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Thread: The Official Advice Thread

  1. #4176
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    Ok, this is quite an awkward problem, but hopefully i can get some help with it. I will always feel uncomfortable with a girlfriend before sex so I would try not to look at their body too perversely. How can I be comfortable before sex apart from keeping my eyes on the table or floor? Do women mind if you look suggestively at them, even for a few seconds? Never been on a date yet so I want this off my potential problems list

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    ^^ Well, as a girl myself, I'd say I wouldn't mind if a guy that I was interested in (I.e., dating) looked me over a bit, but not excessively. Keep in mind this will depend on the girl and the context. Some are more modest about how they're looked at, and staying within their comfort zone on that during a date will likely be appreciated.
    As for where to look, it's not that hard– we're human beings too. Just look at her face or her eyes on a date, like you would with anyone else.

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  3. #4178
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    Ok Archsage, I'll try to keep my eyes at face level! Now, in terms of body compliments, should I say you look hot, you look great or should I not say anything about their appearance. I don't want to come across as only doing this for the sex

  4. #4179
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unoin View Post
    Ok Archsage, I'll try to keep my eyes at face level! Now, in terms of body compliments, should I say you look hot, you look great or should I not say anything about their appearance. I don't want to come across as only doing this for the sex
    Thought I'd state my opinion here...

    Never say she looks hot, say she looks: gorgeous, beautiful, amazing, etc. Hot doesn't come off the same way, but great is fine. You can compliment on what she's wearing, her hair, facial features and stuff like that, not body: "Wow you're sexy!" never works with a genuine girl. But, don't do too much of this, you don't want to come off as only interested in looks. Doing it at the start of the date is the best option.

    Just act like she's a friend, and nothing to do with sex. Think of some good conversation starters, and listen more than talk. If you ask the questions, the girl won't get bored listening to you because she will be talking about stuff she's interested in. Also, make sure you're cleaned up and smelling nice before, you don't want to be seen as dirty.

    There, finished my instructive advice.
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  5. #4180
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unoin View Post
    Ok Archsage, I'll try to keep my eyes at face level! Now, in terms of body compliments, should I say you look hot, you look great or should I not say anything about their appearance. I don't want to come across as only doing this for the sex
    Well, if you are only doing it for the sex then you might as well come across that way, instead of giving a false impression.
    Anyway, I'd ask myself first what it is you really want from this, and then maybe you'll feel a little less insecure. Girls are people, not some mystical species where you have to do all the right things in order to achieve whatever it is you want.

    From personal experience, I find that if you want a strong romantic relationship then you are looking for strong friendship as much as attraction. Get to know each other, share parts of yourself as well as asking her about herself (don't take torterra_4_the_win's advice on only shifting the conversation onto the other person - a one-way-street in any direction is probably a bad idea). At the end of it you might feel like you've had a good time and you can become closer, or you might not, and if you both feel like doing it again then great!
    But yeah, only giving compliments on appearance might not be such a good idea, though you can say she looks nice if she does of course. Once again though, girls are all different just like guys are all different, there is no one size fits all. Also, "genuine" girl doesn't mean anything and is probably a misogynistic term so don't buy into that.
    My advice: be yourself, don't think too hard about what you're doing, and have a good time!
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  6. #4181
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solfatara View Post
    Well, if you are only doing it for the sex then you might as well come across that way, instead of giving a false impression.
    Anyway, I'd ask myself first what it is you really want from this, and then maybe you'll feel a little less insecure. Girls are people, not some mystical species where you have to do all the right things in order to achieve whatever it is you want.

    From personal experience, I find that if you want a strong romantic relationship then you are looking for strong friendship as much as attraction. Get to know each other, share parts of yourself as well as asking her about herself (don't take torterra_4_the_win's advice on only shifting the conversation onto the other person - a one-way-street in any direction is probably a bad idea). At the end of it you might feel like you've had a good time and you can become closer, or you might not, and if you both feel like doing it again then great!
    But yeah, only giving compliments on appearance might not be such a good idea, though you can say she looks nice if she does of course. Once again though, girls are all different just like guys are all different, there is no one size fits all. Also, "genuine" girl doesn't mean anything and is probably a misogynistic term so don't buy into that.
    My advice: be yourself, don't think too hard about what you're doing, and have a good time!
    Yeah, I probably worded that wrong, I mean you talk as well, just don't keep talking and talking, it bores them. If the conversation starts to dry out, then ask them questions.

    Overall, everything else said here is right, I'd go with this advice.
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  7. #4182
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    hey people I have a problem.

    I have an irrational fear of ceiling fans (yes you read that right the fear of a fan on the ceiling) but that is besides the point. I have this crush on a girl in my grade but I don't think she likes me back that way. We have spent some time together with other friends (I have a group of friends we call ourself the council of theoretical mouse trap factories.) I was just wondering what I should do.
    alright hey guys I just asked the girl I was crushing on to the dance. She said yes. This is awesome I am so exited. anyways somehow I just learned that she plays pokemon. What are the odds. I mentioned it one day and (after a year of knowing her) sure I play pokemon. I wish I had found this out sooner.
    (and yes I do quote myself.)

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  8. #4183
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crash & Charm View Post
    alright hey guys I just asked the girl I was crushing on to the dance. She said yes. This is awesome I am so exited. anyways somehow I just learned that she plays pokemon. What are the odds. I mentioned it one day and (after a year of knowing her) sure I play pokemon. I wish I had found this out sooner.
    (and yes I do quote myself.)
    LOL if I found someone who enjoys Pokémon I'd ask them out straight away, kudos on asking her to the dance, that's a good confidence builder for the future. Make sure to have fun
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  9. #4184
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    congrats but don't tell her you visit these forums and don't just talk about pokemon all the time
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  10. #4185
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    ok... I wasn't planing on it thought.

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  11. #4186
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    so I'll need to apply for american citizenship soon...

    I just want to ask if having an English first name (or middle?) makes a difference to recruiters or employers. Are they going to simply pass me over someone because I have a different name on my resume? Does having an English name (but not surname) gives some benefits in USA that I might not know about?

    This is bothering my head.

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  12. #4187
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kacho View Post
    so I'll need to apply for american citizenship soon...

    I just want to ask if having an English first name (or middle?) makes a difference to recruiters or employers. Are they going to simply pass me over someone because I have a different name on my resume? Does having an English name (but not surname) gives some benefits in USA that I might not know about?

    This is bothering my head.
    I have never seen anyone giving it much importance, background information is far more important that just your name.
    And i must admit, depending where are you coming from, you might face a bit of discrimination from uncivilized persons just because you have a foreign name, although it can happen, only completely stupid employers will do it too, and if they choose to, no point in working for them anyway, as they will make your work ambient a bit... harsh to say the least.

    It also pretty much depends where are you planing on moving, my experiences so far extend only to Tx, witch is a somewhat tolerant state, where foreign names don't matter much.

    In the end, it is not necessary but could save some issues if you are planing on changing your name. It is also worth to mention that changing your name could somehow create conflicts with your "past self".

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  13. #4188
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuken View Post
    I have never seen anyone giving it much importance, background information is far more important that just your name.
    And i must admit, depending where are you coming from, you might face a bit of discrimination from uncivilized persons just because you have a foreign name, although it can happen, only completely stupid employers will do it too, and if they choose to, no point in working for them anyway, as they will make your work ambient a bit... harsh to say the least.

    It also pretty much depends where are you planing on moving, my experiences so far extend only to Tx, witch is a somewhat tolerant state, where foreign names don't matter much.

    In the end, it is not necessary but could save some issues if you are planing on changing your name. It is also worth to mention that changing your name could somehow create conflicts with your "past self".
    well, im in texas too :P But then even if i change my first name, my surname would still dead giveaway my ethnicity, so what's the point, or the difference?

    I can see how the name change can create an issue with myself, but apparently to my family, getting employed is more important than my mental health T_T

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  14. #4189
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kacho View Post
    well, im in texas too :P But then even if i change my first name, my surname would still dead giveaway my ethnicity, so what's the point, or the difference?

    I can see how the name change can create an issue with myself, but apparently to my family, getting employed is more important than my mental health T_T
    Pretty much depends on what kind of job you want too, but normally ethnicity, while it can be a factor (albeit a rather, stupid one..) it is pretty much the last thing an employer looks at when interviewing someone, and again, if the company indeed discriminates based in original nationality (I have never seen this happen, ever.), it is probably not a good thing o work there at all.

    Also, mental stability is way more important, as it leads to keeping a job stable and for a long time, if you are going through certain issues it can affect several aspects of your job, and even make you loose it.

