27th September 2005, 11:31 AM
My Happy Ending (PG-13, One-Shot)
Hi all! Now, here's a fic from me of course. One-shot, you can tell by the title. It's quite short but here it is:
My Happy Ending
I was really desperate to commit suicide. I really wanted to end my life here. I was XD 002. My past was much better than what I was now. I wished I could go back in time and be free, a carefree wild Pokemon. All I wished for was that I didn’t me. Now all I could was recollect my past…
I was hatched from an egg in the wild. My mother was beautiful in silver. But then poachers killed her. But I was not. I was alone in the wild, really hungry. I needed food, as I was young. Luckily I was found and captured by Lovelina. She was a good, kind-hearted soul. As my one tail split into five, I became a much stronger Pokemon. I was showered with love and care. All of it ended when her father became evil, the head of a team called Team Cipher. She was then forced by her father to become a Cipher Admin. At first she refused but her father took her other Pokemon away. My friends. Altaria and Delcatty were turned into what they called ‘Shadow Pokemon’. Lovelina was then given a sleeping pill and she fell into a deep sleep. I was forced out of my Pokeball. And I had to watch her. She was placed into a machine and then… it happened. My worst nightmare had happened. Lovelina became a shadow. The first shadow human ever. She was called experiment H 001. She became evil. I was forced into evolution with a Fire Stone.
I was weaker than her Altaria and Delcatty and she would always beat me up after the battle. I was always weak since I didn’t have the love and care which I needed. As they were shadows, they were much stronger than normal Pokemon. I suffered a horrible life, and I hoped for My Happy Ending. Finally, Team Cipher created XD 001, Shadow Lugia. They were planning to make more, starting with the Cipher Admins’ Pokemon. I was first, as Altaria and Delcatty were already shadows, they couldn’t become a darker shadow. So I was their next experiment, XD 002. I was now with a black shadow, an extremely dark Pokemon. I wasn’t the silver fox I used to be. I was now dark, a shadow Pokemon. I wondered when it would end. Lovelina finally was freed from the darkness that was surrounding her. She was purified. She was the normal Lovelina, the kind and caring Lovelina she used to be.
Lovelina then purified Altaria and Delcatty; they became normal Pokemon, what they used to be. But I couldn’t have the silver fur I used to have, as I was an extremely dark Pokemon. Lovelina tried to purify me many times but she couldn’t. I couldn’t be purified, no matter what. I wished that my life would end here. People and Pokemon alike were afraid of me.
A Thousand years passed, Lovelina was already dead. So were her Pokemon, Altaria and Delcatty. I was now visiting the graveyard, where they were laid to rest. My end was coming soon, I only wished that I was dead, and then I could be happy for once in many years, I mean for about nine hundred and three years to be exact. I was weakening. I was going to die soon. It doesn’t matter how long it took, whether it took and hour, a minute or a day, I wished I could die soon. So that… so that…
“Nine Tales!” I cried, before dropping dead on the ground. I was finally dead. It was my end; it was far better off dead than too be alive. It was My Happy Ending.
Till now, I was still on the Earth. An imprint of a departed soul. I couldn’t leave this world because… because… I was an extremely dark Pokemon, XD 002. I couldn’t be purified. I couldn’t leave this Earth, as I was sad and upset. But this was it; at least most people couldn’t see me, unless they used a Silph Scope of course. Now, at least it was way better than what I used to live. Unless I was purified, I still remained a spirit or ghost, whatever you humans called it. I just wished that it would all end.
I was a much more improved than Experiment XD 001, Shadow Lugia. I was darker, extremely dark. I only wished that I could be purified, but no, Team Cipher made sure that I couldn’t be purified at all, in case Lovelina was purified. I just wished that my life would end; it was of no meaning to me. I could only be purified if I met with a golden Pokemon. I was desperately searching for a Vulpix, a shiny one at that too. It was tough. I didn’t have any offspring, so I had to look for my siblings, as they were shiny, in hope that they would have a child, which was a shiny.
After many months of searching, I had my hopes down until I met my younger sister. She was a beautiful silver Ninetales. I forgot to say that Ninetales could see spirits and ghosts as they usually lived more than a thousand years. She saw me and was afraid, but I said, “Sis, it’s me, I’m dead and Team Cipher made me a Dark Pokemon. Unless I meet with a Golden Pokemon.”
“Hi sis, I didn’t know that. I am shocked though, I can't believe some people are so despicable that they would do this to you. I can help you. I have a shiny child, she wants to be normal like the others. Madison's her name. Madison!” She called. Her child came up to her, a golden Vulpix. The little golden Vulpix was cute and cuddly and had a look of fear on her face but she glowed and her golden coat was gone. She became a normal Vulpix and the golden aura hit me and I was purified. She then added, “Rest in peace, sis.”
I now became a Pokemon who was sent to the Netherworld. I now had my end. It was My Happy Ending.
Hope all readers lvoe it. Please review! Oh and a little note:
Ninetales is a girl!
28th September 2005, 9:15 AM
So sad. I loved it. Not bad work, one of better One Shot's I've read. Well, better than mine. Anyways, I was really in the Ninetails's life, I felt it. You were able to put into one short story what I could not in one full story in one shot. Truly good work. Remids me of one of my favorite songs, The Day That I Die. Same meaning as this one shot. Okay, my fingers are hurting for some reason, so I'll be off. Good Bye. *decends into the Shadow*
28th September 2005, 9:23 AM
Chronicles Death: Thankies. actually this fic was made dedicated to Avril Lavigne's Song, My Happy Ending, as it was full of sadness and all. Well I liked the beginning and I hated the end, that's something bad because I don't really type good endings...
28th September 2005, 9:28 AM
I knew it was about that song! Still, it reminded me of the Day that I die.... Anyways, you did alright with the ending. I liked it! Okay, nothing left to say. *Descends into Shadows*
28th September 2005, 8:41 PM
Ok, let me start by saying that this work is indeed sad, as it obviously has a tragic ending. However, I do think that you could improve this vastly. The flow is not really there, and the work seems to be very chunky.
Also, the problem wih writing tragedies in first person is that if the main character were to meet an untimely end is the question of how they would narrate if they have ceased to exist? Especially as your character's spirit has proceeded to the "netherworld".
Erm, you also seem to like using "extremely dark pokemon". You should attempt to show a wider range of vocab. All in all, it is a decent work, but it could e improved. I hope this has been of help.
29th September 2005, 5:42 AM
This could be vastly improved.
One thing that I noticed was how the character went from "Shadow" to "Extremely Dark"... without having ANY change in personality exept maybe having a new label.
I would point out all kind of stuff and really bash this fic as while the idea is good, the way it is executed is pretty much a big no-no but well... I have neither the will or energy to do so since flame criticism isn't my cup of tea.
+not really short
+not really long either
+interesting idea... at first.
-Character development isn't very convaincing (how did the main character came to the conclusion that death = hapiness? Character want to kill self becease of a label that has no effect (see criticism below)?)
-Shadow Pokemon gimmick not pulled off correctly (actual effects aren't explained beyond the "0MG! 3V1L!!!" label.)
-Golden Pokemon... what?
-Extremely Dark Pokemon... errr... okay...
-Same expression repeated again and again and again and again and again...
-Neither short enough not to be painful...
-Neither long enough to be detailed enough.
-OK... you know what? Just try again and put some tought into it this time.
Just contradicted myself by making a pretty huge "Negative" list but well... all in all, I didn't like it. This felt rushed, non-detailed, and pretty much more laughable than sad.
Your final score:
"Good idea, bad execution. Try again."
Last edited by Zerodius; 29th September 2005 at 5:46 AM.
29th September 2005, 8:49 AM
Thanks for your critsms, I may write one-shots but I stink at them! Nevermind, I'll proabably stick to chaptered fics. I'll ask a mod to move this to the Completed Fics secftion.