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Thread: The Official Advice Thread

  1. #3551
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    i'm probably gonna need relationship advice regarding someone in columbus in the near future (and it's all because of this damn parliamentary internship that i even need to post about it)

    man why am i even being vague in this post this is dumb
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  2. #3552
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    Quote Originally Posted by zomegax7249 View Post
    That's the problem. I've tried, but I can't move on.
    Well the other option of pursuing someone who isn't into you is going to make you feel even worse. And most likely upset the people you are pursuing as well.

    Trying to kill emotions is pretty tough, but letting feeling that are already making you feel crummy is just going to make you feel worse.

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  3. #3553
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    Quote Originally Posted by zomegax7249 View Post
    That's the problem. I've tried, but I can't move on.
    What exactly are you friends' telling you? If they're warning you of some of her tendencies, then their advice my be relevant. It could spare you some potential heartbreak. I've had my friends do the same thing you're doing, and come back a few months like saying, " I should have listened to you, bro."

    You don't want to be that guy. Her holding hands with another guy while in a relationship is sketchy. Seems like your hormones (and heart) are everywhere bro. Think it through rationally before you seriously consider a relationship.

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    Last edited by WarriorPrince; 30th April 2013 at 5:46 AM.
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  4. #3554
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    As of late I've been losing a lot of will to work. I've always been a bit of a procrastinator, but lately I can't even concentrate on what I know I should get done. I keep wanting to just throw myself into the throes of procrastination, even though I usually just sit there being utterly and completely bored. I never have any patience to work either, especially on long projects, but the problem is that my passion, art, usually requires a lot of patience and I know I'm capable of it but I can never put myself in that state anymore. I'm usually a good student and capable of keeping up with the homework that's set for me, but now I struggle even with that. Plus, I rarely feel truly happy. It's almost as if there's a blanket over me. Sure, I can laugh with my friends, but it usually fades away soon after... I think I may be depressed. Any advice? I hate feeling like this but I'm not very good at confiding in people IRL and I don't want to have to rely on something like medication to sort it out.
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  5. #3555
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    Well, I find the cure to depression is to have as much fun as possible as soon as possible, but thats just me. If you are struggling to get a work ethic, try set up a proper working system, or find something to make it easier/more bearable (IE watching TV whilst working in the breaks, or listening to music)
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  6. #3556
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iristle View Post
    As of late I've been losing a lot of will to work. I've always been a bit of a procrastinator, but lately I can't even concentrate on what I know I should get done. I keep wanting to just throw myself into the throes of procrastination, even though I usually just sit there being utterly and completely bored. I never have any patience to work either, especially on long projects, but the problem is that my passion, art, usually requires a lot of patience and I know I'm capable of it but I can never put myself in that state anymore. I'm usually a good student and capable of keeping up with the homework that's set for me, but now I struggle even with that. Plus, I rarely feel truly happy. It's almost as if there's a blanket over me. Sure, I can laugh with my friends, but it usually fades away soon after... I think I may be depressed. Any advice? I hate feeling like this but I'm not very good at confiding in people IRL and I don't want to have to rely on something like medication to sort it out.
    Think about the root of what is causing you to feel that way. One reason you don't have a drive to work could be the lack of an outlet or stress-reliever. Are you lonely, or is there a specific thing that could be bothering you. Possibly relationships (friends, family, romantic) that aren't going as you want to?


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  7. #3557
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    How do I start hinting around at a girl that I'm interested in her? I only see her once a week though so it's kinda hard to get to really know her.
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  8. #3558
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    Talk to her. You can't expect her to catch any of these "hints" if you only come in contact once a week.

  9. #3559
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    Open-palmed tap on the fanny. Firm but not hard, and remember to keep those fingers together! Do that once a week and she's bound to catch on. Even sooner if you do Jb's thing and see her more than that.

  10. #3560
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    Quote Originally Posted by ebevan91 View Post
    How do I start hinting around at a girl that I'm interested in her? I only see her once a week though so it's kinda hard to get to really know her.
    Girls don't take hints any better than guys do. If she's also interested in you, then she'll instinctively try and rationalize your hints as not being so, in an "oh, there's no way he actually likes me" mindset. If she's not interested in you, then she'll blatantly ignore your hints, hoping you never act on your interest.

    As soon as you're able to muster the courage, just be blunt with her. "Hey, I kinda like you, do you want to go out sometime?" Something short and sweet. If she says "no," then odds are she'll never give you a chance, and you can start getting over her early before you grow too attached. If she says "yes," well, mission accomplished.

