Mary Sue Must Die! (PG-13)

[Knightfall]

Was it really half a year ago that I posted here applauding this fic? Wow, time flies.

Anyways, I absloutely loved this chapter. All the cliche Pokemon fanfiction plot devices created Mary Sues and the brave few who kill them off one by one.
A wonderful chapter filled with scientific explainations of why these strange events happen, or at least when they happen.
Poor Oak, forced to mindlessly give away custom starters to the creations of fanfic writers when the sky turns azure and forgetting and renaming his grandson over and over again.

I can't wait to see what exactly happens after this, because as far as I can tell anything's and everything's possible.

Knightfall signing off...

[Psychic]

The moment the colour of the sky got emphasized, I had a very clear idea of what was going to happen. XD Gotta love how journey fics can't start on rainy days!

The beginning part was the bit I was expecting when I first clicked this, so I'm glad it's here. I really like the way you're handling it, with Oak's reactions and musings. And of course throwing in Bell because he needs to be there though I have to say I don't recall seeing him cropping up often in fics. But hey, this works. I especially like the meta bits discussing the rules and setup of the universe multiverse, and that's really where I got the most laughs, like the bits about having to be a quantum physicist or incredibly intoxicated. You have done pretty well with keeping up the style.

Admittedly I expected Lewis to pop out of the Pokeball and everyone not being sure what to do, but this works too! I'm already liking the Sue hunter and Lewis and am very much looking forward to seeing them interact more. You definitely got some good laughs out of me at the end. (But why isn't she swearing yet?!) I wasn't quite sure why he was already worrying about his crotch before she lowered the gun, though.

Anyhow, I really like the whole Eevee idea, and now the unlikely duo will likely have to rescue it after being "rescued" by Sora, which will likely cause all sorts of shenanigans. Anyhow, glad you're back to working on this as it was more fun stuff to read, and I'm certainly looking forward to more. :>

Also, I will VM you my weird ideas at some point. =o

~Psychic

[JX Valentine]

The difficult thing about nitpicking this is wondering whether the descriptions were intentional or not. As your delightful use of colour adjectives showed. Anyway, you say it was a shiny Eevee, but go on to say that it had a pale-brown coat. Shiny Eevee are white/greyish.

Y'know, I thought so too, but when I took a long look at the sprites for a shiny Eevee, I found out it's actually beige with a light purple/gray collar and apparently has been since Gen III. (It was totally gray in Gen II, though.)

Also in that second paragraph you say Eevee has a 'tiny canine face' and later on go to say it's a fox-like pokémon. This could be a reference as to what the hell Eevee is based off of fox/dog/rabbit etc or it was a slip up. Again, difficult to tell.

Also intentional, but good question. I tend to see Eevee as being a fox/dog/cat (with a lot more fox characteristics than anything else – so maybe a better word might've been "vulpine," now that I think about it) and its evolutions as being more fennec foxes/cats, with the exception of Espeon (which is a nekomata – i.e., cat).

This link adequately describes my feelings about this chapter.

My only response.

This was pure gold.

*le bow!*

Especially the moment Bill was mentioned I actually burst out laughing and said "I aint even surprised" if it wasn't now I probably would have spent chapters wondering when Bill would show up =P

Gotta get that Author Appeal in early. *cracks knuckles*

One trope down; how many to go?

One thing I love about this is the concept you have about the characters and how the Sues bend their personalities so much that they don't even have control over their bodies when they interact.

Thank you! Really, with this fic, I wanted to emphasize what a Mary Sue was actually meant to be. There's just so many parodies that are like, "If I take a bunch of traits from a litmus test and go way over-the-top with them, I'll have a Mary Sue parody! lol!" But then that misses the point of what a Mary Sue is because actual Suefics don't have characters like that because Suethors believe that avoiding a Mary Sue is a simple matter of not including traits from the litmus tests. So you end up parodying pretty much nothing at all, and then that defeats the purpose of making a parody.

Although I will say that Sora is actually in part a parody of a Sue parody anyway; she just also has actual Sueishness on top of that.

Of course, the image of Bill being forced into a pokémon body, purely to give SS Tickets to Sues when they save him, is a very humourous one.

Haha, either that or he becomes a fountain of sage info and whatnot. 'Cause for some reason, tons of trainer fics like to forget the part about the SS Ticket. Not that I read Kanto trainer fics solely to see how they handle Bill or anything. And not that I judge the quality of a Kanto trainer fic entirely on their Bill chapter.

I also loved the fandom jibe you had in there about how most of the Sues are in Unova now, definitely captures that 'new car smell' effect the fandom has whenever a new game comes out.

Pretty much. And thankfully, BW2 is going to provide plenty of jokes for the future.

This chapter just captures every single journey trope you could possibly think of and lays them out in such a hilarious fashion. It's thoroughly commendable, Jax.

Thank you! \o/

I loved this line.

I'm glad you did. Because I'm totally not overemphasizing how British you are or anything. Nope.

THIS. Oh god, this makes me realise how terribly British I am. Not that I'd want it any other way, of course.

You have now marked Lewis down as destined for a monocle, top hat, teacup, and plate of crumpets in the near future. Just saying.

Also, I'm glad I got you in-character. And also, I'd like to say that I'm playing a Fire Red Nuzlocke on the side to decide what team you eventually get, and Viridian Forest is going to be hilarious.

What a way to end a chapter and what a way to start your day. Reading this has certainly cheered me up and made me ready for a productive day.

You are a hero, Jax. I salute you =P

*salutes back!*

Wow, that's a great way to narrate a fic. Can I be added to the PM list?

Thanks, and absolutely! O>

Was it really half a year ago that I posted here applauding this fic?

Pretty much. *buries face in hands* That was the coolest hiatus ever.

Anyways, I absloutely loved this chapter. All the cliche Pokemon fanfiction plot devices created Mary Sues and the brave few who kill them off one by one.

Thank you!

A wonderful chapter filled with scientific explainations of why these strange events happen, or at least when they happen.

Those were the parts I had the most fun writing, actually! It's because normally, I try not to be pretentious with my writing (or at least pretentious while BSing like Douglas Adams), but here, the entire point was to be as pretentious as possible. So in the end, I went, "Let's make as much **** up as possible! \o/" And it was awesome.

Poor Oak, forced to mindlessly give away custom starters to the creations of fanfic writers when the sky turns azure and forgetting and renaming his grandson over and over again.

Haha, and just wait until you meet his grandson. ;D (Side note: Sora totally already met him just before she left Oak's lab. And there will be shenanigans everywhere when he finally shows up in the fic.)

I can't wait to see what exactly happens after this, because as far as I can tell anything's and everything's possible.

*cackles evilly and tents fingers* Oh yes. >:D

The moment the colour of the sky got emphasized, I had a very clear idea of what was going to happen. XD Gotta love how journey fics can't start on rainy days!

Inorite? Is there even one? Because I can't think of one. I mean, I guess I can understand that you wouldn't want to travel if it's raining, but still a nice, partly cloudy day would be good. *shot!*

The beginning part was the bit I was expecting when I first clicked this, so I'm glad it's here.

Mission accomplished! o>

I really like the way you're handling it, with Oak's reactions and musings. And of course throwing in Bell because he needs to be there though I have to say I don't recall seeing him cropping up often in fics.

*walks away whistling at Bill's not-quite-cameo*

But hey, this works. I especially like the meta bits discussing the rules and setup of the universe multiverse, and that's really where I got the most laughs, like the bits about having to be a quantum physicist or incredibly intoxicated. You have done pretty well with keeping up the style.

Thank you!

Admittedly I expected Lewis to pop out of the Pokeball and everyone not being sure what to do, but this works too!

Oh my God, that would have been beautiful. Especially if Sora went and used him in her battle against Brock. (Diddy vs. Geodude. That's all I'm saying.)

On the positive side, this is going to be painful for him too. ;D

(But why isn't she swearing yet?!)

That is a good point. My excuse is that she's not quite pissed enough yet. :( She'll start swearing like a sailor soon, though! I promise!

…And that's the strangest promise I've ever made.

I wasn't quite sure why he was already worrying about his crotch before she lowered the gun, though.

Because there are two things every teenage/youngish guy worries about.

Anyhow, I really like the whole Eevee idea, and now the unlikely duo will likely have to rescue it after being "rescued" by Sora, which will likely cause all sorts of shenanigans.

Yep. Especially because there's a Pokémon expert who will non-metaphorically kill the Sue hunter if something bad happened to that Eevee. Being owned by Sora is close enough.

Anyhow, glad you're back to working on this as it was more fun stuff to read, and I'm certainly looking forward to more. :>

Thank you! Definitely working hard on the next chapter~!

[Azurus]

This is hilarious, absolutely love everything about and I'm here early enough to follow along.

I'll leave the reviews to everyone else and enjoy this awesome story.

Looking forward to more and would appreciate an addition to the PM list, (thread subscriptions are unreliable for me if I miss more than a day)

[Glover]

One of these days I'm gonna get this chapter reviewed, but int he meantime...

The moment the colour of the sky got emphasized, I had a very clear idea of what was going to happen. XD Gotta love how journey fics can't start on rainy days!

Inorite? Is there even one? Because I can't think of one. I mean, I guess I can understand that you wouldn't want to travel if it's raining, but still a nice, partly cloudy day would be good. *shot!*

A response: How many funerals occur without rain in the day, though? A reverse correlation, perhaps?

[Diddy]

Y'know, I thought so too, but when I took a long look at the sprites for a shiny Eevee, I found out it's actually beige with a light purple/gray collar and apparently has been since Gen III. (It was totally gray in Gen II, though.)

Huh, suppose you're right. That is one beige pokémon, in more ways than one amirite! Okay, that was bad.

My only response.

My only response to your only response.

Thank you! Really, with this fic, I wanted to emphasize what a Mary Sue was actually meant to be. There's just so many parodies that are like, "If I take a bunch of traits from a litmus test and go way over-the-top with them, I'll have a Mary Sue parody! lol!" But then that misses the point of what a Mary Sue is because actual Suefics don't have characters like that because Suethors believe that avoiding a Mary Sue is a simple matter of not including traits from the litmus tests. So you end up parodying pretty much nothing at all, and then that defeats the purpose of making a parody.

Although I will say that Sora is actually in part a parody of a Sue parody anyway; she just also has actual Sueishness on top of that.

Yup, I've read a few of those before, fics trying to be funny by including characters that are a bunch of hackneyed traits. I can only remember one or two that were actually funny (One was by Dilasc I know that for sure). And I will openly say I did use to think that what defined a Sue was just a bunch of traits, like "boo, she's got cyan hair that cascades down to her lower back and is surprisingly well-built despite being twelve?" Sue *alarms sound*. It was thanks in part to posts like yours in the Author's Café that taught me otherwise.

Haha, either that or he becomes a fountain of sage info and whatnot. 'Cause for some reason, tons of trainer fics like to forget the part about the SS Ticket. Not that I read Kanto trainer fics solely to see how they handle Bill or anything. And not that I judge the quality of a Kanto trainer fic entirely on their Bill chapter.

and it's not like I read fics starring the Mayor of Ponyville purely to see if the author uses the character in a way other than, "Mayor of Ponyville who does mayorly things". And I definitely don't judge the quality of an MLP fic entirely on their Mayor characterisation.

Pretty much. And thankfully, BW2 is going to provide plenty of jokes for the future.

Damn... that game looks good. It has more Cynthia AND freakin' Janine in it. I'm hype. But dear lord, they put Bianca in glasses. I know for a fact that I'll play that game and I'll want to ship Bianca and Professor-not-Cedric Juniper so damn much. It's a weakness! *breaks down in tears*

I'm glad you did. Because I'm totally not overemphasizing how British you are or anything. Nope.

You have now marked Lewis down as destined for a monocle, top hat, teacup, and plate of crumpets in the near future. Just saying.

Also, I'm glad I got you in-character. And also, I'd like to say that I'm playing a Fire Red Nuzlocke on the side to decide what team you eventually get, and Viridian Forest is going to be hilarious.

xD You know what, I was walking around the Town Centre shopping mall yesterday, sipping a cup of Earl Grey tea. I felt so damn classy.

I am perfectly fine with that destiny, as demonstrated by this youtube video I posted for no reason about two years ago.

I can only imagine what Viridian Forest will be like for Lewis... *shivers*

[The Great Butler]

Part Two

If you happen to notice that the sky is azure at any time during a visit to Pallet Town, run.

