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  1. #1
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    Default World Turns (PG)

    So maybe a short introduction is due. I've been rolling variations of stores around in my head for quite some time (years), only now am I getting them out of my head. I do much better talking them than writing, and I hope that here I can polish a few ideas into a few fun stories. What that means, is I have a lot of ends, a lot fo excitement ideas, and not a lot of the things that make the passage of time more realistic, or the know how to really do those. I don't aspire to be syndicated, just to out and out have some fun. So, welcome to the Pokemon World, as I see it. Thank you for reading me!

    In the interests of being long-winded, and that this came up, I'm basing the world more around the economics and structure of Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek Earth, starting with the removal of currency. For those of you unfamilliar, here's a passage from the Wikipedia article on such.
    Quote Originally Posted by http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federation_credit

    In the United Federation of Planets, Replicators and other advanced technologies provide for virtually all basic material wants and needs equally and sufficiently to all. Every citizen of the Federation has plenty of food of virtually any type they want, clothes, shelter, recreational and luxury items, and has all their basic material needs easily met. A society based around self-improvement and collectively improving the human race instead of cutthroat competition, combined with heavy automation, means labor is essentially free, menial tasks are automated, and goods are made freely available to all citizens due to superabundance. As seen in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episodes featuring Jake and Joseph Sisko, people are apparently not paid in credits for their work.
    Now, even in such a popular culture as Star Trek, there are a few a plot gaps in place, and as cited there are a few cases even on Earth (since I'm not deling with alien cultures) where some form of suppl and demand must be in play so that a singular trainer cannot simply walk off with the entire stock of Pokeballs, and as far as we know replicator technmology is a ways out for a PKMN World. That being said, there are flying cars in Orre, Maglevs which are very rare on Earth still, not to mention the Pokemon themselves removing a lot of middleman steps such as electrical production, sources of water, even some forms of fruit and vegetables, so on a practical sense there's room for overlay. Also, I cannot see a world that isn't focused on betterment of itself and humanity as being the kind of place moms and dads freely turn loose of their children to go on soul-searching adventures, no?

    -Morgan

    PM cloud: (for purposes of me copy-pasting into the PM)
    Wartiger97; Sidewinder


    And now, Silph Co., the Distributors for Fibber Magee travel luggage, and the ONBS, are proud to bring you, World Turns, an on-going fanfic by some new guy! *Applause loop*
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    NEW!Please note, the original Chapter 1 is now tucked into a spoiler at the bottom of the page. The following is a new, and hopefully improved version. Same chapter, new bodystyle.

    A Study in Orre
    In the beginning… There was land. It was somewhat lush. Always, a desert has existed to the Orre’s eastern edge, where the landmass joined the continent. Geologists believe the region was one a subcontinent, that the collision reduced much of the land to the fine silicate that is now the Desert. To the West though, is the forest. Now called Agate Forest, and stretching out from the coastline that feeds it, it was once home to many bug type and flying type Pokémon. Clean rivers made home to strong water types. The forest gave way to desert and mountain, and so nearly any Pokémon imaginable could be found here. Even some rarer Pokémon, normally reserved for the distant Unova region would appear, but usually only flying types. There is documentation of Heatmor in and near the volcano, and Orre is much closer to Unova than many others, leading science to speculate they migrated through now dried up lava tubes. If that’s true though, then that means Durant, though unseen, must also now be present in the vast sands.

    I closed my notes. Thos would be my fourth rewrite of this documentation, and I was quite sick of the reports, and of strong scientific opening lines. Not that I’m sick of the Pokémon, I always love making new discoveries of my homeland; it’s just the same old boring science stuff. One can’t just yell “Cowabunga” and dive into new habits and habitats, the boring setup must be maintained.

    The door chime sounded. My chance for a break, maybe. Michael said there would be a new trainer. That’s either him, or Mike’s back early from the supply run.

    New kid, looks nervous, but I see a gleam of adventure in his eye. Sadly, Orre isn’t much for new trainers. Wes tried, Mike and I try, Sherles, I don’t know how he keeps Pyrite as good as it is with Gomer Pyle for a deputy, but between the history of attracting the thugs, earning us a reputation of being the "New West" by the elders of the Jenny family, and our reputation as “The Land of Double Battles”, It’s a traditional ‘hello, welcome to Gateon Lab. What can I do for you?’, followed by shipping them off on some poor unsuspecting Professor, while we hold his Pokémon for him. Or more typically, we don't see nor hear a thing from them for five years.

    “Hello, welcome to Gateon Lab. What can I do for you?”

    The nervous voiced eked back “I, I, I’m here to see about my first Pokémon. Sir.”

    “Wonderful. Glad to hear it. Is there a name?"

    "Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry. I'm Johnny."

    "Glover. Glad to meet you." I shook his hand firmly, but succinctly. "Please, follow me to the back.” He did so, with a cautious excitement that is always fun to watch evolve in trainers. "The back" is a forest area, that backs up to a mountainous area; a foreshadow of the desert and volcano to the northern and eastern part of Orre. It was originally my land for my caught but-unused Pokémon, willed to the Lab after they decided to make the research facility out of it.

    “So, do you have any experience with Pokémon?”

    “Yes!, well, no, not really.”

    “I sense a 'but…' in there.” We stepped out the main lobby, and turned to the right.

    “There is one." He said rather sheepishly. "A Raticate lived under our porch when I was little; very territorial.”

    “So we can take Raticate off the list of potential Pokémon. Anything positive?” Around the corner we went, taking a path between the original lab on Shadow Pokémon, now a Genetics Center and HQ, and the newer built "Climate and Ecology Facility". Across from the center courtyard was a third building under construction. There was still some debate as to what was going in there, maybe classrooms or some-such thing.

    “No, nothing else.” That’s not an unsurprising answer for the Orre region.

    “What about your parents, no Pokémon experience there?”

    “Nope, not as far as I know.” Also not as shocking as you might think. In Orre, you would expect people to have lots of Pokémon, but Pokémon were like the old phrase “You wouldn’t shoot an unarmed man, would you?” and thus, you were a smaller target for most people if you didn’t have any. Or, you made sure you had a bigger gun than the other guy, but that only lasted for so long.

    “Okay then Johnny, here’s how Orre region starts trainers. As you know, we don’t have an official gym challenge here." "Yet," I added to myself. "We also don’t have necessarily a common set of Pokémon to pick from, though the Eevee starter is quite popular around here. Orre was once a melting pot of Pokémon from everywhere, but today it's barren. Instead, we’ll let you go out and bond with the younger Pokémon on the ranch, and the one that picks you is your starter.”

    There was a look of sheer terror. “No, the parents will not be attacking you for being near their babies, don’t you worry about that.” We reached the stables, no sign of Jovi anywhere. Her mother Lily and Professor Crane all hoped she’d slow down when she hit her teenage years, but she just up shifted, and was never where you last saw her.

    Come to think of it, Johnny wasn’t behind my right shoulder anymore. Then I saw why, and reached over to pick up the problem from the dirt path.

    “Ratatta too?”

    “Ratatta too, I’m afraid. I'm sorry, Glover. I tried to pet one once…”

    “Don't worry about it. That’s too bad, though. This one’s been anxious to get on the road for a while now. Now, where did that girl get to?”

    “Who?”

    “Jovi. Ranch-hand extraordinaire. 'Bout 5'10", blue hair, was wearing the rancher's bibs last saw her. Probably got more energy in her than those two Pokémon of hers.”

    “That her?” He pointed over to a large wooden pen on the edge of the main reserve. More specifically, to a pair of denim legs and a large, thick hided creature with two drill horns.

    “Ah, under the Rhyperior. Yes, that’s her.” Under the Rhyperior. I blinked, computing the image. Only girl I’ve seen brave enough, ah scratch that, only person, period brave enough to try tickling a Rhyperior. For that matter, I wasn’t all that aware of Rhyperior having a penitent for being ticklish.

    “She’s kinda cute.”

    “Yep, and she’s left every guy who’s said that choking in the dust. Good, hard worker, CONSTANTLY flitting about like a Butterfree from one thing to another. Except the Pokémon, she’s always come back to them.”

    I rapped on the Rhyperior’s pen. A head popped out from under its wide belly, blinked, and panicked.

    “Whenever you’re done, we have guest.” I replied nonchalantly.

    “Geez! GLOVER!, why didn’t you tell me!” Rhyperior looked a bit dejected he wasn’t going to any more belly rubs, because of course, when you’re a large ground type; you kinda live for that treatment.

    Or maybe he’s just spoiled.

    Jovi dashed over to the water faucet to wipe some of the mud off and try to look presentable, Mimi the Plusle, Jovi's confidante and bestie, tossing a towel as she went. Johnny laughed, and turned to notice some Hoppip bounding about in a large semi-open topped greenhouse. Inside were a few grass types, mostly Hoppip though, a few Cottonee joined them. The building helped keep the Pokémon corralled who were too light to control their own movements.

    “Are these available?”

    “Yes, I believe they are. Most of the Pokémon you see out are available; the trainers' Pokémon are out there in the reserve or in the ball racks inside."

    One of the Hoppip floated over to the windowpane. It studied him briefly, but kicked off the pane to fly with its friends again.

    Jovi walked up, still wiping mud off with her sleeve. "And that little building behind you is our Nursery; we keep younger Pokémon and those too small to live out in the forest and mountains in here."

    Johnny studied the little playground area he was standing in. it had a little sampling of everything, some dirt hills, a small pond, some trees in a grassy field. He found a rock by the water to sit down at and study the area. It was a bit larger than a two football fields, but the actual size was hard to judge with the terrain behind it, A Totodile swam up to where he was sitting. It stuck its head up out of the water and sniffed him. Unsatisfied, the Totodile twisted in the water and swam away quickly, splashing Johnny with a bit of water has he did.

    "Where do you get all of these Pokémon?" He asked.

    "We breed most of them. A lot of them come from Glover's Pokémon." the Jovi had an idea, snapped her fingers, and dashed off towards the little forest.

    "So these are yours?"

    "Not all of them, but most of them, since my Pokémon have been here the longest. We get accidental breeds between other trainers' Pokémon, some of them are willingly put up for adoption, Pokémon that trainers have captured but ended up not using or not using any more."

    "Wouldn't the trainers want those Pokémon?"

    "Usually, but not always. Sometimes it's just not what they were looking for in a Pokémon. We'll keep them with the parent, usually whichever one is showing more of a bond with the Pokémon, until it would be time in the wild for the baby to leave the nest."

    Jovi came back nudging a shy Oddish and carrying a very vocal and apparently very nervous Swablu in her arms. The latter departed for a tree branch as soon as she let go. The Oddish seemed comfortable enough around Johnny, but in the end it wasn't the match for her or him, so she quickly waved her head leaves to him and retreated back into the forest as well. Jovi did this dance for a while, dragging him about the area like a mother taking her daughter out shopping for Prom Dresses. Each time looking for that proper fit. Many of the Pokémon seemed to like Johnny, but he wasn't "the one"; they didn't feel the draw to him that he was where their destiny lie.

    Except that Ratatta.

    It would probably be feeling dejected and heartbroken over Johnny’s fear and ever so not subtle attempts to not be near it, if this little critter wasn’t so darned stubborn. Finally, it was on towards dinner when he landed on a log to ponder. Absent-mindedly, after playing with so many Pokémon, he began petting the small, warm body that nuzzled up next to his leg. Jovi and I saw what happened almost immediately, and tried not to grin like maniacs. This lasted a good minute, before he noticed who it was, and ingrained panic set in. That Ratatta was smart though, and jumped into his lap and buried itself in his shirt, stopping him from getting up. I finally smiled, Jovi smiled, and finally, he realized, there was no Raticate out to get him this time. He scooped the Mouse Pokémon up; and announced proudly he had made his choice.

    More importantly, Ratatta made his. Jovi went to find the Ratatta’s Pokéball while I handled the boring paperwork stuff. I rang out his new ID number and sent the report into the Social Security office to get it linked to his information. They wouldn't trust us with that info, and I don't blame them truthfully. Johnny already had his P*DA, so I uploaded the Pokédex App into it and set the default to National 'Dex, showing him how to use the search functions. When Jovi came back, we did a manual transfer of the Pokéball to Johnny's ID number. He plugged in Chip's new nickname through the P*DA's interface. Next to last was the Orre Region Starter Kit Special, a few Pokéballs, some herbal medicines, Potions, Antidotes, enough to get him on the road, anyway.

    “So, now where do I go?” He asked, finally allowing himself to be ecstatic about being a trainer.

    “Tonight? I’d go home. Get a good dinner. Then I encourage zipping over to Phenac tomorrow. Train under Justy in the Pre-Gym for a while, maybe catching a Pokémon contest in the old Phenac colosseum, and then since Ratatta is a Kanto native primarily, probably start there. There’s not a whole lot in Orre for new trainers beyond Phenac I’m afraid.” Professor Oak's a good guy to start with, I'll get your recommendation letter into his e-mail tonight so he knows you're coming, unless you think you'll be going straight into the gyms."

    "Is there any reason to? I thought my Pokémon would transfer here?"

    "They will, sometimes though new trainers like to have a home base to check in at in the region, and the local Professor is a good place for that."

    "Okay, I see. Now, when I transfer Pokémon, I need to do that from the Pokémon Centers, right?"

    "Yep." Jovi said. "The lab number's already in your P*DA, if Glover did his job. Just ring us up, and put your ball in the sending unit. After you have six Pokémon on you, remember, the other Pokéballs will go into a lock mode. You can switch Pokémon around by holding the two Pokéballs you wish to switch next to each other and double clicking the buttons, but you cannot open more than six Pokéballs."

    "Usually, emergency failures can happen and the Pokéball will override that limit, of course, unless its confinement sensors are tripped."

    "Confinement sensor?"

    "Keeps it from opening in small places, like your backpack or a pants pocket." I explained

    "You don't want a Donphan materializing in your pants." Jovi informed him, rather matter of factly.

    “Noted. Thank you Glover, Jovi. Come on Chip, let’s introduce you to mom!” An eager mouse chirped happily and clambered up his pant leg, up his shirt, and onto Johnny’s shoulder. He playfully marched to the door, waving goodbye to us and riding his bike into the sunset. That, was going to be a beautiful friendship.

    He passed a mid twenties young man with a burnt-umber hair color coming up the drive, talking to a middle-aged Professor, who was continually wiping his glasses. Nervous tick, probably from being taken hostage so many years ago. Seeing Michael and Crane back, it was time for me to get myself home and to my family as well.

        Spoiler:- v1:

    --End Chapter 1--



    ---Chapter linkss
    Chapter 2
    Last edited by Glover; 4th June 2012 at 10:12 AM. Reason: forgot to add in rating

  2. #2
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    Flip back to Chapter 1
    Please note -6/4/2012 As with Chapter 1, Chapter 2 has recieved some tweaking. The original is archived into the first Spoiler at the bottom, if you are curious. All replies to this chapter prior to this date are for the old variation

    Dispute Over Dinner
    WT CH2

    “C'’mon Dad, why are you being such a pain! I’ve been ten for like, six months now, and yet you still won’t let me go on my journey!”

    “Do we really have to have this conversation every night at Dinner? Can’t we talk about something else for ten year old girls, like some hot guy you saw in Port?”

    “No, we can’t. This is a rite of passage! You’'ve said so yourself. NUMEROUS times. Every day you turn some random other trainer into the world at the lab, but you won’t trust ME enough. “

    “Janie, it’s not that I don’t trust you, else I’d have locked you in a basement years ago. I don’t trust the other seven-billion wackos in the world.”

    “Says you. Yet you underestimate Tally and I both.”

    The Herdier under the table perked its ears up at mention of its name. Truthfully, the Pokémon was more interested in getting a bite of whatever delicious smelling thing we had on the table than an argument over whether it could or could not protect the girl.

    “Janie, all I asked was that you and Tally catch a wild Pokémon. And that Castform that is smitten with you doesn’t count. I see no reason why you couldn'’t take him with you when you go, though, we have plenty of them at the research lab and he’s more himself with you anyway.”

    Janie ignored the majority of that comment and went straight to a counter-attack. “Right, catch a Pokémon. That’s easy, I know: Tackle the Pokemon, throw the pokeball. This is the ORRE region for crying out loud! There ARE no wild Pokémon, unless you can get out into the bay and fish out there. Cipher drove the last of them all off before I. WAS. EVEN. BORN, Dad! Mom, back me up here!”

    “"Sweetie, you know I’m not the expert he is. And besides, I’m not all that fond of you gallivanting across the regions if you had all of Glover’s Pokémon with you.”"

    “"And besides, there are too wild Pokémon, and-”"

    "“Yeah? Name me six you passed on the way home today, Dad."”

    “"That’s not the point of this. The point is that Pokémon won’t often just jump out of a tree branch and whop you in the face. We just want to know you'll be able to survive out there on your own."”

    Defeated, she huffed off to the kitchen to clean her dishes. No reasoning with a trainer-to-be with a dream in her eyes. A little later, the sound of a door slamming upstairs told me the bedroom fort was armed for a while.

    I looked over at Cayna, alias "Mom" or "The lesser enemy" hoping for sympathy of some kind. My eyes away, a four legged sneak thief used Janie's unoccupied chair to grab a hamburger off the table, then stealthily snuck upstairs to find her trainer-to-be.

    "Well, at least she cleans her plate before storming off. I guess we did something right, raising her," I decided.

    "I suppose. I just hate seeing her struggling underneath us though."

    "As I recall, this was your idea keeping her out of the loop for as long as you could, dear."

    "No no, forcing her to catch a Pokemon in lieu of being given a starter was your idea, Mr."

    "You just observed a "need" for us to pin her down."

    "Err, well, yes."

    Tally found a wooden door between her and a companion, and the Herdier was forced to make an about turn and slip downstairs again. Her collar jingled as she left the carpet floors and started on the tile kitchen toward the back Pokemon Playroom, keeping her beef prize hidden from us all the way in.

    "She'll be fine, won't she?"

    "Of course, dear. You know how she is, gets angry at the problem until she manages to overcome it,"

    "And then she gloats the whole way home about her victory."

    "And then she gloats. Reminds me of someone I married, quite the competeive streak for someone who didn't take part in the gyms."

    Cayna teasingly fast-balled a napkin at me, teasingly. Her meal fisihed, she stacked the plate on the counter and playfully leaned over my shoulder.

    "You wouldn't mind cleaning up here, I'd like to soak for a bit."

    We held a kiss for a good moment of time. "Of course." I brushed her long hair away from the butterdish. "Janie'll be fine. She's our kid, what better genes are there?"

    Cayna seemed satisfied, and flirtingly slipped around the corner into the hallway.

    I blew out the candles on the table, and rounded up what bowls I could. Guinivere met me in the kitchen, her and her brother Gotegrim had sat outside.

    "Is there anything else I can get for you?" The Gardevoir asked.

    "I think there's still some chips on the table, I can get those."

    "If you insist, then I'll help put leftovers away. You'll still need to get the grill, I take it?"

    "Yep. And thanks Guin, I don't know how we'd function without you." I'd have hugged her, but my arms were full, so a smile and a twinkle had to suffice.

    On our porch, a Gallade was crouched, studying the shiny silver grill. "One of these days, Glover, I'm going to have to watch you work this." He decided.

    "Same thing as a campfire, basically. Just with gas."

    "It's the gas part that worries me, though. Maybe if I were a poison type, but I just don't trust it. Or me. Or me with it."

    "I could bring Napalm up here. Would she be of any help?" I teased. Gotegrim shuddered; thinking of all of his less than fond encounters with the Pyrocidal Muk who loved setting herself on fire.

    "No, no I'll be fine without her." He handed me the grill cover. It seemed cool enough now to tarp it.

