As the World Turns Back Around

[PhantomDragon]

Liz, technically, as in Picknicker Liz, the girl from the route in the games who's too busy staring at a rock to lock eyes with you and battle. but remember you said Liza because she's in the next chapter. Fruedian?

*is confused* I'm not quite sure what you mean here. That was actually just me forgetting what her name was. Sorry about that. I think I do vaguely remember her from Heartgold.

[Glover]

*is confused* I'm not quite sure what you mean here. That was actually just me forgetting what her name was. Sorry about that. I think I do vaguely remember her from Heartgold.

I just find it interesting the name you pulled by mistake considering I'm using it next chapter. Which reminds me, I need to get on that one, get soem things overhualled.

[Glover]

A bit of an update. Everything was going swimmingly, and then I reopened the latest chapter, that should have gone up last week, and gave into misgivings. I liked what it did, just not how it did it, if that makes any sense, so I halted prgress, trashed the chapter, and setabout rewriting it at the last minute. Bad idea from a publishing standpoint, good for quslity. I hope. The bad news, life so far has kept me from refinishing, and it now sits a little better than half finished. Restasured, I haven't abandoned it, it just isn't done anymore. Such is life, I guess.

[PhantomDragon]

Glad that you haven't forgotten about it, at least.

[Glover]

    Spoiler:- undefined:

Show Spoiler

 
I've about had it with this damn chapter. Pardon my language, but I'm pissed. Finally had it looking nice, was almost ready to post the fugger, and the Serebii page dumped. Word's locked up now too, and I'm not seeing on the damn clipboard, so once again, I'm ****ing reset to the first third of this god damned thing... four ****ing weeks, I want this damn thing done.
 

[Glover]

*Whew* FInally, now I can get going on gCH21. Chapter 20 is off to Beta, I'm enlisting special help to make sure nothing degraded from my lack of patience with this chapter, make sure nothing got rushed through to get going, so expect a tardy update hopefully sometme this week.

[Glover]

FINALLY! Thanks especially to Sidewinder who volunteered himself via PM to help me with this chapter!
Shameless plug for his fic:http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...equiem-(PG-13)
================================================== ===========================

"Please, Don't Feed the Bears"
WT: Chapter 20

Back to "A Break for Lunch"

"Crap."

"What you said, Janie."

"Maybe, if we back slowly away now, very slowly..."

Liz took one step, and crunched a twig.

"URSA!!! URSA TEDDI TEDDIURSA!!" The two cubs wailed.

"And now we run."

Liz made her agreence known by turning on her heels and scooping up Nidy. Janie wasn't too far behind her, with Tally obediently by her side, Tiny and Castform to either shoulder in the air and the egg canister on straps on Janie's back, safely padded from being bounced around.

The girls didn't get far though. At the sound of her cubs' wail, a large shape shifted around inside Liz's tent. It had found something sweet tucked beside a white fluffy thing that smelled of Far-Fetch'd and was contentedly snacking. Fearing the worst, that something had come for her two babies, she went wasted no time clawing through the tent to her full height. She immediately spotted the two presumed assailants and grabbed something heavy to throw.

Janie felt a previously unknown instinct fire. She felt the projectile's approach without seeing it, and half-shoved and half-tackled Liz to the ground, barely clearing the cooking pot turned Rock Throw. It bought the mother Ursaring all the time she needed, she was quickly on the girls with her next attack. Janie rolled to the side, landing between the Ursaring's two glowing arms as they hurled chunks of earth into the air from their missed hits.

The Ursaring howled in rage and pain, and looked up just in time to be blasted in the muzzle with a wave of cold. She hobbled backwards, trying to clear the frost from her vision and get her targets back in sight. Janie took that time to push her self reflexively back up and hauled Liz to her feet.

"My turn!" Tiny called to the little grey cloud.

"You go get her!"

The grizzly finally got her vision refocused, but the gray thing that had attacked her directly was gone, instead replaced by an all too familiar yellow and black shape making faces and blowing raspberries at her. She had had experience with this creature before.

"Nyah-Nayh! Phht!"

Ursaring roared her defiance, scaring the Beedrill back to his trainer.

"Heh, on second thought, maybe I'll leave the actual battling to Pokémon with gym experience."

"Scaredeycat" Tally teased.

"My those are, BIG tonsils, and what lovely teeth she has."

The Ursaring was quite shocked. Her feral cry usually had more effect. It usually plucked at the heart of her target's soul, turning it inside out and reducing them to that strange matter energy state. What trickery had been done to her? It didn't matter though; she fired up another Hammer Arm and lunged at her targets. If she couldn’t send them fleeing, from their trainers’ sides, she’d just smash them instead.

Tally moved with the voices of her ancestors. Centuries of herding Tauros and Miltank had given the herding a playbook of how to route a charging creature. Flicking her back legs and springing from the ground into a sprint, the dog wove through the Ursaring's legs. The furious bear stumbled about in her trajectory, buying Janie and Liz enough time to side step. Her attack sailed on into an old oak, splintering the wood. Ripping her paw out of the tree, she howled many defiant phrases and turned to charge again.

"Blind her again, Cassie!" Janie called. The mother continued her barreling charge towards the trainers and the unknown cloud thing. It blew cold air at her again, clearly hoping she wasn't smart enough for the same ploy twice, but she was. The bear flailed her arm in front of her.

"Just as I had hoped." She heard Janie say. Moments after, her arm connected to the cloud's soft, rubbery body, but it was only then that she noticed the Hammer Arm's regular protective outer energy was strangely absent. Lacking the barrier, she too felt the impact of the hit.

This failure only made the bear more angry, sending her deeper into a rage born of protection; egged on by a Beedrill's taunting comments and the tormentive nature of the battle.

"Good! Now Nidy, blast her!"

The bear whirled around to find her next opponent quickly. A small blue rabbit creature hopped to the fore, and with its back bristling. The rabbit growled softly, arching her back and grimacing to appear more menacing than she was.

"No! Wait!" Janie exclaimed,

…It quickly loosed a barrage of glowing purple barbs.

"RRAAGH!!!!" They'd buried themselves into her face, around her eyes and into her snout. With blinding speed, she snatched the still dazed cloud out of the air and spiked it into the little blue pest. The two Pokemon slammed into each other and bounced away, their actions causing more damage than they had just recieved. This bear had passed anger now, her rage was building, and the two humans had caused it.

"RRAAGH!!!!" She roared triumphantly, thumping her chest like a Primeape.

"Shit." Janie said, then feeling the cold stare from thousands of miles away from her parents for swearing. "I was afraid of that."

"Of what, Janie?"

The bear was all but frothing at the mouth, big bloodshot red glowing eyes the color of a Pokéball recall beam. She turned and charged the humans with murdurous rage and the acceleration of a freight train. She sprinted forward with a gallop, small stones around Janie's feet jumping up with each thunderous step.

"Run first!" Janie yelled.

The Ursaring was too far from Tally, Tiny saw no choice, he had to get back involved. He shoved himself up and over Janie's shoulders to psyche himself up and add dramatic effect, vaulting over her right side. As he rushed towards the Ursaring, he spat a strange purple liquid onto his two spikes and buried them into her diaghram, one then the other in a quick double gut punch.

She doubled over, narrowly missing the opportunity to crush Tiny with her midsection. The toxic adrenaline that had sped her up felt like it was burning now, the sensation radiating from the stab wound and whatever mix the Beedrill had inserted into her.

She wasn't in a good position to get up, but she still had plenty of fight. She grabbed a handful of mud and flung it at Tiny.

Phht!" The first one went wide. She tried a second handful.

"Missed me!" he taunted again. So she tried again.

"Missed again!"

PHWAM!

"You alright, Tiny?"

"Shuddup, pup. Oof."

Ma'am Grizzly was back on her feet. Proving quite hard to take down, too. Tally lowered her head, put one shoulder forward, and stepped on the gas, slamming her full weight into the Ursaring's midsection. On top of the bear, Tally clamped a jaw around her throat and lit it on fire.

---
On the other side of the field, Liz made a run for her camp. The two cubs made intimidating stances, but they'd never been in a fight before in their lives. Liz snarled loud and ferociously, and they split, hiding behind a tree and eyeing her carefully. She turned the corner of her camp and slid inside. The tarp, her sleeping bag, everything was ripped and wet. The contents of her bag were already dumped on the tent's floor, though it made rooting around easier for her. She emerged clutching a belt given to her by Virgil, who was now training south of Blackthorn with his fighting types.

She looked up and saw Tally be grabbed by the Ursaring. Six feet of bear pulled a somersault from a standstill and pounded the dog into the ground with two huge paws. Tally was choking. With no air to sustain her fire and no air to breathe, she was in deep trouble. Liz bolted around the field.

"TEDDI!!" the cubs called a warning, but the Picnicker was already in the air. She threw her short legs around the Ursaring's midsection, and pulled the belt around the bear's neck and pulled the collar as tight as she could. The Ursaring grabbed her arm and flung her like a ragdoll. Liz yelled asa sickening crunching sound echoed from her arm.

