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Thread: Pokemon Academy: The Darwin Effect

  1. #1
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    Default Pokemon Academy: The Darwin Effect

    Hi everybody. This is a story that I've been thinking about and working on for a little while now. I'm a good chunk of the way into it, so I think it's about time to start posting parts of it up. I hope you enjoy, leave comments.
    -Quickstrike

    *****

    You have been accepted. Those words flashed through Darwin’s brain as he sat in the cold arena tunnel. For the past three years he’d studying and training himself to apply for the Pokémon Academy, and now he’d been accepted. Now all he had to do was prove himself in a battle with a school proctor. The letter that he received told him that his performance in battle would dictate which of the four houses. He could hear the sounds of the Pokémon battle in the arena down the hall. Hissing with an unmistakable sound of bursting flames led him to believe that either the student or proctor was using a Charizard.

    ‘That would be my luck.’ He thought to himself. ‘To end up having to battle a powerhouse like Charizard.’

    Darwin found himself flashing back to when he got his acceptance letter. His older sister Rebecca almost ran into their house yelling for him. “Darwin get down here! You’re Academy letter’s here!”

    Barreling down the stairs in excitement, Darwin almost lost his footing and fell halfway down the stairs. Regaining his balance, he snatched the letter out of Rebecca’s hand and ripped it open.

    “Mr. Law, Thank you for your application. At this moment I would like to send my deepest congratulations on your acceptance to the Pokémon Academy! I GOT IN!” Without reading the rest of the letter, Darwin started jumping in exhilaration. Rebecca stepped forward and grabbed him in a tight hug.

    “Congratulations. I’m proud of you little brother. Mom and Dad would be too if they were here.” Rebecca let go, trying to hide the glint of a tear in the corner of her eye.

    Shaking his head, Darwin brought himself out of the memory and back to the present. The sounds of the battle had stopped. Looking down the hall he watched the doors, anxiously waiting for a sign of someone coming to get him. Seconds almost felt like hours as he sat on the cold bench. He wondered to himself why they didn’t think it was a good idea to use cushioned benches instead of slabs of concrete.

    Suddenly the doors down the hall opened, flooding the hall with a bright white light. A boy slowly walked down the hall. As he got closer, Darwin noticed that he was carrying a small blue bag over his shoulder while holding onto a blue and white jacket.

    “Are you Darwin?” The boy asked when he stopped in front of him.

    “Yeah.” Darwin choked out, now more nervous than ever.

    “The proctor’s ready for you. Good luck, that guy’s a beast. He pulled out a Charizard and everything just went downhill from there.”

    The boy turned his attention back down to his jacket as he walked off leaving Darwin at the bench, looking nervously at the source of white light. With a long heavy breath, he lifted himself off the bench and walked toward the doors.

    ‘At least I was right about the Charizard.’ He felt the small swell of pride rise a little from that one knowledgeable victory. When he finally reached the doors, he walked through without stopping and entered a small arena. At the center was battle field that looked like it had seen some epic battles. Scorch marks and small fissures peppered the entire field as Darwin surveyed the entire thing. Across from him stood a tall man who looked to be in his late 30’s. Confidence radiated from him to the point that you could almost see it.

    ‘Of course he’s confident,’ he reasoned, ‘he’s a school proctor. His entire job is battling kids who have no idea what they’re doing. If he’s not confident there’s probably an issue.’

    Darwin took his place in the box directly across from the man and gave a smug grin to him.

    “You must be Darwin. Alright here are the rules, this is a one-on-one battle. We’ll both be using a random Pokémon that will given to us momentarily. We go until our Pokémon can no longer battle. Understood?”

    “Yes sir.” Darwin nodded his head in acknowledgment as a short brown haired girl entered the arena with small box in her hands. As she approached Darwin, she opened the box to reveal two pokeballs sitting inside. Without really looking, Darwin grabbed on the balls and held it down to his side.

    ‘No point in looking at which one I picked, no telling what’s inside either.’ He thought as the girl took the other ball to the proctor. After the girl had cleared the field, the proctor held his pokeball out in front of him.

