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Thread: Collide [Time///Space rift]

  1. #1

    Default Collide [Time///Space rift]

    Prolouge: Dialga's POV

    Welcome to the Time Channel! Where we give you up to the minute time, twenty-four hours a day. Right now, the current time. Hello everyone, this is Chuck Timesworth, here to bring you the latest time. I hope everyone is beginning to rise and shine, because our current time is 7:02AM. I’ll be back at 7:03AM for the up to the minute time. For now, this is what the world looks like at the current time…

    “Chuck… the time…” my eyes were half open when I heard him on the T.V. Even in my sleep… in my dreams even, I always have to know what time it is. There is something about knowing the time all the time that gives me a sense of relief. I find time to be a very important part of my life and sometimes, I don’t get the full extent as to why that is. All I know is that, I am the Pokémon that governs time. I have the power to not only travel through time, but I have full control over time.

    My power can do a lot of things. I can go back in time and get awesome knickknacks free shops would put out during the day. I also like to go back particularly to the 1920s to buy free waffles from the waffle stands, and to the 1970s for the waffle makers with the kooky designs. I also go back in time to find nice clocks I can take back to my dimension and mount them on the walls. Unfortunately, I never have gotten around to that since I have no idea how to hang them up. I have over 500 clocks and most of them are scattered around on the floor. I have all kinds of clocks arranging from coo-coo clocks, to alarm clocks and grandfather clocks as well. Even clocks with fun designs; I even have a wonderful waffle-shaped alarm clock sitting there by me on my nightstand when I go to bed.

    I laid there with half my body dangling from the left side of the water bed. It’s not that the bed is too small; it’s that my whole body was entirely on the ledge of the left side of the bed. In my mind, I wanted to just get up; but my body wasn’t letting me do that. By then, my eyes were wide open, just looking around the area. My floor, I could hardly see it because it was covered with clocks and cat supplies. On T.V, there were pictures of what the world looked like at the current time shown. The world looked rather pretty at this time. I can see the sunset in most of the pictures they are showing and it looked rather wonderful. The light shining through the horizon was an orange-yellow color. Very interesting color to say. I didn’t really care about the images though; I wanted the Time Channel guy to come back with the latest time.

    Welcome back to the Time Channel! Where we give you up to the minute time, twenty-four hours a day. I am Chuck Timesworth, here again to bring you the latest time. As you remember, last time was 7:02AM. A minute has passed, which makes our current time: 7:03AM. I will be back at 7:04AM, for the up to the minute time.

    After hearing the current time on T.V, I finally found the energy to finally get myself out of bed. I quickly got myself up and proceeded to stand on the water bed, which was wobbly.

    “Goooooooooood morning, Dialgaland!” I shouted with glee. I lept off the bed and onto the floor, being careful not to break any of the clocks.

    One question, each of these chapters are going to be written in a character's POV. I know that Palkia governs space, but do they mean outer-space or what?

    I'm wondering. The chapters are going to be longer than this, this is a prologue.
    岩根雅明=♡

  2. #2
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    Okay then. First things first, this is my first review in a while so it might not be the best. Space is like all of space. He/She pretty much controls everything in existance. Or rather, governs it and can freely travel through it.

    Onto the actual, paragraph by paragraph review.

    Par. 1:
    I'm pretty sure it'd either be 'Welcome to the Time Channel, where we give you up to the minute time, twenty-four hours a day,' or 'Welcome to the Time Channel! where we give you up to the minute time, twenty-four hours a day.' This is because the Time Channel is the name of the station, but the two sentences are actually one so the where shouldn't be capitalized. I think, grammar isn't my forte so I might be wrong and this could actually be one of those things were it's up to the author. I really like the Power Puff Girls reference, by the way.

    Par. 2:
    I believe that 'All I know is that, I am the Pokémon that governs time' should't have the comma.

    Par. 3:
    I se nothing wrong, but i like Dialga's little quirk. He is a lover of knickknacks, especially wafle based ones and cllocks. Just love it.

    Par. 4:
    What, does Dia have a crush on Chuck Timesworth or something? And what's up witht he cat supplies?

    Par. 5:
    Yay, more Time Channel.

    Par. 6/7:
    He/She seems really immature.


    I didn't see any mistakes other than the ones I pointed out. I like it so far. And don't expect a Paragraph by paragraph breakdown everytime, I ust wanted to do it on my return to reviewing.

  3. #3

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    Technically, space is like time travel? I'm confused.

    As for the immaturity thing, Dialga is supposed to be like a typical teenage-boy character kinda personality with some quirks.

    Thanks for the review~
    岩根雅明=♡

  4. #4

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    Chapter 0: Palkia's POV/The dreamer

    With eyes that shine like stars, the wonderous knight walks seductively through the door of the dark castle; for which the weak and wounded Palkia lays on a cot, passed out. She lies there, waiting for her true love to finally come; and when she hears his footsteps, she couldn’t help but turn to where he was walking. The dragon knight and the weak Palkia locked eyes with each other. She knew that the knight was going to rescue her from her pathetic life…

    This is a diary entry that I was writing. Writing always fills in that void for me. I feel like I can do anything and the one thing I’ve always wanted, was a hero. A hero that would save me if I was in trouble. Having a hero dash to my rescue makes me feel special, like I am worth them enduring blistering cold, scorching heat and whatever other obstacles life throws to come save me. For a brave male companion to lay their life on the line out of devotion to you is saying something. However, no matter how many steamy entries I write about this dragon knight saving me from this life, I know deep in my heart that it would never happen.

    You see, I am considered a deity. I am the Pokemon who has control over space and all its components. So for someone to save someone like me, it would be unlikely. Unlike the girls in the fairytale books I read, I have my own power to get myself out of a situation. I really just need just one moment, where I am completely helpless. One moment where someone can really save my life, save me from the agony. For that, I resort to writing. In my mind it would come true but in reality, not really. Because, again, who would rescue a deity?

    Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t one to be honest. I mean, having control over physical space is alright and I love the power, but everyone is so quick to slap on the labels that they see me in a different way than I see myself. They see me as this god-like Pokemon while I see myself as… Palkia. Just plain old, nothing special Palkia. Like how I would describe myself in my diary:

    Me; a 13 foot tall, bright pink female dragon with a whole life ahead. All that’s missing is a sole mate. For which I will find mine… one of these days. All I need is for someone to see me as how I see myself; as Palkia. Nothing more. Palkia might not be strong, beautiful or as powerful, but her wonderful smile shines through the light and through your heart.

    Everytime I write, I always feel a sense of relief. Maybe… my dreams will come true, most likely they won’t. But it’s always good to write them down, at least for me. Mostly because it feels good to let my feelings out. My dreams and thoughts often come out in the way I design my dimension as well. Pink walls, with jewels floating here and there, stars also floating elegantly and a princess styled bed with a sheer pink canopy on top, for the protection. I even have my own play castle, which I sometimes act out my dreams there. I, being a dainty damsel and imagining a knight waltzing in like he’s hot-stuff, walking towards me. It’s a very tall, round castle with plastic walls and a huge opening for a window near the top. It also has two floors inside which the top floor, I lie there helpless.

    Palkia lies in the castle, restless, waiting for her love to save her. Wounded and in pain, she tries to gain her consciousness while reaching her hand out in front of her. By doing that, she believes that someone would grab her hand and pull her up. This was her way of saying ‘save me’…

    I laid in my bed doing just that: reaching my hand out in front of me. I realize that no one is around; however, it never really hurts to do so. By doing that, I believe that one day, someone will come for me. I know it.
    -------

    It's short again, bleeh
    岩根雅明=♡

  5. #5

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    Chap 1 : How we met a long time ago

    “It’s a wonderful day in Dialgaland! Right Scruffles?!” I asked. My cat, Scruffles, leapt on top of my head and meowed happily.

    Did I mention that I love cats? I think they are pretty awesome and easy to take care of. You don’t have to give them baths, nor do you have to walk them. The best part? They don’t leave messes like dogs do when you don’t let them outside. My kitty is brown with gray spots and green eyes. He’s like me in a way; always jumping from place to place. The best part is that he shares my love of waffles. He only will eat waffles for that matter and if there is none, he’ll start chewing on my couch, which looks like a waffle. I don’t use the couch often but it’s still a nice touch.

    Speaking of waffles, its breakfast time! I raced to refridgetator to grab some chocolate flavored waffles. Two for me and two for Scruffles. I put them in to my neat little Hello Kitty toaster that sits there on the counter. Let me tell you, this toaster is the bomb! Not only does it have a cat on it, but when the waffles pop out, the picture of the cat is on the waffle! It’s awesome. While I wait for my waffles to pop out of the toaster, I glanced over at the refridgetator at this drawing I’ve done. This wasn’t any drawing; in fact, it was a very special drawing of mine that I’ve made a long time ago.

    It was of this girl. A girl that I can barely remember her name but I do have a good idea on what she looked like. I didn’t color the picture, so I have no idea what color she was, but I know that she was short and she had a small waist and red eyes. I also remember her having actual hands as well.

    =========

    While flipping through my diary, I found an entry that I’ve written a long time ago. It was about a blue dragon which I met at the time. I can’t recall his name or what he looked like, but I remember him being tall and blue.

    It all happened many years ago when I wasn’t confined to my dimension. I remember that I was at this antique clock store with my trainer, which I can’t recall her name as well. I do know that she was getting a grandfather clock and I was pretty bored out of my mind. I was moping the place while holding the large grandfather clock she has purchased.

    +++++++++++

    I remember a clock store that I liked going to. A young kid, that was my trainer, would take me there once a week to pick out which ever clock I wanted from the store. I know that there was one clock that I wanted so badly, and it was this clock that sung “It’s a Small World” every time it was 12:00. I remember my trainer saying that he had to wait until he had money to buy me the clock.

    That day, we were walking towards his friends’ house it I remember correctly and the clock store was a few buildings down from where his friend lived. So as they were talking, I sneaked on over there to see if the clock I wanted was still there. When I got there, I know it was there in the same spot as it was before, so I was relieved to see it still there. I remember looking down at it, thinking to myself: how awesome would it be if I had this clock.

    But, I then I remember a hand touching the clock I was eying….

    ===========

    I can recall going over to the front of the store to look at the singing clocks on display. I saw one that had cats with musical instruments singing “It’s a Small World”, a song that I hear all too much nowadays. Still this clock, there was something about it that made me want to go over and take a look at it up close. I went over to it and proceeded to grab it.

    However, as I was doing that, I heard a soft knock on the glass. I came closer to the glass and I remember looking up and seeing this… Pokemon.
    ++++++++++++

    After knocking on the glass, I came closer and saw this girlish-looking Pokemon. As I said before, I remember her having a small waist, red eyes and being shorter than I was. The whole time, I couldn’t stop looking into her eyes. I couldn’t look away from her because for some reason… I felt a connection between us, even though we just met at the time. A weird connection indeed. It’s like, when I looked at her; there was a light shining on her and angels singing the Hallelujah song in the background.

    But… I just met this girl. Why am I having these feelings? It’s like; I thought she can be my… one true love.

    As I stared at her through the glass, many thoughts were running through my head. I remember thinking to myself: who is this girl, and why does she stick out to me? What is it about her that is giving me this feeling? I have just met her. Can it be… one of those love-at-first-sight stories?

    ==============

    The dragon Pokemon. He was blue and from what else I can recall, he had some metal parts to him. When I locked eyes with him, I almost dropped the grandfather clock I was supposed to be holding. His eyes, something about him that made me want to come closer to the window. I felt with everything that I had, that I had found what I was looking for. Someone to love and someone to love me. Upon looking into his eyes, I can remember myself actually tearing up.

