Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 28

Thread: [polar nettles] - a drabble collection

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default [polar nettles] - a drabble collection

    Polar Nettles

    A story told in a collection of 200 word drabbles.




    A letter of introduction.

    Ai nostri lettori cari

    This is a collaborative effort from the authors ejunknown and katiekitten, both of whom have dabbled in the writing style before and are interested in seeing how far they can pull an actual story off.

    They would like to advise all readers who question whether the length or the collaborative effort is permissible to check rules two and nine of the 'Fan Fiction Rules'. Approval has also been given by a moderator for those who doubt even that. ;p

    As has been stated, all instalments will comprise of two hundred word drabbles, updated periodically by each author. The timing of the updates will vary, and will most probably plato around at least two a week, but this remains to be confirmed. The occasional 'interlude' will interrupt the program, and will provide utterly unrelated but hopefully enjoyable exhibitions of other drabbles the writers have managed to toss up on a variety of different topics. These interludes are not part of the main story, nor even the same verse, but are presented within this thread to keep the writers' drabbles in the same rough place.

    The title is from the song 'Polar Nettles' by Neko Case. If you recognised it you get a kiss. <3~!

    We thank you for showing interest, and look forward to your feedback!


    Il Primo


    Lilith would always wonder just why she’d taken the job.

    Perhaps it was for the travel prospects. Or possibly, it was for the gloating rights of being the first to enter ‘proper employment.’

    Most likely, though, it was the paycheck.

    It was a Saturday morning, and sunlight was just beginning to frisk through the woods cloaking the distant Twist Mountain, the sky promising a beautiful morning without a dreg of a cloud. It was the almost the picture of a spring day, if she said so herself: she could hear the Tranquill with their entourages of nestling Pidoves tweeting at the dawn, happily announcing their presence to any predator that cared for a meal, and she could even spy a lone Deerling on the edge of the path. It skittered away at the sound of her steps as she slowly traipsed down the road, heart heavy and head heavier.

    The hangover spoke of a night of ‘light’ drinking with friends in celebration of her first job out of college.

    The steel and concrete warehouse that squatted before her, complete with its surrounding crop of cargo planes, welcomed her to it.

    Resigned to her decision, she left the day’s promise behind.
    Last edited by katiekitten; 16th August 2012 at 2:44 AM.


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Flooded Europa
    Posts
    391

    Default



    polar nettles

    AN/ following the first, is the welcome.

    Please note that the safety exits are on either side of you, to the left and right side of the plane. Your flight attendant will now make these known to you.

    -----

    Bienvenue

    Later, it was just a comment. “peach…”

    The whisper slipped through the near-silent hallway, sending her pausing, glancing ahead to her destination. The two pilots, male, barely past their mid twenties, lounged in chairs, despite their pre-flight checks. Easing slowly onto one hip, her gaze was incredulous as she met the speaker.

    “Excuse me?”

    Amused eyes gleamed at his audience, a grin snaking mischievous features, evidently prepared to repeat exactly what he just said – but it never came, as the other man stood, slipping into the space between them. Ducking under the cockpit’s low ceiling, long strands of hair brushed over to hide his eyes. His voice rang across the narrow space pleasantly enough.

    “I apologise for my co-pilot’s behaviour. He isn’t used to company."

    "Please keep him... restrained." Her response faltered as the man shifted in the door frame, resting heavily against the frame so that his body leaned towards her. Smile growing, his gaze skimmed her narrowed one easily, before lingering on the documents in her hands, and despite the way her hands tightened possessively around the papers, his hand gestured towards them.

    “These are for us.”

    It would be her unfortunate fate to deal with these men, and daily, and Lillith's smile was tight as she nodded.

    “You will do your job, right?”

    His smile gleamed brightly. “Maybe.”
    Last edited by Ejunknown; 15th September 2011 at 4:06 AM.

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Somewhere special
    Posts
    617

    Default

    Really nice drabble. =) I particularly liked the descriptive section with the Pidoves and Tranquil.

    [IMG]http://i55.*******.com/24ni8gz.png[/IMG]
    Dracaena - Giovanni Rank

    0647 - 8370 - 0522

    OSL GYM LEADER # 8 - FLYING

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default

    <3! x3 Thanks, glad you like them~ It's going to be a challenge to make this all work out, but hopefully we'll manage it. x3 <3


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Cebu, Philippines
    Posts
    1,256

    Default

    This is actually pretty good. Your choice of words definitely help these story, as well as trim any unwanted fat off.

