Should be a comma, or something to blend Kyogre into the previous sentence. Perhaps I'm wrong, but as I was reading this broke my rhythm and made me double back."Oh, that's easy. Kyogre. For a while, he was parked right out there."
I liked that bit quite alot. I make observations like that all the time and I thought it was very well phrased. Nice work.So I slipped out behind the guard again, who was back to ogling pictures of girls half his age, and thrice his league.
spelling error"We'll see, Glover, we'll see. Gotta get this mess sorted first. I appreciate you thinking of me, but it's jsut something I have to face, the world just isn't gonna leave me alone. Best I get some sleep then, so I can relieve you later."
That portion really reminded me of the speech made by the head prisoner to Vin Diesel's character in 'The Chronicles of Riddick'...I always really enjoyed it. Nicely done on that bit as well.“Is' like this: There are inmates and there are prisoners. A prisoner has a certain code. And he knows to show a certain respect. An inmate, on the other hand, pulls the pin on his fellow man. Does the guards' work for them... brings shame... to the game. So, which are you gonna be?"
After reading the posted chapters, I've come to the conclusion that you have the start of a Fic that really stands apart and has the capacity to be really exceptional. There are a few things that might hold you back from it though.
Your general lack of description of alot of the Pokemon, the area's the characters visit, and Pokemon attacks, kinda threw me off. Description pops the story off which makes the text become an image in your mind, and I've always believed in to be really integral to a good story. If you work a little bit more on it, there's no reason your story won't go straight to the top.
In some area's like the fight with the Sharpedo, you did extremely well in describing Ditto's attacks, which made me feel like I was there. Another area you excelled at was all the different ways and shapes you twisted Ditto into. The gun's, parachute's, etc. Very cool.
The dialogue however, leaves nothing to be desired. Your wordplay between characters; the sarcasm, compliments, snide remarks are all top shelf. Seriously some of the best stuff I've read since I recently started reviewing. If you can combine more description with the dialogue, you'd really be on to something.
All in all, I really like what I've been reading and I'm really excited to continue. Shadow Lucario had some really great points, and I think that if you take the advice given, you'll contiue to do really well.