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Thread: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Team Hydro's Adventures. Reated T.

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    Default Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Team Hydro's Adventures. Reated T.

    This is my fourth fic, my second Pokemon fic, and my first Mystery Dungeon fic. As such, I am no professional fanfic writer or anything, but I hope to do my best and satisfy all my readers. This is rated T for fantasy violence, realistic violence later on, and anything else I might decide to bring in.

        Spoiler:- Chapter Table (Links coming at a future, not yet determined time)::


        Spoiler:- PM List::


    Chapter 1: Welcome to the Guild.

    The pokemon world, a place of mystery filled with mystical creatures called pokemon. Some are civilized and live in one of many communities in the world, but many others are wild creatures who live in places called mystery dungeons. These mystery dungeons are strange places that are fueled by a wild magic that changes their layout and shapes. The wild magic also does many other things, including stealing items and money from those who faint in them, creating rescue and item requests from the wishes of those who are stuck within, and creating items out of nowhere.

    To counteract the dangers of the mystery dungeons, brave pokemon have set up exploration guilds where pokemon can come together in exploration teams to answer the requests for items and rescues and to track down escaped convicts. One such guild, a guild in the small village of Treasure Town, run by a Wigglytuff named Bartleby, is where our story starts.

    The tall guild building looked like a yellow tent with a fake top half of a Wigglytuff on top greeting anyone who came up to it. Three pokemon flouted out front. The smallest of them, at four feet, looked like a blue jellyfish with a small, round body that split into three fins. He also had two, oar like fins that acted like arms. A clear frill went around his miniscule neck, right below a large, bulbous head. A light, almost sky blue, patch was on top of his head with a small, crown shaped growth. His red eyes were closed and his arms were crossed over his chest.

    “No, I won’t do it,” he complained to the other two figures. “I refuse to join the guild. I’ll get dirty, and messy, and I have to deal with others who are dirty and messy.”

    “Yes you are, son,” The other pokemon on the left said. He looked like a large, blue jellyfish with three large tentacles instead of a body, and two arms that looked like larger versions of his sons. A large, puffy white growth around the bottom of his head that looked like a moustache on the front. He also had a crown-like growth on his head that was almost identical to the first pokemon’s, except larger. “And there is no talking your way out of this one.”

    “But daaaad,” The smaller pokemon complained.

    “Now behave, Drew,” The third pokemon said. She looked a lot like the other large pokemon, but was pink instead of blue. Her body looked more like a small, frilly dress instead of tentacles, and instead of the moustache like growth she had a large fluffy growth that looked like a beard in front and a puffy cloud in the back.

    “Yes mommy,” Drew said, defeated. “But why do I have to?”

    “Because, son, it will teach you to be a good pokemon and help you make friends,” his father said.

    “Exactly,” his mom said. “Now be a good little Frillish and go in there to join a team.”

    “Can’t you guys go in with me?” Drew asked.

    His parents shared a quick look before his mother shook her head. “Sorry son. We can’t go in with you. But think of it this way, it’ll be your first step to independence.”

    “I don’t want to be independent!” the Frillish complained.

    “Son, I hate to do this.” A purple ball of energy appeared in his dad’s tentacle. “Shadow Ball.”

    “What are you doing dad?” Drew opened his eyes to see what was going on just to be hit by the attack and knocked out.

    “I am so sorry honey, but it has to be this way,” the mother Jellicent said. Both of Drew’s parents floated away a bit before using Psychic to place him on the detection grate sitting in front of the guild. Then, they wandered out of Treasure Town.

    Underneath the grate, a shadow covered pokemon was watching the grate when a large shadow appeared on it. “What is that,” He said to himself in a loud, resonating voice. “Something big, kinda crown shaped. What could that be, I haven’t seen anything like that before. Wait!” The pokemon turned to face a tunnel connected to his current location. “Frillish, hurt!! Knocked out on the grate!”

    “Frillish, hurt! Knocked out on the grate!” a triplet of voices repeated from farther down the tunnel.

    “Oh my gosh!” A shrill voice said as the gate blocking the entrance into the guild lifted. A sunflower like pokemon with leaves for arms and a yellow sunflower head ran out of the door. “Someone call the doctor!”

    “Calm down Sola,” a happy, upbeat pokemon said. He stepped out of the doorway and slowly walked up to Drew. He was three feet tall, with foot long ears. The pokemon was ovular with pink fur except for his white stomach and he had a pink tuft of fur on his forehead. “I’ve got this. Wake-Up Slap.” The pokemon slapped Drew a few times before Sola interrupted him.

    “Uh, Guild master Bartleby. He was knocked out, not put to sleep. You’re not helping.”

    “Oh, really? Sing!” Bartleby sang a quick tune, making Sola fall asleep. “Now, Wake-Up Slap.” He slapped the Frillish a few more times before stopping. “Hmm, I wonder why this isn’t working.”

    “Bartleby, what are you doing this time?” Another pokemon came out of the building, this one looked like a multicolored parrot. His wings were blue, his body was green, and he had a yellow, bib like structure on his neck. His head looked like a black eight note with black eyes covered by pink eyelids and a pink beak while his neck was covered in a white, fluffy collar. As he walked up to the Wigglytuff, his metronome like tail waved back and forth. “Oh my god! A fainted Frillish! But why does he have red marks on his cheeks?” The bird looked around and spotted Sola. “And why is Sola sleeping?”

    “Hey Sherman! Well this Frillish appeared on the grate and Bernie and Boomer sent out the news. Sola came out first and freaked out, so I came outside. I tried to use Wake-Up Slap to wake up Frillish, but then Sola told me that he was knocked out, not sleeping. So I tried to put him to sleep with my singing and then Wake-Up Slapped him again, but he didn’t wake up,” the Wigglytuff said quickly in one breath.

    “Oh Bartleby. If you weren’t such a good friend I would have left this craziness behind years ago. Let me try, Uproar.” Sherman let out a loud sound, waking up Sola and making Bartleby cover his ears. “There. Sola, give me one of your Reviver Seeds.”

    “How do you know I have a reviver seed?” the Sunflora asked.

    “I just do. Just like how I know that Boomer is dating a Snorlax and that Donna has a secret stash of perfect apples,” the Chatot replied.

    “Donna has perfect apples!” Bartleby’s ears perked up and he ran inside at speeds that could leave Superman to shame.

    Sherman stared at his friend running inside for a second before turning back to Sola. “So then, give me one of your reviver seeds.”

    “But it cost 800 Poke,” Sola complained. “Why not just have one of the doctors heal him?”

    “Eight!” Sherman said sternly, staring at the grass-type.

    “Uh, uh, eight! Helping all Pokemon in need is an explorer’s duty, indeed! Fine, here’s a reviver seed.” Sola dejectedly handed over a reviver seed that Sherman than put into Drew’s mouth.

    “Whoa, where am I?” the ghost asked, slowly getting up.

    “You are on the grounds of Wigglytuff Guild. May I ask why you are here?”

    “Well, my parents brought me here to make me sign-up at the guild, but I didn’t want to. Then, out of nowhere I got knocked out by a Shadow Ball and then here I am. Is it too late to leave, or do I have to sign-up now?” Drew replied.

    “Well, you could always walk, err, float away right now, but first may I ask you something? What is your name?” Sherman asked.

    “Uhh, Drew. Drew Fitzgerald.” Drew replied.

    “Fitzgerald. Sorry, but it is too late. You came this far, you can’t chicken out.” Sherman grabbed Drew by his tentacle and pulled him into the guild building into a small room with just a ladder leading underground.

    “Wait, what?” the jellyfish ghost questioned the bird. “I thought you said I could just float away!”

    “Well, I changed my mind. Here we are.” The bird stopped in front of a small megaphone set into a wall. “New recruits please come to the main guild room.” He said into the megaphone, a louder voice repeating it after him, going throughout the whole building.