    The longer you wait, the less likely your chances of success will be. Don't try and make up a script in your head or anything like that, just think of a nice place for the two of you to have a date, bring up the possibility as naturally as you possibly can, and gauge the situation from there.
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  11. #3561
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    Today I had my first day back at school. Over the holidays I did very little school work and just procrastinated most of the time and now I have to finish a large report by next Friday and the rest of this term is just going to be loads of work

  12. #3562
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serebii! View Post
    Today I had my first day back at school. Over the holidays I did very little school work and just procrastinated most of the time and now I have to finish a large report by next Friday and the rest of this term is just going to be loads of work
    Then why are you on here? Get to work and you won't have to worry about it.
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  13. #3563
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    Quote Originally Posted by zomegax7249 View Post
    That's the problem. I've tried, but I can't move on.
    you act like being with another person is going to solve all your problems. chances are these people you like are similar to the ones you pass by every day.

    Quote Originally Posted by ebevan91 View Post
    How do I start hinting around at a girl that I'm interested in her? I only see her once a week though so it's kinda hard to get to really know her.
    ask her out. let her know exactly what you want. works out in your favor more often than not because if she doesn't like you then congrats you just saved yourself time.

    general girl advice: if you dont know her then what do you have to lose
    Last edited by THRILLHO; 1st May 2013 at 1:16 PM.

  14. #3564
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serebii! View Post
    Today I had my first day back at school. Over the holidays I did very little school work and just procrastinated most of the time and now I have to finish a large report by next Friday and the rest of this term is just going to be loads of work
    Well now who's fault was that? Shame on you for not focusing on school and work on your vacation! There are no breaks! Drink lots of caffeine! Stay up till 4 every morning! Get that work done! NAAAAOOO!

    Quote Originally Posted by ebevan91 View Post
    How do I start hinting around at a girl that I'm interested in her? I only see her once a week though so it's kinda hard to get to really know her.
    Be friendly and talk to her (don't be creepy about it though like a lot of men are.) Take it slow with the hints and attention. Back off if she seems extremely uncomfortable with your attempts.

  15. #3565
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    Greetings, Serebii members. I have long since debated whether or not to spill my heart out to these forums, them being such a public place and, no less, a community composed entirely of Pokemon fans. However, in my short time here, I have come to see that I am far from the eldest and wisest among these forums. On the contrary, the level of maturity expressed here by so many Serebii veterans has lead me to finally take advantage of the anonymity of the internet, and to explain my current dilemmas in hopes of receiving feedback from people who don’t know me or my situation. This, in many ways, I see as being a possible ideal; eliminating bias in order to receive the most objective opinions on the matter as possible.

    I would like to begin by apologizing about the general subject matter. As is the case in 90% of the issues posted here, mine is a problem of the romantic variety. I think you’ll find it goes beyond the usual, vague issues, but I feel an apology is in order regardless.

    About six years ago, at the age of sixteen, I was only just beginning to step out of my shell and see what the world had to offer. One of my first forays was in my high school’s marching band, where we would spend the vast majority of the summer practicing and preparing for the oncoming football season. There I met her, and for the sake of anonymity, I shall alter her true name: Lily. She was everything that a young, rather geeky individual like myself looked for in a woman: petit, shy, beautiful and caring. Generic, I know, but describing personalities has never been my strong suit. I fell for her on that first day I caught her gaze, and through a mutual friend, we began to talk. Said mutual friend, however, had forgotten that Lily was, at the time, in a relationship, but a friendship between us sprouted nonetheless.

    As years went on, we became closer. My feelings for her became obvious, to her and everyone around us, but by then I was in the dreaded “friend zone.” Still, we remained friends, with Lily making the most of my feelings to give herself the occasional confidence boost. This often led to seeing her more, though, so I was fine being used a little. Now come the personal details. I have always considered myself a romantic, and when it came to sex I was no different. Relationships failed to start, and sometimes ended, due to my unwillingness to “put out,” as it were. The reasons in my head were clear: I am in love with Lily, and I will get through to her someday. I didn’t want sexual activity with other women to hinder that in any way. So, yes, I graduated high school a virgin, and college as well, as I remain to this day. In a bizarre twist, though, this was, truly, by choice and without any sort of religious backing. This detail will come into play later.

    Two Augusts ago, 2011, Lily finally agreed to a true date with me. It went well, but through not-so-subtle hinting, she made it clear that she still had no interest in me romantically. I accepted this, begrudgingly, and went on with my life. Through my work and her college, we fell out of contact for the next couple months, until December when I learned she was in a new relationship. Defeated again, I did all I could to stay there as her friend and support her when she needed me, though after four and a half years of torment, it was becoming only more difficult. We fell out of contact again early March of 2012, when I noticed a change in her Facebook status to “Engaged.” Devastated doesn’t begin to describe my feelings then, and it simply became too painful to stay close to her. In December 2012, I ran into a mutual friend. Lily came up as a topic, and the words still ring in my ears.

