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Thread: The Advice Thread - "What should I do about this weird mole growing on my back"

  1. #1926
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    Quote Originally Posted by YaDunGoofed View Post
    Not exactly. He says limited talk. But it's not controlling. Just feel I should be able to talk to them.
    You have every right to talk to as many of your friends, male or female, as much as you want. What does "limited talk" mean? Even telling you that you can only talk to them for a limited amount of time is still controlling. No one you date has the right to tell you how much or how often you can talk to another person. That is still controlling and you should still feel alarmed about that situation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkLucarioADV View Post
    Varanus already said not to and she's smarter than me so I should Listen to her.
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  2. #1927

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    Quote Originally Posted by varanus_komodoensis View Post
    What does "limited talk" mean?
    Like not being flirty or overly friendly. Once we go to the same school he should be able to believe me.

    キバゴ

  3. #1928
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    Quote Originally Posted by YaDunGoofed View Post
    Like not being flirty or overly friendly. Once we go to the same school he should be able to believe me.
    If not flirting is all that he means by "limited talking" (and he's not actually saying you can only talk to your friends for a certain amount of time), then that's a normal expectation in a relationship. But it still sounds like he has some trust issues.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkLucarioADV View Post
    Varanus already said not to and she's smarter than me so I should Listen to her.
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  4. #1929
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    Quote Originally Posted by varanus_komodoensis View Post
    If not flirting is all that he means by "limited talking" (and he's not actually saying you can only talk to your friends for a certain amount of time), then that's a normal expectation in a relationship. But it still sounds like he has some trust issues.
    Woohoo trust issues!

    No but seriously, don't let someone else set your boundaries. It's really annoying and campy to find myself saying this, but... uhg.

    Relationships are built on trust. If he's always suspecting you, even if you're not doing anything to be suspicious of, the problem will likely get worse with time.
    Last edited by Zevn; 17th March 2012 at 9:31 AM.
    "He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom."
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  5. #1930
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    Quote Originally Posted by YaDunGoofed View Post
    Kay, so I have a lot of male friends. I mean, A LOT. 6 to be exact. I have only 1 female friend. My bf goes to a different school, and he thinks I'm dating at least one of them. He's had bad trust issues, but not as bad as he does now though. Since I go to a college (dual enrollment), my guy friends are 18-21 years old. Hell, one's even the assistant in the class I'm taking! They're actually all in the same vocational as me. I'll be 16 in July. My bf is 18 too. I keep telling him not to worry, but he's gotten as bad as I can't even talk to them. I really don't like them like that. Is there anyway to have him believe me?
    My advice would be to not change anything. Your boyfriend is the one who's got the issues. You just need to be straight and say they're just friends (although you already have), and that's all there is to it. Don't repeat yourself though, you shouldn't need to tell someone twice! You also shouldn't need to feel bad about meeting up with friends because of your boyfriend's insecurities. And if he can't handle the fact that you're not giving up your social life for him, then you'd probably do well to get rid!

    xxx

  6. #1931
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    Quote Originally Posted by YaDunGoofed View Post
    Kay, so I have a lot of male friends. I mean, A LOT. 6 to be exact. I have only 1 female friend. My bf goes to a different school, and he thinks I'm dating at least one of them. He's had bad trust issues, but not as bad as he does now though. Since I go to a college (dual enrollment), my guy friends are 18-21 years old. Hell, one's even the assistant in the class I'm taking! They're actually all in the same vocational as me. I'll be 16 in July. My bf is 18 too. I keep telling him not to worry, but he's gotten as bad as I can't even talk to them. I really don't like them like that. Is there anyway to have him believe me?

    a classic sign of insecurity, your relationship is not going to last much longer. srs. sorry, you might as well end it now. ive seen and been in a similar position as this before, except it was my ex behaving this way. it will escalate eventually to jealousy and them not wanting you to have a social life at all. so just end it now.
    unless you are a **** that wants to leech off him even though you dont like him that much anymore.


    also
    he cant interfere with your life if hes dead.
    nomsayn?