    “Alright! Here we go!” He threw his pokeball out onto the field. When it hit the ground, it opened up and a ball of energy expanded out to a human-like form with four arms.

    “MACHAMP!!!”

    Looking on, Darwin threw his own pokeball out. Hitting the ground, the energy inside burst out the same, except his expanded out differently. His expanded out to a human-like Cacturne.

    “CACTURNE!!!”

    ‘Great,’ he thought, ‘a world class wrestler versus an emo-plant. This should go well.’

    “Machamp use karate chop!” the proctor yelled out to his Pokémon.

    At full speed, the muscle bound Pokémon barreled towards Darwin’s Cacturne with all four of its hands poised to chop down. Darwin looked at his Pokémon, who was standing coolly waiting for instructions.

    “Cacturne, jump in the air to dodge and use pin needle!”

    Immediately, Cacturne took to the air. Darwin watched and couldn’t help but be a little amazed at how high it could jump.

    “To soon kid!” The proctor yelled as his Machamp jumped after Cacturne and use its karate chop attack before the helpless Pokémon could use its own attack. The Machamp landed gracefully on its feet while Darwin’s Cacturne crashed into the ground. A cloud of dust seemingly exploded from the ground and lingered momentarily.

    “Timing’s an important thing to remember junior. Without the right timing you might as well keep your Pokémon in their pokeballs.”

    Darwin ran his mind through all of the grass moves that he think of, and then it hit him. Why was he thinking of ONLY grass moves. There were other options in front of him.

    “Cacturne! Use sandstorm, then go right into needle arm!” The Pokémon seemed to gain some confidence from this plan. It spun wildly in place, causing all the dirt and sand on the field to whip up into a stormed frenzy. As the sandstorm engulfed the entire field, the proctor and his Machamp whipped their heads around trying to see where the enemy was going to come from. Suddenly, from right above the Machamp’s head, Cacturne slammed down on its opponent and then disappeared back into the sandstorm. While getting up, Machamp was getting pelted with small bits of debris from the sandstorm, causing it to wince in little bits of pain. Repeatedly, Cacturne jumped from out of the sandstorm and beat the Machamp down with its needle arm before once again disappearing into the sand and dirt.

    “Enough! Cacturne return.” Darwin held his pokeball out in front of him and a red beam of light shot out of it towards the Cacturne. Which in turn changed back into energy and returned into its pokeball. As the sandstorm died down, the proctor stood on the other side of the field. A look of outrage was plastered on his face.

    “What do you think you’re doing? This battle isn’t over with yet! Get that Cacturne back out here!” His face was starting to turn beet red as he yelled.

    “There’s no point in it.” Darwin said, “All that’s going to end up happening is that Machamp is going to get seriously injured or Cacturne is going exhaust itself until it faints. Neither of those things is going to be at all useful in deciding which house I go in.”

    “Now you listen here you –“

    “Enough Clarence.”

    For the first time, Darwin noticed the black windows on the side of the arena walls as they changed colors to reveal a table of four people sitting and watching from behind it. Each of the four people was wearing a different color. The woman on the end, who was wearing a yellow hunters vest over a black shirt and blue jeans, stood and spoke into the microphone.

    “He’s right, there’s no need continue, we’ve made our decision.” The proctor, Clarence, grumbled to himself as he crossed his arms and glared at the woman.

    “Darwin Law,” the woman moved her gaze toward him now. “You can come get your things for Yellow House.”

    ----------
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    Last edited by Quickstrike; 5th September 2011 at 12:57 AM.

  2. #2
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    Hey everybody. I'm back with the next part of Darwin's story. So far I've seen that a few people have viewed this thing. Hopefully some people will start commenting. I'd like to know what everyone thinks of this. Well, enough of my rambling. Enjoy!
    -Quickstrike
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    It had been two days since Darwin’s placement exam. By tomorrow he would be on the boat and head off to the Academy. He knew that he should be bouncing off the walls, too excited to sit still, but for some reason, he just wanted to lie in bed. All of the euphoria from the previous day’s battle was gone. Not even looking at his brand new Yellow House uniform could seem brighten up his mood. Rebecca had been up for hours trying to put together everything that he would need for the next year, although, he couldn’t place why he would need an entire bag of clothes. Wasn’t the reason of his uniform so that he wouldn’t need other clothes?

    From upstairs in his room, Darwin could hear the doorbell ring at the front door. After a few moments, Rebecca yelled up for him to come down. Apparently there was someone there to see him. As Darwin descended the stairs, he saw an elderly man with wrinkled skin and no hair standing in front room just inside the door.

    “Ah, you’ve grown a lot since I last saw you young Darwin.” The old man creaked out as clutched his satchel bag tightly to his side.

    “I’m sorry do I know you?” Darwin looked at the man confusingly. Racking his mind, he just couldn’t seem to place where he could know this man from.

    “Heh, as I said, you were very young the last time we met. I believe you were only four, maybe five years old. Still holding tightly to your fathers hand where ever you went.” A pleasant smile crept over his face as if he was replaying every memory he had in his head at once. The same couldn’t be said for Darwin. Every time anyone every mentioned his father the only memories that he could recall were the horrible ones that left him scared.

    Suddenly, Darwin was looking over a sandy beach south of Fuchsia City. He could see his entire family enjoying a beautiful sunny day. Rebecca was sun bathing next to him as he filled up a plastic pale with wet sand. Both of his parents were out in the surf, splashing each other with the sparkling water. Out of nowhere, the rolling surf turned into torrent waves as a whole school of Tentacruel fiercely made their way toward the beach. Darwin could remember watching in terror as his parents were unable to get out of the Pokémon’s way. They fell into the water as the Tentacruel passed over them and they never resurface.

    Darwin found himself back in his house as suddenly as he had left. The old man was looking at him as if expecting some kind of response. Apparently, Darwin had been lost in his head a little too long.

    “Are you alright Darwin? You seem to be a tad perturbed at my presence here. Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tobias Shepherd. I run a Pokémon Day Care just south of Cerulean City. Your father and I were very successful business partners back before he and your mother passed.”

    Once again, Darwin was mining the very crevices of his brain to try and remember this man who apparently knew his father well, but to no avail. “I’m sorry Mr. Shepherd. I just can’t seem to remember you.”

    Tobias waved the comment away without malice. “Think nothing of it young sir, in my work, I’m not meant to be remembered. Only my work itself. But that’s not why I’m here today. I have standing contacts within the Pokémon Academy who informed me that the son of the famous Draco Law had been accepted into the Academy. Well, when I heard of this I knew that I had to pay a visit and present my congratulations. Aside from your mother and sister, I believe that I may have known your father the best, and I know that wherever he is today he is proud of you. Also, I brought you a gift.”

    “Please, Mr. Shepherd, that’s not necessary.” Darwin held his hands up in protest, trying to be as polite as possible while Tobias began rummaging through his satchel looking for something.

    “Oh nonsense. It’s nothing at all; truthfully it’s not really a gift at all. More like returning what is rightfully yours. Ah here it is!” Tobias pulled a pokeball out from the bag and held it to Darwin. “I don’t know what you remember about your father, but he was a very gifted Pokémon Trainer. His main Pokémon was a Scyther, and it was feared throughout. I don’t just here in Kanto, I mean from Pallet Town to the Unova region. Draco and his Scyther had gained the reputation of being fierce warriors in battle. Regrettably, that fateful day on the beach, your father had dropped his Scyther off at my day care. We had made an arrangement to breed his Scyther so that the creature’s great lineage could endure. I’ve had this elegant creature ever since. Unfortunately, it’s now too old to go through the daily rigors of the Pokémon Academy, but you have other options.”

    Tobias shoved the pokeball into Darwin’s hand and slid his bag behind his back. “Inside that pokeball is the offspring of your father’s Scyther. He told me once, that he would have wanted you to have a Scyther of your own, so therefore I return him to his rightful owner.”

    Darwin looked down at the tiny pokeball in his hand. He couldn’t take his eyes off of it. Inside this tiny ball could possibly be the last remnants of all of his father’s battle exploits. It wasn’t his father’s Scyther, but a child of it. The thought brought a slight wisp of despair to Darwin’s mind. Both he and this Pokémon in his hand were the spawns of a great generation. All that they seemed to have to look forward to was trying to live up to the billing set down by their father’s.

    “What about the Academy rules? Aren’t I supposed to start off with an Academy sanctioned starter?”

    Tobias smiled from ear to ear. If he hadn’t been so friendly to him so far, Darwin decided that he would be genuinely freaked out by that smile.

    “I’ve already discussed this with your Head of House, Iris. Yes, you are supposed to be given a Pokémon by the Academy UNLESS you can provide your own Pokémon of equal experience. That Scyther you hold in your hand has never left my day care facility. It’s never even been in a true battle, it’s had little skirmishes with some of the resident day care Pokémon, but nothing too strenuous. I told Iris this and she immediately threw your Starter Request Form in the garbage.”

    “I’m not sure what to say Mr. Shepherd. Thank you.” Darwin continued to stare at the pokeball. The emotional weight of the object seemed to get bigger and bigger with every passing moment.

    “You’re quite welcome young Darwin. Please, call me Tobias. I hope though, that you and I can come to know each other the way that Draco and I had done so long ago. I understand that my own grief is nothing compared to yours, but I miss your father.” Tobias scrunched his lips together, trying to hold back a painful sob.

    Darwin himself could feel the pulling sobs of misery tugging at him, but his weren’t caused by memory upon memory of a loved one gone, they were for something else. “Tobias? Can you stay for dinner? I’d really like to hear some stories about my dad.”

    Tears began to form in the corners of the old man’s eyes as his lips once again formed to the friendly, yet still creepy, smile. “I would love that.”
    *****
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  3. #3
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    Turns out I have time on my hands now. What you have here is a mediocre start. Not much has happened yet so I can't really comment on the plot. The content on the other hand is pretty decent. There were minor mistakes such as using you're when it should be your.

    “Darwin get down here! You’re Academy letter’s here!”
    Then there were other times when you needed a comma, but used a period instead.

    “Yeah.” Darwin choked out, now more nervous than ever.
    Because you are saying how he spoke this line a comma is needed before the end quotation. Another common mistake is capitalizing the first word after the end quotation when you use an exclamation point.

    “To soon kid!” The proctor yelled as his Machamp jumped after Cacturne and use its karate chop attack before the helpless Pokémon could use its own attack.
    Once again because you are describing how the proctor is speaking the first letter is lower case. A lot of this might be because of Word as it will automatically capitalize the first letter after the quotations. It happens to me a lot and it can be fixed with a quick read through of what you just wrote. Sometimes a word may be missing but it's not as prevalent as the other mistakes.

    His expanded out to a human-like Cacturne.
    I think you mean cactus here.

    Why was he thinking of ONLY grass moves.
    This is a question.

    Still holding tightly to your fathers hand where ever you went.
    Needs an apostrophe.

    Every time anyone every mentioned his father the only memories that he could recall were the horrible ones that left him scared.
    Don't know if you're going for scarred here, but that's a possibility.

    Darwin could remember watching in terror as his parents were unable to get out of the Pokémon’s way.
    It should be Pokemons' since the possession is more than just one.

    They fell into the water as the Tentacruel passed over them and they never resurface.
    Gonna need to reword that. It sounds a little awkward.

    I don’t just here in Kanto, I mean from Pallet Town to the Unova region.
    Mean should be inserted between "don't" and "just". You could also replace the comma with a period or semicolon. Other than that I couldn't find the other mistakes I spotted. It may have potential. It all depends on where you take it. Make it stand out from all the other fan fictions. I'll be keeping tabs on this.

    Until next time, Shadow Lucario is signing off.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

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