Now, it should be clarified that the sky must be azure. A lovely shade of blue is just a sunny day. A crisp summer blue is just a sign that the air will be slightly more humid than normal. A gray sky with heavy rain is right out of the things you should be worrying about. But a bright azure sky means you don't want to be anywhere near that town, especially in the morning.

Professor Oak knew the signs. He had years and years of experience to figure them out, so when he looked out the window one morning, his heart sank slightly when he noticed how bright the sky was. How not a single cloud hung in the air. How the exact color of the sky was that perfect shade of cerulean that hung neatly between blue and cyan. It wasn't too dark. It wasn't too bright. It was absolutely perfect.

At first I didn't get the reason for the laborious description of the sky, but now that I get it... well done.

So he did what he and his colleagues always did when a situation like that came along. He calmly set aside his cup of coffee and stood from the desk of his office. Without a word to his aides, he strode into the main part of the laboratory, past the machinery and book shelves, past a round pedestal in the center of the room, directly to the front door. His hands wormed their way into his pockets as he stared intently at the door's surface. The aides didn't bother to stop him. In fact, upon being passed, one of them turned and watched until the professor stood at the door. Then, with a heavy sigh, he rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

"Oh, for the gods' sake, is it azure again?"

"Yep," the professor responded, drawing out the single syllable into several seconds.

The aide snapped the book he was reading shut and shoved it back onto the shelf. "Want me to call for the usual?"

"Would you?" Oak replied. "The sky's been that way for the past ten minutes, so I don't have much ti—"

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, breaking Oak's train of thought at once. He held up a hand and made a frantic motion towards his assistants. All three of them nodded in unison and darted for other rooms. Then, with a deep breath, he placed his hand on the doorknob, turned it, and stared at the person on the front step.

"You're late," he said, gruffer than he usually would.

Continuing from the above, Professor Oak and his assistants fit well into this environment. His clear exasperation is well-suited.

In a house near Cerulean Cape, a young man leaned back in his chair. He pressed his cheek into his shoulder, pinning the receiver for a phone to his ear as he held a cup of coffee in his hands.

GEE, I WONDER WHO THIS IS? /runs

"Good job bagging him before he got to Vermilion Harbor," he said. "Who knows where he would've gone?"

On the other end of the line, a woman's voice snapped, "What are you talking about? You're the one who told him to go to Olivine! For the stupidest quest ever, if I may add!"

The man slipped a hand to the phone and drew his brown eyes to the ceiling. "It wasn't my idea. Anyway, you got him, so thanks. I don't think I could pull off talking like that for another chapter."

Hmm, I wonder what this is referring to?

"Yeah, yeah, sucking up will get you nowhere," she told him. "Anyway, you're paying me in cash this time. The eevee wasn't funny the last time we did this."

"C'mon! It's a rare pokémon! You used to like eevee!"

"Unless you don't care about me making sausage out of the next eevee you give me, they don't put food on the table," she growled. "Cash, Bill. Or check. Frankly, I don't care which, but don't get smart on me and give me a credit card."

"Don't worry. I've got a check ready." Then, he paused. "You're not serious about eating eevee, are you?"

I... don't entirely get this one.

"Relax," she said. "I'll get her before she gets to you."

"Good. Because if I have to be a pokémon one more time…"

"Look on the bright side. At least you're not speaking with a hideous Southern accent."

LOL, what fourth wall?

"What?"

"Rattata fur. I heard it looks good on you, Bill."

He placed his coffee cup on his desk and reached up to rub the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to pretend this part of the conversation never happened."

"Good. Now about the payment," she said.

Removing the hand from his nose, he raised his eyes to the ceiling. "Shouldn't you be somewhere right now?"

"I'm already in Viridian," she told him. "I figured it wouldn't be long before another one popped up in Pallet. It's been more than a month since the last one came from there. A bit too quiet if you ask me."

I'm liking how you're slowly making clear what's going on here, though it took me some outside knowledge to actually understand it.

"Most of them are in Unova these days, aren't they?"

Again, what fourth wall? XD;

"Well, what're you going to do? Anyway, wire the check to my account." She paused for a second in thought. "Actually, I have an idea. Give me half."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Well, that's only a little suspicious. Why only half?"

"I've got an idea. Got an eevee I can borrow until I get back to Cerulean?"

At the last two words, he pounded a fist into his desk. "Ohh no! Don't you dare let her come anywhere near here, or I'll start taking my business elsewhere!"

"Hey, c'mon. Why do you get so worked up over these kinds of things? Not everyone can say they get to be a pokémon. Wonder which one it'll be this time. Maybe a slowpoke?"

Narrowing his eyes, he let his voice get squeakier. "That's not funny!"

"Sure it's not," she replied. "Neither is rattata chili. Funny tasting, I mean. Actually isn't that bad if you put enough chili powder in it."

"What?!"

"Anyway, relax. Like I said, I'll get to her before she gets to you, but I'm going to need a rare, low-leveled pokémon to do it. Oak's aide tells me she could be worse than usual, so I'll need to nip her in the bud before she gets past Viridian. That's where your eevee's gonna come in. And don't worry. I'll give it back to you in one piece. Probably."

"Wait, seriously, what do you mean by rattata chili?!"

"You know my account number for the storage system, right? Great. See you in a week, Bill!"

"Wait! Hey!"

The line went dead before he could protest.

I like the ending, but I'm left a little confused by what's going on here.

According to Professor Oak's files, her name was Sora Woods, and she was twelve years old. He didn't think to ask why she was starting late. The rules seemed to change every time he saw a new one – a new trainer like her, that is – so to him, it seemed rather pointless to ask. What he knew was that the first meeting tended to follow a pattern.

First, he would meet the trainer at the door. In some cases, the trainer would look as if they spent quite a bit of time choosing the perfect outfit and examining themselves in the mirror, perhaps to take note of their eye color and hair color for no real reason. In other cases, the trainer would arrive in wrinkled pajamas, breathless and clearly ungroomed. Sora, dressed in an old oversized t-shirt, mismatched flannel pants, and tennis shoes with no socks, certainly fit the description of the latter. Even her long, chestnut-brown hair hung in tangles down her back, an unusual sight for the normally fashionable and attractive girl.

Second, he would greet her with a quip about how she was late, perhaps even ask her if she was getting ready for bed or a pokémon journey. The trainer would apologize profusely – most of the time anyway – before rushing into the lab without giving Oak time to process a word he or she said. It hardly mattered anyway. At that point, at the very second he would lay eyes on the trainer, it was like the conscious control of his body was switched off.

Instead, he would sit in the back of his head and watch himself glide through the encounter as if his body was someone else's. Everything he said wasn't something he composed in his mind, and every move he made was opposite of the things he wanted to do. When it first happened, it naturally alarmed him, but by the time he encountered Sora, the professor had completely lost count of the number of mornings during which he had met new trainers like her. By that point, it would have been an unusual month if another one didn't show up on his doorstep asking for a starter.

The evisceration of stereotypes here is beyond all expectations. I'm actually stunned you got it this right. Seriously, you just nailed every single stereotype that people tend to fall back on with this kind of thing.

Luckily, as soon as the trainer brushed past him and entered the lab, the encounter was already half over. After that, the third part of their meeting involved the trainer standing over the selection of three starter pokémon. This was where things got complicated. In reality, Oak had plenty of potential starters. After all, it would be rather silly for him to advertise that he was giving out free starter pokémon but only keep enough supplies to satisfy three potential trainers. However, beginnings like these demanded that a trainer would only be presented with three choices. Why? Hell if he knew. That was just the way things worked.

As a result, the encounter could go one of two ways. The first possibility would be that one or more of the balls on the pedestal in the center of the lab actually contained pokémon. If the balls were occupied, then the trainer would be able to open the first or second poké ball to find the starter that matched them perfectly. Frequently, these would pokémon would not be the standard bulbasaur, charmander, or squirtle (unless, that is, they happened to be special bulbasaur, charmander, or squirtle – particularly shinies or the occasional talking individual) that Oak normally offered trainers. Rather, they would be random pokémon selected by his aides from a pool comprised of specimens from around the world – sometimes even legendaries. If the trainer was actually special, then the cosmos would bend in order to ensure one of those three would be the exact starter he or she was born to have. Or something like that. Oak, as a man of science, never really worked the mechanics of magic. Or hokum, for that matter.

The second possibility was far simpler. In that scenario, all three balls would be empty (and Oak once thought to ask why empty poké balls should be presented before a trainer but received an answer that kept him up at night for weeks), and after the applicant begged for a starter, Oak would present a fourth poké ball containing the trainer's destined starter. These scenarios were usually reserved for times when the sky over Pallet was a particular ultramarine color.

Which it, unfortunately, was.

I know I'm not saying much, but the amount of work you're putting into decimating all of these tropes is incredible. I'm not sure how I'd word it, but... I guess your putting a sarcastic spin on everything we know is making it even better?

As such, Sora set down the third empty poké ball right next to the first two. Big, crystalline tears welled up in her eyes as she whirled around. Her hands clapped together in front of her face, and she stared directly at Oak with wide, startlingly blue eyes.

Inwardly, Oak sighed, but he could do nothing but wait for her cue.

"Please!" she begged. "You have to have some pokémon left! I'll take anything! I have to leave this year!"

He scratched his cheek with an index finger. "Well… I might have one pokémon left, but I'm not sure if you'd want it. It's a little bit of a handful."

"I'll take it!" she responded. "I don't care if it's a magikarp! Just please!"

It would have been awesome if it was.

"Well…"

Oak reached into a pocket, brought out a small device, and pressed the red button on its face. Behind Sora, the pedestal whirred, and a hole in its center opened. Slowly, a fourth poké ball rose and rested neatly between its open companions. Sora reached out with a shaking hand and grasped the orb. She drew it to her face and examined the yellow bolt etched on its surface.

"I don't suppose there's any harm in letting you have this," Oak told her.

"What is it?" she asked breathlessly.

The truth was that even Oak didn't know. As Sora pointed its button at the pedestal and opened it, he prayed it wasn't going to be earth-shattering.

But the problem with trainers like Sora, he realized as the lab filled with light, was that it usually was.

Oh, don't we know that all too well.

The complexities of the multiverse work like this. From the dawn of existence, there have always been conditions with multiple outcomes. Each outcome produces an alternate timeline – a branching universe – that both encompasses the consequences of those actions and continues onward through time with its own sets of conditions extending outward from every main path. While this would technically mean that there is only one true universe and that all other branches are merely hypothetical mirrors of it, because of the differences dictated by the consequences of each outcome, every new path might as well be considered its own alternate realm, hence the idea that the entirety of existence is less a single entity and more a multiverse.

With that having been said, there are, in actuality, an infinite number of Earths and vacuum-of-space-where-Earth-would-bes based on the fragmented branches of reality, yet each universe is fundamentally connected to one another on the virtue of being essentially the same thing with a few key differences. So, in short, it would be theoretically possible for an object to move from one universe to another, simply by jumping through the fabric of space and time to a different branch of the multiverse.

It makes a lot more sense if one is either a quantum physicist or incredibly intoxicated.

Boy, that's sure true. XD;

Unfortunately, Lewis was neither the moment he started a new Pokémon game and prepared to choose his own starter. The word "unfortunately" should be used in this instance because had he been more familiar with either quantum physics or powerful brands of liquor, he might have been able to understand what was about to happen when his screen flashed white the moment he pressed A. It would have made complete sense to him why his DS suddenly felt like a blazing hot coal in his hands yet failed to burn through his bed as soon as he dropped it. It might have even been predictable when the white glow grew and enveloped him and half his room.

After all, when the glow from Sora's opening poké ball extended through the space between universes and touched the backlight glow of Lewis's DS, there was only one possible outcome to that kind of storyline.

Well, besides the one where his body would be turned inside out instantaneously. But that would have been another story altogether, wouldn't it?

Aw ****. I did NOT see this coming.

