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Thread: The Advice Thread - "What should I do about this weird mole growing on my back"

  1. #4151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hequetra View Post
    Giving me advice while simultaneously being condescending, you're super cool. I know it's dodgy, which is sort of um, why I'm asking for advice?

    Anyways, Moot's advice isn't bad at all. It's just not that easy or simple, as I explained. If it was, I would have already done it by now, you know? It's almost sort of patronizing to assume that if x friend or x family member was ready and willing to wisk me away from my troubles that I wouldn't instantly be all over that before resorting to something like staking out a sugar daddy. I'm not short sighted, I know which resources are available to me and which are not.
    maybe you need to look in the long term though, because this is how people get forced in to situations that can ruin their lives. a friend doesn't need to wisk you out of your troubles completely, they might just be able to let you sleep on their couch for a month, you know? until you can get a job or whatever. you don't need to solve this problem immediately through a friend or a sugar daddy, you need to work on improving it
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninfia-Fan View Post
    I did try to find a good forum post this in and I decided on this. If it's not correct, I tried.

    I'm self-teaching myself Spanish, which is really fun, but I want to know something: if I go and speak nothing but Spanish for a year, what are the chances my English skills drop/I will talk with an accent after one year and suddenly revert back to English.
    If English is your natural language, you should be fine. If not, then you might have broken grammar or something. Think of it this way: What language do you think in? If you think in English (even when speaking nothing but Spanish), you should be fine.

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    Yeah, I think in English. Thanks for the advice!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninfia-Fan View Post
    I did try to find a good forum post this in and I decided on this. If it's not correct, I tried.

    I'm self-teaching myself Spanish, which is really fun, but I want to know something: if I go and speak nothing but Spanish for a year, what are the chances my English skills drop/I will talk with an accent after one year and suddenly revert back to English.
    Don't worry, I didn't speak my mother language for 11~ years after moving countries, and while I did get rusty, I definitely don't have an accent and after just going back to using it for about 2 weeks I'm back to speaking it as I did when I used it everyday. And this is from someone that speaks 4 languages with 3 different scripts, so with 2 I really wouldn't worry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninfia-Fan View Post
    I did try to find a good forum post this in and I decided on this. If it's not correct, I tried.

    I'm self-teaching myself Spanish, which is really fun, but I want to know something: if I go and speak nothing but Spanish for a year, what are the chances my English skills drop/I will talk with an accent after one year and suddenly revert back to English.
    I don't think they will at all, if not just a little. And I really don't think you'll get an accent. Just my thought, not fact.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    I don't think they will at all, if not just a little. And I really don't think you'll get an accent. Just my thought, not fact.
    You are correct, it takes years to develop accents like that.

    Obviously when you don't practice a language that is not your native one it will suffer slightly, mainly in the nuances of the grammar of that language but you could pick those up quite easily with a bit of practice. Oral language skills would probably suffer more than written language too.

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    I've been thinking a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that I like my best friend. She's really strongly pro-gay rights, so I know she wouldn't have a problem with us both being girls, but the trouble is, she's got pretty bad anxiety and some other issues, and I'm pretty sure she's straight. I want to say something to her, but I don't want to put pressure on her to respond and cause her to panic (which is quite likely, with her, and I'd hate to be the cause of it), and I definitely don't want to ruin our friendship. Any advice?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Archsage View Post
    I've been thinking a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that I like my best friend. She's really strongly pro-gay rights, so I know she wouldn't have a problem with us both being girls, but the trouble is, she's got pretty bad anxiety and some other issues, and I'm pretty sure she's straight. I want to say something to her, but I don't want to put pressure on her to respond and cause her to panic (which is quite likely, with her, and I'd hate to be the cause of it), and I definitely don't want to ruin our friendship. Any advice?
    That sucks :\
    And I think you should go for it, if you're really friends she'll still be your friend if she's straight.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Archsage View Post
    I've been thinking a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that I like my best friend. She's really strongly pro-gay rights, so I know she wouldn't have a problem with us both being girls, but the trouble is, she's got pretty bad anxiety and some other issues, and I'm pretty sure she's straight. I want to say something to her, but I don't want to put pressure on her to respond and cause her to panic (which is quite likely, with her, and I'd hate to be the cause of it), and I definitely don't want to ruin our friendship. Any advice?
    The first question that came to my mind about this is if she's your best friend, how do you not know what her sexuality is? By the time I was 12 or 13, people were talking about the boys or girls in my class that they liked, and some had even started dating. I certainly talked about crushes and dating with my best friends throughout middle school, high school, and college, and knew who they crushed on and dated, and therefore knew what their sexualities were.

