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Thread: Shiny Expert:Xander

  1. #51
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    Oh okay. I just finished reading your story, and I have to say, it was excellent! You've definitely improved 100% since you've started writing this story. Everything flowed well, and the final battle was epic! Just a question... How can a Pokemon be in recover? I tried to imagine Salamence and a hospital bed and it conjured up some funny images in my head.
    Hi, I'm part of the staff on Pokemon Showdown!, if you have any questions or need any help, VM or PM me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by phoopes View Post
    Oh okay. I just finished reading your story, and I have to say, it was excellent! You've definitely improved 100% since you've started writing this story. Everything flowed well, and the final battle was epic! Just a question... How can a Pokemon be in recover? I tried to imagine Salamence and a hospital bed and it conjured up some funny images in my head.
    Haha, not exactly what I meant. How I picture it, is like a pet bed that they rest on, and ther're hooked up to different monitors.
    3DS FC:0533-4900-6084

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Shiny Expert: Xander
    After Xander loses the Unova League, he gets a mysterious call from Prof. Rowan saying that he must come back and see what he's found. Xander has no idea what's in store for him.

  3. #53
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    Alright, here's the next one. If you've read Professor X then you'll know one of the characters.

    Part 2: Tropical Vacation
    Chapter 13: Fate

    “Ladies and Gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts, and put all trays in an upright position. We will be landing shortly,” The flight attendant spoke in a, forced, pleasant tone. Honestly, Xander didn’t blame her. This flight was absolutely terrible. There was an obese man that wouldn’t quit complaining, a baby that wouldn’t stop crying, and a group of rowdy teenagers that took pleasure in confusing the poor woman.

    *I’ve saved the Sinnoh region, but I still have to fly in coach? What’s wrong with this picture.*

    Xander looked back as the group of kids began to hit the call button for the attendant. As she walked by, Xander looked at her name tag, it read “Christy”. She went to sit down at the back of the plane, and sat down, trying to ignore the fifteen year olds that were demanding more drinks. *After I get off the plane, I’m going to talk to those guys.* He then heard the fat man calling out for some more pie, and Xander just shook his head, *Maybe I just should have flown on Salamence…*

    It was a rough landing, even the stewardess was holding her head, *I think the pilot was texting while flying.* Xander thought to himself as he got off the plane. Christy was right behind him, and the group of twelve was directly ahead of him. After they had all gotten their luggage, and Xander grabbed his, he approached the teenagers, “Hey guys, what was that back on the plane?”

    One of the boys stepped forward, he had darker skin that was contrasted by his bleach blond hair, “What was what?” He said in what Xander could only assume to be the boys attempt at an intimidating tone.

    Xander almost laughed at the boys attempt to intimidate him. Xander had just faced down a criminal mastermind, and survived, a fifteen year old that was six inches shorter than him, wasn’t exactly threatening in Xander’s book, “Look kid, you need to apologize to the attendant”, and he pointed to Christy, “She’s just trying to do her job.”

    The entire group laughed at him, “How about this, you’re going to turn around, and get out of my face before you get hurt.” The rest of the group followed up on this with insults, and threats.

    *Kid’s got guts, I’ll give him that.* “Look, I’m not gonna leave until you give the lady an apology.”

    Christy looked over at what was going on, and she walked up behind Xander and tapped him on the shoulder, “You don’t have to do this, I’m fine.”

    Xander turned to her, “Maybe, but it doesn’t excuse what they did, and they’re gonna learn that they can’t treat people like that and get away with it.”

    “If you’re done talking to your girlfriend, I have a proposal for you. If you beat me in a three on three pokemon battle, I’ll apologize, but if I win, then you have to eat your words.”

    Xander smiled, “You have a deal.” The two shook hands, and headed out to the nearest battle field, which was right across the street from the airport.

    ***Recreational Battlefield***

    The field was standard. It was thirty feet, by fifteen feet, and the ground was dirt. It was in the middle of a park, and as Xander and Rick, the boy, took their positions, a crowd began to gather. Xander looked around; people were talking in hushed tones and looking at him. *I wonder if they know who I am?*

    His suspicions were confirmed when he sent out Salamence. All of a sudden there was a loud uproar of applause. Xander decided that he might as well enjoy the fame, so he waved to everyone, and this garnered even more applause. Rock just scratched his head, “Who are you?”

    “You don’t watch the news much, do you kid?”

    “Not really, no. Why should I? Nothing that happens on there affects me.”

    “Well, if you did, then you would know that I was the leader of the resistance during the Battle for Floraroma Town.”

    “That was you!” All of a sudden, Rick looked worried, “Uh, um, it doesn’t matter! I’ll still beat you, go, Aggron!”

    The large Steel/Rock pokemon materialized in front of Xander, “Not a bad choice, but you aren’t going to win. To be fair, you can go first.”

    “Fine, but you won’t survive my first attack! Aggron, use Stone Edge!” Small sphere’s of light began to appear around Aggron, and circled around him horizontally. In an instant, they were solid stone, and were flying directly at Salamence.

    “Salamence, crush them with Dragon Claw,” Xander spoke as if he were ordering a meal from a fast food joint. Salamence flapped its wings and hovered about three feet off the ground. In a flash, the stones were turned to dust. No one even saw Salamence slash at them; one minute they were there, the next, they weren’t. Rick was stunned, and so was the crowd, though after they recovered they beagn to cheer even
    louder. “Salamence, Earthquake.” Salamence let out the most savage roar he could muster, and almost fell over laughing at Rick and Aggron’s reactions of horror. After savoring that for a split second, Salamence flew high up, and dive bombed directly into the ground, sending a shockwave across the battlefield. Salamence was well enough trained so that the destruction didn’t spread beyond the designated battle area.
    Aggron was swept away by the stone and dirt. He wound up at Rick’s feet unconscious.

