The Advice Thread.

[Ambree]

So u do all that... Financial Aid if they have it...

[EpicBacon]

Wow, surprised that this actually response! Well, this little chapter of my life is now over, but I'll suppose I'll reply to you to satisfy your curiosity.

@An00bis It was a school program that started this year. Unfortunately, it's not exactly feasible to research that sort of thing. Also, I can assure you that I was very respectful during the interview. Perhaps the anonymity of the Internet makes perceived as rude, but I promise you, that message was not there. It was full of respect.

Well, I understood the fear of being perceived as a sore loser, but, I truly feel an injustice was made. They made a decision that went against me based upon criteria that was beyond my control. I, personally, believed this to not be fair.

@pirate555 Both of you are right, technically. :-) I "earned" that score because I got 100% on all of the tests and homework, and did extra credit officially. I earned that score, but the gradebook just marker it as 100%. Yeah, it's technically impossible to go beyond that. So sad. Thanks for your positivity on my dream, it truly means a lot. :-)

@Krake Nope, no faculty whatsoever was involved. Just students.

So, yeah, in the end, I didn't get the trip. C'est la vie. Life is really unfair sometimes. OH WELL!

[Krake]

@Krake Nope, no faculty whatsoever was involved. Just students.

So, yeah, in the end, I didn't get the trip. C'est la vie. Life is really unfair sometimes. OH WELL!

So what you are saying is that students completely decide who gets to go on this all expenses paid trip when they can clearly show bias towards certain students over anything, among other things?

I guess at this point, it doesn't matter, especially with the whole homestay issue.

[EpicBacon]

So what you are saying is that students completely decide who gets to go on this all expenses paid trip when they can clearly show bias towards certain students over anything, among other things?

Unfortunately, yes.

The idea of the club is, in theory, to make students take leadership positions. I suppose it's a good idea in theory, but it comes with unfair consequences and irresponsibilities such as this.

HOWEVER, I suppose, to the students' defense, they do a lot of fundraising and the money technically theirs; they can decide to use it however they want, no matter how unreasonable I believe it to b.e

[Thomas Elliot]

Do you guys stay pretty organized in your personal lives as well? My ADHD wreaks havoc on mine.

[Pesky Persian]

Unfortunately, yes.

The idea of the club is, in theory, to make students take leadership positions. I suppose it's a good idea in theory, but it comes with unfair consequences and irresponsibilities such as this.

HOWEVER, I suppose, to the students' defense, they do a lot of fundraising and the money technically theirs; they can decide to use it however they want, no matter how unreasonable I believe it to b.e

It honestly just sounds like you're jealous and upset that you didn't get picked. If the girl they chose was more active in the club for a longer period of time, why wouldn't they choose her? If I was a club leader and we spent all this time and effort fundraising, I'd want to reward someone who is a long-standing member who has actually contributed to the club. You also already stated that your parents wouldn't host an exchange student. That's kind of a big deal when it comes to exchange programs. It sounds like the trip is supposed to be a learning experience, not a free vacation.

If you want go to Europe, earn it. Be an active member of the club and discuss it with your parents so that maybe you can have a chance to go next year. Or you can always get a job when you have the resources to do so and earn the money yourself. Besides, you're only 17. It's not like you need to go to Europe right now. I don't think their decision to not choose you was unfair at all. The girl was more qualified to be selected so she got offered the opportunity.

[bel9]

and I've really been deprived of a cultural experience.
In absence of my trip to the foreign world, I've really taken the time to study European culture and language.

You could not exoticize people. There is always that option.

[Hudsonn98]

Do you guys stay pretty organized in your personal lives as well? My ADHD wreaks havoc on mine.

I do a ton. To be perfectly honest, recently I have gotten to the point where I suspect I may have an mild underlying case of OCD.

[EpicBacon]

It honestly just sounds like you're jealous and upset that you didn't get picked. If the girl they chose was more active in the club for a longer period of time, why wouldn't they choose her?

You're right, I was severely disappointed that I didn't win the trip. Based off of the criteria they gave me, I would have no had no chance whatsoever to win the trip, no matter what I did. They basically dragged me when I never even had a chance to begin with.