    All in all, this is really good. I can't wait to see what you two make of this. ^__^

    Feel like you need a little more Pokemon in your life? Tune into our show!
    EPISODE 55 - SLOWPOKE HOLIDAY
    Looking for something Pokemon-related to listen to while playing through Pokemon XY? This episode is for you!!
    Released: 12/11/14


    Guess who claimed Luxray?!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Flooded Europa
    Posts
    391

    Default Interlude



    NACHOE; thank you for the review! I'm looking forward to 'drabbling' these out collaboratively, it'll be great to see how this works out. ;u;

    ---

    interlude.

    AN/ a separate, unrelated drabble, about twisted situations and unwavering determination, despite how helpless everything seems. (This is also a dedication to a cult flick, and a favourite actor of mine.)

    Young flesh pressing with desperate heat against his chest as, colliding, her lips met his with rough ferocity. Curving instinctively forward to meet hers, his hand snagged the small of her waist, until their heat mingled, and panting, his eyes danced to hers. A small smile curving his expression, he raised a finger to touch her lips, breaking the contact. Startled, her features crumpling into a pout, and returning, he caressed her face softly. What a beautiful success.

    Standing fluidly, he turned, attention shifting back to the boy, and in a subtle movement, his expression shifted, a single dark brow rising to his audience.

    The boy waited, arms trembling, chestnut eyes never quite leaving his little girlfriend even as her burning tongue moved to trace his collarbone. Instead, the eyes burned with an unmistakable fire, bloody fingers tightened around the wooden stake.

    Black eyes glittered as they lowered slowly to the boy’s height, the girl kneeling with him, hungrily lapping at the trail left by her blood when it slid down his chin. His shape rippled, long canines exposing in a slow, twisting grin, slanting to meet the furious gaze, dryly humorous. “This is quite the gift you’ve given me."




    Last edited by Ejunknown; 13th September 2011 at 6:06 PM.

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default

    Il Terzo


    They were flying high over the ocean separating Hoenn and Unova when their little cargo plane hit a pocket of air, and Lilith was ingratiated to her first experience of turbulence. Clinging to her armrest as her seat threatened to bounce down the hall and into the cargo bay, the woman squinted ahead to the steel-reinforced door that led to the cockpit, teeth juddering.

    “This is- normal, right?” she called, tone strained, grip tightening until her knuckles showed. Her nervousness with flying was beginning to get to her, her childhood fears of planes simply shaking themselves apart (it had happened before, she swore) rising in her solitude to bite her in the butt.

    She really should’ve thought the job choice through.

    There was a brief laugh from upfront, before the COM system suddenly burst into life with a cackle, the sound causing her to jump in her seat.

    “Perfectly normal, don’t worry, miss…?”

    Her scowl deepened at the amused voice of the co-pilot, mood souring further.

    Perverted buttmonkey.

    “It’s Lilith.”

    Her tone was only slightly haughty, she swore.

    “Charmed!”

    Wait.

    “Aren’t you supposed to respond with your own name…?”

    “Nah.”

    The COM shut off with a sputter.

    She blinked.

    Prick.
    Last edited by katiekitten; 16th August 2012 at 2:27 AM.


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Flooded Europa
    Posts
    391

    Default

    rocky starts.

    Two hours later, late and diverted from their original destination of Hoenn to the Orange Islands, of all places, the rickety tin can they called a 'ship' grounded, ambling slowly across the tarmac. Fingers fidgeting on the release for the seat belt, her furtive glance back to the aptly named 'cockpit' was frustrated, filled with the desperation of a woman who was about to sick.

    Except that she already had.

    Risking another sneaky glance to the sodden canvas she had used as impromptu duck-and-cover, her teeth worried her lip as a foot extended, careful not to smear the gleam of her patent leather shoes as they nudged the bag as far from her seat as possible.

    Pretending she didn't see the bright colours of the airline insignia, the smart woman collapsed back heavily, eyes on the small circle of clouded daylight, neat heels tapping together with short, sharp impatient taps. The rocky momentum was slowing, finally, and it’d be any moment now.