    I'm just kind of baffled as to how you can NOT know what your closest confidant's sexuality is.

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    Quote Originally Posted by varanus_komodoensis View Post
    The first question that came to my mind about this is if she's your best friend, how do you not know what her sexuality is? By the time I was 12 or 13, people were talking about the boys or girls in my class that they liked, and some had even started dating. I certainly talked about crushes and dating with my best friends throughout middle school, high school, and college, and knew who they crushed on and dated, and therefore knew what their sexualities were.

    I'm just kind of baffled as to how you can NOT know what your closest confidant's sexuality is.
    I say 'pretty sure' because she's questioning her sexuality herself, but personally I believe she's straight by her behavior. I could easily be wrong, though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Archsage View Post
    I say 'pretty sure' because she's questioning her sexuality herself, but personally I believe she's straight by her behavior. I could easily be wrong, though.
    Aaah, that makes a lot more sense. The way I read your post it sounded like you just personally didn't know what her sexuality was but she did.

    If she's questioning her sexuality, then that means that she probably isn't at a place in her life where she can definitively describe what it is yet. She might need to experiment dating both boys and girls with different types of sexualities, and there's nothing wrong with that. What worries me about you two dating (from a third-party perspective not knowing either of you or your history) is that you're best friends. If she's at a point where she doesn't know what sexuality she is, and she agrees to date you, that could spell disaster and a lot of hurt, hard feelings, and heartbreak down the road if she decides she's straight and she only likes straight men.

    Basically what I'm saying is that dating her at such a vulnerable point in her life, when you're comfortable with your sexuality and she might not be with hers, could be devastating to your friendship depending on what she decides about her sexuality and how intimate the two of you get. Age is also an important factor. I don't know how old you are, but if you're in middle or high school, there is a MINUSCULE chance that someone you date in between the ages of 13 and 18 is actually your life partner, so you should take that into consideration. Relationships before college almost never work out statistically. Also, best friends who date and then break up rarely remain as close as they once were. You are risking losing her as a friend. I dated my best friend in college (although I'm a girl and he's a guy) and he STILL resents me to this day for breaking up with him because I didn't feel as strongly for him as he did for me, and it's been four years. I miss his friendship every single day of my life, and while I don't regret dating him, I am also very hurt by the damage dating had on our friendship.

    Just things to consider.
    Last edited by varanus_komodoensis; 19th May 2014 at 1:12 AM.

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  12. #4162
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    Quote Originally Posted by Archsage View Post
    I say 'pretty sure' because she's questioning her sexuality herself, but personally I believe she's straight by her behavior. I could easily be wrong, though.
    Maybe you could date her to show her what it's like to date a woman/girl. But do it with respect and don't act crushed if she confirms her heterosexuality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by varanus_komodoensis View Post
    Aaah, that makes a lot more sense. The way I read your post it sounded like you just personally didn't know what her sexuality was but she did.

    If she's questioning her sexuality, then that means that she probably isn't at a place in her life where she can definitively describe what it is yet. She might need to experiment dating both boys and girls with different types of sexualities, and there's nothing wrong with that. What worries me about you two dating (from a third-party perspective not knowing either of you or your history) is that you're best friends. If she's at a point where she doesn't know what sexuality she is, and she agrees to date you, that could spell disaster and a lot of hurt, hard feelings, and heartbreak down the road if she decides she's straight and she only likes straight men.

    Basically what I'm saying is that dating her at such a vulnerable point in her life, when you're comfortable with your sexuality and she might not be with hers, could be devastating to your friendship depending on what she decides about her sexuality and how intimate the two of you get. Age is also an important factor. I don't know how old you are, but if you're in middle or high school, there is a MINUSCULE chance that someone you date in between the ages of 13 and 18 is actually your life partner, so you should take that into consideration. Relationships before college almost never work out statistically. Also, best friends who date and then break up rarely remain as close as they once were. You are risking losing her as a friend. I dated my best friend in college (although I'm a girl and he's a guy) and he STILL resents me to this day for breaking up with him because I didn't feel as strongly for him as he did for me, and it's been four years. I miss his friendship every single day of my life, and while I don't regret dating him, I am also very hurt by the damage dating had on our friendship.

