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Thread: The Advice Thread - "What should I do about this weird mole growing on my back"

  1. #4201
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuken View Post
    I have never seen anyone giving it much importance, background information is far more important that just your name.
    And i must admit, depending where are you coming from, you might face a bit of discrimination from uncivilized persons just because you have a foreign name, although it can happen, only completely stupid employers will do it too, and if they choose to, no point in working for them anyway, as they will make your work ambient a bit... harsh to say the least.

    It also pretty much depends where are you planing on moving, my experiences so far extend only to Tx, witch is a somewhat tolerant state, where foreign names don't matter much.

    In the end, it is not necessary but could save some issues if you are planing on changing your name. It is also worth to mention that changing your name could somehow create conflicts with your "past self".
    well, im in texas too :P But then even if i change my first name, my surname would still dead giveaway my ethnicity, so what's the point, or the difference?

    I can see how the name change can create an issue with myself, but apparently to my family, getting employed is more important than my mental health T_T

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kacho View Post
    well, im in texas too :P But then even if i change my first name, my surname would still dead giveaway my ethnicity, so what's the point, or the difference?

    I can see how the name change can create an issue with myself, but apparently to my family, getting employed is more important than my mental health T_T
    Pretty much depends on what kind of job you want too, but normally ethnicity, while it can be a factor (albeit a rather, stupid one..) it is pretty much the last thing an employer looks at when interviewing someone, and again, if the company indeed discriminates based in original nationality (I have never seen this happen, ever.), it is probably not a good thing o work there at all.

    Also, mental stability is way more important, as it leads to keeping a job stable and for a long time, if you are going through certain issues it can affect several aspects of your job, and even make you loose it.

    So in the end, i wouldn't recommend getting an american name just because of rising your employment chances, unless you want to for other personal reasons.
    Depending on where do you originally come from, your aspect might not relate a lot to your new name of preference too, and it might be a bit weird for people to see someone (i.e an asian "looking" person) named Philip, but this is just personal opinion.

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    My granny is in the hospital with cancer. It is early but she had a stroke and she's too weak to do chemo. It stresses me out and I have a lot going on. My question is, should I still play football for my school even with the stress of her illness weighing me down? I know she'd want me to, but it really is stressing me out. Should I still play football, stress and all, or make my life more simple without it?

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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    My granny is in the hospital with cancer. It is early but she had a stroke and she's too weak to do chemo. It stresses me out and I have a lot going on. My question is, should I still play football for my school even with the stress of her illness weighing me down? I know she'd want me to, but it really is stressing me out. Should I still play football, stress and all, or make my life more simple without it?
    Depends on how bad is the amount of stress you are going through, it you think it is not too much, and she is pretty stable at the moment, playing football might be a decent stress reliever, however, if it is too bad, i would suggest avoid playing it for now. If your team happens to loose, your will be put under a lot more pressure, making the situation all the more stressful than before. Stress can actually be a big factor in sports, as you are not "100% there".

    If it really is too bad, i would recommend spending some free time, maybe while training time (if you decide to avoid playing) with her, it will keep your mind at peace.

    On a side note, remember to speak with this with your coach and team members, it really also depends on the seriousness of your team/school.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuken View Post
    Depends on how bad is the amount of stress you are going through, it you think it is not too much, and she is pretty stable at the moment, playing football might be a decent stress reliever, however, if it is too bad, i would suggest avoid playing it for now. If your team happens to loose, your will be put under a lot more pressure, making the situation all the more stressful than before. Stress can actually be a big factor in sports, as you are not "100% there".

    If it really is too bad, i would recommend spending some free time, maybe while training time (if you decide to avoid playing) with her, it will keep your mind at peace.

    On a side note, remember to speak with this with your coach and team members, it really also depends on the seriousness of your team/school.
    My school's team is serious. It's kinda the pride of the school.
    My coaches and some teammates know about it.
    EDIT: I'd like to add that it is Jr. High and that though the football team is the pride of the school, we're not as good as usual for my school.
    Last edited by VS; 19th June 2014 at 4:19 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    My school's team is serious. It's kinda the pride of the school.
    My coaches and some teammates know about it.
    If that is the situation, the most probably they will understand what you are going through (Specially your coach, he head to be in a similar situation some time in his life) and might understand if you take a break from it. Again, this kind of stress WILL reflect in your performance in the field.
    If the team is that serious, it means a loss is far less accepted, and as with all situations, something has to be blamed, i would recommend avoiding the chance of not playing perfectly because of the stress you are going through, and getting blamed for it.

