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Thread: Chronicles of Unova (PG-15)

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    Default Chronicles of Unova (PG-15)



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        Spoiler:- Chapter List:


        Spoiler:- PM List:


        Spoiler:- Author's Notes:


    Chronicles of Unova

    Prologue
    Updated Version

    “Heatran, use Magma Storm!”

    The roar of the crowd could be heard from miles away. Shouts and cheers rang throughout the city as the battle fiercely raged on. The hypnotizing aroma of popcorn and other confections drifted lazily through the air from vendors scattered in the stands. Small children cheered out of their minds for the trainers, while their parents beside them subtly suppressed smiles of their own. The gigantic stadium held more than 50,000 people, drawn from all across the region to witness the Unova Region Pokémon League Championship battle. After several days of harsh fighting and elimination, victory was within the grasp of two talented trainers. Down on the field, at the epicenter of this cacophony of noise, tension and excitement stood two lone trainers, and two fearsome beasts. This was the pinnacle of the match; the next few attacks would decide it all.

    “Lugia, quick, get out of the way!” shouted one of the trainers desperately. There was fear in his eyes, his voice quivered, and he knew he was losing. He hadn’t made it to the final battle of the League Championships by faltering at the end of his matches though; alongside his fear was determination and the will to survive and win. He knew he had to think fast; if Magma Storm hit, it would be all over.

    The Heatran lowered its head, took in a deep breath, then unleashed a torrent of fire and slag at the enormous beast opposite it with everything it had. Molten lava dripped from its mouth as the wave of heat launched forth. It braced itself against the ground and had to dig in with every one of the four hooked claws that lined each foot to keep itself from being pushed back. The enemy’s Lugia took action and started to dodge, quickly ascending into the sky; it was a desperate, losing gambit however. Higher and higher it soared, trying to simply put as much distance between itself and the vortex of flames as it could. Half a mile into the air it went, then three-quarters, then a mile, but the fire dogged it all the way. Finally, the Lugia managed to breach the clouds; it stopped for a moment, thinking perhaps that it was safe. It held position, beating its massive wings and calmly looking around at the sea of white below it for any sign of the streams. It heard nothing, saw nothing, and felt nothing; surely the Heatran couldn’t still control and aim its attack with so much distance between them, and certainly not if the cloud cover obscured its visi-

    GAAAAW!!

    The three swirling streams of fire burst through the clouds directly underneath the Lugia’s position. Before it could react, they sailed up past the beast’s head and ensnared it in a veritable cage of lava. The Lugia screamed deafeningly in surprise as the three streams linked and began dragging it back down to earth; it could barely even fight to try and break free against the maelstrom.

    As it fell, the lava charred and burned its majestic, legendary down and wings. The Lugia continued to shriek in shock and pain as it hurdled towards the ground; it was being dragged right towards a patch of Stealth Rock that had been set up earlier in the match. As it drew within just feet of the jagged spikes, the Heatran reared its head and quickly chomped its fangs together, terminated the stream. The Lugia smashed into the patch of Stealth Rock, being impaled and taking considerable damage. The real concern however was the continuing Magma Storm; the Diving Pokémon was still immobilized and confined to the small area within the storm, all the while taking a slow creep of residual damage from the heat of its prison.

    The roar of the crowd in response to these actions was deafening. It was as if a solid wall of sound flowed from the stadium and struck every point in and around it. Seeing its opponent trapped, the Heatran sneered and bent forward on its front knees to strike again. The Heatran’s trainer had his opponent on the ropes; victory was nearly assured now and the people in the stands knew it. A new challenger to the Elite Four was about to be named, and he had a very good shot of making it all the way.

    Oh no, what do I do?!” the rival trainer thought desperately; his flailing, grossly non-specific command of “get out of the way” had, not surprisingly, failed to keep his Lugia safe from the trapping attack. Scanning his mind for a solution, he ran through all the attacking moves it knew. “Let’s see… Extrasensory? No, not effective against a Steel-type. Roost? It can’t reach the ground to do that. Calm Mind? I don’t see how that would work… Aeroblast? What good would that… wait, no, that’s it!” he thought. “Lugia, use Aeroblast!”

    The Lugia hesitated for a moment, trying to guess what its trainer had in mind. In a sudden moment of clarity however, the Diving Pokémon understood its trainer’s cunning plan and let loose the blast. It shot out a vortex of air from its gaping mouth, doing little damage to the Heatran but blasting a hole in the Magma Storm through which it could escape. The Lugia bolted out from its prison and flew up high, spreading its wings and roaring with defiance; the very sun itself was partially eclipsed by its imposing figure. The crowd screamed again at the brilliance and ingenuity the trainer had shown. It was a stunning comeback and proved the fight was not lost yet. The suave, daring and most handsome trainer of the Lugia grinned and prepared to–

    “Wait, what?! You can’t do that, you cheater!”

    * * *

    “…yeah huh I can.” the boy said calmly after a pause, awakening from his vivid tirade.

    “No you can’t, dude, that’s bull crap! You can’t just ‘break’ Magma Storm with a stupid Aeroblast! You just don’t want to admit I out-strategied you again!” shouted his friend.

    The first boy lowered his stance. He smiled condescendingly and stared at his friend from over the rims of his glasses. “Out-strategied my ass. If we’re going to play pretend and imagine our League Championship battle, why can’t I imagine it spectacularly and make great plays?” he quipped back.

    “God, Cheren, that’s your answer to everything, isn’t it? ‘Aeroblast it away, Lugia!’” the second boy said in a mocking, flustered tone. “I cover the field in Smokescreen; you clear it with Aeroblast. I poison you with Toxic; you Aeroblast it out of your system. I bury you under a damn Rock Slide; you Aeroblast the rocks away. You just never want to admit you’ve lost, and you can’t come up with any other strategies!” he continued. Cheren laughed at his friend’s vigor and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

    “David, why can’t you just accept that Aeroblast is sweet and you can’t beat my Lugia? I’m just a more superior trainer than you, and you need to just accept that.” Cheren replied; from the corner of the room, someone else spoke up.

    “Guys, come on! Don’t get into another one of your little pissing matches; I was really into that one!” shouted a young girl beside them, seated on the bed. “You both were so vivid, I was gripping the edge of my seat!” she continued

    “Blame David, Bianca, because apparently some people haven’t learned to respect Aeroblast’s authority.” Cheren sneered, folding his arms and turning his back on David. He smiled wryly though and gazed condescendingly at the boy from the side of his vision.

