7th April 2012, 9:07 PM
Thoughts (PearlShipping, G)
I got the idea for this fic from a dream I had, which I won't go into detail since I don't really need to. But it came from a dream. And the moment I woke up, I suddenly thought "OMG I need to get that down into a fic" for some reason, and thus, this crappy excuse of a PearlShipping one-shot was created. My aim is to improve this one-shot as much as I can, so comments and criticism are appreciated. Be harsh. Well, not quite that harsh, but don't try to sugarcoat things, if you know what I mean. Well, enough of this rambling.
This one-shot is a PearlShipping one (nice for a change, eh?), and is rated G since I couldn't find anything unsuitable for little kids in the fic. And off we go. Remember, please read and review!
Dawn found herself staring at the photograph on the shelf yet again. Why was it still even there, anyway? More than once had she vowed to finally dump the stupid photograph in the rubbish bin, but every time she had been unable to do so. She would make it to the rubbish bin, yes, but it was dropping the photo into it that was the main problem.
It was a photograph of her younger self, her arm linked with Ash Ketchum, the immature, dense, courageous, unique boy she had travelled with on her first journey, along with Brock, the polar opposite of Ash – intelligent, mature, and always head over heels when it came to “pretty” girls. She didn’t remember anyone taking the photograph, and had figured that Brock had somehow taken a photo of the two of them together behind their backs. The strangely unfamiliar figures within the frame looked so young, so carefree, and just so happy about the fact that they were in each other’s presence. But that had been almost ten years ago, when she hadn’t yet become a superstar fashion designer, when privacy still meant something to her, when she had had no worries, when she hadn’t felt like a caged animal in a zoo, always on public display. This was now, and those days were long gone. It was time to move on.
The only problem was, how? Even the most famous, most glamorous people had memories they couldn’t erase, and in Dawn’s case, it was Ash. Sometimes, she would find herself staring into the mirror, and what she would see wouldn’t only be her own reflection, but Ash’s as well, his raven black hair sticking out in childish spikes as always, that lovable lopsided grin on his face, his chestnut brown eyes directly looking at her own, and every time, when she turned around to face him, he would be gone. He occasionally appeared in her dreams as well. She would often be gliding across a flowery meadow, a sweet aroma wafting through the air, all sorts of Pokémon accompanying her through the air, and then there would be Ash, beckoning her to come over, extending his hand towards her – and the moment she reached out her hand, he would be gone, and she would be back in reality. No longer the free creature she had been in her sleep, but back to being a caged bird.
Sometimes she just wanted to stare into Uxie’s eyes. Forget all about Ash. Just move on. Move on for once and stop clinging to memories of him.
Why was it so hard for her to get rid of Ash, anyway? Was it the fact that she had become so attached to him whilst on her journey, so much that he almost became a part of her, and a part of him still remained with her, despite the fact that he had left her all those years ago? Sometimes, she wanted to rip her mind apart and see what exactly was going on inside it. It was like she had no control over her feelings. She had always missed Ash after his departure, yes, but she had expected herself to forget all about him. Even if he had basically been her best friend and supporter, she hadn’t expected that forgetting him would be this difficult. But then, she hadn’t expected most of what was now reality back then, after all. The future was just so unpredictable like that.
However, that didn’t explain how quickly she had forgotten about Brock. Hadn’t he been her friend as much as Ash had been to her? To tell the truth, she had forgotten all about him until three years after he had left, when her mother had told her that Brock was now part of the Kanto Elite Four, and even then she had had to be reminded of who he was. She had banged her head against the wall many times following that incident. She had easily forgotten Zoey as well, after they had eventually drifted apart while they were pursuing their own dreams, Zoey as a Top Coordinator and Dawn as a Fashion Designer. It just wasn’t right, the way she had so easily forgotten about those two, but had clung on to Ash like a desperate child.
She questioned the possibility of having feelings for Ash. She shot down the idea immediately, sighing. Ash was the idol of many teenage girls in Unova, and had been ever since he had become the Champion of Unova eight or nine years ago. That had been the last time she had seen his face – his posters never really showed up in Sinnoh, being so far away from the region and that. Why would he pick her over anyone else? Sure, she was a rather famous fashion designer, and had travelled with him through Sinnoh, but there were more famous young women in Unova (who were probably much prettier than her anyway) and he had travelled with other girls as well, not just her. Besides, she hadn’t heard from him in ages – no one had, not after Ash had supposedly left on a hiatus to train his Pokémon harder for unexplained reasons.