    So in the end, i wouldn't recommend getting an american name just because of rising your employment chances, unless you want to for other personal reasons.
    Depending on where do you originally come from, your aspect might not relate a lot to your new name of preference too, and it might be a bit weird for people to see someone (i.e an asian "looking" person) named Philip, but this is just personal opinion.

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  15. #4190
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    My granny is in the hospital with cancer. It is early but she had a stroke and she's too weak to do chemo. It stresses me out and I have a lot going on. My question is, should I still play football for my school even with the stress of her illness weighing me down? I know she'd want me to, but it really is stressing me out. Should I still play football, stress and all, or make my life more simple without it?
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  16. #4191
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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    My granny is in the hospital with cancer. It is early but she had a stroke and she's too weak to do chemo. It stresses me out and I have a lot going on. My question is, should I still play football for my school even with the stress of her illness weighing me down? I know she'd want me to, but it really is stressing me out. Should I still play football, stress and all, or make my life more simple without it?
    Depends on how bad is the amount of stress you are going through, it you think it is not too much, and she is pretty stable at the moment, playing football might be a decent stress reliever, however, if it is too bad, i would suggest avoid playing it for now. If your team happens to loose, your will be put under a lot more pressure, making the situation all the more stressful than before. Stress can actually be a big factor in sports, as you are not "100% there".

    If it really is too bad, i would recommend spending some free time, maybe while training time (if you decide to avoid playing) with her, it will keep your mind at peace.

    On a side note, remember to speak with this with your coach and team members, it really also depends on the seriousness of your team/school.

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  17. #4192
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuken View Post
    Depends on how bad is the amount of stress you are going through, it you think it is not too much, and she is pretty stable at the moment, playing football might be a decent stress reliever, however, if it is too bad, i would suggest avoid playing it for now. If your team happens to loose, your will be put under a lot more pressure, making the situation all the more stressful than before. Stress can actually be a big factor in sports, as you are not "100% there".

    If it really is too bad, i would recommend spending some free time, maybe while training time (if you decide to avoid playing) with her, it will keep your mind at peace.

    On a side note, remember to speak with this with your coach and team members, it really also depends on the seriousness of your team/school.
    My school's team is serious. It's kinda the pride of the school.
    My coaches and some teammates know about it.
    EDIT: I'd like to add that it is Jr. High and that though the football team is the pride of the school, we're not as good as usual for my school.
    Last edited by VS; 19th June 2014 at 3:19 AM.
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  18. #4193
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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    My school's team is serious. It's kinda the pride of the school.
    My coaches and some teammates know about it.
    If that is the situation, the most probably they will understand what you are going through (Specially your coach, he head to be in a similar situation some time in his life) and might understand if you take a break from it. Again, this kind of stress WILL reflect in your performance in the field.
    If the team is that serious, it means a loss is far less accepted, and as with all situations, something has to be blamed, i would recommend avoiding the chance of not playing perfectly because of the stress you are going through, and getting blamed for it.

    Again, spending some time with your grandmother and taking action in other issues that are currently troubling your mind will give you a bit more of peace, as well as relieving some stress. Try getting a hold of the things that are currently bothering you the most, and you might be able to keep playing decently during this situation.

    Taking a break from it might take off some stress as well, but i wouldn't recommend quitting football altogether, specially if your team is heavily reliant on you.

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  19. #4194
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuken View Post
    If that is the situation, the most probably they will understand what you are going through (Specially your coach, he head to be in a similar situation some time in his life) and might understand if you take a break from it. Again, this kind of stress WILL reflect in your performance in the field.
    If the team is that serious, it means a loss is far less accepted, and as with all situations, something has to be blamed, i would recommend avoiding the chance of not playing perfectly because of the stress you are going through, and getting blamed for it.

    Again, spending some time with your grandmother and taking action in other issues that are currently troubling your mind will give you a bit more of peace, as well as relieving some stress. Try getting a hold of the things that are currently bothering you the most, and you might be able to keep playing decently during this situation.

    Taking a break from it might take off some stress as well, but i wouldn't recommend quitting football altogether, specially if your team is heavily reliant on you.
    My team doesn't rely on me and I'm not that important on the field. I am a lineman who are basically the people protecting your team's quarterback. I've decided to go through training and see if it actually inspires me to do better.
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  20. #4195
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    Quote Originally Posted by VS View Post
    My granny is in the hospital with cancer. It is early but she had a stroke and she's too weak to do chemo. It stresses me out and I have a lot going on. My question is, should I still play football for my school even with the stress of her illness weighing me down? I know she'd want me to, but it really is stressing me out. Should I still play football, stress and all, or make my life more simple without it?
    Oh dude, I know what you're going through. I play soccer, and at the moment I am really stressed out about something that's worrying the hell out of me. At training the other night I was playing like sh*t and I got so frustrated and smashed the ball into the fence and walked off, which is not like me at all. The coach was annoyed that I was getting so frustrated, but I can't tell him that something's bugging me because it's too personal. Hopefully the issue is sorted in the coming days though.