    “Man, forget this, Cheren, you don’t want to play fair. You want to know how it ends, Bianca? Lugia’s Aeroblast fails, it stays trapped in the Magma Storm, Heatran and I go out for smoothies while it takes residual damage, and then we come back later and sit on it to KO it. Cheren loses, I win, the end.” David spat in disgust.

    The three friends were seated around Cheren’s small bedroom, loudly and excitedly discussing the battle. This was a game they played fairly often; imagining a great battle between one of them and some mythic foe, and playing it out in their minds. Sometimes it was each other, sometimes it was a legendary, sometimes it was just a random trainer they had come across on their journeys, but the battles were always spectacular and epic, certain to please and entertain them for hours at a time. Their names were David, Cheren and Bianca, and they lived in the small-town city of Nuvema Town, situated in the southeast of the Unova region. They were each thirteen years of age, and they had been best friends all their life.

    Cheren was an odd boy; he was calm and calculating on the outside, but a regular, rambunctious, somewhat immature kid on the inside. He was medium height with a wiry form and jet black hair. He liked to act like he was cool and in charge, but as the previous exchanged had illustrated, he had his stubborn and immature streaks. He was perhaps not terribly well adjusted; at thirteen years old, he lived the phrase “act your age.”

    Bianca was a sweet, innocent young girl; she had a somewhat plump figure, short blonde hair, big blue eyes and a giant toothy smile. When she lit up and smiled, which was a fairly frequent occurrence, her friends would often joke that she looked like a Pachirisu, which just made her laugh even more. She was very beautiful for her age and she was actually already starting to fill out in many respects; her friends were oblivious to these facts however and thought of her no differently than they thought of themselves. In their naivety and youthful understanding of the world, Bianca to them was just “one of the guys.” She thought of herself no differently than she did of them either, but she was perhaps more aware of the differences than they were, given that she was the outsider in that regard.

    David was the last member of the group and its de facto leader. Despite how the previous exchange might have made him seem, most of the time he was by far the most mature; he was very adult-like for his age, his mind and his spirit far exceeding his body in years. He was stoic and tall with dark brown hair sitting upon his head in a loose mop. He struck an imposing figure, built like an Ursaring or a Beartic. At that age, he towered over his friends, which often helped make his statements and requests that much more persuasive. Despite this, Cheren knew just how to push his buttons, and knew just when to act defiant to screw with his older friend; for instance, calling out Aeroblast when things weren’t going his way.

    “Aww, that’s no fun, David. I wanted a REAL ending!” Bianca pouted. “That battle was so spectacular and vivid; I want to see it in real life. Do you think that’ll ever happen?” she continued.

    “Do I think I’ll ever be battling Cheren’s Lugia, a legendary Pokémon from Johto, with a Heatran, another legendary Pokémon from Sinnoh, in the Unova Region Pokémon League Championships in front of 50,000 people?” David asked sarcastically, settling back down against the side of the bed. “No, probably not.” he continued with a laugh. “But will we be real trainers some day and have real Pokémon battles? Yeah, totally. Those battles will probably be even more spectacular than these pretend ones even, because goddamn Cheren… won’t be able to cheat or use Aeroblast.” he appended, looking over at Cheren from across the room as he singled him out. Cheren grinned again and turned up his nose, folding his arms and closing his eyes smugly.

    “Aeroblast is so legit, I’ll go out to Johto someday and catch a Lugia, just so I can use that move.” Cheren quipped back, now just trying to provoke his friend; David sighed

    “Okay, that tears it.” David groaned. He stood up quickly, grabbed the pillow that was behind his back, and proceeded to beat Cheren with it unmercifully in one fluid motion.

    “Ack! Bianca! Help me!” Cheren squealed.

    “Getting a girl to save you from a pillow?” Bianca cooed mockingly. “Ooooh Cheren, I’m positively swooning!”

    The three of them all laughed. That night, as sleep washed over them, they each dreamt of their future adventures as real Pokémon Trainers. It would be an epic journey, and it would bring them at times closer, and at other times farther, than they had ever dreamed possible. It would be one filled with grand battles, budding and eventually maturing love, and fulfillment of a dark and ancient prophecy that would see the reawakening of the two most destructive forces the region, if not the world, had ever seen. It was still five years off though and they were yet just children; sleep came to them, and so did they dream…
    Last edited by ChaosBlizzard; 3rd August 2012 at 9:09 AM.

  2. #2
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    Hm... This seems pretty promising! I'm excited to see what you do with the story.

    Not much to say yet, didn't see any mistakes, and the characters seem pretty realistic. I await the next chapter patiently. (Ewww... That sounded so formal, but I can't think of any other way to say it.)

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    This is the original version of Chapter 1. This chapter, to paraphrase writer/director Jon Graham when speaking of his own early works, "reeks of such excessive fail that it has been omitted from this list." This form of this chapter does not meet the same level of quality as the later chapters from this story, and is left only for posterity's sake. An updated version has been published and you are strongly encouraged to read that version instead. A link is provided below.

    Updated Version


        Spoiler:- Original Version:
    Last edited by ChaosBlizzard; 7th January 2012 at 6:52 AM.

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    This is the original version of Chapter 2. This chapter, to paraphrase writer/director Jon Graham when speaking of his own early works, "reeks of such excessive fail that it has been omitted from this list." This form of this chapter does not meet the same level of quality as the later chapters from this story, and is left only for posterity's sake. An updated version has been published and you are strongly encouraged to read that version instead. A link is provided below.

    Updated Version


        Spoiler:- Original Version:
    Last edited by ChaosBlizzard; 7th January 2012 at 6:53 AM.

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    This is the original version of Chapter 3. This chapter, to paraphrase writer/director Jon Graham when speaking of his own early works, "reeks of such excessive fail that it has been omitted from this list." This form of this chapter does not meet the same level of quality as the later chapters from this story, and is left only for posterity's sake. An updated version has been published and you are strongly encouraged to read that version instead. A link is provided below.

    Updated Version, Part 1
    Updated Version, Part 2


        Spoiler:- Original Version:
    Last edited by ChaosBlizzard; 7th January 2012 at 6:55 AM.

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    This spot has been reserved for the rest of my comments. Just finished chapter 1 after multiple stopping (busy busy busy).

    I will, however, say that after reading the first chapter, the change in the standard plot is refreshing. After so many B/W remakes (using the generic starters and the generic characters) it's nice to see you do something else with the story line.