    “Y-y-yes?” A weak voice said from a bit away in the room. Drew turned to see a spiral shell sitting in the room.

    “Did that shell just talk?” He asked Sherman.

    “She’s just Spiral, an Omanyte new recruit. She’s very cowardly and only joined because her brother dragged her along. It may take a bit to get her out of her shell, literally and metaphorically.” A crash happened behind them, causing Drew and Sherman to turn around. There was a small, brown shell with two dimples in the back and two black dots on the front next to a broken vase. “Speaking of her brother. That is Helm, a Kabuto. I’m fairly certain he has ADD, good luck.”

    “Wait, good luck? Why did you say that? And why are you introducing me to the pokemon?” Drew asked, confused.

    “Well, this is your new team,” Sherman answered, walking off to Batleby’s office. “Again, good luck. Especially when you meet your leader.”

    “Leader? What! Not only am I abandoned by my parents, but I’m stuck in an exploration team and I’m not even the leader. This is Tauros.” Drew’s complaining was cut off by a tentacle wrapping around his mouth.

    “Please be quiet. Seriously, how did I get stuck with such a whiner?” Drew turned around to see the source of the voice. It was also jellyfish like, but more solid. It looked like a dark blue jellyfish with two tentacles, including the one wrapped around Drew’s mouth, and three red jewels in its head, two large ones on the sides of his head and one small one in his forehead. He took his tentacle off of Drew’s mouth. “Now then, who are you new recruit?”

    “New recruit?! I shouldn’t be here. I’m Drew Fitzgerald! My family is rich! Ser-” He was cut off by the other pokemon putting his tentacle back around his mouth.

    “Oh shut up. If you keep that up then I might have to hurt you. I’m Crue the Tentacool, and I’m son of the banker in town along with being the leader of Exploration Team Hydro.”

    “Wait,” the Omanyte spoke up in a very timid voice. “You didn’t tell us you were the banker’s son before. And how could you be the son of a Dusknoir?”

    “No, not that banker Spiral,” Crue turned towards the fossil pokemon, letting go of Drew. “There are two assistant bankers who work inside the bank. My dad’s one of them. And he makes so much money. It’s beautiful.”

    “Hello!” Helm suddenly popped up behind Drew, scarring him and making him jump and bump his head on the ceiling of the room. When he came back down, Drew passed out from hitting the ceiling so hard.

    At the same time, Sherman walked out of Guild master Bartleby’s office and saw Drew‘s accident. “Oy vey. Sola!”

    “Get the doctor’s to help you! I’ve spent a lot of money on these seeds!” Sola yelled back.

    “Hello!” Helm popped up behind Sherman, making him jump up and bump his head too.

    “Oww! Doctor!” the bird called.

    “Get Sola to help, I’m on break,” the doctor yelled back.

    This is terrible. Drew thought to himself. Please don’t let any dirt have gotten on me.

    To be continued.

    Yeah, this is a fairly mediocre chapter but I couldn’t really get into easily. The next ones will be better. The idea of wild magic belongs to Ysavvryl and comes from her PM: Loopholes fic (Go, read it now.) but with slight edits (like it creating the job requests). In Loopholes, Wigglytuff’s name is also Bartleby, but I actually got the name from TVTropes not Loopholes, so just pointing out that I didn’t copy that from her. Please R+R!
    Last edited by CuriousHeartless; 8th December 2011 at 2:03 AM.

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    Deleted Short review. Sorry. I'm not good at reviews.
    Last edited by PikiWolf; 8th August 2011 at 10:29 PM.


    It's just the beginning...



    Credit to Zekrommaster826 for overworld

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    How is it a a repeat story? And really, I need a lot more to work offof. In fact, i believe that review is so short it's rule breaking.

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    Funny start...in a way. It's cool how it starts, totally new, I don't know anyone else who would've thought of that (well not on planet earth.........).

    I mean, really(!), a ghost who is a clean obsessive. It's rather funny. (I'm not that good at reviews......)
    I do want to read more though.


    Dammit, I've been practically dead. Too busy fighting demons and shadows.......* points evoker at head*....... back to work...* fires*



    † I am a Christian and proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.†

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    Review time!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kissmygrass96 View Post
    The pokemon world, a place of mystery filled with mystical creatures called pokemon. Some are civilized and live in one of many communities in the world populated by these pokemon, but many others are wild creatures who live in places called mystery dungeons. These mystery dungeons are strange places that are fueled by a wild magic that changes their layout and shapes. The wild magic also does many other things, including stealing items and money from those who faint in them, creating rescue and item requests from the wishes of those who are stuck within, and creating items out of nowhere.
    This first sentence doesn't make sense to me. I would interpret it to mean The Pokemon world is a place of mystery filled with mystical creatures called Pokemon. Moreover, the second bolded bit seems unnecessary, as we already know that there are Pokemon there. Otherwise, I like how you've explained your interpretation of mystery dungeons.

    To counteract the dangers of the mystery dungeons, brave pokemon have set up exploration guilds were pokemon can come together in exploration teams to answer the requests for items and rescues and to track down escaped convicts. One such guild, a guild in the small village of Treasure Town, run by a Wigglytuff named Bartleby, is where our story starts.
    *where

    The tall guild building looked like a yellow tent with a fake top half of a Wigglytuff on top greeting anyone who came up to it. Three pokemon flouted out front. One, the smallest of them at four feet, looked like a blue jellyfish with a small, round body that split into three, fins. He also had two, oar like fins that acted like arms. A clear, frill went around his miniscule neck, right below a large, bulbous head. A light, almost sky blue, patch was on top of his head with a small, crown shaped growth. His red eyes were closed and his arms were crossed over his chest.
    IMO you shouldn't have one, it sorta detracts from the flow, and you already make it clear that you're only talkin' about an individual. You also don't need that comma before fins. You also don't need the comma between clearn n' frill. Oh, and I don't believe ya need the comma between blue n' patch either. It reads a bit choppy, but I get most of it. I like how you've done crossed arms and closed eyes (even though I've read ahead), it reinforces his personality.

    “No, I won’t do it,” He complained to the other two figures. “I refuse to join the guild. I’ll get dirty, and messy, and I have to deal with others who are dirty and messy.”
    He shouldn't start with a capital. You've done this more than once, so I suggest proofreading the chapter once more. You only need a capital for the name (eg Oshawott, Ash, Misty etc).

    “Yes you are, son,” The other pokemon on the left said. He looked like a large, blue jellyfish with three large tentacles instead of a body, and two arms that looked like larger versions of his sons. A large, puffy white growth around the bottom of his head that looked like a moustache on the front. He also had a crown-like growth on his head that was almost identical to the first pokemon’s, except larger. “And there is no talking your way out of this one.”
    Right, I think you could find another word to use instead of “growth” – you use the word to describe Frillish, and both Jellicent; it’s a wee bit repetitive and detracts from the flow of the story.

    “Now behave, Drew,” The third pokemon said. She looked a lot like the other large pokemon, but pink instead of blue, her body looked more like a small, frilly dress instead of tentacles, and instead of the moustache like growth she had a large fluffy growth that looked like a beard in front and a puffy cloud in the back.
    I get what you’re trying to say, but this should be “but was pink instead of blue.” I’d suggest you finish the sentence there and start a new sentence with “Her body . . .”

    “I am so sorry honey, but it has to be this way,” the mother Jellicent said, both of Drew’s parents floating away a bit before using Psychic to place him on the detection grate sitting in front of the guild before wandering off and out of Treasure Town.
    His parents have some harsh methods lol. This paragraph is just one long sentence, split it up. I’d suggest changing it to have three sentences. Both of Drew’s parents floated away a bit before using Psychic to place him on the detection grate sitting in front of the guild. They then wandered off and out of Treasure Town. Not my best bit o’ work, but just a guideline for how you could split it up.