Something thick bounced off the Ursaring’s skull. Next to it was a rock. The other human was fingering another similarly sized one like a pitcher.

"Yo!" She teased, having recognized what the item was. "Someone your own size, Mamma."

The Ursaring dodged the second projectile easily, disregarded Liz for the moment, and charged Janie. With one arm, she swept the trainer to the ground, but the athletic girl was able to miss the first close combat blow buy rolling onto her side.

And then the collar lit up with a strange magic.

The second blow landed with even more power, grazing Janie's back and sending a chill up her spine. Mamma Ursaring went to finsh the blow by coupling her hands into a powerful Brick Break to circumvent the Taunt that was in play, but the collar shocked her and tightened itself. Her hands released and she reached for the choker to pull it loose, but trapped in a Rage, bound by Taunt, Torment, and now a Choice Band, all she could do was struggle with the cursed cloth object. She flailed and rolled around on the ground, stretching it violently but not getting it to snap. As she rolled away, the ground shook as she pounded the ground in frustration.

And then she disappeared. Panting, exhausted, Janie watched the Great Ball she'd found in the road shake once, but it exploded back open into six pieces. Snarling Bear lunged at the trainer, but was again choked by the Choice Band. She fell to the ground, wrestling and throwing every Ursaring swear word to the wind, that she'd kill whatever Mismagius-born thing had stitched this infernal trap.

Janie dug in her bag, frantically digging for something that would help. She had only one Great Ball left, she hadn't the badges to earn anything from the stores.

"...Janie," Liz yelled through the pain of her shattered arm. "The cubs..."

"Of course!"

A Pokéball flew straight and true. It went wide of the Ursaring, and the bear snickered at the poor aim amongst her struggles.

"Teddi!" The target yelped before it vanished.

"Ursa?" The other cub's eyes watered, it's sister was gone. "Teddi? Teddiursa! Teddi!!!" it began to cry. Unaware of Pokéballs, the first cub didn't know to resist--didn't know how too-- and the ball dinged almost immediately.

That turned the Ursaring's rage up about three notches. She momentarily abandoned the impromptu shock collar and threw out her arm. She tried to block the second ball that flew, but it skipped off her claw and found its mark.

That was all the motivation the Ursaring needed. magical energy exploded as the Choice Band ripped into shreds. She rushed to the Pokéballs, but the dog from before leapt over them, snarling and barking a storm. The Beedrill limped up behind her, striking as mean a pose as he could.

"Surrender." The Human said, closing in on the Ursaring. "Join them, no harm will come. I just wanted to find my friend's camp."

"GNAHH!!" The bear snapped. Janie took a defensive step back, but showed no sign of actual fear. More of a short-temper, of frustration, and a lack of patience.

The bear reached out. She was inches from Janie's throat. So small, the bear noted, such a frail thing, she could snap it easily. But she couldn't leave her cubs in the defenseless state, if she went after the human, no doubt the Dog would do something wretched like carry them to the river and let the Pokéballs float away.

He outstretched paws began to quiver...

She wanted nothing more than to kill, to have her cubs free. She knew trainers, even if they didn't...

This one was different. A protective spirit.

The Ursaring crumpled to the ground. She had no more energy left, sapped by the poison and her Struggle with the collar. She looked up at Janie with an evil, begging glare that said "Just do it already.".

The Great Ball was tapped lightly to her head. It rocked three times, dinged, and then owing to the cubs being Janie's fifth and sixth, shrank itself tight. "Janie?" The Picnicker moaned, trying to sit up without using her right arm. "Is it over?"

"Sure is." She said, slumped to the ground trying to catch her breath. In front of her sat the occupied Great Ball.

"Good. GAY-AH! GOD DAMMIT OWW! MOTHERFUNH!!!" Liz curled her lip, trying to calm herself. That instinct from before fired again within Janie. "You aren't done yet" a subconscious voice told her. She pulled herself to her feet quickly, snatching the Great Ball from the ground.

"Sling. Sling, I need a sling." Janie dug through her backpack, pulling a million odds-and-ends out digging for medical supplies. "Ah, I'll need the herbal ointment too. Some medical tape. Sling...sling... Ah-ha!" Tally plodded over beside her, and dropped the two Teddiursa Pokéballs beside her.

"Thanks Tally." She said, rubbing the Herdier's flanks down.

"Ruff!"

She wiped down the slimy Pokéballs and slipped them in the front pocket with the Ursaring. She figured tight proximity sensors would keep the two Teddiursa balls from opening accidently being in her bag. Then she scooped up a pile of medical supplies and dashed exhaustedly over to Liz's side.

"Drink this. It tastes horrible."

"Okay." Liz took the strange green liquid Janie offered her. "Psshhh! Blegh! What is that? Motor oil?"

"Dad says it helps with healing, said I had to pack it. Better you than me." She teased.

"Now I'm going to rub a cream into your arm."

"My BROKEN arm?"

"That'd be the one." Janie seized her wrist with one hand and pinned it with her leg.

"AH-OW! STOP! DAMMIT THAT HURTS!"

"Sorry, I have to get the cream worked in. It'll numb ya and provide some nutrients, but only if you'll stop squirming. There, now we just gotta tape you up."

"You act like you know what you're doing. Are your folks doctors?"

"Nah, I just broke myself enough times to get the hang of it. Hold still."

"What did you d- EYYAGH!!"

"Too tight?"

"YES!"

"Good, we don't want that moving."

"You're enjoying causing me pain..."

"Maybe..." Janie said innocently. While she was cutting the sides out of a plastic bag to make an arm sling, there was a rustle above the treeline. Liz spotted it first, a Charizard with a pink bow. On its back was a green-haired trainer, sporting a red and brown ensamble. The Charizard dipped its wings in acknowledgement of the two girls below and swooped down.

"You two alright?"

"NO!"

"Yeah, we're fine." Janie answered back. The Charizard looked back at its trainer slightly confused. the trainer said something too quiet for Janie to catch, and then landed.

Liz's eyes went wide. "You... you're Liza! The Liza! And that must be Charla then! OMG this is so awesome!"

"I'm sorry, who?"

Liz shot Janie one of those "What, do you live under a rock?" looks, then remembered she was from Orre, essentially the same thing. Liza seemed to be relieved though that she wasn't quite the household celebrity though.

"Liza. I look after the Charizard that congregate near here, and send the few trainer Pokemon when they're needed." She offered her hand, which Janie took.

"Ah. Okay, I didn't realize that was near here. I'm Janie. Dad considered sending his Charizard to you, but the big Lizard fell in love before he could look further in it."

"That's sweet. Good for him. Or her, I suppose."

Charla cleared her throat. She'd been studying the marks in the ground closely.

"Oh yes, I was wanting to ask, what happened here?"

"An Ursaring, that's what!" Liz snapped. "Trashed my camp but good."

"A mother and two cubs? Young, tattle on you when you try to sneak up on their mother?"

"Yep. That'd be them."

Liza and Charla looked at each other and grinned devilishly. "At last, we've found her." they thought to each other.

"Which way did they go?"

"Oh, they're over there, in my bag." Janie said.

"...What?"

"Front pocket. Two Pokeballs and a Great Ball."

"You're lying."

"You don't believe me? Don't think I'm good enough to catch them?"

"No." The Charizard trainer said hautilly. "Actually, I don't. Forest Patrol has been hunting her for weeks. She's overpowered Ultra Balls, Dusk Balls, shattered multiple Stylers..."

"Capture Stylers?" Janie asked. "You mean the Ranger Union's involved?"

"Yes. I've been assisting where and when I can. So you see why I don't believe you."

"Not really, no. Unfortunately, she's my seventh, We had to catch the cubs to coax her in, and even then we couldn't do that until she was exhausted, so I can’t really show you, and I’m not sure I could recall her anyway after I let her back out."

"You must be a strong trainer then if you were able to outlast her. We believe she came down from Mt. Silver, possibly a trainer’s released Pokémon."

"Not really, Liz there got a Choice Band around her neck,"

"That's how this happened." Liz nodded to her broken arm.

"...My Beedrill over there licking his wounds with pride trapped her into a Taunt, and then we left her to her Struggling and the poison."

"You POISONED her? Weren't you aware of..."

"Quick Feet or Guts? Yeah, it was an accident."

"My fault." Liz said sheepily. "All I had was Nidoran."

"Don't worry about it, it all paid off."

Liza shrugged. "I'm impressed, if this is true. Still, I’m not sure I can just turn this over. Do you seriously think you can control her?"

"Heck no!" Janie admitted. "But I know the rancher very well, and when I'm ready to try it, I'm pretty sure she'll be calmer too."

"Well, at least you know you're limits. Hmm. I need to make a call with the Rangers and find out, but I have a feeling I need to supervise this transaction…”

---
"Have you got everything? I'd like to get to the Valley by nightfall, you know."

"Yeah, I think so. You ready Janie?"

"Not really, Liz. Are you sure you just want us to burn everything?"

