The Legendarian Chronicles [Revision 11]

[Chibi Pika]

Thanks very much for reading katiekitten! And for catching that repetitive bit there--every little bit helps! (The funny thing is, that was caused by me editing the second half of that sentence long after writing it. In fact, that is what causes almost all cases of repetitive wording in my fic, since I'm usually very sensitive to it when I'm actually writing things straight through.)


And just to update everyone, chapter 5 is coming along great and will be up this week. In the meantime, I finished up the artwork for Ajia:
    Spoiler:- Ajia:

Show Spoiler

 

 

Ajia is such a fun character. I can't wait until people start speculating about her.

~Chibi~

[Cometstarlight]

You know what? I think I'll join your PM'ing list if you'll allow me to : D I like the way you write and the way you can take constructive criticism, looking forward to your next post : )

[Sid87]

And just to update everyone, chapter 5 is coming along great and will be up this week. In the meantime, I finished up the artwork for Ajia:
    Spoiler:- Ajia:

Show Spoiler

 

 

Ajia is such a fun character. I can't wait until people start speculating about her.

~Chibi~

Are you friggin' kidding me with that? That's absurdly good. I kind of hate you now because I can't draw for nothing, and your pics so far have been delightful.

[Chibi Pika]

After looking through Bulbapedia’s list of names commonly used to refer to pokédollars, I decided to go with “pyen” as Kanto's monetary unit in LC. I wanted something without the “poke” prefix (too silly), but starting with a p (to reference the canon in-game symbol), but also referencing the Japanese games just having them as yen (which also makes it more obvious that 20,000 pyen, while a decent sum, is nothing extraordinary.)

And as a bit of a side note, I cut some extraneous bits from chapter 3, including Rudy and Jade discussing his choosing Squirtle as a starter, so if you read it when it first came out, and feel any déjà vu, that’s why.



~ Chapter 5: Deliberation~

“All in all, great job today, everyone. I’d say we’ve graduated to top class as far as not-getting-killed-by-Rockets goes,” Spencer said, stretching widely and flopping to the ground.

We were resting in a small, shaded clearing in the woods some thirty minutes west of the crash side, after Spencer’s Pidgeot had proven too sore to make the full journey back to Viridian—especially with two passengers. Still, none of us protested the chance to stop and catch our breath after the harrowing escape. I hadn’t moved from the spot I’d collapsed onto after sliding down Aerodactyl’s back and feeling utterly numb. It would have been nice just lying there with the wind rustling the leaves on the trees and watching the sky slowly melt into red as the day drew to a close. I still had too many thoughts swirling about my head to appreciate any of it, though.

I heard the sound of a Poké Ball opening and then suddenly felt a strange tingling near my hands and feet. I looked down to see a blue psychic aura surrounding the shackles that were still clasped around my wrists and ankles, causing them to snap open suddenly. I had stopped noticing that they were there, what with the waves of fear and adrenaline that had been flooding my system all day until now. Now that they were gone, I was suddenly aware of the aching and itching and couldn’t help rubbing my wrists extensively.

“That’s better, isn’t it?” Ajia said. I noticed Espeon now sitting next to her on Aerodactyl’s back, flicking its forked tail. “So Jade...you’ve really got to tell me how you got mixed up with those Rockets in the first place.” She gave me a bit of a sideways glance—or at least, what looked sideways, given that I was sprawled out on the grass looking up at her. It was hard to tell with everything upside-down.

I couldn’t help letting out a laugh. “Me? What about you?! How did you even know we were there?”

“I asked you first,” Ajia replied with a playful smirk.

Oh come on. That wasn’t fair.

I sighed, unsure of how much I wanted to say about it. “I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and saw something I shouldn’t have. That’s really all it was.” Okay, so that wasn’t totally the truth. Still, I wasn’t exactly sure if I wanted to bring up my conversation with the Charizard trainer—not because he told me to keep it a secret, but just because I was a bit afraid of the reaction I’d get.

Ajia raised an eyebrow, looking confused. “They kidnapped you just because you saw them doing something? That seems really weird. You’d think a big organization like them wouldn’t care if some random kid saw them doing something. It’s not like you could exactly do anything with that info.”

I paused. “Well…it wasn’t just ‘something.’ I saw them trying to catch Entei.”

This revelation got a noticeable silence out of everyone. I noticed Rudy sit up immediately, looking both alarmed and amazed.

“You actually saw Entei?” he said after some time.

I nodded blankly, unsure of what else to do.

“Entei. As in, Legendary beast, Entei? Makes volcanoes erupt, and all that?” Spencer said incredulously.

“Has anyone ever captured a Legendary before?” Rudy asked, looking like he was trying to figure something out.

Almost immediately, Ajia responded, “No. Never.”

I closed my eyes, now feeling oddly miserable about the conversation. “They succeeded. They actually caught it. There wasn’t really anything I could do.”

Ajia gave me a weird look, like she found my comment to be completely bizarre. “Well, come on. It’s not like you could have done anything.”

I couldn’t have done anything. It was the same way with the Rocket situation we had just been in. In both cases I’d been powerless.

“…What would you have done in that situation?” I found myself asking her, not entirely sure why.

“What? That’s—what kind of question is that?”

I sighed. “Never mind. It was stupid, forget it.”

“Scary organization that tried to kill us now has an ultra-powerful fire-breathing weapon. I hope I’m not the only one bothered by this,” Spencer commented.

I didn’t really know what to say in response so I just stared back up at the sky. It was almost night—small pinpricks of starlight were starting to shine above us. If we didn’t get back to Viridian soon, I’d have a world of explaining to do. The idea of returning home after all of this was somehow very strange and foreign.

“Even if you saw them going after Entei, I still don’t get why they cared so much,” Ajia continued to herself, apparently still trying to figure out the missing link in my story. “It just seems weird that they had to kidnap you even if you didn’t know all that much about them.”

“Can…can we not talk about this anymore?” I asked, looking away. “And in any case…what about you? You never said how found us there.”

“I saw the Fire Blast from the air. It was pretty hard to miss, actually.”

I gave her an incredulous stare. “Um. Yeah, right. You just happened to be flying by and see us?”

Ajia chuckled slightly. “Okay, okay, I already knew you were in trouble. I heard about the situation from a friend. It’s kind of a long story, though.”

I raised an eyebrow. “We’ve got time. And does this have anything to do with the fact that you’ve fought Rockets before?”

She considered the question for a bit and then nodded. “I don’t want to end up dragging you into that mess, though.”

I couldn’t help staring in disbelief. “I’m already involved in this Rocket mess after today, so what’s the difference?”

“Jade, be glad that nothing that happened today didn’t pull you in too deep,” she said, suddenly looking very serious. I blinked, a bit taken aback by her sudden change in expression. It was still just too weird to think that she had apparently gone through situations like this before.

Ajia paused, seeing the look on my face. “I’m sorry. It all happened a long time ago.”

I didn’t say anything. It was kind of obvious she didn’t want to tell me anything anyway, and I couldn’t help feeling annoyed by it, even if there was a good reason behind it.

“So…what are you going to do now? Were you on a Pokémon journey before this all started?” Ajia asked.

“Eh…not exactly…I still haven’t got my training license, so—”

“You don’t? Your parents still don’t want you to train?” Ajia said incredulously. “Sheesh, I know training can be dangerous—I guess today kind of proved that—but the whole point is going through hard times and getting stronger and…” She paused, suddenly looking confused. “Hang on…how did you get a starter Pokémon, then?”

“He’s, uh…not my starter. I found the Charmander in the woods before I ran into the Rockets.”

“Which is completely unfair, if you ask me,” Rudy interjected.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You know, I’m still surprised you chose Squirtle as your starter.”

He clapped a hand to his forehead. “Yeah, about that…I should have known that the League registration place would be out of Charmander, so—hey, don’t give me that look, I didn’t want to wait, okay?” I almost felt like laughing out loud at his impatience. It suddenly made sense that he had been so jealous of my finding a Charmander. Of course, then I couldn’t help feeling annoyed by how eager he was to leave on his journey while I was stuck in Viridian.

“So, think we’re ready to head off now?” Ajia asked, recalling her Espeon back into its ball. “Back to Viridian now, right?”

I hesitated. In all honesty, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to go home. Something she had said earlier was still stuck in my mind: the point of training Pokémon was to grow stronger. I hadn’t been able to do anything, either to help myself or anyone else, all day. Sure, maybe I was too weak to do anything about Team Rocket’s Legendary catching now, but wasn’t that what the Charizard trainer was aiming for? How could I go home and do nothing after knowing what he had told me about Team Rocket catching Legendaries and seeing proof of it right before me? It was weird, but I couldn’t help feeling that I’d met him for a reason, and that I was supposed to take that opportunity.

I hadn’t wanted to get involved because I didn’t think I could make a difference. Now I wanted to join because of that. Maybe I was just insane.

“Hey Ajia, can I talk to you about something for a bit?”

“Sure?” she said, looking a bit puzzled when I stood up and walked a ways from the clearing. I supposed it was kind of weird that I wanted to talk about it in private, but I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone to begin with, and I’d known Ajia the longest.

“What is it?” Ajia asked once we were a good distance from the others, who were now looking very confused.

I took a deep breath before pulling the card out of my pocket and handing it to her. “I want to know what you think of this. I’m honestly considering joining a group against Team Rocket.”

Something flickered in her eyes when I said that, though I couldn’t quite figure out what. Ajia read the card several times, repeating certain bits out loud to herself as though trying to figure out something hidden there that I hadn’t noticed.

“It’s very vague…though possibly just to protect the leader from being found out by the Rockets. It doesn’t even say where you’ll be going…I guess you’re supposed to figure that out in Vermillion. Overall, it’s suspicious, though I don’t think it’s a trap.”

“A trap?” I said blankly. The thought hadn’t really occurred to me.

She nodded. “There’s always the possibility, but that’d be very unlike the Rockets. What would they gain by going and finding a bunch of kids, deliberately telling them about the organization, and then killing them? No, I think it’s real…though I can’t say I know what the motives behind it are.”

The motives? What other motives could there be for wanting to stop Team Rocket? Before I could ask, Ajia said, “Who exactly gave this to you? The leader of the team, or someone working for them?”

“Um, I’m pretty sure he was the leader. Tall guy, late teens…er, I’m not very good at describing people.”

Ajia paused, looking to be deep in thought. She considered something for several seconds, and then said, “If this is what you want to go for…then I’m in no place to stop you. I guess you want to go to Vermilion now?”

I hesitated slightly.

“Yeah. To Vermilion.”

We walked back to the clearing, my mind filled with an odd sense of relief after making my decision. Spencer and Rudy perked up slightly upon seeing us return.

“So Jade, mind telling us what your ultra-secret talk was about?” Rudy asked, laughing slightly.

I didn’t say anything for several seconds. “Rudy, tell my parents I’m leaving on a Pokémon journey.”

He stared at me, unable to work through what I had just said. “…What? You’re going on a journey? Hey, I told you it was a good idea! But seriously, this is kind of out of nowhere. What changed your mind?”

I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. I repeated that excuse in my head, but it wasn’t entirely the reason. This crazy plan of mine was my choice and he didn’t need to be involved. I kind of already knew he’d want to be involved if I told him.

“I guess you could say that today changed my mind.”

I glanced around the clearing, then down at the ground where I had placed the limp form of the experimental Pikachu. His back rose and fell lightly with each breath, but there was no sign of him waking up any time soon.

I didn’t really know what do with him at this point. It seemed cruel to just leave him here where a predator could find him out cold. And even if it had been for his own reasons, he had helped us.

“Well, we lost his Poké Ball on the plane so I guess I’ll just have to hold him again,” I said, picking up the rodent as gently as possible.

“Wait a minute…you’re actually gonna keep that thing?” Rudy asked, staring wide-eyed at the Pikachu. His expression was a mixture of incredulous fear and envy. Of course he’d wish that he’d been the one to keep a cool hybrid, even if temporarily.

“I wouldn’t say it like that. I’m just going to hold onto him until he wakes up, and then explain the situation to him. He’ll probably just leave afterwards.”

Ajia climbed up onto her Aerodactyl’s back and got herself strapped into its flight harness, prompting the reptile to stand to its feet and stretch its wings. I climbed up behind her, taking care to hold the Pikachu as best as I could while still keeping a firm grip on the Aerodactyl’s straps.

“Leaving now, huh?” Spencer asked. “Take care! Nice fighting with you…or…alongside you, I guess.”

It wasn’t like I had done much, but his words still made me smile. “Thanks for everything. I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t shown up.”

Aerodactyl pushed off from the ground and in an instant, we were off. The air was dusky and cool, and the wind whipped at our faces and through our hair as we flew onward. I lost track of how long we had to fly, but the sky had deepened into pitch black by the time I first caught a glimpse of city lights reflecting off the ocean in the distance. The pterosaur swooped down low over Vermilion City, eventually landing alongside the Pokémon Center. I let myself down from its back slowly, my hands now sore beyond belief from all the flying we’d done today. It was almost difficult just holding the Pikachu now—I had to constantly shift his weight between my arms.

