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Thread: The Serebii Fanfiction Review Exchange - BETA Model

  1. #51
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    The Deep (Fried) South


    I want in.

    Status: Closed

    Fic: Pokemon Generations: Satsumi's Story

    Fandom: Pokemon (anime)

    Genre: Adventure/Romance

    Age Rating: K+

    Summary: When Satsumi's dad goes missing on a trip to investigate an ancient temple ruin, she decides to do everything she can to find him. She knows it won't be easy. Sickly for most of her childhood, Satsumi grew up sheltered and isolated, and even though her health has improved, she's still a timid, awkward girl prone to worry. Dealing with her new friends is almost as much of a challenge as dealing with her new enemy. But most troubling of all is the strange mystery which threatens to pull her under. What happened in that ruined temple so long ago? What does it have to do with her dad's disappearance? And what it Satsumi's connection to it? She'll soon find out, whether she wants to or not.

    Reviews Given: I'm pretty well rounded... I was an English/Creative Writing major in college (I hate it when people say that as if it means you're a good writer... but it does help, and if nothing else, it teaches you a lot of things NOT to do). I'm best with characterization, seeing what makes sense for a character given their personality, how their background has affected them, that sort of thing; I'm quick to point out inconsistencies there. I'm also strong in style, things like voice and using the right tone for the subject matter. I'm also pretty good with plot, pacing and finding inconsistencies. I'm exceptionally good with grammar, if I do say so myself... but I believe that common usage comes before grammar rules, and "standard" English isn't any better than other dialects or casual speech. My point is, I'll point out mistakes that are awkward or make the writing seem less professional, but I'm not going to correct you for ending a sentence with a preposition. I'll definitely go into detail about what I like about your story, but I'll be specific about what needs improvement, too. So, detailed, constructive criticism, basically. Sorry if I come across as stuck-up here... I'm just trying to get across the point that I'll probably have lots of criticisms, so be prepared for that.

    Reviews Wanted: The most important thing to me when it comes to this story is my characters and their relationships... so that's what I want reviewers to focus on, too. Plot's important to me, too, but that's going to take time to develop. I definitely want detail: what you like, what you don't like, and why you do/don't like it.

    Story Qualifiers: I prefer stories about human characters, but I can do ones about Pokemon as long as the characters have a lot of personality. I'd prefer fics that haven't gotten long yet, (1-5 chapters would be ideal), or, for longer fics, if I could review on a chapter-by-chapter basis. I don't have home internet access, so I only get a few hours of web-time a day.

    Reciprocates Within: Usually 2 days

    Completed Exchanges: None
    Last edited by Hakajin; 10th September 2014 at 12:55 AM.
    These are my fanfics. Read them. Or not, whatever.
    Pokemon Generations: Satsumi's Journey (Chapter 3 Now Up!)
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  2. #52
    Join Date
    Aug 2013


    Alright, let's get this bad boy started up again.

    Status: Open

    Fic Pokémon: Convergence

    Fandom: It's in the name of the fic.

    Genre: PMD

    Summary: A boy and his father open a wormhole, provoking Giratina. It just so happens to be mad at the father for something he did, and throws him in. Determined to prove his father's innocence, the boy demands to be thrown in as well. Waking up with no clear memories except for his name and his humanity (except for the fact that he has turned into a monferno), he is taken in by a rescue team in a world that wants him dead. With his memories slowly returning to him, the boy needs to figure out how his new body works, find his father, and get back alive. That is, if his dimension-hopping shenanigans don't bring about the apocalypse first.

    Reviews Given: My reviews are relatively simple in structure: I start by saying what I liked, pointing to what I think works really well in each chapter. After that, I go to the negatives. I generally focus on grammatical errors and wordiness. However, I may miss stuff with commas, because I'm not very good at those either. If I see any overarching inconsistencies with the chapter, I go over those afterward. On the more over-arching parts of the review, I mainly focus on character relationships and motivations. Overall, I try to be as detailed as I can when I review.

    Reviews Wanted: BE BRUTAL! Believe me, I know I'm not the best at writing. I want to know everything that I possibly can so that I can create the best story possible for the reader. if that means demolishing an entire section of a story, or even reconstructing a whole chapter, so be it. Be nasty. Tear it to shreds. I want you to.

    Story Qualifiers: Um...a story about Pokémon? preferably, something that hasn't been around for a while, or maybe something that I can comment on a chapter-by-chapter basis.

    Reciprocates Within: For those of you who know me, I haven't been the best about reviewing stuff in the past. I disappeared entirely from the site for around six months this summer and fall. That is going to change. As of mid-December, I've been on the site constantly, trying to review as much as I can. Because I have internet access most hours of the day, I'll be able to respond within two days at the very latest.

    Completed Exchanges: None
    Pokémon: Convergence

    "Dimension-hopping shenanigans." Need I say more?

    Next Chapter: Chapter 5


    Mother of the Cave

    One-shot about an aggron watching over her den...until poachers appear and screw everything up.

    Next Chapter: N/A

    I'm still taking criticism for this story.

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