    "That was quick." Guin noted as her two "boys" came in from the back porch.

    "Usually is." I replied. "What needs done?"

    "Nothing, I'm just about finished." Guinivere left off the implied "get out of my kitchen; shoo."

    "The news then, Glover?"

    "Works for me 'Grim."

    Tally followed the flow of bodies into the living room and studied where her people were. She wasn’t sure who needed a dog-Pokémon in their lap more, me or Janie. Janie’s door was shut though, so I won the honors. More importantly to her, Tally won a head scratching, something Tally herself wasn’t that fond of, not like other Pokémon, but she understood it as a sign of affection and appreciated it as such. Besides, a belly rub would make it difficult to digest the part of a hamburger she’d stolen…

    “Am I really the bad guy here?”

    ‘Herd?’ She looked up and smiled.

    “I know you’re strong enough to protect her. I just want to know she’ll do okay.” Tally just shifted closer to me, putting those--OW! Sharp claws into my thigh…
    I could almost hear thoughts her as she snuggled in, riding on her contented breathing that was a lot like a purr. Don’t worry Dad, I’ll fix this soon… Ah, a little to the right, there you go. Oohh yeah… that feels better… I’m trying to find her something to catch, honest. I'll make this right.

    That blasted phone started ringing. Tally snarled at it. It meant I’d have to get up. Maybe she could hold down my lap and prevent me. Didn’t I know Pokémon in my lap was therapeutic, at least for the Pokémon?

    RING RING!!

    This was a once in a lifetime chance I was passing up. A nice, warm Herdier across my legs. A warm Herdier that loved me.

    RING! RING! Shove. Whump. *Whimper* RI-

    “Hello? Davis Residence.”

    -Glover, good to hear from you! I’m not too late am I?

    “Oh, no. You’re just fine. How may I help you, Duking?” The man on the other end was settling into the "Hiker" classification now more than he had been a BodyBuilder. Which wasn't to say he wasn't, the man was still tall, and very wide, and quite an imposing looking figure. Much of his Pokemon team now were suited for working the local terrain, but he had a few fighting types hanging around his place.

    His baritone voice sounded ominous.-Well, it’s good news-bad news from Pyrite. The good news, we do seem to be getting a few sightings of Cacnea now by the Outskirt stand. Probably offspring of those Cacturne we released into the wild a few years back, which means the desert ecosystem is working, and our research and pacing is paying off. One trainer claims to have seen what was described as a Maractus, but those are Unova Pokémon.

    “We did have a Maractus egg at the Pokémon lab, Jovi was raising it. That may have been hers they saw, unless she’s been playing Breeder. It would give us more diversity in the ecosystem, IF we think that the Orre desert can or has supported Maractus in the past. I don’t remember any, but I never ventured that far into the desert when I was young enough to have experienced wild Pokémon here.”

    -I think it’s a stretch to say they were here, but they are much like Cacturne and the associated, so it’s entirely possible that we could introduce them. The more grass types in the desert, the more likely we can get a handle on this sand-driven mess."

    "And I have seen Mandibuzz near Eclo Canyon. I'm pretty sure they migrated from Unova."

    -"I'm sure of it. No one on my end had any Mandibuzz, we were content to leave it to the Skarmory that lived out there. Could have come from the nomads, but they mostly deal in Camerupt."

    "Time will tell, Duking. What's the bad news, If I may skip around this conversation?

    Of course. I may have a bigger concern then the wildlife. There have been a few people nosing about the area asking about Shadow Pokémon, and wanting to see the research lab remains.

    “Cipher? Maybe testing to see what we know and how comfy we are?”

    -"That thought crossed my mind, but it didn’t fit right. They were acting too tourist-y about the lab site, and too much like Pokémon-rights activists."

    “That IS destroyed, correct?”

    -Yes, you guys have the research, Both places were torn down, filled in, and the Shadow liner tunnel connecting them and Realgam Tower was filled in. no worries about that. Even still, they raised a red flag with me. You’re the League agent though, so I wanted to poke you about it.

    “Yes, and it worries me too. I wish Michael would let go of this whole guardian of Orre thing, but I should probably tell him tomorrow to look into it.”

    -I agree; the kid needs his life, and get over the fact that he had led the charge to stop Cipher the last time. But by now, I think we're too late to do anything. This IS his life. Much like your job, on a smaller scale, I suppose.

    “I suppose. Lance sure has a way of enamoring young trainers to be do-gooders. Especially in this lawless sandbox. I tell you, I can’t wait for the day that branch of the Jenny family gets through the Academy officially.”

    -Neither can Sherles. He’s looking forward to the day he can retire with what hair he hasn’t ripped out. So long as he doesn’t pummel the matriarch of that family for stranding him for so long…

    I couldn'’t help it, I laughed. I almost dropped the receiver because of it. I knew the eldest Jenny, not well but I’ve met her enough times to know the stubborn streak. I did always wonder why they hadn’t come to Orre previously. Rumors amongst the Champions said that the youngest Jennnys were met with much family friction over the decision to tame the untamable Orre after graduating from the academy.

    -Well, I should leave you to your evening then. Good to talk to you.

    “Always a pleasure Duking. You take care.”

    -"And you. Good night."

    He hung up. Tally whumped the seat cushion with her tail and gave me a look that said Alright, I’ll give you one more chance.

    I'’ll take it.

        Spoiler:- Chapter 2 V1:


    Proceed to Chapter 3

    Author's Note. Hopefully, I'm nopt moving too fast or slow for reading and editing. I know you're out there, I can see the read counts going up. :P

    This chapter dedicated to Tally, possibly one of the best Corgis a boy could grow up with. Rest well now, old friend.
    Last edited by Glover; 4th June 2012 at 10:15 AM.

  3. #3
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    This was quite a good read, I have to say - I'm fairly interested in fic that deal with Orre and this seems a fairly good continuation of the Orre games as well. I like how Michael apparently has that air about being Orre's guardian, Sherles apparently pulling out his hair with all he's had to deal with and Duking still part of the Orre conservation projects from XD as well. And Jovi still being energetic is a neat take on an older version of her as well, although i will admit that her third-person verbal tick is good to have seen gone by now. XD bobandbill did find it a bit annoying after a while in XD. Anyways, I'd say you have a good feel for those characters.

    I quite like the characterisation of the other characters as well, namely the protagonist and her daughter, and I liked the use of the dog as well, such as the bit of him jumping on Glover's thigh and his 'thoughts' being guessed at as he was being scratched. Fairly steady with description as well and I don't see any issues with the plot either thus far. The dialogue flows nicely too, so really there's no major flaws that I can see here, bar one thing - I'm not sure why having seen a Raticate/Rattata before meant that it wasn't allowed to be a 'potential partner' - that didn't seem to be explained quite clearly. I'm guessing that he had a bad experience with them before and so hence wasn't keen about them but if so then a bit more about that would be something to include, I feel.

    Besides that it's mostly just small typos or errors here and there that are easy enough to fix...
    Geologists believe the region was one a subcontinent, that the collision reduced much of the land to the fine silicate that is now the Desert. To the West though, is the forest.
    once rather than one, and I'm unsure if that comma is really needed too. I don't feel 'west' and the like really need the capitalisation as well, unless you're treating it like 'West Orre' I suppose.
    One can’t just yell “Cowabunga” and dive into new habits and habitats, the boring setup must be maintained.
    The comma after habitats could be a semi-colon or hyphen as well imo. But although this fact is true I now have the thought of several Pokemon Professors doing just so. XD I did like the introduction though - interesting way to begin the story.
    Wes tried, Mike and I try, Sherles, I don’t know how he keeps Pyrite as good as it is with Gomer Pyle for a deputy, but between the thugs, and our reputation as “The Land of Double Battles”, It’s a traditional ‘hello, welcome to Gateon Lab. What can I do for you?’, followed by shipping them off on some poor unsuspecting Professor.
    hello, welcome to Gateon Lab. What can I do for you?”
    Nice jib with 'Land of Double Battles' there. XD The first sentence though felt it was a run-on sentence though as it seemed too have too much content in it and hence could be split into a couple of sentences imo. 'It's' should be 'it's' there too (no need for capitalisation in the middle of the sentence). As for the last line, it should be separated a bit more from the above, with Hello rather than hello.
    “Okay then Johnny, here’s how Orre region starts trainers.
    the Orre region, perhaps?
    We reached the stables, no sign of Jovi anywhere. Lily and Crane all hoped she’d slow down when she hit her teenage years, but she just up shifted, and was never where you last saw her.
    The first sentence sounded a bit odd to me with the use of the comma there. It also seems a bit too short/missing something - maybe something like 'We reached the stables, but there was no sign of Jovi anywhere.'
    “Whenever you’re done, we have guest.” I replied nonchalantly.
    'a guest', I think, and a comma should be in place of the full stop (as you can treat this whole part as one sentence).
    “Geez! GLOVER!, why didn’t you tell me!”
    Not sure you need the exclamation mark there as the caps already indicate that she is shouting (and it's odd to follow it with a comma too) - but if you want it perhaps start a new sentence after it instead (so 'GLOVER! Why didn't...' for instance).
    In fact, he spent the better part of the day playing with Pokémon, Jovi’d drag him around making introductions, each time a Pokémon would be interested, but just not quite enough so in him.
    Another run-on sentence here - I'd suggest splitting into three sentences where I've bolded... and maybe also change 'Jovi'd' to 'Jovi would', but that's more up to you with that.
    Training under Justy, maybe catching a Pokémon contest in the old Phenac coliseum,
    Although coliseum is a correct alternate spelling of colosseum I personally feel that colosseum fits better given the first game is called Pokemon Colosseum and both use that spelling as well in referring to particular colosseums in the games.
    That, was going to be a beautiful friendship.

    Speaking of, Micheal was back, and Professor Crane was due back soon too, so I said goodbye to my colleagues, and went to figure out Dinner for my own family.
    I don't think the comma after that is necessary and so it can be removed, and dinner doesn't need to be capitalised either.
    “C’mon Dad, why are you being such a pain! I’ve been 10 for like, 6 months now, and yet you still won’t let me go on my journey!”
    Generally numbers less than 100 should be written with letters, so for instance here it'd be ten and six.
    Can’t we talk about something else for 10year old girls, like some hot guy you saw in Port?”
    Along with the above, it could use a space there. There was another instance of this too around it... But pfft at what he said there. XD
    “Oh, no. You’re just fine. How may I help you Duking?”
    I'd put a comma before Duking there as he's talking to him by name in dialogue (generally a comma should be before or after a name/nickname/etc used to address someone).
    -That thought crossed my mind, but it didn’t fit right. They were acting too tourist-y about the lab site, and too much like Pokémon-rights activists. “That IS destroyed, correct?”
    Minor presentation thing but the latter piece dialogue needs its own paragraph.

    Overall, neat beginning here - keep it up!

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
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    Author's reply, this is not a chapter.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    This was quite a good read, I have to say - I'm fairly interested in fic that deal with Orre and this seems a fairly good continuation of the Orre games as well. I like how Michael apparently has that air about being Orre's guardian, Sherles apparently pulling out his hair with all he's had to deal with and Duking still part of the Orre conservation projects from XD as well. And Jovi still being energetic is a neat take on an older version of her as well, although i will admit that her third-person verbal tick is good to have seen gone by now. XD bobandbill did find it a bit annoying after a while in XD. Anyways, I'd say you have a good feel for those characters.

    I quite like the characterisation of the other characters as well, namely the protagonist and her daughter, and I liked the use of the dog as well, such as the bit of him jumping on Glover's thigh and his 'thoughts' being guessed at as he was being scratched. Fairly steady with description as well and I don't see any issues with the plot either thus far. The dialogue flows nicely too, so really there's no major flaws that I can see here, bar one thing - I'm not sure why having seen a Raticate/Rattata before meant that it wasn't allowed to be a 'potential partner' - that didn't seem to be explained quite clearly. I'm guessing that he had a bad experience with them before and so hence wasn't keen about them but if so then a bit more about that would be something to include, I feel.

    *SNIP for Length*
    Stupid forum software not re-quoting old quotes for reference, and you put so much effort into snippeting sections too...

    Thank you for those words, and the corrections. I'll get on those. Yes, you have the Rattata/cate section spot on, I'll go back and add some detail into it to flesh it out.

    [LIST][*]I can see your point on west/West.[*]I left "the" out of the Orre Region accidentally, but in re-readign it, it reads to me as a personification, which may be why I didn't catch it. That being said though, if I went that route, I should have said "...how Orre region starts her trainers. I think the fits better though.[*]
    “Geez! GLOVER!, why didn’t you tell me!”
    Not sure you need the exclamation mark there as the caps already indicate that she is shouting (and it's odd to follow it with a comma too) - but if you want it perhaps start a new sentence after it instead (so 'GLOVER! Why didn't...' for instance).
    The goal there was for shock, hence the double exclamtaion. What I wanted was to try and get the initial surprise, and then the anger from the embarrasment. To me, going into such description pulls the reader out of the feeling of the characters and 'bores them" more with the details than to be more wrapped up in it. I'm open to more discussion on how to properly portray that feeling though, and if the Fan-fic forum rules don't stretch that much for open conversation in this thread, then let me know and we can either do that through PM or in a separate thread,cause I'd love to learn other people's takes on how to do that.[*] I noticed a couple of spacing errors in going back through. I think part fo the problem, much like the phone conversation you pointed out, is that I do my work in MS Word and copy it into Serebii. The forumns don't recognize the formatting though, and what is nicely spaced out ends up smooshed together again, and I miss things. But hey, that's why we have peer reviews.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinymonkey8 View Post
    Great beginning to this fic. I was going to go over the few typos I saw, but it looks line bobandbill already took care of that. :P

    Your character development is wonderful. The father/daughter interactions were well done and believable; I enjoyed them. I did find myself thinking that she sounded a little intelligent for her age, but there have been intelligent children before, so what do I know.

    I enjoyed the bit with the Herdier most. You managed the warm and cozy feel and the humorous feel at the same time, and it turned out great.

    Based on what you have so far, this looks like it will be a great fic! Keep up the good work! Looking forward to more chapters.
    Thank you for the kind words. When I write, I try to play the scenes out in my head like an episode, and lay them against my own experiences with family, the family dog in Herdier's case, and what I've seen in public. (I volunteer on a museum train until I can do it on a real passenger train, so I see lots of people) I'm glad to hear that it's working. Tally was every bit the loveable comedian I try to portray Herdier as, and I think I'm gonna regret the day I have to partially kiss Herdier off, Janie can't be stuck as an almost trainer forever. I think he'll be fun to write for in later chapters too. it's the rest of the Pokemon that'll be interesting, being that there are no flaming chickens in real life.

    Plot? I'm wingin' it here folks. I make the characters, they take me for a ride.

    Oh, is there a way to index posts to a hyperlink, so that I could edit the first page and link to each subsequent chapter?
    Last edited by Glover; 15th August 2011 at 9:10 AM.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glover View Post
    Stupid forum software not re-quoting old quotes for reference, and you put so much effort into snippeting sections too...
    Yeah, it's annoying at times. >_< But not much one can do without c+p'ing the other quotes inside.
    I left "the" out of the Orre Region accidentally, but in re-readign it, it reads to me as a personification, which may be why I didn't catch it. That being said though, if I went that route, I should have said "...how Orre region starts her trainers. I think the fits better though.
    Yeah, that works.
    The goal there was for shock, hence the double exclamtaion. What I wanted was to try and get the initial surprise, and then the anger from the embarrasment. To me, going into such description pulls the reader out of the feeling of the characters and 'bores them" more with the details than to be more wrapped up in it. I'm open to more discussion on how to properly portray that feeling though, and if the Fan-fic forum rules don't stretch that much for open conversation in this thread, then let me know and we can either do that through PM or in a separate thread,cause I'd love to learn other people's takes on how to do that.
    I can see what you mean - I just wonder if it's correct to have an exclamation mark and comma next to each other is all (and I can't say I'm actually sure on that right now, but it looks off to me in that regard). I'm fine with discussion on this instance in this thread btw, but if you want a more general discussion (as in not relating to your instance here in your fic) then a thread in the Author's Cafe would be better.
    I noticed a couple of spacing errors in going back through. I think part fo the problem, much like the phone conversation you pointed out, is that I do my work in MS Word and copy it into Serebii. The forumns don't recognize the formatting though, and what is nicely spaced out ends up smooshed together again, and I miss things. But hey, that's why we have peer reviews.
    Yeah, that can happen at times too, annoyingly enough. It happens to most people I think in fact.
    Oh, is there a way to index posts to a hyperlink, so that I could edit the first page and link to each subsequent chapter?
    Yes, there is. Top right-hand corner of every post is a number (of the post in the thread) - clicking said number gives you that specific post's link.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
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    Great beginning to this fic. I was going to go over the few typos I saw, but it looks line bobandbill already took care of that. :P

    Your character development is wonderful. The father/daughter interactions were well done and believable; I enjoyed them. I did find myself thinking that she sounded a little intelligent for her age, but there have been intelligent children before, so what do I know.

    I enjoyed the bit with the Herdier most. You managed the warm and cozy feel and the humorous feel at the same time, and it turned out great.

    Based on what you have so far, this looks like it will be a great fic! Keep up the good work! Looking forward to more chapters.
    Current story:

    Lines in the Sand - www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=522427

    After finally escaping from Giovanni, Mewtwo finally has a chance to live his life free, and sadly alone... But when fate leads him to something he has never even dreamed of, a female of his own species, his life is turned upside-down...

    I return all reviews!

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    Author's Notes:After some pondering, I've made a short attempt to improve the Gateon Harbor battle, and to add a bit to the Sherles conversation, per reply suggesrtions. Probably needs more, but it's a start. 10/7/2011

    Thanks guys! Here's Chapter 3

    Chapter 3
    Turn back to Chapter 2

    New 6-4-12 Just in case you haven't caught on, here's the expanded version of Chapter 2, with the original tucked into hammerspace.

    Pyrite Problems
    Chapter 3

    “Alright Tally, a Quilfish in shallow water! This is awesome! Let’s get him with a Quick Attack.”

    Tally turned her head around and gave Janie a look of disgust. It’s. Wet. she wanted to say to the young trainer. Do I LOOK like a retriever to you? she wanted to say, but Humans couldn’t understand her anyway, so she glanced up at the piers around Gateon Port. Then she looked at the Quilfish splashing happily in the riff-raff again.

    Yes, that would do nicely. Herdier made a Quick Attack-bound up to the piers from the shoreline, pounced onto Quilfish, then back off its rubbery body onto a dry pier. Tally winced as she landed; Poison Point had stabbed her in the paw.

    Janie smacked her head from that mistake. The Quilfish, angered and disrupted from its playtime, puffed up and fired a Pin-Missile barrage from itself in Tally’s direction, before turning to dive underwater. Janie rushed up the docks to Tally, fumbling for the right berry to soothe the poison. One of the sailors laughed at her, and began a mocking chant. Others joined in with him.

    Tally, through the pain of the poison, growled fiercely at the old sea dogs, but Janie didn’t pay them any attention.

    ---
    Janie wasn’t the only one having bad luck: I too was in Gateon, poking about for info on people matching the terms “tourist”, or “Pokemon Rights Activists.” The former was a long shot. It was rather vague and would probably pull up too many leads,but it was all I had. One dock worker remembered a small group of people a few months ago, they'd actually come from the train statio nearby to look around, but he hadn’t taken any real notice to them beyond how annoying their questions were. So that was strike one.

    Speaking of tourists though, I happened to catch a familiar grouping of trainers. Eagerness billowed from their group, and no sooner than they hit dry land from the ferry did they challenge each other to battles. Strong Pokemon they had too, this was a bunch for the colosseums. They must have met up on their way into Orre from the looks of things. Probably have lavish reservations to Realgam and would hit the other locations from there, have a grand ole' time in the untamable Orre without actually experiencing it.

