Vallera turned to Treecko.

    "Well," she said, "are you ready?"

    Treecko nodded his head vigorously. "Ko!"

    Vallera laughed. "All right, Treecko, return!" With that she took out Treecko's PokeBall and returned the little grass-type back into it, got onto her bike and pedal home with her new friend.

    END OF CHAPTER 1
    Last edited by Jessie_James; 13th May 2011 at 5:26 AM.

    Claims: Seel/World of Warcraft/Voljin/Cote De Pablo/Hocus Pocus/Ghost Adventures
    UR NEVER TO OLD TO BE A GAMER!
    INFO -plz support me thanks-
    Twitch: TrollShaman85 (It has to do with World of Warcraft)
    Twitter: @UndeadPriest90
    Red 3DS FC: 1220-8684-8281 (Raylah/Poison FS)
    BluishGreen 3DS FC: 1719/3604/8442 (Vallera/Fighting FS)
    PM if u add me Plz and Ty

  2. #2
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    Please please please uncenter your story. No one will want to read it like that.

    [IMG]http://i53.*******.com/2wewhtv.jpg[/IMG]
    Growing Up,
    a coming of age story
    in the most unique yet usual way a Pokemon trainer does,
    taking a new spin on the traditional trainer fanfiction.

  3. #3
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    A poorly written fic by an SPPF veteran?!

    Sacre bleu! Cliches and spelling errors galore! I can't even begin to describe how cliched this **** is!!!

  4. #4
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    ...You really don't have to mean about it at all

    It's not the best atm, I klnow I will fix it I just wanted to get up before flying back home on Weds
    Last edited by Jessie_James; 10th May 2011 at 5:07 AM.

    Claims: Seel/World of Warcraft/Voljin/Cote De Pablo/Hocus Pocus/Ghost Adventures
    UR NEVER TO OLD TO BE A GAMER!
    INFO -plz support me thanks-
    Twitch: TrollShaman85 (It has to do with World of Warcraft)
    Twitter: @UndeadPriest90
    Red 3DS FC: 1220-8684-8281 (Raylah/Poison FS)
    BluishGreen 3DS FC: 1719/3604/8442 (Vallera/Fighting FS)
    PM if u add me Plz and Ty

  5. #5
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    I've read over this imrpoved chapter 1 and I must say you have developed the characters more and I liked the way the characters sort of have a depth now but as Ninja stated in the last thread it's a little short on description side and it still is so just a few more things here and there to help us imagine what's in your head. Just imagine us as people who don't know where Hoenn is, what it looks like, what the POkemon look like etc. this should hopefully be a useful way to starting things off. Also in a few places your tenses changed from past to present and this is a little confusing to the reader so it may be useful to read over twice after writing it and then post because that way you can spot things like that and also there were a few spelling errors as well but that's not as crucial to the understanding of the story.

    Hope this helps and I look forward to seeing where things develop and how your writing develops too

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  6. #6
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    Here, I need to finish up your mistakes later
    Reika walked into the room a small cat looking Pokemon,Meowth who was cream colored cat Pokemon about 2ft tall with 2 a curled brown tail and feet, black ears and cute little gold charm in the middle of it's forhead.
    It should be:
    Reika walked into the room and saw a small cat looking pokemon, Meowth. He/she is a cream colored cat pokemon about two feet tall with a curled brown tail and black eard and a cute little gold charm in the middle of its forehead.

    I must chimely say that this is poorly written and you should read over what you are writing.

    Pokemon X Round 2


  7. #7
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    Thank for the aide everyone I am doing my best revised, done a little bit added some more...I apologize I am not the best at description (Vallera is my name of my female character in my R/S/E games which is why I used the May spirte for my character) The other toon coming is based off of the rival from D/P which is why I used them in the intros, Intro created by me with help from a good friend

    Jessie_James
    aka Vallera
    Last edited by Jessie_James; 13th May 2011 at 4:34 AM.

    Claims: Seel/World of Warcraft/Voljin/Cote De Pablo/Hocus Pocus/Ghost Adventures
    UR NEVER TO OLD TO BE A GAMER!
    INFO -plz support me thanks-
    Twitch: TrollShaman85 (It has to do with World of Warcraft)
    Twitter: @UndeadPriest90
    Red 3DS FC: 1220-8684-8281 (Raylah/Poison FS)
    BluishGreen 3DS FC: 1719/3604/8442 (Vallera/Fighting FS)
    PM if u add me Plz and Ty

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