Page 5 of 172 FirstFirst 1234567891555105 ... LastLast
Results 101 to 125 of 4279

Thread: The Advice Thread - "What should I do about this weird mole growing on my back"

  1. #101
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    N. Ireland
    Posts
    278

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by I-am-the-peel View Post
    Ugh, school has started and already I am appauled by it. New teachers who do not know what we are supposed to do and can't tell the difference between a man speaking in english and italian, new year group running out of classrooms expecting break and trying to play tig and other playground games and every time I walk towards the school gates, I see people in the second youngest year passing a cigarette around each other in a circle shape and the people in my year drinking cans of largar while talking about plans to sneak into night clubs every friday night while they beg me to help them with their homework because they forgot and made no effort. The teachers all know this but do not give about it and when they do, they get a punch in the face and are forced to take it because they are not allowed to restrain or touch a student. The Buildings are being refurbished and the school computers are constantly being hacked into by other students, they can actually access other peoples documents through their phones and implant pictures of anything in them. The GCSE's that are achieved in the past two years have not been properly recorded and there are actual arguements between the students and teachers now. The school is near the main road so we always hear police sirens. There is no bullying or anything like that, sorta. People in the school greet each and either tease others and harass them to the point of them lashing out and doing the unpredictable or taking the anger out by harassing other people. It is strange how the students in the lowest year that have been held back the whole summer to catch up think that they can bully the people in my classes and people like me when we are doing amazing in our lessons and grades and have many friends. Is this just a cry of attention for help or is this just their last resort since their lives are now pretty much dead?
    I apologise if I assume wrong here, but that seems pretty much like the standard in a lower class British school. The kids in the school down the road from me are exactly the same. Obviously it's going to be slightly different here than it is in England, but it sounds pretty similar. I've noticed that the majority of the kids there are from the lower class, usually chavs, whose parents live in council houses, and often they know they don't have much chance of doing any thing with their lives, and simply don't care, they aren't brought up to care, as their parents often don't either, and do pretty much what you have described.
    I'm not saying you're the same, and by noticing and complaining about it, I'd say chances are you are no where near that, but it sounds like that sort of school.
    To be fair, much of the UK is like this. The UK is in a sad state IMO.

    All I can say to do is try to ignore it as best you can and keep working as hard as you can in school. Your education is very important.

  2. #102
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    On a river somewhere
    Posts
    237

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Manly Blissey View Post
    I'll make it simple for you guys. I'm starting college in two weeks, and I think I'm set. I just have to pack everything up. For those of you in college now: is there anything that you would definitely suggest bringing or getting? Even if I may have already gotten it, I'd appreciate the suggestions. Thanks!
    I don't have any advice on what to bring, but I'd say in general, don't expect your first semester to go all according to plan. I'm not saying it won't be great, but things just might go a different way than you thought they would. Maybe you'll get involved in a club you never thought you would join or something like that. The important thing is, as other people have said, is to keep an open mind about everything, like the people you hang out with, organizations you're involved in, and classes you're taking. The first semester is the toughest, so if you can head into Winter break and view fall semester as a success, you've done very well.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dracoste View Post
    You were talking about safe cooking. Guess what happens when you don't cook safe.
    (It starts with "D" and ends with "amn, my kitchen is on fire")

  3. #103
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    My Own Personal Hell
    Posts
    488

    Default

    Hey guys. So tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be turning 16. I asked my mom if it was okay if I could stay home from school, but she said no. Before I ask my question you should know that I haven't done anything special for my birthday in years.

    So my question is: Is her decision right? Is it fair for her to make me go to school even though I'm turning 16 and other kids have stayed home and missed school for lesser reasons?

    Fight Between Warriors: Usopp vs Luffy

  4. #104
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    N. Ireland
    Posts
    278

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Qymaen View Post
    Hey guys. So tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be turning 16. I asked my mom if it was okay if I could stay home from school, but she said no. Before I ask my question you should know that I haven't done anything special for my birthday in years.

    So my question is: Is her decision right? Is it fair for her to make me go to school even though I'm turning 16 and other kids have stayed home and missed school for lesser reasons?
    Of course her decision is right. Your education is FAR more important that your birthday, especially one so arbitrary as 16.