    Rick took out his poke ball and recalled the large pokemon. After that he pulled out another one, “You think you’re so smart, try taking this one down!” In a flash of light a Snorlax materialized.

    “Snnnooooorrrr…” He looked around sleepily, and then saw the Salamence. The reaction surprised Xander, the Snorlax fell asleep.

    “That’s new.”

    “Gah, Snorlax! Wake up!” Rick called out desperately.

    “Oh well, sorry Salamence, but I can’t let you have all the fun, return,” Salamence nodded, and went back into his poke ball. “Latias, you’re turn.”

    The golden pokemon’s fur shone brightly in the mid day sun. All at once there were hundreds of flashes of light, but they weren’t coming from the pokemon, no, they were coming from the cameras that had been whipped out at the same time Latias came out.
    *Gah, that’s bright,* Latias complained, *I was taking a nap you know.*

    “Sorry about that, but I thought these people would like to see you.”

    *Fine, I need the exercise anyways. * Latias had become a valuable member of Xander’s team, and she allowed him to be able to communicate with his other pokemon telepathically.

    Xander looked sideways at Christy who seemed dumbfounded. *Wow, that is one magnificent pokemon. I wonder if Xander’s single?* Xander was surprised, usually he could only sense the thoughts of people who were close to him, so far, only his pokemon, and only if Latias was out of her poke ball. To be able to sense the thoughts of a stranger both scared, and excited him, but now was not the time for those thoughts.

    “Okay…so you have a legendary pokemon…we can still win this…right?”

    Xander shook his head, “Afraid not kid. You should bow out gracefully before you get embarrassed.”

    Rick immediately recalled his sleeping pokemon, “Fine.” He walked over to
    Christy, “Sorry,” He spoke curtly and then ran off.

    “Well, I could’ve guessed that he would be a sore loser.”

    “Yeah, I didn’t think that he would give much of an apology. Thank you though, not many people would have cared enough.”

    Xander just shrugged, “The kid needed to be taught a lesson. I’m just sorry that you had to put up with it during our two hour flight.”

    “To be honest, I’ve had to put up with worse, but thanks again for putting that kid in his place.”

    All of a sudden, Xander and Christy were swarmed by the onlookers. Many of them were taking pictures, and the ones that weren’t were holding out pens and paper towards Xander. After about fifteen minutes of commotion, the crowd dissipated, and it was just Xander and Christy. Xander found himself to be slightly nervous, but he did find the words that he wanted to say, “Christy, I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight?”

    Christy blushed, “I wish I could, I really do, but I need to get back to the airport. I have to be on the next flight back to Sinnoh, but here’s my number,” She took out a pen and wrote on Xander’s hand ten digits. She bit her lip, “Give me a call sometime.”

    “You can count on that.”

    She smiled and walked back to the airport. Salamence popped out of his poke ball.

    “Sal-salamence,” (Ha! It’s about time you got a girlfriend.)

    “Oh be quiet you overgrown lizard,” Xander joked. While he was stuck in the hospital, he decided that he would learn how to speak with his pokemon. It wasn’t easy, but Latias helped speed up the process a lot by using her psychic powers to imprint things onto his mind. He had found this to be both a blessing, and a curse. “Well, where do you think we should go?”

    “Sala-men-sal,” (I’m not sure, but I do know that I want to go someplace with a beach.)

    “Same here. There’re quite a few places with beaches in Hoenn. Personally, I’d like to go to Mossdeep. It’s an island city just off the mainland.”

    “Mence. Sala.” (Fine by me. Hop on.) Salamence spread his wings, and Xander hopped on.

    ***Two Weeks Later in Mossdeep City***

    Xander and his pokemon were reclining on the beach at Mossdeep city. Xander had really enjoyed the last two weeks, he had gotten to spend time with a lot of his pokemon that he hadn’t seen in a while. Pokemon like his shiny Weavile, which he hadn’t seen in nearly a year, were happy to be able to spend time with their trainer. He had done a few battle demonstrations, and signed a few autographs while he was here, but the best was yet to come. He had scheduled a battle with the gym leaders of Mossdeep, and they were more than happy to oblige. Xander had never been in Hoenn before, and planned for this to be a long vacation. He wanted to challenge all of the gym leaders of Hoenn, but not for their badges. He just wanted to see how powerful the leaders of Hoenn were. It also gave him an excuse to stay here for a few months. Hoenn was like a tropical paradise, and it was too beautiful for Xander to pass up.

    Xander looked sideways, and saw Dragonite and Salamence talking to each other, *I have a feeling that I’m gonna be lugging some eggs around for those two soon.*

    Salamence and Dragonite had grown close during the rehabilitation, and Xander couldn’t be happier for him. Salamence really needed someone special, just like Xander did. Xander had called Christy a few times over the last two weeks, and they talked for a while, *It’s just too bad that she has to work so much. Otherwise I’d invite her out here.*

    His two Lucarios were sitting on either side of him, “So how are two enjoying our vacation?”

    Lucario S spoke first, “Cario.” (It’s good.) Xander’s shiny Lucario never did talk much, which was in stark contrast to his other Lucario who wouldn’t shut up.