    With your question, I'd say what Ryuken said, it depends on the stress you've got. If you enjoy the sport then definitely do not quit completely, maybe just take a break. You will regret it later in life, and like you said, your granny would want you to keep playing. Hope things work out
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    Today I bought a brand-new copy of OK Computer on vinyl. It's a double LP, and I'm excited as hell since I love OKC. The problem is that I got to Karma Police, on side 2, and it skipped. It's a brand-new record, right out of the packaging and everything. It's right at "we have crashed her party", and while I can't see any visible damage I can see it skip slightly forward when it gets to that point.

    What should I do to fix it? I could try and get a refund, I guess, but I don't know if I still have the receipt. Either way that's not really the point, I'd like to fix it more than anything so I can listen to it like normal.

    I've heard that if you add a little bit of weight to the needle it can stop it from skipping and even help carve out a new groove where it's supposed to be. Is there any merit to that?

    EDIT: Apparently the Capitol repress of OK Computer has a lot of all-around issues on some of them and I happened to be the lucky winner. I was told to contact them and they would likely replace it for me. If not, I found the receipt so I guess worst comes to worst I can go back to the store, get a refund and see if I can find a Parlaphone press or something. Lesson learned - not all records are created equal.
    Last edited by Abstinence Pistols; 23rd June 2014 at 5:18 AM.

  22. #4197
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kacho View Post
    so I'll need to apply for american citizenship soon...

    I just want to ask if having an English first name (or middle?) makes a difference to recruiters or employers. Are they going to simply pass me over someone because I have a different name on my resume? Does having an English name (but not surname) gives some benefits in USA that I might not know about?

    This is bothering my head.
    i dont think the other replies gave you realistic advice so i am going to reply. yes, it does matter to employers. it's not fair, but studies have shown that a lot of employers are subconsciously biased against someone with a non american sounding name. if you still have a non american surname i dont know how much it will help, but a lot of my friends who are from another background have an americanized nickname they use while still keeping their old name. if possible, you can choose one similar to your actual name so it's not as big of a change.


    i hope that one day our country will evolve beyond racism but in terms of living in the real world trying to get a job i would say use an american name. hell, on my job applications if possible i put my name as E and my last name instead of Ellie and my last name so i dont get discriminated against for being female. which also increases chances if you are a woman, shown in the same sorts of studies that tested racism. sad world we live in

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ellie View Post
    i hope that one day our country will evolve beyond racism but in terms of living in the real world trying to get a job i would say use an american name. hell, on my job applications if possible i put my name as E and my last name instead of Ellie and my last name so i dont get discriminated against for being female. which also increases chances if you are a woman, shown in the same sorts of studies that tested racism. sad world we live in
    On the flip side to this, some fields - particularly math and science - will explicitly WANT to hire you because you are a woman because they want their male/female ratio to be equal, even if this isn't proportionally possible because it's a male-dominated field. There are some places where a non-white female is more likely to be hired than a white male because a non-white female fills both the "diversity" and "gender" quota that they're looking for.

    It's still discrimination and it still isn't fair because the company should hire whoever is best for the job, whether that person is a white male or not.

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    yes and no. claims of affirmative action are pretty exaggerated because most of the time a company only needs one "minority" of any type (ex racial minorities, women if it is a very male-dominated field, etc) in order to claim they are diverse. unless the people providing the anecdote were the hiring manager they also don't know the real reason white man was not hired and latina woman (or whoever else) was hired and a loooot of people tend to assume. furthermore i have never seen companies actually hire someone who was not fit for a job just because of affirmative action.



    either way i am in biology (biotech to be specific) which is the most equal-gender-ratio science, so i don't think they do affirmative action for women anyway. it might be different if i was in computer science or something but biology doesn't tend to have as many public image problems with sexism that they're looking to fix.

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    I always get really hungry really quickly, even after big meals. And then I never really know what to snack on because I never really feel like anything. Has anybody got any easy snack ideas which are tasty and filling?

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