    So, this is what it feels like, huh? I can say that I am in love, on the first meeting. It feels like he was something that was missing from my life. I-I need him. (entry from diary)

    I sat the clock that I was holding on the floor sideways and moved the small shelves that were in front of the window out of my way. With that, I came up to the window and reached out my hand. Knowing that he can’t really grab my hand through the glass, I pressed it against the glass.

    +++++++++++++++

    I saw her press her hand against the glass, from what I can remember. Somehow I can also remember looking at her and asking myself does she feel the same way? She seems to judging by the way she’s looking at me. As time passed, I can remember her putting her other hand on the glass, across from the hand she already had on the glass.

    I know that I came closer to the glass and flashed a smile at her. Now, I don’t have any hands. So I moved my head closer to where she had her hands. It was like, I wanted to touch her hand, but I couldn’t because of the glass. As I moved closer, I can feel my nose actually on the glass. So it looks like my face was on her hand. I didn’t make it feel wrong, well not to me, but it was kind of weird. However, I couldn’t back off.

    However, I remember her scratching the glass with her fingers on one hand before I then saw her run for the front door.

    ==============

    I stood outside the front door of the shop, just staring at him. I-I never felt this way before. My feelings for this guy were making me do all these crazy things. Once again, I reached my hand out to him, but however, I can recall him taking a few steps towards me. I couldn’t remember him saying anything to me at that point, but I can recall having this feeling that he was going to leave. So I ran towards him.

    No! That was probably the only word I’ve said throughout this whole thing if I can remember.

    When I went up to him, I recall immediately putting both my hands on the sides of his face. His face… felt… warm and… it felt good. It sent shivers down my spine and still does just from thinking about it. On the right side of his face, I can recall him having some kind of bruise. I know that I took my thumb and rubbed back and forth on the spot where the bruise was. While doing that, I looked up at him again, wondering if he was going to say “stop”. He didn’t, but I can remember him smiling right at me.

    If I remember correctly on this part, I moved my thumb away from the bruise as I moved my head closer to that spot. I then blew on the spot, softy as I moved in to give it a light peck. That sent shivers in places I didn’t even know I had.

    +++++++++++++++

    Did this girl just… kiss me? It felt like it, because I can feel part of her tongue on the left side of my face. I can remember that side of my face actually hurting because of a bruise I have gotten. When she came in on it, I remember it feeling better, not to mention that I felt my whole body shaking.

    “Thanks!” I remember saying to her as she looked back up at me again. “My… my n-n-name… my name is Dialga. What’s yours?”

    I know that I’ve introduced myself to her, but she didn’t respond back to me. She just stared at me with tears in her eyes and her body shaking. In fact, she didn’t say anything, not that I can remember. She said one thing and that was it. I know that after a few minutes, she backed away from me after that waved goodbye and flew away.

    That’s all I can remember of that day. Besides the fact… t-t-t-that she… had… had a very nice tail end. She did and it kinda sticks to me everytime I think about her.
    岩根雅明=♡

  6. #6
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    This is going good. I like this.

    -subscribes thread-


    It's just the beginning...



    Credit to Zekrommaster826 for overworld

  7. #7

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    Now that I think about that day, I can say that I have never felt this way about anyone before. I do know that after that day, I’ve seen her a couple more times but I can’t remember when or what we did. Beside the point, the one thing that stuck out about her, other than her… you know… backside… where her tail was, was that I found her to be breathtakingly beautiful. To me that is. It felt like… I needed her.

    That could be because I am lonely. Controlling time and collecting clocks and waffle makers is fun, don’t get me wrong. But, I don’t have anyone to share my interests with. Someone to keep me going and someone to understand what I am about. Before the day I met that girl, I haven’t found anyone like that, not even a friend or two. Not a lot of people understood me and how I was. Not even my own trainer, which makes me sad.

    Think… how much better I would be if I had someone who understood and took me for who I was. Like I said, there are not many people like that, because not a lot take me seriously. I felt that when I met this girl, she would be the one I needed. The likeness of me ever meeting her again is none. I’m in my own dimension and I can’t remember her name or exactly what she looked like. All I knew was that she was pink and was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. Even that, I don’t think any girl that’s as beautiful as this girl would ever want to be with me.

    ===========
    Love can make a pokemon do crazy things. Especially for someone like myself. Now that I reflect back, I couldn’t believe that I ran up to him. A guy that I just met. Not only that, but give him a peck on his cheek. It’s not me. It’s not like me to do that. I was the type that preferred to be isolated from everyone else. I was nervous around every person that I’d meet because… well I didn’t know them, so all I knew was that they were going to be just another someone that will make fun of me.

    They’d make fun of me for my looks, that that’s what contributes to my self-hate. I hate my face for starters. It was too squished in and I get picked on for that. I also hate, hate, hate my body and how it’s structured. I have broad shoulders, a small waist but then my bottom half is huge and my legs and tail looked weird. Everytime I look at myself, I would feel disgusted and appalled. And the worst part? I am a Pokemon. So there is nothing I can do to change my looks.

    I was shocked that when I met this guy, he didn’t seem disgusted by me. He actually came closer to me as I came toward him and smiled at me the whole time. It was like, he either liked what he saw or he didn’t care about looks. I think that it wasn’t that he liked what he saw… well to me that is. Because no one in their right mind would find me attractive, let alone a guy as cool as he was. Not even, I find myself remotely appealing.

    Another thing that I hate about myself is my powers and strength. They would make fun of me because I wasn’t as strong as the other Pokemon. The other Pokemon had cool powers and signature abilities and I had moves like Bubblebeam and Whirlpool. I had my Spacial Rend as well but this power isn’t as good either. The other Pokemon have signature powers that can blow things up and blast through their opponents. Mine doesn’t do that. With my power, the jewel on my shoulder begins to glow. Then I gather energy with my forearm. After doing that, I swing it forward and this pink streak comes out. It’s pretty, but not powerful like the other Pokemon.

    The boy that I met might have a cool power though, but I’m never telling him mine.