"What else can I do? My tent, my sleeping bag, my picnic basket, everything is either ripped to shreds or soaked in bear pee and Arceus knows what else, because I sure don't wanna know.”

"Well, alright. Tally's got the pit dug out, Let's shove everything in there."

"Charla will do the honors for you, since she's got more gas to light it than you're little Castform." Cassie looked at the Charizard and blew her a raspberry. "Can we hurry it up though?"

Onwards!

[PhantomDragon]

Huzzah! You finally got round to rewriting this! And kudos to Sidewinder for the help as well.

Right, well, I went through just over half of this and picked out typos and some areas which I feel could really be worded a bit better. I'll try and go through the rest of the chapter when I get time, but revision beckons, so sorry about that.


    Spoiler:- typos and phrasing stuff:

Show Spoiler

 

Scaredeycat

Her feral cry usually had more effect.

The furious bear stumbled about in her trajectory,

"No! Wait!" Janie exclaimed,

she snatched the still dazed cloud out of the air and spiked it into the ground and the little blue pest.

I don't think you need to tell us that she spiked it into the ground. Just that she hit the Nidoran with it (poor Nidoran )

small stones around Janie's feet

to psyche himself up and add dramatic effect,

but they'd never been in a fight before

The tarp, her sleeping bag, everything was ripped and wet. The contents of her bag were dumped on the tent's floor.

It made rooting around easier

Six feet of bear pulled a somersault from a standstill

And then the collar lit up with a strange magic.

The second blow landed with even more power, grazing Janie's back and sending a chill up her spine. She went to finsh the blow by coupling her hands into a powerful Brick Break to circumvent the Taunt that was in play, but the collar shocked her and tightened itself. Her hands released and she reached for the choker to pull it loose, but trapped in a Rage, bound by Taunt, torment, and now a Choice Band, all she could do was struggle with the cursed cloth object. She flailed and rolled around on the ground, stretching it violently but not getting it to snap. As she rolled away, the ground shook as she pounded the ground in frustration.

And then she disappeared. Panting, exhausted, Janie watched the Great Ball she'd found in the road shake once, but it exploded back open into six pieces. Snarling Bear lunged at her, but was again choked by the Choice Band. She fell to the ground, wrestling and throwing every Ursaring swear word to the wind, that she'd kill whatever Mismagius born thing had stitched this infernal trap.

Janie dug in her bag, frantically digging for something that would help. She had only one Great Ball left, she hadn't the badges to earn anything from the stores.

OK, don't get me wrong, I actually really like this passage. I think you described the frustration of the Ursaring and its feelings about the Choice Band very well. The problem is that it's really unclear as to when the viewpoint switches from Janie to the Ursaring to Janie again, as you have the switches in the same paragraph. Reading this for the first time, I thought that Janie had some mysterious ability to turn into an Ursaring. Making POV switches fluid is good, but here they're so fluid that it's difficult to actually notice them.

pulling a million odds and ends out digging for

 

[Glover]

Aww, so much for feeling confident in the spell-check and third proofing. But hey, that's why I'm learning!

Fixed.
Fixed.
Fixed.
Fixed.

I don't think you need to tell us that she spiked it into the ground. Just that she hit the Nidoran with it (poor Nidoran )

Castform says " Yeah, I'm alright too. Thanks for your concern..." She also said that it's going to be REALLY sunny in "I don't even know any more."land... You might wanna be careful tomorrow...
Fixed.

Fixed. Being fair though, I think that was a passage that Sidey suggested, so I blame him for the error. :-)

Fixed*5

OK, don't get me wrong, I actually really like this passage. I think you described the frustration of the Ursaring and its feelings about the Choice Band very well. The problem is that it's really unclear as to when the viewpoint switches from Janie to the Ursaring to Janie again, as you have the switches in the same paragraph. Reading this for the first time, I thought that Janie had some mysterious ability to turn into an Ursaring. Making POV switches fluid is good, but here they're so fluid that it's difficult to actually notice them.

You know, I should have taken my own advice. I made a comment to myself about this being a very female heavy chapter, and that there were a lot of "Her"s running around, probably should've taken that as a sign.

The second blow landed with even more power, grazing Janie's back and sending a chill up her spine. She went to finsh the blow by coupling her hands into a powerful Brick Break

I'm thinkin that's probably the big lynchpin in POV right there. Might be a few others, I'm a bit biased seeing as how I can see the friggin' movie for this in my head, though.

[Glover]

Union Break
WT:CH 21

Back to Chapter 20, Please Don't Feed the Bears

Liza shouted something from Charla's back, but the wind carried it off. Both girls looked at her puzzled, so she pointed down. A church bell tower stuck up from the tree line, the farthest northern marker of the clearing that was Union Town. It was a sleepy little town, lost in time, out of date but too stubborn to go away. At one time, it was a transfer hub, a port town, and a gateway. Freight either came in there, went around the peninsula to Goldenrod, or went further north to a port near Cherrygrove City. Cherrygrove ultimately won out, and thanks to the first railroads speeding up freight moving into Azalea and outlying smaller farm and lumber communities, Union Town gradually slipped into a holding pattern as a historic community, clustered around Pokémon Trainers on their way to Azalea.

This, was Union Town, Liz's home.

She'd never seen it from the air before, it was breathtaking.

It was simply amazing to Janie how smooth Liza's Charizard could handle herself overweight and probably dog tired. Obviously, Charla had been a faithful companion for quite a while, and Liza must be an awesome breeder to look after all of those Charizard.

Then Janie’s thoughts wandered to the Breeder back home. "Jovi will be ecstatic to see these." She said to herself. It was funny. On a Charizard’s back with two other people, and she was basically alone with no one to talk to. Liz was caught between a number of emotions: she was frustrated at the loss of her belongings, in pain, mad at herself, sad that Nidy got hurt, though not truly seriously enough to warrant any real panic, and upset that she was going through all of this in front of her new friend. Worse than that, Janie didn't know what to say to make it better, so there really wasn't much said on the short flight between Liz's camp and Union Town, Janie instead stared at and studied the top of the egg container.

Charla banked for a spiral decent, languid enough to not tip everyone off, but with enough haste as to get Liz quickly into a hospital. After all, her broken arm was being supported by a plastic bag for a sling and some medical tape. Her parents were waiting for them at the entrance when they landed, and both girls were separated by the Clinic doctors rushing them to different rooms. Janie managed to collect a few stitches, but was out much more quickly than Liz was. Liza was waiting by the door, impatently tapping her foot and atudying a wall clock.

"Now Janie, about those Pokémon..."

---
"Jovi! It's wonderful to see your face again! How are you?"

"Not too bad, considering, I guess. Good to see you Janie. What on earth happened to you? You look like you got mauled by a bear. And then spat back out."

"Funny story. Let's just say I'm officially sworn off of Winnie the Pooh for a while, okay?"

”Oh dear, you be careful out there, you can’t catch anything for me when you’re broken. You're calling because you're just flooded with Pokéballs and you need your extraordinary almost sister's help to count them all, right?"

"Sorta, yah."

"Awesome! I knew you'd be incredible! Now don't you worry, I'll be sure to take good care of them!"

"Jovi..."

"When you see them next, you’ll be sure to have a war machine on your hands thanks to me."

"Ah-hem" Janie could feel the Charizard tamer's eyes searing into the back of her skull.

"No one will be able to stand in your way, Janie, not even your father."

"Yes, well. I'm sure that's all quite nice. Now, can I speak to the Professor in charge of the Pokémon?" Liza butted in.

"Janie? Who's your friend?"

"This is Liza. She's from someplace called the Charicific Valley. It's near here I guess."

"Ah, okay. Read about it when I was studying with Mom.” Jovi recalled. A pleasure to make your acquaintance then. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you sooner."

"Fine, fine. I have to get back, now please, I wish to speak to the Professor in charge of Pokémon care about Janie's Pokémon."

"Professor Crane doesn't handle Pokémon care. I do."

Liza snorted. "You!?"

"Yes, me. You got a problem with that, lady?"

"Honestly, yes. I thought this was a certified League faciltiy."

"We ARE a certified facility. I was given my certification two years ago on behalf of the League. Recommended by Glover, current appointed champion to the Orre region and evaluated by Inspector Nia Joy of the International League. You wanna see my certification? Bend over and I'll see about shov-"

"Jovi!"

Sorry, Janie, you didn't want to hear that, did you…"

"No."

"And neither did I. This Ursaring she helped apprehend is too much, I refuse to trust it with an immature toddler in overalls. So either let me speak to someone who's actually responsible, or I take these Pokémon with me to the Safari Warden.

Jovi made several grimacing faces, choking on the things she wanted to say and figured it was best she didn’t.

“Jovi, wait!”

“What is it, Janie?”

She pointed to the bruising around her face. “ Do you really think I’m presentable to a parent?”

"Hmm." Jovi thought for a moment. "No, you're not."

Liza let out a very heavy sigh. One that said Would you quit stalling already! very plainly, without saying anything at all.

"Tell him, tell him I'm still getting unpacked into a room or something."