    “Luc! Cario rio. Ario! Car. Lucario!” (I’m really enjoying it! Thanks again for bringing me to the beach. The sun is absolutely beautiful! So are the waves. Hey, I think I’m gonna go for a swim, see ya!) With that he dashed off and dove in. Xander sometimes wondered him he was ADHD, but he just chuckled and closed his eyes.
    3DS FC:0533-4900-6084

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Shiny Expert: Xander
    After Xander loses the Unova League, he gets a mysterious call from Prof. Rowan saying that he must come back and see what he's found. Xander has no idea what's in store for him.

  4. #54
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    I think that you did a great job with this chapter. It can always be hard to set up the plot, but I didn't see any flaws here at all. I also liked the humour that you added in.
    *I’ve saved the Sinnoh region, but I still have to fly in coach? What’s wrong with this picture.*
    That part definitely made me laugh. Also, just a question. How many shiny Pokemon does Xander have? I know he has the 12 that he saved from Team Snagem, his Salamence, his Lucario, and his Weavile. Any others?
    Overall, great chapter. I love your writing.
    Hi, I'm part of the staff on Pokemon Showdown!, if you have any questions or need any help, VM or PM me.

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    He has quite a few, and I still plan for him to catch some. Also, all of teh pokemon that he uses, I have in my game.
    3DS FC:0533-4900-6084

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Shiny Expert: Xander
    After Xander loses the Unova League, he gets a mysterious call from Prof. Rowan saying that he must come back and see what he's found. Xander has no idea what's in store for him.

  6. #56
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    Where in the world did you get so many shiny pokemon?
    I've gotten into IV Breeding. I'll breed any Pokemon that can, just ask and I'll see what I can do!


    What happened after Ruby and Sapphire? This is my interpretation. Click the banner to read!
    Latest: Chapter 5: Power Plant Problems
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  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaziken10285 View Post
    Where in the world did you get so many shiny pokemon?
    I spent a couple months trading with people for them. I got a guy to RNG me some free ones, but I must confess. Some of them are hacked with an AR.
    3DS FC:0533-4900-6084

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Shiny Expert: Xander
    After Xander loses the Unova League, he gets a mysterious call from Prof. Rowan saying that he must come back and see what he's found. Xander has no idea what's in store for him.

  8. #58
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    I've only found one shiny in the wild. A starly in the safari Zone. And what is RNG?
    I've gotten into IV Breeding. I'll breed any Pokemon that can, just ask and I'll see what I can do!


    What happened after Ruby and Sapphire? This is my interpretation. Click the banner to read!
    Latest: Chapter 5: Power Plant Problems
    The banner was made by Brutaka

    Friend safari:
    1676-3751-9706

  9. #59
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    Alright, so I was able to churn this one out, and it starts to set up the main plot.

    Chapter 14: Brain Versus Brawn

    ***The Next Day at the Mossdeep Gym***

    Xander stretched as he walked into the large building. He had woken up late, and almost missed his appointment. What’s worse is that he fell asleep in the sun, and was the color of a Vulpix. *Ouch! Man, that hurts!* He thought as he traversed the hall, and he bumped his elbow against a wall by accident.

    When he got into the room that said, “Battlefield” He was impressed. The room was a massive dome, and Xander thought he could see where the dome opened up. He had been told to wait here, so that’s what he did. After about five minutes, two young kids came through the doors that he had just come through, “Hey, are you Liz and Tate?”
    The two twins nodded. The girl spoke first, “Yes we are-“

    The boy finished her sentence, “the Mossdeep gym leaders.”

    This unnerved Xander a bit, “Um, okay, I thought you said that you were gonna meet me here?”

    “Yes, we did-“

    “but we foresaw-“

    “that you would”

    “over sleep because of a sunburn.”

    Xander was really starting to get creeped out now, “Uh, two things. One, do you two always finish each other’s sentences, and two, what do you mean by, ‘foresaw’?”

    A pattern was emerging between Liz and Tate. She would speak first, and Tate would follow up, “Yes, we do-“

    “finish each other’s-“

    “sentences all the time.”

    “And when we say foresaw-“

    “we mean that we are-“

    “psychic.”

    Xander had always thought that meeting a psychic would be cool, but these twins were just getting on his nerves, “So, are you guys ready for our battle?” Normally he would like to talk to the gym leader more, but he just couldn’t talk to these two for any length of time.

    “Alright, just let us-“

    “open up the top of the dome.”

    Liz stayed behind, and her brother went over to what apparently were the controls to
    the black dome. Tate hit a couple of buttons, and the roof began to retract. Xander had to squint his eyes against the sunlight that began to stream in. After a minute, the dome had fully retracted, and now there was an open battlefield in front of him, and an open sky above him.

    Xander got into position on his end of the battlefield, and called to the twins, “What are
    you’re rules?”

    “This will be a-“

    “double battle.”

    “Each side-“

    “Will get to use two pokemon, and-“

    “substitutions are allowed-“

    “for both sides.”

    “Are you-“

    “ready?”

    Xander just shook his head, “Yes, I am.”

    Liza grabbed a poke ball, “Go, Solrock!”

    “Sol,” (I am ready for battle Liza.)

    Tate also grabbed a poke ball off of his belt and tossed it out into the
    battlefield, “Lunatone, you’re up.”

    “Lunatoooone,” (I have forseen the end of this battle, and we lose…)

    “Ha! You’re Lunatone doesn’t sound too confident.”

    Tate seemed unsure of himself, “Lunatone’s visions aren’t always right. The future is always in motion.”

