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Thread: The Official Advice Thread

  1. #4126
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    Are you a bad person if you're actually considering making arrangements with a sugar daddy to get out of a tough/seemingly impossible situation? ;_;

  2. #4127
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    No.

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  3. #4128
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    And if you think you are then you are wrong

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hequetra View Post
    Are you a bad person if you're actually considering making arrangements with a sugar daddy to get out of a tough/seemingly impossible situation? ;_;
    No because if I was a girl I would do it.
    Wait, are there gay or bi Sugar Daddies?
    I'm cis and straight, April Fools.

  5. #4130
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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    No because if I was a girl I would do it.
    Wait, are there gay or bi Sugar Daddies?
    Nope, it's against the law.

  6. #4131
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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    No because if I was a girl I would do it.
    Wait, are there gay or bi Sugar Daddies?
    There are.

    So, here's my situation. It's pretty much my own fault, but it doesn't make it less shitty. I wasn't thinking, and I was talking about smoking illegal substances with some co-workers. Someone heard me, went straight to management, and just like magic I was on the unemployment line. I have two weeks to find at least two jobs offering a minimum of 30 hours a week before my landlords eviction proceedings go into full swing, not to mention on top of that I have a 5000 dollar medical bill, which I apparently didn't even know there was a deadline to apply for state assistance, and now it's too late. The problem is, I'm in a college town and I'm competing with a shit ton of other people that are also looking for jobs, and nobody is calling me back. If I don't beat my race against time here, my only options are move back in with my raging alcoholic of a mother. At this point, I'm desperate enough to consider just about anything, really.

    This "sugar daddy" I'm talking to insists that he wants to help me purely out of the good of his own heart, and that he already has plenty of "young and beautiful" friends, but I have a really hard time believing in things that seem to good to be true. Some old dude really wants to write me a blank check and rescue me from economic turmoil, no strings attached? I'm either being ridiculously naive, or being ridiculously stupid for not jumping on this opportunity.

  7. #4132
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    that sounds so dodgy. do you not have any good friends or other relatives that could help you out?
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  8. #4133
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    I have plenty of friends, but they're all working crappy jobs while attempting to get their college education like I was. I don't want to be a burden on them, considering they're scrapping by too. I do have family in Ohio, but they don't really associate with me because I'm not in step with their, er, traditional family values.

  9. #4134
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    Yeah I'm with moot on this one. This is dodgy, and I'm sure there's gonna be a 'catch' to it if you go with this dude (I'll let you figure this out; not hard). You said your mother was a raging alcoholic, so I wouldn't go there unless absolutely necessary. Since you didn't mention a father, I won say anything just in case. Is there any other (extended) family out there that you have (aside from those in Ohio)? If so, see if they'll take you in while you try to get back onto your own two feet once again.


  10. #4135
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hequetra View Post
    There are.

    So, here's my situation. It's pretty much my own fault, but it doesn't make it less shitty. I wasn't thinking, and I was talking about smoking illegal substances with some co-workers. Someone heard me, went straight to management, and just like magic I was on the unemployment line. I have two weeks to find at least two jobs offering a minimum of 30 hours a week before my landlords eviction proceedings go into full swing, not to mention on top of that I have a 5000 dollar medical bill, which I apparently didn't even know there was a deadline to apply for state assistance, and now it's too late. The problem is, I'm in a college town and I'm competing with a shit ton of other people that are also looking for jobs, and nobody is calling me back. If I don't beat my race against time here, my only options are move back in with my raging alcoholic of a mother. At this point, I'm desperate enough to consider just about anything, really.

    This "sugar daddy" I'm talking to insists that he wants to help me purely out of the good of his own heart, and that he already has plenty of "young and beautiful" friends, but I have a really hard time believing in things that seem to good to be true. Some old dude really wants to write me a blank check and rescue me from economic turmoil, no strings attached? I'm either being ridiculously naive, or being ridiculously stupid for not jumping on this opportunity.
    That's complete bullshit. Getting fired for talking about that IMO. I agree with Moot and Cloneblazer for what you should do.
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  11. #4136
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cloneblazer12 View Post
    Yeah I'm with moot on this one. This is dodgy, and I'm sure there's gonna be a 'catch' to it if you go with this dude (I'll let you figure this out; not hard). You said your mother was a raging alcoholic, so I wouldn't go there unless absolutely necessary. Since you didn't mention a father, I won say anything just in case. Is there any other (extended) family out there that you have (aside from those in Ohio)? If so, see if they'll take you in while you try to get back onto your own two feet once again.
    Giving me advice while simultaneously being condescending, you're super cool. I know it's dodgy, which is sort of um, why I'm asking for advice?

    Anyways, Moot's advice isn't bad at all. It's just not that easy or simple, as I explained. If it was, I would have already done it by now, you know? It's almost sort of patronizing to assume that if x friend or x family member was ready and willing to wisk me away from my troubles that I wouldn't instantly be all over that before resorting to something like staking out a sugar daddy. I'm not short sighted, I know which resources are available to me and which are not.
    Last edited by Baba Yaga; 17th May 2014 at 8:51 PM.

  12. #4137
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    I did try to find a good forum post this in and I decided on this. If it's not correct, I tried.

    I'm self-teaching myself Spanish, which is really fun, but I want to know something: if I go and speak nothing but Spanish for a year, what are the chances my English skills drop/I will talk with an accent after one year and suddenly revert back to English.
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  13. #4138
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hequetra View Post
    Giving me advice while simultaneously being condescending, you're super cool. I know it's dodgy, which is sort of um, why I'm asking for advice?

    Anyways, Moot's advice isn't bad at all. It's just not that easy or simple, as I explained. If it was, I would have already done it by now, you know? It's almost sort of patronizing to assume that if x friend or x family member was ready and willing to wisk me away from my troubles that I wouldn't instantly be all over that before resorting to something like staking out a sugar daddy. I'm not short sighted, I know which resources are available to me and which are not.
    maybe you need to look in the long term though, because this is how people get forced in to situations that can ruin their lives. a friend doesn't need to wisk you out of your troubles completely, they might just be able to let you sleep on their couch for a month, you know? until you can get a job or whatever. you don't need to solve this problem immediately through a friend or a sugar daddy, you need to work on improving it
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  14. #4139
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninfia-Fan View Post
    I did try to find a good forum post this in and I decided on this. If it's not correct, I tried.

    I'm self-teaching myself Spanish, which is really fun, but I want to know something: if I go and speak nothing but Spanish for a year, what are the chances my English skills drop/I will talk with an accent after one year and suddenly revert back to English.
    If English is your natural language, you should be fine. If not, then you might have broken grammar or something. Think of it this way: What language do you think in? If you think in English (even when speaking nothing but Spanish), you should be fine.


  15. #4140
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    Yeah, I think in English. Thanks for the advice!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninfia-Fan View Post
    I did try to find a good forum post this in and I decided on this. If it's not correct, I tried.

    I'm self-teaching myself Spanish, which is really fun, but I want to know something: if I go and speak nothing but Spanish for a year, what are the chances my English skills drop/I will talk with an accent after one year and suddenly revert back to English.
    Don't worry, I didn't speak my mother language for 11~ years after moving countries, and while I did get rusty, I definitely don't have an accent and after just going back to using it for about 2 weeks I'm back to speaking it as I did when I used it everyday. And this is from someone that speaks 4 languages with 3 different scripts, so with 2 I really wouldn't worry.

  17. #4142
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninfia-Fan View Post
    I did try to find a good forum post this in and I decided on this. If it's not correct, I tried.

    I'm self-teaching myself Spanish, which is really fun, but I want to know something: if I go and speak nothing but Spanish for a year, what are the chances my English skills drop/I will talk with an accent after one year and suddenly revert back to English.
    I don't think they will at all, if not just a little. And I really don't think you'll get an accent. Just my thought, not fact.
    I'm cis and straight, April Fools.

  18. #4143
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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    I don't think they will at all, if not just a little. And I really don't think you'll get an accent. Just my thought, not fact.
    You are correct, it takes years to develop accents like that.

    Obviously when you don't practice a language that is not your native one it will suffer slightly, mainly in the nuances of the grammar of that language but you could pick those up quite easily with a bit of practice. Oral language skills would probably suffer more than written language too.

  19. #4144
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    I've been thinking a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that I like my best friend. She's really strongly pro-gay rights, so I know she wouldn't have a problem with us both being girls, but the trouble is, she's got pretty bad anxiety and some other issues, and I'm pretty sure she's straight. I want to say something to her, but I don't want to put pressure on her to respond and cause her to panic (which is quite likely, with her, and I'd hate to be the cause of it), and I definitely don't want to ruin our friendship. Any advice?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Archsage View Post
    I've been thinking a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that I like my best friend. She's really strongly pro-gay rights, so I know she wouldn't have a problem with us both being girls, but the trouble is, she's got pretty bad anxiety and some other issues, and I'm pretty sure she's straight. I want to say something to her, but I don't want to put pressure on her to respond and cause her to panic (which is quite likely, with her, and I'd hate to be the cause of it), and I definitely don't want to ruin our friendship. Any advice?
    That sucks :\
    And I think you should go for it, if you're really friends she'll still be your friend if she's straight.
    I'm cis and straight, April Fools.

  21. #4146
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    Quote Originally Posted by Archsage View Post
    I've been thinking a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that I like my best friend. She's really strongly pro-gay rights, so I know she wouldn't have a problem with us both being girls, but the trouble is, she's got pretty bad anxiety and some other issues, and I'm pretty sure she's straight. I want to say something to her, but I don't want to put pressure on her to respond and cause her to panic (which is quite likely, with her, and I'd hate to be the cause of it), and I definitely don't want to ruin our friendship. Any advice?
    The first question that came to my mind about this is if she's your best friend, how do you not know what her sexuality is? By the time I was 12 or 13, people were talking about the boys or girls in my class that they liked, and some had even started dating. I certainly talked about crushes and dating with my best friends throughout middle school, high school, and college, and knew who they crushed on and dated, and therefore knew what their sexualities were.

    I'm just kind of baffled as to how you can NOT know what your closest confidant's sexuality is.

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    Quote Originally Posted by varanus_komodoensis View Post
    The first question that came to my mind about this is if she's your best friend, how do you not know what her sexuality is? By the time I was 12 or 13, people were talking about the boys or girls in my class that they liked, and some had even started dating. I certainly talked about crushes and dating with my best friends throughout middle school, high school, and college, and knew who they crushed on and dated, and therefore knew what their sexualities were.

    I'm just kind of baffled as to how you can NOT know what your closest confidant's sexuality is.
    I say 'pretty sure' because she's questioning her sexuality herself, but personally I believe she's straight by her behavior. I could easily be wrong, though.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Archsage View Post
    I say 'pretty sure' because she's questioning her sexuality herself, but personally I believe she's straight by her behavior. I could easily be wrong, though.
    Aaah, that makes a lot more sense. The way I read your post it sounded like you just personally didn't know what her sexuality was but she did.

    If she's questioning her sexuality, then that means that she probably isn't at a place in her life where she can definitively describe what it is yet. She might need to experiment dating both boys and girls with different types of sexualities, and there's nothing wrong with that. What worries me about you two dating (from a third-party perspective not knowing either of you or your history) is that you're best friends. If she's at a point where she doesn't know what sexuality she is, and she agrees to date you, that could spell disaster and a lot of hurt, hard feelings, and heartbreak down the road if she decides she's straight and she only likes straight men.

    Basically what I'm saying is that dating her at such a vulnerable point in her life, when you're comfortable with your sexuality and she might not be with hers, could be devastating to your friendship depending on what she decides about her sexuality and how intimate the two of you get. Age is also an important factor. I don't know how old you are, but if you're in middle or high school, there is a MINUSCULE chance that someone you date in between the ages of 13 and 18 is actually your life partner, so you should take that into consideration. Relationships before college almost never work out statistically. Also, best friends who date and then break up rarely remain as close as they once were. You are risking losing her as a friend. I dated my best friend in college (although I'm a girl and he's a guy) and he STILL resents me to this day for breaking up with him because I didn't feel as strongly for him as he did for me, and it's been four years. I miss his friendship every single day of my life, and while I don't regret dating him, I am also very hurt by the damage dating had on our friendship.

    Just things to consider.
    Last edited by varanus_komodoensis; 19th May 2014 at 12:12 AM.

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  24. #4149
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    Quote Originally Posted by Archsage View Post
    I say 'pretty sure' because she's questioning her sexuality herself, but personally I believe she's straight by her behavior. I could easily be wrong, though.
    Maybe you could date her to show her what it's like to date a woman/girl. But do it with respect and don't act crushed if she confirms her heterosexuality.
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    Quote Originally Posted by varanus_komodoensis View Post
    Aaah, that makes a lot more sense. The way I read your post it sounded like you just personally didn't know what her sexuality was but she did.

    If she's questioning her sexuality, then that means that she probably isn't at a place in her life where she can definitively describe what it is yet. She might need to experiment dating both boys and girls with different types of sexualities, and there's nothing wrong with that. What worries me about you two dating (from a third-party perspective not knowing either of you or your history) is that you're best friends. If she's at a point where she doesn't know what sexuality she is, and she agrees to date you, that could spell disaster and a lot of hurt, hard feelings, and heartbreak down the road if she decides she's straight and she only likes straight men.

    Basically what I'm saying is that dating her at such a vulnerable point in her life, when you're comfortable with your sexuality and she might not be with hers, could be devastating to your friendship depending on what she decides about her sexuality and how intimate the two of you get. Age is also an important factor. I don't know how old you are, but if you're in middle or high school, there is a MINUSCULE chance that someone you date in between the ages of 13 and 18 is actually your life partner, so you should take that into consideration. Relationships before college almost never work out statistically. Also, best friends who date and then break up rarely remain as close as they once were. You are risking losing her as a friend. I dated my best friend in college (although I'm a girl and he's a guy) and he STILL resents me to this day for breaking up with him because I didn't feel as strongly for him as he did for me, and it's been four years. I miss his friendship every single day of my life, and while I don't regret dating him, I am also very hurt by the damage dating had on our friendship.

    Just things to consider.
    Varanus, you've hit the exact reasons why I'm unsure. Along with that, she needs support from someone she can trust with her issues right now more than anything, so it's probably much smarter for me to wait until things are more certain and she's more secure before I say anything to her. Thanks for the advice, though, it did help.

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