    Underneath the grate, a shadow covered pokemon was watching the grate when a large shadow appeared on it. “What is that,” He said to himself in a loud, resonating voice. “Something big, kinda crown shaped. What could that be, I haven’t seen anything like that before. Wait!” The pokemon turned to face a tunnel connected to his current location. “Frillish, hurt!! Knocked out on the grate!”
    Eh, it’s probably just me being picky, but I don’t like how you’ve used the word grate twice in the first sentence, it just seems odd to me. Eh, it’s probably nothin’ . . .

    “Calm down Sola,” a happy, upbeat pokemon said. He stepped out of the doorway and slowly walked up to Drew. He was three feet tall, with foot long ears. The pokemon was ovular with pink fur except for his white stomach and he had a pink tuft of fur on his forehead. “I’ve got this. Wake-Up Slap.” The pokemon slapped Drew a few times before Sola interrupted him.

    “Uh, Guild master Bartleby. He was knocked out, not put to sleep. You’re not helping.”

    “Oh, really? Sing!” Bartleby sang a quick tune, making Sola fall asleep. “Now, Wake-Up Slap.” He slapped the Frillish a few more times before stopping. “Hmm, I wonder why this isn’t working.”
    Lol, this is probably the best bit of the chapter. Wigglytuff can be such a child sometimes I only just realized this, but it’s not working ‘cause he’s a ghost type.

    [quote]“Bartleby, what are you doing this time?” Another pokemon came out of the building, this one looked like a multicolored parrot. His wings were blue, his body was green, and he had a yellow, bib like structure on his neck. His head looked like a black eight note with black eyes covered by pink eyelids and a pink beak while his neck was covered in a white, fluffy collar. As he walked up to the Wigglytuff, his metronome like tail waved back and forth. “Oh my god! A fainted Frillish! But why does he have red marks on his cheeks>” The bird looked around and spotted Sola. “And why is Sola sleeping?”

    That > (don’t actually know what that thing is called) is meant to be a question mark, right?

    “Hey Sherman. Well, this Frillish appeared on the grate and Bernie and Boomer sent out the news. Sola came out first and freaked out, so I came outside. I tried to use Wake-Up Slap to wake up Frillish, but then Sola told me that he was knocked out, not sleeping. So I tried to put him to sleep with my singing and then Wake-Up Slapped him again, but he didn’t wake up,” the Wigglytuff said in one breath.
    Wow, that’s a mouthful to say in one breath. You could have Wigglytuff sucking in a breath of air before hand, or maybe take out the commas and full stops to emphasize the fact that he’s doing it with a single breath (and I assume quickly?)

    “I just do. Just like how I know that Boomer is dating a Snorlax and that Donna has a secret stash of perfect apples,” the Chatot replied.

    “Donna has perfect apples!” Bartleby’s ears perked up and he ran inside at speeds that could leave Superman to shame.
    Lol, my favourite character at this point is Bartleby. Nice name, BTW.

    “She’s just Spiral, an Omanyte new recruit. She’s very cowardly and only joined because her brother dragged her along. It may take a bit to get her out of her shell, literally and metaphorically.” A crash happened behind them, causing Drew and Sherman to turn around. There was a small, brown shell with two dimples in the back and two black dots on the front next to a broken vase. “Speaking of her brother. That is Helm, a Kabuto. I’m fairly certain he has ADD, good luck.”
    That. Just. Sounds. Odd. It may just be me, but in case it isn’t, try something like “There was a loud crash behind them . . .”


    “Leader? What! Not only am I abandoned by my parents, but I’m stuck in an exploration team and I’m not even the leader. This is Tauros.” Drew’s complaining was cut off by a tentacle wrapping around his mouth.

    This is terrible. Drew thought to himself. Please don’t let any dirt have gotten on me.
    Lol, I like how your protagonist is a clean freak of sorts.

    So, you’ve got an interesting premise, I’ll give you that. I never really realized that I liked Frillish until now, they’re actually a cool species. Drew’s an interesting character; it’s refreshing to see a protagonist that’s not willing to go on the journey/whatever (I’m thinking in trainer-fic terms, sorry). It’ll be interesting to see how Drew handles this new life . . . Bartleby is just epic, full of lolz. Having nicknames for the Pokemon is also a nice touch. Overall, I’m liking this. I’m just wondering how you’re going to handle so many characters; you’ve got Drew + three team members, Bartleby n’ Chatot, Sunflora, and I assume more . . . but we’ll see. Good job
    ┓┏ 凵 =╱⊿┌┬┐

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    Yes. Every member of the guild, minus maybe a few, plus new recruits over 20 years, plus other exploration teams, plus townspoeple, plus new townspeople, plus other random characters. There are a lot of characters. I did the nickname thing because it is a bit annoying just saying "Wigglytufff did this and Wigglytuff did that," especiall if I introduced a second Wigglytuff. Thanks for the long review, I needed it.

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    Chapter 2: Introductions to the Guild, Part 1.

    Drew was lying in a cot in the Guild’s hospital wing. He had just regained consciousness when Bartleby and Sherman walked in. “Where am I?” the ghost type asked the two.

    “You are in the hospital wing,” Sherman replied. “You hit your head and passed out. But you are awake now, so I believe it’s time for introductions to the rest of the members of the guild.”

    “This won’t take long will it?” Bartleby asked. “I couldn’t find Donna’s stash of perfect apples earlier and really need to search.”

    Sherman sighed in exasperation. “Just introduce yourself and you can leave.”

    “Okay! Hi I’m Bartleby the guild master which means I’m your boss I hope you have a good time I really love perfect apples and I also love running the guild and making friends and I hope you have a good time if you need anything or need to talk to someone feel free to talk to me but not right now good bye!” Bartleby spoke really quickly and then ran off.

    “Sorry about Bartleby rushing off,” Sherman said to Drew. “He just really loves those perfect apples. Unfortunately, we can’t do full introductions today as an emergency came up involving one of our fellow guilds and we had to send all of the exploration teams except for yours and Team Wishers, who you’ll meet in a bit. Some of our workers had to go too, so we are a bit shorthanded around here. But back to introductions, I am Sherman. I am Bartleby’s second-in-command and if anything were to happen to him or if he goes anywhere, I act as the guild master. I am also a dear friend of the guild master and the guild members here.”

    “No you aren’t!” a booming voice yelled from the other side of the guild. “I don’t like you!”

    “Shut up Boomer!” Sherman yelled back. “Anyways, I am also the financial manager of the guild, along with the rule supervisor, personal supervisor, safety supervisor, mission supervisor, pretty much everything.”

    “So what does guild master Bartleby do?” Drew asked the bird.

    “Uhhh… Morale booster. So then, let’s get some of the others in here to introduce to you. Team Wishers, get in here!” he called to someone, or some people, outside of the room. Sola came in along with a pokemon that looked like a big, brown beaver with tan hair around its eyes and on a spot on it’s chest along with dark brown fur on its feet and tail. There was also a big red crawfish with a yellow star on his head and white spots on its chest and stomach, with two blue lines going across his chest’s white spot.

    “Hi!” Sola happily said, waving one of her leaves. “I’m Sola! Oh my gosh, another new recruit! That’s four in one day and they are all water-types, that is so amazing!”

    “Yo, I’m Walt, the Bibarel,” the beaver like pokemon said. “I’m the leader of Team Wishers. Yup yup! Good to meet you. There’s something about you that reminds me of some friends of mine from a long time ago. Yup yup!”

    “Hey, hey! And I’m Raymond, the Crawdaunt,” the crawfish pokemon said. “The strongest pokemon in the whole guild.”

    “Uh, hello,” Drew responded to the three. “I’m Drew, Drew Fitzgerald. So, uh, all of you are evolved?”

    “Yup, yup! It was so cool evolving!” Walt said, smiling.

    “Well, uh, I can’t wait until I can evolve. I guess. So, uhh. Do any of you like cleaning?” Drew asked Team Wishers.