    Again, spending some time with your grandmother and taking action in other issues that are currently troubling your mind will give you a bit more of peace, as well as relieving some stress. Try getting a hold of the things that are currently bothering you the most, and you might be able to keep playing decently during this situation.

    Taking a break from it might take off some stress as well, but i wouldn't recommend quitting football altogether, specially if your team is heavily reliant on you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuken View Post
    If that is the situation, the most probably they will understand what you are going through (Specially your coach, he head to be in a similar situation some time in his life) and might understand if you take a break from it. Again, this kind of stress WILL reflect in your performance in the field.
    If the team is that serious, it means a loss is far less accepted, and as with all situations, something has to be blamed, i would recommend avoiding the chance of not playing perfectly because of the stress you are going through, and getting blamed for it.

    Again, spending some time with your grandmother and taking action in other issues that are currently troubling your mind will give you a bit more of peace, as well as relieving some stress. Try getting a hold of the things that are currently bothering you the most, and you might be able to keep playing decently during this situation.

    Taking a break from it might take off some stress as well, but i wouldn't recommend quitting football altogether, specially if your team is heavily reliant on you.
    My team doesn't rely on me and I'm not that important on the field. I am a lineman who are basically the people protecting your team's quarterback. I've decided to go through training and see if it actually inspires me to do better.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    My granny is in the hospital with cancer. It is early but she had a stroke and she's too weak to do chemo. It stresses me out and I have a lot going on. My question is, should I still play football for my school even with the stress of her illness weighing me down? I know she'd want me to, but it really is stressing me out. Should I still play football, stress and all, or make my life more simple without it?
    Oh dude, I know what you're going through. I play soccer, and at the moment I am really stressed out about something that's worrying the hell out of me. At training the other night I was playing like sh*t and I got so frustrated and smashed the ball into the fence and walked off, which is not like me at all. The coach was annoyed that I was getting so frustrated, but I can't tell him that something's bugging me because it's too personal. Hopefully the issue is sorted in the coming days though.

    With your question, I'd say what Ryuken said, it depends on the stress you've got. If you enjoy the sport then definitely do not quit completely, maybe just take a break. You will regret it later in life, and like you said, your granny would want you to keep playing. Hope things work out
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    Today I bought a brand-new copy of OK Computer on vinyl. It's a double LP, and I'm excited as hell since I love OKC. The problem is that I got to Karma Police, on side 2, and it skipped. It's a brand-new record, right out of the packaging and everything. It's right at "we have crashed her party", and while I can't see any visible damage I can see it skip slightly forward when it gets to that point.

    What should I do to fix it? I could try and get a refund, I guess, but I don't know if I still have the receipt. Either way that's not really the point, I'd like to fix it more than anything so I can listen to it like normal.

    I've heard that if you add a little bit of weight to the needle it can stop it from skipping and even help carve out a new groove where it's supposed to be. Is there any merit to that?

    EDIT: Apparently the Capitol repress of OK Computer has a lot of all-around issues on some of them and I happened to be the lucky winner. I was told to contact them and they would likely replace it for me. If not, I found the receipt so I guess worst comes to worst I can go back to the store, get a refund and see if I can find a Parlaphone press or something. Lesson learned - not all records are created equal.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kacho View Post
    so I'll need to apply for american citizenship soon...

    I just want to ask if having an English first name (or middle?) makes a difference to recruiters or employers. Are they going to simply pass me over someone because I have a different name on my resume? Does having an English name (but not surname) gives some benefits in USA that I might not know about?

    This is bothering my head.
    i dont think the other replies gave you realistic advice so i am going to reply. yes, it does matter to employers. it's not fair, but studies have shown that a lot of employers are subconsciously biased against someone with a non american sounding name. if you still have a non american surname i dont know how much it will help, but a lot of my friends who are from another background have an americanized nickname they use while still keeping their old name. if possible, you can choose one similar to your actual name so it's not as big of a change.


    i hope that one day our country will evolve beyond racism but in terms of living in the real world trying to get a job i would say use an american name. hell, on my job applications if possible i put my name as E and my last name instead of Ellie and my last name so i dont get discriminated against for being female. which also increases chances if you are a woman, shown in the same sorts of studies that tested racism. sad world we live in

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ellie View Post
    i hope that one day our country will evolve beyond racism but in terms of living in the real world trying to get a job i would say use an american name. hell, on my job applications if possible i put my name as E and my last name instead of Ellie and my last name so i dont get discriminated against for being female. which also increases chances if you are a woman, shown in the same sorts of studies that tested racism. sad world we live in
    On the flip side to this, some fields - particularly math and science - will explicitly WANT to hire you because you are a woman because they want their male/female ratio to be equal, even if this isn't proportionally possible because it's a male-dominated field. There are some places where a non-white female is more likely to be hired than a white male because a non-white female fills both the "diversity" and "gender" quota that they're looking for.

    It's still discrimination and it still isn't fair because the company should hire whoever is best for the job, whether that person is a white male or not.

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    yes and no. claims of affirmative action are pretty exaggerated because most of the time a company only needs one "minority" of any type (ex racial minorities, women if it is a very male-dominated field, etc) in order to claim they are diverse. unless the people providing the anecdote were the hiring manager they also don't know the real reason white man was not hired and latina woman (or whoever else) was hired and a loooot of people tend to assume. furthermore i have never seen companies actually hire someone who was not fit for a job just because of affirmative action.



    either way i am in biology (biotech to be specific) which is the most equal-gender-ratio science, so i don't think they do affirmative action for women anyway. it might be different if i was in computer science or something but biology doesn't tend to have as many public image problems with sexism that they're looking to fix.

    be sure to read the rules of every section before posting ;)

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    I always get really hungry really quickly, even after big meals. And then I never really know what to snack on because I never really feel like anything. Has anybody got any easy snack ideas which are tasty and filling?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Roseheart95 View Post
    I always get really hungry really quickly, even after big meals. And then I never really know what to snack on because I never really feel like anything. Has anybody got any easy snack ideas which are tasty and filling?
    Natural snacks like popcorn (Without butter or salt, prep. without oil.), pistachios, peanuts and grapes are often filling in low quantities and give just a few calories per portion.
    Depending on the individual, it is often recommended to eat only about a "fist".
    Fruits and vegetables are also an ideal form of a snack.

    There are a variety of recipes you can find of healthy snacks, but the difference in calories between those and a couple of pistachios is noticeable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Roseheart95 View Post
    I always get really hungry really quickly, even after big meals. And then I never really know what to snack on because I never really feel like anything. Has anybody got any easy snack ideas which are tasty and filling?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuken View Post
    Natural snacks like popcorn (Without butter or salt, prep. without oil.), pistachios, peanuts and grapes are often filling in low quantities and give just a few calories per portion.
    Depending on the individual, it is often recommended to eat only about a "fist".
    Fruits and vegetables are also an ideal form of a snack.

    There are a variety of recipes you can find of healthy snacks, but the difference in calories between those and a couple of pistachios is noticeable.
    I agree with Ryuken - nuts are more filling than you think they are. I personally prefer macadamias, pistachios, almonds, and cashews. But you do have to be careful not to eat tons and tons of them because nuts can be fatty depending on what they are. Fruits are also a great snack, but you have to eat a LOT of them to get enough calories to fill you up. This might sound really weird, but a snack that I eat all the time when I'm hungry at night is lunchmeat (cold cut) ham slices on top of sliced cucumber. I thought it was a strange combination too until I tried it, and it's actually really good.

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    I'm starting to feel distant from my friends. I'm starting college soon, and I'm really getting the ball rolling when it comes to being a productive adult in society. It seems as though they only really care about playing Pokemon and Yugioh all day, and they dislike the fact I'm starting to do other things now, like study. I don't really appreciate that they aren't being that supportive of me.

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    I'm in a really difficult situation. I've been talking to three girls for a while (all go to school with me) and I know one of them likes me, so I've talked to her a lot over the last couple of days. I like her a lot, and I've said that we should go see a movie sometime. But I actually like the other two more, and the only reason I haven't asked one of them out is because I'm afraid of rejection. The reason I haven't asked the first one out yet is because I want to hold out for the other two. Have I made a mistake in talking to the first one so much, that it seems like I like them (I also said I would give them cuddles, I know that was a mistake) when I actually like someone else more?

    I know this sounds like I'm just some player that has no respect for women, but I really care about all three of the girls and would feel horrible asking out one of the other two when it seemed I would ask the first one out. But I'm not sure if I want to go out with the first one in case I miss out on an opportunity elsewhere, or I make the relationship bad by not loving her as much as I should. Please help.
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    Yea so I want to know if I should change schools next year.
    If you've seen my latest post my Granny is sick, but she'll be home, but can't watch my brother and I anymore. What we'd usually do is go to her house and our mom would pick us up. Should I go, let's call it FJH, where I'd go home straight from school, or go to MJH and go to her house. Also, I'm going to FJH's high school so if I go there I'll have Friends for high school.