    +++++++++
    I stood in front of the table, nibbling on the waffles I had just made. As I am listening to the time channel in one ear and listening to the second batch of waffles popping from the toaster in the other ear. This is how I start my day. Eating waffles and listening to my Time Channel. It may sound fun, but that gets boring after the first 9000 times you’ve done it.

    “What should I do today?” I said as I reached over for a piece of paper. It read:

    · Eat waffles
    · Watch TV
    · Sleep
    · Sleep
    · Sleep
    · Play with Scruffles
    · Watch TV
    · Eat waffles
    · Sleep

    The same thing as every other day. The same old boring routine. I thought to myself: maybe I should play with Scruffles more. Maybe put him in after watch TV? Yeah! Then the day won’t be as boring as every other day. This all might seem exciting to you, but it’s boring to me, which is another reason for wanting a partner. So that things are not as boring around here. With a partner, I have someone to wake up to and someone to love. But now, I don’t have that, so it makes it hard.

    As I began to take my dishes to the sink, I heard a loud sound…

    =========
    There was this annoying screeching sound that I heard while I was writing. I was so irritating that I couldn’t think anymore. It was almost like someone took a chalkboard up to my ear and scratched it right on the spot. It felt like my ear drum was about to explode at any moment. The whole time, I was shaking while in bed with my hands covering my ears. However, moments later the sound stopped, but ended with a horrendous screeching halt sound that made me shake even more

    ++++++++++++
    My cat was already on top of my head, shaking in fear. I looked around rather quickly because… well it was like anything I’ve ever experienced before. I know it can’t be raining because I’m in outerspace and it doesn’t rain there. I tried my best to protect Scruffles. I tried to tell him that it will be okay.[

    “It’s alright, buddy. It will be okay.” I said to him in a calm voice. However he still kept shaking.

    Just when I thought that this whole thing was over… I start to see blotches of pink everywhere. I took a towel and rubbed my eyes with it to make sure I wasn’t just seeing things. I gave them a good rub to the point where it stung it little. But when I put the towel down and opened my eyes… I am still seeing it. Blotches of pink coloring engulfing my dimension.

    What is happening to Dialgaland? Who could be doing this?

    Not only was I scared, but I was getting pretty angry. Because now I feel like if someone was trying to invade on my property.

    ===========
    Blue blotches everywhere. What would this mean? Is someone trying to tell me something or am I in trouble? I opened my mouth as if I was going to blow a bubble and used Bubblebeam to get rid of the blotches. However to no prevail. My last opion was Whirlpool. Which I had my hands far from each other on my sides, then blowing softly until a whirlpool emerged. But… it didn’t get rid of the blotches.

    What is happening? Why are these colorings here?

    To get a closer look, I opened a portal using my power to distort space, which I took a deep breath and almost coughed out hardly, and went in to it hoping that it will land me on a space rock.
    Last edited by はるひ; 16th August 2011 at 4:31 PM.
    岩根雅明=♡

  8. #8

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    Outside my dimension, I stood on a floating space rock, anxiously waiting the perpetrator’s arrival. Many feelings were coursing through me. I felt angry because my dimension was violated, scared because I don’t know what will happen and anxious to seek the person responsible and give them a piece of my mind. It’s mostly anger that is eating at me as of now. I stood there while slowly closing my eyes shut, with all these thoughts running through my mind.

    My skin… it feels like its crawling and I’m getting tenser by the minute. I’ve never felt this way before, and it’s not a good feeling.

    With the muscles in my body getting tighter, my eyes and memory started to blackout. When I say that I blacked out, I mean that till this point, I have no memory of what I’ve done beyond this point, because right now, my anger is taking over me.

    ==============

    Wondering around on a rock in the dark, thin-aired stretch of space, I looked around for anyone or any clues that would lead to the mystery of my dimension and its weird blotches. I felt scared and alone. I mean, I am walking by myself on a rock. I looked all around me to make sure that no one was going to come after me.

    So far, I’ve found nothing. No clues that would lead me to the mysterious blotches. Nothing. Just a huge, hard, rocky white space rock that I am walking on; and nothing but black sky. I sat down on a stump on the rock, thinking to myself:

    Now how am I going to find out the cause of those blotches?

    Just as I was beginning to get up and look around for a second time, I heard something. I heard… the rocks moving from up ahead; not only that, put the pat, pat, pat of feet hitting the ground. The sounds suddenly made feel as if I was freezing. Like if it was cold in the area, which it wasn’t cold at all. My body begins to shiver more and more as the sounds got closer and closer. I got up slowly and began looking around me, while breathing heavily. I can feel that someone is coming and I am afraid.

    “Hello?!” I called out. However, no one answered. The sounds kept on coming, without a response.

    “Anyone here?!” I called out again. Still, nobody answers. Now, I am really afraid. I looked around again, my eyes going left and right very quickly as I felt my forehead getting colder by the minute.

    “This isn’t funny… is anyone here?” I asked in a normal tone.

    “Considering that you ruined my home, it’s not funny!” A male voice behind me said in an angry tone.

    Wait, wha? That was my first thought that came through my head. I turned around and I saw a shadow. The shadow seems like that of a larger Pokemon. A dragon typed Pokemon to be exact judging by the shadow. I took one step back as the Pokemon came closer to me.

    “Are… are you talking to… m-me?” I stammered.

    “Well, you are pink and the blotches I saw taking over my home were pink… so who else would I be talking to?” the Pokemon replied.

    What is he talking about? Pink blotches in his home? Can it be… similar to the blue blotches that were in my home?

    After waiting and waiting, I finally get to see what this Pokemon looked like. He was a tall, blue dragon Pokemon that does look familiar to me somehow. He had a metal plate on his chest with a blue diamond in the middle. He also had a big fan-like plate on his back. He certainly looks upset, as he stared at me hard. He also certainly looks powerful… very powerful indeed. He looks like someone that can knock me down to size. Just looking at him made me feel intimidated.

    H-h-he’s… huge!

    “W-w-well, the b-blotches are p-pink y-you s-s-say?” I stuttered.

