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Thread: Pokémon: Johto Journeys [PG/PG13]

  1. #1
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    Default Pokémon: Johto Journeys [PG/PG13]

    Pokémon: Johto Journeys

    Welcome to my first published fic on Serebii, Pokémon: Johto Journeys!

    This fic is the story of three twelve-year-olds, Alexa, Kyle and Marcus, embarking on their adventure together. They have slightly different goals to each other, but their main goal is to become the new Champion of Johto. On their way they meet interesting friends and rivals, including the current Champion of Johto, Lyra, and the cold-hearted son of Jasmine, Zac. However, they are continuously attacked by an evil team of power-hungry villains, whose goal is to kill Pokémon and make them suffer as much as they can, so that they can convert the pain the Pokémon feel to a strange power that can allegedly be used to defeat Arceus. Of course, they're not the only ones attacked, but for some reason, the Commanders seem to sense something from them - and they want them - dead. Will they make it to Indigo Plateau alive?

    Rated PG early in the story for some mild language, and PG-13 in the later parts for mild violence and very mild romance (hopefully I'll be 13 by then!).*

    So please, enjoy my story, and please comment on it, so that I can hopefully keep them in mind and improve the chapters!

    As a side note, most, if not all of the chapters will be written in Alexa's POV. And please ignore the asterisks, they're just side effects from writing on iPhone Notes!

    PM/VM List:
    ZoruaBoo

    ••••••••••••••••••••

    Chapter 1: The Voyage to a New Journey

    The sun is shining through the window as I wake up from my deep sleep, the sound of Pidgeys crying outside and Mum is sizzling an egg on her frypan clear in my ears as usual. Just seems like a perfectly normal day for me, Alexa Gardner. Getting out of bed, I check my calendar, and my eyes open wide.*

    First day of spring; first of March. This means first day of my Pokémon journey, and the last day of the regular getting-up-in-the-morning-routine. And probably the last time I'll ever walk around in this house. For a long while, at least. Looks like this day isn't so normal after all.*

    "Mum! Mum! You know what today is, right?" I holler down the stairs as I quickly pull my scarlet t-shirt over my head and slip into my skinny jeans, my heart pounding with excitement. They're all the clothes I pack, apart from my shoes, socks, underwear and pyjamas. I'm not that fond of carrying bulk all over the place, you see. No worries, since Mum will be sending over new clothes to swap for these every once in a while.*

    "Of course I do, Alexa, I'm your mother, aren't I?" I hear my Mum shout. "That's why I cooked my special breakfast - baked beans, fried egg, mushrooms, hash brown, two sausages, two slices of bacon, and toast and butter - your favourite!" I smile at that. I'm gonna miss Mum's special breakfasts; and my bedroom. And the living room; and the kitchen; and the bathroom. Basically everything in the house.*

    "Marcus and Kyle are probably waiting for you outside, so you better hurry!" she tells me as I quickly gobble down my breakfast, and in fifteen minutes the whole plate is clean (a record). After washing my face and brushing my teeth, and also tying my rather long copper-red hair into a ponytail - it's almost impossible to brush the whole of my hair, it just can't be tamed in its rather wavy curls - then I quickly fetch my bag, swinging it over my shoulder (it's heavier than I thought it would be). Rushing to the door, I find that my Mum is waiting for me, tears visible in her eyes.*

    "I never thought you'd grow up this quickly," she says, wiping away her tears and hugging me. Suddenly, tears well up in my eyes as well. Oh drat, now my friends will think that I'm a wimp. *

    "Mum, I'll miss you," I murmur softly, crying a little bit, tears flowing down my eyes. I wipe them away and see Mum smiling at me proudly. "My big baby," she cries, and almost crushes me with her huge hug, but I hug her back anyway, clinging on to her.*

    After more tears and hugs and a kiss on the cheek from Mum, I finally wave my final goodbye and head for me and my two friends' meeting place, which is by the fancy-looking lamppost of Cianwood Park West Entrance. Marcus, the hyperactive one out of the two, looks pretty angry at me, being his usual loud, impatient self.*