    Poor Phenac watched year after year as that monstrous structure sapped away the life force of the other towns. Phenac had finally turned itself around and created a contest hall out of the former colosseum, but even some of the Coordinators were choosing to stay in the Palace and Spa that was now the base of Realgam Tower over Phenac’s own tourism economy.

    And it didn't help that atop the tower was a small city in its own right of stores and shopping stalls. At night, it burned like the sacred torch of the Pokemon Leagues, like someone had bottled up Las Vegas and then taken the cap off. They had everything. The selection surpassed Celadon, Goldenrod, all of them, spread out into three lobes around the main battle dome area. The only catch was, you were either competing, staying, or here for a show. Realgam reserved its exclusivity for guests and sporting observers, people from just off the street were limitied to the ground floor. That really wasn't a big deal though, since Orre's trainer pool were outsiders anyway.

    Perhaps, if Phenac was on a regular contest circuit, things would be different for the Oasis City, but there were no contest halls in the rest of Orre, and very little interest in it. So Phenac was a twice-yearly event, timed to be at the beginning and to be the last contest before the Grand Festivals so the ribbons could be used to save someone from otherwise not making it in. Due to the facility's size, or lack there-of, Phenac could never pass the Wallace Cup, but trainers from every region showed up for a good old fashioned bragging rights Contest.

    And the Spas at Realgam.

    Still, I suppose that I, and most of the natives of Orre should accept what we have, 800lb Slaking in the middle of the desert or no. Rumor has it a new island is starting an 11 building collosseum circuit to the south of us.

    Just what Orre needs, competition…

    Battling was getting fierce now back on the dock; an Infernape was holding its own against a Honchkrow. A skilled Flamethrower from the fire-ape met and split around a strong Aerial Ace, hitting the target in two positions. Infernape really had the bird on the ropes. Nothing it seemed of the Honchkrow’s range attacks did much damage to Infernape, save an Air Slash if it would hit, and then to come in for a physical move puts Honchkrow in the way for a solid punch. That is, when Infernape was able to roll with the hits. Once in a while, one would manage to knock the other off rythem and get in a few hits before the trainer called the Pokemon backt to its senses.

    This was fun to watch, as much or more than when I entered the Champion Leagues myself. Infernape didn’t seem to mind the water on three sides of him, a sign of good training and a well-placed focus, as he bounded across the pierss and lept and swung from lamp posts to get a better shot at his opponent.

    CRACK!!

    Alright, that didn’t last as long or as well as anyone hoped. Gateon Municipal will be needing to replace said lamppost. One soggy fire monkey later, and the winner is Honchkrow.

    Fortunately, the harbor isn’t so deep there, but it looks like the splash scared off some Wingull, revealing a somewhat desparate brown and blue dog in their midst.

    “What’s that Pokemon?” One of the trainers asked.

    “I don’t know. Wrong colors for a mightyena, but the fur’s right.”

    “Must use it for harbor work, the way it’s firing shock waves like an anti-aircraft gun, they must need to chase off the seabirds.”

    Poor Tally, trying so hard to hit something.

    ---

    Elsewhere in Orre…

    A well-past needing to retire Sherles hurried to meet Michael. Their rendevous occured in the midst of the Battle Circle, which was oddly vacant for the Police Chief and Orre region legend.

    “Good to see you in Pyrite, boy! You finally decided to help me around here?”

    “Hello, Sherles. It’s good to see you about. How are you?”

    “Tired, worn out." he sighed to prove his point "But Pyrite still needs me, so I soldier on.”

    “Wonderful to hear. I was hoping you could help me with a little case.”

    The chief's eyes perked a bit as he urged Michael towards the police station. “Why sure. What’s on your mind? Jovi get herself arrested again?”

    Michael chuckled. That little incident had been funny. One more opportunity wasted to have slowed the girl down, instead the one-night stay in jail would have made her something close to more honery. More mischevius might be a good word too.

    “No. Duking had called Glover about some odd looking people being a bit nosy about Cipher. Duking's out today though , and I wanted to see if you noticed them as well?”

    “Sure." The chief replied, pouring a cup of coffee. "Which group?”

    “Pardon?”

    “Which ones? There were two groups, Duking and I spotted them about the same times. A boy with two girls with him was asking about Cipher, the old mines, the colosseum, and everything else. He was here in the morning. Seemed like a good kid, kinda naive about things, but probably genuinely concenred about the care of his partners. Then there was another man. Looked similar to the boy, somewhat, wrapped tight in an odd looking cloak with an eye-piece. He seemed more specific about what Cipher had been doing to the Pokemon. Kinda creepy, I'll be honest.”

    “Odd, Duking only mentioned the one, but I'm not sure which. Please, go on.” Micheal rubbed at a barely-fuzzy chin, pondering.

    Sherles continued in a drab, police-report style. “I told both of them this wasn’t the place to be asking that, wrong region to be nosy in, and that the lab they were looking for was long gone. Seemed surprised when I mentioned to the older man there had been others that same day, who looked like him.”

    "Suprised good or bad?"

    Sherles thought back to yesterday. "Kinda like running into someone in the store you never expected to see ever again."
    “Did you see where they went?”

    “Well, the threesome left by the main road north of town, though I did not see a vehicle. The other guy; no I didn’t. For all I know, he could be hiding out in the Under.”

    “That figures. Thanks for your help Sherles.”

    “No problem Mike, and be sure to come back any time, I can put you to work.” The young man sped up his exit.

    ---

    “You’re going WHERE?!” I couldn’t believe the call I had gotten when I got back to the lab that afternoon, disappointed and ticked off daughter in tow.

    “Are you feeling stupid today, kid?”

    ”No.” Michael answered. ”Sherles gave me a hint, it’s worth looking into. This guy sounds suspicious; I need to look into this.”

    “You need to get your head examined. Hang on; someone from Postal just came in.”
    ---
    “MY IDIOT OLDER BROTHER IS GOING WHERE!!!”
    By Postal, I mean Jovi would go postal when she found out he was going into that rock-snake infested place. Better with him on the line than to face her alone.

    “Is he CRAZY?! Well, okay, yes, but still. The UNDER! Give me that!” She snatched my P*DA out of my hand.

    “You’re insane, you know that right? That place isn’t safe! They filled that infernal place in for a REASON! How do you plan to get down there, anyway?”

    "Dragonite.” he answered point-blank.

    “You’re NUTS. If you don’t get yourself killed, I’LL kill you! I’m sure Mom will help, too.” Jovi hung up on him, not letting him rebut.

    I went and sat down at my desk, staring at documents on Pokemon leagues and plans for the Orre region, when a rather nasty thought crept into my head.

    I dashed out back, where Jovi was flinging hay with all the fury of a Primeape burning off energy.

    “Wasn’t the Steelix breeding season a month or so ago?”

    “Oh, crap.”
        Spoiler:- Hammerspace:


    To be continued in Chapter 4...
    Last edited by Glover; 4th June 2012 at 10:23 AM.

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    Another neat chapter - hurrah for plot advancements and all!

    I liked the opening scene - I did kinda expect her Pokemon to be poisoned the moment she told him to quick attack the Qwilfish so hurrah for being right on that. Poor Tally. I also approve of how Michael is rather overconfident with himself there too, going to the Under and all, as well as Jovi shouting at him. Nice line at the end there too - should be an interesting chapter to come! I also liked the further depth given to the Orre region and how the Realgam Tower was having its own (well-explained!) effect - quite interesting imo, although I may be a bit biased in saying that. XD

    I think a bit more could have been added to the dialogue between Michael and Sherles there - say some more mention on how their lines were said/any reactions had by them e.g. Michael reacting to the fact there were two groups, as it felt a bit bare to me.

    It’s. Wet. She wanted to say to the young trainer. Do I LOOK like a retriever to you? She wanted to say, but Humans couldn’t understand her anyway, so she glanced up at the piers around Gateon Port.
    That seemed a bit repetitive to me, those bits - I'd suggest changing one, as well as removing the capital at the beginning of each one as otherwise it reads oddly to me in having it as separate sentences to the thoughts (as the capital indicates they are the start
    of new sentences).
    .
    I too as in Gateon,
    was.
    Strong Pokemon they had too, this was a bunch for the colosseums; who must have met up on their way into Orre.
    This sentence sounded too disjointed to me, and probably could be better as a couple of separate sentences.
    Due to its size, Phenac could never pass the Wallace Cup, but trainers from every region showed up for a good old fashioned bragging rights Contest.
    And the Spas at Realgam.
    The last bit seems to be thrown in a bit oddly - either include it in the previous sentence (e.g. '...contest, and the spas...), or space it out more from the previous sentence/put it in the same paragraph. (Yay silly spacing issues you already know about -_-).
    Battling was getting fierce now; an Infernape was holding its own against a Honchkrow. A skilled Flamethrower meeting a powerful Aerial Ace, Infernape really had the bird on the ropes. Nothing it seemed of the Honchkrow’s range attacks did much damage to Infernape, save an Air Slash if it would hit, and then to come in for a physical move puts Honchkrow in the way for a solid punch. That is, when Infernape was able to roll with the hits.
    This also sounded odd to me, this part here - the thoughts of the protagonist as he watched seem to be all over the place such as in the second and third sentence - some rewording would be what is needed tbh.
    This was fun to watch. Infernape didn’t seem to mind the water on three sides of him, as he bounded across Dock and lamp post.
    dock rather than Dock.
    “Good to see you in Pyrite boy! You finally decided to help me around here?”
    I feel there should be a comma before 'boy' as he's referring to him by that word.
    One more opportunity wasted to have gotten he girl slowed down.
    the, although imo it sounds better as '...wasted to have slowed down the girl.'.
    “ No. Duking had called Glover about some odd looking people being a bitnosy about Cipher
    Spacing stuff.
    [I”]Dragonite.”[/i] he answered point-blank.
    Tag issues here - note that either [I] or [i] will work but they both have to be the same sort. Also the full-stop after Dragonite ought to be a comma.
    “You’re NUTS. If you don’t get yourself killed, I’LL kill you! I’m sure Mom will help, too. ”
    There's an unnecessary space before the last quotation mark there.
    “Oh, [i]crap[/].”
    And an i missing in that tag there.

    All in all, decent - just got to watch out for the mistakes here and there, but most are just on the presentation side. Keep it up!

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
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    All righty then. One dual monitor later, and grammar edits have been done. Still puzzling out a good re-word of the battle scene, and the cnversation between Michael and Sherles si still on the list as well.

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    Chapter 4
    Flip back to Chapter 4

    Dragonite dropped slowly into the crevice that marked the Under. Part of the way down, a chilling sign stuck out at Michael. The ground was scarred from recent Pokémon activity.

    The first signs of Cipher's return, though we didn't know what it meant at the time, was the reason for the Under being closed up. It had been my first major rescue in Orre since I came home from my eighteen years of journeying; my only experience with Wes abd Rui, and their last big mission after taking Cipher down the first time before the couple left for adventures, and eventually matrimony elsewhere. He, Crane, myself, and everyone we could round up headed down into what was rightfully called a nightmare. Something had driven the ground types into a mass-frenzy. Out of nowhere, several Onix and Steelix dropped into, and came up through the grounds of the underground city like they were trying to escape something. True, it wasn't the first time one had shown up, the old mine shafts had attracted several of them over the history. Finding Graveller and Aron walking up the streets was almost a normal event; even when no Pokemon dared grace the surface of the Orre region Aron and Geodude could be as numerous in the town as Ratatta in Viridian City, but this was something else entirely. These Pokémon were spooked, they were running --fleeing-- and the Under was in the way.

    As it looked to him now, something had literally started driving them up the wall. Micheal had seen the pictures before, and he was looking at them now.

    I'm proud to admit, everyone made it out alive. it took some effort getting to the Deep Colosseum, and I can't use the word unscathed, but they were alive. Sadly, those working "honest" jobs found themselves unable to restart, or without a market, or in the case of the Pokémarts, no place to set back up. Pyrite immediately attracted a spike in crime as a result. Since then, adventurers, theives, scavengers, and families looking for lost heirlooms and prizes have gone down to search. Most come up empty-handed. Some don't come back at all. Smart people don't dare to make the trek to get into there, thus many criminals will attempt to tough it out in the depths. Those that turn themselves back in for medical care all tell the same thing. Though the Pokémon are no longer quite so crazen, the cavern's become soemthing of a breeding house for them now. Plenty of debris for steel types to eat, shape, and use for nest building, and the parents seem to be defenseive over not just their nests, but those near them, so a young Mother can be found nestled up next to another species for security.

    And Michael was going into the heart of it. After recalling Dragonite, he slipped on a pair of night-vision goggles I had given him during the second Cipher crisis. The place looked remarkably empty. the "UFO dock", which was a wooden ledge that a large fanblade driven platform that flew people to various entrances of the Under's colosseum and broadcasting station had fallen over the edge, presumably with the UFO. Something, or likely several somethings, had clashed, slammed, and scratched against the elevator that used to go to the Pyrite building. Pockmarks from Diglett and Dugtrio left the streets in tatters.

    A Clang! drew Mike's attention from his tourist observations. A Metagross had drawn the ire of a mother Golem. From the looks of things, it had come down a tunnel. Fortuneatly for the reckless trainer, they were over near the former colosseum, and far from him. Still, a dim light in the back of his mind was flickering to life. It said "You're in over your head on this one, Bucko!" Best to be cautious, so he cautiously crept over to the Pokémart.

    The Pokémart was dusty, but lit. Dimly so, but someone had rigged up a light in there. Michael snuck in the doorway, the old automatic door creaking as it moved. A small power supply had been left on, a small light on it pointed towards what was left of the freeze-dried and canned foods. A trail of clean floor flanked on both sides by dust went through the stocking area, and out the back.

    A second light shone through the back of the Hotel. Much of the building had caved in, but the occupant had enlarged a window into a bedroom that was still intact enough to fit through. A converter and battery charger, looking like it was designed to draw off a Voltorb or a Magnemite, was sitting next to a lamp. The mattress was recently occupied, and a muddy trail of footprints lead out the back. Michael followed them out, but found them only going as far as a puddle from a broken water line. He bent down, trying to get a hint as to where the walker had come from.

    Now, any smart trainer, investigator, crime-fighter, G-Man, International Police Officer, even the dumber-than-a-box-of-rocks variety of cop that work in Pyrite for a certain Sheriff knows that you don't forget one important thing: that which is happening around you.

    It took a long, hot breath down Michael's back to remember that. He turned around slowly, into a rust-scented headwind and a disgruntled snort.

    "Guuhh-RAH!" Belted forth from a large, steel mouth. Michael made eye-contact with the Steelix, the latter deciding him a threat, the former having no interest in going home with it “for dinner”. He opted for running.

    Ducking quickly behind an alley, he pulled out a pokéball housing a Houndoom. The light from the Pokeball was a dead-giveaway, and the Steelix quickly smashed its way through two houses and a cafe after the perceived intruder.

    And then right through a very powerful flamethrower. The snake Pokemon stopped, shook it off, and turned to slam the attacker with its massive head.

    "Crap, Run Baskerville!" “Through?” Michael thought as he put his feet to good use. “That isn’t right. Into, maybe, but it should have stopped. Through?”

    Despite his efforts, he couldn't get to an opening in the structures where he could call out Dragonite quick enough. There simply wasn't room and he seemed to be getting further from the main streets. About this time, an Aggron, believing something had attacked Steelix's nest and would be after hers next, also began chasing the trainer by crashing through vacant walls.

    Mike ended up circling the city, and after his second time passing the hotel, Michael saw why. the reason the building had been smashed, was because it was home for someone. The signage had been twisted and torn for a soft bedding; the conduit wrapped as daintily around the i-beams as the Steelix could get it with her teeth. the inside walls had hidden it from view, but the mother must have seen him crawl out.

    Which is why the renter had probably left his equipment behind and ran up a tunnel, Michael figured. A tunnel, that right now, none of the current tenants were going to let him get away into.

    He pulled out his P*DA, which gave him a dismal "No Service".

    Then he spotted a wrecked satilite dish, and, with Houndoom and his old pal Leafeon drawing focus, ducked into the old repair shop.

    "Excellent, plenty of junk. I thought I'd seen a picture of this place on Makan's wall before. Maybe I can conjure up some help." With luck, he could piece together a signal booster. Now he just needed to figure out what one looked like.

    ---
    Despite orders to go home, that stubborn daughter of mine insisted she hang at the lab to hope Micheal was okay. After a good three hours, Espeon brought me the phone.

    “Hello?”

    -Snake! Big Snake! Big Angry fireproof steel snake!

    "How's life in the Under?" I kidded him, trying to get the boy to calm down."

    -Funny Glover. You're real funny. Apprehension, and mild panic was still in his voice. Apperently, I'm here to egg-nap every Pokemon down here, the way they've been after me. I'm holed up in the bottom of what I think was the Kid's Grid House. Can't *pshtft* away fro *Zzztfishptf*fire not *bzzzttt* adreneline?

    In an attempt to flush him out, the Steelix began using Roar and Metal Sound, which was interfering with the communications.

    By now, the others had come in as well. I explained what little I had, put the phone on speaker, and started rounding up my things. I had a feeling...

    "PAH! I told ya bro, try not to give it indigestion!"

    "JOVI!" The Lab staff all retorted in chorus.

    "It's possible," Crane remarked, "That they would be on something of an adreniline rush if they feel their nests threatened. You should get pictures, while you're down there. The scientific world would love you forever."

    -"Ri *bzzt* not getting eaten, *Bzt Pffsh zzt* do that." Sarcasm and irritation, at least, made it through the broken signal just fine.

    "Listen, just hold tight for a while. Duking and a miner believe they can get in through an old tunnel, not filled in. They started looking after you announced this cockamaimey plan to go down for just such a reason. I'll be there as quick as I can. But that's still a two and a half-hour drive."

    Duking... *bzzt zzt* tunnel *Pishhh zzt* rest of *zztt* -at?"

    Before I could answer, the line dropped out. Best-case scenario, the likely half a communications dish down there couldn't handle the signal. Worst case, something was now using it as a doughnut, with a trainer for a creme filling.

    I grabbed my grip of supplies, and hurried out to my trusted bike. Unlike every other vehicle in Orre, it used balloon tires instead of a pulse-engine. the trade off, was that it was also shallow lake and river capable (though I don't recommend strong storms) and street legal in every other region, where flying cars, flying motorcycles, hovercrafts, and flying junkyard kits best called "Zoomers" were not.

    Sitting on the back of it, strapped in and helmet on, was an eager and ready for action Janie.

    "No, that's not happening. " I informed her.

    "Me going to Pyrite with you to save a friend? I know."

    "You do?"

    She pointed off to the west, where the sky over Citadark Isle was now a lovely, though also frightening electric purple.

    proceed to chapter 5
    Last edited by Glover; 11th June 2012 at 8:02 AM.

  11. #11
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    Neat ending there which basically confirms the oncoming threat methinks, although who exactly is responsible for it I am keen to see. Interesting also that a Steelix went through a flamethrower attack... *muses* Hurrah for Houndoom btw - I approve of that choice for Michael, if it is a somewhat biased opinion. =p Leafeon I didn't pick though (partly because it's a 4th gen Pokemon =p) - did he get given a chunk of a Moss Stone or something, I wonder? (Or just kept it as an Eevee the entire way through?).

    Anyways, neat chapter event-wise, and I'm liking your portrayal of Jovi more with each chapter. The phone conversation was particular entertaining, I must say - now to see how Michael gets by and the developments over at Citadark.