  7. #1932
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calamitу View Post
    My advice would be to not change anything. Your boyfriend is the one who's got the issues. You just need to be straight and say they're just friends (although you already have), and that's all there is to it. Don't repeat yourself though, you shouldn't need to tell someone twice! You also shouldn't need to feel bad about meeting up with friends because of your boyfriend's insecurities. And if he can't handle the fact that you're not giving up your social life for him, then you'd probably do well to get rid!
    This is excellent advice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkLucarioADV View Post
    Varanus already said not to and she's smarter than me so I should Listen to her.
    -------

  8. #1933
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calamitу View Post
    My advice would be to not change anything. Your boyfriend is the one who's got the issues. You just need to be straight and say they're just friends (although you already have), and that's all there is to it. Don't repeat yourself though, you shouldn't need to tell someone twice! You also shouldn't need to feel bad about meeting up with friends because of your boyfriend's insecurities. And if he can't handle the fact that you're not giving up your social life for him, then you'd probably do well to get rid!
    I agree. Trust me, I wasted a god few years with someone like that when I was younger. I didnt want to leave him at the time, now I wish id done it sooner!

    On another boy related note, why do they love the chase so much?
    I ignore him, he plagues me with compliments, messages, texts.... I show a bit of interest and he backs off. Grrr.



    Name: Pinky
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    I don't use uber Pokemon , I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature. (Started by Tyranitar)

  9. #1934
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charazemma View Post
    I agree. Trust me, I wasted a god few years with someone like that when I was younger. I didnt want to leave him at the time, now I wish id done it sooner!

    On another boy related note, why do they love the chase so much?
    I ignore him, he plagues me with compliments, messages, texts.... I show a bit of interest and he backs off. Grrr.
    Because once a (sleazy) guy knows he has you entrapped, there's no reason anymore to shower you with praise and impress you. A guy who really likes you will strive to impress you no matter if he already has your heart or not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkLucarioADV View Post
    Varanus already said not to and she's smarter than me so I should Listen to her.
    -------

  10. #1935
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charazemma View Post
    On another boy related note, why do they love the chase so much?
    I ignore him, he plagues me with compliments, messages, texts.... I show a bit of interest and he backs off. Grrr.
    I think some boys just find getting girls to be a constant game, when they're at the immature stages anyway. (Which lasts a long time for most.) They even go to the extent of sounding desperate, so I guess it's not really exciting when the girl finally shows interest and he doesn't need to try too hard. Seems weird to me, but then there are some unusual boys out there.

    Edit: What varanus_komodoensis said basically.

    xxx

  11. #1936
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calamitу View Post
    I think some boys just find getting girls to be a constant game, when they're at the immature stages anyway. (Which lasts a long time for most.) They even go to the extent of sounding desperate, so I guess it's not really exciting when the girl finally shows interest and he doesn't need to try too hard. Seems weird to me, but then there are some unusual boys out there.

    Edit: What varanus_komodoensis said basically.
    And heres me thinking that at 26 he'd be a little more grown up!

    I'll ignore him again tonight and await my flurry of messages when I wake up :P



    Name: Pinky
    Adopt one yourself! @Pokémon Orphanage

    19/08/2012 - First time I've completed the Dex since 1999.

    I don't use uber Pokemon , I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature. (Started by Tyranitar)

  12. #1937

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    Quote Originally Posted by YaDunGoofed View Post
    Kay, so I have a lot of male friends. I mean, A LOT. 6 to be exact. I have only 1 female friend. My bf goes to a different school, and he thinks I'm dating at least one of them. He's had bad trust issues, but not as bad as he does now though. Since I go to a college (dual enrollment), my guy friends are 18-21 years old. Hell, one's even the assistant in the class I'm taking! They're actually all in the same vocational as me. I'll be 16 in July. My bf is 18 too. I keep telling him not to worry, but he's gotten as bad as I can't even talk to them. I really don't like them like that. Is there anyway to have him believe me?
    Start dating your one female friend. That way, everyone wins.

  13. #1938
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    To sum things up

    Since I was 13, my best friend has been trying to date me. We both turn 18 in the Fall, so its almost 5 years now. I keep telling her I am flattered, but I only date guys, but it seems to go over her head. The tonight, I got this im:

    Alice: -smiles- You are so cute
    lner44: Huh?
    Alice: -giggles-
    lner44: What?
    Alice: -sits on your floor-
    lner44: Yes?
    Alice: I want you
    lner44: for?
    Alice: -rolls my eyes-
    Alice: I want you to date me, and not guys
    lner44: why?
    Alice: I'm attracted to you
    lner44: Lol, pull the other one.
    Alice: Sam.
    lner44: Yes?
    Alice: I love you
    lner44: I love you aswell, and thats why you are my best friend

    Im sure I am missing something here. I am trying not to loose it with her, but she wont take any damned hints that I am not intrested in the slightest. I've been gentle, rude, ignored her, been more clingy and nothing works! I'm worrying if it is her mental health, as she is bi-polar, and I think she may be creating the sexuality of mself, and the rest of me as two diffrent people and ignoring the fact I am gay..