"Will do."

"Whatever. Let's just get this done."

---
"I'm sorry, she what?"

"It's like I told you, she took down a very dangerous animal, protecting a friend at the same time. I trust these will be in good hands?"

"Oh, believe me, she won't be getting these for a VERY long time, rest assured of that."

"Finally" Liza muttered. "Very good, thank you Mr. Glover. And next time, tell your assistant to not waste my time."

Liza hung up before I had a chance to ask her what she meant. "Assistant?"

---
"Don’t worry, Ms. Joy, Janie here won't be needing a room tonight."

"I won't, Liz?"

"Nope, you're staying with us."

"I am?"

"Of course, silly! My folks won't have it any other way. Would you rather stay in this hostel?"

"Well, no, not really. I just don't want to be a bother, is all."

"A bother? After all you've done for me?"

"Well, I've still got some training to do, and I need to talk to my Dad, and..."

"Trust me, Janie, you'll be fine. If you want, you can help Mom with the Oddish problem we have."

"Oddish problem?"

"We seem to be overrun with 'em. They like our vegetable garden. C’mon! My folks are outside, let’s go!"
---
Liz's house wasn't too far from the Pokemon Center. In fact, most things weren't far from the Pokemon Center, given the size of the town and the fact that the center was the only draw left for the town.

Janie'd gotten to know Mr. and Mrs. Racine pretty quickly. They reminded her of her own parents; quietly scolding Liz for getting injured, outwardly smiling and incorporating Janie into their little family structure.

"You poor thing" Liz's mom had coddled over Janie several times.

"No, really I'm fine. Just some scrapes and bruising. I'll be okay."

"You look horrible. Come, when we get home, I'm going to get you some makeup so we can touch you up, get you looking pretty again."

"Why, so you can throw me a parade for saving your daughter?" Janie said sarcastically, snickering under her breath at the unheard joke.

"Home sweet home." Liz said happily. Nidy yipped on her shoulder, leaping onto the mailbox, down into a bush, and past a white picket fence. She sprinted to a white porch on a matching white house with pink trim. It looked a little too well manicured to Janie.

"Dad's a landscaper. He and his Roserade and Breloom keep our yard looking nice."

"Of course he is."

"Now, when we get inside, Janie, I want to get you cleaned up."

"I'm fine, Mrs. Racine, really. I juat want to get some training in before the sun drops. Big match in Azalea and I'm pretty sure there will be some airborne Pokemon."

"Now now, little lady, you brought our daughter safely home to us." Mr Racine affirmed. "We'll not take no for an answer."

"Maybe I should've stayed at the Center..." Janie curled her lip, she was probably goign to regret opening her mouth. "I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I'm fine. I have a gym battle in Azalea soon, and I want to get some training in before the sun drops. If you still want to doll me up, can we at least wait until then?"

"Well, I suppose that's a fair request."

"Thank you!" Now up to the house themselves, Janie threw her bag into a porch swing, setting the egg carrier next to it gingerly. She drew out her Pokéballs, since Nurse Joy had put them back in at the Center when Janie first arrived.

"Alright Tiny, This is your moment of truth!"

"You'll let me fight in the gym?" He rubbed his hand stingers together excitedly.

"You're a bug type, and that's what Bugsy uses. I need you to show me what tricks he might have up his sleeve. Show me what’cha got.”

"I'm the guinea pig. Oh, joy. Did you say his name is Bugsy?"

"Yes, yes she did." Tally answered. Tiny went into a fit of hysterical laughter, rolling around in the air trying to control himself. Janie looked at Tally, who looked back at her and shrugged her furry front shoulders.

"...Bugsy..." Tiny snorted, coming off his fit. "Ho, that's a good one. What'll they think of next? Watson the eletric gym leader?" Tiny snickered at his little comment. Then he made a waving motion. One a performer might do to calm down an audience.

"Alright, watch closely." he twirled his right stinger around as a magician would readying a trick. He bowed, and two dozen Beedrill appeared from a Double Team beside him, all bowing in a stage line.

"So that's how a Beedril swarm looks so intimidating."

"One of the ways." The swarm of Tinys answered.

"Okay, so now to find the real one. Cassie can just use Icy Wind..."

Twenty five Beedrill all held up their stingers in a "STOP!" gesture.

"Oh, relax, I won't do that to you. But what do I do if Tally's up?

"You know, there's always me..."

"Ruff!"

"You have an idea Tally?"

Tally smiled, licking her chops and her tail wagging a mile a minute.

"Well, alrighty then! Let's see it!"

"Ruff!" The Herdier stood up from a sitting postion and lowered on her legs into a battle stance. A low snarl started in the deep of her belly, reverberating and turning into a loud Howl as it travelled up her windpipe. Twenty-five Beedrill moved to cover their ears, and twenty-four of them suddenly vanished.

"Well played...flea face" Beedrill added under his breath.

"That was a cool trick! Now, what do we do about him being airborne?"

Tally shrugged.

"Well, alright." Janie sat down in the grass and pulled out her P*DA. She fired up the Pokedex app and started combing through a list of attacks that Herdier could use or were at least seen on a limited basis using. Most of them were physical, and Tally hadn't shown an affinity to range moves yet, but Janie noted to herself that Thunderbolt would be really handy right about now.

"If only we had some way of getting it from her fur to her muzzle..." Janie looked over. Tally was tired. Her ears pulled all the way back, and her lower jaw hung as far down as it couldas she took a deep, relaxing breath. Janie gave her companion a rub on the head. "It's been a long day, hasn't it? Now, if we could get an electrical charge to leap from you to the opponent, maybe a spitting maneuver, ooh, maybe Toxic instead? But most bug types are immune to-"

"zzzzzzz"

Tiny had been in front of Janie, hovering languidly awaiting some kind of instruction. With Tally beside Janie, he'd also been in front of the Herdier. Janie reached over and gave Tally a great big hug and a quick kiss on her forehead. "You're a genius."

"I know."

On to CH22!

[PhantomDragon]

I know I still have to do the last part of Chapter 20, but here's some stuff for 21 anyway.

    Spoiler:- Typos and stuff: Chap 21:

Show Spoiler

 

thanks to the first railroads speeding up freight moving into Azalea

You spelt Azalea wrong both times.

Liza was waiting by the door, tapping her foot.

"No one will be able to stand in your way, Janie, not even your father."

"Janie? Who's your friend?"

or I take these Pokémon with me to the Safari Warden."

"Maybe I should've stayed at the Center..."

"Look, if you have to play makeup, but at least wait til it's too dark for me to work with my Pokémon.

I would consider rewording the first part of this a bit, as it's a bit ambiguous. The word order reads oddly and it also comes across as extremely forward for Janie, considering she's only just met Liz's mum. I know Janie is a bit annoyed at this point, but still.

"Yes, yes she did."

Tiny went into a fit of hysterical laughter,

A low snarl started in the deep of her belly

Her ears pulled all the way back, and her lower jaw hung as far down as it could.

Now, if we could get an electrical charge

gave Tally a great big hug and a quick kiss on her forehead.

 

[Sidewinder]

I told you that I would get to this in a few weeks, but when I read the first chapter two days ago, I found that I couldn’t stop. I even got a slap to the back of the head from my supervisor when he caught me reading while answering calls at work haha. It’s odd, to me this reads like Tempest somewhat, but it has this flair, this funk rubbed on it that makes me like this story even more. Whether it be from Janie or her Pokemon, or seeing Glover back in action I don’t know, but you took my favorite things about Tempest and rolled them into this new thing, and I’ve greatly enjoyed it. Since you have so many chapters, I’m not going to go one by one, or show you grammar mistakes, but I’ll give you a synopsis of what I’ve liked/disliked so far. Now that I’m caught up I want to be on the PM list.

Anyway, Orre. I know you’re a fanatic of the region. It’s so underrepresented in fics that I read, and I’ve never understood that. Orre was a massive achievement to me back when it was first introduced, and it’s really nice to be able to go back and explore it. The history behind Orre was interesting too, as well as Glover and other people’s attempts to repopulate it and make it more economically viable. The place seems so foreign to me that it almost feels like a character itself. Great job on that!

It was also nice to touch back on Glover. I loved him in Tempest, and to see him with his family really made me get more into the story. Especially the part where he helped the trainer get his first Pokemon. The fact that you had the Pokemon pick the trainer was another nice touch, and I could imagine Glover’s bemused grin when the kid decided that it didn’t want a Rattata as a starter. It ended up the way I expected, and if anyone knows the value of traditionally underused Pokemon, it’s Glover. Such an interesting character.

The only real thing I have a problem with are the few careless mistakes that I found. One thing in particular was spacing. There are at least 8 times where you attached a new paragraph with someone speaking right above. Not that it’s really that bad, but after awhile it kinda got to me because I had to go back and make sure I was reading certain passages right. Other than that, there were a few misspelled words and errors with italics, but stupidly I forgot to note them as I was reading. Proofreading slightly harder before posting should weed out silly stuff like that.