    I would suggest taking more time to do edits/proofreading though as there were a fair number of typos here, a large number which would be covered by a spell checker.
    My only experience with Wes, and his last big mission before the couple left for adventures elsewhere.
    Given Rui wasn't mentioned before in this chapter and only Wes has then 'the couple' seems a touch out of place.
    Out of nowhere, several Onix and Steelix dropped into, and came up through the grounds of the Under like they were trying to escape something. True, it wasn't the first time one had shown up, the old mine shafts had attracted several of them over the history, and finding Graveller and Aron walking up the streets was almost a normal event, but this was something else entirely.
    I'd suggest a hyphen or a semi-colon in place of the comma, or just making a new sentence there as otherwise you've got a run-on sentence there.
    Those that turn themselves back in for medical care all tell the same thing.Though the Pokémon are no longer quite so crazen, the cavern's become soemthing of a breeding house for them now.
    spacing and something there.
    A Clang! drew his attention. A Metagross had drawn the ire of a mother Golem. From the looks of things, it had come down a tunnel. Fortuneatly for the reckless trainer, they were over near the former colosseum, and far from him. Still, best to be cautious, so he cautiously crept over to the Pokemart.
    Fortunately and seeing you used Pokemart with the accented e a paragraph or so before I'd suggest being consistent.

    This somewhat read oddly here as well - somewhat like you changed perspective halfway through (mostly around 'Still, best to be cautious' sounding rather like Michael's thoughts all of a sudden).
    Michael made eye-contact with the Steelix, the latter deciding him a threat, the former having no interest in going home with it “for dinner”, he opted for running.
    This also sounded odd in being a run-on sentence - too many parts somewhat clunked together imo. I'd suggest reading out loud as it tends to be a pretty good way to check if something sounds off or not.
    Micheal follwoed them out,
    Michael and followed.
    After his second time passing the Hotel, Michael saw why. the reason the building had been smashed, is because the signage had been twisted and torn for a soft bedding, and the conduit was wrapped as daintily around the ibeams as the Steelix could get it. the inside walls had hidden it from view, but the mother had seen him crawl out.
    This had a fair few mistakes in it as well; besides the needlessly capitalised hotel and ibeams, there was no capitalisation after the full stops and some of the sentences also sounded awkward with the use of commas (e.g. the 2nd one).
    Which is why the renter had probably left his equipment behind and ran up a tunnel Michael figured.
    I'd suggest adding a comma after tunnel there.
    "How's life in the Under?" I kidded him, trying to get the boy to calm down."
    No need for the quotation mark at the end there.
    "PAH! I told ya bro, try not to give it indegestion!"
    Still amused. XD
    "It's possible" Crane remarked, "That they would be on something of an adreniline rush if they feel their nests threatened. You shouyld get pictures, while you're down there.
    As did this! But you'd want to add a comma after possible, and should rather than shouyld.

    There were some other typos here and there that would be easy enough to pick out - this is just the general gist of it. Overall the chapter events itself are good and the characters continue to be intriguing and entertaining; I'd just suggest spending some more time/effort on the presentation/proofreading side.

    Lastly:
    Unlike every other vehicle in Orre, it used balloon tires instead of a pulse-engine. the trade off, was that it was also lake and river capable (though I don't recommend strong storms) and street legal in every other region, where flying cars, motorcycles, hovercrafts, and "Zoomers" were not.
    =D

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  12. #12
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    My only experience with Wes, and his last big mission before the couple left for adventures elsewhere.
    Given Rui wasn't mentioned before in this chapter and only Wes has then 'the couple' seems a touch out of place.
    Fair Point. I keep playign this out as a sequel, and I need to rely more on assumign the audience isn't pre-informed.

    Quote:
    A Clang! drew his attention. A Metagross had drawn the ire of a mother Golem. From the looks of things, it had come down a tunnel. Fortuneatly for the reckless trainer, they were over near the former colosseum, and far from him. Still, best to be cautious, so he cautiously crept over to the Pokemart.

    and seeing you used Pokemart with the accented e a paragraph or so before I'd suggest being consistent.
    For wahtever reason, MS Word is pr-programmed to auto-correct Pokemon with the acdented e. Short of figuring out the proper keycode for that, I tried to use that as a base and type over the end, and later prgram in the other "poke" words to Autocorrect when I figured out how. Good eye though, I forgot to put in Pokemart. It' wil be done.

    Lastly:

    Quote:
    Unlike every other vehicle in Orre, it used balloon tires instead of a pulse-engine. the trade off, was that it was also lake and river capable (though I don't recommend strong storms) and street legal in every other region, where flying cars, motorcycles, hovercrafts, and "Zoomers" were not.
    =D
    Thought you'd like that.

    I've found a few things as I've been writing this next chapter, and the off-shoots where I find myself going "Gee, I like how that fit in there. Didn't bobandbill do that somewhere?"

    Leafeon I didn't pick though (partly because it's a 4th gen Pokemon =p) - did he get given a chunk of a Moss Stone or something, I wonder? (Or just kept it as an Eevee the entire way through?).
    I don't have much expectation on going through his character between XD and now, so here's a backstory. I went with Leafeon solely because we only had one Eevee, so the Orre-popular Esp/Umb setup was out, and I was tired of the other choices being so over-used. (In fact, I do believe I went through XD without evolving Eevee at all.) I ruled Glacion out soley because of the Desert heat. It's possible that somewhere between Gateon and Agate there's a mossy rock somewhere that Eevee evovled on.

    Hurrah for Houndoom btw - I approve of that choice for Michael, if it is a somewhat biased opinion. =p
    Houndy's one of my favorite fire types, and was a natural pick for me when I saw him on the list of XD Shadow Pokemon.
    Last edited by Glover; 28th August 2011 at 9:33 AM.

  13. #13
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    Dungeons, and Dragons
    WT Chapter 5
    flip back to Chapter 4

    “And just how long has THAT been like that?” Emotions were twisted within me. Frustration I was given a sudden change in course, anger that no one had told me, and concern all filled my head.

    “Only a minute or two Dad. I was going to tell you, but then I heard the door shut from the office and that saved me getting back off this thing.” I felt relieved, which only begged for one more question.

    Why in Arceus’ name had the Pokémon of Citadark gone and pulled a Shadow
    Storm? He hadn’t done that in seven years.

    First things first, Glover. “You’re still not going with me.”

    “But you might need back up! Who knows what that place is full of!”

    “NO! N! O! And I’m calling your mother.”

    ---
    You’re absolutely right dear, she can’t. I’ll go in her place. I couldn’t believe it.

    “No! And no offense dear, you have some of the most powerful baby Pokémon in the region, if not the world outright. Few Azurill can create enough water to wipe out an entire Elementary School, but what part of “I’M. NOT. DRAGGING MY FAMILY INTO PLACES THAT ARE POTENTIALLY INFESTED WITH A MILLION GRUNTS isn’t being communicated?”

    the part where you go in alone, dear.

    “Alone? I have my Pokemon. I’m far from alone. I’ve got my usual 6+1 team”

    ”Right, because carrying around a locked Pokeball does you a lot of good when you still have your six.”

    “Look, here’s how it’ll work. If we take off, who’s making sure that Janie stays at home? Someone needs to be holding her back in this case. When she’s gone on her own journey, then we can play Lois and Clark, or whomever you want to imagine yourself as, busting crime in our backyard. That notion is not as glamorous as it sounds though, dear. Please trust me on that. I’m almost home, take her or leave her.” Like I was going to let Cayna be doing anything like this again, but maybe she'd buy it for the time being…

    She really wanted to argue the point. I could hear it, I could almost hear my daughter praying to let things play out that she can be the hero she thinks her Dad tries to be, but she couldn’t, and it wasn’t going to. I was in the driveway for all of ten seconds before I was racing for the Port, not letting anyone have a chance to jump back on the rear seat..


    Already, Sailors were noticing the rough seas around Citadark. No one passing by felt safe on deck, and several deckhand Pokemon had been hit by the strange weather like it was a Hail attack.

    Off near the Lighthouse at the edge of the seawall was a small boat shed. The local mechanic had salvaged some parts out of a robot project to make a valid jet boat hydroplane in the rough shape of a Kyogre. It was originally Michael's, but several of us acquired spare keys just in case. It sat unused aside from the occasional joyride to knock the rust out, as the seas around the area haven't required the fast boat and its not equipped for much in the way of rescue missions, but the job it can do, getting someplace darned fast, was still an unmatched feat.

    "C'mon, baby." I coaxed the starter. "Same mission, different driver. Come on and start." It coughed and sputtered a bit, and finally roared to life. I wasted no time in getting the fast boat's wing-fins laid down and folded out before blasting out of the harbor.

    ---
    Citadark is, and was, a volcano. As such, several volcanic Pokemon had appeared, mostly of the Magmar evolutions. A Moltres from one of Cipher's later genetic "Shadow" experiments had tried to nest there, until it was discovered a Heatran had arrived via one of the cooled lava tubes, and that Heatran had a taste for Moltres eggs. The other birds had moved on to other nearby islands, unimpressed by the heat of the volcano.

    Except for Lugia, who never left the old fortress.

    It was a bizarre scene, Magmar and Magby huddled under the mountain, afraid of what was happening above, terrified of the storms, but yet not trusting the warmth of the volcano. Magmortar were trying to fend off the acidic purple rain outside. The sea was in rare-form. Beyond the boat that brought me to the island, a real Kyogre had come, trying vainly to calm the sudden and uncalled for tempest.

    For all the trouble it was causing though, the volcano was empty. Not a grunt to be seen. Which begged the question still, what had Lugia so spooked he went to an instinctual shadow attack?

    ---
    "Are you sure about this, Duking?"

    "Of course not, Sherles. But whatever else we think about that boy's hero complex, the region does owe it to him to try."

    Duking, Sherles, and a few handy trainers climbed out of a modified Jeep. Many of the Orre region's official vehicles had wheels replaced with an electromagnetic repulsion engines, patterned off the natural physiology of Magnemite and Beldum. headed down into the Under.

    "So this is how we get into the Under." One of the trainers said, impressed.

    "No," Duking corrected, ripping off several pieces of plywood from a wooden doorway with his own body, "this is how the rescue crews get into the Under, going after idiots like you trying for fortune and luck."

    The trainer sighed, and followed the group into the tunnel.

    "Wouldn't the jeep be safer?"

    Duking looked to a grizzled old man. The former miner wore a red shirt, worn leather overalls, and enough facial hair it could safely be considered an artifact fo clothing. A floppy wide brimmed had covered the rest of his head, so that only a nose and two slits in his hair for closed eyes protruded from the coverings. "No." The latter replied. "No telling how treacherous it is down there. The last person to try to use this old mine shaft had to clear out decades of rock debris from wild Pokemon. We're on foot."

    Wild Pokemon? That had the trainers' attention.

    ---
    Fifteen minutes, not quite a mile down. One of the trainer's pointed ad an oblong tunnel crossing their own.

    "Where's that passage go?"

    "No telling." The grizzled old miner said ominously. "Looks like a Steelix tunnel. Looks old, worn, and unstable. Could go to the Sevii Islands, for all I know."

    "...Steelix?" The trainers gulped. "The Sevii Islands?"

    "Yep." Duking said. "But you're all strapping young trainers, right? Going to beat the pants off the locals and Silva, who run our Colosseum. You're not worried about a Steelix, are you? It's not like it can come back through this tunnel again, right?"

    "Of course not!" A small rumbling in the ground betrayed them. They jumped back and pulled out a pair of Pokemon each.

    "Trio?" The mole Pokemon blinked as it broke through the topsoil. It glanced around, studying the creatures before it. "TRII!" It squealed, diving for cover underground.

    Sighing a breath of relief that they weren't eaten, the trainers began to realize what they had just witnessed: wild Pokémon in the Orre region.

    Two of the trainers dropped back. Spying another small tunnel, they decided that being heroes wasn't as important as catching Pokemon native to a land that supposedly didn't have Pokemon was, and slipped away. Others might have joined them, if they weren’t more afraid of getting lost in this labrynth, seeing as how they’d now passed a few places where tunnels had crossed over, and had anything on them to catch with, they’d be taking the opportunity. As it was though, the didn’t, and didn’t want to push the “no catching” policy with Duking fifteen feet in front of them.

    ---

    "WHOA!" Duking yelled, throwing his great arms oput in front of the group. A rumbling sound echoed down a dagonally crossed tunnel.

    "GOL-EM GOL!" echoed.

    "Graveler grav."

    "Grav Gravel"

    "Grav"

    "Geo"

    echoed behind the first. A band of rolling stones roared across the trail. The lead golem looked like it might have had mud on it, but the stoney beast was doing fifteen miles and hour as it stormed through without a second thought to the travellers.

    Duking cautiously peaked around a corner, checking and seeing the coast clear.
    The miner checked his depth gauge again, and conferred with his Zubat on their destination. The last time they asked him if they were lost, someone nearly lost their head, but it was clearly on everyone’s mind, as they attempted to read the computer map over his shoulder.

    They didn't have to wait long though, soon, the Under was laid out before them as they walked down the steep slope into the side of the cavern city.

    ---
    For Michael, their trip down felt more like a meander through a forest than a rescue party; one that was taking their dear sweet time to get to him. He didn’t wish to know how badly he was now outnumbered. For whatever strange reason, they had not yet ripped the house he was hiding in to pieces, but he could tell they had pretty well curtained off this area. From the Pokémon cries, it sounded like quite the welcoming party outside.

    ---
    And for another man, having them over there was quite fine with him. He’d already seen his prize, and had been waiting patiently for an opportunity like this. Over near the center of town, was an Onix nest. In it, were three slate grey eggs.

    And one off-gold one. Which only means, an off-gold Onix that the Pokémon world would reward him handsomely with luxury for.

    Now was as good a time as any for him, he released Alakazam and the two made a dash over to the nest, plucked the egg, and were halfway back to his base camp before the owner of that nest had spotted him.

    “Pooh.” He said to himself, it would mean leaving behind his trinkets, a few gold necklaces and the like, that would earn him some food in a barter, but he had his prize. He nodded to Alakazam, and the two made a teleportation-dash to the tunnels.

    Now, thanks to the minerals in the soil, teleporting around the Under is tricky. It’s a simple task to go short distances, but there’s too many natural magnetic lines, and too much lead in the soil to go all the way to the surface. It got him just far enough though, he was clear.

    ---
    Sherles and Duking both spun first. A bright light appeared behind them just after they reached the end of the tunnel. There, a thick man dressed in torn, black clothes began making faces at the mother Onix charging the collection of humans. It didn’t take long for either member of Pyrite security though, to recognize a stolen egg.

    Or a ticked off Onix. In fact, Onix that have in general had it up to there in humans are easy to spot. They tend to start Hyper Beaming everything in sight, especially if it’s one's legs.

    “Augh!” one of the would-be rescuers moaned as he hit the deck. “I don’t recall Wes’s shadow Makuhita being this violent to humans!”

    “It wasn’t, just punch-happy.” Another shouted over the ruckus of a burrowing Onix. “As long as you were out of its arm length, you were fine. This-” Another duck and roll to avoid being hit by a flailing tail; “THIS SUCKS!”

    Sherles motioned to retreat back to the tunnels behind the beast to recoup.

    Duking and his Vibrava, an evolved Trapinch Michael had given him from a Pokéspot before, began blasting their way through Pokémon to get to the former Kid’s Grid house.

    "What's... what's the plan?" a trainer panted.

    "I don't think we were spotted." Duking replied. Several people gave him a snake eye. "By the others, I mean."

    Sherles pulled out a folding periscope. Using it to peer around the corner, he could make out the targets.

    "Not good. Mostly Steel types. Several Aggron, possibly mother and father of a nest somewhere. A Metagross, some Magneton, looks like a Nosepass or two amongst their feet, and several somethings that are blue and round with a black antennae."

    "A Roggenrola?" One of the trainer's pondered. "Here?"

    "It's possible that something has burrowed all the way across the continent and something else has walked back."

    "So, bottom line gentleman, we go in their with fire and grass. Too many risks for electric attacks to use water types. We get Mike out, and make a hellbent for leather run to get out of here."

    "On Three." Sherles agreed.

    "One."

    "Two."

    "THREE!"

    ---
    “You sir, are in a heap of trouble if we get out of this alive.” Duking said flatly as he hauled Michael out of a cellar window. Mike had no interest in arguing the point right now.

    Throughout the cavern, eerie howls echoed forth. Cries of [i]"One of the Humans tried to disturb my nest!"[/],

    "another stole one of my precious eggs!"

    "Stupid Humans should stay out of our nests!"

    "They've invaded!" and

    "There’s Humans! GET ‘EM!" echoed far and wide, understandable only to Pokemon.

    Several Pokémon moved to defensive positions at their nests, making sure theirs and their neighbors weren’t next, while a few began charging for war, for blood, to the surface and at the rescue party. They began to be joined by other Pokémon, living near and around the Under. Several Metagross camped on the side of the Deep Colosseum shaft crawled up. A swarm of Magnemite poured out of the Under Colosseum with all the ferocity of a Beedrill hive, having apparently been living and loving the leftover electronics from the news desk.

    “Yes Mike, you’re screwed.”

    Very quickly, the enraged Pokémon were taking the battle to the surface.
    Orre was going to get its first taste in wild Pokémon in almost thirty years.

    And it was going to be sour.

    Trainers, police, and town mayors ran for the tunnel.

    "We've got to warn Pyrite." Michael panted.

    "leave that to me." Sherles said. "I'll call Johnson."

    "Johnson?" One fo the trainers spat. "He's a morn and a buffoon. He tried to give me a ticket for reckless battling and handcuffed himself to a piece of scrap iron."

    "Even a bad hand can be played properly." Sherles said, smiling devilishly.

    ---
    "Look out!"

    "Solarbeam Grovyle!"

    The rescue party was having a heck of a time getting back to the surface. Every Pokemon in a fifteen mile radius seemed to have heard a warcry and came running. They were going through Diglett and Dugtrio like a Whack-a-mole game; unable to stand in one place for too long lest the ground open up into a seething mass of Pokemon.

    Geodude seemed to drop from the ceiling from nowhere, and the tunnels echoed with a large swarm of somethings rolling at great speed.

    Towards them.

    ---
    Now topside thanks to a series of telportation jumps, the Poacher that caused this mess, or had at least been the straw that broke the Camerupt’s back, was now whisking away on a hoverbike. Though a day behind him by the time he got on his boat, that mother Onix followed him all the way to the abandoned Fortrite mining port to the south of Orre. I never heard how far it went after him from there, if it tried to tunnel under the sea or returned to its nest.

    ---
    [i]-”Johnson, this is Chief Sherles. I have a matter of utmost importance. Don’t let anyone in the public overhear. There’s a mad horde of Pokémon coming up from the Under, and they’re bound for Pyrite.”

    “What’s that chief? An angry horde of Pokémon coming right for us?”

    Everyone in the Battle Square turned, shortly before a peeved Steelix burst through the center of it.

    ---
    What was eating Lugia was large, white dragon that had carried in three humans. Signs of a recent struggle had scorched the walls, but fortunately, the two were mostly doing macho posturing for territory when I arrived.

    “LUGIA! You know better than to assault guests.” The large purple seabird shot me a combined look of Hello to you too Glover, thanks I needed that call, and ]Don’t. You. Dare. Tell me how to run my nest.

    I turned from the Pokémon to face the intruders. “And YOU! WHAT IN THE NAME OF ARCEUS DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING UP HERE!”

    “I merely wanted to see if the horror stories were true. I couldn’t believe humanity could do something this cruel. It seems my faith is misplaced.”

    “look you.” No, wrong tactic. “Lugia, Please don’t blast them to Kingdom Come.” ”right” I told my self, “like he was going to do that after being barged upon. “trainer, please recall your Pokémon.”