[quote]It took some time for Sora to prepare herself for her journey. First and foremost, she had to change her clothes – many of which were charred thanks to her new partner's idea of an introduction (namely, accidentally electrocuting Sora as soon as they touched) – and clean herself up. This practically took all morning, despite her excitement to be on the road. After all, it would be her last real bath in a long time and her last moments in her house for goodness knew how long, so she wanted to make it last. Her long, auburn hair was brushed and straightened. Her teeth were brushed, and her makeup was carefully applied. Her old pajamas were exchanged for a red-and-black halter top, a red pleated skirt, red socks, and black loafers. None of this, of course, is particularly important or relevant to anything that one would consider the plot unless Sora was going to make a point about climbing ladders or standing in high-speed winds anytime soon. (With an apology to readers who would find twelve-year-old girls at all attractive, it must be noted that she wasn't, but one never knows about stories like these.)[quote]

That last sentence helped me to realize that the overly flowery prose is completely deliberate. I'll admit, it's a little hard to get into the mindset of how meta you're writing this, but it's worth it.

And boy do I get that last sentence's joke. Oh boy do I ever.

Second, she had to give teary farewells to her mother, who tried for the umpteenth time to convince her to stay home. The latter was the hardest part for her. Sora, who had never been away from home, knew that leaving meant prying herself away from her loving single mother (her father, not that he would matter much to the story, had divorced her mother years ago to pursue a business career in Viridian that in no way connected him to any potential villains or angst-filled backstories), but on the other hand, she had stayed behind for the past two years as she watched her friends leave Pallet Town and go off on their journeys. In the closest emotion she could get to jealousy, she had spent those years studying and preparing for her own, but she hadn't ever been given the chance to do it.

That time was different. It was her twelfth birthday, after all, and she only wanted one thing: to leave home and find her place in the world. So, adjusting the strap of her blue messenger bag on her pale shoulder once more, she cast one last strained smile towards her house nestled at the edge of Pallet before turning and taking her first steps away from everything she knew. Her starter, a blue-eyed pikachu, trotted obediently by her side.

So many tropes being so deliciously torn apart!

Seriously, you're making it look like it's easy to make fun of Ash and the game protagonists and their cookie-cutter stories. Maybe it is easy, but you're taking it to a whole other level.

For the next hour, Sora and Pikachu got to know each other as they put more and more distance between themselves and Pallet. Or, rather, Pikachu got to know Sora. That was the trouble with human-pokémon relationships; for the most part, they were rather one-sided. In this case, Sora spent much of her time chattering on about how excited she was to be on a journey at last or humming a few bars of her favorite tune, and Pikachu remained quiet and padding alongside her like a puppy or a shadow. It never really occurred to Sora to return Pikachu to his poké ball, and although she barely acknowledged Pikachu's responses, she couldn't complain about the company.

And again, something so many authors make mistakes with. I have to agree that Pokemon-POV in relations aren't seen enough.

What she could complain about, however, was the complete lack of pokémon along the route. She noticed it in the third hour, actually. That was when she tore her lapis-colored eyes away from the perfectly cyaneous sky to scan the grass along the dirt path. The emerald-green blades came up to her knee, and the fields of it stretched out on both sides of her as far as the eye could see. And as far as she could see, nothing but the wind moved them.

That couldn't be right.

Pulling a lock of her russet hair behind a dainty ear, Sora blinked.

"I don't get it, Pikachu," she said.

The mouse, who had been trotting ahead of her by then, stopped and twitched his ears. He turned, flashing his sapphire eyes towards his trainer. At the same time, Sora put her hands on her hips and bit her lip at the gently waving grass.

"We've been out here how long?" she asked. "Where's all the pokémon? All the rattata? All the pidgey? Wouldn't I have come across something by now?"

One of the many peculiarities that should be noted about people like Sora is that things simply happen around them. Very few of them are aware of it, of the subtle changes in the cosmos that bend the universe around them. So, when someone like Sora would say something to the effect of "wouldn't I have come across something by now," the inner workings of the universe would suddenly launch into motion like the gears of a very complicated machine puppeteered by forces outside of reality (say, a writer, for example). One by one, happenstances would occur, and precisely the thing that individuals like Sora want to encounter – an adventure, romance, or in this case, a pokémon – would appear.

Of course, all of that is almost entirely irrelevant to this precise situation because at that very moment, the grass rustled on Sora's left and spat out a battered shiny eevee. While that may seem like the exact type of scenario I had been describing a moment ago, the difference was that this particular eevee actually belonged to a very specific pokémon expert who would non-metaphorically kill the girl watching the whole scene from several feet away should something bad happen to that eevee.

Okay, I lost it at the Shiny Eevee. I can tell now what the Eevee earlier was for, but its sudden reappearance under these circumstances just got me to laugh. Hard.

Sora, perhaps fortunately, did not possess any psychic powers she was conscious of, so she was not aware of either the girl or the circumstances surrounding the eevee at all. All she could see was that an eevee with a pale-brown coat had suddenly appeared before her, and that eevee looked like it was in bad shape. Clumps of mud and dirt clung to its fur, a wince lingered on its tiny canine face, and as it ambled towards her, it moved with a slow limp. At once, Sora opened her eyes a little wider and swooped down to examine the fox-like pokémon.

"Oh no!" she gasped. "You poor thing! What happened?"

The eevee lifted its head and gave her a sad look. Its quivering mouth opened, and it trilled a low, warbling cry. At the same time, Pikachu sniffed its coat and tilted one of his ears. A slow, questioning "pii" rumbled from his throat, but Sora paid no heed to him. Instead, she occupied herself with carefully scooping the eevee in her arms.

"Hey! Hold on! Oh, the spearow got to you, didn't they?" she cooed.

Nice lampshade times two at the end. I got EXACTLY what you were doing on both counts.

Nuzzling against her chest, the eevee whimpered. One of its glistening, half-open eyes gazed out towards the field, towards a spot of black peeking slightly above the waving grass. The spot of black – the girl watching the scene, that is – licked her lips and drew a gun from the holster at her hip. She closed one dark eye and aimed the barrel directly at Sora's head. Her finger rested on the trigger as a smile crossed her face.

"Too easy," she whispered.

It would have been too, had the space-time continuum not opened up directly above her in a flash of purple and tentacles to deposit a screaming English teenager literally on her back. Reflexively, her arm shot upwards as her finger squeezed the trigger, and with a bang, one round was discharged uselessly at the perfect, indigo sky. Sora jerked her head up, her wide, startled eyes scanning the sea of grass all around her.

Oh ****, he DIDN'T get turned into Pikachu?

"That was a gunshot, Pikachu!" she exclaimed. "Let's get out of here!"

With that, she bolted down the path, heading quickly north. By the time the shooter finally shoved the newcomer off her, she was just in time to see the speck that was Sora disappear in the distance. Growling, she stood and stared at the horizon.

In the meantime, Lewis wasn't exactly having the best day either. One moment, he was in his room, and the next, he was falling through darkness to end up… where? He sat up with a wince, holding his head with one hand while propping himself up with the other. As he quickly scanned the area, he felt confusion set in hard. For one, he wasn't used to seeing skies that were quite as shockingly blue. For another, he also was pretty sure his house was nowhere near massive expanses of grass. For a third, he was certain that seeing either in his bedroom would mean a wealth of different terrible things, the least of which being that he was pretty sure his parents wouldn't take too kindly to having an expansive field inside his bedroom. So clearly, this was not his bedroom. Or at least he hoped it wasn't for the sake of not having to explain anything.

Which led to the next uncomfortable revelation: if he wasn't in his bedroom, just where was he, and how did he end up there?

He was about to skip happily down the possible avenues for answers to that question when all of a sudden, he heard a click. Turning his head, he found himself face to face with the barrel of a gun wielded by a rather angry-looking young girl. She couldn't have been much older than twelve or thirteen, judging by how small she looked and how her body was barely developed (not that he, a very chaste and dignified gentleman thank you very much, was actually paying attention), but when she pointed that gun directly at him, he decided he wasn't going to take issue with the fact that his life and ability to reproduce was being threatened by a preteen. That decision became iron-clad when she shifted the barrel downward until it pointed between his legs.

"I'm giving you ten seconds," she said, "to tell me three things. One: your name. Two: where you came from. Three: do you or do you not have special powers, a destiny wherein you save the world from total destruction, a tragic past, a hot woman wrapped around your finger, or anything else that would make me shoot you in the crotch right now?"

For the first few seconds, Lewis sat there, slowly processing the girl's question. Then, he opened his mouth and said the first things that came to mind.

"Lewis! England! I'm completely unremarkable! Oh God, please don't shoot me in the crotch!"

It was the start of a beautiful relationship.

And here we go. These two are going to get along beautifully indeed, I can tell.

I'm sorry if this review isn't very good. I really did enjoy it, and I think that you wrote it in a perfect way for what kind of story it is.

[JX Valentine]

Finally getting around to responding!

This is hilarious, absolutely love everything about and I'm here early enough to follow along.

Thank you~!

Looking forward to more and would appreciate an addition to the PM list, (thread subscriptions are unreliable for me if I miss more than a day)

Absolutely, and inorite? I don't even bother with subscriptions anymore for that exact reason. Instead, I just stalk the crap out of people. *sage nod*

A response: How many funerals occur without rain in the day, though? A reverse correlation, perhaps?

Mind = blown. You see them in movies, but that's probably only because of how annoying it is to film anything on location in the rain. Other than that, you're totally right.

Huh, suppose you're right. That is one beige pokémon, in more ways than one amirite! Okay, that was bad.

Yes, but I'll forgive you. ;D

My only response to your only response.

Well, we can keep going all day, but

BAM.

Yup, I've read a few of those before, fics trying to be funny by including characters that are a bunch of hackneyed traits. I can only remember one or two that were actually funny (One was by Dilasc I know that for sure).

I vaguely remember the one by Dilasc. Clearly, I need to go and read it again. Or read it for the first time. Wow, I suck.

And I will openly say I did use to think that what defined a Sue was just a bunch of traits, like "boo, she's got cyan hair that cascades down to her lower back and is surprisingly well-built despite being twelve?" Sue *alarms sound*. It was thanks in part to posts like yours in the Author's Café that taught me otherwise.

*salutes* I aim to enlighten, sir!

and it's not like I read fics starring the Mayor of Ponyville purely to see if the author uses the character in a way other than, "Mayor of Ponyville who does mayorly things". And I definitely don't judge the quality of an MLP fic entirely on their Mayor characterisation.

*brohoof*

Damn... that game looks good. It has more Cynthia AND freakin' Janine in it. I'm hype. But dear lord, they put Bianca in glasses. I know for a fact that I'll play that game and I'll want to ship Bianca and Professor-not-Cedric Juniper so damn much. It's a weakness! *breaks down in tears*

Don't forget the not really new and improved N, now with 20% more daddy issues!

xD You know what, I was walking around the Town Centre shopping mall yesterday, sipping a cup of Earl Grey tea. I felt so damn classy.

BUT DID YOU HAVE A MONOCLE, TOP HAT, AND PLATE OF CRUMPETS?

I am perfectly fine with that destiny, as demonstrated by this youtube video I posted for no reason about two years ago.

You are so very British I can't even. It's beautiful.

I can only imagine what Viridian Forest will be like for Lewis... *shivers*

Now that I've heard your voice, I can now picture you screaming a lot.

At first I didn't get the reason for the laborious description of the sky, but now that I get it... well done.

*le bow!*

Continuing from the above, Professor Oak and his assistants fit well into this environment. His clear exasperation is well-suited.

Thank you! Yeah, I wanted him to be slightly out-of-character because, seriously, how many fics out there start out with the poor guy dispensing starters like Pez?

GEE, I WONDER WHO THIS IS? /runs

WHO'S THAT SIDE CHARACTER?

IIIIIIIT'S BIANCA! ("Bia bia!")

Hmm, I wonder what this is referring to?

Nothing in particular if you ask in places where I can be banned. :V

I... don't entirely get this one.

Bill gave her an Eevee as payment the last time she did a job for him. She tells him unless she can make sausage out of the next Eevee he gives her, she needs cash to put food on the table.

In other words, she's implying she ate the last Eevee Bill gave her. Bill is not amused.

LOL, what fourth wall?

These ones!

I'm liking how you're slowly making clear what's going on here, though it took me some outside knowledge to actually understand it.

*tents fingers* And more shall be revealed soon~!

Again, what fourth wall? XD;

Oh, you mean this one? *leans against it*

I like the ending, but I'm left a little confused by what's going on here.

Abridged version!

Sue Hunter decides that she's going to be pretty sneaky by asking Bill for an Eevee to use as bait for the next Sue (Sora). As payment for borrowing one of his Eevee, she offers up half the money he already owes her for the Vermilion job. In the process, she makes fun of the fact that he constantly gets turned into Pokémon in these kinds of stories. Bill is not amused.