She then wondered why she herself hadn’t contacted him anyway, when she could have. Could that have helped, talking to Ash about her feelings about him? What feelings? She didn’t have any feelings about Ash, surely not. And anyway, what was the point of pouring your heart out to someone who probably didn’t even care about her? You’re in denial, Dawn, her conscience whispered to her, and she could almost imagine her brain smirking in an unnerving way at her. Oh great, now she was having hallucinations. Great. Just great. Groaning, she groggily pulled herself out of bed and headed downstairs; all this thinking wasn’t leading her anywhere, and if it was, then she certainly didn’t want to be in that place,
Dawn found the dining table already prepared for breakfast, something that didn’t really surprise her anymore, since nowadays she found herself sleeping in later and later, on some occasions even past half past ten when she had no schedule. Cold breakfast was no surprise to her either. Actually, now that it was summer, she liked her food cold. Johanna, her mother, was already nibbling away at her piece of toast, not pausing to look up at her daughter. “Hey,” Dawn greeted her, and slipped into her seat silently. She was about to dig in to her bowl of cereal when her mother finally looked up.
“Dawn, are you feeling okay?” She said, a look of concern etched upon her face. “You seem so… spaced out, and, well, you know, it’s as if you can’t really focus on anything these days. Are you feeling ill or something?”
Yes, mum, I can’t stop thinking about this guy who I might have a crush on and he’s haunting my dreams every night and I’m seeing his face everywhere, Dawn thought, exasperated. “I’m alright, mum,” Dawn replied, putting on the best fake smile she could make. Johanna bought it – well, she must have, since she didn’t push the matter any further, instead giving her daughter a quick smile and returning to her piece of toast. Dawn sighed inwardly - why did everyone have to fuss over her so much, anyway? Sure, she was practically a celebrity now, and she had strict schedules which in some cases couldn’t be missed, but it didn’t mean that she was like a goddess. She wasn’t a baby. She was just a normal person in her early 20s with a bit of talent, nothing else. She wished that she could find someone who could actually understand how she felt.
“Oh, by the way, I’ve got your schedule for tomorrow for you,” Johanna said, snapping Dawn out of her thoughts. Her mother had taken it upon herself to become Dawn’s manager when she had received her first event invite, and she had stuck with her ever since, sorting out all the emails and invitations she received. Having been so lost in thought, Dawn hadn’t even lifted her spoon yet. Looking down upon her cereal, she found it to have disintegrated into a beige mush. “You are feeling alright, yes?” Johanna continued. “Since these-“
“Yes, I’m fine, mum,” Dawn replied in frustration, but regretted it instantly when she saw Johanna’s hurt look. She hadn’t meant to upset her, but she couldn’t help that she had deserved it - why did everyone have to baby her? “Carry on,” Dawn said, avoiding Johanna’s face.
“Well, you’ve got a photo shoot with Lopunny for the Zogue Magazine with Lopunny being the model for your latest Pokémon designs at 10:40am…” Johanna began. Dawn began to zone out, and images began to form in her head, those which had been pushed to the corner of her mind in her attempt to block Ash out from her life. She could see Lopunny, back when she was still a Buneary, flirting with Ash’s Pikachu, and wondered if she had had feelings for Ash, just like the way Buneary had had feelings for Pikachu, only to never confess them.
“Then you have an interview with the Celebi Post about why you decided to be a fashion designer instead of a top coordinator…” Dawn went back to the days when Ash had always been there for her after each Contest – he had been happy for her whenever she won, and he had cheered her up whenever she lost. In some ways, Ash had been her supporting pillar, the one she could lean on whenever she was feeling down.
“After that you’ve been invited as a special performer in the second round of the Grand Festival, they want you to perform something…” Of course, her first ever Grand Festival. How could she ever forget? She had been so close to winning, but had lost in the last second because of… because of… she couldn’t even remember now. It had been almost a decade ago, after all. She had been very upset that day, though she did a good job not showing it. She didn’t want Ash thinking that she was like a baby. She then remembered the time when Zoey, her best friend, her rival, and the one who had won the title of top coordinator instead of her, had asked if she wanted to go back to Snowpoint City with her or not. She had refused – even though Zoey was her best friend, she couldn’t bear the thought of being without Ash. So she had stayed. She wondered what would have happened if she had followed Zoey. Would she be here right now, listening to the long list of events she had to attend? Would she be a top coordinator instead of a fashion designer? Would she still be famous? Would she still be thinking about Ash?
Then there was that time when Kenny, out of all people, had wanted her to travel with him, with the deal that if he beat Ash in a battle, she would travel with Kenny instead of Ash and Brock. Kenny had won, but she had refused to follow Kenny, instead choosing to stay with Ash. She could still remember the utterly crestfallen look he had had on his face, but she had already made up her mind to stay with Ash. Case closed, just like that. She never saw him again. She had abandoned her childhood friend so carelessly like that, just so that she could keep travelling with Ash.
