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Thread: The Advice Thread - "What should I do about this weird mole growing on my back"

  1. #4126
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teebu View Post
    I think you're well within your rights to want to better yourself and have a career you are entirely happy and proud of, after all you only live once, do what you need to do to be happy. I would say if at all possible don't burn the bridges with your family though, there will be a time where you need each other.
    Of course, I would keep contact with my family and most if not all my friends. Even if I have to move away from them for my own sake, I would never abandon and stop contacting them. We will need each other in the future.
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    Quote Originally Posted by akaFila View Post
    So I have a little bit of a questionable situation. I'm an 18 yr old male, and there is a 15 yr old female who I'm debating upon starting a relationship with. First off, it's perfectly legal. Just going to throw that detail out first. Despite that, I can understand how the whole idea is iffy to others. Obviously I plan to go to her parents before making any finalization on going through with it. But even with the parents' acceptance, should the 3 year gap be avoided?
    yes, it should be. at that age you're still at somewhat different places in your life. at 18 you've probably graduated high school or will very soon and she will still be in it for a few years. that's a pretty big difference in life experiences.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starforsaken View Post
    Hey there,

    In August, I am going to be moving to a city about 4 hours away from where I live to study in music. The issue is, my mother keeps telling me that it is a selfish move to get away from everybody I know and love for "the sole purpose of nourishing my career". She thinks that doing so is some sort of abandon towards my family and friends. She keeps telling me to choose a program available at the local college to stay near my loved ones. However, aside from music, the only other field I'd be interested in is informatic, which is also unavailable at the local college.

    On my side of the story, I also tend to think that it is a selfish move from her to try and "ruin" my future (by not letting me study to become what I really want to become, a music teacher) just so I can stay with her. By going away, I am not abandoning my relatives and friends, at least, that's not how I see it. I am going away to be who I want to be, to be able to support my future family in a way I won't feel like I'm wasting my and others' time.

    Anyway, not too sure how to feel about this.
    you should definitely move if that is what you want to do, provided you can afford it. i am graduating college in a month and i, along with my other high school friends who went to 4 years, have changed so much, grown up as people, made wonderful new friendships, and learned so many things about being independent. it is really an invaluable experience. there's a reason why the local jc is called "x high 2.0." most of the people i know who went there or other local colleges are pretty much the same as in high school with the same friends, same drama, same lifestyle, and haven't had a lot of new experiences or really gotten outside of their bubble, even the ones who don't live with their parents anymore.

    college is also one of the only times in your life that you can actually study something you really want to. it's so much harder to go back to school once you have been in the "real world" for some time. while i would recommend getting at least a minor, maybe a double major, in something that is more general and easier to get a job in incase that doesnt pan out, you should study something in college you really enjoy. you're going to be spending the next four years studying a whole lot related to whatever you choose. if you aren't passionate about it, it's gonna be a rough four years.

    plus, you're not "abandoning" anyone. nowadays with texting, facebook, skype, etc it is very easy to maintain friendships even when you aren't physically close. i have 2 best friends that i havent gone to school with since i was 14 (im 22) and we are still very close and hang out whenever we are in the same place again. ive also maintained close friendships with other people from pre-college and i still see my family pretty often. i actually get along a lot better with my mom now that i dont live with her. 4 hours away also isnt that bad. i am 3-4 hours away and i still go home sometimes, that's feasible enough that if you have a car or a bus/train system you could go home fairly easily. though i would recommend your first year not going home until thanksgiving so that you have time to start becoming independent. i had a roommate who pretty much constantly went home during her first year and because of that she never became fully independent. she was from the same area as me and literally drove up and back in a single day multiple times for several weeks over the summer. don't be like her, experience what college has to offer while you can.

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  3. #4128
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    Quote Originally Posted by akaFila View Post
    So I have a little bit of a questionable situation. I'm an 18 yr old male, and there is a 15 yr old female who I'm debating upon starting a relationship with. First off, it's perfectly legal. Just going to throw that detail out first. Despite that, I can understand how the whole idea is iffy to others. Obviously I plan to go to her parents before making any finalization on going through with it. But even with the parents' acceptance, should the 3 year gap be avoided?
    A three-year gap is a funny thing. It's funny because a three-year gap can either be a HUGE maturity difference, or no maturity difference at all, depending on how old you are. For example, if you were 30 and she was 27, three years is basically nothing. You're essentially the same age, so go for it. In your teenage years, however, three years may as well be three decades. You mature by leaps and bounds in between the ages of 15 and 18. Right now, you are immensely more mature than she is. You are creeping into adulthood; your brain is developing critical thinking skills like those of an adult, while she is emotionally and in maturity terms, still a child. I'm not saying your relationship with her won't work, but it's statistically very likely to fail because of the differences between your brain and her brain.

