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Thread: The Origins - Collections of Short Stories

  1. #1
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    Default The Origins - Collections of Short Stories

    Yes, I am aware of how many "Origin" stories there are, but I wanted to present my ideas of the origin of the Pokemon World, and thus The Origins was born. I plan to make several short stories, each explaining how different aspects of the Pokemon World came to be.

    Now, I present the first story, The Origin of All

    THE ORIGIN OF ALL

    It wasn’t a world of shadows, nor one of light. It was merely a world of the betwixt and between, a never ending war between time and space. Nothing existed, and it seemed that no life ever could, as there was no chance of survival. Many times, half-creatures where created but faded away quickly into the nonexistence of the universe. The faded souls of these creatures lived on, however, until they finally clustered together to form an awesome monster, an angel and a demon, a spirit guardian that was neither alive nor dead.

    In a world without time or space, millenia passed forwards and backwards, reversing and speeding up the growth of the monster. It was either a very long or short time that passed before the creature finally took its first breath. It was still not whole.

    Still, the monster grew, slowly taking form and quickly growing smaller. It almost became a true being many times, but as its form changed, it would sink into nonexistence. It often failed to breathe, and as a result, its form would wither and die, and it would return to light and shadow as a new, stronger form took shape. The souls of the many other failed lifeforms still huddled together, until finally, it was alive.

    Its structure was wavy, and it was easily moulded by the pure existence of its surroundings, and it was unable to save any thoughtsor emotions. Once it had become alive, it began to die, but without being whole, the monster would always survive, even if it became no more than a microscopic spec of mass and energy. It lived on, growing more powerful constantly.

    Finally, after many long and short years and lightyears, the creature was formed. It was still blurry, like a phantom hiding within the shadows, but equally as powerful as a monster. It was fashioned roughly, and looked as if it had been carved with a blunt knife out of the universe. It was small, but in comparison to nothing, it was massive. It was sealed in a hard protective shell, a prototype egg object that shielded the monster from all things on the exterior, which may have been nothing or everything, as anything void of something is merely the opposite of the original. As the creature grew more massive and awesome, it began to break free of its protective bonds, and it was fully born.

    Its skin was clear, and showed the fluctuating light patterns through its flesh, creating an ultimate camouflage ruined only by the facial features. It had two small eyes, a vividly bright green with blood-red pupils to see with. The rest of its face was obscured by a cloud of shadow, like a mask made of pure darkness. It moved gently through the antimatter, its transparent legs swishing through the void, propelling it forwards. It still grew as it aged, and its growth brought power.

    Slowly, yet altogether rather quickly, the monster grew tired of merely existing in a world of nonexistence. No sooner had the thought passed through its mind than a very faint object appeared in front of it. The creature drew close to the item, and with the very slightest touch, it began to darken, taking the form of a protective sphere, very much like the one that had fashioned around the monster at its creation. It became a cloud of darkness, swirling with power and hypnotizing the creature. Finally the monster approached the egg once more, and it burst apart in a dazzling array of light and shadow. Three larger objects began to take shape around the creature, who stayed by the objects for all the length of their creation, until they finally began to break apart.

    From the first egg, a grand serpentine monster appeared, with wings made of the same dark material as its egg. It had large red claws on each of the wings, which began to divide into several bony appendages. It sprouted short, golden talons from all of the different segments of its reptilian body. Its face was mostly covered in a bright gold mask, with two thin slits for its black eyes with scarlet pupils.

    From the second egg, a bulky, dirty white monster with veins filled with a dark pink substance. It had a long neck, which stuck a small head out quite a bit from the body, and was followed by two large, but seemingly flightless wings protruding from the rear of its neck. Each of its two arms had a shining pink orb sunk in, and short hands that ended in five razor-sharp claws. It had two heavy legs with deadly talons and a long, curling tail.