    "Where on earth were you, slowpoke? We thought you'd never turn up!" he yells angrily at me in a rather comical way, steam practically coming out of his ears, his wild, jet black hair blowing around in the wind along with his stripy red-and-orange scarf. Guess winter still hasn't given up its place, looking at the blustery weather.*

    "Calm down, Marcus, we just got here a bit early, that's all," Kyle says calmly. He's the kind of guy who doesn't like talking too much and prefers peace and quiet. Nice guy really, also quite a genius amongst other 12-year-olds. Marcus is still virtually fuming at me; I can't even believe that these boys are friends, they seem to be different in every way, from looks to personality.*

    "Well, at least I'm here, right?" I say. "And we've still got plenty of time to go to the Pokémon Centre..."

    "We've only got 15 minutes!" Marcus yells again.

    Kyle just sighs. "The Pokémon Centre is only 10 minutes away, don't worry," he reassures him.*

    True to his word, we arrive at the Pokémon Centre exactly 10 minutes later. However, the queue is already pretty long, reaching to the very entrance on the building. "Told you," Marcus muttered. Just great.*

    Finally, we arrive at the end of the queue and meet Nurse Joy. I open my mouth to speak to her, but Marcus quickly pushes me out of the way rudely and talks first. Nice.*

    "Hi, my name is Marcus, and they're Kyle and Alexa," Marcus introduces us to Nurse Joy.

    "Ah, collecting your Pokémon, huh? Lucky for you, they've just come from the lab!" she tells us brightly. "Poor Professor Elm must go through quite a lot of stress every first day of the month..."

    Nurse Joy turns to the item receiver. "Your Pokémon are right here!" she says happily. "This is the Vulpix for Alexa... This is the Blitzle for Marcus... And this must be the Riolu for Kyle!" she hands out three Pokéballs to us, and we take our own, feeling very excited.*

    "Wow! Our first Pokémon ever!" Marcus exclaims, immediately letting his Blitzle free of it's PokeBall..

    "Blitz!" it cries joyfully, using a feeble Charge.*

    "Now, here are the starter kits for your journey; in each one there is a Pokédex, a Map that covers both Johto and Kanto, five Pokéballs, a Pokégear, and some berries and potions," Nurse Joy informs us. "The nearest Gym from Cianwood City is in Olivine -" surprisingly she is interrupted by the usually extremely quiet, if not almost silent Kyle.*

    "Excuse me, but isn't there a Gym in Cianwood, too?" He speaks up for the first time in ages. Nurse Joy starts to talk, but Marcus butts in yet again, making me roll my eyes.*

    "Haven't you heard? The Gym Leader decided to resign, and they're looking for a new Gym Leader now!" he says in an annoyed tone. "Oh," Kyle murmurs.*

    Nurse Joy seems a bit amused by the situation. "Um... So, I guess you're all familiar with the league?" We nod our heads, but nevertheless she proceeds to dump a pile of various leaflets about various events happening around the region. "Pokémon Contests... Pokéatlons... Pokéringers... Pokémon Reaserching... Pokémon Breeding... Pokémon Observing... Pokémon Medication... And of course, the Silver League itself," Nurse Joy says as she continues to add one leaflet after another onto the pile. I stand with my arms crossed with Kyle, while Marcus seems to be on the brink of exploding. Typical.*

    Suddenly, Kyle's face seems to brighten up when he sees the leaflet for Pokémon Contests. "Hey, I think I might try this," he says excitedly, showing Marcus and I the inside of the leaflet. All I see is a boring mixture of moves and sparkles.*