She proceeds to make another "I may or may not eat Pokémon" joke, but this time, she combines it with another joke about Bill's Special self by mentioning Rattata. Bill, who was turned into a Rattata in Special, is very not amused.

My explanation for why Bill puts up with her is the fact that she's the only Sue hunter who takes him seriously.

Either that or backstory. Plenty of backstory. Backstory you may or may not get to see.

The evisceration of stereotypes here is beyond all expectations. I'm actually stunned you got it this right. Seriously, you just nailed every single stereotype that people tend to fall back on with this kind of thing.

*bows again* It helps that I've been doing tons of research. ;D

I know I'm not saying much, but the amount of work you're putting into decimating all of these tropes is incredible. I'm not sure how I'd word it, but... I guess your putting a sarcastic spin on everything we know is making it even better?

In that case, mission accomplished! *dons cap and rides off in the sunset*

It would have been awesome if it was.

Aww, but that would've made Sora an actually interesting character!

Besides, someone else is going to get stuck with constantly crappy Pokémon.

Oh, don't we know that all too well.

Pretty much.

Boy, that's sure true. XD;

I know this from experience. *sage nod*

Aw ****. I did NOT see this coming.

;D

That last sentence helped me to realize that the overly flowery prose is completely deliberate. I'll admit, it's a little hard to get into the mindset of how meta you're writing this, but it's worth it.

Yeah, I'll have to say this is vastly different from what I usually write. On the one hand, it's refreshing (on my end at least) because it's something new for me. On the other, such a struggle to get it across. X_x

And boy do I get that last sentence's joke. Oh boy do I ever.

"Fawning over twelve-year-old girls when you're twenty? TOTALLY A-OK."

*walks away whistling*

Seriously, you're making it look like it's easy to make fun of Ash and the game protagonists and their cookie-cutter stories. Maybe it is easy, but you're taking it to a whole other level.

There's just a lot of material out there. ;D

And again, something so many authors make mistakes with. I have to agree that Pokemon-POV in relations aren't seen enough.

Pretty much. I think most people in this fandom have trouble with this, to be fair. (Hell, I'll freely admit to hypocrisy by saying I do too.) Which is a right shame because, y'know, Pokémon are characters too.

And if they're not outright ignored, they're turned into people in Pokémon suits, which is just as annoying in my opinion. Sometimes even more so, depending on the personalities they're given.

Okay, I lost it at the Shiny Eevee. I can tell now what the Eevee earlier was for, but its sudden reappearance under these circumstances just got me to laugh. Hard.

*le bow!*

Nice lampshade times two at the end. I got EXACTLY what you were doing on both counts.

Thank you! \o/

Oh ****, he DIDN'T get turned into Pikachu?

Alas, no. But it's okay because I have delightful things planned for him instead.

However, you do give me a great idea. Because oh, how I'd love to make fun of rebirth fics too.

I'm sorry if this review isn't very good. I really did enjoy it, and I think that you wrote it in a perfect way for what kind of story it is.

Aww, it was awesome. You pointed out a lot of interesting things, and you gave me at least one hilarious idea. And either way, I really appreciate your feedback. Everyone's in general, actually, so thanks~!

Side update, but just to let you know, since AEM was the last one I updated, that means that a new chapter of this fic should be arriving soon. Hopefully. ;_;

[Azurus]

After seeing an update on my subscriptions with your name on it (unsure if you failed to pm or something), I got excited for more story, then because my 3DS is slow, it took awhile for this page to load also making the scroll bar really tiny, excitement was building because it was taking forever to scroll to the bottom. My hopes and dreams crashed when I noticed it was one guy quoting the whole story and you replying to everyone.

Looking forward to the next installment tho.

[JX Valentine]

I got excited for more story, then because my 3DS is slow, it took awhile for this page to load also making the scroll bar really tiny, excitement was building because it was taking forever to scroll to the bottom. My hopes and dreams crashed when I noticed it was one guy quoting the whole story and you replying to everyone.

XD Sorry. Maybe I should only post whenever I actually have a chapter ready.

Speaking of which!



(Side disclaimer: The capitalization of "Pokémon" is intentional in this chapter because the franchise is being referenced there, just so you know. *le nod* Otherwise, fire away!)

Part Three

Somewhere in the vicinity of Pallet Town, a rattata poked his head out of his burrow. His nose twitched and took in the scent of fresh grass and pollen, and his red eyes blinked in the brightness of the sun. Although Pallet Town rattata are generally nocturnal, sleep tends to be dependent completely on the individual. This particular rattata, for example, was awake due to one very pressing thought plaguing his rodent mind: "I'm hungry." With that nagging at his brain, he darted from his nest into the tall grass while completely ignoring the glaring sun and whatever behavioral researchers elsewhere in the world might have to say about his species' sleeping habits. Naturally, he had absolutely no idea that this might be a terrible plan.

It should go without saying that perhaps it would be wise to remember this rattata.

---

Elsewhere on Route 1, the tension hung thick in the air, much in the same way a brick doesn't. But for Lewis, it almost felt like a brick – like a brick going through his head at obscene miles an hour and if that brick was tiny and bullet-shaped and made of lead instead of clay. Almost being the key word in that last sentence, that is.

That would be because, as he sat there staring at the end of a handgun pointed directly at his crotch, a number of different mental images flashed through his head. Then, when he saw the gun's owner tense her finger on the trigger, a thousand more popped into his head. Beads of sweat worked their way out of his skin and rolled down the back of his neck as he quickly debated whether he would be more or less likely to get shot if he prostrated himself at the girl's feet and begged like a complete wuss.

Luckily, he didn't have to make that decision because after a few seconds, the girl clicked her tongue and pointed her gun at the sky.

"England? *********." She sighed and holstered the gun at her hip. "Get the **** up. You're embarrassing."

Lewis, who liked to think he was clever in some capacity, instantly obeyed the girl's orders. After all, one doesn't argue with people with weapons; people with weapons tend to be gifted with very compelling argumentative abilities – compelling argumentative abilities that can be dealt to the jugulars of their opponents.

Without even looking at him, the hunter placed her hands on her hips and began, "Let's get this over with. Welcome to the world of Pokémon. This world is inhabited far and wide by creatures called pokémon, you got sucked here by some mystical force that will be revealed to you later, yadda, yadda, yadda, Pallet Town is about ten minutes behind you, and have fun. Got all that?"

It wasn't that Lewis didn't understand. It was just that after the phrase "world of Pokémon," his entire mind shut down, and he stared at his companion for a long enough time for her to notice. That was when she began glaring at him. More so than she already had, anyway.

"****, I was hoping you wouldn't do this." She raised a hand. "Do I have to smack you around a little? 'Cause I was really hoping I could get away without touching you."

"Pokémon," he said. "I'm in the Pokémon world? I got sucked into the real world from the—aw, ****!"

At that point, the girl waved her hand in the air, turned, and started walking away. "Listen, I don't have time to help you adjust or whatever, so ******* suck it up."

Unfortunately, Lewis wasn't listening to her. Instead, he held out his hands, palms up, as he stared at the sky.

"What the ****?" he muttered. "Wait. **** **** ******* ******** *** ****…"

At the last word, the hunter whirled back around and narrowed her eyes. "What did you just call me?!"

Startled, he dropped his gaze to her. "What? No! It's not like that!"

She stormed forward. Within seconds, she closed the gap between them and brandished a fist dangerously close to his face. His eyes crossed to examine her knuckles, and at once, he closed his mouth.

"Call me **** again!" she roared. "Call me **** one more time! I dare you, ******* ****-sucker! I will kick your ***** *** so hard your ******** ***** *** mother will ******* cry until she **** ***** *** ****** **** ***!"

At her tone, he paled and trembled. Cautiously, he drew his hands to her arm and grasped it lightly.

"Uh, look, there's some misunderstanding here," he said. "Couldn't you hear it?"

"Hear what?" she snapped.

"It! The beeping! You know…!" He nodded towards the sky. "Every other word you said! I swear, that's all I was—"

"Oh, that thing."

She pulled her arm away, much to Lewis's relief. At the same time, she visibly relaxed and looked away from him.

"You're talking about the censor," she said.

Although Lewis took pleasure in the fact that he wasn't about to be punched in the face, he knew he had to risk inciting her again with a question. "The censor?"

Sighing, she gave him an annoyed glare. "Do I have to explain the basics to you, dumb****? The censor. It's what filters out parts of your language deemed inappropriate by the Powers That Be."

"The Powers That—"

"How the **** should I know?" she interrupted. "All I know is that anyone born in this universe can't hear it, but anyone who wasn't can. It's because you came from outside this universe, so you can see the Fourth Zone."

He raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean the fourth wall?"

"Do you think I would've said 'zone' if I meant 'wall,' *** hole?" she snapped. "No. It's a ******* zone, okay?"

For a few seconds, he stared at her. Then, he opened his mouth.

"******* ****!" she cried as she threw her arms in the air. "Okay, fine. I'm only going to say it once, so pay ********* attention. When you come from another universe, you cross through the barrier between there and here. But here's where it gets all ******* H.P. Lovecraft on you. The barrier isn't like a door or a tear or some **** like that. It's like a hole with cosmic spider webs covering it. So if you try to pass through it, you get extradimensional ***** all over you that you can't get off no matter how many cold showers you take. But it gives you the power to see things – kinda like ******* ghosts, only most of it isn't dead people."

"Most of it?!"

Ignoring him, the girl continued. "Instead, it's things. You know about situations before they happen because it's a lot like a ******* movie you saw in your own world. You can finish jokes that we haven't heard in this world before we finish making them. And you can sense things like the censor. You might even see the narrator or literary devices, but I ******* hope not because I am not dealing with that ******-*** ****."

As soon as the last word left her mouth, she eyed Lewis cautiously, as if she was looking for the slightest reason to hit him. Instead, he pursed his lips for a bit, allowing the information she had just given him to sink in. Then, his mouth spread into a hesitant smile.

"So… in other words, I've been yanked out of my boring life where I'm a completely ordinary person and into a video game world where I've got special powers?" he asked.

"You know what? If that makes you ******* happy and gets me out of having to deal with a ******* mental breakdown on your part, go right the **** ahead and think of it like that," she growled. "You've got powers. The ******* lamest superpowers ever."

With that, she turned and started towards the road again. Behind her, Lewis stood a little straighter and actually smiled broadly for the first time since he landed in that world. It was strange, but he would have expected himself to feel a little more frantic or confused at the prospect of being torn away from his home, his loved ones, and his completely ordinary life, only to be thrown into a video game world with a kid who wouldn't stop swearing at him or threatening his reproductive abilities. Yet, all it took was the prospect of being special and doing something interesting to pacify him.

For those of you who are already thinking that Lewis had led a sad existence prior to this point, don't worry. At this part of the story, for all of three seconds, he came to that realization too.

Shrugging it off, he strode forward with broad and heavy steps, and in no time at all, he caught up with his companion and slowed his pace down just enough to stay a foot behind her. He didn't even notice when her already sour expression briefly twisted in just a little more annoyance.

"I guess this whole 'in another world' thing won't be so bad after all," he said. "I have powers."

Then, after a few seconds' hesitation, the girl cracked a grin. "So I guess with your special powers, you won't know what the **** I'm saying when I call you a **** ****** **** monkey who ***** with your **** ******** ***** sister and a ******* *** ***** that *** ***** ******* **** ****** ***** on **** ***** ******* **** *** all ******* night long."

"No," Lewis deadpanned, his proud expression dissipating quickly. "But I can guess."

"Good. And in that case…" She stopped and glared icily at him again. "Why the **** are you following me?"

---

The rattata scurried along the ground, pushing himself between tall stalks of grass in an effort to find any small morsel of food. Usually, he knew that stupid trainers would wander that far out into the glen, perhaps searching for the first catch of their pokémon journey, and where there were trainers, there were morsels, crumbs, entire apple cores just waiting for scavengers like him. With each step, his ears twitched as he listened carefully for signs of life. It didn't take long for him to catch the sound of a shrill voice stringing together words that, if he understood a minute bit of human speech beyond the names of his own attacks, would make him blush under his fur. Briefly, he stood on his hind paws and sniffed the air in the direction of the sounds, but although he couldn't smell a morsel in the humans' direction, he still took the chattering as a good sign and headed straight for them.