    So far, I have to say that David's falling for Bianca, especially since he first noticed his feelings for her that day, are progressing very fast.

    At least that's how I feel, because that's how it happened to me. A friend, no romantic interest at all, sparked this... Moment that caused me to re-think things. But we were friends. And I wanted to make VERY SURE that I wasn't just feeling things, that it was real. I think it took me like, 3 weeks to finally admit to myself that I started liking her.

    David began to admit it on the first day, where it could have easily (to add more bulk to the story as well) been spread out over a few chapters, that internal struggle between "I like her, I like her not." It could have added more had it been spaced out. You still can do that, and it is author's preference. I'm just saying I how I feel aloud here. hehe.

    But so far so good, I'm gonna read chapter 2 soon, and then I'll edit this post (unless you post after this, and then I can just post afterwards. ^___^
    Again, originality gets an 'a-ok' from me.

    EDIT 1: Chapter 2 was also pretty good. I like how you let David and Paula train, to imply strength, but in his first battle, he lost soundly. Granted, there was that whole bit about bad typing, but nonetheless, you let(MADE) David lose. Definitely allows some character building, if you play your cards right.

    It's also good how David is actually coming to terms with his feelings towards Bianca, as opposed to just realizing he has feelings for her and then jumping straight into it.

    So chapter 2's also pretty good. I didn't see any spelling mistakes, or grammar problems. The length is also pretty nice; comparing it to food, it's like having just enough food to eat, but still not enough so that you want more.

    EDIT 2: For chapter 3. @___@

    Anyways, I liked it. This story is definitely going to be an interesting read. I like how (so you can cross out my earlier comments) David's trying to take his time trying to figure out his feelings towards Bianca. Whoops, haha. It's actually doing pretty well.

    I guess characterization is what I noticed the most in this chapter. David's definitely got a soft spot for Bianca; his winning streak (0-2 right after losing to Bianca) proves that, since most people don't like losing. It also shows how he's a good guy, especially when you couple that with him getting mad at Cheren for being mean to Bianca. You can attribute that to his feelings towards her though. Bianca's character also is keeping true to the character, with a lot of room for your own twist on her. It's pretty spot on, actually.

    Now, Cheren is where I'm starting to see an inconsistency. Not within your story; that's very consistent, but within canon. Cheren's supposedly this super-intelligent teenage prodigy-ish character, who knows all these things that most kids his age wouldn't know. You have his drive for power down pat, the beginning of the chapter showed that. But he never interjects to show his intelligence. Rather, you focus more on your take of Cheren, turning him more into a teenager (which is fine; he is one), and less as the smart kid. So maybe focus a little more on that. He is your character (within the story, I mean) and what you do with him is your choice. But I'd suggest showcasing his intelligence more often. I could be taking this the wrong way though; maybe I'm just missing the points where he showcases his intelligence. @___@

    And beyond that, you're doing pretty well with the story. Your description's pretty good, grammar and such is good enough that your mistakes aren't completely obvious, and the content is just as good as the rest. Good thing is, I know that you're waiting til tomorrow to post the next chapter, so I'm not going to have to wait long, but as soon as the next chapter's out, I'll have something to say about it (hopefully. I'm surprised I typed so much as a review. This is really the first fic I've ever reviewed so technically. This actually may be my last intelligent review [supposing that it even is intelligent], although let's hope not. @__@)

    Alright, I'll just wait for the next chapter to come out. This is some pretty good stuff.

    EDIT 3: Just had to say, this review looks like it could be a different (although significantly shorter) chapter. haha
    Last edited by jstinftw!; 28th August 2011 at 2:03 PM.

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  7. #7
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    Well this is certainly a story updates very quickly.

    Your story is quite the original take on Unova journey fics. I'm usually a little wary of David, Bianca, and Cheren getting non-traditional starters, but you made it work.

    Like the other reviewer had said, it seems as if you dampened all the intelligence Cheren is supposed to have. I think he would have known beforehand that there were 3 different gym leaders in the Striaton city gym. That's a question I would have expected Bianca or even David to have asked.

    Speaking of David, so far he is my favorite character. He is a strong, yet believable trainer. The fact that he lost to N wasn't just because he had a type disadvantage, but because he hadn't caught another Pokemon that he could have used against a Purrloin. All that time training his Ralts and yet it didn't occur to him catch another Pokemon. I also like his somewhat-obsession with Bianca. It's funny how he's trying to cope with the fact that he is attracted to a girl he's known almost his whole life.

    I'm surprised you didn't bring up Bianca's dad and his whole issue with her going on a Pokemon journey. Is it going to come up or will there be a new plot that takes the place of that one?

    You have good description that doesn't overdo it. I've noticed you pay close attention to when you are describing Bianca. However since this is from David's point of view it makes sense.

    Since it's at the beginning stages, there isn't really much I can truly comment on. However I will be keeping an eye on this story.

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    This is the original version of Chapter 4. This chapter, to paraphrase writer/director Jon Graham when speaking of his own early works, "reeks of such excessive fail that it has been omitted from this list." This form of this chapter does not meet the same level of quality as the later chapters from this story, and is left only for posterity's sake. An updated version has been published and you are strongly encouraged to read that version instead. A link is provided below.

    Updated Version


        Spoiler:- Original Version:
    Last edited by ChaosBlizzard; 7th January 2012 at 6:57 AM.

  9. #9
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    It'll be a long night. ;u;

    BAGSY-ING THIS POST. My edits will be through in a few hours, if that is allowed? Reading in progress. 8D

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

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    This really does have all themakings of a fun story. I'm goign to take a few lessons off your telling of Unova I think, for if/when I throw my characters in.

    I'm going to hold off on reviewing the front three, since they've bene hit pretty accurately, but I do find the choice of starters odd, for the sole reason that Unova is in fact isolated from the rest of the Pokemon world. Yes, you've justified their being there, Paula at least, is going to be a hoot and a half, though Duskull has taken that spot of "memorable Pokemon interaction" but it still feels off to have a Sinnoh, Hoenn and Kanto Pokemon being handed out from a regional specific lab. I'll get over that though.

    Dd I mention Paula being a lot of fun? I think it would serve well, that if you plan to keep Cheren and Bianca together, to start a spotlight on Pachirisu and Eevee as well, Otherwise it's going to turn into the "Humans and Paula", and you'll lose the point of low-number teams. In that light, Going more into the Striaton Gym battles might have been a good place to start. (Says the guy who tries to avoid writing Pokemon battles so he doesn't butcher them)

    Also, I realy worry about your call to do three-mon teams. I'm just not sure that quality-over-quantity will work here, and I wonder if you'll find yourself later wanting to catch a few things that that limit will prevent.