    “You don’t sound too confident. Doesn’t matter, I make my own destiny! Let’s start things off with Salamence and Latias.”

    “SAAAAL!” (YAWWWN!)

    Liz and Tate were visibly scared, by the intimidating dragon, which they thought was growling at them.

    Xander just laughed, *Should I tell them that he’s just yawning? Nah, this way will be more fun.*

    “Tias?” (Salamence, why do you have to yawn so loud?)

    “Mence?” (Why don’t you yawn louder?)

    “La.” (Fair enough, let’s focus.)

    “I’ll give you two the first move.”

    ‘Fine, we’ll-“

    “take it. Lunatone, let’s keep them grounded with Gravity!”

    “Salamence, Latias, stay low to the ground!”

    The pokemon did as their trainers commanded. Salamence landed, and Latias flew low to the ground as she tried to dash towards the opponent’s pokemon. Before she could get there though, gravity intensified, and, even at the low altitude, she hit the floor hard. Salamence was brought to his knees, and even the sun and moon pokemon hit the floor with a thud.

    “Latias! Get up, and use Calm Mind!” Latias used her small arms to push herself up a bit. Her eyes began to glow blue, and Xander wondered what she saw when she did that. He shook the thought off quickly as he saw that Solrock was glowing, “Salamence, use Earthquake!”

    “Men?” (Are you sure?)

    “Yes, do it!”

    Salamence let off a tremor that struck all three pokemon on the battlefield. The two Rock types were taken out of the fight, but Latias survived. She was hurt, but she could still battle. Without Lunatone’s influence gravity returned to normal, and the two pokemon took to the skies.

    “You may have-“

    “beaten our first two,-

    “but these next-“

    “ones will beat you.”

    With that, Liz sent out a Grumpig, and Tate had an Alakazam.

    “Pig?” (Why are you using me for a battle?)

    “Kazam.” (Grow a spine Grumpig and let us win this for Liz and Tate.)

    “Grumpig!” (I do not need to grow a spine!)

    Xander was watching the exchange with amusement. It was definitely useful to be able to understand pokemon. “Salamence, use Dragon Dance, and weave through the opponent’s incoming attacks!” Xander had learned the maneuver from Scrafty, and began to use it with all of his pokemon. “Latias, use Draco Meteor!” In truth, Xander wasn’t too worried about the opponent’s attack, he was more worried about Latias’ attack.

    “Would you two-“

    “stop arguing! Alakazam, use Psychic on the Draco Meteor!”

    “Grumpig, prepare to intercept any attacks directed at Alakazam.”

    Latias sent the Draco Meteor skyward without hearing about the plan to counter it, “Latias, get outta there!” Latias looked down in bewilderment, but it was too late. The orange colored orb was surrounded in a blue energy, and crashed in to Latias. There was a massive explosion and Latias began to fall. Xander recalled her before she hit the ground and suffered any serious injury. “Good move Tate, but I’m not done yet. Salamence, return.”

    “What are you-

    “doing?”

    “I’m showing you guys what true strategy looks like. Heracross, and Conkeldurr, let’s go!” Xander sent out two poke balls, and his shiny Heracross, and Conkeldurr came out, ready for battle.

    “Crossss.” (An overgrown pig is no match for me.) Heracross was always confident in his abilities, sometimes to a fault.

    “Duuurrr? Conkel?” (Why are we going up against two Psychic types? Xander, have you lost your mind?)

    “No Conkeldurr, I haven’t lost my mind. I know that you guys can win this.”

    “Eldurr.” (If you say so.)

    “Your confidence-“

    “is noted, but”

    “it is fallacy to take us on with those pokemon.”

    After a moment, Conkeldurr, and Heracross recoiled. They both had a burn on their chests that had come out of nowhere, “I gave them Flame Orbs before we came here. They’ve got Guts, so they’ll just fight even harder. Heracross, let’s start things off with a Swords Dance, and Conkeldurr, use Mach Punch to cover him!”

    “Not so fast, Grumpig, Bounce over Conkeldurr, and slam into Heracross.”

    “Alakazam, take out Conkeldurr with Psychic!”

    Heracross began to pump himself up, and sharpen his horns, and forearms. Conkeldurr stood in front of him to go where the situation warranted. He saw Grumpig Bounce up high, but he began to feel his body moving. He decided that Alakazam was the bigger threat here. Conkeldurr took off at blinding speed, and slammed Alakazam with one of his concrete pillars. Alakazam went flying into a wall, and didn’t get back up. Conkeldurr used the momentum to spin, and darted towards the falling Grumpig, who was knocked off course due to the Mach Punch. At the same moment, Heracross finished his pre game warm up, and looked ready.

    “Alright Heracross, finish Grumpig with Megahorn!”

    “Grumpig, Protect!”

    Grumpig put up a shield of Psychic energy that Heracross just bounced off of. Grumpig lowered the shield only to be bashed be Conkeldurr’s two concrete pillars. Grumpig fell to the ground unconscious, and Liz returned him.

    ***Pokemon Center One Hour Later***

    Xander was sitting with his pokemon that had helped him beat Tate and Liz. Each of them had been treated for injuries they had sustained during the battle and were feeling good. Xander turned to them, “Salamence, you and Latias, you both did really well against Lunatone, and Solrock, but I think we can all agree that Conkeldurr and Heracross were the MVPs of this fight.”

    “Salamence!” (Congratulations you two!)

    “Tias.” (Yes, excellent fighting skills out there.)

    Heracross and Conkeldurr reveled in the praise, “Hera.” (Thanks, I did do well.)

    “Conk!? Conkeldurr!” (What are you talking about!? I took out both of them!)

    “Cross.” (I took out the Grumpig.)

    “Durr!” (No, you just bounced off of his shield like a wimp while I smashed him to bits.)

    Xander was tired of hearing them argue, “Both of you stop.” The pokemon all looked his way, “You both contributed to the fight. Conkeldurr, without Heracross you would have just hit Grumpig’s Protect. Heracross, you might not have survived the Bounce attack which Conkeldurr deflected. You two needed each other, and you worked together, that’s what I wanted you two to learn.”

    Heracross and Conkeldurr apologized to each other, and went off to train.

    “Salmence?” (Is there anything that you’ll need me for today?)

    Xander knew what he was gonna ask next, “Why?”

    “Mence, Sala…” (Oh, uh, no reason…)

    “Do you want to go see Dragonite back at Rowan’s?”

    “Sal” (Yes.)

    Xander laughed, “It’s no problem, I think I can get along without you for a day. Have a good time, okay?”

    Salamence smiled, “Salamence. Sal.” (Thanks Xander. I will.)

    Xander went over to the transfer system and switched Salamence out for Toxicroak. He hadn’t seen Toxicroak for a while, so they had some catching up to do.

    “Hey there Toxicroak. How are things going?”

    “Tox. Croak. Toxic?”(Hey yourself. I haven’t seen ya in a while. Where ya been at?)

    “Sorry that I haven’t seen ya in a while, but things have been hectic, and-“

    “Cro. Croak. Toxicroak croak.(I was just kidding. I know that you care for all of us. I’ve been having a good time with everyone else, but I’m ready for some training.)

    Xander smiled, “It’s good to know that no one holds a grudge against me. Alright, let’s go and train.” Toxicroak and Xander went out to join Heracross and Conkeldurr. The four of them spent the next few hours training. Afterwards, Xander took a shower and his pokemon cleaned up and passed out in his room. He realized it was about time for dinner so he went out to the dining area and got a cheeseburger and fries. He sat down and munched on his fries for a few minutes before a man came and sat down across from him, “Do you mind if I sit here?”

    Xander was a polite and sociable man, “No problem.”

    They sat in silence for a half a minute before the man spoke up, “I know who you are, you’re Xander, from the Battle of Floraroma.”

    Xander smiled, he still wasn’t quite used to people recognizing him, “Yeah, that’s me.”

    “I want to say thank you for what you did there. You saved a lot of lives.”

    Xander spoke somberly, “I appreciate the praise, but I wasn’t the only one who was part of the fight, I’m just one of the few that made it out alive.”

    The man was apologetic, “I didn’t mean to disrespect the people that died. I didn’t come here to talk to you about that anyway. I saw you training with those Fighting types of yours and was wondering if you were a student of a martial art school.”

    “No, I’ve never studied any martial arts.”

    “Well, I know that Brawly is holding a public training session in a week, and I’m trying to
    get hype up for it. You have the perfect build to do Judo, or some similar style.”

    “It sounds interesting. I don’t believe I caught your name.”

    “It’s John. So, can I expect you in Dewford a week from today?”

    “I guess I’ll come.”

    “Good, Brawly will be happy to hear it. He especially wants to meet your Scrafty, so please bring him.”

    “Alright, I will.”

    The two finished their meals, and made some conversation. Afterwards, John thanked Xander for his time, and left.

    Toxicroak came out of the room and looked drowsy, and he spoke with a hurt tone, “Croak?” (Did you eat without us?)

    “Yeah, sorry about that buddy, but you guys were passed out and I didn’t want to wake you.”

    “Toxi.” (I was just kidding.)

    Xander smiled, “I know. What do you think of taking part in a martial arts seminar?”

    “Toxicroak.” (Sounds fine to me.)

    “Good, cause we leave for Dewford in three days.”

    Well, there ya go.
    3DS FC:0533-4900-6084

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Shiny Expert: Xander
    After Xander loses the Unova League, he gets a mysterious call from Prof. Rowan saying that he must come back and see what he's found. Xander has no idea what's in store for him.

  10. #60
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    It was good, and it's interesting to see how Xander deals with his fame. As seen in Hero's Path, Cole sort of resents his, and Raj in general likes to skirt it.
    3DS FC: 0748-3041-6462

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  11. #61
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    Well, it's based off me, and if I'm honest with myself, I think that I would enjoy it. Although, it might take a while to get used to people constantly recognizing you.
    3DS FC:0533-4900-6084

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Shiny Expert: Xander
    After Xander loses the Unova League, he gets a mysterious call from Prof. Rowan saying that he must come back and see what he's found. Xander has no idea what's in store for him.

  12. #62

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    This is a response to your review exchange review of my fan fic.

    So i started doing chapter by chapter, but everything seemed to be similar so I let the review apply to every chapter of part one. I only reviewed part one.

    The thinking aloud bit in the beginning was more intrusive than helpful; in real life no one exposits all that information out; they make the decisions in their thoughts. To show thoughts you can simply italicize the section or just say “Xander thought”. Also isn’t he at a crowded stadium? Him waiting there for a plane seems oddly illogical as opposed to an airport or even in a clearing. He may have done that, but the entire first day seemed rather rushed so I have no idea what happened in the interim. Expounding on the battle he lost or giving us a little more reason to understand Xander’s depression or his ties to his Ursaring may allow for a greater sense of emersion into the story as a whole; seeing the two in battle together and showing their bond would allow us to feel sympathy for Xander and the breaking up of the duo, but as of the first day I’m just reading to find some sort of reason to care. Without the context it just seems like you threw it in there only to grab quick sympathy.