“Wait here,” Ajia said, dismounting her Pokémon and running inside the large, red-roofed building. Only a few seconds afterward, she returned with a pen and a scrap of notepad paper. She scribbled something onto it and then handed it to me.

“It’s my PokéGear number—in case you ever find yourself in too much trouble.”

She climbed onto her Aerodactyl once more and waved lightly to me. “Good luck. I hope things work out for you. I mean it.”

I waved. “Thanks, Ajia.”

And with that, they were off, soaring into the night sky and out of sight.

So now it was time for me to figure out how to handle myself on my own. Though…I suppose I wasn’t on my own—I did have my Pokémon.

And then it hit me. I had made this decision without even thinking about the fact that I still had a confused Charmander that didn’t even really belong to me. I pulled out Firestorm’s Poké Ball slowly, figuring that I’d have to tell him what had happened eventually, and attempt to apologize for taking him here without his consent. A flash of white light formed into the flame-tailed lizard, who glanced around, looking puzzled.

“*Are we safe now?*” he asked.

I nodded. “We’re far from your old home, though. I’m not sure what you want to do, but—”

He cut me off. “*I don’t get it. Aren’t you my trainer now?*”

I blinked stupidly at him. If I had been expecting anything, it hadn’t been this. “I guess…well, I never really captured you, but…” I trailed off awkwardly. Did wild Pokémon normally act like this? I had always figured they’d resist going with a human as much as possible. The only reason they went with a human trainer was to get the chance to battle a wide variety of opponents and grow strong—that was the entire reason you had to battle a Pokémon before catching it: to prove yourself. Then again…if he did have a family and a home in that forest, it was likely all gone. There wasn’t much he could go back to.

“If you’re sure it’s what you want, then fine, you can come with me,” I said, smiling afterwards. Even though it probably wasn’t right to think of it in this light, I couldn’t deny that having a Charmander would be really cool.

An overwhelming sense of anxiety still hung over my head, but underneath it all, I couldn’t help being excited somehow. Though this hadn’t really been the way I wanted it to happen, I was now a Pokémon Trainer. An illegal one off on a mission to join a secret rebel team, sure…but a trainer nonetheless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cool, salty ocean breeze ruffled through my bangs as I strolled down one of Vermillion’s coastal walkways, shopping bags in hand. I had put it off as long as possible, but eventually I’d needed to buy more clothes, no matter how much I hated to go shopping for them. I couldn’t help wishing that I had somehow known to grab some spare outfits when I had left home. Still, I’d had no idea that any of this would happen; I had just planned on riding around town a little while Rudy finished his chores. It seemed almost crazy how something so small had led to all of this.

Almost absentmindedly, I found myself thumbing through the money in the new wallet I’d bought. It was a good thing TMs were so valuable; I’d held onto to the Fire Blast TM after I made the connection that Series 5 discs were the reusable ones. Pawning it off the second I got to Vermillion had managed to land me 20,000 pyen—I was pretty sure that was far less than it was actually worth, but I was far too desperate to care. I had spent well over half of it within my first two days in Vermillion, but hopefully I wouldn’t need to buy anything more than food for the remainder of my time here.

I paused just long enough to stuff the bags into my new backpack before continuing down the road alongside the bay, occasionally shooting a glance out over the horizon. I couldn’t help being awed by the endless stretches of sea that surrounded half the city—it was so much more open than the hilly, forested type of setting I was used to seeing around Viridian. Still, rolls of fog were starting to drift in over the ocean, and the day had grown more overcast as it went on. I shivered a bit as an unusually icy chill swept in. Better to head home for the day.

I felt a slight pang in my chest as I walked past the Pokémon Center and its promise of a roof and a warm bed. Those things were for licensed trainers—without being able to receive the trainer’s discount, I’d have gone broke within a week. I’d had no choice but to settle on…much cheaper arrangements.

I had just reached the northern edge of the city when I felt the first few raindrops hit my arm. Breaking into a run, I headed toward a small line of trees in the otherwise open fields of Route 6. There, shielded from both wind and the view of most passing trainers, was the tent I had bought the first night I had arrived. Because of all the Pokémon Trainers, camping supplies were fairly cheap and thankfully didn’t require a license to purchase. That was at least one thing that had gone in my favor.

“I’m back,” I announced upon entering the tent, taking care to close the flap behind me.

“*Hello,*” Firestorm replied. He was sitting patiently on the non-flammable, waterproof tarp that I’d bought to cover the floor of the tent. Swift was huddled in the corner. That just left…

“…Where’s Pikachu?” I asked, glancing around apprehensively. Given his intimidating air, it felt extremely weird just calling him “Pikachu”, but I couldn’t think of what else to call him.

“*He went out to train,*” Firestorm answered. “*Sometimes you can see a Thunderbolt out in the field.*”

“Just so long as he doesn’t make actual lightning strike,” I said, laughing nervously, though there really probably wasn’t much risk, as the sky was covered in more of a misty haze than storm clouds. I was a bit relieved that he hadn’t decided to take off, but I couldn’t figure out why. Why did I care if a random Pokémon that didn’t even belong to me just decided to up and leave one day? It’s not like he’d said a word to any of us; he hadn’t even agreed or disagreed to my keeping him.

Firestorm was now sniffing at the shopping bags I had set down. “*What’s that?*” he asked.

“I already told you guys that I needed to buy clothes,” I replied, sitting down. “And hey, I thought I told you that I wanted you to talk faster than normal to make it harder for me to catch what you’re saying. I want to be sure I can understand you in any situation.”

“*Again?*” he said, raising an eyebrow. “*If you can understand me well enough, then why do you need—?*” The Charmander said all of this much more quickly, and my brain didn’t really have time to register the second half of what he’d spoken.

“See, that’s what I’m talking about!” I exclaimed, as though he were somehow able to read my thoughts. He stared at me confusedly.

“I only got through two semesters of Advanced Pokéspeech, and before that I was completely horrible at it,” I explained. Sure, up until this point, I had been able to understand my Pokémon decently, but I knew that I’d need to make sure I was as fluent as possible, and the only way to do that was to practice.

“*Huh? That’s weird…why does it take you humans so long to learn it?*”

“Pfft, we’re not like Pokémon; our brains don’t just ‘pick up’ languages like that.” I snapped my fingers to emphasize the point.

“*Well alright…then couldn’t you talk with Swift?*” he asked.

Rubbing the back of my head, I answered, “Er, not really…” Swift had never exactly been one to talk very much. Upon noticing that our conversation involved him, the Pidgey turned away shyly.

“Now…say something completely random or illogical,” I instructed Firestorm. “You know, so I don’t have context to help me out.”

The fire lizard rolled his eyes at first, but then spat out a rapid string of words in Pokéspeech: “Char’ charmann‘der charmaan ‘charr.”

I raised an eyebrow. “That meant: ‘you are…bad at Pokéspeech’? I said illogical.”

“*That was,*” he said promptly.

I shook my head, but couldn’t help laughing just the same.

“*Why don’t you try talking in Pokéspeech?*” Firestorm asked me. “*You humans can make any sounds you want, right?*”

I shook my head. “That won’t work. I mean, I could try, but there’s no way I could get the more complicated tone changes down. It’s a lot easier for humans to learn how to hear them than to actually make them, and that’s saying something.” I found myself recalling memories of my first semester of Pokéspeech class. Sure, everyone knew that with Pokéspeech, it was the meaning that was important, not the actual words like with human speech—but somehow, it was impossible to fully appreciate just how different the two ways of speaking were until you’d started learning Pokémon language.

Firestorm took that opportunity to end my practice and resume his investigation of my purchases. It didn’t take him long to grow bored of that and start digging through a bag of pokéchow instead, though.

A sudden flash of light drew my attention to the outside. I crawled forward and peeked out the tent flap to see scattered bolts of lightning coming from a field north of us, twisting and flailing wildly into the air. When I stood up, I was able to catch a glimpse of the experimental Pikachu darting around the grass as though tangling with an invisible opponent. I had to suspect that he had already knocked out all the willing combatants on the route and scared away all the unwilling ones.

“Pikachu!” I called out, feeling rather silly. “Hey, Pikachu!”

He really didn’t give any indication that he had heard me at all. The hybrid simply continued ducking and weaving throughout the grasses in a very precise and streamlined motion, occasionally leaping out and slicing his tail through the air.

“You know, I heard you when you snuck in the tent last night to steal food. You could have just asked, you know?”

Not a word. Not even a look. His spiky fur stood on end as he charged forward and body slammed the dead remains of a tree, letting loose a wave of electricity from the impact and scorching the trunk even more than it was before.

“Seriously, I know I’m not your trainer but could you at least give me a reason you haven’t left yet? I have no idea what to think about you!”

The rodent’s breathing was starting to grow heavier from the intense training. Sparks were starting to leap off his fur, but every time they did, he would let off a narrow string of lightning straight along the ground. Compared to his previous moves, this was a lot more precise and controlled.

“You know, in a few weeks, I’m gonna be leaving to join a group fighting the Rockets! Are you going to follow me then, too?”

His movements faltered. I noticed him jerk very suddenly at those words, as though caught off guard. It was only for a moment, but he definitely paused before leaping back into the tall grass and out of sight. I waited several seconds, but didn’t see any more signs of him training.

“Ugh, just forget it,” I muttered, climbing back inside the tent and flopping down onto my sleeping bag. I couldn’t help feeling my eyelids start to droop and my muscles go limp, even though it was the middle of the afternoon. I had felt similarly exhausted throughout the past few days as well. Maybe it was stress—I didn’t really know.

The wind whipped against the tent as I looked out toward the overcast gray sky. Three more weeks in Vermilion…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My footsteps were slow and dragging as I walked down the boardwalk for what felt like the hundredth time. The harbor was on the south side of Vermilion, which meant I had pretty much the longest walk possible to get to it from my camping site (which in retrospect was really poor planning on my part, but I had first arrived at the north side of town late at night and hadn’t had much time to go wandering around.)

I paused to lean against the fence alongside the walkway and pulled out the card I had been given from its spot in my wallet, reading it over for what must have been the thousandth time. It had seemed like a good idea when I’d first made my decision, but as time went on, reality was sort of starting to set in. I had no idea exactly what I was supposed to be doing here, and how was I even supposed to find the guy with the Charizard? For a while I had wondered if I was supposed to board the S.S. Anne, but if that was the case, how was I supposed to afford a ticket? For now, the only thing I could think of was to spend the day wandering the harbor, hoping to run into the trainer again.

I had just turned to leave when I heard a rushing of air behind me.

“So…you’ve shown up to find out more,” someone said. The voice was vaguely familiar, and I turned to see a tall figure flying down on an orange dragon. I assumed it was the young man I had met in the forest, although I was caught off guard by the fact that he was wearing a long black cloak and a darkly translucent mask that hid face from view.

“Err, hey,” I said as the Charizard landed, and the trainer climbed off the fire-type’s back. “What’s with the mask?”

“That’s right…you saw my face back then…” he said distantly. “I hadn’t originally been planning on picking up any recruits that day, so I didn’t take care to hide my identity. “Everyone else I approached only saw me in these.” After he said that, I expected him to remove the mask, but he didn’t.

“First of all,” he said, “I need to make sure you’re really willing to do this.”

“Well…yeah. I mean, after you first told me about it, I wasn’t so sure, but that was because I didn’t think I could do anything, but…” My words trailed off. I realized I wasn’t exactly doing the best job at selling myself.

He considered me for some time before he next spoke. “I don’t want anyone joining just because it sounds interesting and then deciding to quit after they realize that there’s danger involved. Of course, I’m not gonna throw you guys into the fire until you’ve been trained, but one way or another, this is going to test your resolve.” His voice was harsh. Even though he had probably said this same thing to all of his potential recruits, for some reason I felt like a perfect target for it.

And yet…I’d already been through danger with Team Rocket, and I still wanted to do this. That had to count for something, right?

I took a deep breath. “I…I can’t just ignore what happened that day. I want to be able to make a difference.” I hoped he didn’t notice the slight quiver in my voice.

A few seconds passed. “Alright,” he said, pulling a small folder filled with several sheets of paper out of his coat and handing it to me. I took it and skimmed the top page quickly. No way…this was…

“This is an S.S. Anne boarding pass?” I said, staring blankly at it.

“How else would you be allowed on the ship?”

“Yeah, but…if you’re giving tickets to everyone who’s joining the rebel team, then—” I started before he cut me off.

“I told those in charge of the ship that I wanted specialty invites for the Pokémon Trainer’s Party on board and then bought a hundred and fifty of them.”

I gawked at him. “Holy crap, you must be rich.”

“I wouldn’t be starting something like this if I weren’t prepared. Still, I spent most of my funds on the tickets and renting the stadium we’re gonna use as headquarters.”

“Which is where…?” I asked, as I’d been wondering it for a long time.

“Sorry, that’s classified until you get there.”

I stared. But…couldn’t anyone just check the ship’s records if they really wanted to know? This whole situation was starting to seem kind of strange, but then, there was something else that I had wanted to ask him.

“You said you were recruiting beginning trainers,” I said. “Why? Why not more experienced ones that would have a better chance when fighting Team Rocket?” I couldn’t help thinking back to the way Ajia had battled.

“I just preferred having a blank slate to work with. I want to be able to train you guys from the start in the battle style that will be most useful for the missions you’ll be taking. And beginning trainers are able to change their strategy easier than trainers who’ve been battling the same way for years. You need to be able to adapt to whatever opponent you face and I also figure I could help train beginning trainers on how to fight Team Rocket a bit more easily.” That didn’t fully make sense to me—couldn’t a skilled trainer adapt their style just as well? Before I could ask, he said, “By the way, did you get any more Pokémon?”

“Er…yeah, I kept the Charmander that I found that day, and I also have a Pikachu,” I said. I wasn’t entirely sure if it made sense to include Pikachu, or tell the guy about the hybrid’s nature.

He nodded. “Your Charmander could be a pretty good fighter once it evolves. Course, I can’t say I’m not partial to Charizard.” He then walked over and climbed onto his flame dragon’s back once more. “Guess I’ll be seeing you with the others.”

“Yeah, later,” I said, watching him fly off on his Charizard. But before he had flown too far, a random thought struck me. “Hey! What’s your name?”

He paused to consider the question. “I suppose you guys will need something to call me…” He turned away, and the last thing he said before soaring out of sight was, “Stalker.”

Stalker…dodgy name for someone who wasn’t totally free of suspicion himself. Still, a part of my mind kept reminding me that when going against Team Rocket, it probably wasn’t best to reveal everything about one’s plans.

I glanced back over the harbor, my thoughts swimming with both anticipation and anxiety, and the realization that I was now almost definitely bound to this crazy, spur-of-the-moment adventure. I had long since given up my opportunity to return home and put things right from the moment where they had first gone very wrong in the forest that day.

But that almost didn’t matter anymore. There was no turning back now, and in a weird sort of way, I didn’t mind.





~End Chapter 5~
Aaaaand…cue speculation on Ajia in three…two…one… *Sits expectantly.* What? I love speculation. That’s why I dump foreshadowing into every inch of the fic.

So yeah, not much happened in this chapter, but hopefully the unresolved questions and character interactions were interesting enough. And we did just get done with three chapters of near non-stop action, so maybe a breather was a good thing. Don’t worry, the plot kicks right back into high gear next chapter.

More worldbuilding rambles in the next post~ This time about Pokéspeech.

~Chibi~

[Chibi Pika]

In the Pokémon anime, many Pokémon’s cries consist of their name spoken repeatedly. There really is no shortage of jokes made about the illogicality of how a single word can make up an entire language. Other things people might like to make fun of are the fact that all Pokémon can understand each other, and the fact that wild Pokémon can understand humans even if they’ve probably only heard small amounts of human speech in passing.

Instead of just disregarding canon, I like to explain it.

For starters, all Pokémon species are capable of understanding each other’s speech. This is simultaneously the most interesting concept of Pokéspeech, and the one thing that makes it vastly different from how humans communicate. How can the highly varied Pokémon cries be picked up and understood by other Pokémon? For the same reason that, for the longest time, humans could not understand them: we communicate through making different sounds. Our wide vocal range and the near infinite amount of word combinations means that what a word sounds like indicates its meaning. With Pokémon, this is completely irrelevant: the exact sound made does not matter—it is how it is made. A Pokémon does not notice whether it is hearing “Pipikachu” or “Charcharmander”, it notices far more delicate vocal cues like the length of the syllables, the order, the intonation, pauses and sharpness of the sounds, hand gestures, and much more. In fact, it could even be said that with Pokéspeech, what matters is the meaning behind what is spoken, not the exact sounds.

This universal system implies that the language centers in a Pokémon’s brain are extremely different from ours, which is supported by many different factors. All Pokéspeech follows a central language system, and while there are definite regional and species-specific variations, the core system may very well be an instinctual one, programmed into all Pokémon’s minds. For another thing, this results in Pokémon being highly adept at picking up new languages, able to clearly understand their trainers in a remarkably short amount of time. Some wild Pokémon have come into contact with enough humans through battling that they already understand a large amount of human language without being trained. Their vocal restrictions simply prevent them from actually conversing with us. And likewise, it is difficult for humans to recreate all of the nuances in a single word of Pokéspeech, while we can be trained to hear them.

I also have another theory: suppose a Pokémon is bred and raised by humans, with no exposure to other Pokémon. It will face an interesting problem. Being exposed to human language ensures that it does not miss out on the crucial language development stage (an unfortunate situation well-known from humans raised by animals), but finds itself unable to speak its first learned language. At the same time, however, it exhibits an instinctual need to communicate, and will eventually learn how to convey its ideas through cries that are stunningly similar to normal Pokéspeech. (However, its communication capabilities will be noticeably stunted for several years. The Pokémon League now places restrictions on its breeding centers to avoid this problem.)

Also of note is the fact that in canon, Pokémon are perfectly content to be called by their species name. This seems to imply that they themselves generally refer to individuals of another species just by the species name, and therefore clearly don’t care if humans do so to them. For this reason, it’s probably typical that they don’t ask strangers their name.

~Chibi~

[Sid87]

After looking through Bulbapedia’s list of names commonly used to refer to pokédollars, I decided to go with “pyen” as Kanto's monetary unit in LC. I wanted something without the “poke” prefix (too silly), but starting with a p (to reference the canon in-game symbol), but also referencing the Japanese games just having them as yen (which also makes it more obvious that 20,000 pyen, while a decent sum, is nothing extraordinary.)

Interesting. Thanks for letting us know! And your description here adds a nice touch of credibility and realism to the story!

“All in all, great job today, everyone. I’d say we’ve graduated to top class as far as not-getting-killed-by-Rockets goes,” Spencer said, stretching widely and flopping to the ground.

STILL like this guy.

She gave me a bit of a sideways glance—or at least, what looked sideways, given that I was sprawled out on the grass looking up at her. It was hard to tell with everything upside-down.

This made me laugh. Very good detail.

Almost immediately, Ajia responded, “No. Never.”

I think you've mentioned this before, but it's still a very good detail. The legends seem especially noteworthy, powerful, and mysterious when one has never ever been caught.

I didn’t really know what to say in response so I just stared back up at the sky. It was almost night—small pinpricks of starlight were starting to shine above us. If we didn’t get back to Viridian soon, I’d have a world of explaining to do. The idea of returning home after all of this was somehow very strange and foreign.

Nice touch. Jade IS just a kid, so getting home and not getting into trouble still seems paramount, even when something actually important is going on.

“Even if you saw them going after Entei, I still don’t get why they cared so much,” Ajia continued to herself, apparently still trying to figure out the missing link in my story. “It just seems weird that they had to kidnap you even if you didn’t know all that much about them.”

I know you're fishing for speculation on Aija, so I'll give you some: why DOES she care so much about this encounter? Why is it such a big deal to her that a criminal organization did something rash and violent? Hmm.

I hesitated. In all honesty, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to go home. Something she had said earlier was still stuck in my mind: the point of training Pokémon was to grow stronger. I hadn’t been able to do anything, either to help myself or anyone else, all day. Sure, maybe I was too weak to do anything about Team Rocket’s Legendary catching now, but wasn’t that what the Charizard trainer was aiming for? How could I go home and do nothing after knowing what he had told me about Team Rocket catching Legendaries and seeing proof of it right before me? It was weird, but I couldn’t help feeling that I’d met him for a reason, and that I was supposed to take that opportunity.

I still think he is fishy. He just HAPPENED to be there, got the sense that Jade wanted to oppose Team Rocket, and then left so that they could chase her down? You ask me, HE'S the guy we should REALLY be questioning.

She nodded. “There’s always the possibility, but that’d be very unlike the Rockets. What would they gain by going and finding a bunch of kids, deliberately telling them about the organization, and then killing them? No, I think it’s real…though I can’t say I know what the motives behind it are.”

I don't think so, Aija!

“I guess you could say that today changed my mind.”

I glanced around the clearing, then down at the ground where I had placed the limp form of the experimental Pikachu. His back rose and fell lightly with each breath, but there was no sign of him waking up any time soon.

This seems weird to me; they all just went through this experience together, so why wouldn't she tell Spencer and Rudy? I guess she might not want to see them risk their lives to battle Team Rocket, but still...they already seem like they are on the Rockets' radar. Might as well go in guns blazin'.

“Leaving now, huh?” Spencer asked. “Take care! Nice fighting with you…or…alongside you, I guess.”

Nooo! Take my favorite character with you!

She climbed onto her Aerodactyl once more and waved lightly to me. “Good luck. I hope things work out for you. I mean it.”

I waved. “Thanks, Ajia.”

And with that, they were off, soaring into the night sky and out of sight.

Awww. I liked it better when there was a team. Not that Jade isn't fun, but I dug all the others, too!

An overwhelming sense of anxiety still hung over my head, but underneath it all, I couldn’t help being excited somehow. Though this hadn’t really been the way I wanted it to happen, I was now a Pokémon Trainer. An illegal one off on a mission to join a secret rebel team, sure…but a trainer nonetheless.

...Heh. This got a smile out of me. Nice line of thinking.

“Just so long as he doesn’t make actual lightning strike,” I said, laughing nervously, though there really probably wasn’t much risk, as the sky was covered in more of a misty haze than storm clouds. I was a bit relieved that he hadn’t decided to take off, but I couldn’t figure out why. Why did I care if a random Pokémon that didn’t even belong to me just decided to up and leave one day? It’s not like he’d said a word to any of us; he hadn’t even agreed or disagreed to my keeping him.

Does Pikachu have the "I am not as strong as I want to be!" syndrome? It's off training on its own despite being exceedingly powerful already.

“I already told you guys that I needed to buy clothes,” I replied, sitting down. “And hey, I thought I told you that I wanted you to talk faster than normal to make it harder for me to catch what you’re saying. I want to be sure I can understand you in any situation.”

Wow. Big ups to Jade for that foresight!

Rubbing the back of my head, I answered, “Er, not really…” Swift had never exactly been one to talk very much. Upon noticing that our conversation involved him, the Pidgey turned away shyly.

I was wondering if Swift was still there. I like Swift, but I'm curious as to why it doesn't talk to Jade. Will we get the story here? It certainly seems like we will!

“*Why don’t you try talking in Pokéspeech?*” Firestorm asked me. “*You humans can make any sounds you want, right?*”

Why don't you speak English, bossy Charmander!

-That's as far as I can get for now, but I will try to edit the rest in later! I am enjoying this chapter so far probably more than any of the previous ones. Very well-written, and it gives great detail into Jade. Even if I miss everyone else.

---

Time to finish this:

My footsteps were slow and dragging as I walked down the boardwalk for what felt like the hundredth time. The harbor was on the south side of Vermilion, which meant I had pretty much the longest walk possible to get to it from my camping site (which in retrospect was really poor planning on my part, but I had first arrived at the north side of town late at night and hadn’t had much time to go wandering around.)

You will GENERALLY hear that you should not use parentheticals in narration, but I personally find them fantastic in first-person narration, because really...that is how people think. I constantly have, I guess you'd call them, sub-thoughts in my head. So I like this.

IHe considered me for some time before he next spoke. “I don’t want anyone joining just because it sounds interesting and then deciding to quit after they realize that there’s danger involved. Of course, I’m not gonna throw you guys into the fire until you’ve been trained, but one way or another, this is going to test your resolve.” His voice was harsh. Even though he had probably said this same thing to all of his potential recruits, for some reason I felt like a perfect target for it.

It seems odd that he would say "gonna", and then say "going to" a few moments later. It just seems a bit inconsistent. Is he colloquial, or is he more proper?

A few seconds passed. “Alright,” he said, pulling a small folder filled with several sheets of paper out of his coat and handing it to me. I took it and skimmed the top page quickly. No way…this was…

In professional writing, never use "alright". It's acceptable in colloquial writing (like a Facebook status or Serebii private messages or something) or if you are using it in narration to say something artistic about the narrator, but this is just a written text of what he said, and in that case, ALWAYS use "all right". "Alright" is improper.

I stared. But…couldn’t anyone just check the ship’s records if they really wanted to know? This whole situation was starting to seem kind of strange, but then, there was something else that I had wanted to ask him.

“You said you were recruiting beginning trainers,” I said. “Why? Why not more experienced ones that would have a better chance when fighting Team Rocket?” I couldn’t help thinking back to the way Ajia had battled.

Yeah, Jade knows this guy is fishy!

“He paused to consider the question. “I suppose you guys will need something to call me…” He turned away, and the last thing he said before soaring out of sight was, “Stalker.”

Stalker…dodgy name for someone who wasn’t totally free of suspicion himself. Still, a part of my mind kept reminding me that when going against Team Rocket, it probably wasn’t best to reveal everything about one’s plans.

It's funny to me, because I, too, have created a heroic character and gave him the alias "Stalker". It's really about the least noble name someone can adopt except for, say, "The Child Molestor". So I got a laugh out of this.



-I still REALLY enjoyed this chapter, and as much as I liked the stuff you did with a group of protagonists, your handling of Jade by herself (mostly) here was even better. I thought I'd miss Spencer, Rudy, and Aija (okay, really just Spencer), but I got a better sense of what's going on from just Jade.

