9th January 2012, 2:29 PM
WHEW! Finally have some time to actually sit down and write a review. Good thing iMovie's taking a while; gives me the time (iMovie? *wink wink*). I'm not sure right now (writing this particular part of the post), but I hope it's a post that you'll either learn from or appreciate. I prefer appreciate, but learning's cool too?
Anyways, ON TO THE REVIEW!
1. (I'm going to start with Chapter 23). VERY clever idea. For starters, I could not get the rhythm of the original story out of my head for hours. I was sitting there thinking to myself with that rhythm in my head. Definitely a cool thing to do for a Christmas themed story.
2. Despite how clever it was, some parts didn't seem to fit, or seem to really flow. But I also understand how difficult it is to keep everything as close to the right amount of syllables and still make sense, so I don't blame you. Just thought you'd like to know.
3. It was a little difficult for me because I wanted everything to follow the actual rhythm of the original story, and sometimes (how I read it) it didn't fit. But even with that, it was a very nice, entertaining read. It was nice how you kept it in canon too, instead of just throwing it in there randomly and calling it a Christmas thing. If anything, I found quite a bit of the poem/song/verse/whatever quite witty. And the ending; O_O. It's ok, we're adults here (well. Speaking at least for you and I, assuming you're 18. I'm 19). I always find that part of normal life a bit awkward in Pokemon, although it's not bad at all to include it. Your inclusion of it was at least very vague, and swept under the rug. Not the important part of the story, but something nice for the David/Bianca fans out there. (:
4. Overall, the Bianca's Bianco Natale was a very interesting read. Humorous breaks in the fourth wall, some nice interaction with all the Pokemon along with the actual trainers, some David/Bianca fluff. Oh, and of course, it was Christmas themed! Very cool of you not to exclude that. Christmas specials are always awesome.
Ok, so now we move on to Chapter 22. I've read a few B/W Remake stories, and by far, this is one of the best I've read of this specific part. Only rival is CoffeeIncluded's Alphabet Soup on ff.net, but I still loved this one.
1. This chapter was definitely one of your best chapters. Maybe not my favorite, but it was one of your best.
2. Your lead on was great! You led everyone on, thinking that they were going to just breeze right through like you did in the game. Nuh uh. You let us believe that with the first fight; then you threw everyone into the hell-hole. Not at all expected, and definitely a very nice touch.
3. In regards to those fights, your description throughout was wonderful! I really loved the fights, and your description of them was really nice. I again most add that I love your inclusion of the in-game mechanics while writing these things. It happens in the games for a reason! One nitpick; Iron Defense raises Defense. Why would Focus Blast (or was it Psychic?) barely hurt Boldore just because of Iron Defense? Boldore do not have the best Sp. Defense either. It kind of threw me off when Iron Defense saved it so greatly that Sturdy was still able to take affect. Maybe Protect would have been better? I dunno, in-story universe is also something that you've done very nicely with, so I wouldn't be shocked if you had some in-story explanation. Either way, it was an awesome fight.
4. You just rock these evolutions, don't you? Umbreon's evolution was awesome. But Fraxure's evolution was. So fitting. So beautifully written. And it fit so well! Axew's inability to frickin just nick Gurdurr causing it to keep Dragon Dancing just to boost its power. But to no avail; the steel pillar keeps it out of reach. But you use those Dragon Dances to evolve Axew? And turn it into this killing machine? MAN! I just. I really liked how it all went down! Then he frickin turns around and murders everything. Just. Wow! I was mind-blown while reading that part. It was really, really, really beautifully written. I'm not sure if that was grammatically correct, but the point gets across, no? Umbreon's evolution ties with this one for best evolution so far. (:
5. Now, let's talk about a killer-god coming to life, right before your eyes, by the guy who's saying you gotta beat him and before mentioned killer-god to save the world. Actually, let's not. You already did, and David's reaction, Bianca's reaction, Alder and everyone barring Cheren's reactions were spot on. I would not be excited to be alive at that point in time, nor would I be excited to be any of them. And then, as if to prove your point that Cheren very easily could have, should have, would have been perfectly capable of being the Hero of Truth. But, as if to show some character building, you get him to encourage David. I really liked that little touch in the story.
6. Besides the evolution, one thing that really impressed me in this chapter was N & Ghetsis. I love that you tried to include a father-son, king-sage relationship between the two. N genuinely showed his care for Ghetsis, and how he actually valued his father. Ghetsis seems to have some kind of attachment to N, although nowhere near as much as he is attached to the fact that he is this close to ruling the world, but it's still there nonetheless. And then the thing between Ghetsis and the grunts; adding that in there was smart. They are N's men; why would they listen to Ghetsis. Reading this part got me thinking about just how intimidating Ghetsis would be in real life. He got them to listen to them by glaring. Whoa, everyone back off! We got a bad-*** over here!
7. I think one of your oversights was that you had very little interaction between N and Zekrom at his reawakening. Wait. I'm this almighty, powerful, killer-god, and this little boy comes out and calls me a monster? Why don't I show him what a monster is? Or maybe show the connection between N and Zekrom? There had to have been something personal between the two.
Granted, it's a very rushed seen, everything's blowing up out of control, and it's kind of hard to do that. And it would seem a bit out of place I guess, considering the gravity of the situation. But it's something to nitpick on?
Anyways, very good two chapters that I missed reviewing. They were good reads. I read Chapter 23 to Ren. She liked it. (:
Ok, so I'm going to go work on those character submissions. I might send in. Like. 50. But I know for sure I'm sending in two. And I have to read the new chapters, although they might not be a huge priority. Although I'm definitely reading them. (:
Good luck with everything! I really like what you're doing with fan fiction. All these little things that you're doing for and with the readers. Very cool. (: And thanks for the StriatonRadio shout out! And I looked at the titles. 8)
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