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Thread: The Encounters of an Elite Four Member

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    Default The Encounters of an Elite Four Member

    So, hello dear reader, whoever you are! This is a new project I've come up with this evening. I was stuck on what to write - while I currently have several incomplete projects in Notes, I had no motivation to write any of them. Part of me wondered whether I wanted to write something in a style other than third person, since all my ideas were in that format, but I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do. So I went over to RNG, got a random number then counted my favourite characters in my About Me section and which ever one I counted that had the same number as the RNG was the one I'd write something about.

    I got Shauntal.

    It took me about half an hour to decide what to write, but this is what I came up with. A novel written by Shauntal about the encounters and battles with trainers that she has had as an elite four member that have meant most to her. I decided on doing it since I was looking at the things she said before battling the player in Black/White and Black2/White2 and wishing they went somewhere. I've only written the introductory section so far, but I want to give a little taste in what this "book" is gonna shape up to be. So here we go - a first-person novel by Shauntal reflecting on her most dear-to-heart moments that occurred while standing as one of the Unova league's finest!


    The Encounters of an Elite Four Member

    Introduction

    Hello. My name is Shauntal. Famous writer, member of the Unova elite four, Ghost Type veteran and crazy Purrloin lady.

    I've been living out my life as an elite trainer and novelist for a good five years now - I was merely fifteen when I took up the role and it's become merged into my daily life ever since. Wake up, do the morning routine, head to the Pokemon League building and that's that for most of the day. It's rather exhausting, having to awaken so early just to find my way up Victory Road to take my position among the other four talented people doing exactly the same as me, but at this point I've grown accustomed to it - trekking up the colossal mountain's only safe path that I know like the back of my hand, while making friendly conversation with Caitlin, Grimsley, Marshal and Iris as the sun rises above the eastern horizon. It's actually a really worthwhile reason for me to have taken up this role as one of the final obstacles in a Pokemon trainer's journey to becoming the champion.

    But it isn't just the friendly hike I take daily that causes this job to be the genuinely most amazing thing to have been offered to me in all my years of existence.

    No, that title goes to the whole point of standing as an Elite in the Unova region.

    The trainers I've encountered while standing upon the floor of the elevated library that acts as my battle room come in many different forms, shapes and sizes. Young prodigies who have surprising skill with their partners, withering pensioners who wish to feel the thrill of battle once more, you name them, chances are I've probably seen them. Not only is it an honour to have the privilege to meet such amazing people, but it is also a dream come true that my job focuses on battling every single one of them, giving them the ultimate test and seeing how well they and their Pokemon work as a unit to prove how truly stunning the bonds between human and creature can be.

    Ever since I began my job here, I've made it a lifelong goal of mine to record those battles which have impacted my heart, soul and mind while acting as the foe's hurdle on their home stretch towards the title of Unova's League Champion. Battles which may not have just influenced my way of thinking or given me a surge of adrenaline that no other competitor could've induced, but intense fights with trainers who have gone on to do great things - both marvellous and terrible.

    And after half a decade of taking notes while passionately duelling with challengers, I shall novelise those notes into stories, laid out here for you, the reader, to see what it is like for an Elite Four member such as myself to stand above the rest and meet some of the most diverse and amazing humans to have ever been formed in this world.

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    Interesting start albeit being on the short side... but then again I am a very long writer and this is a prologue.

    Nice background for Shauntal and "Crazy Purrlion Lady" I burst out laughing.

    Really good work, Nerdz

    Admit it, Undyne's Genocide theme "Battle Against a True Hero" is just pure awesomeness! She really is a True Heroine.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia Blaze View Post
    Interesting start albeit being on the short side... but then again I am a very long writer and this is a prologue.
    I'm hoping the excerpts will be longer, so have no fear! This indeed a prologue, so I didn't want to make it too long and droning, and this is what I came up with. I think I did what I like to call "consulting my inner thesaurus" about a thousand times though.

    Nice background for Shauntal
    Thanks! I try to give my main characters more depth in my fics than they may have had previously, since I enjoy looking into the more psychological parts of fictional characters. I'm glad you like it!

    and "Crazy Purrlion Lady" I burst out laughing.
    With that fabulous cat scarf, I couldn't resist making a reference to one of my favourite character tropes of all time!

    Really good work, Nerdz
    Thanks! I'll try to keep up the work when this fic gets more writing hopefully tomorrow.

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    Hello dear reader! The first full chapter of Shauntal's novel hath been finished. I'm taking inspiration from her before-battle quotes for these, and one certain quote that wasn't referencing any character in particular caught my eye. I chose it to be my first chapter, and Shauntal's first ever Elite Four match. I didn't want to use a major character, so I looked through the trainer classes to find a character that I thought would be perfect for the first battle, and I came across Lass Dana. I selected her, edited her team slightly (since the first battle takes place a few years before Pokemon BW, I wanted to change her team up a little to make her seem like a slightly less strong trainer by removing her Delcatty and Misdreavus and leaving her with just a Pachirisu) and began writing. This is the result! I hope you enjoy!

    Chapter 1 - The First Challenger

    It's a common trait I've discovered with most trainers that their first battle is always one that they value and cherish the most, and I am no exception - the first time I claimed victory against one of my old friends when my journey had only just set its own seeds is unforgettable to me. However, another battle that has stuck in my mind was on the fourth day of my job here, when after waiting so long for a worthy opponent to arrive and put my job to the test, a young girl named Dana hurried up to my linguistic battleground after traversing Victory Road and defeating all eight of Unova's Gym Leaders, and with a beaming smile on her face, requested that I give her my all in a climactic battle, her single Pachirisu against my entire team, as my first ever opponent to stand against me when I myself was an Elite. It was a battle that, despite not being as grand or important as other battles, really found its way into my heart, and that is why it is the first battle to be recorded into this novel.

    -------------------------

    I stared around where I sat with a curious glint in my eye, flicking my hair out of my face and pushing my round-lens glasses further up my nose. It had been a few days since I had first accepted the role of Ghost Type Elite Four, and while the job did promise riveting matches against the world's finest Pokemon trainers, one would still have to wait for said trainers to show up to this place.

    When first asked what I had wanted for this room, I had wished for a place that would not only give me an aura of a haunted house, but also an area where I could work on my novels if no particular trainer was wishing to challenge me. The rickety wooden floorboards had been slightly annoying, but the rest of the room just screamed a place that I would pay to find myself wandering through. Windows that mimicked a dark and stormy night, supernatural bookcases and creepy paintings dotted around the walls, and a desk where my drafts for stories could be finished while I wasn't doing anything, all rounded off with a spiral staircase that would give opponents a wild ride. The whole place still filled me with awe, so I couldn't help but take breaks from my writing to just stare at it.