    “What?” Raymond’s mouth fell open. “Cleaning? I haven’t cleaned anything in, uhh. One, two, three. Ever! I’ve never cleaned anything. Seriously, liking cleaning. What’s up with you boy?”

    “Oh my gosh! Be quiet Raymond. It’s not nice to make fun of others.” Sola squealed.

    “Yup yup!” Walt agreed. “It’s not nice to make fun of others.”

    “I don’t care. I’m so strong that I can make fun of anyone I want. I could make fun of Arceus herself and nothing bad would happen!” Suddenly, a thunderbolt came out of nowhere and struck Raymond, knocking him out.

    “Oh man not again,” Walt said, exasperatedly. “That’s the third time this week!”

    “You know it’s Sunday right?” Drew said, slightly shaken from the thunderbolt.

    “Yeah. He does this a lot,” Sherman said, reminding everyone he was there. “I was hoping placing him on a team with Sola and Walt would mellow him out, but it hasn’t exactly succeeded. Nurse, some help please.”

    A nurse came over to the group. The doctor looked like a five foot tall white woman with a white dress that was slit at the front and a large green curl of hair covering most of it’s a weird, red stone was attached to the pokemon’s chest. “Yes,” the nurse said in a very masculine voice, showing that he was a male Gardevoir, something the nurse never quite got over. “What is the problem?”

    “Uhh, the electrified Crawdaunt, maybe,” Drew said, a tinge of sarcasm in his voice.

    “Oh, yeah, him. I had to deal with that twice today already. Heal Pulse.” An orange ball of energy appeared in front of the nurse that he then pushed into Raymond. “There, give him a minute and he’ll be fine.” The nurse then wandered off, leaving the five by themselves.

    “Sorry about Raymond,” Sola apologized. “He’s just so, so, oh my gosh! I can’t think of the word.”

    “Annoying,” Drew offered.

    “No, that’s not it. Wait, I got it. He’s so annoying! Wait a second.” Sola got a confused look on her face and started pacing around the room.

    “Um, we might need to go,” Walt said, rubbing the back of his head. “Come on Sola, let’s grab Raymond.” The two pokemon grabbed their teammate and dragged him out of the room.

    “Hey, get your hands off of me!” Raymond yelled, showing that he had recovered.

    “Man, that was weird,” Drew summarized.

    “Yeah, I guess you can see why they stayed behind. Not a lot of synergy with Raymond. The three of them are more used to solo work, but recent regulation changes have required teams. Maybe we should take you to the main room for the rest of the introductions.” Sherman helped Drew out of bed and led him to the main room. When they got there the only pokemon there were Bartleby and a small pokemon that looked like a blue ball with red zigzags on its sides and three stubby legs, with a yellow ball like antennae on its head and what looked like a blue wind chime with red on it’s bottom third attached to its stomach. The two pokemon were arguing.

    “Come on Donna, you have to give me at least one. I need perfect apples,” the guild master said to the blue pokemon.

    “No Bartleby,” Donna replied. “They are mine and it took a long time to get all of them. I will eat them.”

    “Please, please, please? I’ll do anything. I’ll even triple your pay,” Bartleby begged.

    “Triple, you say? Okay, I’ll give you half of my stash.” Donna walked over to a small chest, barely bigger than an apple, and opened it. She pulled out an apple that was so unremarkable, it was hard to believe it was special in any way. She then pulled out another and another, quickly having to resort to her psychic powers because of her short arms. Eventually, she pulled out close to two dozen apples. :there.

    “Yay, perfect apples!” Bartleby ate one, a large grin coming to his face. “Awesome.” The balloon pokemon grabbed the rest of the apples and placed one on his head while juggling all the rest.

    “I’d say so, that was totally worth triple pay,” Donna agreed.

    “Actually,” Sherman cut in from the doorway. “Bartleby has no control over payment.”

    “What?! But, you can give me triple pay, right,” the little pokemon asked. “I mean, you do manage finances, so you must manage pay too, right?”

    “Sorry, but the pay is set by the guild organization, we cannot change it,” the assistant guild master apologized.

    “What?! Can I have my apples back then?” At hearing Donna’s question, the guild master’s ears perked up and he quickly ran into his office and closed the door, somehow managing not to drop one of the about twenty-two perfect apples he was juggling.

    “Err, sorry about that. Anyways, Donna meet Drew, our newest recruit. Drew, this is Donna the Chimecho. She’s the chef here.”

    “Hi Drew,” Donna greeted, her mood instantly brightening up. She used her psychic powers to lift her chime like a hand.

    “Hello Donna,” Drew responded, ignoring the chime.

    “Hello!” Helm suddenly popped up behind Drew, scaring him again. Luckily, Drew was able to stop himself from jumping into the ceiling again.

    “Uh, hello Kabuto,” Drew said, trying to slow his heartbeat after the shock. Crap, what was his name? Hal, Hall, Hilm? What was it?

    “It’s Helm,” Crue said, crawling into the room.

    Did he read my mind or something? No, he just heard me say Kabuto and told me Kabuto’s name. I mean, if he could read my mind then he would know all kinds of things about me like the fact my favorite color is metallic grey or that I love perfume.

    “Don’t worry,” Crue said to Drew. “I’m not reading your mind, I just heard you say Kabuto and told you his name.”

    Phew.

    “So then new guy, how are you feeling? We can’t have a brain dead member.” Crue’s gaze turned to Helm. “Well, not another one.”


    “I’m fine, umm, don’t tell me, Tenta, right?” Drew replied.

    “What? That’s a terrible name. I’m Crue, new guy. Do you at least remember what species our fourth member is?”

    “She’s an Omanyte,” Drew smugly smiled, knowing he was right.

    “What’s her name?” Drew’s mood fell at his teammate’s question. “Oh man, how bad are you at remembering stuff? It’s Spiral.”

    “Hey,” Drew yelled at the Tentacool. “I bumped my head hard enough to pass out.”

    “Look, you spoiled brat,” Crue hissed back. “I have seen your type before. I despise your type. You think you are too good for the rest of us. Well guess what? You aren’t! I can tell from the way you act, you are rich and were forced into it and hate it. Well guess what, learn to deal with it. Helm is way to nice and Spiral is too cowardly to tell you this, but I’m neither. So get over your attitude quick. We head out on our first mission tomorrow at eight ‘o clock sharp. Be ready.” The jellyfish crawled off angrily.

    “What was that about?” Drew wondered, having tuned out Crue once he started ranting. “Oh well, gotta get to bed for some beauty sleep.”

    To be continued.

    Yeah, I realized while writing this that I really, really, REALLY hate Crawdaunts. As such, I decided to torture one for torturing me while having to describe him. The crisis and regulation changes may come back up, I’m not sure yet. Even I’m not sure where Crue’s little rant at Drew came from because it was unplanned and just came out while writing. I must say, I loved writing Helm, he is just so crazy that it is real easy. My Tentacruel on my team in Explorers of Darkness is indeed named Tenta, and it was Crue’s first name when I was coming up with the concept, so I loved his little thing about it. Please, R+R!
    Last edited by CuriousHeartless; 17th August 2011 at 3:41 AM.

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    This is awesome! Bartleby being able to juggle 22 perfect apples while running rules!
    Drew seems really full of himself.
    Storm PokemonAre Awesome!


    I don't use "uber" Pokemon,I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection and I sometimes care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are barring unfortunate natures, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature.(Started by Tyranitar and re-worded a little by Aurawarrior8)
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    Yes and yes. Bartleby is awesome and Drew is full of himself.

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    Hey, that wild magic explanation sounds familiar… lol! Hi there.

    The line that Donna has perfect apples…could be misinterpreted in a dirty manner, heh. But that’s part of what makes it hilarious. The first chapter is a nice intro, though it’s preferable to integrate background info into the story (which is why it’s helpful to have a newcomer who needs to be taught these things, like in the game). But the shortness of it helps keep it from being bothersome.