    Chapter 4 notes
    Using the Toast post-battle in the restaurant, a wonderful idea.

    In reading Colette, and this may be that I've never written nor read a lot of french characters, but all the "ze"s running around felt more Russian than French.

    Kirlia sang out a brilliant note, and drifted daintily down to the ground, pirouetting gracefully on her long, slender new legs. She drifted down to the ground gently, and landed softly on the tips of her toes.
    Felt a little redudnant there, like there were two landings. Might it read better as

    Kirlia sang out a brilliant note, and drifted daintily down to the ground, landed softly on the tips of her toes; pirouetting gracefully on her long, slender new legs before taking a fighting stance.

    or am I just full of it?

    If I were David, I'd be learning how to put up a barrier in my mind, right quick.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  11. #11
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    I lost my spot as the first poster. *glares at Glover and Ejunknown*

    Just kidding.

    Anyways, good chapter. The evolution during the gym battle, while predictable, was executed well enough to avoid the cliche. Kudos. haha. And go ahead and use your take on the gym leaders/important characters; it adds a different flavor to each character. There is something about that that I think I should bring to your attention, but let's go with the flattery first. Good, then bad. ^__^

    Battle scenes. One of the hardest things in writing Pokemon fanfiction, and something that even I have put off until now (7 chapters in and not one battle. *shamed*). Yours is pretty good. I can't believe I never mentioned it before, but your style of writing Pokemon battles is decent enough that the only thing you can do with it is to add on. I suggest reading this thread if you want some in-depth suggestions on how to improve. But it's good enough as it is, just thought I'd put that out there.

    Ok, now. As I said earlier, it's good you're putting your own spin to the canon characters. But you should maybe research them a bit, just so you have an idea of what they're like.

    For example, Cilan and the others are Connoisseurs. Basically, they study the relationship between Pokemon and Trainer and judge/determine/examine/observe what goes on between them. Now, it's fine that you add their own personalities to these already established characters. Giving them French backgrounds was pretty smart actually. But throughout the battles, you could have had the trainers do more than just call out commands and observe. This might be because I watched the current anime (it helps actually), but it might have been nice to throw in some personality to the characters.

    For Cilan (and Cress and Chili), you could have kept those traits you gave them, but also added their previous established traits. Cilan, in game, is more shy, and lacks confidence (anime-wise, he's outgoing and a little. odd). But even with this, you could have had him examine and call out his observations between the trainers and their Pokemon. Chili could have kept his fiery personality, but at the same time, you could add his own observations (which would probably be more aggressive than Cilan's obersvations) while Cress's would have been more suave, more eloquent.

    So basically, and this is completely up to you, I suggest you do a liiiiittle bit of research prior to writing, so that you can figure out who each character is, as well as who you want them to be, and find a way to blend them.

    Another thing is the other trainer's Pokemon. As Glover stated earlier, it would be nice if the other two Pokemon had some limelight (although I'm positive that's going to come up fairly soon). But throughout the battle, I didn't feel anything from Eevee and Pachirisu. Eevee, at the moment, is this fighting machine that belongs to Cheren, and Pachirisu is a squirrel that battles for Bianca. So maybe giving a little insight to their personalities would be a good idea. You can do that even in a battle. Is Eevee happy he's battling? Is he scared? Is he clumsy, causing himself to trip, or miss? Is Pachirisu excited about battling, or is she too lazy to battle? Does she like Bianca? All these things can be addressed in a battle. Battles are contests held between four (or 6, or 8) living beings, each with their own individual personalities. There's bound to be more involved than just commanding an attack, watching the attack, and either attacking again, or coutner-attacking. Just another point you might want to look into.

    Also, the whole 3 Pokemon teams. That's not a bad idea, and it goes well with Unova because there was a girl in the game that talked about trainers having only 3 Pokemon so that they can focus on raising them properly. But if you're getting the trio to go up against Team Plasma, you may want to reconsider. While your reasoning behind this is understandable, imagine. These three teenagers are going up against an entire Team. Ghetsis is crazy strong and has a Hydreigon. And 6 Pokemon (assuming you're following canon). N is also strong, and has a full party of 6 as well as Reshiram/Zekrom. Now unless you plan on superpowering 9 Pokemon, it might be a bit difficult to pull off a believable win with just the 9. MIGHT be, not impossible. Again, it is your story, and you are God (for the story). I'm sure you'll come up with some way to make it work.

    Uhhhhhh.... I think that's it. hahaha. Although I wrote a big chunk above about characterization, they're more helpful tips as opposed to "YOU DID THIS WRONG, GO FIX IT." You're writing is fine as it is; if you are to continue writing the way you do now, it wouldn't be a big issue. But as it seems that you want to focus a lot on characterization, addressing these things can help you out a bit.

    Anyways, I'm excited for the next chapter. I'm a bit excited to see what Bianca's going to catch.
    Last edited by jstinftw!; 29th August 2011 at 3:25 PM.

    Feel like you need a little more Pokemon in your life? Tune into our show!
    EPISODE 55 - SLOWPOKE HOLIDAY
    Looking for something Pokemon-related to listen to while playing through Pokemon XY? This episode is for you!!
    Released: 12/11/14


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  12. #12
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    This is the original version of Chapter 5. This chapter, to paraphrase writer/director Jon Graham when speaking of his own early works, "reeks of such excessive fail that it has been omitted from this list." This form of this chapter does not meet the same level of quality as the later chapters from this story, and is left only for posterity's sake. An updated version has been published and you are strongly encouraged to read that version instead. A link is provided below.

    Updated Version


        Spoiler:- Original Version:
    Last edited by ChaosBlizzard; 7th January 2012 at 6:58 AM.

  13. #13
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    The Beatles? Lots of like.

    Ok. This chapter doesn't have much to say in terms of improvement (since they've already been said. ^_^) So I guess I can only comment on the chapter itself.

    Hey, first comment after a new chapter. WIN!

    Anyways, it was pretty good overall. I really like with what you did with Lennon and McCartney. It's nice to see that Plasma has some real good guys (misguided, yes, but good nontheless). Basically, it's nice to see you characterize some Plasma grunts, letting us into their side of the story. Possibly somewhat like Jessie and James?