    Finally making a stop, there was a moment of silence, before the irritatingly amiable voice broke through the intercom with a happy crackle: "You know there's no little light that'll tell you when you can go, right?"

    Last edited by Ejunknown; 10th September 2011 at 11:47 PM.

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default

    Interlude the second

    “You...

    "Aren’t real.”

    Her words were half-whispered, almost swallowed up by the shiver of the leaves in the surrounding olive trees, and he watched her with a clouded gaze, fingertips trailing down her cheeks, her lips; the blood smudging onto her skin.

    “Why not?”

    “Because, you…

    "You…”

    Her voice faltered as his hands slipped further around her, her breath escaping in a whisper.

    The woman was always locked away within her dreams, blind to the truth that stood before her.

    “I am no phantom, Elizabeth.”

    He drew her closer, brushing his lips against her cheekbone, inhaling, the faint scent of her peach shampoo sweet amidst the richer tones of forest. She trembled.

    “Then why… are you..?”

    He retreated until he could catch her gaze, the eyes that had haunted his thoughts gazing back. Drops of crimson, washed black by the moonlight, stood out starkly against her pale features, testament to the inherent strength contained within her form. Powerful- he could sense the will that she imbued.

    He leant closer once more, her warmth seeping into his chilled skin.

    “Because we are not that different, after all.”

    He closed the distance between them, the blood on her lips smearing into his.

    Author's Note: We will continue to update the main story, but expect these random ones tossed in. x3 Some people might recognise it as well - my lips are sealed, though. ;x
    Last edited by katiekitten; 16th August 2012 at 2:27 AM.


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    1,058

    Default

    I'm finding work done by all these people I thought left the forums years upon years ago. I'm glad you're still around, KK! It makes old fogies like me that have been on the forums since 2004 feel not so odd.

    As for the writing itself, I'm not really sure what I can say about it that would do it justice other than that it's a bout of tag-team artistry so far. Not just that, but it's advertising genius - kind of like the small food samples you get to try at some stores, only much more delicious and much less annoying. I'm a writer, but I'm also a self-professed lazy-*** bum when it comes to reading/reviewing other people's stories. It's not that I hate reading or anything like that. I think it's probably my 3-second attention span. It takes a lot of effort for me to sit down and read anything. But I shall have to investigate the two of you further...

    Wow. That didn't sound as awkward in my head.

    What I meant was, expect to see more of me at some point.

    No. Damn.

    I'm going to go looking for your other work now. Is that better? Did I manage to undo some - any - of the damage? Okay? Fine?

    I'm going to go now before I stick my foot in my virtual mouth and do something else incredibly stupid.

    - EM1

    Dalton Gregg was a mostly-ordinary university student from the region once called Johto.
    Then a fateful encounter set him on a quest to change history.




  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default

    EOOON! -squishes- how have you been? It's great to see you around~! x33 we old fogies have to stick together. <3 I've been catching up on Maverick Heart, btw. x3 loving it so far.

    I'm glad you liked them~! :3 haha, with you there with reading and reviewing- I'm glad these intrigued you. :3 -squishes- haha, there's no damage to be repaired! <3 thanks for your review, m'dear. X333


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Your computer screen.
    Posts
    1,710

    Default

    Very nice Drabbles so far... I do like how one of you writes from Lilith's POV and the other writes from ?????'s POV. That brings me to a point I'd like to make...

    @Ejunknown: It would be nice to know the character's name. The perverted co-pilot did say, "Peach" but I don't think that that's actually her name. Maybe it was the way her body smelled, (the co-pilot is a pervert, after all) because I certainly wouldn't expect you to use names from the Mario series.

    Also, I was going to say something about the font being a tiny bit too small, but I can see you fixed that in "Rocky Starts."

    Also, a question. Are the two "Interludes" related in any way shape or form?