    My thoughts, however, were interrupted by the sounds of a sharp breath being drawn from somewhere down below, sounding just as stunned as I myself felt right now.

    I gently stood up from the chair beside my working desk, finding my notebook lying in one of its drawers. If this was anybody, they were going to be my first challenger, and I wasn't going to lose my opportunity to take notes on it for future reference.

    Footsteps echoed around the vast hall as whoever had arrived set one foot after the other, finding their way to the steps that would lead them to me. Another gasp was released, however, as the person reached the foot of the way up. Two will-o-wisps, mischievous illusions created by one of my own Pokemon that took the form of sky-blue flames, took hold of the person and sent them floating up the stairway towards their battle before they had a chance to refuse. I myself was already brushing the tops of my Poke Balls, anticipating the challenge I was finally going to take on.

    The person, now revealed to be a girl aged around twelve, reached the platform I was standing upon, and was released by the will-o-wisps. She fell onto her feet as the miniature flames faded away, and just as the girl was recovering from the sudden shock, the staircase that she had been previously intending on walking upon collapsed entirely, the wooden slabs crashing onto the floor below and leaving the girl facing me with a look of pure surprise.

    She was a rather pretty girl - her brown hair fell to just below her shoulders, and she wore a lemon-yellow t-shirt lined with a beige material that matched her skirt. White socks were pulled halfway up her shins, and comfortable brown shoes enclosed her feet. Her dark eyes stared straight into mine.

    Her mouth managed to muster words, as it became my own turn to look surprised at what she said. "That... was amazing. I'd heard about the Elite Four's rooms in Unova being extravagant and and astonishing, and I feel like I can say those people were completely right!" A small laugh followed, almost as a way to expel the adrenaline that must've been flowing through her.

    A smile formed on my face as I talked to this trainer. "I'm glad you found it so much fun."

    The girl returned the smile. "So, you're the new Elite Four member, Shauntal, right? I'm Dana. I've spent the past two years with my Pokemon trying to reach this place. I've finally defeated all eight Unovan Gym Leaders, I've trekked up the mountainous path of Victory Road, and I'm finally here to take you on - my Pokemon versus yours!"

    I nodded, as the feeling of my own adrenaline rose inside of me. "Very well. I am indeed Shauntal, newest addition to the Pokemon league and Ghost Type Veteran. Hope to outsmart the spirits from beyond the grave, or be distracted by their master's outlandish Purrloin scarf, because I have accepted your battle request!"

    The smile on Dana's face stretched out further into a grin. "Let's do this. We've come all this way, been on so many adventures together, survived through some of the worst hardships to come across in a Pokemon Trainer's Journey, and it all comes together right here, right now! Pachirisu, don't let me down!"

    The girl withdrew a red-topped ball from her pockets the size of a golf ball, with the lower white half being separated from the upper half by a black ribbon of metal only interrupted by a silver-plated button. She pressed the button lightly, allowing the ball to grow to the size of a tennis ball, before she let it fly into the air. The two halves of the ball opened up, and a red plasma-like substance poured out of it. The substance began forming into the shape of a living creature, and the Pokemon known as Pachirisu came into focus. The Electric Type fully formed as the Poke Ball it had just emerged from snapped itself shut and fell back into Dana's cupped hands.

    Pachirisu itself was an almost insufferably adorable Pokemon. Its big, bushy tail with a single baby-blue stripe running down it, combined with its tiny four paws, fluffy ears and harmless facial features, often caused many people to fall for it and call it even cuter than Pikachu itself. However, the small bipedal squirrel's sweet and kind facade could hide extreme levels of electrical voltage that had the potential to decimate the foe's team, so I wasn't taking any chances.

    "So this Pokemon is your partner? Pachirisu's a good choice alright, but unfortunately for you, I have the perfect counter for it!" My hand withdrew from the pocket it was currently residing in, holding something. It was my turn to throw the Poke Ball into the air as I cried out my Pokemon's name. "Let's do this, Golurk!"

    The red plasma beaming out of the Poke Ball formed into a murky-cyan-coloured golem that towered over Dana's Pachirisu. The Ghost-and-Ground Type Pokemon was a leviathan taller than the Electric Type, and spiralling symbols dotted around its body were glowing a bright yellow colour to illuminate the room beyond my lamp in a haunting tone. Bands of brown clay wound themselves around its wrists and ankles, and a glowing yellow gash shape across its chest was patched over the middle by an ovular piece of the brown clay. Two eyes glowing in the same colour as the other symbols stared down blankly into the Pachirisu's eyes. I mentally thanked Arceus that this platform was so wide and outspread. Golurk was a colossal Pokemon that needed space to fully utilise its abilities.

    Pachirisu was clearly terrified of the opponent, but tried to not let it show. The tiny but strong Pokémon looked up at its Trainer and saw the seeds of doubt taking root as together they faced their toughest opponent yet. The Pokémon sounded a soft cry of reassurance, and the battle began.

    I called out to Dana, since my vision of her was obscured by my titan-sized partner. "I see you're already at a disadvantage. Due to the elements Ground Types are made up of, their bodies are extremely repellent of electrical charges, and can also impact Electric Types extremely harshly with their offensive Ground attacks, due to an Electric Type's body being extremely susceptible to seismic waves and the elements found in earthy materials. Golurk, use Earthquake!"

    Dana's eyes looked nervous, but she stood her ground and kept the smile up. "You're entirely right, but did you take something else into account?"

    As Golurk went down on one knee and set itself up to cause pulsating waves that would cause an earthquake that only affected the platform we were standing on, I peered around Golurk to find that Dana's Pachirisu was completely lost from sight. Of course, I thought while giving myself a mental slap, Electric Types like Pachirisu are extremely nimble. But what attacks would it have that would harm my Golurk?

    Dana flicked her hair away from her eyes as she cried out to her partner, wherever it was. "Pachirisu, use Grass Knot!"

    I mentally slapped myself again. This girl has used a Technical Machine - discs with information on them that could be used to teach a Pokemon moves that it wouldn't already know. And the move itself - Grass Knot - was more effective on heavier Pokemon than lighter ones. I could've called out for Golurk to stop, but it was already too late. As the seismic waves began coursing through the ground and forcing both Dana and I to the floor, they were interrupted by a bright green energy wrapping itself around the lower legs of Golurk, tightening and tightening until the light emanating it faded, leaving a tight vine looped around the titanic Pokemon's ankles. Pachirisu came into vision right where the vine ended - I had to marvel at its speed to remain near invisible - as I saw it tighten the vine.