    I also noticed your way of getting Paula to learn attacks. That's actually pretty interesting. She just has the gut feeling and wants to try it out. That's pretty sweet, although it doesn't leave a lot of room for the element of surprise. But still pretty sweet.

    Oh, one thing I did notice. Barring Paula, the other Pokemon still don't seem to have a personality. So maybe work on that a bit more.

    The transitioning from happy trainer battle to OH NOES, PLASMA GRUNTS STEALING POKEMON! was actually pretty nice. I like how that went down to be honest. Which reminds me, the only thing in the chapter that kind of irked me (kind of) was the reaction to Plasma's Pokenapping.

    Plasma steals Pokemon -> OH NOES! -> Watch them run away ->Stand there and discuss what happened.

    I would have run after them right away, especially if I was going to anyways, instead of explaining the whole situation from the get go. Bianca could have explained it separate from the two boys too. But that's it.

    BIANCA. Hahaha, I keep almost forgetting. If you're looking for Bianca ideas, the anime Bianca is very similar to yours (although yours has a bit more sense). She's very outgoing, and a little ditzy, and is very hard to deal with (she sees a cute Pokemon, she will keep trying to trade it with you, even if she has to give away her starter Pokemon for it. she's somewhat selfish, but not in a really bad way). I like your blend of in-game and (unconsciously) anime Bianca. Somewhat unsure, but still pretty confident.

    Good heads up on the spoiler. hahaha. cleared some things up. I don't 100% agree with your statement on the Pokemon (I like to think that Unova has only 5th Gen pokes because it has strict immigration laws or something) but it works. Two pre-5th Gens is pretty nice too. I'm glad you're not making it pure pre-5th gen; that would be a bit odd since in Unova, 5th gen Pokemon are, at the vary least, pre-dominant.

    So. I think that's it. Pretty solid chapter, nothing super duper, but not bad at all. It's solid. I await the next chapters! The current pacing is very nice, btw. Everyday new chapter? I love that! But it's ok if you slow down. I understand. Sometimes, it takes me a month to get out a new chapter. hahha. I just wanted to say.

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    It'll be a little while before the next chapter comes, so I'm going to break tradition and respond to comments without putting them in the Author's Notes of a chapter. Sorry for any disappointment, but the next chapter is pretty long. I might break it up into two, actually, but I doubt that at this point because the second one would be pretty short. We'll see.

    Nachoe, great comments as always. It's nice having a dedicated reader like yourself. I already have significantly more of a following than I ever anticipated. I kind of assumed I'd just be writing this into a vacuum when I started, so any kind of reaction is nice. Thanks for your continually high-quality reviews.

    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    Anyways, it was pretty good overall. I really like with what you did with Lennon and McCartney. It's nice to see that Plasma has some real good guys (misguided, yes, but good nontheless). Basically, it's nice to see you characterize some Plasma grunts, letting us into their side of the story. Possibly somewhat like Jessie and James?
    Thanks, I thought it was a nice touch. Like I said, they're going to be recurring characters. We'll see them again a little ways down the road; no time in the immediate future, but soon-ish. They'll start cropping up more and more the closer we get to the E4. I don't want to spoil it though, so I'll try not to say too much.

    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    I also noticed your way of getting Paula to learn attacks. That's actually pretty interesting. She just has the gut feeling and wants to try it out. That's pretty sweet, although it doesn't leave a lot of room for the element of surprise. But still pretty sweet.
    I'm surprised you approve of that, actually. I feel like it is going to get pretty old after a while. Paula can pull it off because she can speak, but I'm not sure how I'll handle it with the other Pokemon. I always imagined level-up moves in the games working something like this: Pokemon is training with the trainer and gets an idea for a new move, Pokemon begins testing out the move in its mind, Pokemon levels up and somehow indicates to the trainer its idea, trainer either approves or denies the idea, new move either learned or not learned. The problem is, I don't know how to go about that indication process for a Pokemon that can't speak like Pachirisu or Eevee. I guess it's just something I'll figure out over time, but yeah... we'll see.

    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    Oh, one thing I did notice. Barring Paula, the other Pokemon still don't seem to have a personality. So maybe work on that a bit more.
    A lot of people have told me that now. I'm going to have to do something about it for sure. Maybe I'll do a chapter at some point in the future that revolves entirely around the Pokemon for a day or something, like one of those Pikachu Shorts they use to do for the movies. What would you guys think of something like that? The Pokemon going off for an adventure away from their trainers, and maybe Paula trying to keep them in line or something. Where should I fit something like that in?

    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    Which reminds me, the only thing in the chapter that kind of irked me (kind of) was the reaction to Plasma's Pokenapping.

    Plasma steals Pokemon -> OH NOES! -> Watch them run away ->Stand there and discuss what happened.

    I would have run after them right away, especially if I was going to anyways, instead of explaining the whole situation from the get go. Bianca could have explained it separate from the two boys too. But that's it.
    That's a good idea, but I think the time lapse during that event is shorter than I maybe described it being. I was imagining the time lapse between them stealing the Pokemon and them running after Plasma to be maybe 3-4 minutes; just enough time to explain who Team Plasma is, suggest they could go after them for the teacher, and book it. If I didn't explain that clearly, then I guess that's something I should practice. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    BIANCA. Hahaha, I keep almost forgetting. If you're looking for Bianca ideas, the anime Bianca is very similar to yours (although yours has a bit more sense). She's very outgoing, and a little ditzy, and is very hard to deal with (she sees a cute Pokemon, she will keep trying to trade it with you, even if she has to give away her starter Pokemon for it. she's somewhat selfish, but not in a really bad way). I like your blend of in-game and (unconsciously) anime Bianca. Somewhat unsure, but still pretty confident.
    I spent a good while earlier today looking at the episode pictures on here for all the episodes she's been in and reading about her on Bulbapedia. I don't know how I'd go about trying to watch any of the episodes though. I don't even know what channel Cartoon Network is anymore, and I doubt I could find good quality versions of the episodes online that were both in English and available freely so quickly after they aired. I'd love to learn more about her, but I don't know how I could watch the show. After looking through those pictures though I've got to say, she's a real cutie; she's much more likable than I first thought, and that's saying something, lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    So. I think that's it. Pretty solid chapter, nothing super duper, but not bad at all. It's solid. I await the next chapters! The current pacing is very nice, btw. Everyday new chapter? I love that! But it's ok if you slow down. I understand. Sometimes, it takes me a month to get out a new chapter. hahha. I just wanted to say.
    Oh, you think so? Dang... I've been getting a little heat for the pacing being too quick to build up any kind of readership. I was planning on releasing the next chapter on Wednesday, and then the final one before school starts some time over the weekend in an attempt to kind of slow down a bit. But do you all like the pacing okay then? I'm conflicted now... :\

    By the way, I think I've said this elsewhere but I don't think I've said it here yet. Note to viewers: I start college on Tuesday, September 6th. It is a 154 credit program, completed in 4 years; that is 4 more credits than a Master's degree, but completed in one year less. I will be very busy after that date and chapters will come out slower after that point. I have a point in the story I want to try to get myself to before then (leaving Castelia heading to Route 4) and I think I will hit it just fine, but after that date, production of chapters will ramp down to a more traditional pace. I'll try to keep it to at least one a week though for the first little while at least. We'll see how it goes I guess.