    I never saw the massive appeal of turning 16. Absolutely nothing in your life changes. I can understand turning 18 (or 21, depending where you are. Whenever you're legal to drink pretty much), as a hell of a lot changes, and become legal then, but 16 just seemed so pointless to me.

  5. #105
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    My Own Personal Hell
    Posts
    488

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RobertStyx View Post
    Of course her decision is right. Your education is FAR more important that your birthday, especially one so arbitrary as 16.

    I never saw the massive appeal of turning 16. Absolutely nothing in your life changes. I can understand turning 18 (or 21, depending where you are. Whenever you're legal to drink pretty much), as a hell of a lot changes, and become legal then, but 16 just seemed so pointless to me.
    I don't think one day is going to matter. It isn't as if I'm asking to take the whole day off. Just tomorrow. Besides tomorrow's Friday, not Wednesday or Thursday.

    Fight Between Warriors: Usopp vs Luffy

  6. #106
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    N. Ireland
    Posts
    278

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Qymaen View Post
    I don't think one day is going to matter. It isn't as if I'm asking to take the whole day off. Just tomorrow. Besides tomorrow's Friday, not Wednesday or Thursday.
    There's been multiple occasions I've taken one day off, and never understood afterwards what was covered in classes that day.
    Yes, it is only one day, and it may not seem like a lot, but there is a good chance it will do more harm than you think.

  7. #107
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    King's Landing
    Posts
    2,308

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Manly Blissey View Post
    I'll make it simple for you guys. I'm starting college in two weeks, and I think I'm set. I just have to pack everything up. For those of you in college now: is there anything that you would definitely suggest bringing or getting? Even if I may have already gotten it, I'd appreciate the suggestions. Thanks!
    Booze
    Don't bring too much; you will be surprised how much stuff you think you will do but never get around to it. I brought a munch of books for recreational reading but all of my reading time went to reading for classes. A good supply of snacks is good to avoid trips into town. Caffeine is essential.

    Also try to get a group of friends. Join a club or do some activity. You're in the Ocean now. Also don't be surprised if you're not the biggest fish like you were in HS.

    I have claimed Giratina

  8. #108

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kaiser soze View Post
    Booze
    Don't bring too much; you will be surprised how much stuff you think you will do but never get around to it. I brought a munch of books for recreational reading but all of my reading time went to reading for classes. A good supply of snacks is good to avoid trips into town. Caffeine is essential.

    Also try to get a group of friends. Join a club or do some activity. You're in the Ocean now. Also don't be surprised if you're not the biggest fish like you were in HS.
    I actually have a huge stack of books that I wanted to read recreationally, but I'm definitely going to cut down the number of books I bring because I'm sure I won't have THAT much free time. I'm actually in English 301 for my freshman year, a Medieval/Romantic literature class, because I scored so well on my AP English Literature exam during my senior year of high school in March. I'm required to buy the textbook, which is HUGE, and eight additional books/epics/poems from that time period. I'm sure this will consume most of my reading time.

    I'm not too worried about finding a group of friends. A few people from both of the high schools I attended are going to Ohio State as well, so I'll at least have them as a base group. I'm an extrovert and very outgoing, and I'm sure this'll be advantageous. I plan on joining a few clubs/organizations, and I've already met a few people on my cross country team, so that's also a good start.

    Thanks a lot!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jameson1 View Post
    I don't have any advice on what to bring, but I'd say in general, don't expect your first semester to go all according to plan. I'm not saying it won't be great, but things just might go a different way than you thought they would. Maybe you'll get involved in a club you never thought you would join or something like that. The important thing is, as other people have said, is to keep an open mind about everything, like the people you hang out with, organizations you're involved in, and classes you're taking. The first semester is the toughest, so if you can head into Winter break and view fall semester as a success, you've done very well.
    Definitely. I'm going into my first quarter without a clue as to what's going to happen. It's crazy. It could be good, it could be bad. Who knows? I'm just going to make the best of it that I can. I've always been a straight-A student, but I don't expect to do that in college. I'm not setting myself up for disappointment by creating unrealistic goals.