    I understand the gap for a day to pass, but why the transition to enter the lab? It may be nitpicky but it bothers me because it could be avoided with a simple sentence telling the reader the two made their way to the lab.

    There’s a contrast between us two as author’s; you say I overuse description, yet you use almost no description. Take this excerpt:

    Xander stared at the incredible sight before him.
    This is incredibly vague and most certainly does not offer any sort of connotations or insight into the reaction of Xander. Is he in wonderment? Is he in shock? Is he appalled? What is the description of his eyes? Are they agape, wide, sparkling, what? Is his heart beating? Is he nervous or calm? As a reader I cannot tell and must interpret on my own solely by his stare and that he thinks it is incredible. Incredible is also very vague. Is it incredibe like beautiful or otherworldly or disturbing? You should not have to come out and say “Xander thought it was beautiful” when you could just as easily say “Xander’s eyes sparkled at the beauty before him”. Without outright telling us he finds it beautiful, his eyes also display the intrigue which fills him from the discovery because the sight got a visceral reaction out of him. It is the age old mantra of “Show, don’t tell.”

    He was dumbfounded
    Rowan spoke these last words sadly
    Xander had a kind personality
    I’ll stop, but fix it.

    Okay. Xander is also bland if not abnormally vanilla. Everybody compliments him. Rowan flies out ONLY Xander to see his find, as opposed to anybody else with more credentials, Professor Oak or Elm to name a few. The police are made incompetent to boost the pedestal Xander’s on as he walks away from it all rolling his eyes and taking all his perfect Pokémon with him. I call him bland because we have not seen him evolve at all as a trainer. He just sort of shows up and is great. What is there to relate to?
    The Pokémon talk would be better of eschewed for simply describing the facial expressions and body language of the Pokémon. Is Cryogonal short of breath? Is he motioning to the left or right or is he sedentary?

    The blandness surfaces again by getting one hit KO’s and incapacitations of all the guards. That’s too perfect and shows he had not struggle or any sort of trouble with attacking to guards armed well enough to catch such a haul of strong shiny Pokémon. It’s almost absurd how rushed and easy infiltrating the operation was, but I don’t believe it was intentional.

    Wow. So they all just caught themselves out of the blue instead of going back to where they have grown up I presume for years since they are all fully evolved. He just gets all these incredibly strong AND shiny Pokémon with no set up or any sort of bond? None of the Pokémon know what kind of trainer Xander is. For all they know Xander could have infiltrated the clearing in order to capture and sell all the Pokémon. But of course he didn’t want to do that because he is so good and they all read his mind and knew he was so good because they were also good. And of course they are assimilated in no time.

    Xander was sitting under a tree with his pokemon lying playing around him.
    They were all playing on their backs?

    “Why don’t you study them?” Xander asked nonchalantly.
    Nonchalantly? You know that means “indifferent”? So Xander does not care is he apparent new best buds are studied or not? The word choice makes no sense.

    Shinies are Tangrowth, Gorebyss, Froslass, Honchkrow, Volcarona, Scizor, Scolipede, Accelgor, Hitmonchan, Drifblim, Haxorus, and Dragonite.
    Garchomp broke in
    What is this I don’t even

    The Pokémon also have no personalities outside of being the cut-and-dry good or bad. What is there to relate to here? What character is compelling enough to read about?

    *No, no, you aren’t imagining this. I’m using telepathy.*

    “Oh, that’s new.”
    That was unintentionally hilarious.

    By the way, do not use conjunctions in your writing or abbreviations unless either is being spoken. There’s also no reason to type “23” as opposed to “twenty-three”.

    And the fic for the remainder of part one pretty much just goes on like that. Xander wins. Bad guys lose. No one loses anything. Xander learns nothing besides stealing Pokémon is bad. Everyone is pretty much one-dimensional “good” or “evil”.

    When part two is more developed I will review it as well, but overall it’s a bland story. Predictable in every way and rushed overall.

  13. #63
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    So, because I started to work on this sequel, and because part two wasn't really going anywhere, Shiny Expert:Xander is officially completed! I plan to incorporate things that I was going to do in Part two into the sequel Pokemon Professor X. So thanks to everyone who helped, and especially to BrightSide, whose advice will be applied in the sequel.
    3DS FC:0533-4900-6084

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Shiny Expert: Xander
    After Xander loses the Unova League, he gets a mysterious call from Prof. Rowan saying that he must come back and see what he's found. Xander has no idea what's in store for him.

  14. #64
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    You said read this, so I am. Be warned. I've just started the review at CH3, my apologies for not getting the others. I may be harsh, but as a struggling writer myself, I know specifics are much better than genralizations. So here's the Spoonful of sugar, and please don't kill me.

    Raj said slyly
    Slyly used twice, by Raj. There's plkenty of distance between them, so this may be a minor notpick, but it stuck out to me.

    After the smoke cleared, Scizor was seen, unconscious, on the ground, in the middle of a crater. “Scizor! No!”
    I'd dump the underlined sections, you've got too many commas, and in a crater pretty much implies being on the ground, which further helps the comma issue.

    “I think, he thought, I had kidnapped you.”
    At least one of those comma can go away. I'm not entirely sure which, and you might even be able to can both of them, replacing the second with a 'that'

    Xander took a moment to catch his breath, “I…I think…I think I met your brother,”
    This. Love the deadpan understatement.