    “Yeah, they’re going to wait for the baby to come before they do the wedding.”

    She was eight months pregnant, evidently getting knocked up shortly after the engagement was set. In March of this year I received an invite to her wedding. I responded honestly, reminding her of my feelings and apologizing that I would be unable to attend due to them. My defeat being finalized, I ended by telling her that the pain was just too much, and she found herself blocked on Facebook, her phone number removed from my phone, and a final message telling her goodbye and to forget about me. I thought that after this things could start getting easier. So far, they have not.

    This doesn’t leave much room for advice, but the above is merely backstory. My best friend is a woman, and we’ve been best friends for over seven years now. We dated at a time, though she harbored no romantic feelings for me then. I did for her, but she was merely “giving me a chance.” From the failed relationship sparked our BFF-hood. She currently has a boyfriend of two years, and sexually, they are in a very open relationship. To keep tensions low and pleasure high, they two have agreed not to be sexually exclusive, and my best friend has admitted to me that she now harbors some romantic attachment to me and will gladly become sexually active with me during the times when she visits (currently, she lives on the other side of the country for school, where she met her boyfriend). In this regard, her boyfriend is not only okay with the idea, but heavily encouraging it.

    Being no longer attracted to her romantically, I have thus far rejected her offer. With the recent happenstance with Lily, though, I find myself more depressed than ever before, and simultaneously craving any sort of female interaction to fill the hole. My depression tends to drive away any potential relationships, and I find my confidence dropping steadily, especially due to the social connotations to being a 22-year-old virgin. I’ve begun seriously considering my best friend’s offer of carnal pleasure, then, in hopes that doing so will satisfy some of my otherwise insatiable cravings, as well as possibly boosting my confidence to a point where I may be able to find a true relationship. Having remained abstinent for so long, though, and by my own moral code, the fact that taking her up on the offer would be irreplaceable is a bit concerning for me. In addition, since my best friend has admitted to having feelings for me, I fear that adding sex to the picture would only amplify these, possibly causing a rift between her and her boyfriend.

    So, Serebii crew, what do you advise I do? Hold my sexual abstinence in hopes of eventually recovering naturally? Maybe a single fling with my best friend for a quick confidence boost and brief venting? Perhaps go all out and take the most of the offer of continued sexual activity to allow for an outlet that may help my mental state?

    This is my problem, and any and all advise is appreciated.
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  16. #3566
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rayze Darr View Post
    So, Serebii crew, what do you advise I do? Hold my sexual abstinence in hopes of eventually recovering naturally? Maybe a single fling with my best friend for a quick confidence boost and brief venting? Perhaps go all out and take the most of the offer of continued sexual activity to allow for an outlet that may help my mental state?

    This is my problem, and any and all advise is appreciated.
    First off, I want to say that I can relate to a degree. I had a crush on this one girl since I was 9. When she mentioned being just friends, I told her I didn't see the point (foresight). I told her I had no intentions of being her friend, and I continued pursuing her (not relentlessly as I did not want to annoy her). I didn't get over my crush (I actually think I may have been in love) until I was 16 (I'm 20), and I had a mental metamorphosis (it's talked about in the life changing moments thread) that changed my world. I became apathetic in words and disposition towards most things, but I still acted as if I had zeal.

    When I was 17, this girl actually displayed interest in me. I'm not sure if she was just testing me because of my lack of interest over the past year, or if she was serious.... but I respectfully declined her. She even offered sex if I was just to put forth effort to attempt woo her.As beautiful a temptress as she was, I didn't see the point of it. I still cared for her and still kinda do, but it doesn't matter. I don't need her, and she doesn't need me. All I could see was a sea of trouble. I was literally obsessed with her for 7 years. I casted away my vulnerability, though. Had I not changed, I would probably be in your shoes. Eating my heart out. lmao.

    To put this simply, I don't even see how you think this would help your mental state. Hell, I don't see how your BEST friend thinks pity-sex will help your "mental state" especially considering you are a virgin, AND she has a boyfriend. You'll only feel like more crap. lmfao. No..... Just no...... Give it time.

    "I fear that adding sex to the picture would only amplify these, possibly causing a rift between her and her boyfriend." There you have it. Hindsight is 20/20, but the power foresight is not even measurable. You already know that this would be a futile and largely foolish undertaking. Pick yourself up, man. I know you may consider the following words to be inconsiderate and largely callous, but...... Jesus, Romeo, it's just a damn girl. A girl you've never even been in a relationship with and is not even remotely interested in you........

    You have to GET OVER IT. It's done. It wasn't gonna happen. It's not your fault. That's just the way it is. There was no point in even remaining Lily's friend. It just dragged your poor little heart along more spikes. And your best friend, what's the deal? Wtf, man? I don't even........ Get it together bro. It's not rational. If you were gonna get a "quick confidence boost and brief venting", why the hell would you use your best friend as the means? What the actual **** is going on in your best friend's head? Clear you head, and think about for a while, and you will realize how ridiculous this sounds.

    Granted, you may question my credibility because embracing apathy definitely isn't an ideal solution, but I think it definitely surpasses depression or reducing your dignity to pity-sex from your best friend who is in a relationship.
    Last edited by WarriorPrince; 3rd May 2013 at 11:37 AM.
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  17. #3567
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    @Rayze Dar: Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on. How? Get a life: go out and meet people irl.
    You won't forget her but you'll grow out of her.
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  18. #3568
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    Quote Originally Posted by WishforaMilotic View Post
    @Rayze Dar: Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on. How? Get a life: go out and meet people irl.
    You won't forget her but you'll grow out of her.
    He waited for a girl for 6 years. If you had that kind of faithfulness for a person you wanted to be your partner for the rest of your life and he/she just left you for someone else it would be pretty jarring to your mentality on things. You can't just forget about someone you've been in love with for 6 years (about 2,192 days including leap years).
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  19. #3569
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    I was in love with a straight boy for over 9 years, I know what it's like.
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  20. #3570
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    Quote Originally Posted by WishforaMilotic View Post
    I was in love with a straight boy for over 9 years, I know what it's like.
    Couldn't you have looked for a boy of your sexuality that had your ideal characteristics during that time? For me, I know when a girl I care about is either out of my league or just not feeling the same way. Usually around the 3rd-4th time we get together and have a conversation is when I find her to not have the same ideal qualities I thought she had when we first met (which is basically the story for many relationships of all kinds). However, it's also her other friends that can be a factor in keeping me from liking her (their beliefs or characteristics may rub off on her during our relationship if it comes to be) or keeping her from feeling the same way I feel about her ("oh he's weird" "isn't he Asian?" "no one really gets far in a relationship with an Asian kid", they need to die in a fire sometimes, honestly).

    But in Rayze's case, he was a bit romantic and ended up being a-bombed emotionally, so this is more of an emotional relationship than a physical relationship.
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  21. #3571
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    I'm from a very small town where anything gay related is oppressed -> how could I look for anyone if it's not only inexistant but taboo? He never had gfs, I did.
    I was emotionally crushed.
    If i suggested he goes out and meets people, it's becuse that's what people suggested for me to do when I moved to college, and I have since in some sense moved on.
    People always try to avoid being blunt with the truth and end up hurting you even more, so imma just being honest.
    Last edited by WishforaMilotic; 3rd May 2013 at 11:10 PM.
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  22. #3572
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    I do appreciate the honesty, and I'm aware that I need to meet people and try to move on. I just both don't know where or how to meet people and lack the confidence to do so, not to mention my admittedly torn mental state. In this regard I'm completely stumped, and my only real question was whether or not sexual activity could help ease my mental state, and the consensus seems to be that it wouldn't.

    Believe me, though, I am trying to move on.
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  23. #3573
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rayze Darr View Post
    I do appreciate the honesty, and I'm aware that I need to meet people and try to move on. I just both don't know where or how to meet people and lack the confidence to do so, not to mention my admittedly torn mental state. In this regard I'm completely stumped, and my only real question was whether or not sexual activity could help ease my mental state, and the consensus seems to be that it wouldn't.

    Believe me, though, I am trying to move on.
    You seemed hooked on the fact that you are a virgin. Am I right or am I wrong?
    Because if you are then removing your V-Card might do some good on your psyche maybe.
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  24. #3574
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zenotwapal View Post
    You seemed hooked on the fact that you are a virgin. Am I right or am I wrong?
    Because if you are then removing your V-Card might do some good on your psyche maybe.
    Well, then it's pretty much involving losing your V-Card the best way, because I've heard of others intentionally losing it but the deed turned up pretty lacking or bad. If one were to do the deed and gain negative consequences or have bad sex, it might do some BAD on the person's psyche.
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  25. #3575
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    Quote Originally Posted by WishforaMilotic View Post
    @Rayze Dar: Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on. How? Get a life: go out and meet people irl.
    You won't forget her but you'll grow out of her.
    This. So much this. You should also try getting rid of your enormous victim complex. Lily did nothing wrong in this scenario and you're blaming her for not having feelings for you and for ruining your other potential relationships. Get over yourself, stop acting like a Fedora Guy, and get over it. Having sex with your friend might make you feel better for a time, but it's not going to get rid of your rampant Nice Guy Syndrome.

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