    “No.”

    “No? Let’s try this again. Recall your Pokémon, and Lugia won’t reduce you to a pulp.”

    “No.”

    “No?”

    “Can’t. I’m not going to subject Veritas to a Pokéball, so he doesn’t have one.”

    Great, a logistics loving hippy “Fine, then send him to go outside and play in the- oh. Lugia, the rain, if you wouldn’t mind?”

    ”what about it?” it asked me inquisitively, in his twisted telepathic voice. “I find the rain to be quite lovely to play in. For all I care, he can go DROWN in it.”

    “Lugia.” I tried to be comforting. “It’s, well, not rain.”

    The seabird was kind of baffled. ”It’s not? But I was sure I used Rain Dance and Thunder.” Definate time for concern in his psyche. “No. It’s not. It’s kind of purple. And acidic. And it burns every creature in it. Not to mention, it’s boiling the volcano, and the sea. There's a rather flustered Kyogre out there, if you'd like to ask him.”

    ”Oh. Um. Oops? That explains his Pokémon’s sudden look of fear when I attacked.”

    After a few flutters of his great wings, the shadow storm subsided, replaced with the completely natural form of rain, no doubt Lugia spiting the dragon as best he could. To his credit, the trainer pointed his white dragon out to the night’s sky.

    “Alright, look. If you want to see a purple Lugia, you call the Orre Region Tourism Board a million times and hound them. Then you show up, charter a boat, find the doors to Citadark Isle unable to be opened by much of anything, and go bird-watch off the lighthouse pier in Gateon like the entire rest of the world. Trainers with Pokémon who can get up this high ought to know better than to go barging in on Lugia like that.”

    “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize there was a policy, or that Pokémon were locked away in cages on volcanoes. I just wanted to see if the scientists I had grown up with were right about an artificially evil Pokémon.”

    I hate it when other people know more than I.

    “Other scientists?”

    “Yeah. The man who raised me always said that if you wanted to be wealthy, get to know a former Cipher scientist and make connections for him. Or her. If you want the baddest toys, or are willing to broker them, they’re the ones to know. Course, when I heard this, I thought he meant Monopoly or a transforming robot toy or something.”

    I really hate being the dunce in the room.

    “Good advice, I guess. Let me answer a question, then I really must be going, must save a friend. Lugia chose to live up here. We were going to tear it down, let it fall into the volcano. It just couldn’t fess up to the Pokémon in the sea, or felt too different, I don’t know. It just flew back here and wouldn't let workers near it.”

    “So it is still a shadow Pokémon then?”

    “Yes; no. There’s a whole scientific wing on trying to decide that. I can’t say much, seeing as I don’t know if your with Cipher or not, but suffice to say there’s a grey area between a normal Pokémon genetics and what Cipher did to the Pokemon they called XD001. XD001 is gone, but what was left couldn’t overcome all the genetic programming, and there’s, ah, relapses. You’ve seen that much, so that’s what I can tell you.”

    It’s a shame, probably half of Orre saw that too. Probably, the wrong half of Orre.

    "Besides, do you really think we’re going to stand in front of a microphone and say 'Congratulations Cipher, you actually did it, you made a nearly unpurifiable Pokémon.'? Look, I’m sorry, but I really need to be out of here, so if you could move along.”

    “Sure, I’ve seen what I needed.” The green-haired man called back his dragon to the cave, and he and his two lady friends boarded to leave. My P*DA rang. It was Sherles.

    The trainer turned back around. “Something wrong?”

    “Yeah. I’ve got a town about to go World War Three on me.”

    “What happened?”

    “Dunno, something about one of my guys went looking for a guy in a cavern of nesting Pokémon, someone else stole a Pokémon egg, and now humans in general are on the menu.”

    “May I be of service?”

    “Only if you think you can calm 30,000 Magnemite.”

    “I think we can do that. Let me get my companions safe.”
    The two girls nodded, having not said anything the entire time and not looking to change that any time soon.

    “Okay. Pyrite’s that away, here’s my GPS. There’ll probably be a mushroom cloud, from the way it sounds, so if all else, follow that.”

    With that, his dragon’s tail lit up and fired a cone of orange flame like an afterburner. Shame, I try so hard to know my Pokémon, being a league champion and regional representative and all, but I didn’t know this one. And that was a shame, cause I really wanted a dragon with a built-in rocket now.

    In getting down to the water’s edge, I spied a speedboat. One I knew was owned by one of my wife’s friends, and that that one should be docked in Gateon Port.

    “HEY YOU TWO RUBBERNECKERS! IF YOU’RE GOING TO TRY TO HELP YOU’RE DAD AND DOTING HUSBAND, WE’RE DONE HERE.”

    That, ought to get them back down here. With those two squared away, I sped across the bay, grabbed my bike, and raced for Pyrite.

    ---
    Pyrite, *dramatic pause* was a mess. There were Pokémon and trainers everywhere. In open air, the battles were more successful in containing the Pokémon, and some of the areas getting leveled needed a bulldozer anyway, so we were making progress in urban redevelopment thanks to them. One lady was out swatting Magnemite shouting obscenities and that she didn’t need to buy any electricity. A Feraligatr, the one snagged by Wes in fact, and the passel of Crocronaw it was leading as the fire brigade had done a fair job at slowing the onslaught coming up from the caves at least. They had been joined by trainers, and were blasting down the rocky slopes as the angered Pokemon were climbing up it

    "Dreadnaught!" I ordered, cracking open a Pokeball, "Distract your fellow Magnmite!"

    "Zone!" He chirped happily. Then I took out another Pokeball. "Get to the crevice and back up Feraligatr, they ought to be tiring out."

    "Poleon"

    And don;t be afraid to Steel Wing anything in your path.

    "Empol"

    My third Pokemon would be Ferriday. "String us up some webs, try to snare and slow down the swarms if you can, but don't clog us up.

    The Galvantual nodded. "And electricity won't do us much good, so worry more about the webbing, if it speeds your progress."

    "Tula."

    I held the bridge of my nose, trying to think of anything else that might be of service in my team. The answer came in the form of an old junk yard. Most of Pyrite looked like one, but this actually was a junk yard. I released the fourth Pokemon. "Moto! Steam Shovel!"

    "Rotom? Rotom Tom Ro Rotom."

    "Yes, I know its not ideal, but can you make it work?"

    "Rotom!" he took that as a challenge, which was usually the best way for him to work.

    Out of other ideas, I released my last two Pokemon. "Sunbeam, see if you can't hypnotize some of them."

    "Espi!"

    Gizmo, jetpack, if you would be so kind. And please include the battle turret."

    My little blue Ditto squealed with glee. It'd been a while since I'd asked for the Hyper Beam battle turret when we flew.

    Hovering in the air thanks to my mechanically minded Ditto, I could see my plans weren't working as well or as quickly as I had hoped. Boneparte jumped in a few places, still trying to cover the distance effectively across town. We were holding the Pokémon pretty well, but there wasn’t a 'driving them back'. Surprisingly, trainers were either not thinking of catching them, or maybe less surprising, didn’t have Pokéballs to do it with.

    Then the mystery trainer showed up, and did the darndest thing. He walked right up into the horde, and began talking with them in an as sweet as cherry pie voice. He told them that we weren’t the ones to blame, that we’d take care of the problem, that we were sorry for invading but that they shouldn’t be behaving the same way.

    Then one of them, a Metagross snarled, spit towards the humans, and called back its friends. Most fo the swarm of Magnemite ducked back in as well.

    I was impressed. So were the others. “Thank you.” I said, coming down from the sky.

    “Of course, but I must point out they were right to behave like that.”

    One of the locals turned. He was a grizzled man, with a dusty leather jacket and a rough face in dire need of a razor. “Right to behave like what? Trash my home? Where was it right for them to do that?”

    “Where was it right for you to be down there?”

    “WE WEREN’T. Some moron kid was”

    “Right, but they responded in force just as you did. I merely helped two communities to see their errors. Hopefully, this one learns as well as the Pokémon did.”

    The local scoffed. “Pokémon community.” He muttered under his breath. “They’re just animals.”

    I saw fire in the mystery trainer's eyes for that comment, but he didn't unleash it.

    ---
    The rest of the Magnemite I found, approximately thirty, were stuck to Magnezone. He gave me this hand in the cookie jar grin, followed up by the typical seven year old ‘they followed me home. Can I keep them? I really like them, I promise to walk and feed them. Please Please Please Pretty Please?’ routine.

    “No, let them go. I know you're lonely from fusing with your friends, but these Magnemite deserve their freedom too.”

    "Magne..."
    Aww.

    They gave me all the same bow, not unlike a fighter pilot acknowledging a ground soldier. Something to the effect of Bless you.

    ---
    Outside another opening from the Under, a man in a purple cloak enjoyed a cup of coffee. Three masked men appeared from nowhere, and bowed.

    “We came as you asked, Lord.”

    “And I thank you. It seems our friends here forgot about an internet server down there. It would seem that the man I need to speak to is named Ardos, and that two former colleges are in the Kanto and Hoenn regions.”

    ---
    “You should be asleep, Glover, after all that. Go home to your family. You don't need to be in this dingy old lab.”

    “Yes Lily, I know. Something N had said had me worried, made a few gears turn. Ah, here’s the number.”

    I dialed the number in the phone book. It rang thrice, before someone answered.

    -Azeala Police Department. This is Officer Jenny.

    “Hello. This is Glover, from Orre. Do you have a report on the Iron Masked Maurader incident handy? The one from a few years back?”

    -“I’ll need to run credentials to give it to you, but yeah. Why?”

    “A few coincidences, I hope. I want to make sure there’s not a connection there with something here.”

        Spoiler:- v1:
    Last edited by Glover; 25th June 2012 at 8:17 AM.

  14. #14
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    I noticed you around so I decided to give your fic a read, and I went over what you've got up so far. Since I just read the entire story thus far, I'll give you a general review instead of focusing on specific corrections this time.

    I'll admit, I was a little confused by the first chapter. I also find myself a little confused by the times when the story shifts into first-person perspective, because I'm having trouble following just who is being referred to in those parts. I'm sure that those parts are in fact quite clear, but I just need a hint to understand them. I also think you should probably get a beta reader, which would help clean up the spelling and grammar errors that get through. Don't get me wrong, your writing is not bad at all, in fact, it's quite solid overall. There's just a little roughness around the edges that a beta reader should be able to help you fix up with no problems. Finally, I think you would benefit from slowing things down and adding some more description - at times, the story seems to move at a breakneck pace that becomes a bit too fast, such as the Michael rescue scene in the most recent chapter. Those scenes would benefit from some padding out.

    Now, onto the good. Though I don't fully understand the first chapter and some other things just yet, once things got going I discovered that this is a very intriguing storyline. I figured out right away that N and Ghetsis were involved in the incidents so far, and the concept is very intriguing. Among the many theories about the fates of N and Ghetsis after the conclusion of BW, I never thought of Orre. I really liked how you have already taken on the issue of how people and Pokemon relate to each other, and put N into that scenario; you've actually pulled off N very well so far. The relationship between Tally and the family is quite heartwarming, too.

    Overall, I think I quite like this story, and I'd encourage you to keep going.

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  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    I noticed you around so I decided to give your fic a read, and I went over what you've got up so far. Since I just read the entire story thus far, I'll give you a general review instead of focusing on specific corrections this time.

    Awesome, first off, thank you stopping in my humble thread. I think I should put out a plate of cookies or something. I appreciate the review, the good and especially the bad.

    I'll admit, I was a little confused by the first chapter. I also find myself a little confused by the times when the story shifts into first-person perspective, because I'm having trouble following just who is being referred to in those parts.
    I've heard that comment before from Middle School English, I thought I had that well enough licked, but it may not just be you.

    I also think you should probably get a beta reader, which would help clean up the spelling and grammar errors that get through. Don't get me wrong, your writing is not bad at all, in fact, it's quite solid overall. There's just a little roughness around the edges that a beta reader should be able to help you fix up with no problems.
    That though crossed my mind when I went flipping through threads on Serebii and ran across something mentioning Beta-Readers. My first thought was "How does this work, and do I really want to subject anyone to the tortures of the workings of my mind?"

    Finally, I think you would benefit from slowing things down and adding some more description - at times, the story seems to move at a breakneck pace that becomes a bit too fast, such as the Michael rescue scene in the most recent chapter. Those scenes would benefit from some padding out.
    In such a particular case, I mulled that scene over for a few days before postig, for specificallyu that reason. I couldn't come up with anything the flesh that scene out, that didn't feel like boring, overly-bogged down text. In that vein, was a speed more in the chase in pt 1, the "rescue", or trying to get back up to the top?

    I figured out right away that N and Ghetsis were involved in the incidents so far, and the concept is very intriguing. Among the many theories about the fates of N and Ghetsis after the conclusion of BW, I never thought of Orre. I really liked how you have already taken on the issue of how people and Pokemon relate to each other, and put N into that scenario; you've actually pulled off N very well so far.
    . Thank you. It's something trying to personify some rather flat game characters. I think I'm going to rue the day they intro them in the anime, when everything I've done thus far is ruled out as violating canon. I'm still playing with Ghetsis, and he's been moved backwards a few chapters already. As for "why", N fits in fairly well right now. I pulled Ghetsis because of the crime teams, he was the only one still flapping in the wind. That, and I liked the concept behind Plasma. It's a great thing to take current character, but I'm still worried about meshing him.

    Also
        Spoiler:- Plot pacing:
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glover View Post
    That though crossed my mind when I went flipping through threads on Serebii and ran across something mentioning Beta-Readers. My first thought was "How does this work, and do I really want to subject anyone to the tortures of the workings of my mind?"
    I personally don't use a formal one, but I collaborate with a couple of close friends who help me review and prepare my work. That said, there is plenty of availability on here if you do decide to get a beta reader, so I would certainly encourage you to go for it if you decide it's worth it. Which, I'd say, probably would be. There's no need to be intimidated.

    In such a particular case, I mulled that scene over for a few days before postig, for specificallyu that reason. I couldn't come up with anything the flesh that scene out, that didn't feel like boring, overly-bogged down text. In that vein, was a speed more in the chase in pt 1, the "rescue", or trying to get back up to the top?
    I can certainly sympathize. I used to be in that position, and it's still something I struggle with. The balance between too little description and too much description is not an easy thing to conquer.

    If I'm understanding your question correctly, it's the scene where Michael is actually rescued. You were doing a relatively good job setting up how he was trapped, but the actual rescue was resolved in only a few lines, which made it fall flat. It would have been helped by having some kind of a struggle for the rescuers to reach him, for example.

    If I may, that's one thing I think may be the biggest criticism I have right now - things in general seem to happen too fast. I have a hard time keeping up.


    Thank you. It's something trying to personify some rather flat game characters. I think I'm going to rue the day they intro them in the anime, when everything I've done thus far is ruled out as violating canon. I'm still playing with Ghetsis, and he's been moved backwards a few chapters already. As for "why", N fits in fairly well right now. I pulled Ghetsis because of the crime teams, he was the only one still flapping in the wind. That, and I liked the concept behind Plasma. It's a great thing to take current character, but I'm still worried about meshing him.
    I would encourage you not to worry too much about things like that. That's why the term Alternate Universe (or AU) exists, really - not to excuse complete character derailment, because that's always bad, but if you need to modify something a little, you don't have to worry about sticking strictly to the existing canon.

    For example, in my past work I was featuring Pokemon Hunter J as a supporting antagonist in several chapters. This was in mid-late 2009 and a work that was set after the events of the Sinnoh season. Suddenly, on November 12, 2009, DP151 aired, and Pokemon Hunter J was killed off. I suddenly found myself having to invent a reason why she was still alive, eventually coming up with her being rebuilt as a cyborg by rogue members of Team Galactic. This ended up being just one of a number of liberties I had to take with characters from that series after it ended.

    tl;dr don't go too off base, like turning Ash into a manly and wise person, but don't worry if you want to be creative to a point. You'll figure out pretty quickly the right level of liberties to take. Filling in gaps left by the canon is also okay if you do it smartly.

    Also
        Spoiler:- Plot pacing:
    Don't worry about it. The right to avoid spoilers kind of gets waived when you come in the fanfiction section... it's kind of inevitable.

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  17. #17
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    Chapter 6
    Turn back to Chapter 5
    "Do you really think we missed something?" Professor Crane looked wrried. I could see it in Lily's mannerisms as well. They, with Lily's late husband, had made the Lab what it was, specializing in genetics and specifically in undoing what Cipher had done to countless specimens.

    "Maybe, I don't know. I don't want to, but at the same time it would explain why we haven't had a peep out of them here if they've been off elsewhere. I could enjoy that kind of closure, even knowing that they're somewhere. Have you seen Michael? He should be in on this conversation too."

    "Not since breakfast," Lily said. "Duking ripped him a new one last weekend, in his usual polite but terrifying manner, and I'm pretty sure Jovi hasn’t missed a day to turn him into sludge, so he's probably up in his room moping," added Crane.

    "Yes, I figured she had. I haven't seen her so cheerful since she managed to spike the school water supply with hallucinogens from a Shuckle for calling her ugly."

    "Between us, that girl terrifies me."

    Lily shot a dirty look at her co-worker, looking offended but unable to argue. "She, uh, gets it from her father..."

    "I agree; I'll stick with my sweet little bull-headed stubborn angel, thank you very much. Let me go get Michael, so we can have the rest of this conversation."

    "Fair enough."

    As I turned to get up, my P*DA rang.

    "Hello?"

    -"Glover, this is Duking. We have a slight problem."

    "Another one?"

    -"Yes, but not what you're thinking. Remember that 'No catching wild Pokémon in the Orre region while we try to rebuild the population of wild Pokémon' ban we put in place before? Well, after that last incident, people are chomping at the bit and think we're just being greedy.

    "But the population ISN'T ready! What we saw a few days ago is what's left of the Orre region Pokémon, the over world is still less than barren! We can't release the floodgates, we'll stunt the progress we've made worse than the poachers already have."

    -"I know that, and I know you do, but the people saw themselves being attacked by something we told them they couldn't catch; hell, by something that didn't exist. They feel like we've tied their hands, and they think they've seen results."

    "And I suppose they are kind of right. I don't see why they can't be allowed to catch things in the case of a swarm; I don't see why it's not their fault that they didn't take a rare opportunity."

    -"Me neither. Probably a lack of Pokeballs and surprise, but we have to do something now. It's getting out of hand."

    I held the bridge of my nose. I had an idea, someone I knew through the League who would be an expert. "Let me put a call in to Kaiser. See if we can't get an haste-pronto Safari Zone in place."

    -"That's an idea. Tell him to check his firearm though. I don't want him sticking it in the wrong person's nose like he's been known to do."

    "Already on the list. I'll get you an update Duking later then, I may have a larger problem."

    -"I'll let you go then. Talk to you later."

    When he hung up, I was already outside Michael's door. Inside, an extremely bored Leafeon was pouting on the floor, having vainfully tried to get Michael to go out and play or do something. Its trainer was more content though with bouncing a ball, and possibly the contents of stuff on his mind, against the ceiling while laying in bed.

    "Oh come now, it can't be that bad."

    "It's Jovi. Of course it can." he replied, not looking away from his game.

    "Okay, I can't argue with that, but seriously, it's nigh past time to be out of this funk you're in."

    "I'm supposed to be protecting the Orre against Cipher. Here I just tried to level a town."

    "You're out of practice."

    "Practice? Sure, let me practice, then maybe I can nuke us all at once."

    I snatched the ball out of the air. "Look kid, this "I'm here to protect Orre" nonsense needs to stop. That's why I'm here, to coordinate the league with local forces so we don't end up with a disaster a third time. You’re supposed to be helping me, since you are the self-appointed hero and everyone from here to that steam wreck looks up to you, but driving the guy who lives above you with
    " and I emphasized each sound "Thunk!...Thunk!...Thunk! does me nil."