It should possibly be worth it to note that rattata aren't exactly known for the height of their intelligence or senses of self-preservation. But that's okay because this rattata will be important to the story later.

---

"Oh hell no!"

Lewis, of course, wasn't proud of the fact that he had to ask in the first place, but as he shifted awkwardly on his feet (which meant he towered over his apparently short companion, now that he was paying attention), he tried to look as pitiful as possible. Hands in his pockets, gaze on the ground, sharp frown. He hoped that the more he acted helpless, the easier it would be for him to convince both his companion and himself that he actually needed help.

After all, he couldn't imagine how well walking through tall grass in the Pokémon world would go if he had no pokémon of his own. Professor Oak said that was a bad thing, right?

"No! No, **** no! You find your own ******* way in this world! Go leech off some dip**** background character your lot always seems to find around this place! I've got better things to do than babysit some dumb*** mother****** from another universe who can't go five minutes without pissing himself! You want to have some stupid-*** adventure in this world? Go right ahead, but don't ******* bother me!"

"But look! I'm in tall grass!" Lewis stomped his foot. "A wild pokémon could come out at any moment to attack me, and I've got no pokémon to use in a battle!"

This only seemed to make the girl angrier. Her lips curled back, her eyes closed, and her face contorted as if Lewis's words were actually physically painful for her to hear. "You. Are a *******. Dumb****. Do you know what kind of pokémon live around here? Pidgey and rattata. And if either of those kill you, you ******* deserve to be taken out of the god**** gene pool."

"What about the spearow?"

"The what?"

"You know." Lewis waved his arms, as if he was trying to pretend to be a bird. (Which he was, but he would prefer it if you didn't think of it that way.) "Spearow. Vicious little things."

"I know what spearow are, jack***."

"Well, don't they live around here too? And don't they kill new trainers like me?"

"Are you going to go around and **** with the wildlife?"

"…No?"

"Then what the exact **** is your problem?"

Lewis shrugged but held his shoulders up. "I'm just saying that…" His voice dropped in volume. "I don't really want to be left alone out here without any sort of protection and surrounded by all kinds of things that can attack me… if that's okay with you."

For some time, the girl stared at Lewis through narrow eyes. Then, growling, she dropped her hands to her sides and waded out into the field.

"Be right back. You move an inch, and you're a ******* dumb*** I'm abandoning to die."

Lewis watched the girl grow further and further away. The grass eventually came up to her shoulders, rendering her as just a spot of black bobbing above a sea of green. Eventually, she slipped her head under the top of the overgrowth, and the only sign of her was the rustling and waving of the grass wherever she went. Then, after a few moments of this, Lewis heard a loud pop and saw a flash of light emanate from a spot in the field several meters away from him. After that point, the movement of the grass started towards him, and the dark-haired girl finally drew her head above the forest of stalks until she stood a short distance away from Lewis. Once she got within range, she tossed an object at him and let him fumble to catch it. When he did, he found himself holding in both of his hands the last object he ever thought he'd be clutching.

It was everything he thought it would be, really. Both the red and white halves of the ball were both smooth and plastic, yet cool to the touch despite being held against human skin for some time. The ball filled the palm of one of his hands as the other ran along the shallow indentation along its middle. His index finger found the button on its face – and it was a button, plastic and smooth-surfaced – only to press it down with a click. The ball swung open at this touch, and suddenly, it released a ball of light that quickly metamorphosed in his arms into a tiny purple and tan rat.

The rat itself was indeed the same creature mentioned earlier, and he for one was not happy to be made an important part of this story. Could anyone blame him? Suppose, for a moment, that you awoke in the middle of the night famished and were unable to get back to sleep, but as you stumbled through your house to find something to eat, godly nightmare creatures came and stuffed you into a container the size of a soup can without your permission. For most sane people, such a situation would render them either mind-numbingly terrified or ornery beyond all reason. Judging by the growling the rattata was at that very second, he happened to choose the latter reaction.

So it probably should be marginally surprising that Lewis screamed and dropped his pokémon or that his pokémon then proceeded to gnaw on the denim of his loose blue jeans under the mistaken impression that it was part of his new trainer's skin.

"Smooth one, dumb***," the girl said. "Looks like you're off to a great start."

"What's this?" Lewis squeaked as he pointed to the rattata.

The other human quirked an eyebrow. "Uh… your starter? Duh?"

"A-a rattata?" He swallowed as he looked down at the rat, which had taken to shaking itself violently in an effort to tear off pieces of Lewis's pants.

"Problem?" The girl crossed her arms. "It's a ****ing pokémon. What more do you want?"

"Well… I-I was sort of hoping for… something a bit…"

"A bit…?"

"Not a rat."

The girl growled. "Are you really going to be ****ing picky? It was either that or a pidgey."

"Well… I was hoping for a ponyta or something… not rattish."

"Congratulations. You have a rattata named Ponyta. Suck it up."

"It's… it's quite all right. If you could just escort me to the road, I could go to Pallet Town and—"

Abruptly, the gun was out and pointed at his crotch again.

"But a rattata named Ponyta sounds like a great starter pokémon!" he screeched.

Holstering the gun, the hunter turned away from Lewis and responded, "Good. Now, I've got places to be, so if you don't mind, I'm just going to wish you luck and be on my way. I ****ing hope we never meet again."

She started for the road once more, believing her encounter to be over. However, she forgot one little detail: fate has a sense of humor. A terrible one, actually. The kind that says the word cabbage and expects one to think it's funny. Plots, meanwhile, have absolutely no sense of humor at all and tend to be very strict about the way things work. Unfortunately, the two frequently go hand-in-hand for whatever reason.

Because of that, after a few moments of walking through the field, the hunter caught the sound of grass rustling behind her. When she turned, it was inevitable – literally inevitable, even – that Lewis was right there behind her with his rattata still chewing on his pant leg.

"Why the hell are you following me?!" she barked.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just have this inexplicable urge to keep close to you. Like you're supposed to be my companion or something."

It took a few seconds for his answer to sink in. When it did, the young girl screamed the most colorful word of profanity ever uttered by a human being.

---

On the outskirts of Viridian City, Sora dashed past the police station with Eevee in her arms and Pikachu at her heels. Inside the station, Officer Jenny looked out the window just long enough to watch the new trainer, and in response, she sighed heavily and picked up the telephone. After years of this routine, the pokémon center was on the station's speed dial, and in Officer Jenny's head, she had a well-rehearsed warning already prepared for the occasion.

Because she was distracted, she didn't notice the hot air balloon drifting over the city limit half a minute after Sora crossed Viridian's border. Within its basket, a pair of teenagers – one male and purple-haired and the other female and blonde – peered at the city through pairs of binoculars. The female adjusted the zoom on hers while a small smile played across her face.

"Why, I do declare!" she said in a Southern accent. "What do you think we have here, Clyde?"

"Looks like another one," the male grunted.

"Yes, but look at that sparkle right in her arms!"

"Ah, an eevee. You don't see those around that often."

"And at her feet?"

"A pikachu. Could be worth something if she's one of… you know."

The woman straightened and pulled her binoculars away from her face. One of her hands tugged at the edge of her black shirt, stretching the blood-red R emblazoned on its front. As she fondly gazed at the emblem, she smirked.

"Might those be worth something to our dear leader?"

Her partner pulled his green eyes away from his own pair of binoculars to glance at the woman.

"I should think so, Bonnie. Why don't we pay the pokémon center a visit, then?"

Smiling sweetly, Bonnie reached up to open the balloon's vent and guide their ride quietly downwards.

[Psychic]

Inorite? Is there even one? Because I can't think of one. I mean, I guess I can understand that you wouldn't want to travel if it's raining, but still a nice, partly cloudy day would be good. *shot!*

True, but what if it just so happens the day you're set to get your starter it's just a bad day, so you have to sit at home and wait out the weather? Your parents/siblings fuss over your starter, you start second-guessing if you chose the right one, worrying if your rivals already went on ahead and are way ahead of you...huh, this could be fun to write.

*walks away whistling at Bill's not-quite-cameo*


Oh my God, that would have been beautiful. Especially if Sora went and used him in her battle against Brock. (Diddy vs. Geodude. That's all I'm saying.)

On the positive side, this is going to be painful for him too. ;D


That is a good point. My excuse is that she's not quite pissed enough yet. She'll start swearing like a sailor soon, though! I promise!

…And that's the strangest promise I've ever made.


Yep. Especially because there's a Pokémon expert who will non-metaphorically kill the Sue hunter if something bad happened to that Eevee. Being owned by Sora is close enough.


Thank you! Definitely working hard on the next chapter~!

Of cooooourse. Though from the sounds of it he's going to have a fair role, or at least act as a driving force to ensure they get that Eevee. Also XD your other comment makes me wonder what Pokemon the hunter has (if any! :O she just uses guns?!) and how she treats them. Hmmm.

Yes|! And she would insist on using him, because "you came from a Pokeball, so you MUST be a Pokemon! I guess I'm just so special my Pokemon is a human! Now go strangle that Geodude!" I would enjoy this thoroughly.

Since you delivered on the swearing this chapter, I will allow this. :>

And you're welcome!


Once again enjoyed this chapter. I want you to know I laughed a lot in my dark room at 2am. Very good time, but I knew that after you posted that preview scene. :> I especially enjoyed the hunter and Lewis' interactions, and her just trying to send him off like all the others she's seen.

Also...is it wrong that I was hoping Ponyta would be a shiny? You hadn't described its fur colour so I thought maybe, juuuust maybe Lewis would be blessed with a crappy shiny and be all excited about it, because it means he's ~fated~ to be just as special. Or something. Also actual shiny Ponyta are like, my fave shiny ever, and this could have been vaguely amusing. His reaction to the plain rat is pretty great, though. ;D

This particular rattata, for example, was awake due to one very pressing thought plaguing his rodent mind: "I'm hungry."

For some reason, I'd have liked the "I'm hungry" thought to be a little more emphasized and this separated, either the start or end of a new paragraph, or maybe just have summore adjectives in the phrase leading up to it, puff it up a little more.

"Congratulations. You have a rattata named Ponyta. Suck it up."

Oh my goodness I was dying at this. I am unsure if I want this to stick during the entire fic.

fate has a sense of humor. A terrible one, actually. The kind that says the word cabbage and expects one to think it's funny.

THANK YOU. This really needs to be said more often, even if it is a little sneakily-done. Just thank you. <3


I have nothing else vaguely insightful to add. Glad to have the chapter up, lots of fun is being had!

~Psychic

[Azurus]

For some reason I was thinking beautiful relationship would be less swearing and more understanding, but of course his appearance in this world is a typical thing in most fics so it makes sense she would be ticked, even more so when fate chose her to part of the whole thing.
I wonder, if Mary Sue must die, just by the fact they are G/Mary Sues, shouldn't that mean they don't die?

Anyway I'm loving the chapters, but since it's its like almost 2 am I can't point specifics and I'll probably forget to post a proper response later.

-But you're/he's/I'm still hungry- you have to include that part whenever rattata gets healed or recovers in the pokeball, it would be an awesome Chrono Trigger reference.

[JX Valentine]

True, but what if it just so happens the day you're set to get your starter it's just a bad day, so you have to sit at home and wait out the weather? Your parents/siblings fuss over your starter, you start second-guessing if you chose the right one, worrying if your rivals already went on ahead and are way ahead of you...huh, this could be fun to write.

It seriously needs to happen. *sage nod*

(Unfortunately, I have, like, 1750293 writing projects on my hands, so! *shoves it on someone else*)

Of cooooourse. Though from the sounds of it he's going to have a fair role, or at least act as a driving force to ensure they get that Eevee.

Oh yes. ;D And of course, because it's me, the story will probably find another way to include him.

    Spoiler:- Like, for example...:

Show Spoiler

 
Like, for example, I used to have this one new trainer plot involving this snarky, morally ambiguous trainer traveling with this bubbly ditz, and the two of them "accidentally kidnapped" Bill after the Sea Cottage got attacked by Team Rocket. And then Stockholm Syndrome set in and hilarity ensued.

Recycle the plot bunny, y/n?
 

Also XD your other comment makes me wonder what Pokemon the hunter has (if any! :O she just uses guns?!) and how she treats them. Hmmm.

She has a few. ;D We've seen her Blastoise, for example, but she just hasn't whipped it out because she was trying to pretend she was a newbie trainer to Sora. And then Lewis came on the scene, and it just was more therapeutic to threaten him with a gun. Although ironically, that gun can't kill him if he's not a Sue. Which is also why she pointed it at his groin: because even if the gun can't kill him, firing something at his precious bits will still hurt like a mother.

Yes|! And she would insist on using him, because "you came from a Pokeball, so you MUST be a Pokemon! I guess I'm just so special my Pokemon is a human! Now go strangle that Geodude!" I would enjoy this thoroughly.

...And now I sort of want to write this situation. XD

Once again enjoyed this chapter. I want you to know I laughed a lot in my dark room at 2am.

*cackles madly* Mission accomplished!

Also...is it wrong that I was hoping Ponyta would be a shiny? You hadn't described its fur colour so I thought maybe, juuuust maybe Lewis would be blessed with a crappy shiny and be all excited about it, because it means he's ~fated~ to be just as special.

asdfghjkl; I SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT.

On the other hand, we don't want Lewis to be too special, amirite? ;D

For some reason, I'd have liked the "I'm hungry" thought to be a little more emphasized and this separated, either the start or end of a new paragraph, or maybe just have summore adjectives in the phrase leading up to it, puff it up a little more.

Ooh, good point. I think I like the separation idea, so I'll tweak the chapter when I've got a chance to see what happens.

Oh my goodness I was dying at this. I am unsure if I want this to stick during the entire fic.

Oh, don't worry. It will. ;D

And Lewis's actual naming conventions will probably not be that much better. Especially since he'll be busy screaming during his first few encounters.

THANK YOU. This really needs to be said more often, even if it is a little sneakily-done. Just thank you. <3

You're welcome!

Also, inorite? Protip, kids: unless you're fourteen or English, "LOL SO RANDOOOOOM" is not funny.

I have nothing else vaguely insightful to add. Glad to have the chapter up, lots of fun is being had!

Thank you~! ♥

For some reason I was thinking beautiful relationship would be less swearing and more understanding, but of course his appearance in this world is a typical thing in most fics so it makes sense she would be ticked, even more so when fate chose her to part of the whole thing.

Haha, yeah. Don't worry; Sora's got the love-at-first-sight parts down.

I wonder, if Mary Sue must die, just by the fact they are G/Mary Sues, shouldn't that mean they don't die?

Unfortunately, yes. Unless, of course, you've got some special circumstances going on... ;D

Anyway I'm loving the chapters, but since it's its like almost 2 am I can't point specifics and I'll probably forget to post a proper response later.

Totally cool. Thanks for the review, though!

-But you're/he's/I'm still hungry- you have to include that part whenever rattata gets healed or recovers in the pokeball, it would be an awesome Chrono Trigger reference.

REQUEST ACCEPTED! o>

[Diddy]

*scratches head, wondering how he forgot to drop a reply*

I must be losing my memory in my old age. Is it possible to go senile at twenty-one? 'Cos I clearly am. I'll just go re-read the chapter to remind myself of the epic lulz.

Okie Doke! Geez, did I get hit over the head or something? 'Cos I'm seeing stars xD

Beads of sweat worked their way out of his skin and rolled down the back of his neck as he quickly debated whether he would be more or less likely to get shot if he prostrated himself at the girl's feet and begged like a complete wuss.

xD Oh god, so perfect.

"Call me **** again!" she roared. "Call me **** one more time! I dare you, ******* ****-sucker! I will kick your ***** *** so hard your ******** ***** *** mother will ******* cry until she **** ***** *** ****** **** ***!"

I like how the sentence makes sense and that the swear words are just flourish. What a classy lady =D

He raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean the fourth wall?"

"Do you think I would've said 'zone' if I meant 'wall,' *** hole?" she snapped. "No. It's a ******* zone, okay?"

I just don't know when to shut my mouth do I? xD Then again, that is just like me *facepalm *

I do however enjoy the thought of having Pinkie Pie level powers =P

"You know what? If that makes you ******* happy and gets me out of having to deal with a ******* mental breakdown on your part, go right the **** ahead and think of it like that," she growled. "You've got powers. The ******* lamest superpowers ever."

Three cheers for rationalisation! And lame Superpowers!

With that, she turned and started towards the road again. Behind her, Lewis stood a little straighter and actually smiled broadly for the first time since he landed in that world. It was strange, but he would have expected himself to feel a little more frantic or confused at the prospect of being torn away from his home, his loved ones, and his completely ordinary life, only to be thrown into a video game world with a kid who wouldn't stop swearing at him or threatening his reproductive abilities. Yet, all it took was the prospect of being special and doing something interesting to pacify him.

Nail, meet Hammer.

Then, after a few seconds' hesitation, the girl cracked a grin. "So I guess with your special powers, you won't know what the **** I'm saying when I call you a **** ****** **** monkey who ***** with your **** ******** ***** sister and a ******* *** ***** that *** ***** ******* **** ****** ***** on **** ***** ******* **** *** all ******* night long."

"No," Lewis deadpanned, his proud expression dissipating quickly. "But I can guess."

And boy have I had fun guessing xD

Lewis, of course, wasn't proud of the fact that he had to ask in the first place, but as he shifted awkwardly on his feet (which meant he towered over his apparently short companion, now that he was paying attention), he tried to look as pitiful as possible. Hands in his pockets, gaze on the ground, sharp frown. He hoped that the more he acted helpless, the easier it would be for him to convince both his companion and himself that he actually needed help.

After all, he couldn't imagine how well walking through tall grass in the Pokémon world would go if he had no pokémon of his own. Professor Oak said that was a bad thing, right?

Game canon is best canon. I could easily see myself relying on what I'd played in the games to help me in a situation like this. Screw logic, damn it!

Then again, only an idiot would ignore Professor Oak xD

"You know." Lewis waved his arms, as if he was trying to pretend to be a bird. (Which he was, but he would prefer it if you didn't think of it that way.) "Spearow. Vicious little things."

Oh god, Jax. Stay out of my brain! xD

"A-a rattata?" He swallowed as he looked down at the rat, which had taken to shaking itself violently in an effort to tear off pieces of Lewis's pants.

"Problem?" The girl crossed her arms. "It's a ****ing pokémon. What more do you want?"

"Well… I-I was sort of hoping for… something a bit…"

"A bit…?"

"Not a rat."

The girl growled. "Are you really going to be ****ing picky? It was either that or a pidgey."

"Well… I was hoping for a ponyta or something… not rattish."

"Congratulations. You have a rattata named Ponyta. Suck it up."

Damn it, I'm already running out of jeans, I don't need any more to be ruined D=

A rattat named Ponyta, huh? I can only imagine the confusion that would entail if an actual Ponyta showed up. Many palms would find a face to land upon.

And Team Rocket decide to show up. This should be fun =P

Okay, as you can probably tell from my overuse of the laughing smiley face, I found this chapter to be extremely entertaining. The Hunter's exasperation was well done and didn't seem forced or wooden... if words can be wooden that is. Regardless, she seemed to be genuinely annoyed with Lewis and I can see why she would be. Couple his ineptitude with her already angry demeanour and it can only spell trouble. For Lewis that is xD

Also, I have a new mental image of The Hunter, it's basically this screenshot with The Hunter being Ryoko Okami and Lewis being Ryoshi. Except there isn't a tsundere love plot... because that would be awkward.

[The Great Butler]

Part Three

I just realized that you're calling them "parts" instead of "chapters." I wonder if that means anything.

Somewhere in the vicinity of Pallet Town, a rattata poked his head out of his burrow. His nose twitched and took in the scent of fresh grass and pollen, and his red eyes blinked in the brightness of the sun. Although Pallet Town rattata are generally nocturnal, sleep tends to be dependent completely on the individual. This particular rattata, for example, was awake due to one very pressing thought plaguing his rodent mind: "I'm hungry." With that nagging at his brain, he darted from his nest into the tall grass while completely ignoring the glaring sun and whatever behavioral researchers elsewhere in the world might have to say about his species' sleeping habits. Naturally, he had absolutely no idea that this might be a terrible plan.

It should go without saying that perhaps it would be wise to remember this rattata.

Oh I will.

Nice little setup there by noting he went into the tall grass too.

Elsewhere on Route 1, the tension hung thick in the air, much in the same way a brick doesn't. But for Lewis, it almost felt like a brick – like a brick going through his head at obscene miles an hour and if that brick was tiny and bullet-shaped and made of lead instead of clay. Almost being the key word in that last sentence, that is.

I'm not sure how I'd fix it, but that part about the brick going through his head seems worded really strangely.

That would be because, as he sat there staring at the end of a handgun pointed directly at his crotch, a number of different mental images flashed through his head. Then, when he saw the gun's owner tense her finger on the trigger, a thousand more popped into his head. Beads of sweat worked their way out of his skin and rolled down the back of his neck as he quickly debated whether he would be more or less likely to get shot if he prostrated himself at the girl's feet and begged like a complete wuss.

Luckily, he didn't have to make that decision because after a few seconds, the girl clicked her tongue and pointed her gun at the sky.

"England? *********." She sighed and holstered the gun at her hip. "Get the **** up. You're embarrassing."

Lewis, who liked to think he was clever in some capacity, instantly obeyed the girl's orders. After all, one doesn't argue with people with weapons; people with weapons tend to be gifted with very compelling argumentative abilities – compelling argumentative abilities that can be dealt to the jugulars of their opponents.

They certainly do have compelling argumentative abilities. Though it seems hers are more directed at much more personal areas than the jugular...

Without even looking at him, the hunter placed her hands on her hips and began, "Let's get this over with. Welcome to the world of Pokémon. This world is inhabited far and wide by creatures called pokémon, you got sucked here by some mystical force that will be revealed to you later, yadda, yadda, yadda, Pallet Town is about ten minutes behind you, and have fun. Got all that?"

And now I realize even more than ever how that speech at the beginning of each game is almost identical to every other iteration of it.

It wasn't that Lewis didn't understand. It was just that after the phrase "world of Pokémon," his entire mind shut down, and he stared at his companion for a long enough time for her to notice. That was when she began glaring at him. More so than she already had, anyway.

"****, I was hoping you wouldn't do this." She raised a hand. "Do I have to smack you around a little? 'Cause I was really hoping I could get away without touching you."

"Pokémon," he said. "I'm in the Pokémon world? I got sucked into the real world from the—aw, ****!"

At that point, the girl waved her hand in the air, turned, and started walking away. "Listen, I don't have time to help you adjust or whatever, so ******* suck it up."

Unfortunately, Lewis wasn't listening to her. Instead, he held out his hands, palms up, as he stared at the sky.

"What the ****?" he muttered. "Wait. **** **** ******* ******** *** ****…"

At the last word, the hunter whirled back around and narrowed her eyes. "What did you just call me?!"

Startled, he dropped his gaze to her. "What? No! It's not like that!"

She stormed forward. Within seconds, she closed the gap between them and brandished a fist dangerously close to his face. His eyes crossed to examine her knuckles, and at once, he closed his mouth.

"Call me **** again!" she roared. "Call me **** one more time! I dare you, ******* ****-sucker! I will kick your ***** *** so hard your ******** ***** *** mother will ******* cry until she **** ***** *** ****** **** ***!"

This is even funnier censored, seriously.

At her tone, he paled and trembled. Cautiously, he drew his hands to her arm and grasped it lightly.

"Uh, look, there's some misunderstanding here," he said. "Couldn't you hear it?"

"Hear what?" she snapped.

"It! The beeping! You know…!" He nodded towards the sky. "Every other word you said! I swear, that's all I was—"

"Oh, that thing."

She pulled her arm away, much to Lewis's relief. At the same time, she visibly relaxed and looked away from him.

"You're talking about the censor," she said.

Although Lewis took pleasure in the fact that he wasn't about to be punched in the face, he knew he had to risk inciting her again with a question. "The censor?"

Sighing, she gave him an annoyed glare. "Do I have to explain the basics to you, dumb****? The censor. It's what filters out parts of your language deemed inappropriate by the Powers That Be."

Have you seen the list of words that are actually censored in BW? It's pretty hilarious, and if that's what you're lampooning here, I appreciate that.

"The Powers That—"

"How the **** should I know?" she interrupted. "All I know is that anyone born in this universe can't hear it, but anyone who wasn't can. It's because you came from outside this universe, so you can see the Fourth Zone."

He raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean the fourth wall?"

"Do you think I would've said 'zone' if I meant 'wall,' *** hole?" she snapped. "No. It's a ******* zone, okay?"

For a few seconds, he stared at her. Then, he opened his mouth.

"******* ****!" she cried as she threw her arms in the air. "Okay, fine. I'm only going to say it once, so pay ********* attention. When you come from another universe, you cross through the barrier between there and here. But here's where it gets all ******* H.P. Lovecraft on you. The barrier isn't like a door or a tear or some **** like that. It's like a hole with cosmic spider webs covering it. So if you try to pass through it, you get extradimensional ***** all over you that you can't get off no matter how many cold showers you take. But it gives you the power to see things – kinda like ******* ghosts, only most of it isn't dead people."

You know, I can think of at least two other sci-fi universes to use instead of Lovecraft and this explanation would still work. Love her language, too.

"Most of it?!"

Ignoring him, the girl continued. "Instead, it's things. You know about situations before they happen because it's a lot like a ******* movie you saw in your own world. You can finish jokes that we haven't heard in this world before we finish making them. And you can sense things like the censor. You might even see the narrator or literary devices, but I ******* hope not because I am not dealing with that ******-*** ****."

As soon as the last word left her mouth, she eyed Lewis cautiously, as if she was looking for the slightest reason to hit him. Instead, he pursed his lips for a bit, allowing the information she had just given him to sink in. Then, his mouth spread into a hesitant smile.

"So… in other words, I've been yanked out of my boring life where I'm a completely ordinary person and into a video game world where I've got special powers?" he asked.

And thus, a Mary Sue was born. You can literally see where it happened.

Then, after a few seconds' hesitation, the girl cracked a grin. "So I guess with your special powers, you won't know what the **** I'm saying when I call you a **** ****** **** monkey who ***** with your **** ******** ***** sister and a ******* *** ***** that *** ***** ******* **** ****** ***** on **** ***** ******* **** *** all ******* night long."

He totally had that coming.

The rattata scurried along the ground, pushing himself between tall stalks of grass in an effort to find any small morsel of food. Usually, he knew that stupid trainers would wander that far out into the glen, perhaps searching for the first catch of their pokémon journey, and where there were trainers, there were morsels, crumbs, entire apple cores just waiting for scavengers like him. With each step, his ears twitched as he listened carefully for signs of life. It didn't take long for him to catch the sound of a shrill voice stringing together words that, if he understood a minute bit of human speech beyond the names of his own attacks, would make him blush under his fur. Briefly, he stood on his hind paws and sniffed the air in the direction of the sounds, but although he couldn't smell a morsel in the humans' direction, he still took the chattering as a good sign and headed straight for them.

It should possibly be worth it to note that rattata aren't exactly known for the height of their intelligence or senses of self-preservation. But that's okay because this rattata will be important to the story later.

This totally wouldn't work if I didn't know it was a parody, the narrator breaking the fourth wall like this. But it works very, very well here.

"Oh hell no!"

Lewis, of course, wasn't proud of the fact that he had to ask in the first place, but as he shifted awkwardly on his feet (which meant he towered over his apparently short companion, now that he was paying attention), he tried to look as pitiful as possible. Hands in his pockets, gaze on the ground, sharp frown. He hoped that the more he acted helpless, the easier it would be for him to convince both his companion and himself that he actually needed help.

After all, he couldn't imagine how well walking through tall grass in the Pokémon world would go if he had no pokémon of his own. Professor Oak said that was a bad thing, right?

"No! No, **** no! You find your own ******* way in this world! Go leech off some dip**** background character your lot always seems to find around this place! I've got better things to do than babysit some dumb*** mother****** from another universe who can't go five minutes without pissing himself! You want to have some stupid-*** adventure in this world? Go right ahead, but don't ******* bother me!"

Now if only Misty actually spoke like this, the anime would have been even more memorable. I did ID her as the designated companion in the last segment.

"But look! I'm in tall grass!" Lewis stomped his foot. "A wild pokémon could come out at any moment to attack me, and I've got no pokémon to use in a battle!"

This only seemed to make the girl angrier. Her lips curled back, her eyes closed, and her face contorted as if Lewis's words were actually physically painful for her to hear. "You. Are a *******. Dumb****. Do you know what kind of pokémon live around here? Pidgey and rattata. And if either of those kill you, you ******* deserve to be taken out of the god**** gene pool."

Preaching to the choir here.

"What about the spearow?"

Oh hell no, here we go. I wish she'd go on to ask where he heard about Spearow on Route 1.

"The what?"

"You know." Lewis waved his arms, as if he was trying to pretend to be a bird. (Which he was, but he would prefer it if you didn't think of it that way.) "Spearow. Vicious little things."

"I know what spearow are, jack***."

"Well, don't they live around here too? And don't they kill new trainers like me?"

"Are you going to go around and **** with the wildlife?"

"…No?"

"Then what the exact **** is your problem?"

Lewis shrugged but held his shoulders up. "I'm just saying that…" His voice dropped in volume. "I don't really want to be left alone out here without any sort of protection and surrounded by all kinds of things that can attack me… if that's okay with you."

For some time, the girl stared at Lewis through narrow eyes. Then, growling, she dropped her hands to her sides and waded out into the field.

"Be right back. You move an inch, and you're a ******* dumb*** I'm abandoning to die."

I really, really like this girl.

Lewis watched the girl grow further and further away. The grass eventually came up to her shoulders, rendering her as just a spot of black bobbing above a sea of green. Eventually, she slipped her head under the top of the overgrowth, and the only sign of her was the rustling and waving of the grass wherever she went. Then, after a few moments of this, Lewis heard a loud pop and saw a flash of light emanate from a spot in the field several meters away from him. After that point, the movement of the grass started towards him, and the dark-haired girl finally drew her head above the forest of stalks until she stood a short distance away from Lewis. Once she got within range, she tossed an object at him and let him fumble to catch it. When he did, he found himself holding in both of his hands the last object he ever thought he'd be clutching.

It was everything he thought it would be, really. Both the red and white halves of the ball were both smooth and plastic, yet cool to the touch despite being held against human skin for some time. The ball filled the palm of one of his hands as the other ran along the shallow indentation along its middle. His index finger found the button on its face – and it was a button, plastic and smooth-surfaced – only to press it down with a click. The ball swung open at this touch, and suddenly, it released a ball of light that quickly metamorphosed in his arms into a tiny purple and tan rat.

The rat itself was indeed the same creature mentioned earlier, and he for one was not happy to be made an important part of this story. Could anyone blame him? Suppose, for a moment, that you awoke in the middle of the night famished and were unable to get back to sleep, but as you stumbled through your house to find something to eat, godly nightmare creatures came and stuffed you into a container the size of a soup can without your permission. For most sane people, such a situation would render them either mind-numbingly terrified or ornery beyond all reason. Judging by the growling the rattata was at that very second, he happened to choose the latter reaction.

This should not have made me laugh as much as it did, because it's pretty terrifying from Rattata's point of view.

The girl growled. "Are you really going to be ****ing picky? It was either that or a pidgey."

"Well… I was hoping for a ponyta or something… not rattish."

"Congratulations. You have a rattata named Ponyta. Suck it up."

HAHAHA OH WOW. I LOVE THIS GIRL.

"It's… it's quite all right. If you could just escort me to the road, I could go to Pallet Town and—"

Abruptly, the gun was out and pointed at his crotch again.

"But a rattata named Ponyta sounds like a great starter pokémon!" he screeched.

Holstering the gun, the hunter turned away from Lewis and responded, "Good. Now, I've got places to be, so if you don't mind, I'm just going to wish you luck and be on my way. I ****ing hope we never meet again."

Lewis's crotch doesn't want to meet her again either.

She started for the road once more, believing her encounter to be over. However, she forgot one little detail: fate has a sense of humor. A terrible one, actually. The kind that says the word cabbage and expects one to think it's funny. Plots, meanwhile, have absolutely no sense of humor at all and tend to be very strict about the way things work. Unfortunately, the two frequently go hand-in-hand for whatever reason.

Because of that, after a few moments of walking through the field, the hunter caught the sound of grass rustling behind her. When she turned, it was inevitable – literally inevitable, even – that Lewis was right there behind her with his rattata still chewing on his pant leg.

"Why the hell are you following me?!" she barked.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just have this inexplicable urge to keep close to you. Like you're supposed to be my companion or something."

I KNEW IT.

It took a few seconds for his answer to sink in. When it did, the young girl screamed the most colorful word of profanity ever uttered by a human being.

I think I want to know what this word is, because I'd like to use it myself.

On the outskirts of Viridian City, Sora dashed past the police station with Eevee in her arms and Pikachu at her heels. Inside the station, Officer Jenny looked out the window just long enough to watch the new trainer, and in response, she sighed heavily and picked up the telephone. After years of this routine, the pokémon center was on the station's speed dial, and in Officer Jenny's head, she had a well-rehearsed warning already prepared for the occasion.

Because she was distracted, she didn't notice the hot air balloon drifting over the city limit half a minute after Sora crossed Viridian's border. Within its basket, a pair of teenagers – one male and purple-haired and the other female and blonde – peered at the city through pairs of binoculars. The female adjusted the zoom on hers while a small smile played across her face.

"Why, I do declare!" she said in a Southern accent. "What do you think we have here, Clyde?"

Oh dear God, it just went there.

"Looks like another one," the male grunted.

"Yes, but look at that sparkle right in her arms!"

"Ah, an eevee. You don't see those around that often."

"And at her feet?"

"A pikachu. Could be worth something if she's one of… you know."

The woman straightened and pulled her binoculars away from her face. One of her hands tugged at the edge of her black shirt, stretching the blood-red R emblazoned on its front. As she fondly gazed at the emblem, she smirked.

"Might those be worth something to our dear leader?"

Her partner pulled his green eyes away from his own pair of binoculars to glance at the woman.

"I should think so, Bonnie. Why don't we pay the pokémon center a visit, then?"

Smiling sweetly, Bonnie reached up to open the balloon's vent and guide their ride quietly downwards.

Oh hell no, here we ****ing go. Why did I not expect you to go to this level? I really should have. Damn you, Jax, damn you! XD;

I really liked the chapter. I think the reason why it works so well is that you have characters that play perfectly off each other, as well as the fact that you're perfect at writing the story in the sarcastic tone it demands. I was entertained the whole way through.

[JX Valentine]

I apologize in advance for bumping this thread shamelessly.

Except I'm not sorry. At all.

*scratches head, wondering how he forgot to drop a reply*

BY BEING AWESOME.

I must be losing my memory in my old age. Is it possible to go senile at twenty-one?

No, but it's possible to get so drunk you can't remember what you did the night before. True story.

xD Oh god, so perfect.

*le bow*

I like how the sentence makes sense and that the swear words are just flourish. What a classy lady =D

Inorite? The Hunter (which is now her temporary name because I said so) is just that awesome.

I just don't know when to shut my mouth do I? xD Then again, that is just like me *facepalm *

;D But we love you for it all the same.

I do however enjoy the thought of having Pinkie Pie level powers =P

Just wait until you start getting the Pinkie Twitch.

Nail, meet Hammer.

Whenever I hear that, all I can think of is this. Which is awesome.

And boy have I had fun guessing xD

I would love to hear some of these guesses. XD

Game canon is best canon. I could easily see myself relying on what I'd played in the games to help me in a situation like this. Screw logic, damn it!

"Beedrill will make the best new team member!" *three chapters later* "OH GOD GET IT AWAY FROM ME."

Then again, only an idiot would ignore Professor Oak xD

Eeeeexactly. ;D

Oh god, Jax. Stay out of my brain! xD

No! You have tea and crumpets there!

(You do realize, don't you, that that will be linked to at least once a chapter, right?)

Damn it, I'm already running out of jeans, I don't need any more to be ruined D=

Don't worry. The fic is running on Pokémon magic. Clothes never stay ruined. *nods*

A rattat named Ponyta, huh? I can only imagine the confusion that would entail if an actual Ponyta showed up. Many palms would find a face to land upon.

It would be hilarious if you encounter one but never catch it, wouldn't it? ;D

And Team Rocket decide to show up. This should be fun =P

Absolutely! \o/ They have their own motto that isn't totally and blatantly a rip-off of Jessie and James's!

