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Thread: The Official Advice Thread

  1. #4301

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zero Nexus View Post
    Thankyou, that was more helpful.

    I know I'll meet rude people wherever I work, I would just rather work somewhere that's less about dealing with customers as to minimize the chances.

    That being said, I know I have to start somewhere. I'll try and be more open-minded about the anxiety thing, cause I know there's probably places I would hate to work until I try it and end up liking it.

    I'll ask around as much as I can and hopefully I'll find something I like soon, I know this is something I need to be patient with. Thanks!
    Yeah that's what I tried getting at. The bolded part I mean. I am not good with "to the point" ._.

    Funny how, when I was younger and looking for a job, I had thoughts about the places I would work and imagine how it would go and if I found a scene where something went wrong I would get scared and avoid applying to a lot of stores. I was picky I guess and mostly because I planned too far ahead on any job I came and read across. I always made myself think that I couldn't do this or that from the job descriptions.

    Also there comes the McDonalds (sorry if I keep bringing it up). Younger me thought I would never find myself working there, the what ifs of screwing a customers' order or just end up being anxious and frozen on the spot at the many people I would be dealing with. Nop, I ended up working there a bit after turning 21 and I ended up enjoying it. Sure angry customers and barely tolerable managers, but those never imbalanced the positives/positive people. I actually went on to become Shift Manager quickly after a bit.

    I quit months later, mostly because I wanted to go back to something I had found early on that I was very, very afraid of screwing up. Care-giving. That was actually my very first job and I will tell you why I'm telling you all this. I was scared and anxious that I would hurt the seniors. I thought they were fragile and weak. I thought they would be rude and angry people. I thought I would kill them if I gave the wrong medication or even startle them with minor things. Once again, that was not the case. They were the opposite of all that. I enjoyed it a lot, I loved interacting with them, playing games with them, watching TV with them. Anything to make their lives a bit more thriving.

    The reason I am telling you this is because I was actually always in a high anxiety state around people (besides the phone >.<), I thought I would end up doing something wrong in front of them and I would get yelled at or something, and... I am not the best in handling my emotions. I cry easily when such things happens, unfortunately. But, honestly, jumping on those jobs actually made me forget the anxiety of doing something wrong or screwing a task in front of a person and also I found what I actually really enjoy (Besides Psychology). Yeah I still cry, but none of those scenarios are the cause of it anymore - not the anxiety anymore.

    Heck, even online I still get tiny specks of it, like now, answering to you makes me think you are good with what I wrote on the first, and you don't need to read this post, if you might like or not like this post, upset you or something and makes me want to delete it and leave you be, but I am forcing myself to post. There's a reason I do not post a lot... or only post where I know a lot of interaction won't happen.

    ANYWAYS, I am rambling, but I really hope you find ways to help yourself in the areas you need.
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  2. #4302
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    [QUOTE=Zero Nexus;17856947]There was literally nothing in this post I didn't already know, and you make it sound easy. It isn't.

    Maybe I should have elaborated a bit more. Here's the thing - I can't just work any job because I have really bad anxiety and if I'm working somewhere that makes me unhappy, not only could I have a mental breakdown very easily but I won't do said job very well. Mcdonalds? You mean where I'd constantly be busy and have to deal with fat women with loads of nagging kids, rude people who have no patience and drunk people at 2 in the morning? No thanks.

    As I said, I need a job where I can just get on with it and doesn't involve much dealing with people. I wouldn't mind working in, say, an office or in a stockroom.

    I don't expect to just find the perfect job, but seriously - you need to understand that I'm not just someone who can do just any job. Mentally, I'm not like that. I need something that's fairly relaxed.

    Anybody else got any actual good advice for me?[/QUOTE]

    Is this your first job, a high school job, or a "start my career" job?

    Network. Get on LinkedIn, find people who work with companies you'd like to work for and hit them up for an informational interview. Exchange emails with them so that you get to know them and they get to know you. Find out what it's like working there, what type of people they're looking for, etc, and share a little about yourself as well. Employers are more comfortable hiring someone if they know that person will fit in with the type of people already there.

    You can also look at temp agencies. There are a lot of administrative jobs that companies look at temp agencies to fill so they don't have to invest in things like health insurance themselves.

    Do transcription work. I forget the name of the site, but there is a website where you can register to do transcription for reasonable money (assuming you don't have to pay a lot of bills like rent/car/utilities). If you're good at writing, you can also write articles.

    With all that said, there aren't a lot of jobs where you don't have to deal with people on a regular basis. The only industries that come to mind are Comp Sci jobs like network vulnerability analysis or network administration, or research/analysis. I worked retail for a while, and it's really not that bad. Sure, you get jackasses, but that's life. Just rant about them to your co workers in the break room to blow off steam. It is very difficult to get a decent job with no work history, so you may have to do something you don't exactly want just to get that work history built up.