    "Maybe I'm just not the hero." He said looking towards his feet.

    "DING DING DING! Finally he gets it! We don't want a hero. Nay, we don't even need a hero. What we want and need, is a trainer who will stand up in the face of wrong, call their bluff, and be a strong rally point for everyone else. They didn't look up to you because you had a legendary Pokémon, they looked up because you had the gall to be the front man. And you won Lugia over because they looked up to you. That's what this is all about."

    "Maybe so."

    "No maybe, it is. And right now, it's high past time you find your moxie again. I highly encourage you to go out and do the whole badge-collecting thing. Take on a league, inherit your own personal peanut-gallery of Team Rocket agents, and enjoy Pokémon for what they are."

    "But I can't leave Orre."

    "Yes, you can. You can leave, or I can have my Aerodactyl haul you out to the Sevii Islands and leave you there. Plan?"

    "We'll see."

    "Swoop's been looking for an excuse to circle the globe you know."

    "Michael gulped, but that wasn't motivation enough. I guess I was going to have to play that card, after all.

    "Look, one way or another, you're out the door. If not as a trainer, as an agent of mine."

    That got his ears perked up, but then he went back to his storm cloud. "I was an agent this last time, look where that got me."

    "Mentally and emotionally beaten up by your younger sister? I can see where that might be a deal breaker. Whenever you feel like hearing about what could be Cipher's latest exploits, let me know."

    I went back downstairs, and began setting up my conference call.

    It took him all of five minutes to come down behind me.

    On four monitors, I had Lance and Looker from their respective organizations. I also was calling up Cynthia, on behalf of Sinnoh, and the Matriarch of the Jenny family. Figured that covered the bases of where I had concerns.

    "Alright. Mic checks, and introductions. Can we all hear each other?"

    "-yep."

    -"Gotcha"

    -"I hear you Glover."

    *Pshhht-vip wrrt*

    "Would you try that again Looker?"

    -I said" *Pshhht-vip wrrt*

    "I think you've got a mic shorting out."

    VEEEPPP!! Everyone cringed from the feedback. Looker plugged a new Microphone in.

    -"Is this better?"

    -"I don't know. I can't hear you for the ringing in my ears." Madame Jenny scoffed.

    "I think we're all here then. I really am sorry to call a meeting like this, and I truly hope I've wasted yor time, the alternative is unpleasant. First off, let me introduce you to Michael."

    -"Hey, you're the guy who tried to get a town eaten last week, aren't you?"

    Thank you, Lance, for being Captain Blunt. I cursed under my breath. If it were possible for a human to learn Minimize, I think Michael just did.

    "Erm, yes. He is. THAT topic aside, you are I trust, well aware of the situation that occurred here in Orre twelve years ago?..."

    ---
    Janie spent the majority of her day chasing footprints around the forest. Twice, she thought she had seen a Chikorita, but it was either wishful thinking, or a very elusive Pokémon.

    On the plus side, she could now safely attest to the health of one particular Beedrill nesting, which was, coincidentally, the record for number of wild Pokémon seen at any one time in Orre.

    Now, any bug type expert will laugh at the size of what we consider a healthy Beedrill nest. This was maybe a tenth of average for places like Hoenn or Sinnoh even, where Beedrill were numorous but not native. Even still, a tenth of a Beedrill hive can be a pain in the rear, and is still plenty numerous enough for one lucky trainer. The trick was, isolating one. Then Janie had an idea.

    "Where there are Beedrill, there are Kakuna." She told Tally.

    Oh no. I think I'm going to hate this. Tally moaned.

    ---
    Yes, I'm going to hate this. There better something steak-related in my supper dish when I get home for this.

    "See Tally? That one right there, it's on the edge of the group, and kinda small. It’s just just hanging there, waiting for you. Jump up and snatch it, get it as far away from the rest of them as you can. Just like Fetch."

    There's a reason I don't like fetching the ball you know... but it was no use, no arguing with the trainer. Tally reared up, stalked through the underbrush, and made the attack.

    ‘KAK! KAKU! KAKUNA!’ it cried, hoping someone would hear it. it tried jabbing it's barb, but it was straddled between Tally’s paws. Then it landed hard on its back, with Tally bounding over it; keeping a distance.

    "Alright Tally, Quick Attack."

    "HERD!"

    The energy amassed around the Herdier, and she struck the Kakuna amidst a Harden attack, spinning it on it's back like a top. That actually had been enough experience for the Pokémon, and it started to evolve. Changing shape though, whilst spinning like a college frat game was almost as bad as just being the bottle. The resulting Beedrill hobbled around like a drunkard, stabbing wildly at the ground the bug type could've sworn looked like a dog, trying to shish-kabob it into submission. Tally launched one more Quick Attack, before the poor bug type waved its arms in defeat. Janie through a quick Pokéball, and then grabbed it on its third rocking test, taking the risk of one dizzy Pokémon over a hundred mad ones; since the sound of an air force was breaking through the forest.

    ---
    Standing alone, in the middle of the desert, is a small shack-like building. Often, the little building is hidden by the blowing dunes, which was the case for the green-haired man and his three bodyguards. Save a small piece of tin roofing, sticking out of a pile of sand, the unassuming structure looked exactly nothing like where the company had expected to do business.

    And yet, for the same reason, they knew this was the place. The extending doorframe to give them a clean entryway was a nice hint too. Inside this unique “hunting shack” of a building, an unassuming looking receptionist led them down into a business suite where the bodyguards were given reprieve. Their charge was then welcomed into a cozy, functional office

    "You, must be Ardos, the man with the goods."

    "And you must be Ghetsis."

    "I am. I hear you are the one to talk to for Shadow Pokémon."

    "No, not anymore."

    "Did I not read, that you vowed to restart Cipher, and bring it's true glory to bear?"

    "I did, and I did. And we've been doing marvelously well for 9 years. But we’ve cut down the Shadow Pokémon. Think about it. The first time one shows up, they know where to look. All we need is for someone to shout ‘OMG! A Shadow Pokémon! Quick, it’s gotta be Cipher!’ and there goes business. So we've resorted to... other things."
    "Yes, I am aware of some of them. I've been a loyal cusotmer of the gadgets for some time, and I believe a few of your scientists worked for me. Nothing world-dominating, just an alterative to Rocket's extensive line of 'Things that blow up in your face'. Honestly, Acme has a better track record with that darned coyote than Rocket does. "

    Ardos laughed. "I must thank you then as a loyal customer, but what brings you to Orre to search me out?"

    "Something you seem to refuse to sell me. I don’t buy this ‘We’re done with Shadow Pokémon’ nonsense. It’s who you are."

    "It is a shame that you think so, Ghetsis. Alright, I won’t deny that there may be a select few who have received, ah, “gifts”, from us in the past. Ein may have neglected to put a few names in his records. But may haps you are not aware of something else we've been doing. You see, the Shadow Pokémon projects gave us a remarkable insight to Pokémon genetics. I daresay we know far more than the Professors. It's given us a unique, ah, insight. Perhaps you are not familiar with a place called "Holon"."

    "No, I am not." It never dawned on Ghetsis, to ask why this man was being just so forward with him…

    ---
    -"Dark balls, huh."

    "Look Lance, I never said it wasn't hokey, but all of a sudden, the world's criminal leagues are developing technologies that were a staple of Cipher. Not having one of those Pokémon, I can't say for sure, but the Poacher's report sure sounds like a shadow Tyranitar. Which gives me the absolute willies, by the way. There also seems to be hints of Snag machines going into a few Grunt teams, and I found one note of a snagger with Hunter J, if you believe the reports she survived. All I want to ask is that you keep an eye on it, and be careful. The last two disasters in the Orre region happened because we weren't on top of Cipher. With any luck, this time we are."

    -“Glover, I thank you for clueing us in.”] Cynthia spoke. “I’m sure I speak for the Sinnoh League in that we’ll do everything we can to help, but I’m not sure what that is with just reports.”

    I must agree with my colleague. You know how busy I am with the Rockets, but I’ll keep tabs and let you know if they show up with anything suspicious. I’ve been hunting those Dark Balls for a while though, and the closest I could find was a prototype of Giovanni’s, but after a report of them going to New Island, nothing.

    “Right now, I think that’s all that needs done, just to keep ears open. I just hope we aren’t sitting on a large operation, like the last few times.
    ---
    A door into our house slammed. Janie, Tally, and a very much confused Beedrill holding it shut, panting heavily.

    WHAT did you just get me into? One minute, I'm swinging in the breeze, the next I'm dizzy, then claustrophobic in some mirrored capsule thingy, and finally being attacked by my hive mates. And why do I suddenly think that was the most fun I've ever had?"

    Course, all Janie got out of that was "BEE! Beebeebee drill bee bee bee, drill drill, bee bee. Bee bee bee drill bee?"

    The sound of a million stingers pounding the door reminded them why they couldn't breathe. A short minute later, the sound of a Blaziken using Fire Spin put a stop to that, and Janie was never more glad to be home.

    ---
    When I walked into my office, there was a girl sitting in my chair grinning like a Cheshire cat. Tally at her feet, and was that a pint-sized Beedrill in her lap? It seemed to be trying to get it’s back itched on her shirt. Either that or it got its stinger stuck in the seat fabric. I have a feeling I know what happened to my front door though.


    ---
    “A Beedrill huh?”

    “Yep. It was awesome Dad.”

    I’d call it something else entirely Beedrill thought to itself.

    “And I still want a steak for it. Tally tried to remind them.

    “Alright, you win. You proved to me you can catch Pokémon, I surrender. So what are your plans now?”

    “Well Dad, I’d like to start across Orre tomorrow, see if we can train up in Phenac, then I don’t know. Hoenn maybe?”

    “Hoenn sounds like a plan. Will you still be wanting to take that Castform that’s head over, well, thunderclouds in love with you?”
    “You mean I can seriously take him?”

    “We have six of them, which may or may not have been a by-product of my time training in Hoenn and an unsupervised Ditto. We have more Castform than the ONBS weather-guessers, and we’re not a Weather Institute, not even close. I think I can spare one.”

    “Hmm. An already partially trained Pokémon, whom I know will listen to me, and kinda cute to boot. Of course I’ll take him!”

    “Awesome, I’ll get him when I get your Trainer data logged into the Storage system tomorrow, among other boring stuff.”

    About that time, a loud crash came from the kitchen. Tally and he Beedrill had schemed to pick out Dinner. I met them halfway, dragging a package of beef.

    What? We’re hungry!

    The Beedrill turned to Tally And you’re sure I’ll like this?

    Of course! It’s Human food! You can’t go wrong!

    ---
    As it turns out, Beedrill aren’t fond of [i]eating[/] steak. Stabbing it into a mashed pulp, yes. But not eating it. Which was fine for the pup, meant more for her. Both facts I knew and figured that’s why Tally kept insisting I give Beedrill some anyway. Beedrill didn’t mind this “Salad” thing though. And it seemed to be warming up to the idea of being a small Beedrill on an adventure. Perhaps it had been mocked in the hive for being weak.

    And I’m still wondering how we ended up with a new nest of Beedrill, but it means the forest at least is supporting new life. Dinner was quiet though otherwise, and not much was said. Cayna poed at her food. It must have dawned on her more quickly than I that this meant our little girlwas growing up. It's always been easy to send everyone else's kid off into the real world. but it's something else when it's you're own. We all hugged often, a few tears were shed, but the real pain would be the empty room a week or so from now.

    ---
    By Noon the next day, Janie had been signed up and was well on her way. Stocked with the usual Orre Region Special, that being 5 Pokéballs, two each of potions and the status healers, and now three Pokémon strong, as well as a few dozen things Mom insisted she have, she was feeling pretty good about herself. The new shoes purchased at the start of her tenth birthday for this occasion still fit wonderfully, though there wasn't much to be running on in Orre, since it's largely sand travel. We had already taught her the fine art of packing a small house into a backpack, picked up some disinfectents and cleaners for foodware, and she was ready to be away from us doting parents by 9am.

    "And you're sure you have everything dear?"

    "Yes Mom."

    "Pans?"

    "Yes."

    "Food to get yuo to a store?"

    "Yes."

    "Money is in your wallet, right?"

    "Of course."

    "Cleaning supplies?"

    "Yes, and the table and the sleeping bag and the tent and the Pokemon."

    "You have your widget, right?" I aasked.

    "Yeah I got tha- wait, DAD! That's cheap."

    "Just making sure you're paying attention."

    Even still, when the Eastbound crawler showed up, she was almost as hesitant to leave, as we were to let her go. It was her life though, we let her go to School, though her own mother was her kindergarten teacher. We let her go to swim practices, to sporting games with friends, now it was time to let her go see the world. Here's to the days we know are coming, and there's nothing we can do to avoid them.

    ---
    The Crawlers were large, articulated vehicles. They hovered, but wieght from cargo loads often forced them onto the ground anyway, so a series fo balloon tires lined the bottoms of them. Their long, flexible frames could often be seen curled over the ridges of dunes, like bugs going over a wall. Behind the driver's cockpit was a large storage compartment, like a baggage car on a train. Then a passeger section, wich carried 70 comfortably. A porch on the back end could let 12 people sit outside, when the sands weren't whipping about them. Orre had once tried the subway, but with limited results after the Under desaster. Unfortunately, the desert was far and away too volitile to build railroad track, and to do it high enough to prevent sand from gumming up the running magnets Johto uses would mean an insane cost that Orre didn't have the budget for. Instead, skilled drivers and a bug-like array of sensors off the front pick out the best routes to get to where they are going.

    As it happened, Janie was one of four people on board, plus the stweardess, who was more interested in reading about the lastest dress style than checking if anyone wnated something to drink. Across from Janie was an older couple who got on at Agate before her. She managed to find out they were visiting their grandson, a famous runner who often competed with his Castform. Had they not pompty passed out, she'd have continued talking to them. The other passenger was the daughter pf the current mayor in Phenac, who was visiting her father for the weekend. She too, had gone to sleep, having been seasick before arriving in Gateon.


    ---
    Nothing happened on the quiet sand-crawler trip, so she decided on a whim to stop off at Pyrite to take on the Colosseum there.

    “CAIL YOU LITTLE SNEAK-THIEF! GET BACK HERE” Janie recognized Duking’s voice immediately from across town, and spotted a flying truck coming down the main drag. This, she thought, was going to be her first opportunity. She released Tally, who unleashed a powerful Shockwave. Cail swerved to avoid her and the attack, and was nearly going to jump out and punish her for it, when he spotted Duking gaining in his jeep. Instead, he gunned it, and rounded the corner out of town.

    A little too fast. The sound of metal canisters clinking in the bed was followed by a band snapping. They all tipped, and rolled over each other in the bed of the truck. And then, one fell out. It landed on a rock, cracked the case, and spilled out an egg, whoch bounced and tumbled its way into a clearing, behind some junk. Janie spotted the item, and tried to wave Duking down, but he shot past her, thinking she wanted to say hi. She tried calling him, but he gave her a

    -“Not Now, I’m busy”

    Before hanging up, so she decided to take it to Sherles. That was when she saw it was an egg, and saw it was pulsing oddly. Not in a rhythm like a normal egg, like the ones her Mom had raised for her kindergarten classes each year; this one seemed to just go on odd bursts, and it seemed much dimmer than she recalled. The egg itself was a metallic color, with three gold dots. Stranded in Pyrite until the next Sand Crawler, and not sure I could do anything over the phone, she scooped up the egg and hoped someone in the Colosseum would know what to do.

    She was in luck, too. Getting around the Battle Square took skill, and putting her head down and ignoring trainers trying to make eye contact, and there were work crews everywhere cleaning up rubble from the weekend before, but there was in fact someone who could help. A young Nurse Joy, obviously just out of school, was studying the dilapidated self-service and First-Aid equipment that had consisted of the Colosseum’s healing center that was to become the first true Pokémon Center in Pyrite, and the first in Orre to be run by a Joy, had been startled by her arrival.

    Joy made too diagnoses. One, the egg was in shock, and was going to need some time, and a bit of luck. The other, was that the new trainer was hot and worn out from running the whole way in, and was well past needing a large drink of water. Chansey was trying a cool sponge bath on both patients, with a litte bit of success. Afterwards, the egg was placed in a warm wrap and an incubator, which helped slow the pulsing into a regular pattern. However, Joy was well and truly certain that it was going to try to hatch soon, and she wasn’t the expert, but she wasn’t sure it was ready. So Joy put in a call to Johto, and Elm asked to see it for himself. No one seemed concerned that this egg may well have been stolen though.

    “So you see Dad,” she said to me on the videophone that evening, “I spend six months failing to catch a single one, and now I have 4 in two days!”

    Yeah, that’s the way it goes sometimes. You just have to look at the sky and ask the guy who’s penning this crazy life what’s really going on. Let me know if you get an answer, I’d like to know too. And next time, Don’t stand in FRONT of the truck you’re trying to stop.” I thought about that comment a minute. “Scratch that. Don’t try to stop a truck!”

    She smiled. Then Joy came out, and got the egg ready to travel. She offered to walk Janie to the crawler stop. Phenac, and Hoenn it looked too, were going to wait. Janie was now a courier for a sick egg. Everyone wished that Duking was back, but Sherles explained he was still chasing Cail across the desert. Seems while everyone else was in the Under, he too had been poaching eggs and items, a and one had seen him. In fact, he claimed he’d been down there for a week, and had a nice little bundle of eggs and trinkets with him to back that claim up. No one knew how he pulled it off, but he’d done something, that was for sure.

    By the time Duking caught up, all that had been left of Cail’s getaway vehicle was one of the hoverpads and the driver. Eight holes in the ground marked where, Duking supposed, he’d been ambushed by the Pokémon he’d stolen from.

    On to Chapter 7
    Last edited by Glover; 2nd July 2012 at 9:21 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  18. #18
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    Jul 2011
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    Gateon area, Orre
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    Author's Note: Been a week, no comments, so on with the show. Sorry i I'm piling to much on. This chapter has a lot in it, mostly because I couldn't stop writing. Hopefully I haven't butchered too much and moved through ti too quickly.

    chapter 7
    flip back to chapter 6

    A vidiophone rang in an office in Castelia City.

    -"Well well, It seems I owe you an apology, Lovrina."

    The confused look looking back at him knew that news hadn't reached her yet. Which was surprising, since a week had passed.

    It was also abundantly clear that as soon as she was enlightened, he was going to never live it down. Oh well, the boss would be telling her soon enough anyway, might as well lump it.

    -"It would seem that rumors are true. Apparently, the skies around Citadark were charged with an eerie, Pokémon-driven storm of purple energy a week ago."

    The epiphany. "Ha. HA! HA! I TOLD you I had done it! TOLD YOU! And YOU didn't believe that the student could surpass the master! You didn't believe a Pokémon could be fully changed after you failed! What's this call about, Ein? You afraid I'll be promoted OVER you?" She paused, and watched his hand gestures. He was fidgety. "They did already, and you're afraid you're going to be turned into "Coffeeboy" from now on. You know, I like the sound of Lovrina's Whipping-----"

    Ein turned the volume off. He was pretty sure the next word out her mouth was going to be something akin to slave, but less suitable for the intended age of this audience.

    He guessed by the gestures, she'd said something he needed to respond to. He turned the volume back up, but by that time, another call came in, and he got hung up on.

    It was from Ardos...

    ---
    The week had been long. It didn't help that Elm's lab had been stuffy, but the trainers around town were all new, and nothing like Phenac would have been. The real downside, is that her mother knew where she was and could call. EVERY. NIGHT.