    Before Latias could get a word in, her brother [had]]already sent out a bluish orb that signaled the impending Draco Meteor attack.
    Personal preference, for attacks, I prefer "Launched" to "Sent out". Sounds more battle-y, and evil.

    “Oh things are going well here. We are living in the place where we first met, Phenac City.”
    ACK! I'M DYING! How do I retcon that? The whole reason you told me to read this? Anyway, I threw the Coloseeum Shipping couple out of Orre since they weren't there for XD, and I doubted that Wes could get any peace and quiet there...

    CH.5 Good. Also, glad to see something done with Gonzap.

    “He is a criminal from Orre, who is responsible for the Shadow Pokemon crisis.”
    That's giving him a bit too much credit though, alll he did was supply them with Pokemon. Oh, and the kid who tore Cipher down brick by brick.

    I simply, paid fifty bucks, and printed out my degree.”
    Dump that Comma, and you'll be great.

    While that is going on, Raj is still in the air, unable to see what happened as a freak blizzard falls upon him. *Boy, this blizzard came out of nowhere! I hope Xander is keeping warm back there.*
    There was a comment in the recent descriptor thread about show, don't tell. The Blizzard using that logic is too repetitive. I'd just dump the ceond blizzard, the pronoun "this" should cover it. If you need a noun, try "storm".

    “There is currently a blizzard across all of Mount Coronet, due to the yearly Abomasnow gathering. Once per year, these pokemon gather into their 15 tribes, and see which one is the strongest. Abomasnow have the ability to create blizzards at will,; Tthe victor is not chosen based on battling strength, but instead by which tribe creates the biggest blizzard. Abomasnow have the ability to create blizzards at will, *so all of the males of a tribe will gather together, and attempt to create a massive blizzard. It takes 15 days, one day per tribe, for this ceremony to run its course. This is the seventh day of this, and it’s the biggest blizzard ever recorded, spanning the entirety of Mount Coronet.”
    Is added can come out

    *This section makes it sound like this is a ceremony, and slightly contradicts the pooint of a competition.

    Also, the first part reads like a Pokedexz entriy, then switches to someone's observation. It's an odd change in persona, and might need to be adjusted.

    *Brrr, it’s cold up here. Where in Sinnoh did this blizzard come from?* Latias thought this as she was flying through the blinding blizzard.
    One of the beauties of the way you're doing your punctuation, I know that's Latias, and I know its her thinking. In typical fashion, as far as I know, thoughts are done in italics, but telepathy doesn't have a constant style. While I'm on this topic, as a reader I prefer to something other than Quotation makrs when the Pokemon are speaking their thoughts, unless they are physically taking. Like you've done with Latias, for example. [/nitpick]

    Once inside the cave, Dragonite found some large sticks late .she broke the ice off of with her Stone Edge attack. After that, she dried them out by beating her wings, to create her Hurricane attack. To finish her work, she lit the sticks into a heat source, by striking them with a Thunderbolt. “Good, and it only took me an ten minutes to do that,” She said to herself as she warmed up by the heat source. “I’ll spend ten minutes warming up, and then I have to get back…out……to………find……………….zzzzzz” She fell asleep.
    *He’s close, I can sense him, but he’s fading fast!* Latias rushed on towards Xander’s location.*
    '
    Latias extended her Psychic abilities, and she found Dragonites thoughts, she
    When she flew through the doors she got the strangest looks form people in the waiting room. She heard thoughts of, “What the heck is that?”, “Is that a Latias?”, and “That kid looks ill.” *At least some of these people aren’t shocked at my appearance, and are actually worried about the lethargic young man that I’m carrying.* Latias calmly floated up to one of the receptionists, and laid Xander out on the desk.
    Love this. Though I'm waiting for the humanoid appearence of Latias a la the Movie.

    Another cliff hangar. I know my chapters are shorter than everyone elses, but it seems to work for me. Tell me your thoughts on that subject.
    This, is not a bad thing. Short is good. Short and Good is better. Now, to make Short and Good into Short and Awesome, that's you're task.

    Wes was seen petting an Arcanine. The Arcanine its self looked like the picture of bliss being petted by Wes, and looked confused when Wes stopped scratching its belly, “Haha, I’ll come back later Arcanine, I promise.” Arcanine looked happy at that prospect and trotted off. Wes stood up and looked Rowan, “It’s good to meet you sir, I’ve heard a lot about you.”
    Yay new sside of Wes!

    Rui looked indignant, “And what about me?”

    “I think you should stay here honey,” Wes said in a coaxing tone.”

    Rui had a cross look on her face, “Nice try, but I’m coming with you.”

    Wes put on a mock dejected look, “Alright you win. So what am I supposed to do with
    this?” Wes asked as he pulled out a small mechanical looking glove.
    Rui's argument needs to be drawn out more. I realize Wes knows it's a losing battle, but it needs more srtuggle. Also, I may have missed something, but it feels to me that Wes has surprised them with a glove, expecting Rowan to know he has it.

    Rui had a long face, “I don’t like this at all.”

    Wes was honest, “I know you don’t Rui, that’s why I didn’t tell you.”

    “I should be able to trust you Wes. I don’t like that you went behind my back like this.”

    Wes gave her a small kiss, “I’ll make it up to you later, right now, your cousin is in trouble, and needs our help.”
    Neither do haklf the people in the League who have them, but you don't hear about them. And technically, he did destroy it. It was in oieces so he could make the new one, right? hee hee.