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    Quote Originally Posted by EmptyKyurem View Post
    I'm starting to feel distant from my friends. I'm starting college soon, and I'm really getting the ball rolling when it comes to being a productive adult in society. It seems as though they only really care about playing Pokemon and Yugioh all day, and they dislike the fact I'm starting to do other things now, like study. I don't really appreciate that they aren't being that supportive of me.
    You are simply starting to grow up, consider yourself fortunate, you are maturating a bit quicker than your friends.
    They simply dont see a reason to change their life style, and have yet to realize things are changing. New things start coming up, and one has to prioritize trivial ones (such as playing videogames) over important ones, like school and sometimes, work.
    I recommend to just give them time, they will grow up eventually, depending on age of course. If this situation is bothering you too much, consider looking for new friends with similar likes. (Not saying you should abandon them, but consider other options as well.)
    Quote Originally Posted by torterra_4_the_win View Post
    I'm in a really difficult situation. I've been talking to three girls for a while (all go to school with me) and I know one of them likes me, so I've talked to her a lot over the last couple of days. I like her a lot, and I've said that we should go see a movie sometime. But I actually like the other two more, and the only reason I haven't asked one of them out is because I'm afraid of rejection. The reason I haven't asked the first one out yet is because I want to hold out for the other two. Have I made a mistake in talking to the first one so much, that it seems like I like them (I also said I would give them cuddles, I know that was a mistake) when I actually like someone else more?

    I know this sounds like I'm just some player that has no respect for women, but I really care about all three of the girls and would feel horrible asking out one of the other two when it seemed I would ask the first one out. But I'm not sure if I want to go out with the first one in case I miss out on an opportunity elsewhere, or I make the relationship bad by not loving her as much as I should. Please help.
    The first thing you should do, is simply decide who you really want to have a relationship with. Maybe you see the others as close friends or even (Forgive me for the expression) "back up plan". A somewhat "easy" way of deciding, is to picture yourself in a long term relationship with any of them.
    Ask yourself these questions:
    Do i really like them? Would we be happy with this? What we would end up doing? and most importantly, Will it work out?
    If you are afraid of rejection from the other 2, but not from this girl, it could mean you are not fearing of "loosing much" if things go wrong with the girl you asked out. Maybe you like another girl much more. Most importantly, if you don't feel comfortable with this girl, its better to end things soon, rather than have her live a pointless "false" relationship.
    And yes, you in fact made a mistake. For multiple obvious reasons, one should not be dating multiple individuals at once, it shows little respect for them, as well as what litttle you care for their well being.
    Also, consider and study what you just said: ". But I'm not sure if I want to go out with the first one in case I miss out on an opportunity elsewhere"
    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    Yea so I want to know if I should change schools next year.
    If you've seen my latest post my Granny is sick, but she'll be home, but can't watch my brother and I anymore. What we'd usually do is go to her house and our mom would pick us up. Should I go, let's call it FJH, where I'd go home straight from school, or go to MJH and go to her house. Also, I'm going to FJH's high school so if I go there I'll have Friends for high school.
    My personally opinion (Probably not the best one, or the most "efficient one) is to stay in the school you are currently attending to. From what you have said previously in your posts, you care about your school, specially your football team. Consider that if you move to another school, you might be seeing your grandmother less time, and in my personal experience, it is something one should avoid, or risk deeply regretting it in the future.
    Keep in mind that changing from one school to another will greatly change your life style, maybe for the better, but keep in mind it can go wrong as well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by torterra_4_the_win View Post
    I'm in a really difficult situation. I've been talking to three girls for a while (all go to school with me) and I know one of them likes me, so I've talked to her a lot over the last couple of days. I like her a lot, and I've said that we should go see a movie sometime. But I actually like the other two more, and the only reason I haven't asked one of them out is because I'm afraid of rejection. The reason I haven't asked the first one out yet is because I want to hold out for the other two. Have I made a mistake in talking to the first one so much, that it seems like I like them (I also said I would give them cuddles, I know that was a mistake) when I actually like someone else more?