[chammy76]

In the Pokémon anime, many Pokémon’s cries consist of their name spoken repeatedly. There really is no shortage of jokes made about the illogicality of how a single word can make up an entire language. Other things people might like to make fun of are the fact that all Pokémon can understand each other, and the fact that wild Pokémon can understand humans even if they’ve probably only heard small amounts of human speech in passing.

Instead of just disregarding canon, I like to explain it.

For starters, all Pokémon species are capable of understanding each other’s speech. This is simultaneously the most interesting concept of Pokéspeech, and the one thing that makes it vastly different from how humans communicate. How can the highly varied Pokémon cries be picked up and understood by other Pokémon? For the same reason that, for the longest time, humans could not understand them: we communicate through making different sounds. Our wide vocal range and the near infinite amount of word combinations means that what a word sounds like indicates its meaning. With Pokémon, this is completely irrelevant: the exact sound made does not matter—it is how it is made. A Pokémon does not notice whether it is hearing “Pipikachu” or “Charcharmander”, it notices far more delicate vocal cues like the length of the syllables, the order, the intonation, pauses and sharpness of the sounds, hand gestures, and much more. In fact, it could even be said that with Pokéspeech, what matters is the meaning behind what is spoken, not the exact sounds.

This universal system implies that the language centers in a Pokémon’s brain are extremely different from ours, which is supported by many different factors. All Pokéspeech follows a central language system, and while there are definite regional and species-specific variations, the core system may very well be an instinctual one, programmed into all Pokémon’s minds. For another thing, this results in Pokémon being highly adept at picking up new languages, able to clearly understand their trainers in a remarkably short amount of time. Some wild Pokémon have come into contact with enough humans through battling that they already understand a large amount of human language without being trained. Their vocal restrictions simply prevent them from actually conversing with us. And likewise, it is difficult for humans to recreate all of the nuances in a single word of Pokéspeech, while we can be trained to hear them.

I also have another theory: suppose a Pokémon is bred and raised by humans, with no exposure to other Pokémon. It will face an interesting problem. Being exposed to human language ensures that it does not miss out on the crucial language development stage (an unfortunate situation well-known from humans raised by animals), but finds itself unable to speak its first learned language. At the same time, however, it exhibits an instinctual need to communicate, and will eventually learn how to convey its ideas through cries that are stunningly similar to normal Pokéspeech. (However, its communication capabilities will be noticeably stunted for several years. The Pokémon League now places restrictions on its breeding centers to avoid this problem.)

Also of note is the fact that in canon, Pokémon are perfectly content to be called by their species name. This seems to imply that they themselves generally refer to individuals of another species just by the species name, and therefore clearly don’t care if humans do so to them. For this reason, it’s probably typical that they don’t ask strangers their name.

~Chibi~

Interesting, I never thought of doing that, probably because I just always found pokespeak to be kind of silly in the anime. In my fic, pokemon communicate through a complex language of growls, grunts, chirps, etc. Kinda like Chewbacca. I portray all pokemon as speaking the same base language, and the variations in the language between species can be viewed sort of as accents or dialects. I actually don't watch the anime much, so I mostly use the cries from the games as guidelines when describing the voice of a specific pokemon.

I did something similar with the names, though...I said that while a lot of pokemon do actually give names to their young, their personal names are only really used when differing themselves from other members of their own species. At least I think that's what I said...mostly I just needed an excuse for not coming up with a name for the Absol in the story until Chapter 20.

[Chibi Pika]

I know you're fishing for speculation on Aija, so I'll give you some: why DOES she care so much about this encounter? Why is it such a big deal to her that a criminal organization did something rash and violent? Hmm.

Heh, well at that point it's not so much that she cares, so much as that she clearly knows TR would never really do something like that unless there was some other factor missing from the story (which, naturally, there was.) I had to be extremely careful with how I wrote their conversation to not give too much away though.

I still think he is fishy. He just HAPPENED to be there, got the sense that Jade wanted to oppose Team Rocket, and then left so that they could chase her down? You ask me, HE'S the guy we should REALLY be questioning.

Heh. I am going to say this right here and now. Stalker is my favorite character in the entire fic. Some characters are more fun to write, others I have a major soft spot for, but Stalker is my favorite. Also he is without a doubt the character who gets the most speculation from readers.

This seems weird to me; they all just went through this experience together, so why wouldn't she tell Spencer and Rudy? I guess she might not want to see them risk their lives to battle Team Rocket, but still...they already seem like they are on the Rockets' radar. Might as well go in guns blazin'.

It's a combination of worrying what will happen if she tells anyone about it besides her most trusted friend, and not wanting to drag her other friends into her self-admitted crazy, dangerous plan.

Awww. I liked it better when there was a team. Not that Jade isn't fun, but I dug all the others, too!

Do not fear. This story would be boring if it were just Jade throughout the rest of it.

In professional writing, never use "alright". It's acceptable in colloquial writing (like a Facebook status or Serebii private messages or something) or if you are using it in narration to say something artistic about the narrator, but this is just a written text of what he said, and in that case, ALWAYS use "all right". "Alright" is improper.

I am definitely aware that "alright" is an improper word, but have generally been fine with using improper words in spoken dialogue, since it is inherently improper in nature. However! You bring up a valid point and I did some reasearch on the opinions of using improper spellings in dialogue. Turns out the internet is similarly broken on the matter. I've seen people adamantly argue against it, and many insist in favor of it. Given the nature of Stalker's character, I think I can go ahead and change it, although I can't guarantee that I might not forget to keep it out of dialogue coming from Jade, Rudy, Spencer and such in the future.

It's funny to me, because I, too, have created a heroic character and gave him the alias "Stalker". It's really about the least noble name someone can adopt except for, say, "The Child Molestor". So I got a laugh out of this.

Haha, yeah I know it's kind of silly for him to have a name like that, but after calling a character by a name for ten years, it's hard for me to think of him by any other name (this despite the fact that it is clearly not his real name.) I did actually come up with an interesting reason as to when and why he chose that name.

-I still REALLY enjoyed this chapter, and as much as I liked the stuff you did with a group of protagonists, your handling of Jade by herself (mostly) here was even better. I thought I'd miss Spencer, Rudy, and Aija (okay, really just Spencer), but I got a better sense of what's going on from just Jade.

I'm glad you feel that way. Even though I love the others too, I like to frequently change the cast that Jade primarily interacts with to achieve a certain effect in each arc of the story, and this next chapter required Jade to be alone (well...not quite alone...she does have her Pokemon.)

I did something similar with the names, though...I said that while a lot of pokemon do actually give names to their young, their personal names are only really used when differing themselves from other members of their own species. At least I think that's what I said...mostly I just needed an excuse for not coming up with a name for the Absol in the story until Chapter 20.

Yeah, I know a couple people have done a system like that, and I was tempted to go with it in this revision, because it makes logical sense and would have fixed a lot of plot holes surrounding some Pokemon characters' names, but I could not in good faith do it because I would just feel like I was blatantly ripping someone off.

~Chibi~

[katiekitten]

x3 Not much to say, really - I quite liked how their relief and exhaustion after they escaped managed to interrupt the tension of the 'fic, and how nevertheless after the first few moments of giddy breaths it slotted back into place. It was a nice transition, and manipulates the atmosphere of the 'fic well. x3

I paused to lean against the fence alongside the walkway and pulled out the card I had been given from its spot in my wallet, reading it over for what must have been the thousandth time. It had seemed like a good idea when I’d first made my decision, but as time went on, reality was sort of starting to set in. I had no idea exactly what I was supposed to be doing here, and how was I even supposed to find the guy with the Charizard? For a while I had wondered if I was supposed to board the S.S. Anne, but if that was the case, how was I supposed to afford a ticket? For now, the only thing I could think of was to spend the day wandering the harbor, hoping to run into the trainer again.

I glanced back over the harbor, my thoughts swimming with both anticipation and anxiety, and the realization that I was now almost definitely bound to this crazy, spur-of-the-moment adventure. I had long since given up my opportunity to return home and put things right from the moment where they had first gone very wrong in the forest that day.

I would've enjoyed seeing her truly consider the consequences of going, considering she's been there a while with almost nothing to do, but perhaps you have this reckoning later? Beyond the fact that she doesn't know what she's supposed to do, or how it's all going to work; a thinking through of the fact that she's up and left home with no preparation or warning, when it seems she had three weeks until she needed to be there in any case, surely enough time to nab essentials from home. I can guess reasons for why she wouldn't want to go back, but I can also see the multitude of benefits, and such considerations are unlikely to have skipped her thoughts. The original decision was rash: that I got full well, but after a day, as reality begins to set in, the reality of her actions as well as the situation would begin to settle as well. I look forward to seeing how you handle this as the situation progresses.

I also look forward to finding out more about why Firestorm was content to join her, the omission of a form of explanation from him and instead leaving us with only the protagonists assumptions was intriguing. It'll be interesting to find out more about his past, and see if there was anything more than 'wrong place wrong time' to his presence in the forest while Entei was being captured. x3

No grammar/spelling/etcetera issues that I could see, although considering that this is the eleventh revision, it's to be expected that you'd proof read with caution. xD I wasn't scouring every sentence, however, so there is a possibility I just missed them - the errors weren't jarring enough to disturb the flow of the story, at least. I really did enjoy this chapter, the developments with the hybrid pikachu particularly. :3 By the chapter's conclusion I'd managed to fall in to it once more - leaving me having to resist going back to your last revision to catch up on the chapters.

Your concept of pokespeak it quite interesting - I quite like the notion that its intonation and body language that carries across meaning more than the words themselves. While there would probably be some adjustment needed by a pokemon when it first attempts to understand the language of another species, due to the simple fact that different anatomies result in different vocal chords and body language, it's a neat idea. I don't quite follow your explanation of how this would help them understand human speech better than a human could learn to understand pokespeak, though: wouldn't they face the same difficulty as humans learning pokespeak due to the fact that human speech is, as you've said, fundamentally different from pokespeak as it focuses on the combination of different sounds combined into words and phrases (although intonation and emphasis is important in english to an extent - and is especially in japanese, no?), therefore not following a pokemon's naturally programmed recognition of certain body language and tonal inflections? Why then should pokemon be able to easier distinguish human words (and therefore human speech) when they naturally aren't inclined to do so? Adaption to different variations of tone and different visual cues is vastly different to learning to distinguish words when you haven't had to before.

I don't know nut'ing about linguistics, though, so I won't pursue that any further. x3

[Chibi Pika]

I would've enjoyed seeing her truly consider the consequences of going, considering she's been there a while with almost nothing to do, but perhaps you have this reckoning later? Beyond the fact that she doesn't know what she's supposed to do, or how it's all going to work; a thinking through of the fact that she's up and left home with no preparation or warning, when it seems she had three weeks until she needed to be there in any case, surely enough time to nab essentials from home. I can guess reasons for why she wouldn't want to go back, but I can also see the multitude of benefits, and such considerations are unlikely to have skipped her thoughts. The original decision was rash: that I got full well, but after a day, as reality begins to set in, the reality of her actions as well as the situation would begin to settle as well. I look forward to seeing how you handle this as the situation progresses.

You bring up a good point here. The funny part is that the old version actually addressed this more--it explained that Jade was afraid to go home because she wouldn't be allowed to leave...but only because that entire conversation in the forest boiled down to Jade angsting about not wanting to go home. So I deliberate avoided any mention of it this time around and instead focused on Jade wanting to overcome her helplessness (a major theme in this revision.)

However, it definitely resulted in my missing out on the potential development those thoughts could have had, and I could definitely address them after the fact.

Your concept of pokespeak it quite interesting - I quite like the notion that its intonation and body language that carries across meaning more than the words themselves. While there would probably be some adjustment needed by a pokemon when it first attempts to understand the language of another species, due to the simple fact that different anatomies result in different vocal chords and body language, it's a neat idea. I don't quite follow your explanation of how this would help them understand human speech better than a human could learn to understand pokespeak, though: wouldn't they face the same difficulty as humans learning pokespeak due to the fact that human speech is, as you've said, fundamentally different from pokespeak as it focuses on the combination of different sounds combined into words and phrases (although intonation and emphasis is important in english to an extent - and is especially in japanese, no?), therefore not following a pokemon's naturally programmed recognition of certain body language and tonal inflections? Why then should pokemon be able to easier distinguish human words (and therefore human speech) when they naturally aren't inclined to do so? Adaption to different variations of tone and different visual cues is vastly different to learning to distinguish words when you haven't had to before.

I don't know nut'ing about linguistics, though, so I won't pursue that any further. x3

I'm not a linguist either, so my theories might be...silly. xD;

My attempt at rationalizing it in my head is that by having a language like Pokespeech, Pokemon's brains are wired to instinctively pick up on the most minute of details in speech. This aptitude is what allows them to understand other Pokemon species as well--the cross-species differences in the core Pokespeech system are so minor for them (relatively speaking) that they can be learned almost instantly. As a result Pokemon's brains need basically no reinforcement to key in on and remember different aspects of languages. Think of it like a hyper-accelerated version of an infant's ability to naturally pick up language, only one that does not wane with age.

So overall, even though their language is tone-based rather than phonetic, Pokemon are still sensitive to subconsciously picking up on the flow of a language and the meaning behind words, even with phonetic languages.

And yeah, I'm definitely aware that tones can be important in human languages (Chinese...oh god, Chinese. Pokespeech is kinda like Chinese + morse code + sign language, only on drugs.)

And I just now realized the fridge brilliance behind the fact that different Pokemon species can understand each other when animals don't need to. Unlike animals, different Pokemon species can reproduce with each other. Retaining a core language base would certainly be helpful.


Anyways, thanks for the review! These recent chapters got a lot less feedback than the ones previously. :S Seriously people, if you're reading the fic, please let me know what you think of it!

Anyways, Chapter 6 might have to be delayed a bit. My intent was to post it tomorrow, but the way it's looking right now, I think I'll aim for Sunday. In the meantime, I finished up another character art:
    Spoiler:- Stalker:

Show Spoiler

 

 

Stalker is my favorite character.

~Chibi~

[Cometstarlight]

Anyways, Chapter 6 might have to be delayed a bit. My intent was to post it tomorrow, but the way it's looking right now, I think I'll aim for Sunday. In the meantime, I finished up another character art:

    Spoiler:- Stalker:

Show Spoiler

 

 

Stalker is my favorite character.

~Chibi~

Wow, that's amazing! I need to learn how to do that? What do you use?
But yes, Absolutely fantastic work : D

[Phoenixsong]

Hola, don't mind me, just an infrequent fic forum lurker dropping in because I was struck by a sudden urge to actually read some more fanfic and maybe do a little commenting on top of it. 'Cause daaaaaaa-aaang, do I need to get around to doing those more often. Sorry in advance if anything's unclear or I'm missing something painfully obvious; I still have to get back into the swing of both fic reading and reviewing. :P

I'm not going to give a blow-by-blow commentary on everything I've read so far, primarily because much of what I would've mentioned has already been well-covered by others, but I will mention a few overall highlights and a few nitpicks that I've noticed in each chapter so far.

-My understanding is that you should put a space after an ellipsis as with any other punctuation. It's "Wow, that's... really interesting," not "Wow, that's...really interesting."

-I noticed in Chapter 3 that you capitalized the word "intimidate" when referring to Arcanine's ability in a certain sentence. This isn't about that "capitalize pokémon terms/don't capitalize them" debate that keeps cropping up, but rather just a bit of awkwardness in context. It's one thing to capitalize the name of the ability when you're strictly referring to it as an ability, as in "Her Arcanine might have Intimidate, but mine’s got Flash Fire!", but it seems artificial if you capitalize it in the other sentence the way you did. It has the effect of drawing extra attention to "Hey! Arcanine is using its ability here!", which is unnecessary since I can infer that from the way Spencer's pokémon quailed a little and that they were ordered to avoid physical attacks. (And because Jade already described the ability in the sentence immediately preceding it, which, I agree with an earlier reader, could also be cut or changed. I still notice that Spencer used the word "intimidate" whether it's capitalized or not, and the order to switch to special attacks is clue enough that it's probably not scary face. Which arcanine can't learn anyway. ) Spencer is describing the act of intimidating someone in that sentence, stating the effect of the ability rather than its name. I can see how the fact that the ability name and the verb applying to its effect are the same word makes it tempting to capitalize, but I'd avoid it so the line flows better. It's mildly jarring to see a verb capitalized in the middle of a sentence.

...gawr that was a long explanation for such a simple point I don't even.

"Jade, be glad that nothing that happened today didn’t pull you in too deep," she said, suddenly looking very serious.

-You've got a double negative there. It'd read better as "Jade, be very glad that what happened today didn't pull you in too deep," or maybe "Jade, be glad that nothing that happened today pulled you in too deep,".

-Vermilion City's name only has one "l" in it; in almost every instance in Chapter 5 (I don't recall whether it happened in Chapter 1 or anywhere else), you've spelled it with two. Nothing a quick find-and-replace can't clean up, of course, and a pretty understandable mistake. That one, Fuchsia and Cinnabar tend to trip most people up, myself included. (Let's not ask how many times I had to hit the backspace key while typing "Fuchsia" there, hm?)

-I have to say, one of the things I've enjoyed most so far about this story is the smaller details you've snuck in here and there. The most prominent example I can think of is what you've done with the TMs—and not just that neat little worldbuilding extra. Little things like "Series 5" being the reusable TMs, or that you used fire blast's base power to represent its "difficulty rating". They seem like insignificant things that are easy to miss, but I just love it when an author gives tiny nods to things like that and I have a little "aha, that's a clever way to incorporate that into the world/translate that from the games/etc." moment. Subtle details can really hold worldbuilding together, and while the cited TM examples likely have no bearing on anything else, it's always appreciated.

I'm curious about Spencer's remark about "almost no one using TMs" anymore, and I'm not sure if you addressed that in an earlier reply because I started skimming the posts between chapters after a while. :P So if you don't mind potentially explaining it again/pointing me to the explanation, why is that? Even given the effort involved in helping your pokémon master its new attack, wouldn't the convenience of "bam! now you can sort of maybe with practice thunderpunch!" still be considered worthwhile? Is there something most people are using as an alternative now that TMs appear to be dropping in popularity? This isn't a nitpick, I'm just wondering what it would be.

Mind linking to the extras in your first post index, by the way? It'd be cool to be able to jump to those more easily.

-Speaking of extras, I do find them interesting, especially the most recent one. Sort of reminds me of Dragonfree's headcanon for pokémon communication in The Quest for the Legends, assuming I'm remembering it correctly. A tonal "language" absolutely does make the most sense, and that's usually how I see it as well. (Granted, I usually don't envision most pokémon as saying their species names in my headcanon, but rather just making animalistic noises as in the games; couple of reasons for that preference that I won't get into now. All the same, it's tone and body language, as well as other things like scent that humans would find much more difficult to pick up, that seem like the most logical way for them to communicate.) I've actually never really given much thought to how pokémon can understand human language so well right off the bat, or at least well enough to know what's expected of them when I say "thunderbolt"—er, well, I've considered that it's odd, but never really devoted any time to devising a satisfactory answer. I don't remember enough of the few linguistics classes I've taken to say that your idea makes perfect logical and biological sense, but eh, when rats are shooting lightning out of their faces anyway, how much of a stretch is it to say that they can pick up language at an accelerated rate? :P

I do have to wonder about the "calling each other by their species names" bit, though. Certainly they don't mind it when the humans do it, especially because humans usually don't have twenty pikachu on them at once that they'd need to sort out, but lately I've been seeing at least some types/species as not really needing the concept of "name" at all. Within a species group, at least, there are presumably so many other ways for an individual to stand out from the others—again, scent comes to mind immediately, but there'd likely be other things that pokémon could pick out as well—that, sort of like regular animals, they can easily identify one another and would be using their "language" in such a way that human-like direct address isn't even necessary most of the time. It doesn't hurt anything for an individual to have a name, of course, so I don't mind your interpretation at all; I just notice that a lot of authors who delve into pokémon linguistics do seem to consider what or how they'd call one another, but rarely consider (or at least decide on) the additional alternative that other things might be able to stand in just as well. Just an observation, don't mind my rambling.

-The only major gripe I have overall, aside from a few things others have already addressed and you've acknowledged, is that this first arc is very... "friends ex machina", shall we say? Or, at least, it feels that way. On the one hand, I didn't forget that Swift was sent to find help and so was expecting Jade to receive assistance with the Rockets somehow, nor do I think we've heard the last of why Ajia was conveniently in the area to help them. I also understand that Jade was in a terribly difficult situation, and that there wasn't much she could have done on her own (that I can think of, anyway). On the other, even if I can understand some of the reasoning behind it or that there will be more information soon, so much happens so fast and so many potentially helpful characters are introduced/reintroduced in such a short time that it still gives the feeling of a lot of convenience.

Spencer in particular, hilarious though he can be, still gives off this feeling—I'd like to think that more will be revealed about what he was doing around Viridian (especially since two of his pokémon hint at his having been to more regions than just Kanto), but as it is he's just a random stranger who happens to be a fairly advanced trainer and happens to have been looking for stolen pokémon in the same area Swift happened to lead Rudy to, and... yeah. Unfortunately, unless this is another case of "there's a good reason for that that will be revealed later!" (and, to be fair, Ajia's evasiveness in Chapter 5 does help hint at that in her case, so you are getting better at handling the issue), I'm not really sure what to suggest. I know it's an old fic that you've been working with for a long time, and I can respect that certain things just can't be changed without totally warping the fic; all I can say is that it does stand out, to me at least, and not knowing whether this is one of those "it just has to be this way" things I wish I could offer an idea that made sense, but I got nothin'. Super-helpful, I know. :/

...on the other hand, though, this sudden influx of Friends to the Rescue! does its work without making the two better trainers feel overpowered, and it helps give a good picture of how "useless" Jade is/is feeling in the midst of all these nice people coming to her aid out of nowhere—nice incentive for her to want to get stronger and actually help people on her own. Perhaps most importantly, it has the potential to set Jade up for situations where she really is alone, or at least the only person capable of solving a given problem, and so, after having at least one really lucky break earlier, now has to get over her feelings of uselessness, step up and be awesome in her own right, and I'm sure we'd all love to see that scene. So it's certainly not all bad!

I feel as though things started a little slowly, but the pace has picked up rapidly and things are getting very interesting very quickly. I wonder what the scyther, rhydon and raticate were hybrids of, and am also wondering if we'll be seeing some new entei hybrids cropping up in the future. The "seven years" in the prologue is also intriguing me, and I'm wondering (though I'm sure you can't answer, spoilers and all that) when Lugia's scene takes place compared to the fourth grade scene that follows it, especially since seven years clearly haven't passed between that second scene and Chapter 1, given that Jade's only aged from nine to fourteen.

Also, may I take a moment to say that your character art is lovely? As is the stuff you've done for TQftL, though that's another matter entirely.

I look forward to more, and (and I'm sure you'll take this as good news given you seem a bit embarrassed about the earlier revisions) I don't think I'll be reading the older version. On the one hand it's fun to see how things change between versions of a fic, but I feel like I'd really like to be surprised with this.

[Chibi Pika]

Oh wow! Thank you for that very long and lovely review!

I can see how the fact that the ability name and the verb applying to its effect are the same word makes it tempting to capitalize, but I'd avoid it so the line flows better. It's mildly jarring to see a verb capitalized in the middle of a sentence.

Haha, don't worry, I totally get what you mean! And it's funny because capitalizing attack names when used as verbs was always a pet peeve of mine, and then I went and did it with abilities. Derp. xD I'ma fix that.

I'm curious about Spencer's remark about "almost no one using TMs" anymore, and I'm not sure if you addressed that in an earlier reply because I started skimming the posts between chapters after a while. :P So if you don't mind potentially explaining it again/pointing me to the explanation, why is that?

Oh, that was actually supposed to mean something entirely different. He pulls out a Series 2 disc and remarks that he thought they were no longer made (Which is true; Team Rocket just happens to have a supply of them.) This is a reference to the fact that many of the GSC era TMs were not remade in subsequent generations. So a Thunderpunch TM would be extremely hard to come by having only been printed for one series before being discontinued. I should probably add that to the TM extra, and I definitely will link to the worldbuilding extras in the first post.

-Speaking of extras, I do find them interesting, especially the most recent one. Sort of reminds me of Dragonfree's headcanon for pokémon communication in The Quest for the Legends, assuming I'm remembering it correctly.

My headcanon is pretty much identical to Dragonfree's in way, way too many areas. xD;;; (But hey, we started our fics on the exact same day--nothing surprises me anymore.)

-The only major gripe I have overall, aside from a few things others have already addressed and you've acknowledged, is that this first arc is very... "friends ex machina", shall we say? Or, at least, it feels that way. On the one hand, I didn't forget that Swift was sent to find help and so was expecting Jade to receive assistance with the Rockets somehow, nor do I think we've heard the last of why Ajia was conveniently in the area to help them. I also understand that Jade was in a terribly difficult situation, and that there wasn't much she could have done on her own (that I can think of, anyway). On the other, even if I can understand some of the reasoning behind it or that there will be more information soon, so much happens so fast and so many potentially helpful characters are introduced/reintroduced in such a short time that it still gives the feeling of a lot of convenience.

You are absolutely right, and it is one of the biggest weaknesses of the plane arc. Spencer in particular is pretty much the embodiment of that concept, and for several months I actually debated cutting him from those chapters before ultimately deciding that he needed to be there (though I definitely want to add more backstory for him later.) So in the end I decided to just make the best of what I had, and the way I planned to do that is by--

Perhaps most importantly, it has the potential to set Jade up for situations where she really is alone, or at least the only person capable of solving a given problem, and so, after having at least one really lucky break earlier, now has to get over her feelings of uselessness, step up and be awesome in her own right, and I'm sure we'd all love to see that scene. So it's certainly not all bad!

...Yep, you see what I'm doing there. Jade pretty much gets no luck for the rest of the fic. In fact, I had a problem with an upcoming chapter where I realized that I situation I had thrown her into was so inconvenient for her in every way as to be unrealistic, and I had to think up justifications to why she couldn't get help.

