I needed a break from writing chapter 8 of Brothers' Bond, so I figured I'd catch up a little more here. This is chapter 3, which I BELIEVE is the last chapter completed so far! So...all caught up! Yay!
Pikachu, Charmander, and Squirtle. I see what you mean about tackling cliches. Where's Bulbasaur going to come in?“Ugh, what does it matter?!” Rudy exclaimed. “We’re not gonna get anywhere by just hiding!” Before I could protest, he pulled out a pair of Poké Balls and opened them, allowing both of his Pokémon to appear before us. I wasn’t surprised to see the familiar black firedog taking shape, or her subsequent attempt to tackle me. What caught me off-guard was the small, bright blue turtle now standing next to us—not that I really had time to question what the heck he was doing with a Squirtle.
Nice touch there. Jade is being the "smart" one because she realizes the pokemon she and Rudy have are no match for the monsters already on the field, but everyone else's willingness to jump into battle makes her feel like a weakling. Will she give in to the pressure of everyone else wanting to battle (which would be a mistake, I imagine)? This is a big decision for her.Firestorm looked down and nodded vaguely. So now even he wanted to help in some small way. I wasn’t the only useless one here, but I was the only one who had just given up on being able to do anything. That realization was aggravating.
So wait...does Tyson know Spencer?That pretty much sent Tyson over the edge. “What the hell are you even doing here?!” he roared. “I don’t have time to take this crap from you!”
You know what I'm just realizing I appreciate? Even with the Pikachu in play, the kids aren't getting by on youthful vigor and dumb luck, like I imagine would be the case in so many fictions. Without this older, experienced Spencer around to basically battle FOR them, they'd be dead meat.Spencer seemed to realize this at the same time I did. “Backup, backup, definitely time for backup,” he muttered quickly, fumbling with the Poké Balls on his belt. He grabbed the first two he could get his hands on and opened them. His first Pokémon, an Electabuzz, gave a swish of its striped tail the second it appeared and began swinging its heavy arms in a windmill motion, causing sparks to leap off the prongs on its head. Alongside it stood a Pokémon I couldn’t recognize off the top of my head—a gray wolf with long capes of black fur running down its back. Its yellowish eyes held a bit of uncertainty, but it crouched defensively, ready to fight just the same.
This feels a little too much like another read basically designed solely for the reader. I'm willing to suspend disbelief (heck, Typhlosion melted through metal that was attached to Jade's head...that should have burned the hell out of her unless her hands were a dozen yards away from Typhlosion's fire attack), so I don't need to be told this. Just my opinion.“I thought you had six Pokémon,” Rudy said, sounding a bit let down.
“We’d be starting one crazy party if I let out all six of my guys. I don’t think the plane can handle that many fighters—this battle’s probably dangerous enough as it is.”
That was right…in fact, it was a good thing we were in such a large plane—any battle at all would have been impossible otherwise.
Well, it's the interior of the plane. That wording makes it seem like it's literally on the side of the airplane. See what I mean? I would say "off to the side of the cargo bay area" (or just cargo bay).The Pikachu made one last attempt to jump over the Pokémon and blast them all but failed. It fell to the ground and collapsed off to the side of the plane.
Drop the "pretty much" there. Just "It was all I could think of as a reply". Sounds better, and conveys the more apt meaning.“So…think it’s gonna help us?” Rudy spoke up all of a sudden.
I shrugged. It was pretty much all I could think of to reply.
*all of US flying back...Everything happened so fast—it was hard to process all of it. First lightning, and then an explosion ripping through the back of the plane, sending all of flying back toward the cockpit. Before I could even think about what was going on, Spencer whipped out a Poké Ball to release an icy white seal. Its horn shone with a bright blue light as a wave of water streamed forward from its mouth. The instant the flames burning from the explosion had been doused, the Dewgong fired a glowing beam from its horn that completely sealed the gaping hole with huge, glittering ice crystals.
And I'm confused. Pikachu was IN the cockpit, then ran AWAY from it to the back of the plane where, after the brief confrontation with Electabuzz, it blew a hole in the hull of the plane. If I'm right, this shouldn't have sent our heroes TOWARDS the cockpit, they (and everything else not nailed down) should have been flying towards the hole due to the pressure inside the plane rapidly escaping into the open air.
That's pretty good thinking. On Spencer's part, yes, but it was a good creative way to end the battle, too. Very nice.“Well I knew we’d never get anywhere with him having a gun and all, so with all the insanity that the Pikachu caused, I told Typhlosion to hide and take him down the first chance he got,”
I couldn’t think of anything to say. I was too shocked by how much the tables had turned in our favor with just that one move.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?! Do you have any idea who you’re dealing with?!” Tyson raged, struggling against Typhlosion’s hold.
“I think we’re dealing with someone I just beat,” Spencer said. “You should probably recall your Pokémon now, it’ll make things easier.”
Typhlosion flexed his claws threateningly to emphasize the point, letting wave of heat start to shimmer around them. Clenching his teeth, Tyson managed to unclip the Poké Balls from his belt and recall his Pokémon in twin beams of black energy.
So Spencer the mighty battler isn't that good at communicating, eh? Interesting. Everybody's got weaknesses, I guess.Rudy looked to be spending the time debating over training methods for strengthening his Pokémon. Spencer, meanwhile, was having an amusing discussion with his Pokémon, in which I could tell that he didn’t understand them much, yet it didn’t seem to stop him from responding to everything they said as if a split conversation like that were completely normal. I couldn’t help chuckling a bit at it.
This is the second of third time that's happened this chapter. Someone saying something and following it up with "Yeah, that was lame; sorry". It's like the characters are having a race to be the most awkward. Just be careful in the future about repeating those kinds of things over and over.“Yeah, okay, that was lame,” he said, putting a hand to his forehead. “Anyways, think he’s planning something?”
Something about this line was very Spider-Man-esque. And I love Spider-Man witticisms and obnoxious one-liners, so I loved this.“Actually!” Spencer exclaimed suddenly. “I just remembered I have somewhere very important to be, so y’know I’m just gonna have to take a rain check on the whole battling Rockets to the death thing, so sorry I can’t make it, very urgent, hope you’ll understand, hey guys you’re invited too, let’s go now, Arcanine!”
Okay! So I'm all caught up. I agree with your summation: this chapter was REALLY long.