View Poll Results: What result did you get in the prologue? I just want to know.

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  • A, I opted to do nothing. I AM NUMBER 1!

    3 21.43%
  • B, I did something, at least... Ok, maybe I was destructive...

    11 78.57%
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Thread: The first (Maybe) Choose your own adventure style Mystery Dungeon series! (PG)

  1. #1
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    Smile The first (Maybe) Choose your own adventure style Mystery Dungeon series! (PG)

    The first (Maybe) Choose your own adventure style Mystery Dungeon series!

    OK. Just to get all the confusion settled about title, approving of style, Ect.
    This is actually myself speaking, for those of you who are confused, ask that crazy looking kid in the corner, Lyra will explain everything... Um... Aghz...
    Know what, just forget it. Just read the Stupid story.
    (This Story starts out deep underground, in a PORTAL2 like beginning, giving a backstory to your inner partner. I LOLed at the robot, and he gave me this crazy Idea. I also gave up on my other story because StormBlade wasn't lovable, Moon was, and she was stuck in chapter three in the B-plot.)



    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon;
    The Explorers of Comedia.
    Book 1, Red Lightning.



    Prologue <(X_X)> Wake up... Wake up...

    You were startled awake by the pounding on the door, and of course, the fact that you are liquefied on the floor. You squish into a red and blue ball and roll across the rusty room, until you reach the door, someone's voice is barely audible above the banging. You stall, almost incapable of thought. You have two basic options, as far as you care, destroy or sit there. Just the tiniest whirr in the back of your mind spurs your actions.
    (You choose to...)

        Spoiler:- A. Destroy!!!:

        Spoiler:- B. Sit.:


    Yes, it's a rather short prologue, but I just wanted a quick snippet. You guys are going to enjoy this, I promise I won't let you down! (I'll be gone all next week, to girls camp.
    Last edited by Skitty1CatzRule; 2nd July 2011 at 5:12 AM. Reason: Grammar problems!

  2. #2
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    Default Preview!

    I think, since I'm going to be gone, I should give you guys a preview. No choices in it, just a snippet of the two versions of a chapter.

    Part A C1 preview

    A loud buzzing filled the room as the door was hacked into pieces.

    A hooded figure stamped into your room holding an active chainsaw. You, being unable to think clearly, reach out to touch the spinning blade. At contact, your gooey arm spatters everywhere.

    "Oh my gosh! I didn't hurt you did I? No, no, of course not, you have no way to show pain. My mistake."

    You withdraw into a ball, staring at him with two little black eyes.

    "Oh dear, did I scare... Agh! What the heck happened to your face! You look aw- Great! Ehehe..."

    He turns off the chainsaw, and throws it out the window.

    "Let's just go. I don't want to wander these ruins for another 48 years."




    Part B C1 preview
    As you step into the ruined room, the sudden feeling of chilling recognition hits you. You've been here before...

    You sweep the room, finding only two significant things. A tall cylinder filled with green goo, with an Umbreon floating in the middle attached to test tubes. It never glowed. Second, a dark purple leather throne. A Gardevoir with Lilac hair sat in it, she had drool coming out of the corners of her mouth, and was wearing a black leather robe. Obviously asleep.

    "It took you a while to get here, 48 years... Woe be upon you..."
    Last edited by Skitty1CatzRule; 27th June 2011 at 7:05 AM.

  3. #3
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    Hmm, now this is an interesting concept. I like it so far.
        Spoiler:- grammar corrections:

    What I especially liked was the concept. I love the idea of you being the main character as a Pokemon! I chose A every time, coincidentally.
    Last edited by GastlyMan; 30th June 2011 at 7:14 AM.
    I'll be online on weekends, mostly, and as often as I can.

    Greetings from the asylum of my insanity.
    Chapter 3: Should be up by December 31st.