I look forward to more, and (and I'm sure you'll take this as good news given you seem a bit embarrassed about the earlier revisions) I don't think I'll be reading the older version. On the one hand it's fun to see how things change between versions of a fic, but I feel like I'd really like to be surprised with this.

Haha, awesome. ^^ I'll try to pick up the pace at the new version so I overtake the old one soon enough! Plenty of surprises are in store!


So everyone, it is absolutely unacceptable that the chapter has taken this long and I intend to have it up tonight! So hold me to that, and throw pineapples at me if I don't!

~Chibi~

[Chibi Pika]

*Dodges pineapples* Holy crap this chapter took a million years! I grossly underestimated how much new material would be in it—pretty much every inch of this chapter was not in the old version, and most of it ended up taking way longer than I thought it would. The next chapter will most definitely NOT take anywhere near as long to complete.

And boring chapter title is boring. I’ll come up with a better one later.



~ Chapter 6: The Voyage of the S.S. Anne~

The S.S. Anne was huge. It towered over nearly everything else around it, which was saying something, as I had previously found the cargo ships that frequented Vermilion harbor were the biggest I had ever seen (not that I had ever been to a port town this large before, but still.) I had to crane my neck upwards just to get a look at the uppermost deck and the orange-rimmed smokestacks rising from the top.

I’d been standing in line for the S.S. Anne for about half an hour, but still found myself staring at the ship. But then again, it was mostly to distract myself from the anxiety of having to stand in such a large bustling crowd. And to make things worse, the experimental Pikachu was standing at my heels with an indifferent sort of expression like he was trying to pretend he wasn’t following me, even though it was obvious he wasn’t here with anyone else.

I was kind of afraid to question him at this point, as I couldn’t afford anything unpredictable out of him with all these people surrounding us. Honestly, I didn’t even know if someone stepping on his tail would be enough to send him into a violent rage, and it was a valid concern given how frequently people were being shuffled between lines, getting bags checked and Pokémon registered and ID cleared and—oh crap.

It hit me like a brick to the forehead. I had no ID on me whatsoever. No Pokédex, no passport, no anything. This single realization managed to instantly shove any vague concerns about Pikachu clean out of my head. What would they even do if they encountered someone trying to get on board with no ID? I couldn’t possibly be arrested for that, could I? My eyes immediately flew over to the armed security staff. And then, if it were even possible, my stomach melted into even more of a black hole than before. I was carrying Pokémon inside Poké Balls without a license. That was definitely illegal. But even if I left now, staying in Vermilion would have been entirely pointless. This had really felt like my one chance to get out into the world and do something.

“Boarding pass?”

Oh crap, now I was done for. I hadn’t even noticed that I was now first in line. For several seconds I just stared at the woman at the check-in stand, completely unsure of what to do, or if it would even make sense to run away now before they could find out I had Pokémon without a license. The expression of dread covering my face must have looked ridiculous as my legs slowly carried me to the check-in booth without me really telling them to. At this point I didn’t really know what else to do but hand my papers to the woman behind the stand. She paused slightly before looking them over, apparently a bit confused by my behavior.

“Ah yes, a specialty invite. You’ll be joining that line over there.” She pointed off to the right, at a much smaller line in front of a different entry staircase onto the ship.

I blinked stupidly, unable to do anything but take my boarding pass back from her and mutter a distracted, “thanks.”

My footsteps were somewhat shaky as I slowly wandered away from the main registration lines and down the pier towards the separate check-in booth. I glanced down at the boarding papers in my hand, vaguely recalling how Stalker had mentioned that they were specialty invites. Still, with my luck this had probably only delayed the inevitable ID check. I craned my neck to try to get a good look at the people in the front of the line, and if they needed to show ID, but from this angle I couldn’t quite tell.

The people in this line were almost all my age or younger, which felt extremely odd. What were a bunch of kids like us even doing boarding a cruise ship, as if we were old enough to do things like that. But then…trainers were able to travel the region with only their Pokémon by their side, so I guess it wasn’t that weird.

That was when it hit me. Most of the kids in this line had to be potential recruits for the rebel team, just like me. It was a strange thought, as I had known all along that there would be others, but this was the first evidence of it.

After several minutes, I had reached the front of the line. The uniformed man at the check-in booth gave a welcoming smile, and I attempted to look like I wasn’t dreading what would happen next as I set my boarding papers on the table. The attendant scanned one of them into a machine and then typed something for a bit.

“Are you a Pokémon Trainer?” he asked.

This was it. The moment of truth.

“…Yes?” I said tentatively, wincing.

“I’ll need to have the Pokémon you’re bringing onto the ship recorded here.”

I paused. I hadn’t been expecting that. “Er, Charmander, Pidgey, and Pikachu.”

The man typed a bit more, and then a small printer next to the computer spat out a plastic card. He hooked it onto a cord and handed it to me along with an instruction booklet.

“This is the card key for your room and we request that you wear it at all times during your stay. Welcome to the S.S. Anne.”

And that was it. That was all it took for me to be admitted onto the ship. My mind was in a sort of stupefied shock as I slowly walked away from the check-in booth and approached the giant metal staircase that led up from the pier and into the ship.

“They…they didn’t check ID?”

I didn’t even realize I had said it out loud until the kid behind me in line said, “Yeah, specialty invites aren’t pre-registered or anything, so they don’t do that with ‘em.” I jumped a bit at his voice, as I hadn’t been expecting a reply, and then immediately tried to banish the look of intense guilt from my face as I turned to look at him. He was a small and skinny kid, maybe twelve or thirteen, with straight, dirty-blond hair that fell to his ears and light blue eyes. He gave me a bit of an inscrutable expression, like he was trying to figure something out. “What did you do?”

I stared blankly. “Huh?”

“You just have this look like you did something wrong.” He laughed slightly. “What is it? Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”

Great, just what I needed—some random kid interrogating me. I racked my brain for the best explanation that wouldn’t give anything away.

“I just…thought they’d do a Poké Ball inspection, and right now I don’t have one for my Pikachu.”

He waved a hand dismissively. “It’s a Trainer’s Party, they don’t mind if Pokémon are out and about, so long as they’re not too big. Seriously, weren’t you paying attention when they announced all of this?”

No, I really hadn’t. I had been too busy wondering if my Pikachu was going to kill anyone or not.

“By the way, I like your Pikachu. He looks cool.”

I didn’t even bother to point out that he wasn’t actually mine, as my previous statement had sort of made it seem like he was. And really, what else could I say? No, sorry, this isn’t my Pikachu; he’s a violent, raging, half-Legendary genetic experiment that just sort of decided to follow me around.

The kid raised an eyebrow. “You’re kind of weird, you know that? Either you have a lot bothering you or you just don’t like talking. Try to have fun at the party, m’kay? I’ll see ya later.” Here he lowered his voice to a whisper and said, “Or maybe at the place where we’re all going, yeah?”

I blinked, unsure of how to respond. At this point we had reached the top of the staircase and were now taking our first step into the S.S. Anne. The kid who had been talking to me gave a light wave before walking off. I waved absentmindedly, still caught off guard by what he’d said. So that confirmed it—there definitely were others here. I mean, obviously the rest of the team would have to be here, but this was the first time I’d encountered any of the others involved in this.

I took several slow, uncertain steps into the main entry lobby, immediately floored by how massive it was. I had never really had any expectation for what the inside of a cruise ship would be like—it almost seemed like the lobby of a fancy hotel, with bright red carpet and massive circular staircases winding their way up past rows and rows of elaborate wooden banisters. At the far end of the room, several uniformed crew members were standing on a pedestal and directing the passengers around. The room had to be filled with at least a thousand people already, and there were still others entering from the registered passenger entrance to the left. It didn’t seem like we’d be able to leave the room until everyone had finished boarding, so I found the nearest column and leaned against it while waiting.

After about twenty minutes, a voice finally rang out over the intercom. “Welcome to the S.S. Anne! We all hope you enjoy you have a fun and relaxing stay on our inter-regional cruise, no matter where your destination may be. We will now take a moment to relay the mandatory safety briefing before leaving port.

“This ship is specially designed to accommodate and entertain Pokémon Trainers, and as such, has a comparatively lax policy regarding Pokémon on the ship. However, there are still rules that must be obeyed at all times. No more than two Pokémon per trainer may be out of their Poké Balls at any given time. Pokémon taller than 6’5” or weighing in excess of 600 lbs. should only be released on the upper deck in the Training Ground and Battlefield C. Please ensure that your Pokémon stay by your side at all times, except in the Training Ground where it is specifically permitted otherwise.”

Well, that wouldn’t be a problem. I only had three, and they were all small anyway. Making sure that they stayed close to me, on the other hand…I glanced down at my feet where Pikachu should have been standing.

Except he wasn’t there.

I widened my eyes instantly. “No. No, no no no, no.” I spun in a circle frantically, filled with a desperate hope that I had somehow missed him, but the electric mouse was nowhere to be seen. And I couldn’t exactly see very far, because I was still surrounded by other passengers, some of whom were now giving me odd looks thanks to my sudden strange behavior.

The crew was now explaining what passengers were supposed to do in case of emergencies, but as far as I was concerned this was the emergency. What was I supposed to do now?! I was completely surrounded by people with no way out, and my violent, unstable Pikachu was now loose because I was an idiot with no Poké Ball for him. I didn’t even want to think about what they’d do if a trainer’s Pokémon attacked someone on board the ship. It was stupid for me to even bring him with me—what on earth had I been thinking? I tried to remind myself that at this point, it wasn’t so much that I was keeping him as that I was afraid to tell him to leave. That fact didn’t really make me feel any better.

I found myself bouncing slightly on the balls of my feet, anxious to be dismissed from the briefing. The crew was now going over how to use the personal flotation devices. I didn’t care about that; I had to get out of here.

I lost track of how much time I was stuck standing there wanting nothing more than to get out of the briefing. Finally, finally, the crew began walking away, and I noticed the crowd beginning to disperse. Yes! Alright, had to find the Pikachu now. Where could he have gone? My fingers were almost a blur as I unfolded the info booklet and skimmed the map of the S.S. Anne, desperately hoping for any kind of clue. The ship’s entry level was the middle deck, on the same level as the restaurants, shops, lounges, and dance room. Just above was the Pokémon Center, small arenas, contest hall, spa and suites. The lower decks held the engine room and all of the basic cabins and none of this was helpful, argh.

I folded up the booklet and shoved it into my bag before storming off in a hurry, attempting to navigate the still-crowded entry lobby. The closest exits were a series of hallways branching off from the right side of the room and leading towards the front of the ship—that seemed like as good as any place to start.

The hallway I picked was mostly empty of passengers. Thinking back to the map, I realized that there wasn’t much entertaining in this direction. Maybe that was a good thing? I passed a few crew members, but none of them seemed to mind that I was here. I glanced down each hallway branching off from mine one after the other, most of them leading towards lounges or souvenir shops. I didn’t see him anywhere.

“Crap…what do I do…” I muttered, turning around in all directions. I was just about to turn around to head back, as it was my only option at this point, but then—

I caught a glimpse of yellow out of the corner of my eye and spun around immediately. Standing at the edge of a doorway was a Pikachu—a spiky-furred hybrid Pikachu.

“There you are!” I called out, running towards him and feeling more relief than I had in a long time. He gave a light glance in my direction, but otherwise didn’t seem to care too much about my arrival. My footsteps slowed as I neared him and realized that I’d have to do something about what had happened. I had to admit, if only to myself, that I’d been putting off talking to him. It couldn’t wait. Even if I was really dreading his reaction.

“We need to talk. Now.” I winced slightly, knowing that he would likely hate being ordered around. Still, something told me this wasn’t a situation where I could afford to seem weak-willed.

Much to my surprise, he merely raised an eyebrow and turned his back to me. I stood there for several seconds, not really sure whether or not I expected him to do anything else, but he didn’t move. I could only assume that he was actually waiting for me, hard as it was to believe.

“Alright, so…” I said uncertainly, kneeling beside him. How exactly was I supposed to start this? I still felt uneasy around him, but the lack of any clear reasoning as to why made it difficult to put into words. “…I still don’t trust you. I honestly have no idea what to think of you; I don’t even know why you’ve stayed with me. I’ve seen too many different sides to you, and the violent, raging, suicidal part stands out the most.” He bristled slightly when I said that.

“There’s no reason why I should assume you won’t go on a mad rampage. And…I can’t really have you with me if I don’t know what I should expect from you,” I finished somewhat awkwardly.

For the longest time, he didn’t give any sort of indication that he was even going to reply. Nearly a minute passed with only an occasional ear twitch. I couldn’t even see his face since he had his back to me.

Finally—without looking at me—he said, “*I didn’t give you a reason for staying with you because I hadn’t decided why myself.*” His words were very slow and meticulous. “*It’s not as if I owe you an explanation. So don’t treat me like some demented raging animal or something.*”

I raised an eyebrow. I guess he did have a point, in a weird sort of way. Why did I deserve an explana—no. I shook my head. No, I had to be firm on this. Even though I was already starting to question why.

“I won’t treat you like that if you give me a reason why I shouldn’t. If you’re going to be staying with me, then I want a reason.”