    Overall, very good Drabbles. I also like how some of the chapter titles are in Latin(?), because it sort of adds to the storyline IMO. Keep up the good colaboration!
    Hi, I'm part of the staff on Pokemon Showdown!, if you have any questions or need any help, VM or PM me.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Flooded Europa
    Posts
    391

    Default

    ;u; Thank you Eon! X'D

    And thank you for the comments phoopes! : D

    @Ejunknown: It would be nice to know the character's name. The perverted co-pilot did say, "Peach" but I don't think that that's actually her name. Maybe it was the way her body smelled, (the co-pilot is a pervert, after all) because I certainly wouldn't expect you to use names from the Mario series.
    x'D The peach comment was an innuendo, or rather a sexist comparison by a perverted lecher; unfortunately, though, I had to shorten the original comment so all she here's is the end. [ although remembering Mario, that would be so amusing! xD] The gist of these little drabbles in general, however, are that the two of us continue the same story in our respective writing styles. [apart from the interludes which have nothing to do with the plot xD]

    And use her name when she shares it with the fabled fallen angel/first vampire that drank the blood of newborns? Never! xDD - I love you, KK, really? >u>

    On a serious note, I can see where I can slip that in, and I have. xD In first drafts, I have an aversion to referring to characters by their names alone, which is often the only way you discover their name, as my third person take on 'personal' doesn't have each character referring to themselves as 'joe' or 'jack', but where they would be 'I' if this was first person. (I'm having 'Dobby' flashbacks, oh god-) I like to think that the audience can see the character I'm referring to, but without the context of the other drabbles, it does seem a little odd.

    Seeing a barrage of names without faces on a page depresses me. I've really got to move past my little idiosyncracies. >__>
    Last edited by Ejunknown; 15th September 2011 at 4:16 AM.

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Flooded Europa
    Posts
    391

    Default

    Tropics of discussion

    AN/ this will be edited, not using my phone, tomorrow. x'D

    ---
    The wet slick of sweat in the creases of her knees and elbows as she had sat waiting in the cargo hold, had brought Lillith to the conclusion that she hated the tropics.

    Despite her escape from stale air into the tension-wrought, pseudo-calm outside, the white planes of sand ahead of her acted as garish accessories to a cruel punch line in a joke.

    Apathetic, the reminder blinked across her phone screen: they were grounded for five more days.

    Movement caught in the corner of her eye, startling her out of her self-condemnation. The road was not deserted - and with a start, she remembered the state she had left their small party in. Sweeping a hand across her eyes, her hands smoothed back her hair, brushing rogue flecks of sand from her clothes. She was over-reacting, to what was only a bad flight.

    The soft footfall navigated the light sand easily, and curiously her eyes flicked to her impromptu companion, widening as she recognised the crouching form. He was taller in the light of day and outside his compact work space. Biting her lip, her upturned gaze met the pilot’s as a small grin creased his features.

    "Found you."
    Last edited by Ejunknown; 16th September 2011 at 7:56 PM.

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default

    Phoops: right area, but not quite- Italian. X3 thanks for the review m'dear~! They are all in the same story line these dribbles, literally- same characters haha, therefore the names were occasionally left out. X3 The interludes, however, were not~ we both have love affairs with the supernatural though. X3 'Peach' is a wonderfully horrific innuendo though- be glad your mind hasn't been sullied that far m'dear :3

    I'll draw up the next chapter... Soon. :x just starting university again, megads, so am out of time D:

    Ejun you love the name really~! ;D -shot-


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Your computer screen.
    Posts
    1,710

    Default

    I got the reference... I was just hoping it was a coincidence, 'tis all. Very dirty mind you have there.

    About the new Drabble: I like this one too. You obviously made a good choice to use 200 word Drabbles to tell a story instead of 100 word Drabbles. It really helps to tell the story better. But... cliffhangers. They are a great part of storytelling. I hate them. It's too suspenseful for me. But that's just my opinion. Keep doing what you're doing, because you two are writing a great fic.
    Hi, I'm part of the staff on Pokemon Showdown!, if you have any questions or need any help, VM or PM me.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Flooded Europa
    Posts
    391

    Default

    [I've edited making sure it was under the word limit! x'D]

    Oooh, cliff hangers! I have a love-hate relationship with them; they bring back memories of Darren Shan, and too many exclamation marks. x'D

    Lillith....... Lillith. |D

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default

    WE ARE BACK

    temporarily. :x

    In the mean while, voila:

    Il Quarto


    Eyes snapping open, her words were almost hissed, pushed from her torn, acid-eaten throat in a husky mumble.

    "Of course you did, *******."

    If this was how patronizing her dear pilots and flying companions were going to be their entire career, she was in no doubt that a job change would soon be in order.

    Typical, dickheaded boys.

    She might as well have not left college.

