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Thread: The Pokemon Saga

  1. #26
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    i have one small thing
    alakazam says"They want to fight, I think?"
    it shoud be
    "'They want to fight, I think.' alakazam said in an unsure tone."
    i beleive(sorry, can't quote at the moment), because although he's unsure, he's still stating what he's thinking, not asking what gardvior thinks. but i may be wrong. lol at vispqueen knowing something darkrai doesn't. how does being a legandary work in this fic? i know arecus is god, but what about the other legandarys? all in all great chapter!

    Edit: i'm guessing arecus gives all of the leaders who aren't at their highest forms everstones or something!
    Last edited by Chimpchar; 24th July 2011 at 6:09 PM.
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  2. #27
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    Okay, I kind of got what you were saying, and I fixed it. Also, Arceus is God, and all the other Legendaries are immortal. And yes, you would be right. In the first chapter, Alakazam says to the new Deino leader that he would be blessed with an Everstone so he wouldn't evolve. Not many people noticed that, but they will in chapters to come...
    Speaking of which, schoolwork is really eating into my time, so I don't know when the nest chapter will be up. I was going for today, but that's unlikely to happen.
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  3. #28
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    Hey everybody! Sorry for the long wait, but schoolwork has been kicking my you know what this summer... Anyways, in this chapter we have two references to the Pokemon video games, and a Captain Falcon reference. (you already know which one) Yay references! :P Beta-read by the amazing Absol6028. Enough of my talk: enjoy chapter 6! EDIT: This is PG-13 for one word. Thanks for the catch 493pkmns!

    ***

    Chapter 6: Gardevoir

    “Wow. That was... interesting,” Gallade spoke. “They didn’t seem too dangerous, but we should look out for them.”

    “Didn’t seem dangerous?” Darkrai chuckled lightly. “I’m still hurting. I need to lay down.”

    “It is getting dark,” Gardevoir offered. “We could sleep here and report to Arceus in the morning.” Alakazam opposed the suggestion.

    “Wouldn’t we have a bit of a problem?” He was looking pointedly at Darkrai while he spoke.

    “No, you shouldn’t,” Darkrai said. “As long as I fall asleep first, you’ll be fine. Your dreams may be a little bit strange, but you shouldn’t have nightmares.”

    Everyone was a bit wary of this, but all found soft moss to make temporary nests with and laid down for the night. Thankfully, Darkrai was the first to fall asleep. Gardevoir smiled to herself. Arceus would be pleased with the job they had done. She looked around at everyone else, and saw that she was the last one awake. She looked at Alakazam, who was sleeping next to her. She had gained respect for him today, and was almost glad that he was around. Almost. He wasn’t quite a friend yet, but a good acquaintance, she mumbled to herself as her eyelids shut, darkness enveloping her.

    ***

    Gardevoir awoke the next morning, but didn’t open her eyes. She had slept well the night before, not dreaming. It was a nice, relaxing sleep, but she had woken up early because there was a weight on her chest. Gardevoir opened her eyes, and saw a white, spherical object on her chest. It had green spots in random places on it. Her eyes opened wide, she was panicking, and started to hyperventilate. Gardevoir looked over at Alakazam, still sleeping next to her. She slapped him across the face as hard as she could.

    “ALAKAZAM! What the HELL did you do to me!” She screamed at the top of her lungs. Gardevoir stood up, being careful not to drop the egg.

    “Gardevoir used Wake-Up Slap. It’s super-effective,” Alakazam mumbled under his breath. “What do you want Gardevoir?” he asked. Looking up, he saw the egg in her arms. “Oh no. No, no, no. I didn’t do anything, Gardevoir, I swear to Arceus.”

    “Then HOW the Hell do you explain this?” She screamed again.

    “Get a room, you two!” Darkrai called over to them, obviously not happy that he was woken up early. “What could be so important that you have to-“ He cut himself off, seeing the egg. “Well, well, well. Didn’t know you had it in you, Alakazam! Looks like you two did get a room!”

    “SHUT UP!” she screamed. At this point Gallade, Vespiquen, and the Hive were all staring at her. Gritting her teeth, she addressed Alakazam again, who was about to teleport away. “Don’t think that you’re running away from this,” she spoke, acid dripping from her voice. “You’re raising this child whether you like it or not.”

    “I-I-I wasn’t p-planning on running a-a-away,” Alakazam stammered, terrified.

    “Gardevoir, calm down,” Vespiquen said soothingly. “I’ve raised many children, and it really isn’t that bad.”

    “At least they were planned!”

    “Shhhhh… Just calm down and think this over,” she said softly. “You’re having a child! This should be one of the happiest times of your life!”

    “B-But he raped me!” Gardevoir accused. “How am I supposed to be happy about that?!”

    “Good job, Alakazam! She didn’t even wake up!” Darkrai jested, which earned him a slap on the back of the head from Gallade.

    “Look, whatever happened last night doesn’t really matter,” Gallade said. “What does matter is that Gardevoir and Alakazam are having a child, whether they like it or not,” looking at Alakazam with a cold glare.

    “Not necessarily,” said Darkrai. “I could always abort it for you two.” This earned another slap on the back of the head from Gallade.

    “Let me explain,” Alakazam spoke up, nervously. “I did nothing last night. Absoluetly nothing that would have caused… erm …this to happen.”

    “Oh, so it popped right on out of me, just because it felt like it?”

    “Um…yes?” Gardevoir slapped Alakazam across the face again. “Would you stop that?” He pleaded. This earned Alakazam another slap. “I’ll take that as a no,” he mumbled.

    “Let me explain. I’ve had children before,” Vespiquen offered. “Well, sometimes the bond between two Pokemon is so strong that the egg somehow…fertilizes itself without the two having… well, you know what. But, you two haven’t know each other very long, so I have no clue how that would have happened. It’s a very… mysterious process.”

    “Okay, now I’m really confused,” Alakazam said. “How in the world did that happen? Gardevoir and I were just… I-I really don’t know what to say anymore,” he concluded.

    An awkward silence followed. No one knew what to say. Gallade spoke up. “Well, after a rather…umm… surprising turn of events, I say that we visit Arceus to let him know that we have Darkrai back.”

    “Sounds good to me,” Darkrai said, as he floated away. Vespiquen followed, and Gardevoir teleported away, still holding the egg. She could hear Gallade talking to Alakazam as she left.

    ***

    Gallade came up behind Alakazam, and put a stern hand on his shoulder. “You listen to me, Alakazam. I’ll believe Vespiquen for now, but if you actually… violated Gardevoir there will be… consequences,” he threatened. “Do you understand?”

    ***

    Alakazam gulped. “Y-Yes Gallade. I completely understand. I wouldn’t have done anything like that to her, I promise,” he muttered, scared out of his mind.

    “Good, I’m glad to hear that. I wouldn’t have wanted anything to happen to you,” he said with malice, and teleported away in an instant. A second later, Alakazam followed him.


    When they arrived at Arceus’ cave at Mt. Silver, he had been talking with Regigigas, but rushed up to greet them. “Darkrai! I’m glad that you’re back.” He smiled warmly at everyone there, his gaze lingering on Gallade. “And would you like to explain why Gallade is here?” he asked Gardevoir.

    “Oh, he was… um… in the area and he… ahh… wanted to help,” she stammered, knowing that Arceus was seeing right through her lie.

    “If you say so, Gardevoir.” Noticing the egg, Arceus forgot all about Gallade and inquired, “Where did you get that?”

    Darkrai spoke up, “You see, Alakazam and Gardevoir did the dirty while everyone else-“

    “No, we most certainly did not!” Alakazam retorted. “Vespiquen said something about bonding or something…” he trailed off.

    “Ah, I see,” Arceus said with understanding. “I can sense that the bond between you two is strong, even if you don’t yet feel it. Great things will come of that child, it will-“ he cut himself off quickly, looking a bit flustered. “Well, it’s good to see that Darkrai is safe and sound. I have other matters to attend to. Goodbye.”

    While he walked back to Regigigas, Gardevoir was confused. What could possibly become of her child? “Arceus, wait. Could you please explain?” She had in unison with Alakazam, who was looking rather confused.

    He smiled at them. “All in due time, my children. All in due time.”

    “So… what do we do now?” asked Vespiquen. Gardevoir had been wondering the same thing. She had wondered where she and Alakazam were going to live while they raised their child. How were they even going to raise a child? She had never had any experience, and she doubted that Alakazam had any either.

    Vespiquen’s question was answered when a multitude of voices were heard from just outside the cavern. “PPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSS SSSSM MMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!” they shouted, as they burst into the cavern. There were about 30 of them, along with a old man with green hair, wearing an elegant robe.

    “Who are you, and what is your business here?” Arceus demanded.

    The old man answered. “I am Ghetsis, leader of Team Plasma! We heard that there were rare Pokemon here, and it looks like we were right! Everyone, attack!”

    “Gardevoir! Protect the egg!” shouted Alakazam. Gardevoir had already fled to the back of the room, shielding the egg between her body and a wall.

    The Team Plasma grunts sent out all of their Pokemon, which mostly consisted of Liepard. Ghetsis, however, sent out a powerful team of six: Cofagrigus, Bouffalant, Seismitoad, Bisharp, Eelektross, and Hydreigon. As the mass of Pokemon surged toward them, everyone, including Arceus was overwhelmed. As he batted away the Bisharp, Arceus called to Regigigas. “Curse your slow-startedness, you oaf!”

    “Hmmm? What was that?” Regigigas wondered, sleepily as he was hit with a Head Charge attack from the Bouffalant. After being woken up, Regigigas finally got his act together and raised his arms. Suddenly, the room glowed with a purple aura.

    “Why the Hell am I as slow as molasses?” Darkrai cried.

    “Trick Room baby!” Regigigas boomed as he began stomping through the battlefield. “GIGAS! PAWNCH!” he yelled while punching 8 Liepard through a wall in the cavern. He continued to scream his battle cry while punching more Pokemon through the cavern walls.

    “And you thought you could run a train on-“ Alakazam’s jest was cut off by a cold glare from Darkrai.

    “That’s my line!” he shouted, while still struggling to move faster than a snail’s pace.

    When all Pokemon had been successfully punched through a wall, Regigigas looked back at Arceus. “What should I do with the trainers?” he asked.

    “Get rid of them, please,” Arceus said coolly.

    Regigigas charged up his body, glowing white, and charged at the terrified Team Plasma members. “GIGAS! PAWNCH!” he triumphantly yelled while throwing a massive uppercut, sending them flying through the ceiling.

    “PPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS SSSSS SSMMMMMMMMMAAAAA!!!!!!” they screamed, as they flew out of sight.

    The room returned to normal, and everyone could move at their regular speed again. “Two team attacks within the same week? Something seems strange about that…” Arceus said worriedly.

    “They could have possibly joined together,” suggested Darkrai. “It seems unlikely, but all the evil teams- Rocket, Magma, Aqua, Snagem, Cipher, Galactic, and Plasma- could have teamed up to steal as many Pokemon and make as much money as possible.”

    “You’re right,” said Regigigas sleepily. “It is highly unlikely, but it is a possibility. Also, I thought that Team Plasma wanted to liberate all Pokemon, not steal them.” Seeing Arceus looking expectantly at him, Regigigas muttered, “I guess I'll fix the walls, Arceus."

    “You are correct, Regigigas, and thank you for volunteering,” he said with a hint of amusement. Addressing Alakazam and Gardevoir, he said, “Take good care of that egg. Important things await its future. Now like I said, I have other matters to attend to. Goodbye, and thank you again for rescuing Darkrai.”

    As they left the cavern with Gallade, Vespiquen, and Darkrai, the same thought went through Gardevoir and Alakazam’s mind: “How the heck am I going to raise a child?”

    ***

    For all of you out there saying, "Wait a second! Gardevoir and Alakazam can't breed!" You are absolutely correct. Gardevoir isn't in the Human-like egg group, while Alakazam is. You know what I say? So what. Gardevoir looks more Human-like than Beheeyem, who is in the same egg group as Alakazam. Plus, "What do you know? Haven't you ever heard of suspension of disbelief?" Oops, there I go referencing again. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter, and as always, please review!
    Last edited by Phoopes; 29th July 2011 at 7:25 PM.
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  4. #29
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    Hi I saw your fic in your sig from my shop and I just read the last chapter it is looking really good I like the way your characters work I noticed a few grammer issues I am definitely not an expert and when I read I don't trip up but I still notice them just the same for example:

    The room returned to normal, and everyone could move at their regular speed again. “Two team attacks within the same weak? Something seems strange about that…” Arceus said worriedly.
    weak should be week

    You also forgot to put a rating on the chapter things like
    “B-But he raped me!” Gardevoir accused. “How am I supposed to be happy about that?!”
    would probably up the rating a bit I can just imagine one of the eight-year olds on serebii going up to his mother and saying: "Mommy what's Rape?" It's not a problem for me personnally but some people might have some issues with it.

    One last thing I totally agree that breeding through a connection would be possible outside of egg groups but if your story is that like they did it in their sleep without noticing then I would revise it a bit because I think it has to do with the way they "connect"

    Other than that I can't think of anything. If you would be willing to go to my fic and read and review it that would be appreciated I have link to it in my sig
    Last edited by 493pkmns; 29th July 2011 at 2:33 PM.
    I've recently fallen in love with SAO, so if you want to talk to me about that, Pokémon, Minecraft, Art, TV, Breaking news, or the weather, or absolutely anything else, consider yourself warmly invited to do so! You can send me a PM or a VM and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!


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  5. #30
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    Thanks for the review 493pkmns! The error was fixed and the rating was changed. I'm not quite sure what you mean about the "connecting" thing. For me, the connecting thing was taken from this: The Day-Care man saying that the two Pokemon in the Day-Care don't like each other, but then they make an egg. I figured that they must have "connected" somehow even though they don't like each other. That's where I got that idea from, so I don't know what you're trying to say. Sorry!
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  6. #31
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    oh I just meant you know two ways to have an egg 1. Psychic connection/Bond like you described 2. *SENSORED* and that through the first way egg groups don't apply.
    I've recently fallen in love with SAO, so if you want to talk to me about that, Pokémon, Minecraft, Art, TV, Breaking news, or the weather, or absolutely anything else, consider yourself warmly invited to do so! You can send me a PM or a VM and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!


    Puppies!

  7. #32
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    great fic you got going i like it


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  8. #33
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    @ 493pkmns: okay, I gotcha now.

    @ jolteon27: Thanks! It's always great to hear that people like my ideas.
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  9. #34
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    Really good fic. I think I caught the Capt. Falcon reference.

    “GIGAS! PAWNCH!”
    that was it, right?

    Oh, and may I be on the PM list? Thanks in advance.

  10. #35
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    Hey everyone, there's a couple of things that I have to say.

    1. I just got back from vacation, so the chapter's only halfway done. That's why the wait is longer than usual.

    2. @magikarprules: You'll be added to the PM list as soon as I'm done writing this post.

    3. I'm not sure if I officially announced it yet, but... There's a PM list! It will be in the first post.

    4. The waits between chapters will be a bit longer (probably) because I'm currently running a Fantasy Football league, so some of my time will be devoted to that.

    So... thanks for understanding everyone! The next chapter will be up ASAP.

    EDIT: 5. The fic will be rated PG-13 from now on, just in case of anything that may happen.
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  11. #36
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    This is a review exchange review.
    Fics: Avarice
    Review Wanted: I want reviews that focus on plot and characterization. If there is anything wrong with my grammar please let me know since that is a weak point of mine. They shouldn't be long since I'm not a long reviewer. Fair is fair after all. As much as I love praise, if there is something I really screwed up on please tell me.

    Review:
    I'm sure others have already told you this but this is definitely a unique idea. A representative of each of the 649 species of Pokemon reminds me a lot of the United Nations. I assume that is what you are going for. I like this because it gives a sense that the Pokemon are more than just animalistic.

    In chapter 4, it was interesting to see that capturing a legendary question is considered a serious crime to the Pokemon. But I wonder, does it matter if the legendary like the human or not.

    The tension between Alakazam and Gardevoir was very compelling. It's understandable that one would hold a grudge after being nearly beaten to death and then being told "You're too weak". Alakazam being a former shadow Pokemon must have had some effect on him. I wonder if he's still haunted by the memories or are they just foggy, distant memory.

    Jessie James and Meowth being added was interesting. Although I'm now confused about which canon you are following. Are you following game canon, anime canon or did you just make up your own?

    Chapter 6 as a whole was absolutely hilarious. The story overall is very light-hearted but still this chapter took the cake. Especially “GIGAS! PAWNCH!”


    As for criticisms, I think you should a tad more description. Not super detailed but just a little something that can give the reader an idea of what they are looking at. This story relies on dialogue a lot which means the description should be focused on what the speaker is doing while talking.

    Overall a unique idea that is progressing really well. I would also like to be added to your PM list as well.

  12. #37
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    Okay, like I promised, here I am to review your story.

    First off, I have to say that you're on the right track for being a new author. There is always room for improvement, of course, but for being your first story, it's actually really good. I can also tell that you have a unique style specifically for you that I haven't seen in other writers. Embrace this, this is pretty much your signature, in a way. It may change as you progress and improve, but the style will be with you for as long as you want it to. The longer you're here, the more people will recognize your writing without looking at your name (maybe, it does take a good eye to notice that).

    Now, I gotta say that at first this reminded me of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon for the first chapter, but it didn't turn out that way. This is a rather fresh idea I haven't seen, if at all, and I'm interested in knowing further on how you handle this. I have a special request: I know you have the story in mind, but I want you to play with it. Don't change the mindset, per say, but I want you to have some fun in experiencing how you can write out certain scenes, and play around with character development. In fact, I highly recommend TV Tropes, if you haven't been using it already, to help spice things up. (Warning: very addictive.)

    For an example of how you're showing signs already: chapter six is where you established the fact Darkrai has a dirty mind. It wasn't mentioned before, but this goes to show he's most likely a Covert Pervert or a Dirty Old Man in secret. This is interesting, and sheds a whole new light on the character. And this makes him lovable, somehow, and memorable (then again, Master Roshi's a fun character despite being a pervert). I also am liking how you're going to take the bond between Gardevoir and Alakazam, at how their personalities clash with each other. I can't wait to see what this child will be like.

    As far as chapters go, they flow rather well, and there is a steady improvement with each new installment (a good sign). However, I noticed that chapter five doesn't really fit in well, it's like the style changed. It went back to normal in the recent chapter, but it was rather wacky previously. This could be because of the beta-reading, which I don't have a problem with, I encourage beta-reading, but no two people have the exact same style. I have that feeling your beta-reader re-wrote the story in his own style (and if he didn't, I apologize), which threw everything off for that one chapter. It's not a bad chapter, but it's just wonky.

    I can't say for certain what my favorite part of the story is (except I'm hoping for more Giovanni, ha ha), but chapter six was the most humorous chapter thus far, and so I suppose that was my favorite. Honestly, the way you made Regigigas was just... oh boy XD. I'm never going to see him the same way again now, maybe.

    So in conclusion, I wish to be on the PM list. It could have been because I willingly volunteered to look at your story, or it was how you set it all up from the beginning, I don't know, but I'm already sucked into this story. I'm looking forward to seeing more from you, and I really hope you have more stories after this. You have the talent, and thus the potential to be one of the great authors Serebii so desperately needs. Just don't let it go over your head, or you'll slip. Just write because you are having fun with it and wish to tell it to the world.

    (And I have to say, those Combee are creepy indeed. *shudders* Does give a new perspective on Hive Mind...)
    Winner of Best Pokémon/Pokémon Fic of 2013 in the Shipping Oscars
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  13. #38
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    @catzeye:
    1. You hit the nail on the head. I wanted Pokemon to be more than just the super animals that they are in the games, so I gave them a semi-structured government for that. Government was the first thing that popped into my head when I asked myself, "What makes a society more sophisticated?"
    2. I figured since legendary Pokemon are given such a great role in nature, other Pokemon would consider it a crime. It wouldn't matter whether they like the human or not. For example, I'm sure Celebii could find it in his heart to like a human that captured him, but he's the guardian of nature, so it wouldn't really work out if he were captured.
    3. About the tension between Gardevoir and Alakazam: I didn't want everything to be all hunky-dory between them. It makes for a more interesting story when there's conflict. Also, I haven't revealed a lot of details about Alakazam's time as a Shadow Pokemon because he can't remember it that well. Kind of a twist on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, if you catch my drift.
    4. Truthfully, I still don't know what canon I'm following. XD
    5. Yes, chapter 6 was my favorite to write so far. I thought I'd lighten up the battle scene after the awkward one in Chapter 5... I'm still not too happy with it. I'll have to go back and edit the Chapter 5 battle scene later.
    6. I actually try to limit descriptions when I'm writing, because if I don't I overdescribe. I'll try to describe more, I guess, but not too much. It's a pretty fine line between there not being enough in the story and having too much.
    7. I'll try to review ASAP. I'm a little behind on reviewing fics, because I'm really busy with schoolwork/sports.
    8. You are added to the PM list!

    @Kutie Pie:
    1. I really tried to be different with this story. I didn't want this story to have people saying, "Oh, that's just another (insert genre here) story." So, I decided to write a full fan fic with plot, character development, humor, and everything else (a saga) with all the main characters as Pokemon. Hence the name, The Pokemon Saga.
    2. I'll be sure to play with the story. You can probably expect a twist...or two.
    3. I've never even heard of TV Tropes before... Google, here I come!
    4. Yeah, I was going for the "Dirty Old Man" character with Darkrai. I had good inspiration for that from my uncle. It's funny, he actually coaches women's tennis at a college near my house because he's a "Dirty Old Man." Gotta love him.
    5. No, that was my writing. Not my beta-reader's. I tried to make it a bit more serious for plot set-up reasons. Plus, it didn't help with the awkward battle scene... I tried to not make it feel like turn-by-turn battle, but I think I failed there. At least I improved at it in Chapter 6.
    6. Chapter 6 was also my favorite to write. I've always seen Regigigas as "The Forgotten Legendary" for not being included in Gen 3 with his three underlings. He never gets much mention, and I barely ever see him in the metagame, so I included him in the chapter as something unexpected. Also, with the way the plot is going, you'll probably see more Giovanni.
    7. You are added to the PM list!
    8. The "Hive Mind" thing was exactly what I was going for with the Combee. My brother was a little freaked out by them too, lol.
    Hi, I'm part of the staff on Pokemon Showdown!, if you have any questions or need any help, VM or PM me.

  14. #39
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    Well... it's been a while, but the next chapter is finally here! w00t! There'll probably be more mistakes than usual because my beta-reader seemed to have abandoned me... but I'll give him one more shot. This chapter is a bit serious, but there'll definitely be more humour in the next chapter or two chapters from now. Still haven't decided the order to put them in yet. Well, anyway, enjoy chapter 7!

    ***

    Chapter 7: Alakazam

    Alakazam and Gardevoir were walking, not teleporting, through the foothills of Mt. Silver. They had both thought that a walk would do them good, and give them more time to think than teleporting somewhere. Darkrai had went back to New Moon Island, Vespiquen and the Hive back to their forest, and Gallade had disappeared into the shadows while no one else was looking. They hadn’t spoken since they left the cave, but Alakazam decided to start the conversation.

    “Gardevoir, you probably don’t like me right now- you probably despise me, even- but I’ll be a good father. I’ll grow on you,” he said awkwardly.

    “Yes, you’ll grow on me- like mold,” she retorted coldly. Gardevoir was still visibly upset by the whole experience of being a future mother without being prepared. Alakazam’s face flushed, and he looked away. The two continued walking in silence. Alakazam tried to start a conversation again.

    “So… have you thought about where we’ll raise the child? I had a couple of places in mind, but I wanted to check with you first.”

    “Well, I’d like to go to a place where we won’t be bothered by humans,” Gardevoir said. “How about Mirage Island?”

    “Mirage Island? Does that even exist? I was thinking Undella Bay or somewhere like that,” said Alakazam.

    “Of course it exists. I grew up there,” she said back to Alakazam. Seeing that he was surprised at this, she continued. “The way that Mirage Island works is this: those who truly believe can see it, and it is hidden to those who are cynical or don’t believe in it. But I know someone who lives on the island, and I can pull some strings to let you go there. Hold the egg for a second,” she said, and with a loud ZAP she was gone.

    Alakazam wasn’t pleased at all. Gardevoir had just left him with the egg, and he didn’t know when she was coming back. He sighed to himself. “I guess I’ll just have to wait,” he said aloud.

    Alakazam sat down underneath a tree. While he and Gardevoir were walking, they had come out of the foothills of Mt. Silver and gone onto a small grassy path that branched out in three directions. To the North was Victory Road and the Indigo Plateau, to the west was Viridian City, and if the path was followed South, he would reach Tohjo Falls and New Bark Town. At least, that’s what the sign said. Alakzam had been taught to read many years ago by his old mentor, Azelf, whom he had seen at the annual Pokemon conference this year. Alakazam began reminiscing about those days so many years ago, when he was still just an Abra. He drifted off into a daydream, and eventually into a deep sleep.

    ***

    He was just an Abra again, training at Lake Valor with Azelf. The spoons that helped him wield his psychic powers were new to him, and felt heavy in his hands.

    “Nice try Abra, but try concentrating more this time,” Azelf corrected him. Abra had just failed to lift a small rock off the ground with his psychic powers. Abra sighed to himself: yet another failure. But he knew this training was for his own good, so he began to try again. But another presence entered the cave before he could. It was a Gardevoir.