    I wasn't sure whether what happened next would've been as intimidating if I was standing up instead of lying on the floor due to the ongoing earthquake, but it didn't stop me from going wide-eyed in panic as Golurk's legs were suddenly pulled tight together, causing the golem to lose its balance and collapse to the floor. An unearthly moan could be heard echoing out from it as it fell. There was no denying that Golurk was unable to battle, but then Pachirisu fell to the ground after letting go of the vine. The ground that was still violently shaking from Golurk's seismic waves that had kept Dana and I pressed to the wooden floorboards and Pachirisu was extremely vulnerable to.

    As I cried out Golurk's name, Dana could also be heard doing the same to her partner as it cried out in shock, unable to find a chance to leap away from the violently shaking ground as it, too, collapsed.

    Both of us struggled to find our empty Poke Balls. When we did, we both shakily held them out and called out to our team members. "Return!"

    The red plasma surrounded our Pokemon once more, with said Pokemon fading from focus and returning to inside the sphere. Buttons were pressed as the balls were reduced back to golf-ball size and pocketed as the ground finally calmed down, allowing Dana and I to stand up without further interruption. As we did so, however, Dana began talking to me as though she was out of breath. "That... was epic... I've never... actually seen... anyone use... earthquake before..."

    I was considerably less exhausted than Dana, especially since I was used to Golurk's abilities from training it, but I was still impressed. "Yeah, sorry if I went a little too far though. You know, I didn't really want to cause you to fall onto the wood like that... I guess I didn't really think this through too much if I caused harm to you, did I?"

    Dana shrugged and smiled, laughing like she did before as a way to deal with her adrenaline. "It still looked epic... though. And Pachirisu... despite the fact that Pachirisu fainted... I'm sure she still enjoyed it... as did I, since... it was a new experience. Pachirisu may... have lost the battle... but she is truly a star."

    I nodded. "Even though I took victory today, you fought extremely well with your partner. Despite the battle being decided by one move from each side, it gave human and Pokemon alike a dynamic rush of excitement." As I talked, I wrote down the conversation into my notebook. Dana perked up slightly, her breathed mostly regained from the exhaustion of the earthquake. "Excuse me for asking, but what are you writing down in your notebook? I spotted you scratching away at the paper with your pen and I can't help but be curious."

    I looked up and replied. "I'm just writing about the battle we had today, since it was my first fight as a member of the Pokemon League's finest. I'm planning on one day writing a book about the battles that have taken place in here, and the ones which meant the most to me. No matter what battles happen in future, I feel like my first with you will stay with me forever."

    The girl opposite me blushed. "It'll stay with me too. I may have lost, but I won't know how to win if I don't know how to lose, and so I'm just happy I managed to reach this place anyway! This may be goodbye for now, but you're going to have to look forward to me, Dana of Accumula Town, returning with a stronger and more powerful offence one day!"

    I smiled. "Of course I'll look forward to it, Dana. And I, Shauntal of the Pokemon League, wish you well in your training!"

    -------------------------------

    From then on, I worked out new strategies as Dana worked out hers. I continued battling trainers in climactic and exciting fights (some of which will be featured later), but a smile truly formed across my face when Dana returned. We had a rematch, and while I still won, she competed extremely well - she brought my team down to only one Pokemon left before her Pachirisu finally gave in alongside her two new team members - a Delcatty and a Misdreavus. I praised her for how she had become such an amazing trainer, and to this day we are still in contact and see each other whenever I get a break from my job. She's still training to finally beat me - she said that to this day I was still a huge step up from the Gym Leaders in skill and difficulty levels - but one day I feel like she'll wander into my room, ask for a battle, and claim victory over me at last. And despite what my job is supposed to be, I'm looking forward to it.

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    This is pretty good! You're obviously good at using internal dialogue and writing combat. If this continues, I'd love to see how far it can go, as well as with other characters. If you don't mind, I might "borrow" the idea of using an RNG to determine what to write about. I look forward to seeing what you have planned!

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    Quote Originally Posted by TikTok13 View Post
    This is pretty good! You're obviously good at using internal dialogue and writing combat.
    Thanks! One of the things I try to write into my characters is how they feel within various situations, to give them more depth. I will give a fact though - one of those lines is actually a direct quote from Shauntal. I'm planning on using those quotes for some of my chapters, and this was the first one. As for the combat, I often find it one of the hardest things to write since I have to try and make it exciting while not adding in too many Deus Ex Machinas. I'm glad you like it!

    If this continues, I'd love to see how far it can go, as well as with other characters.
    That's my exact plan! In future, expect Hilda, N, Nate, Volkner, Flint, Agatha, Bertha, Looker, Ash, Alder, a couple of other undecided trainers and quite possibly your favourite, Cheren! The confirmed characters are ones that Shauntal has mentioned in quotes (the unconfirmed ones are for quotes with no clear reference), so you can definitely hype yourself up to see them.

    If you don't mind, I might "borrow" the idea of using an RNG to determine what to write about.
    Trust me, it certainly makes an evening interesting. Just get twenty or so characters you like, assign them a number and RNG the heck away!

    I look forward to seeing what you have planned!
    Awesome! I'm thinking of doing another random trainer next, then Volkner and Flint, although that is subject to change. I'll try to keep the good quality up!
    Last edited by Nerdy McNerdface; 8th May 2017 at 7:52 PM.

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    I really like how you're dealing with your source material – the use of direct quotations, sure, but particularly the way you take data for in-game characters as a starting point and then tweak it all to fit the projected time of the story, like with Dana. Maybe this is something that lots of people do and I just miss it because I don't have an encyclopaedic knowledge of every minor NPC in the franchise, but I think I don't see it very often, and I always love it when I do.

    A few notes, though: though I appreciate the wealth of visual description on offer here, it can get a bit much at times and start to get in the way of the action. Maybe it's intentional, because Shauntal as represented in-game seems to me like the kind of person who'd do something like this, but even if it is I think you could maybe stand to dial it back a little in places – especially when it comes to things like describing a poké ball. If this is an in-universe story, written by Shauntal for other people in the pokémon world, then it seems weird that she would spend so many words on a precise description of a 'red-topped ball […] the size of a golf ball, with the lower white half being separated from the upper half by a black ribbon of metal only interrupted by a silver-plated button' when it's likely something that everyone who might possibly read her novel is super familiar with already. On a more metafictional level, it's also something that I think you can count on a reader who's come looking for stuff to read on a Pokémon fanfiction forum to know about too. I'm not sure either your reader or Shauntal's needs that level of description when a much more exciting thing, namely the start of the battle, is at hand. If that makes any sense.