    “Did I stutter? Pink blotches were taking over my home, the place where I live. This is your doing, I just know it. I’m here to teach you a lesson, not to mess with people’s homes. Look, I don’t care if you are a girl; that doesn’t excuse you from messing up my dimension,” the Pokemon said.

    “Wait! Umm-um-um… I did no such thing! Please, you have to believe me! I would never want to do anything like that! Besides, there were blue blotches in my home as well,” I yelled out in fear. My body was shaking like crazy when he took one step toward me.

    “Blue blotches… are you saying that I ruined your home? Well, I never did anything like that. Ever. All I did all day was watch the Time Channel. Why would I want to ruin your home anyway?” he asked.

    “Umm… I-I-I don’t know. But please, I beg of you, you have to believe me. P-p-please go easy on me. Please,” I begged.

    “I almost feel sorry for you; because you seem to be a girl who is not really strong. If you were strong, you would say without a doubt that you had nothing to do with what went on in my dimension. I would have believed you somewhat, because you would stand your ground. But you didn’t. You said: ‘um, I did no such thing’, instead of ‘I did no such thing’. You were stammering the whole time. That not only tells me that you’re not that strong, but it also tells me that you are lying to me. I don’t believe you and now, it’s time that you learn your lesson,” he said as he began to power up a yellow ball in his mouth.

    I stood there, afraid and was almost about to cry. I shook like crazy when I saw the yellow energy powering up in his mouth. Then, this laser came out of his mouth and came at me at a rather fast pace. Then it happened…

    ZAP!

    It hit me dead on. I felt as if my skin was about to burn to a crisp as I screamed in pain. The force was so great, that it knocked my down on the ground, real hard. I felt as if my face was about to be broken in half judging by how hard I hit the ground. Sore and weak, I slowly tried to get off of the ground.

    Man, he’s powerful. You have to run, Palkia, you just have to. He’s too strong for you to take on.
    Last edited by はるひ; 24th August 2011 at 3:00 PM.
    岩根雅明=♡

  9. #9
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    Im going to review to the best of my abilities but i dont know how to split quotes very well. So here goes.

    I mean that till this point, I have no memory of what I’ve done beyond this point
    It seems like you are repeating yourself here, which makes it hard to follow what you are saying.


    I sat down on a stump on the rock,
    The whole on the rock thing is unnecessary. We know where you are so if you keep adding I did this on the rock, and that on the rock it breaks the flow of the story. At least for me.

    A dragon typed Pokemon to be exact judging by the shadow.
    This statement is a contradiction. How can you be exact by judging a shodow.

    Can it be… similar to the blue blotches that were in my home?
    The ... pause is an unnecessary one. It cuts up the question in a way that messes up the flow of the story. IT would flow better without the .... You do this alot. Dramatic pauses are great literary tools but you have to use them in the right spots.



    All I did all day was watching the Time Channel
    It should be watch.

    P-p-please go easy on me.
    Needs a ? not a .

    “I almost feel sorry for you; because you seem to be a girl who is not really strong. If you were strong, you would say without a doubt that you had nothing to do with what went on in my dimension. I would have believed you somewhat, because you would stand your ground. But you didn’t. You said: ‘um, I did no such thing’, instead of ‘I did no such thing’. You were stammering the whole time. That not only tells me that you’re not that strong, but it also tells me that you are lying to me. I don’t believe you and now, it’s time that you learn your lesson,” he said as he began to power up a yellow ball in his mouth.
    This whole part is lacking flow. It seems all over the place. I can't really tell you how to fix it. Maybe go through and take out the unnecessary parts. Also the grammar in it is strange.

    I really like the idea of this story. Aswell as the clock and waffle fixation Dialga has. This chapter just seemed a bit forced. It needed to be proof read a bit more before posting. I do however plan on coming back and reading more.

    P.S: I know you think Palkia is a weak pokemon but i think you are make her much more weak then she should be. I mean she is a legendary.
    FEAR THE WRATH OF THE MIGHTY WALREIN WHO IS MINE!



    Quote Originally Posted by a person View Post
    Again, N believed he would thrash your ass with his dragon, thus winning the ultimate duel of death and crap between truth and ideals. He had no idea that you would pull your own dragon out of the ass he expected to thrash.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Volt Trainer View Post

    This statement is a contradiction. How can you be exact by judging a shodow.

    The silhouette of the shadow, she could kinda tell what Pokemon it was going to be.

    It should be watch.

    Curse you autocorrect! I also put watch but they replaced it with watching.


    Needs a ? not a .

    Palkia... wait maybe you were right because she was pretty much asking Dialga to go easy on her. I was trying to get her to tell him to go easy on him.


    This whole part is lacking flow. It seems all over the place. I can't really tell you how to fix it. Maybe go through and take out the unnecessary parts. Also the grammar in it is strange.

    It's probably the use of semi-colons

    I'm quite confused myself.


    P.S: I know you think Palkia is a weak pokemon but i think you are make her much more weak then she should be. I mean she is a legendary.
    I did mention earlier in the story that Palkia was teased because she wasn't as strong as the other legendaries. She has always thought she was weak, so when she encountred Dialga, she saw him as someone who can easily take her out. And she got a taste of his Hyper Beam :P

    Thanks for readin it and the review~
    岩根雅明=♡

  11. #11

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    My mind is telling me to run. Run away from this powerful force. My heart is telling me the same thing. However, my body doesn’t seem to agree. I had a very hard time trying to get up as every muscle in my body was aching and my head was pounding. It was like, my body wanted to stay where I was.

    “Like I said, I almost feel sorry for you…” the Pokemon said as he went to where I was. “…you just got a taste of my power. Impressive huh? To you, maybe, but to me it’s a horrible move yet it helps me in times like this.”

    Are you kidding? That move was freaking powerful! I wish I was as powerful as you.

    “Anyway girl, get up. It’s no use fighting an opponent that’s lying down. Get up and fight. Show me that you are telling the truth about you not being responsible for violating my world. I’m actually going to go easy on you. That Hyper Beam I used? That was an easy shot. If I used my signature power it wouldn’t have went well for you…”

    Signature… power. No! Don’t tell me this guy has a signature power. He and every other special Pokemon.


