
Originally Posted by
Soperman
Chapter 2: Woah, new alien planet! Cool! New pokemon, new world, it's all cool! I can't wait to see what we'll find!
Chapter 3: Heylookhowconvenientacity ohthere'sDeoxyslet'skisshisfaceoff he'salmostdeadnextchapter .__.
Do you see why I'm kind of disappointed? This seems like you just want to finish the series as soon as you can. Absolutely nothing happened since the Yanma was caught? Nothing? I find that impossible to believe. Plus, it's insane how quickly everything happened. Once second, you see a city with Deoxys hovering over the center;the next, Volcarona is shooting blasts of everything but Bug Buzz at Deoxys. You gave us very little time to process what was going on when all of a sudden Forcefire fainted and Swwobat randomly saves the main character (who's name escapes me). And what happened to the other guy, the scientist who's name also escapes me? What's he doing?
Plus, pointing out flaws in you writing and not explaining them (the Molly knowing everything thing) is generally a bad thing.
I want to read this series because I know you're a good writer, and it's interesting. But either do a solid job and put more than ten minutes effort into it or just say you have other things going on in your life and stop writing.
Sorry, I've just come to expect so much more from you. I think you're a good writer; remind me why I think so.
Oh yeah, and the ending.
You punch him, he disappears, and all of a sudden, Cedric (right, that's his name. Where has he been this whole time?!) starts yelling. If you want to end something with a cliff hanger, it's generally better to add some more showing, if you know what I mean. Rather than just a bunch of people telling us he's there, how about something more thrilling?
"My pokemon (or I) looked around wearily. 'Did we get him'? I asked to nobody in particular.
'Nope' said a menacing voice from behind, as I heard the unmistakable sound of a powerful beam being charged up and fired."
THAT would have been a cliff hanger. It would have finished the chapter off really well, and make me super excited for more.
By the way, I wrote this once and constantly edited it, so sorry if some of it seems patched-together.