    In the second chapter, you forgot a question mark in the first paragraph; it gets put there even though the end of the dialogue is in the middle of the sentence. Also, I think it’s perfectly reasonable for Bartleby to be the ‘morale booster’. The guild needs that when Chatot/Sherman is working there. There’s a couple of other typos (a ‘to’ in place of ‘too’), but it happens.

    It’s not too bad tormenting characters you don’t like, like Raymond, but be careful about taking it too far because others would like Crawdaunts. You could always conveniently have him busy elsewhere. He was a ditz in the game, so the combo of vain ditz is kind of funny. Also, Crue’s rant is an interesting turn. He’s like a drill sergeant trying to get the recruits into shape. Is he a new recruit too? That attitude seems like someone more experienced as an explorer. It’s not bad, it’s tough love. Like he’s the kind of guy that would come rescue you, but he’s going to berate you about why you failed the whole way back.

    Nice start. I like how it’s an all Water-types team.
    Pokedex OS- Still trying to capture every single Pokemon out there in words: 648/718 Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh complete!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ysavvryl View Post
    Hey, that wild magic explanation sounds familiar… lol! Hi there. Hello! Hmm, I wonder why that is.

    The line that Donna has perfect apples…could be misinterpreted in a dirty manner, heh. But that’s part of what makes it hilarious. The first chapter is a nice intro, though it’s preferable to integrate background info into the story (which is why it’s helpful to have a newcomer who needs to be taught these things, like in the game). But the shortness of it helps keep it from being bothersome. Uhh. I didn't notice that before about the perfect apples. Meh, acidental innuendo. It's just kind of my style to give the exposition as a paragraph or two before the story, so that's why I put it there and didn't even try integrating it into the story.

    In the second chapter, you forgot a question mark in the first paragraph; it gets put there even though the end of the dialogue is in the middle of the sentence. Also, I think it’s perfectly reasonable for Bartleby to be the ‘morale booster’. The guild needs that when Chatot/Sherman is working there. There’s a couple of other typos (a ‘to’ in place of ‘too’), but it happens. Yeah, I'm not very good with grammar, so I'll fix those mistakes. Thank you. Sherman really isn't that bad, he's just a bit dull and tries to make sure everyone follows the rules.

    It’s not too bad tormenting characters you don’t like, like Raymond, but be careful about taking it too far because others would like Crawdaunts. You could always conveniently have him busy elsewhere. He was a ditz in the game, so the combo of vain ditz is kind of funny. Also, Crue’s rant is an interesting turn. He’s like a drill sergeant trying to get the recruits into shape. Is he a new recruit too? That attitude seems like someone more experienced as an explorer. It’s not bad, it’s tough love. Like he’s the kind of guy that would come rescue you, but he’s going to berate you about why you failed the whole way back. Oh, I won't make the Raymond torture too bad. Yeah, Crue actually got recruited earlier that day, hence Sola's comment about four new recruits in one day. He signed up almost as soon as soon as the guild opened and then Spiral and Helm followed a bit later, and then even later is the part where we start off with Drew being forced into the guild. Although, Crue does have some experience with that sort of stuff. Yeah, Crue is that guy who would save you and then berate you about how you messed up to get into the position where he had to save you.

    Nice start. I like how it’s an all Water-types team.
    Yeah, the water type thing was planned. I actually have a funny moment alredy planned from one of the next few chapters where they meet up with a coupe fo fire types.

    Excpet for hte last one, comments in bold and thanks for reviewing!

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    I'm loving this story already. Just read the first two chapters. I haven't played any Mystery Dungeon games yet, so the whole concept that was explained in the first few paragraphs was a little confusing, but I'm sure I'll catch on.

    I love all the personality that's going into all the characters, especially Crue. Bartleby is my favorite character so far. I expected him to be all serious and stuff since he was the leader, but you totally took me by surprise. It also helps that I love the entire Jigglypuff family, so nice work. I also hope that Raymond doesn't get hurt so much, since I love Crawdaunt.

    I don't know how this works in the MD games, but I hope Team Hydro eventually gets some new members, just so we're not stuck with the same stale characters for the whole story. Not saying that they're bad or anything, since they haven't even gone on any adventures yet, but I always welcome new characters. If you have a PM list for this story, please add me.

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    Yeah, hopefully you can pick things up eventually.As soon as possible, hopefully. I really didn't change Bartleby's personality much from the game, I just upped everythin that made him awesome. Like I said, I won't torture Raymond too much. I might let them get a few new members, I'm still debating that with myself, but if not then I'll make sure to characterize them even more! I always have a PM list as soon as someone asks, so you are added!

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    Chapter 3: First Mission.

    Drew looked around. He wasn’t sure how, but he was in a volcanic cave. He could tell by the heat and small pools of lava that were scattered around. “How did I get here,” he pondered to himself. “The last thing I remember was going to sleep. I don’t even remember waking up. Of course! This is a dream. But why would my dream be in a volcanic cave? This place doesn’t even seem familiar.”

    “Maybe not here, but deeper down it will,” An emotionless voice said behind him. Spooked, Drew whipped around, but he saw nothing. “You cannot see me Drew, but I am here. You do not know who I am, but I know who you are.”

    “Wh-who are you,” Drew stuttered.

    “All will be revealed, but for now you only need to know one thing. The dark heart will overcome death, judgment, and light.”

    “What does that mean?”

    “You will learn in due time. But for now, it is time to return you to your mission.” The voice faded away as it finished the sentence, and memories came flushing into Drew’s mind.

    “I remember how I got here,” Drew said, going over the memories form that morning.

    He woke to Crue screaming at him that they were supposed to be gone already and then slapping him a few times. And then when Drew finished getting ready, which wasn’t easy with Crue yelling at him to get a move on, they went upstairs. Drew thought that he might have to help chose a mission, but luckily his teammates already chose one. He also saw Spiral for the first time that she was out of her shell, she looked like a blue snail with a bunch of little tentacles and two eyes with large pupils. The mission was, if he remembered correctly, to come to Mt. Magma, where they currently were, and apprehend a few fire type outlaws.

    But, for some reason, Drew had no memories of anything that happened once they entered the cave except for his talk with the voice. “Guys,” He shouted, hoping his teammates might hear him. “Crue, Spiral, Helm! Hey, I remembered all of their names.”

    “D-D-Drew.” A meek voice called out from somewhere else on the floor. It didn’t really sound familiar, but Drew guessed it was Spiral.

    “Yes, Spiral,” he called back. “Where are you?”

    “I’m over here, behind this rock,” Spiral replied. Drew turned his attention to where her voice was coming from and noticed a large boulder. He floated over to it and looked behind it to see Spiral’s spiral shell.

    “What happened? I can’t remember anything from when we came into here. And where are Helm and Crue?”

    “I-I don’t know. We just came into here and then I felt something hit me. I flew over here and then curled up in my shell. But we need to find them.” Spiral slowly crawled out of her shell.

    “So, we’ll scour this floor until we find them.” Drew tried to sound reassuring.

    “Uhh, what if they went to the next floor? Then we’ll have to find the way down,” Spiral said, surprising Drew.

    “Hold on a second, this place isn’t one floor?” The ghost type was utterly flabbergasted.

    “No, even the shortest dungeons are five floors, luckily there is always a way to go down or up.”

    “Hello Magby!” a familiar voice yelled from the other side of the floor, signifying that Helm was still on the floor with them. Drew and Spiral hurried over to where the voice was, luckily not running into any wild pokemon that would have slowed them down. They arrived in a small room which only let out in the corridor they just passed through and a natural stairwell in a hole in the wall. Helm was sitting there alone. “Bye bye Magby! Hello sissy!”

    “There you are Helm,” Spiral said, followed by a sigh of relief. “What happened?”

    “I beat a Magby and he want bye-bye!” the excited fossil pokemon yelled.

    “No, when we first came in and got attacked,” Drew tried.

    “Oh! We got attacked by meanies from behind. They knock you out and send my sister behind a rock! Then they grab me and Crue and start running. We got down to Magma pit, and they set us down. I didn’t get a good look, but I know they are fire types, they gave off so much heat. Almost as soon as we where put down, Crue distracted them which let me escape. I came down here to look for you guys!”

    “As long as you’re okay, brother,” Spiral said, going up to her brother and hugging him with her tentacles.

    “What about Crue?” Drew asked Spiral.

    “Uhh, yeah, Crue. So, how many floors are there anyways?” Spiral quickly changed the topic with her question.

    “Five floors, really small. Follow me!” Helm ran to the stairwell in the wall and went down it. The other two followed him. They arrived in a small area with a small corridor leading to the rest of the floor surrounded by a pool of magma.

    “How does the magma from the fist floor not melt throug to this floor?” Drew asked. “And even more, why doesn’t the heat affect us much, I mean I’m only a little warmer than usual?”

    “Meh, wild magic I guess,” Spiral replied, unable to think up any other excuse.

    “Come guys, move. Stairs nearby,” Helm told the other two before scurrying down the corridor. Spiral and Drew followed him to see that in the next room there was indeed the stairwell, but there was also a wild pokemon. It looked like a small orange chick with miniscule yellow wings and a yellow head crest.

    “Tor Torchic,” the pokemon said, showing the inability of wild pokemon from saying anything other than their names.

    “A Torchic, good thing we’re Water-types,” Drew pointed out the obvious. “Wait, do either of you guys even know any Water moves, because I only know Bubble and it is really weak even against a Fire-type?”

    “No, I don’t.” Spiral pulled into her shell from embarrassment.

    “Hello!” Helm popped up behind the Torchic, making it jump and shoot out an Ember attack at Helm. He shrugged the move off due to it’s lower power and his quadruple resistance to it. “That’s not nice! Scratch!” One of Helm’s claws glew white and he jumped at Torchic, scratching it with the claw.

    “Bubble!” Drew shot a small blast of bubbles at the Torchic from behind, knocking it out. Suddenly, a yellow light appeared form nowhere and surrounded the Torchic, the wild magic taking it away.

    “What just happened?” Drew asked, perplexed.

    “Did you miss the orientation on the first day?” Spiral replied, coming back out of her shell. “Wild magic transports any fainted wild pokemon away from where they are knocked out.”

    “Well I did spend most of that day passed out. Well, no matter. Let’s get going, we are already over half way to saving Crue.” Drew went up the stairs, just to run back down. “Quick, hide!” Spiral pulled back into her shell and Helm laid down flat and closed the eyespots on his shell, allowing the two of them to appear like rocks. Drew hid behind Spiral and squished himself down as much as he could to avoid being seen.

    “I wonder how much Tentacool jewels sell for,” a deep voice said from the stairwell. “I bet a few hundred poke for that little one and a thousand for each of the big ones. They’re supposed to shine really brightly and beautifully. Think off how much a 'mon might pay for some of them.”

    “Yeah boss,” a squeaky voice said.

    “Double yeah boss,” another squeaky voice said.

    “Too bad Vince got captured by the police,” the first squeaky voice spoke up again.

    “Well he was an idiot, so he deserved it,” the deep voice said.

    Drew looked over Spiral’s shell at the three pokemon. One of them was about four feet tall and looked like a mixture of a ball and a baboon, having a round, red body with two eyeballs with black fur circling them and a creepy smile with sharp teeth. He supported most of his weight on his oversized arms which touched the ground almost in front of him instead of his small feet under his stubby tail. Two large, flame like eyebrows stuck up from the top inner corners of his eyes. That Darmanitan must be in charge, Drew thought.

    One of the other two pokemon looked like a red oval with very stubby arms and legs with tiny, three-digited hands and feet. He had eyes like those of the first pokemon, but his eyebrows looked like little yellow puffy checkmarks instead of flames and his smile was much less creepy. Three yellow ovals were on his stomach in a pattern. That is a Darumaka, I believe. He’ll eventually evolve into a Darmanitan.

    The third pokemon was a short, bipedal ‘mon with a small, thin tail. He was red except for a tan raindrop shaped spot on his stomach, his black neck, and a tan snout. He had weird, bubble like growths surrounding the top of his head and a small spike on the back of his neck. And that’s a Magby, who isn’t really related except for all of them being Fire-types.

    Then Drew noticed a fourth pokemon. It was a severely beaten up Crue who looked close to passing out. The two locked eyes for a second and a look of terror appeared on Crue’s face. “Supersonic!” Crue let out a high pitched sound that threw the Dramanitan, Darumaka, and Magby off balance for a second. “Get out of here, I’ll be fine!” He yelled to his teammates.

    “What?” The Darumaka regained balance and turned around to see Drew’s head. “More intruders!”

    “What!” The Darmanitan screamed. “Flare Blitz!” A fiery aura surrounded the criminal pokemon and he charged at the three members of Team Hydro. When he got close, he jumped up and slammed into the ground, unleashing a fiery blast that sent waves of pain through the pokemon.

    Drew felt consciousness slipping away when a yellow flash appeared in his eyes. He had a dreamless sleep and awoke in the infirmary, his teammates in beds around his. “What happened?” he asked one of the nurses, the male Gardevoir from the incident with Raymond.

    “You guys were knocked out by a strong Darmanitan outlaw. He seemed to knock all of you out with one move and all of you are in bad condition, especially your Tentacool friend,” the Gardevoir said matter-of-factly. “What were a group of new recruits like you doing taking on a group of rank B outlaws anyways?”

    “Rank B? Crue picked out the outlaws before I even woke up. They were all Fire-types so I didn’t really think of it. Dang it, maybe if I actually cared. I may have gotten up early enough to have convinced him to have taken a job more our level.” Drew stopped talking and looked at his beat up friend laying in a bed. “How did we get back here?”

    “Your teams’ explorer’s badges teleported you all back here in really bad condition after you all were beat. It’s a good thing they do, or you could all have been killed. I am revoking that outlaw from you guys and I cannot let any of you go for a few days. Just try and get some sleep.” The Gardevoir walked off, leaving Drew with his unconscious teammates. “The dark heart will overcome death, judgment, and light. I wonder what it means.”

    To be continued.

    I actually liked this chapter. I tried to make some subtle humor about how Mystery Dungeons work because sometimes it really is crazy. Seriously, why does a guild made by civilized pokemon have ladders, but a dungeon inhabited by wild pokemon have a staircase? Also, this goes to show you that type advantages mean nothing if you don’t have moves of an advantageous type. Also, all of the members of Team Hydro are level 12 while the Darumaka and Magby were level 28 and the Darmanitan was level 35. Remember to R+R!
    Last edited by CuriousHeartless; 17th August 2011 at 5:25 PM.

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    Nice chapter. I loved the personality given to Spiral and Helm.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kissmygrass96 View Post
    “Quick, hide! A group of pokemon are coming down the stairs! I think they might have been the ones who kidnapped Crue because I heard one of them mention Tentacool jewels!”
    This seemed a little bit unrealistic. If you're trying to hurry up and hide from pokemon that are quickly approaching, you wouldn't take the time to explain your entire logic. But that's just me.

    Otherwise, the chapter was fine besides a few word misplacements such as "off" instead of "of".

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    That is actually a rewrite induced-plothole. That scene originally went a little differently but something later on made me need ot change it. And I wrote this all in less than an hour and a half at like 3 this morning, so I messed some stuff up. I actually noticed a few inconsistencies while rereading a few minutes ago that I'll fix.

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    Awesome you started a new story Kissmygrass. Ill be sure to read it from chapter 3 and on! xD. I really like Drew and Helm. Funny stuff.

    Not much of a review but Im just here to say Ill be reading it now. BTW everytime you start a new story your writing style gets better and better.


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    Quote Originally Posted by ryodragonite View Post
    Awesome you started a new story Kissmygrass. Ill be sure to read it from chapter 3 and on! xD. I really like Drew and Helm. Funny stuff.

    Not much of a review but Im just here to say Ill be reading it now. BTW everytime you start a new story your writing style gets better and better.
    Everyone likes Drew and Helm. Maybe I should write a bunch of Oneshots. Eventually I'll be the best fanfic writer here. Actually, I should try a Oneshot, but later.

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    I just started playing PMD Explorers of Time. I can understand where some of the characters are coming from now.

    On a separate note, make sure you give some more characterization to Helm. So far, he seems like just a gimmicky character who's main appeal is to jump up and scare people, just meant to be funny. I personally think that's good, since it contrasts with Kabuto's intimidating appearance. However, I hope you expand upon his character some more in the future.

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    Chapter 4: Introductions Part 2

    “Wake up, Crue,” Drew said to his unconscious friend. The Frillish was still bruised from the battle, his left eye was blackened and his left arm was slightly crumpled up. “It’s no good, guys.” Drew turned to his other two teammates who, due to their hard shells and extra resistance to the Flare Blitz, were all healed up.

    “Why Crue no wake up?” Helm asked in a voice so sad that it dampened Drew’s mood even more than it already was.

    “I don’t know little bro,” Spiral said, putting on of her tentacles around him in a hug.

    “Hello everyone!” Bartleby happily said, coming into the room with a frowning Sherman behind him. “Why is everyone so sad?”

    “Sir, remember what I told you?” Sherman questioned his boss. “The incident in Magma Cave two days ago. Exploration Team Hydro got badly beaten and the leader, Crue the Tentacool, is still unconscious.”

    “Oh yeah! I know what to do! Get the nurses to Heal Pulse him!” Bartleby shouted.

    “I tried it,” the Gardevoir nurse said. “He seems to be immune to the healing effects.

    “I got an idea!” Bartleby ran out of the room and came back in with a perfect apple. “He can eat this!”

    “Sir Bartleby, I don’t believe a perfect apple could do what a Healing Pulse couldn’t.” The Gardevoir sighed, but Bartleby went ahead and put the perfect apple to Crue’s mouth. Crue’s eyes opened up and he grabbed the apple.

    “Thank you sir,” Crue thanked, taking a bite out of the apple. “How long have I been out?”

    “Two days, explorer Crue,” Sherman strictly said. But, then his expression softened. “You worried everyone here. In fact, some of the people made gifts for you.”

    “Like what?” Crue tried to get up, but winced and got back down.

    “Sola found you a white rose, Walt found you a Poison Barb, Raymond got struck by lightning but ended up getting you an Oran berry, and some other teams that returned actually got you some stuff too.”

    “Other teams got back? I’ll have to go meet them.” Crew tried getting up again, wincing when he reached halfway out of the bed, but he continued getting up.

    “No Crue,” Drew told the poison type, gently pushing him back into the bed. “You were seriously hurt by that Darmanitan and you need your rest. The two teams that got back can come in later.”

    “Get off me!” Crue pushed Drew, who stumbled back into a medicine cabinet.

    “Crue!” Spiral shouted, letting go off Helm. “He was just trying to stop you from hurting yourself!” She left the room quickly, leaving Crue with a shocked expression of his face. Drew pulled himself up and silently followed Spiral.

    “Meany!” Helm shouted before following the other two.

    Crue’s face turned into one of pure disgust. “Could you guys leave, I want to talk to Crue by myself,” Sherman told Bartleby and the nurse.

    “Okay pal,” Bartleby replied with a smile, grabbing the Gardevoir and pulling him out of the room.

    “I don’t get paid enough for this!” the nurse yelled.

    “Why’d you do that?” Crue asked the flying type.

    “I recognized your expression and wanted to talk to you about it. I could sense the disgust, and not just any disgust. No, you were disgusted with yourself.” Sherman sighed and frowned. “You couldn’t believe that you somehow made even Helm hate you. Believe me, it won’t last long. Your teammates are just worried about you. May I ask, what happened in the Magma Cave that ended with you in such bad condition?”

    Crue took a deep breath before beginning. “Well, we had just gotten into the cave when we got attacked from behind by the criminals we were supposed to take out. They knocked out Spiral and Drew like nothing and grabbed me and Helm. When we got down to the Magma Pit, they put us down. I tried to create a distraction with my Supersonic and it distracted them long enough for Helm to make a break for it. After they recovered, they were really angry and they just beat me for no reason for almost five minutes without stopping. I almost passed out, but then they started talking about killing me and taking my jewels to sell. It scared me so much I just couldn’t settle down.

    “When they finished talking, they decided to track down Helm and took me with them. We got back up to the second floor when they stopped. I noticed Drew and we made eye contact. I was scared for their safety, so I used another Supersonic and told the others to escape, but the Darumaka recovered quickly and was able to stop out plans and alert his two teammates. The Darmanitan got really angry and rushed at my team. He jumped up when he got near them and then just slammed down with a fiery blast. When he did, a yellow aura surrounded me and I just passed out.”

    “That reminds me of a time back when I was an explorer, although it was just me and Bartleby.” Sherman nodded his head and then turned it to stare directly into Crue’s eyes. “You did the right thing, you tried to protect your team. But you also did the wrong thing. A team is no good without a leader, you should have run with Helm instead of staying behind. And why did you pick a rank B band of outlaws? It was your team’s first mission, you should have gone with a rank E rescue mission, you shouldn’t even be doing outlaw missions until you can handle rescue missions a level higher. I’d think that you, of all of you on your team, would know that.”

    “Sorry. I just really wanted to prove myself and I thought we might have been able to take these guys on because we all have an advantage over them, and two of us have a double advantage.” Crue closed his eyes and put his tentacles over them. “I’m such an idiot.”

    “Yes you were,” Sherman agreed. “But we all are every once in a while. I’ve had plenty off moments were I was an idiot, but I learned from them and improved. If you learn and improve from this, then you are very smart. But if you dwell on it and let it get to you, you might make worse mistakes.”

    “I’m sorry,” Drew said, sadness obvious in his voice.

    “You don’t need to apologize to me. Let me go get your team and get the two teams that returned ready to meet you.” Sherman walked out of the room and, after a minute, Drew, Helm, and Spiral walked in.

    “Sherman told us that you had something you wanted to tell us, what is it?” Drew angrily asked.

    “I wanted to apologize. I purposely chose a hard mission that we couldn’t handle because I was overconfident. I am so sorry that you guys had to get hurt for me to learn my lesson, and I’m also sorry for pushing you into the cabinet Drew. I wasn’t thinking straight and just wanted to get out of this hospital wing. Even more-” Crue was cut off by Spiral crawling onto his bed and wrapping two of her tentacles around him.

    “I forgive you Crue,” she said.

    “Group hug!” Helm jumped onto the bed and hugged the other two pokemon with his claws.

    “Might as well,” Drew mused to himself before going up to the bed and wrapping his teammates in his arms.

    “Thank you guys.” Crue wrapped his tentacles around his teammates, finishing the hug.

    “So sweet,” Bartleby said to Sherman from the doorway, making sure to be quiet enough for Team Hydro not to hear him.

    “I agree.” Sherman replied just as quietly.

    “I can see you guys,” Crue told the two. “Come on, get in here you guys.”

    “Okay!” Bartleby grabbed Sherman and dragged him over by the kids before joining in on the hug.

    “I’d rather not,” Sherman said. He took a step back before Bartleby grabbed him and pulled him into the group hug.

    “Are we intruding on something private?” a British accented voice asked. The six broke the hug to se three new pokemon standing in a triangle. The one closest to them looked like a two foot tall, bipedal dog with large black feet. A flat blue tail, and a small iron growth on the back of each hand. The top half of his body was black while the bottom half of his body, his arms, and the majority of his head were blue. He had fur in the shape of a black mask around his eyes and on the top of his nose along with two large, ovular ears of a matching color on the edges of his ‘mask.’ “What is taking you lot so bloody long, we were waiting outside for ten minutes.”

    “We were hugging for that long?’ Crue questioned. “Didn’t feel like ten minutes. And who are you?”

    “I’m Ulric the Riolu, leader of Team Aura. And I’m guessing you all are Team Hydros.” Ulric replied in his British accent.

    “Team Hydro!” Helm corrected. “We are Team Hydro! The bestest exploration team ever!”

    “Yeah right,” a second one of them said in a feminine voice. She was almost a foot taller than Ulric and looked like a yellow weasel. He arms looked like oversized, red sleeves and her legs, the tip of her tail, and a stripe across her neck were also yellow. There was an ovular black spot above each of her red eyes and a small whisker grew out of both of her cheeks. “You lost to three water types when you are all water type and two of you are rock types. You cannot be that good.”

    “Yumi!” the third pokemon yelled in a squeaky voice. He looked like a small white egg with blue and red triangles on him. He had stubby tan arms and feet with no hands or legs. The top of the egg was missing and instead his head poked out, which looked like a tan crown with six points and a small face. “That was not nice.”

    “Indeed, Miss Yumi,” Sherman said to the weasel pokemon. “The targets were much stronger than Team Hydro. Do you think that just because you have a type advantage, you’d be able to take down any Delcatty, no matter how high their level? Especially if you were attacked from behind like they were?”

    “They would never have been able to get me from behind, I’d sense them from a mile away,” Yumi retorted egotistically.

    “You three are dismissed,” Bartleby grimly told Team Aura, scaring everyone in the room at how serious he was. After they left, the Wigglytuff turned back to Team Hydro with a huge grin. “Sorry about that, Yumi isn’t usually so rude. She just has a little bit of a problem with people she sees weak. Hopefully she‘ll grow out of it. Thankfully, Odd, the Togepi who didn’t actually get a chance to introduce himself, is nice enough to make up for her.”

    “You know, that was actually more normal then meeting Team Wishers. At least there were no thunderbolts from Arceus or anything.” Drew laughed at his joke which the others didn’t get because they were introduced to Team Wishers at a different time.

    “I remember that,” the nurse grumbled from outside the door.

    “Uhh, didn’t you say two teams, Shermy?” Bartleby asked, Sherman blushing from the embarrassment of the nickname. “Were is the other one?”

    “Nurse Leslie send in the other team,” Sherman called to the nurse outside.

    “I hate my life. Go on in you three,” Nurse Leslie ordered.

    “Okay miss,” a high-pitched voice said, eliciting a scream of annoyance from the nurse. “Was it something I said?”

    “Go in now you brats!” Stomping could be heard from the hallway.

    “Okay,” a sweet voice replied. Three short pokemon walked into the room. One was a Magby, who like the one that was with the Darmanitan, but he had a necklace with a small claw attached to it around his neck. The second was a yellow pokemon slightly shorter than the Magby. He had a round body with plug-like horns. He had a black thunderbolt symbol on his chest, black stripes on his body, and black bands on his arms. He also had a fang necklace on.

    The third pokemon was significantly shorter, at about a foot and four inches, over half a foot shorter than both of her teammates. She looked like a little girl with blonde hair and large lips. Her head and the bottom of her body, which was slightly thicker than the top, were both pink while the top of her body, her arms, and her legs were cream. She also had a necklace, but hers was in the form of a blue eighth music note.

    “Hello, I’m Remy,” the Magby greeted in a squeaky voice. “I’m a Magby and I’m also the leader of Team-un. What is our team name again Kurt?”

    “We’re Team Awesome!” The yellow pokemon enthusiastically yelled, swinging his arms around and making sparks jump between his horns.

    “That’s right. We’re Team Awesome! Because we’re awesome!” Remy yelled, smoke starting to come out of his snout. “Like I said, I’m Remy, leader of Team Awesome!”

    “And I’m Kurt the Elekid. I’m the brawn of the team,” the yellow pokemon said.

    “And I’m Kitty, the cute one,” the third pokemon said. “I’m the cutest little Smoochum ever. In fact, I’m the cutest pokemon ever!”

    “Oh, cute little kids,” Spiral commented. “Hi kids, I’m Spiral.”

    “Hello!” Helm yelled, popping up behind Remy.

    “Hi!” the fire type yelled, jumping behind Helm. “Who are you?”

    “I’m Helm! Hi Team Awesome!”

    “Yeah, hello. I’m Drew,” Drew greeted. “You guys are really cute, but how old are you all? Five, six? How did you convince your parents to let you become a team?”

    “We are eight!” Kurt yelled. “And we aren’t actually allowed to go on missions, but our parents are explorer teams so we hang out here.”

    “I didn’t know we had a daycare,” Crue mused.

    “We don’t. Donna still is bugging me about that fact,” Sherman said.

    Crue yawned loudly and a Gardevoir walked into the room. “Hello everyone,” the Gardevoir said in a happy, feminine voice, showing that she wasn’t the same one as before. “I could hear that yawn from the hallway, it appears that the patient is in need of some rest, so will everyone please get out.” Team Awesome, Sherman, and Bartleby walked out.

    “Bye guys,” Crue said, his eyelids drooping down. “See you tomorrow.”

    “Adieu Crue,” Drew rhymed as he floated out of the room.

    “Bye-bye.” Spiral waved one of her tentacles as she crawled out of the room.

    “Bye!” Helm yelled, jumping out of the room.

    “Good friends you have there,” the Gardevoir nurse noted. “It appears that you will be able to be released tomorrow, but you need your rest right now. Night.”

    “Night,” Crue responded, closing his eyes. He quickly fell asleep and dreamt of a great treasure.

    To be continued.

    I let the stories write themselves, which sometimes goes wrong. Team Aura were originally closer in attitude to one another, more childish, and not named after Code Lyoko characters, but this is how they turned out to be. On a side-note, this is my longest chapter yet at 5 pages, while the others are 4. I was going to finish off the last sentence as ‘great treasure- his friends,’ but I found it rather cliché, so I left it off. Remember to R + R!

  21. #21
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    Your fanfic is brilliant and i was also thinking of writing a fanfic but i don't have many ideas at the moment.

  22. #22
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    Not much happened in this chapter, except some more introductions, so there's not much to be said. You didn't really reveal the species of that one pokemon on Team Aura, so I'm not sure what it is. There were quite a few mistakes too, and I think you said "Water" when you should have said "Fire". I suggest proofreading your chapters before releasing them. Your chapters aren't very long, so it shouldn't be that hard.

    Also, when are you going to decide on an avatar?
    Last edited by Gelatino95; 23rd August 2011 at 5:46 AM.

    ^ Click this for good times ^


  23. #23

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    hello I'm 6shinyblastoise I have read all you chapters and hope that you keep up the great work you are a great writer and you better make more of these and now for my review.

    this is a great story so far Crue is so selfabsorbed and Spiral shy and Helm CRAZY!!! all through there were some mistakes with the wording overall 9.9999999/10

    remember I am watching for more chapters I can see them faster then arceus himself .....!@*#! ( in cracked voice and speach) I got thunder bolted ...O_0
    whats taters precious--Gollum/smeagle
    whats up ya'll

    Visit my trade shop here http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=524646

  24. #24
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    Thanks 6SB. Although, I suggest switching to decaf, that was all kinds of crazy.

    Starting tomorrow, I'm going to revise the chapters and fix any mistakes. I'll also update the first post with PM List and a userbar I had made for this fanfic.

  25. #25
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    Wow, those chapters are great! A sure 9/10 M.O.T Rate! Some minor spelling here and there, but its.worth reading. That mystical dream still bugs me, im thinking what it can be.

    I put a link at M.O.T, its Hydrastically good!

    Quote Originally Posted by SGG View Post
    You're not bringing people with poor grammar to concentration camps and gassing them, are you?


        Spoiler:- Misc. Pokemon things:

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