    One thing I'm worried about is the pace in the classrooms. I was told that what I learn in one class in a quarter (about 10 weeks) is equivalent to what I would've learned in the same class during a whole year in high school. This transition will be tough, but I'll do my best to manage.

    Quote Originally Posted by Spookz View Post
    Bring a basic tool kit. You can buy pre-assembled ones at most hardware stores, or make your own. Most students don't even think to bring something like this along considering dorms are already furnished and you have school maintenance people for most things/situations. But seriously, they're damn helpful even if you don't think you'll need it.


    Cincy is pretty different from the rest of Ohio, tbh. I quite enjoyed trips to 'nati, but I grew up in a less enjoyable part of the state.
    I actually just bought a basic tool kit today! It's small, but it'll suffice. Great minds!

    I actually grew up in southern Ohio, so I'm sure it's similar to the environment as Cincy, aside from the fact that it's urban and I'm from a rural area. I've actually never been north of Columbus, so I can't really make an accurate comparison.

    Quote Originally Posted by ashhleeyy View Post
    This.

    I think one of the biggest mistakes I made my Freshman year was bringing too much stuff to my dorm. I rarely used a lot of it, and it made moving out the biggest pain in the ass imaginable.



    Great school. Congrats! As a fellow mid-westerner I suggest, based on my own error, to bring only the clothes that are going to be weather-appropriate until you know you'll be back at home. I stupidly brought my WHOLE wardrobe upon moving in and regretted it. Plus, winter clothing is the heaviest and would save you a lot of unnecessary boxes. Though, you probably were planning on doing this in the first place and realistically I was just really that dumb, so don't mind me if I'm just being redundant.

    You really don't need much in the dorms; in retrospect I feel I could have lived comfortably with just my laptop/electronics, clothing/shoes, school supplies, dishes/utensils, towels and hygienic items. I didn't have a mini-fridge and I was just fine, but I can imagine a lot of scenarios where that could have helped me.
    Thank you very much! I worked hard for it! I actually live within commuting distance of Ohio State, so I'm not not going to bring everything. I'm going to bring a good load and then sort out what I need and what I don't need by winter break. I am going to bring clothing for all types of weather, though, because it's the Midwest, and you know the saying, "If you don't like the weather in the Midwest, just wait an hour!" Ohio has crazy, bipolar weather. Haha.

    Quote Originally Posted by pirate555 View Post
    Best advice I was given on what to bring before going to college/university - take some teabags/coffee/hot chocolate and a few packets of biscuits. As soon as you move in, you can knock on the doors of everyone else and invite them for drinks and biscuits; an easy excuse to get to know everyone right away and settle in with those people who'll soon be no strangers.

    Then again, when people were giving me that advice, they were giving advice to a shy girl who was nervous about being uprooted from the few close friends she had. Maybe that'll be no concern for you anyway

    If you're in residence long-term, you may want to take a sleeping bag so that local friends can come visit, that's always good fun.
    This actually sounds like a great idea to get acquainted with people. I'll try it, except I'll be doing it in an American fashion.
    SIGNATURE UNDER CONSTRUCTION SINCE I HAVEN'T BEEN ON SPPF FOR MORE THAN TWO YEARS


    Last.fm|Twitter


  9. #109
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,090

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Assassin9399 View Post
    There is a girl I like, and I met her two weeks ago on the internet, on an other forum. I've talked to her in a chat with some others, and we used web cams, so I know how she looks like. She's very cute in my opinion, and we exchanged our msn. The strange thing was that on msn, she's much more depressed, and she's wondering things like: "Why do I live?" and "What's the meaning of life?". So she concluded that her life didn't have any meaning, but she didn't commit suicide because she said that's to low. I'm not sure if she's serious, but I tried to convince her that you can give your life a meaning by yourself, but I didn't convince her. So she said that she wanted to talk about something else.

    Now I don't know if I should continue about it another time, since I don't like it at all that she has those thoughts, and I believe she isn't happy atm with those thoughts. Also, if I should continue about it, what do you think I should say to convince her? Also, saying that I'm in love with her (which I do I guess) isn't an option, I don't want to rush it.
    Okay, first off, did she directly mention suicide or actually express any desire to end her life TO you? Because, to me, from the way you've described it, it looks like she's just asking existential questions. Many people, myself included, ask themselves the same sorts of questions all the time; granted, not everybody expresses their doubts about the universe to strangers on the internet, but different strokes and all that.