“*You’re not in control of me. So why should my actions concern you?*”

“If you’re with me, then I’m responsible for you, that’s why. It’s not like I think I’m in control of you. Why on earth would I think that?”

At that point, he finally turned to face me, giving me a rather inscrutable expression. I couldn’t quite tell what he thought about my words until he said, “*You’re…strange.*” I stared at him blankly. I was just about to come up with some sort of response when he continued, “*Or maybe I just need to learn more about humans. I guess you’re not all the same.*”

I really had no idea what to say in response to a statement like that.

“*I still don’t have any reason to give you for not leaving, but…you have my word that what you saw of me on the plane is not what I’m normally like.*”

Well I had kind of gathered that much from just the past few weeks, though it hadn’t made much sense without knowing more about him. Still, I couldn’t explain why, but it definitely felt like I could trust him more now, at least a little bit.

“Well…uh, thanks for that…Pikachu,” I told him.

His eyes twitched slightly when I said that. “*Don’t call me that.*”

“What, do you want me to call you Number Nine like the Rockets did—”

“*Anything but that,*” he immediately cut in. “*And I do have a name. I only ever used it with… But that doesn’t matter now… Call me Chibi.*”

I couldn’t help snickering a bit. Chibi? The name sounded sort of…small and cute. Not really fitting for his personality.

He glared a bit at my reaction. “*What’s so funny?*”

“Nothing, nothing,” I said, not wanting to ruin the moment, since I figured it must have taken some amount of trust for him to be willing to tell me his name.

“*So, you’re going to show me more of the world outside of Team Rocket.*” It was a statement, not a request.

“I…guess I am?” I said with a bit of uncertainty.

He nodded. “*Alright then.*”

I stood to my feet, feeling a sense of relief starting to wash over me. “Well…should we attend the party now? You’d get to battle—and it wouldn’t be for your life or your freedom or anything,” I added with a half-smile.

His expression didn’t change. But after several seconds he finally said, “*That sounds nice.*”

I gave a slight smile before motioning to him to follow me. Together we walked down the hallway and back toward the main lobby. We passed several crew members on our way, most of them going about their business, though one of them doing nothing more important than texting.

And then, without warning, Chibi muttered to me, “*Turn down the next hallway you see.*”

“What? Why?”

“*Don’t ask. Just do it,*” he said in a hushed tone, his voice nearly inaudible.

I stared at him, thoroughly perplexed, but unable to see any harm in listening to him. The Pikachu’s face was frozen in deep concentration, and every so often his eyes would flicker to the side as if he were trying to glance behind himself. Puzzled, I went to look—

“*Do not look behind us. It’ll seem suspicious.*”

His words sent chills running down my spine. I still wanted to know what was going on—were we seriously being followed?—but didn’t dare to ask. We were coming up on a hallway to our left. Only a few more feet now.

We rounded the corner. And now, for the first time, I was distinctly aware of the sound of footsteps behind me. They had been in sync with mine, but were now quickly approaching. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest, and an uncomfortable sort of confused dread snaking through my veins. I glanced down at Chibi, wondering what he had been planning, but then—

A blast of lightning seemingly from nowhere sent me reeling backward in shock. In less than a second, the spiky-furred rodent had leapt forward at a figure behind us, letting out a surge of electricity and causing the follower to give a horrible sort of garbled cry and slump to the floor almost instantly.

I didn’t move from where I had fallen to the ground. I could only stare in horror at the now unconscious crewman just five feet away from me.

“Chibi!? What the—what?! I thought…but you said—you can’t just attack people!”

“*”He was following us,*” Chibi retorted bluntly, his eyes cold and unapologetic. “*And there was a reason I wandered off when we first got on the ship. I saw someone I recognized.*”

It took several seconds for the implication of his words to sink in. “But…you were raised by…” My voice trailed off as I looked down at the man’s limp, unconscious form, and I couldn’t help wincing a little. “…Are you sure that he’s—”

Before I could finish asking, Chibi pulled a small, red and black cell phone from the man’s pocket with the label “R-Com” inscribed on the front. I stared, unable to believe it. Unwilling to believe it.

They’d found us. The Rockets had found us before we’d even managed to come together as a team. Before we’d even started training to oppose them. Why did this have to happen?

“He’s a Rocket,” I muttered blankly, still unable to fully comprehend the turn of events. “And he’s dressed like a crew member, too. Are there more Rockets here? Are they posing as crew too?”

Chibi didn’t respond. He was fiddling with the buttons on the communicator, but the screen was completely dead.

“*Damn. I fried it,*” he muttered.

I stared, somehow filled with even more dread than I had already been. “Wait…did he let the others know that we’re here? There are others, right?”

“*Of course there are others.*” The Pikachu was now staring downward in deep thought, like he was trying to come up with a course of action. “*We can’t stay here. But we have to figure out what they’re planning, and—*”

“Look there! It is Number Nine!”

I jumped. Two more men dressed in crew member’s uniforms were now racing straight toward us. I shot a glance at Chibi in a panic, but the hybrid didn’t even flinch. He lunged forward at the two, and—no, no I didn’t want to watch him electrocute them like he had the other. But the sounds of their screams still gripped every inch of me.

Several seconds passed. Hesitantly, I opened my eyes a crack. One man was slumped to the floor, unconscious, but the other was cowering against the wall, and—what on earth was Chibi doing?!

“Chibi?! What—?” My words just died.

“*How many of you are here?! What’s your mission?!*” he demanded of the Rocket. The experiment was standing on the man’s chest, holding a brightly glowing tail right up to his neck. The man was shaking all over, eyes wide and pleading.

“What do you want from me?!” he yelled. “I’m just a grunt!”

Chibi hesitated slightly, raising an eyebrow in confusion. After several seconds he suddenly gained a look of realization before he turning to me and calling out, “*Translate for me!*”

“What?”

“*Come on, we need this information!*” he shouted.

I stared at him weakly, my brain too muddled by stress to really work out what he meant. It took me several seconds to figure out that the man wasn’t fluent in Pokéspeech.

I opened my mouth to speak, but the words felt hollow and lifeless. “How many Rockets are here? What are you doing here?”

The Rocket gave a frantic glance between Chibi and I, but didn’t say anything. Chibi glared before shooting a wave of sparks out of his body, causing the man to jerk backward and shout, “We-we’re a standard-size covert squad! We’re intercepting the rebel gathering.”

“*How?! When?!*”

This demand was simple enough for the Rocket to get the meaning. “After the party tonight, we’re supposed to destroy the ship!”

I jumped suddenly upon hearing hurried footsteps echoing off the walls down the other end of the hallway. “Um, Chibi, I think we need to—”

“*I hear them,*” he said. He gave one last look at the captive Rocket before slamming the flat side of his tail into the man’s temple and running off.

I sat there frozen, still too stunned to work through what I was supposed to do. Chibi stopped running and turned back towards me with an exasperated look on his face. “*Come on! It’s only a matter of time before they send more backup than I can handle. We need to find somewhere they won’t find us!*”

I shook my head, trying clear the haze of panic and just think straight, for the love of crap! Somewhere they couldn’t find us…somewhere they couldn’t—

“My room!” I exclaimed, jumping to my feet and bursting into a sprint to catch up with Chibi while grabbing the card key hanging from my neck. “It’s room I120!”

“*Alright!*” he called out. “*I saw the stairs this way!*”

We continued to race down the hallway, turning a corner leading to the elegant staircases nearest the main event room and bolting down them. I couldn’t hear if any footsteps were after us with all the battle sounds from the Trainer’s Party. Either way, had to keep running. I jumped two or three steps at a time, desperate to catch up with Chibi and constantly throwing frantic glances over my shoulder.

We reached the right floor and didn’t waste any time sprinting down the hallway lined with cabin rooms. Just a little bit more, and—there it was! I slowed to a stop and held my card against the scanner on the door handle, unlocking the door, throwing it open, and bolting inside with Chibi before slamming it shut behind us.

I stood there, doubled over and panting hard and trying to work through if we were safe or not. This was insane—we weren’t supposed to be in danger on this ship. How had this even happened?! How did they find us already?!

My brain was too wracked by frustration and stress to think logically at this point. I threw my backpack on the floor and stumbled toward the bed, now feeling strangely numb all over. I had no idea what to think about all of this, least of all if I should do anything or not. The whole thing was insane, and I really just wanted to pretend I had never found out about it.

I vaguely became aware of the fact that I’d been staring at Chibi since we got to the room. I tried to convince myself that I had no reason to be afraid of him anymore. We’d sorted things out. And now I couldn’t stop shivering just from being in the same room as him. I needed to say something—anything. For about the millionth time that night, the words wouldn’t come.

“*I know what you must think of me,*” he said.

I almost jumped. Chibi gave me an incredulous look, and I immediately tried to rearrange my expression into one that was less freaked out.

“I…just…that was kind of brutal back there.”

His expression hardened. “*They were Rockets. I did what I had to. I’ve always done what I had to.*”

I sighed. He did have a point. I didn’t like it, but it was a point. But then…

“…Does that count what happened on the plane?”

I had no idea why I said it. His eyes widened immediately—I expected him to glare at me in rage or something. I was completely unprepared to see him turn away with a tortured look on face, his body quivering slightly.

“*Don’t bring that up. Again. Ever.*”

“I…I’m sorry?”

Chibi continued to face the wall, his expression torn. Slowly, he forced his eyes shut. “*Why did I think he would have wanted…?*” He shook his head sharply. “*Never mind.*”

He didn’t say anything else after that, so it seemed best to give him a moment. His words still echoed in my mind, however. And I had to admit that until now, I hadn’t realized that opposing Team Rocket and living through the encounter would sometimes mean striking back at them violently. I didn’t have a problem with that fact, and yet it bothered me. I clenched my teeth, feeling kind of stupid—it was the sort of thing I’d have to get past during my time on the rebel team. Ajia had done it. It only made sense that I’d have to as well.

Ajia…

“Ajia!” I exclaimed, bolting upright and whipping my wallet out of my pocket to pull out the small, torn piece of paper she’d written her PokéGear number on. In an instant, I had grabbed the phone off the bedside table and punched in all the numbers before realizing that I didn’t have a dial tone.

Instead, a recorded voice was saying, “We thank you for staying aboard the S.S. Anne. If you would like to place calls during your trip, please visit the call center with your bank card or trainer’s license, and you will receive the bill at the end of your—”

I slammed the phone back on the receiver and buried my face in pillows. “Great. There goes my only hope.”

“*Don’t tell me you plan on hiding in here all night,*” Chibi said, leaping up onto the bed. I detected a bit of scorn in his voice.

“What else am I supposed to do? If I leave, they’ll find me, I’ll be captured, killed, whatever, end of story.”

He gave me a piercing, unrelenting stare. “*You don’t honestly think that you can just ignore there being Rockets on this ship when it’s filled with potential enemies against their cause? They’re going to destroy the ship. Do you really think you’ll survive the night even if you stay in here?*”

I shivered slightly at his words, unwilling to look him in the eye. “What am I supposed to do to stop them?”

“*Anything. Whatever we can.*”

I raised an eyebrow, both incredulous and hesitant. “Are…you saying you’ll help me?”

“*If I’m with you, then I’ll be helping you. Simple as that.*”

I paused, rather taken aback at how straightforward he was being now. “I…wasn’t sure if you’d get angry if I asked for help. You were pretty angry about the idea of me being in control of you.” Thinking about it now, it made sense considering that he was raised by Team Rocket, probably without any free will.

The Pikachu scoffed. “*It’s only fair. And even though I don’t need a human in order to battle well, it can still be useful having one around.*”

He didn’t need a human to battle well? What was that supposed to mean? It was just sort of a basic fact that humans were better at strategic thinking. But I guess he wasn’t exactly a normal Pokémon.

I took a deep breath. “Alright, so we’re going to stop them.”

Chibi paused slightly, but then nodded.

We were going to stop them. I repeated it again in my head, but it still felt fake and it was hard to ignore the fact that I just plain really didn’t want to do this. I had agreed to join the rebel team knowing that my life would be in danger, but now that it actually was, I couldn’t handle it.

Chibi’s words still gripped every inch of me, though. No matter what, I had to do something. If I was killed while trying to stop this (I went numb just thinking about the fact that it was a very real possibility), then it didn’t matter, because if I didn’t do anything, we’d all be doomed. Yes—I kept telling myself that I had no choice. No matter what, I had to do something.

“So the Trainer’s Party events end at 3am,” I said, having to swallow hard just to be able to talk. “That’s when we’ll make our move.”

Chibi turned to face me, his expression softening. *Then I suggest you get some sleep.*”





~End Chapter 6~
Blah. I don’t like this chapter. But at least it sets up a lot, and brings Chibi into the spotlight, finally. Oh yeah, have I mentioned his name is stupid? Yeah? Alright, just checking. (I named myself after a comic character and then I named him after the comic character too, if you’re wondering why this happened.)

Next chapter has cool action finally!

~Chibi~

[Cometstarlight]

I was wondering when you were going to post again XD lol

Great chapter as always and don't worry about 'boringness'; stories always require character development in order to progress nicely : D

[Rotomknight]

This is quite good.
I sense a desire for chibi to meet up with his old trainer. ( I am not the beta reader for this story, but I can sense theese things.)
Please put me on the pm list.