Okay, as you can probably tell from my overuse of the laughing smiley face, I found this chapter to be extremely entertaining.

Thank you~!

Couple his ineptitude with her already angry demeanour and it can only spell trouble. For Lewis that is xD

And there will be chapters of that. XD

Except there isn't a tsundere love plot... because that would be awkward.

Oh yes. That would be for many, many reasons. ._.

I just realized that you're calling them "parts" instead of "chapters." I wonder if that means anything.

*whistles innocently*

I'm not sure how I'd fix it, but that part about the brick going through his head seems worded really strangely.

Y'know, I agree, and I think I know the best way to change that. I'll have to get at it when I have a chance.

They certainly do have compelling argumentative abilities. Though it seems hers are more directed at much more personal areas than the jugular...

Haha, yeah. That's just because he's not a Sue. Supposedly, anyway. ;D

And now I realize even more than ever how that speech at the beginning of each game is almost identical to every other iteration of it.

Pretty much! It makes sense, of course, but it also makes the first several minutes of the game boring as eff.

Have you seen the list of words that are actually censored in BW? It's pretty hilarious, and if that's what you're lampooning here, I appreciate that.

I have! But while it is pretty hilarious (especially when it straight-up prevents people from trading certain 'mons because LOL FORESIGHT WHAT'S THAT), I unfortunately wasn't thinking about that so much as forum censors and how lulzy they can be sometimes. Or how hilarious some people are when they try to evade them.

You know, I can think of at least two other sci-fi universes to use instead of Lovecraft and this explanation would still work. Love her language, too.

*le bow* Hopefully, it reminds you of someone and their love of strange metaphors. ;D

And thus, a Mary Sue was born. You can literally see where it happened.

Don't worry. That will be beaten out of him. Repeatedly. And literally.

Now if only Misty actually spoke like this, the anime would have been even more memorable. I did ID her as the designated companion in the last segment.

The Hunter would not appreciate that if she heard you. XD She's fully convinced she's the main character of the story if there is anyone at all, with Lewis as her bumbling sidekick. Of course, Lewis would like to think differently too because, well, Lewis.

Oh hell no, here we go. I wish she'd go on to ask where he heard about Spearow on Route 1.

Haha, I feel like nothing surprises her about characters anymore.

Lewis's crotch doesn't want to meet her again either.

Considering who The Hunter is, that just made me go D8.

I think I want to know what this word is, because I'd like to use it myself.

I have this whole list of profanities it could possibly be, but I much prefer letting you use your imagination to come up with something that is most likely even better. ;D

Oh hell no, here we ****ing go. Why did I not expect you to go to this level? I really should have. Damn you, Jax, damn you! XD;

*cackles!*

I really liked the chapter. I think the reason why it works so well is that you have characters that play perfectly off each other, as well as the fact that you're perfect at writing the story in the sarcastic tone it demands. I was entertained the whole way through.

Thank you! It's very therapeutic, so I'm having a lot of fun getting into it, prodding all the characters into different shenanigans, and lampooning the crap out of this fandom. It's really helping me to appreciate Pokémon fandom and its craziness again.

[SerenadeSP]

*weakly climbs up to top of mountain* God I'm late. >.<;

It should go without saying that perhaps it would be wise to remember this rattata.

I honestly died laughing at this line. Not very subtle, are we? XD

I love how this story goes to such lengths to even pick at the choice of words in the prose, too.

"Let's get this over with. Welcome to the world of Pokémon. This world is inhabited far and wide by creatures called pokémon, you got sucked here by some mystical force that will be revealed to you later, yadda, yadda, yadda, Pallet Town is about ten minutes behind you, and have fun. Got all that?"

It wasn't that Lewis didn't understand. It was just that after the phrase "world of Pokémon," his entire mind shut down, and he stared at his companion for a long enough time for her to notice. That was when she began glaring at him. More so than she already had, anyway.

This is basically my reaction to Lewis's situation.

"Call me **** again!" she roared. "Call me **** one more time! I dare you, ******* ****-sucker! I will kick your ***** *** so hard your ******** ***** *** mother will ******* cry until she **** ***** *** ****** **** ***!"

Such colorful language. .-.

...and then they actually mention the censor! Maybe it's me not being used to metafiction, but I'm loving this. I also like how the hunter is able to explain everything to Lewis even though there's technically no way she could actually know it. Normally I'd call "FLAW!" here, but since this is meant to be humorous there's no reason to make a big deal out of it. :P

With that, she turned and started towards the road again. Behind her, Lewis stood a little straighter and actually smiled broadly for the first time since he landed in that world. It was strange, but he would have expected himself to feel a little more frantic or confused at the prospect of being torn away from his home, his loved ones, and his completely ordinary life, only to be thrown into a video game world with a kid who wouldn't stop swearing at him or threatening his reproductive abilities. Yet, all it took was the prospect of being special and doing something interesting to pacify him.

For those of you who are already thinking that Lewis had led a sad existence prior to this point, don't worry. At this part of the story, for all of three seconds, he came to that realization too.

XD

The rat itself was indeed the same creature mentioned earlier, and he for one was not happy to be made an important part of this story. Could anyone blame him? Suppose, for a moment, that you awoke in the middle of the night famished and were unable to get back to sleep, but as you stumbled through your house to find something to eat, godly nightmare creatures came and stuffed you into a container the size of a soup can without your permission. For most sane people, such a situation would render them either mind-numbingly terrified or ornery beyond all reason. Judging by the growling the rattata was at that very second, he happened to choose the latter reaction.

So it probably should be marginally surprising that Lewis screamed and dropped his pokémon or that his pokémon then proceeded to gnaw on the denim of his loose blue jeans under the mistaken impression that it was part of his new trainer's skin.

XD again.

Ah, and Sora's back. Even more Sue-like than ever. Next thing you know she's gonna somehow make her Eevee genetically-enabled to evolve/devolve into any of its branch evolutions. Just like Red!

I do like the introduction of Jessie and James Bonnie and Clyde, and the way you described Officer Jenny's phone call. It's basically a routine for her at this point, right?

[Deadly.Braviary]

You had me at 'Must Die' XD

First of all, I love this fic. This is the funniest thing since the AoA series.

Second, I do note some similarities between AoA series and Mary Sue Must Die: both are trainerfic parodies, both have irritable, violent and swear-heavy bad*ss main characters, both involve characters being sucked from one to another universe.

Third, your rambling style of narration reminds me of Lemony Snicket, or even Pseudonymous Bosch. Unfortunately, this isn't always a good thing. I found myself a bit lost as to what exactly you were talking about a few times. For example: here.

The rat itself was indeed the same creature mentioned earlier, and he for one was not happy to be made an important part of this story. Could anyone blame him? Suppose, for a moment, that you awoke in the middle of the night famished and were unable to get back to sleep, but as you stumbled through your house to find something to eat, godly nightmare creatures came and stuffed you into a container the size of a soup can without your permission. For most sane people, such a situation would render them either mind-numbingly terrified or ornery beyond all reason. Judging by the growling the rattata was at that very second, he happened to choose the latter reaction.

You could consider shortening your sentences a bit. This will bring down your word count, but people with shorter attention spans (like me) will find it easier to read.

Finally, this interests me very much. Please add me to the PM list.

[LadyLady]

Heya, so I thought I wound comment on it and such as I read through it

Part One

In one universe, a young man turned on a Nintendo DS. For the most part, he had no idea that there were other dimensions. People talked about the possibility, but it never really dawned on him that somewhere beyond the invisible boundaries that separated his world from any other, there were other people in other countries – other Englands, other Japans, other wherevers – living completely ordinary lives according to their definitions of "ordinary." It never crossed his mind with any significant frequency that in those other universes, there could be another him living out his fantasy life.

I love your description and how you use it, like, I was expecting the paragraph to be about the young man but you turned its focus on the concept of other worlds. Which I think it Gunnar play a big role in the story.

To him, things were clear-cut. Pokémon was a video game. He was a clerk at a local convenience store. His destiny involved completely mundane things like filing papers and addressing as "sir" men in a fancier suits than anything he could ever hope to own.

I like how your introducing the man, like he has no hope and giving a short backstory about his miserable life. He has a clear mind and knows we're he belongs, I already feel sorry for him tbh.

This young man's name was Lewis. He had a last name, but he hated it just slightly more than his first. As that implies, he also never really cared much for his first name, so perhaps it would be best to refer to him by what he calls himself in the context of the internet, D—

Lewis sneezed.

…Perhaps not, then.

In any case, this young man would soon be very important to the story.

I wouldn't bother bringing him up if he wasn't, now, would I?

Ooooooh the narrator has a voice! The humour was alright to read, I like how you're giving the narrator a personality were as usually the poor narrator is as interesting as a toilet, well done

---

In another universe, the time was precisely 4:38 in the morning. This was important to know because 4:38 is generally a time when most people would expect to be fast asleep, when even the self-proclaimed nocturnal creatures and victims of insomnia have called it a night, and when night clubs have closed down more than an hour ago. In some parts of the world, the sun might even be rising, and for the most part, in Vermilion City, the streets tend to be quiet at that hour.

I'm thinking 'what the hell are you talking about' but this is good! It makes me want to read on.

But not the night before Everything – Everything, that is, with a capital E – started.

Down one empty street after another, two shadows ran. One of them was a young man dressed completely in black, including a stylish, black hoodie to hide his raven-black hair. The other was a green espeon that ran alongside him. Together, the two of them darted down seemingly random paths, turning corners here and barreling straight through intersections there. Every so often, the human would look over his shoulder with his wide, blue eyes scanning frantically for a phantom pursuer

.

I don't know why but the line 'two shadows ran' is so beautiful, aha I hope I'm not being silly, I don't know why but them words are pretty good, it just gives me a nice image to go with also 'phantom pursuer' is a nice alliteration.

It was probably because of this that he didn't notice anything amiss about a new path he took. His espeon stopped short. One of its paws rose in the air as its ears twitched wildly. Meanwhile, its master stepped onto solid ice, and realizing belatedly that the surface beneath his feet was no longer solid concrete, he slipped and careened across several slick, frozen yards into a brick wall at the end of an alley. The espeon opened its mouth to cry out, but before it could utter a sound, a shadow descended on it and swallowed it whole

.

Omg what a FAT ***** it swallowed espeon!? Haha made me laugh, but also angry. I'm loving the use of vocab, I don't think I spotted any repetition, with everything that's happening nothing feels rushed, you can tell you've took your time and put a lot of effort in.

Groaning, the human pulled himself off his side until he sat up. He winced, clutching the arm he landed on as he looked up into the dark sky. In front of him, another figure perched on the back of a blastoise as it carried her carefully across the ice. Although most of her form was hidden by the darkness of the alley, her victim could still somehow see her smile – a long, thin cut in black. He shivered, pressing harder against the wall as his good hand fumbled for the balls clipped to his belt. At the same time, the girl drew something from a holster at her hip. He could see the glinting metal of a gun's barrel as she raised it and pointed it directly at him.

This is a great paragraph! I love evil woman aha I don't know why, well also actually she may not be evil? I hope she is, she sounds quite sinister. So far I can't see anything wrong with the whole story, your doing an excellent job!

Just as her finger rested on the trigger, her smile split, and she said only one word to him.

"Hello."

The gunshot didn't wake a single person in Vermilion that night.

Oh it was a real gun! Aha, I though you was just using the description for blastoise's canon. Silly me. Things just got serious though, I like the way your making the reader feel sorry for a man that they don't even know yet, well you made me feel sad, with the last line.

---

In a place that wasn't a universe so much as the space between them, a pair of eyes opened. Then another. Then another. Then thousands. Each of them focused on the second of the two universes. Tentacles shifted as the eyes watched and waited. Their consciousness searched through this world, reaching through every inch of its surface until they rested, hovering over one spot in Kanto. It was here, nestled somewhere in the seemingly peaceful expanses of Pallet Town, that they found what they were looking for.

What they were waiting for.

In the depths of the shadows, a hushed voice filtered through the tangle of beasts, seemingly coming from everywhere all at once to utter three simple words.

"SHE IS COMING.

"

Ok being honest this confused me so much, haha. Is someone watching the worlds from another? Keeping there eyes on the Pokemon one? Haha I have no idea however I do wanna know who's talking, who is 'she' and why Lewis is involved, you left a great chapter on a great cliffhanger, I look forward to reading the rest of your beautifully decribed story!