    Marcus sneers. "Contests are for sissies," he says, yet Kyle still stays calm. "Don't you know Drew Hayden, from Hoenn?" he replies. "He's a Master Co-Ordinator, and he's male. Not to mention, my cousin May is nicknamed the Princess of Johto for her amazing Co-Ordinating skills!" he adds in proudly, showing a picture in the leaflet of her winning the Johto Grand Festival. Marcus seems pretty surprised - he must have been really dense not to realise that the two were related, even though their surnames are the same.*

    Quickly, we all stuff our load of stuff into our bags (which makes my bag a lot heavier than before - guess it doesn't matter whether you bring the extra clothes or not). "Thanks," Marcus mutters to Nurse Joy sarcastically. She just smiles, not spotting the sarcasm, forcing me to hide a giggle.*

    "Well, guess that's all, so good luck!" Nurse Joy wishes us luck as we exit the Pokémon Centre. "C'mon then, let's go to the harbour now, our ship departs in half an hour, and everyone needs to be on board by ten minutes before!" Marcus shouts once we're outside. "Dammit, we'll never get there in time!" I yell in exasperation as we all begin sprinting to the harbour.*

    Thankfully, we make it to the ship, S.S. Whirlpool, just in time. "Phew!" I say. "That was close!" Both Marcus and Kyle nod in agreement, still panting and gasping for breath.*

    We stumble into the ship's cabins, and we find it almost identical to a real cruise ship, with a lounge, a café, a shop, and rows of endless cabins. Well, I understand, since it stops off at Olivine, then goes to Vermilion, which means that the total journey takes about twelve hours, also stopping for three hours at Olivine.*

    By the time when we finally find our cabins after a long search around the ship, the foghorn has blared and the ship has begun sailing out into the sea, Cianwood City becoming smaller and smaller behind us. "Wow, I never thought that it would feel this good to be outside of Cianwood City..." I murmur to myself, watching the waves and the various Water-Type Pokémon, spotted around the ship. Seel, Lapras, Gyarados, Wailmer... I've never seen such a variety of Pokémon since I went to the once new Safari Zone with Kyle and Marcus, when we were around about eight years old. The gentle sea breeze is soothing as it brushes against my cheeks gently, carrying the fragrance of salty water with it. *

    That's when I realise that this is nor just a childhood game from kindergarten about catching a shiny Rayquaza; it's the reality now.*
    Last edited by Azran Flame; 10th September 2011 at 12:37 PM.

  2. #2
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    I found this to be quite dialogue heavy, which does move the story along don't get me wrong, but I personally reccomend you add more description into the next installments. Don't worry description was present but the story could do with some more.

  3. #3
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    ^ Thanks! I'll try to do that later on.

  4. #4
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    24 hours passed? Check.

    Anyway...

    Hiya! So the next chapter is up now, hope you enjoy it, and as always, please comment!

    ••••••••••••••••••••

    Chapter 2: New Journey, New Friends, New Mystery

    "Just look at the size of this ship!" Marcus exclaims as we tour the S.S. Whirlpool. "It's massive! Look, it even has a Pokémon Battling Arena!"*

    "It does?" Kyle and I ask simultaneously, surprised. How come we never noticed it before?*

    Marcus nods confidently. "Follow me!" he says, and he leads us to a huge arena, with a battlefield and many rows of spectator seats on each side of the arena. "Woah," Kyle gasps, obviously taken aback by the immense size of the arena.*

    All of a sudden, Marcus gasps loudly, almost comically. "What's wrong?" I ask him.*

    "Nothing..." he replies, "just that we could have our first Pokémon Battle here! I mean, it's perfect, and our Pokémon are probably cramped up in their Pokéballs." For once, Marcus actually seems to have a good idea. "Deal," I say.*

    "Um, well, I'll just be watching, then," Kyle tells us, walking to the seats, but Marcus immediately stops him. "Holllllllld on, dude, you gotta referee for us!" he yells, making Kyle back away a bit. "Okay, okay, cool it, Mr. Hyper," I say to Marcus - who is still holding Kyle hostage - and sigh. Seriously, that boy Marcus just can't grow up. Such an immature twit.*