    I know this sounds like I'm just some player that has no respect for women, but I really care about all three of the girls and would feel horrible asking out one of the other two when it seemed I would ask the first one out. But I'm not sure if I want to go out with the first one in case I miss out on an opportunity elsewhere, or I make the relationship bad by not loving her as much as I should. Please help.
    Invite each one to hang out and spend time with them, see which you like the most, which you're most compatible with and the ask her out. Hell if she says no you've got two backups.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuken View Post
    The first thing you should do, is simply decide who you really want to have a relationship with. Maybe you see the others as close friends or even (Forgive me for the expression) "back up plan". A somewhat "easy" way of deciding, is to picture yourself in a long term relationship with any of them.
    Ask yourself these questions:
    Do i really like them? Would we be happy with this? What we would end up doing? and most importantly, Will it work out?
    If you are afraid of rejection from the other 2, but not from this girl, it could mean you are not fearing of "loosing much" if things go wrong with the girl you asked out. Maybe you like another girl much more. Most importantly, if you don't feel comfortable with this girl, its better to end things soon, rather than have her live a pointless "false" relationship.
    And yes, you in fact made a mistake. For multiple obvious reasons, one should not be dating multiple individuals at once, it shows little respect for them, as well as what litttle you care for their well being.
    Also, consider and study what you just said: ". But I'm not sure if I want to go out with the first one in case I miss out on an opportunity elsewhere"
    Thanks, these are some interesting points that I will definitely think about.

    Quote Originally Posted by DMerle View Post
    Invite each one to hang out and spend time with them, see which you like the most, which you're most compatible with and the ask her out. Hell if she says no you've got two backups.
    Sure, sure, but if I was rejected by one and then went for the other, wouldn't that make the second girl feel 'second best'?
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    Quote Originally Posted by torterra_4_the_win View Post


    Sure, sure, but if I was rejected by one and then went for the other, wouldn't that make the second girl feel 'second best'?
    It will, and most probably she will find out, specially if there is little to no time between each relationship, or even worse, if she is somehow related to the other girl.
    Not to mention, this kind of behavior might hurt your chances with other girls in the future, specially if the rumor of you having multiple dates at the same time spreads out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by torterra_4_the_win View Post
    Sure, sure, but if I was rejected by one and then went for the other, wouldn't that make the second girl feel 'second best'?
    I can't speak for them but I wouldn't think so, be open with her, tell her you've been hanging out with the other girl but she didn't want a relationship and you want to take her out for dinner just to see what happens. I don't think there's anything wrong with taking multiple girls out on dates, and 99% of us don't strike gold on the first attempt so there's no shame on moving from one chick to the next, especially if you and the first one are gonna stay friends.

  24. #4224
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuken View Post
    You are simply starting to grow up, consider yourself fortunate, you are maturating a bit quicker than your friends.
    They simply dont see a reason to change their life style, and have yet to realize things are changing. New things start coming up, and one has to prioritize trivial ones (such as playing videogames) over important ones, like school and sometimes, work.
    I recommend to just give them time, they will grow up eventually, depending on age of course. If this situation is bothering you too much, consider looking for new friends with similar likes. (Not saying you should abandon them, but consider other options as well.)

    The first thing you should do, is simply decide who you really want to have a relationship with. Maybe you see the others as close friends or even (Forgive me for the expression) "back up plan". A somewhat "easy" way of deciding, is to picture yourself in a long term relationship with any of them.
    Ask yourself these questions:
    Do i really like them? Would we be happy with this? What we would end up doing? and most importantly, Will it work out?
    If you are afraid of rejection from the other 2, but not from this girl, it could mean you are not fearing of "loosing much" if things go wrong with the girl you asked out. Maybe you like another girl much more. Most importantly, if you don't feel comfortable with this girl, its better to end things soon, rather than have her live a pointless "false" relationship.
    And yes, you in fact made a mistake. For multiple obvious reasons, one should not be dating multiple individuals at once, it shows little respect for them, as well as what litttle you care for their well being.
    Also, consider and study what you just said: ". But I'm not sure if I want to go out with the first one in case I miss out on an opportunity elsewhere"

    My personally opinion (Probably not the best one, or the most "efficient one) is to stay in the school you are currently attending to. From what you have said previously in your posts, you care about your school, specially your football team. Consider that if you move to another school, you might be seeing your grandmother less time, and in my personal experience, it is something one should avoid, or risk deeply regretting it in the future.
    Keep in mind that changing from one school to another will greatly change your life style, maybe for the better, but keep in mind it can go wrong as well.
    I forgot to mention that I'd still see her once/twice a week.
    Also my current school is kinda becoming trashy. Last year there were a few school shooting threats and it still scares me.

  25. #4225
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    Azalea Town
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    So I met this guy at camp, developed a big crush on him, and we exchanged numbers. We texted a lot back and forth and had some pretty nice talks, and we know we'll see each other (sparingly) in the future. But after Thursday of last week, he suddenly stopped texting so much and hasn't texted for the past 2 days. I may be freaking out over it too much but could anyone offer an explanation as to why? He seemed interested...

    I love to breed Pokémon! If you have a request, PM me. I'll breed you a Pokémon that you request!

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