  3. #4303
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tsunami16 View Post
    It is very difficult to get a decent job with no work history, so you may have to do something you don't exactly want just to get that work history built up.
    @ZeroNexus: I absolutely second the quote from Tsunami. Unless you're very lucky and you have a family member who can just give you a job to start building up your resume, you'll probably need to do something that you don't particularly like so that you can build up work history. No matter what kind of job or career you have, there will ALWAYS be times where you are constantly busy (it's like that at my work right now, but around March it'll be really slow). I think your idea of working in a stockroom might be a good place to start - maybe you could work at a supermarket like Publix as a stocker. A lot of third-party companies actually stock their own shelf space at supermarkets. I had a friend who worked for a soda company, and his job was to drive around to stores in the area and re-stock the soda company's shelves.

    Another option is to see if you can get a job or internship at a museum or library doing some sort of organizational work. Museums and libraries have huge backstocks of things that are donated that need to be categorized and identified.

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  4. #4304
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    Is it worth it to remain friends with someone who's been consistently there for you, but is also an infuriating and insensitive kill joy?

  5. #4305
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    depends highly on your situation imo. personally i am typically not one to completely drop people who have been good friends to me unless they do something really bad. but it may be time to slowly back off with them and see how that turns out. have you tried talking to them about it too? if they say something insensitive you can tell them that was kind of mean or however you want to phrase it; if you're happy and they're being a killjoy ask them why they feel the need to bring you down. is it because they are struggling themselves or that's just naturally how they are? if they are struggling then maybe offer them some help getting back to a less-infuriating place, if that's just how they are... that's different.

    at the end of the day if none of the above tips help though, if someone is constantly being a drain and making you feel bad, they aren't someone you should be spending your time on. it's great that they have been there for you, but that doesn't give them a free pass to drag you down now.

    be sure to read the rules of every section before posting ;)

    Little Miss Stalinist/Secret Al-Qaeda agents (i.e. Ellie) would be a ***** even if she was a conserative republican. What makes her the way she is happens to be the fact that the webmaster of this site let's her behave like this. (Of course, I would never make a liberal a staff member at any forum I'd be in charge of, regardless.)
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  6. #4306
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    Yes, we've spoken about it before. He's always apologized and said the right things, but it's been such a consistent pattern that I'm beginning to doubt his sincerity. I'm tired of being in the position where I have to teach and explain why something said is callous or cruel. Just as an example, one day we were having a conversation about tattoos. I expressed how badly I wanted to get one, and how like most people I would like it to be something meaningful. He scoffed at the idea, and said that nothing meant anything to me, except maybe him and my family. Considering I've been friends with him for over two years, I was beyond upset that he had such a shallow view of me. He later apologized and chalked it up to projection or whatever, but it's frustrating to be close with someone who seems to lack the kind of basic level of emotional intuition to even tell whether something like that is going to hurt someone. Every time it's always been something pretty heavy like that too, he'll say something that cuts right to the bone then fall back on "Help me I'm stupid." Then I start to feel like I'm the one who might be being irrational, taking him too seriously, or unecessarily internalizing what he's saying because I'm insecure or something.

    The most recent example is that he brought up the fact that his mom offered me a spare room to move in. I've really had a rough last couple years, and he knows that I'm trying really hard to make it out of the spot I'm in. I decided to level with him about some aspects of my personality and living habits, which I thought was only kosher if I were to seriously consider his proposal. He ended up pissing me off because he said I was just trying to present myself as being "exotic." I'm not kidding, the guy used my attempted honesty to psycho analyze me and when I got upset, said that I was taking him too seriously and that he wasn't even serious about the offer! He said that he thought I'd "find it funny." It wasn't until I blew up and cussed him out that he turned the sweet switch on, saying all the right words and everything.

    I can't figure out whether he's actually that empathetically bankrupt to the point of needing a tutor or whether he's just learned how to placate me whilst in his head he just sees me as being overly emotional or having an episode. Right now I'm thinking about paying off some money I owe him, then cutting him out like a bad cancer, but on some level I feel like I owe it to him to work through his personality flaws. He's helped me out so much and I've never been in a position where I was able to shoulder him in the same way, so I feel indebted.
    Last edited by Baba Yaga; Yesterday at 9:33 AM.

  7. #4307
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    Okay well those details sort of change my perspective. Considering he has helped you out a lot I would say you owe it to him to at leafy give him a "come to Jesus" talk about his personality issues (as long as you don't think he will explode on you which it sounds like he won't). Let him know that you have tried to tell him in the past what has bothered you but it's getting to be too much and you don't think you'll be able to stay friends if it continues. Maybe say it a bit nicer than that but you get the idea.

    Honestly though I don't know how much you can do. I've known plenty of people like this (I could see this post being about my friend's off-on bf if it weren't for some of the smaller details being different) and they never seem to truly change unless they actually want to. You can tell him how much what he's doing hurts you til you're blue in the face and he might try to change it for a little bit, but it'll either be all talk, change for like a week and go back, or cause superficial changes without addressing the deeper issues.

    Who knows though, maybe you talking to him and making him realize you aren't going to put up with his insensitivity and lack of effort towards changing will be enough to make him actually think about how what he says/does will affect other people.

    be sure to read the rules of every section before posting ;)

    Little Miss Stalinist/Secret Al-Qaeda agents (i.e. Ellie) would be a ***** even if she was a conserative republican. What makes her the way she is happens to be the fact that the webmaster of this site let's her behave like this. (Of course, I would never make a liberal a staff member at any forum I'd be in charge of, regardless.)
    merchandise club|tumblr

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