  14. #1939
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    ^fuck her and dont talk to her again

    guaranteed she will hate you and wont speak to you anymore, works all the time!

  15. #1940
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Nidoking~ View Post
    To sum things up

    Since I was 13, my best friend has been trying to date me. We both turn 18 in the Fall, so its almost 5 years now. I keep telling her I am flattered, but I only date guys, but it seems to go over her head. The tonight, I got this im:

    Alice: -smiles- You are so cute
    lner44: Huh?
    Alice: -giggles-
    lner44: What?
    Alice: -sits on your floor-
    lner44: Yes?
    Alice: I want you
    lner44: for?
    Alice: -rolls my eyes-
    Alice: I want you to date me, and not guys
    lner44: why?
    Alice: I'm attracted to you
    lner44: Lol, pull the other one.
    Alice: Sam.
    lner44: Yes?
    Alice: I love you
    lner44: I love you aswell, and thats why you are my best friend

    Im sure I am missing something here. I am trying not to loose it with her, but she wont take any damned hints that I am not intrested in the slightest. I've been gentle, rude, ignored her, been more clingy and nothing works! I'm worrying if it is her mental health, as she is bi-polar, and I think she may be creating the sexuality of mself, and the rest of me as two diffrent people and ignoring the fact I am gay..
    Your friend is obviously in denial. She knows that you are gay, as she mentioned it in her IM. She probably thinks she can turn you straight. Also, that "I love you" doesn't mean "I love you as a friend", it means "I love you romantically". I'm not sure if there's anything you can do besides continuing to say no to her. I wouldn't be belligerent, of course. I would just keep repeating to her every time that she brings it up, "Alice, I am gay. I don't want to date you or any girl, and I never will. I am attracted to guys, and nothing is ever going to happen between us because you are straight and I am gay." Be completely straight with her (pun intended ) and just keep telling her the same thing every time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkLucarioADV View Post
    Varanus already said not to and she's smarter than me so I should Listen to her.
    -------

  16. #1941
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cruxis View Post
    ^fuck her and dont talk to her again

    guaranteed she will hate you and wont speak to you anymore, works all the time!
    This does not work all the time. This actually makes them try to get you harder. No srs, you must be joking anyway.

    Anyway, Varanus advice is good but missing something. Your friend has obviously sexualized you in her head, and forgive me if this sounds a little bit like stereotyping: The gay guys I know are often very playful with their female friends. It can seem like they are being flirty, if this is something you do, be more mindful and cut down on it.

    Also I suggest trying to find someone else for her to be interested in, like set her up with one of your straight friends. Someone with surface beauty is a good way to get them to stop idealizing you.
    Last edited by Zevn; 19th March 2012 at 3:20 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Nidoking~ View Post
    To sum things up

    Since I was 13, my best friend has been trying to date me. We both turn 18 in the Fall, so its almost 5 years now. I keep telling her I am flattered, but I only date guys, but it seems to go over her head. The tonight, I got this im:

    Alice: -smiles- You are so cute
    lner44: Huh?
    Alice: -giggles-
    lner44: What?
    Alice: -sits on your floor-
    lner44: Yes?
    Alice: I want you
    lner44: for?
    Alice: -rolls my eyes-
    Alice: I want you to date me, and not guys
    lner44: why?
    Alice: I'm attracted to you
    lner44: Lol, pull the other one.
    Alice: Sam.
    lner44: Yes?
    Alice: I love you
    lner44: I love you aswell, and thats why you are my best friend

    Im sure I am missing something here. I am trying not to loose it with her, but she wont take any damned hints that I am not intrested in the slightest. I've been gentle, rude, ignored her, been more clingy and nothing works! I'm worrying if it is her mental health, as she is bi-polar, and I think she may be creating the sexuality of mself, and the rest of me as two diffrent people and ignoring the fact I am gay..
    She most likely hasn't accepted the fact that you're Gay and not interested, or she just doesn't want to believe it because she loves you too much to accept the truth. Instead of just dropping hints; explain to her in full detail the truth, but say it so that she does not get upset or offended. Unfortunately it may take awhile for her to eventually accept the truth, if she continues after that and won't stop then it's borderlining on harrassment and would have to be dealt with in a different manner.
    "Heart + Determination + Perserverence = Success" ™

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  18. #1943
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    Well nidoking, she cant bother you anymore if she is dead.

    Nomsayn?

  19. #1944
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cruxis View Post
    Well nidoking, she cant bother you anymore if she is dead.

    Nomsayn?
    But that would be too easy. Sometimes we have to make life challenging so we can have some fun, Nomsayn?

    ^ Click this for good times ^


  20. #1945
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Nidoking~ View Post
    Im sure I am missing something here. I am trying not to loose it with her, but she wont take any damned hints that I am not intrested in the slightest. I've been gentle, rude, ignored her, been more clingy and nothing works! I'm worrying if it is her mental health, as she is bi-polar, and I think she may be creating the sexuality of mself, and the rest of me as two diffrent people and ignoring the fact I am gay..
    As has been said, this could be denial, although the way she's talking I would say it was downright stupidity. There's not really much more you can do but reject her constantly, or you could give her an ultimatum. Something along the lines of "If you want to remain friends, back off!" If she's going to constantly pester you and make things awkward, then it's probably not worth remaining friends anyway. What an unusual lady...

    xxx

  21. #1946

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    Okay, so I have an audition for the Honor Band around here ( where high schoolers from neighboring counties come and make an elite band), in about 3 hours! I'm so nervous, I hate being the only one playing, and I'll be recorded, which is even worse. I also barely know the piece with the patterns, and it's too far above my range. any ways to relax or make an excuse?* I mean, our band event is so little, I'm pretty much garunteed a spot, even though I bomb all the auditions.

    キバゴ

  22. #1947
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    Quote Originally Posted by YaDunGoofed View Post
    Okay, so I have an audition for the Honor Band around here ( where high schoolers from neighboring counties come and make an elite band), in about 3 hours! I'm so nervous, I hate being the only one playing, and I'll be recorded, which is even worse. I also barely know the piece with the patterns, and it's too far above my range. any ways to relax or make an excuse?* I mean, our band event is so little, I'm pretty much garunteed a spot, even though I bomb all the auditions.
    Well, I really would have advised that you spend a lot of time going through what it is you're playing, but with only three hours left it's not a good sign that you barely know the piece. Regardless of that, you just need to try to pretend that you're going to a normal session and all these recordings aren't happening. Just do your best and make sure to keep practising in the little time you have left. Also, if you are certain that you're guaranteed a position, then that should be less reason to worry, but still don't slack on the practise. And good luck!
    Also, just adding this in, sometimes it's not bad to miss out. If the work they expect from you is too far above your range, then perhaps it's better that you don't advance yet. It could be quite stressful having to live up to higher expectations when you're not quite at that level yet.

    xxx

  23. #1948

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    Thank you! But also, I tend to get red and embarrassed pretty easily. Any pep talk? Lol.

    キバゴ

  24. #1949
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    Quote Originally Posted by YaDunGoofed View Post
    Okay, so I have an audition for the Honor Band around here ( where high schoolers from neighboring counties come and make an elite band), in about 3 hours! I'm so nervous, I hate being the only one playing, and I'll be recorded, which is even worse. I also barely know the piece with the patterns, and it's too far above my range. any ways to relax or make an excuse?* I mean, our band event is so little, I'm pretty much garunteed a spot, even though I bomb all the auditions.
    What do you play?

    Anyway, I can say from experience that after you've done enough auditions, you stop getting nervous. Sort of like playing solos in concerts (I never got nervous from playing solos but I assumed it would be a good comparison for most people). The best way to be confident is to spend a lot of time fixing any issues you have with your audition music. Make sure you can play the part from start to finish without a problem. I assume you were given enough time for that since it should only take a few days at most.

    ^ Click this for good times ^


  25. #1950
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    Quote Originally Posted by YaDunGoofed View Post
    Thank you! But also, I tend to get red and embarrassed pretty easily. Any pep talk? Lol.
    My pep talk would be to go practise already!!! There's not really anything anyone can say that would help with nerves and being embarrassed in front of a group of people. Although as Gelatino95 said, these things get easier the more you do them, so take it as getting some good experience!

    xxx

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