    Furthermore, you will likely be going to university either this upcoming fall, or the year after next. I have been through both high school and college and let me tell you, when you're in college, you'll meet a LOT more types of people than there are at your high school. You'll meet girls of every walk of life, with every kind of belief and opinion you can think of, who are much more mature than high school girls. I would be very afraid that being around other adult, college women while dating a 15 or 16 year old would make you feel like you were missing out on experiencing dating them and finding out what you're really attracted to in terms of mature adults.

    So from a third-party perspective who has never met either one of you in real life, I would say it's not a very good idea to start a relationship with a 15-year-old high school girl who doesn't even know who she is yet when you're about to leave for college and meet adult women who are more mature than high schoolers.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starforsaken View Post
    Hey there,

    In August, I am going to be moving to a city about 4 hours away from where I live to study in music. The issue is, my mother keeps telling me that it is a selfish move to get away from everybody I know and love for "the sole purpose of nourishing my career". She thinks that doing so is some sort of abandon towards my family and friends. She keeps telling me to choose a program available at the local college to stay near my loved ones. However, aside from music, the only other field I'd be interested in is informatic, which is also unavailable at the local college.

    On my side of the story, I also tend to think that it is a selfish move from her to try and "ruin" my future (by not letting me study to become what I really want to become, a music teacher) just so I can stay with her. By going away, I am not abandoning my relatives and friends, at least, that's not how I see it. I am going away to be who I want to be, to be able to support my future family in a way I won't feel like I'm wasting my and others' time.

    Anyway, not too sure how to feel about this.
    I went to a college that was 4 hours away from my hometown and my parents, and it wasn't a big deal. It's not like you're moving across the country. Four hours is honestly not that far; if an emergency happened, you could get home that same day. I never felt like I was so far from home that I was abandoning anyone. I would say go to that college that you really want to go to, because it IS close to home no matter what your parents say. But like other posters have said, don't ever burn bridges with your family. They're more important than your college.

    EDIT: This:

    Quote Originally Posted by Ellie View Post
    plus, you're not "abandoning" anyone. nowadays with texting, facebook, skype, etc it is very easy to maintain friendships even when you aren't physically close. i have 2 best friends that i havent gone to school with since i was 14 (im 22) and we are still very close and hang out whenever we are in the same place again. ive also maintained close friendships with other people from pre-college and i still see my family pretty often. i actually get along a lot better with my mom now that i dont live with her. 4 hours away also isnt that bad. i am 3-4 hours away and i still go home sometimes, that's feasible enough that if you have a car or a bus/train system you could go home fairly easily. though i would recommend your first year not going home until thanksgiving so that you have time to start becoming independent. i had a roommate who pretty much constantly went home during her first year and because of that she never became fully independent. she was from the same area as me and literally drove up and back in a single day multiple times for several weeks over the summer. don't be like her, experience what college has to offer while you can.
    Wise words from Ellie. I second everything she said.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starforsaken View Post
    Hey there,

    In August, I am going to be moving to a city about 4 hours away from where I live to study in music. The issue is, my mother keeps telling me that it is a selfish move to get away from everybody I know and love for "the sole purpose of nourishing my career". She thinks that doing so is some sort of abandon towards my family and friends. She keeps telling me to choose a program available at the local college to stay near my loved ones. However, aside from music, the only other field I'd be interested in is informatic, which is also unavailable at the local college.

    On my side of the story, I also tend to think that it is a selfish move from her to try and "ruin" my future (by not letting me study to become what I really want to become, a music teacher) just so I can stay with her. By going away, I am not abandoning my relatives and friends, at least, that's not how I see it. I am going away to be who I want to be, to be able to support my future family in a way I won't feel like I'm wasting my and others' time.

    Anyway, not too sure how to feel about this.
    I moved to the other side of the country (around 4 hours with public transit, a bit over 2 hours by car) two and a half years ago, and it's been the best decision I've ever made. I don't see any real reason as to why you shouldn't move if you really want to (selfishness is a terrible argument, as the whole thought process behind it is selfish in and of itself). While it's an overreaction to state you're abandoning your loved ones, moving away does mean you will see those people less often. Is that a bad thing? Of course not. It's not like you're completely cutting ties, and you'll meet new people and all that good stuff.

  5. #4130
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    Thank you everyone for the good advice, I really appreciate it! You reassured me and helped me confirm my decision, I'll talk about it with my mother as soon as possible!
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    hey people I have a problem.

    I have an irrational fear of ceiling fans (yes you read that right the fear of a fan on the ceiling) but that is besides the point. I have this crush on a girl in my grade but I don't think she likes me back that way. We have spent some time together with other friends (I have a group of friends we call ourself the council of theoretical mouse trap factories.) I was just wondering what I should do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by meganinja123456 View Post
    hey people I have a problem.

    I have an irrational fear of ceiling fans (yes you read that right the fear of a fan on the ceiling) but that is besides the point. I have this crush on a girl in my grade but I don't think she likes me back that way. We have spent some time together with other friends (I have a group of friends we call ourself the council of theoretical mouse trap factories.) I was just wondering what I should do.
    You should probably make sure that she doesn't have a ceiling fan in her bedroom.

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  8. #4133
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    Quote Originally Posted by meganinja123456 View Post
    hey people I have a problem.

    I have an irrational fear of ceiling fans (yes you read that right the fear of a fan on the ceiling) but that is besides the point. I have this crush on a girl in my grade but I don't think she likes me back that way. We have spent some time together with other friends (I have a group of friends we call ourself the council of theoretical mouse trap factories.) I was just wondering what I should do.
    Just spend more time with her in your group and see if you start getting closer or anything. If you can, spend some time with her alone, and just see whether you have a chemistry or not. If you do want to ask her out, don't leave it too long, lest you get friend-zoned.

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    Quote Originally Posted by meganinja123456 View Post
    hey people I have a problem.

    I have an irrational fear of ceiling fans (yes you read that right the fear of a fan on the ceiling) but that is besides the point. I have this crush on a girl in my grade but I don't think she likes me back that way. We have spent some time together with other friends (I have a group of friends we call ourself the council of theoretical mouse trap factories.) I was just wondering what I should do.
    Spend more time with her alone, get to know her well, see how she acts around others you'll soon know if you have any chemistry worth pursuing a relationship. It's easy to say here I know, but if you think you do just go for it, you don't get what you don't ask for.

    Quote Originally Posted by varanus_komodoensis View Post
    You should probably make sure that she doesn't have a ceiling fan in her bedroom.
    Haha!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Roseheart95 View Post
    friend-zoned.
    don't say this it's bad

    you should probably just do what teebu said. though you're 14 and relationships at 14 are probably not worth pursuing lol
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    thanks guys. I should check out the fan situation but it is really not a problem.

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    I am in an interesting predicament right now. Recently I heard meowing in the storage space above my carport. I went and investigated and found a litter of kittens. The thing is, I don't want to leave them up there for fear of one of them falling off the storage space, yet I don't think they're ready for solid food. I haven't seen the mother cat and I don't want to rip them away from the mother cat if they can't eat solid food. The mother cat is a stray as far as I know, as the only other cat I have is already fixed.

    Plus i'm not sure if the constant meowing is a sign indicating whether or not they are hungry. I am at a loss for what to do because I don't want to see the kittens starve to death or get injured.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adrexus View Post
    I am in an interesting predicament right now. Recently I heard meowing in the storage space above my carport. I went and investigated and found a litter of kittens. The thing is, I don't want to leave them up there for fear of one of them falling off the storage space, yet I don't think they're ready for solid food. I haven't seen the mother cat and I don't want to rip them away from the mother cat if they can't eat solid food. The mother cat is a stray as far as I know, as the only other cat I have is already fixed.

    Plus i'm not sure if the constant meowing is a sign indicating whether or not they are hungry. I am at a loss for what to do because I don't want to see the kittens starve to death or get injured.
    Well if the mother cat is still around, definitely do not touch the kittens or move them from their space(the smell of a human can sometimes deter a mother cat fro her kittens). Keep an eye out for the mother, check in on the kittens and if there is no sign or presence of the the mother then you might need to take action. You can contact animal services (or whatever it's called where you live) and have them handle it, if you don't have one of those in your town a vet will often help in this kind of situation.
    If need be and you can not get assistance and the mother is for sure not around you can possibly help them yourself (although this is not recommended), you can either get soft cat food if they or old enough or if they are still much too young for that get a non lubricated or powdered glove (one safe to put food into) and put small amounts of milk into a finger of the glove. Prick
    the end of the finger with a needle so that there is a very small hole for the milk to come through. you can attempt to give it milk that way. But of course I would not do this unless the mother is for sure gone and you can have no assistance. If a vet does refuse to help you can always ask for personal advice if you don't feel comfortable because the vet often knows best.


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    Are you a bad person if you're actually considering making arrangements with a sugar daddy to get out of a tough/seemingly impossible situation? ;_;

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    No.

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    And if you think you are then you are wrong

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hequetra View Post
    Are you a bad person if you're actually considering making arrangements with a sugar daddy to get out of a tough/seemingly impossible situation? ;_;
    No because if I was a girl I would do it.
    Wait, are there gay or bi Sugar Daddies?

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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    No because if I was a girl I would do it.
    Wait, are there gay or bi Sugar Daddies?
    Nope, it's against the law.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    No because if I was a girl I would do it.
    Wait, are there gay or bi Sugar Daddies?
    There are.

    So, here's my situation. It's pretty much my own fault, but it doesn't make it less shitty. I wasn't thinking, and I was talking about smoking illegal substances with some co-workers. Someone heard me, went straight to management, and just like magic I was on the unemployment line. I have two weeks to find at least two jobs offering a minimum of 30 hours a week before my landlords eviction proceedings go into full swing, not to mention on top of that I have a 5000 dollar medical bill, which I apparently didn't even know there was a deadline to apply for state assistance, and now it's too late. The problem is, I'm in a college town and I'm competing with a shit ton of other people that are also looking for jobs, and nobody is calling me back. If I don't beat my race against time here, my only options are move back in with my raging alcoholic of a mother. At this point, I'm desperate enough to consider just about anything, really.

    This "sugar daddy" I'm talking to insists that he wants to help me purely out of the good of his own heart, and that he already has plenty of "young and beautiful" friends, but I have a really hard time believing in things that seem to good to be true. Some old dude really wants to write me a blank check and rescue me from economic turmoil, no strings attached? I'm either being ridiculously naive, or being ridiculously stupid for not jumping on this opportunity.

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    that sounds so dodgy. do you not have any good friends or other relatives that could help you out?
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    I have plenty of friends, but they're all working crappy jobs while attempting to get their college education like I was. I don't want to be a burden on them, considering they're scrapping by too. I do have family in Ohio, but they don't really associate with me because I'm not in step with their, er, traditional family values.

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    Yeah I'm with moot on this one. This is dodgy, and I'm sure there's gonna be a 'catch' to it if you go with this dude (I'll let you figure this out; not hard). You said your mother was a raging alcoholic, so I wouldn't go there unless absolutely necessary. Since you didn't mention a father, I won say anything just in case. Is there any other (extended) family out there that you have (aside from those in Ohio)? If so, see if they'll take you in while you try to get back onto your own two feet once again.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hequetra View Post
    There are.

    So, here's my situation. It's pretty much my own fault, but it doesn't make it less shitty. I wasn't thinking, and I was talking about smoking illegal substances with some co-workers. Someone heard me, went straight to management, and just like magic I was on the unemployment line. I have two weeks to find at least two jobs offering a minimum of 30 hours a week before my landlords eviction proceedings go into full swing, not to mention on top of that I have a 5000 dollar medical bill, which I apparently didn't even know there was a deadline to apply for state assistance, and now it's too late. The problem is, I'm in a college town and I'm competing with a shit ton of other people that are also looking for jobs, and nobody is calling me back. If I don't beat my race against time here, my only options are move back in with my raging alcoholic of a mother. At this point, I'm desperate enough to consider just about anything, really.

    This "sugar daddy" I'm talking to insists that he wants to help me purely out of the good of his own heart, and that he already has plenty of "young and beautiful" friends, but I have a really hard time believing in things that seem to good to be true. Some old dude really wants to write me a blank check and rescue me from economic turmoil, no strings attached? I'm either being ridiculously naive, or being ridiculously stupid for not jumping on this opportunity.
    That's complete bullshit. Getting fired for talking about that IMO. I agree with Moot and Cloneblazer for what you should do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cloneblazer12 View Post
    Yeah I'm with moot on this one. This is dodgy, and I'm sure there's gonna be a 'catch' to it if you go with this dude (I'll let you figure this out; not hard). You said your mother was a raging alcoholic, so I wouldn't go there unless absolutely necessary. Since you didn't mention a father, I won say anything just in case. Is there any other (extended) family out there that you have (aside from those in Ohio)? If so, see if they'll take you in while you try to get back onto your own two feet once again.
    Giving me advice while simultaneously being condescending, you're super cool. I know it's dodgy, which is sort of um, why I'm asking for advice?

    Anyways, Moot's advice isn't bad at all. It's just not that easy or simple, as I explained. If it was, I would have already done it by now, you know? It's almost sort of patronizing to assume that if x friend or x family member was ready and willing to wisk me away from my troubles that I wouldn't instantly be all over that before resorting to something like staking out a sugar daddy. I'm not short sighted, I know which resources are available to me and which are not.
    Last edited by Baba Yaga; 17th May 2014 at 9:51 PM.

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    I did try to find a good forum post this in and I decided on this. If it's not correct, I tried.

    I'm self-teaching myself Spanish, which is really fun, but I want to know something: if I go and speak nothing but Spanish for a year, what are the chances my English skills drop/I will talk with an accent after one year and suddenly revert back to English.
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