    She had to admit though, she was learning quite a bit from the Professor, helping the scatter-brained man while he tried to help the egg. And while Herdier was far and away stronger than the starters, his practice moves were doing them wonders. Falkner had called from the gym in Violet, asking what they were feeding the Pokémon and their trainers.

    Even Beedrill was coming along nicely. For being the smallest anyone had ever seen, only three quarters size, he as well and truly also the fastest. Janie had taken to calling him "Tiny" occasionally, which irked him to no end. Humans had no accounting for good names. Now If anyone asked him, he was much more fond of “RumbleBee”, which he’d seen on somebody’s truck; or “Bee-otch” which he remembered from being a Weedle in a fashion store. The second most fun thing he’d done in his life; startling the shoppers. THOSE were names for a Beedrill, especially one as awesome as he.

    ---
    The house was quiet. It had been a week since Janie left. My wife Cayna had washed her sheets a few times, dusted the furniture, even fluffed pillows in the typical mother way when children weren't around. To no avail, of course. Calling and checking in helped, but it did nothing to account for empty bedrooms.

    Silly me, I missed having Tally scampering about the house. It's not that the house was void of Pokémon, between the Babies from Cay's Kindergarten, her two Pokémon Gotegrim and Guinevere, plus my regular team, there were plenty. But they tended to stay in the playroom, or were up and asleep when we were. Even still, When it came time for needing lap buddies, I could rely on my starters. But they just weren’t Tally.

    "What'cha drawing?" Cay asked me. An Umbreon poked his head up from my lap and the drawing board, bumping my hand

    "Room design. I believe it's my obligated duty as a father to have a plan for the newly emptied room, and I'm a few months behind."

    "You can't!"

    "I know, but I'm still gonna have it to show her. Might even redecorate for an April Fool's prank. There's nothing we need anyway, got a library and entertainment room, model trains in the basement I don't get around to as much as I want, you've got a work room, we're living the high life. But you know, I could always build a training center..."

    "You're evil."

    "Oh, I know."

    A Gardevoir walked in holding a duster and a ringing P*DA.

    "Thanks Guin," I told her, she curtseyed and went back to cleaning the bedroom.

    "Hello?"

    -"Is this Glover?"

    "Yes it is, who am I speaking with?"

    -"My name is Celio. I man the Pokeball transfer software for the Pokemon Centers in the Sevii Island area. It's the darndest thing, but one of the transfer terminals spat out an error report regarding a transfer-rejected Pokemon. I talked to Bill and the other Computer terminal experts, and we figured out the transfer code was trying to trace a problem and pulled up a patch from the Orre region, which was incompatibel with the current program. I ended up in touch with one Professor Crane, and while I was out all the info I'd gotten from him, as well as the other tranfer software, was stolen from my house!"

    My head was spinning, I never studied Pokeball transfer, I just go and find the Pokemon the trainer is asking for and put it in the fancy machine and pull a lever.

    -"So," he continued, -"Now we get to why I'm calling you. Since then, Bill's seen tampering of the system, coming from a terminal on Chrono Island. There's also been reports of Team Rocket activity in that area. No one can seem to get ahold of Lance, and since they did seem to be trying to transfer an Orre-related Pokemon, Crane gave me your name. I was hoping you could help me."

    "Well, I'm no whiz, but I'm as good at breaking Rockets as I am computers."

    -"Thank you, I hope you can stop them.

    "Thank you. Good night."

    -"Good night."

    I looked up. Cay's scowling at me.

    "You're leaving soon, aren't you. You're leaving me alone after our Daughter hit the road."

    "I'll bring a nice hunk of moon stone?" I said innocently.

    "Nah, just go get the bad guys. It's what you do. Gets you out of this house."

    "Tomorrow. I'll get them tomorrow."

    "Just get them. I'll be fine. I've got school to teach anyway."

    ---
    "Well well. Sinnoh huh?" I was surprised.

    "Yep. Mike said he was looking into the Hunter J/Cipher thing, figured you had the other part covered. Whatever you said to him, he took it to heart. Bless you."

    "Thanks Crane."

    "Now, if you could only get rid of the other one. Not that she's a bad helper, but."

    "Only with a crowbar and some dynamite, I'm afraid. I'll admit though, I hate leavign the door open here."

    "We'll be fine. Orre's tough. We'll survive. And if anyone attacks the lab, remember I've got Jovi."

    "Who has possibly the most dangerous Plusle and Minun in the world, but that doesn't amount to much."

    "Hence why I said Jovi, not Jovi and her Pokémon. Plus, There's always the ranch Pokémon."

    "I'm talking about if she's isolated from here when it happens, Crane."

    "Ah. I see. Tell you what, she's been hanging out with the Hitmons and that Ninetales, from the second Cipher incident, I'll have her carry them."

    "Good idea."

    I loaded my bike into a boat, and we sailed for Kanto. I compressed it's nearly 7 foot long desert body down to a 4foot chassis by pulling in the pneumatic suspension, making for a smaller package.

    Kanto journeys are a real killer. The distance from there to Orre is almost a quater-turn of the planet. The vessels that make the runs are moslty cargo ships with a passenger deck or two to fill in. Maybe, if Orre would become soemthing worthwhile, we'd get more express crusies. The ships also carry a battlefield, since the trainers are coming back from a massive training regimene. I kept to my cabin mostly, though I had one match that ended with Rotom making a fool out of a Porygon. It would seem that Coding Pokémon don't handle being hit with electricity well.

    In a typical case, no one gets off at the Sevii islands, despite the occasional offload and required refueling. Fortunately, since I was a League member, I could talk my way off of the ship there, with my ride.

    "Glad to meet you Glover."

    "Same to you, Celio. Crane saidit sounded like they tred to transfer a Shadow Pokemon?"

    "That's what I was afraid of, but the readout wasn't quite right for that either, in looking into the Shadow Pokemon data-patches."

    "It's getting awfully humid and nerdy out here, all of a sudden" I told myself. He must have heard me, or gotten a drift, as he changed the subject.

    "Here. This Pass will get you to Chrono. Let me invite you to Lunch though, that ship won't be leaving for another few hours."

    Free meal? I'm all for it.

    ---
    My lift to Chrono was SeaGallop 4. Not the smoothest of them, but it does. I unloaded, the bike again, stretched the suspension to half-length from its compressed shipping and urban form, and set off to do some exploring .

    ---
    "Hey, isn't that that dude from Orre who's been poking around?"

    "Sure looks like it, but I wonder if he knows he's going the wrong way?"

    "Eh, let's leave him to it, warn the bosses, and get this place packed up. We shouldn't disrupt the nice man's sight-seeing, after all."

    ---
    You'd think no one's seen a water motorcycle before, spewing water out of the back tire like a rubber paddlewheel, with two stabilizers to the sides, and hydrofoils off the front end. The rocky channel made for smooth riding, and "out of the way" seemed like a good place to put something mysterious like a Team Rocket base.

    Boy, did I screw up. I managed to get the thing stuck on a shoal, wandered into a coral reeflet and found nothing there but a man who raised Togepi and its evolutions. He told me, he raised them to find happiness after his wife passed away, and loved sharing it with everyone. I apologized at not being able to accept the gift of an egg, with a full team and a mission and all. Going further North, all I found was a fancy house and a cave that reminded me of Turnback in Sinnoh. The proprietor insisted though, that I stay overnight and have a battle with her. I rode up onto the beach, returned the bike to a vehicular form, and agreed.

    "A Double battle?" I asked.

    "Double?" Selphy was kinda shocked.

    "Yeah, I come from Orre, it’s a common style there. There's two Pokemon on the field at one time, working together, but otherwise like a normal Pokemon Battle."

    "Hmm. I've never done one before, sounds like fun though. Sure, let's try it. Let's go my pets!" She hurled out two Pokéballs, releasing two identical Persian.

    "Awesome. Sunbeam and Moonlight, let's do this." I on the other hand, have never been one for throwing things unintentionally, and opted for the press and hold release style. Espeon and Umbreon jumped to the ready as soon as they materialized.

    "Your move." I told her. She opend with two quick attacks, then turning to bite. this was common trianing for my twosome, who made for quick dodges. Speed, in all terrains, had been a heavy training course for me, ven when I was a trainer. It proved invaluable though, as they ricocheted down cramped hallwatys at attackers. Espeon fired on command a Psybeam, and Umbreon tried Pursuit. Only the latter was able to connect, as the Persian used Pay Day to act as a countermeasure; the Psybeam hit the coins and deflected off of them.

    "Smart stretgy." I complimented her.

    "Thank you."

    No time to stop though. One Persian Taunted Sunbeam. Despite her training, she was distracted, only just but long enough, for the other to get in a super-effective Bite. Then, while still holding her tail in it's teeth, the other used Torment. Umbreon was on it though, and used Quick Attack before the first could connect. it got up, shook itself off, and went to bite Espeon. Espeon however, finally flipped the Persian off her tail. When it went to bite her as well, it couldn't open its mouth.

    trainer and Persian were shocked, and concerned. "What did you do to my darling Persian!?" Selphy demanded.

    "Nothing, it got tormented is all."

    "What? When? You didn't use Torment!"

    "Nope, but Espeon used her Magic Bounce ability."

    "What?"

    Magic Bounce. It works like Synchronize, but it also works on statuses like that."

    "Tricky. Alright Persian, Quick Attack then."

    Another easy one to dodge, if Espeon, wasn’t reeling from all the bites. Unfortunately, the Quick Attack made a glancing blow, so I called for her to use Morning Sun. Considering it was almost night, this wasn't ideal, but it would do in a pinch. Moonlight jumped in front and used Detect without a command; this was a strategy they had down pat. He fended off two of their attacks, before being hit with another Pay Day. It had been enough of a stall though, a renewed Espeon leapt over her partner and took out one Persian with a Scratch.

    Now, it was Umbreon's turn. the Psycat pounded the Persian with Swift, holding it back from attacking, while Umbreon recovered with Moonlight. Being night time, it put him back full in the green, and with a newfound second wind, he felled the other Persian with a Pursuit.

    "That, was a lot of fun." I told Selphy. "I’m quite impressed with using Pay Day as a chaff to draw off attacks."

    "Thank you. Most people laugh at throwing away money like that though. I must say however, it turns out quite unfair when you are the one with only one Pokémon."

    "Yes, I bet. And you're quite right. I've been in that position before, as well."

    Just then, the butler announced dinner. my Pokémon and I grinned, and proceeded into the house. Where we ate like Grumpigs.

    ---
    We woke early. The guest bedroom was quite comfortable indeed, and much larger than any room in my house, save maybe the basement entertainment area. I apologized to the butler for leaving before she was up, and we scooted out. It was 8AM when I hit the main part of the island, and rode around to find a warehouse on the other side of island, almost in broad daylight, if daylight had been up yet.

    Hello. My name is Glover, I'm an idiot.

    News of my arrival sounded, by the looks of the grunts coming to meet me, and the number of them trying to load things into a ship in a record hurry. Espeon shot down Koffing and blasted Ekanslike clay pigeons as we strode in. It was clear; I'd missed the bosses by a mile. The only Grunts were the ones they deemed "disposable", who carried new and untrained Rocket-issue Pokémon.

    A few enterprising Grunts managed to lock us out, which lasted for a wonderful minute before Rotom was able to possess the linkages and open the doors for me.

    "C'mon, we’ve got to get out of here" a familiar red-headed Rocket Grunt tried to push the head scientist, but he wouldn't leave.

    "No, you go and stall for me."

    The grunt looked terrified. I grinned, Espeon took a stance to blast away another gasbag.

    Instead, he did something else. He hurled a book at Espeon, and then tackled me into the next hall. The scientist he was protecting was going to curse him for throwing that book, but decided against it.

    "GLOVER!"He yelled.

    "Lance?"

    "GAH! What are you doing? TRYING to blow my cover?"

    "I was told you were too occupied."

    "By whom? Oh, never mind. Have Espeon throw a light show, I gotta fake you beating me."

    "I could always, you know, beat you."

    "Don't push it."

    Sunbeam put out a good show indeed. I got up, dusted myself off, and pounced the scientist.

    "Oh NO! My bodyguard!"

    "Toast. You're turn." I kidded.

    He fumbled a Pokéball, this one another Porygon, my second in as many days. Espeon took the challenge, but found himself under attack from various computer devices. he psybeamed the tap strip and the network box, trapping Porygon inside until it was smashed against the wall with a quick attack. His next Pokémon was a Magnemite. I called Espeon back, aimed my wrist, and a Flamethrower shot out from my cuff.

    The Magnemite blinked.

    The scientist blinked.

    The Magnemite went FOOM! And disappeared in a roaring fire.

    The Ditto that uncoiled itself from the flame weapon design that was wrapped around my arm grinned like a cheshire cat.

    The Magnemite, probably more from shock than the actual attack, fainted.

    Gideon's next Pokémon was an Electrode. Ditto jumped off my arm, transformed into the heaviest object in the room, and landed with an Earthquake-like thud. The Electrode shot straight into the air, where Ditto transformed and spiked him like a tennis ball.

    Electrode recovered and recoiled with Rapid-Spin. Or back-spin, in this case. He struck Ditto, who recovered the end of the attack by stretching into a large net. Electrode followed up with a Volt Switch, and a Magneton took his place.

    Ditto grinned, and lept up, coiling around the Magenton like an annoying grease. The threesome ended up knocking him and themselves out trying to rid themselves of him.

    Next on my roster was Galvantula, who faced down the Electrode by using String-Shot and swinging him like a Bolo. The Electrode ended its misery with a Self-destruct, but the low hit points meant it was a weaker attack that did Galvantula little.

    Gideon's last Pokémon was a Voltorb, who suffered a similar fate to the Electrode.

    Gideon then found himself unable to flee; stuck to an electric net. It was a shame that’s all we could catch, he seemed to be the last person out. It looks like Celio's research is gone too.

    "Now, if you'll be so kind, I'd like to know about what's going on here."

    "Nothing , dummy. You're too late. That happens, when you get lost and make a wrong turn." he taunted. "You missed an awesome party though, we Rockets have managed to crack the code in the next step of Pokémon power. Ya just gotta cut out the excess baggage."

    I was afraid he meant excess emotional baggage. So I gave him a wrap in the mouth just in case. Ditto was given a Poffin with a Revival Herb baked in to kill some of the bitter taste. He turned himself into a small prison casket, and we carted the scientist off to deal with the Coast Guard.

    In the Sevii area, Officer Jenny mans a coastal police force. Deputies look after the islands, but everything tends to go by boat. Once you're out of the main port, law and order is largely maintained by Pokémon Rangers. The Forest kind, not the ones who play with tops and yo-yos. Even then, they are mostly concerned with Search-and-Rescue, and not policey matters. You take care of yourself, or you don't go in there. Hence, why the Sevii Islansds is not a common trainer area.

    We met Jenny at the port, who scolded me for hitting the guy. She was probably right though. We loaded him onto the Police Cutter for some interrogation.

    ---
    "Gideon, right?"

    "Yes, and you're the trainer with the whacked-out Ditto."

    "Yeah yeah, so he's afraid of becoming Pokémon. Listen, I was told someone tried to ship a not-nice Pokémon across the ethernet. I was told someone else stole something from a scientist."

    "Yeah? We wanted the whole scientist, not just his research. Then he couldn't blow the whistle on us."

    Jenny smirked, and wrote down attempted kidnapping to list of charges.

    "So, you going to tell us about that Pokemon?"

    "Probably not. You Cops don't have anything on me. My bosses took all the evidence away."

    "I wouldn't be so sure about that. We can get him for suspected cruelty and experimentation to Pokemon, can't we?"

    "We sure can, Glover." Jenny replied. "And as long as we keep turning up suspicion, the clock on Statute of Limitations keeps resetting."

    "Which means we can hold you until I or someone finds out if you were or were not involved in a criminal operation such as experimentation on Pokemon. If that takes me year, or four, you'll be here for that long. You should just be glad my local constabulary isn't the one who caught you, or he might have chained you to the side of the ship instead of a decent prison cell."

    "Well, fine then. Not that it matters. My research team is out of here, with the bosses. I don't know where they plan to set up next. I had stayed behind to tie up a few last-minute experiments, while they took the bulk of the research away, but you cut me off. Just software bugging things. The Pokemon we were experimenting on didn't transfer right, they lost some of what we had been working on when they went through the Computer system."

    "What kind of Pokemon?"

    "What kind.” He chided. “You're from Orre, what do you think?"

    "Shadow? Really?" I should have seen that coming, that’s why I was here, but even still the admission took me a bit by surprise.

    "Yes yes. After we learned Cipher was out of the business, but had sold one of our traitors a protoype portable corrupter, we had to try. If it means anything, the system fails. Sure, you get an amped up, peeved-off Pokemon, and it sounds like that's what we're supposed to get, but it's still missing the "Pizzaz" of a true Shadow Pokémon. That was to be my next challenge, once I figured out how to ship Grunts these new Pokemon. You're too late though, long live the Rocket Monsters. MWAHAHA!" He continued cackling, I looked at Jenny, who nodded, and I whapped him in the mouth again.

    ---
    Several Police agents escorted him to the mainland. They offered to give me a lift, and since there seemed to be little I could scrounge up here, I decided to take them up on it.

    Besides, Prisoners are much more behaved when wrapped in a sticky electric web, and being guarded by a two foot tall spider that can fake looking hungry. Least, I think he was faking.

    When we landed, I told dock crews to go ahead and store themotorcycle until I was sure I would need it. This trip was proving to be a lot of short jaunts and it just wasn’t working out.

    The next order of business, was to ask around the dock of arriving crews and see if they spotted my ship. They all reported ships they saw, and not having seen it myself I had no idea if they were right or not, but at least one story sounded compelling.

    “Of course I saw it. Big thing, Somewhere between an aircraft carrier and a tanker, like the conversion ships we used in WWII.” He told me, despite clearly not being old enough to be a veteran. Had enough stuff on its roof to be capable of landing aircraft. Probably helicopters and jump-jets. There looked to be a ramp in the back of it, and two off the front, like it could launch and recover boats. The Bridge had a massive crane boom sticking out of it too, like there was a cargo capacity I couldn’t see.”
    “How self-supportive is this thing, since you seem to know a lot about boats?”
    “Well, I’m gonna bet that half of it is devoted to transport. Then you’ve got three decks of crew area if it is carrying flight craft, there’ll be a supply hold somewhere for supplies, and probably two decks worth of other things.

    “Like a lab?”

    Maybe, but I doubt it. Nothing volatile, you don’t want something blowing a hole in your ship. I’m betting this is more for transport and interim work, nothing more. And why are the Police so curious about this thing, anyway?”

    “No reason.”

    “No reason you’ll tell me.”

    “Where is it probably now?”

    “I don’t know. Probably here.” He pointed to a large map in the Harbor Master’s office. “They were kinda in between the Johto and Hoenn shipping lanes. They may swing south for the Orange Islands, but there’s only so deep a ship that size can get into there, so I’m gonna bet these two places are your best bet.”

    “Thank you, Captain Hab, you’ve been most helpful.” I turned to leave the office, and stopped a sailor outside the door. “Do you know where I could find a deep-water speedboat?”

    ---
    What I had seen on the map, was a small island near the shipping lane. Twenty minutes later, and I was blissfully racing to said island. I set up a camping scene once there, probably having taken me two hours to go that far, and released Ditto. If the sailor’s info was right, and they kept the same speed, then the mystery ship should be here in twenty minutes.
    “Ditto, here’s a picture to study. I’m going to go lay out in the water, and when you’ve got it, let me know.”
    DIT! He replied happily. He loved a challenge. Five minutes in, a faux-glass canopy floated out to me. Sticking out the back were two positionable water jets. Ballast tanks on the back, and mount for my camera. There was also two dot eyes above the canopy, and a smile on the bottom of it. Itlifted up, I put my rebreather on so I wasn’t trying to breathe through a Ditto, and we submerged.
    Ditto chirped a short while later, and he turned towards the hull coming at us. We surfaced, so I could study the side of the ship.