    "So, ya ready?" Marcus asks eagerly. Before I can reply, he punches the air, and shouts; "Great! Now, let's get started immediately!" I sigh again, and Kyle edges over to me and whispers in my ear. "Has he got a sugar rush from all the sweets he ate?" he askes. "Ya think?" I whisper back.*

    "Well, no time from dawdling, let's get going!" Marcus exclaims, running to his end of the battlefield. Silently I walk to my end as well, wondering why on earth I accepted the challenge now.*

    "The match will be a one-on-one battle. Once one of the Pokémon have fainted, the match will end and the winner of the match will be the trainer whose Pokémon is still - well, conscious - or at least, alive," Kyle drones on in a bored tone. Marcus seems to be patient for once, at least.

    Once Kyle finishes, Marcus immediately sends out his Blitzle - guess I was wrong about him being patient - and calls out an attack. "Blitzle, use Quick Attack!" he yells, and Blitzle rushes forward and rams into Vulpix before I can say a thing. "Vul!" it cries, as I stare with shock and anger. Quickly, I try to remember what moves Vulpix had when I scanned her on the Pokédex.*

    "Um... Use Faint Attack!" I command Vulpix, who shakes off the pain from the impact of the Quick Attack and slowly disappears, materialising again behind Blitzle. "Blitzle! Behind you!" Marcus shouts, but too late - Vulpix has already beaten up Blitzle, who is now lying on the ground with his legs up in the air, flailing about as he is continuously tackled. "Enough, Vulpix," I finally say, "don't kill the poor Blitzle." Looking at me, she stops, and trots back to her original position as she sneers at the now unconscious Blitzle. "You're gonna have to be stronger than that to survive," I tell Marcus, who fumes with rage once he hears that. "Whatcha say!?" he yells furiously.*

    "Blitzle is unable to battle. The match goes to Alexa and her Vulpix!" Kyle announces, pointing to my side of the battlefield. Suddenly, I hear clapping from the entrance, and we all turn around. "Bravo, bravo, that Vulpix is one strong battler," a young woman, in about her early twenties, tells us. She has chocolate brown hair which comes just below her shoulders, and she is wearing a red blouse and denim shorts, along with a white, rather mushroom-like hat on her head, with red boots. "Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself - I'm Lyra Cotton, and as you may or may not know, I'm the -"

    "Champion of Johto," Kyle's finishes off the sentence for her, looking excited, along with Marcus. "Hi," Marcus says. "I'm -"

    "He's Marcus, he's Kyle, and I'm Alexa," I quickly say instead of Marcus, smirking at him, who looks very annoyed with me. "We just started our Pokémon Journeys, and we're on our way to Olivine City."

    "From Cianwood City, huh?" Miss Cotton - or Lyra as I'd call her - says. "I had some business over there too; there's the Cianwood City Gym Leader Tryouts, and then the monthly Safari Zone Check, and of course, visiting some of my family there." Lyra sighs. "I've been this busy ever since I became the Champion, I even kinda regret it now..."

    "But it must be great being the Champion, you know, the fame, the pride, and all that stuff," Marcus states, making Lyra smile. "Well, I guess it was worth it, yeah," she replies. "So you guys are all going for the League?" Lyra asks. We all nod. "Of course!" I say. "We're a group, and we've been that way for a long time now."

    Minutes, if not hours pass as we chat with Lyra, telling her about our lives, our dreams, our favourites - just about everything and anything there is to discuss. "Oh, you should get your Pokémon healed, too," Lyra mentions. "One of the key things of caring for Pokémon is making sure that they are healed, healthy and ready to go."*

    The four of us travel through the long, plain, straight corridors, passing numerous shops, cabins, cafés and we finally arrive at the mini-Pokémon Centre. "Welcome, may I heal your Pokémon?" she sakes politely, smiling. "Yes, please!" Marcus says, handing over his Blitzle as I hand over my Vulpix as well. "Okay, I'll just take your Pokémon for a few seconds," she says, still smiling, disappearing into the room behind the counter.*

    "Does anyone know what really happens in that room?" I ask out of sheer curiosity. Kyle shakes his head. "Apparently, it's a secret to outsiders; only the Nurse Joys know anything about the 'sacred' secret that is practised behind those mysterious doors," Kyle replies.*

    Nurse Joy returns a minute later. "Your Pokémon are fresh and ready to go!" she announces brightly, handing us our Pokéballs back. "Thanks!" both Marcus and I say. "You're welcome, and we hope to see you again!" she answers.*

    For a second, I swear that I see something like an evil smirk appearing on her lips as she says the words "Hope to see you again". Shuddering at the thought, I try to forget about it, but it just clings to my head and refuses to let go.*

    ••••••••••••••••••••

    An hour later, the S.S. Whirlpool arrives at Olivine Port. It is a clean, white dock, a lot neater than the rather bleak, grey, ancient port of Cianwood City. The city itself is beautiful and colourful as well, with flags everywhere and the pavement neatly paved, with many cute cottages, pretty houses and beachside cabins dotted around the streets. The beach is amazing as well, a stunning landscape of glittering gold which stretches through the whole south seaside edge of Olivine City. "Wow," I gasp. Lyra chuckles. "You know, I felt the same way when I first came here - but you haven't seen Goldenrod City yet!" she tells us.*

    Deciding that this is too good of a chance to miss, I immediately grab my Pokéball and throw it up in the air, releasing Vulpix. "Vulpix! Let's have a walk around the city, it's beautiful, isn't -" I'm interrupted by a soft groan, and to my horror, Vulpix is whimpering, lying on the ground, curled up in a ball. "Vulpix!" I scream, and I rush over to scoop her up in my arms. "What's happened?" I say, bewildered.*

    "Blitzle is the same, too!" Marcus shouts in a worried tone as Blitzle in slumped upon his arms, his head resting upon Marcus's chest, moaning in pain. "Quick, let's get them to the Pokémon Centre, we don't have much time!" Lyra shouts, and we all nod as we start sprinting to the nearest Pokémon Centre that we can find.*

    Then I remember that Nurse Joy's smirk.*

  5. #5
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    Okay, sooooo here is the review I said I would post! I'm only going to do the first chpater, I'll do the second later on!


    the sound of Pidgeys crying outside and Mum sizzling an egg on her frypan is clear in my ears as usual.
    I'm not to sure about this sentence, to me it sounds better with an 'is' between frypan and clear, or I guess you could add a comma in there instead, just remember to use connecting words.

    This means first day of my Pokémon journey and the last day of the regular getting-up-in-the-morning-routine.
    There wasn't anything really wrong with your first sentence, but I thought this one sounded better.


    "Marcus and Kyle are probably waiting for you outside, so you better hurry!" She tells me as I quickly gobble down my breakfast...
    The 's' needs to be a 'S'.

    ...it just can't be tamed in it's rather wavy curls...
    Possesive item, so it needs a '''

    I'm gonna miss Mum's special breakfasts; and my bedroom; and the living room; and the kitchen; and the bathroom.
    Here I would use, ';' because you are listing things.

    "Where on earth were you, slowpoke? We thought you'd never turn up!" He yells angrily at me in a rather comical way, steam practically coming out of his ears. His wild, jet black hair blowing around in the wind, along with his stripy red-and-orange scarf.
    Just a few grammar mistakes. But I really like this bit, it explains a lot about one of your characters, with a funny twist.

    He's the kind of guy who doesn't like talking too much and prefers peace and quiet.
    Be careful! There are three types of 'to'. Two, too and to, you used the wrong one, it should have been double 'o' too.

    Nice guy really, also quite a very useful genius.
    This doesn't make much sense, 'quite a very'. You should have:
    '... also quite a useful genius.'
    OR
    '...also a very useful genius.'

    I can't even believe that these boys are friends, despite the fact that they seem to be different in every way, from looks to personality.*
    I don't think you have used the word, 'despite' correctly. Normally, you use it when you make an exception, e.g.
    'I was doing really well at school, despite the fact that I was handing all my homework in late.'
    Your sentence should be:
    'I can't even believe that these boys are friends, they seem to be different in every way, from looks to personality.'

    "We've only got 15 minutes!" Marcus yells again. Kyle just sighs. "The Pokémon Centre is only 10 minutes away, don't worry," he reassures him.*
    NOOOOO! Paragraphs! Speech! *Has mental breakdown* Everytime a new person speaks, you HAVE to start a new paragraph. Otherwise your readers get confused as to who's speaking. It should be like this:
    '"We've only got 15 minutes!" Marcus yells again.

    Kyle just sighs. "The Pokémon Centre is only 10 minutes away, don't worry," he reassures him.'

    "Ah, collecting your Pokémon, huh? Lucky for you, they've just come from the lab!" She tells us brightly.
    's' needs to be a 'S'.

    "Your Pokémon are right here!" She says happily. "This is the Vulpix for Alexa... This is the Blitzle for Marcus... And this must be the Riolu for Kyle!" She hands out three Pokéballs to us, and we take our own, feeling very excited.*
    See above.

    "Wow! Our first Pokémon ever!" Marcus exclaims, immediately releasing his Blitzle. "Blitz!" it cries joyfully, using a feeble Charge.*
    Speech and paragraphs again!! Also, '...immediately releasing his Blitzle.' sounds like he has just released his Blitzle into the wild, maybe you should use a better word?

    "Wow! Our first Pokémon ever!" Marcus exclaims, immediately letting his Blitzle free of it's PokeBall..

    "Blitz!" it cries joyfully, using a feeble Charge.*

    "The nearest Gym from Cianwood City is in Olivine -" Surprisingly she is interrupted by the usually extremely quiet, if not almost silent Kyle.*
    's' into 'S'.

    "Haven't you heard? The Gym Leader decided to resign, and they're looking for a new Gym Leader now!" He says in an annoyed tone.

    "Oh," Kyle murmurs.*
    Paragraph and grammar problems have been sorted.

    Marcus sneers. "Contests are for sissies." He says, yet Kyle still stays calm.

    "Don't you know Drew Hayden, from Hoenn?" he replies. "He's a Master Co-Ordinator, and he's male. Not to mention, my cousin May is nicknamed the Princess of Johto for her amazing Co-Ordinating skills!" He adds in proudly, showing a picture in the leaflet of her winning the Johto Grand Festival. Marcus seems pretty surprised - he must have been really dense not to realise that the two were related, even though their surnames are the same.*
    More paragraph mistakes, don't worry, you'll get the hang of them soon.

    "Well, guess that's all, so good luck!" Nurse Joy wishes us luck as we exit the Pokémon Centre.

    "C'mon then, let's go to the harbour now, our ship departs in half an hour, and everyone needs to be on board by ten minutes before!" Marcus shouts once we're outside.

    "Dammit, we'll never get there in time!" I yell in exasperation as we all begin sprinting to the harbour.*
    See above.

    That's when I realise that this is not just a childhood game from kindergarten about catching a shiny Rayquaza; it's the reality now.*
    Small spelling mistake. But that is a great end to the chapter! Great work! I have probably missed out a few mistakes... but you get the idea of what you need to improve on.

    Anyway, I really enjoyed reading it, and I would love to be on a PM/VM list if you have one!

    Zorua Ponies scratch sprites made by me

  6. #6
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    About the capital letters... I learnt that you don't need a capital letter after an exclamation mark, guess we learnt things different ways... Also, speeding-typing on my iPhone = more typos... I gotta stop speed-typing!

    And, since I'm on the computer, Imma edit! I'll add the PM/VM list, too.
    Last edited by Azran Flame; 10th September 2011 at 12:36 PM.

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