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Thread: As the World Turns Back Around

  1. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    QUOTE]
    Interesting. I seem to remember the Ursaring saying something in her head about how trainers are all the same, or something like that. This kind of talk makes me think she's going to be touched on again. Question, does Ursaring officially belong to Janie?



    That portion stuck out to me too. Is that the same archeologist that was digging around in the Unknown's cave? And if I remember correctly, was he digging up an ancient stone Pokeball? Hmmm, was he atoning for something, was the statue girl his daughter, is digging to atone for something he may have done to her? Argh! Blasted theories!

    Anyway, not really much else to comment on. I enjoyed the chapter quite a bit, and for me what held this one together was your ever impressive dialogue. I look forward to more
    1)Without giving TOO much away, echnically, yes. Janie's name is the one on the Pokeball.

    2)Gee, I could really make you squirm until the Ruins Redux chapter, but nah, that's not the same archeologist. The first one (We'll call him Professor Redshirt) was meant to be quite a bit younger and more full of himself. In fact, this older gentleman (Perhaps a Mr. Redherring?) is probably one of the few things I have written in this story that doesn't have an impact later down the road. And at that, he does have something of an impact, because he got the wheels in Janie's head turning. His sole purpose is to add to the homage that is the statue though.

    3)Chapter length. Yeah, I called myself on that today when I was writing. Ch23 and 24 are 7 pages. I've mostly been cutting them at natural break points. They probably could be longer I suppose, but I'm not a huge fan of long long chapters where so much happens you loose track of it all. Maybe I'm too far in the other direction though, I'll toy with piecing th enext two togehter.

    OHMYGOSH I'M ACTUALLY AHEAD OF MYSELF!!!
    Last edited by Glover; 10th June 2012 at 6:35 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  2. #77
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    Great chapter Glover other than the spelling and grammer mistakes that have already been mentioned above.
    My Black Friend Code is 2494-8412-9545 and my name on Black is Trysten.
    This is my badge for the NCTH to earn it you have to challenge the League and defeat me in a battle. Credit goes to Glover for the badge.
    And here's the link to my fic http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...irth-of-a-Hero

  3. #78
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    Bats, Batting, Practice
    WT CH23

    Return to CH22?

    "I feel like a space ranger!" Cassie cried between Thundershocks. "Pew pew!"

    Tiny hung behind a stalactite, holding his stingers as any good western cowboy in a movie would. "Do I want to know how you know that?"

    It had been like this all night. Janie didn’t want to think about what it was like when this place was home of all of the Zubat, just dealing with the stragglers and the ones too weak to thrive outside was taxing enough; on everyone.

    From up ahead, Tally lashed at a Geodude with a pawful of mud. Most Pokémon knew not to come out until the Zubat were for the most part gone, and if they were swirling around a meal, you didn’t get into that fight. This gave Tally a chance to scout, but she too was having to ward off a few intrepid bats.

    "Look out!" she barked. Seven Zubat in a wedge formation broke from the ceiling over her head, trying to escape commotion and go out for a meal.

    Tiny and Cassie ducked out from their naturally formed shooting blinds and clipped the wings of two each, sending them spiraling down another side passage. Three more dashed between them unscathed.

    JANIE!...

    At the last minute, two of them found their senses and pulled up to avoid the large moving object in front of them. The third one wasn't so lucky though. Sensing blood and an impending crash, he bared fang and was going to make the best of his collision with the creature in front of him.

    CRACK!

    Which would have worked, had the creature in front of them not played softball with their mother as a kid, and wasn't holding a stainless steel Mag-Lite.

    "I've got to stop underestimating her one of these days." Tiny decided, looking remarkably impressed at his trainer's defenses.

    Around the corner; the same again. This wasn’t training; this was self defense. Janie said a quiet prayer they hadn’t run across an Onix yet, but Tally was starting to wear down on Geodude again all the same.

    "Tally, see if you can find us a side passage so we can rest!"

    'Herdier.'
    "On it."

    More Zubat wheeled around a corner. This was after all, Union Cave. She readied her flashlight turned baseball bat again and swept away any hungry little blood suckers who got past Cassie and Tiny.

    "Herd! Herdier herd!" Tally barked, her paw pointed at a small cave.

    "It'll work. Inside everyone!" A dog, a human, a bug and a raincloud all dashed into a side cavern. Janie pulled a tarp out of the top of her bag and spiked it into a cave wall. Several holes left signs that she wasn't the first to seek refuge from the main thoroughfare of Zubats.

    "Those last ones looked fatter and sleepier. We must be getting on towa- OW!"

    Janie scratched the back of her left leg with her right foot, knocking off somethign small, furry, and hungry. It shrieked in pain, and slowly it began dawning on the tiny winged rat that it might be over its head with this one.

    Janie spotted the little flyer laying on its back, helpless and in severe agony.

    "You're the one I clubbed before." Janie realized. She went to pick him up, and he shrieked loudly and for quite a long time. Even resting in her palms, she understood why, she felt several bone fractures from where she'd hit him. Immediately, she began to feel ill at the thought, and of all the Zubat she’d grazed through the evening. This was the first one that she’d really struck, but perhaps many more were limping through the air?

    Janie didn’t want to finish that thought.

    Tally nosed the back of her leg. She was bleeding from the bite.

    "Oh gosh!" Setting the Zubat down on a quickly unfurled blanket, she went rooting through her bag again, pulling out some gauze and tape.

    "Alright, your guys' turn. Food and Medicine."

    She pulled out a little bowl of food for Tally, the nectar soup of Tiny's and the Pokéfood for Cassie. Tiny dug in Janie’s bag and pointed determinedly at a Pecha Berry though, shoving it into Janie's hand. She looked at him with a scrunched brow, and he pointed at the bite wound.

    "Oh, poison, I guess you're right."

    "I usually am." Then he pointed at a map in the back pocket of Janie's jeans.

    "Huh? Oh, well, let's see. I think we're in here, so... yep, about another twenty minute hike and we should be out. Now, what to do about our hungry friend here?"

    Tiny seemed to be on it tonight. He drizzled the nectar onto his needle and held it over the Zubat's mouth. The small bat appreciated what was falling in his mouth, and although not the sweet, succulent blood he'd been smelling, sweet, succulent nectar was his other favorite food.

    And more importantly, it didn't involve him moving. The way he felt --like he’d been hit by a baseball bat-- that was a major plus in his book.

    "You think I should catch him?"

    Beedrill looked at her with one of his condescending faces.

    "You think so, Sherlock?"

    Janie read his posture, made a snarky face at him and pulled out a Pokéball. Waiting for the little Zubat to finish feeding from Tiny's needle, she tapped it against him. It closed, rocked three times, dinged its success, and then burst back open, heralded by a buzzing from her P*DA.

    "Now who could be calling me, and down here?"

    But it wasn't a phone call, it was a message through her Pokedex app from the Pokéball. A short message that read "Medical Failsafe Release. Please seek immediate medical attention for Pokemon."

    "Never seen that before. Huh."

    The other Pokemon pushed away their food dishes. "You're ready then?"

    "To face the endless hoard, the black night, the never-ending whirling cloud to teeth and wings? Tiny dramaticized. [I]"Bring it."/I]

    Janie looked at him quizzically as she folded the blanket up. "Sometimes, I really wish I knew what you were saying."

    She carefully wrapped the Zubat in his wings and set him in on top of the blanket in her bag. With the egg carrier on its straps over her back, and everyone's food dishes closed up and back in their places, Janie moved to the door. The tarp over the entry would be the last to go, she held one end up as she pried the stake out of the other end. Zubat were not hostile, but they did like the smell of blood and human beings have a lot of it. Janie hoped that she was right, that the Zubat she saw were coming back, and more tired and full than hungry.

    Which proved to be the case. Her injured new Pokemon shrieked a few times and drew curious visitors, but they were showing all the signs of a post-large meal nap coming on. The ones that weren't were weak, and had to fight to get what food they had gotten. They didn't put up a big challenge, and even though Tiny was hurling the type-neutral poisonous Pin Missiles at them, the barrage was enough of a deterrent.

    Which only left the Golbat. Possessing actual eyes, they hung outside longer into the dawn and ventured farther out into noisier areas. Their vision wasn't ideal, but it bridged a gap left by echolocation.

    They were starting to Circle over Union cave to return home when Janie and her crew stepped into the light. Small streaks of pink sunlight was beginning to cross the mountain ridge and splash onto Azalea below and beyond them.

    The first thing the larger vampirical Pokemon smelled was human. Given that they were still flying, they hadn't had their fill just yet and dove at Janie with surprising speed.

    Cassie's Thundershock training in the cave had built up into a more powerful Thunderbolt, albeit one that was starting to run on empty. She whipped out a few lightning strikes at the larger targets. Tiny sprayed another wall of Pin Missiles into the wings of two more; their poison type nature negating most of the actual damage, but the blow to their wing did plenty in superficial crippling.

    And then one of them smelled a baby on Janie's back. Not hers, but one of the clan none the less.

    A fourth screeched loudly as it plunged, but Janie managed to slip out of its path. She fumbled for her P*DA in a front pocket pulling up a radio app and blaring nothing but static. The noise was torture to her injured Zubat too, but it bogged the Golbat down long enough for some mystical, ferocious barking from Tally sent them for an easier meal.

    "Now, to the Pokemon Center, before something else decides we look tasty."

    ---
    The sun may have been waking up, but Nurse Joy wasn't. Janie was almost taken aback when she stumbled through the Pokémon Center and found a head of short brown hair attached to a sixteen year old boy behind the desk. Perhaps she shouldn’t have been; the Pokémon Centers back home hadn’t been run by the Joy family either, but that was home and this was something entirely different.

    "Good morning!" he said in an 'I only need to smile for another twenty minutes and then I can go home' chipper tone, "Welcome to Azalea Town. How may I oh-"

    Janie set the gasping Zubat onto the counter. "I think he has a few broken ribs."

    The boy turned and stuck his head inside the minute clinic behind his desk. "Chansey, I need you to go wake Joy early, we'll need her in Surgery."

    "Chansey!" The egg Pokémon called and scurried off down another hall. Another one appeared a moment later with a small cart, and Janie carefully lifted Zubat by a blanket intended for the egg and set him down onto it.

    "So, what happened? He looked pretty bad."

    "Flew at my face. There was a flock of them, and he flew between my Pokémon."

    "What'd you hit him with? A freight train?"

    "Mag-Lite." Janie said, feeling a bit guilty. The attendant lowered a scowl at her.

    "What? It's what I had in my hand at the time, and if he had his way, he was going to suck off my nose."

    "Uh huh."

    "Fine, can I get a room then? And if Mr. Condescending is done, he should probably check on my other Pokémon too."

    "Whatever you say, Vampire Slayer."

    "Careful, I actually like that title."

    ---
    Janie hadn't gone to bed yet, though it had been hours since she had arrived in Azalea, and was really hoping that someone would bring word on Zubat soon.

    She sat on her bed, studying the little room. The Pokémon Center had been running low on space and given her a Roomette of her own. She suspected the boy quite enjoyed sticking her in a “closet”, he was rather miffed that she could’ve been so cruel to a Pokémon.

    It's a tiny little thing, about six feet square, but Janie didn't mind not sharing a room with a bunch of strangers. Her bed was on a loft about three feet up in the air. Underneath it were drawers for her to put things, and an open area for shoes, a coatrack hook, and a hanger for a backpack. Tiny adopted the cave immediately for himself. At the head was a desk with a mirror and some paper and pencils. Already, the sun was peaking through a window by the head of the bed as well, and a Pidgey had found a branch just outside of it to sing a concert.

    Janie was sorely hoping that he'd be hoarse by the time she was ready to go to sleep. Just because everyone else was up didn't mean she wanted to be.

    A flat screen hung over the foot of the bed, although there didn't seem to be anything appealing on at the moment. Also at that end of the bed was a tiny bathroom with a standup shower and a toilet, with a sink across the walkway. Across from her door to the bathroom was the door to the other Roomette that shared it, which had been left open when the occupant went to breakfast and Janie could see it was a mirror image of her own, flipped but otherwise identical.

    And that was it, really. There hadn't been enough room for the doors to swing inward, so all of them were sliding doors with odd but efficient latches.

    There was a soft rap at her door. Janie pushed herself off the side and jumped down to the ground.

    "Chansey. Chan chansey chan." The egglike nurse said happily as she opened her door. Janie breathed a sigh of relief, and gave the nurse a berry for a tip and watched her waddle away. Janie positioned a "Do not Disturb" sign on a small hook on the door. Cassie snuggled in on the desk after Tally used it to bound into the bed with Janie, and everyone slept peacefully through the morning.

    On to Chapter 24
    ---
    EDIT 6/11: for those of you keeping score, Chapter 4 on the first page has been slightly tweaked. All I did was a little info padding though, it's not really enough to matter. I know a few chapters though that will be rather drastically modified here soon to get rid of a certain deadweight...
    Last edited by Glover; 17th June 2012 at 11:16 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  4. #79
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    "I feel like a space ranger!" Cassie cried between Thundershocks. "Pew pew!"
    Lmao what an awesome opening line. I pictured her in an X-Wing Fighter when I read that lol

    not played softball with their mother as a kid, and wasn't holding a stainless steel Mag-Lite.
    You have a real talent with subtle action writing. You could have hammed that scene up quite a bit, but the way you put it down made alot of sense and actually played out really well. I felt like I could picture that scene perfectly. Totally Janie

    'Herdier.'
    "On it."
    Space between those two different lines of dialogue

    Janie didn’t want to finish that thought.
    I liked that portion quite a bit as well. It's an odd feeling to have, and one I'm actually really familiar with. Weird line she's walking there with kinda defending herself while at the same time feeling bad about the consequences of said action. Loved it.

    "Medical Failsafe Release. Please seek immediate medical attention for Pokemon."
    Inventive idea there. Did you come up with that? I'm assuming it's a league oriented idea and process which is really quite smart. Especially for trainers who might not know how injured a certain Pokemon is once they capture it. Zubat is an interesting choice for a capture, but for some reason I feel like it's going to be an interesting addition to this diverse team. A castform, Herdier, Beedrill, and now a Zubat. I'm wondering if these are favorite's of your's, or you're planning out Janie's team for a specific reason. You don't have to answer, it's just a question I keep asking myself.

    They were starting to Circle over Union cave to return home
    Circle shouldn't be capitalized. Even though I capitalized it lol

    Anyway, those are the things that stood out for me. I liked the chapter quite a bit, even though I felt it was a little on the short side. Which isn't a bad thing at all, which makes me happy that you update this so frequently. You always leave me hungry for more, and I fear that I'm getting really attatched to Janie. I can't wait for something huge to happen to her and the gang, which for some reason keeps feeling like something is going too. The ancient Pokeball keeps bouncing around in the back of my mind

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


  5. #80
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    'Herdier.'
    "On it."
    Space between those two different lines of dialogue
    I kinda wondered if this would come up. That's acctually the sae line of dialgue, translated. I stopped doing this out of laziness but originally, Pokemon dialogue would be followed by an italicized translation when interacting with humans. (Mystery Dungeon intrpoduces the concept of a fairly universal Pokemon language) When they started having more things to say, I stopped doing that, because writing parts and variations of "Herdier" is annoying to write and read. I couldn't really make that argument to myself though, because Tally only said two words there. Since it did come up though, maybe I should go back and flip that as a "Tally nodded" and just stick with one language.

    "Medical Failsafe Release. Please seek immediate medical attention for Pokemon."
    Inventive idea there. Did you come up with that? I'm assuming it's a league oriented idea and process which is really quite smart. Especially for trainers who might not know how injured a certain Pokemon is once they capture it.
    Actually, that one's your fault. That rolled around in my head after your Graveller scene, for different motivations and reasonings, but that's where the thought originated from. We'll be going into Pokeball logic quite a bit here in two chapters (Hint, what's the next town Janie's going to?), and it actually will have something to do with a certain scientist out of Unova, a spin-off series of games, and a short story/mini-arc that I've written and rewritten and have to get over the "corneyness" level still. Since I don't think I'll get to this particular part though, I'm pretty sure that a Pokemon battle in general does not generate the kind of crippling injuries that warrant the Pokeball kicking the Pokemon back out. There are circumstances, Like going at a Pichu with an Aggron or a troupe of Graveller who are out for blood that would exceed the code of battle, and obviously if a Pidgeotto is going after a worm dinner it's going to have to end badly for the worm, but in general, I don't forsee this being a fairly common error.

    Unless you try to go Harry Potter on a Zubat and treat it like a Snitch...

    A castform, Herdier, Beedrill, [an Ursaring technically] and now a Zubat
    ...a Ditto, a Rotom, a Galvantula, a Magnezone, an Espeon, an Umbreon, an "Ace", an Aerodactyl in a few NCTH side stories, a Surperior, a Blaziken...

    ...a Gardevoir, a Gallade...

    I can't wait for something huge to happen to her and the gang, which for some reason keeps feeling like something is going too
    Mwahahaha.

    You're going to hate me though, because I already have some idea about how this is going to end, and Janie's still got another region and a half to get through after this one... And this is chapter 22...
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  6. #81
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        Spoiler:- Before we begin...:


    Life in a Nutshell
    WT CH 24

    Return to Chapter 23


    "You've mummified him!" Janie said in shock.

    "I'm sorry Janie," Nurse Joy replied, "There wasn't any other way to do it. Zubat have such tiny bodies, and they are really nothing more than torso and wings. I had to put him in a body cast. He had a partially chipped tooth: we enameled that, I'm afraid he won't be battling for a few weeks though."

    "That's fine by me. I caught him to bring him here, anyway. I don't know what I'll be doing with him after he's healed. Hopefully we've bonded by then though and I'll have some better plan."

    "When are you leaving?"

    "Well, if all goes well, tomorrow or the morning after. Is that too soon to move him?"

    "Well, I think so. Maybe I could transfer him to my cousin in Goldenrod though when you get there."

    "That would be fine by me. How's Sheldon?"

    "Who?" Joy asked, puzzled.

    Janie smiled a bit. "Sheldon was a character in a cartoon I watched with Dad called US Acres. He was a Torchic who refused to come out of his egg; all feet, legs, and egg shell."

    "I see. Well, your Sheldon is most definitely not a Torchic. It does seem to be fairly active inside though, but I don't see him hatching yet."

    "That works." Maybe by the time we get to Goldenrod then. Thanks Nurse Joy. I think I'm going to go find something to eat."

    "Anytime. Hey, there's a little cafe around the corner that's pretty good, since I cleaned lunch up an hour ago."

    "Sounds good!" Janie started out and remembered th error code from earlier. “Oh, I wanted to ask someone, what exactly did the Pokédex mean when it said “Medical release”?

    “Ah, that.” Joy said, leaving the Zubat to get some rest. “How familiar are you with Spiritual Theory?”

    Janie frowned. “Not much, I’ve heard of it.”

    Nurse Joy and Janie came out of the room; the nurse getting herself a glass or water and making her way to the front desk. “Well, you’ll probably get an earful of it if you stay in town long enough. Basically, there’s a theory that the Pokémon’s body is a shell for their spirit. There have been several studies that believe the body, if removed from the soul via a Pokéball for too long, will wither away.”

    “Huh, I have heard some of that, but I never really thought of the Pokéball as such a spiritual device.”

    “Science and religion are really not so different.”

    “True. I thought a Pokéball could sustain life though.”

    “It does, too an extent, but there would have to be something to sustain.” Nurse Joy took a sip of water. “There’s another thought behind it though as well, and that is that a sustained pain is better than a repetitive trauma.”

    Janie looked at her like she was speaking Vulcan.

    “Think of it like this, if you break your arm, would you rather the one break and then getting used to the pain, or have to be taken out of and then go through feeling of the initial break every time your arm re-materializes?”

    “I’d rather not break it in the first place, but I suppose I can see your point. Still, if I’m stuck in the middle of Ilex forest and its gonna be two days before I can get to a Center, I think I’d rather have the Pokémon safely inside the ball, right? They’re going to have to re-materialize anyway, whether its here when I give them to you or when the Pokéball does a catch-and-release, are they not?”

    “And that, dear Janie, is what the Medical community has been debating for several decades. You should run along though now, or you’ll spoil Dinner.”

    “Yes mother.” Janie teased.She slipped back upstairs to her room and rounded up some things She s and her lazy Pokémon who were still sleeping. "C'mon guys, gonna go find something to eat."

    ---
    Jovi stood in the Pokemart, studying the antibacterial ointment creams on a shelf. Most stuff, the lab simply had ordered in bulk; the markets in Gateon sent them directly. For a few things though, Jovi still liked going into town and looking herself.

    This, wasn't one of those times.

    "stupid Glover" she muttered in front of a wall of skin creams. "Some learning opportunity this is..."

    The selection was a bit daunting-- it was one of the few in the Orre region that was, truthfully-- And she had no idea what she really needed. True, it’s not like she had to pay money for it, but it was still finding the right product for the poor Keckleon. If it reacted allerically, if it was too strong, it meant hurting Keckleon worse. If it was too weak, it meant the poor Pokémon simply suffered, and she’d have to make another trip into town. Some physicians online had said "If the Keckleon's skin has progressed to a dried out state and is molting, a good moisturizing antibacterial cream is encouraged."

    Of course, they didn't specify which cream they recommended, or those who did all picked something different from the others. She was pretty sure she could rule out the Arbok ointments, they're scales tended to require different care, although the shedding creams might be better off for the new, raw skin under the Keckleon's old peeling layer. Or there was the stuff she used with Charmander evolutions; right genus, but the fire types can stand to be quite a bit drier than a normal type and she worried it wouldn't be moisturizing enough. Treecko care perhaps?

    Jovi grabbed a plastic jar and turned it over. "Ingredients...Application... Geez! Why can't these things have a "list of recommended Pokémon" on them!" She slammed the jar back on the shelf, jarring another one off and sending it to the floor.

    Fortunately, it didn't rupture. She stooped down to get it. "Might as well read through while it's in my hand." She figured, and completely missed the man who came up the aisle behind her.

    "You don't want that one." He informed her politely.

    "Huh? Why?" Jovi was momentarily taken aback. He was a muscular man, with a blonde head of shaggy hair, like he'd just walked out of a beach movie or something. Her age, too.

    And then she remembered she was tough as nails Jovi, and had a reputation to uphold. "What's it to ya?"

    "Whoa. Sorry to intrude. That jar in your hand, I don't know how it ever got approved by the FDA. You don't want that one."

    "Well, I need something extra-moisturizing, this seems to advertise being extra moisturizing."

    "Yeah, but it goes too far in the other direction. After a couple uses, you'll have a white paste in the bottom of the jar and a block of solid cream. 'Seen it used on a Seviper once, the dry skin became like paper mache and almost dripped off."

    "Yich." She put it back on the shelf. "Well, which one do you recommend then?"

    "May I?"

    Jovi stepped out of the way so he could reach a bottom shelf, without being awkwardly close to her.

    "Here."

    "Martco General Purpose Skin Care Cream." She read. "This stuff? The cheapy bottom shelf store brand cream?"

    "Sometimes, the simple stuff is the best stuff." He turned the can in her hand and pointed to a small label.

    "Good for Treecko, Keckleon, and other forest dwelling reptilian Pokémon. Hmm. Worth a try, I guess. You must know a lot about Pokémon."

    "Let's just say I try to keep their best interests before my own."

    "A man with his head on straight. Hee hee. I best grab another one just in case."

    "You have a lot of Pokémon?"

    "You have no idea."


    ---
    Janie checked her watch. "Three PM" She told herself. She had an hour until she needed to head for the Gym. Perhaps she was a little too confident about her match, or maybe she was just relaxing to clear her head, but she'd done quite a bit of sightseeing for a gym day, even if there wasn’t anything in Azalea to see.

    Admittedly, she hadn't expected to run into the Gym Leader in the Cafe,

    "Your welcome." Tiny repeated himself.

    ... but Bugsy was quite impressed with the spunk of her Beedrill and had room in the afternoon for her, so she had her gym fight already.

    Rainmaker Well had been a bust. It was completely roped off; with angry looking Slowpoke on the inside of the fence glaring at her. When she looked it up, the P*DA had pulled up a website that claimed it was due to Team Rocket activity several years ago, and a Slowpoke with a grudge and a long memory that had found a Kings Rock. It also blamed Azalea’s long drought on the vengeful psychic types, although how accurate that was is anyone’s guess.

    The Charcoal kiln was less than impressive, too, so she opted for the only other landmark in town. In front of her, was a worn out little house with a placard in the front lawn. "Home of Kurt, pioneer inventor of the Pokéball storage system." She read aloud.

    "So it's his fault we'd be cooped up in those things." Tiny mused.

    There were two more signs in the yard, too, Both wooden and hand carved, unlike the metal memorial. One said "No Tresspassing!" and the other one read "Stay off my lawn!"

    A white haired old man sat on a bench by the bus stop. He was resting on his cane and had a leather yellow duster pulled around him.

    "Suppose you've come to dump a bunch of Apricorns on 'ole Kurt." He said in a gruff voice. "Betcha want 'em after you beat the gym leader, too, so you don’t have to wait around in this dinky old town."

    "What? No, I wouldn't dream of it. I guess I wasn't paying attention, but never even saw an Apricorn tree. Not that I know what to look for; I'm not from around here."

    "I coulda' guessed." He groused. "Most trainers pick the trees clean. Even go trespassing in people’s private orchards to get a few Apricorns. In that case, how about helping an old man to his house?"

    "Sure, I'd be happy too. Where do you live?"

    "You're standing at it."

    "Oh! GEEZ! I'm sorry! You must be Kurt then." Janie blathered, taking quick steps to help him up.

    "Think nothing of it, Child. It’s kinda nice not being needed. And you are?"

    "Janie. I'm sorry."

    "You blather. While I unlock the door, would you please go get my paper from the bush? That idiot paper boy can’t tell the difference between a porch and a drainpipe."

    "Sure."

    Kurt shuffled --slowly-- through the door of his home. It didn't take a wiz to know that old age was getting to him. He threw his duster over a chair in the main room. When Janie offered the paper, he pointed to a small table.

    "Would you slip into the kitchen and get me a bottle of water, please Maisy?"

    "Uh, yes. Which way's the Kitchen?"

    "Don't you re- oh, no, You wouldn't you're not my granddaughter. In that case,"

    "Oh no, I'll get it."

    "It's that way. Please, help yourself to a pop, I think some of hers are still in there."

    Janie disappeared. Tally and the other Pokémon were rather unsure of where they should be in this gruff old man’s home. Cautiously, Tally found a side rug and lowered herself onto it, eyeing the old man to make sure she was in a good place.

    Kurt just smiled. "Dopey liked that spot too." Kurt reminisced about his Slowpoke.

    'Herd?'

    Janie came back into the room at that moment. "Here you are, Kurt."

    "Thank you. You remind me of my granddaughter. It’s uncanny"

    "Is she a trainer?"

    "Coordinator, with a Teddiursa and her Slowking now. " he looked thoughtfully out of a window. Thoughtful looking tends to make thoughts though, and one came to him. "Since you didn't want any Apricorn Balls, what were you doing in front of my house?"

    "Well, I grew up in a genetics lab, and Nurse Joy gave me plateful of info today. The theories about matter/energy and the Pokémon’s soul were kinda intriguing. I never understood the science though."

    Kurt laughed. "I've made the things for eighty years and I don't get it."

    "What's not to get?" Tiny snorted, studying a flower vase. "Infernal device opens up, hypnotizes us, grabs hold of our dream-state body, rips it backwards, and sucks us in."

    Tally opened one eye and looked at the Beedrill. "You know, if you'd behaved more often, Janie wouldn't have to return you all the time..."

    "What about their bodies though, doesn’t matter have to be kept someplace?"

    “That’s the beautiful thing, what makes Pokémon so different from us. Their bodies are nothing, just projections.”

    Janie looked over at Tally. “She sure feels like something.”

    “Ah, to be so young and naive. It’s not a literal projection, Janie, its… oh… what’s the word I want…” Kurt looked over at a wall painting of a Celebi. “Metaphysical. Thanks, that’s the one. All I know for sure is that the silicon internals of an Apricorn, fitted with the right mirrors and focusing rays, can support a Pokémon in a completely natural energy state." he explained. "I just give 'em to my Shuckle, he hands me back a cleaned husk, and I do the rest. Or did. I'm too shaky now."

    “I’m sorry to hear that, for your sake I mean.”

    "Old age. It happens to the best of us." He laughed until a timer on Janie's P*DA went off.

    "Oh dear, that time already?"

    "The witching hour?" the old man asked.

    "No, I have a “date” with the leader of the gym."

    "I see. So you’re into that battling thing then.”

    “Oh, I don’t know. It’s just what we do until we know what we want to do and can do it.”

    “Well, Go easy on him, he's a push over." Kurt replied.

    "I sure hope so. It's been a pleasure, and thanks for the drink."

    "Thank you for the company, Miss." Kurt eased himself up from the chair and led her to the door. As she and her trio of Pokémon walked briskly down the sidewalk, Kurt heard a bell chime. A small, soft tinkle, carried from a bell in the depths of Ilex Forest on a subtle breeze going straight to his house and nowhere else.

    He addressed this breeze with a due respect.

    "Hmm. I see. Yes, I think I have one more left in me.”

    Onwards
    Last edited by Glover; 24th June 2012 at 7:35 PM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  7. #82
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    It does seem to be fairly active inside though, but I don't see him hatching yet."
    Argh! I swear, every new chapter you put out, I keep hoping for a crack or a wiggle

    “Yes mother.” Janie teased. lipped back upstairs to her room and rounded up some things She s and her lazy Pokémon who were still sleeping. "C'mon guys, gonna go find something to eat."
    That sentence confuses me. Lipped is probably just a typo, and the She shouldn't be capitalized, and there is a random 's', hanging around after that

    poor Keckleon
    I know what you mean :P

    "If the Keckleon's skin has progressed to a dried out state and is molting, a good moisturizing antibacterial cream is encouraged."
    I liked that portion alot. You've dived into Pokemon physiology a few times in this fic and I get excited every time you do. Not only did the quoted passage make sense, but it shows your inventiveness in a really big way

    He was a muscular man, with a blonde head of shaggy hair, like he'd just walked out of a beach movie or something.
    Nicely done on that bit as well. You showed this person, and with that general term you used let me picture him how I wanted to in my head.

    "What's it to ya?"
    I'm glad you put that there, because my first thought after that guy spoke was whether Jovi was going to spout off at him or not

    "You have no idea."
    I'm intrigued.

    ... but Bugsy was quite impressed with the spunk of her Beedrill and had room in the afternoon for her, so she had her gym fight already.
    The line below this one reads weird to me. I'd suggest putting a line underneath this sentence to space the paragraph below out a little more

    "Would you slip into the kitchen and cget me a bottle of water
    Typo

    “Metaphysical. Thanks, that’s the one. All I know for sure is that the silicon internals of an Apricorn, fitted with the right mirrors and focusing rays, can support a Pokémon in a completely natural energy state."
    Wow, that's a pretty neat theory. As I read that I flashed back to what you said once about Pokemon Evolution about their soul being exposed for a moment when they glow. Are these your own observations, or are points like these common beliefs among people? I mean, it's really something I'd like to read more about, along with something that is going to plant useful seeds in Janie that will start to bloom over time. It almost makes me want to go and release the Pokemon I have in storage haha. Anyway, great chapter yet again. I liked the inclusion of Kurt and seeing what's going on with Jovi back in Orre.

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
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  8. #83
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    It does seem to be fairly active inside though, but I don't see him hatching yet."
    Argh! I swear, every new chapter you put out, I keep hoping for a crack or a wiggle
    You know, I actually realized something. Back in Chapter 20, there was supposed to be a small snippet after "For havign three people on the back of a Charizard, Janie was feeling rather alone...Janie looked down at the egg". It was supposed to be her thinking about the last time she'd flown it was a tandem with Dad and Gizmo, and very softly she said that she wished she could fly like that. Where that clip went I have no idea, I remember writing it, but it got lost in the copy somewhere. The only reason that's relevant is because the egg heard her, and let off a single little pulse of light in agreeance.

    Take heart, I'm writing the egg hatching chapter (Yes, it's taking me four pages to go through an egg hatching... but I am going through it the metaphysical way) right now. It's Chapter 27.

    "You have no idea."
    I'm intrigued.
    Umm, I'm glad? There's really nothing there to THAT line.     Spoiler:- hint:
    It's Jovi dodging around the fact that she's Caretaker numero uno at the Lab and there are a lot of Pokemon that she looks after. Mostly mine, but the Orre region does have a few trainers who send back Pokemon.

    Wow, that's a pretty neat theory. As I read that I flashed back to what you said once about Pokemon Evolution about their soul being exposed for a moment when they glow. Are these your own observations, or are points like these common beliefs among people? I mean, it's really something I'd like to read more about,
    As far as I know, that's all me, trying to rationalize a bunch of rediculous physics like how that cute little Munchlax turns into a big honkin' bear with a belly like a bowlful of jelly, or how one manages to get a 900lb Snorlax into a tennis ball, that can be clipped to ones belt without pulling down one's pants. although the concept of energy beings is not new to science fiction either, and Star Trek once did an episoder obout the spirits of an alien race that would bond with the atmosphere of the planet after they died and would live on in that state.

    I am trying to be rather cryptic about it, but I'm actually rather surprised that you haven't pegged where I'm trying to actually go with this whole metaphysical thing yet. Oh well, Chapter 26 will be a BIG hint, and failing that, so is the opening of CH27.

    It almost makes me want to go and release the Pokemon I have in storage haha.
    Which is why I'm taking the anime (Oak's Lab & ranch) and Wii (My Pokemon Ranch) approach of dealing with Trainer's Pokemon in the open and not the game's Box-O'-Mons approach.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

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    Take heart, I'm writing the egg hatching chapter (Yes, it's taking me four pages to go through an egg hatching... but I am going through it the metaphysical way) right now. It's Chapter 27.
    Well, since it's the special egg, I'm really excited to see Janie's reaction

    I am trying to be rather cryptic about it, but I'm actually rather surprised that you haven't pegged where I'm trying to actually go with this whole metaphysical thing yet. Oh well, Chapter 26 will be a BIG hint, and failing that, so is the opening of CH27.
    Believe it or not, as I was reading I kept thinking that there was something I was missing. After I post this I'm going to go back and read the chapter again. If I figure out what it was, I'll come back and edit my post

    Which is why I'm taking the anime (Oak's Lab & ranch) and Wii (My Pokemon Ranch) approach of dealing with Trainer's Pokemon in the open and not the game's Box-O'-Mons approach.
    Not even kidding when I say you're my new Hero. That's awesome

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
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  10. #85
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    Bug Control
    WT CH 25

    Return to Chapter 24?

    The purple haired man across form Janie had grown considerably in his time as gym leader. Who was once almost a prodigal teenage boy in forest green, armed with a bug catchers net was...

    Okay, so basically all Bugsy had really one was grown lankier and find a longer pair of shorts.

    "Some things never change, I guess." Janie remarked to herself.

    Joining them on the battlefield was one of Bugsy's pupils. Janie swore the kid was younger than she was, but it was probably that he was "cursed" with youthful good looks. Judging by the flags, he'd be the ref. Janie hoped he'd be fair.

    "This is an offical League match between Janie of Gateon Port..." Where the heck is Gateon Port? "And Bugsy of Azalea Town for the Hive Badge. This will be a three on three singles match. Challenger is allowed to make substitutes. When both parties are ready, release your Pokemon and begin!" The junior ref called.

    "Tell you what Janie, since I saw your three, here's three of mine, just to be fair." Bugsy opened up a ball with a Heracross, a Scyther, and tossed forth a ball containing a Spinarak.

    Janie was pretty sure he was trying to be intimidating, and two of those were fairly large bugs, but she hid it behind a façade of confidence. "Well don't be going easy on me, buggy boy."

    "Wouldn't dream of it."

    "Good. Ready then Tally?"

    "Ruff!"

    "Begin!" The ref called.

    "Get in there Tally!"

    "Soar, Spinarak!" Tally closed in fast with an unmatched burst of speed. The Spider looked quickly around, spotted the closest branch of the trees lining the battlefield, spat a thick cord at it, and swung out of the way, taking only a glancing blow as Tally swept through underneath. The Herdier spun on her heels and charged again, leaping to take out the spider as it climbed, but the little Spinarak was too nimble and was out of her reach soon enough.

    "Great, Peter Parker's my opponent." Janie muttered. "Look out!"

    Bugsy's Spinarak made good use of its perch and was splattering the battle field with Poison Stings. Tally made a reflexive digging motion and burrowed down.

    "Alright Spinarak, let's set our booby traps now."

    "Spinarak!" It chirped. From its branch, it switched from poisonous projectiles to little globs of sticky webbing. Janie knew precisely what it was for; it was for getting Tally's paws stuck. Her dad had done a similar trick with his Galvantula in a fight she watched.

    Confidently, the little spider then leapt down to the ground. With few places Tally can go, she found herself in a foxhole. Spinarak skittered up and began blasting her point blank with more Pin Missiles. Hitting so close, they seemed to be doing even more damage simply because Tally had so few options.

    Tally had little of it though; she took the punishment and powered through with two flaming fangs.

    "Quick, Substitute!" Spinarak leapt backward, throwing an echoed illuson into Tally's jowls. It bought the spider the time it needed, but the Substitute vanished between Tally's flaming bite.

    "... And it's back in the tree." Janie sighed to herself.

    "Nice trick, Janie. That's a well raised Pokemon. I've not fought a Herdier before, and Tally's resolve, taking Sniper-boosted Pin Missiles in the face like that. But we won't fall for that trick again."

    Backing up its trainer's comments, the Spinarak sat on its branch and made crude gestures at Janie.

    She felt a tap on her shoulder, and found Tiny poking her. He made a motion of sweeping himself into the fight.

    "Hmm, might as well I guess. Tally, Come back."

    "Phew. Thanks Janie. Good luck, Tiny!"

    "Yeah yeah, watch and learn pup."

    Tiny charged the Spinarak on its own branch, stabbing at open air as the little spider jumped backards to another perch.

    "Oh-ho. An agressive little Beedrill, and with his own mind. Nice to see."

    Spinarak was too quick though, and knew the home field too well. Tiny needed a new plan.

    Spotting a young sapling above the Spinarak, he had it. His Pin Missile barrage went wide of the other Pokemon, but severed the limb from the tree. It came crashing down, pinning the Spinarak. The little bug struggled, wishing it were bigger and stronger, when Tiny flew up...

    ...And began bouncing the limb.

    "Oh please don't." The spinarak pleaded as it was smacked in the belly by the lower branch.

    Bugsy watched helplessly from the bottom, cursing his decision to not be able to switch his own Pokemon.

    And the one to not force Spinarak to evolve.

    "You mean this?" Tiny asked, bouncing a little higher. "Or did you mean don't do a triple axel?" Spinning his last time, he shook the branch hard. He went over the side gracefully.

    Spinarak didn't. "I hate yoouuuu!!!!" he called in a squeaky voice as he tumbled off the tree, landing with a disturbing plop on his back. The bugs small legs shook stiffly from the landing. He was shortly followed by the sapling drilling him in the chest.

    "...Call it." Bugsy said.

    "What?" his pupil cried. "Spinarak's okay, he's yours. He'll be fine."

    "Jori, a trainer's duty is to know his Pokemon's limits. Even if we did continue, Janie's Beedrill would just riddle Spinarak with Pin Missiles. It's not weakness to say that after falling twelve feet, Spinarak doesn't need any more punishment."

    "But..."

    "Jori, I know what I'm doing. Call it."

    "Alright. Bugsy's Spinarak is unable to battle. Winner of the first round is Janie."

    "Good, thank you. Now, Rhinos?"

    Bugsy's Heracross disspappeared into a blue blurr. When Tiny blinked, there was 120lbs of beetle introducing him to the ground. Rhinos picked himself out of the crater in the ground, leaving behind a half crushed Beedrill.

    "Janie's Beedrill is unable to battle!" Jori called jubilantly. Rhinos thumped his chest and roared triumphantly.

    “Good Tiny, return.” Janie studied her options. Cassie was better suited for that Scyther behind Bugsy, but Tally wasn't really in any shape to take on "Stone Cold the Heracross". She didn't have a choice though.

    Tally could see it too. "I'm ready." She barked.

    "Brick Break." Bugsy called. the large beetle thundered in with one arm raised.

    "Just like Mamma Ursaring, Tally."

    "arf!" Tally threw up a little sand, getting a boost enough to be clear of the charging bug. For the moment, Janie thought she saw it, but it didn’t register just what Tally was doing.

    "Keep it moving, Rhinos, tire them out."

    "Hera."

    The large bug spread its wings to turn it around in its awkward charge. As it closed in, Tally focused a Quick Attack into her legs to spring straight up and Scratch the Heracross in its face.

    "Close Combat, quick!"

    But Rhinos took too long blinking the scratch over its eyelids out, Tally was down and out of range. Angered, Rhinos stomped a powerful tremor through the gym floor, burying the earlier web snares. Tally tumbled and went sprawling, which Rhinos used to lower his horn and charge Tally.

    "No! Get on top of it, Tally!"

    The Herdier struggled up on her feet, seeing the oncoming threat. She didn't have the strength to really jump, but managed to fake the Heracross into lowering his horn a bit lower. Tally tumbled mostly harmlessly across its rough grooves. Rhinos moved to flip her through the air, but by the time Tally met the ground again, her head was back in the game.

    "We've got to slow down that Heracross, Tally, any ideas?"

    "A few" Tally flipeed herself around, flippng bits of the ground at Heracross. It started as a Sand Attack. As she dug a bit deeper with her hind legs, the sand became a bit thicker, and started tearing up chunks of mud and rocks. While Rhinos shielded his face with an arm, the rocks Tally was digging up seemed to become larger and heavier, and were starting to pile up around the Heracross.

    "Rock Tomb!" All three humans cried incredulously.

    "Don't let it trap you, Heracross, Close Combat and knock down that prison."

    "Hera!"

    "Alright Tally, we're going to have to hit him hard and fast. Think you can do it?"

    "I... I've got one more trick in me." She panted. Heracross was quickly clearing away its stone pen when Tally rushed in. She coupled her Quick Attack charge with a sheath of pure white energy, hitting Rhinos so hard she knocked the wind out and tumbled him over backwards.

    That was all Tally had, her stubby legs buckled, and she collapsed to the ground.

    "No!" Janie rushed out to scoop her Herdier up and take her back to the side. Rhinos struggled a minute to get back on his feet. He felt another familiar rush of adrenaline from his second win, but it was the last drop of fuel he had and surrendered as well.

    "Janie's Herdier is una- Aww, so's Rhinos. Both battlers are down to one Pokemon each."

    Janie stuck her tongue out at the biased ref when he wasn't looking.

    "Alright, Cassie. It's up to you now."

    "Castform!"

    "It may be versatile, Sickle, but that little cloud doesn't have the strength to take a hit."

    "Scyther."

    "Ready? Hail, Cassie."

    "Predictable. Razor Wind, Scyther, and blow that storm around you."

    Sickle disappeared into the blowing ice. Taking damage like a trooper and closing in on Cassie. Scyther slashed the little cloud Pokemon, who bounced under the hit and spun back.

    "Tougher than I thought. You train your Pokemon well, Janie."

    "Thanks, but we're not done yet. Rain Dance, Cassie."

    "Rain Dance?" Bugsy pondered. The momentarily cold Scyther welcomed the melting ice pellets, if only for their minimal warmth. "Don't let her trick you... with.. whatever she's planning. X-Scissor."

    Scyther nodded, somewhat stiffly from cold joints. Cassie popped up and rolled over top of Scyther's chopping blades, and blew a cold breeze in its face.

    Janie watched as her opponent became suitably drenched. "Good Cassie. Now, Freeze em' solid with another Hail."

    "Done! This is fun!"

    Scyther's wet body started to freeze solid as ice fell from the roof from the gym. Icicles were forming from the cieling catwalks and on branches.

    Sickle sneezed. He pulled his arms in close trying to warm himself up.

    "Jounce that limb there, Cassie." Janie pointed. "Just like Tiny did."

    "Castform!" Cassie echoed back. Two quick bounces, and little pointed ice bombs fell into Scyther.

    "C'mon, you can warm this up Sickle. Sunny Day."

    Cassie was momentarily surprised by the sudden sunlight, and her own forme change, as Scyther beat its wings rapidly to create heat. The shock wore off more quickly than Scyther was warming up, and Bugsy slapped himself in the head when he saw Janie grin devillishly.

    It hadn’t been in her plans, she was just going to freeze and thaw Scyther til his arms fell off, but if Bugsy was going to set the sun up for her, she might as well take him up on his offer.

    "Solar Beam."

    "Cas."

    PWHOOM!

    ---
    Janie lay propped up on her bed, reading her P*DA and studying a clip of battle techniques. Tally was asleep under her bed after a full check up from Nurse Joy, with Tiny and Cassie strangely asleep against Tally’s side. Janie had remarked about them being a team now, but it fell on sleeping ears.

    "Wild Charge huh?" Bugsy had seen it in Tally's Giga Impact, the one that flipped Rhinos over. It had been his recommendation, and now, watching footage, Janie agreed that it would be feasible. "Gee, that does look a lot like how we're generating electricity for Thunder Fang. Hmm."

    She set her P*DA on the desk, and turned out the light. "Yep, we'll make time to train for that in Ilex forest."
    Last edited by Glover; 25th June 2012 at 1:46 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  11. #86
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    Well, I would have had this for you last night, but I fell asleep with my laptop on my chest right after I wrote the last sentence. Woke up this morning and it had died while I slept and erased everything I had written about this chapter. Made me a little angry haha.

    Janie hoped he'd be fair.
    I liked that. Seemed to be a very reasonable thing to think and I'm surprised I never thought about it myself.

    "Great, Peter Parker's my opponent." Janie muttered. "Look out!"
    I lol'd at that as well. Nicely done! So Janie

    "Alright Spinarak, let's set our booby traps now."
    That portion irked me. The tactic Bugsy is using is great, and I salute his strategy, but it bothered me that he would use that wording. I don't really have anything that would be good to use instead, but him saying that aloud lets anyone listening know exactly what he's trying to do. Which I know is the same thing as yelling the name of the attacks, but yeah.

    "What?" his pupil cried. "Spinarak's okay, he's yours. He'll be fine."
    So that's what Janie meant. I thought that was a nice touch as well. For some reason I find myself really interested in this kid. Obviously being Bugsy's pupil he has great respect for him, and enough of it to disobey what he says even though he clearly respects him. I like that.

    "A few" Tally flipeed herself around, flippng bits of the ground at Heracross. It started as a Sand Attack. As she dug a bit deeper with her hind legs, the sand became a bit thicker, and started tearing up chunks of mud and rocks. While Rhinos shielded his face with an arm, the rocks Tally was digging up seemed to become larger and heavier, and were starting to pile up around the Heracross.

    "Rock Tomb!" All three humans cried incredulously.
    That was a really inventive way to lead into that. Not only did I get a perfect visual on the attack, but I believe this may be the first time in a fic I've seen an attack learned in mid-battle. You've done a good job expanding on the teachings of different moves, along with showing your flexibility, but after I read that line, I was hooked

    At first I was a little hesitant when you said the chapter was pretty much one full scale battle, mainly because it is a little of a deviation from alot of your other chapters, but I loved it. The pacing was perfect, the moves ordered felt real and on the spot, and I got some great visuals. All in all, another great chapter. After you said a big hint was coming in chapter 26, I found myself hoping Sunday comes quick. It's actually surprising that you can come up with chapters that quickly and they're still so well written. Nicely done

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

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  12. #87
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    That portion irked me. The tactic Bugsy is using is great, and I salute his strategy, but it bothered me that he would use that wording. I don't really have anything that would be good to use instead, but him saying that aloud lets anyone listening know exactly what he's trying to do. Which I know is the same thing as yelling the name of the attacks, but yeah.
    That thought never crossed my mind, but I can see your point. The problem I run into is he's got to say something to Spinarak, unless its on hand signals, but even still a split second later Janie's going to be able to see "Oh, they're splattering the floor with sticky webs."

    A strategy which, if you noticed, was a brilliant idea that was never used.

    It's actually surprising that you can come up with chapters that quickly and they're still so well written.
    I've got a two and a half to three chapter buffer running aheadof myself, visually and mentally I'm into Part 2 and part of part 3 already, and I've no Summer Job right now to eat up time. That's how. Come August for sure, I will start lagging.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  13. #88
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    A Recipe for Disaster
    WT CH26

    Return to chapter 25?
    Janie's P*DA buzzed at her. She had a phone call.

    Janie wanted to shoot the person on the other end of the line. When it vibrated itself off the desk, she was perfectly happy to leave it on the ground, but Tally expressed what Janie's feelings were at that moment in a fierce, half asleep snarl, so Janie decided that if she still wanted to keep her P*DA in one piece, she'd best get it.

    "...Hello?"

    -"What are you doing still asleep, lazy bones!"

    "Jovi, I'm eight hours behind you."

    -"...You are?"

    "Yes. It's not even Five AM, not even I rise that early. What do you want?"

    "Oh, sorry to bother you then, but I really need your advice."

    Janie sighed heavily. "Okay..... what did you do this time?"

    -"I met a guy, Janie."

    "What?" Janie sat bolt upright. "Oh my god that's awesome! Is he cute?" Tally snarled again, and was joined by a Beedrill and a Castform in the sentiment. "Hang on, I'm about to be mauled by my own Pokémon." Janie pulled on her slippers, through a robe over her nightgown and slipped out to the lobby.

    "There, that's better." She said, plugging her P*DA into the Center's videophones with the larger screen. "What's he like?"

    "Hot, Janie. Extremely. You're missing out. It's like Baywatch was being filmed in the Market. He really cares about Pokemon, he's sweet, witty, and can take a verbal lashing. It's like he was made especially for me."

    "Did you look at his trainer profile?"

    -"What? No, I'm not going to snoop on him!"

    "Why not? You know our folks are going to."

    -"I'm not going to abuse lab resources like that."

    "And that's stopped you before when?"

    -"I... er, Dammit Janie!" Jovi teased. "He wants to take me to Dinner on Friday. I don't know what to wear."

    "Where's he taking you?"

    "-"Grey Gull."

    "That old place?"

    -"It's not that bad after it was fixed up. I think he's trying to tell me that I'm a little rough around the edges too, but I'll let it slide. Janie, I've never been on anything like this! What do I wear?"

    "I'm not the expert here." Janie said, glancing down at her Center-supplied robe, which was perfectly decent but still not a sign of high fashion. "Why not ask your Mom?"

    -"Janie, I don’t need her fawning over me anymore than she already is about me growing up."

    "Good point. My mom?"

    "-That's grounds for a Civil War, Janie, going to someone else's mother! I need a sister's advice."

    "Hmm. Yeah, I guess you’re right. Let's see. If the Gull's anything like what I think it is, there's a pretty good chance there will be dancing. I'm thinking probably more Rock Country stuff, so a loose skirt..."

    -"Skirt?"

    "You don't own a single piece of feminine clothing, do you Jovi?"

    -"Well, I do wear a..."

    "Don't go there Jovi. I don't want to hear that at five in the morning."

    -"Yes," Jovi said licking her lips, "but it's lunchtime here and I'm feeling crude."

    "Aren't you usually? Jovi, there's not much I can do to help you shop from seven thousand miles away. At least take Guinevere with you and I'll conference call, okay? I'll even ask Guin myself."

    -"Deal."

    ---
    "Dear, I've been thinking."

    "Uh oh." Cayna teased. "That’s usually catastrophic. What about?"

    "Well, I'd like to find me some Blitzle and an Emolga, since some trainers I know have invited me to take part in a global gym circuit and think it would be good to help establish our land here, and you could probably use a few days in the Undella sunlight to get away from it all here, and this Monday's a holiday, so what say you to a spirting away trip?"

    "That, sounds lovely."

    ---
    "Gee Mistress, I'd love to go, but I've got something urgent here on Friday." Guinivere explained cryptically to both of us. "I could see about having a lab tech transfer my Pokeball though once I'm done."

    "Janie's roping you into helping with Jovi's date?" I asked.

    "I thought I was the telepathic mindreader." said the surprised Gardevoir.

    "You may be, but I'm a parent."

    “Does Janie know you both know?”

    “The wrath of a betrayed child? Not if you know what’s good for all of us.”

    “I see.”

    ---
    Jovi sat alone at the computer. She didn't want to do it, but Janie mentioned it and now she was nosy. She typed in Ben's name into the League database.

    Result not found

    "Maybe it's Benjamin, then."

    Result not Found

    Now she was curious. So Jovi wrapped on the monitor. The screen rippled as a blue oblong object emerged from it. Attached to it was pinkish head and two swirling yellow eyes.

    "Gon?"

    "Teletraan, I'd like your help finding someone." Jovi pointed to the monitor. "This guy here, I can't find him in the League database."

    "Z gon."

    Teletraan's head spun around to look at the image, but a blue and pink object was in front of it. Porygon Z triedto look around it, deducing that it was a 2D screen and that he couldn't see around this object on the other side of the glass, so he did the logical thing and moved one arm over to minimize the obstruction.

    Two blue arms looking a lot like his nose flailed helplessly through the glass at that moment, as Teletraan felt himself being drug back into the screen.

    Jovi just sighed and held her head for a minute before clicking on the icon again.

    Teletraan reappeared, and stuck his head back out of the monitor again, staring at Jovi blankly.

    "Porygon?"

    Jovi couldn't help herself, she was feeling mischeiveous and Teletraan had already burned up enough of her time, so she reached out and tweaked his nose, which honked like a bike horn.

    "Gon!" he cried, retreating back into the desktop holding his nose.

    "We told you about not keeping your anti-virus up to date, it's not my fault you’re a dope now. Now, could you please go find this man for me?"

    Teletraan looked at the picture beside him. He forgot about his nose, and saluted before turning and diving into the realms of Cyberspace.

    Jovi shook her head.

    ---
    "Glover," she informed me later. "Your Porygon Z is a space case."

    "I know, but I can't replace him with Quorra, I need her in the Purification Vault systems, and I'm for darn sure not hooking that network into this one. I'll see what I can do though."

    ---
    "Hello, welcome to the Goldenrod Daycare Gentlemen. What can I do for you?" A short, stocky, older lady looked up from behind the counter. Her bad eyesight meant that she missed a few important details, like the revolvers thw two men entered were carrying, or the floppy black hats and matching uniforms, until they were leaping across the counter and disarming her from her cane.

    Very shortly, the woman was joined by her longtime husband in the back store room. They were gagged and tied up to sturdy metal shelves. One of their assailents was studying the Pokemon they were looking after.

    "No, Capone, Madame Ariana was abundantly clear: Eggs only this time, no matter how enticing they look."

    "Too bad, there's a Ninetales over there marked "do not let out with Pokemon with Dry Skin or Solar Power".

    The other man stroked his chin for a minute, full knowing what that meant the Ninetales was. "Well, okay. In that case, I don't think they'd miss one Pokeball. Just help me get the eggs."

    Capone dashed back out to the truck and grabbed a rolling cart with two white jackets thrown on top of it. His partner in crime, quite literally, had picked several colorful eggs out by the time he'd returned. A bright blue one with a black bottom and a yellow star, a cream one with a single golden oblong shape on top, an orange one that almost looked scaled, a dark green one with a creme bottom and red spots, one in green and yellow, a pink one, and an egg marked in red and blue triangles.

    Quickly, they loaded the carts and pulled over the lab coats, wheeling the egg-laden cart out to the truck. Under the guise of being contracted breeders, they moved with haste to the airport, transferred the cargo into a tilt-rotor airplane, and were not six inches off the pavement before Jenny yelled at air traffic control to shut down that plane.

    By then though, the pilot had no plans of playing it by the books, he rocketed up into the air and was soon over open water.

    When he landed again, it was on the flat deck of Team Rocket's Operations vessel. Safely in International Waters and nigh untouchable by authorities there; the ship lay anchor in a small reef. Dr. Sebastian waited on the deck for the aircraft's arrival, he and an assistant quickly ushered the payload below decks, through long, weaving hallways, and finally into a small but functional lab area.

    "Hmm, too far along." he tagged the first one with a "Shinx" sign. "So's this Meowth egg,, and Ooh, do be sure they take good care of this one." Sebastian told his pimpled assistant, barely seventeen.

    "A Magikarp?" He asked, his voice cracking from his lack of age.

    "No no. It's not just a Magikarp, look at the gene structure on this." Sebastian stepped away from a high powered Xray scope. "It's a Rattlekarp. See it?"

    "Yeah, I guess. What's the big deal about a Rattled Magikarp?"

    "The Big Deal, is that they evolve into Moxie Gyrados, Watson. Gyrados that get stronger the more they destroy, and the stronger they are, the more destruction they can create. It's a vicious cycle, that when properly nurtured, will make the Lake of Rage incident several years ago look like a kiddie pool. Here, take this Cyndaquil egg with you too, and the Chansey looks like it should hatch soon, the medbay will make good use of her. I've found the egg I need, right here." He picked up the white one with the red and blue markings*. "Yes, it's still fresh, they must have laid it a day ago. Even still has a little of the slime from the birthing sac on it."

    "What are you going to do with that one?" Sebastian's assistant asked nervously as he took the cart back out of the lab. The ship's engines started and vibrated through the floor. Soon, his task of moving the precious cargo would become a much more difficult affair as the ship moved away from the cove and into deep water.

    "Easy, I'm going to kill it."
    Last edited by Glover; 15th July 2012 at 5:48 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  14. #89
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    FYI: I'll be out of town watcing Boats go VRRMMMMM!!!!!! on the Ohio River this weekend, so CH 27 will be a few hours late. I thoiught about posting it today, I do love you guys that much, but I don't feel like I've got enough of a lead now on the story.

    http://www.madisonregatta.com/
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  15. #90
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    but Tally expressed what Janie's feelings were at that moment in a fierce, half asleep snarl, so Janie decided that if she still wanted to keep her P*DA in one piece, she'd best get it.
    I'm not even kidding when I say that I've gotten the same little growl/look of disdain from my cat when my wake-up alarm goes off in the morning haha. Love it

    "Hot, Janie. Extremely. You're missing out. It's like Baywatch was being filmed in the Market. He really cares about Pokemon, he's sweet, witty, and can take a verbal lashing. It's like he was made especially for me."
    I liked Jovi's description of him quite a bit. To me, this is odd for her to be like this, and obviously Janie agrees from her reaction. She seems almost vulnerable to me here, which is a complete 180 from how she usually portrays herself. I really enjoyed it.

    "I'm not going to abuse lab resources like that."

    "And that's stopped you before when?"
    I'm glad Janie called her on that because I can completely see Jovi abusing her powers over the lab.

    "That's grounds for a Civil War, Janie. I need a [/I]sister's advice."
    Simple formatting error. Take out the /

    “Does Janie know you both know?”
    “The wrath of a betrayed child? Not if you know what’s good for all of us.”
    Once more with formatting, space between dialogue.

    "Gee Mistress, I'd love to go, but I've got something urgent here on Friday." Guinivere explained cryptically to both of us. "I could see about having a lab tech transfer my Pokeball though once I'm done."
    I liked that portion quite a bit. You've always portrayed her and her brother as extremely cunning, and I liked your realization that Pokemon as wily as her actually have lives seperate from their owners. Responsibilites and such are something that I have been trying to implement more with the Pokemon in my own fic and I thought that that one sentence that Guinivere said really showed me alot about how you see Pokemon. For some reason it just really spoke to me, nicely done!

    Two blue arms looking a lot like his nose flailed helplessly through the glass at that moment
    I liked that funny description of Porygon-Z alot.

    ---
    "Glover," she informed me later. "Your Porygon Z is a space case."

    "I know, but I can't replace him with Quorra, I need her in the Purification Vault systems, and I'm for darn sure not hooking that network into this one. I'll see what I can do though."
    ---
    One thing I might suggest is when you switch view points like that, put the breaks and -'s in the middle of the screen with a double-space between them. It's a little easier to tell when you're switching. I noticed the same thing earlier with Guinivere's portion earlier. It just helps for clarity.

    Her bad eyesight meant that she missed a few important details, like the revolvers thw two men entered were carrying, or the floppy black hats and matching uniforms, until they were leaping across the counter and disarming her from her cane.
    The bolded portion is mispelled. Other than that, that was really intense and fun to read. I could imagine the sweet innocent old woman perfectly (truth be told I inserted a picture of my grandmother into her pleace when I visualized it), and the bit with the revolvers and later tying them up was perfectly written. Not too long or short, it really was the perfect length. As odd as this sounds I always love it when things happen to classes/groups of people that are generally not touched on. The fact that the people who run the daycare are old add alot more suspense/excitement to what's happening. Nicely done.

    The other man stroked his chin for a minute, gulll knowing what that meant the Ninetails was. "Well, okay. In that case, I don't think they'd miss one Pokeball. Just help me get the eggs."
    Did you mean full?

    "Easy, I'm going to kill it."
    Loved the violent suggestion there. Goes back again to what I said again about unexpected things happen to vulnerable people/things. The thought of killing a Pokemon in an egg is an awesome realistic touch and felt that it was completely appropriate to the situation and the types of people that are handling it. Awesome job

    All in all, this was probably one of my favorite chapters so far. From Jovi's nervousness and excitement, to Porygon Z's general aloofness, to the portion with the Rocket's in the end; it was all superbly done.

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

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  16. #91
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    Into the Woods
    WT CH27

    Return to "A Recipe for Disaster"

    "Are you ready to go then, Janie?"

    "Almost, Nurse Joy, I wanted to see my little Zubat before I go."

    "That's wonderful of you. Sheldon's on a cart in his case, just inside."

    "Great! Thanks for everything Nurse Joy!"

    "Anytime, that's why I'm here."

    Janie left her at the front desk and pushed into the medical side of the Pokemon Center. Even despite being in a Gym town, the Azalea center wasn't all that big.

    Off to one side of the main clinic was the operating room, and just past its door was a wing for recovering Pokemon.

    "Hey there little guy. How are you feeling?"

    The Zubat mustered enough movement to get its lower jaw closed partway and give Janie a VERY decisive "PHHT!"

    "I'm sorry I clubbed you with my flashlight, I didn't mean to break you like that."

    "PHHT!" it said again, not feeling up to forming actual shrieks at the moment.

    "Well, hopefully you'll be feeling well enough to be transferred to Goldenrod City when I get there, and maybe I can make it up to you."

    Zubat started to put its lips and tongue together.

    "I know, I know, "phht", right? You don't think very highly of me, do you?"

    "On the contrary." Zubat thought, "I'm very impressed with your technique... solid follow through... And that little taste of your blood was exquisite, very sweet. Wowza." but he didn't utter any sounds.

    "Well, you just get to feeling better, and we'll try this again, alright? Nurse Joy will take good care of you."

    She tucked the little bat in and left. Just as Joy said, Janie's egg carrier was right inside the clinic. She adjusted the straps tp fit it over her bag, and pushed out.

    "Alright, now I have everything. Thanks again for everything, Nurse Joy!"

    ---
    She took one last look around town as she left. Azalea really had nothing to do there.

    "Gee, it doesn't feel right, leaving so soon. We just got here. I feel like I'm forgetting something..."

    "A Zubat?" Tally asked, padding along beside her.

    "Poor Zubat." Janie sighed. "I wish I could've brought him with me. " She pushed through a pair of automatic doors to the Ilex Forest Gatehouse and Visitor's Center.

    "Arceus, maybe she can hear us!" Tiny mocked.

    "I should have a nickname for him. Maybe Dracula?" Janie rolled the thought around in her head for a moment. "Nah, probably too many Zubat out there by that name."

    "Well, my owners before your Dad named me Taliessin, but we always called me Tally for short."

    Beedrill did another one of his midair sumersault laughing fits. "Taliessin? What in the Distortion World name is that?"

    "I dunno, some philosopher guy. They had a lot of books in their house. Ooh! Maybe you could name him Draccy, Janie!"

    "That's Corny, pup."

    One of the gatesmen looked up from his comic book as a trainer yacked with her Pokemon about vampires, or something.

    "Are you Janie?" He asked.

    "Um, yes. Why?"

    "Kurt left this for you. Said you'd need it someday." The guard pulled a small box out from behind his desk.

    "Gee, that was nice of him. A Net Ball? I thought those were made by Devon?"

    The Guardsmen gave a disgruntled sigh. "Don't you know anything? Kurt's a legend, he can make anything!"

    "Well, I suppose they're all the same." I need to go back to his house and say thank you!"

    "He'd appreciate that, but he went into the forest. Said something about Celebi. I guess he meant the shrine."

    "Well, okay. I'll see if I can find him. Thanks."

    "Anytime." The guard smiled until she was out of sight.

    "Nonbeliever" he muttered after.

    "Where were we? Oh, what about shortening it to Draccy?"

    "And she's on a roll! It's amazing what she can do when she cleans the crap outta her ears. I still say it's corny though."

    "What do you mean? She cleans them everyday, Tiny." Cassie inquired.

    "A figure of speech, Rainbreath."

    "Or, maybe I could call him Bhram."

    "And she's gone again." Tiny sighed.

    "Oh, I dunno, maybe I should just wait until I meet him."

    ---

    "That tickles, stop!" Janie teased in her sleep. She swatted her nose, trying to brush away whatever was poking at it.

    "I mean it, stop that!"

    "Spin?"

    Janie opened her eyes from sleep.

    "Spinarak?" the antagonist asked curiously.

    "YAAHH!!!" The young trainer launched herself from her sleeping bag. The movement of the cloth cover sent the little spider flying. Janie grabbed a shoe and an empty pokeball into the far corner of her tent.

    "Spin!" the little spider yelped, disappeared, and decided to stay inside the strange glass thing it was in lest the monster throw another one of its feet at it.

    "Oh, why is it the only thing I can catch are the Pokemon I'm not looking for?"

    Tally ruffled herself and crawled out from a flung shirt.

    "Morning Janie, did I miss something?"

    "Some guard dog you are." She said grumpily.

    "I think I did."

    "Out! I'm going to change." Slowly, Tally roused Tiny and Castform and they shuffled out of the tent.

    "And no funny ideas from you." She said as she rolled her newly aquired Pokemon's ball out of the flap and zipped it quickly. The ball rolled onto its button and released.

    "Sp..sp...spin...sp...inarak..."

    "Great, just what we need, another bug type. What, is she trying to replace me?"

    "Oh, give it a rest." Tally said. "I think this one's scared. Are you alright?"

    "I... I... I think so. Am I still alive? Is this the world of Dreams?"

    "Nope." Tally said, remembeiring a movie she watched with Janie's family. "It's Iowa."

    "Iowa? What's Iowa? Is that anywhere near EEP!!"

    Janie unzipped the tent with a towl tied around her and a bathing suit on. "I'm goign to go down to the stream and wash up. I'll be back guys!

    "No, Iowa's no anywhere near EEP. And she really isn't that bad looking, for a bipedal." Tiny chuckled, and went to find a flower for breakfast.

    "Are you sure you're okay?" Tally asked of the spider hiding behind her.

    "It's that monster! She took her foot and she threw it at me!" Spinarak pointed at her as she walked down a path.

    "I think he means her Sandal, Tally." Cassie deduced.

    "You mean the long, brown floppy thing?"

    "The flat stripe on the bottom of her foot! It was sitting beside her, and... and she took it, and she chucked it at me! Now she's put her foot back on!" The little Spinarak felt ill.

    "You, don't know what a human is, do you?"

    "Do those come from Iowa?"

    "Uh, yeah. Something like that." Tally shook her head. "How about Sewaddle?"

    "Oh, yeah. One of my best friends was a Sewaddle. And then another of those monsters with a purple head stuck out this big web thingy and snatched her away."

    Tally sighed. "You've got a lot to learn, Spinarak. You know how Sewaddle wear a hood to hide their heads from predators and block the sun?"

    "Yeah."

    "Well, Janie's a human, and humans do the same thing. For different reasons. They call them 'Clothes.'"

    "So... that monster, she's not some undead spawn of Giratina?"

    "Nope."

    "And she can't freely remove parts of her body like the Haunter around here?"

    "Nope."

    "And, that was just something that was made for her?"

    "Yep. See, not so icky at all. She's quite nice when you get to know her."

    "And, and she's not gonna grind my bones or anything to make food?"

    "Now you're just being morbid. Come on, let's get some exercise. When she comes back, she'll feed us. You won't have to fend for yourself, and she's got lots of yummy stuff. You'll like it here."


    Tally took a few steps, stopped, and turned. "Spinarak, did you say something about Haunter?"

    "Uh, no. Not a thing. Nevermind."


    ---
    Janie stood in front of an old, moss covered stone pedestal and fountain. On its top was an old, worn sundial, but the shadow was cast not off the sun, but what looked like an ancient carving on an old calendar, like it was denoting a series of years.

    "That must be the monument. And we passed his camp a few minutes ago. So where could Kurt be?"

    She sat down on the little concrete ledge around a pool of water and pulled a snack out of her bag.

    "That's odd. The top part seems to be glowing." She got up and looked, but saw no lights that would be shining. When she turned around, she discovered her Pokemon were standing well back from the statue and eyeing her carefully. She took it as a hint and stepped back as well, but rather predicatably, nothing happened, and the glow subsided. Her Pokemon all seemed to relax about that last part.

    "Well, let' s have lunch here and see if he comes back. If not, I'll leave him a note and we'll hit the road. Okay?"

    "FIne by me." Tally said for the group. "I like food."

    ---
    "You're right Tally, this is a lot better than having to go catch a Weedle."


    Tiny slammed his little stinger into his food dish, but the sticky nectar kept the little berries from flying out. "Than catching WHAT?"

    "Uh, Wurmple." Spinarak said meekly. "I said than catching Wurmple."

    "I hope that's what you said."

    "Do I need to return you, Tiny?" his trainer asked, reading his gestures, if not the actual context.

    "No Janie", he said angelically.

    "Riiight. Well, I guess he's not coming back for his tent soon. I hope he's alright. I wonder where he is?"

    "When," Tally corrected. "I think the the right word is when he is"

    "That's too bad. He spent all this time making this Net Ball for me and I don't know why. I should give him something though, it'd be only right."

    ---
    Janie had made a decision. The only thing worse than finding a Spinarak in your tent...

    *SCHLOOP*

    "Tally, don't lick me like that! It's late!" Janie said, stirring.

    "Herd?" She felt a furry body press against her hip.

    "So if Tally's down there, then..."

    *SCHLOOP* "Then what's licking my face? And why do I have a feeling I don't want to know?"

    She opened one eye slowly.

    "GAH-HASTLY!"

    ...Was having a Gastly in it.

    "YAH!!" But the only thing near Janie's hand was a pillow. She chucked it at the ghost, watched it sail cleanly through the Gastly's body, and watched it ripple the tent side when it hit.

    ...check that last statement, the only thing worse was having four Gastly in your tent.

    "Gas Gas Gas!" The Gastly, three more invisible, and a small army of them outside, decided this was the funniest thing ever.

    Spinarak wrestled itself free from a Pokeball and blasted the ghost with Night Shade. Janie quickly crawled over to her backpack and began ripping stuff out.

    "I know it's in here somewhere. Ah ha!" She pulled out a small piece of paper with strange characters drawn on it. When the moonlight hit it, the Gastly fled back from her tent moreso than they had when the Spinarak attacked.

    "That's right. Fear the Cleanese Tag. Stay back! Back I say!"

    The center of her tent had a pokeball shaped skylight ade of plastic. She taped the Cleanese Tag to this.

    "That ought to get us some shut-eye."

    But it didn't. The circle of Gastly outside sat there and chanted on the border of the tag. They laughed, they imitated Pokemon, but Janie wasn't dumb enough to come out. She turned up some music, and she read until the Sun came up and the Gastly went away. But it meant sleeping through morning, walking in the afternoon, and sitting still all night at the mercy of those ghosts.

    ---
    Janie's PDA rang.

    "Morning Jovi." She grumbled.

    -"You look like Hell, Janie, what's wrong?"

    "Gastly. Did you know there are Gastly in Ilex forest?"

    "-I thought there might be, around the shrine. But I can't say I've ever looked into it."

    "Well, you can't travel the forest at night. They like to make illusions and get you lost. And forget sleeping. I'm making no progress in this blasted forest. I've been here three days."

    -"Maybe I should let you go then. I've got Guinivere with me."

    "No, I promised I'd help. When's your date?"

    -"Tomorrow."

    "Alright. Well, have you found anything you like?"

    -"A few. What about these?" Jovi held up a skirt and blouse.

    "Those colors?"

    -"You don't like it?"

    "Well, I think they look great, if you're a piece fo kelp trying to get a Corsola to not eat you."

    "Well, okay then smarty pants. How about this? Same fabric, I like the fit."

    "Salmon and white? That's not bad. Maybe a nice black belt."

    -"That I already have."

    "Not your karate belt, Jovi. I mean like a leather belt. small one, woven strips if they have it probably would be best."

    -"I have that too, Ms. Smartypants. Guin picked it out when I showed her these."

    "Oh. Okay then. We'll need shoes, next. As much as I would love to see you try to walk in heels, I'm thinking a flat would be best. Best save the hyjinks for when I'm actually there."

    ---
    "Yep, that should be all you need, Jovi. A couple outfits, in case you go on a second date. Assuming the moon doesn't crack during the first one."

    -"Har. Har. Thank's Janie. I'll be sure to give you all the details."

    "Just don't do it during the date, okay? P*DA's off. You should be a respectful lady."

    -"Geez, now you want me to be a lady? When can I be Jovi? Up to my armpits in blood, sweat and *mute*...*unmute*." she teased. "Well, good night, or morning, or whatever. Safe travels, sis."

    "You'll be so cute! Goodbye, Jovi, break legs, or something. Not literally, I mean." She hung up and put the P*DA away. "Alright Tally, let's pack up and see if we can't get another thirty feet through this place.

    "Herdier." She disagreed, shaking her head.

    "What's wrong?"

    "Herd." Tally pointed at the egg container with a paw.

    It was glowing.

    Turn the page...
    Last edited by Glover; 16th September 2012 at 4:49 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  17. #92
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    Life outside the shell
    WT CH 28

    Return to CH27

    His journey had him apprehensive, but every day he could see its end a little clearer.

    No, better to say he could see the next beginning.

    He saw it in the clouds, and it was like staring into a well. When he closed his single glass-lensed eye, he could see it in his dreams.

    He could see her. The strange creature that had become his surrogate. He knew she was not of his species, and he knew she had had a big heart, but it didn't make the transition any easier.

    There were the nightmares too, of a raging Metagross, and some green topped giant who stole his egg, and then dropped it off of a thing with four round legs that moved like a Klink. Those had kept him up for weeks, and he'd only just settled down.

    He turned over slightly from the position he was floating in. His home was a simple one, made of a special mud and StringShot and spread on a wooden frame. He had a window in the pink mushroom shaped roof of it, and on days like today he would lay back to watch the sky.

    The walls of his home were mostly barren now. He'd packed his things away in a trunk. His food and tools were donated to the Rescue Team who looked after his Shire, and he heard his friend Pikachu outside tending to berries. The young electric type had been overjoyed that he and his Team would be able to use the house and property for a base camp in return for looking after it.

    True, his remains had been few. A soft bed to lay on, a telescope for gazing at the sky, and some painted portraits of his friends. He also had a few books written by Pokémon of the outside world, which were very hard to come by. Those, he'd passed on to the Shire elder to make a library, so that other curious minds could read.

    Not that it mattered, most accounts agreed there was a mental barrier; that his old memories would be gone while he was there, and mix in with his new memories when he returned to this life. He didn't know anything for sure though, other than he couldn't wait to see what the real world was like.

    He couldn't wait to meet a human.

    And yet... as he watched the clouds roll past, he wondered. Was there a sky over there? Did it look like his? The stars he'd carefully studied, which one was the one he was going to? Could he see his home? Or, what if he couldn't see any of them?

    "That's silly" He told himself. There had to be stars.

    But what if...

    ---
    Janie couldn't put her finger on it. It was silly, she knew that when that egg hatched, they'd have to stay put for a while. And of course, then the Gastly would come out at night and they'd have to huddle in their tent again. And yet, there was a voice telling her otherwise. She heard it cleanly in her mind, but it sounded like the forest itself was talking to her.

    "Pack quickly." it told her.

    "Anything yet?" she asked as she crammed stuff into her bag with less precision than usual.

    "Herd." Tally replied. Perhaps it was her herding nature, or that when she'd been given to Janie she'd been charged to look after the little human that now had her sensitive to every flitter of a leaf, every crunch of a twig that occurred around them. Tiny and the Spinarak weren't far behind her though in alertness. They were born in the wild; they knew the kinds of creatures that lurked in the underbrush, the kinds of things that liked to snack on newborns.

    ---
    He was still watching the clouds, but now he could almost see more faces. The alien, angelic one with the long, dark shaded fur (color was an irrelevant thing, they were all transparent on a clear blue sky) seemed distant, but he could plainly see a Herdier, a Beedrill, a Spinarak, and another round head with a tuft that was new to him peering down. He didn't think they could see him, and no one else seemed to see them.

    There was a knock on his door.

    "It's open, come in!" He called. "Oh, Jirachi! I'm sorry." he rolled over and got into a forward positioned hover.

    "Think nothing of it. Might I trouble you for a berry?"

    "Of course. I think there's still one in the bowl on the table."

    "Thanks! Are you ready for your first crossing?"

    "Well, almost. One last thing to put away." He picked up the corner of a piece of parchment with his tail claws. It was the only painting he'd done himself, quite a feat considering he had to grasp the brush with only his three rear claws; he had no limbs of his own. It lacked a lot of features, but he was pleased enough he'd captured the basics of the angel he'd seen in the sky.

    Using his natural electromagnetism, he popped a lock on the trunk and placed the photo on top. he placed the photo over the top of his things and closed the trunk with his body.

    "It's time." Jirachi said. The other nodded and floated up to the little legendary. Three little cyan tag like tufts hanging from Jirachi's triangular yellow head lit up with a brilliant light. The energy trickled down through her into an eye like organ on her torso. Slowly and methodically it opened, as the false pupil sparkled with an inter-dimensional power. When it opened, the room flooded with light, and they blinked from existence.

    ---
    "Herdier!" Tally saw it first. Within the light emanated from the center of the egg, a rythmic pulsing had appeared like a heartbeat. Slowly, within the confines fo the shell, the light was expanding; absorbing every last little bit of nutrient into its plasmic living yolk. Not only did this feed the little hatchling, it weakened the shell.

    "Bee!" Tiny pointed at a small pinhole in the top. The light pouring out was brighter than staring into the sun.

    "Alright! Here we go!" Janie grabbed the last of her things and stuffed it into the bag, which bulged rather more unnaturally due to the wayward packing, but Janie didn't care.

    Another little chunk of the egg shot up and rolled down the side of the shell.

    "You've got it little guy!"

    Inside, the plasmic goo balled up an end again and slammed at the top of the egg. its toe claws were on the wrong end, and still too maleable, so it scratched and punched with its conscious mind and continued to expand.

    The egg started to wobble in the pad it was sitting on in the bottom portion of the egg container. Janie grabbed one of the blankets she'd left out and wrapped it around to support the egg.

    A small piece of shell popped her in the eye. "Mischeivous one, aren't you?" She giggled excitedly. The hole wasn't much bigger than a pencil eraser, and the crack only a few centimeters long when it settled down.

    Janie pulled out her P*DA. She knew with the egg cracked it was dangerous.

    "C'mon little guy, you can't stop now."

    The egg pulsed a bright, disgusted light at her that seemed to say "It's my egg, I'll rest if I want."

    But it didn't want to rest for long, a few seconds, and the egg started to rock more violently than ever.

    "That's it!"

    The hatchling reared itself up and threw itself against the egg. Throwing itself off balance, the egg spun in place, stirring up the blankets.

    Janie tried to stifle the laughter building from the egg’s struggle. "Gee, all I had to do was scream and Mom did the rest."

    When the egg settled, it was slightly canted to one side. The little hatchling would've panted if its iron lungs had formed yet, instead, it just waited for its equilibrium to settle. When it did, the little the egg realized that it wasn't on is foot anymore and perhaps could stretch itself.

    Which it did. The weakened egg distorted as the Pokémon tried to form itself up. After pausing again, it tried a second and then a third time.

    "Screw it" the egg told itself. "I don't care if I CAN'T breathe, I'm going to pant anyway."

    Janie went back to her P*DA again. Looking for some idea on how to help.

    Step one was "Don't!"

    The poor egg looked so helpless though aqainst its shell foe, but it'd have to do it on its own.

    But Janie had an idea. Grabbing a pair of gloves out of her First Aid kit She righted the egg again, which the little hatchling-to-be was initially rather displeased with.

    "Pull against my hold." Janie said. "When you're ready of course."

    That little bit of encouragement was all the egg needed. Gathering up the last of its strength, renewed by the warm hands on its side, it focused every last bit of energy into expanding and destroying its confines.

    "That's it!" Janie cheered. She pulled her hands away as the egg imploded specatacularly in a flash of pure white light.

    Janie's Pokemon studied the new creature carefully as she turned around to get a warm blanket for the hatchling.

    "What is it?" Spinarak asked. "I've never seen one of him before."

    "I think it's a Beldum." Cassie decided.

    "Nah," spoke Tiny. "Beldum are blue. This one's grey, maybe he's a strange Magnemite."

    "Maybe Janie has to paint him first?" asked the cloud Pokémon.

    "I don't care, he's a member of the family now." Tally said as she stepped forward. "Hi."

    Beldum hadn't quite tuned in yet to the universal language of the Pokemon. That would take a little time, and his heart settling down, not to mention the ringing in his ears going away. But fear was a trait he knew, and he was surrounded by strange monsters not like himself. One of them was approaching him, curiously but with a little row of teeth showing. It seemed to be babbling to the others about something, probably him.

    He flinched backwards from the creature, frantically looking around for his mother. Someone, anyone who looked like him. All he saw though, was a very large shadow, as an even larger monster loomed over him.

    "Hi there." It said. "Welcome to the world little guy. Let me wrap you up and get you warm."

    It might as well have said "Boo."

    Janie knew what a rocket taking off looked like, and seeing the dust roll out from the Beldum's feet, she dropped the blanket and reached for him directly.

    "Oh no you don't!" She cried, but the Beldum was strong for its age, now numbering into a minute and a half old. As Janie's hands closed around the top of its body behind its head, the Beldum leveld out and bolted into the forest; wailing all the way.

    "It's got Janie!" Cassie cried.

    "No, no. I think Janie has it." Tiny tried to correct.

    "Someone's got someone! C'mon, we gotta go after them!"


    "...In there, Tally?"

    "yes, Spinarak, in there."

    "But... what about the Gastly?"

    "We'll just have to fight them off, besides, the Sun's still going to be up for a while. Quick, help me get the egg blankets in Janie's backpack. I don't know what she'll need."


    "How do you plan on carrying it, pup?"

    "On my back, same as Janie. Unless you guys want to stand around and guard it."

    They thought back to the Ursaring that helped itself to Liz's stuff. But only for a second, they were wasting valuable time packing.

    ---
    The smell of coffee in the morning. None of us humans actually drank it, but I'd picked up the habit of the smell of it percolating from my father, and we'd discovered Gotegrim liked it well enough that he'd fix a cup's worth in the morning to wakes us all up.

    I'm sure there are laws against giving Pokemon coffee, but he didn't seem to act adversely.

    "It's not really any stronger than some berries," he kept telling us, and so it became a ritual habit that when I'd come bleary eyed through the door in the morning, he'd smile at me as he pour a cup.

    "Mornin' Grim."

    "Good morning Glover. Did you sleep well?".

    "Quite." I mumbled, reaching for milk in the fridge. "I still don't see how you're so chipper in the mornings."

    "Ah, it’s easy. Even as a civilized one, life as a Pokemon is so much less taxing than a human's life."

    "But you live a human life, you know."

    "The best of both worlds." He said smiling behind his mug.

    Cayna came in behind me as I closed the Microwave. She was holding her head a bit.

    "Are you alright, dear?"

    "oh, yes. just a mother's intuition is all."

    "That Janie might be in danger?"

    "You felt it too?"

    "That punch in the heart? Every day she's been gone."

    "I'm sure she's fine." Gotegrim said reassuringly. "She survived an Ursaring, did she not?"

    "I'm still mad at her for that."

    "I am too dear, but she's proven herself tough enough to survive."

    "And an honorable trainer, too. You raised her well."

    "I know. But..." Cay pouted

    taking the opportunity to change the subject, "You're ready for this weekend?"

    "Sly... Yeah, I think so. When's the depot guy getting our bags?"

    "Eight. Which probably means ten or twelve thirty. They've got the code to the breezeway, they can get them whenever. Guin will be here too. Where is your sister, Grim?"

    "Washing in the spring. She should be in soon."

    "We have a camping shower set up, you know."

    "We do. But it's not as natural."

    "Well, alright."

    Cayna looked up from her oatmeal. "Do you really think Janie's fine?"

    "Positive."

    Onward to 29!
    Last edited by Glover; 16th September 2012 at 4:47 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  18. #93
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    Good job I didn't see any mistakes and wgat an interesting way of explaining the Pokemon Explorer games.

    I'm envious of Janie now that she got a shiny Beldum on the first egg. I can't get a shiny to hatch/appear for anything.

    I have a question. How far apart is your story from the Omega War? (In years)
    My Black Friend Code is 2494-8412-9545 and my name on Black is Trysten.
    This is my badge for the NCTH to earn it you have to challenge the League and defeat me in a battle. Credit goes to Glover for the badge.
    And here's the link to my fic http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...irth-of-a-Hero

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wartiger97 View Post
    Good job I didn't see any mistakes and wgat an interesting way of explaining the Pokemon Explorer games.

    I'm envious of Janie now that she got a shiny Beldum on the first egg. I can't get a shiny to hatch/appear for anything.

    I have a question. How far apart is your story from the Omega War? (In years)
    Eight and some change.

    Explorers? That one of the references in that first scene...

    As for the Beldum, he's shiny for two reasons. I'll leave the first unspoken, see if anyone catches it later. The other is that I have a very short list of Pokemon I actually like the shiny for s of, and Beldum is one of them. The author, is biased...
    Last edited by Glover; 18th July 2012 at 2:35 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Glover View Post
    Explorers? That one of the references in that first scene...
    I meant to say the Mystery Dungeon games and I was refering to the scene were Beldum is in a different world before hatching.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wartiger97 View Post
    I meant to say the Mystery Dungeon games and I was refering to the scene were Beldum is in a different world before hatching.
    I know what you meant, Explorers works (of light, darkness) I was more adding that there was something else lumped into that decriptr as well.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Glover View Post
    I know what you meant, Explorers works (of light, darkness) I was more adding that there was something else lumped into that decriptr as well.
        Spoiler:- Spoiler:
    I'll quit the speculations now and just wait and see how it all goes down.

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    Hey guys, Looks like I'll be a tad bit late with this week's. Wanted to work on it today, but thst's not gonns hsppen now.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Glover View Post
    Hey guys, Looks like I'll be a tad bit late with this week's. Wanted to work on it today, but thst's not gonns hsppen now.
    Ok don't worry about it stuff happens (that's why I haven't posted my story yet...)
    My Black Friend Code is 2494-8412-9545 and my name on Black is Trysten.
    This is my badge for the NCTH to earn it you have to challenge the League and defeat me in a battle. Credit goes to Glover for the badge.
    And here's the link to my fic http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...irth-of-a-Hero

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    Chapter 27

    "I'm sorry I clubbed you with my flashlight, I didn't mean to break you like that."

    "PHHT!" it said again, not feeling up to forming actual shrieks at the moment.

    "Well, hopefully you'll be feeling well enough to be transferred to Goldenrod City when I get there, and maybe I can make it up to you."

    Zubat started to put its lips and tongue together.

    "I know, I know, "phht", right? You don't think very highly of me, do you?"
    You know, I never thought that a person could have a conversation with something soley saying 'Phhhttt', but apparently it's possible. As the fic has progressed (and a few portions of Tempest), I've really enjoyed your evolving sense of comedy. I haven't known you long enough to know wether it has always been there or it's a recent development, but I feel like it has become more frequent, and I'm liking it greatly.

    "Arceus, maybe she can hear us!" Tiny mocked.
    There it is again. I actually lol'd at that.

    Janie unzipped the tent with a towl tied around her and a bathingsuit on
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but bathingsuit may actually be two words. Feel free to call me a dolt if I'm wrong, but it may be worth checking on

    "You mean the long, brown floppy thing?"
    Lol, I also love points from Janie's Pokemon like this. The brown floppy thing. Such a basic description, but at the same time it's coming from a Pokemon who knows alot about humans, but at the same times knows the basics, and is also bound by how they percieve things that are so obviously foreign to them. Nicely done.

    "You're right Tally, this is a lot better than having to go catch a Weedle."


    Tiny slammed his little stinger into his food dish, but the sticky nectar kept the little berries from flying out. "Than catching WHAT?"

    "Uh, Wurmple." Spinarak said meekly. "I said than catching Wurmple."

    "I hope that's what you said."
    Lmao! Wow, you've really brought a lot of laughter to this chapter. A nice change of pace from the mood I've been in today

    It was glowing.
    OMG finally

    Chapter 28

    There were the nightmares too, of a raging Metagross, and some green topped giant who stole his egg, and then dropped it off of a thing with four round legs that moved like a Klink. Those had kept him up for weeks, and he'd only just settled down.
    I loved that little passage. First because it bridged the gap in my mind from the time I read how its egg was stolen until now, and secondly because it was quite touching to see how the Beldum related to the world with its associations. The thing with four round legs was especially nice. I like that you had the foresight to write legs instead of wheels, because I know I would have done the opposite and regretted it later. Of course they are going to be legs to the Beldum and not wheels, he doesn't even know what wheels are! Sorry to harp on that little portion but I really think it was well done

    "It's time." Jirachi said
    Wow, this part caught me off guard. I'm not sure if this sort of mysticism is your own design and I just haven't picked up on it yet, or you decided to add it, but it's really appealing. I hope I'm not off base when I feel like I'm caught between thinking that the Jirachi in Beldum's mind is manifestation of the mother that he was torn from, and the other possibility is the Jirachi is real and it is extending its presence into Beldum's mind to help it along and give it that spark it needs to hatch. Either way I like it, but if my second theory is the correct one it makes me think about the implications of all the legendarys and your take on them. Tell me which way is the right way to head if you don't mind lol

    a small piece of shell popped her in the eye.
    a should be capitalized

    "That's it!" Janie cheered. She pulled her hands away as the egg implodedd specatacularly in a flash of pure white light.
    One too many d's for imploded

    Sorry it took me so long to catch up. Man, you've really done some good with these last two chapters. I can't say that Im surprised, but in all honesty I really enjoyed myself. I feel like physical description and action description could be beefed up, but other than that, I liked the new concepts and situations you've introduced. I can honestly say you've completely changed my opinion on egg hatching as well haha

    Update soon buddy

    An Ancient Treasure, a Terrible Price. Take the Risk, Eat the World
    (Final Chapter added 05-15-2014)

    -Thanks to PopPrincess_Lyra for the amazing banner-


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