    Especially since it's actually a pretty neat battle: pokémon use moves people aren't expecting and in ways that have unintended effects, the environment gets brought into play, all that good stuff that the games can't represent and which really shines in fanfiction. It makes good sense in terms of Shauntal's novel for it to be placed here as well: it's an early battle in her League career, it showcases her relative lack of experience quite nicely, and you get the sense that she has placed it here as part of a deliberate move to create the beginning of the structure her book needs. What I think I mean by all that is that this is pretty great handling of your own structural conceit, so excellent work there!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cutlerine View Post
    I really like how you're dealing with your source material – the use of direct quotations, sure, but particularly the way you take data for in-game characters as a starting point and then tweak it all to fit the projected time of the story, like with Dana. Maybe this is something that lots of people do and I just miss it because I don't have an encyclopaedic knowledge of every minor NPC in the franchise, but I think I don't see it very often, and I always love it when I do.
    Thanks! I just felt that Shauntal's first battle wouldn't be one against a really important character, and I found a quote referencing a "tiny but strong Pokemon". I knew that the Lass trainer class often used cute or unevolved Pokemon, so I looked up a list of the lasses in Pokemon Black and White, and Dana was the first one there - with a Pachirisu, which I remembered to be a Pokemon that won the World Championships once, meaning it fitted the "tiny but strong" phrase perfectly.

    A few notes, though: though I appreciate the wealth of visual description on offer here, it can get a bit much at times and start to get in the way of the action. Maybe it's intentional, because Shauntal as represented in-game seems to me like the kind of person who'd do something like this, but even if it is I think you could maybe stand to dial it back a little in places – especially when it comes to things like describing a poké ball. If this is an in-universe story, written by Shauntal for other people in the pokémon world, then it seems weird that she would spend so many words on a precise description of a 'red-topped ball […] the size of a golf ball, with the lower white half being separated from the upper half by a black ribbon of metal only interrupted by a silver-plated button' when it's likely something that everyone who might possibly read her novel is super familiar with already. On a more metafictional level, it's also something that I think you can count on a reader who's come looking for stuff to read on a Pokémon fanfiction forum to know about too. I'm not sure either your reader or Shauntal's needs that level of description when a much more exciting thing, namely the start of the battle, is at hand. If that makes any sense.
    I can see what you mean. I was actually criticised for a similar thing in one of my other stories on here, so I guess it's an unfortunate habit of mine. I'll try to tone down the elaborate descriptions when they're not needed. Although Shauntal could be the sort of character to do that anyway, who knows?

    Especially since it's actually a pretty neat battle: pokémon use moves people aren't expecting and in ways that have unintended effects, the environment gets brought into play, all that good stuff that the games can't represent and which really shines in fanfiction.
    I've tried to make my style of writing battles as immersive as possible, and that meant that if a move that would be logical to use against an opposing Pokemon would also affect the environment, I would have to write it as such. That's what I tried to show in this piece, and if it worked then I'm glad you like it!

    It makes good sense in terms of Shauntal's novel for it to be placed here as well: it's an early battle in her League career, it showcases her relative lack of experience quite nicely, and you get the sense that she has placed it here as part of a deliberate move to create the beginning of the structure her book needs. What I think I mean by all that is that this is pretty great handling of your own structural conceit, so excellent work there!
    Thanks! I took inspiration from autobiographies that I've read in the past for that. It's always good to have a sense of chronological order before writing about your experiences, and it's always good to start at the very beginning, so I'm happy that it worked well!

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    Hello dear reader! So, chapter two of Shauntal's novel is here! For this next part, I chose two quotes to add into the same piece - those belonging to both Flint and Volkner. It may be because I'm a sucker for the bromance between the two guys, but I ended up really liking the idea TikTok13 came up with to make them fight in a double battle against Shauntal and somebody else. That somebody else I chose to be Caitlin, and this was the result. The quotes this time are more subtle, and Flint's is considerably hard to find if you're not looking, so yeah! I hope you enjoy this part!
    A couple notes before starting:
    Since Flint has never been seen interacting with a female beyond MC, I had to decide on how he'd interact with them. Flint's overly cocky personality in-game told me that if he was in a good mood and met some girls, he would probably act a little flirtatiously, but in that sort of joking way that overly cocky men do. I tried to write that into this, so don't be surprised if Flint gives them a wink or two.
    I based Caitlin's personality more on her PokeSpe counterpart than her game counterpart, so her psychotic psychic abilities are written more like how they are in the Platinum chapter than BW. They don't play an overly major role, but they do something that impacts the plot in no way whatsoever.
    I am aware that Shauntal's Chandelure does not have Flash Fire as its ability, and instead has Flame Body, but since Chandelure can actually have Flash Fire as an ability and it would've worked in context to the narrative, I swapped the abilities around. I'll make sure to not contradict myself later!
    So, now you can enjoy!


    Chapter 2 - Sinnoh's Greatest Duo

    There is always one battle in an Elite Four member's career that allows them to forget that what they are doing is a job, and lets them become one with their Pokemon and their opponent in an extremely enjoyable fight that finds itself caught in the brains of everyone who took part. These fights are often one-offs - battles that slightly bend the regulations due to them being requested as a more casual fight outside of the Pokemon League. The next battle I shall record into this novel is one that occurred about a year and a half after my first, while I was taking a couple of days off the job with fellow Elite Caitlin. While we were visiting the amusements within Nimbasa City, two faces made themselves known upon spotting us...

    ------------------------------

    "Woah! What is this?"

    The sun wasn't faltering that morning as it gave its warm rays to the people of Nimbasa City, shining in all its blinding glory upon the hustle and bustle of the city life. On that particular day, I had finally been given permission to take a day off my job and hit the urban streets without paying concern to any trainers willing to put their team to the test against the might of the Pokemon League, and I wasn't going to let it pass by without some kind of new development occurring. And so, I decided to spontaneously ask Caitlin, Unova's other female Elite Four member, if she was willing to soak up some sunlight with me. Although hesitant at first, she obliged, and that's how I found myself marvelling at Unova's views from the Nimbasa Ferris Wheel with an extremely confused and excited teen by my side.

    I grinned and sighed, turning to Caitlin. "You really don't get out much, do you?"

    She shrugged, continuing to stare out of the cart with a curious glint in her eye. "I really don't. It's just been the way I've done things ever since I was a young girl who couldn't control her weird brain powers. Due to my paranoia back then, I've always preferred to just stay indoors with the comfort of books, my Pokemon and visiting friends. Of course, I now know how to keep all that psychic stuff within my brain, but it just stays with me, y'know? I- wait, why are you writing all that down?"

    I gave her a subtle wink. "You never know when a conversation can become the catalyst for a series of events that work flawlessly in a novel. And even when I'm not wearing my Purrloin scarf due to the blazing heat of Summer in Unova, I can't help but keep my notebook and pen nearby to write down events that spark ideas for new books!"