    Even if, on the off chance that she were suicidal (which, again, I doubt), if you were the first to make any sort of mention of her killing herself, and want to actually have a snowball's chance in hell with this girl, never bring it up again. And if she actually is suicidal and told YOU that she had thoughts about killing herself, don't bring it up again anyway, because in that scenario, she's just a stupid teenager whining about her miserable first-class life on the internet, which is where she goes to escape from her parents or something (and in the unlikely event she actually has something in her life to give her actual reason to wish herself dead, getting on the internet is still an escape for her, so provide at least that).

    And one last thing: you probably shouldn't confess your love to people you've known for two weeks on the internet, but perhaps I'm old-fashioned like that.

    [Also, if there's anyone trained in the psychology of suicidal people and this is the worst advice ever, please do say something, even though I think it's relatively sound common-sense advice.]

    Quote Originally Posted by Manly Blissey
    I actually have a huge stack of books that I wanted to read recreationally, but I'm definitely going to cut down the number of books I bring because I'm sure I won't have THAT much free time. I'm actually in English 301 for my freshman year, a Medieval/Romantic literature class, because I scored so well on my AP English Literature exam during my senior year of high school in March. I'm required to buy the textbook, which is HUGE, and eight additional books/epics/poems from that time period. I'm sure this will consume most of my reading time.
    Granted, I've never had to live in a dorm, but, first, like ashhleeyy said, I would take just as little as you possibly can, for ease of moving in/out, especially if you're within visiting distance of home (like, if you're bringing something "just in case", don't bring it). And while I don't have any advice on things you may have forgotten that you'd like to have, I'd recommend against a stack of books, since I'd wager that OSU has a library somewhere on campus (of course, this depends on what you're reading... but, even if they don't have what you're looking for, there's probably a local library that does). You'll soon have more books laying around than you'd like, anyway.

  10. #110
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    On a river somewhere
    Posts
    237

    Default

    @Manly Blissey: Your post was too big to quote lol. Sounds like a good plan, I was different and I was kind of disappointed to say the least after the Fall, but now I love it The pace of the classes is definitely a huge transition, as well as the size. Ohio State will have huge Freshman classes (gen eds and stuff). My classes at Virginia Tech were all 300+ people strong last year, I found that it helps to sit near the front so you can pay attention easily.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dracoste View Post
    You were talking about safe cooking. Guess what happens when you don't cook safe.
    (It starts with "D" and ends with "amn, my kitchen is on fire")

  11. #111
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    477

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ashhleeyy View Post
    Just keep everything positive. I wouldn't do more than politely ask once or twice why she feels that way when she says something that doesn't sit right with you. Realistically, teenagers are generally dramatic like that and will say something without thinking of the effects to get attention. Even if one thinks "nah, I've got a pretty good head on my shoulders," it still wouldn't change the fact that everyone has done it once or twice at least. I'm definitely not attacking her by trying to pin her as an attention ***** but you really just have to talk to her about it and try to gauge her seriousness based off of that. The more you get to know her the better you'll be at deciphering her specific "female code" in language.
    Thanks for the advice. I think it's possible she needs and wants attention, but I don't think she's thinking all this to get attention as the main cause.

    Quote Originally Posted by ZoruaBoo View Post
    Well, she may be going through a difficult time at the moment, often stress causes people to be depressed. She might of had a close family member die, or is being beaten up because of something. Her saying she won't commit suiside isn't deffinate, people can do strange things when put under pressure.

    Keeping her happy is the main thing, as you have said, you have already tried, but she didn't listen. Don't confront the matter directly, as she may think that you are exagerating the truth just so you can keep her safe. Try keeping conversations light, remind her of good things like, asking her if she has ever been on a rollercoaster, if she has, say, "Isn't the feeling great when you step off and you get a great rush!" This will remind her about good feelings. Of course, if she hasn't been on one, don't tell her how good it feels, as this may make her feel like she has missed out on life and how she 'hasn't even gone on a rollercoaster'. I know it's horrible to say, but has she/is on drugs? Because they can cause all sorts of feelings, if she is, be sure to support her and look out for her, of course this is quite rare, and I feel really bad about bringing up the subject.