    “Hello! What brings you here?” asked Azelf. The Gardevoir didn’t respond, and only glared maliciously at him. She raised a hand, eyes glowing a crimson red, and flicked her wrist to the side. Azelf was flung through the nearest wall, leaving a gaping hole leading to the outside.

    Abra tried to teleport away, but the Gardevoir held him in place with her psychic abilities.

    “L-Let me go! Please!” Abra cried out.

    The Gardevoir chuckled to herself. “Of course not. You are of no use to me. You’re just too weak…”

    ***

    Alakazam woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. He quickly made sure that the egg was still near, and couldn’t find it. He started to panic, and heard a mocking voice nearby.

    “Looking for this? You should really take better care of things that are important to you.” It was Darkrai, floating high up in the air, egg in hand.

    Alakazam narrowed his eyes. “Darkrai, you’re such a jackass! Give me back the egg!”

    Darkrai floated down, closer to Alakazam, but still about ten feet off the ground. “What, this? Since when were you such a caring father? You didn’t seem all that thrilled when you first found out,” he chuckled.

    “That doesn’t matter. Just give it back! Gardevoir and I will-“ he was cut off by another chuckle from Darkrai.

    “Speaking of which, where is Gardevoir? And why do you seem so concerned? You could have done a lot better than her. In fact, on my here I saw a really good looking Blissey on the way over here…”

    “Oh, I didn’t know you were in to fat chicks,” Alakazam retorted. He was still mad at Darkrai for the nightmare, and even though he didn’t know whether the nightmare was personal or not, he still felt some satisfaction in seeing Darkrai flinch at the insult.

    As if to answer Darkrai’s previous question, Gardevoir appeared, back from Mirage Island. Her back was turned to Darkrai, so she only saw Alakazam.

    “Well, I have some news from Mirage Island, it turns out-“ she stopped herself, noticing that Alakazam didn’t have the egg. “Where is the egg?” she asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

    “There you are!” Darkrai exclaimed. “I was wondering what you newlyweds were doing away from each other!”

    Turning around, Gardevoir saw Darkrai holding the egg. Her egg. Motherly instincts kicking in, she tried to use her Psychic abilities to pry the egg from his grip. However, since Darkrai was a Dark type, it had no effect on him. “Give it back. Now,” she said, gritting her teeth.

    While Darkrai was distracted by this, Alakazam decided to resort to brute force to make Darkrai give the egg back. Alakazam chucked one of his spoons at Darkrai, using it as a projectile weapon. Darkrai hadn’t seen it coming, and it smacked him right in the forehead.

    “OUCH! What the Hell was that?” he cried, dropping the egg. Gardevoir caught it in mid-air with her telekinetic powers and lowered it safely into her arms. The spoon returned to Alakazam’s hand like a boomerang.

    “Could’ve had a V8!” Alakazam boasted. Seeing Gardevoir’s look of confusion, he explained. “It’s a human thing that I’ve picked up on.”

    “Anyway,” Darkrai said, still rubbing his head in pain, “the real reason I came here was because Arceus sent me. He wants to see you two for whatever reason. Again.”

    Alakazam sighed. Couldn’t he and Gardevoir have a day of peace to just get settled? “Fine, if that’s what he wants,” he said. Turning to Gardevoir, he said, “Might as well get going. He doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

    Gardevoir nodded, and she and Alakazam teleported away to Arceus’ cave yet again. Meanwhile, a very concerned-looking Zweilous was walking down the same path that they had just left…

    ***

    Alakazam and Gardevoir arrived at Arceus’ cave yet again. Rayquaza was with him. Regigigas was still there, doing a miserable job at patching up the walls.

    “Could you hurry up please?” Arceus asked. “I don’t like to sleep with a draft.”

    “Awww… I’m a lot better at PAWNCHing stuff than fixing it,” Regigigas complained.

    Arceus rolled his eyes and turned towards Alakazam and Gardevoir. “Good, you two are here. I’m sorry to bring you back here so soon, but it is kind of an emergency. I thought that you two would be good help, especially with how well you did rescuing Darkrai.”

    “We’re always glad to help,” Gardevoir said. “What seems to be the problem?”

    “First off, I’ve found evidence that all of the evil teams have finally joined forces under a new name- Team Alpha- to try and steal as many Pokemon as possible. Now for the worse news… they’ve captured Groudon.”

    “What? How did that happen?” Alakazam exclaimed. “They couldn’t have possibly made another Master Ball so soon.”

    “You are correct,” Arceus said. “They didn’t. They tricked Groudon and led him into a trap, and are going to try and shadowfy him.”

    Alakazam shuddered at the thought of the shadowfication process. He wouldn’t want to wish that on anyone. Alakazam again pressed for an answer. “How did they trick him? Groudon wouldn’t have followed them…”

    “Well… Groudon isn’t exactly… let’s just say that he doesn’t know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.”

    While a little grossed out by this analogy, he understood what Arceus was saying. Alakazam had tried on four separate occasions to have an intelligent conversation with Groudon. It was like trying to talk to a box of hair.

    So I assume he’s at the Shadow Pokemon Lab, in the Orre region?” Alakazam asked.

    “You’ve got it,” Arceus said. “I sent Kyogre there a little while ago, but haven’t heard back from him yet. I’m sending Rayquaza with you, just to be safe. He’s had to break up fights between the two of them before, so he’ll know what he’s doing if it comes to that.”

    Alakazam gulped. He never had to fight a legendary before, except training battles with Azelf. He was worried not only for himself, but for Gardevoir and his child as well. “Could we leave the egg with you while we’re gone?” he asked. “If anything happens to us, I want our child to be taken care of well.”

    “If you wish,” he said. “Now go, and may the best of luck be with you.” Gardevoir reluctantly gave up the egg, and they set out for the Orre region with Rayquaza.

    “Don’t worry,” Rayquaza said. “They’ll be locked up in a battle, but once I get there, Groudon won’t stand a chance. Combined, the powers of Kyogre and I can stop just about anyone.”

    ***

    Gardevoir and Alakazam were teleporting along, trying to keep up with Rayquaza. Neither had been to the Orre region before, so they couldn’t teleport there from memory. This was especially tiring when they crossed an ocean. In fact, it took them all night before they reached the Orre region. The three could tell exactly where Groudon and Kyogre were duking it out, because the weather was a mess. It would be immensely hot and sunny for one minute, and then a torrential downpour the next. But as they made their way to the Shadow Pokemon Lab, all weather stopped and returned to normal.

    “Thank Arceus for there being no weather when I’m around them,” Rayquaza said. “I can’t imagine what it would be like living in the extremes like they do.”

    What they found waiting for them at the lab, however, was not what anyone expected. In fact, it was worse than the worse-case scenario that Alakazam had in his mind. Both Groudon and Kyogre were there. Both were surrounded by a deep purple-black aura. And both looked angry. Very angry. In unison, they roared.

    “WE WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!!!!”

    ***
    Well, hope you enjoyed the chapter! And as always, please review!
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  15. #40
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    PHOOPES
    Y U NO SEND PM

    Now that's out of the way...

    There's nothing out of the ordinary about this chapter, it just helps move the story along. Your style is there like always, and the humor is as well. (The V8 joke was dumb, but in a way, it awkwardly fits.) And characterization marches on: Darkrai is such a jerk, Alakazam is arguing with himself about wanting to be a father or not, Gardevoir wants nothing to do with Alakazam, Regigigas is as sharp as a rock, Groudon and Kyogre are Shadow Pokémon now, Arceus is still--wait, WHAAAAAAAAT?

    *opens a book, helicopter with fancy people flies out*

    Cliiiiiiff Hangerrr, hanging from a cliiiiiiff! And that's why he's called Cliff Hangerrrrr!


    *flies off*

    ...

    Well that was strange. And rather unexpected, actually.

    Something tells me they're screwed. I don't think even Rayquaza can win against them, now that they're working together by force.
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    @Kutie Pie: Of course I sent the PM... a few hours late. I thought this chapter was a little serious, but apparently I had the right amount of humor. Characterization was the easy part because I have all of the characters mapped out in my head now, unlike before. (You should have seen Arceus in Chapter 1. He had split personalities. lol) Odd way to tell me that you liked a cliff hanger... And you will find out if they're screwed in the next chapter, because I have decided the chapter order now that I mentioned earlier. So... yeah. There ya have it.
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  17. #42
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    Hey, nice chapter! You're doing nicely keeping your characters in-character, and you had a decent amount of humor as well. I saw no grammar problems either. Keep the good chapters coming!

  18. #43
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    Thanks! As I said with Kutie Pie, characterization is one of the easiest things for me now because I have every character mapped up in my head now. I try to keep up the humour, and next chapter I already have a scene writen... it's a real doozy. I was surprised that I didn't have any (that anyone noticed) grammar errors since this one wasn't beta-read. Thanks for reading!

    EDIT: 1,000 views! (personal milestone)
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    Wow just wow.

    Chapter 7 was very interesting. I loved the humor with Darkrai. He seems like one of those people who takes every opportunity to mess with someone, not matter who they are.

    I'm surprised and very frightened at the prospect of ALL the evil teams in the Pokemon world coming together. I mean that's a whole lot of evil gathered together. However I do wonder if there will be friction within Team Alpha since all those different teams have different goal and beliefs.

    But the fact that they are already using shadow Pokemon means things are going to get real serious for the Pokemon. I wonder how the newbies to the Pokemon Conference are going to handle this major event.

    Overall great chapter. It's building up to what's going to be an interesting showdown between humans and Pokemon.

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    1. You are correct. Darkrai will mess with anyone, and he has that "dirty mind" thing going on.
    2. You will see if there is friction in later chapters.
    3. You will see how the newbies (well, only one) will handle it in later chapters.
    4. Yep, the showdown in the next chapter will be epic!
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  21. #46
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    Great fic, I'm looking forward to the battle between Rayquaza, Groudon, and Kyogre. Can you add me to the PM list?

  22. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vali View Post
    Great fic, I'm looking forward to the battle between Rayquaza, Groudon, and Kyogre. Can you add me to the PM list?
    Thank you. And I'm also looking forward to the battle. And I will add you to the PM list.
    Hi, I'm part of the staff on Pokemon Showdown!, if you have any questions or need any help, VM or PM me.

  23. #48
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    As requested, a review! Because I was reading and suddenly oh look end of the seventh chapter and a lot of quotes I might as well just do it now. =p Stuff's likely a bit jumbled/raised during said quotes, so.

    Anyways, there's a bunch of interesting premises here - I like the idea of there being a leader of every species basically being in charge of their own problems and all, along with them meeting every year - not something I've seen before and on the whole the dynamics around that seems pretty well done. I like the whole thing between Gardevoir and Alakazam as well - their characters and interactions were fairly well set up, and the complication about their mystery egg is a pretty interesting twist too. But dang at your portrayal of Combee and Vespiquen - I quite liked that in particular. And alternate perspectives is something I always like too. Also a sucker for a bit about Shadow Pokemon in it for obvious reasons. =p I liked the use of that for Alakazam though and how it was an explanation for him getting on with dark types.

    Humour is decent as well when it comes up, although I do feel bits were a bit forced/seemed a bit 'off' compared to the rest of the fic - out of place, if you will. (Like say the Gigas Punches [funny how I am noticing all these fic references people make the same day someone makes a thread about it, huh - my friend has started a trend it seems in suggesting the idea to me in the first place... *rambles*] - three times was a bit much but more so it seemed somewhat shoehorned in, and made the battle come to a very sudden end after it had begun to build up. But that's my take on it.

    Some things that could use addressing would be a couple of the characters, despite it being an otherwise strong point of your story. For instance, Darkrai seems to have been somewhat more prankster-like in the last chapter or two which seems somewhat different to his character beforehand (more naive and sympathetic, which makes sense given his seclusion on the island for the vast majority of the year - so this new devlopment seems off and wastes the potential already built up in the following chapters).

    I'm also a bit confused about Arceus himself - I saw another comment on this from before while reading and although those aspects are better now he still seems all over the place - worried about the teams' plans to all-knowing about the egg and all. Plus given his standing as a god and all - why isn't he in knowledge of a lot of other things already if he knows about the egg/etc, and why does he do so little to sort things out if he apparently has done so before (ie mentions of him and the previous Spiritomb). Maybe you already have an explanation coming up in the story but it seems to be a fairly big point, his changing character, so I'd suggest watching out for that.

    And then there's the evil teams themselves having seaming joined forces - it seems you already have plans for it but I will note anyway that it would need explanation as there's no need/reason for them to team up for a common goal, especially when most of them have completely different motives to each other.

    Description is another point which others have mentioned and I'll have to agree with. It's less though with the content and how you actually portray it - showing rather than telling. I'll mention some more on that with examples though.
    Alakazam was bored. Yet another annual conference to travel to. Only 30 minutes to travel over 5,000 miles for the annual meeting between the leaders from every species of Pokemon.
    Generally you'd want to use numerals for numbers larger than 100 - so thirty over 30 here.
    “Hello! Good to see you old friend!”
    You'd want a comma before 'old friend' as one should either be before or after a name/nickname/etc when used to address someone directly in a sentence in dialogue. So for instance:
    “Hi Azelf! How has the lake been?”
    Should be 'Hi, Azelf!'.
    “By the way, Arceus told me to ask you something.” said Azelf.
    Comma instead of the full stop after 'something' there. You didn't do this mistake often btw so I'll assume you know why but if you want an explanation I can give one.
    Here he saw 4 Pokemon. An Umbreon, a Vigiroth, a Dunsparce, and a Deino.
    'four' rather than 4 as mentioned above. I think I'll use this quote as well to touch on description. What you have he is...rather plain. We don't get much of a feel on the situation itself for instance, like how Alakazam is feeling, or how the other Pokemon are too. Are they nervous which can be shown in say how Umbreon pawed at the ground? Or maybe the Deino is bored and hence yawned at Alakazam? Small details like that are enough to spruce up the story, and the first part of the story is somewhat plainer compared to the rest.
    “ Welcome to the annual Pokemon conference,” he began.
    Unncessary space there at the start.
    “Thank you Groudon.
    Comma thing with names as well. I'll from now on quote some more instances without saying more on it, but there may be some other instances as well.
    “When he calls out your name, shout ‘Here!’ Make sure to be clear and audible when you speak.”
    Missing a full stop after 'Here!' there.
    "Well, we mights have been willings to tell fors a price.
    Missing a quotation mark at the end there.
    2 days earlier, at New Moon Island
    I'd advise against doing this. With announcing the character, it's all right (although say when you change scenes just to show someone else's perspective for a line ie with the Gallade/Alakazam convo it's a bit much to change the scene so many times) but with time and place, it's best to leave it out altogether and if you need to have it in, put it in the story itself rather than announce it suddenly. It's basically a bad form of breaking the fourth wall as it can bring the reader out of the story for the wrong reasons, and is basically clunky to read as well (messes with the pacing of the story). There's many other instances of this as well, but as they're at the start of scenes I'll assume you be easily able to find them.

    After all - say in this instance, what does it matter that it was 2 days before the previous scene? The fact it was two and not one or three is not important, and the fact it was beforehand is obvious enough from following scenes as well - readers would be able to figure that out if you removed that heading as it is. Location name is also not important as it's revealed in conversation later anyway (assuming the reader doesn't know about dppt either), and a bit of mystery is not a bad thing in itself too.
    Darkrai hadn't meant to hurt anyone, he couldn't help it.
    Bit of a run-on sentence here - I'd suggest having it as two sentences (...hurt anyone. He couldn't...).
    “Hoot-Hoot. I think it would be wise if we stopped arguing and just got on with the search. Hoot-Hoot.”
    As it is a Xatu saying this and Hoot Hoot is a different Pokemon... I'd actually suggest changing that bit slightly just because it's potentially confusing.
    “Let’s check out that clearing for any evidence.” Beheeyem suggested, snapping Gardevoir out of her thoughts.
    Change the full stop after evidence to a comma.
    The search party walked up the path towards the clearing. Here the silence enveloped them even more so than on the rest of the island. After searching the clearing from top to bottom, the search party had found nothing. Disappointed by this, they teleported back to the conference to give their report.
    'The search party' was a bit repetitive here, and I'll suggest watching your sentence lengths too; try not too keep them too similar to each other.
    Gallade used to be a contract killer in the Pokemon world, but had recently retired after almost being caught by Arceus. Gallade had been responsible for wiping out several Pokemon species, including Aerodactyl. Gardevoir would have to pay a high price to bring him out of retirement.
    Now, this made me raise an eyebrow - why was this Gallade, of all of them, set as the leader by Arceus if he was an assassin? Seems an odd choice to me.
    “Are you sure?” Gallade inquired. “You’ve only just met the guy tonight. What, did you spend all of 3 hours with him? Give him a chance before you have me kill him. I don’t really want to come out of retirement, and I couldn’t take even more of your money for yet another senseless kill.”
    three rather than 3, and also; why do Pokemon need money, particular Psychics? O_o
    40 years ago…
    Okay, I'll quote this one too. =p Again, stuff like this isn't necessary and ought to be avoided.
    Darkrai was floating in the middle of a forest, but he wasn’t sure where.
    Unlike his previous home on New Moon Island, there was noise here.
    Starlys were tweeting, Yanmas buzzing around, and there was even the sound of a Pachirisu as it scampered up a tree.
    There was also a small pond nearby, where a few Barboach could be seen feeding.
    But standing right in front of Darkrai was not the trainer he had seen earlier.
    It was an older man, maybe in his 50s, wearing an orange leisure suit and brown loafers.
    He also wore a tie monogrammed with an “R.”
    There was a Persian standing by his side, grooming itself.
    This paragraph I segmented to show how a lot of the sentences were roughly the same length, and how the description could use some work. lOn the first point - it tends to mess up with the pacing and make the story sound more like a detailed point-form list rather than a story, so try changing up the sentence structure some more. (I also wonder if Starlys/Yanmas really work for a plural - going along the lines of say sheep/sheep, having simply Starly and Yanma sounds better; but up to you. Just keep it consistent, as 'a few Barboach' contradicts this naming practise).

    As for the latter - rather than listing everything right then and there, try spreading it out though the story and mention it as something happens/link with an action. For instance - the tie could be adjusted by him as he grins at Darkrai and during that you can mention that it has an R on it. Otherwise it also contributes to the list feel - e.g. 'There was ____' 'It was an older man with ____' 'He wore ____', which is basically telling us a lot of information in one go. Linking with actions keeps the story moving and hence fixes the pacing, and is also generally more interesting to read as well (as something is happening during said description in that case).
    “Hello there Darkrai!” The strange man said.
    Add in a comma before Darkrai, and the rather than The.
    “Really, Giovanni? You think you can contain me with chains?” Darkrai said this snidely, and then disappeared, effectively breaking loose from the chains.
    Watch for being too repetitive as well - eg with the usage of chains twice in two sentences, or like the following case too:
    “Yes, my Queen,” a thousand Combee voices droned simultaneously. All attacked the man in the orange suit simultaneously as well.
    Distracted, the Mr. Mime no longer held up the barrier.
    Also an instance of being too much on the telling rather than showing side with description, this bit.
    “What is it Vespiquen?” he asked gruffly.
    “All is forgiven, Alakazam. Now I don’t have to use my backup plan.”

    “Backup plan?” Alakzam thought, puzzled.
    XD. I do think this joke would have been better if Gardevoir didn't go and explain what she meant afterwards though...
    Team Rocket’s hideout loomed into view. It wasn’t much of a hideout, but a well disguised office building. The sign out front said, “Silph Co.” It was an average-looking place. Gray, non-distinguishable, not too big. It was a very forgettable place.
    Note that here you're rather wishy-washy on what you're saying about the building - it was an office building, then average-looking, and then forgettable-looking place, with the phrase 'It was a/n ___ place' repeated twice, and the sentence in-between feeling tacked on.
    “YES, MY QUEEEEEEEEEENNNNN!!!!” The Combee screamed.
    the.
    Gallade followed right behind them, and hit the Mr. Mime in the face with a Night Slash. It was knocked out cold.
    Description tends to suffer most in battles I noticed - say here, it's very plainly told without anything shown to us on how the move was done, how the Mr Mime reacted besides fainting (screaming? flailing? a look of surprise on its face at it was struck?), and so forth - you don't need to describe every detail obviously but even a small addition will work wonders.
    There were about 30 of them, along with a old man with green hair, wearing an elegant robe.
    thirty.
    “Oh, I didn’t know you were in to fat chicks,” Alakazam retorted.
    into as one word.
    Gardevoir nodded, and she and Alakazam teleported away to Arceus’ cave yet again. Meanwhile, a very concerned-looking Zweilous was walking down the same path that they had just left…
    That last sentence seems tacked on/confusing to me - why did it need to be mentioned/what was a Zweilous doing there/why is it concerned?


    Overall... not bad, certainly - good premise and a whole punch of intresting plot developments and characters. It just needs some work on the description and perhaps some consideration on the plot/character stuff mentioned. Hope this was of help to you; good luck with the rest of it!

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    1. Thanks for the review, b&b!
    2. Yea, I do have a bit of a problem with forcing humor sometimes. I'm trying to make it more subtle in the next chapter than BAM! right in your face stuff.
    3. I thought the prankster-like feel of Darkrai fit his character more. Being Darkrai, he's usually portrayed as something evil, so I thought it would be best to stick with that, but definitely to a lesser extent.
    4. You should have seen the ORIGINAL Arceus I had in mind. *chuckles to self* He was like Wigglytuff from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, except even more bipolar. That's the comment you read about. Also, to answer your question about Arceus not doing more, he's God. You don't see God prancing about in the real world fixing problems, so why should he be doing that in the Pokemon world? As for why he doesn't know about other things... *applauds* You have officially found a plot hole. Gotta work on that now...
    5. Yep, the reason for the evil teams joining together is coming soon!
    6. Concerning all the numerals problems: My teachers in school have always said, "Just use a number if it's higher than ten," so that's what I've been doing. Some numerals that are less than ten were just screw-ups on my part. Will edit so that all numbers less than 100 are spelled out.
    7. Concerning all problems with commas: I didn't have a beta-reader for the first four chapters. That's probably why it went unnoticed. Will edit that.
    8. With the "2 days earlier, at New Moon Island," I'm not doing that anymore, as evidenced by later chapters. You're completely correct. It's not needed. I just forgot to take it out.
    9. For the run on sentence, that was supposed to be a semicolon, not a comma. Still, it probably would be best to make that a period.
    10. For repetition problems, I'll try to fix that. Sometimes it's hard for me to come up with similes for certain things. But I'll think of something.
    11. Thank you for the pointing out of sentence structure/info list problem. I never realized how badly I needed to work on that. I'll definitely take your advise on making it more subtle. (just like I'll be trying to do with the humor)
    12. Showing rather than telling is another big thing that I need to work on. Definitely going to fix things... (*sigh* Lots of editing to do)
    13. For the little problem with Xatu. That was another bit of forced humor. It was an Ocarina of Time reference, and a bad one at that.
    14. For the problem with Gallade: There's the evidence of that plot hole again, but I actually have an idea to fix this one.
    15. Yea, I probably shouldn't have had the backup plan joke explained. Leaving the reader wondering would've probably made it funnier.
    16. Showing instead of telling during battles= something that I need to work on. Well, it's good to have room to improve, I guess.
    17. The Zweilous thing... That was a scrapped intro to a sub-plot that I forgot to take out. Will edit that (just like everything else, lol.)
    18. Thank you again for the review! I'm definitely going to take all of your advice into consideration.

    @Everyone: Chapter 8 will be delayed with school starting for me. Also, I will be editing previous chapters. I'll let you know when I'm done editing them so I can continue work on Chapter 8.
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  25. #50
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    3. I thought the prankster-like feel of Darkrai fit his character more. Being Darkrai, he's usually portrayed as something evil, so I thought it would be best to stick with that, but definitely to a lesser extent.
    I can get that, but my point was more his character was inconsistent - in that the prankster side of him wasn't quite so evident in the first so-and-so chapters, and so it felt off.
    Also, to answer your question about Arceus not doing more, he's God. You don't see God prancing about in the real world fixing problems, so why should he be doing that in the Pokemon world? As for why he doesn't know about other things... *applauds* You have officially found a plot hole. Gotta work on that now...
    That depends on if God exists which depends on the person you ask but that's a whole different matter. ;p At any rate... I don't really see much reason for him to not fix things in the story itself, and so it still irks at me. I'd suggest establishing more as to why he doesn't investigate things himself (and likely deal with it quicker too, being a god and all) rather than have 'well we don't see god in the real world doing stuff' as an explanation outside of the story itself. After all, many people wonder why god irl doesn't do more to stop violence/suffering/etc, so I don't really think it's a suitable explanation in itself.
    6. Concerning all the numerals problems: My teachers in school have always said, "Just use a number if it's higher than ten," so that's what I've been doing. Some numerals that are less than ten were just screw-ups on my part. Will edit so that all numbers less than 100 are spelled out.
    As long as you're being consistent.
    For the little problem with Xatu. That was another bit of forced humor. It was an Ocarina of Time reference, and a bad one at that.
    Ah, I see, although I'll admit I didn't get the reference then. Partly because I think of that owl as more a 'I'm talking now so you are going to listen to me talk about everything now as I stare at you! Now fly!' sort of creature in terms of speech, rather than the Hoot-Hoot aspect.
    18. Thank you again for the review! I'm definitely going to take all of your advice into consideration.
    Glad it was of help! Don't worry about it all, as we've all got to start from somewhere (I'm long overdue on edits myself x_x). Just be sure to take your time with the editing process.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
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