[Knightfall]

It's certainly been a while, hasn't it? Well, I'm glad that this is advancing once more.

I remember this arc with the S.S. Anne being one of my favorites in the older version, and I think this will prove true yet again.
I noticed that everything read much better then the older version, and I'm glad we got to see Chibi more. I really like his character.

Well, I hope to be seeing the next chapter soon, good luck with it.

Knightfall signing off...

[Chibi Pika]

Great chapter as always and don't worry about 'boringness'; stories always require character development in order to progress nicely : D

Glad you feel that way. I was a bit worried because not as much happened in this chapter as I thought would, but I got to show a lot of interactions between Jade and Chibi, which was fun.

Please put me on the pm list.

Done.

I remember this arc with the S.S. Anne being one of my favorites in the older version, and I think this will prove true yet again.
I noticed that everything read much better then the older version, and I'm glad we got to see Chibi more. I really like his character.

Again, I love seeing perspectives from people who read the old version. ^^ Chibi was always a fan favorite, but I realized that he really didn't get half the development he deserved in the old one, which is why I gave him a lot more focus in this one.

Oh yeah, and Chibi will be the next character art feature.

Thanks for the comments, everyone!

~Chibi~

[Skiyomi]

Heyo! *waves* I'm here from the review game. I've read both the prologue and chapter 1 and here are my thoughts thus far:

I think, of all the bits I've read so far, the first part of the prologue with Lugia is the bit that brims with the most style. There are some really lovely descriptions there and the whole thing has a palpable feel of "epic" drama. I will say, however, that there are times where your sentences do feel rather overloaded and wordy. It's a shame, because I think a lot of the bits have a great deal of potential, but when they all get piled together it kinda messes with the flow and makes the prose feel bloated and even verging on pretentious in places. There's a lot of good stuff here, I just feel like there are parts where the descriptions could be parceled out more carefully and trimmed in places. I got this feeling in the first sentences, and it continues throughout the first half of the prologue and in some places in the latter half of chapter 1.

The crushing depths released their hold as it flew through the water, scattering countless tiny water Pokémon in its wake.

I particularly like the beginning of this sentence. It really conveys both the pressure of the deep, underwater environment, and the strength of Lugia to break through. I think “tiny water Pokemon” could be made better if it was a more concrete and specific detail. Which tiny water Pokemon?

It was a strange thought, knowing that the balance of the world soon unravel again.

I think you’re missing a “would” in here.

I was heading for a parked car, turn, turn!

I feel like you need some kind of full-stop between the main sentence and the exclamatory “Turn, turn!” part here.

I’d never had many friends, but it seemed like for each one that left, I always had someone still here. First Ajia three years ago, then all the aspiring trainers in my year, and then everyone I knew in the year below me.

I get that all those other aspiring trainers probably aren’t characters, but it would feel less vague and more like a real thought if you put some more names in.

There are still some places when their standard street operations are well-known, but that just hides the fact that there’s a whole other side to the team that no one knows about.

Should be “where” instead of “when” I think.

I honestly found the switch from super-descriptive, heavy-drama third-person omniscient narrator to sparsely described limited first-person narrator very jarring in the prologue. I think perhaps the change was necessitated by the fact that the tone of the first part wouldn't really work in any believable way coming from a fourth-grader, but that doesn't change the fact that it feels very inconsistent and disconnected. Honestly, I would've prefered that you stuck with third-person omniscient the whole way through because I liked that part better and because I feel like it would've given you more opportunities for the reader to view Jade from an outside perspective that we seem to be missing. But I'll get to Jade in a minute.

I glanced down the other end of the hallway just in time to spot my friend Ajia, a small fifth-grader with dark hair and eyes.

See, descriptions like that really feel low-key and almost non-existent next to the bits earlier in the prologue.

I would’ve tried to slip Jade's name in earlier if I were you. Saving Lugia’s name for a bit worked out fine in the previous section because it was easy enough to figure out. But you gotta go for the connection to the new character fast because it’s always harder with OCs to get the audience invested in them.

I suppose I should stop to talk about characters in general here, because to me, they're the most important part of the story. At this point, one of my main problems is that I really don't know much about Jade or have a great deal of connection to the character. I get her situation, with her parents wanting her to focus on education instead of going on a Pokemon journey, and that's definitely a ripe situation for character development (not to mention the larger Rocket-based plot that seems to be starting). But I don't feel like I have a good grip on who she is as a person yet, and it makes it hard for me to care what happens to her because of that fact. We get a bit about her friends, but in the end it still feels like it's all on the surface. Then again, I am only up throughout chapter one and there will undoubtedly be more development later on--but we've been with her for half of the prologue and all of the first chapter and I still don't feel like I could describe her personality beyond her situation.

Character leads into relationships, another issue I have. Starr's departure announcement really comes before we've seen these character interact together at all--and by this point we haven't even seen Jade on her own much, or Starr at all. I don't know who they are or what their friendship was like, so their parting does not effect me at all. I suppose I can feel sad, baseline, that someone's losing a friend. That's something we can all relate to. But without a specific connection to the characters and their relationship, I can't feel the true weight of this parting.

I think you do a better job with Rudy. We see more glints of personality with him, though I think their could've been more. I liked the teasing moment where Jade says he might end up with a Bulbasaur. I'd have loved to see more moments like that.

I think you've got a lot of neat ideas in this story that will be interesting to see expanded on. The Pokespeech thing is kinda neat, though I feel it would be more realistic if it was chipped down more to identifications of something like animal warning signs--"danger!" or "look!" instead of coming out as full-sentence translations.

I also like that you've upped the trainer age. 10 is a little ridiculous, I've always thought. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm completely siding with Jade's parents for thinking that education is more important than Pokemon journeys :P

The resistance army of Pokemon trainers is also interesting. Though I question the recruiter's practice of 1. Giving information that could, vague or not, be used against him and his mission to a young girl who he only just met once and never vetted to make sure she's not a spy. 2. Recruiting young, inexperienced trainers and those that haven't even become trainers yet. It doesn't seem like the makings of a great army.

I'm glad you ended with some speed and suspense here. There's a lot of exposition to get through in this chapter, and upping the ante at the end, I think, did a lot to make the pacing less ponderous. That kind of ending can really keep a reader wanting to know what happens next.

This is a rather mixed review, but I think there's a lot of potential here. Not to mention it's clear that you've put a lot of love, blood, sweat, and tears into this piece. The hard work definitely shows. I guess to sum up:

The thing that makes me most want to read more: the description. Yes, it can be a little overloaded in places and a little inconsistent (I'd guess as a result of working with material written at various times) but when you're on, you're on. There's some great word images here, and I think with some ironing out and fiddling, you'll really have something grand here.

The thing that makes me not want to read on most: the characters. I just don't feel like I have any investment in them yet. I know it's early, but early is when people make a decision on whether they're going to read on or not. I feel like I need a stronger connection to the characters than I'm getting.

Take that all for what it's worth as one woman's opinion. I hope somewhere in this I said something helpful, and I wish you all the best of luck as you continuing writing forward and reworking this piece. I really admire you for sticking to this piece and being so determined to polish it until it shines! It makes me feel bad for giving up on some of my own ideas...

[Chibi Pika]

I think, of all the bits I've read so far, the first part of the prologue with Lugia is the bit that brims with the most style. There are some really lovely descriptions there and the whole thing has a palpable feel of "epic" drama. I will say, however, that there are times where your sentences do feel rather overloaded and wordy. It's a shame, because I think a lot of the bits have a great deal of potential, but when they all get piled together it kinda messes with the flow and makes the prose feel bloated and even verging on pretentious in places. There's a lot of good stuff here, I just feel like there are parts where the descriptions could be parceled out more carefully and trimmed in places. I got this feeling in the first sentences, and it continues throughout the first half of the prologue and in some places in the latter half of chapter 1.

Description is one of my major weak points, which is why I usually go for a minimalistic style, but my passion for Legendaries usually drives me to attempt more difficult pieces of it. I’ll definitely keep this in mind and try to smooth things out there.

I get that all those other aspiring trainers probably aren’t characters, but it would feel less vague and more like a real thought if you put some more names in.

Hm, I’d worry that it’d feel sort of meaningless since we don’t know who those people are and never will.

I honestly found the switch from super-descriptive, heavy-drama third-person omniscient narrator to sparsely described limited first-person narrator very jarring in the prologue. I think perhaps the change was necessitated by the fact that the tone of the first part wouldn't really work in any believable way coming from a fourth-grader, but that doesn't change the fact that it feels very inconsistent and disconnected. Honestly, I would've prefered that you stuck with third-person omniscient the whole way through because I liked that part better and because I feel like it would've given you more opportunities for the reader to view Jade from an outside perspective that we seem to be missing. But I'll get to Jade in a minute.

I like the input here, but there’s no way I could use omniscient throughout the rest of the fic because of just how heavily reliant on introspection it is. I have a massive fascination with introspection, and one the driving forces behind my writing this fic is to explore a character’s reactions to awful and crushing situations.

I understand that it’s jarring in the prologue, and in the past I tried to glaze it over by using a more descriptive style in the fourth-grade part (to act as a sort of ease into the minimalist first-person later on), but I got grilled on it heavily by reviewers. Then I finally decided that, if I was going to have a discord in style going on there, not to tiptoe around it and just go at it full swing, to emphasize the contrast.

I suppose I should stop to talk about characters in general here, because to me, they're the most important part of the story. At this point, one of my main problems is that I really don't know much about Jade or have a great deal of connection to the character. I get her situation, with her parents wanting her to focus on education instead of going on a Pokemon journey, and that's definitely a ripe situation for character development (not to mention the larger Rocket-based plot that seems to be starting). But I don't feel like I have a good grip on who she is as a person yet, and it makes it hard for me to care what happens to her because of that fact. We get a bit about her friends, but in the end it still feels like it's all on the surface. Then again, I am only up throughout chapter one and there will undoubtedly be more development later on--but we've been with her for half of the prologue and all of the first chapter and I still don't feel like I could describe her personality beyond her situation.

Hm, that’s very interesting. Strangely enough, back in the old awful versions of LC, strict reviewers that had plenty of criticism on the plot or realism usually said that the best part was Jade’s characterization (which boggles my mind now since I was really bad at writing her narration in the old days.) However, I can say that this is probably due to her characterization kicking up in the next few chapters at the same rate that the plot does. The first chapter could definitely afford to be stronger in that regard.

Character leads into relationships, another issue I have. Starr's departure announcement really comes before we've seen these character interact together at all--and by this point we haven't even seen Jade on her own much, or Starr at all. I don't know who they are or what their friendship was like, so their parting does not effect me at all. I suppose I can feel sad, baseline, that someone's losing a friend. That's something we can all relate to. But without a specific connection to the characters and their relationship, I can't feel the true weight of this parting.

You bring up some good points here that I’ll try my best to address. I do not know of any way to spend more time showing their relationship because (a.) it’s the Prologue, which takes place several years before the main story and (b.) I feel like spending any more time on past events would bog down the story with things that are not important to the plot. It’s difficult since I only get one Prologue, so unless I were to make a small sort of mini-story between these three that expands on their relationship before the main story, there isn’t much I can do. However, their interactions later in the story assume no prior knowledge about their relationship and focus on developing them from the ground up.

But on the other hand, I’m realizing that while the purpose of the scene between them was to explore their sentiments about her leaving, I completely neglected the general nature of their relationship. I might know that Starr likes to taunt Jade for her immaturity and impulsiveness, and Jade resents Starr’s condescending nature and abrasiveness, but no one else does. It never even occurred to me to include any of this because I was so focused on the plot.

I think you've got a lot of neat ideas in this story that will be interesting to see expanded on. The Pokespeech thing is kinda neat, though I feel it would be more realistic if it was chipped down more to identifications of something like animal warning signs--"danger!" or "look!" instead of coming out as full-sentence translations.

More realistic perhaps, but my headcanon centers around Pokémon as sapient, and the story requires Pokémon as fully fledged, conversing characters.

The resistance army of Pokemon trainers is also interesting. Though I question the recruiter's practice of 1. Giving information that could, vague or not, be used against him and his mission to a young girl who he only just met once and never vetted to make sure she's not a spy. 2. Recruiting young, inexperienced trainers and those that haven't even become trainers yet. It doesn't seem like the makings of a great army.

All valid points here. For 1, he had security measures we don’t know about, and 2, he is doing that on purpose for his own reasons (they do get explained later.) He has a lot of hidden agendas.

The thing that makes me most want to read more: the description. Yes, it can be a little overloaded in places and a little inconsistent (I'd guess as a result of working with material written at various times) but when you're on, you're on. There's some great word images here, and I think with some ironing out and fiddling, you'll really have something grand here.

The thing that makes me not want to read on most: the characters. I just don't feel like I have any investment in them yet. I know it's early, but early is when people make a decision on whether they're going to read on or not. I feel like I need a stronger connection to the characters than I'm getting.

Overall kind of an unusual outlook since most of my reviewers in the past were of the opposite opinion, but you brought up a lot of things for me to go back and fix up, so thank you kindly for your time and input!

~Chibi~