Not to mention, half of their reasoning was beyond my control and they admitted to me that they completely IGNORED the interview while making the decision. They used reasoning to select someone else beyond my control and that is anything but fair, nor does it equal the girl being, in any sense, more qualified for a trip.

I can assure you, if they told me that the girl won because she was more articulate during the interview, I would not rebuke the decision at all.

You could not exoticize people. There is always that option.

Clearly, I must not know what you mean when you say "exoticize". In my mind, I think of "exoticing" people as making others somehow be part of nature. Please, elaborate on what you mean and the context of your post didn't make any sense, people. No individual other than myself was mentioned.

[Pesky Persian]

You're right, I was severely disappointed that I didn't win the trip. Based off of the criteria they gave me, I would have no had no chance whatsoever to win the trip, no matter what I did. They basically dragged me when I never even had a chance to begin with.

Not to mention, half of their reasoning was beyond my control and they admitted to me that they completely IGNORED the interview while making the decision. They used reasoning to select someone else beyond my control and that is anything but fair, nor does it equal the girl being, in any sense, more qualified for a trip.

I'm going to ignore the fact that most of your grammar makes absolutely no sense. Just because certain things were out of your control does not make the decision process unfair at all. They were looking for particular things and you didn't meet the criteria. She was part of the club longer, she presumably was an active participant in that club (meaning she contributed a lot more than you did), and her parents were willing to host an exchange student. There was literally no reason why they should have chosen you over her. She was, in fact, more qualified because she met the qualifications. Your "unfair" argument is akin to saying that someone who just really, really wants a job should get it over someone who has worked their way up from a low position and has contributed a lot to the company over an extended period of time. Not to mention the fact that you dissed this girl in your first post just shows how immaturely you handled the situation. Being an elitist Europophile does not automatically make you more qualified than someone who actually meets the qualifications. Grow up and quit whining about how "unfair" it is because it was most certainly fair.

[EpicBacon]

I'm going to ignore the fact that most of your grammar makes absolutely no sense. Just because certain things were out of your control does not make the decision process unfair at all. They were looking for particular things and you didn't meet the criteria. She was part of the club longer, she presumably was an active participant in that club (meaning she contributed a lot more than you did), and her parents were willing to host an exchange student. There was literally no reason why they should have chosen you over her. She was, in fact, more qualified because she met the qualifications. Your "unfair" argument is akin to saying that someone who just really, really wants a job should get it over someone who has worked their way up from a low position and has contributed a lot to the company over an extended period of time. Not to mention the fact that you dissed this girl in your first post just shows how immaturely you handled the situation. Being an elitist Europophile does not automatically make you more qualified than someone who actually meets the qualifications. Grow up and quit whining about how "unfair" it is because it was most certainly fair.

I apologize that my grammar doesn't please you, I'm very tired, it's been long day. This isn't a formal essay that I'm writing, this is a post on a Pokemon fan forum.

I only felt the mood to briefly skim your message, as I'm going to bed soon, and, to be honest, I'm sort of discouraged to read it as it appears to mostly be irrelevant ranting, statements that I made taken out of context in order for you to slant the truth, and, well, in short, rude.

Obviously, if you think it's fair to chose to give people benefits based off of their parents and not the individual themselves, then, well, I cannot change your mind. My opinion, of course, would be the opposite.

[Pesky Persian]

I apologize that my grammar doesn't please you, I'm very tired, it's been long day. This isn't a formal essay that I'm writing, this is a post on a Pokemon fan forum.

It simply makes your posts difficult to understand.

I only felt the mood to briefly skim your message, as I'm going to bed soon, and, to be honest, I'm sort of discouraged to read it as it appears to mostly be irrelevant ranting, statements that I made taken out of context in order for you to slant the truth, and, well, in short, rude.

Perhaps when you actually bother to read it you could point out to me where I took anything you said out of context.

Obviously, if you think it's fair to chose to give people benefits based off of their parents and not the individual themselves, then, well, I cannot change your mind. My opinion, of course, would be the opposite.

The funny thing about an exchange program is that your family has to actually be willing to, y'know, host an exchange student. I never said anything about people getting benefits because of their parents and not because of themselves as individuals. You already stated in your first post that she was chosen not only because her parents were willing to host an exchange student, but also because she was also part of the club longer (That is not me taking anything out of context. That is literally what you said in your post). So she as an individual has been part of the club longer and most likely has contributed her time and energy to that club.

[Lord_Kain]

So theres a girl at work i like, unfortunately she got a new boyfriend almost exactly when i realized i liked her. Is there anything i can do to try to get kind of...."next in line" for lack of a better term? Doubt it but its worth an ask i suppose.

[Pesky Persian]

So theres a girl at work i like, unfortunately she got a new boyfriend almost exactly when i realized i liked her. Is there anything i can do to try to get kind of...."next in line" for lack of a better term? Doubt it but its worth an ask i suppose.

You can't. You should probably just accept the fact that you missed your chance and move on. She's a human being, not a rollercoaster. There is no "next in line."

[Lord_Kain]

You can't. You should probably just accept the fact that you missed your chance and move on. She's a human being, not a rollercoaster. There is no "next in line."

Well yeah i know, like i said i couldnt think of a better way to put it. Theres always a chance it wont last

[Pesky Persian]

Well yeah i know, like i said i couldnt think of a better way to put it. Theres always a chance it wont last

What makes you think she's even going to want to date you if she does happen to break up with this other guy? I would encourage you to not be one of those men who befriends a woman in a relationship with the sole intent of trying to date her if it fails. There is nothing endearing about that.

Edit: Scratch that. Befriending anyone (regardless of relationship status) with the sole intent of dating that person is not endearing.

[Lord_Kain]

What makes you think she's even going to want to date you if she does happen to break up with this other guy? I would encourage you to not be one of those men who befriends a woman in a relationship with the sole intent of trying to date her if it fails. There is nothing endearing about that.

No, We got along great from the start, i was enjoying her company long before i was interested.

[Pesky Persian]

No, We got along great from the start, i was enjoying her company long before i was interested.

Then you should continue to enjoy her company without expecting/hoping/anticipating that she'll break up with her new boyfriend so you can date her yourself.

[Lord_Kain]

Then you should continue to enjoy her company without expecting/hoping/anticipating that she'll break up with her new boyfriend so you can date her yourself.

im kinda doing both, lol

[Pesky Persian]

im kinda doing both, lol

Then you're being quite selfish and disrespectful. If you really cared about her, you'd want her to be happy even if it wasn't with you.

[Lord_Kain]

Then you're being quite selfish and disrespectful. If you really cared about her, you'd want her to be happy even if it wasn't with you.

Of course. but that doesnt mean i cant hope does it?

[GhostAnime]

Hope ain't advice related.

[GrizzlyB]

Of course. but that doesnt mean i cant hope does it?

That's exactly what it means. In the words of a man much wiser than myself: fuhgeddaboudit

[Lord_Kain]

Hope ain't advice related.

Silence crying baby Mewtwo! I kill you!

[Zazie]

So theres a girl at work i like, unfortunately she got a new boyfriend almost exactly when i realized i liked her. Is there anything i can do to try to get kind of...."next in line" for lack of a better term? Doubt it but its worth an ask i suppose.

Forget about it,* at least for know. You'd just be wasting your time to dwell on someone unavailable when you could actually be successfully dating someone. If she just so happens to become single at a later date it's okay to try asking her out or something, but definitely do not bank on such chances. (as in literally remove it from your mind)

*unless she is poly, but it is highly unlikely that it is the case.

Of course. but that doesnt mean i cant hope does it?

Yes it does. Your just setting yourself up to be upset.


So I am in need of advice:
I may be interested in asking out a friend of a friend, since I am trying to get back into dating after a 2 year break. I am thinking that I should probably check with my friend first to make sure it's cool first. I think it sounds like the polite thing to do, may give me useful advice and prevent potential drama. But on the other hand it sounds like it could be awkwards and/or stressful and is potentially putting myself under the judgement of another person.

What is the generally the considered to be the better course of action in such situations, both in terms of benefit to me and my maintaining a good impression on other people?

This specific situation isn't all that important, but similar situations could come up again and it would be helpful to have some basic guidelines on how to handle it.