    Sniffing, and trying to pretend it was only out of disdain for her current situation and not because she'd previously 'vommed' all over the cargo, she gathered her skirt around her and made to stand up, brushing her tights to shiny perfection once more as she tried to regain her balance and dignity.

    "Ignore him, seriously."

    The deep voice startled her and she glanced up quickly, eyes flaring in suspicion as they fixed upon the tawny-haired man lounging in the hallway leading from the cockpit, umber eyes burning as he considered her, smart in his dark, neatly-pressed suit.

    “He ain't worth your time, trust me.”

    Tossing her a half-smile, he disappeared back in the front of the plane.

    A blush crept over her cheeks.

    Perhaps this assignment wouldn’t turn out so bad after all.
    Last edited by katiekitten; 16th August 2012 at 2:27 AM.


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default

    Interlude the third ('cause we're drowning here)

    300 words this time ;3

    It was almost completely dark, except for the flickering light that swung above. The small clatter of pencil against wood seemed to be amplified by the emptiness, the pencil's paint coating chipping away to leave a pile of yellow flakes on the desk beneath it.

    Zander stared up at the ceiling, examining the lampshade despite the ache that was steadily building behind his eyes, thoughts silent and sluggish in the ash-filled haze of the hotel room.

    It wasn't working. Damn it.

    Coughing a little, he heaved himself higher in his seat, drawing his trembling hand towards him to take another drag of his spliff. The smell of the weed swamped his nostrils, the smoke stinging at his eyes, but he ignored it, slipping his lids shut as he held his breath.

    (Submerged memories crawled under his subconscious - Dark eyes glimpsed behind a heavy fringe, the wry tweak of small lips that foreshadowed a peal of delighted laughter, even at the most stupidest of jokes-)

    The pencil cracked in his grip, and he snapped his eyes open, tossing the pieces across his desk. The action brought his gaze back to his phone, where the text still flickered beneath the shattered glass. The ending words were smothered by the black ooze of plasma that bled across the screen.

    [Sender: Caroline | sent: 10:48pm]
    [you should have told me]

    (yes he should've, he'd known that, but then she wouldn't have have stayed, would have just gone, and it'd no longer be 'we' but 'I' and he couldn't have handled that-)

    He shoved the phone away, dragging his eyes forcibly from its pulsating screen, forgetting to wince as it tumbled once off of the edge of his desk.

    Not worth it.

    Lifting his hand once more, he surrendered himself to the soporific abyss.
    Last edited by katiekitten; 16th August 2012 at 2:27 AM.


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Flooded Europa
    Posts
    391

    Default

    This is long overdue. The next drabble!

    ---

    old tunes.

    “…hours and sixteen days…”

    Sinead O’Connor had always been her go to in stressful situations, and Lilith could not imagine a moment she’d need her help more than here, now. Her legs were trembling, sending her staggering down metal, standard issue steps, chin held tight in against her chest to try to reign in the dizziness. She couldn’t see, the sweat stinging in her eyes, and holding her breath, she could only pray her estimates of the distance were right. The last thing she needed after one hell of a flight was-

    With a small pop, her heel sank an inch, and she froze.

    That.

    Glancing down surreptitiously around her armful of documents and bag, she lifted the offending foot slowly, bringing it slowly down on the next step, a few scant inches lower than its predecessor. Her mouth set in a grim line of determination, she ignored it, proceeding delicately onto the next step. She would at least leave this craft with some modicum of self-respect.

    Or so she would have liked, if the craft hadn’t at that moment taking a creaking lurch, leaving her white-clawed and clinging to the movable stairs, voice squeaking in a strangled: “oh god.”
    Last edited by Ejunknown; 14th August 2012 at 6:00 PM.

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,075

    Default

    Really nice drabbles, I liked the collaborative effort and how each drabble means a new chapter that continues with the last. It's really unique and experimental, which I really enjoyed. I also think presenting the drabbles/chapters in smaller font was appropriate because it shows how sometimes less can be more.


    ☆ Maya Fey: Ace Pokemon Trainer
    Carry On, BlisseyThe Other King☆
    Advancers Tumblr
    Banner by Sworn Metalhead at Dćdric Design ✠

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default

    I JUST REALISED that when I wrote the fourth segment, I missed the previous one...! Way to screw the timeline. All fixed now? :x And thank you CGHoly! *hugs tight* :3 Glad you liked it! Will try and get something else up soon. :3

    Edit: turns out I had read it, and I was just being a div. :'D Still changes nothing~? *shot*
    Last edited by katiekitten; 14th August 2012 at 10:04 PM.


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default

    Catching a Breath


    Practically slithering off of the corrugated metal of the stairs, Lilith staggered once more to the sand-speckled tarmac of the Orange Island refuel station, struggling to put herself back on her uneven feet. Five days until they could fly again - well, four and a number of hours now. They were behind schedule, off of their original flight route, and she wasn't even certain why they'd ended up here, at the top Kantoan holiday destination, of all places.

    ---

    "We have a bit of a problem." The voice of the pervert had sounded abnormally strained, if still light, as it'd crackled through the sound system. She could barely hear him over the juddering of her teeth as she'd clung to the edges of her seat in the cargo hold, the plane shuddering around her. "Unexpected storm. Gonna have to reroute. F*ck knows if the weather forecasters are ever right these days..."

    ---

    Finally succeeding in securing herself on her feet, Lilith cast a furtive glance around her before crouching anyway to hunt for her escaped heel, a scowl crumpling her features as she spotted it still wedged in one of the holes of the stairs.

    This was not her day.
    Last edited by katiekitten; 16th August 2012 at 2:28 AM.


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  24. #24

    Default

    **** knows if the weather forecasters are ever right these days..."

    Asterisks supposed to be there? ;D

    Anyway, I really like the tale so far. I'm a sucker for the Orange Islands, but your writing style is minimal and efficient, which is where you really caught me. As has been said, your usage of a smaller font adds to the experience. I did not care much for your intermissions, but it was at no fault of your own (I'm just strictly anti-vampire). Your writing has a unique purple feel to it, but manages to completely erase everything negative that that may suggest by being entirely necessary. Your main character, Lillith, is very well personified.

    I do catch though, that you went back and forth on Lilith, and Lillith.
    In Bienvenue, "It would be her unfortunate fate to deal with these men, and daily, and Lillith's smile was tight as she nodded."
    In Tropics of Discussion, "The wet slick of sweat in the creases of her knees and elbows as she had sat waiting in the cargo hold, had brought Lillith to the conclusion that she hated the tropics."
    However, in every other instance, you spelled it as Lilith. If this was intentional, then I have to admit, I missed your nuance, but I suspect it isn't.

    I'll definitely be subscribing and reading more. Well done, and thanks for the read. =3

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    414

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EonMaster One View Post
    I'm finding work done by all these people I thought left the forums years upon years ago. I'm glad you're still around, KK! It makes old fogies like me that have been on the forums since 2004 feel not so odd.
    On the subject of "old fogies", I suppose I should chime in? Not that many would even recognize me, but I was around back in the day (when we had to write and review uphill both ways, remember?).

    Anyways, about the drabbles, I'm not sure how I feel about them yet. I do enjoy the concept of tag-team writing. I tried it once on Serebii myself (we had a 3 person team, one guy planned the basic plots, and the other two of us were writing from two different characters POVs), but it unfortunately collapsed fairly quickly. Hopefully the same doesn't happen here anytime soon. There doesn't seem to be much revealed of the main plot yet, and I'm not really seeing what benefit the story itself gets from being told in 200 word drabbles (apart from the challenge it gives you authors). I would love for this story to be done in such a way where it feels like it had to be told in 200 word bursts to work; maybe I'll see more of that as you continue.

    Regardless, I'm intrigued (party because of the minimal time requirement to keep up to date xD) and will be sticking around.

    I remember when "The Authors' Cafe" was still "The Author's Cafe".
    Scrap, purple_drake, Ryano Ra, and Burnt Flower are my fanfic idols.


    --fics--
    NEW:Emory In Viridian- A more realistic spin on a new trainer trekking through Viridian Forest. [one-shot]
    NEW:Pallet Evening News [on DeviantArt and not Serebii due to short length] - A disturbing report from Pallet Town's evening news concerning three new trainers. [one-shot]
    Tómur -Dark contemplations of an undisclosed Pokemon about nothingness and the end. [one-shot]
    The Traveler - A lonely traveler encounters a malevolent pokemon during the night on Route 8. [one-shot]
    Redead - A Redead's perspective on its own life. [Legend of Zelda one-shot]

    More at my DeviantArt



Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •