View Poll Results: What should Oliver's fourth Pokemon be?

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  • Lucario

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  • Breloom

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  • Ninjask

    1 33.33%
  • Haxorus

    1 33.33%
  • Swoobat

    1 33.33%
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Thread: The Deoxys Army

  1. #176
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    It's in the same forum O_O

    Seriously????
    I'm back I guess.

  2. #177
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    Quote Originally Posted by SasoriSand View Post
    It's in the same forum O_O

    Seriously????
    Same thread*

    Wouldn't want to cause confusion.
    Oh hey, I have a Nuzlocke story.
    I hath claimed the ULTIMATE TROLL!
    When an unknown infection spreads throughout Hoenn, it's up to three elite Trainers to defeat its source: Deoxys.
    Currently up to Chapter 2 of the sequel.
    Credit to Atari!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamina
    Do you know why people have eyes at the front? It's to see the vast landscape, and to move forward. If we had eyes in the back, we'd only see ourselves leaving our birthplace. That way, people could never move forward. Our eyes are at the front, so that when we walk, the distant landscape draws closer. That's why people can move forward.

  3. #178
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    I've been Reading your story and I love it! The Alternate for chapter 20 was Random but Hilarious! and Could you put me on the PM list?
    Pokemon White Friend Code: 4212 9112 1386

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    ^This will stay in my signature forever, even though the clan is closed (or at least merged)^

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  4. #179

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    Can I be added to the PM list? It's a good story. The only thing I want to say: Be careful. You want the group to catch more Pokemon in space. From your writing style, I'm guessing you don't want them to just catch the Pokemon you'd expect like Lunatone, Solrock, Clefairy, or even Deoxys. You'll try for a Pokemn that wouldn't be expected in space. Keep it plausible. Don't let the Pokemon just be randomly up in space




    252 +6 Atk Choice Band Pure Power Victini (+Atk)Critical V-create vs 0 HP/0 -6 Def Dry Skin Paras (-Def) : 103470436.36% - 121729963.64% (Guaranteed OHKO)

    You Don't Say? I had no idea that a Choice Band Adamant Victini with maximum attack EVs and IVs that was baton passed +6 in attack and Skill Swapped Pure Power OHKO's Hasty Dry Skin Lvl 1 Paras with no defense EVs or IVs and -6 in defense under sun with a critical hit V-Create.

  5. #180
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    The PM list grows!
    Oh hey, I have a Nuzlocke story.
    I hath claimed the ULTIMATE TROLL!
    When an unknown infection spreads throughout Hoenn, it's up to three elite Trainers to defeat its source: Deoxys.
    Currently up to Chapter 2 of the sequel.
    Credit to Atari!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamina
    Do you know why people have eyes at the front? It's to see the vast landscape, and to move forward. If we had eyes in the back, we'd only see ourselves leaving our birthplace. That way, people could never move forward. Our eyes are at the front, so that when we walk, the distant landscape draws closer. That's why people can move forward.

  6. #181
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    ohhhh, i loved this Alot, thanks for reminding me of this. I lol'd when he said "what you need is a starship" and I would've laughed harder if the alien said something like "hmmm, yes, starships were meant to fly of course." but thats just how my brain works. That was really great and I can't wait for the next part.
    Last edited by Superpower Emboar; 30th June 2012 at 4:25 AM.
    Author of the Fusion fic, The Coming War (which has recently been abandoned as the last update was a year ago) sorry y'all


    R.I.P The Battling Academy, 11/6/11 - 04/03/12/Crystalline guard
    Memories Are The Only Things Which Are Truly Eternal


    Quote Originally Posted by Propane View Post
    I simply can't get rid of my starter, I'm always too attached to it. Besides many of them are incredible good in the competetive game, like Infernape, venassaur or empoleon

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic Swordsman View Post
    What about Swampert and Serperior?

    ...And Chariza--*shot*

  7. #182
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    This is an...important? I dunno if it's important. Well, I'll just say it and you guys can decide.

    I'm going to be putting up chapters less often for this (WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT EVEN LESS?!?!?!??!?!!?!??!?). This is because I'm working on a story adaptation of my Nuzlockes, which you can read here. If you have or are planning to make an account on that site, please comment on it. Thanks for your time.

    As for this fic, the next chapter will be up sometime next month. Big maybe, but it may be up next week.
    Oh hey, I have a Nuzlocke story.
    I hath claimed the ULTIMATE TROLL!
    When an unknown infection spreads throughout Hoenn, it's up to three elite Trainers to defeat its source: Deoxys.
    Currently up to Chapter 2 of the sequel.
    Credit to Atari!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamina
    Do you know why people have eyes at the front? It's to see the vast landscape, and to move forward. If we had eyes in the back, we'd only see ourselves leaving our birthplace. That way, people could never move forward. Our eyes are at the front, so that when we walk, the distant landscape draws closer. That's why people can move forward.

  8. #183
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    It's here, everyone!

    Chapter 2
    The Jungle Book


    I woke up to a blaring alarm. We had been in the wormhole for a few hours now, and I had fallen asleep. But when I looked out the window, I saw we weren't in the wormhole after all. We were high above a planet.

    The planet was green. Green all over. There was no water that I could see, and no clouds. Where there were breaks in the constant green that was this planet, it was only broken by yellow and the occasional red. The alarm blaring must have meant we were about to enter the atmosphere.

    I walked out of my cabin and onto the bridge. The alien was explaining something to Oliver and Molly, while Broadsword translated for Cedric. Magnezone and Bugzapper were on the bridge too, but I didn't know why. Latias and the other Legendaries weren't there. I assumed they were getting ready to land.

    "Sorry I'm late, guys," I called out. Molly smiled at me as I walked up beside her and Oliver.

    "Hello. I was explaining to your friends that our planet is surrounded by jungle canopy," the alien said. "The green of the leaves is similar to your trees, but our jungles are another story."

    "Interesting," I said thoughtfully. "Are there any bugs?"

    "Naturally, but most are friendly." The alien paused. "At least they were, before...it happened."

    "The last thing we want is an annoying flappy bloodsucker that wants to eat our brains," Oliver said. He turned to Magnezone. "Set phasers to Kill, buddy."

    Magnezone beeped.

    "Hang onto something," Cedric said. "And if you feel heavy for a while when we land, that's normal. After the body gets used to being in antigravity, weighing something again can come as a shock to the body, and it needs time to adjust."

    "That could pose a problem in the future..." I thought for a few minutes as we all grabbed onto something. "Oh, I know! Oliver, how about you have Magnezone use Gravity from now on when we get back to space? That way, we won't have to adjust over and over."

    "That's a great idea!" Oliver replied. "But first, let's take care of business here."

    Suddenly, we entered the atmosphere. We all fell to our knees as if we had been thrown. Magnezone couldn't stay airborne, and Bugzapper fell off the wall he'd been hanging onto. Broadsword was barely able to keep his footing, since he was a lot stronger than us.

    Is everyone all right? Broadsword asked, being the only one not too dazed to speak.

    He was met with a chorus of groans (and a few beeps from Magnezone). The alien was unaffected, as he was in his bean form.

    "Magnezone, return," Oliver said wearily. He fired a red laser from Magnezone's Poke Ball, and this sucked Magnezone into the small sphere.

    "You too, Bugzapper," Molly said, repeating the process with the Galvantula.

    Slowly but surely, we started to adjust to the return of gravity as the ship descended. After what seemed like forever, it landed on the canopy.

    "How are we not falling through the leaves?" I asked.

    "Even I don't know that," the alien said, now in its regular form. "It might be because the engine to your ship is still running--"

    As if on cue, Cedric turned off the engines, and the ship fell suddenly. It hit the ground, but not very hard. The hatch opened, and we stepped out...onto spongy ground.

    "That was lucky," Oliver laughed.

    "Welcome to our planet," the alien said. "I only wish it were as it was before Deoxys came. We used to have such a lively civilization."

    "Uh...guys?" Cedric said. "What are those?"

    "What are what, Cedri--" I turned to where Cedric was looking...and saw something strangely familiar. It was like an oversized dragonfly, with a long red tail. It had four thin legs on the bottom of its body, and two glossy wings on each side. Its face had bulbous eyes, but its mouth was made of two sickle-like jaws. Its face was mostly blue, but the top of its head was read, looking almost like a helmet. There were also tentacles near its foremost legs.

    "Is it me...or are those Yanma?" Oliver asked.

    The dragonflies made a low-pitched hissing sound and started to advance towards us.

    "We don't have time to find out!" I yelled. "Forcefire, you're up!"

    I threw Forcefire's Poke Ball, and in a blinding explosion of light, she appeared. Oliver sent out Magnezone again, and Molly sent Salamence.

    One of the Yanma focused on Forcefire and lifted several large rocks with a strange, blue aura. It chucked the rocks at her, but she ascended past the attack. She flapped her wings and threw a large fireball at the dragonfly, incinerating it. Magnezone charged a yellow aura at the ends of his magnets, then fired several arcing bolts of electricity. They bounced between the dragonflies, frying a good portion of them. Salamence fired a steady stream of water and moved his head around, acting like a dragonic sprinkler. Before long, there were only a few of the dragonflies left.

    "OK guys, leave them alone. We'll cure these guys." I returned Forcefire.

    Jirachi and Celebi flew out, followed shortly by Latias and Baby Latios. Sorry we're late! The gravity thing got the better of us, Jirachi stammered. He looked at the dragonflies and suddenly had a bewildered expression. Is that what it looks like...?

    "We're about to find out," I said. I took a needle full of serum as Magnezone fired several electrical pulses, freezing the dragonflies in place. I walked up to one of the insects and injected the serum. Immediately, everywhere that had been blue turned green, and its eyes were a lot less hateful. It looked almost exactly like a Yanma.

    "This is inconceivable!" Cedric yelled. "This proves that at least some species of Pokemon came from other planets! This is a major discovery! It may be the biggest discovery in the history of Pokemon!"

    "Easy there," I said. "Just because it looks like a Yanma doesn't mean it is one. They could be completely different."

    "Then let me take a blood sample," Cedric said quickly. He sounded like a kid with a new toy. "If its genetic makeup matches that of a terrestrial Yanma, then this discovery will change Pokemon research forever!"

    "How will you tell if it's the same as our Yanma, though?" I asked.

    "I have blood samples of all kinds of Pokemon in the Avenger's lab," Cedric explained. "You never know when you'll need them, after all."

    Cedric took an empty syringe and took a sample of the dragonfly's blood. The paralysis wore off on it right after that, and it looked around, confused. Cedric ran back into the ship.

    "I guess we'd better wait for him," Molly said with a shrug. We all agreed.

    • • •

    It was a few hours later when Cedric came back from the ship. He had a giddy smile on his face. "It's a match!" he yelled. "These dragonflies are Yanma!"

    "Whoa," I said. "Y'know, I always wanted a Yanma."

    "You've already got a Bug type," Oliver said. "Yanma's cool, and I call dibs."

    "By that logic, Swoobat voids that," Molly pointed out. "They're both Flying-types. If anyone should get it, it should be Cedric."

    "Come to think of it," I said, "do you even have any Pokemon, Cedric?"

    "I do have one," Cedric said. He took a Poke Ball from his lab coat and tossed it. Out came an Eevee. "I'm researching its different evolution tactics. It evolves into seven known species, but it's a common theory at the Space Center that there are more."

    "In that case, Molly's right." I gave Cedric an empty Poke Ball. "You should be the one to catch a Yanma. You won't get far with only one Pokemon."

    Cedric walked up to the Yanma, and his Eevee followed. "Let's catch it, then," he said. He gestured, and Eevee hopped in front of the Yanma, growling playfully. "Use Quick Attack!"

    Eevee launched itself at the Yanma like a bullet. It slammed directly into Yanma's face before it had a chance to dodge. It retaliated by flapping its wings, and a beam of rainbow energy hit Eevee. However, it didn't go down.

    "Try another Quick Attack," Cedric said. Eevee attacked again, but this time, the Yanma dodged. It flapped its wings faster now, sending blades of air towards Eevee. Still in the process of using Quick Attack, Eevee careened out of the way.

    "Speed Boost," I said thoughtfully. "Cedric, you might need to try something else."

    "Right you are," Cedric replied. "Attack it from a distance with Shadow Ball!"

    Eevee opened its mouth wide, and dark energy started to gather. A ball of pure darkness formed in front of Eevee's face. It fired the ball with a sudden swing of its head. The ball slammed into Yanma, knocking it out of the air. It looked like it was trying to fly back up, but Eevee acted fast, and pinned it down before it could. Cedric threw the empty Poke Ball, and Yanma was sucked into it. It landed, and we all watched.

    The ball shook once...twice...three times...and clicked.

    "Nice work," I said. Eevee picked up the ball in its mouth and brought it to Cedric, wagging its tail happily.

    We've wasted enough time, Celebi said. Let's go already.

    We nodded. Cedric returned Eevee, and we started making our way through the dense jungle.

    ---------------

    So, how did you like the Pokemon In Space thing? I thought for a long while about that, and I like how it turned out.
    Oh hey, I have a Nuzlocke story.
    I hath claimed the ULTIMATE TROLL!
    When an unknown infection spreads throughout Hoenn, it's up to three elite Trainers to defeat its source: Deoxys.
    Currently up to Chapter 2 of the sequel.
    Credit to Atari!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamina
    Do you know why people have eyes at the front? It's to see the vast landscape, and to move forward. If we had eyes in the back, we'd only see ourselves leaving our birthplace. That way, people could never move forward. Our eyes are at the front, so that when we walk, the distant landscape draws closer. That's why people can move forward.

  9. #184
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    I like the idea for now (just don't get too carried away).

    I just want to know why the ground was spongy...
    And what the Alien meant by the jungle was a different story... Oh well we just have to find out! (Unless the different story are the Yanma and other Deoxys infected thingies)
    I'm back I guess.

  10. #185

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    Nice one. I like that you didn't just do what everyone expected. There are Pokemon in space besides the Cleffa line, Solrock, Lunatone, and of course Deoxys




    252 +6 Atk Choice Band Pure Power Victini (+Atk)Critical V-create vs 0 HP/0 -6 Def Dry Skin Paras (-Def) : 103470436.36% - 121729963.64% (Guaranteed OHKO)

    You Don't Say? I had no idea that a Choice Band Adamant Victini with maximum attack EVs and IVs that was baton passed +6 in attack and Skill Swapped Pure Power OHKO's Hasty Dry Skin Lvl 1 Paras with no defense EVs or IVs and -6 in defense under sun with a critical hit V-Create.

  11. #186
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    Jonah... will there be a Vespiquen. Infected Vespiquen commanding her evil little combees to do evil deeds..... :3

  12. #187
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyoyo3131 View Post
    Jonah... will there be a Vespiquen. Infected Vespiquen commanding her evil little combees to do evil deeds..... :3
    Can't promise anything. Not even I know what all will appear yet.
    Oh hey, I have a Nuzlocke story.
    I hath claimed the ULTIMATE TROLL!
    When an unknown infection spreads throughout Hoenn, it's up to three elite Trainers to defeat its source: Deoxys.
    Currently up to Chapter 2 of the sequel.
    Credit to Atari!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamina
    Do you know why people have eyes at the front? It's to see the vast landscape, and to move forward. If we had eyes in the back, we'd only see ourselves leaving our birthplace. That way, people could never move forward. Our eyes are at the front, so that when we walk, the distant landscape draws closer. That's why people can move forward.

  13. #188
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    Chapter 3
    Chapparal Combat


    After several hours of walking through the jungle, the trees were thinning. We could see through the canopy, and when we looked, we saw that the sun was setting. Orange light came through the leaves of the now-sparse trees, and the scene was truly something to behold.

    "This is incredible," Molly sighed.

    "Yeah. I never thought I'd miss a sunset so much," I said. "When was the last time we really got to enjoy one?"

    "Before Deoxys attacked us, I think," Oliver muttered, seemingly lost in thought.

    "Deoxys is near," the alien said. "Keep your wits about you."

    I nodded. We all took our Poke Balls and sent out our Pokemon. They followed us as the trees became more and more spread out. Soon, we arrived at a massive clearing. There were giant mushrooms everywhere, and I didn't think so back then, but they had been made into houses. There were still a few trees, so we stayed out of view of the aliens. As we looked around, I saw a familiar face floating above the city.

    "There's Deoxys," I whispered. "We need a plan of attack."

    "How about this?" Molly asked. "I'll sneak around to the other side of town, with my Pokemon. Oliver, you remember that disguise thing you did back in Sootopolis? Do that again if you can, and if you can, put the timer on these dynamite packs in their armory."

    "OK, first of all, I'm out of Oran Berries," Oliver said. "Second, this is a town, not a military base. Third, there isn't any red dirt around here. And fourth, when did I tell you about the disguise thing?"

    "Those are all good questions, and I'm sure you won't get answers to even one of them," Molly replied, patting Oliver on the shoulder.

    Oliver looked at Molly as if she was crazy. Who knows, maybe she was.

    "Ok, let's come up with a plan that's actually feasible," I sighed. "Forcefire and I will go after Deoxys. You guys make a spectacle on the ground so we aren't interrupted." I turned to Forcefire. "Start using Quiver Dances."

    Forcefire closed her eyes and focused. I turned to Absol, Deta, and Broadsword. "You guys help the others. Broadsword, after Forcefire has used Quiver Dance six times, let me know."

    Yes, master, Broadsword replied with a nod.

    "Now, are we all ready?" I asked. Everyone nodded. "Go on ahead, and I'll be out there as soon as I can."

    Oliver, Molly and Cedric let out their Pokemon and charged. It didn't take long for them to be noticed, but they were ready. The first--and last--thing I saw of the combat was Salamence and Deta firing huge beams of pure energy, vaporizing all in their path. They were aiming away from the aliens, thankfully.

    Forcefire is done, Broadsword reported. I will join in the combat.

    "Good luck," I replied, and climbed on Forcefire's back. She seemed to be radiating with power. Forcefire ascended as Broadsword ran into the fray.

    This is ridiculous, Deoxys snarled. I will dispatch these creatures.

    "Oh no you don't!" I yelled. "Your fight is with me!"

    Deoxys turned and saw us flying towards him. He laughed. And just who are you?

    "The guy who's about to kill you," I replied. "Forcefire, incinerate him."

    In the time it took to blink, Forcefire launched an enormous fireball at Deoxys. He twisted the tentacles on his arms around each other and formed hands, then used them to catch the fireball. He threw it back at us. Forcefire zipped to the side, and the fireball missed. It hit the forest, setting a huge portion of it on fire. Molly had Jellicent and Salamence start putting it out with their Hydro Pumps.

    Is that all? Deoxys asked mockingly.

    "Just like your kind to underestimate me," I replied with a smirk. "Hurricane!"

    Forcefire started to flap her wings very quickly. Soon enough, she formed several vortexes of wind, and launched them at Deoxys. It dodged some of them, but one engulfed Deoxys, tossing him every which way.

    Arrogant fool! That attack was nothing! Deoxys laughed, slightly disoriented.

    "Now's our chance. Hyper Beam!"

    Forcefire hissed and formed a ball of red energy between her jaws. Deoxys shook his head back and forth to regain his bearings, but it was too late. She fired, and a gigantic energy beam speared through the air. It completely engulfed Deoxys. Not only that, it hit the forest below, and a huge explosion resulted. Forcefire didn't let up for a good ten seconds, but after that she was too tired to continue. She started to descend.

    It's not dead, Broadsword told me. If it were, the aliens would've been cured.

    "I know," I replied. "Forcefire, you ok?"

    Forcefire nodded wearily.

    "If it gets to be too much, don't push yourself," I said.

    Looks like you were right. I DID underestimate you, Deoxys growled. Well, no matter. You may have caught me off guard, but it will take much more than that to kill me.

    "Do your worst," I yelled. "You're not gonna win."

    You asked for it! Deoxys shot back.

    Before I had a chance to respond, the crater into which Forcefire had blasted the alien started glowing pure white.

    "Forcefire, move--"

    TOO LATE!

    Suddenly, arcing beams of purple energy speared the air from the crater. They hit Forcefire directly in the chest. She hissed loudly and started falling.

    "Return!" I said, taking Forcefire's Poke ball. The red beam of energy hit her and sucked her into the Poke ball. I was still falling, however--and I had been pretty high up.

    Don't worry, I gotcha! Swoobat yelled. He flew towards me and caught my leg in his mouth. It hurt, but I would live.

    "Thanks," I said, sighing with relief.

    No probs.

    Coward! Where's your bravado? Deoxys taunted, climbing out of the crater.

    Swoobat put me on the ground. No offense, but you're kinda heavy, he said. Try not to do that again.

    "Haha, I won't," I replied. I then whistled as loudly as I could. After a few seconds, Absol ran up to my side and barked. "Forcefire's down. You're Deoxys's opponent now, ok?"

    An Absol? Pah! Worthless! Deoxys charged a Focus Blast at the end of his tentacle arms.

    "Sucker Punch," I whispered. Absol barked again, and his paw glowed with darkness. He disappeared and reappeared in front of Deoxys. He batted Deoxys with the shadowy claw, knocking him back. His Focus Blast also disintegrated.

    "Did we get him?" Molly asked from afar.

    Not quite, Broadsword muttered. I can just barely feel his life force.

    "Get ready! Here he comes!" Cedric yelled.

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Yuppers, cliffhanger. DEAL

    PMs are late this tiem, sorry.
    Oh hey, I have a Nuzlocke story.
    I hath claimed the ULTIMATE TROLL!
    When an unknown infection spreads throughout Hoenn, it's up to three elite Trainers to defeat its source: Deoxys.
    Currently up to Chapter 2 of the sequel.
    Credit to Atari!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamina
    Do you know why people have eyes at the front? It's to see the vast landscape, and to move forward. If we had eyes in the back, we'd only see ourselves leaving our birthplace. That way, people could never move forward. Our eyes are at the front, so that when we walk, the distant landscape draws closer. That's why people can move forward.

  14. #189
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    That definitely turned my mood around, good job man and keep up the good work


    ^You ever have that moment you realize you forgot to give credit? Sorry Irra!!^

  15. #190
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    That was amazing! Does Forcefire not have Bug Buzz? I feel like that would have come in handy when fighting Deoxyses (Deoxi?)

    Anyway, I love how amazing you are at fight scenes, Great Job Jonah, keep it up!
    Author of the Fusion fic, The Coming War (which has recently been abandoned as the last update was a year ago) sorry y'all


    R.I.P The Battling Academy, 11/6/11 - 04/03/12/Crystalline guard
    Memories Are The Only Things Which Are Truly Eternal


    Quote Originally Posted by Propane View Post
    I simply can't get rid of my starter, I'm always too attached to it. Besides many of them are incredible good in the competetive game, like Infernape, venassaur or empoleon

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic Swordsman View Post
    What about Swampert and Serperior?

    ...And Chariza--*shot*

  16. #191
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    Chapter 2: Woah, new alien planet! Cool! New pokemon, new world, it's all cool! I can't wait to see what we'll find!
    Chapter 3: Heylookhowconvenientacity ohthere'sDeoxyslet'skisshisfaceoff he'salmostdeadnextchapter .__.

    Do you see why I'm kind of disappointed? This seems like you just want to finish the series as soon as you can. Absolutely nothing happened since the Yanma was caught? Nothing? I find that impossible to believe. Plus, it's insane how quickly everything happened. Once second, you see a city with Deoxys hovering over the center;the next, Volcarona is shooting blasts of everything but Bug Buzz at Deoxys. You gave us very little time to process what was going on when all of a sudden Forcefire fainted and Swwobat randomly saves the main character (who's name escapes me). And what happened to the other guy, the scientist who's name also escapes me? What's he doing?
    Plus, pointing out flaws in you writing and not explaining them (the Molly knowing everything thing) is generally a bad thing.
    I want to read this series because I know you're a good writer, and it's interesting. But either do a solid job and put more than ten minutes effort into it or just say you have other things going on in your life and stop writing.

    Sorry, I've just come to expect so much more from you. I think you're a good writer; remind me why I think so.

    Oh yeah, and the ending.
    You punch him, he disappears, and all of a sudden, Cedric (right, that's his name. Where has he been this whole time?!) starts yelling. If you want to end something with a cliff hanger, it's generally better to add some more showing, if you know what I mean. Rather than just a bunch of people telling us he's there, how about something more thrilling?
    "My pokemon (or I) looked around wearily. 'Did we get him'? I asked to nobody in particular.
    'Nope' said a menacing voice from behind, as I heard the unmistakable sound of a powerful beam being charged up and fired."
    THAT would have been a cliff hanger. It would have finished the chapter off really well, and make me super excited for more.
    By the way, I wrote this once and constantly edited it, so sorry if some of it seems patched-together.
    Last edited by Soperman; 23rd August 2012 at 7:39 AM.


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  17. #192
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    Quote Originally Posted by Soperman View Post
    Chapter 2: Woah, new alien planet! Cool! New pokemon, new world, it's all cool! I can't wait to see what we'll find!
    Chapter 3: Heylookhowconvenientacity ohthere'sDeoxyslet'skisshisfaceoff he'salmostdeadnextchapter .__.

    Do you see why I'm kind of disappointed? This seems like you just want to finish the series as soon as you can. Absolutely nothing happened since the Yanma was caught? Nothing? I find that impossible to believe. Plus, it's insane how quickly everything happened. Once second, you see a city with Deoxys hovering over the center;the next, Volcarona is shooting blasts of everything but Bug Buzz at Deoxys. You gave us very little time to process what was going on when all of a sudden Forcefire fainted and Swwobat randomly saves the main character (who's name escapes me). And what happened to the other guy, the scientist who's name also escapes me? What's he doing?
    Plus, pointing out flaws in you writing and not explaining them (the Molly knowing everything thing) is generally a bad thing.
    I want to read this series because I know you're a good writer, and it's interesting. But either do a solid job and put more than ten minutes effort into it or just say you have other things going on in your life and stop writing.

    Sorry, I've just come to expect so much more from you. I think you're a good writer; remind me why I think so.

    Oh yeah, and the ending.
    You punch him, he disappears, and all of a sudden, Cedric (right, that's his name. Where has he been this whole time?!) starts yelling. If you want to end something with a cliff hanger, it's generally better to add some more showing, if you know what I mean. Rather than just a bunch of people telling us he's there, how about something more thrilling?
    "My pokemon (or I) looked around wearily. 'Did we get him'? I asked to nobody in particular.
    'Nope' said a menacing voice from behind, as I heard the unmistakable sound of a powerful beam being charged up and fired."
    THAT would have been a cliff hanger. It would have finished the chapter off really well, and make me super excited for more.
    By the way, I wrote this once and constantly edited it, so sorry if some of it seems patched-together.
    ...Now I feels bad.

    I do still have time to work on this, but not as much time due to skewl. Everything you just said was right. I was in a bit of a rush with this chapter, and this reminded me why I shouldn't do that.

    Just a few things though:

    @Bug Buzz: You're stuck in the competitive mindset (this applies to SE too). Besides, if I'd just had Forcefire use Bug Buzz, it would've been even MORE boring because it's very hard to describe a...describe...see, I can't even describe what it IS.

    @Molly knowing everything: Comic relief. Nothing more.

    @The battle below: It's from Eric's perspective, and he wasn't paying attention to that.

    @Ending: I was even MORE rushed for the ending. Why, I don't know.

    I hope that addressed everything that I don't admit to.
    Oh hey, I have a Nuzlocke story.
    I hath claimed the ULTIMATE TROLL!
    When an unknown infection spreads throughout Hoenn, it's up to three elite Trainers to defeat its source: Deoxys.
    Currently up to Chapter 2 of the sequel.
    Credit to Atari!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamina
    Do you know why people have eyes at the front? It's to see the vast landscape, and to move forward. If we had eyes in the back, we'd only see ourselves leaving our birthplace. That way, people could never move forward. Our eyes are at the front, so that when we walk, the distant landscape draws closer. That's why people can move forward.

  18. #193
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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic Swordsman View Post
    ...Now I feels bad.
    Sorry!

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic Swordsman View Post
    I do still have time to work on this, but not as much time due to skewl.
    Completely valid excuse. I've been busy, too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic Swordsman View Post
    Just a few things though:

    @Bug Buzz: You're stuck in the competitive mindset (this applies to SE too). Besides, if I'd just had Forcefire use Bug Buzz, it would've been even MORE boring because it's very hard to describe a...describe...see, I can't even describe what it IS.
    Um... Fair enough.
    They're... Uh... SONIC WAVES! Yeah. Sonic Waves. /pride
    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic Swordsman View Post
    @The battle below: It's from Eric's perspective, and he wasn't paying attention to that.
    Oh, that's his name.
    Anyway, what would be cool is if you wrote the next chapter through his perspective and the challenges he had to face with the distraction. That would be cool if you did it well


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  19. #194
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    Quote Originally Posted by Soperman View Post
    Anyway, what would be cool is if you wrote the next chapter through his perspective and the challenges he had to face with the distraction. That would be cool if you did it well
    I have considered doing chapters through other character's perspectives more often. I thought I might even do a Juan chapter, about him leading the rebuilding effort in the aftermath of the apocalypse. If I do one soon, though, it'll be from Molly's POV. Cedric will get his time in the limelight though.
    Oh hey, I have a Nuzlocke story.
    I hath claimed the ULTIMATE TROLL!
    When an unknown infection spreads throughout Hoenn, it's up to three elite Trainers to defeat its source: Deoxys.
    Currently up to Chapter 2 of the sequel.
    Credit to Atari!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamina
    Do you know why people have eyes at the front? It's to see the vast landscape, and to move forward. If we had eyes in the back, we'd only see ourselves leaving our birthplace. That way, people could never move forward. Our eyes are at the front, so that when we walk, the distant landscape draws closer. That's why people can move forward.

  20. #195
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    Guys, I have an announcement.

    First and foremost, this isn't the new chapter. I doubt that's going to come any time soon. It'll come eventually, though.

    I feel like I'm losing steam for this story. I don't want to give up on it yet, but it seems like when I write it now, I'm less inspired by the characters I created. I'm having a lot more fun writing that Nuzlocke story I told you all about, so I'm going to focus on that.

    The next chapter for this WILL be up before 2013 starts, but that's the only guarantee I can make.
    Oh hey, I have a Nuzlocke story.
    I hath claimed the ULTIMATE TROLL!
    When an unknown infection spreads throughout Hoenn, it's up to three elite Trainers to defeat its source: Deoxys.
    Currently up to Chapter 2 of the sequel.
    Credit to Atari!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamina
    Do you know why people have eyes at the front? It's to see the vast landscape, and to move forward. If we had eyes in the back, we'd only see ourselves leaving our birthplace. That way, people could never move forward. Our eyes are at the front, so that when we walk, the distant landscape draws closer. That's why people can move forward.

  21. #196
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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychic Swordsman View Post
    Guys, I have an announcement.

    First and foremost, this isn't the new chapter. I doubt that's going to come any time soon. It'll come eventually, though.

    I feel like I'm losing steam for this story. I don't want to give up on it yet, but it seems like when I write it now, I'm less inspired by the characters I created. I'm having a lot more fun writing that Nuzlocke story I told you all about, so I'm going to focus on that.

    The next chapter for this WILL be up before 2013 starts, but that's the only guarantee I can make.
    Aw... Well, at least we'll get one in the upcoming three months .__.


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  22. #197
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    Good chapters, I really like how the aliens planet is like earth. I find it really interesting how there's giant yanmas and I was wondering if there would be other giant insect pokemon. Also its interesting how Cedric has a eevee that hasn't evolved yet.
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  23. #198
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    Just started reading, and it seems enjoyable. I'll be back.

    While I've only read the initial post, it seems like something that I can get in to, seeing as it evidently follows the theme of Pokemon trainers using various specific Pokemon to overcome a new task not previously seen. Also Deoxys is awesome.
    Last edited by Rebel562; 21st November 2012 at 6:37 PM.
    - The whole Stallrein thing? He does it better.

  24. #199
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    Just read it all,could you add me to the OM List?Id like to stay updated on this awesome story!

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    UgoPop, you're added. Rebel, I'm glad you like the story!
    Oh hey, I have a Nuzlocke story.
    I hath claimed the ULTIMATE TROLL!
    When an unknown infection spreads throughout Hoenn, it's up to three elite Trainers to defeat its source: Deoxys.
    Currently up to Chapter 2 of the sequel.
    Credit to Atari!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kamina
    Do you know why people have eyes at the front? It's to see the vast landscape, and to move forward. If we had eyes in the back, we'd only see ourselves leaving our birthplace. That way, people could never move forward. Our eyes are at the front, so that when we walk, the distant landscape draws closer. That's why people can move forward.

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