    Rowan just smiled at the jest, “No, I think I have this covered,” slyly he took out a poke ball and out came a Hydreigon.
    WHY. DOES. EVERYONE. HAVE. A. HYDREGION. ?. They;re supposed to be RARE people! And more specifically, wehy dioes the HOENN Prof have a Hydregion? A Salamence I would believe, but Hydregion? I'm afraid to turn around, some kid in Cay's Kindergarten class is gonna have one next.

    “W-w-we p-p-probably should’ve g-g-grabbed some g-g-g-gear before we l-l-left,” Folly stuttered.

    “N-no ki-kidding,” Trudly stammered in response.
    Awe, man. I was really hoping they were still with Miror B. Great job writing their characters though.

    “You idiots! I should throw your-“
    So can I join you guys.?
    if I hadn’t dropped Xander,
    “I wish it were only a single man. After you left, they got the camera back online for a minute. They caught an army of people in Team Snagem uniforms marching on Floraroma Town. They must be serious about getting something in Floraroma town there.”
    If you can, avoid repetitions like that. It[s in the other chapters too, I highlighted a few as I went.

    CH 10
    “I was!? Cool, did ya get a video tape of it?”

    “Don’t forget, all of you do is grip a poke ball in the snag machine, and you’ll be able to capture Salamence, and Latios.”
    Oh, and it usually helps to beat the ever-loving tar out of them first, unless you have Masterballs.


    Although he was almost flattened by a falling Flygon, he simply moved on.
    Slight contradiction there a lot of build up for a "simply".

    Raj gave him a thumbs up and then said something to Mr. Socky, whom Raj was riding on.
    “Pride comes before folly, Gonzap, remember that as I haul you off to jail.”
    No no no. Trudly comes before Folly.

    Volcarona, though it does hover, cannot fly high enough to avoid attacks such as Earthquake, and he took the full brunt of the attack. He fell to the ground with a thud, and landed on its wings. “Alright Drapion, finish it with Night Slash!”
    Good logic there, I tink.

    Gonzap scratched his bald head, “What the hell was that supposed to do? If you wanna waste your time beating yourself up, all the better. Drapion, use Swords Dance!” Drapion’s claws began to glow, and it made a couple of criss-crossing motions in front of itself, and then began to glow a fierce purple.
    That's right for Gonzap. Good job

    At this point, I must congragulate you. From front to back, the conversations have improved very well.

    Wes smiled as he left, “Don’t get all mushy on me.”
    Classic Wes.

    not yet,.” Xander spoke to himself before putting it back in the bag and zipping it shut…
    END PT 1 REVIEW


    Oh, did I see someone mention the Review Trade? Is it too late to pretend I'm enrolled in that? Phht!
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  15. #65
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    Wow! Thanks for the awesome review Glover! A lot of the things that you mentioned with the earlier chapter I feel, were mostly due to my newness at writing. The comma thing I am terrible with, and am working on it. I guess I was trying to over compensate because of teh lifelessness of my first two chapters. I'm really glad that you liked it towards the end. Also, don't worry about the chapter two thing, I scrapped it and started a new fic: Pokemon Professor X. It's only four chapters long right now, but I'm working on the fifth.
    3DS FC:0533-4900-6084

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Shiny Expert: Xander
    After Xander loses the Unova League, he gets a mysterious call from Prof. Rowan saying that he must come back and see what he's found. Xander has no idea what's in store for him.

  16. #66
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    You're welcome, and I need to cover a mistake I made last night. I accused Rowan of being the Hoenn Prof, and he's not. Birch, Rowan, Rowan, Birch. DAMMIT!

    Anyway, comment stands about Hydregion, just beating yall to the punch.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  17. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glover View Post
    You're welcome, and I need to cover a mistake I made last night. I accused Rowan of being the Hoenn Prof, and he's not. Birch, Rowan, Rowan, Birch. DAMMIT!

    Anyway, comment stands about Hydregion, just beating yall to the punch.
    Meh, I just kinda figured that Rowan would have traveled quite a bit in his sixty years and could concieviably (wow I butchered that spelling) have one.
    3DS FC:0533-4900-6084

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Shiny Expert: Xander
    After Xander loses the Unova League, he gets a mysterious call from Prof. Rowan saying that he must come back and see what he's found. Xander has no idea what's in store for him.

  18. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xman96 View Post
    Meh, I just kinda figured that Rowan would have traveled quite a bit in his sixty years and could concieviably (wow I butchered that spelling) have one.
    That's not it at all. That makes perfect sense. In fact, each person has a concievable right to having one. My issue is that THE THINGS ARE BLOOMIN' EVERYWHERE. It's like they breed like BLOODY WHISMUR! This my Hydregion, Tribble.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  19. #69
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    For some reason I can't open "Pokemon Professor X". But great story, Xman96! I'm not a writer, so I can't give any advice, but I sure can say that this is one of the best Pokemon stories I've ever read!
    Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED

    Example of the above:
    YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
    BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)

  20. #70
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    Managed to open Professor X. I'm looking forward to it.
    Anger the Blaziken, and you get BURNED

    Example of the above:
    YOU: Hey Blaziken, your ugly!
    BLAZIKEN: .......JO FACE!(burnnned)

  21. #71
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    I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Only a few chapters of Prof. X are up, but I do want to get to writing it again, it's just hard finding the time. Maybe I can crank out another chapter this week...
    3DS FC:0533-4900-6084

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have thier shoes.

    Shiny Expert: Xander
    After Xander loses the Unova League, he gets a mysterious call from Prof. Rowan saying that he must come back and see what he's found. Xander has no idea what's in store for him.

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