    “…so, if I were you, I wouldn’t do anything that would make me madder than I already am. My mind goes crazy when I’m upset. It’s doing it right now. Just… get up and show me what you’ve got, girl. I’m waiting…”

    During his rants, I managed to fully get myself off the ground with ease. In that time, I had a lot to think about. Should I fight or should I flee? A very hard choice I must make. If I fight, then he’s going to make fun of me for being weak. I know he is because every other Pokemon has, what makes me think he won’t? He’s powerful. Not only that, but my powers are weak, so he could very well resist them. On the other hand, if I run, then he would be very angry and use his special power against me, which I fear very much.

    I don’t know what do to. I stood there, looking my opponent in the eye just shaking in my spot. Fight or flee? That is the question. It was like I had two angels sitting on my shoulders. Both are imaginary copies of me but with my personality traits or what I wish I had. On my right shoulder, the coward angel sits scared, frightened and hopeless. She was shaking endlessly and had her thumb in her mouth. On my left shoulder sat the brave angel. The brave angel had a dark pink, flowing cape around her neck complete with a circle patch on her chest with the letters SP on it. She sat up tall and well… brave. She wasn’t afraid of anything.

    The brave angel said: You must face your fears. Palkia, even though you are weak, you cannot just run away from your problem. You must stay and fight. Show him what you got, Palkia. Just show him.

    However, the coward angel told a different story. Don’t do it, Palkia. Have you seen this guy? He’s freaking huge and powerful. Way too powerful for you to handle. You must run. Runaway and don’t look back. Fighting him will be embarrassing. You’re not that powerful, Palkia. You said it yourself. Why do it?

    I stood there for minutes, deciding what I should do. I could only do one option and this Pokemon is staring at me.

    Time is ticking, Palkia…

    So I decided. I put my hands far from each other on my sides. Then, while closing my eyes, I blew softly in the Pokemon’s direction until a whirlpool emerged. I wanted the whirlpool to hit this Pokemon and a few seconds later, it did just that. Not only did it hit him, but the force was surprisingly so great, that it carried him off the rock and somewhere else into the spacious sky.

    D-d-d… did I… just do that? Did my whirlpool do the trick?

    One thing is for sure, I was not going to wait around to see if it did. The next thing I did was run off and fast. I quickly spread my wings on my back and flew off into the black sky, hoping that this Pokemon wouldn’t have a chance to find me. Off I flew in a great net speed, into the sky I flew, not worrying who or what could come at me. All I wanted, was to find a safe place to think and away from this guy.

    I did get to find such a place as I flew over a small rock, shaped like a platform amongst the other space rocks in the area. Before I swooped down, I checked to see if anyone was behind me or around me. Only to make sure no one was with me. Fortunately, when I looked, I saw no one. Just a bunch of rocks. This would only mean one thing: I lost him.

    Yes! I lost him. Now I can think now.

    I swooped down to the location where I wished to land. A small white space rock with a platform like bottom; a perfect place to rest my body and hear my thoughts. When I got there, I immediately collapsed on to the floor. My body wasn’t as achy as it was before, but I got tired of fighting. I just need this guy to leave me alone.

    Now what to do? He thinks that I’ve ruined his home, but I didn’t. I stuttered because I was afraid of him and his power. His power proved greatly. I am up against someone who is strong. How can I do this? How can I use my powers against him if I’m not strong? I know I am weak and even he said I was weak. Running might be my best suit…
    岩根雅明=♡

  12. #12

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    Palkia doesn't want to fight. She doesn't like confrontation. Not a bad thing.


    This guy… what is his problem?

    He thinks you ruined his world.

    How can I convince him that I didn’t do such a thing?

    Fight him, Palkia. Your whirlpool attack worked...

    But-but-but that was just a lucky shot on my part. There is no way I can ever measure up to his power, or anyone’s for that matter. Especially after the way I was treated in school a long time ago by some pretty powerful legendary Pokemon. They treated me like if I wasn’t good enough to be ever called a legendary. In fact, even though I don’t remember her name, there was a girl who was not only pretty but had strong powers. I believe that she can control the moon and dreams or some sorts, I don’t remember it fully. However, she certainly looked almost like a crescent moon.

    All I know as of now is that she teased me for my powers. When I showed my special power to everyone, this girl and her gang all laughed at me and taunted me. Telling me that I was too weak to be even considered a legendary. In fact, I can remember her exact words that day:

    You call yourself a legendary? Heh! Anything you can do, I can do it better. Watch!

    BAM! She used her mind trick powers on me and sent me crashing into a wall. Hard. When I said hard, I meant hard into the wall.

    Silly Palkia! Better know who you’re up against.

    This is why I don’t use my special power anymore. Because simply, it isn’t good enough and I’m not going to risk being made fun of. Plus even my Bubblebeam and Whirlpool are better. At least they can do damage. I was very surprised when my Whirlpool attack did the trick on that Pokemon. Mostly because one, it was just a defense move, and two, that Pokemon had steel parts to him, so he would resist water. Still, I shouldn’t be too trusting of that power.

    So far, this guy has not found me yet. However, I know that when he does find me, I will pay. He said it himself that he will get even more angry if I were to run away. And to tell the truth, I ran away after I attacked to protect myself. Like I said before, this guy was freaking strong. His worst move almost winded me when he first hit me. So, to stick around after attacking a guy who is stronger than you? I don’t think so.

    All I can do is think to myself about the things I should do from now onward. I was debating whether I should stay where I am or should I seek more protection. Yes, this Pokemon might have a hard time finding me, but what if he does? I cannot risk that. Especially when I am not strong at all, and compared to this Pokemon? Not just him, but every other Pokemon.

    Feeling bored from lying on the ground, I slowly get myself off the ground and look around me to make sure that this guy was not around. I was not going to run; I just wanted to stretch out, since I am now pretty convinced that I found a very good hiding place. I mean, I’ve been here for about 20 minutes and no sign of him. This can mean two things. He gave up or he’s looking for me in the wrong places. Either way, I have not seen him. So to return to my dimension is the question here.