Ash. Dawn realised that he had made her – no, more like his sole existence convinced her – to do things she wouldn’t have ever done otherwise. But why? How? Why had she clung on to him so desperately, like a spider monkey? Was it because of the fact that she had genuinely cared for Ash? Did she still genuinely care for Ash, so much so that she would abandon her whole career to be together with him? If she’d given up two of her best friends for him, then why not everything else?
Ash. Ash. Ash. Ash. Every one of her thoughts was about Ash now. Ash, Ash Ketchum, the boy whom Dawn had cared for, liked, loved, even, They had had a mutual bond together, the kind where they didn’t need to do anything to inform others of their friendship, because they didn’t feel the need to, as long as they still held the feelings inside them. It was a bond where even if they didn’t say anything, it was obvious that they cared for each other. They had been almost inseparable, never leaving each other’s side on their adventures unless they needed to. It had been a unique, one-of-a-kind relationship.
“Are you sure you’re alright, Dawn? Are you listening to me?” Johanna asked, snapping Dawn out of her trance. “Wh… what?” Dawn said, dazed. She took a quick glance at the clock in the corner of the room, and almost gasped – the hands of the forever-smiling Glameow clock indicated that it was already twenty past nine. She came down for breakfast at nine o’clock. She had been sitting here for twenty minutes while her mother had been rambling away about Dawn’s schedule, only thinking about Ash, the boy whom she had travelled with, the boy who had been her best friend, the boy who had gone on to win the Unova League, the boy who was now nowhere to be seen, the boy who had been courageous, supportive, determined, and always happy-go-lucky, the boy she had once loved.
And still did.
“Dawn, I have just spent twenty minutes in telling you the schedule for tomorrow for your own benefit, yet you weren’t listening to a single word I was saying,” Johanna said sternly, crossing her arms. It's not entirely true, Dawn thought, but didn’t dare interrupt her mother. “Dawn, tell me what’s going on. You’re getting more spaced out every day, I have no Idea what’s going on with you, you refuse to tell me what the problem is, and you’re just being a general pain in the butt right now. What on earth is wrong with you?”
She lost it there. Abruptly, Dawn stood up, glaring at Johanna, who had a shocked look on her face. To be honest, she looked like she was going to have a breakdown, judging on the emotions behind her face. “My whole life is wrong with me, mum,” Dawn yelled, mustering up all the anger and frustration within her right now, anger at her new life, anger at her fame, anger at the fact that her happy, carefree life had been ruined by her talents, anger at her mother for not understanding her feelings. “Don’t you understand? Practically every day, I’m being weighed down by my schedule. I need to act like a stupid robot – I have to be perfect, on time for every event, dressed up for everything. I don’t have a choice. No one listens to me. No one understands me. They’re keeping me like a caged bird, mum. I can’t do anything that I want to do. It’s like my life’s being controlled.”
“Dawn -“ Johanna said, but Dawn gave her a venomous look that silenced her in an instant.
“I’m sick of my life, mum,” shj continued. “I’m sick of the fact that freedom is like an alien word to me, how it means nothing. Why can’t I do what I want? Why do I have no right? Why can’t I express myself for once? I want to be myself, for once. Not just someone who every boy loves and every girl want to be. Just myself. No one special.”
Dawn sighed, half-regretting her outburst. But it was true. Everything she had just said was true. She missed being herself. She missed being the girl who was always so confident, the girl who had no worries, the girl who strived to become better with every step she took. The girl who had once loved Ash, and still did. Not someone who was always on public display. The room was now uncomfortably quiet, and the only sound that could be heard was the tick-tock of the Glameow clock.
“Mum, tell everyone I’m going on a hiatus,” Dawn finally said, breaking the tense silence. Without a backwards glance, she left the dining room, leaving behind a shaken Johanna. She didn’t dare take a look at her mother’s probably troubled face. She couldn’t bear to look into her eyes once again. But she had made her decision, and that was that. She was leaving. Like Ash. Perhaps Ash hadn’t left for the same reason, perhaps he just wanted more power than an escape from his life, but that wasn’t of her concern. What really mattered was that she was truly free from anyone else for the first time in years.
She was going to look for Ash. The boy who had never been in anyone’s clutches, the boy who had always been free. Thinking about him had made her consider whether it was worth it, living for fame and glory. Perhaps it wasn’t too late to pursue her original dream of becoming the world’s best coordinator. But her main concern was to find Ash, how she had realised how much he meant to her, how much she loved him, how she never realised in time. She would apologise for not letting him know sooner or later. Who cared if she couldn’t find him? Maybe it would take her months, even years, but she wasn’t going to give up hanging on to Ash for longer. He would always be in her heart, no matter what, and she wasn’t going to give up on her bond with him anytime soon. He would be in her heart forever. And she hoped that Ash felt the same way about her as well.
Last edited by Flame Mistress; 10th April 2012 at 8:34 PM.