    - - - - -

    Thank you again to all my readers, and I hope you've been enjoying it. I've been having a lot more fun writing this than I ever anticipated I would, and I'm getting a lot of satisfaction out of both developing the characters and reading your nice reviews. The fact that this is not just getting comments but getting largely positive comments is awesome and I appreciate it. I hope you can see in this past chapter and future chapters how I'm beginning to take all your advice, and I appreciate all the comments, good and bad. It helps me know what to emphasize and what to steer clear of, so ultimately it makes for better content for all of you. Thanks again for reading, and I'm glad you enjoy it.

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    Haha. I know the feeling. When you said before that your heart skipped a beat when you saw new posters, I understood. It happens to me too.

    A Pokemon shorts would be a cool idea, although it's not entirely needed. You can easily incorporate that into a normal chapter. You know, have some interaction between all the trainers and the Pokemon every now and then. For example, I don't imagine that while traveling they always travel with the Pokemon inside their Pokeballs. Being originally wild creatures, I imagine they'd like to spend some time outside of their Pokeballs to stretch their legs out a bit. Unless they're lazy. You could use that time to show some of their little quirks; a Zubat who likes to play hide-and-seek, a Kirlia who likes to Teleport at random to scare people, a Pachirisu who like to steal people's combs and shock everyone, etc. Creativity is in your hands. haha

    Btw, a good way to look for anime is at animecrazy. Just cross-reference with the episode listings on the main site to find them. Bianca specifically appears in episodes 13, 29, 30, 43, 44, 45 and 46. And yeah, for a cartoon, I like Bianca too. Except, I like her better in-game than in the anime. She's a little too pushy for my tastes (in the anime). @__@

    And I just mentioned liking the pacing because I like to read. And I hate waiting for the next chapter. hahaha. But really, it's fine. You go at whatever pace is comfortable for you. ^__^

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    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    Btw, a good way to look for anime is at animecrazy. Just cross-reference with the episode listings on the main site to find them. Bianca specifically appears in episodes 13, 29, 30, 43, 44, 45 and 46. And yeah, for a cartoon, I like Bianca too. Except, I like her better in-game than in the anime. She's a little too pushy for my tastes (in the anime). @__@
    Wow, dude, thanks for posting that. That's a great resource. I just watched my first episode of the show in like... 4 years, and I must say, the writing quality has improved greatly. There were some legitimately funny parts. I watched the one where Bianca catches her Cinccino; you're right, she's very different in the show than in the game, and pretty different even than my version. I'll try and watch a few more and maybe it'll influence my take on the character. Thanks for the reference.

    Also, I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this, given that the whole franchise is technically Japanese, but Pokemon in Japanese is weird. "Badge Case" in Japanese is apparently "badge case-oo," lol. There were a lot of things like that. Bianca's Japanese voice is a little grating; is she any better in the English dub?

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    Yay updates!

    Well I'm reviewing both chapters 4 and 5 in this post.

    Chapter 4:

    The battle scenes were very enjoyable. You had good description that didn't go overboard. The scenes themselves were just the right length. This is key since it seems you will be covering more than one battle per chapter when it comes to the gym challenge. However something that did strike me as odd was the fact that Kirlia evolved so soon. David hasn't had Kirlia for too long. I understand that they have been doing a lot of battles but it felt just a little too soon for me. But that's just a minor complaint. I also like the use of gratuitous French although I have never studied the language myself. It added to the feel of the restaurant/gym atmosphere.

    Chapter 5:

    I find it really neat how you incorporated The Beatles into your story, and as the bad guys no less! Even though I'm not a fan of them (never really heard too many of their songs), I still find it cool how you placed an important part of pop culture into Pokemon without it being cheesy. I can't wait to see more of Plasma Grunts Lennon and McCartney especially when they try to justify their actions. The fact that you are giving the point of view of the villains is pretty original.

    When Cheren and Bianca teamed up for the battle against the preschoolers, I thought I was going to see a little reaction from David. I mean even though Cheren and David are practically like brothers, the fact that David has a crush on Bianca would have an effect on him seeing Cheren team up with her instead of him. I thought David might just a brief hint of jealousy, or worry that Bianca doesn't feel the same way. That irrational fear and jealousy is common when you first start having a crush on someone.



    Overall the story is still very enjoyable and unique. I'll try to review as much as possible, although I'll probably review two chapters a post. Maybe you should make a PM list because now you have quite a following.

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    Hey everyone, couple of things I want to mention. First of all, Chapter 6, "The Dragon's Skull," is 100% written and mostly proofed. I will post it first thing tomorrow morning. It is a whopping 24 pages, making it by far the longest chapter yet. It covers everything having to do with Nacrene City and Pinwheel Forest.

    Second, I want to issue an amendment to something I said before. I mentioned a while ago that Cheren would catch his two non-starter Pokemon in the Desert Resort and the Cold Storage. I would like to amend that statement and say that he will be catching both of his Pokemon in Relic Castle. Don't let that frighten you though; it will be over the course of a 2 part chapter set, Chapter 8 "Buried Alive..." and Chapter 10 "The Legend of Gustavo Riviera." The final thing I'd like to announce is that Chapters 8 and 10 will be the two halves of a linked chapter set covering an overarching subplot. I would just like everyone to know that it will be awesome! If it turns out like I'm hoping it will, it will be probably the greatest thing I've ever written.

    Quote Originally Posted by catzeye View Post
    However something that did strike me as odd was the fact that Kirlia evolved so soon. David hasn't had Kirlia for too long. I understand that they have been doing a lot of battles but it felt just a little too soon for me. But that's just a minor complaint.
    I thought it may have been a bit soon myself, but it was a way of making the battle interesting in a non-gimmicky way. Rather than just have her spam Confusion until Pansear goes down, I thought it would make for an interesting battle. Glad to see you liked the other two though; I'm glad the battle scenes are turning out well.

    Quote Originally Posted by catzeye View Post
    I also like the use of gratuitous French although I have never studied the language myself. It added to the feel of the restaurant/gym atmosphere.
    Lol, I haven't either. That was all Google Translate. :P


    Quote Originally Posted by catzeye View Post
    I find it really neat how you incorporated The Beatles into your story, and as the bad guys no less! Even though I'm not a fan of them (never really heard too many of their songs), I still find it cool how you placed an important part of pop culture into Pokemon without it being cheesy. I can't wait to see more of Plasma Grunts Lennon and McCartney especially when they try to justify their actions. The fact that you are giving the point of view of the villains is pretty original.
    Thanks, glad you like it. I spent around 10 minutes when I was writing it trying to come up with names and I couldn't think of anything better than just the generic "Bob" and "Joe" type names (no offense to anyone with main characters named Bob and Joe, lol). I just decided in the end to go with my first idea, which was Lennon and McCartney.

    Quote Originally Posted by catzeye View Post
    Overall the story is still very enjoyable and unique. I'll try to review as much as possible, although I'll probably review two chapters a post. Maybe you should make a PM list because now you have quite a following.
    I don't know what a PM list is.

    - - - - -

    Thanks for reading, everyone. New chapter tomorrow morning. Like I said, it's a doozy, so prepare for a long read.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ChaosBlizzard View Post
    I don't know what a PM list is.
    A PM List is when you have a list of people who you PM when a new chapter comes up, so that they know and can read it as soon as they can.

    Not a lot of people use the subscribe button I guess. @__@

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    This is the original version of Chapter 6, Part 1. This chapter, to paraphrase writer/director Jon Graham when speaking of his own early works, "reeks of such excessive fail that it has been omitted from this list." This form of this chapter does not meet the same level of quality as the later chapters from this story, and is left only for posterity's sake. An updated version has been published and you are strongly encouraged to read that version instead. A link is provided below.

    Updated Version, Part 1
    Updated Version, Part 2


        Spoiler:- Original Version:
    Last edited by ChaosBlizzard; 7th January 2012 at 7:00 AM.

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    This is the original version of Chapter 6, Part 2. This chapter, to paraphrase writer/director Jon Graham when speaking of his own early works, "reeks of such excessive fail that it has been omitted from this list." This form of this chapter does not meet the same level of quality as the later chapters from this story, and is left only for posterity's sake. An updated version has been published and you are strongly encouraged to read that version instead. A link is provided below.

    Updated Version, Part 1
    Updated Version, Part 2


        Spoiler:- Original Version:
    Last edited by ChaosBlizzard; 7th January 2012 at 7:01 AM.

  22. #22
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    First, before I forget, I have two things to say.

    1. You're doing a better job with Cheren. I can see that intelligent side of him coming out, without compromising your desire to have him be a bit childish. Keep up the good work! That little bit with Bianca was pretty nice too. Definitely a good scene for the two of them.
    2. I like what you did with Lenora. Could have used some fine-tuning, but really, what can't? I wish Gamefreak had done that too.

    Burgh was also a character you got pretty spot on. Maybe add a little bit more flamboyance to his character, and to his actions, and I think you'll be good. His discussion with David was also a nice touch to the story. It brought up some interesting points. I must say I side with Burgh on this issue, but that's the beauty of Black and White. Everything is about understanding other people's points of views, despite having your own. This was a good way of incorporating that into the story; I can't wait to see how you do it in later chapters.

    One thing that gets me is that Gorm was able to fit a whole Dragonite head inside of his robe. And Burgh was able to carry it by himself. A little backstory why I say this, I read another piece of fiction that brought to my attention the weight that a real fossil would have. One person being able to carry, much less hide, the head on his own is a little out there. Not entirely your fault though; Gamefreak thinks it's wise to put a whole bicycle inside of a bag.

    N also seemed a little too much. I don't know, it might be just me, but he seems a bit forced. You have childish down pat; but something about him doesn't quite click with me. But then again, maybe that was the point. haha.

    Your battle scenes have improved! It was less like watching a Pokemon battle on my Battle Revolution game and more like watching a real battle now. The former isn't a bad thing, but the latter is much better. Keep at it! I was able to see some individuality between the two Pokemon used.

    I liked the chapter. It was pretty good, and had some humorous parts in it. I also like that you didn't follow the game's way of getting a trainer through the gym. Your riddle was much better than the stuff in-game (although I don't know if little kids can solve that so it's fine for in-game). I also like how you did some research on all the important characters. Did a brief synopsis of that in the chapter; now we just have to wait and see what you do with them when they appear. Solid chapter, I can't wait to see more!

    (I have a feeling that as your writing gets better, my reviews get less intelligent. That or I'm lazy, I'm not sure. We'll see next review. haha)

    P.S. PM lists are kind of for you. hahha. I put my PM List in the OP so that when I post a new chapter, I can just go to OP and click on the names of people that I need to send the chapter to. It's totally up to you, and your convenience.

    Feel like you need a little more Pokemon in your life? Tune into our show!
    EPISODE 55 - SLOWPOKE HOLIDAY
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    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    Burgh was also a character you got pretty spot on. Maybe add a little bit more flamboyance to his character, and to his actions, and I think you'll be good.
    Oh good. I've got a preliminary draft of most of the next chapter written, and he is a lot more, *ahem*, "flamboyant" in it.

    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    His discussion with David was also a nice touch to the story. It brought up some interesting points. I must say I side with Burgh on this issue, but that's the beauty of Black and White. Everything is about understanding other people's points of views, despite having your own. This was a good way of incorporating that into the story; I can't wait to see how you do it in later chapters.
    ...whoa... dude, you just blew my mind. Lol. I didn't even think about it like that. My mom watches HGTV a lot, and I wrote that section after watching the "final four" episode of their "Design Star" show with her. I was just feeling pissed at "artists" and what I had anticipated being a one to two paragraph exchange between them to add bulk and poke fun at artists ended up being a page and a half long dialog, lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    One thing that gets me is that Gorm was able to fit a whole Dragonite head inside of his robe. And Burgh was able to carry it by himself. A little backstory why I say this, I read another piece of fiction that brought to my attention the weight that a real fossil would have. One person being able to carry, much less hide, the head on his own is a little out there. Not entirely your fault though; Gamefreak thinks it's wise to put a whole bicycle inside of a bag.
    Well, a Dragonite is only 7'3" and 463 lbs. You have a valid point, but I can't imagine it's too heavy. Valid point though.

    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    N also seemed a little too much. I don't know, it might be just me, but he seems a bit forced. You have childish down pat; but something about him doesn't quite click with me. But then again, maybe that was the point. haha.
    I should probably explain about that. I read this Pokemon fan fiction comic called Black Adventures (see my signature), and N is a main character in it. He and the player (Black) are traveling around through a modified version of the vanilla game, but one of the big twists is that N is extremely gay and in love with Black, and at this point that has really colored my perception of the character. It's hard for me to write N straight now, but I'll try to rein him in.

    That's also where the "mile long cleavage" comment about Bianca came from in Chapter 1. There was a strip that had come out right around the time that was written that takes place in Undella Town, and there's a scene where Bianca ("Bel" in Black Adventures) was bending over in a swimsuit. Many of the comments pointed out her... *ahem*... assets, and made for a very funny dialog between the readers in the comment section. As one of the comments read, "Bel has a mile of cleavage and I am completely okay with this." I wanted to repurpose that line, but it kinda just came out weird.

    Anyway, glad to see you liked the chapter. I have orientations tomorrow and Friday, so the next chapter will hopefully be out some time Saturday. As it stands right now, the dialog is, imo, some of the best I've done; the battles scenes need a little polish right now though. Hope you guys will like it.

    Quote Originally Posted by NACHOE! View Post
    P.S. PM lists are kind of for you. hahha. I put my PM List in the OP so that when I post a new chapter, I can just go to OP and click on the names of people that I need to send the chapter to. It's totally up to you, and your convenience.
    I guess I'll do that then. Anyone who wants on, just PM me. Nachoe, I'll just assume you want on since you comment on every post, lol. :P My biggest fan.

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    Chap 5/6 reviews.

    Okay, so there wasn't a whole lot to CH 5, but you really got the battles right. I commend you on that. Interesting going with the shiny Zubat, too. Classic Bianca, though I don't find the Shiny version to be cute at all. Bianca totally needs a bubblegum pink Crobat though. Just sayin'.

    Part of me was a little off about the theft scene. On the one hand, I've been in elementaries, and there's nothing so scary as a pack fo kids swarming your knees. On the other, a dumbstruck robbery is not unheard of. Some Union soldiers walked off with a train during the Cuivil War, and the entire town stood there on the platform and watched it roll away...

    Just my take on it. It's not bad, just not my cup of tea, I guess.

    I know the others commented on Cheren being more intelligent, but I have an extreme urge to bash him upside the head with an encyclopedia britannica, to dumb him down a bit.

    And, (John) Lennon and (Paul) McCartney and Bianca saying Hail Hail ROck and Roll is a cheep pun. We've hung for less than that...

    ---

    Chapter 6.

    Pre battle, and the last line of his, I'm in love with you're version of N.

    I, um… oh… I uh… haven’t… caught any other… um… Pokémon…” David stammered, looking at the ground.

    “Oh you haven’t?! How wonderful! I knew you were a good person, not wanting to keep the Pokémon trapped under our control. I like you even more, my friend. How about it then, will you battle me with Paula?” N said excitedly.
    This, is classic. However, about the time he began the match, N turned about as mushy as a bowl of mashed potatoes in the rain. It was too sweet and "Goody Goody". Then again, so is he, but it lost soemthing in translation. Also, I think Tynamo have levitate, so he didn't have to beflopping on the ground like a Magikarp.

    The Author's note being stuck in the middle of the page like that is kinda disruptive. Not that I iknow anything about R v. B anyway, so the reference is lost on me. Still, sticking it under a spoiler tag or putting it in an asterisks and sticking it on the bottom of this post is not a bad idea.

    Lenora doesn't read right to me, but I think I like Burgh better than the anime. So, WIN! there.

    “Only on Tuesdays, master. Only on Tuesdays.” she replied with a chuckle.
    I think I want a Paula to call my very own. But I'd be afraid of my characters being a straight rip.

    Munchlax:Eating his way to the Elite 4, one opponent at a time. Would that be a Spit-Up attack?

    Oh, and this is by no means a deal-breaker, but I find the swearing a bit in poor taste. (as opposed to alternative expletives) Again, that's stylistic preferences, nothing more, but it did catch my attention, and this is a review. All the warningsare right, it's inline with SPPf's requirements, justmy personal preferences.
    Now, for something a bit different. I'm gonna review... a review.

    NACHOEI writes:

    One thing that gets me is that Gorm was able to fit a whole Dragonite head inside of his robe. And Burgh was able to carry it by himself. A little backstory why I say this, I read another piece of fiction that brought to my attention the weight that a real fossil would have. One person being able to carry, much less hide, the head on his own is a little out there. Not entirely your fault though; Gamefreak thinks it's wise to put a whole bicycle inside of a bag.
    On bycivcles, look at this: http://www.popsci.com/gear-amp-gadge...ommuting-needs There's your Bycicle-in-a-bag. Tables, chairs, tents, the kitchen sink, you'll have to talk to Fibber-Magee. The part I really wantewd to iscuss though, was the comment of the fossil's weight. Keep in mind, Dragonair can "fly" without wings, and those stumpy things on Dragonite's back ain't worth squat. I'm betting that the weight of a Dragonite's head is much less than a counterpart dinosaur of the same rough size, being of a lighterweight but tougher cartilidge/bone, so that flying is much easier. Or not.

    And remember, we're talking about a seven foot tall fire, breathing, ice breathing, lighning summoning lizard with a two foot wingspan. At some point, science goes out the window with the baby and the bathwater...

    EDIT: I'm still on the fence about PM lists, I'm used to the good old fashioned Subscriptions. It does get around the un-desired reviews and goes straight for the chaoter though.
    Last edited by Glover; 2nd September 2011 at 7:58 AM.
        Spoiler:- Breeding stuff:

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Where the voices tell me to go
    Posts
    11

    Default

    Just a comment on the whole story.

    David seems to have eally cooled down over Bianca. I mean, shouldn't he have felt something when Cheren and Bianca go one way, while he's stuck with a philosophoical gym leader romping through the forest? Or just little jealous of Cheren?

    *mini-rant over*

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