    I pointed the tip of my pen to my head as a gesture. Caitlin couldn't help but laugh. "Alright, but do you really have to take notes on your daily life in case a random event becomes interesting? Won't that waste countless sheets of paper if they're not good ideas?"

    It became my turn to shrug. "That's my way of doing things, I guess. I enjoy it, so I do it as such."

    The Ferris Wheel ground to a halt as the two of us stood up and made our way out of the cart's doors. Caitlin took a moment to get her footing back on the ground properly. "Woah... that was so cool. I really should try that again sometime."

    I laughed again, glad that I had made a friend happy. "So, where do you wanna go next? I could take you to see Unovan football, or we could try and beat the Battle Subway, or-"

    My speech was abruptly interrupted by a man's voice, that felt... familiar, somehow. "Hey! Aren't you two Shauntal and Caitlin?"

    The two of us glanced around to locate where the voice was coming from, and saw a man with spiky blonde hair and a deep blue jacket heading towards us. Another man followed behind him, this one with a bright red afro, a banana-yellow t-shirt and ridiculously baggy trousers with wide red rims on their pockets. Caitlin was the first to reply. "Uhh, yes? Why do you want us?"

    The blonde one perked up with a reply. "Perfect! Well, I battled Shauntal about a week back, and I lost, and Flint here wanted to try a match against a Unovan Elite Four member after hearing about me losing, just as a fun thing-"

    The redhead who had been referred to as Flint placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Woah buddy, slow down. I can barely understand you myself."

    It was then something clicked in my mind. Flint was an Elite Four member himself, one located in the Sinnoh region. While that was what he was primarily known for, he was also known to be a close friend of the eighth Gym Leader. That very same Gym Leader, as I remembered bright as the daylight seeping in from the sky today, had battled me just a week ago. "Do you know Thunderbolt?" was his first greeting to me. It wasn't until after we battled that I learned his name was Volkner.

    I stepped into the conversation. "It's fine, I write a lot of complex and fast sentences myself, I heard what you wanted. So you want to battle one of us? It is our day off today, but I personally wouldn't pass up a battle with another Elite Four member. How about you, Caitlin?"

    Caitlin's eyes were practically glowing with excitement. "That sounds so much fun! I'd be battling against someone as strong as me, and even if it's my day off, I can't help but accept with all my heart! Of course I'll battle!"

    Volkner seemed almost intimidated by Caitlin's enthusiasm, recoiling about a centimetre. Were her eyes actually glowing? Probably not, but I wouldn't be surprised considering how her psychic powers tended to let themselves loose just a tiny bit when she had the chance to give her all in an intense battle. "Uh, alright then! Flint, who do you wanna battle, bro?"

    Flint gave a cocky grin before glancing at his friend. "Well, you see, now that both lovely ladies have said that they'll battle, I don't wanna disappoint one of them. I kinda wanna battle both of them now!"

    I made to inform him that I'd be alright with being turned down, but then Volkner perked up again. "Well, you could if you wanted, but it'd be a two-on-one. And I don't think that's fair on ya, bro. How about I step in so we have a two-on-two?"

    That, at least to me, sounded like an even more exciting idea. I'd be trying something new in fighting with Caitlin, and I'd be against two of the strongest trainers in Sinnoh. While I made to answer, I was yet again cut off, this time by Caitlin. "Yes, yes, yes! I'd be so happy if I got to battle two strong trainers such as you, especially as you are trainers from my home region who I respect so much! Please, please let us fight against you in a double battle-"

    I chose now was the best time to interrupt her myself. "Right, that's great, I'll accept that battle request! Where would we battle, then? Why don't we try asking if we can borrow one of the Unovan Football pitches? They're not in use today, and they're spacious enough for a full double battle to take place."

    Flint gave a reply, while Volkner just seemed a tad relieved that Caitlin wasn't going any further with her battle rant. Maybe he'd heard of Caitlin's tendency to lose control of herself when she got too excited, seeing as both of them were involved in the Pokemon League in Sinnoh at some point, and so was a little nervous, while Flint just didn't care.

    "Sure," Flint told us, "but you'll be fighting against our unstoppable duo! Lead the way, ladies!"

    I couldn't help but giggle just slightly at Flint's overly cocky attitude, as him, Volkner, Caitlin and I all found our way out of the fairground rides and headed towards the Football stands. Caitlin said something with her telepathic abilities to me as we walked. "Hey, thanks for that save back there. I think I nearly went a little crazy back there, what with seeing such talented battlers and being given the concept of an all-out battle with both of them."

    I spoke in a hushed tone back. "No problem. Girls have gotta look out for each other, right?"

    Caitlin only gave a wink and a grin in return, causing the both of us to break out into small giggles. Both men just stared at us in confusion. Flint turned to Volkner. "Hey, bro, is this just a lady thing to break into laughter for no reason?"

    The blonde gave his reply. "I'd assume so."

    As I resisted the urge to break out into further laughter, I replied to them. "Yeah, it's probably a girl thing. Anyway, we're here."

    All four of us entered the colossal stadium. From there, we all gained acceptance to enter the pitch, and once we had entered with our heads held high and found our positions facing each other, the shots were called and the battle begun.

    It wasn't long before the field became a flurry of attacks. Psychic waves emanating from Caitlin's team, fireballs exploding from Flint's partners, electricity crackling from Volkner's side and ghostly beams blasting from my own Pokemon. Volkner and Flint constantly called out to each other what moves the other should command next, forming a team that worked near flawlessly against Caitlin and I. However, Caitlin found just the way to counter them. She said absolutely nothing. However, she still successfully communicated to me her plans through her psychic abilities, speaking into my mind so I knew exactly what she was doing so I could form my own strategy based around that.

    By the time the clock struck midday, each one of us was left with only one Pokemon. Caitlin, her Gothitelle; Volkner, his Electivire; Flint, his Flareon; and I, my Chandelure. Caitlin turned to me, speaking silently. "I'm gonna start off with Calm Mind, can you cover me with something?"

    I nodded, before turning back to the battle and calling out to my Chandelure. "Chandelure, protect Gothitelle and release a Shadow Ball to attack Volkner's Electivire!"

    As the Fire-and-Ghost type shot over towards Gothitelle and made to release its ghostly energy upon its opponent, Flint looked to his friend. "Hey, bro, I'm gonna go for an Overheat, so you might wanna step back a bit, alright?"

    Volkner grinned as though there was no tomorrow. "Sure, bro. I'll make sure to let Electivire know too." He turned to his partner Pokemon. "Electivire, jump into the stands and attack that Gothitelle with a Thunder Punch!"

    Flint looked to his Flareon with a determined stare. "Hey, you! Use Overheat!' The Fire type Pokemon user with a hairstyle that would be great with Head Charge just gave the order and left his Pokemon to do the damage, rushing back to where the touchdown area resided, with Volkner in hot pursuit. Flareon's fur began heating up, the Pokemon growling in passion as fire gathered around itself. Electivire moved extremely nimbly for such a large and intimidating Pokemon, leaping flawlessly into the stands and rushing down the length of the stadium to reach our side.

    Gothitelle's eyelids fluttered shut without Caitlin even having to utter a word, and it placed its two hands together as it began calming itself and readying itself for both Attack and defence. Meanwhile, Chandelure's ghostly ball of darkness grew and grew, until it was finally let loose upon the Electric type now ready to paralyse Caitlin's Psychic Type with a heavy fist.

    Then suddenly, everything happened at once. The Fire eeveelution released all of the flames it had been storing within itself, the crimson and gold colours dancing as they soared in all directions surrounding Flareon. The grass residing on the pitch was burned down, collapsing into ashes as the Overheat attack reached the other side of the playing field. Meanwhile, Electivire's fists crackled with electricity as it made to land them onto Gothitelle's face, but the impact of the Ghost type attack became too much as its manoeuvres led it into a direct, critical hit from Chandelure's offensive strategy, leading it to collapse to the floor before the Psychic Lolita even had a chance to register its existence.

    The flames that Flareon had summoned began surrounding both Gothitelle and the sentient chandelier. However, Chandelure let itself fall to the floor, embracing the flames as though they were a form of sustenance.

    I smiled to myself, remembering Chandelure's ability - the ability to increase in power when impacted by fire. At the other end of the pitch, Flint could be seen shaking his head at his bad luck of not knowing this fact, since he had now worked it out through Chandelure's initially peculiar actions.

    Gothitelle couldn't care less for the flames. They lapped the hem of its dress-like body, but it was in such a state of deep meditation that it barely registered what was going on around it. The flames almost seemed like they were nothing but a still lake to it.

    Volkner held out Electivire's Poke Ball, commanding it to return at the top of his lungs. As the Electric Type returned to a form of red plasma and flowed into the sphere, both Caitlin and I gave a look to each other and grinned. The two of us turned to the final opposing Pokemon left, before both of us commanded the final moves for our Pokemon in perfect unison.

    "Gothitelle-"

    "Chandelure-"

    "Use Psychic!"

    Both of our Pokemon partners began summoning a ghostly pink substance around them, before pushing it to the doglike fire type on the other side of the stadium. The pink substance rippled towards Flareon. Flint desperately tried to counter-attack. "Flareon, use Quick Attack so that you can dodge the attack!"

    Flareon desperately began to try and leap away, but to no avail. The psychic wave impacted it and sent it flying. It reached the ground, where its fainted form became surrounded by the flames that it itself had summoned.

    Flint called back his Flareon as Caitlin and I called back our own Pokemon, before yelling to us. "That was a great battle, ladies, but I think I went a little too far with that Overheat! Do you think you could use that Jellicent to clear up this fire?"

    I yelled back with a substantial reply. "Well, why wouldn't I?"

    I threw my Jellicent's Poke Ball high up into the air, and as it began to arc down again it released the Water-and-Ghost type to clear up the mess. While Jellicent may have been unable to battle, it was tough enough to let a Surf loose, allowing a vast wave of water to engulf the fire, before the water began to dissipate upon the jellyfish's command. After that was cleared up, I allowed Jellicent to rest once again within its Poke Ball.

    Both duos rushed towards each other with ecstatic smiles on all of our faces. Flint gave Caitlin and I a wink as he reached us. "Well, I can say that I am astounded by your battle skills! For a team that have apparently never battled together before, you're quite amazing!"

    I responded with a warm smile. "You were pretty amazing too, you know! I seriously enjoyed that battle, and I enjoy battles with really strong trainers. If you don't mind, I actually recorded that last part of the battle, and if I write notes about a battle then it's sure to be a great one."

    Volkner had a look of realisation on his face. "Oh, so that's what you were writing! I thought it was some kind of strategy, but that's even cooler!"

    Flint gave a patronising but joking sigh. "Oh, Volkner, did it really take you that long to realise? Shauntal's known for being an author."

    The Electric type trainer gave a lopsided grin back. "You know I'm not much of a reader, bro!"

    Flint shrugged, before placing his hands in his pockets and turning back to us. "Anyway, ladies, it's been a great day. I'll go inform the staff of the damage done to their precious football turf and offer to pay for the repairs while I drag Volkner along with me because he's my friend. Until next time!"

    And with that, the strongest duo in Sinnoh gave us a wave before rushing to the exits, leaving Caitlin and I standing among the ashes of our intense fight. As the two of us smiled to ourselves about how much fun we had, Caitlin began talking to me. "You know, I've never felt so much fun in a battle in all my life. If I was the Caitlin of a year ago, I would've only craved the win, and gone insane at the loss. But I'm happy I enjoyed this fight for what it was - it's shown how I've grown, and how I've come to be able to control all this psychic power I hold."

    I rushed over to her and allowed her into a warm embrace. "I find it admirable too. I'm so happy I got to have this battle today as well, and I think I'm gonna ask many times in future to be your battle partner too. Our tactics, when merged together, can be unstoppable."

    -----------------------------

    This battle became a staple in my memory for many reasons. One, meeting two of Sinnoh's greatest trainers within a single day. Two, being able to battle them in a wide area where we could go all out. Three, discovering how Caitlin was the perfect Double Battle partner for me. We've taken part in many two-on-two tournaments ever since, and more often than not we emerge victorious. Now that both of us are fully mature adults we're a little less giggly and more serious, but both of us still can't help but hang out together frequently. Whenever I see Dana, Caitlin is quite often beside me making some sort of witty joke. She's a really close friend of mine, and I'm glad that we're both the female Elite Four members of Unova.
    Last edited by Nerdy McNerdface; 14th May 2017 at 12:21 AM.

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    Hahaha, this was fantastic! I love how you decided to portray the relationship between Volkner and Flint, and while I wasn't overly fond of Caitlin's psychic powers, it worked well with the story, as did Shauntal's habit of constantly writing. I'm wondering, is this the final chapter, or do we get to see more of Shauntal's fabulous exploits?

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    Quote Originally Posted by TikTok13 View Post
    Hahaha, this was fantastic! I love how you decided to portray the relationship between Volkner and Flint,
    Thanks! I don't think I've ever had so much fun writing a bromance before - this kind of platonic relationship where they're both just like "bro" to each other and constantly jokingly annoy one another is one of my favourites. I can now see why I find Ikki and Kent in Amnesia so cute

    and while I wasn't overly fond of Caitlin's psychic powers, it worked well with the story,
    I wasn't personally a massive fan of them either, but what I always tell myself is "if that's one of their defining character traits you gotta roll along with it". I'm glad that they worked well.

    as did Shauntal's habit of constantly writing.
    At this point I'd literally have no reason to not include it.

    I'm wondering, is this the final chapter, or do we get to see more of Shauntal's fabulous exploits?
    Oh, there is so much more yet to come. We've got Alder, Looker, Ash, Agatha, Bertha and the two big ones, N and Hilda!

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    You continue to get Shauntal's voice more or less exactly right – there are some places where your phrasing is a little awkward, like “I wasn't going to let it pass by without some kind of new development occurring”, which is a bit overwritten and could really be said just as well with something like “I wasn't going to let the opportunity go to waste”, but every time I find myself saying that I also find myself thinking, well, that actually kinda does sound like something Shauntal would say. Which leaves me in an interesting position: the snippets Shauntal gives of her writing in-game come off as really melodramatic and kind of overwritten, and you imitate her prose style very well, but maybe in some cases a bit too well. This is still a great story, and I love the amount of detail you've put into reconstructing the personalities of people who don't have more than a few lines of dialogue in-game; the key to making it an even better story, I think, is going to be to try and hit that balance between nailing Shauntal's voice and continuing to keep your prose flowing well.

    With that in mind, here are a few other places where you might be able to smooth your prose out a little: “And even when I'm not wearing my Purrloin scarf due to the blazing heat of Summer in Unova, I can't help but keep my notebook and pen nearby”, in which the information about the scarf feels kind of forced; “I chose now was the best time to interrupt her myself”, which is a little ungrammatical – maybe replace “chose” with “decided”; “I couldn't help but giggle just slightly at Flint's overly cocky attitude”, where you've just shown us that Flint is overly cocky, so you could just have Shauntal giggle “at Flint's attitude” and rely on your reader being able to pick up from context what attitude that is.

    There are other instances, but these are the ones I made notes on while reading. The battle itself is quite cool – I like the use you make of Caitlin's powers and of chandelure's flash fire ability, and the way that Volkner's electivire uses the structure of the arena itself as a way of getting around. It's a good way of revealing character, too: Flint's overwhelming offensive, Shauntal's quieter, more calculating turn of mind. I always like it when I can look at a battle and know I've learned as much about the trainers as the pokémon, especially if you can do that without sacrificing momentum, which you do.

    Anyway! As I say, this is a really good story. I just think it could be a really great one, with a little more polish. I'll look forward to whatever you next produce!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cutlerine View Post
    You continue to get Shauntal's voice more or less exactly right – there are some places where your phrasing is a little awkward, like “I wasn't going to let it pass by without some kind of new development occurring”, which is a bit overwritten and could really be said just as well with something like “I wasn't going to let the opportunity go to waste”, but every time I find myself saying that I also find myself thinking, well, that actually kinda does sound like something Shauntal would say. Which leaves me in an interesting position: the snippets Shauntal gives of her writing in-game come off as really melodramatic and kind of overwritten, and you imitate her prose style very well, but maybe in some cases a bit too well. This is still a great story, and I love the amount of detail you've put into reconstructing the personalities of people who don't have more than a few lines of dialogue in-game; the key to making it an even better story, I think, is going to be to try and hit that balance between nailing Shauntal's voice and continuing to keep your prose flowing well.
    I can see where you're coming from here. In my more recent writing I've tried to cut down on it a little, but I think I still use it a little too much with this story since, like you said, it's Shauntal. I'll try and make it a little smoother in future.

    With that in mind, here are a few other places where you might be able to smooth your prose out a little: “And even when I'm not wearing my Purrloin scarf due to the blazing heat of Summer in Unova, I can't help but keep my notebook and pen nearby”, in which the information about the scarf feels kind of forced; “I chose now was the best time to interrupt her myself”, which is a little ungrammatical – maybe replace “chose” with “decided”; “I couldn't help but giggle just slightly at Flint's overly cocky attitude”, where you've just shown us that Flint is overly cocky, so you could just have Shauntal giggle “at Flint's attitude” and rely on your reader being able to pick up from context what attitude that is.
    Thanks for listing these examples! I know what I need to look out for now.

    There are other instances, but these are the ones I made notes on while reading. The battle itself is quite cool – I like the use you make of Caitlin's powers and of chandelure's flash fire ability, and the way that Volkner's electivire uses the structure of the arena itself as a way of getting around.
    Thanks! I quite enjoy writing battles like this, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    It's a good way of revealing character, too: Flint's overwhelming offensive, Shauntal's quieter, more calculating turn of mind. I always like it when I can look at a battle and know I've learned as much about the trainers as the pokémon, especially if you can do that without sacrificing momentum, which you do.
    Tactics do say a lot about a character's personality, so I tried to show that here. I'm glad it paid off!

    Anyway! As I say, this is a really good story. I just think it could be a really great one, with a little more polish. I'll look forward to whatever you next produce!
    Awesome! I'll try my best when I write the next part.

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    I have to admit I'm a bit of two minds about this one. On the one hand, aww yiss, Shauntal fic. And moreover, yeah, ngl, she's kinda a hack writer if you compare her to real-life standards. Like, yeah, absolutely, as Cutlerine said, she is overdramatic, wordy, and the kind of writer who values dressing over substance. More than likely, her novels are like those edgy fics where the author trawls for the thesaurus just to make their writing sound more poetic and mature, rather than to build meaning. So on the one hand, yes, I quite agree that she would be the kind of person who would say things like, "That very same Gym Leader, as I remembered bright as the daylight seeping in from the sky today, had battled me just a week ago." (Among other things, of course. That particular line just stuck out at me in particular because first off, it is hilariously overwritten, and second off, it doesn't actually make sense if you think about it, but to be fair, this is exactly what purple prose sounds like.) And because of that, this is a rather interesting and entertaining depiction of her. That and, well, it's very clear that you tried to get her in-character, which is 100% what a first-person account (especially one that's quasi-epistolary in nature) should do.

    On the other, yeeeeeah, there were bits that were difficult to read through. The second chapter wasn't quite as shaky as the first, but even then, there were awkward bits wherein it felt like you were oversharing.

    For one, you stopped the first chapter multiple times to describe things—Dana's outfit, the way a pokémon looks, a poké ball, and so forth—and while it's a little iffy because of the reason Cutlerine outlined, it's also awkward because it does what it sounds like: stops the action. Granted, yes, there are authors who do this all the time, and Shauntal could very well be one of them, but when you're gearing up for a battle such as the first one in the fic (which itself is a battle between a trainer and an Elite Four member, even if the Elite Four member is the one narrating), pausing to describe something like every last detail of what a trainer or pokémon looks like tends to disrupt the flow and make your prose seem less dynamic and exciting. It's totally cool to offer up brief details to help readers grasp what's going on, but it's more effective to present these within the action of a story. (Dana fixing her dark eyes on Shauntal is actually a good example of what that means.)

    Not only that, but in the double battle, there were moments when it kinda felt like Shauntal was offering up details she wouldn't know/shouldn't share for the sake of helping the reader (outside the story) understand what was going on. For example, I thought it was odd that Shauntal basically revealed Caitlin's strategy in the double-battle by saying Chandelure needed to protect Gothitelle, and likewise, I thought it was odd that Shauntal could hear what Flint and Volkner were planning immediately afterwards. The reason why is because if both sides could hear the other's plans or get an idea of what's about to happen, then they can cobble together a plan for counterattack (or for defense, as the case may be). So if you plan, you keep your cards to your chest, so to speak, and try to avoid giving your opponent the advantage of having any idea of what you're doing. (Also, Volkner and Flint are across the field, so unless they're shouting their strategies—which means Volkner probably wouldn't need to "make sure Electivire knows"—then Shauntal should probably not be able to hear them.)

    Then of course, there was the part where Shauntal remembered Chandelure's special ability. It's handy to know, but considering the fact that the field was starting to catch on fire, that ... might not have been the best time, no.

    In both cases, I think I can see why these moments are in the fic—to give the reader the heads up and to add more detail to your world—but at the same time, I also feel it might be necessary to keep in mind that your readers will often figure stuff out via implication. So, in other words, it's okay to not tell them everything now and then and to focus on the action at hand instead. Keeping your mind on the plot and the story you're trying to drive forward instead of the details your audience may or may not know will help you decide what to include and when while avoiding any awkward instance where you need to slow down the action and add something else in.

    Tl;dr, on the one hand, it's an entertaining view of Shauntal, but on the other, it's really difficult to get into because of how many times the prose kinda slows down in order to cover something. But! If the latter were polished up a bit, you'll have the hilarity that is Shauntal trying her hardest to write her memoirs in, like, the floweriest prose possible, which to be honest is a fun premise.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
    I have to admit I'm a bit of two minds about this one. On the one hand, aww yiss, Shauntal fic. And moreover, yeah, ngl, she's kinda a hack writer if you compare her to real-life standards. Like, yeah, absolutely, as Cutlerine said, she is overdramatic, wordy, and the kind of writer who values dressing over substance. More than likely, her novels are like those edgy fics where the author trawls for the thesaurus just to make their writing sound more poetic and mature, rather than to build meaning. So on the one hand, yes, I quite agree that she would be the kind of person who would say things like, "That very same Gym Leader, as I remembered bright as the daylight seeping in from the sky today, had battled me just a week ago." (Among other things, of course. That particular line just stuck out at me in particular because first off, it is hilariously overwritten, and second off, it doesn't actually make sense if you think about it, but to be fair, this is exactly what purple prose sounds like.) And because of that, this is a rather interesting and entertaining depiction of her. That and, well, it's very clear that you tried to get her in-character, which is 100% what a first-person account (especially one that's quasi-epistolary in nature) should do.
    Shauntal always struck me as a little overdramatic, especially considering her Elite Four room even has fake thunder and lightning to increase the drama levels, so I kind of tried to show that here. It's good hat it came across!

    On the other, yeeeeeah, there were bits that were difficult to read through. The second chapter wasn't quite as shaky as the first, but even then, there were awkward bits wherein it felt like you were oversharing.
    A little too much in character, then? :3

    For one, you stopped the first chapter multiple times to describe things—Dana's outfit, the way a pokémon looks, a poké ball, and so forth—and while it's a little iffy because of the reason Cutlerine outlined, it's also awkward because it does what it sounds like: stops the action. Granted, yes, there are authors who do this all the time, and Shauntal could very well be one of them, but when you're gearing up for a battle such as the first one in the fic (which itself is a battle between a trainer and an Elite Four member, even if the Elite Four member is the one narrating), pausing to describe something like every last detail of what a trainer or pokémon looks like tends to disrupt the flow and make your prose seem less dynamic and exciting. It's totally cool to offer up brief details to help readers grasp what's going on, but it's more effective to present these within the action of a story. (Dana fixing her dark eyes on Shauntal is actually a good example of what that means.)
    I can understand that. I try to do that sometimes, but other times I completely forget. Also I'm a sucker for describing things so I guess it's a weak point.

    Not only that, but in the double battle, there were moments when it kinda felt like Shauntal was offering up details she wouldn't know/shouldn't share for the sake of helping the reader (outside the story) understand what was going on. For example, I thought it was odd that Shauntal basically revealed Caitlin's strategy in the double-battle by saying Chandelure needed to protect Gothitelle, and likewise, I thought it was odd that Shauntal could hear what Flint and Volkner were planning immediately afterwards. The reason why is because if both sides could hear the other's plans or get an idea of what's about to happen, then they can cobble together a plan for counterattack (or for defense, as the case may be). So if you plan, you keep your cards to your chest, so to speak, and try to avoid giving your opponent the advantage of having any idea of what you're doing. (Also, Volkner and Flint are across the field, so unless they're shouting their strategies—which means Volkner probably wouldn't need to "make sure Electivire knows"—then Shauntal should probably not be able to hear them.)
    Yeah, I can see what you mean here too. I always thought that either Flint and Volkner were yelling their commands or Shauntal was just really good at hearing. Thanks for pointing it out, though.

    Then of course, there was the part where Shauntal remembered Chandelure's special ability. It's handy to know, but considering the fact that the field was starting to catch on fire, that ... might not have been the best time, no.
    ... Yep. Shauntal might've seen it all before though, who knows?

    In both cases, I think I can see why these moments are in the fic—to give the reader the heads up and to add more detail to your world—but at the same time, I also feel it might be necessary to keep in mind that your readers will often figure stuff out via implication. So, in other words, it's okay to not tell them everything now and then and to focus on the action at hand instead. Keeping your mind on the plot and the story you're trying to drive forward instead of the details your audience may or may not know will help you decide what to include and when while avoiding any awkward instance where you need to slow down the action and add something else in.
    Thanks for saying! I'll bear it in mind.

    Tl;dr, on the one hand, it's an entertaining view of Shauntal, but on the other, it's really difficult to get into because of how many times the prose kinda slows down in order to cover something. But! If the latter were polished up a bit, you'll have the hilarity that is Shauntal trying her hardest to write her memoirs in, like, the floweriest prose possible, which to be honest is a fun premise.
    Honestly when I first came up with this I had no idea it'd be so entertaining. But here I am, laughing at how Shauntal is a "flowery edgelord" when it comes to writing. Thanks for the review!

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