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Thread: The Advice Thread - "What should I do about this weird mole growing on my back"

  1. #4276
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    Quote Originally Posted by minerswhocraft View Post
    I can speak to people and make friends in class perfectly fine. I can be very personable and open and I attend film school, so everybody can talk about movies all the time. Making friends is easy to me, but keeping friends or getting together with them outside of class is what I don't know how to do.

    It being my last year is of no concern. I don't want to graduate without friends either.


    My biggest problem is getting friends outside of school and outside of studies. Friends like my old ones who I was able to just hang out with. I don't know how to do that anymore because my old friends and I would always just be hanging out at one guy's basement. I don't know what people my age do now to "hang out."
    it might depend on your school's environment, but probably hanging out at the bars would help. you don't have to get drunk (if you don't know people well you really shouldn't), but just having a drink or two and hanging out/talking with some other people can be a lot of fun. also, you should look into the "culture" of the different bars in your area and go to one that suits you. some of it is stereotypes buuut i know in my own town there is a massive difference between the clubby bar, the frat bro bar, the hipstery bar, the tiny dive bar.. etc. i made some of my friends senior year from the bars so it's definitely possible.

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  2. #4277
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    Hi people this is the first time I've really done anything like this on this site so I'm a little bit nervous; please forgive me. XD This is actually more for a friend than anyone else; we've both researched and can't seem to come up with a healthy solution to her problem. Here's the issue:

    She's a really smart teen living in Ohio that's having some serious problems with her mother and father. She has recordings to prove this of course for use in courts in the future and to prove that it's not that she's bratty or whatever in case anyone might be wondering. Basically, apparently I've been told that Ohio has this thing under state law that if you're a minor and you run away there's consequences; i.e. juvie or that kind of thing. Also apparently family members or friends can't harbour her as it's supposed to be an offence.

    Anyway the main issue is really that the environment she's in is very unhealthy; she has evidence her father is verbally and emotionally abusive. She has a therapist who is very inactive on the matter; because legally, there is nothing she can do to proactively get her dad out of her hair besides attempt to fix problems that don't exist, ergo making her life all that much more difficult.

    Her mother basically has Stockholm Syndrome. She's an A Student and he's on her back like, very heavily whenever she gets the chance to unwind which I'm told is a very small window (months apart.) She's E-schooled because she's dedicated to her grades over friendships, so she doesn't have a public school support network.

    Basically I'd just like to know if there's really any solution out there for her other than puttin' up with it obviously. She's a really great kid and I wanna help so it'd be great to get anyone's input.

    (I've also made sure to check this is a relevant post; if it's not I do apologise, go easy please XD)
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  3. #4278

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    To respond to you Syrus, the first thing I would have her try is to have a conversation with her father as calmly and maturely as possible. No voice raising, no insulting or blaming. She needs to make her emotions and outlook on the situation very known. If this can be done someplace in public it might be better to avoid a bad reaction from the father and if her becomes abusive others will be there as witness.

    This is a tricky situation and it is not healthy at all. Communication is key in healthy relationships. Running away will most likely make things much worse as you seem to know already, but continuing to live uncomfortably needs to stop as well.

    Fathers can be the worst person in the world to teenage girls, so be sure to approach the situation as openly as possible.
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  4. #4279
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    Thanks so much for the info miners; I'll pass this on!
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  5. #4280
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    ok, it seems this will be the first 2015 prob....i kinda hope someone sees this
    here goes
    about 6 weeks ago i met this girl through a friend, at first we just had general conversation (side note: we've messaged each other everyday since we met), but more recently it's a mix of asking questions about each other and flirting a little (i try not to flirt, since sometimes i don't notice that i am), and i've started to develop feelings for her, it's like the more we talk, the more i crush on her, since she has a very open nature, i am very open when talking to her, so one time she asked if i had a crush on someone and what do i like about her, simply put she figured out that i have this crush on her a week ago, which would be ok if it wasn't for one little detail: she has a boyfriend (it's a 7 month long distance relationship, also i've mentioned that it's not in nature to even try to do anything that would jeopardize her current relationship), anyways, it doesn't really affect our conversations much apart from when she asks what i like about her (which causes me to make a paragraph of my honest opinion on her), we've skyped a few times, usually just casual talk but the later in the day it gets the more we blush, then last night, we were talking about stuff as usually on skype, then she suddenly gets really shy, and had cut herself off from saying something, me (being really curious) managed to persuade her to tell me what had gotten her so flustered, then she says that she has gotten a tiny crush on me (which made me both a bit happy but also cautious), today we just talked (trough skype) as usual (though she mentioned the crush a few times and (for the first time ever) she had complained a little bit about her bf), after the call, i got a little worried, a part of me thinks that if that tiny crush she says she has grows, it might actually cause her to doubt her current relationship, which would be bad (i've had girls leave me for another guy, i don't really want to be responsible for that happening to another guy), all this sums up to is, i don't know what i should do, i want to keep talking to her, but i don't to cause trouble. i need opinions and advice, what should i do?

    (also feel free to ask for additional information if need be)
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  6. #4281
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    oh, wow.

    first off I wish you the best of luck and I hope my advice helps.

    I was in a similar position to you about 5 months ago. Eerily similar, It was slightly different, but many of the points were similar. The girl I fell in love with had been crushing on this other guy(My best friend, funnily enough) for about 6 years. She had told this me this over skype.

    What changed everything was when I realized that I liked her. I didn't say anything for a long time. I talked it out with a couple of good friends I know and I got some support. So I went ahead and told her. I was open and up front, and she responded well. I figured that the worst that could happen was a little awkwardness between us and then we could move on and still be friends.

    The girl is now my Girlfriend and everything is going really well!

    My Gf sent this to me a couple of weeks ago, it was surprisingly good and I wish I had found it earlier.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MexiC6Vz58 - actually very good advice

    so my best advice; be honest and be yourself. Try to work up the courage to talk to her, and be open about your feelings. If necessary send her a message when you know she is online, and then be prepared to talk soon afterwards.

    Hope this helps,
    ~C & C


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  7. #4282
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    Can someone help me...

    I met a girl in my school, so I chat with her (because I cant talk with her in personal because of some reasons). So we became friends, then she said if we can be only friends and I said yes. But deep inside I really liked her. Should I confess to her?

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  8. #4283
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    Best not too. I mean, you can't even talk to her in person and she made it pretty clear that she only wants to be friends

  9. #4284
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    Quote Originally Posted by lokowoko View Post
    ok, it seems this will be the first 2015 prob....i kinda hope someone sees this
    here goes
    about 6 weeks ago i met this girl through a friend, at first we just had general conversation (side note: we've messaged each other everyday since we met), but more recently it's a mix of asking questions about each other and flirting a little (i try not to flirt, since sometimes i don't notice that i am), and i've started to develop feelings for her, it's like the more we talk, the more i crush on her, since she has a very open nature, i am very open when talking to her, so one time she asked if i had a crush on someone and what do i like about her, simply put she figured out that i have this crush on her a week ago, which would be ok if it wasn't for one little detail: she has a boyfriend (it's a 7 month long distance relationship, also i've mentioned that it's not in nature to even try to do anything that would jeopardize her current relationship), anyways, it doesn't really affect our conversations much apart from when she asks what i like about her (which causes me to make a paragraph of my honest opinion on her), we've skyped a few times, usually just casual talk but the later in the day it gets the more we blush, then last night, we were talking about stuff as usually on skype, then she suddenly gets really shy, and had cut herself off from saying something, me (being really curious) managed to persuade her to tell me what had gotten her so flustered, then she says that she has gotten a tiny crush on me (which made me both a bit happy but also cautious), today we just talked (trough skype) as usual (though she mentioned the crush a few times and (for the first time ever) she had complained a little bit about her bf), after the call, i got a little worried, a part of me thinks that if that tiny crush she says she has grows, it might actually cause her to doubt her current relationship, which would be bad (i've had girls leave me for another guy, i don't really want to be responsible for that happening to another guy), all this sums up to is, i don't know what i should do, i want to keep talking to her, but i don't to cause trouble. i need opinions and advice, what should i do?

    (also feel free to ask for additional information if need be)
    This is an emotional situation, and I feel for you. You seem like you're a really thoughtful and respectable guy, and I think you already know what the right thing is to do in this situation.

    The right thing to do in this situation is don't jeopardize this girl's relationship. If her relationship wasn't meant to work out, then it won't work out and you'll get a chance with her when it's over. But you need to let her and her boyfriend work out their relationship themselves. If you really like her - or even if you fall in love with her - it might be hard to do and it might hurt emotionally, but not acting on your feelings is the best thing you can do for her. Everybody develops crushes every now and then. It's natural and normal. But sometimes, a crush is just a crush and nothing more, and if you allow her to act on her crush that she has for you, she might regret it and resent you for it later, and you could lose her as a friend.

    The manliest, most courageous, and most respectful and loving thing you can do for her is to not act on your feelings, and do not let her act on her crush for you as long as she is still in a relationship. Do not lead her into cheating, even if she initiates it. It is okay for you to have a crush on her, and it is okay - and honest! - for you to tell her your feelings for her. But you shouldn't act on them because you don't want to confuse her, make her uncomfortable, or be disrespectful to her and her boyfriend. Once you start acting on your feelings for a taken person, you're treading on thin ice in terms of keeping that person as a friend, because they or their significant other might not be comfortable with it. As you said, you don't want to do to her boyfriend what other guys have done to you.

    Basically what I'm saying is don't talk her into leaving her boyfriend unless it's an unhealthy relationship, don't act on your feelings in a physical manner while she's in a relationship, and have patience. This will eventually work itself out, and if you are patient and respectful towards her and her relationship, you won't lose her as a friend.

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  10. #4285
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    Quote Originally Posted by brendan25 View Post
    Can someone help me...

    I met a girl in my school, so I chat with her (because I cant talk with her in personal because of some reasons). So we became friends, then she said if we can be only friends and I said yes. But deep inside I really liked her. Should I confess to her?
    All though, it is good getting it out of your system, and it saves you for the "What if..." question that always pops up. Besides, what's the worst that can happen?
    "Dead men tell no tales,
    But the living can always spill their guts!
    All over my wingtips..."

  11. #4286
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    So, I discovered that I gained 10 pounds between spring break and now. I know I want to get back into exercising, but I am having an awful time motivating myself to do that, and I think I also eat more than I once did, which doesn't help much. Anyone have any suggestions?


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  12. #4287
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    Quote Originally Posted by General Nonsense View Post
    So, I discovered that I gained 10 pounds between spring break and now. I know I want to get back into exercising, but I am having an awful time motivating myself to do that, and I think I also eat more than I once did, which doesn't help much. Anyone have any suggestions?
    Definitely try to find someone else that wants to exercise more and work out with him or her. Having another person to help keep you motivated and accountable when you want to not work out is really important. I started going to the gym recently after a long time of being lazy, mainly because my cousins really helped me and wouldn't let me back out when I was tired. I'm really grateful for that and it helped a lot.
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  13. #4288
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    Quote Originally Posted by General Nonsense View Post
    So, I discovered that I gained 10 pounds between spring break and now. I know I want to get back into exercising, but I am having an awful time motivating myself to do that, and I think I also eat more than I once did, which doesn't help much. Anyone have any suggestions?
    This may not help at all, but I once went on a weight loss rampage and found this helpful: stay hydrated, always. Weight gain can actually be caused by dehydration, and also we usually overeat at meals when we're thirsty. Just a thought
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  14. #4289
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    Quote Originally Posted by General Nonsense View Post
    So, I discovered that I gained 10 pounds between spring break and now. I know I want to get back into exercising, but I am having an awful time motivating myself to do that, and I think I also eat more than I once did, which doesn't help much. Anyone have any suggestions?
    I would say, drink 1 glass of water before each meal, and just try to drink lots of water in general, because water rinses your blood/body from all the toxins in it. Toxins are bad for you and will probably block the body from burning more fat. I also suggest you to chew 15 to 20 times before you swallow each part, cause chewing will slightly enlarge the size of the foodparts. And that will eventually make you eat less cause you will feel full.

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