    Just things to consider.
    Varanus, you've hit the exact reasons why I'm unsure. Along with that, she needs support from someone she can trust with her issues right now more than anything, so it's probably much smarter for me to wait until things are more certain and she's more secure before I say anything to her. Thanks for the advice, though, it did help.
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    Okay, so I have a problem, and I'm basically here to see if its something actually worth worrying about, or if I'm just overreacting.

    Basically, I've had this thing for a few years now. I don't really know what to call them besides mood swings. One week I'll be fine and mostly happy, and then it will abruptly change, and I'll be extremely depressed and feeling hopeless. I can't stress how abrupt these feelings are. After a day of feeling perfectly fine, I'll wake up feeling worthless/ helpless. These feelings become extremely overwhelming, and, after a while, I'll develop this sort of empty feeling where (I can't really describe it) I'll become kinda void of emotions and become extremely tired and fatigued. Then, the next morning, it'll all be gone and I'll feel fine. But it always comes back. About 3 years ago, it was so overwhelming that I started to self-harm.

    So basically, what I'm asking is if this is something I have to worry about. Is it just part of being a teenager? Am I overreacting? I want to be sure its something serious before I go speak to my parents or a counselor. I don't want to trouble them if it turns out to be something normal. Any help or advice is extremely appreciated.
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    i don't want to say it's abnormal because that sort of stuff affects a lot of teenagers, but it's definitely not healthy. you should really go and see a doctor but it sounds to me like you might have something like bipolar disorder, where you alternate between manic (or hypomanic) and depressive episodes. there's no shame in going to see a professional about this stuff and doing so can get you on meds or therapy that can legitimately improve your mental health so please actually do it
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    Quote Originally Posted by caterpie_is_awesome_123 View Post
    Okay, so I have a problem, and I'm basically here to see if its something actually worth worrying about, or if I'm just overreacting.

    Basically, I've had this thing for a few years now. I don't really know what to call them besides mood swings. One week I'll be fine and mostly happy, and then it will abruptly change, and I'll be extremely depressed and feeling hopeless. I can't stress how abrupt these feelings are. After a day of feeling perfectly fine, I'll wake up feeling worthless/ helpless. These feelings become extremely overwhelming, and, after a while, I'll develop this sort of empty feeling where (I can't really describe it) I'll become kinda void of emotions and become extremely tired and fatigued. Then, the next morning, it'll all be gone and I'll feel fine. But it always comes back. About 3 years ago, it was so overwhelming that I started to self-harm.

    So basically, what I'm asking is if this is something I have to worry about. Is it just part of being a teenager? Am I overreacting? I want to be sure its something serious before I go speak to my parents or a counselor. I don't want to trouble them if it turns out to be something normal. Any help or advice is extremely appreciated.
    Definitely go and see somebody, as moot said. Especially since you started to self-harm because of it. It takes a lot of courage trying to explain it all to somebody (I've been there), so try to avoid coming up with excuses not to go if you think you're likely to chicken out at all. I'd go and speak to your parents first, and then a counselor, regardless of what your parents say (since there's a chance they may not believe you, or think you're overreacting - but you still need to let them know how you're feeling). Maybe try and outline which points exactly you want to get across, so that you can express what you think is going on fully. Good luck!

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    I have the same problem only it is easier to predict with me. for me each bout only lasts about a week. I gave each of my "personalities" an name. Crash and Charm. If you are inflicting self harm see someone otherwise try to find patterns in the swings like when they occur or how you feel afterwards.

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    Quote Originally Posted by caterpie_is_awesome_123 View Post
    Okay, so I have a problem, and I'm basically here to see if its something actually worth worrying about, or if I'm just overreacting.

    Basically, I've had this thing for a few years now. I don't really know what to call them besides mood swings. One week I'll be fine and mostly happy, and then it will abruptly change, and I'll be extremely depressed and feeling hopeless. I can't stress how abrupt these feelings are. After a day of feeling perfectly fine, I'll wake up feeling worthless/ helpless. These feelings become extremely overwhelming, and, after a while, I'll develop this sort of empty feeling where (I can't really describe it) I'll become kinda void of emotions and become extremely tired and fatigued. Then, the next morning, it'll all be gone and I'll feel fine. But it always comes back. About 3 years ago, it was so overwhelming that I started to self-harm.

    So basically, what I'm asking is if this is something I have to worry about. Is it just part of being a teenager? Am I overreacting? I want to be sure its something serious before I go speak to my parents or a counselor. I don't want to trouble them if it turns out to be something normal. Any help or advice is extremely appreciated.
    Mood swings are common in most people that alone would be no room for concern, since you've mentioned self harming or even contemplating it though I highly recommend you see someone, even if it turns out to be nothing its better to get it out in the open then let the feelings you have build up inside of you to the point where that's the way you feel you need to release them. I'm pretty certain if you talk to someone saying what you have here they won't consider you wasting their time, there's no shame at all in asking for help, we all need it in one way or another.
    Last edited by Teebu; 19th May 2014 at 2:17 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by caterpie_is_awesome_123 View Post
    Okay, so I have a problem, and I'm basically here to see if its something actually worth worrying about, or if I'm just overreacting.

    Basically, I've had this thing for a few years now. I don't really know what to call them besides mood swings. One week I'll be fine and mostly happy, and then it will abruptly change, and I'll be extremely depressed and feeling hopeless. I can't stress how abrupt these feelings are. After a day of feeling perfectly fine, I'll wake up feeling worthless/ helpless. These feelings become extremely overwhelming, and, after a while, I'll develop this sort of empty feeling where (I can't really describe it) I'll become kinda void of emotions and become extremely tired and fatigued. Then, the next morning, it'll all be gone and I'll feel fine. But it always comes back. About 3 years ago, it was so overwhelming that I started to self-harm.

    So basically, what I'm asking is if this is something I have to worry about. Is it just part of being a teenager? Am I overreacting? I want to be sure its something serious before I go speak to my parents or a counselor. I don't want to trouble them if it turns out to be something normal. Any help or advice is extremely appreciated.
    If you're self harming it's pretty serious. Go get help as soon as possible. You will NOT be bothering them, its what a psychologist does.

    Side Note: Never worry about bother someone for help. Sometimes you need to ask for help. I know this from personal experience. I used to be very closed off and literally never talk about my feelings when I'm depressed and I developed a nasty panic and anxiety disorder and the second it got bad, I went and got help. You should get help for these mood swings because they sound rather serious.

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    Thanks for the help everyone. I'm seriously considering telling someone, but my only problem is figuring out who to tell. I really don't want to tell my parents. When it comes to stuff like this, they tend to become very mean. Like when they found out about my self-harm they sort of threatened me to stop and it was kinda traumatizing. I hope they'll take a nicer stance this time.
    "And the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to. It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore. "- Paramore<3

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    are you in school? my college, as well as most other colleges, have safe places you can go to talk to people about those types of things and they can maybe help you with getting therapy or something if that is going to be the best option for you. i would try that before going to your parents if your parents aren't very understanding about this type of thing.

    be sure to read the rules of every section before posting ;)

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    also your profile says you're 20, so if you're not at school you could just go to a doctor without telling anyone
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    Quote Originally Posted by moot View Post
    also your profile says you're 20, so if you're not at school you could just go to a doctor without telling anyone
    I'm 16; I put that back when I made this account and assumed this forum had an age restriction

    Quote Originally Posted by Ellie View Post
    are you in school? my college, as well as most other colleges, have safe places you can go to talk to people about those types of things and they can maybe help you with getting therapy or something if that is going to be the best option for you. i would try that before going to your parents if your parents aren't very understanding about this type of thing.
    My school unfortunately has no support groups, but that does sound like a great idea. I'll probably look for some in my local library/community center. Thanks for the help.
    "And the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to. It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore. "- Paramore<3

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    if you're in high school they often have a guidance counselor that you can talk to. but the community center sounds like a good idea too.

    be sure to read the rules of every section before posting ;)

    Little Miss Stalinist/Secret Al-Qaeda agents (i.e. Ellie) would be a ***** even if she was a conserative republican. What makes her the way she is happens to be the fact that the webmaster of this site let's her behave like this. (Of course, I would never make a liberal a staff member at any forum I'd be in charge of, regardless.)

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    Quote Originally Posted by caterpie_is_awesome_123 View Post
    So basically, what I'm asking is if this is something I have to worry about. Is it just part of being a teenager? Am I overreacting? I want to be sure its something serious before I go speak to my parents or a counselor. I don't want to trouble them if it turns out to be something normal.
    People who care about your well-being should be able to hear you out regardless of if you think you're overreacting or not. Besides, if you have any doubts about how you feel, it's always a good idea to talk to someone. Not even necessarily your parents first, but a teacher or even a friend.
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