    From the third and final egg burst a brilliantly sea blue quadrupedal dragon that was partially armored by thick, silver plates. It had a tall, long neck that ended in a long, spear-shaped head. It had metallic horns above its eyes, across the base of its neck, and a row of spikes lined on the back of its spine. Each of its four feet was covered in hard, sharp claws that rose up to the sky blue veins that wrapped around the monster. Sunken into its large chest plate was a bright blue hexagonal jewel.

    The original monster stared at the three new creatures in awe. Slowly, it realized that it had created them with its own powers, and upon realizing this, it stared blankly around in the world that the four monsters shared. It was then that it devised the most important system it could ever create.

    “Ar...ce...us” it spoke slowly, forcing the harsh sounds to emerge from its throat. The shadow creature lifted its head at the monster, and emitted a sound in much the same way.

    “Gi...ra...ti...na…” it sounded, and the voice echoed in the endless nothingness.

    Originally, the being that had spoken “Arceus” was trying to communicate the existence of life. The “Giratina” monster was attempting to convey a response, specifically, ghost, in saying that it was partially a ghost, and thus, not fully alive.

    “Di...al...ga….” roared the third monster, the quadrupedal, more loudly than the others. Its message was received as its name as well, despite its attempt to speak of deciphering the time of the distorted world.

    “Pal...ki...a…?” spoke the fourth and final creature, as a question, unlike the others. It was trying to ask the “Arceus” monster, who was its creator, and was assumed as the wisest, what was this space.

    The four monsters lived in an almost dream state of confusion and wonder. Each slowly helped to create the communication system, as well as discovering their own special abilities. Giratina, as the serpentine dragon had been officially named because of its first speech, gained an odd ability to travel through the light and darkness to other places, other worlds. Its form varied each time it found or created a new dimension, becoming warped differently for each world.

    Palkia discovered its incredible ability to create matter from the nothingness, and with the help of Dialga, began to shape a whole new world in one of Giratina’s own dimensions. Dialga would use its powers to control time to make time pass through Palkia’s world.

    Arceus watched all of this, thinking in wonder and amazement at how his own creations had shaped a world that was inhabitable without the fluctuating life patterns of the antimatter world. It found that when traveling through the new world, different things, elements, changed its form and powers. It began to grow a mystical armor that encircled it’s back, a complicated figure of various elemental materials. It was able to produce and control fire, water, earth, and air, and slowly created new forces that helped shape the world into a hospitable environment.

    For a long time, which could now be measured thanks to Dialga, each of the four monsters lived harmoniously, sharing the world of their creation peacefully. Arceus had created fifteen new elements which now shrouded the world in hope and happiness. Of course, as was inevitable, the four monsters quarreled now and then, but Arceus would manage to calm them down each time. The creatures had created a paradise, and it seemed that nothing could ever ruin the life they had created for themselves.

    - - - - - - - - - -

    Please be sure to leave any comments or concerns you may have about my Fan Fic, thanks!

    ~BLAZE

  2. #2
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    The first part of this story is really repetitive. In a way, it is a good attempt to write a period of chaos before creation. It has a bit of nonsense to it, with the growing/shrinking and quickly/slowly. Arceus gets created repeatedly, which makes sense as chaos still in power, but it happening multiple times within the text makes things confusing to read. I kind of wanted to stop reading around the fifth paragraph due to that.

    But after you get past that part, it is a nice myth. I like the family element in the last part between the four legends. It comes a bit close to purple prose, but I like it here so it’s not bad.

    Watch making things confusing, but this is a pretty good version of the origin myth.

    -this isn't for the review exchange, but it would be nice if you picked someone else on the Open list and gave them a review.
    Pokedex OS- Still trying to capture every single Pokemon out there in words: 648/718 Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh complete!

    Fluer Noir- A story of a black flower, a shameful history, and magic.

  3. #3
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    Many times, half-creatures where created,
    Created by what, or should I say whom, as to create something normally implies an intelligence, to be able to imagine and form and... do something with some kind of matter that may or may not exist.

    The faded souls of these creatures lived on
    If nothing existed, then how can there be 'matter' to make souls? What are these 'souls' even made of, if it can exist outside of a system of networks to make connections and store memory? Pure energy? How can it retain memory, or any sense of identity, to make it a 'soul' and not just energy? The idea of a 'soul' is a complex thing, the result of complex organisms. In this thread, bacteria, or viruses aren't said to have personality, or even 'behaviour' as that recorded in animals and life forms with brains. What you have suggested, is that either spontaneously complex life forms have appeared, created and living in nothing, complex enough to possess 'souls'. Or, you are suggesting something created it.

    This is pretty, you have used some beautiful and interesting descriptions, and the picture of this all is interesting. However, you describe shadows as some sort of physical thing, instead of what they are, an absence of light, and this is repeated in some of your other descriptions; they are pretty, but describe the impossible, giving wrong properties to physical phenomenon and concepts. I am stepping aside from your mention of time, which you say is fluctuating, and I can suspend my disbelief and believe that, but without a reason for a driving force, and obeying the laws of physics, it makes what you are describing redundant. I'm not saying that the world of Pokemon is entirely plausible, but it obeys the laws of our world pretty much exactly. Suspending everything, and renaming the properties of things, reaches a point where your story means nothing.

    Your descriptions then get a tad list-y. You can tell the story of a creatures origins without degenerating into 'then he begot him who begot him who begot him'. Incorporate their descriptions into their actions, or movement, weave a small story of their personalities from birth, with how each newborn reacts to the others. Weave the tale.

    without the fluctuating life patterns of the antimatter world.
    8D YES! This was what I was waiting for! Some sort of name to this mini-all-powerful-yet-nothing-universe. ;u;

    I do like this. The images you create are beautiful, if a little contradictory and a tiny bit nonsense, but what is fiction if not nonsense? However, it would have been nice to see more of your ideas instead of vague conflicting descriptions, of what their world is and could be. x'D All in all, though, nice job. :'D

    This was a review from the fanfic exchange!
    Fics: Demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    A war is brewing, although most of our world remains oblivious to this fact. One species; so beautiful, so powerful, so tightly controlled, are breaking the chains that had unconsciously enslaved them for millennia. As a man struggles to regain what is lost, for the sake of humanity, taking the upper hand, he can't help but wonder: who, really, are the righteous - us or them?

    Excerpt:

    The only thing he could concentrate on was the lavender scent of her breath as it whispered in a light huff across his face; the softness of her lips as they drew close enough to touch his and the taste of her tongue, twisting his mind into knots. A quick breath, before he drew her even closer, fingers smoothing up warm skin to entwine in her hair, before gripping relentlessly, pushing, heart racing, as their pauses for breath grew more erratic and far between-

    Second: Meddling with Time. A small serial, two chapters thus far. A stumbling, accident prone tale of love and mistakes, where time is relative and everything. It plays freely within it's own timeline.

    Reviews Wanted: Constructive advice, grammar nazis, anything and everything useful. Friendly ones full of smileys are appreciated too. xD

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

  4. #4
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    I enjoyed this~! The beginning bit about Arceus' creation did seem to drag a little bit, but it was an interesting take on a beginning of the Pokemon World. :3 I'm with ejunknown on your description - I found it pretty, but in general quite static. There are other ways of incorporating description I felt you could've explored, particularly with how much you engage with light and shadow etcet already - a nice bit of personification or the like could spiff it up a little. :3

    Grammar and spelling looked fine from what I could see, apart from the 'where/were' typo. The plot was nice, as said before, and the characters seemed fine. :3

    Only thing:

    Giratina, as the serpentine dragon had been officially named because of its first speech
    I'd say 'words' not 'speech'. x3

    Good job, though! :3

    I am also part of the review exchange. x3


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