    Well, he isn’t here, Palkia. Take the chance.

    As I was about to do that however…

    ZAP!

    I felt as if I was getting zapped by a laser. This time, the force was so great that it forced me down on to the ground. I felt my head pounding, as if someone was hitting it repeatedly, as it slammed into the hard rocky surface of the ground. Same as last time, I let out a painful scream as my skin felt like if it was going to burn right off my bones.

    “I FOUND YOU AT LAST!” a voice shouted from behind me. An all too familiar voice to be exact. It sends chills down my spine just hearing him. The Pokemon. This time, I can tell he was very angry with me.

    “You ran away from me!? When I wanted you to show me what you had!? What, you don’t have guts?” he said as I felt him coming closer to me.

    “I DON’T want to fight you!” I shouted in pain. “I want you to leave me alone, please!”

    “Sad. I was beginning to believe that maybe… maybe you didn’t ruin my dimension. That maybe, it was just a fluke. But, I was wrong. Look, I was starting to have second thoughts about you, but I still don’t believe you. I want you to feel what I felt when my place, my pets, my things… all being threatened. Have you had anything special to you?” he asked.

    “Uhhh…” I started to say as I thought to myself,

    You certainly remind me of the something special. Still I cannot put my finger on it.

    “… Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. However, you still need to be learned your lesson,” he said as his diamond jewel thing started to glow a bright blue color.

    By that time, I’ve gotten up from the floor in no time without a lot of pain. I was just shaking in fear as I saw the wing like plates on his back expand. I then start to worry, is this his special power he is using? I have never seen anything like it. What if it’s like super strong and I don’t survive this attack? Too many what ifs in this case.

    “Maybe this time, you will get it. I have to do this,” the Pokemon concluded as he formed a huge blue and gray ball in his mouth.

    As soon as I thought that, many things were running through my mind. This ball of energy was huge, so there was no escaping this attack. All I can do is brace myself and hope that I make it alive and well. I use my arms to cover my face, however using the space between my arms to glance over at the Pokemon and his signature attack.

    Nice knowing this life.

    The huge ray of blue and gray came charging at me at a very high speed. My heart was pounding at the speed of sound as this ray charged toward me. When it came within inches of me, I buried my head entirely, eyes and all, in my arms as my heart continued to race.

    BLAST!

    This attack hit me like a fifty ton bag of bricks hurdling at me at 100 miles an hour. I let out the most ear shattering scream I have ever let out; a scream that can almost break bulletproof windows and rubber glass. The force was so great, that it knocked me entirely off this rock. I felt myself be slammed on to another hard surface, however this time; I let out a yell as I hit the ground… hard. Very, very hard.

    The worst part? As I laid face down on the ground, I can feel the pearl like jewel on my shoulder actually breaking. As if someone was preforming surgery on me and was ripping my skin as if it was just a thin piece of paper. The cracking was so painful, I let out yet another ear shattering scream. Then, after that finished, I felt something cold and wet coming out of my shoulder. I had enough strength to move my arms away from my face and glace over at my shoulder. With that, I couldn’t belive what I was seeing.

    It was dark red ooze coming out from my shoulder. A feeling so cold that it sent chills down my spine. It was go gross that it almost made me faint just looking at it. I… I was bleeding. Badly.
    岩根雅明=♡

  13. #13

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    just a warning, this chapter has alot of talk about blood

    I was bleeding.

    A power so powerful that it cracked my shoulder and made it bleed. Here I am, trying to gather up all of my strength to get up from the floor. My body parts just feel as if they want to come off. It hurts all so bad.

    Now what am I going to do? This is just too much.

    I try with all of my might to get up, despite my shoulder bleeding rapidly. The bleeding has gotten to the point where it’s running down my right arm. I can see smears of blood all over my hand as I look down. When I would lift up my hand, blood would drip from it and from my arm. Not only that, but close to me, lies a pool of blood. By the looks of it, I can compare it to melted red jello. With that; I tried my hardest not to faint by the sight of it.

    I was feeling two things right about now. Hurt and anger. Hurt because obviously, my pearl is cracked from the Pokemon’s signature attack and that thing has nerves in tacked to it. Anger because well, I wanted him to stop fighting me. I don’t want to fight him, I am not strong but he will not back off and this attack took the cake. Actually, to the point where I wanted to launch an attack I’ve never did since school. Spacial Rend.

    I summed up enough energy to bring myself on my knees well I held on to my bleeding shoulder with my opposite hand. On the rock above me, the one that I was blasted off from in the first place, stood the Pokemon looking at me with a rather unreadable expression on his face. With that, I was shaking in both fear and anger.

    “… Well, I didn’t expect for this to happen,” he started to say as he worked his way down to my rock.

    However, this time, his voice had a slightly different pitch to it. Before he sounded all serious and manly, but this time, his voice was only a notch and a half higher. With that, I was a bit off on that one. Not only this, but he was beginning to sound like someone from my past. Someone who was special to me.

    “All I wanted was to teach you a lesson. I don’t know. Have you learned it? I wanted to damage you a little, however I can see what my power did a lot more,” he concluded.

    After that, with all that was going on; all the thinking to myself, all the things I wanted to say, I finally wanted to let it out.

    “Are you crazy?! You are freaking powerful! You wanted to break me, and you did. Do you see this?” I yelled out as I moved my bloodied hand from my shoulder, which still had blood dripping from the cracks. “YOU DID THIS!”

    I yelled so loud that it vibrated throughout the open space. At the same time, I let out a few tears. Not because I was afraid, but because I finally got to let everything out. Now, I want him to feel what I felt. I want him to be as hurt as I am, to feel pain as bad as I did. And the only way for him to feel that pain, is for me to fight him, with that’s right, my weak powers.

    “NOW, I WANT YOU TO FEEL WHAT I FEEL RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE LIKE THIS. And don’t say you do because you don’t. How can someone as powerful as you feel this type of pain? I sit here, with a shoulder that is dripping blood. My hands are smeared with it. You don’t understand,” I continued to say.

    “…What the?” the other Pokemon started to say. However, I didn’t let him finish.

    At this point in time, I found all the strength to finally get off my knees and stand upward on the ground. When I stood up, I took my hand away from my shoulder, allowing the blood to flow freely down my arm and hand.

    “How in the world can someone like you know what it’s like to be weak? How? This might seem like a lesson learned to you, but you overdid it. You beat up a girl when she wasn’t strong enough to fight. You did this. You did it with your god-like legendary powers. I want to try to inflict that same pain and suffering on you,” I almost ended my rant.

    While I was talking, both pearls on my shoulders were starting to glow in a light pink color. I stuck out my left arm out to my side. There, massive amounts of pink energy were absorbing into my arm. It was almost like I can feel my own power. With that, I closed my eyes really tight before I said my last words.

    “I may not be as strong as you; but I am willing to collide with you, so you can feel what you inflicted on me. I'm sorry. I have to do this,” I said tearfully as took my arm back as if I was swinging a baseball bat, a quickly swung it to my front side.

    From there, I opened my eyes to a pink streak of light hitting the Pokemon at a great net speed. I watched as the Pokemon was visibly shaken by the attack. He seemed like he was damaged by it. Not visibly damaged though. My Spacial Rend isn’t that strong as I said many times before.

    I stood there, trying to hold back tears. I finally stood up to a Pokemon that was ten times stronger than me. A steel Pokemon to be exact. I was almost proud of myself for that, because this was something I thought I could never do. That’s it. From here on out, no more running away. I am willing to collide with him. With that, I flew up to the top rock where the Pokemon was trying to get himself ready. He looked up at me with a determined look on his face, as I had one as well.

    His diamond was beginning to glow the same light blue light from before. Not a word he said as the metal plate on his back began to once again, expand. During that time, I lit up the pearls on both shoulders once again and stuck out my left arm to have the same special power from before, absorb into my arm. As it did that, he was forming the same blue and gray ball in his mouth. His powers were defiantly quicker than mine, because after he formed the ball, he shot the beam right at me.

    Shoot! I gotta launch this thing fast!

    I took my arm back and quickly swung it forward. I floated there as the blue and pink streaks raced toward each other at a rather great speed. In my mind, I was hoping and praying that my power doesn’t just get canceled out with his. Until…

    BAM!

    Our powers collided with one another as the whole galaxy we were in turned white. When the smoked cleared, I can see that we were okay, but the results to our surroundings; disastrous. The rocks were falling apart and the moons and planets, well some of them, were beginning to disappear or just crack in pieces. It was like most of the rocks and planets were disappearing into another dimension.

    We collided. If we collide once more, what will happen? Will the world collapse? Am I worried? Yes. I really don't want to fight. But I meant what I said earlier that I wanted him to feel the same pain he inflicted on me, so that he can know how I felt. Nonetheless, we stared at each other with determined faces. I shall issue the first normal attack.

    ---

    I had to repost to fix and add things
    岩根雅明=♡

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    Somewhere... No, I'm home.
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    Default

    Good story. Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

    Wow, I'm really bored to annoy everyone like that.
    I'm chilean. I'm dislexic. But I can write in English. 73% of teenagers would cry if they saw Justin Bieber standing on top of a skyscraper about to jump. If you are the 27% sitting there with popcorn and 3D glasses, screaming "DO A BACKFLIP!", copy and paste this in your signature.
    This is Turtwig, he was the most under appreciated starter in Diamond & Pearl. If you picked Turtwig as your starter, put this in your sig. Started by Dax-360


    I've claimed Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories! One of the best GBA games. Got it memorized?

    I've claimed Duosion. Fear the cell.

  15. #15

    Default

    (It's true that they are going to kiss at the end)lol
    岩根雅明=♡

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    somewhere waitin for me
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    Default

    MOOOOOOOOOAR.

    And don't spoil things, man!




    "i unno man im just a pawniard"

    vvv Lookie
    VO Clan/VO Xat/VO Battle Spreadsheet

  17. #17

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MetalSonic View Post
    MOOOOOOOOOAR.

    And don't spoil things, man!
    Sorry lol

    (and poor Palkia)
    岩根雅明=♡

  18. #18
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    Driftveil City, Unova
    Posts
    999

    Default Review Game

    Well here is my review from the review game.

    Plot- Your plot is interesting and somewhat original. I like how Palkia and Dialga met each other in the past but they just don't realize it yet. I recognize the fact that the main plot is the two of them getting to know each other and fall in love. However, I'm curious to see what other obstacles they will have to face.

    Characters- Your characters are definitely unique. It makes sense that Dialga would like to collect clocks since he is a deity of time. Like another user said, his waffle obsession is cute and a nice touch. As far as Palkia, like others users have told you, I'm not really sold on her being so low on self-esteem. I did appreciate the fact that she did at least try to stand up for herself in her altercation with Dialga. As long as she grows from her lack of confidence I'm sure people will get off your back about having weak female characters.

    Dialogue- Both the spoken and inner dialogue appealed to me. You could really feel the characters' personalities through it. Palkia's dialogue was better since it really conveyed her insecurities. I guess that's because she is the one with the most to learn.

    Spelling/Grammar- Your spelling and grammar were pretty solid although there were a few noticeable mistakes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chapter 0
    All that’s missing is a sole mate
    Should be "soul" instead of "sole"

    Quote Originally Posted by Chapter 1
    I raced to refridgetator
    It should be "I raced to the refrigerator."

    ----

    Well that's all I have to say about this. You have something good going for you. Just keep working at it. I'll probably keep checking in on your story from time to time.

  19. #19

    Default

    Grammar always messes me up. For here, it doesn't make sense for Palkia to be insecure here because she rules space; if I am correct?

    Anyway; thanks for reviewing :]
    岩根雅明=♡

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