    “Miya” was printed on the side, but I was more concerned on the small flag over the crane end that had a distinctly red R on it. A grunt was changing the port-flag. It was definitely a Johto flag. Ditto and I were both a small enough target, that I wasn’t too worried about being spotted, but even still, I whispered “down” to him as the grunt turned this way.
    “That” I told myself, ”was a large ship. I don’t see seiging that thing any time soon. Looks like something Giovanni would be using to move a battalion easily though.”
    It was getting late, and I was getting cold. Ditto’s design was a great piece, but there was o easy away for him to seal me up completely, and the diving clothes were getting annoying. So I capmed out in the decoy campground afterall.

    ---
    “Commander Petrel, sir.”

    “yes grunt?”

    “There, off the starboard side, someone’s campground.”

    “Did they see you?”

    “No sir, and I haven’t seen them. Looks to me like they are out diving for rare and powerful Pokémon.”

    “I can admire a kindred spirit. Still, looks can be deceiving, keep an eye on it.”

    “Should we scramble a scout craft?”

    “I would.”
    Last edited by Glover; 29th October 2011 at 6:30 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  19. #19
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    I'll admit that your plot seems promising, but I really do not mean to be insulting when I say that your delivery needs a lot of work. There were many grammar and spelling problems riddled throughout the two chapters, and I had a lot of trouble following events at times because of how bare the description was. You really have to work harder at describing people and places, because settings changed so fast, and people came and went without much description, that following what was going on was very difficult.

    You would benefit greatly from getting a beta reader. It would help you clean up these problems and get to the heart of your story, which is actually quite good.

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  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    You would benefit greatly from getting a beta reader. It would help you clean up these problems and get to the heart of your story, which is actually quite good.
    I'm signed intot he Beta thread, but it's been dead for a while until I bumped it, and this would be the only PKMN forum, or for that matter any writing medium this story hits, so I have other place to pull a Beta from.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  21. #21
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    Author's note
    As you have all said numerous times, I suck at the presentation, so I'm gonna try something different. Instead of delivering the entire chapter in it's jumpy mussed-up glory, I'm going to break down the sub chapters in actual sperate posts. This forces me to write to the Serebii minimum of two pages, and focusing solely on that one piece and making it easier for me to go back through. We'll see how this works. Oh, and just in case any of you are tuning in from another country,
        Spoiler:- the slap:


    CH 8.1
    Flip back to Chapter 7...

    While I had been getting myself lost, back in Johto, a certain young trainer was out behind the lab teaching her Pokemon.

    "Good Tally. Now when you clamp down on the gauntlet, try to pull the static electricity from your fur through your mouth." The Herdier barked in agreement, but wasnt exactly sure how Janie expected her to do this. She wrapped her moth around a spongey sleeve though, and began to sink her teeth down. After a moment, Even Janie could feel the heat building in it, though the training cast was far from breathable and it could've just been her arm getting tired. Tally let go, got a drink of water, and barked.

    "You wanna try again? I think you're getting it."

    'Bark!'

    "Alright. That's the spirit!" Once more, Tally's teeth sunk into the spongey cast, it was again beginning to feel warm, and thehairs on her arm began to stand up. Tally growled a bit, and then the first sign of a spark arced between the two of them.

    "That's it!"

    "Ruff."

    "Once more!"

    And once more, this time with several larger jolts. "Excellent!"

    Tally smiled, then went for more water. Learning new moves was exhausting. Janie stroked her fur and took the cast off, picking up a shield and whistling for Tiny.

    'Drill, Bee bee bee. Drill bee. Beedrill'
    'Like I'm really gonna respond to that'

    "c'mon lazy b-! QUIT EATING THAT! You know Elm likes his roses! Get over here, I wanna practice your Pin Missile again."

    Beedrill rolled his head around, finished mucnhing on the petal he had in his mandibles, and flew over as slowly as he could.

    "That's a good little bug. Alright, try aiming for the target." She motioned to a red bullseye paitned to the four foot by 3 foot hunk of wood that was now over her arm. He took one half-hearted fire at it, so she prayed him with a squirtbottle. "Again. And this time, I'm not standing still."


    ---
    Preffor Elm found his guest out back, dodging about the field from her Beedrill with purple glowing points of energy embedded firmly in the wooden shield. It pleased him to see trainers taking such active, physical roles in training their Pokemon, while still looking out for her own safety.

    "Janie, when you've got a minute."

    She waved the Beedrill down. "Sure, what's up?"

    "Well, frpm what I can tell, the egg you brpough me has gone into a state of shock. It appears to be fine and healthy, but has reset its egg clock to some undetermined point. It's no longer ready to hatch."

    "No longer? As in it was before?"

    "That would be the case."

    "So, what is it?"

    "That's part of the trainer's experience to find out."

    "Figures. So, you're done then?"

    "Absolutely. Though if you'd like to stay for anotyher night, and set out early, I've got the room and would appreciate the company."

    "Thanks, I appreciate that. I think I'll take you up on it."

    Later that evening, Janie was asking around to see if anyone would spill the beans on what her egg was." a gentleman staying in town told her "It's more a sport we grown-ups like to play on the youngsters. Make them guess, make them squirm." Someone offered her an enormous amount of money, at whcih point she figured it was rare, and hers, so she spat in his beer and took her picture with her.

    ---
    By early, Janie and Elm had two completely different ideas. When he awoke at seven a.m., her bed was made, her stuff packed, the egg carefully removed from the lab and placed in its container, and she was gone an hour and a half before.

    The hike from New Bark to Cherrygrove wasn't long. It took them all of two days to pull off, following an early start. Janie had let her Pokémon out to walk with her for company. Tally had crisscrossed the path many times, sniffing out new smells. Castform had been quite interested in the egg, and her hair. And Tiny, well, no one was sure what was wrong with him; he was, well, him. The demented Beedrill was fluttering along doing karate moves in the air, like his drill hands were swords. The path was, for being a popular trainer route, largely void of battling at night, which was fine for Janie, she really wasn't up for the matches, she wanted to get somewhere first. The occasional night-watchman Sentret announced her presence to the forest Pokémon, a Pidgey flock circled overhead as the sun dropped, possibly practicing for flights to some place warmer for the coming winter. Hoothoot sang conversations across a vast, clear full-moon night. The trio expeienced one of the richest flights of Butterfree they'd ever seen, even getting a faint glow from the egg. Their stardust prinkledmagically in shades if silvers and golds. The forest was, quite simply, in its prime. No trainering, no battles, just Pokémon going from here to there, and there to somewhere, at whatever pace pleased them.

    Their pace got them to Cherrygrove at lunch time the ext day. She checked into the Pokémon Center, a small place but very cozy, had a nice lunch, and opted for a bout of fishing. An overnight in the Center, and then the three day hike to Violet or so. Truthfully, she didn't want to stop at all, but to blow off any new town didn't seem like the right way for a journey, either.

    Sadly enough for her. Fishing in Johto was about as productive as fishing in Orre. After a few hours, she huffed and tossed down her rod.

    "It's useless. I'll never catch anything."

    'Catch it? By offering soggy food?' the Beedrill puzzled. 'Ingenious, I guess, but why didn't you offer me food, instead of using the fleabag over there.' He turned to get out of the sand. Then he wiggled, squirmed, flapped his wings mercilessly, then finally pounded the sand with a Silver Wind to free his stuck tail. A quick glance confirmed his fears; everyone saw it. His dignity broken, he flew up in front of Janie's face, pointed to himself, and then buzzed out over the water.

    'They're easier for us to battle, and you to catch, when they're out of the water,' he chided her. 'How do you know what the Pokémon is doing? For all you know, the bait's gone and they're down there laughing there little fishy heads off. Here, watch this.' Tally looked up, curious to see what the Bee was up to, and suspecting a form of trouble she wanted in on. Castform looked up from sunning itself, as well.

    Beedrill began poking the water's surface. At first, nothing happened. Then he saw a Goldeen circle.

    "Hmm. I s'pose that one will do." He continued teasing at his reflection, feigning curiosity, flitting around a bit. The Goldeen, seeing a free lunch, reared up and made a fast dash to the surface. The Goldeen snapped its jaws shut as it left the water. No meal. Where'd that Beedrill go? At the last second, and fully expecting the attack, Beedrill ducked to the side. Then he whipped up a powerful Silver Wind, drilled the unsuspecting Goldeen in the side, and flung the fish over the shore. She bounced between two trees like a pinball game, before a thud-resonating stop against a third tree.

    Beedrill took a bow. He was still bowing to his own self-appreceiation, and unaware his trainer was just gawking at the fact that Tiny was a better trainer than she was.

    Joyous sounds pulled both of them to reality. A young girl was exclaiming to everyone and no one in particular, "Look Look! A Goldeen was in the road, and I found it. I found it, and I caught it! I can't wait to show Daddy! He'll be so proud."

    Beedrill’s little world shattered, his face momentarily flashed sheer terror, but he quickly convinced himself he was still perfect, and that some underling had flubbed him. He flew up to eye-level with Janie, and stared her in the face. For two whole seconds he gave her the most blank, disappointed face he could muster, making his trainer curious as to what was going through his mind. His forelegs hung limp from his body. Then, without changing his facial expression, he raised his right hand stinger. He held it out from his body at length, made a dramatic pause, and smacked her upside the back of the head, Gibbs style, before selecting a nice flower to drink from.

    8.2
    World Turns 8.2
    ---
    Brr. For a sleeping bag in a tent on a beach, this sure was cold on the morning. It looked to be early morning. Just past sunrise, but only just. Ditto was out of his ball and chirping madly. I looked at him and blinked a few times. Finally, he turned himself into a flashing arrow pointed up at the sky, andthen into a monitor with a green line and a few blips.

    Still half-asleep, it took me a moment to piece together a radar screen. Truthfully, the sound of a helicopter touching down was a better tip off.

    "That... didn't come from you, did it?" I mumbled, more a statement than a question.

    “DITTO, DIT!"

    "That's what I figured." I bolted awake, preparing for trouble.

    "Well well. Let's see what trainer we can mug this morning."

    "Care to bet on the starter, Joe?"

    "Well, betting on the aquatic nature of right around here, I'm gonna say Squirtle, or Bulbasaur. Maybe he's in need of a strong defense against fire types."

    "Fft." The other replied. He'd gotten out of the chopper, and I could hear their conversation. "If he's out here, I'm betting he's not local. Otherwise he'd know to be looking around the Seafoam Islands for those. Maybe a Hoenn starter, and he's on a trip to Kanto. And if he has his own boat, he ought to be rich. Rich folk like Torchic, maybe a Blaziken by now. Come to think of it, so does Giovanni. Hopefully, it's a Blaziken."

    I'd settle for a," His partner was now up to the tent. He bent down, unzipped it.

    THWACK

    "moot in a mace?" Joe mumbled and cursed and backed out quickly, holding the side of his head. His partner reached in quickly to grab the trainer, only to instead grab something metallic.

    It was sharp. U shaped. Did it just giggle? He felt a spring in the back of it.

    "OH!" He told himself triumphantly. "It's auh," SNAP! "USRARING TRAP!!!! YOW!! &%^%% ^%%^$ ^%%$#$^ ^%$$&&$# GIGGLING &^%$# URSARING TRAP!!!" He ran out and smashed it against a tree, in too much pain to try the release lever. Smashing it against a tree worked however, giving Ditto enough of a headache to cause him to lose form.

    "WHY YOU!" The Rocket grunt screamed, and kicked at the Ditto with all his might. The gelatinous Pokémon was still reeling, but his natural body style absorbed the punt and caused him to instead wrap around the foot, and allowing the kick to continue skyward, knocking the grunt on his back.

    Still in my pajamas, I stormed out of the tent and tackled the other Grunt around his waist. Startled, in pain, and unable to defend with one hand, he landed on the ground quickly. I pinned him by sitting on the man while I drew out Galvantula's Pokéball. Ditto blooped off the other when Galvy called out, and soon the two were webbed up nice and tight.

    "Actually guys, mine were a pair of Eevee.”

    ---
    Ditto clearly wasn't happy. "Look, I'm sorry, but I can't leave a fully fueled seacopter to chase after us with, and you're the only one who can turn them self into a fifty-five gallon drum."

    The hazard placard blew me a raspberry.

    " I promised you a nice massage, and a good bath. For now, we just have to live with our duties. Rotom, I'm going under for a moment to check on the pictures from yesterday. Please let me know when we hit dock so I can drive us in." The horn beeped happily in response. He loved possessing new things.

    Up front, Galvantula was guarding the prisoners like he would've a midnight snack.

    "Eevee. It figures." One grunt said.

    "Mus me fwom mOwre, his team mate replied. he looked up, about the time the vessel flashed into an orange color. The cabin windows looked down at him like a demented children's cartoon, and a devilish smile spread across the bow. It stayed just long enough to creep out the grunts, who screamed like schoolgirls, before reverting back to a normal boat.

    End Chapter 8.
    On to Chapter 9
    Last edited by Glover; 13th January 2012 at 11:32 PM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  22. #22
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    Notice:For those of you who are reading this, I'm still writing the story, but am in the process of re-working the posted chapters. So be patient, and please please please please please, I need your input, and specifics. What I see in my head is not what you guys end up with.

    Until then, enjoy the Popcorn, our Concession Stand is well stocked, we'll see you after Intermission!
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

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    Author's Note: Yes, Chapter 9 is a Janie only thing. Helps time-telling, I hope, and multi=part chapters was too confusing, so I'll just make whole chapters out of what would have been parts.

    CH9
    Flip back to Chapter 8

    Fishing proved to be a bust for the new trainer. Dinner at the Center wasn't quite so bad though. A bit on the cheap side perhaps, but it beat school food. The beds though, were plenty soft and warm.

    The next morning, feeling well rested and energized, Janie set off for Violet City, at practically a hurried march, like an army trying to maintain composure as they charged a hated enemy. Behind her, he Pokemon slogged doggedly along. Except for Castform, who didn't care what fell from the sky, it could rain pigeons and he'd be fascinated.

    Just as soon as he figured out what a pigeon was. Was it anything like a Pidgey? Would it be wet? Or cold? Would they come with a fascinating light show?

    Even beedrill's wings were cold. Several times, he tried to retreat back to the warmth of a Pokeball.

    "No." His trainer told him. "Morning practice is good for you."

    <Morning!> He rolled his multi-faceted eyes. <Morning involves warmth. The Sun. This is damp. This is cold. This is NIGHT!>

    <I have to agree with the Wimp.> Tally barked.

    <Twilight, actually>, the weathermon told him. <it's fascinating.>

    <And how is it exactly that you're so peppy, anyway? Smart creatures, like Beedrill, aren't known to rise before the flowers open. You should take note. And when they do Janie, slow down, I want to ea- ah, smell them.>

    Janie took a guess at what her Pokemon were saying. "You guys are worrying too much. C'mon! Let's keep going! Conditioning is good for you!"

    <Says the one who can add and remove fur at a moment’s notice. Herdier take weeks to get a proper coat of fur.>

    <be glad you have fur...>

    And so it went around. Janie did, to their appreciation, stop to enjoy the sunrise and get some water. By ten a.m., they'd battled three Sentret, a Poliwag, four Caterpie, which Beedrill took great pleasure in beating up, and a nest of Spinarak. they'd just sat down,

    <FINALLY!> Beedrill interjected,

    when a young boy walked up holding a butterfly net. He introduced himself as Don, and insisted on battling a fellow new trainer.

    "Couldn't we eat first?" Janie asked.

    <Finally! She speaks sense!> Beedrill cheered.

    "No, I want the battle first. Then a sweet lunch of victory."

    "Ah. So you're just a boy who seeks out bragging rights, than anything else. Probably trakes pride in proving himself the dominant gender, I suppose."

    "Yep. Wait, what?"

    "Ypu're using Bug types, judging by the net. Am I right?"

    "Of course."

    Janie sighed. "Beedrill, grab a snack, we'll make this quick."

    <If we must.>

    Don's first Pokemon was a Caterpie. Beedril grinned an evil grin, forgetting his meal for his favorite past-time, and Janie wished now she'd gone with Herdier. Some day, she was going to have to ask why there was such a rivalry between the Caterpie and Weedle evolutions.

    A predicatble Caterpie strategy. He used string shot, hoping to slow his opponent down.

    Beedrill, stuck his hand into it. Then he twirled, as one would a spaghetti fork. With the webbing firmly around his hand, he yanked the Caterpie off the ground, and twirled the bug in the air. A quick snap of the wrist, and he cracked the Caterpie off like a bullwhip, splatting him against a rock, while rolling up the rest of the webbing to his hand.

    <One down.> Beedrill ticked off his list.

    Out came the second Caterpie. Again, the string shot. Don was smart enough to not let the Beedrill get past the webbing on his hands part. Instead, he had the Caterpie dull the points, so he couldn't sting.

    So Janie ordered him to punch. He flew in close, collecting string shots as he went. The sticky mess collectied around his hands, and up his arms. It was, actually starting to slog him down.

    He took a swing. it missed. He did manage to catch the Caterpie on a follow-through punch though, with the two Pokemon stuck to each other.

    <There we go.> Beedrill saw the plan his trainer had. For her faults, she had a good idea for plans, like this one.

    Like pounding a helpless Caterpie into the ground like a basketball.

    Don gawked. He blinked. Then Janie could have sworn she saw tears.

    "You... You... You smashed my Caterpie buddies!! You FLUNG them!! YOU MEANIE!! YOU ROTTEN, EVIL GIRL!!!” He ran off, trying to hide his tears.

    Beedrill shrugged. <I thought that's what we were supposed to do to Caterpie.>

    Onto CH10: "Shaping up"
    Last edited by Glover; 30th January 2012 at 3:09 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  24. #24
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    I just read all of it last night. Great ideas, but sometimes a poor presentation. I can tell you have all of these ideas and are just pouring them onto the paper, which, it happens to me too, I begin messing it up. My suggestion, slow down as you write. Make sure the words aren't jumbled up (or the letters in the words for that matter). You'll get most mistakes also by just reading through it a few times or getting someone else to. Also, please make sure you describe the characters, since I'm a blockhead when it comes to the coliseum and XD characters and at some points I was just asking to myself who in the world that new character was or if it was someone already introduced, but that may have been the fatigue talking. Anyway, great story in the plot aspect though!
    I've gotten into IV Breeding. I'll breed any Pokemon that can, just ask and I'll see what I can do!


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  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaziken10285 View Post
    I just read all of it last night. Great ideas, but sometimes a poor presentation. I can tell you have all of these ideas and are just pouring them onto the paper, which, it happens to me too, I begin messing it up. My suggestion, slow down as you write. Make sure the words aren't jumbled up (or the letters in the words for that matter). You'll get most mistakes also by just reading through it a few times or getting someone else to. Also, please make sure you describe the characters, since I'm a blockhead when it comes to the coliseum and XD characters and at some points I was just asking to myself who in the world that new character was or if it was someone already introduced, but that may have been the fatigue talking. Anyway, great story in the plot aspect though!
    No no, I've heard the "Describe the characters" comment several times. The problem being, that I know them too well, and I can't seem to isolate mysaelf from my brain enough to be my own audience, and tell myself what pieces I need to include. As I said in the last post, I've set the brakes for a moment, to develop Glover and see if I can get what's already here spit-shined before I move on. If you'd be willing to take the time and break this down binto individual pieces, so I can pull togteher what is there and what you specifically need, that would hep me a lot. Otherwise, I still appreciate the review.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

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