    If you can, ask her what is wrong, don't let her give you a half answer like, "Nothing really.... I just don't understand life." There is probably a very good reason for why she is so down, gently keep on asking her and saying things like, "You can tell me, I promiss." or "I'm here for you, I want to help."
    Don't nag, or keep going on about it if it's obvious that she won't tell, but if she does, it's quite likely that it will be in a big gush to let out all her emotion.

    I can't really help with the love problem, I think your main concern is her well being. Don't you let her or yourself give up hope, life is a great gift, tell her that we must not throw it away. Please don't take all I've said to heart, I can't predict what she will do/ what she wants, I'm just trying to help! Good luck!
    Thanks! As far as I know she doesn't use drugs... but she said she felt like this for years, so it isn't just something temporaly. Also I do know she had a horrible class 2 years ago, and she was bullied back then. The next year she had a better class, but since the friends she made are all in other classes, she's afraid that it'll happen again.

    Quote Originally Posted by GrizzlyB View Post
    Okay, first off, did she directly mention suicide or actually express any desire to end her life TO you? Because, to me, from the way you've described it, it looks like she's just asking existential questions. Many people, myself included, ask themselves the same sorts of questions all the time; granted, not everybody expresses their doubts about the universe to strangers on the internet, but different strokes and all that.

    Even if, on the off chance that she were suicidal (which, again, I doubt), if you were the first to make any sort of mention of her killing herself, and want to actually have a snowball's chance in hell with this girl, never bring it up again. And if she actually is suicidal and told YOU that she had thoughts about killing herself, don't bring it up again anyway, because in that scenario, she's just a stupid teenager whining about her miserable first-class life on the internet, which is where she goes to escape from her parents or something (and in the unlikely event she actually has something in her life to give her actual reason to wish herself dead, getting on the internet is still an escape for her, so provide at least that).

    And one last thing: you probably shouldn't confess your love to people you've known for two weeks on the internet, but perhaps I'm old-fashioned like that.

    [Also, if there's anyone trained in the psychology of suicidal people and this is the worst advice ever, please do say something, even though I think it's relatively sound common-sense advice.]
    lol, I'm not planning to confess my love for now, it's too soon indeed, but I like the idea that I can confess my love against a living person, and not a dead body. It's a bit harsh, but I don't want to take out the possibility. But she wanted to end her live completely, she liked it when I said something sweet to her. It's true that everyone has those questions, but there aren't many people I know that conclude that there life is useless, so they start thinking about ending it. But I won't mention suicide again, and I believe she isn't suicidal as well, but I don't know for certain, and I don't want to take the risk. But I do plan to talk about the idea that her life is useless and stupid. For example I did try to convince her that if she did that she would make a lot of people unhappy, and so she won't die happily with that thought.

    I just hope that I at least made her wonder if suicide is the best solution.

    prob my longest post ever


    Credits to Lapin (Extroph edition)

  12. #112
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Miscellaneous countryside
    Posts
    398

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Manly Blissey View Post
    This actually sounds like a great idea to get acquainted with people. I'll try it, except I'll be doing it in an American fashion.
    What's the American equivalent I wonder? Oreos? :]

    Just remembered an absolute essential, if your own college hasn't mentioned it in its own material yet - basic medicine kit. There's a high chance that you'll catch something or other in your first few weeks at university, just through being exposed to a new environment and people from all over the place. We call it "fresher's flu" in Britain, and I'd say about half of my fellow first-year students came down with it when I started university. Good to prepare for that possibility.

  13. #113
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    190

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Qymaen View Post
    Hey guys. So tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be turning 16. I asked my mom if it was okay if I could stay home from school, but she said no. Before I ask my question you should know that I haven't done anything special for my birthday in years.

    So my question is: Is her decision right? Is it fair for her to make me go to school even though I'm turning 16 and other kids have stayed home and missed school for lesser reasons?
    Yes, her dicision is right. Quit being a turd and spend your birthday at school. When You get older, you're probably gonna have a job that will make you work holidays and birthdays.

  14. #114
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Rosewood
    Posts
    232

    Default

    So around 2 months ago I got a new helix piercing in my left ear. It's all been good healing wise, but I just noticed there's a red lump right next to, maybe partially inside the hole. It's not painful really, so I'm not too worried, I'm just wondering what it is/if it's normal?

  15. #115
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    N. Ireland
    Posts
    278

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dear Insanity View Post
    So around 2 months ago I got a new helix piercing in my left ear. It's all been good healing wise, but I just noticed there's a red lump right next to, maybe partially inside the hole. It's not painful really, so I'm not too worried, I'm just wondering what it is/if it's normal?
    Seeing your piercer would probably be your best bet.
    To me, it sounds like it could be an infection, or possibly that the lymph fluid isn't draining properly. However, if it's been two months, I would think it would have shown itself before now. There's also the possibility it could just be a pimple in an inconvenient spot lol.

  16. #116
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Inna House... With Cable!!!
    Posts
    3,821

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Clipps View Post
    Yes, her dicision is right. Quit being a turd and spend your birthday at school. When You get older, you're probably gonna have a job that will make you work holidays and birthdays.
    Yes listen to your mom. She is the authority in your life (along with your dad). When you become an adult the choice is yours. Since I turned 18 I have NEVER worked a birthday of mine. Well with exception of when I was a Marine. I use a vacation day or a personal day to have my birthday off or just let my boss know I won't be in. I also try to have vacation days for my wife's birthday and my children. A birthday is the most important holiday I think. Because if I wasn't born I couldn't celebrate any other holiday.

    So listen to your mom you can have just as good a birthday celebration after school.

    So true!

  17. #117

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Malanu View Post
    Yes listen to your mom. She is the authority in your life (along with your dad). When you become an adult the choice is yours. Since I turned 18 I have NEVER worked a birthday of mine. Well with exception of when I was a Marine. I use a vacation day or a personal day to have my birthday off or just let my boss know I won't be in. I also try to have vacation days for my wife's birthday and my children. A birthday is the most important holiday I think. Because if I wasn't born I couldn't celebrate any other holiday.

    So listen to your mom you can have just as good a birthday celebration after school.
    Glad to see a 'homie' with some wits about him.
    Way to go 'champ'.
    [img]how do I 'rehost' an image?
    forever an 'OG' battler.

  18. #118
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    1,114

    Default

    Roommate Advice:

    So I've recently started living with some chaps in a duplex and all is well. . . except for some grocery issues. The main problem begins when I, bel, and my roommate (who we shall refer to as A) actually use our own money we worked for to buy groceries. Roommates C and D are both given money by their parents to pay for groceries. Now although C has a bit of an eccentric taste for organic and fresh food his parents give him an allowance thus limiting how much he can spend. But the other roommate D has no real allowance or limit. Roommates A and C also lived together in an apartment last year.

    The weekend before labor day weekend we all went grocery shopping as a unit. Although we did not make a grocery list we picked out the items we needed for the week and D payed for it with 120$ (We had bought and taken turns getting some groceries before D and the other 3 of us considered ourselves fairly even). We all payed D back the respective amount as I assumed that was how we would buy groceries; 1 person buys and then we split the bill at home.

    D was an athlete and can be somewhat competitive. When all was said and done and we had worked out a chart on how much everyone had spent, D appeared to be in "last place" so two days later he unexpectedly went out and bought an additional 90$ in groceries. This is a problem for me. D went out with no warning and effectively spent 22.50 of mine. Roommate A was not too happy either. The next day C went to the local organic food store and ended up buying a little bit of food that we did eat but was expensive and rather unnecessary.

    I now hope you can see why this is a problem to me.

    This past weekend I made a list when I went to grab some basic groceries: milk, bread, grapes for everyone and green apples for myself. I have read that making lists is one of the more frugal ways to buy groceries, as opposed to just roaming the grocery store. This is highly attractive to me. I also noticed another good way to save money is to actually plan out meals along with the shopping list. This seemed rather beneficial since C and D kept cooking and wanting to buy more although we have plenty of leftovers that will eventually go bad if someone doesn't eat them.

    Roommates A and D had fought a bit over the money tracking system posted on the fridge on Saturday night even though we had company.

    I know that we are destined to have a roommate discussion over food soon.

    Now this concept of lists and meal planning is apparently foreign to C because he threw an absolute bitchfit when he saw that I had made another grocery list (I know not how he missed the first one; the list was on the fridge all last week) and had made a meal chart designating Monday night the 12th as "leftovers night."

    He went into an eccentric tirade about how he likes to "wing it" and get fresh food that night, cook it, etc. and threatened that if we adopted such a system he would begin cooking to himself. He seems quite oblivious to the fact that A and I are not really happy the way groceries are currently underway.

    So seribiians, tonight when we hopefully have a discussion about groceries how can I convince these people to adopt a more frugal approach to buying groceries. Given C's hostility to such "order" how can I more meticulously and articulately convince him to not be so opposed to the idea? I do not even think he needs to give up his free will to the device. In fact, I am not opposed to him having a night where he goes and gets groceries to make a "fresh" meal of his.

    We have other food in the fridge that will eventually spoil if we do not cook it and make something from it. There is plenty of meat and bread for sandwiches. There is no need to go out and buy more groceries for dinner. There may be a want, but certainly not a need. How can I portray this to my roommates?

    If good fences truly do make good neighbors, than I am under the impression that good grocery planning makes good roommates.
    Last edited by bel9; 13th September 2011 at 3:10 AM.

  19. #119
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    N. Ireland
    Posts
    278

    Default

    I'm going to be honest with you, but IMO, the way you're going about it possibly the worst way to do so.
    When I was living with people, we each had a shelf in the fridge, and a shelf in the cupboard. We then went out with our own money, and bought food for our selves with that money and stocked our shelves with what we liked. No one else touched what we bought ourselves. To put this in your situation. You would take your money, and buy your food, and only you would eat it. Person A would take his money and buy his food, and only he would eat it, and so on and so forth. I personally believe this would be the best way to go about it, avoids arguments like this, and if some one suffers because of their lack of planning, then that is their problem.

  20. #120
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    1,114

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RobertStyx View Post
    I'm going to be honest with you, but IMO, the way you're going about it possibly the worst way to do so.
    When I was living with people, we each had a shelf in the fridge, and a shelf in the cupboard. We then went out with our own money, and bought food for our selves with that money and stocked our shelves with what we liked. No one else touched what we bought ourselves. To put this in your situation. You would take your money, and buy your food, and only you would eat it. Person A would take his money and buy his food, and only he would eat it, and so on and so forth. I personally believe this would be the best way to go about it, avoids arguments like this, and if some one suffers because of their lack of planning, then that is their problem.
    Thank you for the response. I think we are saving this basic idea as a last resort. . . or if someone is truly unhappy he or she can opt for this.

    We have avoided this plan from the beginning because we recognize that there are certain things that makes more sense to buy as a unit and can become rather cumbersome for each of us to buy individually.

    i.e. bread, hamburgers, other cooking ingredients

    Although we have hybridized a part of this into our plan.

    i.e. I buy my own green apples separately; No one touches my green apples.

    I will keep this in mind depending on how smoothly our meeting goes. Maybe it will work best to adopt your method and then add in group meals every once in a while.

  21. #121
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Chicago, IL
    Posts
    2,595

    Default

    It's possible you could do a hybrid. When I had a roommate (I had a third, but she didn't cooperate so for our purposes she doesn't exist) we shared basics like bread, milk, eggs, and toilet paper and we kept track of whose turn it was to buy these things when we ran out. Everything else less basic we labeled or used personal shelves to store them and ASKED if we wanted something the other had (ex. I want some chocolate, roommate has cookies, and it would obviously be silly for me to buy a package of the same thing).

    Every now and then when we felt like cooking together we'd assess what food items we had collectively and used from both supplies.

    This worked well for us, though admittedly this was with two people. But in my experience from being a roommate and visiting my other friends, this makes everyone happy, no one is worried about spending too much money or buying something they're not going to use.
    Last edited by Spookz; 13th September 2011 at 4:15 AM.



