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Thread: Unova Journeys

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Right Next To You

    Default Unova Journeys

    this is my first FF, so i will try my best on this

    Chapter 1:A New Beginning

    Day 1
    April 22
    Journal Notes:
    Team Plasma has started a project called "project ultimate"
    apparently it has to do with an ancient pokemon that exist long before the other prehistoric pokemon.
    although Lord N is not satisfied with this project, we are still continuing on it.

    Day 2
    April 23
    Journal Notes:
    Lord N has called off the project, so all the grunts and scientists are gone.
    but i, on the other hand, am finishing this project no matter what.
    right now, i have changed it's apperance and features to make it more powerful and fiercing. soon, team plasma will regret the choice of calling this off and i will have immortal power!

    Day 3
    April 24
    Journal Notes:
    i have just finished the project and have bought the pokemon to life. i added a cannon to it to make it more powerful.
    but now i regret my choice of finishing this.
    the creature went on a rampage, and destroyed the lab. then it just shot up into the sky and left. it's will most likely destroy everything until all life is removed from existence........

    "Wooooooohoooooo! i can't wait!"
    a young boy named Johnny was starting his journey as a pokemon trainer and on his way to get his first pokemon
    "Johnny! wait up!"
    behind him was his best friend, Eric
    "ready to start our journey?" Eric said
    "i sure am!" said Johnny
    they reached their destination: Prof.Juniper's Lab
    they entered inside and were greeted by herself
    "Hi! I'm! you must be Johnny and Eric!"
    "yes we are!"
    "great! let's go and get your first pokemon! be right back!" got 3 pokeballs, each with a unique pokemon. out of the pokeballs came oshawott,tepig and snivy
    "alright! choose from these pokemon!" said juniper
    "hmmmmmmm, what to choose......." said Eric
    this was a tough choice for the duo.........
    just then, the roof shooked
    "whats happening?" said Johnny
    "the roof! its about to collapse!" said juniper and Eric got to a safe spot, but not Johnny. he tried find a spot, but he fell and the roof collapse
    "JOHNNY!!!!!" Eric and juniper said
    the whole lab collapse completly
    after the lab was crushed, Eric ran to look for Johnny
    "Johnny! Johnny! Johnny! look! there he is!" said Eric
    they found Johnny, but he was ok
    "im ok"
    "thank goodness! Johnny, what happened, how did you survive?"
    "well i was............"
    but he was interrupted when they saw oshawott, who was lying on the ground, badly hurt
    then Johnny knew
    oshawott just saved his life

    Chapter 2 Coming Soon!
    Last edited by ShortsandDetermination; 23rd September 2012 at 6:15 AM.
    My Future White 2 Team

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    From the land down under...


    Sorry, but I'm going to have to close as it breaks a few fanfiction rules. Chapters must be two pages long minimum for instance, and there's must be some proper use of grammar as well. Here you're missing full stops at the end of various sentence, lack a lot of capitalisation, and so forth; basic stuff that a spell/grammar checker would alert you to. And there's a lack of description as well; we don't know what people look like, what places look like nor how they do things (how exactly for instance did people react to the ceiling collapsing? How did Johnny look okay to Eric given he just survived a building collapse? Or what about the Oshawott made it look 'badly hurt'? Without showing us you're just telling us facts which is harder to imagine and not quite as interesting to read.)

    Please check other fics to see how to do it, as well as the Fan Fiction rules thread so you know more on what is required for this section

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
    Completed. Four times winner of Best Comedy/Funniest Fic.

    Avatar: minty-fivestar on DA, edited background/cropping. Fic banner: cieux.

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