Okay, so I did this once on PokeBeach, but at the time I wasn't a member here. Now, I'm doing it again and posting it there and here.
Dictionary Version: A path between rows of seats
My Version: An example of how stupid the English language is
Hey guys. After a long hiatus, I’m back. I’m sure you’re all overjoyed. (You can imagine my oozing sarcasm.) And to start us off on this journey, I feel the need to explain things, such as characters in my life and how I intend on writing these stories.
First of all, now that I have to write a thousand words-at least-per chapter, you guys get to hear the gory details of my life. Isn’t that fun? Between using the restroom and yelling at my siblings…by the end of the summer you’ll know everything about me. So stalkers, take your notebooks! This is going to be a long lesson.
Second of all, at the moment, my life is incredibly boring. It was boring before, but for some reason you guys didn’t think so. That made me incredibly worried about you all, because if you think my life is exciting, then your lives must suck. (No offense intended…I’m just worrying about you guys. I don’t want you guys to have sucky lives.) So, instead of talking about me staying home all day and using the computer, I’ll simply take a few exciting moments from my life and talk about them. There’s going to be a lot of talking in this story, people.
Third, my views will be expressed in this book! So, trolls, George W. Bush lovers, game cheaters, and others…BEWARE, since I’m totally against your views.
Also, I WILL UPDATE THIS WHENEVER I WANT. Honestly, you can complain all you want if I only update once a year. I don’t care about your negative comments nearly as much as the positive ones. I don’t know why. That’s just how I roll, party trolls.
Oh, and now I’m in the mood to make many rhymes—in small amounts of time—so, BEWARE.
Now, since I’m only at three-hundred-twenty words, I spend the next six-hundred-eighty words describing people in my life, so that you don’t get confused later.
Me-Most of the time called Gwyn, sometimes “Gwynzilla” or “Gwyncita” by certain relatives. I think you all know me too well the way it is, so I’ll just leave it at that.
Mom-Also called “Erin”. Mom looks nothing like me, but shares the same views. (I got her brains.) She works. I don’t think I need to say anything else.
Dad-Also called “Ned”. I look almost exactly like him—except I’m female—and have similar views, but different ideas of parenting. He lives in a nearby apartment building, but works in a travelling job, so he’s gone most of the time.
Jack-Also called “Dad”. My mother’s husband, my step-dad. He’s nice. Makes airplane parts for a living and is the go-to man for technology in the house.
Ian-My “blood” brother. Sometimes annoying, mostly strange—yes, for me to call someone else strange is hypocritical, I know.—and is eleven years old. He sucks his thumb. Has a very hot and dramatic temper.
Henry-Another “blood” brother. Hilarious nine year old boy. Most of the time he’s my favorite sibling. Although, he can be annoying. Sometimes. Oh, and he’s mentally disabled.
Kelby-My step-brother. Most of the time annoying and lazy, but shares his moment to shine in sports. He is fourteen years old.
Gabby-My step-sister. Neat-freak who talks. Sometimes we fight, but most of the time we’re in agreement. She is eleven years old.
Annie-My best friend, we met in sixth grade, but never really talked until 7th. She’s a few weeks older than me, and is mostly calm and negative. She is the greatest diss-creator that I have ever come to know. Seriously, her insults sting as you hear them. Sometimes she can be positive if the other person is down, which I like.
Abbie-Annie’s older sister, pretty much perfect school wise, but not very good social wise. According to what Annie tells me, she’s not very good at the house either. I kind of like Abigail, but sometimes her perfect-ness is annoying. She’ll be a senior next year. And my drum major.
Ian-Another best friend that I met when I was ten in a pokemon tournament. Little did I know that we would see each other again in sixth grade, and almost immediately become best friends. We dated for about a month, but when it didn’t work out, both of us didn’t really care. He moved before eighth grade to Edmond, but we still keep in touch.
Eric E.-Ian’s older brother. He is sometimes annoying and sometimes admirable, it really just depends on what mood he’s in. He’ll be a junior next year.
Eric-A sort-of-kind-of friend of mine. He has had a hard-on crush on Annie since kindergarten, but won’t admit it, and nowadays has been to annoying and frustrating to be called “best friend” anymore. He’s my age, and is a complete redneck. He likes nascar, sings country music, worships Larry the Cable Guy…everything.
Luis-A friend that moved away after seventh grade. He had a huge crush on me in seventh grade-why? How? I have no idea—and after much pleading, I promised him I would go on a date with him in my sophomore year. Between that time and now, Luis have moved, grown bisexual—but prefers men--, and I have grown tired of dating at all in the first place. So, with those problems in hand, I’m not sure I can keep my promise. Although, I do have some feeling for Luis. They’re very tiny, but they’re there.
Jonathan-an ex-boyfriend who I sparred my first kiss with. Those of you who have never kissed before, you’re not missing much.
River-He was never really my boyfriend, but we did go on a date—even though I didn’t like him—and it turned out to be a disaster. After the movie, we had some time to talk and he was completely silent. So…that was short. Now, he’s a class clown….no, he’s more like a troll.
Michael-One of Eric’s best friends, and one of the most annoying males. He has a new girlfriend for each week—none of those weeks, however, have I been the “special”—and he makes jokes about everyone, but when you make jokes about him, it’s a “serious offense”.
Casey-An ex from the fifth grade. He is also a best friend of Eric and Michael, but Casey is my favorite out of the “Three Stooges” because he is more…quiet than the others. Michael and Eric always yell and fight, when most of the time, Casey argues with simple logic and in a normal tone. It’s like as if he doesn’t have a temper—which actually, I have proven wrong by scooting a book off my desk and accidently hitting Casey’s face, in which he threw a pen at my arm that gave me a small bruise for weeks—which is why I can talk to him without actually arguing with him.
Hayle and Holly-Twins that I am great friends with. The moved last year, so I will have to get their number to stay in touch, but words can’t describe how well a person can be friends with look-alikes. Hayle is often considered the prettier one, however, I find it to be a tie. Even though Holly has acne, she also has a larger rise in her chest than Hayle. Hayle has no acne, but is almost flat-chested. So, I guess I should be happy that guys care more about the face than the chest, but that still leaves Holly rejected. So, I try to pay more attention to Holly when I can.
Sally-A small Vietnamese girl that I used to bully when I was—okay, sometimes I still am—a jerk. In the eighth grade, I tried to make it up to her by basically worshipping her all year. It seemed to work, since now we’re good friends. Unfortunately, I won’t see her in high school since she moved.
Toan-Jonathan’s best friend of all time and perhaps the most perverted person I have ever met. I won’t be able to mention Toan often, since this a child forum and almost everything that comes from his mouth will have to be censored. So…yah.
Others-I’ll try to explain them as I go.
Hey, I made it past a thousand words. I guess now I have an excuse to not write something down about my life at the moment, so…feel free to wait till the next chapter.