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Thread: The Lovers March *Touko &* N* [PG]

  1. #1
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    Default The Lovers March *Touko &* N* [PG]

    The Motion of the Ferris Wheel was slowly putting Touko to sleep being wrapped in N's arm's made her feel safe.


    As She closed her eye's and relaxed She allowed herself to drift into a light sleep. N's voice softly humming the song that had played the night they met.


    -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

    "I don't Wanna ride the ferris wheel by myself!" Touko complained crossing her arms. "It's not fair that Everyone else is paired up but me!"

    Cheren Rubbed his temple's clearly growing annoyed. Bianca's face clouded over for a moment then brightened up.

    "Touko...You'll be fine!" he said cleaning his glasses

    "Don't worry Touko" Bianca said trying to cheer her Friend up. "It wont be bad it's only for a little while!"

    Touko faced forward not wanting to hear anything more.

    As Cheren and Bianca climbed into their seats, Bianca Squealing with joy, Touko decided to step off the line quickly letting the other couple's take her place in line. As she walked back to a bench kicking rocks with her black lace up boots, she sighed now stuffing her hands into her blue short shorts back pockets. She had nobody to spend time with, or hold hands with, or even sit on a bench with, the thoughts running through her mind were quickly depressing her. So Touko stood and walked over to a a booth, watching the other happy couple's win prizes for one another. She smiled at the sight of a small dark haired boy handing a smaller blonde girl a giant teddy bear.

    "That's Sweet" Touko thought to herself "I wish I'd have something like that"

    As she walked father away from the Ferris Wheel she came to a large open space, a band was just setting up getting ready to play some romantic song's she assumed. As they played the first song a romantic slow melody she swayed a little from side to side, she didn't feel quiet so lonely now with a crowd of people slowly pouring in.


    Before the next song began, a quicker happier tune, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to a tall green haired boy who's green eyes sparkled like the lights at the fair were. He was fair skinned and smelled of good cologne. Touko Moved aside thinking perhaps she was blocking his way. He looked confused at first but then he chuckled.

    "Oh No you Aren't in my way. You don't know me but I wantend to know if you would like to dance...It's okay if you dont but I wont take no for an answer" he said Winking and smiling.

    Touko Blushed and pulled her pink and white pokčsymbol hat down a little to hide her face.

    "I'd like to but I don't even know your name Sir" She said smiling at him

    "Oh Of course!" he laughed "Sorry I'm N" he said extending his hand for Touko to shake.

    "Hi" Touko said A bubbly feeling rising in her stomach. "I'm Touko" She said Shaking his hand surprised to find it warm and soft.

    "Now Miss Touko...Would you care to dance?" he said his eyes dancing with excitement.


    "Sure Touko said Blushing "I would love too"

    "Great!" N said Grabbing her by the waist and waltzing her out to the open space where other couple's were dancing.


    Touko Giggled "So I'm assuming you know how to dance!?"

    N pushed his hat up farther Grinning "Believe it or not I learned from watching a Gallade and Gardevoir dance!" He said


    "Really?" Touko asked her eyes glowing with admiration

    His grin faded a bit "Yeah...I had a odd childhood to say the least...but I'm just glad I get to have some fun Now!" he said his grin so wide Even Touko had stared to smile.

    As a new song began,a slower dreamy song, N slowed down moving both Touko and Himself gracefully across the dirt floor.

    He hummed along as they danced.

    "You know this song?" Touko asked

    "Yeah it's called the March of Lovers" he said

    "It's commonly played at festivals like this one for all the couples" he said now looking down at his sneakers Blushing

    "Oh that's sweet!" Touko said almost Squealing "I love cute things like that! Even though I'm considered pretty rough around the edges...I'm still a girl!" She said Sighing

    "I understand how it feels to be misunderstood..." N said softly

    "As long as you just stay true to you you'll never have a problem" He said smiling

    "Your right!" Touko Said Smiling

    As the song finished N smiled

    "Thanks Touko it was great talking to you" he said Bowing slightly

    "Hey! I know it's last minute..but" Touko blushed again "Would you like to ride the Ferris Wheel with me?...My friends all had somebody to ride with and I didn't get a chance to..." She said trailing off in embarrassment. Blurting things out was Bianca's Job not her's, she rarely said anything without thinking it over first.

    "Hey I would love too!" N said grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the dancers. Touko grew more and more excited as they waited in line.

    "I finally won't be alone!" she thought happily

    As they took their Seats inside. Touko Looked out the window excited to be sitting so close to N.

    As the Wheel took them up higher N grew quiet His eyes staring blankly out of the window.

    Touko looked at him and took his hand in her's

    "Come on Now N...Aren't you having fun? Or are you scared of heights?" she asked.

    N looked at her a sad smile crossing his face.

    "Neither...I'm sorry Touko Now is no time to be daydreaming" he said his smile growing

    "I'm having a great time here with you!" he said placing his free hand over her's.

    Touko grinned "Great! I'm glad I am too!...I'm so glad you asked me to dance otherwise I'd still be feeling sorry for myself" she said rolling her eyes at her own selfishness.

    "I'm glad too!" N said a full blown grin crossing his face.

    As the night wore on they rode the Ferris Wheel several times and N had even won Touko her own teddy bear.

    As they walked hand in hand N's face had grown serious again.

    "Touko" he said releasing her hand "I'm not the greatest guy In the world...I've made some terrible choices and followed the wrong path for a long time...only recently did I realize the error's of my ways...I've been trying to change..but" he traced off another sad smile crossing his face.

    Touko Stood quiet a minute thinking

    "Okay...So you haven't made all the best choices...Nor have you always done the right thing...but you say your trying to change that?...if so N...I honestly don't think your a bad guy...just a person sucked into the chaos in this world" she said Moving close to him.

    "As long as you stay true to yourself you won't have a problem" she said a smile crossing her face.

    N's smile trembled a bit and his eyes watered. He lifted Touko's hat and gently kissed her forehead. Touko smiled softly then threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. Right there in front of all those people. Neither Touko or N minded It was a happy moment for them both. As they pulled away a high pitched happy voice cut in.

    "Touko!" There you are we've been searching High and low for you! We thought you went home!" Yelled Bianca Throwing her arms around her friend and hugging her. Cheren followed close Behind a small smile crossing his usually serious face.

    "I see you've made a friend" he said "Who have we here?" He asked

    "Cheren, Bianca...meet N" Touko said taking his hand and grinning up at him.

    N grinned too a smile that would forever be embedded In Touko's mind.

    *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

    Touko's eyes fluttered open. She was staring straight at a Softly Smiling N who was looking out of the window,His eyes glazed over.

    "What you thinking about?" Touko Questioned Breaking N out of his trance

    He grinned down at her "How we first met" he said "Took alot of courage to ask you to dance!" he said laughing

    "I'm glad you did N" Touko said grinning

    N brushed her Chocolate colored hair away from her face with his hand and smiled

    "Me too"

    He leaned down and kissed her softly

    Touko Closed her eyes.

    "Finally...I'm perfectly Happy" She thought

    "You know something N" she said as they pulled away.

    "What?" he asked

    "I love you" She responded blushing.

    "I love you more" he said grinning

    They rode the Ferris Wheel several more times, remaining hand in Hand.


    [End]



    Last edited by PalmerDawn; 19th February 2012 at 1:18 AM.
    I Have Claimed Yellow!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
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    the Reverse World
    Posts
    4,001

    Default

    I wouldn't call myself a FerrisWheelshipper, but after reading your story, I may consider it! I liked the cuteness of this story. The dialogue and the actions of the characters were just adorable and sweet. But it wasn't mushy either, and not cliche. I think you've struck a perfect balance - it's short and sweet.

    However, the grammar/spelling/punctuation could use A LOT of work. Many times you capitalized words in the middle of a sentence, or had ridiculous run-ons. For example, in this paragraph:

    Quote Originally Posted by OP
    As Cheren and Bianca climbed into their seats, Bianca Squealing with joy, Tuko decided to step off the line quickly letting the other couple's take her place in line. As she walked back to a bench kicking rocks with her black lace up boots, she sighed now stuffing her hands into her blue short shorts back pockets. She had nobody to spend time with, or hold hands with, or even sit on a bench with, the thoughts running through her mind were quickly depressing her. So Tuko stood and walked over to a a booth, watching the other happy couple's win prizes for one another. She smiled at the sight of a small dark haired boy handing a smaller blonde girl a giant teddy bear.

    "That's Sweet" Tuko thought to herself "I wish I'd have something like that"
    Quote Originally Posted by EDITED
    As Cheren and Bianca climbed into their seats, Bianca squealing with joy, Touko decided to step off the line quickly, allowing the other couples to take her place in line. As she walked to a bench kicking rocks with her black, laced up boots, she sighed, and then stuffed her hands into her blue short shorts' back pockets. She had nobody to spend time with, or hold hands with, or even sit on a bench with. The thoughts running through her mind were quickly depressing her. So Touko stood up, walked over to a booth and watched the other happy couples win prizes for one another. She smiled at the sight of a small, dark haired boy handing a smaller, blonde girl a giant teddy bear.

    "That's sweet," Tuko thought to herself. "I wish I'd have something like that."
    See the differences? This runs rampant in the fic. You also spelled Touko's name wrong several times in the beginning of the fic.
    I suggest that when you write, that you slow down and then proofread before you post, to make sure that silly mistakes like these are avoided.
    If you want, I can edit the fic for you, if you like. I won't change anything but the grammar/punctuation, because I think the story itself is wonderful. I implore that you keep writing and getting better, because you have the potential to go far. ^^
    Encyclopika's Fic of the Moment:

    Status: Chaptered | R | Contestshipping | Finished

    Encyclopika:
    Made the banner
    Is a GIRL. >.>;;
    Has a deviantART account and a Tumblr
    Is on Fanfiction.net.
    Need a moveset for a specific Pokemon for a specific contest? PM me!
    Don't reply to my infractions. It's not gonna change anything.

    Random friend requests do nothing. Let's actually talk first. >_<

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