Ditto is the standout for me. From his quirky behavior, to scaring the grunts by smiling and blinking at them; he just encompasses all the things that make me want to hang out with him haha. His behavior and personality behind, the inventiveness on your part with what he can turn into was astounding. Wow he makes himself useful! The jetpack and boat are my favorite, along with the surprise watch situation haha. The part where Glover tells him to study the design for a moment really stuck out to me, as well as showed that even Ditto has to be coached into things that he cant simply guess at. The one portion I didn’t like though was when he turned into an F-18…I mean, I liked it, but it came dangerously close to being almost too unbelievable. It didn’t ruin the story or the character at all, and believe me, I’ve always been one to believe that people and Pokemon are capable of great things when the situation is urgent, but just make sure you keep him in check so that he doesn’t become too epic. If that makes sense.

Beedrill was another Pokemon I connected with as well. The hive explanation you came up with was really nice. He feels so real to me, so much so in fact that it’s only in battles that I remember he’s a Pokemon. Which goes to show how well you’ve done with these characters. I also liked how you gave him an actual flaw with his size, as I’m so sick of reading fic’s that have these perfect specimens of health and invulnerability. He has a need to prove himself, and at first I thought it was to Janie, but the more I think about it, the more I think he’s actually trying to prove it to himself. I may be completely wrong, but that’s what it feels like.

Your battles are really well done as well. They don’t feel scripted at all, and they feel believable. You put limitations on the Pokemon, and that’s something that is actually really refreshing to read. Your inventiveness that goes along with the battling is another treat. My favorite being the portion when you had Janie train Tally in the Pokemon Center fridge in an effort to help learn Ice Fang faster. Really well done, and it has definitely made eager for more.

This was a great read, and I’m glad I took the time. To be honest, I loved Tempest, but this fic speaks to me even more than that one did. I care about these characters, and I love the experiences, both good and bad. I didn’t hit on everything I wanted to because of my crazy schedule right now, but I wish you the best with the next chapter, as you can count on me being here to read. Nicely done

[Glover]

I know I still have to do the last part of Chapter 20, but here's some stuff for 21 anyway.

    Spoiler:- Typos and stuff: Chap 21:

Show Spoiler

 

You spelt Azalea wrong both times.












I would consider rewording the first part of this a bit, as it's a bit ambiguous. The word order reads oddly and it also comes across as extremely forward for Janie, considering she's only just met Liz's mum. I know Janie is a bit annoyed at this point, but still.












 

DOn't worry, I haven't forgotten ya! I sat down to tidy 21, and my comp stalled out halfway through. I wanted to get ahead of myself in writing this week, but I will be on the fixering after I finish cleanin tongiht!

I found that I couldn’t stop. I even got a slap to the back of the head from my supervisor when he caught me reading while answering calls at work haha

Thank you, and I'm eternally sorry.

The only real thing I have a problem with are the few careless mistakes that I found. One thing in particular was spacing. There are at least 8 times where you attached a new paragraph with someone speaking right above. Not that it’s really that bad, but after awhile it kinda got to me because I had to go back and make sure I was reading certain passages right. Other than that, there were a few misspelled words and errors with italics, but stupidly I forgot to note them as I was reading. Proofreading slightly harder before posting should weed out silly stuff like that. [/QUOTE]

Ah, my kryptonite. Hopefully, CH1 V2 is better than Chapters 2- ~15 which were pre-Tempest, Ironically. I truly suck at my own proofreading, and I'm still trying to find a cure to get me to unplug myself from what I know I meant to say. That being said, I'll go back and see if I can find the paragraphing you mean. If it's entirely relevant to the conversation, or I;ve been known to be long winded between the same person's coments, I'll keep them together, but be sure to call it if (when, let's be honest here) I do it in the next chapter.

Ditto is the standout for me. From his quirky behavior, to scaring the grunts by smiling and blinking at them; he just encompasses all the things that make me want to hang out with him haha. His behavior and personality behind, the inventiveness on your part with what he can turn into was astounding. Wow he makes himself useful! The jetpack and boat are my favorite, along with the surprise watch situation haha. The part where Glover tells him to study the design for a moment really stuck out to me, as well as showed that even Ditto has to be coached into things that he cant simply guess at.

Alright, maybe you can tell me where the problem lies. The boat? That's supposed to be the boat that Glover borrowed from Port. The winking eyes is Moto, the Rotom, possessing the boat. (Think Moto, as in Motor, or Motorola, which is how Moto got inside the base in Tempest) Gizmo is on the back of the boat, imitating a fuel tank and hating it very much (The hazard plaqard blew Glover a raspberry) because Glover siphoned off the Helicopter's fuel supply into him so the Rocket's couldn't find the chopper and give chase. Couldn't dump it in the bay, after all, and Glover didn't have a thirsty Muk on him at the time.

So, where is it that Moto and Gizmo are getting each other confused. They really are meant to be two peas in a pod kind of similar personalities, but is it going too far?

The one portion I didn’t like though was when he turned into an F-18…I mean, I liked it, but it came dangerously close to being almost too unbelievable. It didn’t ruin the story or the character at all, and believe me, I’ve always been one to believe that people and Pokemon are capable of great things when the situation is urgent, but just make sure you keep him in check so that he doesn’t become too epic. If that makes sense.

I'm glad you called that one out. In general, my rule for Ditto is "physics applies to him as it does to Glover, but that didn't really concrete itself until after I wrote that scene. Here's why I did it: I needed some way to get Glover quickly from Johto (Think China on a real map) back home (Honolulu, on the other side of Japan and a LOT of water. That's not what my map is based on, but it does the metaphor justice). For Glover to survive the trip without the G Forces killing him in an urgent kind of speed, he needed an enclosed cockpit instead of just the flying wing jetpack. Ditto turn into things as big as Wailord, so I could push the size envelope, and he could certainly replicate the mechanics, but you're right he does push the epicness a bit too much. The next time you see him do a plane, it'll be an RC size. My hope, is that I don't end up writing myself into that corner ever again.

Let's be honest though, could you really see Gizmo turning into something as mundane as a Cessna? :-)

P.S.
"Go Big or Go Bigger"
-Gizmo

[Glover]

    Spoiler:- Author's post:

Show Spoiler

 
Alright, so revisions to CH21 are done as far as I have them. Whoo! Also, be on the lookout for CH2 and 3 to get an extended treatment. I'm doing something a little different this time, I'm posting and composing this in *grumble grumble* Google Chrome so I have an extra Spell chceker. Believe it or not, I type short snippets of chapters in various chat windows here on SPPF, copy them into Word for a backup, proof there, type more, proof the new piece and the old one, proof the entire story, then copy it into here, and STILL miss things, but I don't see any squiggly lines at least, so we'll cross our fingers.
 

---

Memory
WT CH 22

Back to Chapter 21?

"There dear, now don't you feel better?"

"No, not really." Janie muttered. "Oh yes, thank you Mrs. Racine."

Over on the counter, Janie's P*DA buzzed for the seventh time that night, letting her know that she was being called. Again. Excusing herself from the vanity, Janie grabbed the device and headed downstairs. "I suppose I should call Dad then." She said sarcastically, noting the seven messages left on her voicemail. "No doubt he's worried." Tally was sitting in the kitchen, gnawing away on a rib bone, but she got up and padded alongside her trainer out to a screened in porch.

Janie sat down at a whicker table and chairs. She her fairly new P*DA had a keyboard cover with could be used to prop it up, which would prove useful for the video chatting that she rarely did.

-"So, the prodigal daughter returns the call!"

"Hi dad. It's good to see you too." Janie rolled her eyes. “Hi Mom."

-"Janie", What did your father and I ask you to do? Specifically, what did we ask of your journey?"

"Well, let’s see, you asked me to brush my teeth, floss, be presentable, respectful to others, put others before myself…"

Cayna interrupted with a slap up the side of my head. -"I believe that one is your fault, dear."

-"Yes, yes, I suppose it is. Janie, we asked you to not go and be a hero. We didn't want you getting hurt. And now you've gone and sent us a very po'd Ursaring, the likes of which I've never seen this well trained."

"How are they doing?"

-"Pardon?"

"Momma and the cubs. How are they acclimating?"

"Well, Jovi's doing pretty well with them, but it’s obvious the cubs are terrified. I do know they won’t be going back into a Pokéball willingly anytime soon. Traumatized of just about anything that looks like a Pokéball, including the Foongus we look after for people. The mother seems to be fairly accustomed to appearing in strange places and lab life though, so once they calm down and settle in, I think they'll be fine." I looked over at Cayna, who was drilling holes into my soul with her eyes. -"What? It's a perfectly valid question for her to ask."

-"I wasn't done scolding my daughter yet. Even if she was protecting a friend."

-"Well, neither am I, but she still has the right to know about her Pokémon. How bad are you, anyway Janie?"

"Not too bad, I've gotten worse scrapes from martial arts classes."

-"And under the makeup?"

"Makeup, Dad?"

-"Whomever did the makeup you’re wearing has a good hand, but I've spent years fighting imposters in crime organizations. How bad's the bruising?"

"Really, I'm fine! It's like I have two sets of parents! Liz's folks nag as much as you do!"

-"Good." her mother said. -"It'll make you suffer more."

-"We're only concerned about your safety. And that doesn't work when our daughter has been thrown around by an Ursaring."

"Well, you'll be happy to know that five years of running, fighting, and swimming kept me out of her reach. Most of my injuries came from rocks being thrown or tripping or not rolling and tumbling right, but she barely grazed me at all." Janie wasn't going to mention her stiff back the Grizzly tried to paralyze.

-"Well, alright. But the next Pokémon you try to wrestle best be a Caterpie. And no more Rock Throwing, Okay dear?"

"Yes Mother."

-"Good. I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Janie."

-"I'll be up in a minute." I told Cay, and waited until she was safely up the stairs.

-There. We're alone now. As a father, you understand I don't want you endangering yourself so far from home, but I am really proud of you, and I want to hear all the details."

"Well..."

---
Janie talked for most of the evening, and was a bit groggy when everyone woke up for pancakes in the morning.

"Your dad is so incredible. Would you help with the butter?"

"You're determined to milk this broken arm thing for a while, aren't you Liz? Were you spying on me last night?"

"Well..."

Janie looked around the table. "Were you ALL spying on me, last night?"

"No, no. Of course not."

"Why would we do that?"

"He's so hot."

"LIZ!"

"What? Have you seen him?"

"EW! That's my Dad! No!"

"But I thought you liked the celebrity gossip. Why, I bet he was a world famous trainer back in the day. He just looks like a hero. You know who he reminds me of? Red. Before the dark and the broo-"

"Just, just stop, alright? And no, he played his journey pretty low profile."

"I think I've seen him before though." Liz's mom said between bites. "Oh! I remember, the Hoenn reports from four years ago!"

"Almost five, now." Janie corrected.

"So it was him."

"Yeah, he was one of the ones who went in and tried to evacuate the Hoenn citizens."

"Did he get to see those monsters they resurrected?" Liz inquired excitedly.

"No. Though he did fight the Rayquaza they brainwashed." Janie said as calmly as reading a book report.

"Single-handedly?"

"Of course not! He had over four dozen trainers helping him just from outside the compound."

"The compound? He was taken prisoner?"

"Liberated it that way. Found my aunts and cousins..." Janie's voice trailed off, her thoughts suddenly on an Uncle that hadn't been seen since the initial jailbreak.

Liz' father folded his paper. Sensing a sad chord, he hastily went to get the topic going in a different direction. "He was the one who tried to turn the Aqua and Magma partnership against themselves."

"One of them. He wasn't there very long. The League did a pretty good job of fanning the old rivalry when they arrived."

"That was good thinking on his part. You must be proud of him." said Mr. Racine.

"When, they arrived." Mrs. Racine stated with quite a bit of emphasis. "I still can't believe they took that long to act; that it took two trainers and the refugees to get public pressure on them."

"No wonder you were so good to me, and after saving me from that Ursaring..."

Janie blushed. "Please, don't let my parents hear you say that. They don't want me being the hero. Afraid it’s too dangerous."

"I can imagine." Liz's father said, going back to his sports scores.

"So, what other cool stories do you have about your Dad? Was your Mom an adventurer too?"

"Now Liz,"

"But Mom!"

"We should respect Janie and her family's privacy."

"Please Janie?"

"Well, I... Gee... uh... They were just bed time stories about heroes and knights, and good and bad; He didn't really tangle with anything supernatural until after he got involved with the League and, and I guess I never really thought of them as..."

"Liz," Her father grunted.

"Fine." The picnicker huffed.

"Will you be joining us after breakfast? We need to get Liz's stuff replaced."

"Gee, I don't know, Mrs. Racine."

"Come on, Janie! It'll be fun! Let's go shopping together! Pwease?"

"I'd kinda like to get to Azalea before sunset."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Mr. Racine said through his paper.

"Why?"

"Zubats. They inhabit Union Cave, you know."

“By the billion.” Liz added.

"You think I should wait until nightfall?"

"When they're mostly gone from the cave? I would."

"Yay! That means you can go with us Janie!"

"Oh, alright. I guess I can wait."

Union Town had a lot of little shops in it. In some cases, the handmade items were much better than the store bought, and Janie subbed out a few things she'd acquired prior to leaving the Orre region. Blankets, cloth throws mostly. She did pick up some new linens for the egg, and a few little trinkets, which he mailed off to her folks with love. In others though, well, Liz and her family were going to have to drive up to Violet City. The little shops in Union Town didn't have the selection; it had evolved into a rest stop and couldn't compete with the box stores. And that was in the wrong direction; so after lunch, Janie had some time to walk around town.

At the heart of all this, sat a little garden monument. Flower fields surrounded a twice size bronze statue to a girl with what looked to be a Chingling in her arms, it's big bell-like smile gaping at the garden beneath it as they walked towards the North. Shadows shifted in the cast bronze eyes; the jingle bell Pokemon seemed to see the Beedrill dancing in the flowers too.

"Strange" Janie thought aloud. “Most statues faced east, towards the rising sun, to be aimed north meant something for whomever this girl was.” Time had faded the text on the marker to obscurity, and it seemed based on other little tags that this had become a memorial to trainers who had left on journeys and never come back, either by choice or for much sadder reasons. A few of those had little tributes to them as well, but the fresh bouquet of flowers on the statue's foot meant this girl specifically still meant something to someone.

“Something in Ecruteak? Janie pondered. Ho-Oh? There’s a lot of old stories about Ho-Oh in Ecruteak, but the statue wasn’t that old. Maybe it was just the Crossroads up between Goldenrod National Park, Ecruteak, and Violet. “Or maybe it's just because the first gym is north of here." Janie decided, though Violet City was a little more East, surely if they were going to position the statue they would've taken the effort to turn it a few degrees around. She looked down at Tally, who shrugged and asked with her big, soulful puppy-dog eyes if Janie was going to finish the hotdog in her hand.

Janie sat in thought for a moment next to a Herdier who was happily eating. Absently, she half watched a grizzled old man, an archeologist by the looks, who was saying something to the statue. He seemed sad, lonely, and heartbroken, that his journey was lacking a character that must have been important to him, though maybe he hadn't known it at the time. It wasn't Janie's place to know what his story was, and she didn't ask, but she wished that there might have been someone who could've helped whomever was departed. Someone who could've finished that story a little better; a little happier ending maybe.

Maybe someone like her Dad.

Maybe someday, someone like her.

And the egg, snuggled safely out of sight in the container on her back, gave a single faded pulse in agreement.

onwards to Chapter 23
---
    Spoiler:- Author's Commentary:

Show Spoiler

 
I'm gonna be rather honest with ya. I'm not fond with the first part of this chapter. It was supposed to create a shadow and provide motivation for Janie, but it ended up feeling too much like tooting Glover's horn. I never intended for him to be a token trainer, and that's why Janie makes the comment about "Dad never did anything with the legendaries until he got involved with the League", but here it is, the only story I have for him, the only one that would make sense for them involves a bunch of bad guys and the weather trio. Go figure. (Blazi, I can't use yours because the ending's not published yet)

The other half of the story, the "Tomb of the Unknown Journey Fic", is paying special homage to the story that motivated me to make an actual location out of Union Town. It's a dead fic, sadly, but its amazing how events in the past can influence the minds of the present, and shape their future, no? So, thanks Diddy. Now, about getting Janie moving...
 

[Sidewinder]

QUOTE]
Alright, maybe you can tell me where the problem lies. The boat? That's supposed to be the boat that Glover borrowed from Port. The winking eyes is Moto, the Rotom, possessing the boat. (Think Moto, as in Motor, or Motorola, which is how Moto got inside the base in Tempest) Gizmo is on the back of the boat, imitating a fuel tank and hating it very much (The hazard plaqard blew Glover a raspberry) because Glover siphoned off the Helicopter's fuel supply into him so the Rocket's couldn't find the chopper and give chase. Couldn't dump it in the bay, after all, and Glover didn't have a thirsty Muk on him at the time.[/QUOTE]

Nevermind what I said earlier. I went back and read that chapter and I see where I got confused. I got their places mixed up. It makes more sense for Moto to possess the boat and Gizmo be the fuel tnk. I just got the names mixed up for a minute.

They really are meant to be two peas in a pod kind of similar personalities, but is it going too far?

It's not going too far at all. Actually, you've done a really good job explaining how they kinda bounce off each other and off Glover. lol, it seems like Glover comes down harder on Moto over Gizmo

Let's be honest though, could you really see Gizmo turning into something as mundane as a Cessna? :-)

Lol you're right. Not his style at all

@ Chapter 22

Well, it's either really early here, or your spelling and punctuation has greatly improved. I seriously could not find a single error. I noticed in your nots that you're now using a new tool to proofread. Well FYI, it's working. This chapter felt a little short, but the lack of spelling errors made the whole thing flow very nicely. Nicely done

shadow and provide motivation for Janie, but it ended up feeling too much like tooting Glover's horn.

You actually did a great job on that portion. I don't feel like you were tooting his horn at all. Glover is an amazing person, and I think he'd actually be someone who could motivate Janie, and he's certainly a trainer that every youngster would love to aspire to. I think he sees himself in her as well, and I really like the portion where you held Glover back for a moment so he could tell Janie he was proud of her. I can totally see him off to the ide while his wife is freaking out just smiling to himself.

The mother seems to be fairly accustomed to appearing in strange places and lab life though, so once they calm down and settle in, I think they'll be fine

Interesting. I seem to remember the Ursaring saying something in her head about how trainers are all the same, or something like that. This kind of talk makes me think she's going to be touched on again. Question, does Ursaring officially belong to Janie?

Absently, she half watched a grizzled old man, an archeologist by the looks, who was saying something to the statue. He seemed sad, lonely, and heartbroken, that his journey was lacking a character that must have been important to him, though maybe he hadn't known it at the time.

That portion stuck out to me too. Is that the same archeologist that was digging around in the Unknown's cave? And if I remember correctly, was he digging up an ancient stone Pokeball? Hmmm, was he atoning for something, was the statue girl his daughter, is digging to atone for something he may have done to her? Argh! Blasted theories!

Anyway, not really much else to comment on. I enjoyed the chapter quite a bit, and for me what held this one together was your ever impressive dialogue. I look forward to more

[Glover]

QUOTE]
Interesting. I seem to remember the Ursaring saying something in her head about how trainers are all the same, or something like that. This kind of talk makes me think she's going to be touched on again. Question, does Ursaring officially belong to Janie?



That portion stuck out to me too. Is that the same archeologist that was digging around in the Unknown's cave? And if I remember correctly, was he digging up an ancient stone Pokeball? Hmmm, was he atoning for something, was the statue girl his daughter, is digging to atone for something he may have done to her? Argh! Blasted theories!

Anyway, not really much else to comment on. I enjoyed the chapter quite a bit, and for me what held this one together was your ever impressive dialogue. I look forward to more

1)Without giving TOO much away, echnically, yes. Janie's name is the one on the Pokeball.

2)Gee, I could really make you squirm until the Ruins Redux chapter, but nah, that's not the same archeologist. The first one (We'll call him Professor Redshirt) was meant to be quite a bit younger and more full of himself. In fact, this older gentleman (Perhaps a Mr. Redherring?) is probably one of the few things I have written in this story that doesn't have an impact later down the road. And at that, he does have something of an impact, because he got the wheels in Janie's head turning. His sole purpose is to add to the homage that is the statue though.

3)Chapter length. Yeah, I called myself on that today when I was writing. Ch23 and 24 are 7 pages. I've mostly been cutting them at natural break points. They probably could be longer I suppose, but I'm not a huge fan of long long chapters where so much happens you loose track of it all. Maybe I'm too far in the other direction though, I'll toy with piecing th enext two togehter.

OHMYGOSH I'M ACTUALLY AHEAD OF MYSELF!!!

[Wartiger97]

Great chapter Glover other than the spelling and grammer mistakes that have already been mentioned above.

[Glover]

Bats, Batting, Practice
WT CH23

Return to CH22?

"I feel like a space ranger!" Cassie cried between Thundershocks. "Pew pew!"

Tiny hung behind a stalactite, holding his stingers as any good western cowboy in a movie would. "Do I want to know how you know that?"

It had been like this all night. Janie didn’t want to think about what it was like when this place was home of all of the Zubat, just dealing with the stragglers and the ones too weak to thrive outside was taxing enough; on everyone.

From up ahead, Tally lashed at a Geodude with a pawful of mud. Most Pokémon knew not to come out until the Zubat were for the most part gone, and if they were swirling around a meal, you didn’t get into that fight. This gave Tally a chance to scout, but she too was having to ward off a few intrepid bats.

"Look out!" she barked. Seven Zubat in a wedge formation broke from the ceiling over her head, trying to escape commotion and go out for a meal.

Tiny and Cassie ducked out from their naturally formed shooting blinds and clipped the wings of two each, sending them spiraling down another side passage. Three more dashed between them unscathed.

JANIE!...

At the last minute, two of them found their senses and pulled up to avoid the large moving object in front of them. The third one wasn't so lucky though. Sensing blood and an impending crash, he bared fang and was going to make the best of his collision with the creature in front of him.

CRACK!

Which would have worked, had the creature in front of them not played softball with their mother as a kid, and wasn't holding a stainless steel Mag-Lite.

"I've got to stop underestimating her one of these days." Tiny decided, looking remarkably impressed at his trainer's defenses.

Around the corner; the same again. This wasn’t training; this was self defense. Janie said a quiet prayer they hadn’t run across an Onix yet, but Tally was starting to wear down on Geodude again all the same.

"Tally, see if you can find us a side passage so we can rest!"

'Herdier.'
"On it."

More Zubat wheeled around a corner. This was after all, Union Cave. She readied her flashlight turned baseball bat again and swept away any hungry little blood suckers who got past Cassie and Tiny.

"Herd! Herdier herd!" Tally barked, her paw pointed at a small cave.

"It'll work. Inside everyone!" A dog, a human, a bug and a raincloud all dashed into a side cavern. Janie pulled a tarp out of the top of her bag and spiked it into a cave wall. Several holes left signs that she wasn't the first to seek refuge from the main thoroughfare of Zubats.

"Those last ones looked fatter and sleepier. We must be getting on towa- OW!"

Janie scratched the back of her left leg with her right foot, knocking off somethign small, furry, and hungry. It shrieked in pain, and slowly it began dawning on the tiny winged rat that it might be over its head with this one.

Janie spotted the little flyer laying on its back, helpless and in severe agony.

"You're the one I clubbed before." Janie realized. She went to pick him up, and he shrieked loudly and for quite a long time. Even resting in her palms, she understood why, she felt several bone fractures from where she'd hit him. Immediately, she began to feel ill at the thought, and of all the Zubat she’d grazed through the evening. This was the first one that she’d really struck, but perhaps many more were limping through the air?

Janie didn’t want to finish that thought.

Tally nosed the back of her leg. She was bleeding from the bite.

"Oh gosh!" Setting the Zubat down on a quickly unfurled blanket, she went rooting through her bag again, pulling out some gauze and tape.

"Alright, your guys' turn. Food and Medicine."

She pulled out a little bowl of food for Tally, the nectar soup of Tiny's and the Pokéfood for Cassie. Tiny dug in Janie’s bag and pointed determinedly at a Pecha Berry though, shoving it into Janie's hand. She looked at him with a scrunched brow, and he pointed at the bite wound.

"Oh, poison, I guess you're right."

"I usually am." Then he pointed at a map in the back pocket of Janie's jeans.

"Huh? Oh, well, let's see. I think we're in here, so... yep, about another twenty minute hike and we should be out. Now, what to do about our hungry friend here?"

Tiny seemed to be on it tonight. He drizzled the nectar onto his needle and held it over the Zubat's mouth. The small bat appreciated what was falling in his mouth, and although not the sweet, succulent blood he'd been smelling, sweet, succulent nectar was his other favorite food.

And more importantly, it didn't involve him moving. The way he felt --like he’d been hit by a baseball bat-- that was a major plus in his book.

"You think I should catch him?"

Beedrill looked at her with one of his condescending faces.

"You think so, Sherlock?"

Janie read his posture, made a snarky face at him and pulled out a Pokéball. Waiting for the little Zubat to finish feeding from Tiny's needle, she tapped it against him. It closed, rocked three times, dinged its success, and then burst back open, heralded by a buzzing from her P*DA.

"Now who could be calling me, and down here?"

But it wasn't a phone call, it was a message through her Pokedex app from the Pokéball. A short message that read "Medical Failsafe Release. Please seek immediate medical attention for Pokemon."

"Never seen that before. Huh."

The other Pokemon pushed away their food dishes. "You're ready then?"

"To face the endless hoard, the black night, the never-ending whirling cloud to teeth and wings? Tiny dramaticized. [I]"Bring it."/I]

Janie looked at him quizzically as she folded the blanket up. "Sometimes, I really wish I knew what you were saying."

She carefully wrapped the Zubat in his wings and set him in on top of the blanket in her bag. With the egg carrier on its straps over her back, and everyone's food dishes closed up and back in their places, Janie moved to the door. The tarp over the entry would be the last to go, she held one end up as she pried the stake out of the other end. Zubat were not hostile, but they did like the smell of blood and human beings have a lot of it. Janie hoped that she was right, that the Zubat she saw were coming back, and more tired and full than hungry.

Which proved to be the case. Her injured new Pokemon shrieked a few times and drew curious visitors, but they were showing all the signs of a post-large meal nap coming on. The ones that weren't were weak, and had to fight to get what food they had gotten. They didn't put up a big challenge, and even though Tiny was hurling the type-neutral poisonous Pin Missiles at them, the barrage was enough of a deterrent.

Which only left the Golbat. Possessing actual eyes, they hung outside longer into the dawn and ventured farther out into noisier areas. Their vision wasn't ideal, but it bridged a gap left by echolocation.

They were starting to Circle over Union cave to return home when Janie and her crew stepped into the light. Small streaks of pink sunlight was beginning to cross the mountain ridge and splash onto Azalea below and beyond them.

The first thing the larger vampirical Pokemon smelled was human. Given that they were still flying, they hadn't had their fill just yet and dove at Janie with surprising speed.

Cassie's Thundershock training in the cave had built up into a more powerful Thunderbolt, albeit one that was starting to run on empty. She whipped out a few lightning strikes at the larger targets. Tiny sprayed another wall of Pin Missiles into the wings of two more; their poison type nature negating most of the actual damage, but the blow to their wing did plenty in superficial crippling.

And then one of them smelled a baby on Janie's back. Not hers, but one of the clan none the less.

A fourth screeched loudly as it plunged, but Janie managed to slip out of its path. She fumbled for her P*DA in a front pocket pulling up a radio app and blaring nothing but static. The noise was torture to her injured Zubat too, but it bogged the Golbat down long enough for some mystical, ferocious barking from Tally sent them for an easier meal.

"Now, to the Pokemon Center, before something else decides we look tasty."

---
The sun may have been waking up, but Nurse Joy wasn't. Janie was almost taken aback when she stumbled through the Pokémon Center and found a head of short brown hair attached to a sixteen year old boy behind the desk. Perhaps she shouldn’t have been; the Pokémon Centers back home hadn’t been run by the Joy family either, but that was home and this was something entirely different.

"Good morning!" he said in an 'I only need to smile for another twenty minutes and then I can go home' chipper tone, "Welcome to Azalea Town. How may I oh-"

Janie set the gasping Zubat onto the counter. "I think he has a few broken ribs."

The boy turned and stuck his head inside the minute clinic behind his desk. "Chansey, I need you to go wake Joy early, we'll need her in Surgery."

"Chansey!" The egg Pokémon called and scurried off down another hall. Another one appeared a moment later with a small cart, and Janie carefully lifted Zubat by a blanket intended for the egg and set him down onto it.

"So, what happened? He looked pretty bad."

"Flew at my face. There was a flock of them, and he flew between my Pokémon."

"What'd you hit him with? A freight train?"

"Mag-Lite." Janie said, feeling a bit guilty. The attendant lowered a scowl at her.

"What? It's what I had in my hand at the time, and if he had his way, he was going to suck off my nose."

"Uh huh."

"Fine, can I get a room then? And if Mr. Condescending is done, he should probably check on my other Pokémon too."

"Whatever you say, Vampire Slayer."

"Careful, I actually like that title."

---
Janie hadn't gone to bed yet, though it had been hours since she had arrived in Azalea, and was really hoping that someone would bring word on Zubat soon.

She sat on her bed, studying the little room. The Pokémon Center had been running low on space and given her a Roomette of her own. She suspected the boy quite enjoyed sticking her in a “closet”, he was rather miffed that she could’ve been so cruel to a Pokémon.

It's a tiny little thing, about six feet square, but Janie didn't mind not sharing a room with a bunch of strangers. Her bed was on a loft about three feet up in the air. Underneath it were drawers for her to put things, and an open area for shoes, a coatrack hook, and a hanger for a backpack. Tiny adopted the cave immediately for himself. At the head was a desk with a mirror and some paper and pencils. Already, the sun was peaking through a window by the head of the bed as well, and a Pidgey had found a branch just outside of it to sing a concert.

Janie was sorely hoping that he'd be hoarse by the time she was ready to go to sleep. Just because everyone else was up didn't mean she wanted to be.

A flat screen hung over the foot of the bed, although there didn't seem to be anything appealing on at the moment. Also at that end of the bed was a tiny bathroom with a standup shower and a toilet, with a sink across the walkway. Across from her door to the bathroom was the door to the other Roomette that shared it, which had been left open when the occupant went to breakfast and Janie could see it was a mirror image of her own, flipped but otherwise identical.

And that was it, really. There hadn't been enough room for the doors to swing inward, so all of them were sliding doors with odd but efficient latches.

There was a soft rap at her door. Janie pushed herself off the side and jumped down to the ground.

"Chansey. Chan chansey chan." The egglike nurse said happily as she opened her door. Janie breathed a sigh of relief, and gave the nurse a berry for a tip and watched her waddle away. Janie positioned a "Do not Disturb" sign on a small hook on the door. Cassie snuggled in on the desk after Tally used it to bound into the bed with Janie, and everyone slept peacefully through the morning.

On to Chapter 24
---
EDIT 6/11: for those of you keeping score, Chapter 4 on the first page has been slightly tweaked. All I did was a little info padding though, it's not really enough to matter. I know a few chapters though that will be rather drastically modified here soon to get rid of a certain deadweight...

[Sidewinder]

"I feel like a space ranger!" Cassie cried between Thundershocks. "Pew pew!"

Lmao what an awesome opening line. I pictured her in an X-Wing Fighter when I read that lol

not played softball with their mother as a kid, and wasn't holding a stainless steel Mag-Lite.

You have a real talent with subtle action writing. You could have hammed that scene up quite a bit, but the way you put it down made alot of sense and actually played out really well. I felt like I could picture that scene perfectly. Totally Janie

'Herdier.'
"On it."

Space between those two different lines of dialogue

Janie didn’t want to finish that thought.

I liked that portion quite a bit as well. It's an odd feeling to have, and one I'm actually really familiar with. Weird line she's walking there with kinda defending herself while at the same time feeling bad about the consequences of said action. Loved it.

"Medical Failsafe Release. Please seek immediate medical attention for Pokemon."

Inventive idea there. Did you come up with that? I'm assuming it's a league oriented idea and process which is really quite smart. Especially for trainers who might not know how injured a certain Pokemon is once they capture it. Zubat is an interesting choice for a capture, but for some reason I feel like it's going to be an interesting addition to this diverse team. A castform, Herdier, Beedrill, and now a Zubat. I'm wondering if these are favorite's of your's, or you're planning out Janie's team for a specific reason. You don't have to answer, it's just a question I keep asking myself.

They were starting to Circle over Union cave to return home

Circle shouldn't be capitalized. Even though I capitalized it lol

Anyway, those are the things that stood out for me. I liked the chapter quite a bit, even though I felt it was a little on the short side. Which isn't a bad thing at all, which makes me happy that you update this so frequently. You always leave me hungry for more, and I fear that I'm getting really attatched to Janie. I can't wait for something huge to happen to her and the gang, which for some reason keeps feeling like something is going too. The ancient Pokeball keeps bouncing around in the back of my mind

[Glover]

'Herdier.'
"On it."

Space between those two different lines of dialogue

I kinda wondered if this would come up. That's acctually the sae line of dialgue, translated. I stopped doing this out of laziness but originally, Pokemon dialogue would be followed by an italicized translation when interacting with humans. (Mystery Dungeon intrpoduces the concept of a fairly universal Pokemon language) When they started having more things to say, I stopped doing that, because writing parts and variations of "Herdier" is annoying to write and read. I couldn't really make that argument to myself though, because Tally only said two words there. Since it did come up though, maybe I should go back and flip that as a "Tally nodded" and just stick with one language.

"Medical Failsafe Release. Please seek immediate medical attention for Pokemon."

Inventive idea there. Did you come up with that? I'm assuming it's a league oriented idea and process which is really quite smart. Especially for trainers who might not know how injured a certain Pokemon is once they capture it.

Actually, that one's your fault. That rolled around in my head after your Graveller scene, for different motivations and reasonings, but that's where the thought originated from. We'll be going into Pokeball logic quite a bit here in two chapters (Hint, what's the next town Janie's going to?), and it actually will have something to do with a certain scientist out of Unova, a spin-off series of games, and a short story/mini-arc that I've written and rewritten and have to get over the "corneyness" level still. Since I don't think I'll get to this particular part though, I'm pretty sure that a Pokemon battle in general does not generate the kind of crippling injuries that warrant the Pokeball kicking the Pokemon back out. There are circumstances, Like going at a Pichu with an Aggron or a troupe of Graveller who are out for blood that would exceed the code of battle, and obviously if a Pidgeotto is going after a worm dinner it's going to have to end badly for the worm, but in general, I don't forsee this being a fairly common error.

Unless you try to go Harry Potter on a Zubat and treat it like a Snitch...

A castform, Herdier, Beedrill, [an Ursaring technically] and now a Zubat

...a Ditto, a Rotom, a Galvantula, a Magnezone, an Espeon, an Umbreon, an "Ace", an Aerodactyl in a few NCTH side stories, a Surperior, a Blaziken...

...a Gardevoir, a Gallade...

I can't wait for something huge to happen to her and the gang, which for some reason keeps feeling like something is going too

Mwahahaha.

You're going to hate me though, because I already have some idea about how this is going to end, and Janie's still got another region and a half to get through after this one... And this is chapter 22...