  22. #122
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    1,114

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Spookz View Post
    It's possible you could do a hybrid. When I had a roommate (I had a third, but she didn't cooperate so for our purposes she doesn't exist) we shared basics like bread, milk, eggs, and toilet paper and we kept track of whose turn it was to buy these things when we ran out. Everything else less basic we labeled or used personal shelves to store them and ASKED if we wanted something the other had (ex. I want some chocolate, roommate has cookies, and it would obviously be silly for me to buy a package of the same thing).

    Every now and then when we felt like cooking together we'd assess what food items we had collectively and used from both supplies.

    This worked well for us, though admittedly this was with two people. But in my experience from being a roommate and visiting my other friends, this makes everyone happy, no one is worried about spending too much money or buying something they're not going to use.
    Thanks, this may be what we have to do because roommate C just went to the organic grocery store to get eggs (which we already have) and some bizarre soy milk (which only he will drink).

    He pretty much gave me an ultimatum that if we start making charts/lists he will just not be involved. . . he's a drama queen.

    The other 3 of us may just do a plan like yours, otherwise it may just be less expensive for me to go out and eat and fend for myself.

  23. #123
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Minnesota
    Posts
    57

    Default

    I know it's a questionable idea, but I'm considering trying to make nice with a former friend, because of how awful I feel for him. The guy's a trainwreck. He objectifies the people around him and treats them as means to an end, has an explosive temper, and is completely unrepentant about his crummy attitude - and he's totally alone for it.

    I've often considered trying to make up just so that he'll have someone around that he can have fun with, but we have a history. About a year ago we started going out, and a few months after that I discovered that he didn't actually like me, but out of desperation he jumped on the first girl who'd ever given him a chance in the hopes that he could finally get laid. Needless to say, things came to a screeching halt. He's like this with women as a whole, and is frequently resentful towards us - and was angry with me for weeks when I eventually came out as a lesbian because he saw me as a "man-hater" and as competition.

    There was a point where he was trying to make up to me, but a little digging and he admitted that he was just trying to keep the one female friend he had. I honestly don't think he feels an inkling of guilt for using me, and he's only upset about what this has all meant for him.

    Every time I think of forgiving him, I find a hundred reasons to clash with the one reason I keep thinking I should: because not only can he not get a girl, he has no friends. He's in my social circle (I use the term loosely), and I have to watch the madness on a regular basis. It makes me internally wince. I guess I'm torn between taking him out to the middle of a lake and holding him under until the bubbles stop because he's a horrible person, and feeling bad for him because he's a horrible person.

    There's a line, of that I'm sure. I just don't know where to draw it anymore. Is it ever worth it to let someone be a jerk to you if think it's going to make a difference for them? I completely flipped my lid on him last month when he started putting the moves on my friend who had literally just fallen out with her fiance that very day, but it's not like I'd have to talk to him all the time or anything. ._.

  24. #124
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Inna House... With Cable!!!
    Posts
    3,821

    Default

    Hey 8-bit. It is admirable that you are wanting to be friends again with this person. However, you are not doing it for the right reason I think. You feel sorry for him because he is such a train wreck and he is loosely in your circle. But do you want to be his friend or do you pity his existence?

    If you want him as your friend, what will it do to your present friendships? I say be nice to him, be straight with him, but let him eventually become your friend if that's what he wants, not the other way around.

    So true!

  25. #125
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Minnesota
    Posts
    57

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Malanu View Post
    Hey 8-bit. It is admirable that you are wanting to be friends again with this person. However, you are not doing it for the right reason I think. You feel sorry for him because he is such a train wreck and he is loosely in your circle. But do you want to be his friend or do you pity his existence?

    If you want him as your friend, what will it do to your present friendships? I say be nice to him, be straight with him, but let him eventually become your friend if that's what he wants, not the other way around.
    It's both, actually! I want to be his friend and I do pity his situation, but because he sees me as nothing more than a means to an end (in my eyes), I try to keep the part of me that wants to actually love and trust this person buried where he can't abuse it again. The part I can't keep buried is the part that feels bad when I see him sabotaging his own life on a regular basis and having no one in his life, save his family, who cares what happens to him.

    If I'm waiting on him to genuinely feel for other human beings... I may be waiting a long, long time. I don't think his obsession with himself is changing anytime soon.

Page 5 of 172 FirstFirst 1234567891555105 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •