Chronicles of Unova (PG-15)

[ChaosBlizzard]

Hey everyone; new chapter soon, just wanted to respond to some comments.

Really? You went there? I like Snubbull for the role, and they'ere much better characters than CN gave them credit for, and it's a really nice fit for the Tricksters, but did you really have to bring up a painful cartoon like that?

How is Courage a "painful cartoon?"

Alright, this chapter was a lot shorter than the rest,

Anyways, despite the length....

They can't all be 2+ parts. It is still nearly 50,000 characters and 16+ pages which, no offense to anyone else out there, is a fair shine more than most stories.

but the whole Galvantula was very good, and touching in a way. I hope Bianca can come to accept it's form. The idea of a pokemon that is usually feared and considered ugly, and having David accept it was very nice.

Expect to see more of this as time goes on. Bianca and Galvantula aren't done together yet.

Oh and I was just curious, what else do you have in store for us once the initial black/white game story is done, I know you said that the characters would participate in the elite four a second time, but will there be anything after that? Perhaps a journey to a new region? Anyways, great chapter CB!

In the actual games, you battle the Elite Four once, deal with N, and then the credits roll. At that point, you are given the ability to go past Opelucid City/Nimbasa City to the east and explore that portion of the region. When you're done, you battle the E4 again, battle Alder, and then the game is truly "over." Part one is titled "Main Game," part two is "Post-Game," and that's all you're getting out of me for right now.

Also, no offense to anyone who has said this in the past (because you didn't know), but please don't call me "CB." Personal pet peeve; the biggest asshole I ever knew was named that. Like... not just an asshole, but like... sadistic and cruel. I just don't like being reminded of him.

Space reserved so that i can just edit in later that I'm about to read this, although i did read the Author's Note.

Waiting... lol.

You really made Cheren seem like an arrogant jerk in this chapter, although he didn't seem this bad in the games.

And tell Cheren to stop being a dick!

Why did you think Cheren was so bad in this chapter? He wasn't supposed to be, and I don't personally see it. Cheren was just supposed to be... Cheren, in this one; he was there, but he wasn't really anything one way or the other. I dunno how to phrase it...

* * *

Edit: I forgot to mention this in the last AC's, but after writing the last chapter, I felt compelled to go catch a female Pikachu and nickname it "Biancachu."

[jstinftw!]

Edit: I forgot to mention this in the last AC's, but after writing the last chapter, I felt compelled to go catch a female Pikachu and nickname it "Biancachu."

Hahah! That would be perfect!

Anyways late review.... Heheh, yeah. Sorry about that. I started my review last night, but then my friend (David on the podcast) logged on and I remembered that we had to get his team ready for Regionals (and then he decided he's not going for the Autumn one, he'll just go during Spring).

So yeah, sorry. Might as well just post a new comment so that you know I posted. ^__^

Anyways, here's the review! First of all, while this may not be your favorite chapter, it's actually one of my favorites. The whole plot of the story was so good, and the execution of things were perfect. Dialogue, description, backstory, even the reference to Courage was awesome (I wish Courage had played a bigger role, but he definitely fit the part. haha). So, for my more traditional, yet, probably difficult to read, style of reviewing, I number.

1. Galvantula's evolution was a great addition to the chapter. Yes, Joltik was recently caught, but his evolution only added to the chapter. And your reasoning for it was also very sound, so there really isn't a problem with it. I actually liked it. Oh, and once again, very good job with giving Gal a personality. I like his personality, actually. And Bianca's reaction to him was priceless. At least I found it really funny. ^_^

2. Whole scene with Thundurus and Tornadus v. David and Joltik/Galvantula? Very nice. I really don't see why you didn't like this chapter more. All the effects were slightly cliche, but not in a "Oh, I've seen this before, boring!" kind of way, but in a "It's obvious what happens, but it's so interesting the way he puts describes it and allows things to unfold" kind of way. If that makes sense.

First of all, the weather that played into effect was so climactic, and added to the visuals that readers may get while reading. It was a lot like the scene where Ash and Pikachu were cycling to get to the Pokemon Center and Pikachu Thunderbolted all the Spearow. And then the personalities that you gave each of the Kamis was really nice. The two Pranksers (haha) and the older brother. And the little game that took place between David and Gal and Thundurus. That was really cool.

Basically, I like this scene a lot.

3. This chapter is just another testimony to your creativeness. You are given a premise from the canon game/storyline. And you work your own little magic into it, allowing it to be both original and not too out there. Despite this being one of your shortest chapters, I feel it's one of your best.

4. Expanding on my earlier comment on your referencing CtCD, that was very. Cool. For lack of brain power to fuel better word choice. I really like how you were able to do that, and how even though it wasn't major, you still took the time to try and incorporate that in. It wasn't choppy either; they were very believable characters. Although, I must say that Eustace (after his initial reaction to the Kamis) was a bit quiet, while Courage wasn't very cowardly. Which wasn't bad, I was just excited to see what you'd do with the Cowardly Dog part of the reference. But it's really nothing that takes away from the chapter. haha

5. You called them 'Kamis' instead of 'Genies.' Very good of you. hahha

6. The cute little scene in the end was very. Well, cute. haha. I liked it a lot, mainly because I'm a sucker for lovers. Although, I must say, it's a little awkward for that whole scene to happen while everyone's just looking on on them. @__@ But besides that, it was nice. I like how it played out as well. Silly Paula.

Overall, again, one of my favorite chapters from you. There's not really anything to say bad about this chapter. I think there was a typo somewhere but it wasn't bad enough that I couldn't understand (technically, nothing that Alex the Mac couldn't understand). Great job, and I can't wait for the next one!

*skips over to the OP to check the title of the next chapter*

P.S. I get internets for understanding the Courage reference? SO COOL! I've always wanted interenets!

[darenn2]

add me on pm list please. Your story is one of the best i have read. Only the Verger saga (3 stories) by blue bongo at fanfiction.net can spare with you. Keep up the good work.
Darenn

[mudkips]

“It’s too bad we never had to use it before now…” Bianca chimed up, frowning. “The weather has always been so nice when we’ve had to camp out that we’ve never needed it; do you boys still even remember how to set it up?” she continued. Cheren raised his eyebrow and turned to look at her as they walked.

“‘You boys?’” he asked. “You have to help us too you know, Bianca.” he continued. “I have no qualms with kicking you out in the rain if you don’t help us…” he said with a small laugh sarcastically, but David took it literally and shot him an angry glare.

“I do.” he said sharply. “You’d make a lady do manual labor out in the middle of the mountains in late autumn with a storm coming in, and then kick her out in the rain if she didn’t sufficiently enough? How chivalrous of you…” he continued. Bianca smiled and subtly brushed her hand up against David’s at his comment; David smiled back briefly, but Cheren interrupted, oblivious to their gestures.

“You’ve been letting Paula get to you with all her ‘Victorian etiquette’ bullshit now that she’s a Gardevoir, haven’t you?” he asked. “Pardon my pragmatism, but I think those conditions exemplify exactly the kind of situation where it’d be all-hands-on-deck. ‘Chivalry’ has no place out here.” he continued. “Ever since you two became an item, you’ve been getting more and more soft, David. Bianca used to do guy stuff with us when we were kids in Nuvema Town, remember? What’s next, you gonna start reading Cosmopolitan Clefairy and Vespiquen Vogue too?” he asked mockingly. David stared at him vacantly.

“Uh… yeah, Bianca used to do guy stuff with us as kids in Nuvema Town, Cheren, but the key words there are ‘as kids.’” he said carefully. “We used to sneak up behind you and yank your little Togepi tighty-whiteys up over your head when you weren’t looking back then too, but we grew up, Cheren; we’re 18-years-old now and adults. You and I aren’t little kids anymore and Bianca’s a grown woman. I guess if you want to still be a kid though, that’s fine; what do you say, Bianca? Want to go for an old grab-and-yank for old time’s sake?” he asked fiendishly. Bianca laughed in a deep tone but Cheren moved away nervously out of habit. David laughed too at his friend’s residual fear.

“Goddamn it, you assholes, don’t!” Cheren said, quickly stepping out of their reach and putting his hands over his butt. “Fine, Bianca can sit on her fat *** and eat bonbons while we fight with that stupid tent if it’ll make you feel like a big man; just don’t screw with my underwear…” he continued timidly. There was a kind of whine to his voice that made David and Bianca both crack up laughing.

“Well I think it’s very sweet of David, Cheren.” Bianca mused softly as they finished laughing. “It’s not about ‘gender roles’ or ‘division of work,’ it’s called ‘being polite to girls,’ and I appreciate it.” she continued. Cheren rolled his eyes and relaxed his stance.

“Of course you do; you’re not the one who’s going to have to fight with that tent…” he muttered, but they didn’t hear him.

This proves that Cheren is a dick. :P I personally saw him as a dick here. Half of this doesn't seem like Cheren is joking...

“What?!” she shouted. “What did you- WHOOOA!” she screamed. She stepped right into the mud and felt her foot slide out from under her. She slipped and fell face-first into the damp soil, covering her whole body in it. She coughed and choked as she rose, spitting a little bit of mud out of her mouth. Cheren kept running, pretending to be unaware of her fall, but David stopped and doubled back to help her; he grabbed her hand and pulled her up, helping her run the rest of the way to the cabin. Upon reaching the awning over the porch, the group stopped to catch their breath.

Truth edited in

“My name is Bian-ca-CHOO!”

Yes, yes it is!!!

“David, I know you care a lot about Bianca and so do I, but it’s a pretty big logical jump from ‘she shouldn’t have to help us set up the tent because she’s a girl’ to ‘I’m going to go screw with a pair of spiteful Legendaries to try and save her life.’ Weigh the risks, man; is being the big macho ‘protector/provider’ role worth getting yourself killed too?” he asked. David considered his words, but approached Muriel slowly after a moment of silence. He knelt down to her height in the chair and took a hold of her hands to calm her.

WHOA, CHEATING ON BIANCA, EH?!?!?

JK

“Joltik, are you alri-” David started to ask as he rose gingerly, but Joltik acted before he could finish his question. As a return show of strength, Joltik began to bristle and concentrate. Not to be outdone, after a moment of charge, another wicked lightning bolt dropped from the sky. This one wasn’t Thundurus’ doing however; with the downpour of rain to aide him, Joltik had taught himself Thunder.

Joltik can't learn thunder... I would have made him learn it as a gavantula if I was writing this.

Joltik had always been strong, but David had just assumed he was a powerful species. In truth, he had been a powerhouse long before David ever met him; doing battle with the Legendary was simply enough to push him over the edge. His small body began to shine in the dark night air, illuminating the clearing. His tiny body melded away into nothing more than a wisp of light; it began to grow much larger in size as the characteristic blue rings associated with evolution started to wrap around him. Several large, muscular legs stretched out from his expanding, bulbous body, and two large feelers grew from his mouth. As he grew in size, the rings started to circle faster; Joltik’s evolution shortly became complete, shrouding the landscape in a momentary wash of light. In his place atop the hill when the process concluded stood the large, imposing form of a Galvantula; Joltik had evolved.

Though David couldn’t see that far, Galvantula reopened his eyes and utilized his Compoundeyes ability to scan the sky for his foe; though it was faint, he managed to spot Thundurus breaching through the lower portion of the clouds across the valley. Thundurus took aim, careful to not miss or let his foe divert the stream again; growling with contempt, he roared and launched the final bolt. It sailed clean and true towards the newly evolved Galvantula, many miles away. Galvantula traced it with careful focus from his Compoundeyes as it moved; he would only have a split second to react before it reached him. Galvantula let his intuition take over and moved again without thought. Against all of Thundurus’ might to stop him, the stream of lightning bent at a sharp angle just before reaching his foe. Galvantula sprang out of the way on his powerful new array of legs to keep from being struck. He turned in midair and diverted it a second time to strike the seeds behind him. From David’s perspective, one instant Galvantula was waiting atop the mound of dirt where the seeds were planted, and the next a stream of lighting was striking the hill, bending in a perfect A-frame towards the sky. Before he knew it, his Pokémon was standing by his side, breathing heavily but grinning at his success; the clap of thunder followed a second later, echoing through the foothills.

THIS. IS EPIC! But, isn't it early for joltik to evolve, catching it at lv. 23 or whatever in chargestone cave?

“I did?” Bianca asked after a moment. “…I did?!” she continued in surprise. After another pause, she spoke up again quietly. “…he did?” she said, looking down in embarrassment. A small grin began to spread across her face. She looked up at David and stared right in his eyes; her gaze felt extraordinarily piercing

“Goddamn it, Paula, why did you do that?” he started to say telepathically, but she just smiled at him again wryly and giggled.

And YOU said Paula wasn't a troll...

JK


Great chapter overall, but it seems a bit short (most are 2 pages, but w/e quality of writing still looks great) The only big slop I can see is Joltik learning thunder.

[Hilijix]

Woo hoo! I got an internet! You know what I'm gonna do now? I'm gonna do an internet! *clicks and gets blasted by a rainbow* I know what I'm going to name a Male Snubbul next time I get one now...

Thanks, and I agree, but "lampshades?" I don't think I know that phrase.

It's a TV Tropes term. It means "pointing out something exists in the story, regardless of logic"

I didn't really see Cheren as that big of a jerk; at least enough to get notable. He always is...

I agree with Dr. Chaos, Munchlax should be evolving soon. It may be because David hasn't used him much, but traveling from the Pinwheel Forest to almost Twist Mountain, with some additional detours, should make him pretty happy. Or maybe you're going to make the happiness be actual happiness, not in-game styled. It's most likely you spacing out evolutions, which is understandable.

Outstanding chapter as always. Even though it is "short" it's longer than the average fan-fic writer's average chapter. I didn't find it short. I must ask out of curiosity, is this the last we'll be seeing of the trio?

[ChaosBlizzard]

This proves that Cheren is a dick. :P I personally saw him as a dick here. Half of this doesn't seem like Cheren is joking...

No offense, but I assume based on this that you have, shall we say, "limited" experience with teenage boys. That's just how we act towards each other. They say "write about what you know," so I am (hence why this is just a retelling of BW, lol).

Joltik can't learn thunder... I would have made him learn it as a gavantula if I was writing this.

Galvantula can't either, lol. Thundurus "taught" him, we'll say.

THIS. IS EPIC! But, isn't it early for joltik to evolve, catching it at lv. 23 or whatever in chargestone cave?

Joltik in Chargestone Cave are found between levels 24 and 27 according to PokeEarth. As I said before, they evolve starting at Level 36. Given that they are going to be fighting Brycen soon, that puts everyone around the mid-to-high thirties, which means this was canonically approximately the right time for him to evolve. As I already explained though, if I didn't do it here, I wouldn't have had another opportunity until Opelucid, which would be far too late. I figured too early but numerically correct was better than too late.

I agree with Dr. Chaos, Munchlax should be evolving soon. It may be because David hasn't used him much, but traveling from the Pinwheel Forest to almost Twist Mountain, with some additional detours, should make him pretty happy. Or maybe you're going to make the happiness be actual happiness, not in-game styled. It's most likely you spacing out evolutions, which is understandable.

The next Gym uses Ice-types, and Munchlax's main move is Fire Punch, plus his ability is Thick Fat; I'll let you guys draw your own assumptions from that.

(p.s. I think I actually stated a long time ago that he'd evolve around Icirrus )

[Chalant]

The best fanfic that I have ever read. Just one drawback:Your sig is a huge spoiler.

[jstinftw!]

The best fanfic that I have ever read. Just one drawback:Your sig is a huge spoiler.

Hahaha, yeah, pretty much. But honestly, everyone has all their Pokemon already. It's not too much of a giveaway. Of course they're going to evolve all their Pokemon.

But at the time CB put that in his sig, I think Bianca and David were both still lacking one Pokemon. But that's all fixed now. ^_^

[Chalant]

Hahaha, yeah, pretty much. But honestly, everyone has all their Pokemon already. It's not too much of a giveaway. Of course they're going to evolve all their Pokemon.

But at the time CB put that in his sig, I think Bianca and David were both still lacking one Pokemon. But that's all fixed now. ^_^

I saw the sig when the first chapter ended, so i got kinda disappointed.

[mudkips]

No offense, but I assume based on this that you have, shall we say, "limited" experience with teenage boys. That's just how we act towards each other. They say "write about what you know," so I am (hence why this is just a retelling of BW, lol).

I thought they were around age te- Oh, yeah, nvm, their 18 in this story LOL
*Facepalm*
Edit: I was just playing B/W and it says I'm 80 something pounds, and well, umm yeah

Gavantula can't either, lol. Thundurus "taught" him, we'll say.

Yeah, it can learn thunder. Check smogon. That's the ONLY reason to use him.

Joltik in Chargestone Cave are found between levels 24 and 27 according to PokeEarth. As I said before, they evolve starting at Level 36. Given that they are going to be fighting Brycen soon, that puts everyone around the mid-to-high thirties, which means this was canonically approximately the right time for him to evolve. As I already explained though, if I didn't do it here, I wouldn't have had another opportunity until Opelucid, which would be far too late. I figured too early but numerically correct was better than too late.

Well okay than. I see your logic.

[jstinftw!]

I saw the sig when the first chapter ended, so i got kinda disappointed.

Ahhhh, I see. Well, the storyline behind each of them are generally very interesting, so he's really just spoiling what Pokemon they each get. You'll still enjoy how everything goes down. ^__^

[ChaosBlizzard]

Yeah, it can learn thunder. Check smogon. That's the ONLY reason to use him.

Yeah, Compoundeyes + Thunder for 91% accuracy; why do you think I mentioned Compoundeyes in the same breath during the scene against Thundurus? I meant that neither can learn it via level-up; they both get it, but via TM.

And it isn't the only reason; 108 Speed and useful STABs are nice too.

EDIT:

Ahhhh, I see. Well, the storyline behind each of them are generally very interesting, so he's really just spoiling what Pokemon they each get. You'll still enjoy how everything goes down. ^__^

You shouldn't look at this and think "Aww, now I know Megan Fox is in this, ergo the plot is spoiled for me," you should go "Hey, Megan Fox! Now I can look at explosions and boobs for two hours!"

[mudkips]

Yeah, Compoundeyes + Thunder for 91% accuracy; why do you think I mentioned Compoundeyes in the same breath during the scene against Thundurus? I meant that neither can learn it via level-up; they both get it, but via TM.

And it isn't the only reason; 108 Speed and useful STABs are nice too.

Oops! Actually, joltik can't learn thunder in any way, but gavantula can, is what I'm trying to say No, I'm serious, joltik can't learn thunder at all! Also, because it's in the rain, wouldn't compound eyes be irrelevant?

And @ 108 speed and useful STAB's-Gavantula's relatively low attacking stats and awful movepool, not to mention SR weakness outweighs the benefits that you stated. Usually.

Edit: LOL @ second part of your post

[jstinftw!]

this[/url] and think "Aww, now I know Megan Fox is in this, ergo the plot is spoiled for me," you should go "Hey, Megan Fox! Now I can look at explosions and boobs for two hours!"

Hahaha! Well, there we go. I gave the explanation, he gave the example. hahah

[Glover]

You shouldn't look at this and think "Aww, now I know Megan Fox is in this, ergo the plot is spoiled for me," you should go "Hey, Megan Fox! Now I can look at explosions and boobs for two hours!"

1) Depite being a Transfan, I've never seen that poster, though I knew that's what you were going for before I even hit the link. And thank you, for using the sequel and not the original (best as far as plot, but lacking much thereof) and better of the trio.

2) reasons to use Galvantula:

When you tie up a criminal with an Ariados, the criminal squirms a bit until he's free, and/or his accomplice comes along, the accomplice pulls out a knife and says "Here, I'll just cut this webbing and you'll be free."

When you tie up a criminal with a Galvantula, the criminal suiroms until the 180volts hits him, and/or his accomplice comes along, the accomplice pulls out a knife and says "Here, I'll just cut this web- AIIYYEE!!!!" *Bzzt* "Ow." *Bzzt*

[ChaosBlizzard]

And thank you, for using the sequel and not the original (best as far as plot, but lacking much thereof) and better of the trio

I Googled "Transformers movie poster" and clicked on the first one with Megan Fox in it; I know nothing about the movies or their plots or whatever, and didn't see anything past the first one.

[Glover]

Hey, I missed your earlire reply, but I could never get into Courage, It was, well, odd in a pseudo-morbid kind of way, and every episode followed the same recipe (oh look, I'm sounding like Cilan): Old guy beats on dog, humans scream, monster appears, dog saves humans, dog gets pummeled. No real development there for much of anyone, except the dog. The mythos they used was kinda cool, but they got more development than Eustence for sure, and usually Muriel too.

COem to think of it, your homage characters have more development in them than the entire series had.

Anyway, about that review:

“‘You boys?’” he asked. “You have to help us too you know, Bianca.” he continued. “I have no qualms with kicking you out in the rain if you don’t help us…” he said with a small laugh sarcastically, but David took it literally and shot him an angry glare.

Sorry, I'm closer to Cheren than David on this one. I'm fine with not having Bianca doing the hard physical labor, I definately wouldn't trust her with a sharp axe for example, but a camping trio is a trio not a duo+guest.

you gonna start reading Cosmopolitan Clefairy and Vespiquen Vogue too?” he asked mockingly. David stared at him vacantly.

Personal quirk, whike I enjoy the twists on classic real names, these two titles don't lend themselves to species names. Alliteration, but in Moderation. For example, I wouldn't be off-put by Ford's musclecar being called a Rapidash instead of a Mustang, though Mustang and Stallion might still apply in the PKMN world, but Cosmo is Cosmo, Vogueis Vogue, and they lose something when you added Clefairy and Vespiquen to them.

“Uh… yeah, Bianca used to do guy stuff with us as kids in Nuvema Town, Cheren, but the key words there are ‘as kids.’” he said carefully. “We used to sneak up behind you and yank your little Togepi tighty-whiteys up over your head when you weren’t looking back then too, but we grew up, Cheren; we’re 18-years-old now and adults. You and I aren’t little kids anymore and Bianca’s a grown woman. I guess if you want to still be a kid though, that’s fine; what do you say, Bianca? Want to go for an old grab-and-yank for old time’s sake?” he asked fiendishly. Bianca laughed in a deep tone but Cheren moved away nervously out of habit. David laughed too at his friend’s residual fear.

He said, he said, said is getting reptitive across chapters, and when you've got work as good as this, it sticks out. Maybe replacing it with "He [David] chose his words carefully" On that note though, funny scene, and poor Cheren deserves it.

“Yeah… yeah, I’m okay…” she rasped. “It’s this skirt; I can’t stretch my legs very far in it.”

Aaannddd Bianca realizes what the entire fandom has been trying to tell her for the entire release...

Thoroughly stirred from his nap now, Courage rose and hopped up on Muriel’s lap to be pet.

I was taught petted. May be different for you.

“Your friend has caught the Kami’s Curse.” Muriel said ominously.

From an insider perspecctive, Omnoiously seems repetitive. Maybe it's just that I know the references to COurage, and that it's needed from an outsider relation, but you've already shown us Ominous and Foreboding through David's persistant questioning, and "Said Omniously" was immediately met with "Oh? You don't say? Or rather, you did say, and that's the problem." Personally, I think you can cut the scene at the quotation mark and get a much more effective dramatic pause.

“When she fell in the mud out there, did she accidentally swallow any of it?” Muriel asked quietly. David nodded, causing her to sigh. “Maybe it is out of spite, I don’t know, but Tornadus and Thundurus do not use regular rainwater for their storms. Legends tell of people occasionally getting sick when they ingest the water. There is something they put in it that has a very adverse reaction on certain people; they call it the Kami’s Curse.”

The Professor in me is wanting to call this an old native explanation for what modern folk know as Acid Rain. It could also be fertilizer, which is how Landorus works. Maybe it's his trick on those two, and they don't know it?

“Some people can drink it by the gallon and be fine, but others are effected almost instantly.

Affected... Wait... *Looks it up* Yep. It's affected, not effected.

“Bianca could DIE from this?!” he stammered in surprise. “What are you waiting for? What’s the cure?!” he asked. Muriel lowered her head and sighed yet again.

Aww... after doing Ominous and Forboding so well, I don't get stammered at all. For best effect, I'd either move "David Stammered" to the head of the sentence so I know to read it as stammering, or go extremely heavy on the commas. Personally, I like commas, but if proper punctuation is your OCD, then move the phrase. Otherwise, I read ti with great shock, then see stammered and have to go back and reread that scene.

“What. Is. It?” he said again slowly and commandingly. Muriel lowered her head and began to reply.

Bingo!

“While I do not wish to aggravate the situation, I believe she is correct, master.” Paula spoke up timidly. “I cannot break through and reach Ms. Bianca’s mind as I could when you were rendered unconscious in Relic Castle. I am keeping her stable for the moment with my Heal Pulse, but there is no forward momentum.”

Strictly from a continuity standpoint, but this seems obvious, and two completely different things.

“David, I know you care a lot about Bianca and so do I, but it’s a pretty big logical jump from ‘she shouldn’t have to help us set up the tent because she’s a girl’ to ‘I’m going to go screw with a pair of spiteful Legendaries to try and save her life.’ Weigh the risks, man; is being the big macho ‘protector/provider’ role worth getting yourself killed too?” he asked. David considered his words, but approached Muriel slowly after a moment of silence. He knelt down to her height in the chair and took a hold of her hands to calm her.

Really? When has "Gee, she was nice. Too bad, she's dead now" EVER gotten you any brownie points?

“Muriel, I’m going.” he said. “I can use my Joltik to draw Thundurus’ lightning from a safe distance and I don’t have to go far. Please just tell me where the seeds are.” he continued. Muriel dried her eyes and pointed to a kitchen cabinet.

Okay, now I'm nitpicky, and you're limited in options, but short of a Pokemon with Lightningrod, that can't work, outside of being a higher charge than the objects around them.

David stepped outside and shut the door behind him. The rain and lightning had slowed a bit, but picked up again strongly as David reemerged; Tornadus and Thundurus certainly deserved the “prankster” moniker Muriel had described them with.

Moniker really isn't a description. The line reads better as "Tornadus and Thundurus certainly deserved the rankster moniker Muriel had given them."

and lightning strikes hit the mountainside in the distance seemingly every dozen seconds or so. David put these things out of his mind however and thought only of Bianca’s innocent, all-consuming beauty, focusing on his motivation for doing this in the first place;

those things?

Also, I really don't get what he sees in her...

the Legendary Kami flung bolt after bolt at his foes with rage burning in his eyes, much to his brother’s annoyance.

"Would you just let this go already?"
"NO! I've Got this!"
"Seriously? You aren't gonna hit them. Let me..."
"NO! I SAID I"VE GOT THIS."

Thundurus took aim, careful to not miss or let his foe divert the stream again. Growling with contempt, he roared and launched the final bolt.

the stream of lightning bent at a sharp angle just before reaching his foe. Galvantula sprang out of the way on his powerful new array of legs to keep from being struck. He turned in midair and diverted it a second time to strike the seeds behind him.

Must... resist... urge... to point out logic... must enjoy... story...

“I was a little afraid of him at first too, but you get used to it.” he said, walking over and laying a hand on Galvantula’s back. Galvantula purred like a cat at his trainer’s touch.

Am I the only one who was in love with Galvantula at first sight?

[Quackjack29]

Question! How come you don't give nicknames to your characters pokemon sans Paula, Gus and whatever Bianca's Crobat was called?

[ChaosBlizzard]

Question! How come you don't give nicknames to your characters pokemon sans Paula, Gus and whatever Bianca's Crobat was called?

Answer! Because I always thought it was considered taboo or semi-against-the-rules. After a bit of investigation upon seeing your question though, it turns out that this was what I was thinking of.

Don't think of it as "Paula and Gus have nicknames and everyone else doesn't," think of it as "No one has nicknames and Paula and Gus prefer their real names to their species names." Given that Paula can "talk" and is just as much of a main character as David or Cheren, I figured I should give her a real name when I was creating the character. Paula's name is actually drawn from a real-life friend of mine, although Paula the Gardevoir's character is not necessarily based on Paula the human's. As for Gus, remember that, as Chapter 10 explains, Gus was a human for 20+ years before he was a Yamask/Cofagrigus. He presumably would prefer being called by his original name over being called by a species name. The name "Gus" comes from "Cofagrigus."

As with most of your (plural "your") questions, I think you guys will be pleasantly surprised by the opening few chapters of Part 2. Next chapter will be up soon, guys; thanks for reading.

[Quackjack29]

Ok? I think it's kinda weird not having nicknames, it's like naming a dog "Dog".