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  4. #4
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    Now I liked this. Not much to complain about, please continue :3
    \

  5. #5
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    This is nice, I like how its a different spin on PMD :D

    You Shoot a String of goo at the door and rip it off it's hinges. Leaving a cloaked figure standing there, quivering.
    Spiderman? :o

    "You are test subject no. 4759302, you've been under for the past... Um... 48 years. You are a Doxitto, the slimiest, filthiest, Grim- Uh... just forget that!"
    That was interesting

    But anyway, this is cool. There's some grammar shenanigans (Watch out for tenses like GastlyMan said) but the plot has potential to grow into something very interesting. To end, a quick question; would the chapters and options start becoming longer in length as the story goes on?

  6. #6
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    I'll get those errors fixed asap.

    Gastlyman; I'm not exactly sure how to fix the tenses. My iPod does spellcheck for me, but often capitalizes randomly, so I fixed that.

    Absol6028; thanks! Im planning on keeping it interesting~ I will continue and maybe add a sequel when I'm done.

    TruetoCheese; yes, the grammar problems are now being fixed, and this right now is an intro to your partner. The options get bigger, story longer, and of course, randomness random-er
    Last edited by Skitty1CatzRule; 2nd July 2011 at 5:20 AM.
        Spoiler:- My Sig:

  7. #7
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    I like it so far but I'm confused what pokemon are we if we pick number 1
    FC for Friend Safari: 0361-7472-0721 Fighting Type with Machoke , Pancham, and Hariyama . PM to exchange FC's.

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    Chapter 8 out now!


  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fire Aruseus View Post
    I like it so far but I'm confused what pokemon are we if we pick number 1
    Umm... I haven't really decided yet, but I'll tell you this, the pokemon I might choose is a semi-uber mon... In my opinion anyway. I think it'd be one of these... or a maybe having you turn into a bad once. I can't decide! I might have you become one at around chapter 4.

    I will have the next (1st) chapter posted within the next few days. I'm watching tense changes closely.
        Spoiler:- My Sig:

  9. #9
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    I wantz more chapters!
    Claims: Mario, The Big Bang Theory, Victini

  10. #10
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    This is a great concept. I had actually thought about doing something like this as my first fan fic, but then went with something else. Anyway, just watch the grammar, as GastlyMan said, and you should be fine. Now I'm kinda wishing that I had went with my original idea...
    Hi, I'm part of the staff on Pokemon Showdown!, if you have any questions or need any help, VM or PM me.

  11. #11
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    I enjoyed the concept of a choose-your-own-adventure-esque style of fanfiction, but I think a little more detail could be put into even the smallest actions. Example:

    He tosses the scroll out the window.
    Something like this could be changed into:

    The (man?) decides not to accidentally further offend you, and chucks the parchment out an open window.
    Speaking of open windows......never mind, I am not programmed to make suggestions for plotline issues. But still, this turned okay, and that's a reason to be proud of yourself! Or just try even harder/


    ALL IN THE GOLDEN AFTERNOON...

  12. #12
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    I'm back!!! Sorry bout the wait y'all are probably mad at me but...

    Here's the next chapter!!!

    Due to recent events in my life, I was unable to get on and post this, so, I will have a preview attached to the bottom of this.


    Ignore any and all *. they used to be extra spaces. I am currently cleaning them up.

    The next chapter, #1, will probably be one of the Shortest in the book.

    Chapter 1. *The Chainsaw Escape. / Rusty Rescue.

        Spoiler:- A. The Chainsaw Escape :



        Spoiler:- B. Rustic Rescue:




        Spoiler:- C2 Part B.a. preview:
    Last edited by Skitty1CatzRule; 6th September 2011 at 12:22 AM. Reason: spoiler problems and * notices
        Spoiler:- My Sig:

  13. #13
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    I too have to jump on the "great concept" bandwagon. I feel the latest chapter is better written than the previous, so maybe that long break did you some good. That said hopefully the interval between now and the next installment isn't as long.

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